Work Text:
Healing Process
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[Blue Exorcist and their characters belong to Kazue Kato. I’m just using them to make a story, not for profit.]
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— Damn crazy!
There were commotions, screams, from some corner, from some not very uncrowded place. Bloodstains, and the boy’s face looked like someone possessed by the Devil himself.
A monster.
Badly wounded, one of the men who had picked a fight with him was crawling, begging for forgiveness. Behind him came the black-haired man. And before he could say anything else, the boy grabbed him and continued beating him until the guy lost consciousness.
The fight had been over for a while, but Rin couldn’t stop.
—Rin! Were you fighting again?!
—I wasn’t fighting, I just tripped!
— You don’t even try to lie properly. I mean, look at the way you’re doing. Have you even seen yourself?
Once he set foot home, he was immediately interrogated by his father. It’s been the same all his life. I really didn’t want to worry him, but… he couldn’t help it. Suddenly he felt so rage, and then…
— Ugh, what did you want me to do, huh? Those bastards kept bothering me. I just defended myself. — He tried to excuse himself while a trickle of blood ran from his nose. Shiro ran his hands over his face, exhausted.
— Rin, even like that, it’s no reason… No, you can’t just storm off like that every time someone picks a fight with you. — He paused to look at Yukio, who had been watching the scene from the dining room, slightly concerned. — Yukio, please heal your brother.
He turned to see the older brother, who was also staring back at him defiantly.
— Latter, you and I will have a serious talk.
His knuckles were bloody. He had cuts that pierced his clothes and on his face. The kitchen was silent while Yukio tended to his brother’s wounds.
— Hey, how’s college going? — Rin tried to ease the tense atmosphere at least a little. And he could say it worked a bit, seeing his younger brother smile, albeit sarcastically.
— Unlike you, bro, I’m good.
— Tsk, what’s that way of answering, four-fuking-eyes! —He was slightly annoyed by that mocking tone. To which Yukio only applied pressure to the cotton ball he was wiping on Rin’s cheeks, causing him to let out a small cry of pain.
— What are you doing, brother? Don’t you get tired of this? — Rin didn’t say anything about it. —You have to stop this. One day, something worse than a broken nose could happen to you; and it’s not something that happens today. Have you even thought about what you’re going to do in the future?
Rin just looked away. He felt embarrassed.
It’s so easy to say for you.
At night, with bandages and dressings all over his body, he went to his father’s room. An old man who called himself “Son of God”, and his room was surrounded by posters of women in bikinis.
A few minutes later, Shiro arrived and closed the door behind him. Rin sighed. The same old story, probably.
— Rin, you’ll go to the psychologist tomorrow.
Rin was stunned. He didn’t react until a few seconds later. Although not in the best way, he stood up, intending to leave.
— I’M NOT CRAZY!
— I didn’t finish speaking— Shiro stopped him and sat him back down; sitting next to the black-haired man. — Rin, you have your whole life ahead of you, but if you keep acting like this, you’ll be alone. Is that what you want?
— And what does that have to do with-
—I’m already old— he interrupted. — And your brother is already in college. I want you to have a bright future, too. — He placed a hand in the boy’s hair, making him blush a little at the display of affection. — I want you to marry a beautiful girl, and give me very cute grandchildren.
Be with someone?
Shiro was sad as he looked at his son’s bruised face. —I want a lot of good things for you, son, but if you keep doing the things you’re doing, you won’t be able to achieve them. You know what I mean, right? So, would you do your old man that huge favor of letting some specialists help you?
Rin didn’t have much choice, if he was honest. And he knew his father was right on some level, but even accepting that he was sick was a bit much for him. What he was doing wasn’t very normal, but he wasn’t crazy either… He hoped. Crazy people are those who talk to themselves; he just felt a lot of anger sometimes…
However, looking at his father, he knew he spoke from the bottom of his heart, just like Yukio. They both care about him, and he only causes trouble.
He didn’t want that.
Damn you, the aged and the four-eyes.
— Okay, I’ll go. But if they start asking me crazy questions, I’ll leave immediately!
The older man was silent for a moment, then burst into laughter at his son’s remark, to which his son told him to stop it.
