Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Chapter Text
Lloyd - 1
Everything here reminds me of her.
She has a footprint on these floors, a presence over my head I can't lift. The chair in the back of the library smells like her perfume; light, sweet, feminine. And all I want to do is hate it, but all I do is sit in that god forsaken chair and miss her.
Harumi Jade. That's who she is. The woman who had me bending over backwards to see her smile, who stabbed me in the back, the woman who has me so fucked in the head I can’t think straight when anything of her is brought up.
She's in every rose scented candle I smell, she's there every time I walk past the canals. Not physically, but in my heart, in the air around us and the weight on my shoulders. She's in every blade handle and every child's eyes.
I can't get the image of her hair when the moonlight hits it; how brilliant, how soft, how etherial. I can't get the image of–
“Lloyd?”
I snap out of my thoughts, looking at Kai’s hand in my face. I shove his hand away with more force than needed.
“You good, buddy?”
“Yeah,” I mumble, “why?”
“You're doing that weird staring-in-space-brooding thing. Again. Are you sure you're alright?” He puts his hand to my forehead like my temperature is the problem.
“I said I'm fine. It's… been a long week.”
“Man, don’t say you're missing her .”
Her. Her and her fucking perfect smile, her–
“You're doing it again. Maybe I should have Zane do a wellness check on you.”
“Just leave me be,” I grumble.
I shove past him on my way inside. He calls after me but never follows, he asks questions I never answer. And he leaves me with one more painful thought: do I miss her?
No. I don’t miss her. I don't miss the way her sweet voice could make me do anything it asked. I don't miss the way she could lie like it's another language, a language she's fluent in. I don't miss the way she held knives to my throat and all I wanted to do was thank her for breathing.
I don't miss it at all.
I am also a fucking liar.
I miss the way the dimple in her cheek would show when she smiled a little too hard. I miss the way her sweet words could put me at peace. The way she calmed the storm in me, how I felt normal around her—like I could just be me no lies or masks—and most of all I miss the way she was gentle with me, even when hurting me.
I know it's bad, I know it's messed up.
But, God, I miss it. I miss her .
I avoid the library to avoid the scent of her. I avoid the extra bedroom so I no longer find her hairs on the surfaces of the room. I avoid the kitchen so I don't have to see the vase she picked.
I said I would clean her room, erase her from it, but with her gone now… it feels wrong. It feels like I'm stripping away the only good thing left from her. If I take her hair, her scent, out of the room—this house—I might lose her completely.
And I am a damn selfish man. I want to keep her for me, for myself to remember, I want to keep her hair in that room so I never forget her. I want to keep her perfume on that chair so I can always sit in her presence. I want to keep that vase so I can remember the delicate hands that held it.
I want it all. I want all of her.
If she is the moon then I'm the sun; I shine so she can reflect.
I saw the devastation that crossed her face when the building fell, and heard her whisper my name. I stood and watched it kill her cause I am a weak man. I let her die. If I had helped her maybe she could be here with me, in my arms now, smiling with me .
She could be mine .
But she's not here. She's dead. She's moved on and I will never see her again. I wish my big dumb heart understood that. But no, it aches everytime I see white hair, everytime I hear her name, everytime I smell roses. My stupid heart never stops yearning for her, reaching for her even beyond life.
By night, now, I leave the Monastery and go to where I remember her best: the canals. I stand on the bridge we stood on to remember there was once a time she was good, or so I believed. Even though it was an act, it was one I wish to live in now.
Blissful ignorance .
I stand leaning against the railing, watching as the water ripples in the wind or when an animal leaps in or out. The world is quiet. I am alone, save for a cloaked someone who sleeps against a tree.
I can be with Harumi here. Not the girl who killed and destroyed, but the girl who smiled and handled everything with gentle hands and a kind heart. The girl I made up in my mind because I cannot face reality.
I do not want to face reality.
I want to breathe in Harumi and the memories I have. I want her breath to fill my lungs, I want the smell of her hair to be what I wake to. I want to drink in every smile she gives me like a starving man.
If she is air, I need her. And she is my air. Without her, I am breathless. I am dead without her. But the only one of us dead is her, truly.
I dug through the rocks, the wreckage, the dirt. I never found her. I never found a body. I never found my Harumi. Maybe I didn't look hard enough, maybe I didn't try enough for her. I can't go back now. The rubble has been cleaned.
I tried.
I tried so hard to find her just to find nothing, nothing but emptiness and a broken heart.
So when I go home I will sit in that chair to smell her. I will breathe her in once more. She was the air in my lungs when I had her. But the air was poisoned, toxic… but, oh, so pretty. So I fell for her lies, her poison. I fell time and time again, but I cannot bring myself to regret it. Because like a fool drawn to a mirage, I was drawn to her.
Her toxic air was all I wanted to breathe. And I will continue to let it kill me slowly. All because I want what I cannot have. All because I am so fucking selfish .
I will let the thoughts of her eat away at my mind until I am brainless. I will let her be my air until my lungs are black. I will let her chip away at my heart until I am heartless. All because I am weak for her. She ruined me.
She ruined me for those before and those to come. I am pathetic when it comes to her, nothing but a lovesick fool. I am weak when it comes to stopping her. If she asked me to, I would beg her to put the knife in my back.
But now I beg for death to put the knife in my back, in my heart, in my soul, like she once did. I cannot do anything but wish to be with her, to be departed. Because I cannot imagine life without the one person who will be my ruin.
I look back over and the cloaked figure has moved from where they were sleeping, now out of my sight. Perhaps I should go home now. Read the books she touched in the chair that smells like her and lay in the bed she once called her own.
I turn to leave though I bump into the cloaked person. I grab their arms to steady them, making sure they don't fall.
“Are you alright?” I ask, trying to get a look at who they are.
So when they meet my eyes I die inside. The eyes are so impossibly and so disgustingly out of place I must be dreaming.
But I am not.
The eyes are blue. They are blue like hers .
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Summary:
AHH, I'm back and I actually remembered to post 🫣
Anywho, I don't have much to say here. But you get the first Harumi POV!!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Lloyd - 2
“Ru–”
The figure pushes away and runs. I almost follow but decide against it. It can't be her. There is no way it's her. She's dead, gone and left me. Plenty of people have blue eyes.
But none like that . None with such fear, such regret so true. I watched those eyes as she died, as she betrayed me, as she lied and said she loved me. I watched her eyes.
And…
No . I will not let myself go there. Harumi is dead and as will every memory of her soon be.
6 Months Later (6 months since her death)
I sit at the kitchen table, staring at the vase she chose, still trying to figure out those blue eyes.
“Lloyd?” Nya puts a hand on my shoulder, “are you alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine.”
Liar .
Nya just sighs. “It's been six months.”
“I know.”
“And you keep staring at the vase like it's personally victimized you.”
Those eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes. They were there. I had her in my hands. I almost had everything I wanted, everything that would compete me. I almost had the piece of me I've been missing.
The vase on the table has quickly become my obsession. Ever since those blue eyes bore into mine six months ago, ever since she died, I cannot stop thinking about the vase and how the hands I thought to be dead could still be there. Those hands could have held my arms only six months ago.
The scent of her perfume from the chair in the library has quickly become my comfort.
Her hair in the extra bedroom has become addicting to find.
Because I am addicted to her—the thought of her—and if I'm not careful it will kill me. But that's the funny thing about addiction; you never want to stop. It feels so good, so comforting, so perfect, that you never want to let it go.
And I never want to let her go.
She is my drug, and one that I would overdose on if given her.
I would be selfish and keep her for myself. I would never let her go, never let her hand fall from mine. I would hold her until the sun rises and watch her when the sun is up. She would be mine and I would be hers.
If she wants me at all.
“Good God, Lloyd,” Nya sighs once more. She seems to do that a lot these days. “Did you hear anything I said?”
I shake my head.
“You've been so out of it lately, like, you're always spaced out. You're sure you're fine?”
“Yes, Nya,” I stood from the table, my chair scraping on the floor, “I said I'm fine, goddamnit, can't you just let me be?”
“That is no way to talk to me!” Nya stands as well. “I am your friend, your family, and I care about you, which is saying a lot considering how you treat us all like a problem you want to get rid of.”
“Shit, I'm sorry, Nya.” I run a hand down my face, “I'm really sorry. I'm just–”
“Missing the bitch that hurt you?”
“Don't call her that.”
“It's not wrong, Lloyd. Or maybe ‘psycho’ is more correct. Psycho bitch , maybe,” she nods.
I clench my hands into fists as I leave the room. I can't stand being with Nya right now, can't stand the words she's saying. I can't stand reality. And… maybe I never want to face the reality about Harumi because the version of her I made in my head makes me feel good.
I need air.
Harumi
(set after chapter 1)
I need to be more careful when I go out.
I was nearly found, caught. I was under his hands. Fuck.
I’m so fucked if he thought anything. Or if I had stayed longer I would be super fucked.
I quietly, slowly, open the door to where I now live. It's closed behind me and a familiar voice makes me jolt.
“Where did you go, Harumi?”
Shit. “Just… the canals.”
I turn to Heather, the woman whose family I saved before my alleged death. Her pale arms are crossed over her chest and the moonlight from the window casts an eerie glow on her. Her face, though, is kind. She was only worried. I need to remind myself she is not my parents.
She sighs, “you always go there. I must ask why now.”
“I see him.” I stand awkwardly in the doorway while she waits for me to continue. “Right, sorry, no one is a mind reader. I get to see Lloyd. I… I need to make sure he's okay, and– and getting over me.”
“Harumi,” she says softly, moving toward me to put an arm around me, “I know you feel bad and I know you're trying to care for him, but you look like you've seen a ghost.”
“I got too close this time. He… I think he saw me.”
“A dangerous game, going out. I told you that.” She takes a glass from the cabinet and fills it with water. “You might want to consider staying in more. Just for safety?”
“I was thinking the same,” I took the glass she offers, “I don't know what it is with him though.”
“You two went through quite a lot together. Now, drink up. It's late and we all need sleep.”
“Thank you, Heather. For your kindness and hospitality.”
“You saved my husband and son. It's the least I could do.”
I am quickly alone in the kitchen again. Heather, Cyrus, and their son Jude quickly took me in when they saw me. I'm not sure how long after the building came down, but when I woke and crawled out of the ruin there they were. Like… like they were mourning me?
But they took me in and called me their own.
So now I sit in the small kitchen of their townhome and stare out the window, imagining what was and what could be. Lloyd could have been my friend or my everything, but I let anger get in the way. Now the only thing I did was give myself scars I cannot erase and apologies I wish I could say.
But a dead woman can't talk to the living.
Notes:
Well... I hope you liked all the angst. Also, I lowkey forgot there is already Cyrus Borg soooo... let's pretend i didnt forget that. Also, this Cyrus has nothing to do with Borg, hes just a dude.
Until next time 🫡
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Summary:
Im not a fan of this chapter tbh, but its kinda angsty. Anywho, Lloyd visit's Harumi's gravesight
Notes:
ngl, i had a shit day at work (mainly cause im having a shity day) but my co-workers are the sweetest women ever. I mean, the fucking best. Um, my period is trying to actually kill me so since im in pain i thought these characters should be as well. Toodles for now, i hope you enjoy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Harumi
(6 Months later)
(finally on the same timeline)
I think I'm losing my goddamn mind.
I have, just about, not left the house in six months. And I know I'm losing it. I pace the kitchen like a vulture who's spotted a carcass. And why? I pace because I have nothing to do and thinking is never good. Letting my mind wander is never good.
It's dangerous.
It goes to dark places I never want to crawl into again. Heather and Cyrus are at work, Jude is at school. I am home alone.
I'm alone .
No. No, I'm not alone. I have Heather and Cyrus and Jude. I have people. There is someone who cares enough to come back every day and to continue to stay. And that's all I could ever ask for.
Fuck it, I’m going out. I’m putting on that shitty cloak and I'm going out. I'm going crazy, losing it even, being stuck in this house. I need to get out. Even just for a few hours. I pull my hair into a twist at the base of my neck and pull the cloak over my very basic clothing.
Downtown is busy.
Which is good for me since I need to stay hidden. Crowds are good. I weave through, glancing through windows of shops sometimes. I break through the crowd eventually, thankfully. And I make my way to a place no one goes anymore.
The graveyard. And not just any graveyard, no, it's the one with my grave.
I have no clue who made my grave or what they put in it since I am very much alive, but I am thankful to whoever did it. They even had some nice things to say about me on my headstone. The sighs and graffiti around my grave are quite the opposite but…
Wait… someone moved the signs?
Who–
I stop in my tracks when I spot the blond hair. When I see his green shirt, his tall form. I stop. His back is to me but he's here. He's here and he’s talking to my headstone.
“...I just thought it was you,” he says, “and maybe that's just because I want to believe it was you. Because…” then he speaks so soft I almost can't hear, “because I miss you just a little.”
And I swear my heart shatters and fails. He continues to speak but I can hear nothing over the ringing in my ears, against the muffled screams and sobs I continue to suppress. I hide behind a gravestone, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth and looking at the sky.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don’t–
A tear slides down my cheek and the ringing stops.
I peak around the edge of the stone, looking at Lloyd once more. He sets flowers at my grave with a white envelope attached. And my favorite flowers: roses. Roses in the colors of pink, red, white, and orange. He sets them by my grave, squatting.
Lloyd puts his hand on my grave and whispers, but I'm too far away to hear. I hide myself once again when he turns. His footsteps crunch on leaves on his walk away.
Once I can’t hear him anymore I slowly stand, holding the stone for support. I make my way to my own grave, kneeling in front of it and reaching for the envelope.
The letter reads:
Harumi, if that was really you I ran into six months ago, I hope you're well.
for all I know you could be dead and I could have been seeing things,
but I really thought I saw your eyes. What I'm trying to say is that I
miss you, truly. I try to not and I try to pretend you don't still have a
lingering effect on me, but I cannot anymore. If you are alive and
find this letter, meet me at the Trash Depot I used as a cover tomorrow
at midnight.
