Chapter 1: Drain You of Your Love
Chapter Text
Lawrence sat against a wall, the cool tiles of wherever he currently was biting him even through his clothes. His head was still spinning from the anaesthetic he'd somehow consumed that led him here. Although he wanted to stand up, he knew any movement would just result in him face-first on the floor, so that was very much out of the question. Instead, he decided to assess what he could of the situation.
He was in a pitch-black room, and it smelt awful. It was easily one of the worst things he'd ever smelt, despite there being hardly any options; Lawrence liked to consider himself a neat man. There was something around his ankle, too- cold and heavy, it weighed him down and was growing increasingly uncomfortable against his skin. That was another thing, he was barefoot; how and why, he had no idea, but his shoes and socks didn't seem to be anywhere he could reach at the current moment with his incredibly limited movement.
What a lovely situation to be in.
While Lawrence was trying his best to assess what he could of the situation, across the room from him there was the sound of water going down the drain, and the distressed struggle of someone who had just woken up in a different place then where they went to sleep- Similar to how he'd woken up just moments before.
The person clamoured out of the body of water that they were in with many loud and dramatic sighs and heaves, and Lawrence could hardly help but roll his eyes at the overdramatic-ness to it. After a few more minutes of over-the-top, strained breaths, a man's voice spoke; his voice was shaky and hushed, leaving Lawrence clueless as to what he was saying until the man got frustrated and began to shout.
"HELP! Somebody help me.. Shit, I'm probably dead."
"You're not dead."
And it was true. It was now that Lawrence noticed that the previously intense spinning in his head had subsided, allowing him somewhat more movement. Of course, there was still something around his ankle preventing him from going too far, so the best he could do was to stand up and start feeling around for something that might help the two's situation.
Or just his own, either would do. He had no current reason to care about the man stuck in the room with him, so he prioritised himself. He'd often been considered him a dick for this quality, but Lawrence didn't care as long as he could get out of this situation as fast as he could. If that meant being a dick and putting himself over anyone else, then so be it. He just wanted to get home and see his daughter- was that too much of an ask?
Feeling around the best he could, he noticed thick beams of something rough along the walls, something copper-ey. Maybe they were pipes? Were they in a sewer? Lawrence couldn't do much but theorise in the pitch black room- distracting himself from the ever-panicked yells of the man with him demanding to know much more than he himself did.
"There's no point in yelling. I tried that already." He lied. He hadn't necessarily tried that, but if someone were to come and help they would have came when the other man first woke up, because lord knows he was almost as loud then as he was being now. Along with the fact that they were obviously placed here with a reason, if the cold band around his ankle was anything to go by.
It went without saying that Lawrence had a distaste for the other man, even being in a room with him for as little time as he had been was already driving him up the walls, and he felt sympathetic for those who had to deal with him on a regular basis. His voice was whiny, and it felt like nails on a chalkboard to Lawrence, but if this was some kind of weird test of teamwork he could endure it. Not like he had a choice, but he would endure it all the same.
"Turn on the lights!"
"I would if I could." He mumbled, trying to keep his focus on locating something to do exactly that rather than getting lost in the other man's agitating voice. He ultimately failed, but to no fault of his own.
"What the fuck is going on, where am I?!"
Lawrence took a deep breath.
"I don't know yet."
"What is that smell?!"
Lawrence took another deep breath. Maybe this was some weird patience test. If so, he was unsure of how much longer he could tolerate. Repetitive questions got on Lawrence's nerves, especially if he didn't know the answers. He assumed it was something undiagnosed, although he was far too deep into life now to go and get tested for anything.
"Shhh. I think I found something.."
Hushing the man quickly, he noticed a switch in his attempt to feel around. Just the thing they needed, hopefully this would be a light switch and not some strange torture device activation thing. Lawrence tried not to think of just how possible that was as he flicked it, remembering something vague about a recent series of killings all following the same pattern.
The lights turned on immediately, both the other man and Lawrence moving to shield their eyes from the intense and sudden burst of fluorescent light that filled the room. It took a moment for Lawrence to adjust, squinting at the change before finally looking at the man he was trapped with.
He was a young looking man, maybe in his early 20s, and he was sopping wet. He had dark, messy hair, and he wore what Lawrence assumed was popular with delinquents his age. Lawrence tried to shove down the thoughts of how attractive he was, and focused on the situation the best he could. This was far bigger of a challenge than it should have been. Shifting his focus to his surroundings, he realised he was in a bathroom.