Rin, you’re going to a psychologist, not a mental hospital. Shiro thought as he continued to mock his beloved and problematic son.
And there he was the next day, almost forced and against his will in the hospital.
A fuck hospital.
"— And where am I going to go? I don't have any money."
"— Don't worry about it. You're going to a good hospital, and you'll get care right away."
"— And where's that coming from? You don't have much either."
"— Your cousin Fausto takes care of that. I already told you not to worry.—Shiro really brushed it off. Rin didn't like hearing that name at all. He didn't like his distant cousin."
"—NO WAY, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT CLOWN— Rin exclaimed as Shiro literally dragged him out of his room. —Hey, man, I'm serious, huh!"
"—Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow, Rin~ —And the door finally closed, ending the conversation."
He had no choice. Really? And he was already at the hospital door. A hospital that didn't seem to be very affordable, apparently. He wondered if he had the right clothes for that place, but quickly dismissed those thoughts. As if he cared.
— Damn clown…
Even with all the times he'd been hurt, he'd almost never set foot in a hospital over the years. By the way, he never liked that place, even less now. He hated those places.
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Psychology
There it was.
Supposedly, he already had an appointment booked. He just had to give his name, right? There were people waiting. Some looked normal, others more haggard. That repulsed him.
What did he look like? He'd always assumed that this anger and this desire to destroy everything was because of those bastards who bothered him and challenged him to a fight.
He was just defending himself… That's what he wanted to assume.
—Excuse me, can I help you with anything?— He jumped a little. It was a nurse from that ward. She was already there; he had no other choice.
—Ah… yes. I'm Rin Okumura. I have an appointment…
—Mr. Rin Okumura… Yes. You have an appointment scheduled. You’ll be seen in a moment. — The nurse replied after reviewing his information. Rin just nodded and stood, waiting for his final destination.
About five minutes passed, and when the nurse returned to admit him, Rin was no longer there.
With quick steps, the black-haired man left the psychology ward. Was he running away? No, but he didn't feel ready.
What a nuisance.
The hospital was large, and perhaps he'd already forgotten where he'd come from. He cursed his poor judgment. Nothing was going right for him. He stood still in the middle of a busy hallway, wondering whether to go back or not. He was thinking about it. Patients and doctors all around him.
Yukio, at his age, is already in college, and he...
He clicked his tongue. Why...
He started moving his legs again, but toward the exit. No, he wasn't ready after all.
He moved faster, focused on his thoughts. He didn't notice when something crossed his path until he felt the impact. A collision with metal, which hurt. Then he fell to the floor.
He looked angrily at the person who had tripped him, but in a second, his mind went blank when he saw the person responsible.
A wheelchair, yes, but who was sitting in it? Surprised, and perhaps a little scared...
An angel.
He stood there, simply gazing at her, ignoring the time around him. She, and she too, watched him, saying nothing. Perhaps a few minutes passed in which neither of them stopped seeing each other.
— Shiemi!— A woman's voice was heard, making the blonde in the wheelchair react; and consequently, Rin also came out of her stupefaction.
He hurried to leave, but not before turning his gaze to the girl, who also turned to look at him, suddenly making him nervous.
He didn't return to the hospital, but he couldn't stop thinking about that woman's emerald gaze.
What a beautiful girl.
Since he had nowhere else to go, he returned home. Lying in bed, he wondered what he would say to his father now. He hadn't kept his promise, and it was truly frustrating.
Those thoughts, however, were quickly replaced by the memory of that girl who crashed in the hospital.
His cheeks heated up.
He had never seen such a beautiful girl. She was too pretty. Too much.
— But those things wouldn't happen to me...— he whispered.
— What happened to you?
And he stood up quickly, trying to push away the thoughts of moments ago. He knew the old man wouldn't be long in arriving.
— Nothing...
— Mmm, it's fine, Rin. So, did you go to your doctor's appointment?
Rin stiffened. "Now what?" Her dad was going to be even more disappointed, again.
— Aaah, yes… I did. — In theory, I had.
— And?
— They told me I just had to control myself. And that… — And that was supposed to be enough?
