Marry Me

by vfl_Sarah

Summary:

Claire is getting married!
Inspired by the song Marry Me, Thomas Rhett.

Notes:

So... I tried something new with this. I won't say too much.
But I hope you enjoy this little pice and maybe some passages make you smile a bit. Others... Hopefully not so much. 😆

There are different points of views. Mostly Neil and Claire, but a small part is Audrey.

Please leave a comment, I don't write a lot, but I try to improve regardless. So if you don't like something or feel it's our of character - let me know.
Like something particularly? Let me know!
Means a lot if people take the time to not just read but also leave comments 👍🏼

Finally, I wanna say a special thank you to Giant_raccoon, for encouraging me to work on this (even if she didn't know what exactly I was having in my drafts) and and post. I appreciate it, so much. I hope this is what you hoped for.

Chapter 1

Claire stood in front of the mirror. She looked beautiful, and she knew it. Her dress wasn't one of those big, stuffy ones shaped like a pastry. That wouldn't have been her. She chose something simple and elegant. Which was basically the general theme of the wedding. They had decided to keep it small and simple, no big wedding that was more stressful than anything.

 

She stood and smiled at herself, trying to look as happy as every bride should.

But her smile didn't reach her eyes.

Because she wasn't marrying him.

 

Dash was amazing, but in many ways he couldn't measure up to what she really wanted, what she couldn't have.

He didn't make her feel like Neil did. She didn't love him the way she loved Neil.

She loved Dash like the brother she never had, not how most people loved the person they married.

 

Her wedding to Dash was a practical thing.

They both knew it.

 

After Kayla died, Dash had asked her out, just like his wife had asked him to before she died.

Claire had agreed; she had promised her best friend.

They'd had a great time, had enjoyed getting reacquainted, and had laughed together.

Dash knew her, with all her problems from the past that still haunted her. She could be open and honest with him as much as she wanted, but also carefree. On paper it was perfect.

 

She just wasn't in love with him.

 

They had talked about it, one night after dinner at his place. Dash had seen right through her and realized something wasn't right.

She had told him about the past couple days, the risky surgery, how she had doubted herself and how Neil had told her she made him better.

She had still been looking for the words to tell him what was actually weighing on her mind - what she had realized the night before when she spoke to Dr. Malkin. But he had already reached the conclusion himself.

 

"You're in love with him." He wasn't asking her, he knew. Guilt was written all over her face, but of course Dash had the right response.

"Claire, it's okay. You know I love you, but... like a cousin or... I don't know, you were like a sister to Kayla. We tried but, I think we both know there isn't anything romantic between us. You're not breaking my heart if you tell me you're in love with someone else."

Claire was relieved.

 

"Yeah, I... was honestly a bit surprised and overwhelmed myself. When he said those words it, sorta unlocked something I didn't really know was there. Does that make sense?"

Dash gave her a small smile "yeah, it actually does."

 

"So, are you going to talk to him about it?" He asked her, and to Claire it almost sounded like Kayla was in the room with them.

"No, of course not" she shook her head. "Dash, he's my attending and my friend. There is no way he thinks of me that way."

 

"Well, how do you know?"

"I just do. After that favoritism complaint..."

"Wait, there was a complaint?"

 

Claire filled him in on the start of their friendship, running together, the prom for Angie, the favoritism complaint, how they had faked a fight and were now meeting more discreetly than in public parks around the hospital.

 

"Honestly Claire, I don't think any of this would be happening if he didn't care about you. I don't know the man but, if it was nothing he would have walked out of that bar and never looked back."

 

"We're friends of course he cares about me. He actually was the one who encouraged me to go out with you in the first place. He wouldn't have done that, if there was anything."

 

"Unless he wanted to protect himself... But Maybe I'm reading too much into this. I don't really know the guy except that he is an amazing surgeon."

 

"Thanks, but I'm sure this is one-sided. I just need to get a grip. I'm not willing to ruin our friendship because I don't have my emotions in check. And I really don't need another round of rumors around the hospital."

 

"Well, if Kayla was here I think she'd have a long speech for you. But, I don't. If you are sure about this, then I will leave it alone."

 

Claire reached out to squeeze his forearm.

"Thanks, Dash." She smiled at him, grateful that he had listened to her.

"How about you? Are you having your eye on anyone?"

 

Dash took a deep breath, and his expression turned sad, his shoulders sank down.

"Claire, I believe we all get one true, great love in our life. Mine was Kayla. There's not gonna be someone else."

 

"That's really sad. Coming home to nothing but an empty apartment really sucks... Must be worse for you - you actually know the difference." She partially repeated the words she had said to Neil not too long ago. This time her tone was a little more bitter.

 

She wished she could come home to somebody, to Neil. With Neil. But that was not in the cards. Not only because as her attending he was off-limits. Their friendship had made enough waves, even if he had non-platonic feelings for her, the blowback for both of them was unimaginable.

For a beat she thought about Neil, who was also going home alone, nobody waiting for him.

 

"I can't say that's not true. Every time I come back from work I wish I had Kayla here. Or at least our cat".

Their cat had died about 6 months after Kayla, since then he was just as lonely as Claire.

 

"Do you think this is why Kayla wanted us to go out? Make sure neither of us would be lonely?" Claire wondered.

 

"Maybe. It would be just like her, to worry about us."

"Definitely," Claire smiled, remembering how much her friend always cared about everyone else. "Maybe we should just give in, she usually was right," Claire was laughing as she said it, but there was little humor to it.

 

"Yeah, maybe we should," Dash agreed. "Just get married, move in together. Also has the upside that we won't be bothered again with questions about our dating lives." 

 

Claire wasn't sure she had heard right. "Okay, how much wine did you have?"

"No, Claire I'm serious. Think about it. It's practical, it makes sense. I had one glass, I'm not drunk. You said it yourself Kayla had an uncanny ability to be right."

 

Claire thought about it for a moment.

Then she shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right... So what, you wanna start planning a wedding?"

 

And that's what they did, they planned a wedding, they were still looking for a place that would work perfect for both of them and give them enough individual space, but Claire was hopeful that they'd find one soon.

 

She heard a knock on the door, and she wasn't sure how, but she instinctively knew it was him. "Come in" she said and watched in the mirror as he entered her dressing room.

 

He was wearing a black suit, a black tie neatly around his neck. He looked incredibly handsome, of course, and for just a moment she let her mind wander, to a universe, a parallel world where he was waiting for her at the end of the aisle. A bow tie around his neck as he smiled at her, while she walked towards him. She knew Neil always wanted to get married and have a family and the happiness would be radiating off of him, leaving no doubt that it was the day he'd dreamed about for too long.

 

She let out the breath she had been holding, returning to reality, as Neil closed the door behind him.

 

----------------

 

Neil had gotten ready earlier than he needed to.

He was somewhat anxious about the wedding he was attending.

He made sure his suit fit perfectly, without wrinkles, the tie neatly tied around his neck. He wouldn't allow anything to allow doubt that he was happy for her. His suit was his armor, the perfect facade.

The flask was hidden away in the inside pocket. He wouldn't make it through this day without it - though maybe even make with his favorite whiskey wouldn't help him today.

 

He was watching Claire marry someone else. He had had more sleepless nights since she had told him than he cared to admit. Nightmares of her walking away from him, towards Dash mixed with nights where she was walking towards him that felt so real and waking up to reality broke him each time.

 

He had debated talking to her, tell her how he felt.

But Dash seemed to make her happy - she couldn't possibly return his feelings. He didn't want her to think he tried to stand in her way of happiness or make things awkward between them.

 

So he had stood by and encouraged her as best as he could when she had told him about the preparations. The location, the flowers, the dress she had picked, the cake and had smiled when she had handed him the invitation.

He had waited, tired from the sleepless nights and nightmares as time passed and the day that would shatter his heart, once and for all, drew inevitably closer and closer.

 

He got out of the cab, and headed inside the venue.

It was a gorgeous place, decorated beautifully and tasteful, not overwhelming but just right. It had Claire written all over it.

He saw the magnolias she had told him about.

For a beat his mind drifted off to a place where he was the groom, the lucky guy waiting for her at the end of the aisle, not a guest at this, at Claire's, wedding.