Sincerely, Lloyd
The tears I have been denying fall like rain. They may never stop. I cover my mouth when a sob wracks my body and the sound leaves my lips. I lean back against my headstone and put my face in my hands, the letter on the ground now.
I want to meet him, yes. But I shouldn't. Though…
Lloyd
Just like I said in the letter Harumi may or may not receive, depending on if she is living or not, I wait outside the old Trash Depot.
I get there before midnight, just to be sure. I find a random crate and sit on it while I wait. Then midnight comes around. No sight of her yet, but I'll give her time.
Fifteen past midnight, still nothing.
Thirty past midnight, nothing.
“I might sound insane right now,” I say to the void of the room, “but if you are here, Harumi, and you're listening, I just want you to know that I understand. I understand why you did what you did, why you hate me, and why you aren't showing up.” I pause, straining to listen. “I just want to talk to you. I want to hear how you've been, how you survived, and… who you are now. I don't have any weapons on me, I have no trackers or other devices on me. I even left my phone at home. I am truly here because I want to see you,” my voice cracks, damnit, “all I've done since your death is question myself and everything I knew about you. I– I just want to know, to understand.”
But I get no reply. Even when I wait another thirty minutes, I hear nothing. Nothing but my own breath echoing off these walls. I want to scream, to beg, for her to come out. I could stand up and walk around, I could turn on lights.
I could do all of that and more, but I won't. I won't because I want her to come to me, because I want her to trust me finally. So I sit in the dark until I can't take it anymore and leave.
Harumi
Only once Lloyd leaves the Depot I breathe properly.
I got here before he did, hid myself and listened to him. I watched him, I studied him in the dark. I like him in the sun more, I've decided. When I can see his green eyes and his smile, when I can see the sun reflecting on the blond hair in his head. But looking at him in the dark is different. I can catch a silhouette and if the clouds are positioned right, sometimes the moon glows on him like an angel.
There is no denying he is gorgeous, in light or dark. That fact is undeniable, inevitable, objective even. The Depot is loud even in the silence. I put a mask over my mouth and my hand over it. I took shallow breaths to stay quiet.
And it all seemed to work.
When he started talking I couldn't help but feel bad. I wanted to run out to him and throw myself into his arms, telling him I'm alright, I'm alive, I'm better. I wanted to tell him I've been trying to be a better person. I wanted to hold him in my arms until he believes I'm alright.
And what I want is selfish. It is someone I cannot have and I should not give it to myself. But every time I see him I'm so close. I'm so close to running to him, to calling his name. Just to see those eyes, just to see that smile, just to feel its arms around me.
It's selfish.
It's so damn selfish. But maybe…
No, bad idea. But…
Oh, who am I kidding? Fuck it, caution to the wind, I need to see him and talk to him. I'm not going to chase after him. But I'll find a way, a day, a place, a time. I'll watch the canals for him. When he's there I'll come up, when it's just him and I. And I'll take off my cloak finally.
I'll let him see me, I'll let him hold me.
Notes:
no, yeah, i dont like this chapter but 🤷♀️ i dont have the willpower to fix it. I feel like next chapter is better
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Summary:
I hate to say too much, but Lloyd has a run-in with an old friend
Also, I dont know how the fuck to write a fight scene so we are going to look past it
Notes:
OKAY, i actually kinda love this chapter. I dont want to say too much, but yk, be warned, its angsty (common theme, right)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lloyd - 4
Dinner is always… interesting with us ninja.
Kai insults Jay. Jay insults Kai. Kai and Cole insult Jay while Nya tries to defend Jay. Zane and I shake our heads. Sometimes Pixal joins us and tries to calm the situation down. Master Wu leaves once it starts.
And it's all fine until I'm roped in.
“Right, Lloyd?” Kai asks. So fuck him for dragging me into their mess.
“I am not a part of this.”
“You seem to be now,” Zane says, unhelpfully.
“Shut up, Zane.”
“I–”
Kai cuts Zane off, “come on, buddy. You could easily settle this. Is my hair or Jay’s hair better?”
“Your hair is flammable!” Jay adds to his earlier insult of ‘too much hair gel.’
“Good thing I'm the master of fire then, zaptrap!”
“More like that master of dumbass!”
Pixel walks in now. And she, bless her, looks just as confused as Zane and only half as annoyed as me. “This argument is quite pointless.”
Nya snorts.
Jay and Kai stop yelling.
“Kai does wear too much hair gel and his hairstyle is quite… eccentric. But which hairstyle is better is subjective to each person. Now, I have come because there has been a report of suspicious activity on Cowick Road alley. One of you please hurry out there.”
“I will,” I stand, already moving before anyone else can say anything.
After Harumi not showing up at the Depot, granted if she's alive, I need something to do. I need to get my mind off of her.
I speed down the street on my motorcycle while Pixal screams updates in my ear. Technically she's talking normally, but the audio is jacked up. I have no way to turn it down while I'm driving, however.
So when I arrive a street down from the alley and park my bike, I am thankful to turn down the volume in my ear.
“Okay, I'm here.”
Pixal thanks me for the update.
My hand strays to a knife by my hip, not sure I'll need the one on my back. I hear a woman meekly beg for her life, for mercy. And my blood boils. I’m going to fucking kill those assholes if they landed on scrape on an innocent woman.
The alley is dark, a figure, I assume the woman, is curled on the ground as the gang kicks her, spits on her, one raises a knife over her–
“Hey!”
They all stop to turn to me. I throw the knife from my hip, catching the knifed mans’ sleeve and sticking it into the wall behind him; the rickety fence at the end of the alley.
“Put another fucking hand on her and I will do worse than you are doing to her.”
“Y-you’re the Green Ninja,” one stutters, backing away from the woman.
She slowly pushes up with her hands, though still seated on the ground. Her face is turned away from me, nothing but a shadow anyway. With shaky hands she pulls her hood back on.
“Leave. All of you,” I say.
And they do all leave. Quickly and scared. The one drops both his knife and mine once he gets it out of the wall. The three men—all tattoos and muscle—run away from me and the woman like a scared cat.
“Ma’am—”
“I'm fine,” she mutters, so quiet I can hardly hear.
I move to squat beside her.
“I need to check you over if you're injured. Are you alright?”
She is silent when she pushes herself to her feet, using the wall as support. I hold one of her arms but she pulls back, almost as if I've burned her. She limps toward the entrance of the alleyway.
“Are you her? I might sound crazy, but if you're her you'll know what I mean.”
And the woman freezes. She fucking freezes . I might be right, she might be alive. I might have a chance at trying again, I could have Harumi in my arms once more and no longer just in my heart, in my dreams.
This could be Harumi. Freezing is good. Stopping means she knows what I'm talking about.
And then I hear it: “Lloyd.” in a voice so small, so broken, I nearly fall to my knees.
“Please say you are…” I trail off, stepping forward.
I stand at her back when she speaks again. “Please,” she whispers, “leave me. Pretend you never saw me, pretend you never knew me. It's better that way.”
“No,” I almost break, almost shake her, “no it’s not.”
And I want to scream. I want to tell her I miss her, I want her, I need her. I want to pull her into my arms and warm her cold body. I want to look into those goddamn eyes every day of my life, making it a little less miserable. I want to smell her perfume in every corner of the house and on my pillows.
I want her .
“No, Harumi,” I touch her arm and she flinches. I pull back. “Please look at me,” I plead.
“Lloyd.”
The way she says my name nearly kills me. It's like a knife to the heart. Because she's begging me to leave, she's asking me to forget her. And I want to respect her wishes, but I'm too damn selfish to do that.
So I take a play from her book. “Harumi.”
She turns now, the only thing I can see are those perfect eyes. They’re blue, so fucking blue. Blue like an ocean or like a sapphire. The kind of blue ocean I would dive headfirst into and never resurface in. I would drown and I would love it.
I would let her drown me with those eyes and I would thank her for it. I would ask for it and I need it. I want to drown in those impossible eyes. In those eyes so filled with regret and pain it kills me to see.
And I want to see her eyes light up for me. Just once more.
I want to give her a jewel the same color as her eyes. Watch it glitter against her skin.
“Lloyd, please, I want you to turn around and pretend you never saw me.”
The clouds move and the moon comes out finally. Now I can see her, she has scars on her face where her paint used to be. And I'm sure she has many more.
“How have you been? Do you have somewhere to stay?”
“It's none of your business. And you shouldn't want it to be.” But she doesn't walk away yet. No, she stays here. She continues to stare at me.
“Rumi,” her nickname slips out and I only realize it happened when her eyes widen. “Sorry, Harumi, I just need to know you're okay.”
“I have somewhere to stay. There. Happy?”
“Who are you with?”
Now she turns and starts to walk away. And I hurry in front of her.
“Please, Harumi.”
“No one you know.”
“Please,” I beg, “I need to know you're safe.”
“If it makes you happy, I'm with the family I saved before my alleged death.”
“How did you survive?”
“I don't know.” And she just shrugs, as if death is no big deal. As if her death didn’t nearly kill me and as if she didn't almost die. “Luck, I guess.”
Luck? That's all she has? Luck? She had a building fall on her, crush her maybe. And she made it out alive. How the hell does that even happen? How the hell does someone not die when a building falls on them?
She would have to then crawl her way out of the wreckage, out of dirt stone and dust. Out of metal and rust. But she did it. She's here and she's alive and she's close enough to touch. She’s close enough to be mine.
“Please let me leave, Lloyd.”
“Wait,” I touch her hand and she pauses, “when can I see you again?”
“You should hope never.”
“Well I don't wish that. When can I see you next?”
“I'll find you someday soon.”
“When–” she's run off before I could finish my sentence.
You should hope never . What does she mean by that? Why does she think I never want to see her? Now all I'll do is think about when I can see her next, when she’ll find me, where she’ll find me. It'll be the only thing on my mind and it'll drive me crazy.
She will drive me crazy. But she's always done that. I guess some things never change.
Notes:
Okay, dont read this if you dont want to. FIRST, i swear to god people dont know how to drive in rain. and i live somewhere it rains often. like, y'all, hurricane season isnt until August-Sep 💀 lets go the speed-limit at minimum. Its just sprinkling and all the sudden everyone goes 10 under. Like please, please, please, im BEGGING, go the fucking speed-limit.
I also got a haircut and its just ONE INCH too short so now i can't look at myself in the mirror without crying 😃 send help. im also about to go on a little trip for my uncles wedding so ill be back in a week or so. I hate family trips.
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Summary:
Rumi is a bit of a stalker, but shes just a girl
Chapter Text
Lloyd
It's been four days.
Four goddamn days and I'm losing it. Everywhere I go I look for her eyes, checking over my shoulder for a sign of her. Everytime I smell something similar to her perfume I turn in circles trying to find her.
And I'm sure she's watching. She's probably watching and laughing at me. Finding it entertaining how much I want to see her. And it's stupid. It's stupid and desperate how much I want to see her, how much I need to see her.
So when four days become five and five become twelve, I lose a little hope. Could she have not really changed? Could she just be leading me on again? Did she lie to me about where she was staying? Did she only want me to leave her because she doesn't want me knowing what she's doing?
What if I've been wrong the whole time.
Harumi
I hate this.
I fucking hate it. I hate just watching him until he's no longer jumpy about seeing me. I've been following him for days. It's creepy, sure. I just can't… I can't let him have hope in me. I need to know he's angry at me, he's forgotten me. I need to make sure.
So I stand in shadows and watch on rooftops. I watch him from afar because getting close to him means I would have to let him get close. And he could ruin me, he could touch me and break down my walls with a word.
His hand on my arm in the alley nearly killed me, burned me, broke me. I almost let myself fall into his arms. It seemed comfortable. I'm sure it would be. But I need him to hate me, I need him to walk away.
I need Lloyd Garmadon to hate me so much he can't even stand to look at me.
Because with us it's only ever one step forward and three steps back.
So I need to be the one to step back if he won't, hold him back if I must. But I cannot hold his hand. If I do I know I'll surely break. I'll let him bring me home and make me his friend. And I would call him mine.
In secret I can watch him, in secret I can want him. In secret we could be something we never will be. That secret stays in my head. And I will make sure it never goes farther than wistful thinking.
In my dreams we could be something amazing.
And that is why they are only dreams. It’s all they ever have been and all they ever will be.
His head turns upwards to the roof I'm on and I press myself to the flat surface. He looks ahead of him again after a moment. I can only hope he didn’t see me. And if he did see me he didn’t give any show that he did.
I lay on the rooftop a little longer, watching until he disappears into the crowd and trees. That’s enough watching for today, clearly. I was nearly spotted, for one. And for two, I can't stop thinking about Lloyd.
Both are very bad things.
But I lay on the roof a little longer, laying on my stomach as I watch the busy street and the beginning of a sunset.
It's quiet up here. Don’t get me wrong, Heather and Cyrus's house is lovely and peaceful. But this is the first moment I’ve been out alone without a heavy feeling pressing on my heart.
“Good hiding spot, I gotta say,” says someone from behind me.
I spring up, “Fuck!” I relax a little, seeing him. “Shit, Lloyd. You scared me half to death.”
“Considering how you’re a dead woman I don’t know how I could pull that off,” a little smile plays at his lips. Not that I'm looking at his mouth or anything.
“What are you doing here? Looking for me, finding me?” I shake my head, “you’re supposed to forget about me.”
“Well I can't.”
And the raw emotion in his eyes almost send me over the edge. I want to pull him into my arms now, kiss his head and tell him I'll stay. So instead I take one step back And he takes three forward.
“Rumi, I can't just forget you. You were a large part of my life, good and bad.”
“How did I do any good?” I want to scream at him, cry, shake him. How could he still care ? After everything I did, he still stands in front of me asking me to come back. “All I did was cause you pain, Lloyd.”
“That’s not how I see it.”
“How do you see it then?”
