Lose My Breath

by ksvv1129

Summary:

Y/N finds herself very unlucky after a concert. Fortunately, it seems she's found her guardian angels. Now Y/N must navigate growing feelings toward members of her favorite idol group. What could go wrong?

Chapter 1

 

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It's finally here. I've been waiting for this day for six months! June 18th. The fight for these tickets was a grueling experience but it's about to be worth every cent. Stray Kids, my ultimate favorite band, is performing and I was not about to miss their first New York concert in three years.

At their last show I snagged decent seats but this time I'll be right smack in the pit with a front row seat to their soundcheck. The mix of anxiety and excitement I feel almost makes me nauseous.

The possibility that they're going to see me and perceive me is something I never thought would happen. I've been a fan since their debut and I've supported them from afar, but now I'll be right where the magic happens. Also, of course I had to bring my best friend and cousin, Megan along.

She may not be a die-hard STAY like me, but she has always supported my crazy fangirl delusions and can appreciate a good Hyunjin edit.

It's currently 7:33 am and I lie awake as I wait for my 8 am alarm to go off. We decided on going to the venue as early as possible in order to work our way to a decent spot by the stage. Who knew going to a K-pop concert would be an all-day affair? I can almost hear my heartbeat as I lie with my eyes closed. I decide to get up, despite my clear need for an extra 30 minutes of sleep and slip my glasses over the bridge of my nose. Work has been kicking my ass.

As I start the shower, my mind races with all the possibilities of how this day will pan out. Will we get a good spot? Are the boys already at the stadium? How much do you think a concert tee will cost?

I step into the hot water and let my routine halt the thoughts rambling in my head. I finish up my shower and begin to scan through my closet. Just like me to wait until the last minute to pick my outfit for literally anything. I should probably check the weather first. 92 degrees. Shit. That really limits my options here. I decide to go for a classic and pick out a pair of biker shorts, an oversized black tee and my platform converse.

I just really hope I don't sweat all my makeup off before the show even starts. It pays to have lash extensions because all I need to do is my brows, a light powder foundation and a dash of lip gloss. I look at the time on my phone as I finish up. 9:12 am.

Megan’s not here yet so I decide to scroll through TikTok as I wait. The first thing that pops up is a fan video of Stray Kids' Orlando show a few days ago. It's a clip of I.N, Lee Know and Felix having a water gun fight while Chan rolls on the floor laughing in the background. I can't help but let out a small laugh as I watch the video a few times, discreetly saving it to my Stray Kids collection. Shh ok, I'm just supporting my faves.

After scrolling for another few minutes, I get a notification from Megan that she's outside. Oh my god. My heart starts to race. This is it, I guess.

"Heyyyyy! Are you excited to see the main characters of your delusions?" Megan smirks at me as I get into her car. I roll my eyes at her but can't help the giddy smile that spreads across my face.

"Don't act like you're not excited either! Your first K-pop concert is like a religious experience, bro." I throw back at her and she laughs, turning on her throwback's playlist for the drive. Although I've been to more concerts than I care to admit over the years, Megan has only been to a handful. This will be her first K-pop concert. I just know she's about to go just as feral as me. I pull up the GPS directions to the venue and we head off.

55 minutes between me and the eight men that consume my everyday thoughts. Yeah, I'm totally chill right now.

As we park the car and start walking towards the stadium, I feel my palms start to sweat. I don't know why I'm so nervous, it's not like I'll even get a chance to talk to them or anything. Megan looks over to me and sighs. "You're getting so worked up man, it's just a concert. It's not like you're gonna sign an NDA and go backstage." She laughs, basically reading my mind.

"Bro I knowwww, but it's literally daylight and I know their eyes be scanning the crowd! What if I make two second eye contact with one of them and crumble to the ground?" I yell just a little too loud. We look at each other and burst into a fit of laughter at my ridiculous sentiment.

"That's why you gotta just film the whole time so you can hide behind your phone. Bonus points if your hands aren't shaking." Megan jokes as we get on the already growing line outside.

My phone lights up with a notification. Stray Kids just added to their story. I scramble to check and see what they posted and it's a picture of the stage. In big red letters, DominATE New York. Oh my god, I'm about to be in there. This is the first time I've been to a venue early and it’s not what I was expecting. I usually show up just before the main doors open because no matter what time I get there, I know there’s a seat waiting for me. With this being my first time in a general admission standing pit, I want to make sure I get a good view.

Nothing could have prepared me for all the mini events that take place for the early concert arrivals. As Megan and I walk through, there are people everywhere handing out free things like banners, photo cards and key chains. By the time we're escorted to the ground floor of the stadium, we’ve acquired about 5 photocards each and a variety of other freebies that barely even fit in my tiny bag.

"Y/N, you have to take pictures of this stage set-up, this is so sick!" Megan glances around wide eyed.

I’m so focused on making sure I don't drop any of the things in my hands, I don't even realize that we’ve ended up pressed right against the left side barricade. Holy shit. Our view is completely clear of any people or equipment. I set my camera up and start taking pictures of the stage and Megan with her Jiniret plush she collected on the way in. Between the GPS, Instagram scrolling and photos I've taken, my phone is down to 67% already. The show hasn't even started. Well, here comes low power mode. I hope my battery lasts long enough to take some videos.

After about 30 minutes, there is an announcement over the speakers. "Soundcheck for the Stray Kids DominATE concert in New York will begin in 30 minutes. Please refrain from pushing and shoving and be mindful of the people around you. Throwing items on the stage or at the artists may result in a removal from the venue despite your ticketing status. After the soundcheck commences, no one may leave the pit until it is over. You may purchase official Stray Kids tour merchandise after the soundcheck is over. Thank you and enjoy!" When the announcement ends, the buzz of excitement from everyone around us is palpable in the air.

Finally, the time has come for Stray Kids to descend to the stage. They look amazing. Even in minimal makeup and normal clothes, they are the most handsome men I've ever seen.

Megan grabs my phone to record as I stand there starstruck while 'God's Menu' starts playing. The crowd around me melts away as I zero in on Felix heading to our side of the stage. He crouches a few feet away from us and begins his verse. As he finishes, he throws a smirk into the crowd, his eyes land on me and widen a fraction. Probably because I was standing there just staring with my mouth open like an idiot. His smirk softens into a smile, and he subtly winks before heading to the other side of the stage.

Oh my god, that did NOT just happen.

I look over to Megan, but she doesn't seem to have noticed because her eyes and my phone camera are zoomed in on Hyunjin on the main stage. As the soundcheck continues, they begin singing 'Thunderous'. Changbin and Seungmin catch my attention from afar as they fight over Chan's hat that was ripped straight from his head. I didn't even realize Han made his way right next to where my gaze was drawn.

My eyes finally notice him, and he’s staring at me confused. I can't help the gasp that leaves my lips before I smile shyly and wave. His beautiful face breaks into the dorkiest smile and he waves back before spinning around to sing his line. My heart can't even handle the soundcheck, how am I supposed to make it through a three-hour concert?

Chapter 2

 

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I survived the rest of the soundcheck, thankfully, and now it’s time to spend way too much money on merch. The line wasn't long, but I definitely had enough time to convince myself that I needed more merch than I did. I buy two different DominATE tour shirts, a tote bag and a sweatshirt... shouldn't break the bank, right?

I keep my apple pay open so I can get through quickly and back to Megan, who’s holding our spots, as soon as possible.

That was a bad idea because on my way back, I notice my battery percentage. 41%... damn it, Megan. She just needed to record “Stray Kids in their civilian clothes." It's fine, it'll be just fine. I'll just film my favorite songs and preserve the battery life.

I underestimated myself. I forgot that every song is my favorite. Right as Seungmin was serenading our section during 'I Like It', my phone dies. I curse loudly, causing Megan to turn around and look at me with eyebrows raised. Apparently, I was loud enough that even Seungmin heard me because when I look up again, he’s staring with a concerned look on his face. His expression faded quickly, and he continued dancing.

I am not going to let a dead phone ruin my time.

I can just watch highlights of the show online and relish in the fact that I was there front and center. As the show progresses, I forget all about my phone and fully submerge myself into the performances.

'Chk Chk Boom' starts playing, and it seems like it's one of the last songs. It feels like time stands still as all the members come out in new outfits– all variations of their merch for the tour. Damn, they're literally glowing. They make their way towards each side and hold their mics out for the fans to sing along. Changbin decides to sit on the edge of the stage right in front of me, nodding along as the melody blares from the speakers.

All of a sudden as the beat drops, Felix appears behind him and sends a waterfall of water across the crowd.

He successfully soaks Megan and I, also getting Changbin who didn't even see it coming. He shakes his hair out in disbelief, and a shocked smile creeps up his face. I gasp at the cold liquid streaming down my face. Then, Changbin looks up and we suddenly make eye contact. He holds my gaze for a minute before we both laugh at how soaked the other looks. With that, he stands and chases Felix with a water bottle of his own. Unbelievable.

With Chan's famous "unfortunately..", the members begin their ending speeches to wrap up the show. As they all retreat backstage, the crowd surrounding Megan and I erupts into chaos. We are in possibly the worst situation we could be. Among the sea of people trying to exit the venue, there are no security guards in sight. People are shoving and pushing to get out of the crowded pit section, and I can't even see the exit.

"Mae, grab my hand and don't let go. I'm gonna try to push us through." Megan grasps my hand, and we attempt to break through the wall of crazy fans. In a mix of sweaty bodies and blinding stage lights, I feel Megan's hand slip from mine as we are pushed every which way. I begin to panic; my phone is dead.

If we get separated far enough, I won't even be able to call her. I look behind me but all I can see are posters folded up in the air and people pulling their friends behind them like I attempted to do. Okay, I know where the car is, we will just meet up there and head home.

I focus my attention on trying to make it out of the crowd. Finally, I exit the ground floor and make my way up the flight of stairs to the main venue area. I push through the exit doors and take a deep breath. Thank god, it was so hot in there I felt like I was going to suffocate. Looking around, I don't recognize any of this. There's a parking lot to the left of me, but I know for a fact Megan parked in the parking garage to the right of the stadium.

Fuck. I went out the wrong side. Oh well, guess I'll have to walk around. The stadium is huge; it takes me almost 25 minutes to walk to the entrance of the parking garage. I enter and go to the second level where I knew we parked Megan's car. No. She's not here. Where the hell is her car?! Did I get the level wrong? Is there another parking garage? No, there's no way. I know we were right here. Did she leave without me?

I look around a bit more to make sure I was correct in my assumption. Bile starts to rise in the back of my throat, and I panic. My phone is still dead, and my dumb ass didn't bring a charger or any cash. It also seems like mostly everyone has left the venue already; I mean, at this point the concert ended almost an hour ago.

I try to calm down and think of what to do but I'm quickly losing it. Oh! Maybe a staff member could let me use their phone! I start to walk back towards the venue, and I spot someone gathering orange cones from one of the side doors.

"Excuse me? Hi, I lost my friend and my phone is dead. I don't have another way home, could I use your phone to make a call?" I gingerly ask the older gentleman. He looks up at me with an annoyed expression.

"You kids these days are so reliant on technology. All I have on me is a walkie so no can do. Try taking public transportation for once." He rolls his eyes and heads back inside the stadium. I stand there for a second in shock.

What the actual fuck?

I give up and sit on one of the benches outside trying to come up with a solution. Maybe I could walk to the subway? No. Even if I could take the subway, I would need my phone to know which one and where it goes. I was always a follower when it came to public transit. My older sister acted as my guide whenever we ventured out to the city, and now I have no clue where to even start. I could take a taxi, but I don’t know how to hail a cab. I've never done it before, and I don’t have any cash on me.

As I let my thoughts take over, I start to walk towards the main street. As I walk, I hear footsteps behind me. I try to gauge where they're coming from, but I can't tell over the sound of my own. I sneak a glance over my shoulder, and I notice a large figure a few feet behind me walking in a zigzag pattern.

Maybe it's some drunk guy walking to the subway from the venue. I walk faster to try and put some distance between us, but I hear his heavy boots start to quicken behind me. Oh god, what if he's trying to rob me? Or worse?

I take a detour around the venue to try and throw him off my trail, but he continues to follow me. There's no one left outside, and this man and I are completely alone. I know I can't outrun him but what choice do I have? I start to run towards the farthest parking lot to see if anyone is around. The man's footsteps echo as he begins to run after me. I almost don't hear him shout at me over the sound of the wind in my ears and my racing heart.

Tears blur my vision as the warm summer air flutters my lashes, my glasses almost fogging up from my harsh panting. I will not let him catch up to me. I find myself in a part of the parking lot I haven't seen before. There are four black vans lined up like they're going to pull out any second. I don't even check to see if the man is still chasing me, I make a beeline straight for the vans.

My feet are cramping from running so far, and I feel myself begin to slow down. As I approach the first van, the door suddenly swings open, revealing a man in a black beanie and black mask. He shouts towards me,

"Hurry up, get in here!" he yells. I rush forward and dive into the van, not caring what or who I land on. The door slams shut, and I hear the locks engage. My eyes are shut as I struggle to catch my breath. Oh god, I really should have brought my inhaler.

My lungs feel like they're going to explode. With a panic attack and an asthma attack creeping up on me, I try to take a deep breath. A loud banging causes my eyes to shoot open. The man is furiously trying to enter the van, shouting profanity I've never heard.

"Mate, step on it! Get us out of here!" the masked man yells frantically to the driver. It was almost as if he went through that whole ordeal instead of me. His eyes are wide, and panic laces his voice as the engine roars to life and the van takes off.

My eyes fall shut again as I try to control myself. I physically cannot get my heart rate to slow down. This is worse than the time I had to chase my dog a mile down the street after she escaped the yard. My state of panic is not easing up even after being rescued.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't worry. You're safe now." Another voice chimes. My mind doesn’t yet process the hint of an accent I am well acquainted with. With my eyes screwed tightly shut, I start to see stars dance in my vision. The presence of soft hands in mine is what brings me back to reality and I glance up shakily. Three sets of eyes look at me worriedly, faces all hidden under black masks.

My breathing is still fast, still waiting for a deep breath without a burning sensation. "Hyung, your inhaler." One man says, passing forward a black backpack from the back seat. Wait, HYUNG?! They can NOT be who I think they are. I know enough through dramas and being a K-pop fan to know that word is definitely Korean. I feel the tightness in my chest worsen with that one sentence. The man in the beanie rummages through the backpack and pulls out an inhaler before sighing in relief.

He uncaps the pump and holds it out for me. My hands, still shaking heavily, grasp it and bring it to my lips before taking a puff. I hold it in my lungs for a few seconds, exhale, and do it again. After a few more deep breaths, my body relaxes slightly. Only then do I realize the situation I'm in. The three men have their full attention on me while I'm curled up in the second one's lap, holding onto his hand for dear life.

"You alright there?" says "Hyung" as the van pulls onto the main road. I try to speak but find that my voice is raspy and worn out. The guy who's lap I claimed leans down and hands me a water bottle, which I take gratefully. As I gather myself enough to speak, his thumb begins to rub soothing circles on the back of my knuckles. I'm not used to finding comfort in physical contact but something about the simple touch relaxes my mind.

"That was really scary. Thank you so much for helping me." I rasp out quietly. "I really don't know if I could've kept running." I say as exhausted tears start to gather in the corners of my eyes. The streetlights illuminate their faces, still covered up to their eyes. I know these eyes; I can pick them out in a crowded room from the number of times I've seen them. A tear trails down my face as I try to blink and maintain my focus.

"Please don't cry. I know that was a lot but you're okay. We weren't gonna let anything happen to you." The deep, comforting voice rumbles against my side. He wipes the wetness from my cheek softly. Felix. I know for a fact it's him. There is no mistaking the deep timbre of his voice, let alone his strong Australian accent.

"What's your name?" asks beanie guy, who even without confirmation, I finally recognize as Chan. He steals a quick glance down to my bag, the DominATE tote bag definitely giving away my fan status. "Um, my name's Y/N..." I answer, cringing at my awkwardness. "Well Y/N, did you enjoy the show?" he laughs slightly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. That prompts an unexpected snort to escape my mouth, to which I quickly slap my hand over my face.

This makes the three of them let out little giggles of their own at my obvious embarrassment. My eyes dart to the guy in the third row of seats just as he's adjusting his mask. I immediately recognize Seungmin. He speaks up for the first time. "Don't be embarrassed Y/N, we are pretty awesome." He jokes as he reaches over to pat my shoulder. This time I let out a real laugh.

How are they being so normal right now? And shouldn't I be freaking out? I'm sitting in a car with 3/8 members of a group I've looked up to for years. Unreal.

I'm reminded of my position in Felix's lap, and I shuffle a bit before clearing my throat. Why hasn't he asked me to move? "So, why were you at the venue so late anyway? The show ended a while ago." Chan gets straight to the point. I explain the whole debacle of my phone dying, losing Megan, the rude security guard, all the way up to the man chasing me straight into their car. A conflicted expression crosses Chan's face.

"I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. It sounds really stressful. How were you planning on getting home?" he asked with his eyebrows creased. "To be honest, I have no clue. I live about an hour out of the city, and I don't think I can make it very far with no phone. I'm a bit directionally challenged." I try to joke, but the stress must be evident in my voice.

"Would you be open to getting a room at the hotel we're staying in? It would give you a chance to charge your phone and have somewhere to sleep off the crazy night you've had." Chan suggests after a second of thought. I couldn't do that. I don't know if I would even be able to afford a night at a hotel fit for them to stay at. Chan must see the war I'm having with myself because he immediately reassures me.

"We would definitely cover the cost, so don't worry about that now. This whole thing happened because of our concert." he says sheepishly. Felix and Seungmin nod their heads in agreement.

Well, I guess I have nothing left to lose. I nod my head reluctantly, and I feel relief from all of us. "We're heading there now so just sit back and relax, Y/N." Seungmin says, finally sitting back in his seat. I go to relieve Felix from my weight on his lap, but his arms wrap around me and hold me in place.

"Stay, I really don't mind. Stay." he murmurs quietly in my ear. I can't help the flush of my face and the hitch in my breath at the request.

Instead of trying to fight him on it, I relax into his embrace. I didn't realize how exhausted this whole day has made me, and I feel my eyes start to droop. Another quiet, deep whisper rings in my ear, "It's okay, just close your eyes." I finally give in and rest my head against the sturdy shoulder behind me.

Before I drift off to sleep, I hear what sounds like Chan on the phone.

"Yes, make sure she has everything she needs." he says to whoever is on the other line before my mind completely fades away.

Chapter 3

 

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I wake up in a dark room that I've never seen before. How long have I been asleep? How did I even get here?

I snuggle into the soft duvet that's been wrapped around me and let out a deep sigh. The memories of a few hours ago start to return to me. Oh, my fucking god. I literally met almost half of Stray Kids last night. I see my phone on the bedside table, already plugged in. As I reach for it, I'm blinded by the bright light.

3:13 am, damn it. My family is probably freaking out, assuming that Megan informed them that I was MIA.

 

10 missed calls from 'Mom'.
34 missed calls from 'Megalita'.
19 missed calls from 'Kate Unnie'.

 

There’s a bunch of unanswered text messages from all of them. I pull up Megan's contact, and I hit the FaceTime button. Of course, she answers on the second ring.

"Bitch! Where the actual fuck have you been! I was literally going out of my mind." she screams into the phone, her eyes practically bugging out of her head. "Bro, calm down and stop screaming." I whisper even though I'm pretty sure I'm alone in this hotel room.

"You left me at the venue, I should be asking you what happened." I retort. She rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. "When I got to the car I waited for you, but you were literally MIA. I drove around the stadium for almost an hour trying to find you!" she whispers yells. "Also, why are you whispering? Actually, where the fuck are you right now?" she asks, sounding completely confused.

As I retell the whole story to her, I can see the gears turning in her head before she goes off on me.

"BRO! ARE YOU JOKING??" she screams so loud into my speaker that I need to turn my volume down. I can't help but laugh at her reaction because, to be honest, I still can't believe this myself. "I'm completely serious. I'm having some kind of 'Y/N' moment right now and I can't believe I'm holding it together this well." I laugh as I feel the need to close my eyes again.

"Just know that I'm safe and you don't need to worry about losing little old me in the big scary city." I joke.

"I really am sorry though, man. I'm glad you're all good. Do you want me to come pick you up tomorrow?" she asks, feeling more relieved than when she answered my call. I think about it for a moment because to be honest, I still have no idea where I am.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll send you my location in the morning. I'm still super exhausted from last night. Just wanted to let someone know that I wasn't dead in an alleyway or anything." I smile at her as I settle back into the soft pillows.

"Definitely appreciate the check-in. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you." she pouted through the camera.

"Well lucky me for choosing to stan a group of literal guardian angels." I laugh at my own joke as Megan rolls her eyes. "Goodnight man. I'll call you tomorrow." I wave as I hang up the phone.

Once again, I close my eyes but cannot seem to get comfortable again. A soft knock on the door startles me, and I spring up out of the bed to turn on the bedside lamp. Who the fuck is knocking at this time of night? I quickly throw my long brown hair up into a high ponytail and grab my glasses from the bedside table before rushing over to the door to look through the peephole.

All I'm able to see is a black hood with soft black hair peeking out. I unlock the door and peer through the crack in the door. My eyes widen. Standing there with a sheepish grin is Lee fucking Felix.

"Hey Y/N, I overheard you from the room next door. Figured you might be a bit hungry after everything yesterday." He says as he pulls his hands from behind his back, revealing two large instant ramens.

How fucking adorable of him.

I can't help but gape up at him in shock before quickly trying to hide my expression. "O-oh hey, Felix. Yeah, um, thank you. That's actually really sweet. Do you- do you wanna come in?" I stutter in response. With a blush quickly filling his cheeks, he nods with a small smile.

Only when I close the door behind him do I notice my reflection in the mirror behind the door. Oh no. I look like an actual greasy rat, and I just let an international K-pop star into my hotel room. Felix turns to look at me and I am definitely not being subtle while I cringe at myself in the mirror.

"If you want, you can wash up and I'll heat up some water for the ramen." He suggests to my absolute relief. I nod my head and gather my bag that somehow ended up next to the ensuite bathroom door. I shut the bathroom door behind me, and my heart is beating out of my chest.

Ok Y/N, keep your cool. He's literally just a person. Yeah, an incredibly gorgeous person with the sweetest smile and most precious freckles and the voice of a god– I rip myself out of my thoughts as I strip off my clothes to shower, I realize that I'm about to be naked with Felix just behind the bathroom door. I can do this.

As I emerge from the bathroom with fresh clothes and clean hair, a swirl of steam slips past me which draws Felix's attention away from the also steaming bowls of ramen. He smiles up at me before scanning down my body, almost quick enough for me not to notice. He averts his gaze to the two sets of chopsticks he brought and huffs out a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I ask him warily, crossing my arms over my braless chest self-consciously.

He meets my eyes again and smirks for a moment before looking down at his task again. "Nothing, you just look better in our merch than we do." he says so casually.

I stare down at my outfit– my same biker shorts from the show and my DominATE sweatshirt I bought– and look back at Felix. I feel my face heat up a bit from the unanticipated compliment. I swallow the lump of anxiety in my throat and approach him, sitting on the other end of the settee in the room.

"You can scoot a bit closer, Y/N. I don't bite." he says, amused by my inability to meet his eyes again.

As I move closer to him, he closes the remaining distance between us until his right thigh is pressed to my left. Oh god, why is he so close? He hands me my bowl and warns me to be careful as he sets the opened chopsticks next to me. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled the deliciousness in front of me.

In my eagerness to finally take a bite, I end up splashing the hot broth all over my hand. I gasp and squeeze my eyes shut at the sting.

"Oh my god, you alright?" Felix exclaims, louder than necessary as he grabs my hand. He looks down at it as red blotches start to explode over my skin. He grabs my arm and yanks me toward the bathroom.

This is NOT how I pictured this night to go at all. Embarrassment rushes through me as Felix runs my hand under cold water, gently massaging the irritated skin. He's so focused that it finally gives me the chance to take in his appearance. Black hair tied into a small half-up ponytail, his skin having been washed from all the make-up and sweat of another successful concert. His bare face showcases his beautiful freckles. He’s wearing a white t-shirt that looks immaculate against perfect skin. He also has on black sweatpants that say DominATE going up the leg.

He seems to have discarded his black zip-up somewhere in the hotel room. The shiny silver chain around his neck dangles as he rinses my hand in the sink. My gaze is drawn to his ring adorned fingers, holding mine so delicately. Man, this guy is so gentle.

I look at our reflections in the mirror and continue to admire him. Why did I ever think Felix was short? He easily towers over me even with only a few inches difference.

As I watch him, he suddenly looks up, catching my stare in the mirror before looking over at me.

"I thought I told you to be careful. Are you usually this clumsy?' He attempts to joke. I let out a scoff.

"You try eating next to your favorite artist and tell me how easy it is! I'm nervous!" I shoot back playfully. He's so easy to talk to, why was I freaking out? His eyes light up in quiet amusement as a wide smile spreads across his face. His perfect white teeth shine before he bites his lip to hold back another laugh.

We make our way back to the settee and start eating. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Felix speaks up. "So, how old are you?" I swallow a mouthful of noodles to answer him. "We're actually the same age, funny enough. You're older by about two months I think."

His eyes widen as he nods his head listening. He continues to ask me questions, and we fall into easy conversation, laughing at each other's little jokes and nudging each other playfully.

As I tell Felix the story of how I got into Stray Kids, he swings my legs over his own before giving me his full attention once again. I falter, not expecting yet another act of physical touch from him. But then again, I did spend the entire car ride over here sitting in his lap and sleeping on his shoulder.

From what I gather, I was so relaxed I don't even remember being moved into this room at all.

That reminds me, "Oh Felix, I meant to ask you something! How did I end up in bed? I don't even remember arriving here." I say with a slight tilt of my head and small pout on my lips. His mouth widens into a cheeky smile.

"Changbin-hyung carried you up."

WHAT? The obvious shock and horror on my face sends Felix in a deep fit of laughter, and he almost falls over. A few moments pass before he regains his composure enough to look back at me. He lifted his hand under my chin to close my mouth that apparently dropped open from the news. I cover my face and groan.

"That is so embarrassing! I can never show my face anywhere ever again! Why didn't you guys just wake me up? I've caused you guys so much trouble already." I mumble.

I can’t look him in the eyes as he giggles at my mortification. Ring clad fingers come up to remove my hands from my face and I meet his bright smile again. " You're not causing trouble, Y/N. We were happy to help. Also, you looked so cute and peaceful that we couldn't bring ourselves to wake you." He says gently.

"You must have been exhausted after going through something that traumatizing too." He says more seriously, his smile dimming the slightest bit at the memory.

"I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me. I'm just a stranger and it was a huge risk to help me the way you did. Thank you, really." I say genuinely. I can't help the strong urge I feel growing inside me at his sweet words, so I lean forward a bit and press a light kiss on Felix's cheek.

As I pull away, I see his cheeks dust with the faintest shade of pink, his eyes dazed for a second before clearing his throat. He continues talking like nothing happened and we continue to mess around.

I glance at my fully charged phone, and it’s now 5:24 am. Wow, time really does fly when you're having fun. Exhaustion creeps up on us both, our faces ridden with the need to sleep. "I should go; we leave for the venue again at ten." Felix says as he moves my legs to stand. I walk him down the short corridor towards the door before he turns to face me again, looking a bit hesitant.

"Y/N... would you want to come with us tomorrow? We have to be there all day, and I just figured you might wanna see what it's like behind the scenes maybe? Of course you can say no. You're probably busy, right? This is definitely not something you were expecting. Never mind, it's stupid and you don't have to if you don't want–" Felix rambles before I interrupt him.

"Felix, Felix, slow down. Who said I was busy?" I laugh, trying to ease his anxiety. "That would literally be a dream come true. I would love to." I say, and he lets out a relieved sigh.

"Oh ok, cool um," He clears his throat. "I'll talk to Chris and see what we can do about setting it up. I'll come grab you in the morning?" I nod at him, and I can see the tension leave his shoulders. He reaches for the door handle and turns to face me again. He takes a step forward and plants a soft kiss on my right cheek. He pulls away slightly and meets my eyes before dropping his gaze to my lips, our breath hitting each other's face momentarily.

Neither of us move away. He leans in and places a feather-light kiss on my lips. When he pulls back, he offers me another small smile.

"Goodnight, Y/N. See you tomorrow." He pulls the door open and slips out the door. I stand there flabbergasted. What the actual fuck is going on today? I reach up and graze my fingers across my lips. I stand there frozen for another moment before launching myself back on the bed squealing. Megan is NOT going to believe this.

Chapter 4

 

---

 

The next morning finally comes, and I feel surprisingly well rested despite the lingering ache in my legs from the events of last night. I roll over to shut off the alarm I had set and notice the time. 9:18 am. Shit. I must have snoozed it one too many times. The memories of my time with Felix the night before come rushing back.

Oh god, he kissed me. What does that mean? He also said he’s going to pick me up from my room. I should've set an earlier alarm! I rush toward the bathroom and take in my appearance. Ok, not as bad as I thought. That fancy hotel shower really did wonders.

I start to brush my teeth and wash my face with the products already laid out on the counter. What is that smell? I look down over my clothes and see a faint drool stain on the sweatshirt I had on.

Damn it. Ramen scented morning breath and slobber all over the brand-new fabric. “Well, guess I’m not wearing this today.” I think while pulling the sweatshirt off my body.

My thoughts drift back to my FaceTime with Megan. Oh, that’s right. She’s expecting me to send her my location so she can pick me up. I pull up our texts and type her out a message.

 

Y/Nie:

Hey man, I don’t need a ride anymore. I’ll tell you about it later. Love you <3

 

I hit send and toss my phone on the couch as I enter the room again. The phone bounces, landing directly onto Felix’s discarded zip-up from last night. I guess he forgot it here. I pause for a second staring at the item of clothing draped across the cushions before pulling out one of my new DominATE shirts and pulling it over my head.

I have a brilliant idea.

9:58 am. I hear three light knocks and take my time strolling over to pull the door open. As expected, Felix is standing there. He’s dressed in a fitted black tank top, tucked into light wash jeans, a flannel hangs from his shoulders, and a black baseball cap is pressed over his messy black locks.

He looks up from his phone the second the door swings open, revealing my frame in the doorway.

“Good morn–” Felix stops short, eyes widening and a smile drops from his face.

“Is that my hoodie?” He questions, looking me up and down. I can’t help the satisfied smile that creeps across my face.

“Good morning, Felix! Yeah, it is, I’m sorry. My sweatshirt got dirty, and it was a bit chilly in here. If you want it back, I can–” I say, already pulling down the zipper, before Felix interrupts me. “No!” He clears his throat.

“No, it's totally fine. Keep it. I mean keep it on! No worries.” He replies, almost stuttering as the tips of his ears turn red. Bingo. I smile brightly and zip the hoodie back up.

Finally gaining his composure, a smile appearing on his face, Felix holds his hand out for me to take. “Ready to see where the magic happens?” He asks. I nod my head eagerly, taking his hand in my own, and he leads us to the elevator.

We make our way downstairs before crossing the lobby. Waiting for us are two men in masks. They nod their heads at Felix, who nods back.

I look between them suspiciously and he squeezes my hand in reassurance. The guy closest to Felix hands him two black masks and he turns around to hand me one. I must’ve looked confused because Felix lets out a short laugh. “It’s just to conceal our identity a bit. We don’t want to cause a riot when we get to the venue or let anyone know this is where we’re staying.” He explains.

If they didn’t want anyone to know what hotel they’re staying in, why did they bring me here? I can’t help but wonder as I nod my head at him, grabbing the mask from him and putting it on.

Felix and I follow the two staff members to what I assume is a service exit. Outside sits the same four black vans as last night, doors already open awaiting take off. Fuck! Why didn’t I think of this before! The other members will be coming. That’s who was in the other vans. God, I hope they didn’t see me running for my life last night. There is only so much embarrassment a girl can take, I mentally facepalm.

“We’ll be riding with Lee Know-hyung and Hannie today. Looks like we’re the first ones down though.” Felix says as we climb into one of the backseats and remove our masks, all while holding my hand firmly. I don’t respond, still hung up on the fact that in a few minutes the other members are going to be exiting the same door we did.

As if he can sense my nerves, Felix moves our intertwined hands into his lap, thumb once again caressing the back of mine. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He asks gently. I look up, meeting his eyes that hold a look of fondness too profound for someone he met less than twelve hours ago.

The fingers on my free hand begin to pick at the leather stitching of the car seats before I answer him. “Did they see what happened last night?” I mumble, surprised how easily he read me. Looking confused, Felix tilts his head to the side, eyebrows scrunched.

“Is that what you’re so worried about?” His voice is so gentle, it makes me want to pinch his cheeks from how adorable he is. I bit my lip, chewing anxiously on the dry skin as I give a slight nod in response. “Sunshine, It's no big deal. In fact, everyone was so worried that we fought over who would bring you dinner last night.” He shakes his head at the memory with a slight laugh.