The room fell silent. A sigh was heard from the older man. Truth be told, he didn't look very convinced. He leaned a little closer to Rin, smiling, but he seemed tired. — If you say so, I'll believe it. Let me know if you want me to accompany you to your next appointment, okay?
And he went
Did he believe him? He had the impression he didn't; and although it made him uncomfortable, he didn't say anything either.
Days passed, and for a month Rin tried again to look for a job, and he couldn't find one. At some point, the old man would get tired of paying for everything. Every time he regretted not having gone to that damn consultation.
To make matters worse, he ended up getting into another fight with some guys from his old school. That idiot Shiratori had brought it on himself, and he needed to let off steam. But now, what was he going to do with his face battered and his fists badly bruised again? He wasn't going back like that.
He was "resting" in a park near the hospital where Mephisto had sent him. It was far from home, so he was fine. And it was quiet, which was what he needed right now.
The sun was still at its brightest, but it wasn't stifling. His hands were scarred like a fighting dog's. His face ached. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
Opening them again, he spotted something curious at a safe distance. Someone he recognized, even though he'd only seen her once.
The beautiful angel.
Accompanied by a nurse. It seemed she was a recurring patient. She must have been, given the wheelchair she was using, he supposed. Still, she shone, even from a distance. Someone who shone like that didn't suit him.
Then the girl turned in his direction, and even from a distance, their eyes met again. However, Rin quickly looked away. It must have been his imagination, he thought. And he pretended that staring into space was more interesting
The minutes passed, and the silence in the park grew fainter. The metallic sound could be heard getting closer and closer.
— Aah, excuse me! — The voice was too soft and angelic.
Was that golden-haired woman talking to him? Rin didn't move an inch; maybe she didn't even breathe. Her round cheeks were getting redder and redder. He reacted by jumping slightly. Nervous, grimaces appeared on his face, though that didn't seem to have any effect on her.
— What... what's wrong...— Rin finally spoke.
Shiemi finally heard his voice and worked up the courage to speak too.
— The other day, I... tripped over you. Do you remember? — She tripped over him? Wasn't it the other way around?
— Uh, yes. Yes...
— I'm glad you remember me. I... I wanted to apologize for that incident. That chair must have been really painful...
— Hey, no, wait, it was my fault! I was distracted, and I didn't see you, so it was my fault...— Damn, why did she blame herself if it was his fault? She didn't say anything for a moment.
— Aren't you mad at me?
— Why would I be mad?! Of course not, silly! —Damn, this was getting out of hand. But I couldn't let she blame herself anymore
I'd like to do something to make up for the blow from that time, Shiemi thought. She thought and thought; and she saw the boy's slightly bruised face. It made her very sad to see him like that. Why was he bruised? Had he been in an accident? If so, then...
Come on, Shiemi, you have to be able to.
— Let me treat your wounds!
Huh? Had he heard correctly?
— Wait a moment, I'll come with a first-aid kit for you... So please, don't leave!— And just as quickly as she could, she left, pushing the wheelchair.
Was that girl... okay? She looked so nervous. And what should he do? Should he wait? Truth be told, his face hurt. And she was even more dazzling up close and didn't seem like a bad person.
About fifteen minutes passed before she returned. She had a real first-aid kit, and with a sweet smile, she offered to treat him once more. He didn't refuse, nor did he make an attempt.
No one said anything, because everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. Occasionally, moans came from the black-haired man; Shiemi stopped, afraid of having accidentally hurt him.
As she rubbed the treatment over his face, she stared at him, especially his eyes. Blue, beautiful blue. Such beautiful eyes. He looked her age too!
His blue gaze met hers. She felt very embarrassed. It wasn't very different for him.
— I'm done. I hope it helped you in some way.
— Thanks...— If he was honest, he felt a little better.
Come on, Rin, you're 18. Stop acting like a teenager. Don't be an idiot.
He looked like she wanted to say something, but didn't dare.
— What... is going on...? — He stuttered a little. Idiot.
— W... what's your name? My name is Shiemi Moriyama...
True, I didn't know her name. Shiemi... What a pretty name.
— I'm Rin Okumura...
