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"I don't think they know we're married." Seth muses, legs thrown over Lich's lap in the Theater cockpit. The them in this sentence refers to the self proclaimed "Graveyard gang", a lovely bunch that Lich has followed around because they bring something to his days, much like Seth did back in the 2nd period. Seth's still figuring out how to calibrate the neo black box, they're not human anymore but everyone on board has their reasons for staying a little bit longer.
"And whose fault is that?" Lich sneered, pushing Seth's legs away while giving the brunette a smirk, he hopes it didn't come across as a love-sick gaze. Seth's a little too... murderous and full of malice to be affectionate, it's cursed to imagine the man speaking with anything besides the bluntest truth and selfish lies. Calling himself a friend of the black Butler might've been underestimating their relationship, but it's been over a thousand years so forgive him for not being lovey dovey. After all they haven't seen each other in so long that it was just a safety clause, if Seth wanted to get divorced Lich wouldn't be opposed to it.
"Do you think Eater knows?" Seth asks, Lich's best friend still doesn't remember his life before being a spirit and by this point Lich doesn't bother by trying to jog his memory anymore, he moved on from the past.
"Wanna see?" Lich smirks in a way that's so obviously copied from Seth that the man himself seems proud seeing it, he sits up and smiles.
"What do you have in mind." He's speaking in that very evil and sexy way that makes Lich wanna kick him in the head but there's a experiment he has to run now. He is a scientist after all.
"Do you still have your wedding ring?" And Seth grins.
It's common knowledge that Banica and Carlos are married, they finally got together after the world ended and had a small ceremony right before everything went to shit, that's so say that even the twins know how marriages and lovely couples work. All that to say Seth and Lich don't look like a couple or like they're married, they look like enemies. So when Seth showed up with a marriage ring the next day obviously no one noticed the last person the Demon of Wrath saw was Lich, the cowardly black bird, they rather focused on the fact someone in this world is manic enough to marry him.
So in the way to the "Janitor closet" which in reality is just Eater's wardrobe, Seth is walking proudly, his sleeves up to his arms and his jacket removed, Lich is sneaking behind him quietly and at a comfortable distance no one will notice him. Then Seth walks right into Arte discussing lunch options with Banica and it doesn't take a genius to notice the ring on his hand.
"What the fuck Seth!" The first to speak up was Banica, eyes wide as she ignores the frozen in place Arte to inspect the ring. It's silver with a simple obsidian gemstone small enough to seem like it's a dirty spot. Lich idly wonders if he had it resized, after all it's been so long...
"Is it that unbelievable that this simple scientist would be married and happily in love?" Seth raised his eyebrow, letting Banica see the ring by taking his hand, Lich would disagree on the happily in love part— he wants to strangle Seth more often that he wants to kiss him (it's not like he ever acts on it though). Lich has to back off a little to make sure no one sees him. Seth flaunts his ring some more to Banica before Arte snatches it for herself. Seth does regrettably stumble when the young girl forcefully tears the ring from his finger, raising it above her, right into the window light.
"It's legit Obsidian! No way someone spent that much money on you." Arte chirps trying on the ring for herself, it's obviously too big for her but she still smiles looking at it.
"Yes they did, now give me it back." Seth easily slips the ring away from Arte's finger in onto swoop action, spinning it on his own point finger before putting it back in it's place. He smirks.
Banica seems to be trying to figure out why Seth used "they". She probably has figured out he did that confuse her and make this a game, who in Evillious is masochistist enough to marry Seth Twiright? Is he even married or faking it? Lich can see the cogs in Arte's mind come to a conclusion—
"Is it...Levia?" It's a horrible guess as Lich has to stumble to contain a laugh because isn't that such a thought? Seth doesn't have the restraint he has, doubling over in laughter, clutching his side.
"Le—Levia! Pahaha! I think she'd rather die than marry me! And I said happily married!" Seth eventually contains his laughter and taps Arte on the shoulder. Smirking deliriously
"If you really wanna guess however...I'd say you've met them." He declares omniously, before Banica and Arte can get any questions in, he leaves heading for the cockpit.
Lich sneaks away, intending to met him there.
