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Spring break has arrived, at long last. An excuse for students to party to their hearts content after completing their exams and allow the music to control how their nights were going to go. For some it was going to end up in the back of someone’s car, grinding hips salaciously; but for others it was going to leave them with muddled feelings.
Kyle held up his phone, the flash shining through the strobe lights that were lazily hanging across the door frames. He instructed Esther and Jenny to announce their predictions for their exam results to the camera and pose. He angled his phone with precision, getting the girls into view and most importantly, capturing the moment! He yelled through the booming party music, “I need you guys to yell to the camera!” Once they gave a nod, Kyle announced, “ it’s filming now, GO!!”
The two girls beamed, pulling each other into a hug and practically screeched their desired predictions. It was a quick five seconds and the video was taken. Kyle and Tolkien’s collection of videos of everyone were finally complete for the editing stage of their eagerly anticipated tiktok!
Kyle waved them off with a smile and tried to navigate his way through the sea of boys and girls shaking their sweaty bodies to the beat of the music. Kyle had to cut through the crowds if he wanted to reach Tolkien. On his trek he passed by his best friend Stan who was already shitfaced and on the other end of the room found Craig and the others drinking and away from the dance floor- well.. If Kyle could call it that . It was really just a crowded hallway of some guy’s house, everyone was welcome as long as they were here for a good time. Kyle could not imagine the severe reaction his parents would have if they found out he threw a giant party like this while out of town.
As Kyle was about to begrudgingly rush up the stairs of couples making out and doing a bit too much, he felt a hand firmly grasp onto his shoulder. Kyle turned around and he was greeted with an excited smirk.
“So have we got all the videos ready?!” Tolkien yelled, sliding a relaxed arm across Kyle’s shoulder and guiding him to a slightly quieter corner in the house.
“You’re gonna have to repeat that, I can barely hear you!” Kyle shook his head and gestured to his ears with a chuckle.
Tolkien playfully rolled his eyes and sat himself and Kyle on one of the living room couches, the music was still booming and students were now singing in unison to the classic hits but at least Kyle could hear his own thoughts now.
“What I asked was ‘do you have the video ready?’ Tolkien smiled tapping Kyle’s shoulder with a grin.
“Oh yeah, here it is!” Kyle pulled out his phone from his pocket and leaned in for Tolkien to see all of the videos Kyle had captured, there were at least thirty if not more that the two had managed to film throughout the night. “What do you think?!”
“Man, it’s perfect, we’re probably going to go as viral as Cartman’s page.” Tolkien said, a grin suddenly traced his lips, “but there is one thing we haven’t done yet.”
“Shit what is it?! Did we forget to catch a video of Cartman making a fool of himself for showing up in the first place?”
“Close. But no- although that is a great idea-” Tolkien laughed, taking a quick glance at Kyle’s phone and snatching it from his grip “-but we never did our predictions.”
“Wait really? I thought it was just everyone else originally?”
“Yeah, I guess but I think we deserve to be included, it is our page after all.”
“Okay lets do it now then- before the others try to drag us back to where the party is really happening.”
Tolkien held Kyle’s phone, and leaned over slightly so Kyle could be seen too. He still had his arm draped over Kyle’s shoulder and started rolling. Kyle gave his prediction, stealing glances to see how Tolkien was feeling about his results and the video was done. Kyle grabbed back his phone and he couldn’t help but smile, he couldn’t help but think about the many years to come, and he and Tolkien would look back on this video. Finding the jackets they wore and reminiscing about how easy life was during college.
Hopefully it would be afterwards, Kyle was confident in majoring in history and religion and pursuing teaching at the university level! Tolkien was more interested in the law sector, hoping to follow in his father’s footsteps or around that area at least. The thought was quite daunting to Kyle, he couldn’t imagine himself and Tolkien losing contact after university- they’ve been friends since middle school! It would be crazy to think otherwise- then again the future worked in mysterious ways.
“What are you thinking about?” Tolkien quipped, nudging Kyle’s arm.