My eyebrows raise in surprise; they fought over me? Also, sunshine?! The nickname sent shivers down my arms that Felix must have felt because his lips suddenly lift into a smirk.

Before I can question him further, a loud shout breaks through the air. “Yongbok-ah! Good morningggg!” Changbin suddenly pops his head into the open van with a teasing smile on his face.

His eyes catch mine as I look at him startled and my heart races a bit at the unexpected interruption. “Oh! Morning, Y/N! Sleep well?” Changbin shoots me a knowing smirk as he climbs in, claiming the seat in front of Felix. I don’t respond, eyes wide from surprise and the knowledge that THIS man is the one who carried me inside last night. I shake myself out of my thoughts and nod my head, heat spreading across my face.

“I didn’t know you were coming with us today…” He trails off looking toward Felix and then down at our interlocked fingers. “I- I hope that’s okay. Um, Felix said he would show me around backstage and what you guys do before a show.” I say back unsure, looking between both of them.

“Omo, you look like a scared little bunny, Y/N. Of course it’s okay. We’re happy to have you.” Changbin reassures me as he offers me a kind smile. I visibly relax back into my seat at the confirmation that I’m not completely uprooting their day.

“Bin-hyung, I thought you were riding with Channie-hyung and Jinnie today.” Felix finally says, looking at Changbin with confusion dancing in his eyes. Changbin hesitates a bit before going to respond. Before he can utter another word, Lee Know and Han approach the open car door. Hand in hand? Upon seeing me in the back seat their hands quickly drop from each other, and Han turns away, clearing his throat before climbing into the remaining seat.

I’ll have to unpack that later.

My eyes suddenly lock onto Minho’s, and he sends me a glare, scoffing before turning around to hop into one of the other vehicles. My heart drops to my stomach, nerves returning. Well, I guess not everyone is “happy to have me”. Han closes the door before throwing a look to Changbin that I can’t decipher. The silence that follows is louder than Changbin’s arrival.

Did Minho not want to ride with me? Han’s eyes finally land on me as he pulls down his mask. He almost flinches before his look turns apologetic.

“Sorry, he’s um yeah.” Han says awkwardly. “Nice to meet you though, Y/N.” How does he know my name already?

“I’m Jisung, but you already know that, unless you don’t. Sorry. In that case–”. I cut him off with an incredulous laugh. This seems to ease the tension as smiles break out on each of the boy’s faces. The same fond expression from Felix earlier is mirrored on the other two boys. Weird. Why are they looking at me like that?

“Jisung, I know your name. It’s nice to meet you too. Strange how you guys know my name already though.” I narrow my eyes at them playfully. This causes Changbin’s eyes to widen as Jisung rubs the back of his neck with a shy smile. “Chan-hyung told us after we got in last night. By the way, how are you after everything?” Changbin looks at me with sympathy.

That’s a good question. How am I? I never fully unpacked everything that's happened. I went from watching the most amazing concert, getting lost and chased by a mad man, meeting my idols and kissing one of them. Now here I am with full undivided attention from Felix, Han and Changbin.

“Can’t complain. If none of that happened, I wouldn’t be here right now.” I shrug my shoulders trying to stay casual. Changbin coos at me and reaches out to pinch my left cheek.

The sound of my ringtone draws everyone’s attention. My phone blares out an iPhone version of ‘Hellevator’ and I immediately pull it out to silence it, giving them a perfect view of my SKZOO phone case. Time to jump off a cliff. Damn it, Megan. Definitely poor timing. I put my phone back into my bag and can’t bring myself to meet any of their eyes.

The boys share an amused look but thankfully don’t comment. All of the vans must be full now because after another minute the engine roars to life and we head in the direction of the stadium.

The rest of the ride is peaceful, thank god. Jisung has his air pods in, Changbin sits with his eyes closed and head tilted back to rest on his seat, and Felix watches the cars pass through his own window. Following the whole embarrassing phone situation, Felix had let go of my hand.

Instead, his warm palm now rests on my bare knee. The contact caused goosebumps to appear on my skin despite the warm summer air.

Get it together, Y/N. You can NOT fall for this man or any of the other ones either. You’re just being delusional. I’m mentally smacking myself at the seed of hope that plants itself within my chest at Felix’s casual yet affectionate touches.

He’s not going to make this easy, is he?

Chapter 5

 

---

 

Roughly 20 minutes pass before we turn into the same parking lot as the night before. We all gather our things and exit the van one by one, me being the last.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I hear someone call my name. Seungmin is rushing over, looking like an excited puppy, soft brown hair bouncing with each step. I see I.N hesitantly trailing behind him.

“Hey! I’m glad you could make it! How are you?” He says, slightly out of breath. I can tell even under his mask that there’s a smile on his face as his eyes crinkle up at the sides. He really does give dog-like energy.

I can’t help smiling back at him as he reaches me, my head tilting up to look him in the eyes. Damn, aren’t they supposed to be short kings?

“Morning, Minnie! I’m good, really excited to see you guys in action.” Despite my crippling social anxiety, I can’t help but feel comfortable around them. I’m also just bursting with the anticipation of watching them behind the scenes.

Seungmin raises his eyebrows at the nickname I casually threw out, suddenly speechless. I don’t miss the way his ears tinge pink. Felix stands next to me, a knowing smirk on his face as he watches our interaction.

My attention is drawn to I.N who looks like he’s seen a ghost as stares at me silently. Noticing my eyes on him, he bows abruptly and rushes behind the others to head inside.

Huh, what happened to the cocky I.N on stage last night, showing his abs and winking at fans? I hope he’s not upset about me being here. The last thing I want is to make them uncomfortable right before a performance. Noticing the change in my demeanor, Felix ushers me and a still quiet Seungmin to the entrance.

The backstage area is huge. Staff and crew are already bustling around to make sure everything runs smoothly for tonight. Having removed my mask upon entering, there is nothing to hide the amazed expression on my face. Felix and Seungmin silently watch me as my mouth drops open and my eyes dart around, sharing a look and smiling.

Before I know it, we are face to face with a large door labeled Green Room with a sign saying 'Stray Kids DominATE New York' taped to it.

Felix pushes the door open, and I jump at the loud noises already happening behind it. Seungmin makes a beeline for I.N and plants himself next to the boy on the couch, throwing an arm over his shoulder. Changbin and Jisung are fighting over who can sing the highest note, both demonstrating rather loudly. Jisung being the obvious winner.

Minho is in the corner of the room on his phone, silently chuckling at the younger boy’s argument. Something tells me he had something to do with it. I spot Chan with his headphones on, typing furiously on his laptop. Omg, the famous laptop.

All that’s missing is Hyunjin, who I have yet to see. I’m so absorbed by the chaos in front me that I don’t hear the door open again behind me. Suddenly, a weight is thrown over my shoulders and I almost drop to the floor in surprise. I look to my left to see who the hell jumpscared me. Hyunjin. Right arm around me and left around Felix, looking at me with a smirk.

“So, this is the famous Y/N, huh?” He says, eyes twinkling with mischief. I gape up at him in shock. Holy hell, he’s fucking beautiful.

“Hyunjin-ah, you’re going to give the poor girl a heart attack, sneaking up on her like that.” Felix groans, no real bite in his tone. Hyunjin releases us both and steps back, holding his hands up in surrender.

“My bad, just playing around with our honorary ninth member for the day.” He defends himself. Felix glares at him but there’s no real heat in his gaze.

“Aw, Lixie don’t act like you’re not happy to see me.” Hyunjin coos, throwing his arms around him again and shaking him around like a ragdoll until a smile finally breaks through Felix’s facade. He then drags the lanky man attached to him toward one of the leather couches before plopping down.

I stand there awkwardly shuffling my feet as I avert my eyes to a spot on the ground. What do I do now? Felix is like my security blanket. Without him next to me, it kind of feels like I’m intruding. Is it really okay for me to be here, in their dressing room?

Do they do this often? Bring random fans they just met into their personal bubble? “Y/N? Are you still with us?” A voice sounds to my right.

I guess I was so distracted I didn’t realize Chan had made his way over to greet me. I look up from the ground at the sound of his voice. “Huh? What?” I say, trying to seem nonchalant. Chan’s face shows a glimmer of worry before he repeats himself.

“I asked if you were hungry. There’s enough food to go around, especially with eight ravenous guys. They keep that table over there fully stocked so grab whatever you’d like.” He offers me a reassuring smile before patting me on the shoulder. I thank him and he leads me over to the table against the far-left wall.

Wow, this is like an all you can eat buffet. I guess It makes sense. I’ve watched enough of their content to know that these boys can really put it away. Chan begins filling up a bowl with cereal and I glance around looking for something light. I don’t know how much I can eat with the nerves twisting in my stomach right now.

I grab an apple from one of the various bowls of fruit and take a bite. This is the best apple I’ve ever had. These guys really have it good.

I find a seat next to Hyunjin and Felix on the couch and eat the rest of my apple as the rest of the members finally settle down. A few of them scroll through their phones or begin ravaging the table of delicious looking food. It’s strange how easily I morph into one of them. The vibe that follows comes easy and soon I start to joke and laugh with them like I fit right in.

A staff member suddenly pokes his head through the door, interrupting the flowing conversation and says something in Korean. This prompts the members to rise and make their way to the door. Felix turns back to me on his way out.

“You coming, sunshine?” he says casually. I quickly stand and go to follow him out. He smiles again and leads me out toward the sound boards behind the stage. I guess this is where they control the music. Seems so high tech, I wonder how they do it.

The same staff member begins calling out each member's name and hands them each their respective in-ears, mic-packs and microphones.

After they all have received what they need, they head in the direction of the steps for the main stage, me following after them like a lost puppy. I assume they’re just checking their mic volumes because soundcheck shouldn’t start for a few more hours.

“Oh Y/N, I almost forgot!” Chan says, stopping next to me in front of the steps. “I was able to snag an extra badge for you, just in case. Since we can’t be next to you the whole time, I want to make sure you’re taken care of.” He slides a badge over my head. The little card has 'Guest Stage Pass' written across it.

He proceeds to fix my hair over the lanyard, pulling it out so it doesn't get tangled. He’s touching me like I’m made of glass. I can’t help but admire the caring leader, always the perfectionist. He looks so handsome up close. Even more so than any camera could capture. His eyebrows drawn in concentration and his tongue poking out as he flattens out the strands of my hair back down over the string around my neck.

“You can wait here for us, or you can explore the backstage area a bit more. We shouldn’t be long, ok?” Chan says, voice low as he pops the little bubble that had formed around us. His eyes search for mine and he gives me a reassuring look and turns to head up the stairs. I can’t with the way these guys are taking care of me.

Is it crazy to say that I’ll miss them when this day finally ends?

Five minutes pass while I debate whether or not to wait for the guys to finish up. Nah, when is the next time I’m going to be backstage like this? I’m going to go explore. Chan basically gave me the greenlight to go anywhere I want, and I should take advantage of my freedom.

I turn on my heel and start walking. I end up in a section of the venue with a long corridor of what I assume are other dressing rooms or maybe offices.

Art lines the walls, along with music posters and sports stats.

Oh my god, a signed Beatles record. That’s so fucking sick. I’m surrounded by legends and their history. I trace my fingers along the walls and the deep black swirls that lead down the hallway. I could get used to seeing things like this.

No, Y/N. Don’t start imagining things that are impossible. You’ll just be disappointed. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Wait, where the fuck am I? No way, I’m lost. I genuinely have no clue how to get back to where I came from. At this point I think I’ve been wandering around for almost an hour. Pulling my phone from my bag, it's confirmed.

I’ve been MIA for 56 minutes.

I wonder if the boys are wondering where I am. Maybe I can find my way before they notice I’m gone.

Here I am, once again being an inconvenience to them. I could slap myself from how stupid I feel right now. I make my way back, trying to retrace my steps but things keep looking more and more unfamiliar.

Doesn’t this place have any signs?! I come across a door at the end of the hallway. Did I come through here? Eh, what the heck. Wouldn’t hurt to try it. Holy mother of god.

That might have been a huge mistake.

Chapter 6

 

---

 

Inside the dimly lit room, I spot them instantly. Minho and Jisung on a couch placed in the middle of the room. Making out. Jisung is perched on Minho’s lap, straddling him with his hands woven through Minho’s messy brown hair at the back of his neck.

Minho’s palms tightly grip Jisung’s hips, moving him against his lap almost frantically. Their lips move like they’re trying to devour each other. The sounds they make as they meet each other are borderline pornographic.

Small moans echo throughout the room, but I can’t tell who they’re coming from. I stand there shocked, my hand coming up to cover my mouth and I can’t hold back the gasp that forces its way from my mouth. They both break away, completely startled at being interrupted. Their eyes wide as they take in my presence in the small room.

“Y/N, it– it’s not what it looks like! Just– just let us- Y/N!” Jisung starts to say frantically before I turn and make a run for it.

God this is humiliating. First, I take advantage of their kindness and now I’m invading their privacy.

But god damn it. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. So, all the Minsung edits, and conspiracy theories were true? I cannot get the image of the two of them together out of my mind. I shake my head as I continue to run, trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible. I spot a door with an exit sign hanging above it and push it open.

I take a deep breath of fresh air, relieved to have a minute to comprehend what the fuck I just witnessed. The hand holding, the kissing, oh and not to mention the fact that they’re roommates. I lean against the warm wall as I try to piece together what this means.

The sun shines so brightly in my eyes that I duck my head to glare at the pavement. All of a sudden, a shadow passes over me, effectively blocking the rays from hitting me. A clunky pair of worn-out black boots enter my line of vision as they step closer to me. I look up, expecting to see one of the members, perhaps looking for me.

Who I see is not what I expected. It’s him. The man from last night. Eyes glare at me in unbridled fury. Before I can open my mouth a large, filthy hand harshly grabs my neck and pins me against the wall, effectively silencing the rising scream in my throat. Dry, cracked lips part into a sinister grin.

“Nuh uh, you’re not getting away from me this time.” His voice, rough and gravelly. The man squeezes the sides of my throat a little tighter as I begin to struggle. Fear clouding my mind as my own hands grab his. I dig my long nails deep into his wrist in an attempt to pull him off me.

But this just makes him angrier. His head comes crashing down onto mine and I sway from the impact. The only thing keeping me on my feet is this man’s hand on my neck.

I’m starting to panic now. No one knows where I am. This man and I are completely alone again and this time the boys aren’t here to save me. I’m going to die here, and no one will know.

I see something shiny out of the corner of my eye as his other hand pulls something from his back pocket. It’s a knife. Oh god. Is this how it ends? He reaches the blade up to my throat as he releases my neck from his iron grip. “I’m going to collect what you owe me. Shouldn’t have run last night or I might’ve let you go after.” Then man slurs, leaning into my ear. Breath, rancid from the smell of alcohol, hits my cheek almost making me gag.

His free hand comes up to tug on my shirt. Fingers climbing underneath to touch my bare skin. I can’t move, frozen in terror of the blade he has pressed to my jugular. He’s going to rape me. And then he’s going to kill me. His grip is tight when he makes it to my covered chest under my shirt, squeezing meanly. He laughs condescendingly at the squeak I let out.

I shut my eyes tightly, unable to look at him anymore. Then, in a split second, the weight on my body disappears and I hear a loud thud. My eyes spring open to find Minho standing between me and the drunk man. His chest heaves and his eyes are filled with pure anger as he gives me a once over, over his shoulder.

Turning back, he lands a swift right hook straight to man’s jaw that sends him stumbling to the ground, balance already thrown off its axis from his obvious intoxication.

Before he can regain his footing, three security guards round the corner. Their eyes quickly take in the scene before rushing to subdue the man. They drag him away as he screams toward Minho and me. His words not even processing through my head as I stand there still frozen. I feel a weight on my wrist before I’m being pulled back inside the service entrance of the stadium.

Minho drags me through the winding hallways of the venue, the same ones I so stupidly got lost in. His grip on my wrist is gentle, as if he held any tighter and I would break. I can’t feel anything except his touch, and it sends tingles up my arm. He leads us into the main area and past the stairs to the stage.

I catch sight of Felix and Jisung as they run toward us. “Sunshine! Where have you–” Felix begins before the words get caught in his throat.

Both their eyes widen as they stop short and take in sight in front of them. I haven’t seen myself so I can only imagine how I look right now. “What the fuck hap–” Minho cuts Jisung off with a stern shake of his head.

“Get Chan-hyung.” Is all Minho says before he brushes past them, my wrist being pulled behind him. He leads me to a tented off section, away from the chaos of staff and crew members.

I gather this is some sort of medical area in case any of the members get injured. Once past the white partition, he turns and easily lifts me by my waist onto a bed covered by a white sheet. Ok, he is seriously strong. He has yet to meet my eyes this whole time. Oh yeah, he didn’t even want me here in the first place. Now I’m disrupting his whole day. Way to go, Y/N. Minho begins to ruffle through a few drawers next to the bed before he puts out a first aid kit.

Wait, why does he need that? Did he get hurt? Because of me?

Minho turns to face me again and finally meets my eyes. He doesn’t look angry or abrasive like he did this morning. The expression I read in his face is… concern. Eyes soft as they look at me. He opens the small box to take out some alcohol pads, Neosporin and two bandages, ripping them open. Then he looks at me, almost as if he’s asking permission. Confused, I give him a little nod that makes my head pound. His left hand comes up to cradle the back of my head as his right begins to dab an alcohol pad over my forehead. I flinch from the sting and scrunch my eyebrows in pain.

What the hell?

When the man head butted me, he must have busted my head open. Minho takes his time cleaning the wound before applying the ointment and placing the bandage. He then moves and repeats the action on the left side of my neck. The knife must have been pressed harder against my skin than I thought, leaving behind a small nick.

All the while, I watch him quietly, afraid to break the comforting silence that has settled over us. His eyebrows pinch in concentration, plush lips parted to reveal his two front teeth. Lips that were all over Jisung just twenty minutes ago. His hands are so gentle that I can barely feel them. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a man. Minho finishes tending to my injuries and turns to put away the kit.

That’s when I notice his hand.

“Wait.” I croak out, voice a bit raspy from the abuse my throat has endured. He whips around and pauses as his eyes land on me again, obviously not expecting me to speak. I stand from the bed and gently take the first aid kit from him. I grab his left hand and pull him to the spot I was just sitting in. “Sit.” I say softly as I search his eyes for any hint of hesitation. I see none as he follows my directions and takes a seat.

Opening the box again, I pull out another alcohol pad and Neosporin. I raise his right hand to take a closer look. Minho’s knuckles have split open a bit and there’s blood drying over his soft skin. His eyebrow twitches a bit at the sight, not having noticed since he was too busy worrying about me.

“Guess those boxing lessons are really paying off.” I joke with a small smile, trying to ease some of the tension still swirling around us. A snort of laughter escapes his lips, and I know I’ve succeeded. I start to clean his hand with the alcohol pad as he watches me the whole time. His gaze never strays from me, even as I finish up and place his hand back down.

Minho looks as if he might speak before his train of thought derails as Chan rushes through the tented barrier. His eyes frantic as they rake over each of our forms. He must deem me more pressing as he approaches me, reaching up to cup my face in his warm hands.

“Baby, what happened to you?!” He breathes out, worry lacing his tone.

He moves my face side to side, analyzing every detail. Baby?! That one word melts any anxiety or fear that still courses through my body, replacing it with a warm and fuzzy feeling that I can’t quite describe. My hands lift to cover his on my face, pushing them closer to cherish the feeling a little bit longer.

“Channie, I’m okay. It was that man. The one from the parking lot.” I say hesitantly, glancing over at Minho to see him already looking at the two of us.

Chan’s expression hardens and honestly, he looks fucking pissed. That should NOT be as hot as it is. “I’m gonna kill him.” He grits out through his teeth, dropping his hands from my face and turning around.

Before I can stop him myself, Minho leaps off the bed and presses his uninjured hand firmly on Chan’s shoulder. At the contact, the tension in Chan’s body eases slightly and he looks back over his shoulder. “Hyung, he’s already with security. Let them handle it. It’s fine, we’re fine.” Minho reassures him.

The emphasis in Minho’s words isn’t lost on me as I watch them interact. Why does it matter to them so much whether or not I’m fine? It doesn’t seem to be all in my head. The way they keep looking at me, the nicknames, the way they touch me. Like it’s easy. Like it’s natural. Like they care about me.

Eventually, Chan and Minho lead me back to the green room. Each keeping a hand pressed to my back protectively as Chan”s thumb types quickly on his phone. When we enter the room, everyone goes silent as they look up at us. Felix stands from where he was sitting next to Changbin and approaches me slowly, as if I’m a scared, cornered animal.

Chan must’ve texted them to explain. I can see his eyes begin to glass over as he takes in the sight of me. I offer him what I hope is a reassuring smile instead of a grimace.

When he’s close enough he pulls me into the warmest embrace I’ve ever felt. Arm enclosing my shoulders firmly and he starts to whisper in my ear. “I never should’ve left you alone. I’m so sorry sunshine.” I rub my hand up and down his back for a moment before I nudge him away to look into his eyes. They’re watery and wide as they look back into mine, his lips drawn into a small pout.

“You didn’t have a choice, Lix. I’m the dummy who went snooping on my own anyway.” I laugh a bit which grants me a tight-lipped smile in return. The boys lead me to one of the fluffy couches around the room, all of their eyes following me as I settle into the cushions.

“Guys, I’m not made of glass! I’m gonna be just fine, I’m a big girl.” I say trying to sound unaffected so as to not worry them further. A few of them nod and slowly begin to return to what they were doing.

Minho sits to my left, Felix to my right and I catch a glimpse of Chan. He is still by the door, pacing with a serious look on his face as he talks quietly into his phone. I wonder if it’s about me. My attention is drawn away by the boy now standing in front of me. I.N stands there shyly, with a water bottle in his hand. “Here you go, noona.” He says, his voice small as he hands me the drink. I beam up at him, happy that he’s finally speaking to me.

“Thanks, Innie.” I respond, satisfied with the interaction. He nods his head and spins around to sit back down.

The quiet murmurs throughout the room are a stark contrast to the atmosphere from earlier but definitely not unwelcome. My head is still aching and my throat burns. I attempt to open the water bottle that I.N handed me, but I seem to have lost all my strength. Seeing my struggle, Minho grabs the bottle from my hands and twists the cap free, handing it back to me wordlessly.

I murmur a small thanks in return and take a few large gulps. The water feels like liquid gold as it runs down my poor throat. I finish about half the bottle before capping it once more. Minho takes the bottle from me again and sets it on the large coffee table in front of us. Wow, this man is attentive. Far from the man I encountered this morning.

Felix hasn’t said a word since we sat down, and I look at him curiously. He must feel my eyes on him because he meets me gaze. His furrowed brows relax, and he smiles. It seems forced but looks genuine as he looks back at me. He gently pats my head, ruffling my messy hair a bit before he stands and walks over to Chan.

They talk in hushed whispers and as I watch them, I think I can see my name being mouthed between them. My thoughts are confirmed when both their heads swivel to look at me. Yep, they were definitely talking about me. When I imagined meeting Stray Kids, this was not what I had in mind.

Chapter 7

 

---

 

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror for what seems like eternity. I look rough. Bandages over my wounds prevent me from seeing some of the damage but the bruises are a different story.

The skin under my jaw is already fading into blue and purple lines. Thank god, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks. I run my fingers from the front of my neck to my cheeks. The ghost of Chan’s hands on my face makes my skin warm to the touch.

Even after the horrible things that I’ve gone through in the last twenty-four hours, I can’t help but feel incredibly giddy. The way these guys have taken care of me, a complete stranger, has my heart pumping rapidly inside my rib cage. The fact that they know I’m a fan, yet they’ve let me into their world a little bit.

A voice in my head keeps trying to remind me I’m not special; they would help anyone who was in my situation. But not like this. Why do I have a feeling that it’s going to hurt when I return to my normal, everyday life. When I return home. Just the thought of leaving and having nothing except fond memories of them, punches all the air from my lungs. Yeah, it’s definitely going to hurt.

My head snaps to the closed bathroom door, startled a bit by the soft knocks. “Y/N? Are you okay? You’ve been in there a while.” A voice sounds, muffled by the worn wood. Hyunjin. I already know without opening the door that it’s him. I unlock the door without a word and watch as the knob turns slowly.

Hyunjin peeks his head through the crack in the door for a moment, taking in my appearance before he slides into the room fully and shuts the door behind him. His eyes are drawn immediately to my neck, and he grimaces. I’m still leaning against the counter as I watch him turn the sink on and wait for it to warm up. He grabs a small washcloth from the side of the basin and runs it under the stream of water. Turning toward me again, he raises an eyebrow.

I move my hair into a makeshift ponytail to give him room as he begins to dab the damp fabric against my skin. His eyes are zeroed in as he wipes across the darkening bruises delicately. He doesn’t speak as he moves to glide the rapidly cooling cloth across my cheeks, wiping away the still drying tear tracks that I hadn't even noticed.

When was I crying? Must be from when I was outside, I almost shudder. Why haven't my hands stopped shaking?

“You’re safe darling, he’s never gonna touch you again. We’ll make sure of it.” Hyunjin murmurs, sounding angry under his breath, still focused on the task at hand. With his words, I feel my eyes well up again. This time for a completely different reason. How am I going to walk out of here in one piece, knowing I’ll probably never see any of them again?

I must be out of my mind thinking about that right now...

A tear drops onto Hyunjin’s hand, which has since frozen in its movement, while he watches me finally lose my composure. A dry sob escapes my throat, and I’m immediately whisked into his arms. They wrap around my shaking shoulders, and a hand comes up to cradle the back of my head. I’m not even worried about how I must sound right now, and he doesn't seem to mind as he holds me against his chest. My hands shakily grip the fabric of his shirt, and it bunches up in my fists as the dam breaks.

My body is extremely heavy, and I feel like I’m swaying. All of a sudden, my feet are swept out from underneath me as I’m lifted, my arms instinctively fly around Hyunjin’s neck. He sinks to the ground and places me in between his legs as his back leans against the wooden door. I’m clinging to his neck as more tears escape, my face still buried in his shirt. Soft hums vibrate against my cheek and soon my sobs wither down to little sniffles.

I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, me leaning against him and his fingers carding through my hair. My eyes hurt. I’m exhausted and it's barely 3:00 pm. I can’t help my lids from fluttering shut at the steady rise and fall of Hyunjin’s chest and his humming of a familiar tune. Is that ‘#LoveStay’ that I hear? Huh, cheesy.

 

---

 

A jostle of my head is what finally rouses me from the impromptu nap I’d taken. My eyes remain closed as I snuggle my head further into the soft fabric under my cheek, not letting on yet that I’m awake. That’s when I feel the light caresses through my hair, fingers tangling in the wavy locks absentmindedly. A hand is also stroking my calf in a comforting motion.

My ears catch up with me and I can make out quiet voices around me. Where the hell am I? Oh. Right. I’m still stuck in a fanfiction. Backstage with my favorite idol group.

“We can’t just let her fucking leave hyung. This is dangerous. I told you last night that we needed a plan.” A hushed voice says in a frustrated tone.

“I know, I know. I just hoped we would have more time. She’s been through a lot the last two days. And you two just couldn’t keep it in your goddamn pants for one day.” Chan. I can almost imagine him massaging his temples at the stressed out sigh he releases.

Oh. They’re talking about me, again. What I saw. Oh god. I fucked up.

“What’s gonna happen to that creep anyway? He’s not gonna get away with hurting her. Right?” Hesitation creeping into the third voice. “It’s being taken care of. I’m not gonna let anyone get away with touching what’s fucking ours.” Anger. Determination. Ours? I have to stop a full body shiver from coursing through me at the word. What does he even mean by that?

I open my eyes finally and the lights are blinding. I raise my hand to shield my face, alerting the guys surrounding me that I’m now awake.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” The voice sounds from above me, teasing tone evident as I look up to see Felix with his usual bright smile on his face. My head planted on his sweatpants clad thigh while his hands never stop their movements in my hair. Unexpectedly very comfortable. I rub my eyes to gain a little more consciousness and look down the length of my body at the sensations I still feel on my leg.

Seungmin is tracing soothing circles on my skin as he looks back at me shyly, my legs laying across his lap haphazardly.

I look around the room and only see Chan and Minho left, sitting at each end of the sofa across from the one I’m occupying. Minho and I make eye contact, his expression blank, and without another word he stands and leaves the room. Ouch. That’s cold. Where’s the Minho that was acting like my knight in shining armor? I can almost understand. He probably sees me as a burden. I can’t dwell on the thought any longer because I’m sure my heart would fracture a tiny bit. Stupid.

“How long was I out? Where is everyone else?” I speak up, groggy from sleep as I look to Chan for answers. “You slept through soundcheck. The other guys are up first for hair and make-up. We just wanted to…” Chan trails off as his gaze transitions from me to Felix. “We didn’t want you to wake up all alone, you know, after everything.” Felix finishes. His hands have retreated from my hair, and I can’t help but miss their presence.

I nod my head as I lift myself, removing my legs from Seungmin’s lap to sit upright between the two boys. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to add any unnecessary stress during an already stressful tour.” I say looking around down toward my hands fidgeting in my lap. I hear an intake of breath from Chan but before he can say anything, I interject.

“Don’t. You guys have been really kind, and I appreciate your help. But I can go. I don’t want to burden you guys any further and you have a show you need to get ready for.” I can’t meet any of their eyes as I begin to stand up.

Surprisingly, Seungmin is the one who stops me as he grips my hand to pull me back down on the sofa. “Y/N we want you here. We chose to bring you here. You can’t just leave before–” he cuts myself off and sighs. “Just stay, please? At least until after the show.” I meet his eyes. Mine uncertain but his, pleading. As if the thought of me leaving now was bordering on painful.

God, how can I say no when he’s looking at me with those sad puppy dog eyes? “You’re not playing fair. How am I supposed to say no when you’re looking at me like that?” I laugh and a goofy smile breaks out on Seungmin’s face. Chan and Felix laugh in amusement.

“You can’t. Minnie can be very convincing when he wants to be. When he’s not being a complete menace.“ Felix says fondly, and he reaches over and ruffles Seungmin’s hair. I know they have no aversion to skin ship, but I can’t help but notice the underlying affection they all have for one another. Huh, I’m definitely missing pieces of the puzzle here.

 

---

 

Well, my inability to deny Seungmin his very insistent request has led me here. Watching the boys do what they love from the best seat in the house. I stand by the stage steps and watch them from the viewing screen as I’m basically being guarded by a six-foot-tall mountain of a man.

“Just to give me some peace of mind while we’re gone, sweetheart.” Chan had insisted. My eyes had almost rolled into the back of my head but hearing that made me swoon.

They’re mesmerizing. I can’t even tear my eyes away for one second, afraid that I would miss something.

Chan’s smile as he waves excitedly into the crowd. Seungmin’s eyebrow twitching as he reaches a high note. Changbin flexing in an attempt to cause chaos. Even Minho. The way his eyes glisten as ‘Stray Kids’ echoes throughout the stadium, never allowing a tear to shed. That’s just how he is. Keeping his heart hidden away while also wearing it on his sleeve. The way he cares isn’t in his words but in his actions.

Maybe I’ve gotten him all wrong.

I watch as they wave goodbye and confetti falls overs them like rain. A great end to an amazing show as usual. The big screens close behind them and the lights go dark. It’s a funny feeling, knowing I’m not leaving for the night with the rest of the crowd. Instead, I’m here, waiting for the boys to descend the stage.

They rush down the stairs to where I’m standing and while they begin removing their sound equipment, huge smiles adorn their faces. Felix trails behind them and I can almost feel his eyes searching for mine, willing me to connect them.

“That was incredible! You guys sounded amazing!” I blurt as soon as they’re within ear shot.

Before any of them can respond, Felix brushes past me, pulling my wrist behind him to drag me along. I look back over my shoulder, confused. My eyes connect with Chan’s who has a knowing smirk upon his face as he waves at me. Where the hell is Felix taking me and why is Chan looking at me like that?

Chapter 8

 

---

 

Felix is quiet as he leads me further into the backstage area. He stops in front of a door in the long hallway and yanks it open, pulling me in behind him. It’s dark except for a small lamp in the corner that illuminates enough to make out the familiar couch in the middle of the room. It’s the same room.

The one I caught Jisung and Minho in, earlier today. The images flash through my mind for a moment, sending fire to the pit of my stomach.

Before I can dwell on the memory any longer, Felix is pressing me against the door as it closes. Before I can process the motion, his lips land on mine. Oh my god. I stand there in shock for a moment before I relax into his kiss. My eyes slide closed as I begin to move my lips against his.

Felix’s hands graze my sides before they settle onto my waist, pulling me closer to him until our bodies are flush against one another. I make a noise of surprise that’s muffled against his mouth, and I can feel his lips quirk up a bit at the sound.