 

Hardly anyone was around yet, he was far too early.

He hadn't consciously planned to be this early, but he also knew that he needed to talk to her. He just had to see her one more time and make sure this made her as happy as she deserved to be.

He couldn't think of anyone who deserved to be happy as much as Claire did. After all the heartbreak she endured. 

 

He found her dressing room and tried to wipe his palms dry on his suit pants before he knocked on the door. It wasn't much use, he was nervous and it felt like his hands were soaking wet.

 

Claire immediately responded to his three soft knocks on the door to come in.

 

He opened the door and as soon as he stepped inside his eyes found hers in the mirror.

For a moment he held his breath.

She looked as beautiful as he had imagined she would. As she had in his dreams.

The dress was simple and elegant, by all means it was made for her.

 

He closed the door and went over to her as she turned around.

 

Again he wished he was the lucky guy, waiting for her, watching her walk towards him.

The one who got to be loved by her. Who married her and woke up next to her for the rest of his life.

He scolded himself quickly. He wasn't and indulging in such thoughts only made it hurt that much more.

 

"You look beautiful" he smiled at her.

"Thank you. You clean up very nice, too," she smiled back at him.

 

"How are you feeling? Nervous?" He asked.

"Only a little. I've known Dash for such a long time".

"Really? I thought you'd be a bundle of nerves already. Wondering what is gonna go wrong."

 

"That's why we decided to keep things small," Claire told him. "Less worries, less stress. Plus, I never wanted a big wedding and Dash... I was the maid of honor at his last wedding. Kayla always talked about how she'd be my maid of honor. She'd tease me endlessly that someone would eventually steal my heart and make me wanna get married."

Her smile slipped a little as she remembered her best friend and how she lost her. Neil remembered the time well. They had done all they could for Kayla.

Claire continued, "small and simple just seemed right."

 

"Good." Neil looked at her, trying to get a read. Somehow, it didn't seem like Claire was getting married. She was calm and relaxed, almost like she was going into a routine surgery. He probably looked more nervous than she was. He knew her well enough. She wasn't acting calm, she was calm.

 

She was dressed like a bride, had the bouquet on a table, a veil next to it. She wore the perfect dress. But something wasn't right. He just wasn't sure what it was yet, couldn't quite put his finger on it.

 

"Are you happy, Claire?" He needed to know. If she was, he could be happy for her.

 

Claire gave him a surprised look, then smiled at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

 

Suddenly it hit him.

He had seen Claire laugh and smile many times. He had seen her happy, after they successfully finished a difficult surgery, when she knocked down more than five pins at bowling, when she was enjoying her favorite food or a song she really loved was playing.

 

There was a spark in her eyes, when she was genuinely happy, even if it was about the smallest things. But it was missing. She was smiling and trying to look happy, but he could tell she wasn't. He knew her better than that.

She'd probably fool all the other guests, but he saw right through her. He read her like an open book, written in bold, capital letters.

 

"Because... Claire, I've seen you happier after finishing a routine surgery, than you seem now. Hell, I've seen you happier at bowling. You hate bowling! And-"

 

"No I don't! I wish I was better at it sure, but-" Claire interrupted him.

 

"That's not the point," he said, raising his voice just a bit, slightly frustrated that she didn't seem to take him serious. "There's no..." He let out the air in his lungs, trying to buy time. He wasn't sure how honest he should be with her. Usually he was brutally honest, but usually wasn't her wedding day.

 

But he also figured this was not the time to hide what he thought. They were friends, honesty and trust were an important foundation of their friendship.

 

"No what?" she asked, her eyes piercing into his, demanding that he finish his sentence.

 

----------------

 

Trying to explain to Neil why they kept the wedding small, was strange. It was true, Dash had been married before, and she never wanted a big wedding with many guests.

But she also knew that Neil was part of the reason. Why would she celebrate her wedding day, if the man she truly loved was standing in front of her now, not later at the altar, when he'd just be sitting in the crowd?

 

She had wondered if it was better not to invite him. But he was still her best friend and she wouldn't have been able to explain to him why Morgan, Alex, Shaun and Lea were invited. Even Lim made the guest list. And yet, somehow, he was not?

She might as well have told him the truth, printed on a banner for everyone to see. Not that it would've been necessary. There was only one reason why one would not invite their best friend to their wedding.

And everybody and their mother knew what it was.

 

Neil looked at her, an intensity in his gaze she had only seen before when he was trying to find the missing puzzle piece to a case. The one factor to a diagnosis that made sense of all the symptoms that seemed to tell different stories.

 

His eyes wandered around the room for a short moment, stopping on the bouquet before he looked at her again.

 

"Are you happy, Claire?"

 

The question surprised her.

He seemed genuinely concerned that she wasn't. And she didn't know why. Didn't know if he was just curious or if he was actually doubting it.

Of course he was right, and this wasn't exactly what she wanted. But she thought she did a pretty good job of hiding her true feelings.

 

"Why wouldn't I be?". She asked back, just to stall.

Even if answering a question with a question was distracting 101. It was the only thing she could think of in that moment.

Because she wasn't sure if she could lie to him, or if she even wanted to lie to him.

 

Hiding something, going along with what everyone assumed and nobody questioned was something entirely different from lying.

 

A part of her almost wanted to scream at him, that of course she wasn't, that he was the one who would make her truly happy. The other part knew she couldn't, not willing to risk their friendship. The bigger part of her, the louder voice that wanted to keep up appearances and just get through the day.

 

"Because... Claire, I've seen you happier after finishing a routine surgery, than you seem now. Hell, I've seen you happier at bowling. You hate bowling! And-"

 

"No I don't! I wish I was better at sure, but-" she interrupted him.

"That's not the point." Neil raised his voice just a bit, which told her he was struggling. "There's no..."

 

"No what?" Claire was curious now, and her voice demanded an answer. What was it that had given her away. Had he figured out why? She worried, he had.

Suddenly she was quite nervous after all. It just had less to do with the wedding and everything with this conversation she was having with Neil, who seemed to be questioning her choice.

Not the choice itself so much as how content she was with it.

 

"No spark." there was a pause, she saw his chest raise as he inhaled before he continued.

"In your eyes. You smile, but it just doesn't reach your eyes the way I have seen it before." Neil told her.

 

It hit her like a bucket of ice water. She should've known he was gonna read her like a goddamn blinking billboard. He knew her, of course he was right. He had seen her happier.

 

Every time they went out.

Jogging, drinks, dinner.

Even when he beat her at bowling - again.

It didn't matter what they were doing, she was happy just spending time with him.

 

But that wasn't the point. She knew Neil was never going to love her as anything more than a friend.

So she was going to settle. Dash had said Kayla was his one big love. And Neil was hers. She hadn't really considered finding someone else. Neil was it. Once she had said out loud she was in love with him, she had realized just how deep her feelings ran.

And if that wasn't going happen, the best she would get was someone she could be comfortable with.

 

It almost sounded sad to herself, but she was used to the sting by now. She'd learned to make compromises work at an early age.

But deep down a part of hope had always shimmered that at least love was something she'd get to have. Even if she'd never admitted it to herself until now. The moment she truly gave up any hope that remained.

 

"Neil... even if I'm not super nervous about the ceremony, this is my first time getting married. So yeah, maybe I am not as carefree as I am after finishing a surgery or out bowling or whatever. But that's just because I'm not sure what to expect.

I appreciate your concern but there's no need. I'm sure that this is right." She just gave him part of her reasoning, something true, hoping it was enough.

 

He looked at her for a moment, and she could almost feel him trying to read her mind. His eyes, unblinking looking into hers.

She straightened her posture, conveying a confidence she didn't actually feel with her decision.

 

"Okay. I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just... This should be one of the happiest days of your life. And if it's not... Claire, don't get married because you're scared of not finding the right person or because you've given up on finding someone who makes you truly happy" for a split second the thought crossed her mind, how he didn't know that she had already found this person. In him. But she couldn't have him. "I meant it, when I told you that you deserve to be happy. The only reason you should get married is that it, he, makes you happy. If that's not it..."