“Oh nothing, just the future- seeing this video now makes me think about what we’d say looking back in I’d say ten years.”
“I’m pretty confident that we’ll remember it for the rest of our lives, my dad really wasn’t joking when he said college is the best years of our lives.”
“Yeah, same with my dad,” Kyle smiled bittersweetly, thinking back to every interaction before he drives off to university, saying goodbye to his parents and brother. His mother would be insisting for him to send pictures while Ike would tease him on the sly for being bitchless and not being ballsy enough to experiment with edibles. However his dad would give Kyle the same talk- saying he should dream bigger than ‘teaching.’ Kyle knew he meant well but it still made him curse obscenities every single time he drove off.
He simply answered Tolkien- he’s heard the same rant about a hundred times now but he understood Kyle’s problems. They both did. “He’s still warming up to the idea of me being a professor so now he’s pushing the lawyer thing onto Ike.”
“Hey, it’s not easy finding your own way, I still am but you’ll do great regardless of what you decide.”
“Thanks, Tolkien- really. You’ve made the semester more bearable.”
Tolkien patted Kyle on the back, getting up from the couch and leaning on the door frame, inspecting the party’s general atmosphere. “Come on, let’s enjoy our night or else we’ll both start getting into our feelings!”
Kyle followed along, diving back into the action. The party seemed to only get more chaotic, there was more yelling and the music only seemed to accelerate in volume. Kyle and Tolkien joined their friends, dancing along and indulging in the common practice of drinking until you can barely remember the night before. They took great amusement in each other's drunken antics, such as Kenny speaking in flat out gibberish to Nichole and Stan slurring lyrics to every single eighties pop song.
Kyle was lost in the moment, his sober thoughts commenting that this must be what it really means to be young. He and Tolkien paced themselves as they drank out of the cheap beer cans, Kyle was wobbly- a great contrast from his firm and self assured demeanour and Tolkien was laughing away merrily.
After a few more hours of beer pong and dancing away under the flashing lights of pinks and purples everyone slowly started to disperse. For Kyle and Tolkien’s group, their designated driver was Craig, who seemed less than thrilled about having to deal with their loud and slurred banter for much longer. The car ride was a nightmare, frequent stops were taken for a quick puke or for Craig to tell everyone to stop shaking the car with their brash movements.
Finally it was Kyle and Tolkien’s stop, they waved goodbye to everyone and stumbled into Kyle’s house- the only good thing was that they were tipsy at best. At least Kyle’s mom wouldn’t have a heart attack or worry about how everyone was dropped home. Tolkien flopped onto the couch, stretching every limb in his body and Kyle sat down on the arm chair, holding his head from drooping any further.
“What a night huh?” Kyle slurred, “I can’t remember the last time we let this loose.”
“Pfft, me too. At least we’re off tomorrow, if I had to come in like this I’d pass out.” Tolkien jokes, each word becoming drowsier by the second.
“You and I both. My mom said you can stay and have brunch with us in the morning.”
“Yeah, that would be great.”
Kyle got up and took out the blankets from the TV stand, draping it over Tolkien’s tired frame and pulling it over himself once he fell onto the other couch. Kyle’s eyes were fluttering, his mind in and out of this dazed consciousness. He could overhear Tolkien’s phone playing whatever videos he was scrolling past on tiktok. He could hear his soft chuckles, making Kyle feel more at ease.
“Hey? Are you awake?” Tolkien said, turning his gaze to Kyle’s closed eyes.
“Huh? Yeah- yeah is everything all good?!”
Tolkien raised his hand up lazily, forcing Kyle to squint at the video he was being shown. The bright light from the device hurt his eyes slightly, from what he could make out it was a couple- a girl planting kisses all over her boyfriend with her lipstick and his face seeming less than amused.
“So?” Kyle asked, raising a brow confusedly- it was either his sober or tipsy mind not getting the joke, or simply there wasn’t one. It was just Tolkien about to make a comment about how they’re still single and still can’t make couples tiktoks together.