After a minute he pulls away, our faces still inches from each other. We lock eyes as we both try to catch our breath. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them, and it sends goosebumps down my arms at the way he’s looking at me.

Eyes half lidded and lips red already. “I’ve wanted to do that since you opened the door for me this morning.” He says so quietly into the air that I wouldn’t have heard him if not for the little distance between us. Ah yes, his hoodie. As I stand here, the fabric is still draped over my shoulders.

“But why?” Why me? I can’t bring myself to say it, almost afraid of his answer. His hand leaves my waist to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear as looks at me with that same fondness, somewhat more profound than before.

“Sunshine, do you even know what you do to me?” He says back, voice deepening even further. “Your smile, your laugh, your kindness. They’re intoxicating. You're intoxicating.” His lips press to mine again, this time feverishly.

He kisses me as if he needs me, desperate and longing. I’ve never been kissed like this before.

The plush softness of his lips is my new favorite thing. The way we move against each other feels right, like we’ve done this before. My own hands leave their place by my sides and follow the path up his chest, feeling the firmness over his shirt before they land on the back of his neck. My fingers tangle into the hair at the nape of his neck to pull him impossibly close.

I swear I could feel his heart racing in tune with mine as he bites my bottom lip, tugging it slightly as he pulls back a bit. A small noise tumbles from my throat as he releases my lip from between his teeth, letting it bounce back.

His head moves lower and his lips land on the right side of my neck. Felix is gentle as he kisses over the bruises left on my skin slowly, careful not to press too hard. Somehow, this works me up even more as I let a small whine leave me. I can feel his smile against me as he trails his lips back to my lips, pecking them once more.

“Let me make you feel good, sunshine.” Felix says as his hand travels lower to the waistband of the shorts that are sticking to my skin, waiting for permission. I feel nerves start to creep in at his request. “I– I’ve never, um. I haven’t done something like this before.” I whisper as heat spreads across my cheeks. I’m not the most experienced.

I don’t want to disappoint him. No, I can’t. But this just seems to spur Felix on further as he groans, eyes falling shut and forehead coming to rest on mine.

The breath of air released from his mouth hits my spit slick lips, causing a shiver to run down my spine. “Where have you been, Y/N?” He sighs out, bringing our lips together again. A surge of confidence runs through me as I grab his hand that still rests at the band of my shorts. He lets me guide his hand to the spot between my thighs over the offending fabric and press his palm against me.

Both of our breathing hitches a bit at the feeling. His lips leave mine again to watch my face as he adds more pressure. My eyes still shut as another gasp escapes me. How can this feel so good?

He is barely doing anything, and I can already feel the band pull tighter in my stomach. “Eyes on me, sunshine.” Felix whispers, demanding but shaky. My eyes fly open to look at him and the sight in front of me makes my legs tremble slightly.

There he stands, so close I can smell the cologne and sweat wafting off him from the show. His eyes are blown out as they watch me, lip snagged between his teeth. I whimper at the visual and can’t help the small plea that falls from my lips. “Please, Lix.” He groans again, eyes shifting down as he moves his hand back to my waistband. Before he can slide his fingers underneath, he pauses and locks eyes with me again.

“Are you sure, baby?”

I could melt into a puddle on the floor right now. We love a consent king. I nod my head impatiently. If I don't get some relief soon, I might just explode. Then, his hand slides into my shorts and instantly lands on my clit.

His eyes widen a bit. “You’re not wearing any–” He stops short, letting out a shaky breath. “Fuck, Y/N. That’s so hot.” His middle finger begins rubbing my clit in expert circles and the feeling sends jolts through my body. His lip is drawn between his teeth again like it’s taking every ounce of self-control not to jump me right here. The tip of Felix’s finger presses harder for a moment, drawing another gasp from me. Wetness spreads across his fingertips as he works me up.

Man, I’ve never been this turned on by another person before. His tongue pokes out to swipe across his swollen lips as his fingers lower to my entrance. The anticipation is killing me. A finger enters me and immediately crooks up, finding the spot inside me that has my vision blacking out for a moment.

All of a sudden, a loud knock rings out in the small room. The sound is so close to my head, it makes me jump as my eyes widen and my lips part to let out a startled noise.

Before it can escape me, Felix’s other hand rushes to cover my mouth. His fingers never stop their movement, even as a muffled voice comes from behind the door. “Bokkie-ah, you in there? We’re rolling out in five!” Jisung’s voice reaches our ears. Felix, startled into composure, answers back easily, eyes never leaving me.

“Yeah Sung-ah, be right there.” His actions speed up as he adds another one, abusing that spot inside me. I can’t help the mewl that escapes me, and it thankfully gets caught behind Felix’s hand. As we hear footsteps retreating back down the hall, Felix’s hand leaves my mouth, now leaning onto the wall next to my head.

My moans now free to the air as they increase in volume. Oh my god, I'm going to cum. It’s only been a few minutes, but I feel the telltale signs of my release bubbling up in my stomach as my muscles tense. I tighten a bit around Felix’s fingers as his thumb begins passing over my clit again.

“Go on, sunshine. Let go f’me.” His words almost slur and he seems to be enjoying his as much as me.

Then I’m cumming. White hot pleasure flows through me and I’m left panting as Felix’s fingers slow to a stop. His hand carefully leaves my shorts, and he brings his fingers to his mouth, sucking them in like I’m the best thing he’s ever tasted.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” He groans out around his fingers, eyes falling shut. I can’t help another shiver of arousal from shooting through my body at that. Popping his fingers from his mouth, his eyes open before he leans down and presses a sweet kiss to my lips again. A crazy switch up from our kiss earlier.

He pulls away and it seems we both can’t help the giddy smiles we send each other. Felix pulls me from against the door and reaches toward the knob, pulling it open.

“You heard him, we’re rolling out.” He smirks, grabbing my hand again, interlacing our fingers. I look up at him and laugh a bit before following him out. I don’t miss the prominent bulge I see in Felix’s sweatpants as we continue walking but I keep my mouth shut.

I guess it wasn’t all in my head.

Chapter 9

 

---

 

12:02 am. How did they convince me to stay another night in the hotel, you may ask? One word. Manipulation. After easily giving into Seungmin’s puppy dog eyes, begging me to stay for the show, the boys doubled down. Felix, Hyunjin and Jisung, all big round eyes and pouty lips.

Damn it. I can’t say no to them if they’re going to play dirty like that! Apparently, they’ll be in New York all week. I knew I shouldn't have mentioned the week-long vacation I took from work. That’s how I ended up here again. I pace the large hotel room anxiously. The moments between Felix and I after the concert are on a never-ending loop in my mind.

How could I be so careless? It’s as if all rational thoughts left my head the second his lips touched mine. He’s an idol, Y/N. It’ll never work. I can’t stop that voice in my head, telling me that this might be the only reason they’re keeping me around. Am I just, a good time and not a long time? I know how hard it is for idols to date publicly, especially when they’re constantly under scrutiny of fans and press.

Do they find me an easy target? Someone to help let off some steam?

No, they wouldn’t do that to me. My heart aches at the one word that’s orbiting around it. Ours. Chan, himself had said it. I’m so fucking messed up. There’s something they’re not saying and it’s beginning to drive me crazy. They don’t know me well enough to know that whatever they’re doing is sending my brain into overdrive. The overthinking is just getting worse the longer I’m around them.

I should’ve just left before the wires got so crossed. In the end, I’ll be the only one left to pick up the pieces.

My phone vibrating on the coffee table is what breaks my destructive train of thought. I didn't even realize that I’m basically on the verge of a panic attack now. I take a deep breath and grab my phone to read the message. Megan. Oh, I totally forgot that I told her I would get back to her after her unfortunately timed phone call this morning.

Megalita:
Are you up?

I don’t bother texting back and hit the call button instead of facetime, not able to look at her or myself right now. She answers on the second ring.

“Heyyyyy.” Megan’s familiar voice calms me almost instantly.

I sigh again before answering her. “Hey man. Sorry, I kinda lost track of time today. I meant to call you back.” I say apologetically.

“No worries. I knew you’d get back to me eventually. How come you didn’t end up needing a ride? Did Kate pick you up?” At the mention of my older sister, my eyes widen. Oh god, I haven't even checked in since the concert yesterday. She’s not one to be overbearing but I really should give her a call.

“No, actually I’m still in the city. I was able to score a ticket to the second Stray Kids concert. I just got back a little bit ago.”

I’m not sure how much I can say. I trust Megan, I really do. But this involves more than just me. I don’t know how much the boys would want me to share. It all felt too personal and after everything they've done for me, the last thing I want to do is lose their trust before I have the chance to gain it. Especially Felix’s. Keeping things vague is the way to go, for now.

“Oh my god, that’s so cool man! Your boys are being nice to you then, huh?’ Megan teases and I can almost imagine the sly look she has on her face.

“Broooo, stop. They’re not my boys. They just felt bad for me and offered me a ticket.” My eyes basically roll into the back of my head as I lie to her, and myself. Megan hums through the line as if she’s deep in thought.

“But what if they could be?” I freeze. My heart jumps a bit at her nonchalant words. What?

“I mean, this is probably the closest a fan has ever gotten to them. Why not loosen up just a bit and let yourself believe it could mean more?” She continues.

I don’t know what to say. Maybe she’s right. Before I can formulate a response, a knock on the door echoes through the room. My eyes shoot down the small corridor that leads to the door. “Um, Mae? I– I gotta go, someone’s knocking.” I rush to disconnect the call before she has the chance to say anything else. Her words swirl around my head, threatening to swallow me whole until another knock sounds. Oh, right.

I don’t bother looking through the peephole, knowing it’s probably one of the boys. I'm proven right when I swing the door open to see Chan and… Minho?! Chan smiles upon seeing me and Minho, well he just sports the same unreadable facial expression as usual. I can’t help the way my heart skips a beat anyway.

“Hey, Y/N. Do you have a sec to chat?” Chan asks, his hands wringing together in front of him almost like he’s anxious yet the smile on his face gives nothing away. Makes sense. As idols, I’m sure they’re masters in schooling their expressions.

“I have all the time in the world.” I say returning his smile and stepping aside to let them in. Chan and Minho head straight for the couch and I follow behind them. As they both sit, I’m left standing, unsure whether or not I should join them. Chan, ever the perceptive leader, motions for me to take a seat in the armchair across from them. I feel like we’re in a meeting right now.

Why do they want to talk to me? Is it about what Felix and I did earlier? Or about what I saw or who I saw? Maybe they’re going to tell me they changed their minds and ask me to leave. I bite my bottom lip nervously, chewing on the skin to relieve some of the tension I feel in my body.

“I’m sorry.” My eyes snap to Minho. He’s not looking at me as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“What?” I ask, stunned. Did I hear that correctly? “I’m sorry, Y/N” He grits out, like it’s painful. His head tilts up to look at me now.

“I know I’ve been kind of a dick, and you don’t deserve that.” His eyes look determined as he apologizes to me. I look back at him for a moment, trying to choose my words carefully.

“It’s okay. I know this isn’t what you guys signed up for, having to basically babysit a stranger. You were just trying to protect your peace. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

I pause for a moment debating over my next words. “I’m also… really sorry about earlier. I– I won’t tell anyone.” I say quietly as my eyes drop from Minho to my hands in my lap. I miss the stunned look on Minho’s face from how easily I forgave him and Chan’s quiet, proud smile as his gaze flicks between the two of us. Chan’s hand comes down loudly on Minho’s back as if to say “good job” before he finally speaks up.

“Okay, now that that’s settled, we wanted to talk to you, Y/N.” I look up at the sound, flinching as the reverberation of the slap catches me off guard. “Yeah, for sure.” I nod my head, preparing myself for whatever he’s about to say. Chan’s expression turns a bit more serious as he begins. "So, I know what you saw at the venue might have been a little bit… startling. But I can explain. If you want to leave after, we totally understand. We won’t be angry with you, promise. Do you understand, Y/N?”

What could he possibly say that would be more shocking than what I saw? I nod my head hesitantly, not entirely sure if I even deserve to know any more of their secrets. “Words, baby. Do you understand?” Chan says firmly, putting on what I can imagine is his “leader voice”. Baby. I could turn to dust at the nickname that falls so casually from his lips. I clear my throat before responding, trying not to let the effect it had on me be known.

“Yes Channie, I understand.”

His face brightens up as I follow his instruction and something flashes in eyes quickly before disappearing again. “There’s no way to skirt around it, so I’ll just cut to the chase. As you can probably already guess, Minho and Jisung… are kind of a thing. Well, not kind of, they are. All of us are. The eight of us are together. In every aspect.” Chan says slowly, carefully.

Did I hear him right? I’m sure my jaw is on the floor. I expected the Minsung confirmation, but this?! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine an eight-sided relationship between them. Sure, I’ve watched their content before. Of course I’ve seen Changbin propose to Hyunjin with a fake ring, Felix try to kiss Jeongin every chance gets or Chan being so excited to cuddle with Seungmin. Even Minho and Jisung getting down and dirty before I rudely interrupted them. I did not see this coming.

I must have been quiet for an alarming amount of time because Chan and Minho share a concerned look. Minho leans forward and waves a hand in front of my face. My jaw snaps closed, and I shake my head in disbelief. Oh my god, no. Felix. Does that mean I–. I feel sick all of a sudden. Does that mean Felix cheated on them… with me? I stand abruptly, startling the two guys sitting in front of me. I turn and begin pacing in circles, my hands coming up run through my hair, pushing it back.

“Oh god, oh god…” I mumble under my breath. What if I break them apart? How could Felix do that and not tell me? They’re going to hate me when they find out. Unless they already know. Maybe that’s why they’re here. To yell at me and spit in my face or something for touching their precious Felix. I can’t come between them. I'm a nobody and they’re... well, them! I feel myself starting to spiral, my breathing is getting shallower.

I feel warm hands grip my shoulders to stop me in my tracks. I look up from the floor slowly, unable to control the heaving breaths that have started to escape me. Chan’s eyes are warm as he looks at me, wonderfully grounding.

“Breathe, Y/N. I know this is a lot to process but you have to calm down.” Chan’s voice reaches my ears, but they just make me feel more guilty. Here he is, trying to comfort me when his boyfriend was fingering me just an hour ago.

I remove Chan’s hands from my shoulders and back away slowly. I see his shoulders drop and a look of devastation crosses his face. He must know. This is all my fault.

“What? Are you disgusted with us or something?” Minho speaks up from behind Chan. My eyes snap to him. He’s still sitting as he glares at me, fists clenched where they rest on his knees. His voice, full of venom, spitting out the words as if they were poison.

“No! No, of course not! I– I.” I can’t bring myself to finish. “Then what! Spit it out and let’s get this over with!” Minho’s voice raises as he shoots up. He sounds so angry and… hurt. They’re misunderstanding me. “H–how could I be disgusted with y–you guys? You’re the ones that should be disgusted!” The confusion on both of their faces is evident. “What’re you talking about?” Tears of guilt breach the corners of my eyes.

“Because I– Felix– I–.” I can't even bring myself to say it out loud, to admit it to them after what they just told me. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t– I didn’t know.” The tears finally fall, and my hands come up to press against my eyes. I shouldn’t be crying right now, they should be. I have no right.

A short incredulous laugh bursts from Minho, and he slaps a hand over his mouth to stifle it. I lower my hands and look at him confused. His eyes are squinting as if he’s smiling under his hand, the anger dissipating from his face. Chan releases a sigh, and he looks to the ground shaking his head with a small, relieved smile of his own. His head raises to look at me again.

What the fuck? These guys are so confusing.

“Is that what’s got you so freaked out, baby? We know. We already know and we’re not angry. Not with you and not with Felix.” Chan says definitively. His arm raises toward me, palm facing up as he offers me his hand. My still shaking hand reaches out, hesitant to take it and he pulls me closer. “If anything, that whole thing was premeditated.” Chan admits sheepishly, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck.

I look up at his face, still apprehensive and he sighs again. “That’s part two of what we wanted to discuss.” Chan leads me back to my seat and uses my shoulders to guide me to sit again. He kneels in front of me and grabs both my hands in his.

“We talked, all the boys, and we all agreed. We can’t let you leave here without knowing that we’ll get to see you again.” His tone of voice, even and confident this time. “We never thought of adding someone new to what we have, never felt the need. But you’re… different. We want to court you with the intention of including you in... well, us.” Chan finishes.

What am I supposed to say? Hell yes? Let’s fucking go? I’ve never even had a boyfriend, let alone eight super famous, super talented boyfriends. What if I disappoint them? What if they get to know me and change their minds? Megan’s voice pops into my head at that moment.

‘Let yourself believe it could be more.’ I wipe the few tears that had fallen from my eyes before and look between the two of them.

“I– wow. I mean, are you sure that’s okay?” I ask, still not believing my ears. “Of course, you pabo. That’s why we’re asking.” Minho finally pipes up from where he’s sat back on the couch, amusement now dancing in his eyes.

Chan looks over his shoulder at Minho like he’s about to scold him before he sighs and turns back to me. “You don’t have to decide right now. You can sleep on it if you need. We brought you some clothes since we know you don’t have much here. Relax, wash up, and if you’re hungry, we’re gonna order a whole bunch of food to mine and Jeongin’s room two doors down. You’re welcome to join us or you can order room service here. It’s on us.”

Chan’s thumbs are absentmindedly stroking over the back of my hands. The motion is hypnotizing but comforting. I feel like I can finally breathe a bit. I nod my head at him and finally return a small smile. Chan stands as Minho approaches me with a black bag that I didn’t even realize he was holding when he walked in. I take it from him with a small ‘thank you’ and they turn to head for the door.

I watch them walk, admiring them before they both turn around for a moment, Chan smiling at me once more and Minho giving me a slight nod of his head as they exit the room with a soft click.

What the actual fuck have I been roped into?

Chapter 10

Notes:

Thanks so much for the support! This is my first time posting something I've written so any and all feedback are welcome and appreciated!! I don't have a set schedule for updates but just know that I'm writing more every day and will try to post new chapter as frequently as I can.

The chapters are going to get longer as well so there's more to read each update <3

 

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I stare at the clothes that I’ve removed from the black bag. An old rolling stones t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. I wonder who these belong to. My mind drifts to Minho. I have a strange suspicion that they’re his. Maybe he’ll have the same reaction as Felix when I wore his hoodie. The thought of that alone, makes my face feel hot. Even though Minho and I haven’t necessarily gotten along since I’ve entered their lives, I can’t deny that I’m insanely attracted to him. To all of them.

The way they’re fiercely protective of the people they care about, which I learned a few minutes ago includes me, or the way they make me so comfortable. My imagination can’t help but run a bit wild. Imagining what my life would look like with all of them in it. My heart would have to make extra room but I don’t think that’ll be too hard. But where do you draw the line between liking them as idols and liking them as people?

I’m not naive. Any Stay would probably jump at the chance to date one or all of them. But I want to want them fully, not just because they’re famous.

But strangely enough, I think I’m already starting to differentiate between those feelings. At the end of the day, they’re just eight guys. I’ve gotten a glimpse of their hearts and now I don’t think I can go back. Ugh, am I making this way too complicated? Is the answer actually simple? Maybe I don’t have to leave here with my heart crushed. Is it really okay to want this? To want them? I don’t want to get hurt.

I realize I'm spiraling again so I grab the clothes that I laid out on the freshly made bed and walk to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and wait for it to heat up; the steam fogs up the glass paneled doors and I step in.

I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to go for it. I won’t know anything unless I try and… I trust them... to a degree.

I take a bit longer than necessary washing my body and hair, trying to work up the courage I need to head to Chan and Jeongin’s room. I can’t deny that I’m starving. I’ve never been a fan of ordering my own food, anyway, preferring my food delivery apps or making my older sister talk on the phone for me. I dress in the clothes I was given, watching my sluggish movements in the bathroom mirror.

What could they possibly see in me? I’ve never been the one guys choose. It was usually one of my friends and I always ended up playing wingman. It’s weird to feel the other side of things. To be wanted. Not by one but apparently eight. I brush through my wet hair and do my skincare. I know I’m stalling but I’m freaking anxious.

I grab my phone from the counter and head towards the door. Okay, let’s do this. I walk down the hall, past Seungmin and Felix’s room and stop in front of the door to knock. It takes less than ten seconds before the door swings open, revealing Jeongin in his pajamas. A simple white t-shirt and black shorts. His face is tinted red as he opens the door with a dopey smile.

“Noona! You came!” The tone of his voice was way too loud for the time of night. I can’t help but smile, confused by the change from his earlier demeanor.

“Hi to you too, Jeongin. Are you alright there?” I question him, reaching my hands out quickly as he stumbles a bit before leaning his weight heavily on the door. He nods his head dramatically. Is he drunk or something? Suddenly Chan appears behind him and wraps an arm around Jeongin’s waist to steady the younger boy. “Easy there, Ayen-ah. Don’t need you falling over now. I think you’re cut off for the rest of the night.” Chan says with a fond smile.

“But hyunggg.” Jeongin whines dramatically, leaning his weight full on Chan now. “No buts. Let’s move away from the door and let Y/N in, okay?” He’s looking at him with such care and love that it’s a wonder that I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Chan turns to me and offers me a smile, before moving Jeongin away to let me in. My confidence quickly drains as I step into the room. They’re all here.

They know what Chan and Minho asked me tonight and they know what happened with Felix after the show. I know I have nothing to be ashamed of, the talk I had earlier with the two guys confirmed that.

But I can’t help but feel… shy? Did Felix tell them everything? Did he tell them how I moaned when he kissed my neck, or that I begged for his fingers? Did he tell them how good he’d said I tasted?

My thoughts halt when arms wrap around me. “My lovely babyyyy, I’m so happy you’re here.” Jisung practically purrs into my ear as he hugs me, rocking me back and forth. Yeah, they’ve definitely been drinking. “Hey, Ji. You seem like you’re having a good time.” I say, my voice muffled from where he’s lodged my face into his neck. He smells sweet yet manly. A mix of sweat and peaches and the tell-tale smell of alcohol on his breath are an intoxicating combination. He smells so good. “Ah, thank you.” He says, a smug smile on his face as he pulls away.

Fuck, did I say that out loud?

My cheeks flush as I smile back at him shyly. I greet the rest of the guys sitting around the room before I find a spot between Changbin and Felix who are sitting on the couch around the large coffee table. Jeongin is flopped in between Chan’s legs on the floor now, leaning against the bed. Jisung also settles back down in between Hyunjin and Minho as they lounge on the floor as well. Seungmin, however, isn’t here. I wonder where he is.

“Want a beer, Y/N?” Changbin asks once I’m sitting, about to get up to grab one from the mini fridge. “Oh no, I’m okay. I, um, don’t drink actually.” I admit a bit reluctantly. I’ve always gotten the same reactions when I tell people that. They always ask why a girl my age doesn’t drink, like it’s a rite of passage for a 24-year-old. “You’re in your prime! You need to party while you can and you’re not gonna get drunk?” They’d say. Makes me feel like I’m odd. But Changbin just nods his head and doesn’t press further which I’m thankful for.

I glance at Felix and he’s already looking at me. A relieved look on his face as his hand comes to rest on my knee, like he wasn’t sure I’d come. It’s reassuring to know that what happened between us didn’t make anything awkward. I return his expression before taking a peek at the table covered in various dishes and my stomach growls, loud enough that all eyes snap to me.

Looks of surprise cross each boy's face before giggles erupt throughout the room. My hand comes up to cover my face as I laugh along with them. Hyunjin leans forward and starts to fill a plate with food before he hands it over to me. I take it gratefully and immediately start to dig in. All I had today was an apple and as someone who loves to eat, that was definitely not enough.

As I finish eating, I place the empty plate on the table and lean back into the cushions. The atmosphere had resumed around the room as I ate, my mind not following any specific conversation as it wandered to Seungmin. Is he in his room? Did he not want to be here in case I showed up? Don’t be so conceited, Y/N. Maybe he’s just tired. They also had a big day today.

A loud clap snaps me back into my body as Jisung stands up, a mischievous grin on his face. “We should play a game.” Loud groans fill the room but there’s no real heat behind them. They’re definitely used to the boy’s antics. “C’monnn, you guys know you wanna play! Good old-fashioned truth or dare.” Jisung’s grin never fades, already expecting them all to give in to his suggestion.

“I’m down to play.” I pipe up. Heads whip around to look at me and even Jisung looks shocked. “Wow, Y/N. Didn’t know you were such a daring person.” Hyunjin teases, a smirk growing on his face. “I never pass up a dare.” I shrug cockily. Hyunjin puts his hands up with a raise of his eyebrows. “Well then, let's get this started.” Jisung says excitedly. Minho and Changbin slide the table to the side to create more space, and we all settle down on the floor.

An empty beer bottle is placed in the middle of the circle before Jisung gives it a spin. It lands on Jeongin who lets out a sigh at being the first. “Ayennie, truth or dare? Jisung asks, a smirk never leaving his lips. “Truth.” Jeongin responds instantly, seeming to have sobered up just a bit in the past half hour. “Boo, you’re no fun, Innie.” Felix complains from beside me. Jeongin shoots a glare in his direction before returning his gaze to Jisung who’s deep in thought.

“Hmm, have you ever measured your dick before?” The mischievous look is glinting in Jisung’s eyes again. Jeongin sputters, clearly not expecting a question like this right off the bat. He hides his face in his hands, ears turning as red as he just nods his head wordlessly.

Laughter bursts from the boys on the floor. Chan squeals from behind him and his arms tighten around him as he coos and rocks the younger boy back and forth. “Ah, Maknae-ah! What were your results?” Minho chimes in, a smirk on his face as well as he adds fuel to the fire. Jeongin’s head whips up to stare him down menacingly. “You act like you haven’t seen it before, hyung.” He says, confidence returning a bit and Minho just shrugs. Damn, these guys don’t hold back. I’m almost scared for my turn now.

Luckily, as the game continues, the bottle hasn’t once landed on me. Silly little dares consist of Chan eating a spoonful of hot sauce, Changbin texting their manager an eggplant emoji and Hyunjin promising to paint Felix like “one of his French girls”. The truths weren’t much better than the first one. Minho’s reveal of the weirdest place he keeps a bottle of lube (the second-floor dance practice room behind the monitor) and Jisung’s favorite sex position which to be honest I’ve never even heard of before. Thank god for my inexperience because that visual might've just sent me reeling. These guys are so fun to be around.

I never imagined that I could feel comfortable hanging out with guys like this. It’s such foreign territory for me, having never been in a relationship or had any guy friends even. But they make me feel included and they’re damn funny. I’m still recovering from my laughter when all of a sudden, the neck of the bottle is pointing straight at me. My gaze rises to meet Hyunjin’s devilish look.

“Y/N, truth or dare?” I think for a moment to weigh my pros and cons before choosing. I know Hyunjin won’t go easy on me. “Truth?” I say, questioning my choice. “What happened to never passing up a dare, darling?” Hyunjin says condescending and I roll my eyes. “Fine, dare then.” His eyes scan the room for a moment before an idea pops into his head and the smirk on his face widens before his eyes are back on me.

“I dare you… to kiss your first bias.” My eyes widen and it seems like everyone freezes.

All eyes turn to me as I gulp down my shock. They all seem to be anticipating my choice, wondering if I’ll do it. I did basically say I’m the queen of dares. I can’t look like a liar now, I tell myself as an excuse. I might just really want to kiss them but I won't admit that, yet. My eyes glance around the room, making eye contact with each of them as they watch me with bated breath. I finally lock eyes with Jisung directly across from me, who’s still glowing from the lingering alcohol he consumed.

Leaving my spot between Felix and Changbin, I begin to crawl across the circle, eventually stopping to sit back on knees in front of him. His wide, brown eyes stare at me in disbelief and I offer him a small smile. “Sungie, can I kiss you?” I whisper so only the two of us can hear. A faint nod of his head is all I need, before I lean in slowly. My lips graze his, not quite connecting before he closes the rest of the distance. His heart shaped lips slot perfectly against mine.

My mind spins as he kisses me back, his lips moving slowly against mine for a minute. I figure this is enough to satisfy my dare and I start to pull back so I can return to my seat before I lose myself in the feeling. But Jisung seems to have other plans as both his hands that had been laying in his lap, grab either side of my hips. He yanks me toward him, pulling me onto his legs and reaching his head up to connect our lips again, cutting off the yelp that escapes me. In order to steady myself, my hands grab his shoulders while my legs end up on either side of his hips, effectively straddling him.

Like the position Jisung, himself, was in earlier today.

Heat spreads through my body as Jisung’s lips press harder against mine. He begins to kiss me desperately, tongue poking out to swipe across my bottom lip as my hands travel from his shoulders to tangle into his hair. My mouth opens into a gasp as his right hand pinches my side a bit and his tongue meets my own. I’ve never been a fan of kissing with tongue but with Jisung, he guides me so easily, taking what he wants from me.

The room around us is quiet and I know the other guys are watching but I don’t care. Not when Jisung is holding me like this.

The wet sounds of our mouths moving against each other and our heavy breathing are the only sounds in the air. I shift a bit on his lap to gain a bit more balance without noticing how close Jisung and I really are. At the smallest roll of my hips, the bulge I hadn’t noticed had formed in his sweats, presses into my core through my own pants. Jisung and I both let out a small moan at the sensation, his hands tightening on hips, as if to pull me closer.

Someone in the background clears their throat, which pops the bubble me and Jisung have formed around us. Our heads move back from each other a bit and our eyes meet again. His eyes are heavy-lidded and his mouth is parted to let out labored breaths. He looks fucked out just from kissing me, lips wet and swollen and face flushed. I’m sure I look similar, if not worse. God, I could kiss this man forever.

The relentlessness, the desperation, the passion he poured into it has me wanting to beg for more. Despite the swirling desire in my stomach, I pull away hastily, crawling out of Jisung’s grasp to return to my seat.

I ignore the seven pairs of eyes that follow me. How could I lose myself so completely? These guys must be slipping me aphrodisiacs or something. That has to be the only explanation for how easily they can turn me on. I just hope my arousal isn’t noticeable through the grey sweatpants I’m currently wearing, having not brought any underwear. “Okay, I think It’s time for bed.” Chan says after a minute, breaking the obvious sexual tension that has spread across the room.

No one moves for a moment, still processing how quickly things have escalated before Changbin and Hyunjin stand, the rest soon following.

Everyone exchanges their goodnights, and I make it to the door last, turning to throw a wave over my shoulder to Chan before the door closes behind me. I let out a breath of relief and walk back to my room. I use the key card I was given and unlock the door. Just as I enter the dimly lit room, a foot juts out, stopping the door from closing behind me. I turn around, startled at the unexpected presence. Minho.

His eyes are wild as he pushes the door open and enters, before immediately caging my body against the wall of the corridor. Each of his hands are against the wall on either side of my head, his face close enough for me to smell the beer on his breath as it puffs across my face. Unlike what happened with the crazy, drunk man from earlier, I’m not repulsed or scared. I hold Minho’s gaze as he just stares at me, and I try to appear unaffected but arousal strikes me like lightning at our close proximity. Minho lets out a deep sigh and drops his head to stare at the floor between us.

I wait patiently as he gathers himself. It’s like he surprised himself with his actions too. With every ounce of confidence I can muster, I bring my hand up to grip his jaw. He allows me to guide his face to look at me again and he sighs again when our faces meet. “Minho?” I say quietly, in order not to startle the man as he almost trembles. His eyes darken as I say his name and his eyes dart to my lips, so quick that I’m surprised I caught it.

Jeez, if he kisses me right now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. The arousal sparked from Jisung's lips on mine, not having dissipated much.

“God, jagiya. Do you even know–.” He finally speaks, voice just as quiet as mine. His eyes close for a moment as the words get caught in his throat. “Watching you in Jisung’s lap while you’re wearing my clothes… Fuck, you looked so good together.” Ah, so that’s what this is about. I knew these belonged to Minho and exactly what I hoped would happen, did. He liked me wearing them, even more so as I was straddling Jisung on the floor of the hotel room.

“Yeah?” I ask, boldly. Minho slowly nods his head, eyes never leaving me as I continue to grip his face. “Are you here to show me just how much you enjoyed it?” Wow, Y/N. Where is this bravado coming from? Minho curses under his breath again before letting out a breathless laugh. “Careful jagi. Once I start, I won’t be able to hold back.” He says it like it's a promise.

“Maybe I don’t want you to.” My hand is moving to the back of his neck now, adding pressure to try and guide him toward me but he’s stronger than me and easily resists. Minho laughs again before standing up straighter, arms falling from the wall and back down to his sides. With a playful smirk, he backs away and reaches to pull the door open. “All in good time, Y/N. Goodnight.” That’s the last thing he says as he exits the room.

I exhale through my nose, thoroughly frustrated at his obvious teasing. My heart is still rapidly beating, and my inner thighs are wet with slick that has resumed pooling below my waistband. My back slides down the wall as my legs finally give out.

How dare he leave me wanting him so bad. That fucking asshole.