"I am conducting an experiment!" Seth half-yells to Lich who has just walked into the Theater cockpit, Seth is scribbling something down on a notepad, he's smirking— and Lich who is quite fluent in Seth-esian can tell it's the smirk of a new chaotic idea that's bound to give Lich a headache. Soulmates copy each other's ideas, right?
"What has the the greatest scientist Leviatana has ever seen decided to investigate now?" Lich knows the answer by the heart but can't help the way Seth cackles before shoving the notepad he was just writing on into Lich's hands.
"As you see, our dearest crewmates are stupid—" He immediately gets cut of by Lich stating the obvious that no, they're already trying to narrow it down, but he gets ignored as Seth continues. "So I decided I'll continue to talk about my mysterious significant other and see when they realize it's somebody they know. Better yet, when they realize it's their beloved butler gentleman!" Seth stated.
"Wanna bet how long it takes for everyone to figure it out?" Seth hands him a pen and waits for Lich to fill the notepad with how long it takes. He's making a bet. He's betting on when his friends and coworkers figure out he's married to the father of all HERs. Oh God.
In the notepad there are the names of Banica, Carlos, the Twins, Ron as well as Eater and Baum. Below, written in small letters is "everyone else". He probably means the cooks, Seth doesn't find them intresting enough to remember their names.
Lich begrudgingly looks what Seth has bet, a month for Banica, 2 months for the twins, a year for Ron and Eater, 5 months for Carlos and Baum. The cooks are also listed as a year and specified to have learned it after everyone important already knew. Lich only snorts writing his own answers.
2 months for Lady Banica, 5 months for the twins, a year for Carlos, Ron and Baum and a week for Eater. He thinks the cooks are smarter than they look, they're also sneaky, so he writes 5 months for them. He trusts his best friend to figure it out.
"Extra rule, you avoid all questions about who you're married to." Lich declares, handing Seth his notepad back, Seth reads over it and smirks. He closes it and shoves it onto the desk, clearly to be used later. Probably to write down the data by spying on the others.
"Gotcha." He nods. "And if they come to you... You're not allowed to lie. Only half truths. Or the entire truth if you want." Seth points a accusing finger at Lich who only shrugs. He was planning on just observing but if Seth is thinking they'll come to him for questions, they probably will.
"Sure." He rolls his eyes, turning back towards the door.
"Emergency!" In the Theater kitchen stood the three cooks hired here, as well as the main chief, Carlos. Ron is scrubbing the floor in the room over, the door is open haphazardly showing Pollo bugging the immortal. Eater is holding a large piece of meat in front of Fry, who is trying to see if he can fit it in the over in one part. They all pause when Banica and Arte run into the room, the woman yelling about an emergency.
"What's happening darling?!" Carlos is the first to speak, Arte saw Chateau debating saying something before closing him mouth. They're still scared of being eaten.
"Seth just told me he's married and I have to figure out to who! Emergency meeting. Eater go distract him. Everyone else, to the dinner room. I need to figure it out!" Banica quickly rushes to the dinner room sitting in the masters seat, the everyone except Eater following her. Everyone reaches the room, sitting down.
"...Is it really that important?" Pork quietly asks, it's a timid sound and Banica scoffs.
"His ring looked used. Which obviously means he got married before me. And I can't imagine who would want him— wherefore I'm gonna figure out who's enough of a loser to marry him." Banica declares, there's a sigh from Carlos and Pollo quietly asking Arte a million questions, but then Ron speaks up.
"Did you get any information on who it could be?" Ron ponders, Banica pipes up.
"He said we met, which narrows it down a bit." Banica taps her nails on the table, a few seconds of silence before she points at Arte and Pollo.
"Go to the second floor, the records of the third period and get a list of people we met! Cooks, you get back to the kitchen and we figure this out tomorrow, I'll ask Eater for more information later." Banica claps before shushing the cooks away, Arte and Pollo nod and scramble off to the second floor, right into the room where Baum is currently held at.
The next morning is more normal than Lich expected, no one bothers him as he does his duties. It's like the whole marriage fiasco didn't happen.
Seth is still wearing his ring, but he put his sleeves down again and put him hands in his pockets like always.