Tolkien laughed, smirking at his own line. With a slurred cadence to his voice, he said, “could be us.”
Kyle’s chest tightened at that. What was that about? ! He let out a hitched breath and couldn’t find a way to respond, it was like he forgot what words were. His jaw became tight. Was he even meant to reply?! Laugh and nod along?! He was still tipsy of course he wasn't thinking straight- in an effort to save himself from creating awkwardness he simply replied- even if it came out as a whisper, “could be!”
“Hey, relax! I was just playing,” Tolkien said merrily, putting his other hand up to emphasise he was merely kidding. He directed his focus back to his phone and scrolling again. The only light in the room came from the small lamp and his phone. Kyle simply placed his hand on his cheeks and felt just how warm they were- he was probably beet red… He tried to laugh it off but once Tolkien dozed off Kyle was left wide awake for the rest of the night.
That same tightness in his chest lingered on the next day and the day after that every time Tolkien messaged him during the spring break.
Kyle dropped the pencil and closed his notebook on his desk. His dorm room seemed more and more suffocating since he returned to campus. He had studied for hours since term began- he memorised all of the terms and key timelines for the influences on world literature over the past couple of days. He should feel accomplished for this and yet there was still that ache in his heart.
He opened up his phone and started to scroll through his feed, trying to push away Tolkien’s looming notifications. The longer he looked at them, his grasp around his phone strengthened. Suddenly, his phone began to vibrate and the screen shifted to Stan’s profile picture of himself smoking a fat joint on his dad’s tractor. Kyle had to snicker at the photo and he accepted the call.
“Dude, what’s up?” Kyle answered, pressing the phone to his ears.
“Hey Kyle, are you coming to Bebe’s on Saturday?” Stan asked eagerly, seeming to be playing games on the other end of the line.
“Oh uh… maybe? I didn’t realise that was confirmed.”
“Yeah it is, it’s her birthday or something like that. Could you bring me over or something?” Stan asked, “I know you’re currently on campus but it would be great if you could.”
“Can’t you get Craig to do it?! If I do go I want to leave as early as possible.” Kyle replied, combing his red curls with his fingers with slight annoyance. He didn’t mind having to pick Stan up from the flat he shared with other students but he didn’t want to deal with his best friend getting wasted. It was a lot for Kyle to deal with at times.
“Dude why?! Craig banned me after I fucked up his car seat.”
“That was you?!”
“Yeah… look I won’t be as bad, I promise I’ll pace myself.” Stan said, sounding sincere over the line, “I’ll limit myself!”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll even go.”
“Dude! You’ve been so uptight all week!” Stan practically yelled, making Kyle widen his eyes at the switch in demeanour.
“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean, I think I’m being pretty reasonable?!” He snapped, he wouldn’t have minded dropping Stan but there were too many incidents of him going a bit too hard on the liquor.
Stan started to stammer. “Well I don’t know, you and Tolkien have been fucking weird- Craig told Tweek and now Tweek started gossiping about it with the girls or something.”
“That son of a bitch.” Kyle shot up from his bed, the mention of Tolkien got him to start pacing back and forth in his dorm. “No! Nothing’s wrong, I can’t believe you’d take his word over mine-” He tapped his foot anxiously against the wooden floor, his mind needed to know what they were saying. “What are they even gossiping about?”
“I don’t know just how you two have been super awkward.. I mean could you blame them?”
“What?” He said incredulously.
“Well you two are usually together or whatever, I saw how you guys have just been looking at each other funny every time the group is chilling in the lounge area.” Stan explained, “like this isn’t to be mean by the way, but it has made things awkward.”
Kyle truly didn’t know what to say. Nothing happened, that's the thing. But for whatever reason, that thing Tolkien said drove Kyle up the wall. Truthfully, he hadn’t stopped thinking about it and it only made him tense up. He could bring it up with Stan but he’d probably say he’s overthinking. What was he overthinking about anyway? Kyle released a frustrated sigh and answered.