 

Claire was slightly irritated by his choice of words. There was something in his voice, that sounded like more than just her friend's concern for her. She just couldn't say what it was.

 

But he smiled at her and left the room, leaving her alone with her doubt. Alone, to get ready to marry someone else.

 

----------------

 

Neil looked at her, trying to see if she was being honest or if she was just hiding. He wondered if she was afraid of something. If she was jumping the gun with this wedding. But he couldn't tell. Maybe she was just more nervous that he thought at first.

 

"Okay. I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just... This should be one of the happiest days of your life. And if it's not... Claire, don't get married because you're scared of not finding the right person or because you've given up on finding someone who makes you truly happy."

 

He was thinking about himself and how he was close to giving up. He wished he had talked to her earlier. He couldn't burden her with his feelings now, on her wedding day. He had accepted, that it was too late for him to tell her now.

But he couldn't accept that she might be getting married and not feel happy about it.

 

"I meant it, when I told you that you deserve to be happy. The only reason you should get married is that it, he, makes you happy. If that's not it..."
He didn't have to finish. She knew where he was going with it.

He forced the most genuine smile he could muster onto his face before he left the room, wondering if she was going to take his advice. Wondering if she'd reevaluate why she got married. Or if she was actually happy and he'd just misread everything.
Maybe he was blinded by his feelings and couldn't see clearly.

He wanted her to be happy, but a small selfish part of him wished that she wouldn't get married today. That he'd get a chance to tell her how he felt and maybe, just maybe, she'd reciprocate his feelings and they could be happy together.
He had been a little surprised when Claire first mentioned the wedding. He was aware they were dating, had tried to be a good friend, to be supportive.
That it would lead to a wedding this quickly, he hadn't even considered until she told him.

Seeing her hadn't done anything to settle his racing thoughts. If anything it made it worse. He thought he'd see her, glowing with happiness and could then sit there at peace, and watch her getting married. Maybe feeling a bit depressed and sorry for himself, knowing that not her how he truly felt, was a regret he'd have to live with for the rest of his life.

But he'd have been happy for her. He'd have plastered a smile on his face and toasted to her and her new husband, secretly sipping his whiskey every so often, because the champagne was not nearly strong enough to numb his emotional pain. He'd have stayed and danced for a bit before leaving - early but not suspiciously early to raise questions - because that's what Claire deserved from her best friend. Someone who was there for her and showed up in the big and the small moments.

But now, he was doubting everything. He doubted her happiness which resulted in doubting himself. He wondered if he had said too much, if he had just planted doubt in her head that was purely his imagination and not something she actually felt.
He started doubting his ability to make it through the day. He considered just leaving and drowning his thoughts in whiskey at home.
But he could never do that to her. He'd always be there for her, no matter his own feelings, how much it hurt him.

He wandered around the venue a bit, looking around, passing the time until the other guests started to arrive.
He saw Lim getting out of a cab and met her at the entrance.

"Audrey," he nodded.
"Neil," she greeted, eyeing him carefully.
He felt exposed.
"How are you holding up?" she asked quietly, making sure other guests wouldn't overhear.

Neil wasn't surprised by the question, she'd been on him about Claire ever since she first told him about the favoritism complaint and made it very clear she thought he had a problem. At the time he didn't see how right she was.

He lowered his gaze to his shoes, taking a deep breath before answering her.
"I don't know. I went to see her, see if she was happy but..."

"Neil Melendez, you did what?!" Audrey whisper-shouted at him and he looked up to meet her furious gaze. He was confused.
"You went to see the bride before the ceremony?"
"Well yes, to make sure she's happy"

Audrey rolled her eyes at him.
"She's a bride before her wedding... Was she stressed? Nervous? Hell, it's Claire, was she going over her checklist five times to make sure everything is in place?"

Neil shrugged his shoulders. "No, actually she was perfectly calm. Nothing at all like you'd expect. Neither happy, nor excited. No nervousness that something is going to go wrong. Almost like it wasn't her wedding day."

Audrey mumbled something under her breath that he didn't catch, but he didn't get a chance to ask her about it before she continued.
"How much whiskey is left in that flask you carry in your jacket pocket?"

"How do you... Never mind." She had known him too long, of course she knew he didn't come empty handed to this wedding. She just smirked at him.
"Almost full, wedding hasn't even started yet. Why?"

She held her open hand to him, like she was expecting him to give it to her.
"Because, I will need a sip if I'm gonna do what I'm considering to do."

He handed her the flask. "And what exactly is that?"

She threw her head back, taking more of a big gulp than just a sip of his whiskey, then handed it back to him.
"Just thank me later."

He watched as Audrey disappeared into the venue, none the wiser what she was going to do.

 

----------------

 

Claire had just put the finishing touches on her light makeup when there was another knock on her door.

Deep down she wished it was Neil, coming back to confess his feelings for her and to tell her not to marry Dash. But she knew it wasn't him. That wasn't his knock and it would be contradictory to everything he had just told her about half an hour ago.

"Come in," she said, expecting Morgan, her maid of honor, to enter.
Surprise was written all over her face when instead Audrey's head appeared and she closed the door behind her.

"You look beautiful, Claire," Lim said once she had time to really look at Claire.
"Thank you", Claire smiled at her, but was still too surprised to say more.

"You're probably wondering what the hell I'm doing here," Lim said, only a slight hint of humor in her voice, her face still serious.
"That's... I'm a bit surprised, yes," Claire admitted.

"Morgan isn't here yet?" Audrey questioned.
"No, I think she'll get here only shortly before the ceremony. I told her not to stress, since we're keeping it small and there's really nothing to worry about".

 

----------------

Audrey was relieved, this would give her some time and she wouldn't have to jump straight to the point.
Although, she was also not going to beat around the bush.

"Did you know Neil brought a flask to the wedding?" She started.
"Why, is he worried there will not be enough champagne for him?" Claire countered sarcastically.
Audrey chuckled, but there was no humor in it.

"No, Claire. Because he won't make it through this day sober" Lim retorted, looking her square in the eyes.

Claire blinked, once, twice. She looked confused. Lost.

"I don't understand. Why wouldn't he. Did something happen to him? Is everything ok? Should we move the wedding?" Claire looked as worried as she did clueless.

Lim took a deep breath, before dropping a bomb on the bride. Or so it felt.
"Because, a wedding is not always a joyous occasion for everyone. Not even everyone who's invited. And this one... for him certainly is not."

Audrey felt like she had to explain the world to a 5 year old.
Usually nobody had to explain the world to Claire. If anything, Claire was explaining the world to everyone else.
But this... Was something else.
Given Claire's history, emotional intelligence was not her strong suit. Sure it was when it came to patients and their fears and worries, or being there for her friends and reassuring people from dark places.

But when it came to love and her own personal connections, she was hopeless.
They'd all seen it with Jared. They'd seen it when she lost her mother, and was spiraling until Neil offered her a hand and she had sought help.

Audrey knew Claire was seeing a therapist and had done the work herself.
But she was also aware that Neil had been there for her when she had hit rock bottom.
There was no doubt in her mind that their connection was anything but genuine. But it had started when they both went through tough times. Claire had lost her mother and Neil and found himself single again after their relationship had ended.

How Claire was so blind, she would never understand. Everyone could see Neil was hopelessly in love with her. Everyone but Claire.

Slowly, realization seemed to sink in as Claire's face went from confused to disbelief.
Audrey might as well have said the earth was flat, after all. Or that Santa Claus actually exists and had promised to cure AIDS and cancer for Christmas.

"No... Audrey. You must've misunderstood. You know the man loves his whiskey more than anything. It has nothing to do with the wedding."
Claire seemed to be in denial.

"And you believe that?"

"Yeah, he was here a few minutes ago. He was fine".

Her words were met with a frustrated sigh.

"I know you think our friendship can't be purely platonic..."
"Cause it's not! Claire, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't wish it was Neil waiting there for you instead of Dash."

Claire had to look away. She was clearly uncomfortable under Lim's gaze.
It wasn't judgmental. Lim knew very well she was right, and she felt empathetic towards Claire. Maybe that's why it made Claire uncomfortable. It wasn't Lim's intention, she was sincere. But it might feel like pity to Claire and one thing she had never wanted from anyone was pity.

