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no chair, no problem

Summary:

A terrible crime has been committed against Lae’zel: someone has taken her chair.

Notes:

This idea had been sitting in my head for a year, and I finally got my lazy butt down to do it.
Please enjoy~

ReEdit/Written: 8/24/25

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The Elfsong Tavern was packed, as it always was during the end of the day. From the hardworking fishermen that worked at the docks to an adventuring group that’d just returned from a long journey of self-discovery to many more, they were having a wonderful time together. They shared mugs with friends of the old and new while sharing stories of their lives.

Lae’zel, however, was sitting still on her chair. Like an unmoving statue, arms crossed under her chest and narrowed eyes scanning the room as though she was searching for trouble to spring upon the innocents. Her ears visibly twitched in annoyance by the roaring sea of drunken shouts, bellowing laughters, and bards that were performing terribly on stage. 

It was a headache. Her patience was thin, having run its course after an uneventful day. 

Days.

After spending countless weeks of traveling – running and fighting through the hordes of enemies – the long journey of nowhere came to an end. She thought it'd be the end-all of their troubling days but another setback came. They were barred from entering the city where it'd taken another several days before they were finally allowed to step foot into Baldur’s Gate.

Nothing had been done ever since. And the people of this realm were blissfully unaware of the chaos and doom that would soon descend upon them all.

The raining hellfire, lighting mountains on fire.

The blood that would spill the streets, drowning everything in a flood of red.

The smoky cloud of darkness, shrouding the sky in death.

Thousands of wretched cries would soon fill the air and be heard in all realms. Throughout Faerûn and around Toril, many hands would reach up to the heavens to cry out to the gods who wouldn’t heed to their prayers, unable and not wanting to involve themselves in mortals’ affairs.

Before Lae’zel could continue to wallow in her own thundering thoughts, she was pulled out from it when a bump was felt against her chair, followed by a small splash on her arm. She was immediately up on her feet and was prepared to throttle whoever spilled their drink on her until a hand shot up to take a hold of her arm before she could do anything drastic. 

She looked to see Nashira, her human lover, had a firm grip on her wrist.

“It was an accident,” Nashira chided. Her voice was soft but her words were stern. “What’s gotten you in a sour mood?”

“I am not in a sour mood.” Lae’zel scowled, yanking her wrist free from Nashira’s hold before she, once more, crossed her arms under her chest. She turned to look at the others to glower at them. All scattered about. “I was merely making an observation of our companions and had been thinking about our poor performance as of lateor the lack of it if I must be more precise.”

The fools.

All of them.

They were selfishly stuck in their own worlds… Astarion was by the bar. He was running his mouth while leaning against the counter, catching the attention of many men and women. Shadowheart and Wyll were seated further away, sharing a bottle of wine. They were in a deep discussion about a series of romance novels they’d been reading. Gale made himself acquainted with a group of scholars. They were comparing the magical properties between fungals found in the Underdark and fungals found on the surface. Karlach, in the center of the room, was arm wrestling with a goliath decked in a Flaming Fist armor. The hooting and hollering of the crowd egged them on – neck and neck, sweat rolling down their faces – the table beneath their elbows was threatening to break.

“Chk.” Lae’zel turned her head away sharply. The sight of it all disgusted her. “Time is being wasted. We should not be sitting around and doing naught but performing tasks that are insignificant to our cause. What is the importance of searching for the late deliverance of letters? Why must the parts of a jester matter to us?”

Nashira listened quietly, like what a supportive partner would’ve done in her spot. She could see Lae’zel’s frustration bubbling up to its absolute limit, making no move to stop her githyanki lover from fanning out the fire that’d been burning within her for quite some time.

“We should be scouting the streets – tear the city apart if we must – to find a way to break into that devil’s stronghold!” Lae’zel continued. She could taste her mouth souring at the thought of her prince’s continuance suffering in the ghaik’s hands. “I wish you had let me slain that abomination when the opportunity had presented itself! My blade hungers for his flesh!”

Suddenly, Lae’zel grimaced when a sharp pain throbbed in her head.

The Emperor was obviously displeased by the threat she'd made.

The matter worsened when Karlach appeared, making her presence loudly known with a wide grin. “Oh man, I wish you two were there! You should’ve seen what’d happened! I was arm wrestling with my new friends over there when these two idiots came over and thought they could take me on at the same time, so I took up their challenge and—what’s wrong? Is this a bad time?” Her smile fell, concerned written on her face.

