Watching From Outside In

by Anonymous

Summary:

Once what Xie Lian had wanted more than anything was his friends to be by his side. Now that they are he has to wonder if maybe they'd both be happier if he wasn't.

(Or; Mu Qing and he can't seem to get along and Feng Xin won't stay in a room with either of them for more than a single moment.)

Chapter 1: Sometimes Love Burns More Than Hate

Once, a long, long time ago, there was a boy who thought he could change the world. 

—

It took less than a single sentence for Xie Lian to ruin things. San Lang would always tell him that it wasn’t true. His husband did his best to reassure him whenever he felt the need to ask that sort of thing, and Xie Lian was eternally grateful for that.

Mu Qing would say it with far less enthusiasm, but he would assert when asked if Xie Lian wasn’t at fault for how everything went down.  

However, he couldn’t help but wonder how true that was. 

“...” Feng Xin didn’t say anything for a moment, and although his eyes were looking into Xie Lian's, he couldn’t help but feel like Feng Xin was looking through, not at him. Eventually, the silence got to him, and Xie Lian tried to backtrack. 

“I just… I know it’s foolish, but-” Feng Xin frowned before interrupting. 

“Dianxia, do you think you’re a bad person?” It wasn’t really a question despite its phrasing.

“I-well-I mean.” Feng Xin’s face contorted for a moment before he looked away. 

“You were a kid.” Feng Xin was younger than him. “Things happened, and you did what you needed to in the end.”

“But I- Feng Xin…” Despite the bright lighting of the heavenly realm, Xie Lian felt more than saw the light leave Feng Xin’s eyes, leaving them to be nothing more than a dark imitation of the bright gold they were supposed to be.

However, before Xie Lian could look deeper into this, Feng Xin continued.

“As much as I give Mu Qing and Hua Cheng crap for it, they really didn’t have much of a choice either in the end you know.” The admittance is said in such an exhausting way that Xie Lian has to blink for a moment. Feng Xin is many things, but tired… “We all do what we must to live and to thrive. You made mistakes, yes, but you are trying and have tried to do better.”

“Don’t you think you’ve suffered enough, your highness?” And suddenly Xie Lian doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh or cry. 

“I-Thank you, Feng Xin.” Feng Xin doesn’t smile, and that, Xie Lian supposes, is a comfort in its own right. 

“Of course, Dianxia.” 

‘Feng Xin had always been so simple, hadn’t he?’, Xie Lian thinks. ‘A simple and honest friend’.

He forgives too easily, but even so, Xie Lian is grateful for it. He doesn’t know if he could handle another rejection.

— – – – – – – –

“I think I’ve always wanted a sibling!” Xie Lian had said to his friend one afternoon. Xie Lian had exhausted most of his energy by then after running around the castle with his new guard. In response, Xie Lian dragged Feng Xin to the gardens for rest. “It would be so nice to have someone who I could play with all the time, someone who would sneak into the kitchens with me, and play with me, and talk with me…”

Xie Lian had remembered being so very lonely back then. It hadn’t been something he had ever outwardly said, but sometimes he wished he had more friends. 

“I asked my parents for one when I was younger, but they just said they’d have to discuss it.” Xie Lian pouted, turning to look at Feng Xin. “That just means they’re ignoring me.”

“I’m sure they aren’t Dianxia,” Feng Xin tried to reassure, although there was this odd look in his eye like he had realized something that Xie Lian didn’t.  “How long ago did you ask this anyway?” and there had been something strange in his voice, a subtle quiver and shake that Xie Lian hadn’t thought much of at the time. Just another thing Xie Lian had ignored.

“Back when I was eight, maybe nine?” Xie Lian’s brows had furrowed in thought, ignorant of the way Feng Xin had gone, still his tanned skin was going pale in the light. “I’m not sure. It doesn’t really matter anyway, I have you now!”  

And the look on Feng Xin’s face back then, he barely remembers it now, but it had been sort of hopeless. Hopeless and depressed in a way no one at the age of thirteen should have felt. There was a slump to his shoulders, and the light in his eyes had been covered by the shadow that was cast as his head tilted down. 

Within the bright lights of the palace garden, Feng Xin seemed to look angry. 

“Of course, Dianxia,” his voice had taken a stiff quality.  