"Claire, you're not his resident anymore. You have proven to everyone you're a brilliant doctor and more than earned your place in the hospital. Nobody would judge either one of you if it's not so platonic anymore."

"Audrey, it doesn't even matter. He doesn't feel that way about me. He basically told me I should be with Dash when he first asked me out. He can't possibly have feelings for me. So even if I was in love with him, it doesn't matter. It takes two to be more than friends."

Audrey knew Claire meant the words she said. She really believed Neil was just her friend.
She looked at her with sympathy when Claire met her eyes again.
It was tragic in a way to watch a love, that never really had a chance to exist, be thrown away like that.

"But do you? Do you love him?"
Audrey knew the answer to the question. Just like she knew Neil's. But she wanted to give Claire the chance to say it out loud and maybe realizing what a mistake she was about to make. How wrong it was to get married to someone who was not Neil.

Claire didn't say anything but swallowed and nodded slightly.
"But I've given up on love long ago. I never really believed in it anyway. Dash knows, he's on the same page. It's not like I'm betraying him or leading him on."

Audrey took a deep breath before she spoke, calmly.
"Maybe not, but I think you're betraying yourself. Giving up like this. You're a fighter. Be honest with yourself and what you want. And then don't be afraid to go after it, instead of settling. You do it with everything else. I know it's scary, but it'll be worth it. Neil would be worth it, don't you think?".

Lim wasn't waiting for Claire to answer. She had spoken her mind, tried to stand up for both of her friends. But they had to walk on their own.

 

----------------

Claire heard the door close quietly and found herself alone again.
Audrey's words repeating in her head, she was left wondering if maybe there was some truth to what she'd said and if it was worth risking her heart like that. Giving it to Neil and hoping he wouldn't break it.
She trusted him with her life, but her past made her cautious when it came to anything related to love.

She still thought about her options, but then remembered all the times Neil had encouraged her to be with Dash, and pushed the thought away again, before she could develop any kind of actual hope. There was no way he would have been so supportive if he had any feelings for her. Regardless of what he had said earlier himself, which she was sure was just her friends concern.

She took a sip of the water to get rid of the dry feeling that had developed in her mouth.
Then she squared her shoulders and took one last look in the mirror.
She was more than ready to get this over with and for people to stop questioning the choice she and Dash had made.

 

----------------

 

Neil was on edge waiting for Lim to re-appear after she'd left him alone outside.
He had been pacing back and forth going inside looking for her or anything to pass the time with, before going back out.

Most of the guests had arrived and he had greeted the colleagues from St. Bonevanture, putting his mask back on, trying to look happy and carefree.
Meanwhile his mind was racing.
Claire was getting ready to get married.
Lim was off doing God knows what. He had hoped to have her to lean on throughout the day but he'd barely seen her for two minutes.
And why was Claire so calm and relaxed. Not worried or overjoyed, just... Calm, like it was no big deal?

Morgan had arrived with Alex just a few minutes ago. Neil knew she was the maid of honor. Therefore he wasn't surprised when she only quickly greeted him, and told him she wanted to go see Claire in the same breath.
That Alex excused himself just as quickly to head inside surprised him, but he was mostly relieved that he didn't have to focus on any conversation with him.

Mostly he liked talking to Alex they often discussed sports outside the work-related medical things. But his mind was elsewhere at the moment.
He saw both of them going inside and greeting other guests in the same rush.

Finally he spotted Lim again, walking towards him.
He looked at her, questioningly.

"What?" She asked him.
"Where did you run off to?"
"I went to see Claire. I wanted to talk to her before the wedding, she'll be swamped with congratulations afterwards and won't have time for her colleagues anymore." Audrey acted all innocent, shrugging.

"What was so important you had to see her before the wedding? The very thing you gave me shit about earlier." Neil was confused. He was sure she was up to something, but he wasn't sure what.

"You know... Just making sure she's ok. You said she was so calm, I had to see it with my own eyes. You were right. She might fall asleep, as calm as she is. Good for her! I wish I had been that relaxed before my wedding," she added with a laugh.

That made him chuckle. He had been to Audrey's wedding, many years ago, shortly after they had finished their residencies. She was a bundle of nerves that day, worried about everything that could possibly go wrong.
Of course, the marriage did not last very long.

"I remember, you were very much the cliche bride. You looked nervous up until you were pronounced husband and wife. Only then did you actually relax."

"You would be nervous, too, if you had to plan the whole wedding yourself because your future husband doesn't give a damn," Lim countered.

"That's probably true. When Jessica and I were planning, or trying to plan, we disagreed on almost everything. I don't think either of us would've been relaxed."

"Oh, I remember. Whenever we asked you something you were just avoiding the questions. You always said 'we haven't decided yet ' and 'we'll talk about it later'. Things like that".

"Yeah. Turned out, the wedding was not the only thing we disagreed on. At least we broke up before the wedding and didn't add a messy divorce on top." The memory wasn't too painful anymore. He had accepted, some time ago that breaking up had been the right choice.

"Well, not every divorce is messy, but you definitely dodged a bullet there."

"Would you do it again? Get married?" Neil asked.
"Maybe, if I found someone and fell stupidly in love. I just think this time I'd keep it smaller, make sure it's for us, not everyone else. Part of the reason I was so stressed was trying to impress everyone."

Neil's mind wandered for a minute.
He always wanted to get married. A small ceremony followed by a big party. He had thought he found his person with Jessica until she told him she wasn't.

Then he had fallen in love with Claire, but before he could act on it she had told him about Dash. Maybe it wasn't meant to be for him.

Lim pulled him from his thoughts after a few moments: "So are you planning to hide in the back or will you sit with us in the front?"

Neil's face twisted at the thought of having premium seats to this wedding.
But he looked at Audrey, fished his flask out of his pocket and took a big swing.
"Front row it is", he said and offered Lim his arm to walk inside.

He tried to look as happy as the others.
He did well, but those who knew him, like Audrey and Glassman could still see the pain written all over him.

He suspected Alex also knew and had probably talked to Morgan about it, but both were decent enough not to say anything to him.

They found Alex already seated and Lim took a seat to his right, leaving Neil the seat at the aisle.
Shaun, Lea and Aaron were in the second row where Shaun was excitedly talking about how happy he was for Claire.

Some of the nurses were in the rows behind that, as well as some faces Neil didn't recognize. He suspected they were friends from Claire's college days. He knew she had few but very close friends she tried to keep in touch with as much as her busy schedule and shifts allowed her.
He often found himself not having as much time for his friends as he would've liked but was grateful for the friends he had in his life.

"So, how many times do you think Claire has been re-checking her list?" Alex asked looking over at him and Lim.

Neil met Lim's eyes, leaving the question to her.
"Zero, she's totally calm."
"Are you sure?" Alex questioned.
"Yup, I just went to see her not long ago." Audrey shrugged.
"You went to see the bride before the ceremony?!" His voice was a bit too loud, drawing the attention of the other guests.

Neil turned to look at Alex.
"We both did," he said, nonchalantly, like it wasn't a big deal.
"You're both insane. I heard stories how Mia was on our wedding day... I am never setting foot near a bride before the vows aren't said and congratulations are in order."

Neil heard Lim ask Alex what happened on his wedding day, or what Mia did that was so insane, but got distracted when he noticed Dash, the groom, entering.

Dash was greeting many of the guests, shaking hands and chatting.
He looked as calm as Claire was, not particularly excited or happy. Not nervous.

For a split second the thought crossed his mind, that he didn't deserve Claire, if this was not the happiest day of his life. He scolded himself quickly, though. Not only was Claire not nervous or overjoyed either, but Dash was also a widower.
He had gotten married before, by everything he saw Dash had truly loved Kayla. He had been by her side through the pain of cancer, the surgery and then till the end. Claire had sometimes told him about Kayla, how she was doing and how great Dash was taking care of her. That they enjoyed every day they had left together - as much as possible - until the cancer took her.

Lim had told him she would do it differently if she got married again.
Maybe Dash was so relaxed because he had done this before.
He looked calm and comfortable. Maybe Lim and Claire were right and keeping everything small and simple was key. A big wedding was worth nothing, if the people getting married couldn't enjoy it themselves.