“Well,” he takes another step closer, “yeah, you did some pretty fucked up things, but I know why you did it. What I see, and I saw is a girl broken by the world. No one shows her how to handle her anger, her resentment. No one showed her love when she needed it. And sometimes I’m still angry about what you did, but I just can’t hate you for very long.”
I step back again.
“Any closer to the edge and you’ll fall, Rumi.”
“So stop stepping closer.”
“Stop pushing me away.”
Neither of us move. Neither of us speak. It’s a stare down. Neither breaking the quiet, waiting for the other to crack. I trained myself in silence, in staying quiet and waiting for the other to crack under my stare.
But Lloyd is different.
He knows all my tricks; he’s seen them over a thousand times.
So now he waits for me to break. And I want to. Only a little. Only for him to talk to me again. And it’s pathetic. It’s so fucking pathetic that I just want to hear his voice even if he yells, even if he’s angry, even if he hates me. I just want to hear it. I want it to wrap around me like comforting arms.
But neither of us break. And he takes one more step forward. And I take three back. Three too many. I lose my balance and teeter back. Lloyd, faster than any human should be, grabs my wrist and pulls me back.
He pulls me close to him, too close. So close. Close enough that I can smell his cologne. Close enough that I can hear his breathing and his beating heart. He holds my wrist tightly, looking at me with intense green eyes.
Instead of pulling away like I know I should, I stare back. Just until he exhales, breath brushing my face. That is when I step back, safely this time. I gently pull my arm from his hand and look at the ground.
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“Just… saving your life.”
“Reminds me of the first time we met. A little.”
I expect him to frown, scowl, or try to brush it off. But when I look up he has this odd smile on his face. He's not angry or upset I brought up the past. No, he's happy. It's a good memory? And… I find myself smiling a little too.
And at my little smile, Lloyd smiles wider. And I swear my heart stutters. That can't be healthy. Or normal. Maybe I should see a doctor. Or maybe I don't smile enough and it's just an unnerving feeling.
Looking back at Lloyd’s face, remembering where I am and who I am, my face feels warm. From my neck to my ears.
“You saved me once,” he says, “so now I got to repay you.”
I nod.
“So… will you find me next time or do I have to find you again?”
“I don't think we should do this again.”
His face falls now. There it is. His dreams are coming down, falling and shattering on the floor. His smile is no more. Now all that sits on his face is a straight mouth and shadows in his eyes.
He's still perfect. And I hate myself for thinking that.
I hate him even more for making me feel something.
Or maybe I don't. I can't decide anymore. My head is screaming twelve different things at a time. It's telling me to run away and run into his arms. Fuck. I need to leave. I need to get off this rooftop and back to Heather and Cyrus’s house. I need to stay there until I can think right.
I cannot let Lloyd find me ever again.
It's bad. It's dangerous. For both of us.
Feelings are dangerous.
Notes:
i was verbally attaked DAILY by my brother and dad on vacation, so im trying to get out of the one i go to in 3 days. cross your fingers for me 😭
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Summary:
This chapter is heavily inspired by the songs "Just Yet" by BIZZY and "Angry Woman" by Ashe
Notes:
i was in a bad mood when i wrote this chapter so it feels super different from the rest of this. lets ignore that and move along. i dont love this chapter, but i DO love then next one
Chapter Text
Lloyd
These last two weeks I've gone throughout life hoping to see Harumi everywhere I go.
My friends say I'm distant, Zane and Pixal keep trying to check on me. All I want is to be alone. No, I want to be with her. But she doesn't want to be with me. I need to respect that and move on. Do what she says and forget her.
But how could anyone ever forget her?
How could anyone forget Harumi Jade. She was a princess, she brought back my father, she took over ninjago, she nearly leveled it, she died . Sure, none of that is exactly good. But I saw good sides to her. Real or not, I don't know. But I saw them.
I know there is some good in her. And I can see it every time she looks at me. She looks at me like she pities me, like she can see through me and my hurt. She knows what she did to me, she knows the scars she gave me.
And, damnit, I told her so much about myself. She knows about the prophecy with my father, how my mother left me, my shitty boarding school. Being the Green Ninja and having the weight of the fucking world on my back.
She knows. She knows and she used it against me once. But I want to forgive her. I want her. I want to try again. I want so much of what I cannot have, I want what she will not give me. And I should respect it, I know I should, but my selfish heart won't do it.
Why can't my heart listen to my head? Just for once .
I keep walking into shops and looking for her. I walk down the street looking at the rooftops in a hope that I find her. Everything white still makes my head turn, just hoping it's her hair.
But she's never there.
Like she's a ghost. She's just disappeared.
So instead of figuring out what the hell to do about these feelings, I enter a bar. And I hope to see her here too. It's rundown and on the edge of the city. None stays. Everyone is out of town or too drunk to give a shit and notice people they know.
Harumi
I hate this fucking bar.
It's full of smelly, sweaty, sleazy men. They keep talking to me, trying to touch me. I'm pretty sure I broke one guy's finger. I should feel even a little sorry, maybe, but I don’t have enough fucks to give.
I can get a cheap drink here without being myself. No one here knows my name or my face. I can be anyone here. And that's what works for me. The bartender knows my order by now. That's how often I come here.
So I sit at the bar, occasionally chatting with Wade, the bartender, about anything but my life. Sometimes we shit talk customers he has, sometimes he tells me about his girlfriend. Either way, I'm peacefully drinking when a man–lots of gang tattoos, looks like he rolled in dirt, smells like sweat–comes up next to me and nearly smash my glass over his head.
But the drink cost money. So I don't do that.
Instead I, less than respectfully, ask him to fuck off.
“That aint no way for a lady to be talkin’, pretty girl,” he slurs.
His breath reeks of alcohol and… something else I would rather not figure out.
“I told you to fuck off, jackass. Go jerk off somewhere else.”
“Ohh, sparky. I like you.”
“Don’t.”
Maybe it's the alcohol making me bold, as it's my fourth drink, or maybe I just have a death wish. But I finish my drink and smash my glass on the bar under my hand. A piece of glass cuts my hand. But not as much as it cuts his when I stab said piece of glass into the spot between his pointer and middle finger.
He screams a string of curses, now attracting the attention of the whole bar. He lifts his hand to look at it and the blood that drips from the glass.
I resist the urge to smile.
Fuck, that was… fuck. I'm not the Quiet One anymore. I shouldn't have pleasure in hurting someone. But… I do?
I think he deserves it. Either way, it's not a deep cut. Maybe two or three stitches at most.
“You can fuck yourself,” I say as I leave my seat.
He is too busy howling in pain and cursing to pay much attention to me. But one thing that really sets me off now is while I'm walking out the bar and a guy smacks my ass. Oh shit, he's in for it.
I'm sick of life and everything happening for me right now. I might as well take it out of these guys who no one gives a fuck about, huh? I grab his hand and twist his arm behind his back, pressing it between his shoulder blades. He, also, screams in pain.
“You bitch!”
“Call me a bitch all you want, but at least I don’t go around hitting girls asses.”
Out of the literal nowhere a fist comes around and hits the man whose arm I have pinned. The man slumps and I let him fall to the ground. I wipe my hands on my jeans, feeling dirty from touching him.
A few people close by gasp. But for the most part, people aren't paying attention. And that is why I came here.
“Quite a show you've put on tonight, Ru”
Fuck my luck today.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Do I look like I am?” Lloyd holds his arms out.
I glance at his hands as he rubs the fist and wrist he used to punch the man, shakes out his hand too. When I look at his face his eyes are already on me.
“Have you been following me?”
He shrugs, “you did that to me, didn’t you.”
“Well–”
“But no, I'm not.” He touches my arm softly. “Let's get out of here before more can happen.” And this man has the nerve to smirk. “Please?”
“Fine.” I brush his hand off my arm.
“So… you're not still a villain, right? Like, you don't want me to leave you alone so you can get away with shit?”
I scoff. “I'm not a villain anymore. I just… I don't know.”
I just hate myself more than I used to. I just feel bad for what I did. That i hurt him, his friends, his family, Ninjago. I hate it and I can't erase it. Nothing I do will ever make me forget what I did.
I'm sure no one else forgets what I did. Who would? I sure as hell don't. And I still can't forgive myself. I can't come to terms or face the reality of it all. I'm angry at myself and the world. I'm angry Lloyd doesn't hate me. I'm angry that he's just so perfect .
That I can't push him away fully even when I try.
“Mhm, okay,” we stop walking when we reach his cycle, “how do you plan to get home?”
“Dunno. Maybe walk. You know, not like I can be seen anywhere but here.”
“How often do you come here?”
“None of your business.”
“You're tipsy. I'm driving you home, no debate.”
“Not happening, Green Ninja.” A small giggle slips out. It horrifies me.
It's the alcohol. Definitely.
Lloyd sighs and runs a hand down his face. Man, he is sick of my shit. “Harumi, for the love of god, please. I will get on my knees and beg if I have to.”
“You would?” I smirk, feeling the alcohol now. And I feel lighter than ever. I might even pull him in now– no. No, I need to stay as logical as possible.
“Harumi,” he warns, “please let me take you home.”
“ Fineee .” I mutter, “I'll let you take me home.”
“Good, thank you.”
Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Summary:
A continuation of the last chatper. Some Llorumi banter and a proper interaction with Jude
Notes:
heyyyy its ya' girl, Gem. im back from vacay. and thank fuck for that bc i am SICK of family vacations rn. but im back for a week then im gone again 😭 anyhow, im currently surving off of rage and spite so... enjoy the angst and banter
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Harumi
“We need to stop running into each other in such unconventional ways.”
“Maybe stop following me,” I shoot back.
“And if I don't want to?”
“I didn't think that far ahead. Give me a second.”
Lloyd and I stand, bickering, in Heather and Cyrus’s driveway at the unholy hour of two A.M. And my drunk ass holds up a hand while I think about what I would do if Lloyd didn't stop following me.
“I thought you were some evil genius. Don't you always plan, like, twelve steps ahead?” Lloyd teases me.
I glare at him but he just laughs. “For that, I say fuck you.” I flip him off. “And by the way, if you don't stop following me I’ll… I forgot what I was going to say, damnit.”
“I think you should head off to bed.”
“Don't tell me what to do, Green Ninja.”
But he's already ushering me inside like I'm some petulant child. I point my way to the room I've been given. He pushes me to sit on the bed and grabs comfy clothes from my dresser. He pushes me into the bathroom to change with gentle hands.
Once changed, drowning in the fabric, he picks me up and next to throws me onto my bed. He runs a hand through my hair which makes me feel tired. And I don't want to be tired. I want to argue with Lloyd.
But he pulls my covers over me and wishes me good night.
My head hurts like hell.
I feel like shit too. But that's just a hangover. I didn't even drink that much… I think. I don't even care right now. All that matters is that my head hurts and I'm pretty sure I'm dying. I turn my head and my eyes catch a bottle of water and a pill.
And a note, which I reach for first.
Take this when you wake, Rumi. Its for the hangover which I know you’ll have - Lloyd
Why does he have to be so damn nice? I'm trying to forget him, hate him, even just dislik e him. But no. He just wormed his way into my life and placed his perfect little self in my heart, taking up space there. I should make the thoughts of him pay rent.
Because this is getting excessive.
Putting my problems aside, I take the pill down with the water. I then lay back down with an arm over my eyes, shielding from the bright ass sun. My phone lights up on my bedside as well.
Not only am I mad that my phone is nearly dead and Lloyd didn't think to plug it in for me, but his name is on my screen. How? I know I didn't get his number last night. Unless he did it after I was asleep. Which is weird as hell, but I might as well let it slide since it's already done.
Lloyd: Good morning, Rumi
He sent that about four seconds ago. So… how did he know I would be awake at this moment?
Me: I can't believe you didn't plug in my phone.
Lloyd: i cant believe thats the first thing you said to me
Me: You don't use any punctuation on your messages.
Lloyd: And?
Me: It pisses me off a little.
Lloyd: Your point?
Me: I'm done talking to you.
In truth, I could go back and forth with Lloyd like this all day. But, again, one of us needs to take the step back. And that someone will be me. I'm only trying to protect him. I'm only trying to help him. To do what's best for him.
Because, amazingly, I care for him. A little. Or… I think this is what caring is like.
No one showed her love when she needed it. Lloyd’s words echo through my head like a never ending loop. A loop I wish would end because I hate that he might be right. And I hate it because I try to hate him. But he's impossible to hate.
He’s just so… nice. So good. And it makes me angry that he can be that way no matter what I do or what I try to do. But does it really? Maybe I'm lying to myself again. I am just a liar afterall.
Just a goddamn liar. A good one, no doubt.
The medicine finally kicks in and I leave the room. It's a Saturday. At about noon.
Oh fuck. Lloyd knows where I live now after driving me home last night. The whole reality just comes crashing down on me and I nearly scream. He knows where I live . So he could come by at any time. Which wouldn’t be good. Not at all.
“Harumi?” Jude says from behind me.
“Hm?” I turned, “oh, hey Jude. What's up?”
“My school is having a picnic today but I can't go because mom and dad are at work and I don't have a way to get there.”
Oh be still my heart, he pouts and it's probably the most adorably sad thing I've ever seen. Maybe I'm getting too attached or maybe this is good, but I've slowly started to think of Jude as my little brother. He's annoying at moments, sure. But aren't all little boys? And he's only eleven anyway.
I squat down to about his level. “I might have a way to get you there.”
His eyes light up and I know now I would do anything to get him to that damn picnic. “You do?”
I nod, “give me just a second.”
Me: I have a favor to ask.
Lloyd: Which is…?
Me: I need you to drive Jude to a picnic with his school. In about an hour.
Lloyd: Done. I'll be over soon-ish
“Alright, Jude. Someone will be over soon to take you,” I say.
“Will you come with me?”
“I can't, sweetie,” I take his hands and squeeze gently, “I wish I could though.”
It's too dangerous for me to go. People here in Ninjago surely know my face, my name, my legacy. Who doesn't? Whose parents didn't warn them about the Quiet One ? Every child and their parents would know who I am and I might end up in jail or dead on sight. Both are not preferred at the moment.
