Chapter Text
“Ms. Stelle, I’m right here.”
I can hear her behind me, stepping softly closer as if I was a spooked animal. It was like she expected something to go horribly wrong, that a single step more could be the thing to seal what fate seems to have already chosen for me.
“Please stay there, and slowly turn around…”
A sense of déjà vu washes over me, but it’s not the usual eerie type that comes with a Stellaron and four Paths echoing through your core. This is hopeful, fleeting, like there’s a chance it won’t go the same way as before. I can feel when she lets her aura of death out, the same chill creeping over my skin and bones as it digs for something that isn’t there anymore. It’s calming, a gentle embrace I’m split between fighting and falling into.
Instead, I hold my ground, waiting for her to make a move. My eyes track the form of the demigod-in-the-making as she steps around my right side, almost brushing her shoulder against my arm but refusing to make that contact. She stands before me, half a head shorter but infinitely more imposing, the path to the baths behind her.
She hesitates a second. “…Please, pardon me.”
Her right hand raises up, past our shoulders and up to my cheek, where it slows just a fraction of a second before it dusts across my skin like the legs of a butterfly. The touch is so brief that I wouldn’t have been able to say whether we actually made contact, but she goes in a second time, her fingers perched on the surface like it might disappear beneath them. She inhales sharply, her gaze fixed on her hand, waiting for something to happen. The arm beneath it is quivering slightly, as if unused to such a position.
“Just as I expected… I cannot feel anything…”
I continue to keep still, staring into the violet irises that have yet to make contact. “Cas, you’re shaking.”
She startles, her hand backing away when she looks me in the eye. Suddenly, I’m not just a dead body in motion, something she’s studying to understand. “Back at the Grove, I was.. puzzled, as to why you were not affected by my curse. I thought that it might have been the special ability of a traveler from beyond the sky… Never did I expect I expect that this would be the true reason…
“I’m sorry. I should have noticed that something was amiss earlier-”
Her breath hitches as my left hand rises to circle her wrist loosely, taking hold of it and bringing it back down to shoulder height for her. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
She seems almost frightened that I would so willingly touch her, but she calms herself quickly, trying to continue the conversation. “Of course. I was just thinking.. if your soul has really left your body, as a mortician, I might be able to trace where it has gone to.”
Mem drifts a bit closer in the air, hovering around my shoulder but not quite sitting on it. The bond of memories we shared told me they were just as hopeful as I was. “Did you find anything?”
She shakes her head. “My apologies, not as of yet… Perhaps I have overestimated my abilities.” She raises one hand to her chest, trying to brave herself for the next question. “But… Ms. Stelle, would you be willing to let me try again? This time, I’ll increase the area of contact slightly. Perhaps the result might be different this time…”
I can see her still trembling, worried I might reject her. I try and offer a reassuring smile, my right arm holding onto the opposing elbow behind my back. “There’s no harm in trying again.”
The faint nod she gives herself makes my heart ache just a bit. “I have never touched the living in this way before. If my actions are in any way disrespectful, I hope that you can forgive me…”
Her hand rises again, ghosting the same spot on my cheek with her fingers before spreading outwards, the palm settling against my skin. Her shaking subsides, and she breathes a sigh of relief. Her expression is still melancholy, stuck with the fact that I’m as close as she’ll ever get to touching another living being without them dying under her curse. I wonder if Mydei could- no, not the time, Stelle.
There’s a quick gasp when her mouth opens, her eyebrows raising ever so slightly. My voice comes out softly, hoping I don’t spook her again. “Did you find something?”
“I… seem to have caught a glimpse of something. Your soul is currently.. roaming someplace and cannot find a way to escape. But perhaps… it might not be a bad thing. If your soul is still wandering around, it means that we still have time. We have a chance to find it before the fingers of Thanatos sweep everything away.”
Her eyes close in concentration. “Clues… Just a few more. I need more guidance…” After a few seconds, she opens them. “…Huh. The connection has been severed. With my strength… I’m not able to trace it.”
She visibly deflates. She goes to remove her hand, but my own comes up to cover it, asking to keep it in place. Her eyes blow wide in surprise, but she doesn’t pull away. “Ms. Stelle…”
“I’m sorry.” I blurt it out on reflex, but I make no move to take away my hand. “I just figured, if you’ve never been able to touch someone like this, you might want to… enjoy it?”
The statement comes out as more of a question, and Mem sends the image of an eyeroll down the bond, vanishing into the immaterium as they do. They settle into the back of my mind, a collection of sentient memories waiting to take shape when I need them again. Castorice, for her part, doesn’t react immediately. She studies my face, then our hands, before she tilts her head slightly. “You’re not.. afraid of me?”
