Chapter Text
“You’re kidding.” Shauna stares blankly at her mother. This has got to be some cruel, cosmic punishment. Divine retribution for every unholy thought – every time she’s imagined punching Kiffy Schumacher face, or every time she’s thought about dropping her litter on the floor, or every time she’s thought about girls in ways another girl never should. “You’ve gotta be fucking with me.”
“Language, Shauna.” Sandy sighs, rubbing her temple. The skin by her eyes is slightly loose with age, pulling taut and then not, wrinkling then smoothing. “Just– Hear me out?”
Shauna usually isn’t so rude to her mom. Even on the rare occasions where Sandy’s snappy with her, Shauna can acknowledge the fact she’s an overworked nurse. She’s not that bad a daughter.
But this isn’t the same as Sandy groaning at Shauna for leaving dishes in the sink, or leaving her room a mess or something.
“Hear you out?” Shauna repeats, scoffing incredulously and running her hands through her hair. “You want me to hear you out.”
“Yes, Shauna. I want you to listen to me.” Sandy guides her to sit down. Shauna clenches her jaw, but she does. Sandy rests her hands on her thighs, palms up. Shauna folds her arms across her chest petulantly. “Please, honey.”
Shauna begrudgingly puts her hands atop her mothers. They’re warm, worn, familiar. “I just– I don’t know. I can’t, mom.”
“He makes me really happy, Shauna. Happier than I’ve been in– In a while. And– And he’s nothing like your dad, okay? He’s good to me, and loyal and dependent.”
“That’s not the issue, mom.” Shauna mumbles. It falls petulant to her own ears. And it’s only a little bit of a lie. “Mom, it’s Coach Martinez. This is– a joke!”
Sandy sighs quietly.
“Coach. Martinez. Like, makes us run suicides every Friday, bad cop to Coach Scott’s good one, my soccer coach since I was 15, Coach Martinez.” Shauna can’t even begin to parse the idea of Coach Martinez as someone her mom might know, let alone marry. She knows him as this– This stocky, no-nonsense guy who yells at them for sloppy footwork and barks at the forwards to hustle.
“I’m not, Shauna,” Sandy says, trying to meet her daughter’s eyes. “I know it’s… unconventional. But I’m asking you to give it a shot.”
Shauna chews her lip. “You could’ve told me sooner. Engaged?”
“I know. We didn’t want to say anything until it was serious, but— after a while, we just got in too deep. I’m sorry, hon.”
Her family has been just her and her mom for so long. Ever since her dad left, it’s been the two of them, and Shauna’s gotten used to it. The idea of something threatening that terrifies her. And she remembers days of her mom laying in bed after her dad left, and she doesn’t want that to happen either. But she most of all doesn’t want her fucking mom dating her soccer coach.
But her mom is smiling. Her eyes are so pleading, and her mom has always been so good to her. How can she say no to that?
“Okay.” Shauna mumbles, hanging her head. “Okay, fine. But I’m not calling him dad.”
Sandy’s smile is soft. “Thank you, honey. I’m not asking you to.”
/
Shauna sits at the dinner table, stiff and rigid, her fingers drumming against the edge of her plate. Sandy and Bill across from each other at the heads of the table, chatting animatedly, but across from her, Flex— Travis and Javi are both quiet.
Javi, ever the soft-spoken one, is fiddling with his fork, stealing glances at Shauna from time to time. Travis, on the other hand, is a quiet storm of brooding, his jaw clenched as if the mere act of being here is pulling teeth. Shauna can’t blame him; she’s the same way.
“Looks like we’ve got a full house tonight, huh?” Sandy says with a warm smile, attempting to bridge the palpable distance between everyone. “It’s nice. Family dinner. I’m really happy we’re all here together.”
Family. As if.
Shauna doesn’t respond. Her eyes flicker briefly to Travis, who’s staring down at his plate, a tight frown on his face. His eyes are as dark as her own. Then to Javi, who’s chewing his food and glancing between everyone awkwardly.
“So, uh.” Bill clears his throat, eyeing the tension. “We’re, ah, playing Ridgewood soon, huh, Shipm– Shauna?”
Shauna looks up, surprised to be addressed. She looks back down at the plate, where she’s been listlessly pushing her food around. “Right.”
“Should be an easy game.” He nods, then smiles at her. Shauna nods, awkwardly, spearing a potato.
“How is soccer? Shauna never talks to me about it.” Sandy says, reaching over to pat Shauna’s hand. She can’t help but feel like she’s being used to make conversation, that they don’t really care about her soccer, or whatever.
“Shauna, here, is the best midfielder on the team.” Bill says, gruff voice approvingly. He smiles up at her. Travis’ fork scrapes against his plate. Javi winces.
Shauna squirms embarrassedly in her seat. “I wouldn’t say that…”
Shauna fucking hates soccer.
“Nonsense. You’re as fast as a bullet!” Bill grins, “One of the best. Travis, son, you’re coming to the game – to support Shauna?”
“Erm. It’s fine. Shauna shifts in his seat, the discomfort settling heavily on his shoulders. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
Travis finally looks up, his voice dry, disinterested and not hiding it. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Bill’s eyes sharpen. “Nonsense. You’ll go and support your sister.”
Travis’ expression darkens. “Not my sister.”
“Step-sister to be.” Bill returns smoothly.
Sandy watches the interaction, wincing at the tension. She cuts her food into neat slices and Shauna glances at her, begging silently for help. Sandy knows how to pull a little bit of damage control.
Sandy pipes up softly. “So, um, Javi, how’s school going? Any new projects or stuff you’re excited about?”
“It’s fine.” Javi says softly. “Same old.”
Sandy nods, taking a deep breath, trying to find a way to push past the tension that’s flooding the room. “Yeah, school was a drag sometimes. I get it.”
For a moment, Shauna thinks maybe she should let her guard down. Her gaze lifts slowly to meet Javi’s. She smiles a bit at him. He smiles back shy and reserved back at her, grateful. The contrast to Travis’ sullenness is stark. His eyes are gentler, kinder. And it’s not that she doesn’t appreciate his kindness; it’s just that she’s not sure what to do with it. Her throat feels tight, like there’s something lodged there that she can’t swallow, more than the dry chicken.
Travis suddenly stands up, abruptly pushing his chair back with a harsh scrape against the floor. He looks like he’s about to walk out.
“I’m not staying here for this,” Travis mutters under his breath, his eyes flicking to Bill, then to Sandy. “I’m out.”
Sandy’s expression softens, but she doesn’t push it. “Travis, don’t–”
But it’s too late. He’s already walking out, leaving the house without another word.
Javi watches his brother go, his face falling. He looks at Shauna, who has now become the sole focus of his attention.
“Don’t mind him.” Javi says quietly, trying to offer some reassurance. “He’s just… dealing with stuff.”
Shauna takes a slow breath, glancing at the door where Travis just disappeared. She feels a pang of sympathy for him, but she’s not sure what to do with it. She wasn’t really expecting dinner to go smoothly, anyway. She kind of didn’t want it to.
“Yeah.” Shauna says after a beat. “I get it.”
Sandy watches the interaction between the two kids, a quiet sadness in her eyes. She’s trying to make this work, but shit doesn’t just work overnight. Especially not with people like Travis and Shauna.
“I think– maybe we should give it time.” Sandy says softly. “This is new for all of us. But we’ll figure it out. We have to.”
Shauna looks down at her plate, but her mind is racing. She doesn’t know what it means to give it time. All she knows is that she doesn’t want to be here, but here she is, stuck with these people, these strangers she’s supposed to call family now. Slowly, her eyes flicker toward Javi, who’s smiling tentatively.
And for the first time, Shauna feels a tiny seed of something she hadn’t expected: a tentative curiosity.
/
Shauna’s pretty much moved into the Martinez’ by now.
Bill let her have the attic room like in her old house. It was a nice gesture, but Shauna isn’t giving him any heartfelt thank yous for it.
Her stuff is unpacked still, clustered cardboard boxes stacking as the days pass. So far, she’s really only furnished her bed. She’s laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her journal is in one of her limp hands. She’s half-listening to the muffled sound of her mom laughing in the kitchen with Bill, half to Miss World. It’s been like this a lot recently – her mom’s laughter filling the house, the clinking of dishes, the low rumble of Bill’s voice. It feels like her life is being repainted without her permission. But she’s glad to hear her mom laugh. It kind of feels worth it.
But still. It’s hard– For everything to change. She’s used to her quiet house. She liked the solitude that’s only really ever filled when Jackie’s over, and Shauna can’t even invite Jackie over yet because fortunately, or maybe not, Jackie is in the Maldives, right now, two weeks for the summer. She still needs to ‘fess up. Which means explaining the whole Sandy and Bill thing. Not that Shauna’s worried about Jackie, like, exposing her or something, but Jackie would definitely say something stupid this is like When Harry Met Sally, Shipman! And somehow that feels mortifyingly embarrassing. She misses Jackie. Lately, her patience for her has been wearing. Between– the controlling-ness and the condescending and the Jeff of it all. But right now, Shauna just misses her. Even if she’s a bit mad at Jackie leaving her at a time when she needs her so badly. The girl is going to come back, all tanned and freckled and smelling of sea-salt and the sun, only to find Shauna’s life uprooted, her own life uprooted. They’re one in the same, really.
She’s so deep in her own head that she almost misses the barely-there knock on her door frame.
Javi stands there, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie. He’s tall for his age, easily probably going to outgrow Travis and Bill. But his lanky limbs are met with a wide-eyed, earnest look that makes Shauna feel weirdly protective of him, despite herself. Shauna sits up.
