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The boys are stranded on the island and there is ww2.
We have Ralph, Jack, Simon, Piggy, Roger, samneric, and maurice, and eveyone else.
The conch is actually just a fleshlight and if you want to talk you have to put your weiner in it. It can only fit 1 cock however Samneric’s cocks are too small so they can fit both of theirs in it at once.
Jack wants to be chief, but Ralph challenges him.
“Let’s have a vote,” Roger suggests, sitting on a log and stroking his dick.
Jack is ugly and ginger, unlike Ralph with his hard abs, chiseled jawline, and firm ass the other boys are like what the hell i thought we were like 12 or something, but he wins the vote anyways.
Jack is not pleased. Despite being the ugliest fucker alive, he has leadership skills. All Ralph did was shake his juicy ass and yell about a signal fire. His shelters were shit and half the time they collapsed.
The hunters are called cunters because they serve meat and their boy cunts.
They’re all homosexual because everyone knows when you get stranded on an island you just suddenly become gay. It’s like that one movie or something where the boys get stuck on an island and it makes them young forever but in lord of the fags the boys get stuck on an island and it makes them gay.
Ralph claps his cheeks and the sound is so loud it can be heard from 5 miles away. This calls for a meeting.
The boys say there’s a beast so Jack, Ralph, and Roger go to mountain to see what it is to see a wounded russian soldier.
“Please help me,” the man pleaded.
“No,” said Ralph calmly before beating him to death.
Then Jack starts eating the man and Ralph and Roger look on in disgust and shock.
Roger spoke up “You aren’t going to cook that?”
Jack shook his head. “I like my meat rare.”
The boys all laughed and had a feast.
Then they returned to the beach.
“Is there a beast?” one of the boys asked.
“No. Just a man,” said Ralph
“We ated him,” added Jack.
Everyone cheered. “Hooray for cannibalism!”
Jack says they should all do homosexuality together. But Ralph is a says no. So Ralph and Jack compare dongs and Ralph wins. Jack runs away crying like a little bitch. Ralph stands proud with his 8 pack and 9 incher.
Castle Rock is now named Castle Cock and Jack is the new chief. He strips so he is buttass naked and is angry and wants to kill our hero Ralph.
One by one, the homosexuality infects the boys and they all start going to Castle Cock with Jack. Ralph is upset and leaves his tribe behind to go to Castle Cock and cure the boys of homosex.
Simon and Piggy are immune to homosexuality and are on the other side of the island where they aren’t sinners and make the signal fire the way god intended. Maurice, despite being a homosexual now, joins them as he is too ugly to get laid (even for gay men’s standards). All three of them protect the signal fire and littluns.
Back at Castle Cock.
Roger puts his dick in the conch and breaks it. (I wish I was that conch. Roger, please put your dick in me. I want my holes filled with Roger’s come. I want Roger to use me and fuck me for fun and also choke and beat me and cut me until I bleed out. Roger please rape me. Please kill me, you sociopath.)
Anyways
Ralph is angy but Jack starts making out with him and it is soooooo hot. And everyone whips their dicks out and starts strokin their shit.
Ralph becomes a homosexuality and everyone clapped.
The navy comes to rescue them and Ralph’s dad is the captain. He sees Simon and Piggy and because they are losers he sails past them and to Castle Cock. He sees Ralph and is relieved his son is safe but they get close and see his son getting his cheeks clapped by an ugly ginger.
Meanwhile, Robert fucks Wilfred, Roger rides Bill’s cock, Robin sucks off Charles, and Henry and Harold jerk each other off. And all the other background characters who I forgot because they’re irrelevant and I’m too lazy to grab my book can go fuck themselves🖕.
(That includes Samneric 🖕🖕)
Back at the boat, his comrade places a hand on his shoulder. “Shut it down,” he says solemnly, taking another drag of his cigar. “Shut it all down.”
Ralph’s father nods. With tears streaming down his face and a broken heart he launches a russian nuke which then blows up the Earth.
After a few seconds of the game lagging and running on 2 fps, the Earth is now shattered into fragments and uninhabitable. The last person left is Elon Musk as he was on the moon sitting in a lawn chair watching the boys with a pair of binoculars the whole time. He frowns, lowers the binoculars from his face, and a single tear streams down his cheek.
“I love british white boys!” he shouts into the void, collapsing onto his knees in anguish. His confession echos into the nothingness, only to be consumed by the darkness.
The end.
I hate this book and I hate the movie (1963) and I hate Jalph. Blame English class for this.
edit: (Okay fine I kindof like lord of the flies)