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It starts as a whisper, just a small rumor in the industrial complex.
“Have you heard?”
The first wave of interest came from those with ill-will towards the subject of the list.
“Every weakness, categorized alphabetically and explained in full…”
Did such a list really exist?
“I know where to find a copy.”
Well…
“This- this is- this is it?!?!”
Yes, there was in fact a multi-page document detailing everything wrong with Kim Dokja. The issue, however, for people wanting to exploit the list to get one over on the demon king-
“Is this… a care manual? What is he, a pet???? What use is this to us?!?”
-The entire thing read like a pamphlet one would get at a pet store when they got a new animal. Or perhaps a supremely screwed up dictionary, if one looked a little more objectively.
The rumor quickly died out among the shady parts of the complex and revived in the general populace. Soon after, the distribution began. Someone had made copies and anyone looking to get one could find one with ease.
Kim Dokja, being as oblivious and busy as he was, didn’t notice anything amiss until day 58 of what was dubbed ‘The List Crusades’, and an additional week until he looked into it.
The main reason he found out was because he discovered Han Sooyoung reading it in one of the lounge areas. Actually, he hadn’t really cared or noticed until she broke out into raucous laughter. This weirded him out significantly.
“Something funny over there?” He asked hesitantly.
Sooyoung, between her remaining giggles and wiping the tears that had formed at the corner of her eyes, looked over. “Nothing nothing… don’t worry about it.”
This immediately sent the alarm bells in Dokja’s head from gentle ringing to full capacity. He squinted at her.
She was reading what looked like a manuscript, white copy paper with printed words stapled at the top left corner.
If he approached now, she was likely to hide away the packet and brush off any questions.
Like a scheming child, he opted to just snatch the packet and make a run for it. This tactic worked surprisingly well.
On the cover page was ‘the list’ in 12-point comic sans. This sprang many questions to Kim Dokja’s mind. Namely, who in the world chooses comic sans for a dossier???
‘A sadist’ soon became the obvious answer after he started flipping through the contents.
“Sooyoung…” he trailed off, “did you write this?” Dokja asked her.
Said woman was standing across from him with her arms crossed impatiently. She had learned that Kim Dokja was not above using height advantage to keep things out of her reach.
In a maneuver similar to what he had pulled on her earlier, Han Sooyoung took the packet back with a swipe and flipped to one of the pages.
“Oh how I wish I had written this, lover boy,” she said with a snicker before flipping the packet around and stuffing the thing in his face to read.
[Yoo Joonghyuk
Also known as: The Supreme King, Joonghyuk-ie, Joonghyuk-ah, The Regressor, That Bastard, Sunfish, That Guy, Sunfish Bastard, or any combination thereof.
*please note these are mostly terms of endearment used by Kim Dokja!
This is the companion Kim Dokja cares about and loves the most. Although he claims to not play favorites, the Demon King of Salvation’s feelings are obvious. Do not separate, package deal...]
The packet continued on in a similar fashion.
It was an entire page on Yoo Joonghyuk with some rather concerning information.
His eyebrow started twitching uncontrollably and he flipped the page to get away from what ever that filth was, only to discover there was more.
Out of the 70-something page document, 10 were dedicated to Joonghyuk alone.
Kim Dokja suddenly had the urge to destroy the papers.
Was the person who wrote this really insinuating that 1/7th of his life was just Yoo Joonghyuk???
Sooyoung clicked her tongue when she saw he was creasing the paper and took the thing back. “I really can’t believe Yoo Joonghyuk got 10 pages! I barely got half of a page, you fucking bastard,” Sooyoung huffed. “Poor Lee Jihye has been sulking since she found out she only got a paragraph, you know,” she brushed off the paper and looked up.
Wait, Jihye? Who has all read this damned thing?
“What?” He asked her.
“What do you mean what?” She paused, “Oh my god. This is the first time you’ve seen one of these, isn’t it?”
She looked at him in complete awe.
“…Was I supposed to have seen one earlier?”
Sooyoung’s expression was telling. “Serious question, do you even live here, in the complex? You know, the one named after you?”
The twitching in his eye was slowing from a staccato to only a slight hammer, although the rude comments weren’t helping. “I’ll have you know-“
She cut him off. “Wait, shut up-“ then Sooyoung began flipping through the packet wildly. She landed on a particular page and a grin split her face. Once again, she shoved the list in Dokja’s face.
[Complex
*This entry is for the industrial complex, for mental complexes look under the mental illnesses entry!
Also known as: The Industrial complex, The Kim Dokja Industrial Complex, The Yoo Joonghyuk Industrial complex, The Yoo Joonghyuk-Kim Dokja Industrial complex, or simply the complex.
Despite being the ruling demon king, it is a well known fact within the walls of the complex that he does very little administrative work and leaves most tasks to Han Sooyoung (see Han Sooyoung entry for more details) or Yoo Sangah (see Yoo Sangah entry for more details). Kim Dokja is generally unaware of his surroundings, so be sure…]
The fuck?
What the fuck?
Kim Dokja looked dead inside, “Is there really just… an entry for everyone and everything in my life?” His voice was uncharacteristically flat and hopeless.
Sooyoung felt like the cat who got the cream. “Oh you bet, rat fucker. They even wrote a section about your insomnia.”
[Insomnia
See also: mental illnesses
The Demon King of Salvation has been a long-time sufferer of sleep paralysis and insomnia, causing a chronic lack of sleep. He fills most of his night times reading webnovels of varying quality on a smartphone old enough to be capable of speech if it were a human. See recipes and remedies down below:]
At this point Dokja felt like perhaps feigning ignorance to others might be the best course of action. For now though, he would freak out.
“How do they know? How the hell does the author know I had insomnia, I don’t even sleep anymore?!?!!”
Sooyoung, as she was, found sick glee in his impending mental break. “I dunno, maybe the massive fucking eyebags you have? Congratulations Dokja-ssi, I think you could qualify as a land baron with the amount of space those take up.” Ever the optimist, that one.
“Oh screw you Han Sooyoung, I know people can’t see my face properly. You just want to capitalize on my misery.” He sniffed.
Sooyoung blew a raspberry before taking the paper stack back one final time and storming off. “By the way, it’s fucking notarized you asshole!” She called behind her.
As much as Kim Dokja would love to give a snarky reply, he was a little caught up on the fact that the list was somehow a legal document?
That wasn’t even how notarizations worked!
And who in the ever-loving fuck would approve this abomination? Scratch that, he still needed to find whoever wrote this garbage-
Somewhere in the universe the maker of ‘the list’ was cackling with unbridled joy.