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“What are you brooding about now?” Daisy asked.
Jon had not exactly heard of her coming in while his back had been toward the door, but he had been aware of it. It was near impossible for anyone to do anything inside the Magnus Institute without him being aware of it anymore. Two people still managed to escape his notice no matter how hard he tried, which bothered him to no end. One more than the other. Thinking about that stung, so Jon tried not to think about it. Daisy approached his desk with sure footsteps, she always excluded such confidence that Jon could not even hope to mimic. Jon welcomed her presence both in his office and in his life, which was a strange and new feeling. Considering her as his friend would never stop being odd.
“What?” Jon settled the thick folder he was not really reading down. He already knew what the file said. It was irrelevant.
“What are you brooding about now?” Daisy repeated. Slow, annoyed. Annoying.
“What makes you ask that?” Jon asked, trying to buy more time. This tactic had never worked with her, and as expected, it failed this time too.
“Your face,” Daisy replied. It was a stupid thing to say as she had first said it to his back, but Jon did not want to point this out. They got along well these days, but he did not want to push it. Perhaps she operated purely on instinct. That was likely. He certainly did not know how to justify most of his behaviours or impulses anymore.
Jon sat down in his creaky office chair, looked up at Daisy and tried his best to seem like he was not brooding. He had no idea how successful he was, he had never been much of an actor. Daisy seemed unconvinced. She leaned her elbows on his desk to look him right in the eye, which was not what many people dared to do anymore. He was generally treated as the strangest thing in the whole institute. Jon, in his turn, was not that afraid of Daisy anymore either, but the vaguely yellow tint to her previously brown eyes was rather unnerving. She was dangerous, and even with his newfound fondness for her, he'd never be able to forget that. Jon stifled a shudder. Just to do something, he tried to pull the folder free from under Daisy’s right elbow, but he lacked the strength to do so. He gave up and crossed his arms over his lap. Jon felt like he was losing the staring match, which at this point was quite impressive.
“I tried to talk to Martin again today,” he told Daisy with more reluctance than he had felt when letting the Bone Turner pull out two of his ribs. This should be nobody’s business but his.
“And he told you to fuck off?” Daisy tilted her head quizzically. It was a normal gesture, which still made him think of an attack dog or perhaps a wolf. He tried to ignore the association but was not successful.
“No, I just couldn't find him,” Jon said.
“No?” Daisy looked genuinely surprised. Her pale eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “I thought a king of stalkers like yourself could find anyone these days.”
“That’s what I thought as well,” Jon was forced to admit.
He had been confident in his ability to find Martin. In fact, Jon had not even entertained the possibility that he could not find a man who definitely was in the same building as him before he had tried and thoroughly failed. He relied on the Eye too much. After he had failed to just know where Martin was, Jon had wasted several hours trying to seek him out in an old-fashioned way. Martin was not in any of the places where he should be, nor had anyone seen him. Jon knew people weren’t lying about it, because people couldn’t lie to him. Martin was beyond his reach.
“What did you need Martin for?” Daisy asked.
It was a simple question, yet Jon struggled to answer.
“Oh. You know,” Jon answered dismissively.
Daisy slowly detached herself from his desk to stand up straight, sternly cross her arms and look down at him. Her eyes were sharp and unrelenting. She knew too much. Daisy was around his height, which was not an impressive height at all, but from this position with him sitting down, she managed to loom over him. Jon took his folder which was now free to take, but couldn’t bring himself to open it and pretend it was more interesting than this conversation.
“Do I?” Daisy asked.
Jon was trapped. Thoroughly trapped in this simple conversation. She would not let him escape, as she would not let anyone escape. Just as he could no longer let a secret go undiscovered.
“I just wanted to talk to him,” he mumbled.
“About?” Daisy asked.
“Anything really,” Jon shrugged.
He had nothing planned when he had set out to find Martin. He had nothing important to tell Martin, there had not been any grand discoveries since they had last spoken. Jon just wanted to talk to Martin. He wanted to hear his voice. To see him. It had been far too long since they had last talked. Jon resented himself for every opportunity to speak with Martin he had taken for granted.
“I miss him,” Jon admitted through gritted teeth.
“Do you?” Daisy asked.
She unfolded her arms slowly and deliberately and then recrossed them with the other arm on top this time. Her eyes remained steady and purposeful, locked onto Jon's. Jon did not pay attention to any of this as he was completely thrown off by her words. Whatever he had expected her to say was not this. Jon thought she would roll her eyes and say it was obvious to anyone with eyes. He swallowed awkwardly before he could bring himself to speak again.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“Do you miss him, or do you just miss talking with anyone who is not me? Your social life seems kind of dead,” Daisy stated brutally.
“I miss him,” Jon insisted.
Her statement was not wrong, she rarely was wrong. Her deduction skills were sharp, Daisy had not been a bad detective. His social life, which to be honest had never been all that grand, had after his coma shrunk down to a single woman. A woman who had tried to kill him. A woman who had tried to kill him whom he had dug through the Buried to unearth just so there would be someone who’d look him in the eye again.
He did not miss Martin like that. He knew he did not miss Martin like he missed Georgie or Basira. He did not miss him as a concept, as a symbol of normality. He did not even miss Martin like he missed Tim. There was something else there. Something Jon had gone to great lengths to ignore. He did not miss what he had with Martin, as he barely had anything at all with the man. He missed what he had not had with Martin. He missed the chance to have something new with him. Something new and true. For a monster such as himself, this was a dangerous thing to think.
As Jon tried to come to terms with this fact, Daisy kept looking at him. Jon met her yellow-ish gaze, trying his best to look calm and collected.
She saw something unfortunate on his face. Jon bristled. Daisy’s expression did not quite soften, she did not have it in her anymore. Perhaps she never had it in her. Still, something close to pity crossed those unforgiving features. Jon had badly longed to be looked at with something other than fear and distrust, but he was not sure if he liked being looked at like that either. Belatedly, he realised the useless folder was still in his hand, so he flipped it open, desperate to have something to do. The file continued to be useless. Daisy was not deterred.
“You should probably tell him that,” she suggested nonchalantly. As if it were that easy.
“I have tried,” Jon snapped the folder shut violently. It took all he had not to raise his voice. “Did you miss the part where I, the king of stalkers himself, could not find him to tell him anything at all?”
A deep and horrible annoyance was mercilessly building up deep inside him, and he could only barely bite it down. Jon had always had a terrible temper, and being aware of it did nothing to lessen its effects. Daisy saw that but was not moved. If anything, his darkening mood only reinforced whatever conviction she had. Jon crossed his arms to mirror her pose.
“Skill issue,” Daisy said.
It was a juvenile thing to say, a phrase fit for a woman at least two decades her junior. She still said it with impressive conviction. Jon dragged his dry tongue across his teeth and did not reply. He did not know how to.
“If you want something, you should go and grab it,” Daisy tried again.
Jon knew he had to say something. He uncrossed his arms and reached for the folder in front of him. He ran his fingers over its smooth, irrelevant surface, and looked at Daisy. As he didn’t know how to be anything else, Jon decided to be petty. This was unfortunately a usual move for him.
“Hunt it down?” He asked.
Daisy did not react to the bait.
“Sure,” she said.
“Not my strong suit, is it?” Jon said and then added, “and don't say skill issue.”
Daisy said nothing.