So I'll stay home and stay hidden.
Notes:
a very short and sweet chapter 🤭 but tbh i hate how i ended it, but whatever i guess. the real plot starts next chapter (finally, i know)
idk if i ever mentioned anything about this in any of my last notes, but i got into a very minor wreck back in mid-April (i drove the car home but my hood was all fucked up so it wouldnt be good to drive it w/o getting it fixed. i was switching lanes and the other car got my hood from an angle, i did not rear-end anybody) anyhow, I GET MY CAR BACK ON MONDAYYYY
after this fucking place took nearly 3 months to fix it. btw, it should not have taken that long 💀 but at least its finally fixed
Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Summary:
The plot finally begins and... someone is missing... someone shows up?? Oh, but the DRAMA
Notes:
shes baaaaackkkk! okay, today has been a shit show and i feel like everyone should hear about this cuz what the acutal fuck happened 😭 i finally got my car back after almost 2 months of not having it (having been in a wreck) and when i got the car my tire had a huge ass screw in it (from the bodyshop that fixed my car) so my mom and i (since she drove me to pick up the car) had to drive seprate to a tire place to get my tire replaced. and hah (dying inside) my tire went from whatever tire pressure it was at to 0.0 when i hit the parking lot for the tire place. but the real kicker is that i was on the HIGHWAY and the speed limit is 55mph and i have my flashers on, going 40, tire pressure dropping, crying, on the phone with my mom. MIND YOU, i had just gotten my baby back after 3 months. so im losing my mind. anyway, mom and i got food while they replaced my tire and my car is now home safe. i also got more washer fluid since ive been dry out for 6 months (we listen and we dont judge) then we lost power today from what we think was a pop-up mini tornado or waterspout or smth. so i did my nails (gel extensions) with a portable charger since i have to use LED to cure teh nails. omg, im gonna stop yapping. ENJOY THE PLOT OF THIS FIC!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lloyd - 8
(two months later)
We are just peacefully watching TV when Wu comes in and quickly changes the channel.
“...Clutch Powers missing!” Is all Gayle gets out before Wu mutes the TV.
“Why is that important, Master?” Jay asks. “No offence, but Clutch is probably fine.”
“Misako was with him,” Wu says, looking panicked.
All of us slowly rise to our feet. Sure, I might not have the best relationship with my mom. But she and Wu are close. And I know he's going to make us go after her. So I might as well get this over with.
“When do we leave,” I ask.
“Tomorrow. I already have Pixal getting the Bounty ready.”
Wu leaves the room without answering any more questions. Everything he says is like a puzzle meant to drive us insane. He doesn't tell us anything until all of hell comes down on us. Its so fucking annoying, honestly. But it's not like we can ask.
And I don't know why. He just goes nonverbal if I try to ask anything.
So I've given up.
I haven't seen Rumi in two months and now I'm going away for who knows how long. I shouldn't be sad, I know. But I am. I still look over my shoulder for her. I still glance through every shop, bar, and busy street for a glimpse of her. But she's disappeared again.
The thoughts of her threaten to drive me insane.
I should stop thinking about her, I know. But I can't. She haunts my every thought. She always has. She refuses to leave me. Even though she wants me to forget about her, she makes it impossible.
She’s unforgettable.
“Hey, Lloyd,” Cole starts, “do you think we’ll need this?”
He holds up something I can only describe as a hat with straws. I've seen him drink beer from it at least once. It’s weird, to say the least. And completely unnecessary.
“You should know the answer.” I pause, assuming he will fill the void with my very obvious answer. When he nods for me to continue I can't help but sigh. “No, Cole, we don’t need the beer hat.”
“I could use it for water!”
“We don’t even know where we're going yet. We have to wait for Clutch’s assistant to come and tell us what he knows. But the answer is no anyway. Put it away. Please.”
It takes about an hour but eventually Clutch Powers’s assistant knocks on our door. Wu answers the door.
“I would also like to bring the woman who saved me from that… thing taking me too,” says the assistant. I can't see him yet, or the woman he speaks of, but Wu’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second.
If its who I think it is, I’m completely fucked.
Low and behold, everyone gasps when she comes around. No makeup, no cloak, hair down.
Harumi Jade.
The woman set to be my ruin.
“Why is no one else freaking out!?” Jay screeches.
“Yeah, what the fuck are we looking at?” Kai adds.
“Harumi Jade, I believe,” Zane’s serious tone only brings forth more screams and curses.
“You saved him?” I step toward Rumi. “You saved Clutch Powers assistant? So… you saw what happened?”
“I did,” she nods.
“Lloyd back away from this bitch ,” Nya hisses.
“Nya stop,” I snap, “just… stop. Please.”
I walk closer to Rumi, finally seeing her without any disguise. It's refreshing. I really forgot how mesmerizing she is. Her hair, once long, now sits closer to her shoulders. Her eyes shine with fear with each step I take, but she never backs away.
“Lloyd,” she whispers, quiet enough that only I hear, “what the hell are you doing?”
“Trying to figure you out.”
“I'm not a puzzle you need to solve or a charity case. Just… leave me be.”
“I'm afraid,” Wu steps up too, “that you must join us Harumi. Since you saw some very crucial things and since Keven wants you to come along. He seems to trust you.”
She huffs, a small eye roll. But she sets her jaw and nods anyway. I don't know why. Couldn't she just say no if she didn't want to help us? Couldn't she just leave? Wu can't make her stay. So why is she staying?
Harumi
I'm so stupid, officially.
I nodded my head, said I'll stay with them. With Lloyd. Nya, Kai, Cole, Zane, Jay. All of them. It might be the biggest mistake of my life. But it could also give me a chance to prove myself. Right?
Well, after explaining how I pulled Keven away from the fucking portal in the sky , the ninja still had rude retorts and ‘how is she alive’ to throw around. Not to mention Nya literally tried to stab me, though was stopped by Lloyd.
At Wu’s command, Jay drags Nya away. She screams profanity toward me, clawing in Jay’s arms, but he stands firm in bringing her inside. Not that her leaving made my situation much better. Kai, Cole, Zane, and even Lloyd stand with their arms crossed, staring me down.
I pull myself together, resisting the feeling to shift under their stares. I'm trying to be strong and cold right now. But internally I'm screaming, crying. The ringing through my ears nearly brings me to my knees. But I cannot fall. Not in front of people who want me dead.
Finally, Lloyd looks like he hates me. Just a little. And, stupidly, my heart aches. My chest feels heavy and hollow, each breath feels harder than the one before. The more I look at him the more I hurt.
And it's so stupid .
I step forward, next to Keven. “So… surprise?”
The boys gape now, confused and annoyed. Kai speaks then, “what the fuck is going on?”
“I'm not dead–”
“No shit. I mean, how. And why did you save Clutch’s assistant? And what is your plan, you psycho?”
“Kai–” Lloyd starts.
I cut him off, “I deserve that. And really, I deserve worse. But to be brief, I have no idea what miracle saved me. And I saved him because he was in trouble and I was close by.”
“You should be dead,” Kai spits out. He lunges forward a little, Lloyd stops him with a hand on his chest.
“Stop that, Kai.”
“Why are you defending her, Lloyd?” Kai turns his attention and anger toward Lloyd now. And that makes me… strangely angry.
“Because she's still a person, Kai !”
“One that tried to kill you a thousand times, tried to kill us, brought back your father, nearly leveled Nin–”
“I get it!” Lloyd puts his hands up in surrender. “I know what she did, Kai! But she is trying to be better! Give her a fucking chance!”
Lloyd clenches his jaw, then his fists. He stares Kai down for a moment before storming off inside and slamming the door behind him.
“I apologize for my nephew–”
I hold up a hand, stopping Wu, “it's fine.”
Kai scoffs and follows after Lloyd. Cole and Zane look back at me. Wu simply sighs, definitely done with the boys fighting.
Now Pixal comes outside.
How many people live here?
“What seems to be the commotion…” she trails off when her eyes find me. “Oh, hello Harumi. I assumed you to be dead?”
“I am supposed to be, yeah. But, well,” I wring my hands, “here I am.”
“How do we know you aren't still evil?” Cole says, finally talking.
“Trust, I guess,” Zane speaks instead of me.
Keven speaks up, “I want her to come with us on the mission to find Clutch. She saved me. I want her there.”
Bless him, the sweetheart. No one wants me here but him. I don't even want to be here myself, let alone work with the ninja again. Mainly because they want me dead, and I'm content with being alive right now.
“Very well,” Wu nods, “she will come along. Cole, Zane, Pixel, get her a room ready on the bounty. Find her some necessities. And no arguing on this, understand?”
How the hell could my luck get worse?
Lloyd
The argument once Rumi and Wu were asleep was inevitable.
The other ninja and I stand in the Sam-X cave, standing around the table like this is some business debate. Zane and I opposite at the head and food of the table and Jay, Kai, Nya, and Pixal are lined on the edges.
“I still don't like the bitch,” Nya grumbles, her arms crossed over her chest. “I don't trust her is all,” she replies to my annoyed face, “how the hell does someone survive that kind of thing? And why is she suddenly such a good person? It doesn't make sense to me, okay, I don't trust her.”
“I get what you're saying Nya, but–”
Nya cuts Jay off by putting a hand up. “Why are you even defending her? She tried to kill
you! I watched it! I thought you fucking died!”
“We were all affected,” Pix starts, “we should calm down and weigh our options.”
“So you're defending her too?!” Nya throws her arms in the hair dramatically. “Wow, so
Everyone is a Harumi sympathizer?”
“We are just thinking logically,” Zane puts a hand on Pixal’s shoulder, sliding his arm around her slowly and pulling her to his side. “We need to look at this from all angles.”
“You haven't said much, Lloyd,” Kai says, “what's going on in your head?”
A lot. And I'm trying to ignore it. Trying to ignore the voices screaming at me to yell back at Nya or to defend Harumi. Or maybe to throw Harumi out too. Nothing in my head makes sense to me, nothing is one straight answer.
I shrug, “I don't have much to say, I guess. I find everything just as odd as the rest of you.” I sit down in my seat, arms crossed. “But… let's give her a chance.”
You would think I threatened to blow up Ninjago and that I have the trigger in my hand with the amount of screaming and cursing that brought on from Nya and Kai now, who hasn't said much this whole time too.
“All of you calm down!” I stand, slamming my hands on the table, “I’m fucking sick of all of you bitching about her. Just give her a chanc–”
“We did!” Kai yells back. “We gave her one. And she tried to fucking kill us! Do you not see the problems with any of that? Goddamnit, Lloyd, we did give her a chance.”
The room goes as silent as a tomb. Everyone looks between Kai and I, both angry and ready to fight back again. This time Zane and Pixal stay out of it, Jay hides behind Nya, and Nya stands frozen. As if she's never seen Kai or I angry.
“So give her another chance, Kai. We gave Skylor more than one.”
“That's different!”
“How?! How is it any different? They both hurt us, they both were villains. How is it any fucking different?”
“It just it!”
I shake my head with a scoff, “no it's not. You're just making excuses. All of you are making excuses!”
I make my way toward the door, yelling one last “all of you!” before slamming it behind me.
Notes:
next chapter is lowkey super short... so i might do a double upload 🤷♀️. anyway, i hope you enjoyed and sorry for all the POV switching!!
Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Summary:
Internalized issues
Chapter Text
Harumi
My luck got worse.
Not only do I have to live with the ninja on their ship until we touch down on Clutch and my mom’s possible whereabouts, but I have to share a sleeping space with them. And sleeping among people who want you dead, from my experience, is never good.
Maybe it won't be so bad? If I'm going to lie to myself I need to do a better job. Not only do I have to share a room with Nya, who probably sleeps with a knife by her head to kill me in the middle of the night with, but I have to share the room with Lloyd, who I am trying to avoid.
Maybe my luck has always been screwed? Though I did live when a building fell on me. It sounding like bad luck I'm alive right now.
By nightfall, I can't sleep. It really isn't surprising to me. So I do what I always do when I can't sleep. I go outside and look at the stars. Back at Heather and Cyrus’s house I would lay on their roof and look, but here I just lean against the railing and look out at the sky.
Pixel looks to be driving. If she notices me, she says nothing. Not even glancing in my direction. Which all works fine for me, of course.
“Do you know how you survived, Harumi?”
I jump, “holy shit,” not expecting her voice to be so close. I turn and lean the back of my hip against the side railing of the ship. “Sorry, I didn't hear you come up. Uhm,” I sigh, “I really don't know. It feels like luck. I definitely should have died but… I guess it all just fell the perfect way.”
“It's very peculiar.”
“It is,” I nod.
“I am sure you have been asked this, but, why did you save Keven?”
“I'm not sure myself. I saw him in danger and just… acted, I guess.”
“Well, we all thank you for it.” She gives me a soft smile before walking back up to the deck to drive once more.
I once more lean against the railing, turning back around to my original facing. We’re flying through the sky. And it's beautiful. When we go through spots without clouds I can see the towns or forests under us and it's magnificent.
I am alone with my thoughts, generally a bad idea, but right now I don't mind. Right now my head is finally quiet. For the first time in many years, I am at some kind of peace. Which is ironic given everyone on this ship wants me dead.
Minus Keven of course. And maybe Lloyd.
But Lloyd has been avoiding me since I showed up at his doors. Which is fine with me. It's what I need after all. I need him to ogmore me, hate me, never want to even look at me.
The first diner with the team is… quiet, weird, so fucking weird. No one looks at each other, no one talks much. Other than Wu or Zane asking Keven questions. They try to ask me some questions, but I respond with quick one-word answers. The less I talk the better.
The less I’m noticed the better for me.
I glance at Lloyd. He's looking at his food. He hasn't looked at me this whole time at dinner. And I can't figure out quite why it bothers me.
I keep my eyes on my food now, trying to avoid Lloyd like how he's avoiding me.
Lloyd
I can't stop looking at her.