A revolting bathroom that definitely should not still be existing, if the pipes layered thick with grime were anything to go by. This bathroom looked like it'd survived things Lawrence couldn't even imagine, and he'd seen some wildly fucked up shit in his career as a medical professional. He was holding onto one of the exposed pipes, and he let go shortly after realising this- wiping his hand on his sweat-stained shirt.
This situation was definitely not ideal.
Lawrence hardly noticed the source of the smell before Adam began to freak out, staring at the middle of the room and being greeted with the gory scene of a man who'd presumably shot himself. Blood splattered across the floor, and it was definitely nit long since the incident, considering that the blood was strangely wet. Lawrence was fascinated with it- the body looked and smelled like it'd been there for weeks, yet the blood on the floor was so wet.
Both men's chains jingled as they moved to get a closer view of the body, both being driven by almost opposite intentions. This was the moment Lawrence noticed the two were chained to the grungy pipes, and although the emotional side of his brain wanted to panic, he did his best to remain calm.
The other man did not seem to care about keeping a level head, though, because after inspecting the body for a mighty three seconds he ran back to the bathtub to vomit into it, before promptly returning to screaming for help. He started to tug on the chains too, while Lawrence continued his examination of the body with morbid fascination. The body held a gun in it's left hand, confirming Lawrence's suspicion of suicide.
His gaze quickly found it's way back to the other man, screaming for help and pulling his chains still, and he rolled his eyes internally once again.
"No one can hear you."
The man whipped around to face him, face twisted into a stressed frown.
"What the fuck is this?!"
"Calm down, just calm down."
How many times would he have to repeat himself until this damn stranger listened? He was lucky he was handsome, cause he clearly didn't have the brains to make up for it if he wasn't. Lawrence ranted internally to let go of some of his frustration, albeit misdirected. In reality, he was as panicked as the other, but someone had to be smart about things.
Stepping away from the body again, Lawrence gave his full attention to the man. His chest was heaving and his eyes were wide, expression reminiscent of that of a scared puppy- if Lawrence was in his right mind, he'd probably call it cute. He thought for a few seconds before coming up with a quick plan to calm him down, and help himself in the process.
"Are you hurt?"
Adam looked at him as if he was the stupidest man alive; Lawrence thought this was ironic, considering who the glare had come from.
"I don't know, yeah??"
The man said, looking himself up and down and forcing a chuckle, both men currently thinking about how 'dense' the other was. Lawrence rolled his eyes, externally this time.
"What's your name?"
"My name is very fucking confused, what's your name?"
Sarcasm flowed through his voice, and Lawrence couldn't help but feel a strange sensation in his gut. He shoved it further down before curling his hands into fists. He was getting on Lawrence's nerves more and more by the second, and again Lawrence struggled to bite back a snarky remark of his own.
If he at least had a name, he could stop referring to him as 'the man' in his head. And he supposed if they were to work together, they'd have to know basic information about each other. There went that idea.
"What's going on here?!"
"My name is Lawrence Gordon, I'm a doctor. I just woke up here, just like you."
He hoped him revealing his identity would coax the man into doing the same, providing at least some metaphorical cushioning if they were to fall in the form of him being a medical professional. Yes, he specialised in oncology, but he could still be of use in other areas of medicine.
Bringing his arm up to shield the putrid smell emanating from the dead body before them both, he ignored the man as he returned to yanking at his chains. It was almost no use trying to ask the man any questions- he'd already made it inherently clear that he wasn't interested in making friends. Almost.
"Do you remember how you got here?"
"No."
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"Nothing. I went to bed in my shithole apartment, and woke up in an actual shithole."
Lawrence barely stifled a laugh. He briefly wondered what it'd be like to come home with him, squashing the thought far faster than another of a similar vein could form. He was supposed to be annoyed by this man, not find him funny. Besides, the only thing funny about him was how much sarcasm he could fit in his tiny body. It was almost comical.
"What about you, huh?"
Lawrence stopped in his tracks. He had two options here; he could lie and make something up, or he could tell the truth and admit what he was doing before he wound up here. Lawrence chose the first option. The man only needed to know basic information- he did not need to hear about Lawrence's sex life.
Or distinct lack thereof.
"Well, there's not much to tell. Ha. I, I was on my way home, from work, and uh, I don't remember anything else."