Dash made his way to the front, saying hello to Shaun. Neil remembered they briefly met and Shaun told him something about renaming a cat would be stupid for some reason.

When Dash turned to him, Neil got up to shake his hand.
"Dr. Melendez, it's good to see you. Thank you for coming". His words were warm and honest.
"Thank you. And ongratulations, Dash." Neil met his eyes and tried to smile. He was not sure what else to say. They didn't know each other very well. He just hoped that the groom knew how lucky he was to have Claire by his side.

Dash eyed him carefully and Neil was wondering what he was thinking about but the moment was over quickly and Dash moved on to also welcome Audrey and Park. Neil remembered Alex had been with him and Claire on Kayla's case; therefore, they knew each other a little, too.

Finally, Morgan came to them, a sure sign that the wedding was about to start.

Neil's instinct kicked in, all he wanted to do was run, but he felt Audrey's hand firmly on his forearm.
He found her looking at him with a lot of sympathy and something like admiration. Being at this wedding was no small task and maybe she had a vague idea how much it took out of him emotionally.

The wedding hadn't started yet, but he already felt drained, like he'd just finished a 36 hour shift.

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself, just like he often did before going into surgery.

He opened his eyes again, just as Claire entered.
His breath caught in his throat. She truly looked beautiful.

Involuntarily his mind went back to a night with Claire that kept coming back to him.

Neil was waiting for Claire in the agreed spot. He'd gotten there first, as she had waited a few minutes after he left to make sure nobody saw them heading in the same direction. Given the recent complaint and Lim being very clear what she thought of their friendship, they couldn't be too careful.

He had already grabbed shoes and settled into their booth. There was an excitement rushing through his veins that was new. He was always looking forward to seeing her, but it felt different this time.

He had grown used to being around Claire. He liked the friendly banter they shared, that she was witty enough to keep up with him and didn't shy away from it.

He had gotten a small glimpse of what it would be like to lose that.
After the favoritism complaint he had tried so hard to ice her out and keep his distance, for both their sakes and their careers.
He had hated every second of it.

So, that night at the bar, he had made the decision not to let anyone take their friendship from him, from them. He went back inside, took his seat beside her, and asked for two menus.
There was nothing wrong or inappropriate about a platonic friendship and if he had been hanging out with Park, nobody would have thought twice about it.

Still, things needed to change slightly. They had talked about it and decided to be a little more careful and trade the track for less obvious places. Not hiding as such, they were still out in public. But they would meet further away from the hospital to reduce the chance of being seen by any of their colleagues.

Claire had found out that Morgan had filed the complaint and they had planned to stage a fight to throw her, and the others, off a bit. Hopefully that would take some tension out of the situation.

Earlier an opportunity had presented itself.
It had taken everything in him to not burst out laughing. He had felt the corner of his mouth almost twitch a few times but had managed to control himself and thought it went pretty well.
At least by Andrews' reaction, who had been too stunned to interrupt their 'argument' for some time and then had made sure to request a psych consult loud enough for Neil to hear it.

Neil had finished the setup of their lane and he saw Claire walking towards him in the dim room. The smile on her lips instantly lit it up when she saw him.

"Did Morgan buy the fight?" he asked, then took a sip of his beer, hiding the grin forming on his face.
He handed the bowling shoes to her, their fingers brushed and their hands lingered there for a beat. He felt a tingling where her skin met his trailing up his arm. At first, he didn't think much of it.

But as they bowled the hours away, enjoying each other's company, the familiar banter and chatting about everything and nothing, as they had since their first run, he couldn't help but notice a difference.
He wasn't sure when or even what exactly but something had changed.

His eyes lingered on her a tad longer, and he felt hers on him, too. He caught her looking at him a few times, when she clearly thought he wasn't paying attention. A look on her face he couldn't quite assess.

Their normal banter was dangerously close to flirty teasing. Or maybe it already was, he couldn't tell anymore. The lines were getting blurry.

Their hands kept brushing against each other. Innocent enough, handing each other the bowling balls or their cups. The occasional high five when Claire managed to knock down more than five pins.

He had only had one beer, a couple hours ago, but felt drunk. Drunk on something stronger than alcohol. It had been a while since he felt that way, but he recognized it nonetheless... He was in trouble.

When they left the bowling place he suggested getting a bite to eat. Across the street was a small place he remembered from his days as a resident. While he had worked up an appetite, he could have eaten at home. There were leftovers in his fridge.
He just wasn't ready for the night to end.

Claire agreed and they found a seat chatting away over fried snacks and coffee.

Finally they had to leave, or were asked to. He hadn't even noticed how late it had gotten. It didn't matter as they were both free the next day. Maybe another reason why he dreaded this moment, when their paths went in opposite ways.
Both of them going back to their dark, empty apartments. He liked his apartment, but without anyone to share it with, it didn't feel like home. Without Claire, he was now aware.

They reached their cars, parked almost next to each other and he turned to her and met her eyes. It was relatively dark in the parking lot, but he was sure he saw a similar longing to his in her eyes.
Wishing the night wasn't over yet. That their time together didn't end with good night but could extend further into the morning for breakfast and the next night, the one after that and then after that.

A moment passed and suddenly he realized how close to each other they stood.
He saw the imperfections on her skin that made her so beautiful to him. He could see the scars on her soul reflected in her eyes. Some she had told him about others he was hopeful she'd open up to him about in the future.

She was looking back at him with something that he interpreted as hope, maybe. There was a sparkle in her eyes that he noticed every so often when they spent time together. He loved seeing her like this. Unguarded and happy. Comfortable.

His eyes darted down to her lips then back to her eyes.

He felt a magnetic pull towards her, like she was drawing him in. He wondered what would happen if he leaned in. He wanted to kiss her. To feel her lips against his, he imagined they were soft and warm.
God, he wanted to kiss her so badly.

But they were friends. The thought of ruining it scared him. What if she didn't want it? What if it would ruin what they had?

The fact that she was still his resident didn't even occur to him in the moment. He just didn't want to make her uncomfortable or push her away. He freaked out and stopped himself from what his instincts told him, from what would have felt like a natural progression in many ways. What he'd have done if this was anyone but Claire in front of him.

He hugged her instead, whispered a "good night" in her ear.
When they parted she smiled at him, but it wasn't as carefree as before.
"Good night," she said and he watched her get in her car and drive away.

Shortly after, Dash had come to the hospital, shoebox in hand and asked her out.

Maybe, if he had found the courage to actually kiss her, or at least say something to let her know he wanted more than the platonic friendship they had, things could have been different.

 

----------------

 

There was another knock on Claire's door but this time the handle moved before she could say anything.
It could only be Morgan.

Lim had just left and Claire wished she had another minute or two to sort her thoughts.

While she was sure that Lim misread Neil - even though she knew they had been friends for a long time - her words had unsettled her a little.
Maybe she was giving up too easily.
She wasn't even in her mid-thirties. Even if she and Neil didn't necessarily have a future, maybe she should not be settling yet.

Perhaps she would find someone she could love.
Then again, it had never worked out well for her.

Her first high school crush had made fun of her in the hallway because of her clothes. Too busy to take care of her mother and getting food in her stomach she had usually been forced to wear clothes too long. Some too small, others had had tears in them... She had been far from being one of the cool kids, but she couldn't have looked like she belonged if she had tried.

She had focused on her grades, knowing she wanted to become a doctor. Being good at school had decidedly not been cool either. She hadn't cared much, and she and her best friend Abigail usually had stayed far away from the others.
In senior year she had dated a boy named Dwayne, but it didn't end well.

Throughout college she had worked two jobs to pay for everything herself. The others had mostly admired how hard she worked and how smart she was. But her social life had suffered.
Her boyfriend, who she had lost her virginity to in sophomore year, had cheated on her with some girl who had had time to go to more parties than Claire. A drunk mistake he had called it. It had broken her heart.

For a long time afterwards she hadn't seem anyone, not seriously at least.
The thing with Jared had never been serious for her, she had already closed herself off, and she hadn't realized how much she hurt him until he left.
She had almost asked him to stay but he had been right, leaving was for the best.