Xie Lian wished he could go back and ask what was wrong, what Feng Xin had known that Xie Lian hadn’t at the time. 

“Actually, Feng Xin? Do you have any siblings? I don’t think I asked…”

“...”

“Probably not right, otherwise you would have brought them over to play with us. That's fine, as you already know, I don’t have any siblings either, so we can just be each other's siblings.”

“I can’t be your brother, I’m not a prince.” Xie Lian frowned.

“Well, I know that…That doesn’t make you any less my brother, though.” Xie Lian sent him a bright smile, and seeing that Feng Xin was about to open his mouth again-likely to argue, Xie Lian grabbed his hand and ran off. “Come on, let's go see if A-Niang is busy. 

Xie Lian never realized at the time, but caught up in the idea of having Feng Xin as a brother, he never really did get to know if Feng Xin had siblings. 

—

“And then Feng Xin and I-”

“Hold up, I thought Feng Xin and I were going to investigate together, why are we changing it now?”  Xie Lian considered that he had mentioned they would be paired up previously, however…

“These specific spiritual arrays are keyed into San Lang and my energy, so only he and I can open them, so I figured it would be best to pair up this way so that we can corner it easier.” It was true, San Lang and he had realized pretty early on that they would need to use his spiritual arrays.  He didn’t understand why Mu Qing was so upset by this, though.

“You couldn’t have told us this?” And that made sense, Xie Lian let out a subtle sigh of relief, as he could deal with that .

“I’m sorry Mu Qing, I thought I mentioned it back before, but I must have forgotten…” Mu Qing started to speak, only to be interrupted by San Lang.

“It’s fine Gege-” However, Mu Qing interrupted again.

“No, it’s not fine, he just changed the entire scope of the plan without telling anyone. We had planned it the other way for a reason; we needed the teams to be balanced evenly, and now they aren’t.”

“Mu Qing-” Mu Qing turned to Feng Xin, a sort of speed to him that had Xie Lian blinking.

“Don’t you defend him, he and I promised to be better at communicating, this is me meeting him halfway.” Feng Xin frowned, but aside from that, he showed no outward appearance of being annoyed. Although Xie Lian had the strange sensation that he was. 

“Fine, I understand that, but don’t you think we're wasting just a little too much time arguing here?” And yes, Xie Lian was right, Feng Xin was upset. His arms, which had previously stood to the side, were now crossed, and there was a minor twitch in his eye that made him seem much younger than he was. 

Mu Qing seemed to flinch back just a little bit as if struck by Feng Xin’s words, why he was hurt by this, Xie Lian didn’t know. Soon after, though, as usual, Mu Qing built himself up again, turning away in that self-assured sort of way that Xie Lian knew was just him trying to protect himself. 

“So what do you think we should just go in and hope it works for the best?”

“That's not what I-”

“We planned the original partners because the skillsets were matched so that we would be able to work together efficiently.”

Xie Lian felt Rouyue twitch from under his robe. They were both starting to get annoyed. 

“This isn’t much different than before, you know. The skills are still pretty evenly matched.”

“You and he are still getting used to fighting with each other. What if something goes wrong?” Xie Lian wills himself not to say anything now was not the time to get angry. 

“Feng Xin and I used to fight together all the time, this isn’t so different.” 

“It’s been hundreds of years since that.”

“With-”

“Jun Wu doesn’t count.”

“We still need San Lang and I with at least one of you for the spiritual array to work.”

“I don’t see why that needs you and Feng Xin to be paired together to work.”

“Mu Qing-”

“Fine, you have such a big problem with this, then you and Dianxia can go together.”

Xie Lian and Mu Qing both stopped their argument to turn and gawk at Feng Xin.  Feng Xin, who had already done with the conversation, had moved to Hua Cheng.

Hua Cheng, who had barely said anything the entire time, raised a brow in question but nothing more, turning only to ask Xie Lian if he was okay with this. There was clear concern in his gaze, and he subtly turned to glare at Mu Qing.

“Gege?”

And you see,  Xie Lian wanted to say no; he wanted to stand strong in his decision, but Mu Qing was right when he said they needed to be quick about this. 

“Alright,” he swallowed and tried to ignore the feeling rising in his chest. “Let's go then.”