There was a pause between the two, thick with a tension that Lawrence couldn't quite understand. It was suffocating; he couldn't seem to find the right words to break it. So the silence persisted, until the other man broke it instead. He was thankful for this.
"First dead body I've ever seen. They look different in real life... they don't move."
"From the looks of these chains, someone didn't want us to go very far either."
He sat against the dirty floor, thick with grime, and examined the band wrapped around his ankle. The man across from him jumped up, standing up and pulling his shirt up just above his chest frantically, as if checking for something. Lawrence repaied the man's earlier glare, staring at him as if he were a demented parrot in a zoo.
"Can you see any scars?"
Lawrence looked closer, half-heartedly examining his abdomen and any other area that was exposed for anything resembling a scar. He noticed two, just underneath his chest, and recognised them as top surgery scars. Huh, so at least he knew a little more about him. He decided not to point those out, though. Lawrence Gordon was a certainly man with questionable morals, but he wasn't a douchebag.
It didn't take the man long to notice the way Lawrence was staring at him, dumbfounded and utterly perplexed.
"What? This is what they do, man. They kidnap you and drug you, and before you know it you're lying in a bathtub and your kidneys are on E-Bay."
"No one has taken your kidneys."
"How can you tell, from way over there?"
"Because. You'd either be in terrible agony, or you'd be dead by now. Trust me."
"What, are you a surgeon?"
"Yes." There was an awkward pause, and the man glanced at Lawrence with a similar level of suspicion to a paranoid girlfriend. Lawrence was curious to know what the man was thinking, as he often was with people he talked to, but alas- not every mystery could be solved, and this was one of the few that could never be proven.
Instead, since it didn't look like he was going to be breaking the unsettling silence between them, Lawrence chose to retry the mystery of the man's name. "You gonna tell me your name?"
"...Adam."
Second time's the charm. Adam spoke steadier now, voice barely wobbling as it had before, but it was instead replaced by suspicion.
"Well Adam, what we need to do is start thinking about why we're here." He stood up again as he spoke, leaning against one of the pipes nearby. "Whoever brought us here could've killed us by now, but they didn't. They must want something from us. The question is, what."
As Lawrence is examining the room, he notices a clean, polished clock hanging just above the mirrors. "That clock- it's brand new."
"So?"
"..So, someone obviously wanted us to know the time." It would never cease to amaze Lawrence how little seemed to go on in that man's head. It truly didn't take much to infer why the clock was there, and he acted as if it were such an outlandish suggestion, that the clock held no significance. Lawrence almost wanted to laugh.
Adam seemed to be invested in his own investigations, rummaging around in his back pockets for any sign of anything. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks, and Lawrence tried to lean the best he could without being obvious to get a look at what he'd found.
"What is that?"
No reply.
"Excuse me??"
"..It's a tape, it says 'play me'."
Lawrence turned to search his own pockets, pulling out a folded envelope with his name on it. Opening the envelope, there were four things inside. The first, an identical tape to Adam's. The second, a small key. The third, a larger key with something blue attached to it. The fourth and final object was a single bullet. A shudder ran down Lawrence's spine at the implications, glancing back at the gun the dead man was holding.
Surely he wouldn't have to follow in his footsteps, he couldn't bear to think about how that would affect Diana, and even Allison. He couldn't. Lawrence shook the thoughts away, returning his attention to the chain around his foot and trying both keys. Neither worked, unfortunately for him.
"Throw them over here!"
Lawrence complied after a brief hesitation, throwing the keys over to him, slightly irritated. Realistically, they were unlikley to free either of them, but it was worth a try. And even if it did free Adam, why did he get to be free and Lawrence didn't? But then again, it was unrealistic to be in this situation at all, and yet here they were.
Adam tried the smaller key first, storing it in his pocket once it was unsuccessful. Then he tried the second key, and to both men's surprise it unlocked the band around his ankle with a loud click. Lawrence envied Adam- clearly he was favoured in this situation. Adam rubbed his ankle and laughed, clearly relieved that he had somewhat of a chance at escape.
He quickly made his way to Lawrence's side of the room carefully stepping over the dead body and straining against the door as he pushed it with all his might. It didn't budge, and Adam's hope of escape quickly dulled down. As he makes his way back to his corner of the room, he notices a tape recorder in the body's left hand.
Lawrence quickly catches on to Adam's observation, although unsure of what exactly he'd seen.