“Uh, hey.” Javi says, voice quiet but clear. “I just– I found this. I thought you might like it.” He pulls a dog-eared copy of Dune from behind his back, holding it out to her.
Shauna blinks, glancing down at the book, then back up at Javi. She’s taken aback – not just by the gesture, but by the fact that Javi had the guts to approach her at all.
“Dune?” Shauna echoes, taking the book from him. The cover is battered, like it’s been read a hundred times over. “You read this?”
Javi’s cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. “Yeah. A couple times, actually. It’s really good. Kinda weird, but cool. I thought maybe you’d like it, too.”
Shauna looks down at the book, turning it over in her hands. She likes sci-fi, but she’s always been more of a Star Wars type – she’s used to late-night blanket forts and messing with the VCR tracking in her living room, tangled up with Jackie. But the thought that Javi, with his soft voice and careful steps, thought of her when he saw this book – it throws her off balance, or something.
“Thanks.” Shauna says finally, meeting his eyes. She tries for a smile, a small one, and it feels strange on her face. “I’ll, uh, check it out.”
Javi’s face lights up, and the sight makes something in Shauna’s chest loosen. He takes a step back, almost tripping over his own feet in his haste to escape the awkwardness.
“Cool.” He nods, giving a quick, jerky nod. “I hope you like it. And, um, if you ever wanna talk about it or whatever, just– yeah.”
“Yeah– Yeah, thank you, Javi.”
“Sure.” Javi says. He pauses. “I’m sorry about all this. But– but Welcome home, Shauna.”
Before Shauna can even think of a response, he’s already scurried down the hallway, his light footsteps tapping against the floors like a little fawn ambling across hardwood. Shauna sits there for a long moment, staring at the empty doorway, the weight of the book warm and solid in her hands.
She glances down at it again, thumb lifting the fraying pages. It’s been a long time since someone – other than Jackie – gave her something just because. She suddenly misses Jackie with a sharp pang. But she can still see Javi’s face in her mind, and she smiles.
/
It’s a sweltering August afternoon, air thick and syrupy, clinging to your skin. Shauna is out back, standing over the rusty old grill, poking at the red, uneven burgers Bill insisted she try to ‘help out with.’ Sweat sticks her shirt to her back, and her hair clings to the sides of her face. She misses her mom’s old house, where their tiny patch of grass never inspired grilling or small talk or trying to pretend she cared about the smell of searing beef. She misses Jackie.
She flips a burger, the smoke rising in a grey plume, and that’s when she catches sight of Travis, sulking by the porch stairs, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, eyes narrowed at nothing in particular. He’s clearly been dragged outside against his will – sticking out the heat in a tank top clinging to his chest, an ever-present frown etched into his face. His long dark hair hangs in front of his eyes.
She doesn’t want to talk to him. She’d rather chew gravel. But Bill is inside getting a beer and her mom’s busy cutting up potato salad in the kitchen, and Javi’s off somewhere.
She flips another burger. “Are you gonna do something useful, or stand there brooding?”
Definitely not something her mom has said to her, verbatim. Maybe even Jackie. Jackie loves calling her out on her brooding.
Travis’ eyes snap to hers, sharp and dark. “I’m not brooding.”
She scoffs, letting the spatula clank loudly against the grill’s metal grate. “Okay, sure. That’s why you’ve been standing there like a ghost for the past ten minutes.”
His jaw tightens, and he looks away, the faintest hint of a blush creeping up his neck. She can see his fists clench in his pockets. “Just trying to avoid being drafted into Dad’s ‘family bonding’ crap. This whole thing is… weird.”
Shauna’s lips twitch into a half-smirk despite herself. She can’t help but agree. “Yeah.”
There’s a brief, awkward silence, broken only by the hiss and crackle of the grill. Travis kicks at a loose rock, his gaze still stubbornly fixed on the patchy, sun-bleached grass beneath his sneakers.
Finally, Shauna sighs, the heat making her irritable and a little reckless. “You know, if you’re gonna skulk around, you might as well be useful.” She jerks her head toward the cooler sitting in the shade of the back porch. “Grab the cheese for me, would you?”
Travis hesitates, his eyes flicking to her like he’s weighing whether it’s worth it to argue. But then, with a heavy sigh, he shuffles over to the cooler, muttering something under his breath that she’s pretty sure included the word bossy. She takes offense, but is willing to take it quietly.
He returns and drops the pack of American singles onto the table beside her. Shauna glances at him. “Thanks.”
“Whatever.” Travis grunts, leaning back against the fence, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He eyes her dubiously. “Why are you manning the grill?”
“As opposed to…?”
“I dunno. Girl shit.” Travis shrugs. Shauna bristles.
“Girl shit like what?” She rolls her eyes, glancing at him. Travis shrugs, gesturing to the kitchen. Shauna groans.
“Don’t even try that, Travis. Your dad is the one that told me you’ve burnt everything you’ve ever grilled.” Shauna tears open the cheese, slapping a few slices onto the sizzling patties.
Travis huffs, but he’s not baring his teeth, or anything. His cheeks are rosy. “Not burnt.”
“I’m sure.” Shauna grins to herself. She can feel his eyes on her, still guarded but, weirdly, less hostile. They lapse into another silence, but it’s not so bad, as it’s been every prior one. Kind of like two wary animals sharing the same water hole, both too thirsty, tired to snarl at each other.
Eventually, Javi comes bounding into the yard, a smudge of dirt on his cheek and a chunk of wood in his hand, and both Travis and Shauna’s attention is redirected.
“Travis!” Javi calls. “Do you know where dad’s carving knife is?”
Travis’ shoulders stiffen immediately, his scowl back in full force. “Javi, don’t mess around with knives. You’ll hurt yourself or something.”
Javi shakes his head. “I’m fine, Travis. Dad showed me ages ago.”
Shauna catches the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Travis’ mouth before he quickly schools his features back into disinterest.
“What’re you whittling?” Shauna asks.
Javi brightens when she talks to her, voice still shy. “Um, I dunno yet. Maybe a wolf, or a stag?”
“That’s cool.” Shauna smiles sincerely at him.
Travis shrugs. “Yeah, a wolf is cool.”
“Well… I think stag is cooler.” Shauna says, just to be annoying.
“A wolf could easily fuck up a stag.” Travis squints at her, “You seen their teeth?”
“Yeah, not if the stag can run. And mind the huge built-in weapons.” Shauna holds her hands above her head to mimic antlers. Travis’ face cracks into a small grin. He shakes his head and steals a square of cheese, tearing the corner of it off with his teeth.
“Do a wolf, Javi.” Travis rolls his eyes. Javi’s eyes sparkle.
Shauna presses the spatula down against the burgers again, letting the satisfying sizzle fill the silence.
/
A few days later, Shauna lies sprawled across her bed, the yellowing pages of Dune curling in her hands, idling somewhere between the sand dunes of Arrakis and the warmth of her new… home.
Shauna can still feel the sting of Jackie’s absence. She was still on holiday and so far away, and it feels like Shauna has been thrust into a world she can’t recognize, and she’s to do it all without her. Jackie would have been the first to call out the absurdity of her situation, first to hold her. Coach Martinez? Seriously? She can hear Jackie’s rasping voice, see her impish smile.
Shauna flips to a new page in her book, but her thoughts are miles away. She misses Jackie’s presence, even when they fought, even when Jackie drove her up the wall.
She misses Jackie’s presence. She misses the way Jackie would tangle their hands together during Trig, or the way they’d lay in bed together and talk about all the stupid things, and the way Jackie can make her feel like the only girl in the world when they’re alone. It’s not the same with anyone else in the house, not even Javi, whose shy smiles are sweet, but they’re not Jackie.
She always thinks she’ll miss her less when she’s gone. That she’ll feel happy or free or some stupid shit. But the burgeoning resentment twists like poison in her chest only when Jackie is around, and she hates herself for it. She loves Jackie. And because she loves Jackie, she hates her some days too.
She sighs, pressing the book to her chest as the rumble of the TV from downstairs floats up to her room. A car rolls by outside her window. She hears Travis teasing Javi. Everything has changed. Everything is slipping through her fingers, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.
Her hand reaches instinctively for the phone by her bed. She pulls it toward her, fingers brushing over the plastic buttons of the landline.
Jackie is due to be back any second now. And then the phone rings.
Shauna jumps, her heart skipping a beat as answers before the ring finishes, her breath catching in her throat. “Hello?”
“Shauna? Oh my God. Shauna!” The voice on the other end is a bit breathless, a bit panicked. “Where the hell are you? Your house is empty, like, no Sandy, no nothing! What the hell is going on?”
Shauna’s heart lurches. Jackie.
“Jackie?” Shauna blinks, confused.
“I got back from my holiday and– and, and your house is empty.” Jackie’s voice is tearful. “What’s going on? There’s a fucking for sale sign, and– and I saw Tai on the way in and she said to call Coach Martinez, what the fuck, what–”
Shauna’s breath hitches, that familiar ache in her chest panging. She runs a hand through her tangled hair, her voice catching. “Jackie, Jackie, it’s okay. Calm down. Please, it’s okay– Breathe please?”
“Right, breathing, important.” Jackie’s voice is achingly close. “Can you please explain what’s going on?”
“So… My mom's engaged to Coach Martinez.” Shauna begins slowly.
Shauna clutches the phone to her ear, the spiral cord twisting around her fingers as she stares at the ceiling. She can feel her pulse thundering in her ears, and she’s suddenly, inexplicably, dizzy with how good it is to hear Jackie’s voice, even if it’s currently shrill and panicked. She’d almost forgotten how Jackie’s breathless energy can fill up a room – or a phone line, apparently.