“Are you sure?”

‘Yes.”

“Great. Let's go.” And then Hua Cheng followed Feng Xin out the door, and Xie Lian and Mu Qing were left alone.

 

—

“You need to eat.” The sky was dark today, so Xie Lian knew it would rain. “Don’t ignore me, Dianxia.”

He wondered, though, if it would storm.

“Dianxia!” he sighed. Feng Xin’s hands were beginning to shake.  “Dianxia! I swear to, well, I don’t know- but I swear to anything that you will listen to, that if you don’t eat, I will force it down your throat.”

“Feng Xin,” Xie Lian tried to be patient; he really did, but Feng Xin had gotten on his last nerve. 

“Xie Lian.” And that. That got his attention. 

“Xie Lian, please, just- just eat, for me.” Feng Xin was shaking, he was shaking, and for once, Xie Lian could read his expression, and Feng Xin truthfully looked like he might just cry. “Please.”

Xie Lian realized suddenly that he might have been awful.

“Alright,” He took the bowl from Feng Xin’s hands, “I’ll eat.”  

Feng Xin slumped, moving to rest next to Xie Lian. Like a dog, Xie Lian noted. Sighing, Xie Lian put a hand in his friend's hair, smoothing out the rough fizziness that was always characteristic of his hair.

It would be so easy to break him like this. So easy to just take his arm or leg and crush it within his palms.

It would be so easy to keep Feng Xin from leaving him. If not because of the gifts he gave, then from the physical inability to do so. 

Even Banished, Xie Lian was a god, Feng Xin would be no match to his martial prowess, not if Xie Lian truly tried.  

“I’m not going to leave,” Feng Xin murmured, startling Xie Lian out of his thoughts. “Not unless you ask me to.”

Xie Lian frowns. He hadn’t said it aloud, had he? No, he hadn’t.

“You act like I’m going to leave,” Feng Xin states, and Xie Lian wonders if Feng Xin could read minds. 

“You might,” he says instead. 

“I won’t. You’re my friend Dianxia, I won’t leave you.”

‘Not unless I ask’, he thinks privately.

Xie Lian doesn't want to be left alone. 

Chapter 2

Notes:

No chapter warnings I think T-T
Sorry for how short this is...

San Lang’s relationship with Feng Xin and Mu Qing, had never been the best. 

So, seeing San Lang so happy, or eager at least to talk to Feng Xin, Xie Lian did feel a little suspicious. 

He wasn't suspicious of his husband, as he knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt him. San Lang had proved that every day since they married. Xie Lian was, instead, suspicious of his motives.

San Lang had never liked Mu Qing or Feng Xin. But where he could somewhat compromise with Mu Qing, he had never been able to be civil with Feng Xin.

San Lang was never that secretive in showing his distaste for the man; it's what makes his newfound interest in Feng Xin so suspicious. 

"Suspicious?" San Lang asked, "Do you not want me to be around him, Gege?"

“It’s not that I don’t want you to be around my friends. Or get along with them,” Xie Lian clarified. “It’s just that you never found interest in doing so before. So I hadn’t thought that would change.” San Lang rubbed circles on the palm of his hand gently. 

Xie Lian relaxed, feeling better knowing his husband wasn’t upset at him. 

San Lang thought about the question for a few moments, considering his answer. 

“I suppose,” San Lang started, “That it began as a way to get closer to you.” He admitted. 

“Out of the three of us, Feng Xin had known you the longest, so I figured he would know the most. Over time, we ended up getting to know each other better, and I realized that I may have misjudged him. Just a little.” San Lang pursed his lips in displeasure, causing Xie Lian to laugh. 

“Gege.” He murmured with a sigh, causing Xie Lian to laugh harder. 

When they both calmed down, Xie Lian looked at his husband again, still curious. 

“Why do you think about imm now?” His husband looked at him then, with a somewhat curious look, as if he was wondering how much he should say. 

“He…was a little bit more like me than I thought. I…,” San Lang sighed, saying no more. Xie Lian frowned, but didn’t ask again. 

—

“Has the dog finally stopped waiting?”

“Maybe the dog's dead.”