Lae’zel turned to Karlach, snarled, “I thought of you to be strong and fiery, like an inferno racing across the sky with a promise of deliverance! I thought you wish to rid yourself of the man responsible for your ruination by painting the walls with his blood and entrails, yet here you are, sitting like an istik coward while Bane’s Chosen does as he wishes!”

Karlach’s confusion and concern quickly turned into rage. Her knuckles bleed a lighter shade of red when she curled her hands into tight fists, her tail lashed back and forth violently, and her vents puffed angrily. No longer did she carried the air of a friend but an experienced soldier hardened by the violence of war. “I don’t know what your deal is but you watch your mouth! I’ve been wanting to get my hands on that slimy bastard ever since he sold me to Zariel!” 

Nashira sat up straighter, attentive to the spiraling situation. Her eyes flickered between the two powerful warriors that were facing each other closely, hand hovering where she kept her knife hidden at all times and was ready to step in if she must. Luckily, it took a relieving turn when Karlach was the first to pull back.

Her anger was gone as quick as it came. "Lae'zel, I consider you to be one of my best mates. You're a darn good soldier, better than the ones I've fought with and against in the Blood Wars, but you can be a real knucklehead at times." Her voice softened.

“I won’t lie when I say my initial plan was to give Gortash a good beating and a bash to the skull the moment I saw him but, as long as he has the Steel Watch by his side at all times and the support of the people, we’d be running to our deaths,” she continued. “He’s a rat, but he'll keep his word. He and that Orin chick aren’t going to do a damn thing to us since we have one of the Netherstones. We have the upperhand here.”

Lae’zel was silent. Her gaze was cast down on the floor where it remained that way for several seconds until a nudge was felt on her foot. She didn’t need to see who it was before she brought her eyes back up to Karlach whose warm look caused her cheeks to go red. “I suppose you are not incorrect… as we are allowed to move freely around the city…” She trailed off, falling into another moment of silence until another nudge on her foot was felt. 

She breathed heavily before straightening out, standing tall like a diligent soldier. “My words were said out of haste and vexation, but I shall not excuse them. You did not deserve my ire, for that, I apologize for the hurt I may have caused. I do not believe you are a coward—for you are a warrior of might, worthy of respect even a kith’rak would kneel to.” Her eyes flickered back to the floor.

Hesitant, then turning her eyes back up.

“You will forgive me?”

Karlach rolled her eyes, but the act was done out of jest. She could see Lae’zel was sincere with her odd but sincere apology.  “Of course I forgive you, Lae. Like I said, you’re one of my best mates so I can’t stay mad at you forever.” She wrapped an arm around Lae’zel’s shoulders where she nearly lifted her off the floor, grinning.

“What say we start searching for a gateway to the House of Hope tomorrow? You’re not the only one who’d love to stick it to Raphael’s face.”

Lae’zel’s eyes sparkled, which didn’t go amiss.

Eventually, Karlach released Lae’zel from her hold before giving her back a firm pat that nearly knocked the githyanki off balance. “But since tomorrow isn’t here, how about you take a seat and relax? I’ll buy us a round!” With that being said, Karlach turned and hurriedly left for the bar before anyone could stop her.

“That worked out,” Nashira commented with a look of relief. “I’m glad.”

“A fortunate outcome for us all, but it would have been an honor if Karlach and I ever came to clash. She is a formidable ally and would make an equally formidable foe,” Lae’zel said with her arm stretched in the air to reach for her chair… only to be met by air instead. She snapped her head to see her chair was missing, letting out an annoyed noise before turning to Nashira.

It was obvious she failed to protect the chair from the unknown thief.

“It’s just a chair.” Nashira pointed out to defend herself.

“But I was still using it,” Lae’zel growled, irritated by the transgression that’d been committed against her.

“Whoever took it didn’t know that.” Nashira, once again, pointed out. “You weren’t using it a minute ago.”

Lae’zel huffed, bottom lip puckered out in an adorable pout. “Where else am I supposed to sit?”

The tavern was full. There were no chairs left available.

Lae’zel was obviously upset, fortunately, a solution was found—she was pulled onto Nashira’s lap.

“There,” Nashira said, “a spot you can sit on. Now enough with the pouting.”