— Nice to meet you, Rin. — With a gentle handshake, the girl smiled. A very beautiful smile, just like her.
— Do you know what's wrong with your brother? — Shiro asked casually.
— Why, is something wrong with him?
— He's been looking like a fool lately.
— Well, Father, that's nothing new.— He adjusted his glasses. Shiro snorted. Yes, but...
A few days had passed, and Rin had spoken to her again in that time. He had returned to the hospital, yes, but not to see a psychologist, but to see her. He admitted that the first few times he spoke to her, he felt very nervous; and he still is, but it was something different now.
She was different.
He had no one to compare her to since he was surrounded by men and people who disturbed his life, but she, she was like peace.
Shiemi...
How lucky she was that she recognized him from that incident, and that she wanted to talk to him. Perhaps his luck wasn't so bad after all. He couldn't help but let out a light laugh.
— Mom, you don't understand me!
He stopped before reaching her. It was her and her mother. They were apparently arguing.
—I've been doing this for a while, and it just doesn't work. I don't want this anymore, Mom…
—Shiemi, don't be stubborn. You have to continue with your treatment, otherwise, you'll never walk again!
—I'll never walk again! My feet don't work… Understand, Mother… — Shiemi pleaded, almost crying.
— Shiemi…
— Mom… please… I don't want to anymore… I'aint beyond help…
When her mother left her alone, she wiped away her tears. She had to be strong. She'd been trying for almost two years, and she was getting nowhere.
The incident took her beloved grandmother away, and left her like this.
Don't cry, Shiemi. What face will you make when Rin comes…
Rin…
That boy with whom, in just weeks, she'd felt close. And he was there, at a safe distance, and perhaps he heard everything.
She felt so ashamed, she wanted to run, but her legs wouldn't respond. She felt so useless like this. And what would he think of her?
I see. She has problems too.
Of course. Being an angel doesn't mean being excluded from problems. But she didn't deserve that.
And did he? He didn't know.
However, for Rin, talking to Shiemi, even for a few minutes a day, made him feel very good.
— Look, Rin, this is for you. — In her hands, she found a makeshift flower crown. It made him laugh, though without any mocking tone. — What's wrong? Didn't you like it?
— It's not that, it's just... it's the first time someone's given me flowers.
— Never? Why? You're a good person. — the blonde felt sad. Good person? That was it... Rin began to blush at those words.
Don't say things like that, because I might believe them...
— Thanks, Shiemi.— A warm smile washed over him.
And the color in Shiemi's face rose three shades at that smile. Her face felt hot. It was worse if he kept looking at her, with those beautiful blue eyes.
God.
The more the days passed, the more at ease they felt with each other. It was like magnetism. Shiemi felt as if God had placed this kind boy in her path. She felt so happy when she talked to him. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. Could something like that even exist? She constantly wondered.
Between arguing with her mother and living with that inner pain on her lap, he pulled her out of that gray atmosphere.
— Rin, are you... dating someone? — To say Rin was like a tomato at the suggestion was an understatement.
— OH!? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, AGED? What makes you think that...?
— Why are you so upset? Your mouth says one thing, and your face says another. — And said it. Rin seemed more happy than bothered by the insinuation. — You're gone almost every day, and when you come back, it looks like you've reunited with your girl. I speak from experience.
Don't tell me it was too obvious.
His son was too obvious.
— If you don't want me to ask you more, I won't, but you are going on your appointments, right? — The subject changed drastically. Rin's face lost its happiness.
— Yeah...
He was almost certain his dad knew he was lying. And he didn't dare tell the truth. What did he expect?
Shit.
Time flew by, and although there was no progress in her treatment, her feelings were something else entirely. She didn't know for sure, but she thought she liked Rin a lot.
Rin was wonderful.
She was waiting for him in the park where she'd spoken to him. It was their frequent meeting place, before he pushed the chair, to take her for walks.
Her mother says to be careful, but... What do you think? Rin would never do anything bad to her.
— Hey, you. You're the girl Rin Okumura is with, aren't you?
Shiemi reacted and snapped out of her reverie. She couldn't sit on the bench, so she sat nearby. There was a boy there, maybe her own age.