–

Nan Yang’s palace was always so quiet when Xie Lian entered. Most think it would be the opposite, as the outside was always bustling and loud. To Xie Lian, though, it was strangely fitting for the man. Loud and boisterous on the outside, but quiet on the inside. 

He wondered if Mu Qing thought the same. The other man had a surprisingly loud palace whenever Xie Lian entered. Full of hard-working officials whom Mu QIng had picked out all on his own. 

In comparison, it had almost seemed like Feng Xin’s palace was empty for all he saw of the man's officials. 

Xie Lian didn’t like to think about where they were too much. It was too familiar to back when Jun Wu had been hunting him all those years ago. 

Xie Lian could at least say that the lack of officials present meant it was easier to get in without any commotion. With Mu Qing’s there were so many people that it was often difficult to do anything without someone knowing. It could be quite overwhelming at times.

“How would that even work? In case you’ve forgotten you aren’t a—” Xie Lian paused at the sound of Feng Xin’s voice. 

“You forget who I am, dear friend! I was the original, not the other way around. If I wished to recreate—” 

Pei Ming?

“-Jiu, I don’t think that was what General Nan Yang was trying to say at all, rather—”

Shi Qingxuan too! Xie Lian subtly moved to where the voices were. Although he couldn’t see, he knew and could hear that both Shi Qingxuan and Pei Ming were there with Feng Xin.

“He’s right. We need to have something more foolproof, knowing my Shidi, he isn’t going to move on. He’ll tear the world apart if it means he can—No, I don’t think—”

Xie Lian paused in surprise at the sound of Yin Yu’s voice, he hadn’t thought the other had recovered yet. 

“I suppose you're right—think that we should—in case of—”

As their voices began to cut out, Xie Lian moved closer to the room where they were no doubt speaking. 

“...Your Highness?” Xie Lian jumped at the voice. His eyes widened in surprise at the Nan Yang official who had somehow managed to sneak up on him. 

“Uh,” Xie Lian took a deep breath in, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t notice you.” The official nervously nodded. Her hands were twitching, likely wanting to escort him away from Feng Xin and the others.  

The official gestured away, and Xie Lian, getting the message, began to move on. Feng Xin, as it seems, had heard him anyway.

“Dianxia?” Xie Lian looked back. Behind him, Feng Xin stepped out of the room he was in. On his face was clear confusion, as if he had any right to that feeling. Despite how Xie Lian tried to ignore it, aggravation seemed to seep into him easily.

Why did Feng Xin get to have secrets from him?

“I thought our meeting was next week?” Feng Xin said, oblivious to Xie Lian's thoughts. “And at your palace.”

And Xie Lian did see how this looked strange. 

“Ah. I came to see you.” Xie Lian was being truthful when he said that.

In the wake of everything that had happened, he and Feng Xin hadn’t had time to catch up. So now that they both had more free time, Xie Lian wanted to use it. He supposed he had never considered that, where he had time, Feng Xin didn't. Admittedly, Xie Lian had hoped things could have gone back to normal, whatever that was supposed to be. 

“Oh.” was all Feng Xin said. Xie Lian drooped just a little at that answer, pushing down the part of him that felt indignant. “That's… I’m glad you stopped by Dianxia.” He seemed honest when he said that. It made the part of Xie Lian that wanted to scream just a bit less loud. Unfortunately, the part of him that told him Feng Xin was lying to him couldn’t yet be quelled. 

“Yeah.”

Feng Xin sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, seemingly sorry. “Sorry. As I'm sure you've already heard, I have company.”

Xie Lian nodded awkwardly.

Feng Xin and he both looked at each other, unsure of what to say or do.

"You'll be fine on your way out, right?" Xie Lian drooped.

"Yeah, of course." It was weak, and they both knew it. Feng Xin, although hearing the disappointment, looked away.

"Good. I'll see you later, Dianxia." Then, without a second thought, he walked back to the room. Leaving Xie Lian behind once more. 

—

The voices around him blurred and creased. He couldn’t hear anything but the one in his head. 

He hadn’t thought–could never have assumed that—Feng Xin had never–

“Gege?” San Lang’s voice, as usual, cut through all the chaos, and Xie Lian could just cry in relief. 

“San Lang–I–I didn’t–” he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think Feng Xin would lie to him? He didn’t know he wasn’t the only one they lied to?