She had merly craved his company, someone she could be with without the emotional mess.
She hadn't loved him, which had made it easy. But it hadn't been fair to him.

And then Neil came along. As a friend, until she had stopped seeing him as a friend and fallen in love with him.
It was different with him. She felt safe with him and not afraid to open up to him. She knew he was there for her and she could always count on him. Just like she was always there for him. They could be openly honest and serious with each other or goof around. Sometimes both in a matter of minutes.

But why should this suddenly work out, when even her own parents couldn't love her enough to be there for her.
Therapy had helped her a lot. She had dealt with her feelings about her mother's death and about her father leaving when she was still a kid.
But it hadn't changed her outlook on love.
Happy endings were a fairytale.

She looked at Morgan who had closed the door and was grinning at her.
"Wow, Claire you look amazing! You make a beautiful bride. If you weren't my friend, I'd be jealous!"

Claire knew this was about the biggest compliment Morgan would ever give and smiled at her in response.
"Thank you, Morgan."

"Now, be honest" Morgan looked at her with a serious expression on her face and Claire thought for a moment she would get another earful if she wanted to go through with this wedding and if she was truly happy. "How nervous are you?"

"Not at all," Claire said. At least it was mostly true. The only thing that made her a little nervous was the thought of Neil sitting there. Not because of him - but because of herself. Maybe having the person you love at your wedding, as a guest instead of the groom, was a bad idea. But it was too late to change that, now.

"You must be the calmest bride ever," Morgan laughed at her. "I thought I'd find you with a checklist in hand, making sure you didn't forget anything."

Claire was confused.
"I don't even have a checklist."
Now Morgan was confused. "Are you sure you're getting married?"
"Yes, but that's the whole point of keeping it small. I told you we didn't want to stress out, remember?".

Claire had told Morgan this a few times over the past couple weeks.
"Well, yes. But you're still a bride... Never mind, you never did anything like most people, why would you be a nervous wrack on your wedding day like most women are?"

They looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

Since Morgan had helped Claire after her mother's death, they had grown closer. Of course there was the favoritism complaint, but Morgan had apologized later. Claire had supported Morgan when she had to change her specialty, no longer able to be a surgeon with her hands. They had been out to celebrate with Park and Shaun after finishing their residencies.

It was funny, Claire thought. When they had first met, Morgan had made it very clear she was not there to make friends and had done everything to get ahead.
Claire had been annoyed by some of the stunts she pulled but tried to take it as the compliment it was.
Neil had told her once she was "smart, special". That was the moment she had realized Morgan didn't do anything because she hated Claire, but because she saw her as her biggest competitor.

It seemed like such a long time ago.
Claire was glad they had overcome that and were now supporting each other instead.
Jared had been right, the world's biggest soft touch.

"So, you ready to get hitched or do you need another minute?"
Claire took a deep breath, then took the small bouquet of flowers in her hands.
"Ready" she said.

They made their way downstairs.
Morgan went in first, found her place in the front and turned around to watch Claire.

As Claire walked down the aisle, she found Abigail seated in between her friends from collage, smiling at her. She was really glad that she had come to town from Seattle to be there. They didn't see each other enough but regularly spoke on the phone.

She saw Shaun beaming at her, Lea and Glassmann next to him, also with big smiles on their face.
Alex was in the front row. They had once joked about him being her father and her his child, but he looked almost like a proud father in his seat.
Claire found Lim next to him, she was smiling but Claire thought she could see reservation, too. Maybe it was her imagination.

Finally her eyes found Neil.
He was looking at her, like all the other guests, but his smile seemed less genuine.
She couldn't place it, but she knew him well enough. Their eyes met. She wasn't sure what she expected to find, but it wasn't that.

He looked sad, maybe worried. She hadn't seen it before but he looked tired like he hadn't slept well, maybe not at all.
She couldn't make sense of it.
But as she reached Morgan and Dash it didn't matter much. He just had to sit there, she would ask him what was wrong after the ceremony.

Dash smiled at her and she saw the difference to his wedding to Kayla right away. When he was marrying the love of his life. Back then, he had beamed from ear to ear. She remembered he had been nervous. Not about anything going wrong so much as screwing up his vows. He had told her how perfect he wanted them to be, had worked very hard to find the right words to say to Kayla.
Claire remembered they had been beautiful and Kayla had shed a few happy tears. Her vows were just as beautiful.

"Claire, you look amazing."
"Thanks. You, too. I'd say practically dash-ing, but I know you hate that".
They both chuckled. Of course he had heard that at any occasion that called to dress up, from at least 5 people.
Naturally, Claire and Kayla had teased him about it.

They both turned to the officiant, a friend of Dash and she began to speak. Claire tried to listen to what she was saying, but found her eyes drifting to Neil every few seconds.

He still plastered a smile on his face but looked miserable at this point.
His shoulders, usually squared were hanging low, his hands in his lap kneading each other, his right hand every so often reaching for the left side over his jacket.
He looked tense, uncomfortable and Claire started to wonder if there was truth to Lim's words.

Maybe the wedding was not a joyous occasion for him. Maybe that is why he kept looking for the flask in his pocket. He didn't reach inside to get it, which would have been unappropriate during the ceremony, but she saw him making sure it was still there, multiple times.

Claire knew he had always thought he would be married at this point in his life, the first or second kid on the way.
Instead he was single, as far as she knew he hadn't been dating since he and Lim had split up, leaving him with neither a girlfriend nor the chief of surgery job.

She could see how this wedding was just a reminder of everything he didn't have.

Lost in her thoughts the time went by quickly and before she knew it, they were asked for the vows.

That was it, they almost made it through the ceremony and nothing had gone wrong.
While she hadn't been particularly worried, but did have a shortlist of things she halfway expected to go wrong.
The flowers not arriving on time, the caterer messing up, Morgan being overdramatic about some minor detail or the venue canceling last minute due to a busted pipe had been her top contenders.
But everything had worked out.

"Claire, please repeat after me: I, Claire Brown, take you, Dash Snyder."
All eyes were on her now, she could feel it, but she wasn't nervous.

She took a deep breath and repeated the words:
"I, Claire Brown-"

She didn't get any further. Morgan's voice interrupted her, echoing through the room and all eyes turned to her.

 

----------------

 

Claire walked down the aisle towards Dash and the officiant started the wedding.
Neil barely listened to the words that were said but found Claire often looking towards him, meeting his gaze.
He smiled encouragingly at her, at least as best as he could, hoping that everything would be over soon.
Or maybe he wished it would take a long time, not ready for the moment when Claire was announced some else's wife.

He had been slipping down in his chair since the ceremony had begun, wishing he would just disappear in the ground. He kept touching the flask through the jacket. Once all was said and done he would need a big swig of it.
Although he wasn't sure if it would actually help. No amount of alcohol could fix this. Tomorrow morning Claire would still be married to Dash and he'd be left with the hangover, alone in his bed. Or, more likely, on the couch.

He was still battling with himself trying to keep himself together for Claire's sake when she was asked to repeat after the officiant.
It was almost over and part of Neil was grateful for it. He looked at Claire who was now looking at Dash.
His heart was beating fast, the realization hitting him: this was truly it.
"I, Claire Brown, take you, Dash Snyder," the officiant's words sounded wrong to his ears but he saw Claire take a deep breath, ready to repeat them.
"I, Claire Brown-"

Before she could repeat everything, he heard Morgan's voice, loud and clear instead.
"Oh for God's sake - I can't watch this!"

At once, everything was unnaturally quiet, you might have been able to hear a hairpin drop across the room.
Instead of watching the couple who's wedding this was, all eyes were now trained on Morgan.

Claire was the first to speak up after the shock.
"Excuse me?"

It was certainly strange.
The maid of honor interrupting the wedding.
Ex-boyfriends or girlfriends crashing weddings isn't unheard of, the bride running away is certainly not an unusual way to stop a wedding.
But the maid of honor... This was new.

Neil sat up straight in his seat, eyes wide open. He was as curious as everyone else to see what would happen next.

Instead of dread he was now filled with adrenaline, his heart pumping in his chest for a different reason than panic.