Her eyes are trained on her food and she gives us one-word answers but I can't stop looking at her. She's on the bounty again. I already knew she was alive but… all of this makes it feel more real.
She never looks at me. Not that I've noticed, at least. And I want to ignore her because it's what she wants from me. And she just makes me so angry sometimes. She begs me to leave but looks at me with those pleading eyes that pull me in.
I can't even hate it.
So far all we know is—well, next to nothing—but that a portal opened in the sky, a bunch of purple and blue creatures came out of a flying ship of a kind, and that said creatures took Clutch and my mom. They said nothing, they just took him. After they left the portal started sucking in whatever was close to it, thus trying to take Keven. Harumi saved him and now here we are.
If Keven recognizes Harumi as the Quiet One he doesn't seem to care. Or maybe he was away during that period in time. Either way, he doesn't seem deterred by Harumi. WHich suggests he has no real idea who she is.
But no one cares much about that fact, it seems. Since everyone is too wrapped up in what the hell those creatures were and what the hell that portal was.
Which is what we should be focussed on. But, clearly, I am distracted by the woman across the table from me. Which is stupid. I need to stop looking at her.
When her eyes look up from her plate and catch mine, I can feel my heart race. My mouth goes dry and my throat gets tight. I pull at the collar on my shirt, warm suddenly.
“What do you think about that, Lloyd?” Zane’s voice brings me back to the very important reality of our situation.
“Uhm, about what?”
“The plan.”
“What plan, exactly?”
Nya sighs now, pinching the bridge of her nose. “The one where we all put ourselves in groups when we touch down to cover more forest in order to find Clutch and Lloyd’s mom.”
“I think we should set up camp then split and meet back at nightfall,” I say.
The team all nods, even Harumi nods. Just slightly. But it's stupid that I should care about her approval of my plan. She's just the ex-villain who we have to work with for now. But she's also the woman who made me fall flat on my ass in love then took my heart and stomped on it. So now she is just that: an ex-villain.
An ex-villain I desperately want to try again with. Even if it's just as friends. I'm a selfish, desperate man. I will take whatever she gives me.
Notes:
a bit of a shorter chapter, i know, but i hope you liked it!
Chapter Text
Lloyd
Finally, we touch down on the island we tracked Clutch’s, now dead, phone to.
We are on our own now with finding him. Without anything to track him with we have nothing to go off of but luck and hope. We land the bounty in a clearing. Pixal pulls all of our vehicles out of the undercarriage of the bounty.
“I am afraid i did not have time to make Harumi a new vehicle, so she must get a ride with one of you ninja,” Pixal is sweet when she says the one thing we’ve all been dreading.
“She can ride with me,” I offer, swinging one leg over my motorcycle. “I probably mind the least.”
Some of the ninja scoff and mutter, but I don't pay too much attention to it. I'm used to it anyway.
“Thanks… Lloyd,” Harumi mutters.
I just nod and hand her a spare helmet that Pixal threw at me after my offer. Harumi snaps the helmet on then settles behind me. She doesn't bother to hold on. I guess it makes sense since she used to run a biker gang. She's probably used to motorcycles.
“Thanks, again, Lloyd,” she whispers to me once no one is paying any more attention to her.
“Just doing the right thing, Rumi,” I pause for a moment, overthinking the next words that come out of my mouth, “which you seem to be doing better at. I don't think I ever mentioned it, but I'm proud of you.”
“Oh… thank you. I- I’m proud of myself too.”
“You should be.” I turn my head to my team, “groups are me, Harumi, Zane, and Pixal. Then Nya, Kai, Cole, and Jay. My group will take North and East. Kai’s team will take South and West. Today is just East and West, tomorrow we decide what's best. Cover what you can today and we meet back at the bounty at sunset.”
“See you tonight, Lloyd,” Kai mock-salutes me, “try to not let a certain someone kill you.”
Kai’s more than obvious jab at Harumi makes my blood boil. It's rude, insensitive. He could at least try to be respectful to her face. It's the decent thing to do. But Kai really isn't known for his ‘decency.’
He's known to be a player, have a temper like his power, and of course, be the fire ninja. He’s also known, by the household, to piss all of us off.
“Ignore him,” I mutter to Rumi. “He's just being an asshole.”
“You can't say I don't deserve it, Lloyd.”
“You deserve, at least, decency.”
“Please stop arguing me on this.” She cracks her fingers before holding onto the handlebars at her hips. “You're too nice to me. I can deal with it.”
But I don't want her to have to ‘deal with it.’ I might chat with Kai about how he treats Rumi. Because at the very least she should be treated with some level of kindness. We show more kindness to other felons than Kai shows Rumi.
So his attitude is fucking stupid.
The search was unhelpful, uneventful.
Pixel, Zane, Harumi, and I ride along quietly, occasionally chatting through the headset on our way back to the camp we set up. After leaving the bounty we all moved toward the center of the island and set up a camp.
Zane fills our silence now, “I know you have told us that your survival is a miracle, Harumi, but did you ever think there was a higher purpose for ir?”
“Like the First Master spared me for some reason?” She scoffs, “no. I've never thought that before. I always just thought it was back luck.”
“Bad luck?” I ask.
“I should have died that day. I was set to die , okay. I did some really shitty things, which we've talked about more than once, and I really am sorry for them. I saved that family and was ready to die. It was time, afterall. Karma is a bitch, right?” She's silent for a moment. “But then I woke up and I felt pain. I couldn't believe I was alive and I couldn't start to imagine why I would be spared.”
“You saved Keven,” Pixel adds now, “maybe there is a reason you were kept alive. We have you to thank for this mission after our months of nothing. Also, saving a very important man.”
“I wouldn't call Clutch important –” I am cut off by Rumi.
“I shouldn't thank me for anything.”
“Rumi–”
“No! Stop trying to defend me when you know you shouldn't, Lloyd. Please. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can–”
“Do you? ‘Cause you don't act like you do.”
“She does have a point, Lloyd,” Pixel says, “you do tend to–”
“I don't want to hear it, Pix.” I hold up a hand, stopping her as I cut her off.
“Well that was rude, Lloyd.” And now Harumi scolds me? I can't figure her out.
“Now you're trying to tell me what to do? That's so hypocritical!”
She scoffs, “you're one to talk about being a hypocrite–”
“At least I don’t still try to hide from myself!”
Everyone goes silent. And I know I fucked up. I overstepped. I said something I shouldn't have. Regret stabs me like a knife, twisting in my gut. I can't see her face under her helmet, but I can see Zane and Pixal’s. They're shocked, to say the least.
“Rumi, I’m sor–”
“Just stop.”
Notes:
this chapter is kinda short, i know, but i do sorta like it. anyhow, out for now 💋
Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Summary:
there isnt much to say tbh, but this chpater is WAY less angsty
Chapter Text
Harumi
Four days of looking have passed now.
I'm actually going to lose my shit if I hear one more not-so-subtle jab at me from Kai or Nya or really anyone on the team. And I'm going to strangle Lloyd if he doesn't stop defending me. All very valid things to do, I assure myself.
But it's also a little hard to keep your cool when everyone wants you dead. So instead of sleeping lately I sit away in case anyone gets a bright idea and decides to kill me in my sleep. I wouldn't put it past Nya either.
So most nights I just sit against a tree or rock with a thin blanket over my lap as I stare at the fire. Watching the flames dance and crack. Watching the wind push them around like how someone kicks stones in the dirt.
If it were me, I would never let the wind shove me around and tell me how to dance. I would never let a person, let alone the wind, do that to me. I used to. I used to let people walk all over me and tell me what to do.
I got sick of it. So fucking sick of it. And I regret what I did afterward. If I had just talked to someone, maybe that anger wouldn't have hurt so many people. Or maybe I was destined to become the Quiet One.
I can't stop thinking about what Zane said earlier. Why would I have been spared by the First Master? What could he ever want me for? Or maybe it really is just luck.
Bad luck? Good luck? It's different every day. Some days I wish that building would have taken me out, and other days life feels worth it.
Glancing over at Lloyd right now, quiet and sleeping, everything feels okay. He's alive and I know I'm no longer a danger to him. Despite my avoidance, I'm doing this all because I care about him. Just a little more than I should, maybe.
I sigh and shift closer to the fire, pulling my knees to my chest.
No sounds disrupt the island at the moment. It's quiet, peaceful. If it weren't home to creatures who are possibly out for blood, living here might be nice.
My chest pangs. Heather and Cyrus must be worried sick. I left without telling them. Oh shit, they don't know where I am. And… I miss them a little. I miss Jude the most, the sweetheart.
“You're still up?”
“Fuck,” I hiss as I jump, putting a hand on my chest. “You have to stop scaring me like that, Lloyd. You might take years off my life,” I flash him a little smirk.
He shakes his head, “how could i take years from a dead woman?”
“Touché.”
He tilts his head as he smiles at me. Brilliant and sweet. It's like he's trying to solve me, piece me together and see who I am. I want to open my heart for him right now. God, I want to let him have every part of my heart.
I find myself smiling back. I put a hand over my mouth to cover it.
But something about him makes me want to smile when I don't feel like it.
Lloyd
She smiled.
She smiled and I wanted to bottle that look. I want to keep it in my heart, an image on my wall, to look at when I need her. I don't know why she covered it. Its fucking beautiful. Shes fucking beautiful.
If i thought i was a gonner before i knew her as the Quiet One, i am completely fucked now.
So, like the idiot I am, I reach out and softly take her hand. I pull it from her mouth to see her still smiling at me. Our fingers unconsciously lace and set on the ground between us. Her eyes light up when she looks at me and when she's smiling.
I've never wanted to take the stars from the sky and hand them to someone so much before. She can pick which constitution I hang in her room for her. Because never again am I letting her leave my sights.
Never again will she live anywhere but with me. I will not allow it. Call me selfish, I don't care. Im keeping her and that fucking smile for myself.
“You have a very pretty smile, Rumi.”
“You like my nickname, don't you?” She deflects. Damn her.
I shrug, “I'm used to using it.”
“You didn't answer my question,” she presses.
“You didn't respond to my compliment.”
We stare each other down, still smiling somehow. I run my finger over her knuckles as I hold her hand. It's hard to tell, so I could be wrong, but I swear her face gets a little pink under my gaze. But the colors of the fire dance along her skin and hair regardless.
She pulls back, wringing her hands again. Her hand no longer in mine I feel empty.
“Did I mess up?” I ask.
“No.”
“Are you alright?”
She meets my eyes, holding them now. “Yes.” She sighs, “go back to bed. You need rest.”
“As do you–”
“Don't argue me on this.”
That is my sign to shut up, clearly.
Chapter 12: Chapter 12
Summary:
tehehe banterrrrr. i also LOVE this chapter i wrote tbh
Notes:
im so tired i need someone to snipe me. anyway, enjoy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Harumi
“It looks like it might rain,” I say to my group while we slowly ride through our section of the forest.
“I doubt it'll rain,” Lloyd assures.
“It is supposed to rain today,” Zane adds over the headset.
Lloyds bright idea today was to split our group in two to cover more of our Northern section faster.
“Listen to the walking Google, Lloyd,” I smirk a little as I tease him.
“I do not appreciate being called–” Zane starts.
“Ignore her, Zane. Apparently she never lost her snarky streak.”
“Some things never change.”
I sit back, helmet off, and let the wind run over me. It pushes through my hair and glides around my face. Lloyd speaks, I can hear his voice in my ear, but I'm too wrapped up in this freeing feeling.
When Lloyd’s hand taps my knee I come to it.
“Are we dying?”
“Not yet.” The way his voice is rushed says nothing good. “That sky looks like one hell of a storm.”
“Well fuck.”
“That's all you have to say?” He sounds irritated, “all you have to say is ‘well fuck?’ Have you lost all sense of danger, Harumi?!”
“Not yet,” I mock. “Okay, fine,” I look up at the sky, “that sky looks like a fucking monsoon–”
“–It's not that bad–”
“–Is about to come through and try to wipe us out. So find shelter.”
“ Me ? You expect me alone to do it?”
“You are the driver,” I shrug. I twirl the end of my hair in between my fingers. “There is a cave up ahead on our left.”
“Thanks for the input,” he mutters.
“Ooo sassy.”
“ Dont ,” he seems to warn. And I know I should back down, but man, I love being annoying sometimes.
“Or what?”
“Harumi,” he grits, “dont fuck with me right now. I'm trying to keep you alive.”
“Aren't I a dead woman?”
“Not anymore.”
He slowly drives the bike toward the cave mouth as it starts to sprinkle rain over us.
“I suppose you have me there.”
Sure, poking an angry bear is never a good idea. But this is Lloyd. I know for a fact he wont do anything to me. Am I being a bit mean? Sure, yeah. But I'm also having the time of my life. I haven't done anything fun like this in… forever.
The rain starts to suddenly come down harder, thunder and lighting rolling through the sky too. When we run into the cave, it's safe to say we are soaked to the bone. Or whatever that saying is.
I laugh from the pure fun of running through the pouring rain and hilarity of this situation. “I know this all sucks,” I see Lloyd’s gaze, “but it's so much fun.”
“Your idea of fun is skewed.”
“Maybe.” I sit on the ground, back against the cool rock.
After Lloyd starts a fire we try to contact anyone else with his com but the rain is messing up the range. We think. It could be damaged for all we know.
But one way or another, we slowly fall asleep by the fire.
Being woken by Lloyd Garmadon, who is shaking you with a knife in his hand and screaming about danger, is not the ideal way to wake up.
But, alas, it's how I was woken. Lloyd grabs my arm and pulls me back into the downpour of rain still outside. Now I have to wonder what time it is. But apparently that ‘doesn't matter’, which I learned after asking a very distressed Lloyd, because now we are running from the very angry lion-like thing after us.
“Take the knife, Harumi!” Lloyd screams over the rain while trying to shove a knife into my hands.
But I can't take it. I can't look at it. And I can't bear to touch it. I haven't touched a knife, of any kind, since the day the building came down. After I got out, I discarded all my weapons and went home with Heather and her family.