He didn’t know anything, and he didn’t know what to do about it. 

“ Gege… ” San Lang murmured, taking his hand within his and squeezing it. 

“Seriously!?” Mu Qing hissed, “Can’t you do that crap another time–”

While he shut up at San Lang’s glare, it was clear to see from the looks shared around the room he wasn’t the only one who was aggravated. Xie Lian subtly straightened at the attention. 

“It’s fine San Lang, Mu Qing is right.”

Ling Wen pursed her lips, stepping forward to speak before anyone else began to argue. 

“Your Highness, what did you mean when you said that…” She twitched. “They were close.”

“I caught them meeting a couple times at Feng Xin’s place.” Xie Lian swallowed. “And later Pei Ming and Feng Xin both mentioned they were close before and during Yin Yu’s banishment. I had assumed it was just one of the developments that had happened while I was gone.” 

“Well they certainly didn’t mention this ‘friendship’ to anyone else.” Mu Qing bit out. 

“Don’t act like you’re the only one that was lied to.” Shi Wudu sneered. “My brother didn’t indicate any friendship with any of them aside from Pei Ming either.” Shi Wudu told them, looking back at Black Water with a scowl. 

“Isn’t that somewhat suspicious then?” San Lang asked. “We aren’t close to everyone that went missing but we do know at least one of them personally. So if we never saw them interacting beforehand, aside from gege, then how were they able to do so?”

I don’t know. It hurt to think but Xie Lian didn’t know a lot about Feng Xin at all, and he was just starting to realize how much that simple a lot was. 

—

“I don’t want to hate you Mu Qing,” It was stupid, it really was, but Mu Qing still had felt happy to hear it at the time. 

He hadn’t wanted Feng Xin to hate him either. 

—

“I just don’t see why he would lie.” Mu Qing shoves his hands against his face, rubbing harshly. “Feng Xin doesn’t lie, He can’t! He’s unable to lie to anyone let alone his precious Dianxia!” 

Fu Yao sighs, deep and annoyed. Mu Qing feels abruptly guilty. 

“Is the reason you take issue with this the fact that he lied to you, or the fact that you didn’t know about it.” 

Mu Qing looks up at Fu Yao, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Everyone lies, you said that yourself. SO I’m asking whether you're surprised Feng Xin lied, or surprised you didn’t know about it.” 

Is he surprised Feng Xin lied? Mu Qing realizes suddenly he isn’t sure. 

In the years they had known each other he supposes he had come to expect the Feng Xin to be the same as always. He knew they had all changed, he wasn’t…It's more so that he’s surprised that Feng Xin had changed more than he thought. 

He supposed he figured since Feng Xin hadn’t ever really lied to him before he hadn’t expected that to change. 

“You didn’t expect him to lie.” Fu Yao continues. “So realizing he did, and was good at it has made you wonder if there are other things that he lied about.” Mu Qing feels his heart squeeze. 

Fu Yao looks away. 

“But the biggest problem I think you’re having is that he didn’t lie.” Mu Qing grabs Fu Yao harshly before he can run off. 

“What does that mean?”

The young official looks away with guilt. 

“He didn’t lie.” He shoves Mu Qing off. “He just didn’t tell you.” 

“But he-”

“Not telling you doesn’t equate to lying. He didn’t tell you and you expected him too and now you wonder what else you don’t know.”

Mu Qing steps back. 

“You think of him as a friend. But does he?” The official looks away sharply. “You probably never told him much either.”

—

“Xie Lian’s changed.” Mu Qing doesn’t know why he’s all that surprised about it. It’s been 800 years. 

Feng Xin doesn’t respond to this, neither the use of his prince's name nor the disrespectful tone. 

Mu Qing scowls. 

“What? Not happy about it?”

“He doesn’t look happy to be back.” Feng Xin seems, well Mu Qing doesn’t know. 

“Why would he be?” Mu Qing challenges. “You and I both know what this place did to him before he decided to fuck off.” 

Feng Xin does react then, if only to scowl. “I know that, I just meant-” Feng Xin stops talking. Taking a deep breath in. “Whatever. We just need to keep an eye on him.” 

“Going back to your guard-dog duties so soon?” Feng Xin huffs. 

“Sure.”