Morgan looked to Neil - clearly, she knew how he felt.

Something stirred in his chest - it was the last thing he expected to feel today: hope.
If Claire didn't get married, maybe he would find his chance to tell her how he felt about her.

----------------

 

Claire was sure she hadn't heard right.
Was Morgan actually going to mess this up?
The room was unnaturally quiet, the shock was palpable in the air.

"Excuse me?" She looked at Morgan, disbelief written all over her face.

Claire noticed Morgan's eyes briefly flickering to something, or someone, behind her then focused back on Claire.

"You can absolutely not tell me this is what you really want, Claire. I'm sure Dash is wonderful, but we both know your heart belongs to someone else."

"And you couldn't have said anything before now?" Claire asked Morgan. She wasn't mad as much as she couldn't quite believe what was happening.
Her maid of honor was crashing the wedding.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I should have. I just wasn't sure it was my place. I know my timing is terrible but this is actually ridiculous. I literally can't watch this for another second."

 

"Kinda late for that now, don't you think?" Claire asked. She was serious. Why the hell was everybody coming to her TODAY instead of last week, or even yesterday.
Morgan's waiting until they were already in the middle of the wedding, took the cake.

It was on brand for her, though. Claire had to give her that. Morgan had a flair for the dramatic, and what was more dramatic than interrupting a wedding.

Regardless, Claire knew Morgan didn't do it for the entertainment factor. That would have been low even for her. Her concern was genuine; she could see it in her eyes.

 

----------------

 

Morgan glanced at Neil for a split second. He wasn't sure if she expected him to jump in, maybe expected him to, or if she was trying to tell him something else.

"Claire, tell me honestly you want to marry Dash because you love him and can't wait to spend the rest of your life with him."

Claire looked at Dash for a moment.
Neil followed her gaze and found Dash was calm as a koala. A bit flabbergasted sure, but not like someone whose bride was just being questioned. By the maid of honor about her choice to marry him, no less.

This was definitely the strangest wedding Neil had ever been at.

 

----------------

 

"Look, Morgan, I appreciate where your heart is at, but..."
"Yeah, yeah. What I haven't heard since I rudely interrupted your wedding is that you want to marry Dash. Or that you love him. Look, Claire. You are not the kind of girl who should be marrying the wrong guy. Not with all you have been through. I know Dash is a comfortable choice, but he's not the one you love, is he?"

Claire was at a loss for words. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing actually came out. Morgan was right, of course. And Claire had a feeling everyone knew it already.

 

----------------

 

Neil was wondering if maybe it was time he spoke up. He just wasn't sure what to say.
Should he tell Morgan to stop?
But Morgan was right, Claire had yet to say she loved Dash.
It suddenly dawned on him that she hadn't told him she loved Dash when he spoke to her before the wedding either.

Lim shoved her elbow into his ribs, which pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned to her and found her looking at him, one eyebrow raised.
She quietly whispered, so only he could hear her.
"Are you gonna take your chance or not?"

Neil looked at Claire, then back at Lim.
Everything was happening too fast for him to actually formulate a clear thought.

Before he reached a decision, Morgan spoke again.
"Claire, we all know the man you actually love is sitting right there," her eyes landed on him but she quickly focused back on Claire.

Finally it occurred to him, that maybe it was true and she did love him. Morgan wouldn't interrupt a wedding on just a hunch. Would she?

Claire turned around. Her eyes briefly scanned him before she nervously looked at the others.
Neil could feel all eyes on him.

Even Shaun seemed to get it for once. Neil heard him whispering in the row behind him.
Of course it was Shaun, and his whispering was probably heard by at least half the guests.

"You know, I did catch her flirting with Dr. Melendez before. In our first year of residency. He was still engaged to someone else at the time."
"Shaun, not now," Aaron scolded him.
"You can tell me later," Lea added.

 

----------------

 

Claire was still rooted to her spot. She felt a little embarrassed, but mostly insecure. She didn't know what to do.
Morgan was right, and the fact that everyone was looking back and forth between her and Neil told her that they all knew exactly who Morgan was talking about. Not that she had been vague when she had looked him straight in the eye.

Before she had a chance to really wrap her head around what was happening, she heard Audrey speak up.

"Oh Jesus Christ, how much more do you actually need?!"
Lim got up from her seat.
"You two really are the biggest idiots I have ever seen..."

Dash was faster than Claire or Neil to find his voice.
He reached for Claire's hands and spoke to her.
"It's ok, Claire. We both know this was purely a practical arrangement. If there's a chance you two can be happy, you need to take it. Kayla and I always just wanted you to be happy."

"But Dash, what about you?" She couldn't bring herself to just forget about him.
It was a two-way street, the arrangement they had made.
"It's ok. I will be fine," he smiled, squeezing her hands before letting them go.

She turned to look at Neil, wondering where he stood in all of this. Of any of it ever mattered.
So far everyone had only been speaking about her, but if Neil didn't reciprocate her feelings, it was pointless anyway.

 

----------------

 

When Claire looked at him, Neil finally found the courage he had lacked the past few months.

He got up from his seat, his hands shaking nervously. All eyes were on him now, but he was only looking at Claire and stepped up to her.

His voice was vulnerable but sure, barely loud enough that the people in the front row heard him.
"I'm sorry it took me this long. I should have told you this a lot earlier. I love you, Claire." The words left his mouth and it felt the most natural thing in the world to tell her extactly how he felt. "I haven't thought of you as just a friend for a long time. I just didn't want to risk our friendship, because I thought you didn't feel that way about me. Seems like I'm the only one who thought that."

"Neil..." Claire was looking at him with big eyes; he could see tears were threatening to fall. There was something in her eyes that was missing before, when she talked about marrying Dash.
"I love you, too. I... I thought the same thing. I didn't think you felt that way about me. Unlike everyone else, it seems."

Neil took her in his arms and just held her tightly. He was so relieved they were on the same page and suddenly couldn't remember why he hadn't said anything earlier. It all seemed so insignificant now.
Maybe Lim was right, they had been two very big idiots.

"I guess there is not gonna be a wedding after all," Shaun said from the audience. "That is a good thing, one should only get married if they truly love someone."
He had a point, of course, which was why many people chuckled at his remark. It seemed to confuse Shaun, but he didn't ask about it.

Once the amusement had died down, Morgan turned to look at Neil, now a serious expression on her face.
"If you break her heart, I will break your fingers, Melendez. You won't set foot in an OR for weeks."

"I won't. Not again," he promised, slowly letting Claire out of his embrace and meeting her eyes.
He would do everything he could to make sure she was happy and knew how much he loved her every day for as long as she wanted him. For the first time in a long while, he was hopeful that it would be for a very long time.

----------------

 

It was just like Morgan to make threats before her and Neil even had a chance to actually talk just themselves. But she appreciated her friend looking out for her.
She smiled at Morgan - then remembered there was a room full of people.

"So... What now?" She wondered looking around the room.
"I don't know. I have never been to a wedding that didn't happen," Dash said, clearly amused at the situation.

"I don't think any of us have been at a wedding like this before," Park added.

"Hey, everything is already set up - why don't we all just go to the reception? No use wasting everything."
"You're right. Let's go and just have a good time. We can celebrate not getting married," Dash was only partly joking. She knew he was happy for her.

"Oh thank God, I'm starving" Lea said.
"And I could use a drink," Lim agreed.
"That kinda goes without saying," Lea laughed.
"Agreed. These two incredibly smart, yet unbelievably blind people finally telling each other what everyone else already knew deserves a toast," Alex chipped in.

Neil offered Claire his hand. She took it and they led the way to where everything was set up for the reception. The others following right behind them.

 

----------------

 

Later at the reception, after they had eaten, the music started to play.

Neil and Claire stayed seated at their table for a while, talking. Mostly they teased each other about what idiots they had been.

Claire was delighted to see that Abigail and Dash seemed to hit it off. They had already talked during the meal and were now dancing and laughing on the dance floor.

Suddenly Neil's face turned thoughtful.
"Neil, you okay?" Claire wasn't worried, but a little nervous.
"Claire, do you remember the night we went bowling together? Just after that fake fight?"
"Yeah, it was the first time we went and they threw us out of the place across the street because the staff wanted to go home." She smiled at the memory.