“What?” Jackie’s voice cracks on the line, the shock clear even through the faint static. “Your mom is what?”
Shauna bites her lip, suppressing a laugh, a nervous kind of giddiness bubbling in her chest. It’s the first time she’s felt something like relief since this whole mess started. She twists the cord tighter around her fingers, the plastic biting into her skin. “Okay, so, don’t freak out, but… yeah. My mom’s engaged to Coach Martinez. And we moved in with him and his kids, like, a week ago.”
There’s a beat of stunned silence on the other end of the line. Shauna can almost picture Jackie standing in her periwinkle bedroom, mouth agape. She can almost smell the faint whiff of her vanilla spray. Then, finally–
“Shauna Shipman , what the actual hell?” Jackie’s voice is high-pitched, incredulous, borderline hysterical. “I leave for one vacation and you go and move out of your house? Into Coach Martinez’s house? Like, our Coach Martinez? The ‘run-until-you-puke’ Coach Martinez?”
Shauna bursts into sheepish laughter, clutching the phone tighter, suddenly breathless. “Yeah, that one.” Shauna manages between breaths, her cheeks aching from the force of her grin. “It’s… I know, yeah, it’s weird.”
“Weird?” Jackie’s voice rises another octave. “Weird is when you show up to practice in your mismatched socks, Shauna. This is– This is insane! What the hell happened? You couldn’t have called me? Like, written me a postcard or something?”
Shauna’s grin falters for a second, and she glances around her new room – the bare walls, the stack of still-packed boxes, the unfamiliar slant of light through the attic window. She’s missed Jackie so much it feels like a physical ache, like a pulled muscle in her chest. She didn’t realize just how much until this moment.
“I couldn’t, Jax.” Shauna says softly, her voice a little softer than she intended. “You were halfway around the world, and I… I didn’t know how to explain it. I still don’t, really.”
There’s a shaky exhale on the other end of the line, and then Jackie’s voice comes back, a little softer, a little more Jackie. “Okay. Okay, yeah. I get it. God, I thought you were kidnapped or something, Shauna. I drove to your house and there’s just… nothing. Like, your whole life just poofed.”
“I’m sorry.” Shauna whispers, clutching the phone so tightly it creaks in her grip. “I’m really sorry. It just… happened too fast.”
Jackie’s voice dips, the panic bleeding into something closer to hurt. “You’re my best friend, Shauna. You can’t just disappear on me like that.”
Shauna’s heart clenches painfully, and she closes her eyes, willing herself to keep it together. She can almost feel the warmth of Jackie’s skin beside her, the weight of her head on Shauna’s shoulder, the steady, familiar rise and fall of her breath. God, she’s missed her.
“I know.” Shauna says, her voice thick. “I’m sorry, Jax. I missed you.”
There’s a long, fraught silence on the other end, punctuated only by the faint crackle of the phone line, the distant sound of a dog barking somewhere in the neighborhood.
“Yeah.” Jackie finally says, her voice a little unsteady, a little wobbly around the edges. “I missed you too, Shauna. I was beginning to think I made you up.”
Shauna’s chest tightens, her grip on the phone loosening slightly, her fingers slowly uncurling from the coiled cord. She swallows hard, blinking against the sudden prick of tears.
“Come over?” Shauna blurts out before she can second-guess herself, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I mean, if you want to. I can show you the new place. It’s weird and different and way bigger than the house on Willows’, but… I want you to see it. I want you to be here.”
“Shipman, you idiot.” Jackie says, her voice bright and warm and so, so Jackie. “Of course I’m coming over. I’ll be there in, like, fifteen minutes, max. I’m not letting you off the hook that easily.”
Shauna closes her eyes. God, she feels so stupidly relieved.
“I’ll see you soon, Jax.” Shauna mumbles. “See you soon.”
She hangs up, the dial tone buzzing in her ear. Shauna feels like she can breathe again.
/
Jackie comes over pretty much everyday now. Of course, she used to, but now it’s Shauna and Travis and Javi she’s coming home to. Jackie thinks the whole situation is weird, as she’s voiced on many occasions. She keeps asking Shauna if Coach– Bill makes her run laps when she leaves dishes in the sink. (He doesn’t, by the way.)
Shauna was walking past the living room with a bowl of Honey Nut Clusters, which seem to be the only fucking cereal they have here, when she heard voices. Travis and Javi. Sandy and Bill are out wedding shopping, or whatever, and Shauna’s been in her room journaling and missing stupid Jackie and her old room. Travis and Javi don’t really hang out together much, Shauna’s noticed. Mostly because Travis is an asshole. But they’re brothers; Shauna expects it. And it’s kind of– Nice? When she does see them hanging out, she means. Usually it's thanks to Mario Kart and the big box TV. She pauses.
She pokes her head in and leans against the doorframe, watching as Travis’s fingers fly over the buttons of the game controller, his brow furrowed in concentration. The pair are sat in silence, save for the buzzing and beeping of the flashing pixels on the TV. Javi sits next to him on the floor, eyes wide, trying to keep up with his older brother. His big hands are delicate, elegant, and they operate the controller with control Shauna can only guess comes from his woodworking.
She stands there for a moment, arms crossed over her chest, watching the brothers interact. They’re so different. Travis and Javi. (She’s different from Javi too, but– But she won’t lie and say she’s so different from Travis.)
Travis, with his constant tension and disdain for anything that feels soft, and Javi, so eager for approval, always looking to Travis with that hopeful glint in his eyes, sweet as a lamb. Shauna, who is anything but that.
The game on the screen blinks as Koopa Troopa gets knocked off the track, and Travis lets out a barely audible snicker of amusement. Javi has a look on his face that tells Shauna he isn’t sore about winning.
“Dude, you literally had a banana peel.” Travis snorts. There’s no malice to it. Even Shauna, capable of finding derision in places where it is firmly not, can see that there’s only fondness.
Javi nods sheepishly. “Well, I didn’t want to make you fall.”
“Javi, that’s the point of the game.” Travis rolls his eyes, Mario swerving in time with his controller. “You can’t be nice in Super Mario Kart.”
Shauna stifles a laugh. She doesn’t know why exactly, but there’s an odd comfort in watching them get along.
She pushes herself off the doorframe and steps closer, her socks slipping a bit against the wooden floor. Travis, who’s now grumbling under his breath, doesn’t look up, even if he notices her, since trying to guide Javi through another round. Javi gives it his best shot, but it’s clear he’s losing ground. Javi’s eyes flick up to meet hers.
Shauna pauses. Then she drops into the couch behind them, since the pair are laying on the shag carpet, right against the TV. It’s not like she has anything to contribute to the game, really, so she– She just sits and watches. She’s never really cared about video games before, either.
Travis presses the buttons with increasing force, and Javi groans as his character loses again.
Travis pauses long enough to glance at her. The flicker of irritation in his eyes is quick, barely noticeable, before he sighs.
He shifts the controller in his hands, dragging it across the floor until it’s close enough for Shauna to grab. It’s the smallest of gestures, but Shauna recognizes it for what it is: begrudging, reluctant acceptance. This is their life now. She figures the gap must be bridged, sooner or later.
Wordlessly, Shauna picks up the controller. She’s not sure what she’s supposed to do, but she figures she can at least give it a shot. The awkwardness is palpable, but an old friend by this point. Travis hands her a quick look, his lips curling in something that might be annoyance or maybe it’s just his way of hiding whatever else he feels. He gestures at the screen.
“You’re gonna suck.” He says flatly, but there’s no meanness in his voice, just the usual dry, bored edge that’s become so familiar.
“Why, ‘cuz I’m a girl?” Shauna rolls her eyes. “I’ll manage.”
She rolls her shoulders back, trying to loosen the tension building at the base of her neck.
The countdown on the screen starts, and the three of them lean in instinctively, their focus narrowing to the pixelated raceway. Javi picks his usual Koopa Troopa, and Shauna hesitates before settling on Bowser. The karts rev their engines, the digital roar crackling.
"Just don’t crash into every wall." Travis mutters, leaning back against the front of the couch as she watches her play in his stead. Shauna leans forward, nose scrunched in concentration.
She huffs a laugh, tapping the accelerator button as the starting lights flash green. She shoots forward, immediately clipping the side of the track. Travis snorts, the sound more amused than mocking, and Javi giggles, the sound bright and unguarded. It’s infectious, even for Shauna, who finds herself grinning despite the fact she is indeed dead last and will probably stay comfortably there.
"You’re drifting too early." Travis groans, he leans over and grabs the controller, guiding the thing along. "You gotta time it right. Like this."
"Yeah, yeah." Shauna mutters, but she corrects herself anyway. She manages to turn a corner, narrowly skirting the edge of the track. Small victories.
Javi’s Koopa Troopa zips past her. He fires a red shell that narrowly misses Bowser. Travis’ eyebrows raise as Shauna dodges it, a small burst of laughter leaving him. Shauna doesn’t remember a time she heard him laugh, like really mean it and laugh, all unguarded and real, and it catches her off guard. She blinks, her fingers slipping on the controller for a second, her kart slamming into the side of the track again.
"Careful!" Javi grins, as if offering her a secret to survival. His wide eyes are glued to the screen, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. Shauna can’t help but grin sideways at him, a warmth blooming in her chest.