Chapter 11

 

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I toss and turn in bed, not able to fall asleep. I feel like I’m being consumed by my thoughts. I haven’t had the chance to fully recover from today and I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of scared to fall asleep. What if the man appears in my dreams? Or should I say nightmares. The feeling of his hand around my neck and the way he touched me are still fresh in my mind, everytime I close my eyes. I don’t want to be alone.

It’s strange to admit that to myself. I’m used to being alone. Living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone. But I can’t help but crave the security and comfort the boys have given me. That’s what drives me to roll out of bed. I know it’s late but maybe they’ll still be up. I exit my room before I can talk myself out of it and walk to the door next to mine. Seungmin and Felix. They were there for me that first night, along with Chan. I just don’t want to bother Jeongin, who I know will probably be a little hungover tomorrow.

I bring my fist up to the door but before I can knock, the door swings open, revealing a disheveled looking Seungmin. His oversized grey shirt and flannel pajama pants are ruffled, and his short brown hair is messy, like he’s been running his fingers through it. He looks just as caught off guard to see me standing there.

“Hi– um. Sorry to bother you. I just couldn’t sleep and I– I didn’t want to be alone.” My voice dwindles in volume, suddenly embarrassed. Seungmin just nods his head in understanding and steps aside, inviting me inside wordlessly. I look around the room as I step inside. No Felix? The sheets on the bed are skewed and the lights are off. I sit on the end of the bed and look up at him again. There’s something off. He doesn't look like he was asleep, but his eyes are red, and his shoulders are slumped.

Seungmin is still standing in the corridor, having not said a word yet. “Are you okay, Minnie?” I ask, unsure if I should. His head drops to glare at the floor and after a moment he shakes his head. I swear I hear a little sniffle, but I don’t think upon it much as I stand again to walk over to him slowly. Once in front of him again, I place a hand on his shoulder, trying to meet his eyes but I’m unable to.

“Do you want me to find Felix? He’s not here, right?” I say as I move to brush past him toward the door. Before I can make it far, Seungmin’s hand grabs my wrist. I look back up at him and he raises his head, eyes glistening with unshed tears as he looks back at me. He looks so sad, so broken. I don’t fight him as he pulls me back to him, wrapping his arms around my waist to bury his face in my neck.

“Don’t. He texted. Said he’s spending the night with Minho-hyung and Ji.” He mumbles into my skin. I nod my head and bring my arms around Seungmin’s neck. His height does nothing for him at this moment. He feels so small in my arms. The first tear that touches my skin has me winding a hand into Seungmin’s hair, stroking in an attempt to provide comfort. All of a sudden, it’s like the dam breaks and he starts to sob. His chest heaves with the emotions swirling in his body and I just hold him.

I don’t know how long we stand in the middle of the room but slowly his sobs settle into sniffles again. I try to break away, but his arms tighten, and his fists bunch up my shirt to pull me in further. He’s holding me as if I’m the only thing keeping him grounded right now. “Minnie, I’m not going anywhere. I just wanna move us to the bed, okay?” I speak softly into his hair, afraid to raise my volume any louder. He nods and finally releases me. I grab his hand and lead him over to the bed, pulling the duvet back to lie down.

Once settled, I open my arms for Seungmin who doesn’t hesitate to crawl in beside me. His head comes to rest on my chest and his arm circles my waist again as he buries his face in, trying to get as close as physically possible. My hand returns to his hair. His face is still wet from the tears but at least his breathing has evened out a bit. “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him in a light tone. I try not to sound worried but watching him break down like this breaks my heart.

He seems to think it over because he’s quiet for a few minutes. “I wasn’t good enough.” He finally speaks, so soft I wouldn’t have heard it if I wasn’t already so focused on him. I’m silent as I wait for him to continue. When he doesn’t, I decide to push further. “What do you mean, baby?” The name draws a sad little whimper from Seungmin as he swallows more tears back. He takes a deep breath to regain some composure.

“The concert. My singing. My throat was sore all day. I tried everything to fix it but it’s like my voice gave up on me. I botched all my parts. It distracted me from dancing, and I messed up. Stumbling, slipping. I let so many people down today.” He says in a small voice, and I feel more tears dampen my shirt. I sigh at this. This poor boy must’ve been holding this in for hours, all alone in this room. No wonder he didn’t come to dinner.

“Can I tell you what I saw at the concert?” I don’t wait for him to answer. “I saw an incredibly talented guy, doing what he loves most in the world. I didn’t even notice your slip ups because I was so in awe of you. It’s not every day that you get to see someone living their dream y’know. Your presence mattered most to those watching. So what if you think you messed up? You’re human, Seungmin. I know it’s hard to feel like it in the position you’re in but in my opinion, even what you consider as ‘not good enough’ is amazing. I speak from a fan perspective so trust me when I say this. You didn’t let anyone down. And if you’re thinking that you let yourself down, it’s okay. All you can do is get back up and try again.”

Seungmin is quiet after I finish my little speech. I’m not sure if I crossed a line but I meant everything I said. After another minute, Seungmin finally speaks. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” His voice is strained; I can hear the roughness. I don’t even want to imagine how many hours of crying did that, on top of his throat already being sore. I hum in reciprocation and then a thought dawn on me.

“Why didn’t you let anyone know that you were feeling so bad?” I ask him, my hand never stopping the movement in his hair. Seungmin responds back, sleepily. “Don’t want them to worry. Don’t like crying in front of them.” I nod my head in the darkness even though I know he can’t see me with the way he’s snuggled in close. “Well, if this happens again, you can come to me. If you want.” I offer him, hoping it gives his mind some peace, knowing I’m here if he needs.

All I get back is a grunt as Seungmin’s leg crosses over my body, trapping me in a koala hold before his body relaxes. Aw, he really must’ve tired himself out. I know from experience how drained he probably feels. Somehow here in Seungmin’s bed, I feel safe and warm. More so, than when I sleep in my bed at home, alone. My eyes slip closed and I let the sound of Seungmin’s breathing and the feeling of his heart beating against my side lull me into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

 

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Ugh, my eyes. The sun cascading through the sheer curtains is blinding as I crack an eye open slightly. Wait, I’ve been keeping the curtains closed every night I’ve spent here. I wonder who opened them. I opt to close my eyes again in order to sink back into dreamland. Eh, whatev– hold on. That’s when I feel it. The weight of an arm around my middle, the warmth radiating from behind me and… something poking my lower back. Holy shit. My eyes open as any trance of sleepiness has been eradicated and my memories of last night finally penetrate the sleepy haze of the morning.

I fell asleep in Seungmin and Felix’s room last night. The last thing that I remember is Seungmin’s head resting on my chest as I closed my eyes. How the actual fuck did we end up like this? I move slightly to gauge my range of motion from how tightly I’m being held. Right next to my ear, Seungmin lets out a disgruntled noise and presses in closer. His arm now wrapped even more firmly around my waist to keep me in place. Shit, what do I do? I guess I can stay here until he wakes up. I don’t want to disturb him, he’s probably exhausted. I spot my phone on the bedside table. Strange. I don’t even remember putting it there.

I reach over to grab it so that I can check the time but as I do, the movement backs my lower half straight into Seungmin. At the contact, he lets out a groan and I freeze. There’s no doubt in my mind that that was different from the first noise he made. I guess I can’t blame him. We are pressed together pretty snug. All of a sudden, I feel the slight grind of Seungmin’s hips into my ass. Is he dreaming? Does he even know that It’s me he’s cuddling so close to right now?

His breathing suddenly gets deeper, and the grinding continues. I can now feel the entire length of him through both of our clothes as he moves against me with slow rocks of his hips. He lets out what I can only describe as a desperate whimper, and I can’t help the shiver that runs through me despite the warmth of his embrace. I should definitely wake him up. I want him to be able to make a conscious decision about this, and I have a feeling that he would agree. I tug my right hand from beneath my head and begin to run It soothingly up and down the length of the arm surrounding me.

“Seungmin. Minnie? Wake up, honey.” My voice soft as I try to rouse him gently. The only response I get are sleepy mumbles of “five more minutes” as he buries his head in my hair. “But– But Seung–”, I try again. The grinding of his hardness against me is getting to my head now. A low moan rips from Seungmin’s throat and the gasp I let out is loud enough in the quiet room that it must stir him out of his dazed stupor.

Suddenly the arm around me retreats and all contact between us ceases. I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. He was so warm, and this early morning surprise was definitely not unwelcome, well at least not by me. That’s when I turn around to find Seungmin sitting upright against the headboard, his hands covering his face as he attempts to fully wake up and no doubt to hide the embarrassment he feels.

“Seungmin?” I say gently. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I– I didn’t realize– fuck, I’m sorry.” He mumbles in a deep, scratchy voice through his fingers, and I can see the blush creeping up his neck. Oof, he sounds so hot in the morning. I sit up too and reach my hands to his wrists to remove them from his face. His worried, tired eyes meet mine and he looks like he’s bracing himself to be scolded or yelled at. I sigh at the sight but don't release my grip on him, hoping it provides reassurance in my next words. “How many times do I have to remind you that you’re human?” I laugh a bit to ease the tension that’s been wound tight in his body, but I still see the apprehension in his face.

“You’re not mad?” His voice so small from the fear that he’d crossed a line. I shake my head, a fond smile on my face and this seems to finally break through. “Not at all.” I say firmly. He nods his head slowly and turns away from my gaze for a moment. Without saying anything else, he moves to roll off the bed. I grip his wrist before he can stand fully, and he looks back at me surprised. “Where are you going?” I ask, confusion swirling in my own eyes. “Um… to the bathroom? To y’know.” Seungmin gestures with his free hand, still too mortified to outright mention the elephant in the room.

“Y-you don’t have to. I mean, I can… help you. If you want?” I say in a timid voice. I mentally facepalm at my awkwardness. But apparently my offer was well received because Seungmin meets my eyes again and a smirk graces his face. I look back at him like a deer in headlights from the complete 180° in his personality. “You wanna help me, huh?” His condescending tone causes my lids to flutter closed for a moment before returning my wide eyes back to him. I could feel the heat creep from my neck to my face as his sudden confidence and cocky words.

“Ah, Bin-hyung mentioned that look you get when you’re flustered. He calls you bunny, y’know. But I think you look more like a puppy.” I can’t stop the involuntary whimper I let out at the nickname, which causes Seungmin’s smirk to widen. The glint in his eyes is one I haven’t seen from him. Well unless you count the countless videos I’ve seen of him teasing his members to get a rise out of them. Now it's directed at me, and I can’t help but fall for it.

“What, pup? You like when I call you that, huh?” He speaks with a teasing tone and a tilt of his head. Just like that, I feel the heat spread lower at the way he’s speaking to me. It’s humiliating but surprisingly it doesn’t make me shy away.

I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat, now incapable of forming a coherent sentence, as I nod my head shakily. I can feel how quickly the dynamic in the room has shifted. A pleasant haze encroaches my mind, one I’ve never felt before. My grip on his wrist tightens as I try to tug him back to me and Seungmin just laughs but lets himself be pulled closer to me. His knees dip into the duvet that we were under not even ten minutes ago and he settles back into his previous position against the headboard.

My eyes follow as my hand releases from his wrist to lay on his toned stomach right above his waistband, hidden under his loose t-shirt until Seungmin stops me. “So impatient. Aren’t you going to kiss me first?” His voice stops me in my tracks, and I look at him again, a pout adorning his lips now. Without another word, a hand lies on my neck, careful of the still healing bruises. I let myself be guided as my eyes flutter closed. I can feel the ghost of Seungmin’s breath across my lips before he leans forward to connect them.

The touch of his lips is delicate, a far cry from the teasing and taunting words that fell so easily from his mouth. My body relaxes as I let Seungmin guide me and his hand on my neck tilts my jaw slightly to deepen the kiss. This kiss is different from the two I received from the other boys. Jisung’s lips were insistent and relentless while Felix’s were desperate and longing. Seungmin is kissing me slowly, like we had all the time in the world.

His lips were firm against mine but the softness in which he held me was almost enough to erase every thought from my head. No tongue, no teeth, just pure warmth and it radiated throughout my body. But I had a one-track mind right now and I want, no, I need to help him, to touch him. I pull back with pleading eyes and meet Seungmin’s smug smile. A question in my eyes as I move my hand back to his waistband and he laughs again.

“Go ahead, pup. Touch me however you want.” He finally relents and raises his hands in surrender. That’s all I need before I move to kneel between his already spread legs. With one final approving nod of Seungmin’s head, I trail both my hands up his shirt, lifting it as I go. Damn, he really is hard.

My fingers dip into the band of his pants before I tug them down, hips lifting off the bed to make it easier. Seungmin’s hard cock springs back to land on his toned stomach, pulling a hiss from his lips. There’s only been one other instance that I’ve been face to face with a dick like this and now that I have Seungmin where I want him, I have no idea what to do.

What if I can’t make him feel good? What if he laughs at me? Oh god. My mind races for a moment before I feel a soft hand on my cheek. I look up and meet Seungmin’s concerned eyes. “Y/N? You okay? We don’t have to. I can just–.” Although his concern for me is sweet, I know what I want. “No, no, I want to. I– I just don’t know how.” My voice gets smaller at my confession. This kind of embarrassment is not as welcome as before.

Seungmin’s eyes soften as his thumb runs across my cheek affectionately. “Want me to teach you?” He asks, no longer teasing, just comforting. I nod my head again at his words and he nods back before he removes his ruffled shirt entirely. “Kiss me. Start here and trail your way lower.” His hand forms a guideline as he runs his digits from the base of his throat to his hip bone. The sight before me has me memorized for a moment. Fuck, he really is beautiful.

I position myself higher, placing my hands on each of his now bare shoulders in order to steady myself and lean my head down to hover above his pulse point. His head tilts to the side, baring his neck to give me space and I start to land soft kisses against his skin. I take my time, some kisses lasting longer than others and I don’t miss the way Seungmin shivers as the air around us spreads across the damp traces I’m leaving behind.

I hear him let out a deep sigh as I make way down and an idea hits me. My tongue darts out from between my lips as I flick his nipple with the tip. My hand that had migrated to his stomach, feels the muscles clench and my eyes glance up to catch his facial expression. His eyes are clenched shut, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth and if I didn’t know any better, I would think he was in pain. Confidence swells in my chest at the reaction I drew from him, and I switch to the other side and do it again. One of his arms raises instinctively before he hesitates and lowers it again.

I look up again, and his eyes are on me. Now he’s the one with a pleading look in his eyes. I take pity on him and continue my path across the bare skin, a slight crook to the corners of my lips. I make It to the area above where Seungmin’s cock lies and use my tongue to lick a strip past his belly button before I blow cool air on the wet patch of skin. He sucks a breath of air past his teeth, and his eyes turn stern as they glare down at me. I’m walking on thin ice it seems, but I just smile at him innocently.

I scooch down farther until I’m kneeling in my former position with my face hovering over Seungmin’s most intimate part, my hands resting on his thighs. I look at him through my lashes, awaiting further instruction. When our eyes meet again, Seungmin groans, throwing his head back. “Fuck.” He mewls, the word a breathless whisper before he refocuses. I feel a surge of pride being the one to get him to this point whilst barely touching him. The way he’s been looking at me, the way his body reacts to me, it’s addicting.

“Okay, now spit into your hand.” He instructs and a pang of arousal strikes me as I do what I’m told, spitting into my right hand. “Good lil’ pup. Now stroke up and down, flicking your wrist a bit.” His voice is strained. I follow his directions and wrap my right hand around his cock, already wet at the tip, painfully hard from the lack of attention and begin moving. He’s what I imagine to be average but definitely bigger than what I’ve experienced. So goddamn perfect.

His own hand reaches down to wrap around mine, tightening my grip slightly before moving back to his sides where he’s fisting the sheets. At the tightened grip, Seungmin lets out a strangled noise before composing himself. Only heavy breaths leave his mouth now as I continue my strokes. “Use your mouth now, baby. Start at the tip and work your way down. Careful of your teeth and don’t take more than you can handle.” The fact that he’s willing to teach me, makes me want to do well. To make him feel good. To make sure he doesn’t regret this. Doesn’t regret me.

I lower my mouth to flick my tongue out experimentally, gathering a bead of pre-cum that has leaked from the red, swollen tip. It’s not what I expected. Salty but not unpleasant. I see the veins in Seungmin’s forearms bulge slightly as his fists bunch the sheets tighter at the sensation, knuckles turning white. My hand holds the base of his cock as I part my lips and take the tip into the warm wetness of my mouth. A sharp inhale of breath draws my gaze up to watch Seungmin’s slack features as I slide down lower.

I hollow my cheeks a bit and suck and the buck of his hips catch me off guard. I gag slightly and tears spring into the corners of my eyes, but I stay where I am, knees firmly planted as my hands resting on Seungmin’s thigh slide up to press into his hips, his cock still halfway in my mouth. “S–sorry pup. Got a little carried away. Are you sure you don’t know what you’re doing?” He jokes breathlessly with a smile, trying not to show how affected he is, even though it’s written all over his face. I nod my head the best I can with his dick in my mouth and Seungmin bites his lip as if to hold in the moan that was forming in his throat.

I feel like I need further direction. I don’t want to be the one thinking of what to do next. I glance down at Seungmins white knuckled fist and raise my own to lay over it. His ferocious grip releases and allows me to take his hand in mine. I guide his hand to the top of my head and gently deposit it over my messy bed head of hair. He seems to get the message as to what I want but concern flashes back into his expression. “Y/N, are you sure?” I nod my head again confidently which causes the most beautiful moan to pour from his lips. His touch is gentle as he intertwines his fingers into my hair.

It feels nice to not have to think about my movements, I let him guide my head up and down his length, never pushing far enough to reach my gag reflex but enough for me to feel a slight ache in my jaw. Unable to hold back anymore, Seungmin is letting out quiet, breathless moans that are music to my ears. I might really be addicted to the sounds he makes. Shy and quiet but they demand attention.

How does he act with the other boys? God, I would love to see them. Their dynamics and their demeanors. Does Hyunjin wrap his red, plump lips around Seungmin until he’s gagging? Spit bubbling out of the corners of his mouth and he fucks his face. Or does Minho have Seungmin on his knees for him? Wide puppy dog eyes looking up at him pleadingly, just to be denied until he’s begging. I wonder how he fucks. God. The visuals conjuring in my head cause a moan to fall from my own lips, sending vibrations down the shaft in my mouth and Seungmin jolts, having not expected it.

“Fuckkkkk. F–feels so good baby. I–I’m gonna cum. You’re gonna make me cum.” His warning almost falls on deaf ears as the fantasies in my head threaten to consume me. I pull back my head, and my lips leave Seungmin’s cock with a loud pop, his grip in my hair not tight enough to have stopped my sudden departure. I raise my right hand again and begin to stoke his red, leaking cock at a fast pace, focusing on the swollen head as I twist my wrist. My lips part once more and I stick out my tongue, making eye contact with Seungmin and his eyes almost roll back into his head.

“Oh, my fucking god. Such a good girl, baby. Look at you so desperate for my cum. Want me to cum on your tongue, pup, huh?” My eyes are half lidded and teary and my jaw aches from being pried open over and over again, but it doesn’t matter as I feel the first drop of cum hit my tongue. A drawn out groan cuts through the air as I watch Seungmin fall apart under me. The sticky white substance lands on my cheek and drips off my chin onto the sheets but I pay it no mind.

The balance between power and powerless are blurred and my head feels heavy as my hand slows to a stop, only after I drew every last drop from Seungmin’s spent cock. My brain feels fuzzy, and I don’t even notice when Seungmin guides me on to the pillows next to him, where I slept just last night. I watch as he grabs tissues from the bedside table and cleans the rapidly drying cum from my face. It’s just then that I recognize that he’s speaking. But he’s not speaking to me. I hear another voice, very distinct and very familiar.

Felix?

Chapter 12

 

---

 

I lay there, panting and dazed as I see Felix’s face come into view. His smile is dazzling as his hand comes up to push back a few strands of my hair that have fallen out of place. “Hi, sunshine. You okay there?” He asks softly. His familiar presence comforts me but also adds fuel to the growing heat I feel in the pit of my stomach. Instead of answering him, I can’t stop myself from bringing my hand up to his shirt and trying to pull him closer to me. When he doesn’t budge from where he’s kneeling next to me on the side of the bed, a whine claws its way from my throat.

Felix’s eyes widen in surprise and his head shoots up to look at Seungmin on the other side of me. “Is she–” Felix cuts himself off when Seungmin nods his head. “I think she started to slip when I said she reminded me of a puppy.” Seungmin admits sheepishly. Felix nods back in understanding before focusing his attention back on me. “What do you need, baby?” Felix asks me softly. His fingers find my cheek as he caresses the flushed skin, not caring about the traces of Seungmin’s cum that still reside there.

My own voice sounds foreign to me as I answer him back, my thoughts getting jumbled in my head. “Lixie, touch me.” My hand hasn’t loosened its grip on his shirt. Felix hesitates, glancing back at Seungmin for a moment. “Are you sure, Y/N?” There he is, the consent king. I nod my head, a high-pitched whine leaving me again. I feel like I could cry if I don’t get some relief to my throbbing core. I can’t seem to think straight and all I want is their hands on me.

I can practically see the gears turning in Felix’s head and I’m growing impatient. I take the hand resting on my cheek and bring it to my chest. With my hand over Felix’s, I squeeze my breast and release a breathless whimper to hopefully spur him on. He lets out a shaky breath as his eyes lock onto our hands before he looks back up, a fire dancing in his rapidly dilating pupils now.

Without any warning, his lips crash onto mine. All teeth and harsh swipes of his tongue as he finally gives into me. My mind can hardly keep up with the frantic movements, still too foggy to comprehend the heat that quickly blankets the whole room. Felix’s hand takes over now as he harshly gropes me and all of a sudden I feel another hand on my other side. Seungmin’s hand has wormed its way between me and Felix, rolling my nipple through my shirt between his two fingers. My mouth drops open at that, effectively breaking Felix’s harsh kiss.

In a brief moment of clarity, I move my hands to the waistband of my pants, struggling to pull them down between the two bodies latched onto me. Noticing this, Seungmin grabs both of my wrists in his free hand, stopping my attempts. I try to pull them back but it feels like all my strength has left me. “P–please. I need– I–” The plea for release is on the tip of my tongue but from the dual sensations, I can hardly speak.

“What’s wrong, sunshine? You asked us to touch you, didn’t you?” Felix’s voice is deeper now, a smirk forming on his lips at my struggle. The deep timbre vibrates through my body and has wetness spreading between my thighs. I whine again, frustrated at the obvious teasing before taking a moment to collect my thoughts, though it’s hard since their hands haven’t ceased.

“You need more, huh? Good pups ask for what they want.” Seungmin chimes in from beside me, condescending tone present again. My attention follows the words and I attempt the best puppy dog eyes I can but Seungmin just shakes his head, not letting up his grip on my wrists. “C’mon, I know you can. You asked so nicely before.” A few minutes pass as they both alternate squeezing and pinching my nipples through the thin fabric of Minho’s shirt.

Finally, out of pure impatience, I find my words again. “More, please. I– I wanna cum.” My voice comes out as a moan. I don’t even feel embarrassed as the desperation rolls off me in waves. They both look satisfied by my response as they share a look and their hands retreat, my nipples now puffy and sensitive as they brush against the shirt I’m wearing. “Ok, sunshine. We’ll give you what you want.”

Suddenly, I’m hoisted up and Seungmin moves behind me, legs on either side of me before guiding me to lay against his bare chest. The heat radiating from his body is welcoming and I sink into his embrace. Felix moves from my side to sit in front of the two of us as we lean against the headboard. Then just like that my pants are pulled down my legs, exposing my glistening wetness to the air.

Warm palms slide up my thighs before grasping them and guiding them over Seungmin’s, leaving my legs spread wide open. Felix flops onto his stomach between my legs and before I know it, I feel his breath hitting my core. My eyes squeeze shut at the fleeting sensation and he begins placing feather light kisses to my inner thighs, each time getting closer and closer to the place I want him most. Behind me, Seungmin is placing kisses between my neck and shoulder, sucking light marks into my skin.

My body is hot and it’s like I have no control over my reactions at this point, so far gone from the bare minimum. One of my hands comes down to card through Felix’s long black hair and I try to move him where I want him. He huffs out an amused sound at my impatience but easily relents, letting me guide his head to my soaked cunt. The first swipe of his tongue against my clit has me arching my back and letting out a drawn-out moan at finally receiving some stimulation.

Felix’s groan is almost drowned out by my own but even through the haze of pleasure, I hear it loud and clear and my grip in his hair tightens. “Does she taste as good as you remember, Lix?” Seungmin chimes, actions suddenly halted at the sounds we both made. His voice already wrecked just from the visual of Felix between my legs. Felix nods and there’s a faraway look in his eyes as he looks up. “Better straight from the source.” Felix’s mouth connects to my core again, his tongue sliding through my wet folds, slow and deliberate.

I relax back into Seungmin and he wraps an arm around my middle, pressing us impossibly closer before his other hand tilts my chin up, just enough to connect our lips. I feel Felix’s mouth enclose around my clit before sucking it between his lips and the moan I let out is immediately swallowed by the insistent lips against mine. My legs attempt to close but are held open by the muscular thighs they’re thrown over and Seungmin laughs, breaking the kiss.

“What, pup? Is Lixie making you feel too good?” His amused tune makes Felix moan into my cunt as he speeds up, becoming ravenous as he laps up the mix of spit and slick that’s steadily dripping from me. The squeal I let out is a sound I never thought I could make as the pleasure becomes all-consuming. I tug Felix’s hair, not sure if I want to pull him closer or push him away from the overwhelming feeling. I can’t even wiggle away from the relentlessness of his tongue because of the strong hold Seungmin has on me.

All of a sudden, Felix’s finger makes its way towards my entrance before diving in and crooking up. He finds that spot inside me instantly, just as he did last night and the muscles in my stomach clench at the shock that shoots down my legs. Before long, he adds another finger, both massaging my g-spot with perfect precision. “Fuck, fuck, fuckkkk.” I whimper through the unabashed moans that are escaping me. The pressure in my core is becoming too much and I know I won’t be able to hold back my orgasm.

Felix finally comes up for air and looks up at me through his lashes with a fucked-out expression as his fingers speed up again. His lips are red and swollen from his ministrations, parted to release ragged breaths, and there’s sweat beading on his hairline. That’s when I notice his hips steadily grinding into the mattress, no doubt to alleviate the intense hard-on he’s sporting in his jeans.

I know I’m close, that sight alone making it hard for me to hold back. “C–can, can I–”, my brain not allowing me to finish my sentence as the pleasure floods every one of my senses. “Fuck, you sound so good, pup. Lixie, make our girl cum. She’s been so good for us.” Seungmin sounds out of breath but still maintains his control. The obvious domineering tone in Seungmin’s voice makes Felix whimper pathetically as he brings his tongue down again to rapidly flick it over my clit. That’s the final straw and I cum on his fingers with a sob.

Felix’s movements slow as he helps me ride out the intense high until I begin to twitch a bit in overstimulation. He pulls away completely, crawling up the bed to drape his form over mine. His head moves to the side of mine to hungrily press his lips to Seungmin’s and they both moan as they share the taste of me between them. I watch as Seungmin’s tongue flicks out to lick up the remaining wetness of slick and spit from Felix’s chin before pulling him back with a harsh grip on his hair.

“Aw, are you feeling needy now too, baby? Did eating our girl’s cunt turn you on?” Felix keens at the attention before nodding his head with a pout. My clit throbs with interest at sight of them together but my eyes feel tired, and I know I’m tapped out.

“How about we take care of our good little puppy here and then I’ll take care of you, baby.” The affection in Seungmin’s voice makes my chest ache. Felix nods his head eagerly at the promise that he too will be getting off this morning. The fog over my mind is still heavy as they maneuver my tired body onto the sheets. Felix gets up to grab a damp towel from the bathroom as Seungmin massages the tension in my thighs from being spread open.

“Such a good girl. Took everything we gave you so well. You sleepy, baby?” His voice is softer than before and it makes every muscle in my body relax and I nod my head, a pout present on my face. Felix returns and begins to run the soft fabric between my legs. I flinch from how sensitive I am and they both mutter words of praise as Felix cleans me up. My eyes droop slightly as they continue their aftercare, my mind a bit clearer now as exhaustion creeps into my bones now.

Ugh, it sucks that they completely drained me before I could see what they’re about to do next. That’s my last thought before I drift back to sleep, Seungmin’s fingers running through my hair and Felix’s warm palms resting on my hips.

 

---

 

The sound of the shower turning off is what rouses me from my mid-morning nap. I peel my eyes open despite the ache behind my lids and look toward the bathroom door. Felix emerges in the doorway first, a towel slung low around his hips. I watch as he walks toward his suitcase at the end of the bed. His long black hair is slightly damp and his skin is flushed slightly. I can’t tell if it’s from the hot shower or something else but he’s glowing.

“Hey, Lix” I say, sleep still evident in my voice as I rub my eyes. He looks startled to see me awake before he smiles at me, walking over to the side of the bed. “Welcome back. Thought you’d be out longer.” He says, bopping his finger on the tip of my nose. I can’t help the scrunch at the sensation and his smile widens. “How long have I been asleep?” I ask, having no concept of time right now. Felix is about to answer before he’s interrupted.

“Long enough to miss Felix cumming all over Minho-hyung’s sweatpants.” Seungmin’s amused voice reaches my ears as he walks out of the bathroom, now fully dressed. Felix’s face flushes a deep red before he turns to toss a pillow in Seungmin’s direction, narrowly missing him as Seungmin just laughs. Damn it, how could I have missed that?

Seungmin rounds the bed to sit on the edge, his face turning a bit more serious. “Y/N, do you understand what happened before?” I look at him, slightly confused, not understanding what he means, and he lets out a sigh. “Was your mind feeling a bit fuzzy? Like you were in some kind of trance through everything?”

The question has me thinking. I did feel a bit dazed through the entirety of the events from this morning, a feeling I’ve never felt before, but I didn’t think much of it. “Yeah, I mean I kind of felt like I was running on autopilot.” I say honestly. “Have you ever been in subspace before?” Felix pipes up from my other side. My mouth drops open a bit and I look between them surprised.

Me? In subspace? Is that what that was? I shake my head in response. Oh god, this is not happening. Did I completely embarrass myself? The look on my face must give me away because they’re quick to reassure me. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Y/N. It’s perfectly normal. More than a few of us go into subspace regularly. You just seem to go under really easily.” Felix assures me. I nod my head, relaxing a little bit.

I can’t remember feeling uncomfortable with the feeling. If anything, it felt… peaceful. “I don’t think that’s ever happened before. I mean, I don’t have much to compare it to, but it was… nice.” I say, after a moment. “We’re glad you felt safe enough to go into such a vulnerable headspace with us. Usually someone slips more easily when they trust the person they’re with.” Seungmin’s tone is comforting and there’s a hint of relief at the confirmation that they didn’t push me too far.

I clear my throat a bit before saying what’s now weighing on my mind. “Did I– um. Was it good for you guys too?” I can’t help but ask, my insecurities slowly crawling to the surface. They both look almost offended at my question. “Sunshine, are you kidding? You had me almost blowing my load in my pants. Of course it was good for us.” Felix says firmly as Seungmin nods along. “You don’t even know the power you hold over us, do you?” Seungmin shakes his head in disbelief.

Before I can formulate a response to their sentiments, a phone ringing from the bedside table draws all of our attention. Thank god for the interruption. Felix grabs the phone, sliding his finger across the screen to answer. “Hey, Chr–”, Felix flinches at the loud voice booming over the line. I can’t hear what’s being said but I can hear the mumbles of shouting through the speaker. “Hyung, hyung! Calm down, Y/N's here.” The shouting pauses and calmer murmurs replace it.

The call ends after a few “yeah”s and “mhm”s. Felix tosses the phone on the bed before running a hand through his hair. Seungmin and I watch him with bated breath, waiting for him to explain the bizarre phone call. Felix just smiles and speaks. “Chan-hyung wants to talk to you.”

 

---

 

After a quick shower and a fresh change of clothes (since those sweatpants were definitely completely soiled), I walked back to my room to wait for Chan. I’m less nervous this time. I think the starstruck anxiety is finally easing and dare I say, I’m excited to see him again. Still, I pace back and forth in anticipation of what he’s going to say. A knock on the door has me bounding over to pull the heavy door open.

“G’morning, Chan!” I say basically bouncing on my heels. The smile on his face breaks into an amused chuckle as he slides through the doorway to enter the room. “Morning, Y/N. You seem energetic today.” He says, ruffling my hair as he passes me by. His black tank top is tight on his body, perfectly cut to reveal strong, toned arms as his veins bulge slightly and the basketball shorts, he’s wearing sway as he makes his way to the same spot on the couch as last night. Fuck, I can’t help but admire him as he walks into the room. He must have come from the gym.