“Stan, it's nothing. Besides, it’s really nothing you should be worrying about.”
“I’m just saying, you’ve seemed weird or whatever. You guys break up or something?!” Stan joked as he got engrossed in the game he was playing, Kyle could assume he had died again playing his game when he yelled ‘shit’ on call.
Kyle didn’t know what to say, he avoided Stan’s quip and just replied, “look, I’ll go to Bebe’s party. I’ll cram all the material this week.”
“Sweet! Now I don’t need to bribe Craig with one hundred dollars to bring me.”
The two talked some more, Stan shared his struggles with studying for his next biology class and having to deal with his dad’s multiple phone calls in the day. Kyle listened, he was happy to not have to share anything.
Not like there was anything to share. He was going to get over this himself and that was that, he just had to force himself to answer one of Tolkien’s messages like a normal person.
Kyle walked out of his first history lecture of the day. He didn’t sleep great yesterday, he couldn’t quite place the exact reason for why he had been having sleepless nights this past week. He simply blamed it on academic stress and validation. He rubbed his eyes and relied on his espresso from the student café to bring up his energy.
He strolled to the next lecture on his updated class schedule. It was his favourite elective: anthropology. He checked his phone, hoping to navigate his way to the lecture hall without much trouble. He went up the stairs and strolled through the halls, seeing students in their respective cliques, as he found his classroom and was about to come closer he stopped dead in his tracks.
Kyle stopped. He saw Tolkien talking to Craig from outside the lecture hall, there was a hesitance to even walk over towards them. Kyle had been admittedly flaky with texting Tolkien over the spring break and - there wasn’t any beef. Far from it! Though with each step he became more rigid. He tried to slip into the room unnoticed but Craig spotted him.
Dang it.
“Hey, Broflovski.” Craig said monotonously, his hands in his pockets as he looked over at Tolkien confused upon seeing his expression.
“Hi, Craig, Tolkien.” Kyle greeted, trying to play it cool and stood tall.
“Hey, how’ve you been?!” Tolkien asked, placing a hand on Kyle’s shoulder, “we heard you’re going to Bebe’s on Saturday.”
The gesture made Kyle reply quickly, he tried to ignore the hand on his shoulder. He knew his answer was going to be lousy at best, “yeah, I’ll be driving Stan there, I’ll probably leave early then.”
“So I’m still at risk of having my car ruined again, why are you leaving early anyway?” Craig murmured in response, rolling his eyes.
“Studying, I need to catch up.” Yeah, this was not going in Kyle’s favour.
Tolkien nodded slowly, seeming to not buy Kyle’s excuse but he accepted it, “well that’s cool. What subject specifically?”
Kyle looked at Tolkien, then his eyes landed on Craig who crossed his arms and seemed to wish he was anywhere but here right now.
“Oh it’s history, you know how timelines are.” he took a step back, releasing himself from Tolkien’s grip and tried to ask him a question, at least have the conversation reach some level of normalcy. “You got any plans today?”
“Well, I’ve got to go to piano and go to the store after.” He explained, “the usual.”
Craig finally spoke up, “I’ll leave you two be, see you man.” Craig dapped Tolkien up and jogged away to wherever he wanted to be. Kyle noticed how he kept on looking in every other direction- seeming to try and distract himself from the bizarre interaction. There wasn’t so much as a peep from Kyle or Tolkien now.
It was just the two of them. What happened, why was it so… stiff?! If that was how Kyle could best describe it. The two tried to exchange more words but it was met with the same reserved responses. Finally, as though Kyle’s prayers were answered their professor opened the door to class. Ready to begin their lecture.
Like before, Kyle and Tolkien would often sit beside each other, exchanging notes and making jokes about their lecturer’s bizarre ways. This time however, they sat away from each other. Tolkien sat at the opposite end of the hall and sat by one of his friends in the MMA club. As for Kyle he went up an extra step and sat on the opposite side of the room. They were so close yet so far. Kyle ignored the professor's introduction to evolution of linguistics and kept on stealing glances of Tolkien. At this point he was writing words, not even a string of a sentence in his notebook.