They loop through the track again, the finish line approaching. Javi inches into first, a few bots close behind, and Shauna struggles to keep up. She manages to overtake a bot at the last few seconds, landing herself in not last, and Travis and Javi cheer loudly, fists punching the air, their hands lifting for a high five with Shauna.
For a brief second, as she high fives them, she forgets about the awkward silences at dinner, the half-packed boxes still cluttering her new room and all the loneliness she’s ever felt in her life.
Travis freezes for a beat, his hand hovering awkwardly in the air afterward. He drops his hand, averts his eyes. He wipes his palm on his jeans like the mere act left a saccharine and sticky residue.
"You almost had him, Shipman." Travis says, looking away, with his tone more genuine than Shauna’s ever heard it. He bumps his shoulder lightly against his brother’s. “But nothing gets past this guy, huh?”
Javi glows under the attention, looking like he might burst with pride. Shauna leans back into the couch, groaning. “This game is stupid.”
Javi laughs shyly, and it reminds Shauna of the windchimes she had in the garden at her house on Willows’ Court. “Shauna, you’ll get better, I promise. Travis can teach you. He’s really good."
"No way, Javi." Travis says, rolling his eyes but unable to hide the slight upward tilt of his mouth. "Dream on.”
Shauna scoffs, tossing a couch pillow in his direction. "You’re just scared I’ll get better."
“You?” Travis catches the pillow easily, his smirk widening. "Not likely."
Shauna squints at him, his smug grin and air of importance that makes her want to dropkick him. “Challenge accepted. Again.”
Travis is already clicking start.
/
Shauna can’t sleep. She’s been lying in her bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, the attic room is the quietest place in the house. The sheets twist around her legs, trapping her. By the end of this week, her mom will be remarried. The world has been flipped on its head, and Shauna is being told to live the rest of her life with her feet in the air and her head on the ground.
She almost doesn’t hear the soft knock at her door, but it’s quiet enough in the building that the small noise startles her out of her haze. She props herself up on her elbows, heart giving a little lurch.
“Yeah?” She mumbles, voice scratchy.
The door creaks open, and Javi’s head pokes through the gap. His dark hair sticks up in wild tufts, eyes wide and uncertain, his faded blue pajamas hanging loose on his lanky frame. He stands there for a second, shuffling from foot to foot like he’s debating bolting back to his own room.
“Hey.” Javi mumbles, barely more than a breath. “Can you sleep?”
Shauna sighs, the knot in her chest loosening a fraction. “No. Not even a little.”
Javi takes this as an invitation and slips fully into the room, easing the door shut behind him with a soft click. He hesitates for a second, then sinks down onto the edge of her bed, knees drawn to his chest. He stares at the slanted ceiling, the thin moonlight casting long shadows across the boxes Shauna still hasn’t unpacked.
“It’s weird, right?” Javi says softly, picking at the edge of his pajama pants. “Like... Sandy and Dad.”
Shauna swallows, watching the way Javi’s fingers worry the fabric, knuckles white in the dim light. She’s not good at this – talking, comforting, at least not in general. With Jackie, it’s different. But there’s this weird– maternal streak she has with Javi. She figures she should try. She owes him that, at least.
“Yeah.” Shauna says. “It’s really weird.”
Javi glances at her, eyes searching her face like he’s trying to figure out if she means it. He must find what he’s looking for, because his shoulders relax a little, and he lets out a small breath.
“I keep thinking… what if everything gets worse?” Javi mumbles. “What if Dad and– and your mom aren’t happy? What if it all falls apart, again? I really like Sandy, and– And I want Dad to be happy. I don’t want things to keep changing so much.”
Shauna’s throat tightens, something falls to pieces in her chest. She’s had the same thoughts, when the house is too quiet and her mind won’t shut up. She’s watched her mom crumble before – watched her wilt and break and scrape herself back together after her shitty dad left. She doesn’t want Sandy to go through that again. She can’t go through that again.
“I dunno.” Shauna says finally, the words sticking in her throat. “I guess… we just have to trust them, I guess. They– Y’know, seem happy. I guess that’s the least I can ask for.”
Javi nods, but his brow is still furrowed, his fingers picking at his pajama pants. Shauna feels like she’s watching a fawn teeter on unsteady legs, a very tall and long fawn.
The door creaks open again, and they both whip their heads around, blinking in the sudden orange light from the hallway. Travis stands there, his long dark hair mussed, eyes narrowed and squinting against the brightness. He’s in a plain black shirt, leaning against the doorframe, his scowl deepening as he takes in the scene.
“Why are you two awake?” Travis grumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s, like, midnight.”
Shauna and Javi exchange a glance, then shrug in unison. Travis rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath, and steps into the room, the floorboards creaking under his bare feet. He crosses his arms over his chest, sitting atop one of the still-sealed boxes by the door.
“Can’t sleep either?” Shauna asks, raising an eyebrow. Travis scowls at her, but it’s half-hearted, the sharp edge dulled by the hour.
“Didn’t say that.” Travis grumbles, but he doesn’t move, his eyes flicking between Shauna and Javi like he’s not sure where to land.
Silence settles over the room, once again.
Javi shifts, glancing between his brother and Shauna. He interrupts the silence to say: “I kinda want to eat a hoagie.”
Shauna blinks, caught off guard by the words. She snorts, shaking her head. “A hoagie?”
Javi nods, tucking his chin atop his knees. Shauna stares at him, then Travis, then the red alarm clock. “Wanna go to Wawa's?”
Javi brightens. He instinctively looks at Travis for permission.
“...Yeah.” Travis says, the tiredness falling from his voice. “Let’s get outta here.”
She swings her legs off the bed, grabbing a hoodie from the chair beside her dresser and grabbing her car keys.
“If we get caught, we’re blaming you Javi.” Travis tells her. Javi squawks in protest, and Travis ruffles his hair to shut him up.
The Wawa parking lot is pretty much empty, and it’s dark out, despite the summer heat. The streetlamps cast their yellowing light across the cracked asphalt.
They pile out of Shauna’s Ford Festiva. Javi bounds ahead, his lanky frame a blur of limbs as he darts toward the brightly-lit storefront. Travis follows along behind him, telling Javi to quit running. Shauna lingers behind, watching the way their shadows stretch long across the floor.
Javi’s the first to reach the glass doors, shoving them open. The beep of the door rings through the quiet store. Shauna shoves her hands into the pockets of her hoodie, grinning as Javi beelines for the drink coolers, his sneakers squeaking against the freshly mopped tile. Shauna watches him for a second, the way his eyes light up as he yanks open the glass door and grabs a Mountain Dew. Affection stings in her chest.
Travis ambles over to the hot food counter, his fingers drumming against the counter top as he scans the menu, deliberating between toppings.
Shauna lingers by the candy aisle, her fingers brushing against the neatly stacked bags of gummy worms and Skittles. She glances over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of Javi tearing into a bag of Cheetos before he even reaches the register, his orange-stained fingers already cramming the puffed snacks into his mouth.
“You guys want anything?” Travis calls, glancing from where he’s talking to the cashier. His hair sticks up at odd angles, his shoulders raised up to his ears against the cold blast of air from the nearby freezers. He adds exasperatedly: “I already got your hoagie, Javi.”
“Hoagie for me too.” Shauna says, wandering over to the counter, her eyes catching on the rows of tiny, pre-packaged pies near the register. She snags a blueberry one, tossing it onto the counter beside Travis’ half-finished sandwich order. “And one of those giant cookies.”
“Pig.” Travis mutters, but there’s no real bite to his words, his lips twitching in a half-smile as he punches in the rest of the order.
Shauna rolls her eyes. “Fuck you, Flex.”
Travis stills. He glares at Shauna. “Don’t fucking call me that.”
“What, Flex?” Shauna teases. Travis’ nose flares and he grabs her elbow.
“Don’t.” He grits out.
Shauna’s eyes widen in surprise. She didn’t mean to cross a line. But Shauna is Shauna, and he’s backing up a stray dog into a corner now. Shauna bites. She doesn’t like backing down. Not from Travis, not from anyone.
“It’s just a joke. Chill. It’s not like everyone doesn’t call you it.” She shrugs his hand off. “Jesus.”
Javi, blissfully unaware of the tension, reappears with a slushie in his hand. He grins as he sees their food ready, oblivious to the standoff. “Think they’ll notice we’re gone?”
Shauna and Travis share a glance, but whatever anger they had fizzles out at the sight of Javi.
“Nah.” Shauna says, her lips twisting in a small smile. “They’re too busy with their stupid wedding stuff. We’re fine.”
Travis eyes her for a beat, jaw clenched. He glances at Javi and nods. “Yeah.”
The cashier rings them up with a bored expression, her tired eyes flicking over the weird trio. Shauna, ghost-pale skin and chestnut hair in a too-large Yoda hoodie. Javi, wide-eyed and tawny skin and backwards cap, and Travis, with the same tawny skin but his eyes are darker, somehow. She slides their greasy hoagies across the counter, and Shauna’s mouth waters.
They pile back into Shauna’s car, arms laden with sandwiches and crinkling bags of snacks, the smell of their dumb midnight feast already filling the already musty interior. Shauna’s car is going to smell of deli meat for a while, she’s well aware.
Javi digs into his hoagie, a mix of Cheeto crumbs and slushie droplets staining his shirt. He watches Shauna and Travis, the two of them strangely still in the car, tension ballooning between them. His brow furrows.
“So…” Javi breaks the silence. He pauses, eyes flicking between the two of them. “Why are you guys being so weird?”