I follow shortly after him, plopping down in the armchair. “So, what’s up? Felix said you wanted to talk.” My comfort level is a lot higher than it’s been so far, no longer expecting the worst when it comes to one of Chan’s “talks”. “I just wanted to follow up with you about what we talked about last night. I know it must be pretty overwhelming and your comfort is my number one priority. So, I was just wondering where your head is at. Obviously we have a lot more to figure out but I’ll answer any and all questions you have.” I nod my head along as he finishes, taking a moment to put together what I want to say.

Might as well just unload what I’ve been thinking about. “How did it happen? Like were you guys together from the start?” Chan shook his head. “A little while after we debuted, we went through some difficult times and we relied heavily on each other to push through whatever obstacles we were facing, as we still do. It started with a few of us helping each other blow off some steam, unbeknownst to one another at the time. To be honest it was kind of a mess.” Chan laughs a bit as he recalls the memories.

“We had all been messing around and no one knew what each other was doing. There was a lot of miscommunication and it was starting to affect the team and our work.” Our eyes lock for a moment and I give Chan an encouraging nod to continue. “There was this unspoken tension and we were always bickering. So the managers had pulled me aside one day and insisted I take care of it. The disconnect between us must have been pretty obvious and even I knew that we couldn’t go on like that. The next night I called a team meeting and at that point everything just sort of spilled out and we realized that it had become more than just friends helping out friends. Feelings had gotten involved and they weren’t going away. That’s when we started our relationship. It wasn’t easy at first but we trusted each other and knew we’d be able to work it out. It’s been about six years since then and I can safely say that they’re the best thing that’s ever happening to me.”

Chan looks proud to admit it as he shakes his head fondly at the thought of his boyfriends. I can’t stop the slight smile on my lips at the story. Wow, they must really love each other. “That’s really amazing, Chan. I’m glad you guys have each other.” I say, almost getting emotional. Chan’s smile is positively radiant at my sentiment. I can’t help but wonder though, where do I fit into this? I can’t even imagine what role I would play in their dynamic.

“Y/N, I can practically hear your thoughts. What’s on your mind?” Chan half-jokes. He reads me like an open book. Damn, I guess I’m not as slick as I thought. “I just don’t understand how I came into this. If you guys are happy with the eight of you, then why am I here? Why me?” The quiver in my voice is unintentional. Chan mulls my words over before he pats the spot next to him on the couch in a silent command. I stand and round the coffee table to plop next to him and his eyes follow my movement.

Once seated, Chan turns to me and grabs my hands in his much larger ones, searching for my eyes. “Because you’re you.” He sounds so sure and I can see the emotion in his eyes yet I can’t decipher what it means. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Huh? He huffs out a small laugh at my expression before he elaborates. “I know you might not remember this but you went to our Maniac tour three years ago right?” I nod my head slowly, unsure where this is going. How did he even know that?

“Well, it was the day before the first show, and we were free of schedules. Felix had gone out to explore the city a bit and his phone died. No managers, no security and none of us knew where he was. I was going out of my mind, making phone calls and trying to locate him. After like three hours, I got a call from an unknown number. I was so relieved to hear his voice, and he was able to tell us where he was.”

Chan pauses for a moment, probably for dramatic effect and a smirk crawls across his face. “He told us that a pretty girl let him use her phone and even bought him a cold drink.” The distant memory comes back to me all at once and my eyes widen.

 

---

 

3 years ago

June 28th, 2022

 

Jeez, why is it so hot? I knew I shouldn’t have let Kate drag me out to explore today. I told her I would rather stay in the hotel room but noooo. She wanted to sightsee in Newark of all places. Like we’ve never been to New Jersey before and like we would never be back. The Stray Kids show isn’t until tomorrow but who wants to drive two hours before a three hour concert? That’s how we ended up here a day early. I’m seeking refuge in a small coffee shop while Kate visits this boutique she discovered online. This heat is so unbearable that I told her I would just wait here for her. Thank god she didn’t insist I come with her.

I sip my iced tea as I continue to scroll on my phone to keep myself busy. Being in public places alone always makes me feel uncomfortable but at least this shop has a functioning AC. All of a sudden the bell above the door jingles loudly as someone bursts through the entrance. I raise my gaze to see a frantic looking guy wearing a face mask and a black beanie. I watch as he makes a beeline towards one of the baristas.

“Excuse me, do you have a charger I could use?” He sounds out of breath. Damn, what’s got him in such a panic? The worker goes to check but eventually comes back with nothing but an apology for not being able to help. Ugh, that sucks. Is he a tourist? He’s probably lost. A dead phone, lost in a city you’re not familiar with? That sounds terrible. Before I can change my mind, I stand up and walk over to the stressed man.

“Hey, um. You can use my phone if you need to make a call.” I say from behind him. I know I have social anxiety, why am I doing this? I can’t help but feel bad for the guy though. He turns toward the sound of my voice, looking a bit startled. I reach my phone out to him without another word. His eyes are wide, and he looks a bit skeptical as his hand slowly reaches out to grab the device. I notice a bead of sweat dripping from the side of his face as he turns to sit in the spot that I was previously occupying. He dials a number onto the keypad before raising it to his ear.

Ok, what do I do now? I don’t want to hover awkwardly and listen to his conversation. That would be so weird. He could probably use a drink. It looks like he’s been in the sun for a while and I can almost feel the anxiety rolling off him in waves. I stroll back over to the register to order him something. The problem is, I don’t even know what this guy likes. I decide to just order the same as I did before. An iced tea and a water bottle for the road.

When it’s ready I make my way back over to my table by the door, just as the mystery man is hanging up the phone. He looks up at me as I make it to the seat across from him before sitting down. I place the drinks on the table as he slides my phone back over to me. “Thank you for letting me use your phone. I went into three different shops before this one and I was about to give up hope.” I can tell from the crinkle of his eyes that he said it with a smile as most of his face is covered.

“Oh, it’s no problem. I’d want someone to do the same for me.” I say back, returning the smile. I slide the drinks over to him then and he looks at me confused. “You look like you’ve been out for a while and it’s one of the hottest days of the year. Figured you could use something to cool down.” His eyes soften as he accepts them with another thank you.

After that, conversation flows easily between us as we wait for his ride to show up. It must have been almost 45 minutes before there’s a honk from outside the cafe. Both of our heads turn to look out the window to see a black SUV parked out front. “I guess that’s my ride.” The guy says with a sigh. He sounds as disappointed as I feel. I liked talking to him. Just as he begins to stand, my phone dings.

 

Kate-unnie:

You still where I left you?

I’m 2 mins away

Meet me outside so we can head back

 

Ah, perfect timing. “My sister’s waiting for me too. It was really nice meeting you. Make it back safe, okay?” I stick my hand out to shake his hand. His palm slides into mine, not necessarily shaking it, more like holding it and our eyes connect. “Yeah, you too.” It’s like time freezes for a minute as we stand there, hand in hand, holding eye contact. Another honk hits pause on our moment.

I feel my cheeks flush as I drop his hand and avert my eyes. I make a mad dash to the exit before the guy can say anything else. Once I’m a bit down the street, I turn back to see him hopping in the car. I see Kate a bit further down the road and rush to meet her. “What’s got you all frazzled?” She laughs, confused at my flustered state. “I’ll tell you later.” I groan, pulling her arm in the direction of our hotel.

 

---

 

“When he got back, it was all he could talk about for the rest of the day. How she’d stayed with him until his ride got there. How the sound of her voice soothed his panic so easily. How her brown eyes twinkled behind her glasses in the sunlight. I swear it sounded like love at first sight.” I can’t even control the shock and realization on my face as Chan chuckles at the story. I’m on the edge of my seat, hanging on to every word.

“The next day, we were watching the crowd file in from backstage and in a stroke of luck, he spotted you. I don’t know how, maybe in his heart he knew to look for you. During the concert Felix kept pointing you out, making sure we all knew you were out there. You looked… beautiful. All of us agreed on that. We had to squint past the stage lights to catch just a glimpse of you, but our eyes kept being drawn in your direction after that." 

Chan sighs before continuing. "When the show ended, we sent someone for you. We wanted to thank you in person; to meet you. But you were already gone. Felix moped around for weeks, I’d never seen him so disappointed. That’s when I knew.” Chan concluded. Oh my fucking god. I’m surprised I’m able to comprehend anything he’s just said. “Knew what?” My voice is small as I question him and the finality in Chan’s tone makes my heart jump.

“That we had to find you.”

Chapter 13

Notes:

Oh my god. Finally, another chapter!! I'm so sorry it took so long to update but I was having major writers block and just could NOT finish this chapter. Thank you for all the love in the comments! I appreciate any feedback or predictions you might have so share them with me!

 

---

 

Talk about a miracle when Chan’s phone rang, interrupting our talk. I’m waiting for him, frozen in place as he takes the phone call in the hallway. I literally can not believe this. How could I have recognized Felix’s voice the other day and not three years ago? I remember that day clearly.

The way his hand sent electricity through me and the way our eye contact made my heart race. I also thought of it for weeks after. Wondering about the mystery man whose face I had never even seen. I guess the universe is funny like that.

The door opening breaks my train of thought as Chan walks back into the room. “Sorry about that.” He says as he takes his spot back on the couch next to me. I look at him confused for a second and he looks back at me also confused before finally understanding.

“Oh, I have a key card. Y’know, just in case.” He says sheepishly. I nod my head slowly at him but decide to drop it. What does he mean by “just in case”? Chan clears his throat before he speaks again. “Anyway, I don’t want you to feel like you have to make a decision about anything right now. We’re here for another four days and I was thinking that maybe we could each spend some time with you. One on one. Kind of like a trial period.” I snort a laugh at that and Chan cracks a small smile back.

“Then we can talk about how you want to proceed, y'know? The last thing I want is for you to commit to something you’re not sure about.” His hands are fidgeting in his lap and he avoids eye contact. He seems more anxious than me now. I reach my hand to grab his, like how he did to me earlier, and try my hardest to connect our gaze. “Chan, I would love that.”

His nervousness visibly eases a bit as he lets out the breath he seemed to be holding. “Okay, good, perfect. So then, would you, um. Would you like to get something to eat? Y’know, with me?” His voice shakes a bit as he asks me. I can’t help the warmth from spreading over me at how sweet and nervous he sounds. Like I would ever reject him. I nod my head enthusiastically and he finally lets out a breath of relief.

 

---

 

I didn’t even think about the fact that I have absolutely nothing decent to wear on a date. If this is even considered a date. I have no clothes with me which means that right now I’m just a walking compilation of the boy’s clothes. Currently, Felix’s baggy t-shirt and Seungmin’s black joggers. Fuck, I guess I just gotta own it. Chan left to grab a quick shower and change before we head out, leaving me to try and make myself look presentable at least.

I’ve never been more grateful for the fact that I packed some of my makeup with me. I apply my usual routine of brows and powder, careful to avoid the small scab that’s formed on my forehead before running my fingers through my damp waves. The bruising on my neck covers easily as well which I couldn’t be more grateful for. Imagining going out in public with that visible to the world gives me anxiety. I already feel like I’m being watched and judged when I go out in public and I don’t need to be worried about that on top of my other insecurities.

A knock on my door interrupts my fussing in the bathroom mirror and I head over to peer through the peephole. Huh, no one’s there? I open the door to a bag on the floor outside. I look both ways but the hallway is completely clear. Creepy but impressive. I grab the bag and retreat back into my room. Placing the bag on the bed, I begin reviewing the contents. My jaw almost hits the floor. The clothes in this bag definitely surpass the amount I make in a single paycheck.

A simple black top that I know is going to cling to my body perfectly, lightweight linen pants that are made of the softest fabric I’ve ever felt and… Holy shit. Now THIS is a brand I recognize. Fendi sandals. The price tags have been stealthily removed which confirms my suspicion that I’m way out of my element here. I’ve probably never even held something this expensive, let alone worn it.

This must be Chan’s work.

Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about looking like a bum now. I remove the oversized clothes draped over my body and begin pulling on the new pieces. The way the black t-shirt hugs me makes me nervous as it showcases the dip of my waist and the roundness of my chest. The linen pants fortunately give the illusion that the pudge of my stomach is nonexistent. I slip on the final piece, the sandals, and they fit perfectly.

How in the hell did they know my sizes? That’ll have to be asked to the man himself, whom I know for a fact is behind this. I glance over myself in the bathroom mirror and dare I say, I actually look good. The time on my phone reads 11:07 am. Chan said he’d be back at 11:30 am which gives me a bit of time to muster up as much confidence as I can while I wait. But I can’t help the nagging in the back of my mind.

I should call Kate. The last time we talked was the day before Megan and I attended the concert and at this point it’s been three days. My finger hovers over the contact for my sister, almost nervous to hear her voice. Before I can second guess it anymore, my phone rings. Wow, I must be a psychic or something. I press the phone to my ear quickly.

“Hey…” I say hesitantly down the line. There’s silence on the other end and I begin to think that maybe she dialed me by mistake. “Kate?” Another beat passes before the silence is broken. “Y/N Y/L/N, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?” Her voice bellows loudly through the phone making me flinch as I hold the phone away from my ear.

"A call or text would have been nice! What the fuck are you still doing in the city? Last I heard was that Megan lost you after the concert and then radio silence on your end. If Megan hadn't texted me that you were safe I was literally going to call the police!” She sounds out of breath and definitely pissed. “I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s just been a crazy few days.” The apology must sound half-assed but I still don’t know what I’m able to say about what’s been going on. The incident at the venue, the boy’s proposal, any of it.

A deep sigh reaches my ears and I prepare for her yell again. “I’m just worried about you. It’s not like you to just go off on your own. Especially without letting someone know.” I nod my head even though she can’t see me and try to think of an appropriate answer as to why. “I know, I know. I just wanted to enjoy a little freedom I guess. I don’t really get a break from work like ever and I wanted to, I don’t know, get away for a bit. I promise I never meant to completely fall off the edge of the earth.” I hate not being able to fill her in but at least it’s not all a lie.

There’s a moment of silence, like she’s trying to keep her cool. “You know I have your location, right? You’re staying at a hotel that costs $1,200 a night, Y/N. I know you don’t have that kind of money. Which means that there is something you’re not telling me.” Fuck, really? What am I supposed to say? “I– I can’t say. Just know that there’s a good reason and that I’m safe. I promise.”

I pray that it’s enough to get her to drop this for now. This isn’t just my ass on the line here if I say something I shouldn’t. Kate sighs again and I can only imagine the crease in her eyebrows as she debates whether to leave it alone. “Fine. Just keep me updated on when you’ll be back at least? The dogs are wondering where you are.” From the tone of her voice, I can tell she’s calmed a bit.

I smile at the mention of my babies and let out a small laugh. As my former roommate and now my next-door neighbor, my dogs are also my sister’s. I had dropped them off the night before the show for my sister to watch while I was gone. Technically we share custody of them and they’re quite used to going back and forth between us. That’s why I know they’ll be in good hands while I’ll be gone the rest of the week. “Of course they are. They love me.” The scoff I hear from the other end of the line is a relief.

A knock echoes to where I’m leaning against the bathroom counter. Ah, Chan must be here. “Hey sis, I gotta go but give the dogs a kiss from me. I’ll call you later, okay?” I say a bit regrettably. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go continue being mysterious. You better actually call me though or I’ll show up there myself.” I can’t tell if she’s joking or not but I’m not going to take my chances to find out. “Yes ma’am.” I say with a smile before ending the call.

Another knock sounds and I rush to pull the door open. Chan’s standing there with his hands in the pockets of his long denim shorts, looking like he just stepped out of a photoshoot. Immaculate white t-shirt with ‘Givenchy’ printed in black letters and the sleeves rolled slightly and a black baseball cap with sunglasses perched on the rim. How can he look so good in something so simple?

His eyes scanned me from head to toe and he nodded smugly to himself. “You look… beautiful.” He says finally after taking in my appearance in the outfit he clearly picked out. “I don’t know about that but it’s definitely a step up from some old sweatpants.” I try to joke. My face flushes as I brush off the compliment that flowed so easily from him. How can he of all people possibly find anything beautiful about me?

Chan gives me a stern look as if scolding me. “Y/N. None of that.” He reaches his hand out for me, and I take it willingly. “Sorry, I’m just not very good at taking compliments.” I mumble as I keep my gaze fixed on our hands while we walk toward the elevator. Upon entering the lift, Chan drops my hand and comes to stand in front of me. With the same hand, he uses his pointer finger to lift my chin and connect our eyes.

His eyes have softened a bit now as he looks at me. “Well I guess that’s something we have in common then.” This causes a short laugh to escape me. Chan smiles back and the tension immediately leaves the air.

 

---

 

The ride is fairly short as we pull up outside a tall tan colored building. Moss and leaves cover the walls and fairy lights are strung across large white pillars leading towards the entrance. It almost looks like a cafe in the streets of Italy. The people walking on the streets look expensive, from their style to the various shopping bags they all seem to be carrying. It makes me feel a bit out of place but I guess with the way I’m dressed, I might be able to blend in.

The van door slides open after Chan and I secure our masks over our faces and we hop out, walking to the entrance hand in hand. Walking over to the hostess, Chan doesn’t even need to give his name before we’re being led to a winding staircase next to what I assume is the kitchen. As we walk through the restaurant, no one even glances at us as we pass by which eases my nerves slightly.

Once at the top of the stairs, Chan turns to me and I can tell he’s smiling from the crinkle of his eyes as he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. The door opens to reveal the rooftop, lined with bistro tables under a canopy of vines and flowers to the left and to the right is a small firepit surrounded by a circle of benches with a bar behind it. Wow, this is beautiful. The hostess leads us to a table and promptly turns to leave through the same door, still not having said a word.

I watch as she walks away, somewhat confused. Isn’t she supposed to like, give us menus or ask us about drinks or something? Maybe they do it differently in high end places like this? I hear Chan laugh and I turn back to him. He’s removed his mask and is looking at me smugly. I remove my mask as well and sit in the seat across from him. “I already took care of the ordering part.” He says, somehow already knowing why I was confused.

I raise my eyebrows with an impressed look and nod my hand in understanding. “Ah, that makes sense. Also, why are we the only two people up here? Seems like this place would be booming this time of year.” I reply, my head tilting slightly as I look between the empty tables around us. “Oh, I reserved the rooftop in advance as well. Now we don’t have to worry about being interrupted or bothered.” I can’t help but be grateful and a bit surprised at the effort he put in for what I expected to be a normal brunch.

“How far in advance? How did you know I would even say yes when you asked?” I squint my eyes at him with a teasing smile on my face. Chan’s cheeks tinge pink as he rubs the back of his neck with an embarrassed laugh. “I guess I was just hoping you would.” His eyes catch mine and his gaze softens as I giggle at his response.

Suddenly, the door opens again as multiple waiters walk through, carrying various plates. This looks like way too much food for just two people. My eyes widen as I watch them place the dishes on a separate table, obviously not able to fit it all in front of us. As they turn to leave, my eyes dart across the spread. Stacks of pancakes, bowls of fresh fruit, eggs in literally every way they could possibly be cooked and more. I’m sure my eyes are bulging out of my head right now, so I do my best to school my expression.

Little did I know, Chan was watching me, a small smile on his face as his chin rests on his intertwined hands.

My stomach grumbles at the sight of the food in front of us and I clear my throat to try and cover it up. Just my luck that it was loud enough to hear from across the table and cued Chan to start placing dishes in front of me. After the initial shock has worn off, I’m excited to eat. This place basically makes art instead of food, everything looks so good.

The silence as we eat isn’t awkward like I thought it would be. The warm breeze is comforting and the sound of traffic buzzes in the background like white noise meant to relax you. Chan breaks the calm though as he starts to ask me questions about myself. The conversation flows effortlessly, and I find myself being completely honest in spite of the gnawing doubt that swirls in my mind saying this man couldn't possibly like me. He’s probably the most down-to-earth person I’ve ever met and yet definitely the most famous.

His signature dad jokes were on display and his surprise at my enjoyment of them was hilarious to watch. Our giggles die down after Chan finishes a story about a sign he saw at one of their shows that called Seungmin out for being half fifty next year. The quiet that comes after gives me the greenlight to ask him what’s been on my mind. I take a sip of my water in preparation. Why are my hands sweating all of a sudden?

“Sooo, um. I wanted to ask you something.” I say, my eyes trained on the condensation running down my glass. “Yeah, anything. Ask away.” His voice is calm, and I glance up to catch his expression. It’s an encouraging one, full of reassurance as he looks at me with rapt attention.

“So, I’ve kind of been lying to my family about what I’ve been doing, and I feel, I don't know, guilty? I mean, I’m really not the type to just disappear and spend a week in the city. I’m like the most homebody person ever and this is really unlike me, and they’ve been asking questions. Questions that I’m not sure I can answer, and I really hate dodging them, especially after what happened after the concert because I know they’re probably really worried. Like what if I got kidnapped and I’m under duress or something, y’know? I guess I wanted to ask you what I should say, like can I tell them why I’m still here and what’s been going on? Even though I trust them with my life and I know they won’t say anything, I don’t want to put you guys in a tough spot. If not, I- I can sign an NDA if you want or, or I could come up with a–” 

My rambling is cut off when Chan grabs my hand from across the table. “Woah, hey, your mind seems like it’s running a mile a minute. Take a breath.” His grip on my hand is warm and grounding and I inhale sharply before releasing a breath like he said. I drop my gaze back to the table now. “I just don’t want to mess anything up.” I say softly. A deep sigh resounds from across the table and Chan stands suddenly, drawing me from my seat before pulling me in his embrace.

My face ends up buried in his neck as wraps his arms around me and one of his hands reaches up to pat my head. I inhale deeply, the smell of clean laundry and vanilla easing my racing heart. Damn, why did I have to almost lose it right in front of him? I guess this was bothering me more than I thought. After a minute, my breathing evens out from my long spiel and my heart finally doesn’t feel like it’s going to burst out of my ribcage.

Chan breaks away to place a hand on each of my shoulders and ducks to meet my eyes. The light catches his eyes perfectly, chocolate brown orbs revealing gold flecks that shine in the sun. My breath catches at the intense look as his eyes dart across my face. “I’m sorry.” What? I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion at his words. “Sorry? Why’re you sorry?” Did I miss something here? If anything, that should be my line even though I’m not sure why either of us would have anything to apologize for.

His arm glides down mine to grasp my hand as he guides us to sit again, hand never leaving mine. “I didn’t realize how hard this probably is for you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie to people you care about, that was never my intention when we asked this of you. But I have to say, I’m kind of touched that you were trying to protect us. There’s a lot of people who wouldn’t have even thought about that. If you want to be honest with them, then do so. If it makes you feel better then I can have some NDAs drafted and we can go from there, okay?”

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders at his words and I nod my head in agreement. “Thank you. I guess it was bothering me more than I thought and like I said, I’m kind of out of my element here. I’m not used to all of this. Fancy hotel rooms, expensive clothes, rooftop restaurants. I guess I just wanted to be able to share that.” I half laugh in embarrassment at my honesty.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re inferior to us either, Y/N. The boys and I had nothing at the start, and it took a lot of getting used to when we really started taking off. We worked hard for this and now we want to share that with you so let us spoil you a bit, yeah?” The smirk on his face makes me feel shy and I can feel my cheeks heat up as I pull my hand from his to cover them. His laugh makes me smile though as the tension I was feeling in my body finally melts away, leaving a warm and tingling feeling.

“By the way, your phone has been buzzing like crazy. Is that your family blowing your phone up? You weren’t kidding when you said they were worried, huh?” His expression changes to a guilty one as I reach over to grab the device that has apparently been going off nonstop. I flip it over so the screen is facing up flat on the table to take a look. Oh no. Before I can hide it, Chan is already grabbing my phone and peeking at the notifications rolling in. His thumb pauses as he glances over the screen with a teasing smirk and a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You’re subscribed to all of our Bubbles?” He says even though the evidence is right in front of him. I groan and cover my face so I don’t have to look at him.

 

(6) Bubble: New message from <Han>

(7) Bubble: New message from <Felix> 

(2) Bubble: New message from <Hyunjin>

 

Fuck me. That could not have been worse timing. “If you say anything else, I swear to god I will actually implode.” My voice is muffled behind my hands as I refuse to meet his eyes. All I hear is his laughter in response and I swear it’s like music to my ears, even if I’m absolutely mortified right now.

“Aw, our biggest fan. I can’t wait to tell the boys. They’ll think it’s so cute.” Chan’s voice sounds like he’s joking but I have a feeling he’s serious about that. My head snaps up to glare at him and I try to reach across the table to grab my phone back. My attempts are futile though as Chan stands and backs away from the table, the device firmly in his grasp. I stand to round the table with a groan. I give him an “are you serious” look as he stretches his arm above his head with a smug grin when I reach him.

I guess I’m gonna have to get it myself. I stand on my tippy toes to try and pry it out of his hands but my hands only reach his bicep. “Channnnn, c’mon.” I can’t help but huff out a laugh at the situation as I try to jump a bit to reach. All the while, Chan is watching me with a dopey smile on his face until… we both realize how close we actually are. I’m standing on my toes, my hand wrapped around his very muscular arm and our chest are flush against each other. Chan's arm has wrapped around my waist at some point, probably to steady me so I didn’t knock us over with my little jumps.

Our eyes meet then and suddenly the tension is back. Chan’s eyes are wide and his lips are slightly parted in what I assume is shock at the realization that the space between us is almost nonexistent. I lower back to the floor slowly and with an awkward cough, Chan lets go. “We should get back. 3racha is supposed to record a bit this afternoon and I gotta set some stuff up beforehand.” Oh, great. Way to go, Y/N. You made it weird again.

I drop my eyes to the floor and hum my agreement. In my peripheral, I see Chan’s arm extend to return my phone. Without looking, I go to grab it but because my hands are shaking like an idiot, I fumble it. My phone crashes to the floor and I hear the moment the glass cracks on the floor. I raise my gaze in shock, meeting Chan’s wide eyes that mirror mine. Fully knowing what to expect, I crouch to retrieve it and turn it over.

Yep, fully cracked screen and nope, it's not turning on. Why the hell did I take the SKZOO case off? That is less embarrassing than this. “I-I’m so so sorry!” Chan splutters out but to be honest, I’m more mad at myself than him. It was my clumsy ass that dropped it. “It’s okay, really. I was due for a new phone anyways.” I say with a slight smile to try and reassure him but in reality, I’m cringing inside. I definitely don’t have the money for a new phone right now or enough to cover the repairs for this. But, Chan does NOT need to know that.

Well, guess I’ll be working some extra days when I go back to work. With a smile, I extend my arm toward him to offer him my hand (and to skip over this weird limbo we’re in right now). “Let’s go. Don’t wanna make you late for work.” I joke to lighten up the mood. Thankfully, Chan doesn’t say anything further as he takes my hand again and walks us back down the way we came. On the ride back, Chan’s hand stays firmly entangled in mine as they rest on my knee. His thumb rubs absentminded circles on my knuckles, almost like he’s trying to apologize again.

Then once again, we’re standing outside my hotel room. I turn toward him to say goodbye and he’s already looking at me. Chan’s eyes flick down to my lips, once, twice. Is he going to kiss me? Oh god, I hope so. His head moves in slowly and before I can lean into him, his lips divert and press a quick peck to my cheek instead. I’m… shocked to say the least. Is that it? His smile is shy as he stands straight again and drops our hands.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” I nod my head at him, my brain malfunctioning a bit and he turns to head to his room. When he reaches his door, he turns to give me a wave before disappearing into his room. I can’t help but be a bit disappointed but I know I can’t dwell on it. There will be other opportunities… right? I sigh and retrieve my keycard from my pocket to open my door. Ugh, I need a fucking nap.

 

---

 

I wake up to a knock on the door. I guess I fell asleep for a while because the sun is considerably lower than when I got back from brunch with Chan. I sit up, stretching my arms over my head with a grunt. Ah, I’m going to miss this bed at the end of the week. I’ve been sleeping like a baby here. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed to answer the door, making sure to check the peephole but just like earlier, no one is there. I open the door, less suspicious than last time and find a bag waiting for me.

Holy shit. I know what it is just by the bag it’s in. I grab the handles, hurrying to place it on the coffee table and put out the brand new iPhone sitting inside. Unlike the bag of clothing, this one came with a note.

 

I’m sorry about your phone. I know you said it’s fine, but I felt too bad!

It’s already set up and everything and I added the members numbers.

I also might have swiped yours too, haha.

I had a great time today, Y/N.

See you later,

B.C.<3

 

Just as I finish reading, the new phone dings in my hand. Oof, it’s probably Chan making sure I got his little gift. This fucking guy. I swear I’m going to tell him I can’t ac–. My eyes widen. That’s NOT what I was expecting.

 

Changbin:

Hey, pick you up at 8? ;)

Chapter 14

Summary:

I'm backkkkk!! How has everyone been doing? I'm so sorry for the large gap in updates, life has been a bit crazy. But here comes Chapter 14, whoop whoop! Also, let me know if you guys would like to see other POVs and/or bonus scenes from each chapter! Please let me know how you like it <3

 

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I stare down at the message for longer than I should’ve before typing out the most nonchalant response I could and tossing the phone on the bed. My hands come up to cover my mouth as I let out a high-pitched squeal. Seo Changbin is "picking me up." How does one comprehend that? I glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 3:26 pm. Okay, not bad. A good amount of time for me to build up my facade of confidence before I see him. I pick up the discarded phone and begin to fiddle with it. Perfect way to distract myself so I’m not counting down the time.

 

---

 

2 hours, 1 energy drink, a family size bag of chips and 4 episodes of Friends later before I hear my phone vibrate a few times from where I left it on the coffee table. I mute the TV and roll out of my bed to check it.

 

Jisung:

Hey pretty girl

Dinner in hyung and I’s room in 30 if you wanna come!

No pressure :)

 

My heart skips a beat at the sweet message, but my mind sticks on one part. Pretty girl. I haven’t heard that in years. A warm tingly feeling spreads in my chest at the two words. The familiarity. The way it was written in barely legible cursive. The way it never failed to put a smile on my face. It makes me think of… No. It took me so long to get over that. Why is it all coming back now? My brain is definitely doing everything in its power to screw with me.

 

Y/N:

Hiii

I’ll be there!

 

Damn, I wish I had something more comfortable to wear. Maybe I can text one of the guys and ask if I could borrow something. Lord knows they love to see me in their clothes. Exhibits A and B, Felix and Minho. Before I can stop myself, I’m already sending the message.

 

 

Y/N:

Hey! Sorry to be a bother but

I was wondering if I could borrow some clothes maybe?

 

Radio silence. I stare at the spur of the moment group chat I made and wait for an answer. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. They probably only packed enough for their tour and don’t want more unnecessary laundry from lending me their stuff. Great. Now I widely humiliated myself because I couldn't just choose one of them. Just then, multiple rapid knocks sound on the door. I hesitate for a second before moving to open it.

There I find Jisung leaning against the door frame, hunched over and out of breath. As soon as he sees me, his face brightens into the widest grin before he rushes me back into the room and closes the door behind him hastily. He lets out a sigh of relief before finally looking at me again. I see the bunched up fabric in his hands and look at him confused. “Um, hi. Those for me?” I say with a laugh.

He straightens his posture as he catches his breath and looks between me and the clothes he's holding sheepishly. “Hey, yeah, um. I totally didn’t race over here so that I could give mine to you instead of Felix. I also did not bite Hyunjin either and if he says so then he’s lying.” His face looked completely serious and I couldn’t help the laugh bubbling up from my chest at the image he painted. He smiles widely at me as I laugh at him before joining in with small giggles of his own.

“You’re ridiculous. But thank you, really. I’ve been deprived of sweatpants all day so this is much appreciated.” I can’t help but melt at the soft expression he gives me in return. “Of course, what’s mine is yours.” He says with a smile as he hands the wrinkled shirt and pants to me. We stand there awkwardly for a moment before I step back to head toward the bathroom to change. “So, I’ll just…” I stray off. He nods enthusiastically and gestures to the bathroom. “Yeah, yeah of course. I’ll wait and we can head back together.”

I give a final nod before closing the door as he takes a seat on the couch. This reminds me of my first night here. But instead of Felix waiting for me behind the bathroom door, it’s Jisung. My mind wanders to that night, all the way down to the moment Felix kissed me. I know it hasn’t been long since I’ve seen him. Just this morning he was literally eating me out on his and Seungmin’s bed but I find myself missing him. Missing the others. Missing the chaos but also the comfort they exude.

Wow, already getting attached, Y/N? Can’t even spend a few hours by yourself without longing for them?

Despite the nagging voice in my head, I get dressed as quickly as I can. I’m excited to be close to them all again, even if we’re just eating cup ramen and sitting on the floor of one of their rooms as they argue over who gets the last slice of pizza. I’m not going to let that voice ruin my good mood. I emerge from the bathroom to Jisung scrolling on his phone. When he hears me, he glances up and his jaw drops. His eyes rake down my body adorned in an oversized white tee and brown sweatpants.