—

He left his bow behind. 

Mu Qing picks it up swiftly, reaching down to grab at the smooth wood and metal. 

It looks the same. 

“He left his bow.” He doesn't know why he says it. It’s obvious that he would leave his bow. It’s what Mu Qing would have done if he was going to run. 

The spiritual energy in it would be too easy to track. 

“Why would he leave his bow?” The problem with knowing why he would do this is wondering why he would know to do this. 

Feng Xin wasn't Mu Qing.

“He has multiple other bows.”  The Nan Yang official behind him states. “He doesn’t need a dirty bow.” The amount of hatred the official managed to put into that would have been impressive if not for the fact that this ruined everything. 

“We can’t track him if he doesn’t have this dirty bow.” Why couldn’t the bastard just be easy for once. 

“Then don’t track him.” Mu Qing stands up from his crouch so abruptly he’s surprised he doesn’t have whiplash. 

“What did you just say?” 

The idiot official doesn't back down.

“Don’t look for him then. You heard me.” The official for his credit stays strong in the face of Mu Qing’s glare. “If he went to all of this trouble to make sure you didn’t find him then respect his wishes.” 

—

“I’m just saying Xie Lian-” 

“He didn’t leave on purpose Mu Qing, he wouldn’t do that.”

“And how would you know,” he asks. “How would you know whether or not he left on purpose!” 

Mu Qing turns away from the hurt look on his friend's face. 

“He doesn’t tell us anything! We don’t know anything about him either!”

“Mu Qing-”

“We don’t know about his friends! We don’t know about his officials!”

“Mu Qing please.”

“We don’t know what he’s been doing, we don't know what he’s thinking! We don’t know anything about him!”

“We’re his friends!” Xie Lian stresses when Mu Qing stops screaming. “We-”

“Are we?” Mu Qing asks. “Are we his friends? Are you his friend? It’s been 800 years Xie Lian.” 

“I…” They both turn sharply, looking over to the young man that had somehow snuck up on them.

He stared at them, dark endless eyes staring at the duo carefully. He looks familiar.

“Hello,” Xie Lian begins. Unsure, Mu Qing thinks, Xie Lin looks unsure. 

“Hello.” The stranger greets, and suddenly Mu Qing realizes why he found this kid familiar. 

“Quan Yizhen?” he asks incredulously. 

The boy stares at him, curls bouncing a bit as he tilts his head. It’s creepy. 

Horribly creepy. 

“Do you know each other?” Xie Lian asks curiously. 

“No.” Mu Qing says. “We don’t.” 

“Oh.” Xie Lian fidgets. 

“He’s Yin Yu’s Shidi.” Mu Qing elaborates. Quan Yizhen is still watching them, however, at the mention of his Shixiong the boy perks up. 

“You know Shixiong?” he asks. Mu Qing shudders a bit, the tone of voice…

“We’re looking for him.” Xie Lian answers. “He and a few of our friends went missing.” The boy frowns. 

“Shixiongs missing again?” He asks. A strange tone, Mu Qing can’t tell why, or what is exactly off about it, but something about it’s wrong. 

“Again? Oh.” Xie Lian winces. “Yeah, he uh, left.” Xie Lian rubs his neck nervously, hand twitching at his side. Mu Qing breathes a little bit easier knowing that Xie Lian thinks something is off too. 

“You Want to help us find him, kid?” He really doesn’t want him to say yes. Something about this kid is creepy and Mu Qing already has enough crap on his plate. 

But at the same time Mu Qing isn’t stupid enough to let a potential enemy out of his sight. 

Xie Lian looks at him from the side, some no doubt stupid look on his face. 

The kid just stares. 

Notes:

Alright...so I've never actually written Mu Qing before as You can see, so I've been having trouble figuring out his voice.
I like him as a character, and I like Xie Lian too, but I've been out of the TGCF fandom for a bit so I'm a little iffy when it comes to writing them both....
With the ao3 outage though I finally got the courage to finish this chapter up and I think it conveys what I wanted it to convey so thats good at least....