— Huh...?— She was scared. She didn't know him, and she wasn't very good at talking to people. Was he Rin's friend? He'd mentioned him.
— My name's Shiratori Reiji.Mmm, you're very pretty, even if you're a cripple. What are you doing hanging out with Rin Okumura?
Shiemi couldn't find the words. She felt intimidated.
— What's wrong, besides being a cripple, you're also mute?
— Ah... Are you Rin's friend...?— She managed to speak, to which the man laughed, as if it were a joke. Then, it was about someone who had just been insulted.
He wasn't Rin's friend!
— My friend? Look at me carefully, girl. — He approached her. Something that scared her.— I'm 100% sure that bastard hasn't told you the things he does, has he?
— What... what...?
— Look at me— he interrupted. — Look at the stitches on my face. Your boyfriend is a monster. A savage. And not just me. He's broken several men's bones, and it's a miracle he didn't kill one.
Shiemi didn't fully understand. That man showed signs of having been severely beaten. Had Rin done that to him?
— Rin isn't like that...
— What a blind girl...
But Rin and Shiemi had to meet in that place, then...
What was that guy doing with Shiemi?
It had taken him a while to get there. Why was that guy with her? Shiemi was in danger. That guy was a bastard.
That guy could hurt her. That guy was a creep.
He was so angry. He wanted to smash something. He had impulses. He wasn't thinking straight, but all he saw was her and the other guy nearby.
He felt very angry. HE FELT A LOT OF IRE
I'M GOING TO BEAT HIM TO DEATH.
— SHIEMI!!
Rin only saw red.
Shiratori had seen her by chance, and he wasn't really planning on hurting her. He wanted to warn her about the monster of a boyfriend she had. He wasn't supposed to run into him again, but he must have imagined it. Fuck! That guy has the strength of a gorilla, so it was impossible.
And Shiemi, she, froze as she watched Rin throw himself at the other boy; how he hit him, and hit him... So hard. Rin's face expressed anger in its purest expression. He was truly unrecognizable. Was that Rin...? The other boy also hit him, but it was nothing compared to Rin's brutality.
Some people approached, scared. Some wanted to call the police. Shiemi was more afraid of that.
— Rin...— She approached quickly, as fast as she could in that chair. — Rin! Rin, stop, please!— She begged, grabbing him by his shirt.
To which Rin seemingly came to. Hyperventilating, as if he'd just come out of shock. He turned to look at her slowly. — Are you okay...?
— I'm fine..., but... you...— She couldn't lie; she was trembling with fear. The boy he had brutally beaten was unconscious. Rin saw him too, and realized that she was afraid of him.
So, he was a savage monster after all? According to him, he was only defending himself, and her at that moment, but her eyes said otherwise.
— Sorry...
— No, Rin... you don't have to apologize to me...
Shiemi's house was a large flower shop. Very pretty, like her.
She had taken him there to treat his wounds, just like that time.
— So that's why you went to the hospital that time? That day, you were also beaten up...
— Yeah... I had an appointment with the psychologist, but I ran away like a chicken. It's pathetic, isn't it? Not only crazy, cowardly too.
She was treating his hands. Her touch was very gentle for him.
— Rin isn't pathetic or cowardly. We all have problems. If anything, just look at me; I can't move my legs, that's pathetic...
— You're not pathetic, Shiemi, not at all!— Shiemi raised her head at him, as if unable to believe him. She returned to her original position, taking his hands in a gentle squeeze.
— You know, Rin, I finished school at home. I was so pathetic that I couldn't even go to high school. Even before I was confined to this chair...
— Then I'm even more pathetic because I didn't even finish middle school! I got into so much trouble that they throw out...— She laughed lightly.
— Is this a competition?— Rin averted his face, embarrassed.
They didn't say anything to each other for a long time. She was still holding his hands. She kept remembering that violent Rin from that afternoon.
It was very uncomfortable for Rin. Maybe she's reconsidering continuing to see him.
Because I'm a monster.
— I don't like this...— She spoke, and he, logically, was already assuming the worst. — I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore...— Shiemi was on the verge of tears.
— Don't hurt yourself anymore, please... I don't want to lose you...