Shauna blinks at him, a little caught off guard. She shoves a large bite of her hoagie into her mouth, trying to mask the awkwardness. Travis, though, doesn't answer right away. Instead, he tenses, jaw ticking, eyes shifting to the dashboard, avoiding Shauna’s gaze completely.
“What do you mean weird? We’re not being weird. You’re weird.” Shauna says. Nice save, idiot.
Javi shrugs, fidgeting with the paper wrapped around his hoagie, now partially translucent from the grease. “I don’t know. You guys were being all… I dunno, weird back there. I mean, you didn’t fight or anything, but you didn’t look like you were joking either. What’s going on?”
“It’s not your fucking business.” Travis snarks at him, biting into his food stubbornly.
Shauna stares at him for a second. She glances back at Javi, who now wilts. She exhales through her nose, setting the hoagie down on the paper wrapper atop her lap. It’s Javi. He’s just trying to figure things out. She’s not mad at him.
“Travis.” Shauna grits out quietly, her voice measured. “I’m sorry for what I called you.”
Travis’s eyes flick to her, his face hardening again, and for a moment, Shauna thinks he might just snap at her. His lips purse and he says nothing. Shauna leans back in her seat. "It was just a stupid joke. I– I didn’t think it would hurt your feelings, it’s just what– everyone calls you.”
Her voice tapers off by the end, at that point realising her point isn't exactly a valid defense. She can practically hear her mother’s voice in her ear, like, if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?
Travis shrugs, leaning his temple against the window. He slots his Pepsi into the cup holder. Travis mutters between clenched teeth: “Whatever. It’s just not funny. Not to me."
Shauna feels a pang of guilt – she didn’t realize how much it cut him. And it is true that everyone calls him that. On the team, at least – every time they saw him sulking by the bleachers, waiting for his dad, it was, oh, there’s Flex. Is Flex here? Is that Flex’s kid brother? Flex is kinda…
“Why does it bother you so much?” Shauna asks before she can think about it. Travis lets out a breath, rubbing his hand across his face, clearly unsure if he wants to share something this personal. But after a moment, he finally speaks.
“It’s from when I was a kid. Seventh grade.” Travis mumbles. "I had back surgery. Spinal fusion.”
“I remember.” Javi says softly. Travis glances at him briefly, and then back down at his chips.
“It was a big deal, and I had to miss a lot of school. Bobby Farleigh, he started spreading this rumor that I had a rib removed. He said I got it taken out so I could... y’know.” Travis shrugs, grimacing. “Do stuff to myself. Like I got surgery to make myself more flexible just to– to suck my own dick.”
“I didn’t know that.” Javi murmurs, lowly. “Why would he lie about that?”
“Because. That’s life.” Travis scoffs, his face unreadable. “It’s not something I like talking about. It’s not like I can just forget it. Every time someone calls me that, it’s like... it’s like I’m back in that school hallway, hearing those assholes laughing.”
Shauna hesitantly reaches over and places a hand on his elbow, like how he had gripped her, but doubly gentler. It’s tentative at first, but when he doesn’t pull away, she squeezes gently.
“I’m sorry, Travis.” Shauna says, her voice soft. “I didn’t know. I won’t call you that again. I swear.” Travis looks at her for a long moment, the anger and frustration in his eyes slowly fading. He nods once. “I won’t.” Shauna repeats, her voice firm with sincerity. “I get it now.”
Shauna pulls back slowly and steals a few Cheetos from Travis’ packet as she does. She leans back in her seat. Travis shovels a handful of them into his mouth, fingers orange. Javi leans forward, resting his head on Shauna’s seat.
“Everything’s gonna be different now, huh?” Travis says, shaking his head. “You’ve got me actually liking you, Shipman.”
Shauna smiles tiredly. “Yeah. Funny I can’t say the same for you.”
Travis just snorts at her, shaking his head with a grin. “So quick.”
Shauna draws her knees to her chest, smiling distantly. She rests her temple on the seat. “Nothing’s the same anymore.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Everything’s– changing, and I don’t know how to deal with it half the time.” Travis mumbles, rolling down Shauna’s window. The air is only marginally colder outside than in, but it’s welcome anyway.
Shauna nods slowly. "Yeah. I– I didn’t mean to make it harder for you, or anything. Or be an asshole. I don’t know. It’s a lot."
“Neither.” Travis’ voice is gentle.
Javi shifts, looking between them. “I don’t think either of you are bad at this. It’s just– change is hard, right? But– y’know, it’ll be okay.”
Shauna lets out a small laugh, and Travis’s lips twitch. They both look at Javi, who’s nervously awaiting an answer. Shauna smiles, her voice quieter now. “It’ll be okay.”
Travis finally looks over at her, a small, almost imperceptible nod in his direction – tired, but willing to try.
“Yeah. It will.” He glances at Javi, and ruffles his hair up with his clean hand. “When’d you get so wise, huh? All grown up and shit? Little fucker.”
Javi just laughs.
They all fall quiet, the sound of wrappers crinkling, the soft hum of the car’s engine, and the distant sounds of the world outside. Things settle. The night stretches out before them. The sky is still dark, the parking lot as empty as when they arrived. Javi slurps his slushie loudly. “So, what do you think? You think Dad and Sandy will still be happy?”
Shauna smirks, glancing at Travis for a second before shrugging. “I hope so, Javi.”
“I don’t think this will be that bad, either.” Javi adds softly, looking between them hopefully. Shauna recognises it for what it is – the ‘this’ is them. Shauna shares a look with Travis. Their faces split into small, small twin smiles.
“Yeah.” Shauna exhales and grips the steering wheel, eyes closing. “Maybe not.”
/
The day of Bill Martinez and Sandy Shipman’s wedding dawns clear and bright.
Shauna stands in front of the mirror, running a hand over her hair as the seamstress makes last-minute adjustments to her dress. It's a deep shade of blue, a color that makes her feel kind of sophisticated and grown up and maybe out of place, though that last one may be a default.
“Shipman, you’ve got to stop making that face.” Jackie’s standing in the doorway, dressed in the same color, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “You’re beautiful, okay? Just breathe.”
Shauna turns to face her, her heart skipping a beat. Jackie’s glowing, as always, even in the dim light of the bridal suite. She’s surprised anyone would invite her to a wedding, when she could outshine the bride whilst wearing a potato sack. It’s hard to take her in without wanting to either kiss her or push her away. It’s all murky in her mind, and she isn’t sure what to do with all this longing like a clot in her.
Jackie steps beside her, a smile playing on her lips. “Don’t tell me you’re already getting cold feet. You’re not getting married, are you?”
Shauna lets out a breath, her fingers still clutching the fabric of her dress. She knows Jackie’s teasing, but the truth is, her chest feels heavy. She wants to be happy for her mom – God knows she does – but all her feelings about everything, about her new step-brothers, Bill, her mom, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, make her feel like she’s burning alive. She wants to scream at Jackie, to sob into her shirt, but she just smiles tightly. "No cold feet. Just… you know. Nervous. ‘S weird."
Jackie’s eyes soften, just for a moment, before that familiar mischievous glint returns. “Yeah, everything’s weird. Don’t worry. I’ll hold your hand the whole way through. Even during your speech.”
Shauna’s chest tightens at Jackie’s words. Before Shauna can respond, Travis and Javi walk in, both looking uncomfortably sharp in their tuxedos. Javi adjusts his tie. Travis looks like he wants to throw himself off the staircase.
Jackie rolls her eyes. Travis still hasn’t really grown on her. “Jeez, knock much?”
Travis rolls his eyes, even as he reddens. “Fuck off. The door is wide open.”
Jackie laces her fingers into Shauna, tugging her into her side. It’s a small thing, really, nothing they don’t always do, but Jackie’s grip is firm, and that alone sends a little jolt through her, pelvis twitching. Jesus Christ, she’s hopeless.
“You look really pretty, Shauna.” Javi smiles shyly, face lighting up with pure appreciation that always catches Shauna off guard.
Jackie’s fingers tighten, her newly-done nails pressing slightly into Shauna’s skin. She tilts her chin up. “Of course she does. She always does.”
Travis’s gaze lingers on her for a second longer than necessary before he scowls, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. Whatever. Are you guys coming? Let’s just get this over with.”
Javi’s smile dims a little, his eyes darting to Travis, and Shauna feels a pang of guilt, or some vague approximation, though she’s not sure why.
“Yeah.” Shauna says, her voice coming out a bit too loud. She clears her throat and pulls her hand out of Jackie’s tightening grip to tuck her hair behind her ear. “We should get down there. Mom’s probably freaking out already.”
Jackie’s expression falters, before she plasters that picture-perfect smile back on, because nothing is ever wrong for Jackie. “Of course. Don’t wanna keep Sandy waiting.”
They make their way down to the main hall, through the growing crowd and Travis lingers at the back, his eyes flicking over Shauna like he’s trying to assess something. It’s unnerving, and Shauna has her shoulders taut the whole time. Javi walks beside her, his shoulder occasionally brushing hers.
As they reach the edge of the reception area, Jackie grabs Shauna’s arm again, pulling her a few steps back, away from the boys. Shauna nearly trips on the hem of her dress, her pulse quickening at the suddenness of Jackie’s touch.
“I know you’re nervous.” Jackie whispers, her breath warm against Shauna’s ear. “But I’ve got your back today. Just stick with me, okay?”
Shauna blinks, thrown off by the edge in Jackie’s voice. She glances over her shoulder at Travis and Javi, who are now hovering awkwardly near the punch table, clearly out of their depth in the sea of pastel dresses and stiff tuxedos. Jackie’s fingers dig into Shauna’s bare arm in a way that stings so pleasantly.