His gaze lingers on my chest for a moment before darting up to my face quickly. Like I wouldn't have noticed when I’m looking directly at him. Maybe I should've kept my bra on? I clear my throat to grab his attention. “Ready?” I say to break the tense silence and he snaps out of it quickly, his eyes widening as he shoots up from his seat. I laugh at his flustered movements and he scratches the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I’m not used to this. It’s been me and the guys for so long now that I forgot how it is in the beginning. I didn’t realize I’d feel this shy.” Jisung all but mutters as he approaches me and I nod in understanding.

“It’s okay, I’m shy too. I’ve never been in a relationship, let alone one with multiple people. I don’t even know how the ground hasn’t swallowed me up yet.” I try to joke but what I get back is a look of shock. “Never? How is that possible?” His voice raises in volume. I shrug my shoulders even though I can feel my heart rate pick up. He probably thinks I’m a loser. “No, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. It’s just… you’re great. At least from what I’ve seen. I still don’t know you that well yet but, I just thought that someone has definitely loved you before.”

I feel a blush rise to my face before I can stop it and drop my gaze to stare at my hands as they pick at the hem of my shirt. “That’s nice of you to say but nope. Me and unrequited love are kind of old friends.” My voice is quiet but he hears me anyway. Jisung’s hands come up to stop my nervous fumbling, instead grabbing my hand in his to lead me over to the bed and guide me to sit. His thigh brushes mine slightly while keeping a comforting grip on my hand. I decide it’s now or never. I know their history, so I might as well share some of mine.

I avoid eye contact as I begin my story. “When I was in middle school, my home ec class participated in a "Friends Around the World" program where we were assigned an anonymous pen pal from a school in a different country. I thought it was stupid, just another dumb assignment that I had to do on top of my other homework. But I was failing the class, so I figured why not give it a chance. I was paired with this kid from Korea actually. The first couple of letters were awkward and stiff, both of us probably just writing them for the grade. But somewhere along the way, I started to look forward to the letters.

I realized we had a lot in common, and he was way funnier than I was. He’s the one who got me into K-pop if you could believe it. When the course ended, I knew I wanted to keep writing to him, so I gave him my address, and he gave me his. It was probably really dangerous to give a complete stranger that information, but I didn’t care. He was my friend, and I trusted him. He would send me poems he wrote and recommend songs to me. I would send him stickers to put on his journal and give him advice. Every end to a bad week would lead me to my mailbox waiting for the next letter.

We wrote to each other for four years. When I was at my lowest, he was there cheering me on, even from halfway across the world. I started falling for him after the first year but I never said anything. I mean how could I? I didn’t want to ruin everything. I was happy just being pen pals if that’s how it had to be. Until one day, my last letter was returned and his… just stopped coming. I would check the mail everyday but nothing. I had fallen in love with someone I hadn’t even met and it was over just like that. Hell, I didn’t even know his real name. I used to call him Starboy, and he would call me–.”

“Pretty girl.” Jisung whispers from beside me. My head snaps up at the words that fall from his lips. I catch his eyes that are glistening with unshed tears. The look of pure shock he’s giving me is mirrored on my own face as I feel myself well up too. “How–” I choke on the word as I feel a single tear streak down my face. “Y-you found me. How is this real?” Jisung stutters out. I can’t differentiate the emotions swirling through me. Shock. Anger. Sorrow. Relief. Love. Starboy is… Han Jisung?

The next thing I know, I’m pulled into his embrace. The wall finally crumbles as I start crying into his hoodie, my hands laying in my lap now crushed between our bodies. His shoulders are shaking as he cries silently. After a minute or maybe five, I lean back and I wipe my face with my trembling hands. “I don’t understand. How is this possible?” My voice is quiet and the emotions in the room are at an all time high. “I-I was a trainee at the time. My tutor enrolled me into the program for extra credit. Your letters… got me through so much, Y/N.” Jisung’s voice is raw with emotion as he explains.

“Then why…” I can’t bring myself to finish the question I had been dying to ask. Another wave of tears would be inevitable if I did. Jisung squeezes his eyes shut as he looks away from me. “I–I'm so sorry. It was the beginning of the survival show. They told me I couldn’t contact you anymore because it would breach my contract. Fuck, I couldn’t even give you my phone number because we all shared one phone back then. I-I…” A sob catches in his throat before he can stop it and I immediately reach my hand over to grab his again. “I should’ve fought harder to keep in touch.” Jisung’s voice cracked mid-sentence.

I tighten my grip on him and rest my head on his shoulder. I want to comfort him, but my own mind is a swirling mess. We sit in silence as the moment stretches on, neither of us willing to break the fragile atmosphere that envelops us. “It’s okay.” I mutter finally. I can feel the shake of his head but before he can disagree, my words rush out. “Maybe it was meant to end that way, to lead us here. You always used to say that everything happens for a reason.” I force myself to meet Jisung’s eyes and I can see a mixture of regret but also relief.

I’m surprised that I let go of it so easily. The anger and heart ache I felt after being practically abandoned by the one person I thought understood me back then is suddenly melting away. He’s here in front of me and he’s real. “Even though you stopped writing, you were still there for me. In your music, in your content. Stray Kids were always there and you were too. My first bias.” I snort a brief laugh, and a small smile reaches his lips. Jisung reaches a hand up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear before his thumb swipes across my cheek, wiping the drying tear tracks from my face.

"So why 'Starboy'?" I find myself asking. Jisung's lips quirk up at the question but still indulges me with an answer. "In Korean, Jisung means wisdom and intelligence. But it can also be interpreted as love of the stars. Hence Starboy was born." My lips form the shape of an "o" at how simple yet genius the guy in front of me is. "You're definitely still cheesy, I'll give you that." My comment causes Jisung to laugh and I can't help but join in.

As our laughter dies down, a fragile silence falls across the room. “You were wrong, by the way.” Jisung whispers into the space between us. My head cocks to the side and I let out a confused hum. “It wasn’t unrequited.” Jisung’s eyes dart towards my lips before looking me in the eyes again, the intensity in his gaze not going unnoticed. My eyes widen a fraction as the hand that was resting on my cheek, migrates to take hold of my jaw. I can feel the stutter of Jisung's breath as he leans in, and my eyes flutter shut in anticipation.

Just before our lips are able to connect, Jisung’s ringtone blares through the quiet room causing both of us to jump and back away. His eyes practically roll into the back of his head and he struggles to remove his phone from the tangled pocket of his sweatpants. “What, hyung?” The irritation is clear in his voice as he picks up the call. Though immediately after, his eyes widen and he coughs awkwardly.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t–.” He tries before obviously being interrupted by the person on the other end of the line. “Yes, sir.” Jisung flinches at the response he gets before the tone signals the call ending. Sir!? “Who was it?” I ask, curious about the interesting phone call and also trying to change the subject from Jisung’s unexpected confession. We’ll definitely need to talk about that later. “Minho-hyung. He was wondering what was taking so long. We should head over now.”

He moves the stand up, offering me his hand to interlock our fingers and we start to make our way to his room. “Are you in trouble or something?” I thought it would be taken as a joke, but Jisung physically shudders at the question. “Not trouble per se but hyung doesn’t take kindly to disrespect. I’m still recovering from last night too and yet my dumb ass has already earned some kind of punishment.”

He sounds so nonchalant about the information he just shared but my mind reels. Wait. “Last night you guys… But Seungmin said that Felix spent the ni–” Oh. Jisung’s eyebrows raise like he’s daring me to continue. He's basically just confirming my thoughts and he laughs at my scandalized expression. “The three of us were kind of wound up from yesterday. You don’t know how tempting you are, do you?”

I didn't get a chance to respond before the door we stopped in front of swings open revealing Minho. Jisung’s smug expression instantly drops, as do his eyes. Minho doesn’t even look at me, his intense gaze fixed on the boy next to me before he scoffs and holds the door open for us. I feel like a deer in headlights. The domineering energy radiating from Minho also seems to have an affect me even though it’s not being directed at me. Still, I feel like this is a moment I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on, so I slip into the room first and immediately find a spot next to Chan.

He smiles and ruffles my hair before he goes back to eating his food. I risk a glance back towards the door just as Minho and Jisung make their way in. My eyes follow them as Minho guides Jisung to take their spots around the room, his arm draped over the younger’s shoulder and hand loosely clasping the back of his neck. Oof, maybe Jisung really is in for a punishment. I can’t help but wonder what it could be. Before my mind can wander any further, someone else catches my eye.

Changbin locks eyes with me from where he sits with Felix half seated in his lap. He offers me a cheesy smile and a wink before rejoining his previous conversation. The blush that rises to my cheeks is out of my control and my hand comes up to fan my face subconsciously. How am I going to survive a date with this man if he can fluster me from across a damn room?

 

---

 

7:54 pm. I’ve done what I can to calm my nerves in preparation for my date with Changbin. I still have no idea what we’re doing but it’s definitely physical. If the new set of work out attire that I was handed is anything to go by. A navy blue compression shirt and matching spandex shorts. Something I would never buy myself because me and working out have never even been in the same sentence. Hopefully I can keep up with whatever he has planned.

Thankfully the whole floor belongs to the boys, me and some of their managers and staff since we planned to meet by the elevators. I’m feeling a bit self conscious in this get up so the less people that see me the better in my opinion. As I make my way out into the hall, the fluttering in my stomach comes to a screeching halt as I spot Changbin leaning against the wall next to the elevator. His black ribbed tank looks like a second skin and showcases his hard earned muscles. I can’t help but let my eyes wander across his arms before reaching his face.

He’s already looking at me, a barely concealed smirk on his face and he catches me red handed. Shit, I really need to be more discreet. It’s not my fault these guys look like Greek gods. “Hey, Y/N. Ready to head out?” Changbin thankfully doesn’t comment on my poorly concealed oogling. “Hey! Yep, all set! Can I know where we’re heading out to?” All the secrecy has me bubbling with anticipation.

“You’ll see. Can’t reveal all the cards in my deck in the first five minutes.” He teases before pressing the down button to open the automatic doors.

Notes:

OOOHHH ANOTHER PREVIOUS ENCOUNTER WITH A SKZ MEMEBER?! Tell me, are we shocked or what? First, Felix and now Jisung? I wonder how many others will get a blast from the past, hmmm...

If you guys would like to interact with me off AO3, you can follow my tumblr where I keep my favorite SKZ content!
@kpopfinest00

Chapter 15

 

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The car rolls to a stop on a quiet, dimly lit street. The building in front of us looks old and like no one has been here in years. Stained concrete walls and high windows with rusty bars covering them don’t give me any clues as to where we are. As I step out of the van, the smell of low tide hits me in the face. We must be close to a pier of some kind. Jeez, I’m not going to lie, it feels like the perfect place to commit a crime.

But I’m sure Changbin isn’t going to murder me and throw my body into the water… right? Hand in hand, Changbin leads me around the large structure and to a side door, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He knocks three times and the door suddenly opens. The face of an older gentleman peers around the heavy metal. His face is covered in various faded scars hidden among wrinkles and his broad frame looks strong, almost as if he were a gangster in a drama.

The unknown man narrows his eyes as he looks between us before Changbin lowers his mask, revealing a teasing smile. The man’s face breaks into a grin of his own before he throws the door open and pulls Changbin in for a hug and a slap on the back. “Ya! Seo Changbin-ssi!” The man says loudly as he embraces the shorter man. “Good to see you, ahjussi!” Changbin responds, no less delighted to see the other man.

I stand there, slightly confused but also amused at the turn of events. What a warm welcome for such a creepy place. It seems like Changbin knows this man well enough though for me to let my guard down a bit. They begin to converse in Korean and suddenly the conversation is lost on me again. Changbin gestures towards me with a sheepish look on his face and the man gives me a once over before winking back in his direction.

I can see from here, the tips of his ears tinge pink as he laughs shyly. The corners of my lips quirk up at seeing the always boisterous Changbin be so bashful. After what I can only assume is a brief explanation on our presence at this establishment, the man, who I’ve picked up is called Mr. Jung, opens the door and ushers us in. The appearance of the building gives nothing away about the contents. Inside is a state of the art training gym it seems.

The walls are lined with mirrors and high-tech training equipment from treadmills to ellipticals with practice dummies and punching bags hanging from the ceiling. But nothing was as magnificent as the boxing ring, square in the middle of the room. The canvas platform gives away just how worn in the ring is, the small stains still visible send a shiver down my spine but Changbin waltzes in unperturbed, tossing his bag down haphazardly.

“Don’t let him win too easily, miss. He gets far too cocky.” Mr. Jung addresses me with a warm smile as he heads up the stairs at the back of the room. “I wouldn't dream of it!” I call after him and he disappears behind a tall wooden door with a hint of laughter trailing behind him. “So, did you bring me here so you can kick my ass or is this just foreplay?” I say, only half kidding as I glance around the room again.

Changbin scoffs playfully as he pulls out a box from under the apron of the ring and carries it over. “Neither, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the second thing.” He says as he ruffles through the box to pull out a roll of tape and two pairs of gloves. “I want to teach you how to defend yourself. So that if you’re ever in a situation like… that again, you’ll know what to do. I don’t want to see you hurt. Not again.”

His voice takes on an edge as he makes eye contact with me. I gulp at the serious tone and nod my head in understanding. Maybe I should learn since obviously my survival skills are zero to none. After carefully wrapping the combat tape over my knuckles and strapping a pair of gloves on my hands, Changbin holds the rope open for me to step foot on the platform.

“Okay, so first thing’s first. You need to learn the proper stance. So, place your feet shoulders width apart with your dominant foot slightly behind for balance. Exactly. Now bend your knees, just slightly and raise your hands in front of your face. No, like this.” Changbin steps forward to grab my wrists and position my hands properly so that my elbows are tucked in and my hands are eye level. He then takes my chin between his pointer and thumb to draw my head down. “Keep your chin tucked. This will further protect your face.” His voice is low, and his words drawn out.

I can’t help but admire him as he does so. It’s hot to see him act all serious and professional. We ran through the four basic punches, jab, cross, hook and uppercut, over and over again until I felt like I could barely hold my arms up any longer. Though, Changbin hardly broke a sweat which is expected. I would roll my eyes if I wasn’t so impressed with him. “Alright, I think we’re ready to move on!” His loud clap echoes off the walls. I let out a breath of relief. “Okay, sensei. What's next?”

“I prefer oppa but sensei works too.” His overly dramatic wink draws a huff of laughter from me as I smack his shoulder. “In your dreams, Seo.” He laughs again at my response. “Hell yeah in my dreams.” The smirk on his face is so damn attractive, my mind reels for a second. Shaking my head to regain my focus, I follow Changbin back to the middle of the ring. “How did you find this place anyway? It’s quite a ways from Seoul. Also, I thought boxing was Minho’s niche.” I ask as Changbin offers me a sip of water from the bottle in his bag.

“Mr. Jung used to work as a boxing instructor in Cheongdam-dong. He had a small place down the block from the old JYP building and one night while I was walking back to the dorms after a late night practice, some older trainees started harassing me. I tried to ignore them and just make it back as quickly as I could but that shit just pissed them off. One of the assholes sucker punched me before I could even see it coming.

Mr. Jung was locking up and he saw the whole thing, and he started shouting at them, saying he was gonna report them if they didn’t get lost. He offered to show me some moves whenever I had time so I started dropping by when I finished my lessons. Minho-hyung followed me one day because I guess he was curious as to where I was disappearing to and there he found me. We became sparring partners after that but he ended up dropping it when Mr. Jung closed up shop and moved overseas. Now we only stop to visit here when we tour. He picked it back up recently and I’d say hyung is even more advanced than me now.”

Changbin shakes his head in disbelief that he just admitted that to me, but I see the fondness in his eyes that is specially reserved for one of his boyfriends. “Well from what I’ve seen, you’re not so bad yourself. Could you teach me how to do one of those cool take down throws?” I ask, excited by the prospect of tossing him around like a pro. Once again, he’s laughing at me.

At this point I can’t tell if he finds me endearing or foolish, but I’ll take it if he keeps smiling at me that way. “Whoa, you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself here, Y/N. That’s heading more into jiu-jitsu territory. But, lucky for you, I did BJJ growing up and have a few awards to show for it. Why not? Let’s do it.” A thorough explanation of the positioning, we both take our stances. I arrange my feet just like he said and bend my knees, our bodies parallel to each other.

“Ready?” I nod my head before raising my arms to clench the material of his shirt in my fists as he’d explained. “Now advance forward and use the momentum to distribute your weight in order to knock off my feet.” He instructs me as his own hands come to rest gently on the shoulders. I take a deep breath and attempt to do as he says. My strength was enough to cause him to lose his balance but not in the way it was supposed to.

My feet slip out from under me and my hands gripping Changbin’s shirt drag him along with me. Thank god, his reflexes outweigh mine because otherwise I would probably be concussed. His left arm ends up under my head, blocking the harsh impact while his right catches his weight from toppling onto me. In this position our faces are the closest they’ve ever been.

Shaking off the shock of the fall, we make eye contact briefly before bursting into laughter. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. That was obviously not the right technique.” I manage through giggles as I cover my face in slight embarrassment. A moment of silence stretches between us before Changbin’s hand comes up to remove my hands. My eyes flutter open to capture his gaze, all remnants of amusement gone as he looks at me. His eyes trail across my face and I feel my pulse jump.

My hand reaches up then and before I can second guess my decision, I’m cupping his cheek. The craving I have to feel his lips on mine is overwhelming and it feels as if the temperature in the gym has skyrocketed. As if my touch draws him out of a daze, Changbin flinches away, closing his eyes before huffing out a ragged breath. He turns his face into my hand to give my palm a gentle peck before pulling back and removing himself from me entirely. Ouch.

Catching my breath, I reach out to take his extended hand and haul myself up. With an awkward cough, Changbin reaches towards his bag to ruffle through it, pulling out a pair of clothes and offering them to me. “I- um, I think that’s enough for today. I brought you a change of clothes and the locker rooms have showers if you want to wash up. I’m gonna…” He backs out of the ring slowly, unable to meet my eyes and turns to head into the men’s locker room.

Damn it. You just can’t help it, can you Y/N? Throwing yourself at these men when they obviously don’t want you like that. The voice is cruel, but I can’t help but feel every word cut deeper. What am I even doing? I groan quietly before gathering myself and heading into the locker room.

The sweat sticking to my face is not doing me any favors, but I did just shower before dinner, so I opt to throw some cold water on my face to lower the heat spreading across my cheeks. I quickly change into the baggy shorts and big grey t-shirt that I was handed. I already fucked up once, I don’t want him to have to wait for me too. I catch a glimpse of my reflection, and I understand.

Of course, Changbin and Chan don’t want to kiss me. Just… look at me, I’m an absolute mess. I feel the familiar burn of tears behind my eyes but push them back. No, Y/N. If you let loose right now, he’ll know and I’m not about to trauma dump on him during our first date. Let’s just make it back to the safety of the hotel room. I tie my hair into a high ponytail and wipe my glasses clean of any condensation before grabbing my dirty clothes and leaving the locker room.

I do a quick scan of the gym to find it empty. No Changbin in sight, not even Mr. Jung is around. He definitely didn't leave. Even if I did make him uncomfortable, I know he’s not an asshole. Maybe he’s still getting dressed? I don’t want to invade his space more than I already have but it has been a while. It wouldn’t hurt to check, and the gym is otherwise unoccupied. I walk down the hall towards the men’s locker room and fail to hear anything besides the mumbling sound of voices. I guess he’s on the phone, I shouldn’t intrude…

Until I hear my name. I sneak fully into the room and am stopped in my tracks by a loud moan. Just across from the wall that’s shielding me, Changbin is standing under a stream of steamy water from one of the many showerheads in the room. Though the lower half of his body is blocked, I can see the way his eyes are clenched shut and his arm’s frantic movement… he’s stroking himself. I should definitely turn around and leave. This is obviously another thing that I’m not meant to see.

Before I can turn and high tail it out of there, the voice I heard earlier sounds clearly through Changbin’s phone from where it rests on a nearby shelf. “My poor hyung. She got you so worked up that you’re hiding away so you can touch yourself like some dirty whore.” Seungmin’s condescending voice bounces off the tile walls and causes Changbin to stutter out a low groan. My eyes widen to a comical size. She? Does he mean me?

“Fuck, Minnie. You didn’t see the way she looked at me. It took every ounce of self control not to take her right there.” Changbin’s voice is shaky as his hand very noticeably speeds up. “Aw, she is tempting, isn’t she? How would Y/N react if she found out that you’re getting off to the thought of fucking her in a stinky old gym? Do you think she would let you bend her over one of the benches? Or maybe you could use those big ass muscles to pin her against those mirrors, make her watch as she falls apart on your cock. Would you like that, Binnie-hyung?”

Yes. I would let him. In fact, if I had the confidence, I would storm in there right now and offer myself to him on a silver platter. I can already feel myself becoming aroused at the filthy words coming through the phone and the picture it paints. They seem to have a similar effect on Changbin because a second later, he’s cumming. I can tell from his drawn out groan and the slowing of his arm. Oh god, if he looks up and realizes I’ve been watching him, he’ll probably think I’m some kind of pervert and then I really have no chance.

I turn and quickly exit as silently as I can. My heart is pounding in my ears, and my thoughts are definitely not innocent. So, he does want me. Then why wouldn’t he kiss me? The urge I have to rush back in there and demand answers is strong but I know I need to keep my cool. Should I ask Chan? Who knows if he’ll even tell me. He also denied me a kiss after our date this morning. These guys are confusing the hell out of me. They say one thing and then act the opposite.

A few minutes pass before Changbin emerges, dressed in fresh clothes and wearing a suspiciously familiar white baseball cap over a head of messy damp hair. Once he catches sight of me, he immediately avoids eye contact. I know why but I can’t let it show in my expression, so I divert my attention back to his cap. The rim looks worn, and the stitching is slightly frayed but I’m still able to make out the lettering– ‘OTH’. Huh… it couldn’t stand for what I think it does. The silence is broken by Changbin clearing his throat.

His usual amused expression is back on his face, thank god. “Whatcha looking at, huh?” He asks, swinging his bag over his shoulder. “Oh, um. Your hat. I used to have one just like it.’OTH’ is an acronym for my favorite show and my sister got me a hat with that exact lettering when I finished it. There’s no way you’ve seen it though so what does yours stand for?” I reply as we begin walking towards the exit. “I actually have no clue. I found the hat a few years ago and it’s become my favorite, but I never understood what it meant. I only kept it because of what it says on the inside.” Changbin pulls the cap off and turns it over before handing it to me.

 

‘Even if there is no eternity, I believe.’

 

“Something about it resonated with me so deeply that I even used that line in one of our songs. Like even if we don’t know what’s coming next, we must carry on. Believing in oneself is the greatest show of strength in my opinion.” Changbin carries on walking but when he notices that I fell behind, frozen and staring at the black pen inscribed on the inside of the hat, he stops in his tracks. “This…” I pause as I run my fingers over the ink. “You okay?” He sounds concerned and unbelievably lost and I can’t blame him. I must look like I’m malfunctioning and I’m not totally sure that I’m not. “This is my hat.” The tone of surprise is evident as I look at him again, my fingers tightening in the fabric.

“What do you mean it's yours?” He asks as he approaches me slowly. “I–I lost it in the airport while I was running to the departure gate to pick up a friend. It fell straight off my head when I bumped into someone and when I was leaving, I tried to look for it but it never turned up. I wrote this…” I point to the writing and look at him pleadingly so he’ll believe me. It’s like fate that he was one that's in possession of it now. Changbin’s eyebrows furrow as he shakes his head.

“That’s impos– oh my god. I remember! We had just landed at JFK for our last tour, and we were walking through the airport when someone rushed past the security. The hat literally went flying and landing right in front of me and basically tripped the fuck out of me. I’ve had it ever since then…” Changbin trails off with wide eyes staring back at me. “Look.” I pull my phone out of my pocket to pull up my notes app and scroll down to my oldest note. September 9th, 2018.

The same words sit there, and I turn the phone to Changbin and point out the date to further prove my point. “Y/N, this is some next level red string theory shit.” Changbin says in disbelief as he stares at the screen astonished. “That singular line has gotten me through some pretty dark shit. I never knew it was a line in one of your songs. You used it because it was written on some dingy old hat you found?” I’m confused because I know their music, and I definitely would’ve caught it.

“Wow, Y/N. As our biggest fan you haven’t read the lyrics to our songs?” A joke was inevitable. My newest nickname I’ve adopted is ‘their biggest fan’ but at this point it couldn’t be more accurate. “It’s actually in Korean. That’s probably why you never noticed unless you were looking for it. I wanted to include it in a song that means a lot to me, to all of us. It’s in the second verse during my second line in ‘Stray Kids’.” His smile is blinding, and my own smile stretches wide at the sight. “Who knew I would meet the genius lyricist behind my favorite line and the rightful owner of my favorite hat?”

A laugh bubbles out of my mouth at that before I gasp suddenly. “Holy crap. I wrote a line in a Stray Kids song! Where are my creds, Mr. Producer?” Changbin swings an arm around my shoulder and continues walking us out. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?” His expression is solemn, and I would think he was seriously put out if not for the downturned smile he’s not slick enough to hide. “Nope. Just wait until I tell Chan and Jisung that we have to rebrand 3racha into 4racha.” I joke, hopping into the backseat of the car.

“In your dreams, Y/L/N.” He laughs as he readjusts the hat back on his head. “Hell yeah in my dreams.”

Chapter 16

9:30 am. My alarm is perfectly timed to wake me. I’m glad Felix gave me a heads up last night to set one, otherwise I would have slept until the afternoon. My arms are aching and my legs feel as heavy as lead. Changbin’s lesson yesterday really did a number on my body, as I’m not used to using half the muscles that are apparently required to defend myself. I allow myself an extra few minutes in my cloud of a bed before hauling my ass up to shower and get ready for my date with Felix.

He’d caught me on my way back to my room last night. All blushing cheeks and shy smiles when he’d asked me to go to an arcade with him the next day. I feel like I really can't figure Felix out. He can go from a nervous wreck in front of me to someone with unshakable confidence, like flipping a switch. Viewing the many sides of him is strangely compelling and the urge to peel back as many layers as I can is tempting. I wonder which version of him I’ll get today.

My room seems to have been ransacked while I was with Changbin last night because when I arrived back, my clothes (the ones I came with and the ones I’ve borrowed thus far) were sitting folded and washed on the edge of my bed. With the knowledge that Chan has a copy of my key card, I assume it was his doing once again. I still don’t understand why he would need one. I mean, he said he trusted me, but I can understand if those were empty words to placate my word vomit at brunch.

He obviously doesn’t trust you, Y/N. You’re just a stranger that they’ve been forcefully entangled with. The key card is for when they deem you a liability so they can throw you out when the time comes. Fuck. Why does that kind of make sense? Just then, my phone blares out from where it’s plugged in on the bedside table. I was finally able to fill in my sister and Megan last night. Granted, it was through a lengthy text message at 1:45 am in a spontaneous group chat, therefore I received no response.

The caller ID reads ‘Megalita’ but how much do I want to bet that she won’t be alone? All my money, I guess because after picking up, two voices are scrambling to talk over each other. “Hello? HELLO?! Can you both take a deep breath and speak consecutively instead of simultaneously? I’m already sporting a massive headache, one that I don’t have time for right now. Single file your question and or comments… please.” I rush out, interrupting the overall gibberish spouting through my speaker.

A moment of silence passes like they’re trying to decide who’s going to take the lead. Finally, Kate speaks up. “You’re insane, you know that?” Well, that is not what I thought would be the first thing said. “Oh, really? I thought that was common knowledge.” I say in a deadpan manner. She sighs before continuing. “Do you know what you’re getting yourself into here? I mean, c’mon sis. A polyamorous relationship with a famous K-pop group. Not to mention, your first actual relationship… ever.” I roll my eyes as she continues. “You know what happened last time you–”

“Don’t. You. Dare. Bring that up. What the fuck?” I’m shocked that she would try to compare that to this. “Bro, not cool. We said we were going to have her explain, not jump down her throat or bring up the past.” There goes Megan, always in my corner. Even in circumstances such as this. At the near mention of my past, goosebumps form on my arms, and my throat burns from rising acid.“I just want her to be realistic and not make any rash decisions, sue me.” Kate grumbles quietly but I heard it loud and clear.

“I’m not a child. I know what I’m doing, and I didn’t tell you so that you can lecture me based on shit from my past that, thank you very much, I wish to forget and never hear about again.” In truth, I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m not about to admit that now that this is the direction this conversation is going. I’m not going to give anyone the satisfaction of making me question everything again. My own brain is doing that enough. “Bro, that’s not why we called. To be honest, I wanted to say I told you so and wish you luck.” Megan pipes up again.

The rising annoyance I feel pitters down a bit, but my guard is still raised and ready to defend myself. “I just-“, I sigh and rub my temples in frustration. “I know it’s ridiculous and out of the blue but I have everything under control. I need your support even if you guys don’t agree with the situation. I just need you to trust me. Please.” It’s quiet for a moment on the other line and I’m anticipating the push back, but it never comes. “Okay.”

“Huh? Just like that?” I’m actually shocked. My sister is like an impenetrable wall most of the time, so her relenting is new. “You know I trust you. I just don’t want you to get hurt again. Seeing you so broken was tough. I want you to look out for yourself, use your head instead of your heart this time.” I can tell it’s taking her a lot to say this, but I appreciate it nonetheless. “I will. I am.” “Glad we got that settled. Now spill the dirty details right now before I crawl through the phone.” Megan jokes, clearing the air to lighter conversation. Thank god. 

---

 

The arcade ended up being further away than I thought. Over an hour drive into a familiar neighborhood makes the early rise this morning make more sense. We’re on the island, the one I grew up on and it’s way closer to home than the city. I’m shocked that Felix managed to find this place, given that it’s pretty uncommon knowledge for someone who only really explores NYC when they visit. Good ol’ Dave and Busters. What’s also shocking is the completely vacant parking lot… Long Island is anything but empty. “Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.” Felix says with a laugh as he nudges my shoulder. I pop my jaw shut dramatically and his eyes crease as he smiles at me.

Once inside, I notice there is absolutely no one around. It’s like a ghost town but with a pinball machine. Felix removes his mask before reaching to unhook mine. His fingers graze my cheeks and he delicately removes it and slides both into one of the many pockets in his faded grey cargos. There is no way that there’s no one here but the more I look around, a thought hits me. “Felix. Please tell me that the fact that this place is deserted is just a coincidence.” I sneak a glance at him and he’s trying and failing to hide a slick smile. “I may have taken care of everything beforehand.” He shrugs his shoulders to act nonchalant before walking ahead.

I catch up with him as we leisurely weave between gaming consoles. “Lix.” I grab his arm to stop him and he freezes at the serious tone. “There is no way that you all rented out these spots in a matter of two days. Were these meant to be dates for the eight of you?” I don’t know why it didn’t click before. The rooftop, the gym and now the arcade. Places in New York don’t just close for a private party on a whim. It’s way too populated. Felix cringes but I’m glad he decides it’s best not to lie. “I mean, yeah. But we all agreed to use the opportunity to spend time with you. The other guys are using their time just as well as they would if it was all of us.”

Now I feel like crap. Stealing their free time in order to push this selfish agenda of mine. They should be together right now and they would be if I had left when I said. “I ruined your plans.” My eyes drift to my battered sneakers. “Sunshine. Why are you always putting yourself down? Acting like we don’t want you to be exactly where you are.” Felix lifts my chin to contact our eyes and I see no resentment or annoyance. The neon purple lights reflect in his eyes as he furrows his brows. He looks genuinely confused about the guilt I feel. “It– it’s just that I can’t. I can’t fathom that any of you would want to willingly spend time with me over each other. I don’t understand.”

Firm hands take hold of my shoulders. “Y/N, I love my boys with every fiber of my being. But you’re important to me too. Chan mentioned that he told you the story from the first time I saw you. Do you know how long it took for me to accept that I would never see you again? That I would never get to know you and hear you laugh or hold you in my arms. I can’t explain why I feel this way, I just know there’s something special about you. It’s like we were meant to meet again.” The conviction in his voice makes my eyes glass over and a lump form in my throat.

“Chan did say something about ‘love at first sight’.” I joke, trying to stop the tears from falling and shut my chaotic emotions back behind the steel door in my mind. Hiding behind humor is the only way to keep myself from crumpling into a pile on the floor from the overwhelming pull in my chest. Felix smiles a tiny smile and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Those may or may not have been my exact words but yeah.” I clear my throat, feeling the need to respond to his profound statements. “I hoped we’d meet again too. I didn’t know your name or who you were at the time but there was something about the way you looked at me that day. Like you saw me.”

“I do see you.” Felix whispers before he leans toward me. His lips brush mine and I hold my breath in anticipation. Finally, someone who isn’t afraid to kiss me. Orrrr not. His lips swerve slightly and connect with the corner of my lips in a brief peck before he pulls away entirely with a ruffle to my hair. “Now let’s lighten up. I bet I can beat you in every game from here to the claw machine.” Felix gestures to the row of machines and I scoff in mock offense. “You’re on. Can’t wait to make you eat your words, Yongbok.” I brush past him playfully and head straight for the motorcycle racing.