No one in the Theater besides him really knows Seth, Lich is the first person from everyone to ever meet him, it's natural they would come for questions. But they... haven't, at least not yet. Maybe it's not as big of a deal as Seth theorized it would be. Well of course that is before he overheard Pollo trying to casually get info from Seth directly.
"When did you get married?" Pollo asks nonchalantly, trying to casually start up a conversation with his "technical" father.
"A long time ago." Seth answers omniously, he was chewing on an apple, casually leaning over the kitchen hallway doorframe. Lich tried to ignore the holes he could feel Seth's eyes piercing though.
"Is she pretty? From 2nd period? Why do you never talk about her?" Pollo goes on with questions, getting ignored until he's kicks Seth in the shin, finally bringing attention back to himself.
"I'll answer one question you brat." Seth sneered.
"Who's your wife!" Pollo raises his hands in a desperate gesture.
"Aaaah... That would be easy to answer right? Well it wouldn't be fun would it? I want you to figure it out." Seth smiled as Pollo dropped his arms down with w heavy sigh.
"I can't imagine you being in love! How and why would you love somebody?" Pollo didn't seem to register it as a question, Seth answered immediately.
"They're the only ones that understand me." Seth sneers before walking away, leaving Pollo groaning about getting no useful information. Lich just pretends not to hear a thing as he cleans the kitchen windows.
"They're not getting any closer." A week has passed and not only has Lich renounced Eater as his best friend, the man he spent 1000 years with can't tell who he's married to. He also was regularly updated by Seth on how close they are on figuring it out. Banica dragged him to the second floor and sat Lich down next to Arte and Pollo who where debating if their mother— Meta, could've been the one married to Seth. In short he just nodded while the twins threw more concerning theories around not even getting close to Lich, after all this archive contains only the 3rd period. The 2nd period archive... Lich's not sure.
Baum sat in the corner, she wasn't interested in the witch hunt, instead attempting to take a nap. Lich wished that could be him.
"Maybe we should give them a hint, after all there were a lot of people Banica and the twins met at the World's End. There's so many options." Lich argued, Seth has taked to wearing his ring everyday and it was getting annoying the way it seemed to always be the conversation in the kitchen.
"That's like adding a new species to an already well developed ecosystem." Seth deadpanned, Lich rolled his eyes.
"Rule change. You can lie or answer with half truths." Lich compromises, Seth seems to consider it deeply for a moment before groaning and nodding.
"You bet it'll take months yet you're folding after a week? My dear husband, you're not winning." Seth smiled and Lich just turned his head away.
"Not like you're winning either, we bet in a similar timeframe." Lich argued.
"We need to re-bet." Seth pointed a finger at Lich, pulling the notepad back up.
"I'm changing my bet to Banica will get it next week along with the twins." Seth points smiling.
"Banica will get it in a month but change Baum and Ron to next week." Lich supplied.
"May the better husband win." Lich smacked him in the head.
Lich obviously got approached, he's surprised it didn't happen sooner but Lady Banica has cornered him, the twins right behind her.
"So. Seth's spouse." Banica stares at him.
"Yeah...?" He really isn't good at lying, but... What's a little truth bending? To get back at Seth.
"Tell us how much you know." Arte demands, Lich swallows.
"They've gotten married before 3rd period. Uh...It's not Levia or Behemo." Lich decides to be vague, he can see Pollo noting everything and has to suppress a laugh. After that, they left, trusting the word of their friend.
"What did you tell them!" Seth barged into Lich's room.
"Some half truths." Lich answers, his gaze not leaving the book he's reading.
"They just came to ask me if it's Rahab! Fucking Rahab? No one wants to marry a slut!" Seth groans before plopping down on the bed beside Lich, which earns him a push when he gets too close to him.
"I told them it's not Levia or Behemo, so they obviously decided it must be their mother. Ugh." Lich groans, he can hear Seth chuckle and sit up straight.
"Then they asked if it's Catherine, and then Deus, aaand then Luna." Seth said.
"I have deducted that they're horrible at this. Worst experiment of my life. Raising Adam was better than this." He added, Lich rolls his eyes, closing his book.