Shauna forces a small smile, though her heart is thudding unevenly in her chest. “I– I know, Jax.”
Jackie probably thinks Shauna is like, hopeless without her, or something. Jesus.
The ceremony itself is white lace, polished speeches, and the cloying scent of gardenias. Shauna finds herself caught between Jackie’s constant attention and the furtive glances from Travis and Javi, who keep hovering nearby. It’s all so strange, being pulled in two different directions, when her whole life she has blindly followed one.
Jackie sticks close, guiding Shauna through the crowded hall, her hand constantly finding Shauna’s arm or shoulder or even hips. They dance together, Jackie’s grip firm, eyes bright. When Shauna tries to slip away for a glass of water, Jackie catches her wrist, pulling her back in with a tight, whispered, “Stay with me, okay?” And it makes something twist uncomfortably in her chest.
Later, as the crowd thins, Shauna catches Travis’s eyes from across the room. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, his gaze shrewd. Javi stands beside him, shifting nervously from foot to foot, his eyes flicking between Shauna and Jackie, his brows furrowed.
“Ignore them.” Jackie whispers. pulling her a half-step closer. She looks up at her, eyes doe-like. “Just dance with me?”
(Who is Shauna to say no to that face?)
She nods and slots her chin into Jackie’s neck, eyes closing. She doesn’t know why it feels like Jackie is trying to stake a claim on her. Maybe she’s upset that Shauna actually has a life outside of her, now. But, fuck, if Jackie’s hands all over her don’t feel amazing.
“They bothering you much?” Jackie murmurs, running her hands up and down Shauna’s back. Shauna buries closer.
“What d’you mean?” She mumbles.
“I just– I hate that this is happening to you.”
“What?”
“Y’know. That you’re getting saddled with two brothers you never asked for and stuff. I just– It sucks.” She pulls Shauna in closer. The music is slower now. Shauna feels everything at once: the heat of Jackie’s body close to hers, the weight of their hands intertwined, the soft press of Jackie’s cheek against hers as they sway in a delicate rhythm. Jackie’s hand moves against the back of her neck tenderly, soothing an ache she caused. “This is your night, Shipman! No one’s gonna ruin it for you, okay?”
It’s not her night. It’s her mom’s. But Jackie makes her feel like every night is her night. Probably out of pity. And ruin how? Travis and Javi? Jackie doesn’t understand them, she doesn’t. She’s just pissed Shauna has her own people; Jackie can have Jeff and anyone she could ever want, but it’s such an issue that Shauna has her own people in her corner now, right? But still. It feels so fucking good to be wrapped up in Jackie like this, to experience the full force of her.
She swallows hard, pressing her lips together to stop them from trembling. She hates how necessary this feels. Jackie’s kindness, her gentle sweetness, a constant in Shauna’s life. It didn’t always feel like something pulling her by her neck.
Travis and Javi, both lingering by a fondue fountain. Travis is fidgeting with a pack of cards; he’s shown her and Javi all the magic tricks he learnt to impress girls, like that was the kind of thing girls are into. Javi is drowning strawberries in chocolate.
Jackie’s fingers curl just a little too tight around Shauna’s waist. Heat blooms in Shauna’s middle.
“You okay, Shauna?” Jackie asks, eyes twinkling, though there’s something behind her smile that doesn’t quite reach her gaze. It’s a playful question, but Shauna feels like it’s really not .
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shauna says, sharp before she can stop it; it’s a reflex she can’t quite kick. Jackie’s eyes are hazel, gold and green, the dappled sunlight on the forest floor.
Jackie makes Shauna want things she can’t have.
Jackie’s smile falters for just a second, her brows knitting together, before it’s back, smooth and effortless, like nothing ever happened. Shauna wants to pull away. Shauna wants to kiss her senseless.
Jackie’s hand slides from Shauna’s waist to her shoulder, fingertips grazing the fabric of Shauna’s dress, memorizing every inch of her. Her gaze keeps flicking over to Travis and Javi, of all people, eyes gleaming like she’s winning something. It pisses Shauna off beyond belief. The ache between her legs is unbearable.
It’s irrational. It’s so irrational.
Jackie doesn’t need to feel this way. Shauna has done nothing to give her the impression that Travis or Javi mean anything more than distant, awkwardly-fitting pieces of her new family. They’re siblings now. It’s all so clean-cut, so simple. But Jackie can’t seem to let go of the need to make sure that Shauna is always hers, her lap-dog, her property.
Shauna tries to force herself to relax, to focus on the music, on the coolness of the air, but all she can hear is the pounding of her heart, and all she can feel is Jackie.
Shauna’s breath catches. It’s irrational, all of it. Shauna melting, Jackie keeping her close.
Shauna pulls back abruptly, anger rearing its ugly head in her stomach. She doesn’t want to be caught in this. She’s not a fucking sidekick, or a lapdog, or something to own. She can’t breathe like this.
“I need to get some air.” Shauna says quickly, before she can think better of it, before Jackie can stop her.
Jackie blinks, her expression falling for just a moment, before she flashes that trademark, plastic perfect smile that she only shows when she doesn’t mean it. Shauna hates it. Shauna loves her. “Of course. I’ll come with you.”
/
Shauna kicks off her heels the second she steps into the Martinez living room, the relief so instant it’s almost dizzying. Jackie, of course, still looks perfect, hair curled in neat, golden waves, her makeup untouched despite hours of talking and dancing. Shauna doesn’t know how she does it.
“Finally!” Javi whines, flopping onto the couch with the gracelessness of a kid still growing into his limbs. His tie hangs loose around his neck, and his blazer is crumpled in a way that would make his dad cringe. “I thought that reception would never end.”
Travis lingers in the doorway, hands shoved into his pockets, his eyes flicking around the room like he’s assessing for potential exits. He doesn’t say anything, just leans against the doorframe.
Jackie tugs at Shauna’s arm, guiding her to sit beside her on the couch, her hand lingering on Shauna’s wrist. Shauna’s head feels heavy. She’s not sure if it’s the champagne she was sneaking or Jackie's constant smothering, but her head is starting to throb.
“I’ll get us some water.” Jackie says, her voice bright and warm, already knowing her way around, obviously. She bounces to her feet, disappearing into the kitchen, the soft click of her heels on the tile echoing in the quiet space.
“At least we don’t have to wear these dumb suits anymore.” Javi mutters, loosening his tie completely and tossing it onto the coffee table. “You look like you’re about to pass out, Shauna.”
Shauna manages a weak smile, rubbing at her temples. “Yeah, just... headache. Long day.”
She doesn’t know how to explain the feeling, this tightness in her chest, this strange weight that feels like Jackie’s fingerprints lingering on her skin.
Travis crosses the room, dropping into the armchair across from them, his legs sprawled out like he’s trying to take up as much space as possible. He pulls a cigarette from his pocket, twirling it between his fingers, though he makes no move to light it. He wouldn’t, not inside, Bill could smell a cigarette a mile away.
Jackie returns with four glasses of water balanced carefully on a plastic tray. She sets it down on the table, settling back beside Shauna, so close their thighs are pressed together. She takes a glass, draining half of it in one go, the coolness soothing her dry throat but doing nothing for the pressure building behind her eyes.
“Thanks, Jax.” Shauna says, her voice a little hoarse.
“No problem.” Jackie’s smile softens, her fingers tapping a gentle rhythm against Shauna’s knee. “I know today was a lot. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Javi, oblivious as ever, sits up, reaching for his glass. “It was a pretty cool wedding, though.” he says, his face brightening as he takes a long gulp. “The food was awesome, and all the couples’ dances were nice. Sandy and Dad looked good together. Oh, and you and Jackie too.”
Shauna freezes, her grip tightening around her glass. She catches the faintest twitch of a smirk on Travis’s face, the first sign of life from him all night, and she feels her face heat up.
“Yeah, well.” Shauna stammers, shifting uncomfortably, “Jackie’s a good dancer. And... you know... it was just...”
“Fun.” Jackie finishes, her hand lifting from Shauna’s leg.
Shauna forces a nod, though the word tastes strange in her mouth. “Yeah. Fun.”
Travis makes a small, almost imperceptible scoff, his fingers still spinning the unlit cigarette. Javi, thankfully, doesn’t seem to notice the tension. He grins, setting his empty glass back on the tray.
“You need a ride home, Jackie?” Travis says, and, woah, that’s out of character. Why would Travis want to do anyone any favours? Oh, God, does he like her? Shauna’s chest tightens with panic, that same churning in her middle when Jeff is around. Fuck, fuck, if Travis likes Jackie, then– God, what will she do? How will she be pushed away again, thrown away so inevitably? Shauna doesn’t think Jackie likes Travis, or anything, but it doesn’t negate the possibility, right? What if they fall in love? How will Shauna live with a boy who she can’t help but hate? What if they get married, and have kids, and a baby with Jackie’s eyes and nose and–
No. She’s getting ahead of herself. Travis doesn’t like Jackie. He’s doing something good. He’s helping out.
“Erm…” Jackie squeezes Shauna’s shoulder. “I was hoping Shauna would take me.”
“Shauna’s tipsy.”
“What?” Jackie frowns.
“She’s been sneaking sips of champagne all night.” Javi giggles, looking over at Travis like they’ve got some silly inside joke. They probably spent the evening counting how many times Shauna managed to go unnoticed.
“Shauna! Is that true?” Jackie squawks, pivoting. Shauna shrinks sheepishly. “Oh, Shipman.”
“I’m not that tipsy, I’m not like, drunk–”
“Yeah, but there’s no way you’re driving, lightweight.” Jackie pinches Shauna’s nose. “I’ll just go with Flex.”