Lae’zel nearly jumped – in which she would’ve fallen off onto the floor, embarrassingly, if it weren’t for the pair of arms encircled around her in a secured hold – with widened eyes. She looked around wildly, eyes darting to see if anyone was watching the bold scene unfolding right in the middle of the tavern where it seemed more people were coming in rather than leaving.

She tried to push herself off, but the hold around her only tightened. “Release me this instant! This is unseemly for us both!” She hissed, only loud enough for Nashira to hear.

What was she?!

A child?!

Nashira didn’t react when Lae’zel tried to free herself by pushing her chest and squirming against her. “Have I ever told you how much I love your silver armor?” She whispered while sliding her hand up on the exposed expanse of Lae’zel’s thigh, lips brushing against her serrated ear.

Lae’zel stopped, and whatever she wanted to say died before they could reach her lips. Her breath faltered when another brush was felt against her sensitive ear; it annoyed her how easily flustered she became, even more so when Nashira’s hand continued its journey upwards. A bloom of red appeared on her cheeks, pupils dilating and darkening with an unspoken desire as a liquid surge was sent down to her loins.

Eventually, Lae’zel found her bearing and seized Nashira’s hand. Her other hand went up to Nashira’s cheeks, squeezing them tight enough to force her mouth to open before leaning forward to smell her breath. Lae’zel pulled away a second later with a frown. “You did not drink.” 

“I did not, only had water,” Nashira responded, massaging her jaw after she was released from the claw-like grip. “Karlach is right, you do need to relax. And I know the perfect remedy to your problem.”

“Oh?” Lae’zel raised an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly.

Desire still pooled in her eyes.

How quick her tune had, and can, changed.

“This is a dangerous game you are wanting to play, zhak vo’n’ash duj.”

“Are you suggesting we should stop?”

There was a pause.

It’d been a while since they were last intimate; the last time they had sex was when they were still traversing through the land cursed by a broken, dead man and a spiteful goddess. And in a dire time like this, sex was something the couple needed but it was difficult to find the time alone without the company of others. 

They were all sharing a space on the upper floor, and the only private room was closed off due to an ongoing investigation of a bloody murder that’d occurred. 

When Lae’zel’s silence became deafening, Nashira took it as a sign to continue.

Lae’zel was running hot, from the flushing warmth of her body to the heat radiating from her covered cunt. Nashira could already tell how wet she was. The thought made her shiver delightfully, and access was oh-so-easily granted when she pushed the leather barrier aside with the back of her knuckles and fingers slowly dragged alongside Lae’zel’s lips that were drooling.

Could all those around them smell the sudden change drifting under their noses? The redolent scent of a powerful arousal floating in the air? An aromatic tang dancing on the tips of their tongues? 

It was overwhelming. It made Nashira’s head spin and mouth water when a tempting thought crossed her mind: to push everything off the table that was right in front of her and throw Lae’zel on top of the surface, taking her in front for all to see if they were so inclined to watch.

After all, what kind of an evening would this be if a dangerous game wasn’t involved? 

Despite not having a drink of alcohol, Nashira was deeply intoxicated when she took in Lae’zel’s scent once more. She wetted her lips with her tongue, breathing in and out slowly, nose flaring. She plunged her fingers into the tight depth of a warmth that’d been waiting to be filled and felt Lae’zel tensed before curling her fingers, pressing her thumb against the engorged clit.

The result was instantaneous. 

Lae’zel buried her face in the crook of Nashira’s neck. Puffs of hot and heavy air left her lips with a trail of saliva drooling down her chin. A sudden flash of pleasure blinded her vision, and her stomach coiled in pleasure as her bundles of nerves were alighted by Nashira who pulled her fingers back… then pushed them back in… pulled them out… then pushed them back in… then pulled them out…

It ended before it could truly begin.

Nashira’s fingers glistened under the candelabra chandelier. “You’re loud.” 

“Kainyank!” Lae’zel shot her head up. The wild confusion in her eyes ignited into a fiery fury, frustrated by the sudden void she was feeling. “I was not done!”

Unfazed by the anger that was directed at her, Nashira cleaned her fingers on her lap. She heard Lae’zel scoffing and muttering “A waste” under her breath, leaning back against her seat while she kept her hands to herself with a smirk. “You know I always like to watch better...”

Lae'zel growled, but it'd be a lie to say her excitement wasn't growing. She drew herself closer until their foreheads pressed against one another, breaths mingling as one. Her hips were tightly pressed down before adjusting herself so she was sitting more comfortably. 