I haven't even touched a kitchen knife in all this time.
So this scares the life out of me. More than this lion chasing us, which I know is important, but so is my knife crisis.
Do I take the knife, do I not? I don't know. I can't keep going back and forth, goddamnit, I just need to pick.
So I take the knife.
“Keep running!” Lloyd screams at me, pushing forward.
I follow after him, trying my best to keep in pace. Admittedly, it's hard when he's taller than me, but I manage.
My legs burn like hell. My knees start to buckle as I run and my ankles are ready to give out. Everything is failing and I'm going to die if I fall. That fucking lion wont let up. When I see a cliff coming up I nearly give up. I consider jumping off the edge, dragging Lloyd with me.
“Lloyd!” I scream through labored breathing, “we're going to die if we don't kill this animal!”
“You think I don't know that?!”
“Well,” I pant, “you could at least act like you do! A little support would be great, you know, just to know I’m not completely fucking crazy !”
“Oh my God, I know, okay, I know. I can't throw a sword while in motion! Not well enough to kill it.”
But I can . Oh, God, I can. And the fact horrifies me. I have to do what I promised myself I would never do. But that cliff edge keeps getting closer and so does the lion. Oh, fuck this.
I stop running, weak and out of breath. The lion gets closer and I throw the knife. And it's perfect. Like… my body never truly forgot how to do this. I did train my whole life for the skill, so I might as well remember.
The lion roars in pain as blood seeps from its chest right where the heart should be. Right where I know it'll die soon. But not soon enough.
I throw myself to the ground, but not before it lands its sharp claws on my skin. Nothing deep, nothing gruesome. The scratch is mainly on my arm, also because I put my arm up to protect my face. It worked. But my arm stings, burns, bleeds.
But I can hardly feel anything. Not with all the adrenaline running through me. I sit up and turn to watch the lion fall over the edge of the cliff in its final moments of life. Lloyd runs to me, grabbing my good arm and helping me to my feet.
“Im fi–” I try to meet his eyes while I lie.
“Don’t.” He's firm, stern.
And it's kinda… no. No, I'm not going there.
“I didn't die, Lloyd. It's a little scratch.”
“No its not,” he pushes my sleeve up, “fuck, Rumi, we need to do something about this now.”
“I'll be fine until we can get back to the cave.”
“No way in hell are we going back. That isn't safe anymore.”
“Safer than the rest of this god forsaken island! God, Lloyd, do you not understand how fucking dangerous this all is?!”
“So why did you come?”
“Well I didn't want to!” I protest, voice shrill. I sound manic. I sound crazy and upset and I actually think I'm losing my goddamn mind. “Im sorry, I shouldn't have–”
“I don't want to hear your stupid excuses.” His hand drops from my arm.
“Clutch’s assistant wanted me to come so bad i just has to–”
“I said I don't want to hear it, Harumi! I wanted you to come because I thought you were ready to help the team! But you just did it because you felt obligated.”
“No, I–”
I stop myself from saying what I really want to say. Because it's not right. It's not a good idea. What Lloyd and I are doing–fighting–is good. It's what I want. I want him to be angry and hate me. That's all I've been wanting.
But… why does my heart pang with hurt?
Notes:
news flash: im talking to a new guy who is halfway bad-news but he likes reading romance books and wanting romance movies so it basically cancles everything out (dont tell my best friend. she will actually strangle me 😭)
Chapter 13: Chapter 13
Summary:
angst, teasing, banter, tehe i had fun with this
Notes:
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, listen to "Bad As the Rest" by Jessie Murph (it has nothing to do with this chapter) but its such a good fucking song
Chapter Text
Lloyd
She makes it so damn hard to hate her, even when I try so damn hard.
She ripped a good portion of the hem of her top and wraps it around the cuts on her arm. Blood seeps through in brilliant red, but she doesn't seem to notice. It stresses me out, however.
I hold the button for my coms in my hood, trying to get contact with the team. The rain has slowed since last night, but I doubt it'll stay like this for long.
“My coms aren't working, damnit.”
“They never are. I mean, honestly, why is the only useful thing on us broken? Its always fucking broken, Lloyd. You know how inconvenient that is? I'm sure you do, because they're always broken .”
“I know, I know. You think I don't? You think I don't know how we’re stranded out here together with no clue where we are, no way to communicate with anyone, and nothing but hope on our side? I know this situation is completely fucked.”
She scoffs, crossing her arms. “So what are we going to do?”
“I haven't decided yet.” I look around our surroundings.
All trees, trees for miles and miles. I can't see through them and they're too tall to get over them. Which means we would have to go blindly on foot. Not ideal, sure, but it might be our only option.
“Well…” at her pointed look I hurry and shorten what I was planning to say, “long story short, we need to move on foot. We need to find one of our friends or the camp.”
“You make that sound so easy.”
I shrug, “I'm a liar, which you would know a thing or two about.”
“Wow,” she runs her tongue over her teeth, “that's a low blow, Lloyd. Didn't know you had an ounce of asshole in you.”
“Maybe you don't know me how you think you do.”
“Maybe.” She squints her eyes at me like she's trying to figure me out and piece every broken bit of me back together. “Or maybe you wear masks like I once did.”
And, goddamn her, she says something I cannot argue with. Everyone has been seeing it on me. I've been distant. I've been stuck on her and my memories of her. Now nothing I built of her in my head seems quite true.
Yes, she's no longer trying to kill me or take over Ninjago. But… there is something going on in that head of hers that I can't figure out. Something she hides like I do. Because, like she said once, we really are kindred spirits.
She has her masks that she's good at, and I have mine.
We both refuse to let it down, refuse to let it break. I know her tricks and she knows mine. We could be perfect if we let it happen. But she pushes me back, holds herself back. I try to do the same, I really do, but I can't. I just can't pull away from her.
“Well?” Harumi raises her brows. “What's the verdict? Do we wander aimlessly on foot or do we stand here and continue to spiral?”
“Those both sound like awful ideas,” at her eye roll I continue, “but we should probably move on foot. We should find water to clean your arm with.”
“I assure you I'm fine.”
But she holds my eyes when she says it. The kind of eye contact that gives away her every secret.
“Come on, Lloyd. Lets… not die, I guess.”
“Love the optimism, Rumi,” I say sarcastically.
Hours of aimless walking go by. It's quiet, boring. Rumi will hardly look at me, let alone speak to me. We did find a river at one point. I was lucky she let me clean the blood off her arm. She tears more of her shirt, ending up taking it off and leaving her in her tank top still.
Night comes and the two of us find a clearing. I start a fire. Rumi just lays back on the grass, looking at the sky. The stars reflect and glitter in her eyes. It's beautiful, magical, something I want to be closer to see.
She looks at the stars and moon as if they are her entire world, like she never wants to look at anything else. She looks at them as if she's never seen anything more. Ive never wanted to be in the sky more than now, to be those fucking stars.
“Back in the bar,” she says in a voice so sudden and soft I almost miss it, “you called me Ru.” She turns her head, looking at me now. “Why did you?”
She looks at me now with the kind of look she's been giving the stars. My mouth dries up, my face heats up, I forget all words. Nothing I try to say makes sense. It's just blabber, nothing real.
“Lloyd,” she smiles and I fucking die, “you dont have to explain yourself, I guess. But I was just wondering.”
I nod, “I don't exactly know why I called you Ru. It just slipped out, I guess.”
“Mhm, okay.”
She continues to stare at me like I'm something she wants to look at. Her eyes trace and slide over me. Does she know I can see her? Does she know I am watching her also? Does she know her eyes entrance me?
She has to know her gaze is killing me. That it's taking everything in me to not hold her in my arms and keep her to myself. To never leave this place as long as it's just her and I.
Harumi
He's so perfect.
I can't stop looking at him and he knows it. He watches my eyes as I watch him. Something about right now makes me want to watch him. I want to be closer. So, so much closer. But I stay put. It's better that way.
That's what I keep telling myself, at least.
I keep saying that pushing him away is better for him, for us . But maybe it's not. Maybe we just just… give in. We’ve been waiting years for it anyway. After a long time of fighting and anger we can finally be together.
We can be happy.
Lloyd’s head snaps around suddenly. “Rumi,” he stands, grabbing whatever weapon he can reach, “we need to–”
A dart hits him in the neck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I try to stand but my vision feels dark, my head feels light. The world tilts when I try to walk.
The next thing I know, I'm trying to reach Lloyd but I fall.
Chapter 14: Chapter 14
Notes:
im back 💀 anyway... life has been kicking my ass so I hope you like the chapter
Chapter Text
Harumi
My head feels like it's splitting in two.
Like a bad hangover, but I know I haven’t been drinking. It’s dark where I am. There is grass under me. So I'm outside, I think. That would make sense, right? Where the hell else would there be grass?
My eyes are open but it’s dark as hell. Like I'm in some pit, somewhere the sun can’t reach. So, like any logical person, I wonder if I’ve died, which I know is a stupid thought, but a girl has to worry sometimes.
Someone groans. That someone is close.
Oh my God! Lloyd ! Where is he, oh God. I hope that the other person in here is him.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
I sigh in relief, “holy hell, thank God you’re okay, Lloyd.” I sit up on my knees, moving my hands around to try and find him. I smack his face in my attempt to find him, “shit, sorry.”
”It’s fine,” he takes my hand.
“It’s dark as death in here. Wherever we are. And what… what the hell happened back there? One second we were talking,” and I was day-dreaming about him, “then the next were… here.”
“Well I just woke up so give me a second.” He squeezes my hand. His hand never leaves mine, but I feel his moment as he sits up. “Oh fuck,” he runs a finger over my knuckles, “we were drugged, Rumi.”
“Well that’s marvelous,” sarcasm is no stranger to us when I speak, “But who, and how, and where the hell are we.”
“I’m sure we’ll find out in time,” he says softly.
He talks to me a little more but words are lost on me. His voice is soft, sweet, and kind. He talks to me like words are precious and like he’s trying to calm me down. Which might be needed. Now I feel how hard I'm holding his hand and how tight my throat feels.
He was distracting me, calming me when I hardly realized I needed it.
“Look,” Lloyd holds our hands up and points them toward a glow of orange, “the sunrise, I think.”
“Well what does it mean for us? We're still… wherever we are—”
Blinding, white lights turn on and next to blind Lloyd and I.
“What the fu—”
Lloyd is cut off when a, no joke, short, purple creature comes around in front of the prison bars we didn’t even know were there. Four more of the same creature, all short and purple, stand behind him. This whole thing just got way weirder.
“Who are you and why are you on our island?” The one closest to us asks.
Lloyd pushes himself to his feet, taking my hand and helping me up beside him. Lloyd has a hand over his eyes, shielding them from the very unwelcome light above us.
“We are here because you took Clutch Powers and Misako.”
“Who?” All five creators ask in sync.
I shake my head, “he’s a little taller than me, brown hair, talks a lot, a bit of an asshole. You kidnapped him sometime around a week ago.”
The creature, the one who has done most of the talking so I can only assume he is the leader, nods his head slowly. “Yes, we did take him. Because he came here and took something from us.”
Lloyd mutters from beside me, “of course he did. Well,” he says, louder now, “if you just hand over Clutch and Misako we will make sure your item is returned and we will be on our way home.”
“No.”
“What do you mean no?” I walk toward the gates now.
I’m ready to rip this smiling bastard's head off. Not only did he drug and tranquilize Lloyd and I, but he took Clutch and Lloyd’s mom and won’t let them go. I may not like Clutch, but I like being here even less so small sacrifices must be made.
“What the hell do you mean by ‘no?’ I will climb over this fucking gate and—”
Lloyd’s hand clamps over my mouth, now behind me, he pulls my back to his chest. “She just really wants to find Clutch and my mom, she means.” Lloyd puts his mouth to the ear, “I have a feeling we don’t want to upset these creatures, so be nice please.”
“Well,” the leader smirks now, “neither of you will be able to get out of here if you’re half a dumb as your other friend.”
Lucky for this motherfucker, Lloyd and I aren’t dumb. He’s a highly trained ninja and I was an evil mastermind. It’s like a match made in hell. And maybe hell doesn’t sound so bad if Lloyd and I are there.
Lloyd drops his hand from my mouth and steps back once the creatures leave.
“Lucky us we aren’t as dumb as Clutch, huh?”
“My thought exactly. So how the hell are we getting out of here? Also, after we do get out, do we have to save Clutch?”
Lloyd tilts his head with a pointed look, “yes, we do.”
“It was worth a shot.”
“It was not,” Lloyd rolls his eyes. But the smile playing at the corner of his mouth betrays his feigned annoyance.
“Totally way,” I mutter, looking around the cage once more. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but either they're stupid or they want us to think they're stupid, because,” I point over the wall, “we could easily climb over this wall.”
“You're right,” I test the cracks between stones as hand and foot holes now, “we can do this easily. But doing it in daylight is dangerous; we’re easier to see.”
“So we just sit here twiddling our thumbs until nighttime?”
“We could talk. You know, like most people do.”
“We aren't most people,” I point out, “we will not be talking.”
Because I'm scared of what I'll say if we do. Maybe I say the wrong thing and everything goes to shit, maybe I sat too much or too little. Not talking is the best way to not have any problems. Avoidance works.
And what works is what I will do.
And maybe, just maybe, I'm a little scared. Maybe I'm scared to open up, to see Lloyd again. Scared I could hurt him again. So maybe I'm just a little scared. Scared enough to make me glue my teeth together to stay quiet.
“Well,” Lloyd sits against the wall, “we could just sit here and stare at each other then.”
God, I could look at him all day. And I hope it's not obvious I feel that way.
Chapter 15: Chapter 15
Notes:
classes are done, thank god. Hopefully ill sleep more now lol. But ive been talking to this guy... and shit has gone DOWN but at the end of the day, im lowkey actually falling for him a little and my best friend is PISSED at me for it. prayers 😭
Chapter Text
Harumi
Like Lloyd said, we are sitting in silence waiting for the sun to finish setting.