Anyway...The next chapter will finally answer some things and be FUN so when I write it I will be happy as it will finally be closer to the finish line....
Thank you for reading this far into the series if you have, and I'm happy for any criticisms or questions people have!
<3

Chapter 3

Notes:

Hiiii! No trigger warnings! (I think)
Now idk how it looks like for you but my ao3 is looking weird rn, so sorry about that T-T

There were, some stray days after the end of…everything, that Mu Qing would invite him over. 

To talk. 

Xie Lian remembers it being awkward, stilted and strange in a way that had made him want to run and not look back. 

He had stayed though, despite the awkwardness, because he had wanted, really wanted to get along with Mu QIng. To be real friends instead of whatever they actually were before. 

He thinks Mu Qing tried too. It wasn’t a perfect effort. 

And truthfully it had been 800 years since either had ever really known each other as more than what they are today. 

But….They had tried. That was what was important in the end. 

Xie Lian had thought so at least. 

But sometimes, listening to what Mu Qing told him of back then, of what he had to go through as a servant of the palace, of the way his mother had treated Mu QIng. 

Xie Lian wonders if… if for once it’s too late. 

—

“Hmm.” His husband looked at him tenderly, eyes dark in the dim lighting. “Have you ever told him this?” 

“What?”

“Mu Qing I mean,” His husband continued. “Have you ever told him you felt this way?” 

Xie Lian thought about it, and thought that no. He hasn’t.

San Lang shifted, looking at him with a strange look on his face, like he very much didn’t know what to do with the situation he found himself in. 

“While I don’t like the man much,” he began. “I do believe he genuinely wants to be friends.” San Lang sighed. “He felt hurt, yes, but he still cared. He wouldn’t be talking to you otherwise.” The sentence looked like it pained him to say. 

“I…” Xie Lian didn’t know what to say to that. 

“If you really don’t think this friendship is able to continue, then tell him upright.” San Lang continued softly. “Be honest.”

Xie Lian thought that might have been the hardest thing San Lang could have possibly asked from him. 

And it made him even more sick to think that. 

—

“That's a summoning circle.” San Lang murmured, stepping in front of them all to poke curiously at the runes and paintings littered across the ground floor of Yin Yu’s last temple. 

It had been the last place any of them had expected to find a summoning circle, or a clue towards their missing… friends. 

Xie Lian certainly had never expected this. 

“How did you know this would be here?” Shi Wudu turned to ask Quan Yizhen with a furrowed brow. “You couldn’t have been part of this. So how did you know?”

Quan Yizhen didn’t pay the angry god any mind, examining the circle along with San Lang. He didn’t even look up as he felt He Xuan and Shi Wudu move to loom behind him. 

Next to him Mu Qing, turned to stare at Xie Lian with a raised brow. Xie Lian shook his head. 

“Boy.” Quan Yizhen didn’t twitch at He Xuan’s voice. “How did you know?” Admittedly, Xie Lian figured that he Xuan was likely more upset about this than others would have been. Considering he Xuan and Yin Yu were friends as well. 

“Oi. Answer kid.” Mu Qing also looked to be getting fed up. Strangely enough though, the boy answered. 

“Shixiong was good at hiding.” That was all his answer was. Xie Lian narrowed his eyes. 

San Lang stood up. 

“It’s a reverse summoning ray.” he stated, turning to look at Xie Lian. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that wherever they are,” he gestured towards the circle. “This took them there.”

—

“You and Feng Xin were close back then,” Xie Lian thought. “Or at least I thought you were but-”

“No,” Mu Qing interrupted. “I guess we were kind of close.” 

“Closer than us?” Xie Lian blurted out, strangely wondering.  Mu Qing blinked. 

“I don’t really know,” he began. ‘I don’t think he liked me that much back then. I think I  thought he was better than me.” He looked away. 

“Feng Xin-”

“You know,” Mu Qing looked away. “I thought about Feng Xin for some time, about what he had said back then, about having nowhere else to be, and it made me wonder.” 

Xie Lian-

“Why didn’t he go to his family Xie Lian.” Mu Qing was looking back at him again, a certain sort of despair on his face. “Why didn’t he mention them to us at all.” 

—

Despite the time Mu Qing and Xie Lian spent bonding, and trying to rekindle that friendship that they could have had once, long before all of this, Xie Lian had to wonder if he even could. 

Because for 800 years Mu Qing and Feng Xin only had each other, and Xie Lian only had himself. 