Was Shiemi wanted cry for him? He felt too guilty and miserable. Making that beautiful angel cry. No... He didn't want that. After all, His dad and Yukio were right, they always were. He should have listened to them and sought help.
There was still time, right?
— Do you think... I should stop this? Stop fighting... seek help...— He asked in a light, dejected whisper.
She held his hands even tighter.
— If you keep fighting like this, bad things could happen to you, and then… I'm going to get really mad at you… — Her tone of voice was so sweet, and even though she was holding back tears, she wanted to sound serious. It was impossible to take her seriously with that tone… but he made him smile.
Shiemi…
— Please, Rin… For your safe, accept the help your dad is offering. I'll go with you if you want, even if I'm not much help…
Shiemi, you're…
He released her grip so he could now hold her hands. They were so soft and warm. His scarred, recently healed hand cupped her cheeks; so round and permanently red. He couldn't handle this…
Shiemi's heart was beating a mile a minute as Rin's hands touched her; as she watched him approach. And she felt like she was going to die when his lips fell on hers. Rin was kissing her, and she didn't pull away. It was gentle, and short-lived, but she felt very happy.
For Rin, it was beyond wonderful.
When they broke apart, he was scared to see her crying. He thought maybe he shouldn't have done that; that she didn't feel the same way about him. However, just when he was thinking it was best to leave, she hugged him.
He hugged her back immediately.
The chair was off to the side. They didn't need it if they were sitting on the living room floor.
— Don't I disgust you...?
— Don't you ever say that, Rin!— She hugged him tightly, but perhaps he hugged her more. — I'm the one who should be asking that... My legs...
— Do you think I care whether you can walk or not?— he exclaimed softly. — I like you so much, Shiemi.
— Please forgive me! I'm so sorry for lying to you all this time, Dad, Yukio…
They couldn't believe their eyes. It was one thing for Rin to apologize, but another for him to be on his knees doing it. Was it that much his fault?
— Brother, don't you think you're exaggerating…? — Shiro stopped him.
— Rin, I'm glad you finally had the courage to tell the truth. Seriously, we're very grateful for that, but what made you do it now?
— I… — He paused for a moment, only to feel even more guilty. — You always knew, didn't you?
— Unfortunately for you, you're not a good liar.
— …You knew it too, Yukio… — Rin guessed. Yukio nodded.
Shiro approached his son to give him a small hug. Why was he saying it now? maybe why he worked up the courage? He was embarrassed, but he had to do it. Talk about everything.
And he did.
He talked for a long time. Frustration, anger, all the rage he felt poured out of the black-haired man. To say he felt like a fuck, was an understatement. He also foresaw something he'd talked about with Shiemi. Why? He felt she wouldn't judge him, or look at him with pity, and thank goodness, she didn't.
And neither did Shiro and Yukio. They just listened.
— That's why, I... if you could come with me, please... I don't want to face this alone.— He needed his family. He couldn't deny that.
They didn't refuse. After all, he was lucky. So why did he refuse to accept help all this time? Why did he refuse to accept that he had serious problems? That's why he also talked about her.
By the day he had to return to the psychologist, he was no longer alone.
— Everything will be fine.
He hoped so.
It wasn't long before the blonde arrived, accompanied by her mother. He wondered if her mother already knew what her relationship with him was…
His father and brother finally met her, and judging by the look on Shiro's face, Rin guessed that the old man already imagined what had happened between her and him. And no.
He saw his three most important people before entering the consultation.
You can do it, Rin. Her look on her face said it all. Rin thought that one day he would have to return that great support.
He didn't think it would last long, but it did. So many questions that drove him crazy. And things that made him want to throw everything away. He did everything he could to control himself. Shiemi was outside, and she was waiting for him.
His dad and Yukio too, of course.
The Doctor said a lot of things he didn't understand. Between that and them calling Shiro, he only understood one thing: He definitely wasn't well.
Explosive disorder.
That sounded bad. So he was sick, right?
He needs behavioral therapy and medication.
Damn.
When he left, he wasn't calm. He knew hell was coming. Shiro and Yukio stayed talking with the doctor, which left Rin and Shiemi alone for a moment.
