Chapter Text
March 15th, 1997 - during Sixth Year
Tomorrow would be the six-month anniversary of their relationship, such as it was. Draco's companion (for Potter could not be considered a boyfriend, not if Draco was honest with himself) would likely spend the day with him, he thought.
So it was that after their lovemaking, the fateful question was uttered. Draco said "What have you planned for tomorrow, Harry, do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks with me?"
Harry looked floored and uncomfortable, but soon recuperated his cool and assumed a nonchalant mask. If one looked deeply enough, one would see that the mask was real, that he was detached because he didn't care for this conversation.
"Hmm," he said "Ron and Hermione asked me to go with them. Reckon I really should, after all, I don't want to lose you," said Harry with a small smirk gracing his features.
Draco felt exhilarated and nervous at the same time. It seemed that Harry cared about him after all. "Why would you lose me, Harry, I'll stay with you no matter what anyone says, and you know it."
The next words that Harry uttered would shake the core of their relationship and sink their liaison into deep uproar. It would not be possible for both of them to remain unscathed, emotionally. One of them would bear the consequences for these words for the rest of his life.
"No," said Harry. "What I meant is that seeing us together, Ron and Mione would ask questions, they would discover that we're seeing each other, and probably make me choose between you all. I'd rather things stayed as they are and not give you up."
Draco felt a frisson of fear travel down his spine. He felt a slight buzzing in his ears, and his temper, which had been carefully subdued and tamed during their entire relationship, began to fray at the edges. Feelings he had long harboured and tried to ignore caught fire. A sense of dread and, funnily enough, resolution, filled him.
So this is what it all came down to. Six years of rivalry; half a year of passionate trysts, all became condensed like a water drop about to fall from the faucet. Draco's passion and pride, long neglected, inexorably drew downwards to fall against the floor and explode, becoming something entirely new.
"I see, Potter." Draco frowned and fisted his hands. He scowled at Harry, and his grey eyes glimmered with the light of a hopeless winter storm, pinning Harry with a cool glare. "So when it comes down to it, you would choose your friends over me, if they asked you to."
"Of course," said Harry. "I have shared six and a half years of adventures with them; they are my best friends, my mates. Although what we enjoy is great, and I mean great," here Harry paused and felt a twitch in his nether regions, remembering the many nights of passion when he would be buried to the hilt in Draco. "I could not give them up. I like what we have, and I'd rather keep it a secret, if you don't mind."
Draco felt his anger rising as Harry talked. He thought about the times when he had told Harry that he loved him, never getting any response from him, the times he asked him to let him top, only to be rebuffed and left waiting. He recalled the rendezvous in the dark, wary of the shadows, careful not to let anyone know that they were lovers.
He suspected Harry looked down on him and considered him inferior, fit only to be used and discarded. He had always harboured the hope that someday it would change, that Harry would see how Draco really was and fall in love with him, or at least have some deep feeling for him.
He could see clearly now that this would not ever happen; Harry was too stubborn and arrogant to consider him his equal. All Harry wanted was a pliant hole, someone who would be a good lay and would shut up afterwards. Sure, Harry liked them with spunk and spirit; after all, not anyone could claim to be fucked by the Boy-who-lived. Yet they ought not to have too much independence, for he liked to be in charge. Oh yes, he liked to command his lover. Harry would say when and if they saw each other, who knew about them, and just about everything about their intimacy.
Draco looked steadily at Harry. "I've had enough, Potter. If you love your friends so much, stay with them, maybe they will let you fuck them. Now get out."
Harry was startled. He looked at Draco and, summoning inner peace, said condescendingly, "Now now Draco, no need to get upset. Sleep on it, and tomorrow you will see that I'm right. We have to be careful about who knows about us. I need you too much, and I know you need me."
Harry expected it to be like the other times they argued. Draco would fume and grumble a bit, but eventually he would see things Harry's way, like happened in all their fights.
Hopefully, tomorrow night Draco would be in his bed, and he would fuck him senseless practically in front of his roommates, without them knowing anything, as it should be. Harry got dressed quickly and left the room mumbling to himself. At the door, he looked back and saw Draco, his hair shining in the moonlight, his eyes aglow with the erstwhile heat of his passion.