“Cas, I have two years’ worth of memories, an unknown past within an intergalactic terrorist organization, the physical embodiment of destructive power in my chest, and gifts from at least four different Aeons and one of your world’s Titans in my body. I haven’t known a moment of peace since my first memory of waking up in a place that was being attacked by enemies that make the Black Tide look like toy dolls. I can handle the touch of death.”
The declaration makes her giggle at the absurdity of what I just said, but when my expression doesn’t change, she makes the connection. “You’re… serious. You are serious, yes?”
“I could swear to Oronyx, if that makes you feel better?”
The joke falls flat. “That.. that is… how?”
I huff out a laugh, thinking of how impossible those two years would sound if I tried to explain dream worlds and spaceships half the size of their planet. “I wish I knew. Part of the Trailblaze journey, I guess.”
She shakes her head at me. “I could never imagine doing that.”
“You wouldn’t be the first god-like being to join my team.”
The thought that was meant to be internal escapes through my lips, and she just stares at me like I’m insane. I cough into my fist and try to change the subject. “So, what would you like to do first?”
“Well… Could I… braid your hair?”
…What a normal request. Poor Cas, too pure for this world. I nod, and gesture to the steps behind her. She takes one step back, her hand leaving my face as she does, and the world goes still as she waits for me to disappear. When I don’t, she steps back again and trips on the raised platform, almost falling to the ground before I catch her wrist and keep her upright. She lowers herself slowly to the ground, and I plop myself down in front of her, back and hair presented.
I feel her hands grip my hair, but she hesitates. “I haven’t done this before.”
“There’s a first time for everything, Cas, seize the moment!”
She giggles again, and I hold in a snicker of victory as she starts weaving the strands. Despite having never done this before, her hands are steady, making deft movements as she twines locks together and pulls them tight. Over five minutes, I count two braids, leaving the shortest strands near my face alone and binding the rest evenly. When her hands pull back, she huffs a breath. “All done. Want to see?”
"Yeah, one second."
Pulling out my phone, I open the camera and hold it out to her. After a few seconds, I realize she's confused. "Take a picture for me?"
"Ah."
She takes it from me, and after I hear the shutter sound, she hands it back over my shoulder. I can't help but whistle at her handiwork. "You said you've never done this before."
"I haven't, but it is not much different from weaving yarn for a bracelet."
I look back at her, disbelief painting my features. "No one has been able to tame my hair. March has spent years trying to get it to behave, but it refuses to do anything other than hang there."
She ducks her head a bit, and for perhaps the first time, she has a sheepish smile on her lips. "I spend a lot of time reading and making crafts. Uncooperative materials are part of the experience."
I raise an eyebrow at her. "I think I was very cooperative."
I think the deadpan stare I give her is what does it, but either way, I get a full-bodied laugh from her. Seeing the usually somber woman (because I have to remember that she is much older than I am) discard her composure like this is amazing, her eyes scrunched tight while she takes heaving breaths between bouts and her hands clutch her stomach.
When she gets herself back under control, she coughs a little. "Excuse me, that was unbecoming of me."
I allow myself a little smirk. "It was exactly what I was hoping for. So, what next?"
She leans back on her hands, looking up at the seemingly permanent blue sky. "I don't know. All my life, I never expected to have this chance. I've always had to keep people at a distance for their own safety, fearing that even an accidental graze could take them before their time. Not even the other Chrysos Heirs are safe, Coreflame or not. Now that it's here... I don't know what to do with it. We still have to be cautious of others."
"Do you want my input?"
"If you have some."
I push myself off the ground, offering a hand out to her. "I've got an idea."
Once we were both standing, I keep one hand on hers and the other on my phone, opening the map with it. Practice with our other friends made me fairly confident that this will work, but this is my first time with newly established Anchors and a shaky-at-best connection to the Express.
After finding my destination, I hover a finger over the button and look to my companion. "This might feel weird for a second."
She doesn't question it, just nods her head and braces. I press the button and feel the familiar sensation of my body being disassembled and reassembled in seconds, the molecules unbinding and rebinding through the magic of the Trailblaze. Even with two years of constant use, there's still a bit of nausea.
Castorice doubles over, retching from the drastic shift in elevation and location. The Century Gate is definitely an easier transition, but from what I’ve heard it’s a limited resource, and it’s a touch slower than this. When she finally stands up straight, she looks around at where we are. In front of us is a court of oak and amber, carved and chiseled and naturally occurring elements creating an open space that sits before a towering throne grown from the tree itself. “The Luminary Throne..?”