Why couldn’t Kyle even speak to Tolkien normally, he thought at least being distant through messages would somewhat help his situation. Distance making them become closer or something. He wanted to get rid of that tightness that lingered in his chest, he didn’t like that it made his breathing accelerate.
His mind wandered throughout the long and winding lecture, he thought back to Rebecca. When she finally let her hair down and left him for someone else after two years of dating. There were problems anyway, it was a challenge to go out on a date without her parents following them. She was miraculously his ‘first’. He hated terms like first love because it diminished the significance of future romances and placed so much emphasis on a partner one would probably never see again from highschool onwards. In saying that, he hasn’t seen her since then.
His lecturer talked on, projecting a video of world languages and how communication evolved since ancient times. Kyle leaned on his desk, attentively taking notes with more concentration but then he looked over to where Tolkien was sitting. He and his friend were whispering to each other and Kyle couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of jealousy.
Nichole popped into his head at that moment. Their relationship simply wasn’t going anywhere, it was still puppy love and of course Cartman swooped in to screw things up just when they were about to get into the groove of things. At least they were amicable and there were no hard feelings, Kenny’s dating her now and Kyle’s happy for them. It still hurt his heart sometimes thinking about what he was missing, what held them back? What didn’t click?
The video ended and the professor was now talking about possible assignments for the term, ranging from research reports and essays. Not like Kyle minded, he loved writing essays. As he jotted down the topics that were going to be covered he felt his mind drift again. It was out of his control!
Finally he thought about Heidi, he still wasn’t over his grudge against her. There weren’t any feelings or anything- not like that. But he still couldn’t find it in his heart to wholly forgive her for how she disrespected his faith and decided to waltz back to Cartman. He didn’t wish her any ill will but that was the last straw for him. He simply hasn’t dated since then- dedicating his time to manage his electives and uphold his grades. He needed to prove to his dad that he could make it as a professor and make everyone around him proud of what he had accomplished.
It was a steady goal and it didn’t require much confusion and feelings.
As Kyle jotted down more notes for deadlines, images of Tolkien clouded his vision. He saw Tolkien’s firm hand on his back, being comforted and supported by him when no one else could really relate to Kyle’s problems. How they always were there for one another, Tolkien had the same drive as Kyle for success. They both cared about the same issues and even found some common interests that everyone else didn’t take seriously- such as tiktoks.
Kyle smiled, this was the reminder he needed. At the end of the day he and Tolkien were friends. A joke shouldn’t dictate his interactions. Once their professor dismissed class, Kyle got up from his seat and squirmed his way through the hall’s squeezed in tables and chairs. He was going to apologise to Tolkien for their interaction and go about their day as normal.
Just as Kyle was about to wave for Tolkien to come over and talk, the most arresting image crossed his mind. Tolkien’s lips against his, holding each other and Tolkien putting his hand behind Kyle’s fiery red curls. Kyle’s chest compressed again, this had never happened before- at least he thought so? Tolkien takes care of himself and is always collected- he tried to rationalise however the image only progressed.
Kyle saw their hands intertwined, he saw themselves going on dates- doing more than kissing- PAUSE?! Kyle stiffened, he realized ever since that joke Tolkien cracked he had been weird since then. Stan could make jokes like that and it meant nothing- Kenny who was just as annoying about it, constantly calling Kyle ‘ sweet cheeks’ for god knows whatever reason (Kyle wanted to deny it was because of his ass.) Those kinds of thoughts never so much as crossed his mind. But when Tolkien pulled those jokes? He was in his head about it. He had never imagined… well a guy like that? Did he like guys that way too? Did Tolkien even like guys- GET IT TOGETHER, KYLE!