If he had known that was the last time he would ever see Draco in an intimate setting, he would have looked more carefully, treasured the look. But then, he always underestimated Draco.
Draco watched Harry leave, sadness brimming in his eyes. Unlike Harry, he was aware of the unique quality of this moment, and hated the thought of losing Harry, of never being with him again, never having sex with him. However, much as he feared leaving Harry, he feared more the constant dragging and exhausting loss of his dignity, his manhood even, his courage and pride. Surrendering to Harry in almost everything, letting him fuck him whenever he pleased as his secret lover - the one not worthy of the attention of the public, friends, and mentor.
--
The following Saturday Draco forced himself to go to Hogsmeade and mingle, even though he felt lonely and sad. He saw Harry sitting companionably with Granger and Weasley, animatedly talking about Quidditch, it seemed. Only once did Harry look in his direction, and he was careful not to pay too much attention to the blond god sitting not far from him, seemingly absorbed in the wonderful world of Quidditch and his friends.
Harry did not suffer as much as Draco that day, for he felt confident that Draco would cave in and beg him to come back. Harry would make him pay, maybe a spanking. He toyed with the idea of spanking Draco in front of his friends, in the Gryffindor common room. He imagined the satiny feel of his buttocks as his hand collided with them, his friends clapping and whistling, and the look of utter humiliation in Draco's face.
Yes, that would be priceless. Harry would break his pride once and for all. He felt he was near. So far Draco had given up whenever Harry wanted him to. Even though he frequently asked him to top, he was content with the excuses Harry gave him. And as for wanting the whole world to know they were lovers, didn't Draco have an ounce of common sense? He was, after all, the Boy-who-lived. He could not be gay; furthermore, he could not be seeing the son of Lucius Malfoy, no matter that the father was in prison and Draco had totally renounced the Dark Lord and worked as a spy for the Light.
Surely Draco would be content with being the repository of his affections. He would soon feel the need of Harry claiming him, of Harry filling him like he had not been filled before. His cock twitched again at the thought of smooth, pliant pale skin, ready to be breached and conquered. It was the natural state of things.
So it went for a week. Each day Harry was a little less secure, a little less confident in his god-like powers of persuasion.
Draco remained firm, if sad. In fact, he seemed in better health, his cheeks rosier and his step livelier as if a weight had been lifted from him. He could be seen laughing with Pansy, roughhousing with Crabbe and Goyle, exchanging gossip with Blaise, all of whom had been discarded in his overwhelming obsession with Potter. His friends welcomed him back with open arms, and openly supported his decision to leave Harry, telling him he had done the right thing. He could still fight and spy for the light if he wanted to, free from the constraints of a selfish lover. His grades went up, and even Granger and Weasley noticed his buoyant mood.
Of course, they suspected that Harry and Draco had something going on, they were not dumb, especially Hermione. They were expecting Harry to tire of the relationship and break with Draco. They knew he would never betray them or give them up in favour of Draco.
They also knew how much Harry valued his independence, his pride, his confidence. Draco was too cocky for them, and if Harry treated him roughly and eventually broke him, who was he to complain? Just Death Eater scum, as Ron constantly teased Draco during the months of the relationship, while Harry looked neutrally between them, apparently bored with the insults, but never reprehending his friend or trying to curb his over-the-board taunting.
Ron tested the waters, saying to Harry during breakfast on Friday, "Harry, don't you think the Ferret looks too cheery? Is he planning some Death Eater trap?"
Harry choked, and after spitting a bit of toast and looking longingly at the Slytherin table, he said, "I'm not sure Ron. Whatever you say, you keep him under observation."
Ron huffed and looked meaningfully at Hermione. They would have to shake Harry from his lethargy or he would become too morose. A Ferret distraction was in order.
When the Golden Trio was walking down the dungeons for the Double Potions class, Ron nearly ran, dragging Hermione and Harry with him, hoping to catch Malfoy and taunt him, effectively lifting Harry's spirits by making fun of his enemy, or his lover, who cared?
On meeting Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, Ron sneered, "Hey, watch it, Ferret face, what's with you being all jolly, planning to break Daddy out of Azkaban? Not much of his mind left, so why do it?"