I shrug, not trusting myself to look at her. “It has the right ambiance for what I’m planning. Mem?”
They pop into existence next to us, looking at me intently. “Stelle…”
“Just indulge me, please.” I look through my music list, trying to find the right song. When I do, I turn up the volume and hold it out for them. “Could you stay near us?”
They sigh, but take hold of my phone as a slower classical piece starts up, something I found during our trip through Penacony. I guide her up to the dais that sits before the throne, standing us in the center and calling on the formal training I got for the Radiant Feldspar’s christening ceremony. My left hand is held down at waist level, and my right hand is out to my side. I take a deep breath before looking at her again. “May I have this dance?”
She looks at me for a second, processing the request, before she smiles. “Yes.”
She steps up to me, and I guide her hands to where they need to be. One on my shoulder and one in my outstretched hand, I bring her closer to me. “Just follow my lead. I’ve done this before. …Once.”
“Inspires confidence.” I hope I make you proud, Himeko.
I guide her into a slow waltz, swaying to the beat as I take her around the court. I hum along to help keep my time. She keeps a space between us, our only points of contact our hands, like any more would finally trigger my death, but nothing changes. As we keep going, she drifts closer, and by the end of the song she’s right against me, her head resting against my chest and breathing deeply.
I couldn’t feel it initially with her hands gloved as they are, but her cheek is warm. It’s a strange sensation, because for as long as I’ve had memories, everyone else has felt cold. The heat of the Stellaron makes me constantly feverish, the energy of the Destruction burning eternally within my body and warming it beyond the norm. Jarilo-VI’s ice age felt like a fall chill, the Luofu’s tropical warmth felt like a desert heat. The people around me couldn’t hope to keep up with my output, and March clung to me like her own personal space heater.
But somehow, Castorice was warm.
When the song comes to an end, I come to a rest, standing in front of her and looking at her eyes. She looks like she’s about to cry, but she swallowed the tears down. “Thank you, Ms. Stelle. You’ve made this a truly memorable evening.”
I chuckle despite the sincerity of the moment. “You can drop the ‘Miss”, it’s just the two of us here. Besides, I’m not quite done.”
She tilts her head in confusion. “There’s more?”
“Only if you want to. Just tell me if it gets uncomfortable.”
The first thing I do is wrap my arms around her and bring her in for a hug. She stills at how close we are, the amount of her body in contact with mine, but she doesn’t pull away. I hold it for a second, then pull back just enough to see her whole face. “You good?”
She nods. “There was one more thing, right?”
I swallow against the knot in my throat. “Just tell me when to stop.”
I lift her chin slightly, bend down, and settle my lips against hers. At first, she’s surprised, her breath catching as she takes in the contact, but she leans into it slightly, letting me know she’s okay with it. The anxiety in my chest is replaced by a blooming confidence, and my hand slides to the back of her head, sifting through the soft locks of her hair and caressing her neck.
When she finally pulls back to breath, her eyes are wide with surprise, like she can’t believe I would do that. “Why..?”
“I made peace with death a long time ago.” I don’t know where this is coming from, but I wasn’t going to stop now. “The first day of my life, the Stellaron in my chest nearly ripped my body apart and half a building the size of Okhema with it after fighting for me and my new friend’s lives.
“I’ve risked my life countless times, faced down dozens of beings on par with the Titans and befriended just as many, and even after taking mortal wounds, my body keeps stitching itself back together. Most people can only handle the gaze of one Aeon, but I’ve gotten four. At this point, I don’t know if I can truly die from anything other than an Emanator, and your powers don’t feel like they’re on that level yet.
“But if for some reason, you do pose a threat to my life after we find my soul, I don’t want to leave us with regrets. You deserve to feel what other people take for granted.”
She looks down at the ground, and I remember that today has probably been the most overwhelming series of events she’s ever experienced. I try to pull away. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
Her hand grips my arm, and I don’t fight it. Her gaze returns to my face. “I don’t know if I’ve ever… felt love before. Not like this. The other Chrysos Heirs are like siblings to me, and I have and will outlive all of those who I would call friends. It is the curse I bear, as the one destined to succeed Thanatos, and as such, I have also made peace with death. But.. I think you are right. We shouldn’t leave with regrets. And if, for some reason, recovering your soul doesn’t make me dangerous to you… we will see where this goes.”
I relax, just slightly. 14 days to enjoy ourselves, then everything changes.