“Don’t.” Shauna warns, squeezing Jackie’s knee. Jackie’s lips part in realisation and she nods, guiltily.
“With Travis.” She corrects. “I’ll call you when I get home, okay?”
Shauna just wants to go to bed and sleep for twelve hours straight. But she does want Jackie to be safe. She nods. “Uh huh. Drive safe, Trav.”
“You got it.” He nods at her. Travis and Jackie leave. Shauna suddenly wants to cry. Jesus. Her emotions are all out of whack. Javi crawls up to sit beside her.
“Do you… Think Travis likes Jackie?” Shauna says softly, staring at the door. Javi rests his head on her shoulder. He shakes her head, yawning.
“No. Why?”
“Just… wasn't exactly a Travis-thing to offer to drop someone off.” Shauna mumbles, biting at her thumb cuticle. Javi yawns again. Shauna smiles, momentarily distracted by the closeness.
“No.” Javi agrees, “I think he just wanted her gone, really. Jackie is pretty and everything, but she’s not really Travis’ type. Or mine.”
Shauna considers this. “What is his type?”
Javi shrugs, fidgeting with the button on his blazer, slipping into the hole and out again. “I dunno. Less… preppy. Maybe a little cooler. No offense.”
“None taken.” Shauna snorts. She tips her head to rest on Javi’s head. “What’s your type then, Casanova?”
Javi blushes. He shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe someone as pretty as you.”
“Jackie is prettier than me.” Shauna points out, tiredly. Javi shrugs.
“I think you’re prettier.” Javi yawns. “It’s not a competition or anything… But I like you more.”
“I’m your sister. You have to like me more.” Shauna grins, even as the tears that have been building all night start to leak.
“Jeez. Even if I wasn’t your brother, I’d still like you more. ‘Cuz you’re kind to people, but you don’t make a big deal of it. And you’re really smart, like you could go to a big, fancy school if you weren’t here in Wiskayok. And you’re pretty. And you’re talented. You take really pretty pictures, and I dunno what you write about, but you must be good, ‘cuz it’s you. Y’know?” Javi rambles, eyes fluttering shut. He buries closer to Shauna, and Shauna runs her hand through his hair. Tears stream down her face freely.
Javi doesn’t know of all the things Shauna is. If he did, he’d probably think far less kindly of her. But for now, she smiles sleepily, tangling their hands together. His large hand is warm in her own, callused from his whittling but softened by moisturiser.
“Thank you, Javi.”
/
Shauna wakes up with Javi’s lanky frame tucked under her arm and a knitted blanket thrown over them. Travis is fiddling with his Gameboy in the armchair. Shauna sits up, rubbing her eye.
“Travis?” She mumbles sleepily. Travis’ gaze lifts from his handheld and he nods at her once. “Did Jackie call?”
“Yeah. I picked up.” Travis shrugs, “Told her you fell asleep.”
“Oh.” Shauna sits up more, careful not to jostle Javi awake. “Is.. I.. Erm. Why?”
“...Should I have woken you up or something?” Travis says confusedly, setting the Gameboy down beside the tray of emptied glasses. Shauna isn’t exactly sure how to phrase what she’s feeling right now, what she’s trying to ask.
“No, I just– Why did you drop her off?” Shauna says softly. She shifts Javi so his head is laying on the couch cushion, adjusting his neck so it’s not at an awkward angle. She drapes the blanket that Travis must’ve given them over him.
“Jackie?”
“Yeah.”
Travis shrugs, fidgeting with his tie. His shirt is slightly unbuttoned, blazer and belt cast over the back of the chair. He itches the nape of his neck. “I dunno. Wanted her out. No offence.”
“Yeah, none taken.” Shauna shakes her head. “Why?”
Travis looks at her, slightly sheepish, if not defensive. “I just– What’s your deal? With her?”
Shauna’s hackles rise. She hates being asked questions she can’t answer.
“What do you mean?” Shauna says, clipped. Travis raises his hands in surrender.
“I just meant… Like– Why are you guys… Like that.” Travis mumbles. “You know.”
Shauna’s pulse stutters, her mind tripping over itself. She doesn’t know what Travis means, exactly, but it makes her skin prickle.
“Like what?” Shauna says, a little too sharply. Travis sighs, leaning back in the armchair, his eyes narrowing as he studies her.
“I don’t know. Just... I don’t know. Like, really close.” He trails off, his face twisting as if the words are sticky in his mouth. He drops his gaze to his scuffed dress shoes, one foot tapping restlessly against the carpet. “I mean, I have friends, but– I dunno, maybe it’s a girl thing…”
Shauna’s fingers curl into the couch cushion, her heart thudding erratically in her chest. She doesn’t like this conversation. She feels stupidly exposed, stupidly close to the edge of no return.
“She’s my best friend.” The words tumble out of her reflexively. She straightens, trying to project normalcy. “That’s it. That’s all.”
Travis’s eyes flick back up to hers, sharp, almost challenging.Travis nods slowly, still fiddling with the cigarette. “Yeah, I get that. I just... I dunno. You two are, like... I don’t know the word for it. It’s like you have your own world or something. It’s kinda... cool, I guess.”
Shauna’s breath catches, her chest tightening at the unexpected sincerity in his voice. She feels fraught and raw. Travis has somehow seen through the cracks in her armor, glimpsed the ugly knot of feelings she’s tried so fucking hard to keep hidden.
“Yeah, well.” Shauna mutters. Her fingers tighten around the edge of the couch cushion. “We’ve known each other forever. It’s just– how we are. It doesn’t mean anything. Jackie has a boyfriend. She’s with Jeff.”
“I know. It’s just– I guess, weird? Well, that’s not the word.” Travis’s mouth quirks, his fingers finding the buttons on his shirt, like Javi earlier. “You’re different with her. And she’s... I dunno. She was all over you at the wedding. Just... I don’t know.”
Shauna’s face burns. She can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, the heat spreading down her neck. “It’s not weird.”
Travis’s eyes meet hers again, and for a second, they’re both just staring at each other. Then Travis’s gaze flicks away, his jaw tightening, his fingers clenching around the unlit cigarette.
“I’m not like that.” Shauna blurts. Her heart is pounding. Her mouth feels like it’s been swaddled in cotton. “I’m not... like that.”
Travis’s face goes still, his fingers pausing in their nervous fidgeting. He stares at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Shauna hates this so bad, hates it, hates it, she wants the world to swallow her whole right now. Then, slowly, he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line.
“Okay.” Travis says quietly. “But–” He hesitates. “It’s fine if you are.”
Shauna’s breath catches in her throat. She doesn’t know what to say, how to respond, how to even begin to process the strange, conflicting rush of emotions swirling inside her. She feels like she’s standing on the edge of a cliff, the ground crumbling beneath her feet, the wind whipping at her face, pulling her forward and back all at once. What do you do when all options lead to your fall?
“I know that.” Shauna manages, her voice coming out small and shaky. She drops her gaze to her lap, her fingers twisting in the hem of the blanket. “But I’m not.”
Travis doesn’t respond. He just leans back in the armchair, his head tilting back against the faded, threadbare upholstery. His eyes slip shut. Javi snores distantly beside her.
Just as Shauna gratefully thinks the conversation is over, Travis’s voice speaks up again, low and rough around the edges.
“I just– You and Jackie.” Travis begins, his eyes still closed, his head tipped back against the armchair. Shauna blinks, thrown off. Her fingers clench around the edge of the blanket. Being with Jackie makes your eyes… mean.”
“...What does that mean?” Shauna says, louder than they’ve been talking, but not enough to wake Javi. Travis cracks one eye open, his lips twisting into a tired, crooked frown. He shakes his head.
“I dunno. I’m tired.” Travis murmurs. “Just forget I said anything. What do I know?”
Shauna’s mouth opens and closes, fish out of water. She glances down at Javi, his face relaxed in sleep, his dark hair falling across his forehead, his long, gangly limbs curled up against her side.
“Okay.” Shauna says quietly, leaning back into the couch. Travis just closes his eyes again, his head tipping back against the armchair. Shauna just sits there, staring blankly at the dusty, moonlit living room, mind whirling, chest aching, pulse thundering.
/
Shauna’s room smells like hairspray and perfume and it’s so familiar to her. Jackie curls her hair in front of the mirror. Shauna’s room is cluttered, clothes strewn across the bed, bottles of nail polish and lipstick atop her boxes. Shauna is sitting at the edge of the bed, behind Jackie, half of her attention on the mirror, half on the conversation they’re having.
Jackie’s wearing a pretty purple dress. Her sun-kissed skin is flushed with the late Summer heat, and her eyes are sparkly and golden and she laughs softly, saying something offhandedly, that Shauna isn’t listening to, and her chest tightens.
There’s a knock at her door, and then Travis pokes his head in. “Where are you two headed?”
Travis asks, eyes flicking from Shauna to Jackie, his gaze lingering a second longer than necessary on Shauna before he shifts uncomfortably. It’s okay if you are though, he had said. He doesn’t even know the half of it.
“Randy’s party.” Jackie smiles, not missing a beat as she tugs at the fabric of her dress, smoothing it out. “In the woods. You should come.”
Travis shifts on his feet, his lips pressing into a tight line. “Nah, I can’t. I’m supposed to keep an eye on Javi tonight.”
“Bullshit. You should come, Trav.” Shauna says, “Javi’s been home alone loads. He’s 14, not an idiot.