Harry looked expectantly at Draco, and a light seemed to flicker in his emerald eyes. Ron fully expected Draco to grimace and move on, like he had been doing the last months. If shagging one's enemy led to Harry getting what he wanted, Ron was all for Harry shagging You-Know-Who. It might end the war.
Draco had acquiesced to Harry's petition that he leave his friends alone. Of course, Ron always ignored Harry's pleas and harassed Draco. Seeing as how Harry just nodded and let him be, one would think that the situation was less than fair. In the relationship of the Seekers, it often was the case.
Draco looked at Ron stoically, and then he scowled and drawled, "Well, it is our dear moRon and Whoremione. Pray tell, why do you even care about my mood?"
Ron was enraged, and his face was as red as his hair. "What did you call her?"
"Hermione, isn't that the name of 'the smartest bitch in her generation'? Excuse me, I mean witch," Draco said.
Ron moved towards Draco and lifted his arm, swinging his hand towards Malfoy's face. If it had landed it would surely have broken his nose, but Goyle stopped the fist just two inches from Draco's face. He yanked Ron, hurling him towards the wall.
Just when Ron had taken out his wand to curse Draco and muttered the beginning of the Cruciatus curse, Severus Snape walked towards them, his robes dramatically billowing whilst the Head of Slytherin bellowed, "Mr. Weasley, detention with Filch for a month and 50 points from Gryffindor. Now all of you brats get in."
The students entered the classroom. Harry was astounded, because he had expected Draco to meekly acquiesce, as he had been doing all along. It would have been a sign that Draco was sorry for his intemperate (in Harry's point of view) outburst and that he was ready for a reconciliation; which of course Harry would grant after suitably chastising Malfoy. This newly assertive Malfoy was unnerving, Harry didn't know what to expect anymore, and a little more of his confidence crumbled.
After class, Harry hurried to catch Malfoy. "Draco, I want to speak with you."
Draco glared. "Potter, you and I have nothing to say to each other. We never had and never will." He shuddered at the painful truth of his words.
Harry, seeing that Malfoy was leaving, swallowed his pride. "I need to speak with you, Malfoy, please?"
Draco, knowing how obstinate Harry was, dragged him farther along the hallway, outside hearing range of Crabbe and Goyle. "Well, what do you want, Potter?"
"Come on, Draco, don't you miss me?" said Harry. "Don't you miss being mine? I'm willing to go back with you and we will forget this ever happened."
Draco glared at Harry. With practiced Malfoy poise and his patented smirk, he said, "I admit I miss your cock, Potter, and that is all of you that I miss. If I could have it alone I would be happy. But it comes with the whole package and I have found that the price is just too much."
Draco took a deep breath and said in a rush, "Yes, I was yours, but you were never mine. It was all one-sided, you claimed me as yours, but whenever we stopped shagging I was not worth of your attention."
"But, Draco!"
Malfoy ignored him and went on. "I'm tired of living in the shadows, always doing what you want. I will find someone else that can love me some day and you will find someone who is completely yours, to the point of extinction."
Draco walked away and rejoined Crabbe and Goyle, leaving for his next class, Arithmancy. Harry watched Draco drawing away with a painful thud in his heart, recognising for the first time the severity of the situation. He saw that it would be very hard, if not impossible, to go back with Draco.
He remembered all the times they shagged, the passion and hunger that drove them together. The difference between them was that Draco acknowledged the hunger and submitted to it, wanting to become part of the whole. Harry never did that, pretending that it was a passing fancy. He tried to use their relationship for his own purposes and postponed any reckoning that might arise. Harry was honest to himself for a moment, and realised that he had never had any partner with the same passion, intensity and sheer sexiness as Draco.
Ginny was too demanding, Lavender too fragile and the numerous male trysts were faceless, easily blending one into the other, letting him do as he wanted. It was only Draco who engaged his whole attention and ignited his core.
It was then Harry recognised that it had always been Draco. Malfoy had been there in every important moment of his life, defining it through his hatred and later, his love. Harry thought about graduation and life after school without Malfoy, and he shuddered. He felt an eerie emptiness, and wondered if it would always be there or it would lessen with time. He wanted to win Draco back again.
Harry wondered if he could find someone who put the same passion into his loving as Malfoy did. He thought of those grey eyes, how they lit up with inner joy when they watched him, how they filled with sadness when they argued, always faithfully depicting the inner turmoil of Draco's soul. Harry shuddered at how cold they had looked today when Malfoy looked at him.