 

---

 

Five rounds of motorcycle racing, two rounds of zombie crossbow hunting and three of this random galactic monster game and Felix and I are tied 5 - 5. My competitive side is surfacing and it matches Felix’s well. There just needs to be a final winner. As a tie breaker, I let him choose the next one. It was only fair since I chose two out of the three games we played thus far. My fingers are crossed that I didn’t shoot myself in the foot. Felix is taking his sweet time eyeing each game, probably to see what he has the most chance at winning. “Okay, I picked one. But first, what does the winner get?” There is a devilish glint in his eyes as he smirks at me. Ok, we’re playing like that then.

“Hmmm, if I win…,” I pretend to think for a moment. “I want a kiss.” I swear Felix’s eyes bulge out of his head at my boldness. We’ve shared a few kisses in the last couple of days which is something I can’t say for the other boys. If they’re avoiding it then this is a good way to find out. “And if you win, what would you like, Lixie?” The nickname rolls off my tongue in a teasing way, hoping to elicit a reaction from the startled man in front of me. “I- maybe, I-,,” he clears his throat. “I’ll need to think about it.” Bingo. Now let’s hope I can pull off this win.

We end up in front of the claw machine, and my ego deflates completely. Fuck my life. I’ve always been terrible at these things. Every time I go somewhere with a claw machine, I end up spending way too long and way too much money trying to win something. A simple concept yet the most difficult to succeed in. I try not to let my apprehension show though because my facade of confidence has to look legit. Felix hands me a few tokens and we decide I’ll go first. Only three tries each and whoever captures the most plushies wins.

I crack my knuckles in preparation just for dramatic effect and slide the coins into the machine. The carnival music starts up and the lights flash as I grab the joystick. I’ll go for the small frog plush closest to the hole. The metal clasps around the toy but a slight move of the joystick jolts the machine, causing the frog to slip from its grasp. It’s okay, I still have two more tries. There’s no way Felix will succeed three times anyway. I spot a little dinosaur on the edge of the shelf and it looks very movable. If I can maneuver the claw to push it towards the hole then it will fall right in. Right? Nope. So, I may have miscalculated. I huff in frustration before rolling my shoulders back to focus again.

I can see the slight smirk of amusement on Felix’s face as he watches me fail, and I become even more determined. For my third try, I need to change my approach. If I can grab two at once, then the claw will be full enough that nothing can slip out of its clutches. There’s two teddy bears laying on top of each other and my eyes lock on them. Perfect, there will definitely be enough grip on those. The claw grabs both bears and once I feel like they’re secure, I start trying to slowly bring them to the exit. Unfortunately, these machines really do hate me. The arm of the claw starts swinging dangerously and before I can react, the stuffed animals slip back down into the pile.

My fingers raise to massage my temples in what I can only describe as intense irritation when I hear a burst of laughter from Felix as he leans against the glass box. I narrow my eyes at him as he wipes imaginary tears from his eyes. “Whew, you’re terrible at this. You had me rooting for you on that last try though.” He giggles out. “Okay, Mr. Bronze Tier. Let’s see you try it if it’s so easy.” Low blow, I know but he doesn’t seem as affected as usual by that little dig. He just raises his hands in surrender with that same quirk to the corners of his lips. That might’ve just frustrated me more. I cross my arms as I take Felix’s stance leaning on the glass, scowling at the poor, trapped stuffed creatures. Fuck this game.

Remind me never to underestimate Felix again. In under two minutes, he managed to capture nine plushies in three tries. I’m frozen in shock as he collects them from the shoot and gathers them carefully in his arms. “Looks like we have a winner!” Acting pretty smug for someone who missed out on a kiss. “What if I choose a better prize?” Damn, I said that out loud. I cringe at my inability to keep my thoughts to myself. “Well what is it then?” I say in a low voice as I fidget with my hands. Felix finishes packing the plushes in a small bag and grabs my hand in his to intertwine our fingers. “You’ll just have to see.” His eyes are shining with pride and it makes it impossible to be upset about my loss. I shake my head with a building smile and follow him through the building to the exit.

Once the car pulls away, Felix reaches into the bag of plushies and starts taking them out one by one. “Help me decide who gets what.” He’s going to give them to his boyfriends. How fucking adorable. There’s a variety of animals to choose from, but the decisions pan out in my head easily. The floppy-eared bunny for Minho, fuzzy little frog for Changbin, purple teddy bear for Hyunjin, brown bear for Chan, golden haired puppy for Seungmin and a striped tiger for Jeongin. That leaves an adorable yellow duck, a fluffy pink unicorn and an orange spotted dinosaur. “Obviously the little duck is yours, but I’m stuck between the dinosaur and the unicorn for Jisung. I feel like he could go either way.”

I’m actually thinking so hard about this. This decision could throw off the balance here. It's a precarious system I have going on. Felix giggles at how serious I’m taking this before he grabs the dinosaur and places it back in the bag with the others. “Dino for Ji, it suits him. Duck for me andddd unicorn for you.” He places the cute little plush on my lap and fastens my hands around it. I scoff at his choice. “Oh, because I’m the girl I get the unicorn?” Felix sputters at my comment, obviously not realizing how it must have looked. “No, I– my bad! You can pick a dif-.” My laughter interrupts his crisis, and his face falls before playfully nudging my shoulder.

“I’m kidding! I love this one and was hoping I’d get to keep it. Jeez, Lix. It’s like you’ve never had a girlfriend before.” Felix’s face turns bright red at that but he giggles with me. I don’t know Felix’s dating history so I wasn’t sure how he would take that, it just kind of slipped out. “Have you? I mean I don’t want to assume anything. I was just joking.” I say sincerely, even though his reaction didn’t give off any signs that he may be offended. “I have but not since I lived in Sydney. Nothing long term and definitely not like the relationship I’m in now.” I nod my head at his words. Thinking about young Felix with all the girls in his grade following him around and drooling over him is adorable. If only they could see him now, in a polycule with seven men and I guess by extension… me too.

The rest of the ride back to the hotel was cozy. Soft jazz flowed through the car speakers as we watched the cars and buildings rush past our windows. We end up stopping for McDonalds for a quick bite and Felix insists on feeding me fries dipped in his McFlurry. A classic but somehow being fed by him made the combo taste even better. Next thing I know we’re both walking into my hotel room. Felix immediately flops down face first on my freshly made bed. His eyes close and he heaves a sigh of relief as he buries his nose further into the duvet.

“Tired, baby?” I risk the use of the nickname that I heard Seungmin call him, and he doesn’t even pop an eye open, just simply nods his head. “I’m gonna wash up. Be right back and don’t you dare fall asleep.” I wave a finger in his direction even though he can’t see me and he just holds up an ‘ok’ sign. I wash my face and brush my teeth quickly in the bathroom and change my shorts for one of the various pairs of sweats I’ve accumulated. Bra off, obviously. I’m sick of wearing it today and I can’t be bothered to keep up appearances when I can feel the tiredness behind my eyes.

Entering the room again, I find Felix under the fluffy duvet now. He’s sitting up on his phone now, obviously heeding my warning to stay awake. At the click of the door opening, he locks his phone and drops it on the bedside table. “Ready to grant me my prize, sunshine?” My heart skips a beat. I forgot about that part of our deal. He must have come up with something finally and he wants it now. In my hotel room. As he’s sitting in my bed… under the covers. I can’t imagine what he means and I don’t want to assume but it's highly suspicious. However, Felix is none the wiser to the implications as he lifts the duvet to usher me under it.

Once I’m fully covered by the soft fabric, Felix pulls me down so my head rests on his shoulder. He moves me around like a puppet as he drapes my arm around his waist and intertwines his legs with mine. When he’s settled, he lets out a content sigh and closes his eyes, resting his cheek on the top of my head. I’m confused. “Take a nap with me. I won so you have to.” He mumbles sleepily. How is a grown man this cute? Make it make sense. “Innie texted me when you were in the bathroom. Said to meet him in the lobby later. You’re so soft and warm. You smell good too. How do you always smell so good?”

The words get quieter as Felix drifts off. Oh. How am I supposed to sleep now? Blushing and anxious. Yay, my favorite combo. I let Felix’s words sink in and find myself too tired and comfortable to overthink. I snuggle closer to his warmth and close my eyes, letting darkness overtake me as his grip on me tightens the slightest bit. I could get used to this.

Notes:

Thank you all for the love in the comments! 3 out of 8 members, oooohhhh. Sorry for inconsistent posting, I haven't worked out a schedule that coincides with works and everything else yet. I'm just trying to stock up on chapters for now. Let me know your thoughts on the latest chapter! :)

Chapter 17

Notes:

TW: dream that alludes to SA, anxiety attack from past trauma, there will be more future references to SA, but I will ALWAYS put a warning beforehand. If you feel uncomfortable with this sort of content, then please skip the first paragraph.

The air is cold and my vision is blurry. My arms feel heavy as I try to push my hair from my face. There is a weight pressed against my chest that restricts my movement but I can’t tell what it is. A voice brushes against my ear. “So obedient like this. Mine for the taking, isn’t that right?” A mean chuckle vibrates the stagnant air. I try to move or to yell out but nothing escapes my lips and my hands are seemingly useless. It’s like my body has been stolen from me yet I still feel the motion. I’m rocking back and forth but every sensation is numb. Tears drip down the side of my face and I don’t have the strength to wipe them away. It only seems to make the force moving my body grow stronger and rougher. The motion makes me nauseous and it forces out the contents of my stomach. “You fucking bitch!” That’s all I hear before a searing pain strikes my cheek. A piercing shriek travels through the air, enough to cause my ears to ring. It’s me. That’s the last thing I hear before suddenly I’m falling into a darkness. All I feel are hands grabbing every inch of my body and every touch burns like flames brushing my skin. Words echo in my ear; I can’t tell what they’re saying. Then the familiar smell of peaches…

 

---

 

I wake with a start to the bed rocking against the wall. It’s dark and I can only slightly make out a figure hovering over me. My wide eyes dart around to try to find an escape route but the figure has hold of my shoulders. I scream and thrash to remove the grip on me. It’s him. He’s back. I need to get out. My ears finally register the familiar, soothing voice. “Baby, it’s okay! It was just a dream. It’s Jisung, it’s your Sungie.” My Sungie? Just then, the lamp flicks on and illuminates the room, revealing the two faces staring at me in concern and fear. Jisung’s grip on me drops away now that I’ve stopped struggling and I sit up.

My heart is beating a mile a minute still and I’m out of breath. “You were having a nightmare.” Felix states, it’s not a question that that’s what was happening. “I couldn’t wake you so I called Jisung.” My face is damp with tears that must’ve fallen in my sleep. My breaths start coming out quicker and my muscles tense. “I’m sorry.” I whisper between my heaving, ashamed to have my past giving them grief. The guilt and shame are rearing their ugly heads with a greater force than usual.

I feel the full blown panic attack barreling forward but I can’t stop it. My chest is rising and falling rapidly like I can’t fill my lungs with enough oxygen. Black spots swim in my vision, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to avoid the dizziness they cause. “Don’t be sorry. Just listen to the sound of my voice, Y/N. Can you do that? Try to match your breathing with mine. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three.” Jisung attempts to get through to me but I’m barely listening. My hands come up to tug harshly on my hair. The beating of my heart is too loud in my ears. Instead, he grabs my hands to release their tight grip and brings them to his chest, right over his heart.

The touch is grounding and slowly I’m coming back into focus, relying on the steady thumping under my hands. Another hand comes up to push my damp locks out of my face and after a few more moments I’m able to take a few even breaths. My eyes flutter open and lock onto Jisung’s. Surprisingly, I don’t see pity or disgust. He’s not looking at me like I’m damaged or crazy. In fact, I’ve never seen him look so serious and focused. “Do you want to talk about it?” Jisung offers after he’s sure I won’t spiral into a secondary attack.

Not yet. I can’t bring myself to reveal the darkness that looms over my head and invades my consciousness. It’s too much. I shake my head and he just nods at me. I take in my surroundings now. The curtains are shut but I can see the beginnings of a sunset through the cracks. It should be time for me to meet Jeongin soon in the lobby but to be honest, I don’t know if I can bring myself to. “I-,” I clear my throat that’s now dry from my hyperventilating. “I’m supposed to meet Jeongin…” I trail off as I look between Jisung and then Felix. I can feel a new wave of tears well up in my eyes before a fresh one cascades down my cheek.

Felix hesitantly reaches up to brush it from my cheek. “You don’t have to force yourself, he’ll understand.” I shake my head rapidly. It’s only been a few days and you’re already disappointing them. Just an inconvenience, aren’t you? “Ji, stay with her. I’ll be back.” Felix swings a leg off the edge of the bed before my hand shoots out without my consent and grips his wrist in a panic. “I’ll be right back, okay? Stay with Sungie.” I nod my head slowly before releasing him. Felix makes his way towards the door and the soft click confirms he’s left. Jisung moves to sit beside me and he grabs my hand from my lap.

A few minutes pass in comforting silence and I close my eyes to continue listening to the sounds of Jisung’s breathing, trying to keep mine calm and in sync with his. The panic is subsiding but I still feel a wobble in my bottom lip as Jisung hums lightly. All of a sudden, a loud rumble comes from my stomach and I remember that I’ve barely eaten today. Jisung chooses not to directly comment on it though and plays it off. “I’m starving. I’m feeling room service and a movie night. Whatcha think, pretty girl?” I manage a small smile and nod my head.

 

---

 

When Felix returns, Jisung and I have already eaten half a pizza and are just starting the second Harry Potter movie. The atmosphere is significantly lighter since Felix left and I can see the apprehensive tension in his shoulders release as he spots us. He seems relieved. Close behind him, I spot Chan creeping in hesitatingly. My eyebrows raise in surprise before looking at Felix in an unspoken question. “Sorry, he was there when I told Jeongin you weren’t feeling well and weren’t gonna make it to your date. He’s not upset by the way.” He admits guiltily.

Chan walks further into the room and stops at my side of the bed. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” His voice is so soft and full of concern and affection. It makes me want to cry all over again and throw myself into his arms but I refrain. He raises the back of his hand to my forehead, probably checking for a fever since he doesn’t know the true nature of me “not feeling well”. “Just a bad dream, Channie. I’m okay now.” “Do you need anything? Just say the word and it’s yours.” Chan pushes, feeling useless in this situation since I’m not physically sick. I shake my head though.

Nothing he can do about the demon that haunts my dreams. “Okay but if that changes, you know where to find me. Yeah?” It seems like letting it go is killing him based on the look on his face but he doesn’t press the matter further which I’m grateful for. If he did, the floodgates would open and I’ve had enough for one night. He must trust that whatever it is, Jisung and Felix can handle it. With an affirmative response from me and a kiss on the forehead, Chan says goodnight. He pinches Jisung’s cheek and pats Felix’s backside before heading back to his room.

“I’m gonna head back but I’m two seconds away if you need me. You’re in good hands with Sung.” Felix grabs my hand and gives it a light squeeze and a sloppy kiss. It causes a snort to escape me and the smile I get in return is blinding. “Night, Lixie. I had a good time with you today. Y’know, before.” I say a bit awkwardly. “Me too, sunshine. Goodnight my babies.” Felix rounds the bed and leaves a lingering kiss on Jisung’s lips. It feels like I'll never get used to the sight and the way it lights a fire underneath my skin. Jisung hums into the kiss and follows Felix as he pulls away. A pout adorns his lips at the chaste kiss and Felix just snorts out a laugh. “Love you, bug.”

The flare of jealousy isn’t from their clear declaration of love, even though I can’t wait for them to openly exchange such sentiments with me. No, it’s from their show of physical affection and my desperation to be included instead of avoided like the plague. Felix finally departs back to his room, leaving me and Jisung alone again. “I’m sorry again, by the way.” Jisung looks back at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I never want you to apologize for feeling things. I know you said you don’t want to talk about it but when you’re ready, we’ll listen. Whatever it is, we’re here for you.” The sincerity in his tone, sends a pang to my heart. I’ve done nothing to earn such kindness from them.

“Thank you, for helping me through it. Usually, I’m alone so it takes me a lot longer to calm down.” I explain, feeling the need to express how grateful I am. “I remember from your letters. That was one of the things we had in common. The anxiety. I thought about you all these years. How you were doing. If you’d done everything you said you would. If you had overcome the voices and the fears you shared with me. Seeing you now, makes me wish more than ever that I’d been there. If I was then maybe things would be different for you, better even.” I feel like it’s my turn to comfort Jisung now. He sounds so dejected and almost angry. “Ji, you can’t think like that. It won’t change the past. You’re here now and so am I and I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

I know technically I shouldn’t promise him that, seeing as though when this week is over, they’ll go back to Korea, and I’ll go back to my daily life serving coffee at a hole in the wall cafe. The carriage will turn back into a pumpkin and I’ll be left with one glass slipper and grief that’s unmeasurable. “I just can’t wait to get to know who you’ve become. To see you fall for the people I love most in the world and them to become even more taken with you than they are now. Because, I- um. I think- no I know that… I love you.” The tears that had been forgotten, burn behind my eyes again.

Hearing the words that I wanted to say to him years ago be spoken from his lips as he looks at me like that. With fondness and fear and what looks like devastation. I know he’ll never truly forgive himself for walking away from me all those years ago, but those three words healed a part of me that I hadn’t touched in forever. I don’t hesitate for another moment before grabbing the back of his neck and connecting our lips. Jisungs sits frozen for a moment before he melts against me. The glide of our lips is slow, and I can feel Jisung trying to press as close as he can. The moment lacked fire but provided us both the comfort we needed. All the emotions trying to pour out through this one action.

I sigh in relief at finally breaking through the invisible barrier that’s been built around each of the guys before breaking away slowly. Jisung rests his forehead against mine, eyes still closed. “I love you too, Jisung.” I whisper into the air between us, and I can see the visible shiver that runs through his body. “Fuck. I love you, I love you.” He takes my face in his hands, peppering kisses all over my face. I can’t stop the little giggles from the ticklish sensation. I haven’t felt such an overwhelming wave of happiness in a long time. This wonderful person in front of me, offering me his heart on a silver platter and the hearts of the people he holds close. And I love him. I have since I was fourteen years old. It’s scary how easy it feels but I can’t dwell on my fear when I feel so safe here with him.

The invasive thoughts of them leaving me behind at the end of the week, fly from my mind as I bask in this moment like it’s the only one that matters. Jisung backs away to look across my face and his wide smile fades into something softer. He looks as if he’s about to say something but diverts at the last second. “Okay, let’s finish this movie. We’re almost at the best part!” Jisung hunkers back under the covers. He gets comfortable quickly, opening his arms for me to slot perfectly in his embrace. His broad chest is the perfect pillow, and I don’t make it past Harry slaying the basilisk before I’m out like a light again.

 

---

 

Didn’t want to wake you because you looked so cozy.

Recording this morning so I had to run but

please let me know if you need me.

I love you, pretty girl.

XO Starboy

 

I could scream. The note that Jisung left on my night table was the most welcome surprise this morning. Seeing his handwriting on the small notepad with his signature stamped at the bottom sends a wave of nostalgia through me. His I love you’s are echoing in my head and I swear that nothing could rid me of the giddiness I feel. A knock on my door forces me to place the note down finally, after re-reading it about a hundred times. I rush over to pull it open, and I’m shocked to see Hyunjin standing there, fully dressed and ready.

My smile widens at the sight of him. I haven’t gotten to spend as much time as I would have liked with him. Not much since I broke down in his arms that day. His excitement matches mine as the door opens and reveals my form in the doorway completely. “So you’re next on my roster then, Mr. Hwang?” I bounce on my heels a bit as he enters the room. He laughs and covers his mouth a bit at my ridiculousness but he seems endeared. “Indeed I am, darling.” He mosies into the room, looking around as he goes, acting like our rooms aren’t identical. He picks up the note that Jisung left and lets out a snort. “Lover boy.” He mutters under his breath with a smile before placing the piece of paper back down.

“Sorry that I didn’t let you know in advance but I kind of wanted to surprise you.” Hyunjin plops down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands. Huh, cocky. Rightfully so though because I can’t stop my eyes from trailing down his lean body and openly checking him out. He’s definitely got a smaller waist than me, holy shit. Wait, now that I think about it, most of them do. My expression falters a bit at the flicker of insecurity but Hyunjin doesn’t notice. Good, I would rather not explain why they’re way out of my league. “Well, I’m surprised. What are we doing today?” I force myself back into my excited mindset.

“I thought I’d take you to this little pottery studio that I go to when we’re here. The owner is this sweet old woman and she always closes for a bit when I want to visit. I told her she doesn’t have to but she insists anyway.” Hyunjin smiles fondly when talking about the woman. How freaking sweet. “I would love that. My mom loves pottery. She has so many pieces that my dad staged an intervention once. Never stopped her though. She couldn’t create them herself, but it didn’t stop her from collecting. Inspired me to start a little collection of my own actually.”

My childhood memories surface of that time. My dad hiding the ceramic flowerpots and mugs in the garage while my mom was out. Little did he know that she had brought me back to her favorite shop to get three more. “Huh, I think I’ll be mom’s favorite then. You should make her something.” Hyunjin says before standing and reaching towards my folded clothes that sit on the arm chair in the corner of my room. He ruffles through them for a second before picking out an outfit. Hyunjin hands me the clothes but I simply stand there, my mouth agape slightly.

I can’t make her something. I’m completely unqualified and not the most artistic. How am I supposed to create something like that next to this multi-talented artist? “But I mean, I’ve never tried to do anything like that. I don’t even know how.” Hyunjin just smiled and uses my shoulders to turn me around before pushing me lightly towards the bathroom. “No worries, you’ll have a really good teacher. Now, go. I’ll wait here.” The bathroom door closes behind me and I stand there for a minute, contemplating. Okay, I have a few minutes to better prepare myself. I pull my phone from my pocket and type in what I’m looking for. “Basic pottery for beginners”... He’ll be none the wiser.

Chapter 18

We pull up to a familiar part of town, one I’ve been to many times before as a kid. The buildings have been updated and new shops have opened but it still has the same memories attached. My mom and I walking down the avenue with my older sister trailing behind. The bakery on the corner of the street we just passed, is where my mom let me try my first espresso. The old bookstore that my sister loved to visit has turned into an ice cream parlor but still has the same benches we used to sit on. String lights connecting every lamp post and the few trees that haven’t been uprooted. It’s a comforting sight after all this time.

The last time I was here was three years ago. Since my mom is older now, she finds it hard to make time to travel so far just for fun. Oh and if I remember correctly her favorite ceramics shop is just- oh my gosh. Why didn’t it click sooner? “Hyunjin, is the place we’re going to called ‘Terracatta da Terza’?” Hyunjin looks up from his phone to answer me. “Yeah, how’d you know? Have you been there before?” I nod my head in a burst of excitement. “I have! It was one of my mom’s favorite places to buy her ceramics! Terza Rota, the owner, was friends with my grandmother. I grew up going to her shop, but I haven’t been back in a few years. All the pots and vases I own are from there.”

I wonder if Mrs. Rota is still running it or if she’s finally retired and passed the shop to her daughter, Cecilia. But knowing that stubborn woman, I bet she’s still manning the front register and firing up her kiln. “Oh my god, you know Terza? I love that woman! Her pottery is phenomenal. The technique and delicacy in every piece is remarkable and don’t even get me started on her brush work!” Hearing him gush over a woman that was such a big part of my childhood, warms my heart.

“You love her that much, huh? Should I be jealous?” I joke with him, and his eyes widen as he bursts in a fit of laughter. “Oh yeah. You definitely have some competition when it comes to Terza. She’s top tier.”

The shop looks just as I remember it. A mossy structure covered by the shade of a (fairly large for a NYC street) honeylocust tree. The front window has the same window planter with Mrs. Rota’s fairy garden living inside and the sign outside still reads: Qui vivono le fate. “Fairies live here.” I mutter under my breath with a smile as we approach the entrance.

Hyunjin pushes the shop door open, and the ring of a bell announces our arrival. The first thing I spot is the desk for the front register. It still has pictures I drew from when I was a kid taped right underneath it and it looks like the bamboo plant I got her for Christmas four years ago is growing nicely. It smells the same here every time, like fresh paint and wet clay with a hint of petrichor. Various pots, vases, plates and cups line the walls and shelves, each more beautiful than the last. At the ring of the bell, Mrs. Rota walks in from the back through a beaded rainbow curtain.

She stops short for a second, taking in both our presence before a wide smile stretches across her face and she lets out a squeal. “Tesoro mio! Che bello vederti!” She exclaims in Italian as she rushes forward to pull me into a tight hug. She’s squeezing me so tight I can barely get out my next words. “Ciao, Signora Rota! Non ero sicura che fosse ancora qui.” Mrs. Rota kisses both of my cheeks in greeting and I have to lean down a bit for the five foot tall woman. She has always been short yet fiery. We both turn to Hyunjin, who is standing there completely in awe, jaw dropped and everything.

“Ah, il mio artista! It has been so long. Are you here to create? Mio bambino, we will catch up as soon as I set up the wheel for this gentleman, okay?” Mrs. Rota moves towards the back again. She thinks that we came in separately. Ha, she’s about to be shocked. Before I can interrupt her, Hyunjin is already speaking up. “Actually Terza, we’re here together. I didn’t know Y/N had been to your studio before, so I brought her here to teach her.” This stops the woman in her tracks as she looks between us absolutely bewildered.

She looks to me for conformation and all I manage is a shy nod. Her smirk widens as she looks between us. “Oh, I see. My artist and my baby… I approve. Venire, venire. I will take you to your usual spot.” Hyunjin takes my hand and we head into the back of the shop. While Hyunjin is distracted, I catch Mrs. Rota’s narrowed and accusing eyes. As I pass her, I hear her whisper to me quietly. “Dovrai raccontarmi tutto.” Oh gosh, yay.

Hyunjin moves across the studio like it’s his own. He pulls two smocks from the cupboard in the corner and hands one to me. I secure the strap around my neck and before I get the chance to do it myself, Hyunjin has already begun tying the string behind my back. He moves my hair gently out of the way and the brush of his fingertips on my neck forms goosebumps over my skin. Then like out of thin air, he pulls out a hair tie and begins to gather my long hair into a low ponytail.

“Do you always carry those with you?” I question as he finishes securing my hair. He shrugs his shoulders. “Not so much anymore since I buzzed my hair but I still grab them sometimes out of habit.” I nod my head at his answer. “I didn’t know you spoke Italian.” Hyunjin comments as he starts gathering our supplies and placing them between the pottery wheels. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” My attempts at flirting need some work but Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind as he lets out a soft laugh. “Well, I intend to learn.”

He motions for me to take my seat as he settles on the stool next to mine. In front of each of us are small blocks of clay, some sponges and a dip tray for water and various tools that I have no clue how to use. Hyunjin moves fluidly though as he arranges what he needs and tests out the wheel’s foot pedal. “So, the first step is understanding your material. I chose stoneware clay to work with today since it’s easier to mold. It fires at a lower temperature which means it’ll require less time in the kiln.” I nod my head along, wanting to listen closely as Hyunjin seems to be very passionate about this.

The way his eyes are sparkling as he explains, and his hands can’t keep still as he uses them to express himself is very endearing. He shows me how to wedge my clay to remove all the air bubbles so there’s a clean finish. Although I did kind of lose control of the cone of clay on my wheel, Hyunjin fixed it for me without blinking an eye. “Ok, now center your clay and bring up the walls. Try not to let your clay collapse. It might take a little time to learn how to coordinate your hands with the wheel.” Hyunjin dips his hands into the water bowl in between us and I move to do the same.

I watch his movements and his technique as his clay covered hands inch the clay in an upwards position and I attempt to follow. I’m definitely not as skilled as him but I’m not struggling as much as I thought. After a few more minutes of throwing, my clay is starting to take a decent shape. Until… my acrylic nail catches on the edge and rips the side of the pot formation. I freeze immediately and let out a groan of frustration. I almost had it but my stupid nails ruined the whole thing and I’ll probably have to start over. Hearing my dilemma, Hyunjin stands from his wheel that contains a perfectly sculpted vase to stand behind me and inspect. “Hmm, this is still salvageable, darling.” he muses.

I feel him more than see him as he leans in close to me and his arms encircle me over my shoulders. With a quick dip in the water, Hyunjin’s large hands cover mine over the clay and his foot steps onto my foot pedal to start up the wheel again. I feel his warmth as his front plasters to my back and his breath tickles my ear. The bulge of his biceps are right in my eye line and I watch as they flex. The smell of expensive cologne, woodsy and fresh, surrounds me and makes it hard to focus. I’m no longer paying attention to throwing the clay because all I can feel and see around me is him.

“See! Fixed and looking pretty good for a beginner.” In a split second, the bubble pops as Hyunjin steps back and removes himself entirely from me. I look down, having regained my senses, to see the most perfect little pot sitting on my wheel. How in the world? I could almost swear that everything this man touches turns to gold. “O-oh. Thank you. I thought it was a goner. I guess I can’t become an expert potter with nails like these.” I hold up my messy hands towards Hyunjin.

He laughs as he grabs the cutting wire to lift his vase off the wheel. “Nah, definitely not. That’s why you can just leave the clay to me. I like your nails too much to see them gone.” Not even a glance in my direction as he obliterates my brain with a single sentence. He’s probably just being nice but hearing anything that sounds remotely like a compliment fall from his lips, sends my heart into orbit. Hyunjin gathers our pieces and fires up the kiln in the corner of the room before placing them inside. I walk over to the sinks to scrub my hands finally. This stuff is going to be stuck under my nails forever, I swear.

As Hyunjin washes his hands next, I take the time to admire the works that are lined up on floor to ceiling shelves. I eventually come to a section from a familiar artist. “Oh my gosh, Hyune. Come look at these. I love this artist. I used to buy his pieces every time they were in stock. He goes by ‘Wang’ but I always told Terza that it’s probably an alias.” Hyunjin walks up behind me as I admire the three pieces sitting delicately on a shelf reserved specifically for the artist, Wang. There’s a gorgeous bowl that’s glazed perfectly with blue flowers connecting in a spiral, a large vase that’s been meticulously hand painted in an abstract fashion and a delicate tea pot with a marbled design and eight delicately painted stars. Oh, you’re definitely coming home with me.

Hyunjin is oddly quiet behind me, but I pay it no mind as I admire the ceramics. “Terza says his work is limited edition. Not to be found anywhere else. No wonder though, I mean look at them. The attention to detail, the way you can almost feel the emotions in each piece. It’s like they’re telling a story. Truly beautiful craftmanship, don’t you think?” Having gotten no response, I look over my shoulder to find Hyunjin staring at me perplexed. His eyes hold various emotions that I can’t decipher. All of a sudden, I’m pulled into a tight hug. Hyunjin’s arms squeeze me tightly. His face is half buried in my neck and I almost miss the words he mumbles into my skin. “Thank you.”

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion before snorting out a laugh. “What’re you thanking me for?” I ask him as my hand comes up to pat his back soothingly but he just shakes his head a bit. He holds me for another good minute and I let him, enjoying the comforting weight and realizing he seems like he needs this. Pulling away slowly, Hyunjin gazes past me to review the contents of the shelf. “Thank you for saying that. That means a lot coming from you. Especially because before now you didn’t know that those are my pieces. I’m ‘Wang’.” His voice is hoarse as he reveals his identity to me, like his soul has just been bared.

My jaw needs to stop dropping or I’ll have some serious TMJ in the future. To convince myself I’m not hallucinating, I slap myself lightly on the cheek a few times. “So you’re telling me that I’ve been buying your pottery from this shop for six years?” Now it’s Hyunjin’s turn to be shocked. “You’re the one that’s been buying them? Terza said that I had a fan but I never imagined it’d be you. This is some movie plot.” I nod my head along with that statement. This whole ordeal has been like a movie, or maybe more like an acid trip. “I swear, I feel like I’m being Punk’d. Felix, Changbin, Jisung and now, you. You guys have been right there all this time. How did I not see any of it?”

Hyunjin’s hands raise to take my face between his palms. “Like Jisung would say, everything happens for a reason.” My words seem impossible to get out as I search his eyes that hold an adoration I’ve never received from him before. He’s looking at me as if my eyes hold all the answers to his life’s questions. “T-that is something he would say.” The last word catches in my throat as my eyes lock on his lips. I see no hesitation as he leans forward with the intent to finally connect his lips to mine. But once again, thwarted.

Mrs. Rota waltzes in, completely under concerned about interrupting us as she pretends to make herself busy by cleaning up the back room. In reality, I’m sure she was spying and waiting to pounce at a moment's notice. We both spin abruptly at her sudden appearance, watching as she bustles around and tries not to look at us, before connecting eyes again. Hyunjin’s hands drop from my face as we both cover our mouths to stifle our giggles. “Your work will take about a day to fully bake. I will glaze them in twelve hours. Now off with you, mia caras.” Her eyes betray her tone of disapproval as she watches us hustle out of the room like two caught teenagers.