Tolkien caught Kyle’s still hand raised and their eyes met. Kyle’s green eyes saw the golden flakes embedded within Tolkien’s dark brown irises under the spotlight. That’s when it finally hit him.
He liked Tolkien.
Suddenly- just like all of his past relationships, he saw Tolkien walking away from him. Stan’s quip echoed in his mind, Tolkien turning his back on him made his heart sink. Kyle looked down at the ground, frozen. He avoided Tolkien’s gaze and couldn’t bring himself to see his face fall just like his faltering fist bump once he saw the shift in Kyle’s demeanour. The idea of getting involved with Tolkien sounded painful now. Kyle didn’t want their connection to deteriorate because of his undecided feelings.
“Kyle, you good…?” Tolkien asked, his voice trailing.
“Can’t talk right now, I have stuff to do.” Kyle simply replied, brushing against Tolkien’s shoulder and zipping past the students leaving the lecture hall in a beeline. Kyle tried to get out of there as fast as possible, looking back once more- feeling that all too familiar dread in his stomach, his heart sank when he saw Tolkien look down in confusion.
This’ll pass. Kyle thought to himself, making his way outside. He needed fresh air. He could take a stroll and distract himself from this. He didn’t want to talk about this for now. Everything will go back to normal and Kyle would realize it was just confusion- just struggling to decipher a mere joke and overthinking it to the extreme.
For the rest of the day, Kyle had walked. Just like his stubborn self, the questions persisted. Once he returned to his dorm that evening, he had googled every possible question he could think of.
He even started to take quizzes over the days that had gone by- deep down he knew the fact he was doing this answered his burning question. He simply had to accept it.
He liked Tolkien. A lot.
The only problem he had now was preventing things from going further. Losing a friend was the last thing he wanted.
Saturday arrived quicker than Kyle anticipated. Kyle picked up Stan from his place and they drove off to the place. The sun was drowning into the dark clouds as the fiery hues of orange began to engulf the sky. It was going to be a long night. Kyle knew this well. The group chat he was in were spamming messages, a new notification pinged every few seconds in his back pocket. They were all excitedly sending in pictures of the rides over and relaying Bebe’s address.
Kyle got out of his car, he had no interest in drinking. He’d rather leave early before things became messy and intoxication was going to plague the rest of the night. Things were already weird since classes began last week, that phone call with Stan didn’t help either. He didn’t want to overstay and face him. He wasn’t in the right headspace and alcohol getting involved was bound to be disastrous.
He and Stan walked to the door and pressed the doorbell, seconds passed and Bebe answered with a huge smile on her face- some of his friends had already arrived. At least he wasn’t the first to arrive. He sauntered in and all of the snacks were organised into painted ceramic dishes on the coffee table and cheesy pop songs had overtaken his senses.
He lounged on the couch, exchanging words with Clyde and Jimmy that were pre-drinking (Stan joined in as well.) Things were going okay at least, it was all small talk- Clyde complained about his plumbing apprenticeship endeavours while Jimmy was happy to talk about his journalism course. Cracking jokes like they were still in highschool.
Time passed by quickly, more people began to flood through the door. Kyle constantly checked over his shoulder skittishly, seeing Bebe’s friends gather around. And soon, after another half an hour of mingling with other students, it was his friends.
Cartman and Kenny already looked quite merry, Craig looked pissed off about being designated driver again and had his arms folded. And Tolkien followed behind. Tolkien had his hands in his denim jacket’s pockets, he was giving quick hugs from the side to Clyde and Jimmy and bantered among themselves.
Kyle couldn’t help himself but look at him. The same thoughts that had been running around his mind all week upon looking at him. It hurt his heart of anything- how he WISHED he could just allow himself to let Tolkien break down the walls he had built recently. He got up and tried to conceal himself through the crowd but it was all in vain.