Shiemi felt really embarrassed about acting in front of the others, but now that they were alone, she found the courage.
He asked Rin to bend down a little so he could hug him. He did too. He settled in more comfortably, and only then, in her arms, did he give himself the freedom to cry. He needed to, even if he looked pathetic now.
He loved Shiemi so much, but would she still love him with all the troubles he had? He didn't want to lose control and get angry with her over the slightest thing.
— I love you so much, Rin...— Shiemi sobbed. Ah... Why? He has to be strong, and for her too.
When he said goodbye to her and returned home to his family, Rin felt stronger. He had a long road ahead of him now. He was going to do his best since he wasn't alone.
He was determined to do it.
Shiemi stayed by his side for the next few months. Between the trips, medication, and hospital visits, Rin said it was hell.
But, if she was honest, Rin looked better now. She was happy for him.
—Shiemi~!
He had arrived. One of their frequent dates. He looked much relieved; even happy. Her heart raced just seeing him.
—Rin, I'm so glad you came.
—Why wouldn't he? Don't be silly. Come on, I'll take you to the park.
The afternoon passed pleasantly as they chatted and laughed occasionally. Sometimes Shiemi glanced over to see him, and he looked back. It had been several months, but she always felt on cloud nine when she was with him.
—Shiemi.— He stopped in the middle of the park. —You know, I really think I'm getting better. And I believe that if I keep going there, I'll heal and become a better person.
— I know you've been trying hard, Rin.
— Yes, I believe that too. But just as I'm trying hard, I want you to try too.
Shiemi remained silent.
— You haven't been going to your rehabilitation, why?
— I...— She didn't know what to say about that. There was no point in Rin worrying about her. — I'm beyond repair. Don't worry about me, I'm fine...
— Not to worry...?— Rin then carried her to the nearest seat in the park. The chair was empty, and in the middle.
Shiemi couldn't hold back her heart for the umpteenth time. It was the first time he had carried her like that. All she could do was hold on to him. Even when he sat her down on the bench, she wouldn't let go. — You encouraged me to go there and fight this thing that had been holding me back for years; and I also want to encourage you to keep going to rehab. I believe you can walk again, Shiemi.
— But…
— I believe in you, Shiemi! You believed in me, and I believe in you, and that you can overcome this. You are strong. Tell me, wouldn't you like to walk again?
Shiemi began to imagine that scenario. It would be fantastic. Her eyes watered.
— What would you like to do if you could walk again?
— I… I would like to have children with you… — It was like a fleeting thought that she blurted out without really giving it much thought. It was a slip of the tongue.
Silence; until she realized what she had said. By then, they were both red, redder than a tomato.
— I… Idiot!! You don't need to walk for us to have children! — And when Rin got nervous, he didn't just make faces, he'd talk without thinking much about it as well. Could anyone get any redder?
Was that a promise for the future after all? Deep down, Shiemi wished for it with all her heart.
—No, I mean... no... like that... We're still too young... and I don't even have a job and...! — He did his best to stop talking. Every word betrayed him more.
Earth, swallow me, damn it!
—Should I... keep trying? — Shiemi asked, taking his lover's hand. —I only have you and my mom, so... — Rin squeezed back.
—I'll be with you.
Hopefully, Shiemi looked at Rin before daring to kiss him. Mostly, it was him who did it, but the dark-haired man's encouragement was giving her strength. Was it time to trust herself? Her grandmother might have wanted the same thing as him.
Rin.
They separated after a while. It was hypnotic.
— And even if you can't walk, I want to stay by your side...— You'll never stop being an angel.
— Rin... Should I say the same about your condition?— she whispered as they shared closeness. Rin smiled mockingly.
— Of course not. Mine is more dangerous, but I'm getting better. And partly it's because of you...
—No, I'm not...
—You're wonderful, you know?
He was going to make her cry again. No one but her grandmother had ever said things like that to her.
She wanted to return all that love to Rin. She had to make an effort. For him, for her late grandmother, for her mother; for herself.
She was going to try. Just as he was trying so hard, and recovering, she had regained hope that she, too, could walk again.
They were two broken people, leaning on each other.