"When we were in the parking lot. I almost. I thought... Did you want me to kiss you?"

Claire thought it was adorable how nervous he was. Usually, Neil Melendez was a confident man. He didn't get nervous. She liked seeing this side of him - a side she hadn't even encountered during their friendship.

"Honestly, yeah. I kinda wished you would. Once the thought was there it didn't leave. But it's probably for the best. Being friends was complicated enough while I was still a resident."

"I guess you're right." He looked at her for a moment, then smiled.
Claire tilted her head at him. "What?".
"Nothing just... I definitely won't mess it up again. I'll kiss you goodnight today. I promise."
"Kiss me goodnight? You're not planning on taking me home?" Claire was clearly teasing, but he seemed a bit startled.
"Well... I just didn't want to assume that..."
"It's ok. We can figure it out later." She smiled at him and he beamed right back at her.

She thought about leaning in, but she didn't really want to share their first kiss with all of her friends and colleagues in the room. That was something for just the two of them.

Her attention was drawn to the music when some pop song ended and a slower one started playing.
Claire immediately recognized it as Ed Sheeran's Perfect.
She remembered how they had danced to it together at the prom for Angie and Ryan.

She got up from her seat and offered Neil her hand.
"Dance with a runaway bride?"
He took her hand and got up himself.
He interlocked their fingers and looked her in the eyes, a warm smile on his lips that reached his eyes.
"With you? Always."

Chapter 2: Epilogue

Summary:

Just a small, fluffy epilogue.

Notes:

It was pointed out to me that leaving it without a certain scene was rude. I was gonna leave it but... it didn't leave me 🤣
So I wrote a few more words.
Hope you enjoy.

They had danced for a few songs, some slower, some more upbeat, and just enjoyed the time together.

Claire had wanted to find her friend Abigail, so he took the opportunity to go outside and get some fresh air.
He felt a little overwhelmed with everything that had happened in the last couple of hours.

In a lot of ways, it was funny how this day, which had started as one thing ended up being the complete opposite.
Neil had woken up in the morning and assumed he would drink too much and cry himself to sleep afterwards.
Now, he was happily dancing with Claire — not as her platonic friend anymore. He could openly wear his affection for her on his face and look at her with all the love he felt.

He was lost in his thoughts, his gaze wandering, not really looking at anything, when he was pulled from his thoughts.
"You look happy."
He turned to find Lim standing next to him. He hadn't even realized she was there.

"I am." he smiled at her.
"Took you long enough to step in there — even after Morgan said what we all thought." She was teasing him. He knew it. He just couldn't bring himself to really care enough for a witty comeback.

"I know, I just... didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure I should," he shrugged.
"Neil Melendez, for a brilliant surgeon who is usually quick thinking on his feet, it took you forever! Any turt —"

"I get it. I'm an idiot," he said, humor in his voice.
Lim wasn't gonna rain on his parade. Not today. Not about this.

Lim laughed at him, before hugging him.
"I'm really happy for you. For both of you, actually." All teasing was gone, her tone now genuine.
"Thank you, Audrey," Neil said as they let go.

He was about to say something else, when a thought crossed his mind.
"Hey, what did you say to Claire, when you went to see her? Did you really just see if she was calm?"

"You know... I tried to talk some sense into her. But she didn't believe me — that maybe she should talk to you. Maybe reconsider her choices."
Neil couldn't believe it. "You did not! After what you said to me, when I told you I went to see her?"

"Yeah, but I went because I love you both, not because I'm in love with the bride," Audrey shrugged, a crooked grin on her face.
"You're unbelievable. But thank you, Audrey."
"Don't thank me, thank Morgan. She's the one who put a stop to all that nonsense."

Neil thought about it for a second. How different this would've went if Morgan hadn't stepped in.
"We do owe her, don't we?"
"Big time. You may wanna name your firstborn after her."
His eyes went wide at the thought.
"I think that's too much. Maybe a dog, or one of the chickens," he suggested. "Yeah, a chicken seems like a good compromise."
"Chickens?" Audrey was confused.
"Long story," Neil said.

"Come on, let's go back inside. I haven't had the chance to tell Claire 'I told you so' yet."
Neil rolled his eyes. "You're enjoying this way too much." But he followed her anyway.

----

Claire had spent some time talking to Abigail and some of her other friends when Neil and Audrey came to them.
They had all enjoyed some time together, Dash had also joined them. Claire hadn't missed him and Abigail glancing at each other from time to time.
Maybe Dash had been wrong before and he had another chance at love.
Abigail wouldn't replace Kayla. Nobody could, nor should. But maybe he could be happy again.

They had spent some more time dancing and talking into the late hours.
Finally, they decided to call it a night.
Neil called them both a taxi while Claire said goodbye to her friends.

The cab ride was quiet, she could see Neil was as exhausted as she was. It had been a long day. Claire's head rested on his shoulder until they arrived at her address.

Claire was quick to pay the fare and pull Neil out of the car with her.
"Or would you prefer to go home and sleep in your own bed?"
She turned to him, the question was obviously rhetoric.

"No, I'm good right here." Neil stepped closer to her.
"I believe I did make a promise I need to keep."
His hands came to rest on her waist.

"Hmm... I think you need to remind me," Claire said. It was obvious she knew exactly what he was talking about. Excitement bubbled inside her, her skin tingled with anticipation.

Her eyes met his, and she could see the same emotions reflected in them.
A happy contentment, the rush of adrenaline, the curiousness of this long awaited moment finally arriving.
Both of them had waited long enough.

Neil moved a hand to her cheek, his face inching closer to hers. His eyes darted down to her lips.
Not a careful, uncertain glance — but sure. Like she was all he ever wanted or needed.

Claire tilted her head, the fussy feeling in her stomach almost unbearable. She closed her eyes just as his fluttered shut.

Their noses brushed. She could feel his breath on her skin — warm and strangely familiar.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore.
She inched closer, Neil met her halfway.
Their lips met, pressed to each other.

Claire thought she would go insane.
She had imagined many times what it would feel like to kiss Neil.
But her wildest dreams faded in comparison to reality.

Her body came alive, warmth spreading through her with a warmth she wouldn't have been able to explain if she tried.
It was fireworks and coming home. New excitement met with familiarity.

They started moving their lips against each other in perfect synchrony, matching each other's pace. Exploring carefully and getting to know each other in this new way, burning passion flickering just below the surface.

Claire's arms wrapped around his neck, trying to draw him impossibly closer. She would never get enough of him, she knew it.
She had waited for this moment a long time, but every second was worth it.

Neil deepened the kiss, stealing her breath completely.
She felt lightheaded, like a teenager.

Idiotic happiness.
That was what it must be like.

She smiled into the kiss.

The need for oxygen eventually became too much and they broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other.

Slowly she opened her eyes, coming back down to reality.

"Wow." Neil was beaming at her.
"Worth the wait," she agreed.
"Yeah, but... Let's not wait another few years again."

Claire moved her hands down his arms and took his hands in her.

"No," she agreed. "Let's go inside."
Neil followed her into her apartment, ready to see what their future together would look like.
It felt so easy and right, that once more she wondered what the hell had taken them so long.

Notes:

I never wrote a kissing scene before, so be gentle with your judgment 😆

Notes:

So, I didn't want this before: this idea came to me not just because of the song mentioned before.
But, some of you may know it's huge Swiftie. My favorite Album is Speak Now (TV). And I just thought if my two favorite artists have a song about interrupting weddings... Maybe I should write something.

I just figured for everyone who doesn't know the song, the speak now part may have given away too much.
The title is pretty obvious there.
Part of the fun listing to "Marry Me" for the first time was definitely that it wasn't at all the fluffy happy song expected. Hopefully some of you had that experience with this ff.

Funny thing: I only discovered Thomas Rhett because someone on YouTube edited our favorite idiots to his song Blessed. So this feels a little full circle.

Anyway, please leave a comment, I'd really appreciate it.
Have a great day and thanks to everyone out there who keeps reading and / or writing.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 6 of One-shots