And if neither Mu Qing nor Feng Xin could manage to make up, or manage to be friends again despite all these years. 

How could Xie Lian even hope to do so? 

How could he even hope to try. 

—

“Could we start it up again?” Xie Lian asked. “Or reverse it somehow?” There was a certain foreboding feeling in the fact that his friend had somehow managed to not only hide this, but get away with it without anyone knowing. 

There was a certain foreboding feeling in knowing the fact that he hadn’t really been lied to. 

San Lang pursed his lips, not looking at Xie Lian anymore. 

Shi Wudu stepped forward with He Xuan. “Well?”

‘I-”

“I can do it.” They stared at Quan Yizhen. 

“What.” Xie Lian wasn’t quite sure how to interpret the look on San Lang's face aside from blank. 

“I can open the portal.” Quan Yizhen wasn’t looking at them anymore. 

Just the portal. 

“That's not possible.” San Lang bit out. “It’s a memory portal you shouldn’t have any way of opening it unless-”

A drop of Quan Yizhen's blood fell to the ground, and the portal lit up in a spike of red and black energy when it mixed with the spiritual energy. 

It was skin-crawling in the way it slithered through the floor, and across the pained lines.

What was worse, though, was the way San Lang looked at Quan Yizhen.

Like he was looking at another Jun Wu. 

—

“Feng Xin apologized.” Xie Lian looked over to Mu Qing. “For- for back then.” 

Mu Qing looked tired. 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Xie Lian asked. Mu Qing didn’t answer, just sat right down next to Xie Lian. 

Hesitantly, Xie Lian moved a hand to Mu Qing's shoulder, feeling the way it shuddered underneath his touch. 

But before Xie Lian could move back, Mu Qing leaned in. 

“Mu Qing?” 

“I didn’t mean now,” he clarified. “Back then, when you were gone, he had apologized.”

“Oh.” Xie Lian realized. “What for.” Which thing , was more like what he was asking. But Mu Qing already knew that. 

“I hadn’t thought he would have.” Mu Qing admitted. “I-I had thought for a while he didn’t even-”

It wasn’t an answer, but Xie Lian figured what for wasn’t as important. 

“I just, I realized I forgot.” Mu Qing said. “Over all these years, I just- We don’t apologize and when we do we usually just get mad again and fight anyway.”

Mu Qing went quiet, before sighing and saying softly, “He apologized again today.” 

“I didn’t expect it.”

Xie Lian wondered, for once, what it would have been like to wait so long for an apology that you thought would never come. He wondered what it might have felt like to-

“I don’t even remember what it was for.” Mu Qing had tears in his eyes now, shoulders shaking. “I don’t even-”

—

“Who are you?” San Lang asked, voice being swallowed by the portal they were all pulled into. Horror covered by the screaming coming from the other side. 

Hua Cheng was scared of Quan Yizhen. 

 

And only Xie Lian heard it.

Notes:

Okay! So by now everyone likely has some idea about what's up with Quan Yizhen, but I did hide the details a bit so feel free to ask questions and I'll see if I can answer them ;)
(Hint; it's not as straightforward as you think)

As for the actual story, I do think i did okay mostly.
It feels a bit flat, but the emotions are what I was focusing on so I hope it makes sense.

Since it was written from Xie Lian's POV I wanted to show how his years have made him a bit biased in the way he views his friends.
he's tired, he's spent a long time alone and doesn't know how to be the person he is while matching it up against the person he was.
Mu qing has had years to get used to who he was and is, he's had years to grieve and become himself. Even so a part of him still latches onto that man he was and who Xie Lian was too.

feng Xin meanwhile, is mostly without the baggage he had in canon, because unlike the other two, he had people to talk it through with, to grieve with, people who understood things that Mu Qing and Xie Lian didn't.
he's healthier here, but only because he learned how to be. (he still Feng Xin, but it's a bit healthier than canon)(Also I realized I never said this but the whole ghost fetus thing never happened.)
Xie Lian and Mu Qing, deep down, are still those kids who never got to grow old. \
Anyway-Thanks for reading :)

Feng Xin by comparison, had the chance to.

Notes:

This is basically the highschool reunion fail arc of the Xianle trio...

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 6 of Dead as the Flowers in your Yard