And, damn, it's weird. It's weird because I want to talk, tell him everything and hand him my heart. When I know I shouldn't. I eventually sit against the wall next to him. He looks straight ahead like he's avoiding me. I try to do the same but end up looking over at him again.
I always do. Because I can never avoid him or let him go when I know I should, when I want to. I just can't. And I don't understand it.
I don't understand my pull to him, how my heart always aches when he's gone and how I can never stop thinking about him. I just can't understand it. I don't want to think about him, I want him to forget me. Or… I did.
And now I don't know anymore.
“I went to the old Trash Depot that one night,” I say. Lloyd’s head snaps toward me, eyes blown wide and mouth open in words unsaid. “I saw you at my grave and I watched you set the flowers and letter at the headstone. So I read the letter. And I went there but… I never came out.”
“You were there the whole time?”
“I got there before you,” I admit.
“Why didn't you come out?”
“I was…” I trail off with a shrug. I was scared, but I can't admit that. No one can know I'm scared. Ever. “I dont know.”
He studies my face while I hold his eyes for my lie. He just shakes his head softly and goes back to being silent.
My stomach churns and my heart feels like it's stuck in my throat, like I'll choke if I speak again and the words that leave my mouth would be pouring my heart out. Did I mess up? Should I tell him how I felt?
“Lloyd–”
“We can probably try to get out of here now,” he cuts me off, “it's dark enough. Come on. I'll give you a boost.”
I hum a response and follow him to the wall. He kneels and twines his fingers together to make a foothold.
So he doesn't want to talk now. How convenient. Maybe I can show him I care later.
I step into his hands. He pushes me up, nearly halfway up the wall, and I grab a decent handhold, putting my other foot into a foothold. Slowly, I make my way to the top edge of the wall, Lloyd in my wake. I sit on the edge of the wall, waiting for Lloyd.
“It's pretty up here, righ–”
Lloyd cuts me off, “we need to keep moving.”
“Right, sorry,” I mutter.
We climb halfway down the other side of the stone wall before jumping off teh rest of the way. He nods to me once on the ground, motioning his arm to the left.
We both walk lightly. I feel around for weapons only to realize they took them all when they captured us. And everything is fine at first. We make it a couple feet before an arrow pierces my bicep and slices into my skin.
“Fuck!” I reach for my arm at the same time blinding lights come on and Lloyd steps grabs my wrist, dragging me behind a large tree trunk.
“Hey, hey,” he touches my arm softly, “I'll make sure you're alright. I promise.”
I nod, tears forming in my eyes, trying to not scream or cry from the pain alone. Lloyd pulls the arrow from my arm and I put a hand over my mouth to muffle the cry of pain. He tears part of his hood and ties it around my arm before standing and throwing the arrow back at them, striking one in between the eyes.
The creatures charge at us, out of arrows, now with swords and knives. Some unarmed with their fists up.
“We're outnumbered,” I whisper to Lloyd.
“I'm a ninja, Harumi,” he smirks, raising his fists, “I was trained for shit like this.”
Right. Of course he was. Not sure how I could forget that. I outwardly shake my head and prepare to fight, even bleeding and injured. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. But… I haven't fought since– no. I don't need to go there.
Fuck, I need to get my head in the right place. Now is not the time to be stressing.
Lloyd and I manage to block and hit back at the frenzy of creatures. We unhand their knives and take down their swords. It's almost easy, almost like dancing or like driving. I never truly forgot how to fight even when I thought I would.
But I guess after a lifetime of conditioning it would make sense.
Lloyd is cornered. I'm almost forgotten now. They all stalk toward him, angry with weapons. Only one steps closer, only one is prepared to kill him. The leader . Of course it's him. The rest of them circle around them like a fighting circle.
Except this isn't a circle. No, Lloyd is backed against a wall.
It's now or never, do or die. I have to do what my stupid head wants me to do and what my heart is pulling me toward. I run toward Lloyd, pushing through the purple creatures to get to him.
No, no, no, no. Lloyd is prepared to fight but two other creatures hold his arms and legs back while the leader raises his knife. No . I jump in front of Lloyd as the knife starts to come down. I try to catch the leader's wrists but overshoot and catch the bare blade with my hands. I cry out while it cuts into my flesh but hold it until he pulls back.
My hands gush blood from awful cuts from the center to the heel of my palm. My hands shake viciously. I look between them and the leader’s bloody knife which falls from his hand. He stares at me in disbelief.
In their moment of shock Lloyd breaks free, grabbing my elbow and pulling me along. The creatures follow but this time we’re too fast and too far ahead. We run until my calves burn with exhaustion. The blood from my hands drips into the ground as I run but I can't be bothered to care. My shoulder, previously pierced, starts to ache.
Lloyd stops us by a shallow pond and thick trees. He runs hands through his messy hair. He looks at me, at my bleeding, shaky hands, and at the pond. He turns to the side while a hand runs down his face.
“What,” he looks at me now and the pain in his eyes makes the air leave my lungs, “the fuck was that? Why-” his voice cuts off and breaks, “why the hell would you do that, Rumi?”
He sounds angry. No, no, no, I saved him. I– I helped him. Why is he angry?
“Harumi!” He scoffs, hand running through his hair again, “Why the fuck would you do that?! What the fuck is wrong with you? I could have handled it myself!” He groans, “ fuck , Rumi! Why ?”
My mouth opens but all that comes out is a shallow exhale. My eyes brim with tears, vision blurry as he continues to yell. He shakes me slightly once and I just rock with his movement. My mind is shutting down and I'm going numb.
I swallow hard, blinking back the tears while I look at the ground.
“Huh?” He grabs my chin and makes me look at him, “why did you do it, Harumi? Why the fuck would you put your fucking life on the line like that? It was so fucking stupid, you know that?!”
“I dont know.” My voice is hollow and blank. I keep his eyes while I lie my ass off. I can't tell him how I feel anymore.
He steps back, angered, “ stop lying !”
I snap back, “I'm not lying!”
“Yes,” he runs his tongue over his teeth, “you are. You've been lying to me this whole trip. You've been lying since I first saw you. Why!?”
“When did I lie to you?” Just now. I just lied again. Damnit, all I do is lie, lie, lie .
“Everytime i ask you a question you give me a rehearsed answer. And every single time you lie you hold eye contact.” He stands in front of me now, voice cold and serious.
Fuck .
He continues, “you did it in the past and I didn’t notice it. But I see you do it now and it hasn't changed. You do it every time you lie. At first I wasn't sure. But I know now. So stop lying to me.” He sighs. “ Please .”
My heart says to tell him my head screams to run.
“I stepped in front of you because…” just say it, Harumi . “I did it because I care about you.”
He steps back. His face is mixed with hurt and confusion. He shakes his head softly. Is he denying it? I didn't lie. I want to scream and cry and plead with him. I'm not lying. I didn't lie this time. Please–
“Lloyd, I'm not lying, okay. I care about y–”
“If you cared you would let me in!”
My mouth opens to a shaky breath. My head shakes and my eyes fill with tears again. “I care,” I say with a broken voice, “please believe me.”
“If you actually cared or trusted me you would have let me in. You wouldn't have run from me that night. You wouldn't have stayed hidden at the Trash Depot. If you cared you would–”
“I'm not lying now! I fucking care, Lloyd!” My hands shake when I hold them out. I step one step closer just for him to take three steps back. “Lloyd,” I whisper, “ please .”
“So let me in.”
“I–”
“And don't say you can't. You can. You just won't.”
I look at my shaking hands. “You just don't understand.”
“So help me.”
I meet his eyes now. Finally. Truly. It's like looking straight into his soul. And it almost kills me to know he can see right through my bullshit. My heart is in his hands and his to handle. He could break it, he could love it. Either way, it's his.
So I lay my heart bare: “I thought I was going to die that day, as you know. And it broke something inside of me. I wasn't done living. And, I know it's cliche, but I felt the building falling in on me and I wanted to be better in that moment. I–” I choke out, “I wanted to be better. For you, for me, for Ninjago. And, God, I know I'm lucky that Heather, Jude, and Cyrus were thankful and let me live with them. I know that. And I know that I ruined so much; I ruined Ninjago, you, your friends. And I know they dont like me. I get it. I understand. But I promise I'm trying now. But that's why I wanted you to forget me. I wanted to keep you safe. That's what I told myself.”
“I know you are.” His soft voice takes me off guard now. “I know you are, Harumi,” he gently takes my arms and guides me to the edge of the water, “But, damnit, you're stubborn. You refused to let me, to let me help you. Even still you're the same. And for the record, I could never forget you.”
I don't ask what that means. I'm not sure I'm ready to know yet.
He dips one of my bloodied hands in the water, tenderly washing the blood from my hand. His warm, calloused hands run over mine in the water. He's careful with the cut. He does the same for my other hand then wraps them in more scraps of his hood.
“You're so very stubborn, Harumi Jade.”
“How did you know it was me that first night?”
He holds my eyes now, “your eyes.”
Oh . Of course that makes sense. But how could he recognize me from just my eyes? Plenty of people have blue eyes. It's not uncommon. So how me?
Lloyd
I can see how the wheels in her head are turning.
Her face isn't hard for me to read. How did I know it was her from her eyes . And I ask myself that sometimes too. I always find it best to ignore that thought entirely. But her beautiful head is trying to figure it out.
I hope she can read my heart, see my soul.
“I hurt you before,” she says.
“You did once.”
“So why have you forgiven me?”
I smile softly, “I see a little of my younger self in you.”
The brat that just wanted his dads attention and wanted to become him. Stole candy and teamed with snakes. I did stupid, damaging stuff out of spite and anger and resentment. My father wanted nothing to do with me, my mother abandoned me. I thought I had no one and nothing until Uncle Wu took me in.
Sometimes I still feel like that little kid: desperate for attention and approval from people I know don't care.
Like my father who is nowhere to be seen now. Or my mother who is away now. Or Wu who hardly bats an eye at me now.
I'm desperate for a connection that lasts. One that matters to me. One that willingly stays.
“Harumi, I think i–” the bushes behind us scrape together, cutting my thought short.
Harumi and I both stand, both ready to fight. Our earlier talk and connection put aside. I will fight alongside her until life stops us. And I would die for her. It seems she would die for me too.
Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Notes:
since the last time i posted (well first, sorry, i forgot this fic even existed) but the guy i had been talking to is now my bf. anyway, i hope this chapter finds you well!
Chapter Text
Lloyd
Jay, Cole, and Kai come out of the bushes arguing.
Nya, Zane, and Pixal follow behind them, not arguing.
“I'm positive I heard them this way,” Jay says.
“Maybe you're hearing things,” Cole shrugs.
Jay, offended, spits off rude names and insults as fast as he can. Which is fast considering he talks as fast as lighting. Ironic.
Harumi and I caught each other's eyes. A small smile forms on her face just before she starts to laugh. The ninja finally look our way. Their faces must look similar to mine in shock to see a laughing Harumi.
She doubles over laughing. Now I'm worried, just a bit.
“Sorry, sorry,” she stands straight once more while catching her breath, “nothing is all that funny.” She shakes her head, “Lloyd and I just narrowly escaped death and you all are arguing about hearing things. I can't help but find this whole mission a little humorous.”
The team is speechless, all gaping at her. We all heard her laugh . It was an unnerving, beautiful sound. One that I could spend hours a day listening to. I will spend my whole life, if i must, i get her to laugh again for me.
I would ask the stars to shine brighter, tell the moon to stay out longer, all if it would make her happy.
And all of it makes me as much of a fool as a poet.
Pretty words and confessions only show her how weak I am. How weak I am for her.
Harumi’s laughter subsides and she shakes her head, seemingly breathless. She looks at me and the smile on her face, the shine in her eyes almost ends me. It brings me back to a time when it was simple, when we just were.
When she was a princess and I was the Green Ninja. When she would allow me to see her unguarded looks and her smiles, when her eyes shone for me. Sure, it was all an act and a lie, but just maybe those smiles were real. Maybe she was more than even she thought she was.
But she continues to look at me now, even though I avoid her gaze. I can feel her eyes on me and the curious tilt of her head, how she has this tiny dimple on her cheek. I've memorized her face, every line, curve, and color of her being. Every speckle of brown in her eyes, the natural rosiness of her cheeks. I've memorized it all like a starved man.
Like I am sentenced to death and she is the one thing keeping me alive. Like she is all that could ever matter.
And slowly, I can't hate it anymore. Now, as time goes on, i start to welcome the feeling, Start to welcome the death. Because maybe death is worth it if she’s there.
“So what’s the plan?” Nya’s once cuts through my fantasies. “You all didn't find Clutch or Lloyd’s mom,” she speaks to Rumi, “so what now?”
“Right,” Jay adds, “it's not like we can just break in and shower the whole area for Clutch and Misako while we try not to die!”
Rumi’s mouth quirks up just slightly at one corner, “that’s exactly what we're going to do.”
One person yells, “have you lost your goddamn mind?!” While another asks for my input on this, and I try to stay out of this. Everyone yells over each other, each louder than the one before to be heard. It's loud, to chaos, it's all pointed at Rumi.
“Everyone please shut up !” I step over and in front of her. “Please. We will stay in groups when we look for Clutch and my mom. If we do this ambush in daylight we have better odds.”
I know that’s at least half a lie. The injuries on Rumi’s body is enough of a sign to say so.
The team gives each other wary looks, ones I might not catch if I weren’t looking for them. But I do catch them. In the end, they all nod their heads. I am their leader after all. Sometimes I forget that: I'm their leader, though younger than them all.
Harumi
He defended me.
Why? Why would he do that? And for me of all people.
“The groups are Nya and Rumi,” Lloyd says, “me, Kai and Pixal. Then Zane and Jay.”
Per the call of groups, they break into arguments. No surprise, of course. And it's safe to say Nya doesn’t like me much. She pulls Lloyd aside, talking with very aggressive hand motions. Whatever Lloyd says to her, he stands firm on it and doesn’t give her what she’s asking for.