Through the poorly lit disco lights, the two immediately locked eyes. Kyle tried to look away and fidgeted with the hem of his jacket sleeve. This is going to be awkward now. Kyle then saw him make his way through the crowd, trying to cut his way through the students standing around and chattering through the music that could blast Bebe’s house down. Kyle remained still, his heart rate accelerating. He wanted nothing more than to just break down and tell Tolkien everything but he couldn’t bring himself to.
He needed the time to pass, enjoy the night and the rest of the semester and everything would go back to normal. That was what Kyle had memorised for himself but it was fleeting his mind as Tolkien drew nearer.
Kyle breathed in, he motioned over to Tolkien with a slight edge. “Hey man.”
“Hey…” Tolkien replied, “how’ve you been?”
“Good.. good. Everything’s been good.”
Tolkien raised a brow as though the façade Kyle had put up was cracking right before his eyes. “You know that I’m here for you, right? If you want to just come over to mine when things are getting stressful my door’s open.”
God. Kyle sank into his shoulders, looking away. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, anytime.” Tolkien was about to give Kyle the same side hug that he had given to everyone else but Kyle had to reject it. Everything was piling up on him, the weight of his foolish logic was really biting him in the ass now.
He wanted Tolkien to just embrace him. But that was not going to happen.
Kyle pulled away from his touch, quickly motioning towards the stairs and trying to alleviate Tolkien’s confused glare with a wave. “It was great catching up, I kinda have to talk to the others, since I’m planning to leave early.”
Before he could protest Kyle immediately legged it up the steps. He didn’t care to show disgust for the couples that were making out and sprawled themselves beside the railings. It only made him more frustrated watching them now.
He quickly stumbled through the hallway, pushing his way through students and taking peaks through the door cracks to see which room was free for him to just be alone with his thoughts. If he was around more noise it was only going to drive him crazier, lash out even.
He opened each door, gripping the handle tightly. The bathroom contained the unpretty sight of Clyde trying to hit on lesbians, Kyle did NOT want to see that. He quietly shut the door and winced, he then opened a few more doors leading into spare bedrooms and those were also vacant. As he rushed to the end of the hallway, he opened the door to Bebe’s bedroom. No one was in there- it must’ve been a rule Bebe had set, forbidding anyone from entering that one.
Kyle didn’t care for once, he just needed to be alone for a few minutes- an hour even. At least it would seem like he was talking to people and then he’d leave at an appropriate time.
He plopped onto the bed embellished with the fluffiest cushions that he’s ever seen. He looked down at the carpet, allowing himself to just process everything. If things were going to persist with this awkwardness because of his own predicament then he was going to need to find a way to get over it.
He pondered on taking up more extracurriculars, which could be therapeutic. He could even consider hanging out with Stan and Kenny for a bit, at least they would be able to take his mind off things.
Scratch all of it actually. He really missed Tolkien’s company of anything. It may have been two and a half weeks at least- but Kyle had never felt so low- this uncertain about anything. He missed how he and Tolkien would debate about the most miniscule topics to the most major issues in society. He missed how they’d both be able to joke around and how they’d have an inside joke for anything, how they’d send each other the stupidest videos. Tolkien playing piano and Kyle looking on in awe at just how musically talented he was. Then he’d see how Tolkien would cheer him on whenever Kyle would score at every single basketball practice.
Kyle buried his head into his hands. For someone who had advice for everyone- he truly felt lost.
The room was dark now, the night eclipsed the bedroom from the open curtains. The only light was from the disco lights flashing through the closed door frame. The music was driving Kyle insane now, he needed to go home. He pulled out his phone and saw it was 11 p.m. now. Great.
As Kyle shuffled from where he sat in the bed, stretching every tight limb in his body he heard the door creak open slowly and quietly close again.
“Kyle?” Tolkien spoke up, his brows knitting in concern. “You know you could be in trouble for staying here.”
“Oh yeah, I figured. I was just about to leave.” Kyle replied, his tone deflated and his cheeks burned up. He was about to push through Tolkien and pull the door open but his hand stopped Kyle from making his quick escape.
“Look,” Tolkien sighed heavily, “I can’t force you to talk but can you please tell me what I did wrong.”