"Then go into the dinner room and declare your eternal love for me, it'll make you win the bet." Lich says,
"Love, yuck. Sorry husband that's a little much for us. Not telling them." Seth grumbles.
"Figured you won't." Lich sneers.
"There's a betting pool made by Ron and Banica. Ron thinks I'm married to Held and Banica thinks it has to be Makina. Arte and Pollo both bet it's Sickle, to which I'm very offended— Eater didn't wanna bet but he suggested it's Rahab." Seth states as he walks into the cockpit, where Lich was currently preparing the Theater for travelling to another dimension. He rolled his eyes.
"Horrible guesses, I'm disappointed." Lich sighed, Banica is probably the smartest person from the 3rd period yet she cannot for the life of her get a good guess in.
"This experiment is burning my braincells." Seth mumbles, cuddling into Lich's shoulder, the other man didn't even flinch.
"I'm happy I'm not the one wearing the ring." Lich says.
"When they find out I'm forcing you to wear it." Lich just groaned.
"Makina? Or maybe Gilles?" Arte is in Seth's ear, muttering about all the options she can get her hands upon.
"And why would it be them?" He groaned, annoyed, seriously why the fuck would he marry Gilles? Makina was alright he supposed but still, not straight nor interested.
"Just tell us!" Pollo piped up, in a moment of anger he groaned.
"Geez fine! You've worked with him!" He groans he majorly fucked up, but everyone would snap after being accused of being married to the ugliest man he knows.
"So, Lich." Ron began, pointing to the ring. Seth just shrugged with a sly smile.
"And why's that?" Seth said, curious on how Ron of all got it right, and if it was guesswork.
"He isn't interested in this, therefore I think he knows about it. Friend of the Butler? Yeah bullshit." Ron rolled his eyes.
"Mmm don't tell anyone 'key?" Seth smirked, patting Ron's back.
"Baum was the one who figured it out." Ron said,
"At least one person gets it right, you've always been a follower." Seth sighed. "Son of a bitch won the bet..." He muttered.
"You bet on this!?" Ron's mouth was gape open.
"How did the people that talk to me the least guessed it and the ones that talk to me daily didn't get it." Seth sighed, "Yes we bet on this." Seth grabbed Ron's hand and dragged him to Lich's room.
"You won!" He threw Ron into the room, landing with a thud he sighed, turning over to lay on the carpet facing the ceiling. "Now threaten him into silence." Seth dismissed Ron, instead throwing himself over Lich's lap, to which the man rolled his eyes.
"Wow, I thought you were kidding. Holy shit how did no one else realize?" Ron muttered.
Then in a moment the door opened, Carlos standing in the doorway, mouth agape.
"Wha—" He muttered.
"1/4 of my bet was just won." Seth smirked.
"I— I thought you hated him Lich? You— " Carlos was stumbling over his words, face pale and eyes wide, Seth started laughing.
"Not all of us are lovebirds!" Seth giggled.
"Ugh." Lich rolled his eyes.
"...So I'm telling Banica." Carlos backed out of the room and Lich just sighed, there's no way to stop a man in love, he'd know.
"There goes the bet, if Baum didn't figure it out I would've won, but it's fine. What's the price I gotta pay dear?" Seth stared into Lich's eyes smiling. It made Lich twitch,
"Please don't suggest sex in front of Ron." Lich sighed and Ron, who was sitting straight now, fell over again.
"I would never." He smirked, leaning over to kiss Lich's cheek, which is exactly the moment everyone else barged into the room.
"I KNEW IT!" Arte and Pollo screamed, Banica started maniacally laughing and Eater was crying over missing his best friend's wedding. Fry, Pork and Chateau stood in silence and Baum was smirking. Lich really wanted to fucking die.
"You said he's your friend, and then you guys had a fist fight 3 times in the span of 24 hours?!" Banica questions and Lich shrugs, Seth smirking.
"I can't believe this." Eater was still in shock, Lich felt bad for him.
"Okay shoo shoo, Eater needs therapy right now, you could've broken the news better. Seth rolled his eyes to which Fry snorted, "You're talking as you just got married." That made Seth freeze.
"Shit it's our 1504th anniversary." He mumbled.
"WHAT."