He knew at that moment that Draco had begun the torturous process of getting over him. He made himself the promise that he would try to get over Draco. Fortunately, no one knew they had been lovers so he would be spared the rumour mill and the looks of pity of the Hogwarts students.
--
The next months were the best for Draco and the worst for Harry. For Draco, it was the dawn to a life without the yoke of Potter's expectations and grandstanding. He dated several guys, and eventually settled down with a Ravenclaw, Terry Boot. Terry was refined and intelligent; he was also passionate in bed and satisfied Draco's desires. Most importantly, he also allowed Draco to take control and dominate when he needed it.
Harry was gleeful when Draco first dated a guy and broke it after two weeks; he felt that Draco would be crawling back to him any day now. So he was severely disappointed when Draco dated a Ravenclaw.
A Ravenclaw, didn't Malfoy have any class?
Harry started going out with Seamus Finnigan in hopes of making Draco jealous. Naturally, by doing so he outed himself and was subsequently ostracised as the gay Saviour of the Wizarding World. It was ironic that the main reason for keeping the relationship secret - that Harry's reputation was paramount - was abandoned by Harry himself in his ultimately maladroit efforts to gain Draco back.
As a gay wizard, Ron and Hermione slowly but surely abandoned Harry, concentrating in their relationship. They left Harry alone and subtly degrading him.
It turned out that Seamus was with Harry because he was popular, and when this declined due to his being gay, Seamus decided he had had enough. Harry was too domineering and uncaring, plus he was too unpopular for Seamus.
Abandoned by friends and boyfriend, Harry was miserable. He reflected bitterly that in order to save the friendships of these people, he had betrayed the one who loved him, only to be abandoned in turn by his so-called friends.
Of course, this didn't dissuade him from playing the pity card and trying to gain Draco's attention by looking downcast, taciturn and extremely morose. Unfortunately, Draco was otherwise occupied with dating the guy from Ravenclaw and solidifying the friendships with the Slytherins he had thoughtlessly neglected when claimed by Potter.
Potter had effectively become a blocking stone in Draco's past, one he had had to learn to evade and leave behind him.
In their painful months of separation, Harry realised that Draco had become the one oasis in his existence, the fountain of life that is unrecognised except in the middle of the desert, feeling his throat parched with the absence of the precious water.
Seventh Year passed by in a whirlwind, and Graduation day grew inexorably nearer.
That day Draco was with Terry, his Muggleborn parents Tony and Anne Boot, who rejoiced that their son had caught such a good looking, wealthy and talented wizard. Narcissa was present, happy to see her son graduate.
Potter was grudgingly sitting by the Weasleys as Ron muttered about flaming pouf friends. Harry's latest conquest had left him for a Quidditch player.
The couples danced to the tunes played by the Weird Sisters. The group was there at the insistence of Dumbledore. Harry had tried to cast a charm to stop hearing when Celestina Warbeck sang 'A Cauldron full of hot, strong love'.
When the last dance grew close, Harry sought Draco. The blond was swaying to the rhythm of the slow song on the arms of Terry; he scowled at Harry when he asked him to dance.
Draco was busy looking for a way out; he was mentally preparing himself for the ordeal when someone touched his shoulder.
He turned and saw Pansy Parkinson. The slim brunette tugged a strand of her hair sideways and turned to glare at Harry.
Although Draco never really explained in depth about what happened with the Gryffindor, Pansy had unexpectedly found Draco bawling in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. The boy had been so angry at her interruption that he almost hexed her.
Pansy was a Slytherin though; she managed to deflect his anger. She knew very well how sad Draco had been during that relationship and was fiercely protective of her former boyfriend. Noticing Potter barging in on the happy couple, Pansy decided to save Draco once again.
She smirked at Harry and touched Draco's robes. "May I have this dance with the most handsome student and my best friend?"
Draco offered a prayer to the gods whilst beaming at Pansy, leading her to the centre of the dance floor.
Harry looked mournfully on and felt that he would remember this moment for a very long time, looking at Draco from afar; almost touching him but forever watching him walk away, basking in the love of others.
He was painfully right.