“What are you talking about?!” Kyle said incredulously, the sentence sounding ridiculous to his ears. “I’ve been fine, it’s whatever.”
“You’ve been acting strange since that party- I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Everyone has!” Tolkien said, lowering his head sadly and clenching onto Kyle’s wrist like a lifeline. “If I did something wrong I’d rather you tell me because this sucks. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore that’s cool too but just tell me what I did wrong at least.”
The tears in his throat had stolen his voice. Kyle stared into Tolkien’s eyes, drinking in every single feature that graced his face. He couldn’t get out of this.
“You did nothing.”
“Then what?! What happened to us ?” The pain in Tolkien’s voice made Kyle want to just unload everything he had been carrying. at least try to use affirming words to tell Tolkien how much he really meant to him. But he couldn’t.
Instead, Kyle grabbed Tolkien’s face. He didn’t protest Kyle’s touch, the force between them becoming palpable. Kyle swallowed deeply, studying Tolkien’s baffled expression, finally allowing the thoughts to completely take control. Their faces were just barely inches apart, Kyle’s lips hovered over Tolkien’s. He considered stopping himself and just using his words but he decided this was his chance. His only chance to understand these feelings he’s had for the man in front of him. And just like that, Kyle smashed his lips against Tolkien’s.
Kyle lingered there, he didn’t want their faces to separate- even then it was probably silly of him to do this. Kyle stifled his desire to continue and was about to pull away, a shaky breath escaping his lips. Before he could take a step back, Tolkien deepened their kiss and placed gentle hands around Kyle’s torso.
The two closed their eyes, lost in their reverie. They embraced within their heartfelt kiss, feeling the other’s arms pull each other closer until there was no space between them. Kyle slithered his arm across Tolkien’s back and their kisses started to become sloppy. It was like they were starved off each other’s absence within the span of those painful two weeks.
They continued like this, allowing their lips to smack against each other’s until Tolkien slowly pulled away, placing his forehead against Kyle’s and allowing their breaths to interweave with one another’s.
“You don’t know how much I wanted for you to do that.” He whispered, chuckling softly and Kyle felt like he could just melt hearing Tolkien’s voice return to its usual calmness.
“When you said ‘could be us-’ Kyle had to breath and compose his train of thought, he was smiling so hard that it hurt ‘-that was when everything clicked. It took me so long to realise it- I had never thought of guys like that but you? We understand each other and…”
“And?” Tolkien leaned in closer and bit his lip, anticipating Kyle’s answer.
“Well it was always you, from the start. No one has understood me the way you do and the thought of us ruining our friendship because of feelings,” Kyle swallowed bashfully, “something like that.”
He chuckled at Kyle’s words, placing a hand under Kyle’s chin and making him look directly into Tolkien’s eyes.
“From the start’ is an interesting way to put it.” He smiled, “No matter what happens, we’ll be there for each other” He added, cupping Kyle’s warm cheek, “these two weeks made me realise just how much I missed you around and well… I’d like to see where this goes.”
“I’d love that.” Kyle answered, all of the doubt he had harboured deep inside his chest had turned into hope. The thoughts of formally introducing Tolkien to his family as his- okay little fast- the idea of them going on dates and sharing more than just support but a solid foundation. Kyle felt elated.
“Me too.” He joked, “at least we have a new video idea.”
“Fine, so long as I’m the one kissing you.” Kyle flirted, feeling more confident since this revelation.
“That suits me just fine.”
Kyle’s cheeks flushed immediately and Tolkien leaned in to steal another chaste kiss. They both knew it was time to leave Bebe’s bedroom before they got caught. The two slipped out of the room and tried to duck their heads through the cliques. At least it was late enough that people were shit faced now.
For the rest of the night, Tolkien’s arm was around Kyle. He would lean against his denim jacket, look into Tolkien’s eyes and hum along to the songs that were playing.
Kyle really wouldn’t have it any other way.