Nya storms toward me. Out of instinct, my hand strays to my leg—where I used to always have a knife—but no knife is there. Because I tossed every weapon I could find. I laid them all to rest, like I should have a long time ago.
“Come on, Harumi,” Nya says coolly.
I follow behind her, looking over my shoulder once to see Lloyd giving me two thumbs up and a nervous smile. He then starts running to us. What the hell ?
“Nya, Rumi, wait!” And we do just that. “You might need this, Rumi,” he presses a dagger into my hands and curls my fingers around it, despite me trying to stop him. “Just take it,” he whispers, pulling me closer to him where his breath fans over my cheek. “We know these woods are dangerous.”
“Okay, yeah, fine.” I tuck it into my boot, “I'll take it.”
“Be safe,” he squeezes my hand and walks back to Kai.
“Let’s move, princess,” Nya snaps. Her tone is anything but inviting, and a feeling in my gut tells me that nickname is anything but affectionate.
The sun is starting to set and Nya offered to start a fire.
The plan, according to Lloyd, is to all regroup in three days time. With or without Clutch and Misako, it doesn’t matter.
Nya and I sit in relative silence on opposite sides of the fire.
I listen to the fire crack, sparks tossing from its flames onto the dirt. But, annoyingly, all I can think about is Lloyd. Is he okay? He’s safe, right? He has Kai with him so surely he’s safe. It’s not like I want to worry about him, but I am. It’s the only place my mind will go.
Sometimes I wish my thoughts would quiet down. Maybe I should be alone with them less. I've been in my head a lot lately. And I can't quite decide if it's good or not that I’ve been thinking so much lately.
“Just know, that if you pull any of the shit you did in the past—”
“I know,” I cut her off, “and I understand. I would hate me too if I went through what I put you all through.”
And the funny thing is I do hate myself for it. God, I hate the angry girl who was blinded by her anger and sorrow. The girl who couldn’t just talk to anyone, the girl who wouldn’t. I hate the monster I became.
But I'm trying. I’m trying so fucking hard to put her in the past and be someone new. But I can't forget her, no matter what I try, I can't.
“Lloyd tried finding me for months,” I scoff quietly, ”not sure why he kept trying when I told him to stop. But he saw me once and made it his personal mission to find me and… maybe help me. I’m not sure.”
That gets Nyas attention. “He what?”
“You didn’t know,” I meet her deep brown eyes from across the fire, “did you?”
And I know now that I’ve said too much. If Lloyd didn't tell her, or anyone for that matter, then he didn't want them to know. And I’ve told her. Fuck.
“What the hell are you talking about, Jade?”
Marvelous, were onto addressing me by my last name.
“Nothing, sorry. Forget I mentioned anything.”
She sits quietly, just staring at me like she’s trying to figure me out before speaking once more, “fine.”
Chapter 17: Chapter 17
Notes:
happy birthday to me today. Moving on, enjoy the short chapter
Chapter Text
Harumi
Nya won't talk to me, much less look at me.
So now we walk in suffocating silence. The kind of silence that feels like a threat, like a knife at your throat or like nightmares where the walls start to close in on you. Nya, still, spares me not even a glance, let alone a word.
She hasn't spoken since last night. Not even to any of the other ninjas over the comms.
The silence, once again, leaves me with my thoughts. I just can't help but think about Prime Evil's eye and what happened there all those years ago; this place looks so similar. Yes, it has trees as far as the eye can see.
But the way the fog settles and how I forget who I am with him is what brings me back to Prime Evil's eye. The way the sun falls behind the tips of the trees just a little too early and how time seems to slow. Like a drug.
I can't decide if Lloyd or the forsaken woods are my drug. If Lloyd is a drug then, damnit, I need more. I need to drink the poison he is to me until it kills me. Or maybe even saves me.
“You're quiet.”
“As are you,” I shoot back, far snarkier than I meant.
“Touché.”
Nya’s agreement takes me by surprise, sure. But the barest hint of a smirk when I next to jolt in shock is just diabolical. She can't scare the life from me and smile about it. That's… unethical, or something. Right?
“You're not out to kill any of us again, right?” Nya asks.
“You've asked me this already.”
Her tone a little snappier this time, “Well tell me again.”
I hold back my sigh as I speak, “I am not out to kill you all. Happy?”
“No.”
“Well then that sucks for you.”
Nya stops walking and turns her whole body to look at me. Now my adrenaline is running. I'm ready to run as fast and as far away as humanly possible. The look in her eyes is unreadable, her face is calm, her hands hang by her side.
“I never understood why Lloyd liked you. Back then even more than now. It confuses me truly how he could like someone so rude, someone so…”
“Cruel? Complicated? Evil? I've gotten them all and I deserve them all. So say what you want to say because I’ve probably already heard it, either from you or someone else. Ive fucking heard it,”
Nya smiles.
I've never been so scared in my life.
Lloyd
Kai has yet to not drill me on Harumi.
Really, it's all he’s talked about so far. What do I think of her? Why do I trust her? All sorts of things like that… among other things. Things I would rather not think or talk about.
Kai has been droning on and on about something, but my thoughts are back on Rumi. Hell, she’s with Nya. I know it was my dumb ass that put her with Nya, but I just couldn’t be with her. I can't bring myself to hate her or to not touch her.
I want her so much it drives me mad.
But I cannot have what I want, can I? Like it just doesn’t go that way. But, God, if I could have her I would take her in a heartbeat. I would be the person she calls her home and the person whose arms she is safe in.
I would protect her to the point of pissing her off.
“So how does that sound, Lloyd?”
“I hope Rumi is okay,” I mutter.
“What the hell does that have to do with going out after we get Clutch and your mom back?”
“That’s what you’ve been talking about?”
“Haven’t you been listening?!”
I scratch the back of my neck, looking away. Kai groans. It’s times like these that I wonder if Harumi really has me wrapped around her finger. And the answer should be no, I almost want it to be. But…
“You’ve been so distracted lately.” Kai says it in such an offhand, oblivious way that makes me wonder if he has even half a brain.
He has yet to put two and two together and figure out that Rumi has been haunting my every thought and dream, every breath I take and every room I walk into. She’s always there in a way. Like she is at home, how she's in the chair in the library and the vase on the counter, how her hair is in the extra bedroom. And now I’m sure more of her lies around the house now that she's stayed a night.
She has crowded my mind with her smile and that laugh, with her heart and her eyes. She now has pieces of her around the Bounty. I cannot escape her and I no longer want to.
“Hello? Earth to Lloyd,” Kai’s fingers snap in front of my face, “dude, where the hell do you even go when you space out like that?”
“Sorry,” I mutter, fully aware he isn’t paying attention to me now. He has moved onto the next thing, which is talking about Clutch Powers and musing over what he and Misako could be doing on this island.
And that is a conversation I care very little about, admittedly. Yeah, I should care that my mom is missing, and I do. But I just can't bring myself to worry about anyone more than Rumi. It confuses the hell out of me.
I like her while I try to hate her. Then she does something stupid, she yells at me, we fight, and I'm only ever pissed off with her. What is this fucking feeling? It’s making it hard to think and hard to breathe when I'm away from her. It’s hard to focus on anything but her.
Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Notes:
im sorry ive been gone, a lot of shit has gone down and i needed a break. Long story short, i was at the doc a lot and had a shit ton of bloodwork done but im fine. My bf has some family drama ive been helping him with and my mental health is in the dumps. moving on, im alive and decently well, enjoy the chapter!
Chapter Text
Harumi
Nya and I bolt through the pouring rain while being chased by bandits of some kind shooting arrows at us.
It's not an ideal morning.
“I can’t see a goddamn thing!” Nya shouts over breaking branches, rain, and thunder, not to mention to my heart pounding in my ears.
“Well it's not like I can see any better!”
“Thanks so much, smartass!”
I almost can’t help but smile despite the situation, fully ready to snark her. “Always happy to give my insite.”
Nya shakes her head, a small smile on her face. I call it progress. The last few hours of hunting Clutch and Misako i have managed to get into Nya’s civil graces. And I think the rest of this hunt won't be so bad if it stays this way. As long as I can sleep knowing I don't have to worry about her killing me in my sleep, I think life is fine.
“Call me crazy,” I say, “but what if we split up? And hear me out, okay, we ambush them from the sides.”
“You’re insane.”
That’s basically code for “hell yeah lets do it” since she hated to give my ideas credit still. So I take that as my green light.
“You take left.” I go to the right and pull out the dagger Lloyd pressed into my hands before I left with Nya.
As much as I hate to say it, this knife is coming in handy. Nya and I split, still able to see each other from the tree or bush we now hide behind. The bandits stand in between our spots like amateurs. Even I knew to not do something like that when I was starting out as the Quiet One.
Nya, who has more weapons on her than I do, throws one of her knives at a flock of birds ahead, causing them to scatter. The bandits look away, giving Nya and i the chance to come up behind them and kick them over like bowling pins.
They topple over each other, all completely uncoordinated.
Slowly, one by one, they stand and look at Nya and I with our raised weapons.
“Hello, dumbasses,” Nya sneers.
Call me a hypocrite, but I love when Nya gets all rude and snarky with the people who’s asses we just kicked instead of directing that at me. Maybe that's not hypocritical. Regardless, she saved me the breath of doing it myself.
“Either blondie and i here—”
“—Okay now I'm a little offended—”
“—will kick your asses even more,” Nya continues, “or you can scamper away and leave us alone”
And the bandits did indeed leave. How many things and people live on this godforsaken island? First the purple creatures, then bandits. I can’t catch a break. Nya and I, both breathing heavily, share a look of amusement.
“That was…” Nya trails off with a tinkle in her eye.
“Exciting?”
“Definitely that.”
She starts moving forward and i fall in behind her. I hadn’t heard a thing, but the next thing I know i am shove harshly to the ground. A bandit barrels past me toward Nya with a blade. Fuck. Why are all of these Ninjas always on the verge of death? And why must I always put myself in between them and harm?
I pull myself from the ground and next to throw myself at the bandit, bringing him down beside Nya’s feet. I sit on his chest, legs pinning his arms down. I don't even want to think about how this may look.
“Why,” I pant, looking up at Nya, “are you ninja always being attacked when you can't see it? And why have I had to stop you all from dying twice now?” I look at the guy below me. He thrashes but I haven’t let up.
He throws his blade and the stupid thing grazed the skin of my thighs. I've been injured trying to save these ninja twice now. Some awful luck. I groan at the hot pain in my legs, feeling warm blood stain my pants.
“Some help, Nya?”
“Nah,” she leans against a tree close by, “I think I'm good watching.”
“Go to hell,” I pant even as a smile breaks my face. “Really loving how helpful you are right now.”
Nya deadpans, “Such harsh language.”
I flip her off just before I land a hard hit to the guy's nose below me. He howls in pain, eventually begging for me to let him go. And I do, after many threats from both me and Nya to him and his friends if he comes back around.
Nya’s eyes slide back to me, glancing at my legs and the barely visible blood on my pants. “Are you okay?”
“Take an educated guess.”
She just rolls her eyes, “well… thanks… for saving me.”
I almost gasp in shock. Nya thanked me? Oh my god, is the world actually ending? Nya Smith just thanked me. Now that is some crazy progress.
“Don’t get cocky about it,” she throws a halfhearted glare at me. “And what did you mean this is the second time?”
“I stepped in and helped Lloyd before we found the rest of you.” I hold out my now scaring hands, “I got too close to a blade when doing it though. Lloyd was pissed off but alive.”
“Sounds like Lloyd.”
My eyebrows shoot up, “really?” She opens her mouth but I speak before her, “always the savior, never wanting to be saved?”
“That’s Lloyd in a nutshell.”
And, god, I wish it weren’t. I saved him once and I would do it again. I even wish I had done it before when I was angry. Yes, technically, I saved him a few times. I don't think it counts because it was all a lie, a trick, all for my own benefit. I want to do it differently now.
I wish I could change the past but I know it's not possible, and I wish I could make up for the past but I know nothing I do will never be enough in my eyes. Nothing I do can fix anything or make what’s broken whole again, but I can try my damn best to be better than I was.
“We should—” I stop speaking upon the sound of a very feminine scream.
Nya and I look at each other. She slowly breaks into a smirk and now I know.
“Jay,” the both of us say in unison.
Low and behold, it was Jay.
According to Pixal, a squirrel kept from the tree onto his head thus freaking him out. While Nya laughs at him and Zane tries to console him, Pixal tells me what other freak outs he’s had in great detail.
Nya eventually stops laughing at her boyfriend and consoles him in place of Zane. And Zane looks relieved.
Zane joins Pixal and i, putting an arm around Pixal’s shoulders. “I tried keeping count of how many times Jay did this, but I eventually stopped.” The monotone way Zane delivered that just made the whole thing so much funnier.
“Have any of you seen Lloyd and Kai?”
“Negative,” Zane says.
“Alrighty then… I guess we should—” I am once more cut off, but this time by a fucking gunshot.
Now, I know none of us brought any kind of gun so that is either bandits, Clutch Powers, Misako, or a new threat I don't want to deal with. And like the crazy ninja these people are, they head straight towards where the shot came from. If you asked me I would say to get the hell off of the island, but I apparently don't run this team.
If I was running this team, I'm sure our chances of survival would skyrocket. These ninja love running into danger and it never ceases to amaze me.
We reach the same cages Lloyd and I were trapped in previously. Fear sends a chill down my spine and panic sets into my bones. If we were here, those purple creatures would have to be here somewhere, and I know firsthand how ruthless they are.
(Previous comment deleted.)
Tigerhawk7109 on Chapter 1 Mon 12 May 2025 10:29PM UTC
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thanksyou on Chapter 1 Tue 13 May 2025 01:41AM UTC
Last Edited Tue 13 May 2025 01:41AM UTC
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(Previous comment deleted.)
ghosts_writes on Chapter 1 Tue 13 May 2025 02:05AM UTC
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