“They’re pretty close.” Travis scratches the back of his neck, one hand shoved into his pocket. “I really can’t.”
His eyes dart briefly to Shauna, and she can’t help but kinda disappointed. She doesn’t know why.
“It’s fine.” Jackie shrugs, smiling. “Your loss, though.”
/
The woods smell like shit and pine.
She stands off to the side of the party. She fucking hates parties. Not that Jackie would care, actually, so what does it matter?
She stares listelessly at Jackie and Jeff, Barbie and Ken, both wrapped up in each other on the makeshift dance floor, their bodies pressed close as they sway to the music. Jackie twirls in his arms. This song and dance is so stupid. So overplayed. Shauna’s been here a million times; you’d think she’s learnt her lesson by now, but she returns and asks for seconds every time.
She doesn’t belong here.
She does not belong anywhere here, she thinks. She’ll have to find an out. She chugs another bottle – she’s rapidly losing count of how many she’s had, but, again, not like any of it matters. Not like she cares, not like Jackie cares.
She spots Tai and Van sitting near the edge of the clearing, a joint between them. Their eyes flick up in creepy unison as Shauna stumbles toward them, already unsteady on her feet.
“Woah, Shipman, you good?” Tai asks, the concern obvious in her voice. “You look like you’re about to tip over.”
Shauna laughs weakly, taking the joint from Van’s hand, not even bothering to answer. “‘M fine. ‘M like the definition of fine.”
She brings the joint to her lips. The first drag burns her lungs, but she holds it in, exhaling slowly.
“Are you sure?” Van asks, eyes narrowed in worry. “You’re already tipsy, you don’t need to get more–”
“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Shauna says again, her words slurring just slightly as she stumbles back to her feet. The world is spinning, and she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care, she doesn't care about anyone or anything. Without another word, she ambles away. The night is still young. Shauna’s going to lose herself in it.
/
The music is still blaring when the sirens call.
Someone among the partygoers yells, “cops!” and sends everyone barreling.
Shauna barely registers the chaos as people scatter like mice, running through the trees, stumbling over each other. She thinks she hears Jackie calling for her, but she doesn't care. She’s, like, the best and the worst kind of drunk right now. The kind where you could launch yourself off a building and walk it off, or something.
Through the fray, she watches Jackie get into Tim Myers’ car, her expression strained as she glances back for a split second. But then the car door slams shut, and the headlights disappear.
Shauna stumbles through the woods, her thoughts clouded by the pounding of her heart and the overwhelming tide of nausea and anger that swells up inside her. Her mind keeps flashing to Jeff fucking Sadecki, and his dumb face, his dry lips on Jackie’s, and she hates herself for it. She hates that she can’t stop thinking about Jackie like this, that her best friend is slipping further and further away from her.
Jeff grabs her arm, his grip firm but not unkind as he pulls her to a stop.
“Shauna. C’mon!” He says, panicked. “We can’t be out here. Let’s go– they won’t check the woods–”
Shauna doesn’t answer. There’s this aching hunger deep in her middle she doesn’t know how to satiate. It is driving her mad. She lets Jeff lead her through the woods, his hand on her elbow guiding her toward his car.
“Why’d you come and’ get me?” Shauna tries not to slur through it, but oh, her head is so heavy and her body is floating away.
Jeff smells like Jackie. Probably from the way the pair always fucking grinding against each other, or whatever. But he does. She doesn’t think about it, when she leans into him. She wants Jackie
“Because you’re my friend?” He says confusedly. Well. If he thinks so. “Besides, Jackie would kill me if I left you alone out there.”
Jeff grins a bit as he says it, still half holding Shauna upright. Shauna exhales. She wants him dead, wants his brains splattered and soul crushed. He has Jackie. He has Jackie, and Shauna wants her.
Jackie with him, Jackie laughing, Jackie’s lips on his, Jackie’s hands on his body. Shauna’s mind spins, bile rising in her throat as the truth hits her harder than the alcohol ever could. She hates him. She hates him, and he’s never done anything but be nice to her. He’s done nothing wrong, but all she feels is the lovely, searing desire to burn it all down. Shauna is standing here, in the woods, drunk and furious, aching for something she can never have.
Before she can think about what she’s doing, Shauna leans into him and she breathes him in – the scent of him, of sweat, of dirt, and of JackieJackieJackie . The burn in her chest grows until it’s unbearable, and she grabs his collar, pulling him toward her.
She crashes her lips into his, sloppy, desperate. Her mouth is on his before he can register what’s happening. She feels his hands on her waist, unsure, tentative, but she doesn’t care. She wants him. She wants him because it will hurt, because it is the only way to drown out the ugly things she’s feeling. He doesn’t stop her.
He kisses her back, rougher now, his hands pulling her closer. She doesn’t think. She can’t. She just wants. Anything, everything, because this ache, this festering wound inside her won’t go away and she needs to do something about it.
Jeff pulls back, clawing under her shirt, to say: “I’ve always wanted–”
Shauna slaps a hand over his mouth. “Don’t talk.”
She screws her eyes shut and summons Jackie’s face in her mind.
They fuck in the backseat of the car. It hurts, when he pushes into her, she’s never really had anything in her like this, and it burns and then it feels okay, or she’s used to it, and her body moves and she buries her face in his neck and smells Jackie. She pants and moves and the truck’s everything digs into her and there’s a wrapper under her knee and Jeff’s holding her hips too tight, and it hurts and he’s grunting and thrusting into her and Shauna is crying maybe–
Jeff comes quickly, and Shauna has to use everything in her not to moan Jackie when she does.
It felt like having control, kissing him, pushing him into the back, crawling into his lap. But with his come drying between her legs and the aching pain there, her body suddenly feels like a stranger to her.
She doesn’t care about the mess or the way Jeff looks at her with confusion or even the fact that she’s just made a nuclear mistake. All she can think about is how much she hates herself, hates Jackie too, hates Jeff, hates Bill and Sandy, hates Travis and Javi, hates Tai and Van and everyone who’s ever thought highly of her.
“Holy shit. That was–” Jeff pants, slumping beside her and fastening his jeans. “Wow. Fuck. I’ll– I know I wasn’t good. I’m sorry. I’ll be better next time,”
“Take me home.” Shauna says, head against the glass. “And there won’t be a next time.”
“Yeah.” Jeff pauses. He nods, straightening and swallowing. “Yeah, duh. Right.”
He pulls up to her door fifteen minutes later, and Shauna doesn’t even look at him as she gets out. She throws up into the gutter so violently and so fast she gets sick on her Converse.
Sticking her fingers into that gaping wound of hers and pulling it apart feels better than letting it rot, in that it feels unimaginably worse.
/
Shauna stumbles through the door when she gets home, her vision spinning. Overwhelming emptiness, a deep, deep, hollow rattling inside her. Travis and Javi look up from the couch where they’re playing Mortal Kombat.
“Shauna?” Javi says, his voice soft but concerned.
“Where the hell have you been? It’s late.” Travis adds.
She opens her mouth to answer, but the words won’t come. Tears begin to well up behind her eyes. She presses her fingers to her face.
“I’m fine.” Shauna mutters, her voice trembling pathetically. Her chest is tight, her breath shallow and she hasn’t had a panic attack since she was twelve, hasn’t had one without Jackie’s comfort ever, and suddenly all the air is just nothing, like she’s on a mountain.
Travis rises from the couch hesitantly. Javi follows suit, though his movements are less hesitant. The concern on their faces is so evident, so unwarranted.
“Shauna.” Travis says carefully, softer than she’s ever heard. “What happened? You’re not okay.”
She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to do this. “I’m fine.”
Neither Travis or Javi back off. Javi steps closer, his brow furrowing, his concern growing. “You don’t have to pretend with us, okay? You’re not fine, and it’s okay to not be fine. We’re here for you.”
Shauna feels her chest tighten at his words.
“I’m just drunk, had too much.” Shauna says, waving her hand dismissively. She tries to laugh, but it comes out strangled, hollow. She doesn’t meet his eyes.
But Travis doesn’t buy it. He reaches for her, his hand landing on her shoulder gently. Javi wraps his long arms around her neck.
Shauna’s eyes well with tears, and she squeezes them shut, willing the emotion to stay locked inside, bubble-wrapping it and triple-padlocking it. She buries into the crook of Javi’s neck.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You look like shit.” Travis’s hand lingers on her shoulder for a moment longer before he steps back, his face a mix of frustration and understanding. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“But if you want to be alone, we can give you space.” Javi nods, hugging her tighter.
Shauna nods slowly.
Travis watches her, his expression unreadable. He doesn’t say anything, but the way his eyes linger on her tells Shauna that he knows better. He knows it’s not okay, but he doesn’t push it. Maybe for her sake, maybe for his own. Javi stays quiet, stroking her back silently.
“I’ll make you some tea,” Travis says finally, his voice gentle. “Just– sit down, okay?”
Shauna lowers herself onto the couch, Javi guiding her. She curls her knees to her chest, staring blankly at the floor.
Javi sits down beside her, but he doesn’t try to touch her again. He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t push. He silently offers comfort in a way she doesn’t know how to accept.
Travis returns a few minutes later with a mug of tea. Shauna takes it. She doesn’t drink it right away. She just holds it, letting the warmth seep into her hands. The three of them sit there for a while, the room silent except for the soft hum of the refrigerator and the occasional clink of Shauna’s cup. Shauna knows they’re waiting for her to say something.
She doesn’t have the words.
Javi speaks softly. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
Shauna sniffles and nods. She doesn’t understand why they’re being so nice to her, but she doesn’t want to question it.
“Okay.”