“Ciao, Signora Rota! Tornerò presto con mia mamma! Salutami Cecilia da parte mia!" I shout over my shoulder as we rush to exit the shop. Hyunjin shakes his head at me with a smile, still astonished at my Italian. As we hop in the car again, our giggles still haven’t stopped. The rush of getting caught red handed, about to kiss one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen, is just too funny right now. Catching our breaths finally, Hyunjin speaks again. “Lunch?” “Yes, please. I’m so hungry I could eat Han Jisung.” He gives me an unimpressed look, but the quirk of his lips betrays his amusement.

The car starts moving as we head towards our lunch destination, a comfortable silence encroaching around us as Hyunjin’s thumb rubs across my knee. “Y’know, it’s a good thing Terza interrupted when she did or I would have had my ass handed to me by hyung.” Hyunjin laughs again at the memory of Mrs. Rota’s poorly timed entrance at the shop. But I’m not following. Pure confusion melts into my expression as I look at him. His smile dims a bit at that. “What?” He asks apprehensively. “I just don’t know what you mean. Why would you be in trouble?” Is this the answer I’ve been hoping for? It already sounds like something I don’t want to hear.

Hyunjin’s face turns pale as he realizes he might’ve revealed too much and my face hardens. “Spill it, Jin.” He knows I’m not playing around because his gulp is audible in the confines of the car. “W-well I mean, it’s nothing crazy. We all talked that day after the concert, before brunch and it’s just that, well, Chan-hyung thought that maybe we should cool it down a bit. He said everything is moving so fast so like no, um. No more physical… stuff on our dates or otherwise. All of us kinda agreed and we promised him we wouldn’t, y’know just until…” Hyunjin trails off as he sees my face becoming more and more red. The restraint I have to not yell at him is close to snapping.

I know I shouldn’t be angry with him because technically this is their relationship and they’re free to set boundaries but how could Chan make that “rule” without even telling me? I’m still unsure of the dynamics in this relationship and him blatantly avoiding this conversation is making everything more confusing. He said he wanted me to be a part of this too, so why is he excluding me? There goes that so-called trust I thought he had in me. What’s worse is that they all agreed to it. Is it because they still see me as just a fan?

It all makes sense now. Chan’s cheek kiss, Changbin’s restraint at the gym, Felix’s half-assed peck. Jisung, though… I wonder if breaking his hyung’s rule earned him another one of his “punishments” as he put it. They probably felt the need to initiate some kind of contact so I wouldn't catch on to their blatant avoidance. Sensing the change in mood, Hyunjin gestures to the driver to take us back to the hotel instead. I don’t mean to ruin his plans or the mood, but I feel like in a split second, I could bite someone’s head clean off. The rest of the ride back is spent with me turned completely towards the window, arms crossed as Hyunjin pretends to fiddle with his phone to keep his nervous hands busy.

Pulling up to the building, I hop out quickly and head straight for the entrance and then the elevator. Hyunjin is hot on my tail and manages to catch the elevator doors before they close behind me. The ride up is awkward, and I can tell he wants to say something but doesn’t have the courage. They’ve seen quite a few sides of me the last couple days, but they’ve never seen me angry. I’m grateful that he seems speechless though because I don’t know if I could control the rage that I feel bubbling inside me. The elevator slows to a stop on our floor, and I rush to make it to my door.

Before I can slide the keycard into the reader, Hyunjin bolts forward to grab my arm in a gentle hold. “Y/N, I-,” I interrupt him before he can say anything further. “Hyunjin, not now. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.” I don’t even turn my head as I grind the words out from behind my teeth but from his grip on me, I can feel his shoulders slump in defeat before releasing me. I quickly shove the keycard into the door and rush inside at the sound of it unlocking.

Once inside, I press my back against the door and slide down until my butt is planted firmly on the ground. Deep breaths, Y/N. Get it under control. No. What I need to do is talk to Chan and trust me, no one is getting their ass handed to them except him.

Chapter 19

Notes:

Here we go againnnnn! I've been working on some bonus scenes, and the first one is now posted! Please let me know what you guys think <3

It’s been about an hour and a half since I left Hyunjin in the hallway. I’ve had time to sort through my thoughts at least so I have an idea of what I want to say to Chan but the fire burning under my skin is still hot. Safe to say, I’m still pretty pissed. I don’t want to seem ungrateful seeing as the last couple days, I’ve been on the most amazing dates but this situation irks me.

I ignore the texts that sit in my phone from the past hour, even though I’ve read them. Multiple apologies and pleads for me to answer or just to let them know I’m okay. Hyunjin must have told them that he let their little agreement slip. And surprise, surprise. No messages from the two oldest. I expected nothing less from Minho but Chan, I thought there would be some push back. But honestly, the lack of contact is just fueling my anger which I need if I’m planning to confront him. Another bling! from my phone catches my attention.

 

Chan:

Omw.

I have my key.

 

Well, that was warm... not. The thought of this confrontation is enough to send me into a spiral, but I can’t ignore this or run from it. A minute passes before I hear the automatic lock click and the door is opening. I’ve been pacing for a while so when Chan enters, I’m standing in the middle of the room, probably looking like a wacko. His expression is blank as he looks at me, his eyes don't give anything away, but his eyebrows are downturned almost into a scowl. He stops a few feet in front of me, and we both just look at each other. It’s like we’re sizing each other up, trying to decide which one of us is angrier as we basically glare at each other. I roll my eyes at his silence and cross my arms. “Are you just gonna stare at me or are you g-.”

“Y/N, stop.” My jaw snaps shut at the firm words. He moves to sit on the edge of my bed, but I can’t bring myself to join him when he pats the spot next to him. He sighs at my stubbornness before he continues. “Y’know you made Hyunjin cry. Jisung broke down into a panic attack, thinking you were gonna leave. And Felix.” He huffs out a dry laugh but I can tell he’s far from amused. “You can be angry at me but don’t take it out on them.” Fair enough. Now, I feel bad.

I thought by not answering them, I was saving them from my wrath, but it just ended up making things worse. I have to stand my ground now though.“You’re right, I’m sorry for that. But yes, I’m angry. Actually, I’m hurt. Why would you make such a big decision without talking to me? You keep saying one thing and then acting the opposite. If we can’t communicate then what the fuck are we doing?” Every fiber of my being is frustrated and it’s spilling out in my tone. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“You keep apologizing for things but I wanna know why. I get that it’s only been a few days since we met but you’re not even giving me a chance to prove to you that I’m not some crazy, obsessed fan. Is that why you have the extra key to my room? So you can make sure I’m not plotting your downfall? I already told you I would sign whatever the hell you wanted me to.” My voice is rising the more worked up I get. “I know you’re not. That’s not why. I-.”

“Then why?” I interrupt him but continue before he can answer. “The only other reason I can think of is that you’re just not attracted to me. I mean I get it but if that’s the case then why are you stringing me along like this? It doesn’t make sense, nothing has made se-.” Chan doesn’t even let me finish before he’s standing abruptly. His hands grab my face roughly before smashing his lips on mine. My eyes shut out of habit and I return his passion with my own, pressing as close as I can as my hands grip his t-shirt. His lips mold over mine in a frantic rhythm that sets butterflies free in my stomach.

Chan backs us up to the wall next to the door and time seems to stand still. I stumble a bit, but his hands fly to my waist to steady us both before using them to press my body into the drywall, holding me in place. His fingers trace the curve of my body as his tongue darts out to trace the outline of my lips. My mouth opens to grant him access, but he doesn’t take it any further and he pulls away, breathing heavily from the intensity he poured into the action. Chan doesn’t let up his hold on my body as he begins to speak into the small space between us. “I don’t want you to ever think that I’m not insanely and completely attracted to you.” I have a feeling there’s more, so I snap myself out of the daze I’m in and drop my hands from the fabric of his shirt and clear my throat.

It’s like my anger swirled down the drain instantly. “Okay.” My fingers come up to graze across his jawline affectionately, ready to let him finish whatever it is he has to say. At the sign of encouragement, Chan guides me back to our original spot, me now accepting the seat next to him. “I told the others to take it slow, not because I think you’re some saesang or something. Seungmin came to talk to me while you were showering in their room that morning. He told me about you slipping and how susceptible you were and I- I just didn’t want you to feel forced or coerced into anything. I want you to be fully conscious with your decisions and not pressured by the physical shit. I don’t want us to hurt you unintentionally or make you feel like you don’t have a choice.

That’s also why I kept the keycard, in the case that I had to get to you if you needed me. It’s my bad that I didn’t talk about it with you first but I guess I didn’t want you to feel embarrassed or ashamed. It’s been hell not being able to kiss you like that. If I or any of the guys ever made you feel anything besides safe and happy I don’t know what I’d-.” I stop him with a quick peck on his lips and his surprise has him freezing in his spot. “I appreciate that, Chan. I really do, but I’m an adult. Yes, a lot of this is new to me but I’m not clueless. If this is going to work, we need to communicate better. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about the hard stuff, no matter what. Don’t leave me in the dark. I promise that I will tell you if I ever have any doubts or if I feel like I can’t handle something if you can promise me this.”

I hold out my pinky for Chan and at the childish gesture, he cracks a small smile and circles his pinky in mine. “I decided that I really don’t like fighting with you so, I promise.” I let out a large sigh of relief and wipe away some imaginary sweat from my forehead in an attempt at comic relief. Chan giggles slightly and his face finally releases all the tension. “Now I have to apologize to the rest of them for icing them out. I didn’t mean to cause such a problem.” My eyes cast downwards to look at my hands guiltily. Chan pats my shoulder in reassurance though and he stands, bringing me with him.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure they’d forgive you for just about anything. Whipped motherfuckers.” He jokes as he wraps an arm around my shoulders to guide me out of my room. “Ha, says the guy who just pinned me against a wall. Looks like I’ve really been missing out. I didn’t even have to say please.” I send him a dramatic wink and his face flushes as he smiles shyly. “Shut up, you brat.” He mumbles and I laugh at his expense. “Make me.” I tease again. Chan doesn't have time to retaliate though before we’re entering his room, but I don’t miss the quick flash in his eyes. Something dangerous. Oh, I’ll have to explore that later.

The rest of the members are placed in various spots around the room, and all their heads snap to us as we enter. A guilty expression is painted firmly on my face. I feel even worse as I take in the sight of the members who were the most distressed by my little temper tantrum. Hyunjin’s eyes are puffy and red and Jisung’s lips are irritated from worrying them between his teeth in anxiety. Even Seungmin looks antsy. My eyes land on Minho who is sitting nonchalantly in the corner but I swear I see his shoulders drop in relief. Changbin, who is closest to the door, doesn’t wait another second before pulling me into a giant bear hug. While I’m being suffocated from the front, I feel a pressure between my shoulder blades.

Felix has wormed his way under Bin’s arms to press his forehead to my back, nuzzling in like a kitten. I laugh at the cute display before struggling to turn myself around in the tight hug to embrace him as well. “I’m sorry, Lixie. I’m sorry, Bin.” I mumble under my breath. “S’okay, Bun.” “Sorry, sunshine.” They say it simultaneously but I hear each sentiment loud and clear. After escaping SKZ pile number one, Seungmin pops over to ruffle my hair. “Pabo.” He mutters out and I smile dumbly at him, causing a snort to escape him and I know I’m forgiven. Jeongin just nods his head at me with a shy smile and holds up a thumbs up and we’re good too.

I finally turn towards my two crybabies and notice them cuddled up on the bed, watching warily. My heart breaks seeing them look so unsure of me. I could almost cry at the sight of Jisung’s uneven breaths and Hyunjin’s wobbly lip. I stand at the edge of the bed and hold my arms out for them. Without a second of hesitation though, both boys fling themselves up to crash into me. Thank god Chan was close enough to steady me, or I would’ve been knocked on my ass from the jolt. Hyunjin rests his cheek on the top of my head and Jisung nuzzles his face into my neck like he wants to crawl into my skin. Feather light kisses are pressed into my skin between quiet “I’m sorry"s.

I let them have their fill before they finally draw themselves from me. My right hand finds the side of Hyunjin’s face, and I caress his skin in a comforting motion. My left cups Jisung’s chin in my palm to rub soothing circles on his cheek with my thumb. “I didn’t mean to scare you guys. I was just so angry in the moment, and I didn’t want to make things worse by saying something dumb. I’m sorry.” Jisung shakes his head before speaking in a husky voice. “You’re not leaving, right?” My heart shatters now, broken all over the floor at his watery eyes and sad words. I shake my head strongly denying and his lips quirk up a bit, finding the action oh so adorable.“I’m here as long as you guys want me here.”

“Good, because we do. Want you here, I mean.” Hyunjin mumbles with half-lidded eyes, looking completely emotionally drained. My eyes soften at that, and I pinch his cheek a bit for being so goddamn cute. “Love you, pretty girl.” I smile giddily at the words and kiss Jisung’s cheek, ignoring the dramatic gasp of shock in the background and the various wide eyes across the room. “I love you too, Ji.” I whisper back. Now, last but not least, Minho. He seems completely unfazed by the whole event, and he was technically completely uninvolved but, fair is fair and I should apologize to all of them for the misunderstanding.

I release myself from the two boys and finally turn to my next victim. Minho is sitting in the farthest corner in the same big armchair that I have in my room. His arms are crossed and his eyes narrow in my direction once my attention is on him. I approach hesitantly, slightly unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.” I bow a 90 degree bow in front of him and hold my stance. It feels awkward to bow since I have never had a reason to but I know enough to feel like this might be the right thing to do. Jisung did say that his hyung doesn’t appreciate disrespect. A beat passes but Minho says nothing and it seems like everyone in the room is holding their breath.

My back is starting to hurt in this position, but I hold my ground, my eyes fixed on the carpeted floor. Until I see Minho’s face pop into my line of vision. There’s a smirk on his face as he crouches into a squat in front of me. “Who said you needed to apologize to me?” I jerk back into a standing position and Minho rises as well. “W-what?” I stutter through my words, feeling flustered by the unexpected reaction. “I just thought that-” Minho cuts me off. “We’re good. An eye for an eye.” Ah, I guess this does make us even. Minho’s attitude and my freak out put us on an even playing field. I mentally breathe a sigh of relief at his words and offer him a small smile which he returns with a nod.

“Can we eat now?” It seems like they all skipped out on lunch, so Changbin’s question causes a full-on riot. The atmosphere feels like it resets and various voices ring out, fighting over what they want to order. I just watch them from the sidelines, laughing at their spring back, when I feel a light tap on my shoulder. Turning my head, I see Jeongin standing there sheepishly with his hand still raised in the air. “Noona, would you be up for a raincheck date tonight? Hannie-hyung said I could hijack his night since he got to spend time with you yesterday.” He sounds so unsure of himself, like he’s expecting me to reject him.

My smile softens and I bring a hand up to rub his arm gently. “I would love to, Innie. And you don’t have to call me noona. I’m only two and a half months older than you. I’m also sorry about last night.” He vehemently shakes his head, though at another apology. “It’s okay, really. Lixie told me you were feeling kinda crappy. I was just worried that I wasn’t gonna get a chance to spend time with you before we y’know.” Jeongin’s head drops as he brings up their inevitable departure in two days, and my own smile falters a bit.

“Trust me, I would’ve made sure we got the time.” The blush on his cheeks is hidden by the yellow lights around us, but I see it clear as day from our close proximity. He nods his head in acknowledgement before turning quickly and basically launching himself into Seungmin’s lap to escape my flirty comment. The older boy hardly flinches as he continues to debate with Chan over whether they should order Korean food or burgers. Ah, these guys are going to make me lose my mind.

Seungmin won the argument over dinner which somehow doesn’t surprise me one bit. Chan does seem like he can be a bit of a pushover when it comes to his beloved boyfriends. As we wait for the food, I find myself squished in a cuddle pile between the husband and wife duo as we watch Felix beat Seungmin’s ass in a game of Mario Kart. Hyunjin’s head rests in the crook of my neck, his eyes closing periodically like he’s one second away from falling asleep as he greedily inhales the scent of my shampoo. Changbin is playing big spoon as he keeps the both of us wrapped under his arm, rubbing hypnotic circles on Hyunjin’s shoulder, which I’m sure is not helping the other stay awake at all.

Chan has an also sleepy Jisung curled up between his legs on the floor as he furiously types away at his laptop that’s balancing on the arm of his chair. I can’t stop myself from admiring Jisung’s lax features as he struggles to keep his eyes focused on the competitive race happening on the flat screen with his cheek snuggled into Chan’s thigh. My focus strays from the tired boy when I see something from the corner of my eye. Jeongin has been sneaking nervous glances at me every few seconds. I try not to acknowledge them in fear of embarrassing him, but I think it’s the cutest thing. How is this world famous star, flustered by me? I haven’t gotten any alone time with the younger and I feel bad for not trying to make more of an effort.

Juggling eight needy men is not something I’ve previously had on my resume. But I’m going to make sure that tonight goes off without a hitch. For him and for me. The only one not present is Minho who sauntered off to his own room to shower before dinner. My mind drifts off to that image. Now that their “no displays of affection rule” has been officially lifted, I’m nervous for my one on one with Minho. If he can get me so turned on without even touching me then how will I survive him now? A firm knock on the door has me shaking the thoughts from my head. All of the boys perk up suddenly at the expected arrival of dinner and my mouth waters at the prospect of food.

Seungmin’s main argument was that I had never had most of these dishes and if I was going to be hanging around eight Korean men that “I should be exposed to their superior cuisine” ... yes those were his exact words. Enough of a selling point that everyone agreed instantaneously. Chan rolls the room service cart in as Felix pauses the game on the TV, still bickering with Seungmin about how many turtle shells he’s allowed to toss before it becomes a vendetta. Minho waltzes in behind Chan, having returned from washing up. His hair is still slightly damp, and his skin is glowing in the hotel lighting. It’s hard to tear my gaze away until I catch his eye, and I have to pretend that my attention on him was in passing. The smirk on his face shows he sees right through me.

Eating dinner with them has become a bit of a routine yet I always manage to find myself feeling envious that they get to do this every single day. Today is a bit different from usual though because as soon as all the boys are settled, I realize they haven’t left a space for me like they’ve been doing. I decide to settle on the couch behind them as they spread out of the floor but when I’m close enough I feel a tug on my arm. Before I know it, Minho is pulling me down into his lap. I feel a bit caught off guard at the boldness of the action and I’m not the only one. The rest of the boy’s eyes are on us and Minho looks extremely satisfied. “What? No more silly rules. Just making up for lost time.” The response is a bunch of shrugs and agreements as they begin dishing out food from the cart.

The rest of dinner I spend sitting between Minho’s outstretched legs as the members fill my plate one after another. Lots of ‘you have to try this” and “this one’s my favorite” filter through the room as they keep piling it on. Eventually it goes as far as feeding me straight from their chopsticks. Minho seems content to pick at his own food from behind me, his arm wrapped loosely around me to keep me in place. It’s comfortable and sweet. I’m finally feeling like I could have a real place here, with them. My heart is soaring at the thought. Even the constant nagging voice in the back of my head shouting at me that it’s too good to be true is silent as I take in the moment. Across the circle of plates and legs, I spot Jeongin watching me. I send him an air kiss and he gives me a dramatic look of disgust in return. Huh, progress.

Chapter 20

Notes:

I promise I didn't abandon this story! It's been a crazy holiday season!! Here's to the first post of 2026. Please bear with me as I continue to update and thank you for the support <3 Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'm obsessed with reading them!!

The streets are quieter than I expected for this time of night. I’m not sure where we’re walking to yet since all I was told was that Jeongin knew a place which sounded very cryptic. The air is warm, and the slight nighttime breeze is a welcome reprieve from the scorching sun from earlier in the day. I do kind of wish I had brought a hoodie or something like Jeongin though.

We also have a shadow. Evidently, I’m more clueless than I thought because I never noticed the bodyguard that apparently follows them everywhere. I mean, he is keeping watch from a far distance away but I wonder how I never noticed before. It’s probably because I’ve become so wrapped up in the boy’s presence that everything else must have been out of focus.

We’ve been walking in a bit of an awkward silence for the last fifteen minutes, a large gap between us and somehow ended up on a trail in a park that I’ve never been to before. Jeongin continues slightly ahead of me and I just follow blindly. I clear my throat a bit, preparing to end this unbearable silence when I feel something tap my cheek. I pause for a second and I know Jeongin must have felt it too because he stops dead in his tracks. He turns his head towards me, and his eyes mirror mine as they widen.

“Do you think it’s gonna rai-”, he doesn’t get a chance to finish before the sky suddenly opens up. The rain starts pouring and soaks us immediately. Jeongin grabs my hand and takes off further into the park. As we sprint down the pathway, I can't help but laugh at the ridiculous predicament we’ve found ourselves in. I’m surprised he could hear me over the roar of raindrops pelting the ground, but he turns to look at me over his shoulder with a smile on his face before he breaks down, laughing with me.

Hand in hand, Jeongin and I continue running and laughing, probably looking like we’re out of our minds. Finally, we reach a spot of cover which he pulls me toward. “That was absolutely insane!” I exclaim, out of breath and trying to reign in my laughter. Jeongin has a bright smile on his face as his own giggles spill out through rough pants. “I think we even lost Hyunwoo-hyung!” The mention of their probably frantic security guy trying to dodge raindrops to keep up with us spirals us both into more uncontrollable laughter. “Oh m-my god! That’s so fucking funny.” I clutch my stomach from the pain laughing has caused.

I finally take in our new surroundings as I wipe the rain and tears from my eyes. Oh wow, it’s incredible. This is for sure the place we were heading for. We found ourselves standing under a large gazebo with stark white pillars set up in rows. White fairy lights spiral around them, creating the most beautiful glow. My mouth parts in astonishment at the simple yet mesmerizing display. Jeongin watches my reaction with bated breath as he shakes droplets from his hair.

How did he even find this spot, buried so deep in this random park? I don’t get the chance to ask before Jeongin speaks again. “Do you like it?” He asks shyly, obviously anxious to hear my impression. I look back at him, my expression giving “are you seriously asking me that” vibes. “Are you kidding? Yes, I love it! The lights, the pillars, it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. Like a scene from a movie.” I see Jeongin’s shoulders release the tension they've been carrying for our entire walk here.

“How did you even come across this place? I’ve never heard of it.” I ask him as I reach my fingers up to touch a winding string of lights. Jeongin’s hand raises to rub the back of his neck, giving his nervous vibe away even as he tries to remain cool and collected. “Well, when you were out with Bin-hyung, I was feeling kind of antsy, so I went for a walk and stumbled across it. Then, all I could think about was bringing you here.”

I give him a soft smile, completely charmed by him. “That’s really sweet, Innie. Thank you. For thinking of me and for bringing me.” He huffs out a timid laugh as he shakes his head. “I don’t know if you should be thanking me. I obviously didn’t check the weather report and walked us straight into a storm. Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.” I shrug my shoulders. “Eh, it’s kind of romantic though. Don’t you think? Also, I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.” Jeongin blushes at my insinuation before agreeing with me.

I glance around the large structure we’re sheltered by to see if there may be somewhere to sit but alas, no benches in sight. I decide the floor will have to do and I pop a squat right there. I pat the ground in a silent command for him to join me and he sits instantly, crossing his legs. The anxiety rolling off of him is tangible as he avoids eye contact with me. I feel kind of bad that I make him so skittish. He can’t be having a good time when he’s wound so tight.

I place my hand on Jeongin’s knee to grab his attention, and his eyes lift to mine. “You know I don’t bite, right? Why are you so tense?” My thumb rubs small circles on his jean covered knee in an attempt to soothe. Jeongin just lets out a huge sigh at my question. “Is it that obvious?” He asks in a small voice. I just hold my hand up, shaking it in a so-so motion. He cringes a bit at the realization that he’s not hiding his feelings as well as he thought. But I’ve known from being an avid watcher of their content that Jeongin tends to express every emotion on his face whether he means to or not.

“I just don’t really know how to do this.” The words come out in a low volume, like he doesn't actually want me to hear it. I cock my head a bit, confused about what he means. He sighs in frustration before continuing. “I’ve never had to prove myself to someone in order to get them to like me. With the members, I was kind of just there. I don’t know if Chan-hyung told you this part but while the other members were fucking around with each other, I was none the wiser. I had no idea that my hyungs were going on secret dates or sneaking into each other's rooms late at night. I was completely clueless until the night that we had that meeting. I felt...”

Jeongin pauses to gauge my reaction, and I give him an encouraging nod for him to carry on. “I felt really betrayed because the whole time that I was crushing on my members, they were falling in love behind my back.” I can tell from the lingering pain in his voice how it must have felt for him during that time. “When they started negotiating the start of an actual relationship, I just sort of freaked out. Full blown anger and heartbreak. I yelled at them for being so absorbed with each other that they didn’t even consider that I might’ve felt something stronger for them too.

Minho-hyung came up to me mid meltdown and just cracked me on the back of the head and called me an idiot. He said that just because I wasn’t involved in all the messy shit doesn’t mean they weren’t also falling for me. I didn’t have to try that hard for them to accept me. So this, with you, I just feel the need to show you that I’m worthy enough for you to like me too.” My heart aches at his last sentence. Worthy? Of me? If anything, I’m the one wondering if I’m worthy of him. Of all of them.

“I do, Jeongin. I do like you. How could I not? You’re literally the sweetest, most considerate person I think I’ve ever met. You don’t have to prove anything. Not to me and not to yourself because trust me, you’re doing just fine at getting me to be so crushed out on you. It’s actually kind of insane.” I scooch closer to him now, sitting close enough that our thighs brush with every slight movement. I can see the relief on Jeongin’s face but also some apprehension still. “Also, I um. I haven’t been with a woman before, like ever. So that’s also why I feel a bit out of my element when it comes to trying to get close to you.” That makes sense to me.

Having debuted so young, I’m sure there wasn’t an opportunity to explore romantic connections with anyone else besides the members. My need to pacify his worries seems to rattle the box I keep locked away in the back of my mind. “Well, I actually haven’t really been with anyone romantically before so I kind of know how you feel. It’s not like there haven’t been opportunities but I had some pretty, um, dark shit happen to me a few years ago. I never thought I’d be able to open up to anyone, let alone have a chance to fall in love. But, with you all, I want to learn how to. It’s not a linear path, falling for someone. You just have to be willing to try. We can take it one day at a time, but I think we’ll get there eventually.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That makes a lot of sense.” Jeongin nods his head, looking kind of impressed by my point of view. I’m lowkey glad he skirted over my comment about the “dark shit” from my past. “I’m always right, you’ll see.” That earns me a dramatic eye roll and a scoff. I laugh at the reaction and nudge his shoulder playfully. “What! I am!” I yell in defense since he doesn’t seem to believe that I am in fact always right about everything. “Actually, you’ll come to see that the maknae is always right. Even when I’m wrong, I’m still right.” I move to stand when he says this with a huge smirk on his face.

“Hmm, I think I’ll have to make you eat your words on this somehow.” I cross my arms as I narrow my eyes, now standing over him. Jeongin rises to his feet as well and begins dusting off his pants. He seems to be in a more relaxed and playful mood after getting all of that off his chest and I’m definitely not complaining about the boosted atmosphere. “I can’t wait to see you try, noona.”

“I told you that you don’t have to call me noona.” I stick my tongue out at him, and he laughs at the childish action. “Well then, I’ll have to figure out a better name. The hyungs have taken all the good nicknames for you.”Jeongin starts moving a bit closer to me and on instinct I step back with each step forward. My back hits one of the pillars as I back right up into it. But he never falters and keeps stepping closer until there’s less than a foot between us. I feel my throat dry up at the sudden close proximity. The shy, unsure boy from a few minutes ago seems to have been replaced by the cocky, confident man in front of me.

“I-I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” I can't stop my words from stuttering. The only response I get is a low hum as Jeongin’s gaze darkens, dropping down to my lips. Warmth is radiating from his body, and I feel like if I reach out, it could burn me. He takes another half step closer, almost pinning me to the pillar. His eyes flick to mine to see whether or not it’s okay and I offer him a small smile. “Can I kiss you?” The question causes my heart to skip a beat, and I only manage a half nod before he leans in slowly. Everything seems to fade away as his lips connect with mine gently.

It’s surprisingly tender and a shiver shoots down my body all the way to my toes as my eyes close. His hands take residence on my waist as he moves his lips in a lazy sort of way. My own hands lightly rest on his forearms, trying to ground myself and I sigh through my nose at the contact. It feels wonderfully intimate in a way I haven’t felt before. Like the world is revolving around only us at this moment. I can taste the minty freshness of his breath and feel the soft press of his nose against my cheek. His left hand comes up to take hold of my right side of my neck, and I feel something tickle my skin.

Jeongin pulls away after a minute, and I follow his distracted gaze to his hand. Between his two fingers is a wet leaf that must’ve been stuck to my skin from the rain. We both look between the leaf and each other before another burst of laughter escapes us both. “Oh jeez, that’s so embarrassing.” It comes out muffled as I use my hands to cover my face. Jeongin flicks the leaf to the ground as he giggles at my expense. Two large hands encase my own and draw them away from my face. I meet his eyes once again and they hold a satisfied look.

Just as Jeongin is about to speak again, we’re interrupted. Hyunwoo steps out of the tree line just then. “Sorry to intrude but we should get inside somewhere before another wave of rain hits.” His gruff voice rings out. Oh. I didn’t even notice the pause in the rain because I was so wrapped up in the moment. Taking in Hyunwoo’s drenched form makes it hard for me to hold my amusement in. It seems like it does the same for Jeongin because when he looks at me again we’re wearing matching expressions. Our lips sealed tight and the corners of our mouths quirked up.

When Hyunwoo turns away to lead us back to civilization, we finally let out our quiet laughter. Jeongin takes my hand in his much larger one and begins to swing our arms between us as we follow. “Sooo, ice cream?” He asks with a raised eyebrow. My eyes widen in excitement at the mention of a sweet treat. “One hundred percent, let’s go!” I use my grip on his hand to pull him along as he laughs at me.

 

---

 

The ice cream place Jeongin chose was one of those late-night snack places that's open beyond the hours of a regular store so there is no one else here besides the two of us. Hyunwoo thankfully decided to wait outside for us while the weather was still clear. Thank god because now that the bandaid has been ripped off, Jeongin is like a giant mush. He refuses to let go of my hand, making it slightly difficult to take bites of our ice cream.

His hoodie also hangs from my shoulders after he’d thrown it around me as I shivered in my damp clothes during our walk. The dopey smile on his face has been constant since we left the park and I’m sure I look the same. The jokes and teasing are consistent at this point and I couldn't be more grateful for the breakthrough. We’re each scoffing down our sweet treats but my mind stays focused on the man in front of me. I’m sure nothing in the world could draw my attention from him.

Since I’m so in tune with his every move in front of me, I don’t miss the flash of mischievousness in his eyes. Just then, out of the blue, Jeongin boops a spot of his mint chocolate ice cream on my nose with his free hand. “Hey! I clearly expressed my hatred for mint choco. You better wipe this off right now, Yang Jeongin!” What I don’t expect is for him to lean over the small table and lick it clean off the tip of my nose. I sit there stunned as he nonchalantly goes back to eating huge spoonfuls.

“You-.” All I get back is a smirk and a shrug of his shoulder. “It’s like you want me to burst into flames or something.” I mumble as I shove my spoon into my mouth again. “You wanna get me back?” He asks before using his spoon to smear a bit of ice cream on his lips. I narrow my eyes at his ploy but decide to just play along. Despite my disdain for the flavor he chose, I’m not going to waste my chance to one up him at his own game.

I lean my body over the table like he’d done before but instead of kissing him like he obviously anticipated, I drag my tongue quickly over the melted ice cream on his lips. Now it’s his turn to be shocked and he almost chokes on his own saliva. “Huh, I do feel better. Thanks.” I tease him as I pat his back innocently while he coughs a bit. I know he’s still going to act as if I didn’t just win that little standoff, but I’m satisfied with my revenge.

Afterwards, we finish our bowls quickly before making our trek back to the hotel. Jeongin walks me to my door, stopping me before I can unlock it. “Thank you for coming with me tonight. I had a really good time, Y/N. And thanks for listening. It’s nice to know that we’re kind of in the same boat.” His smile is shy but genuine as he no longer struggles to make eye contact with me. “Anytime, Innie. I had a good time too. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” He nods his head before shuffling his feet a bit awkwardly.

We’ve made progress tonight, but I know it’ll take a bit of time for us to be fully in tune with each other. I know what he wants without him having to ask again. I lean up on my tippy toes and plant a firm peck on his lips then drop back down onto my feet. “Goodnight, maknae.” Jeongin drops our hands and backs away towards his own room. “Goodnight, noona.” I roll my eyes at the use of the name again and he just winks before disappearing behind his door. Yeah, this is definitely a win for me.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Lose My Breath