“How indecent of you,” Nashira crooned.

“You started this.” Lae’zel rotated her hips before letting out a loose moan, rubbing her covered cunt against Nashira’s clothed thigh. 

She was so sensitive.

A rush of blood pulsated loudly in both ears, Lae’zel heard nothing but the thrumming of her own heart threatening to burst from her chest. She was biting down hard on her own tongue to prevent the lewd noises from leaving her lips. Sweat coated her body, but it did nothing to cool the flushing warmth of her skin. It took a lot of resisting not to rip everything away from her body.

Bare for all. 

Lae’zel didn’t need to look to know she was being watched. The ache Nashira was feeling – though, it was an act she brought upon herself – for keeping her hands to herself, unable to do anything but to keep watching, hurting as much as she was feeling. Lae’zel desperately sought relief. The gyration of her hips increased, gripping onto Nashira’s tunic tightly, threatening to tear the old, stitched-up fabric apart.

When Lae’zel decided to look, her breath hitched. She saw the wonderment in Nashira’s eyes. They both came undone, like the crashing of waves. Nashira surged forward to seal Lae’zel’s mouth with a kiss before she could let out a pleasure-filled cry. Their lips parted ways seconds later when Nashira knew Lae'zel had calmed.

They turned their heads to look around to see everyone was blissfully unaware of what happened. It was as if time froze during their coupling then resumed when it ended, but it was nothing short of a miracle no one really saw or cared. Or perhaps they valued their lives, a confrontation with a githyanki warrior and a human mercenary was a sure death sentence. 

Nashira looked down at Lae’zel before she brought her hand up to brush away the strand of hair that fell between a pair of golden eyes she was always getting herself lost in. “The entire floor should be empty, so why don’t we head on up? It looks like the others will be down here for a while.”

Lae’zel agreed, nodding her head with an obvious excitement at the prospect of finally getting alone time with the source of her bruises. She pushed herself off Nashira’s lap to stand on her feet, aware of the slickness coating her inner thighs. The corner of her lips was curled in a smirk as she stretched her hand out for Nashira to take so they could leave together. 

“You go on up first,” Nashira said. “There’s something I must do. It’ll only take a moment.”

Lae’zel’s smirk fell. “Do not keep me waiting.” She said before turning to leave.

Nashira’s eyes followed Lae’zel, and her throat seized by the hypnotizing sight of the sway of Lae’zel’s hips, who threw a look over her shoulder with a teasing smirk before disappearing up the stairs. Once Lae’zel could no longer be seen, Nashira stood. Her lower body felt numb after she sat for a long period of time and had a grown githyanki, decked in armor, sitting on her lap. She managed to get blood flowing when she stretched her arms and legs.

“Hey, where did Lae’zel go?” Karlach asked, returning with three drinks in hand… and Astarion in tow.

There was a stupid look on his face.

“Sorry, Karlach. Lae’zel wants an early night’s rest, so she went up first,” Nashira answered, ignoring the suggestive look Astarion was shooting at her. “I’m about to turn in as well.”

“Aw, that’s unfortunate.” Karlach pouted, setting the drinks down on the table. “I was hoping to show her a fun drinking game too.”

Nashira felt guilty, but the feeling only lasted for a second when the thought of Lae’zel – naked, hands running down her body and fingers gliding over her glistening cunt – came into her mind. 

“Another time, I promise,” Nashira said. Her hand went into her pocket to retrieve a pouch heavy with gold pieces, holding it out for the tiefling barbarian to take. “For the inconvenience, that should be enough to cover the drinks and plenty more.”

Karlach stared at the pouch before she took it, grinning widely. “You’re the best, mate! I’ll watch over the others to make sure they’ll stay on their best behaviors. You and Lae’zel have a good night’s rest.”

Nashira bidded Karlach a goodnight before she hurriedly left after seeing the shit-eating grin on Astarion’s face. She could already imagine – see – the obnoxious remarks forming in his mind. She wanted to hear none of it.

Unfortunately, Astarion had a big mouth. He made sure his voice carried over to the other side of the room.

“They’re getting a good night’s rest all right,” Astarion said, giggling.

“Why do you say it like that?” Karlach asked.

“Are you slow, darling? It’s only an hour after evening.”

“They’re just going to bed early, what’s so weird about—oh!”

“Yes, ‘oh’ is right and there will be plenty more of that too.”

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