"What is it?"
"It's a tape recorder. He has a tape recorder."
"Well pick it up, then?"
"Are you crazy?" Adam grimaced, turning to face Lawrence. "I'm not going near that thing." A shudder went down Adam's spine at the thought of it. Ever since he was a kid, he'd had a certain aversion to dead things. They always made him feel sick to his stomach, even roadkill, and being in the same room as a real life, human dead body? It was too much for him.
Lawrence sighed. He supposed he could understand the fear that came with being around a dead body, especially for the first time, but he'd become used to it as his time as a surgeon. He'd grown unfazed by blood and gore and the likes, and chose to find it interesting rather than be scared of it.
To overcome something, you need to understand what a perfect engine it is.
"Use your shirt. Means you don't have to touch it."
Adam glanced up at Lawrence, sighing. They needed to hear the tapes, and Adam knew that despite his reluctance. If they weren't that important, surely they wouldn't even exist, plus the two needed whatever extra information they could get. Hesitantly, Adam removed his shirt and folded it up over his hand, reaching down to pick up the tape recorder and dropping it into his other hand afterwards.
"That was one of my favourites," he spoke as threw the now bloody shirt to the side and shuddered, "you owe me. When we get out of here."
Lawrence nodded. If we got out of here, he wanted to say, but he bit back the remark. While he could only be as optimistic as the facts allowed, he appreciated that Adam had at least some of the hope that Lawrence lacked. It was encouraging to hear the man's optimism.
Adam fumbled with the tape recorder, picking up the discarded tape and playing it. A rough voice echoed from the machine, and another shudder travelled up the man's spine at the tone. It was deeply unsettling.
"Rise and shine, Adam. You're probably wondering where you are; I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room you die in. Up until now, you've spent your life in the shadows, watching others live out their lives- but what do voyeurs see when they look in the mirror? Now I see you as someone angry yet apathetic, but mostly just pathetic." Adam frowned at the machine, disapproving. "Many days you have wanted to die. Today, your aim in this game is to live. To get out of this room alive."
"Either way, you win."
With the final sentence, Adam's stomach dropped with the weight of the situation. He was tempted to throw the tape at the wall, destroy the thing and the dumbass tape inside it. "I don't get it." His face felt hot with rage and his eyebrows were fixed in a frown. Lawrence wasn't sure how to act in this situation, opting to ignore what the tape had said.
"Throw me the player."
"No, you throw me your tape."
Lawrence sighed. "Look, we need to work together if we're going to get out of here."
"We'll work together after I hear what's on your tape."
There was no use arguing about it, so Lawrence reluctantly obeyed, throwing the tape across the room to Adam. He would have much preferred Adam at least hand it to him, since he had the mobility that Lawrence lacked, but clearly that wasn't going to happen if the man's stiffness was anything to go by.
Once again, Adam briefly fiddles with the tape before the same eerie, unsettling voice played from the tape. The voice was consistently calm and collected, and it was how Lawrence imagined his patients felt when he gave them the news of their approaching demise.
"Doctor Gordon, this is your wake up call. Every day of your working life, you have given people the news that they are going to die soon. Today, you will be the cause of death. Your aim in this game is to kill Adam- you have until 6 on the clock to do it.-"
Adam's face dropped, and he turned visibly pale. He paused the tape for a moment, dropping it on the floor as he turned to vomit again into the bathtub. It was a horrid sound, one Lawrence had learned to grow used to, but he couldn't help but feel guilty for him. He looked so young, why did he need to die?
How wrong Lawrence was to think Adam was the one being favoured in this predicament. How wrong he was, and how dearly it would cost the other man. If Lawrence were to go through with it, that is. As much as he wanted to be the calm one in the situation, panic clawed it's way up his throat. Everything he was being asked to do went directly against his morals; he was a doctor, he'd become a doctor to help people the best he could, and he was being punished for it.
Once Adam was done vomiting again, he turned to face Lawrence, avoiding eye contact out of embarrassment. Tense, eyes glassy with tears, Adam's shaking hand picked up the tape again and played it so Lawrence could hear the rest of his instructions. He was thankful for this- it was clear Adam would rather be anywhere else doing anything else than wherever this was doing whatever this was- but he pushed through the discomfort for Lawrence.
How kind. If it were different circumstances, Lawrence would've swooned. (Maybe he still did, but he wouldn't have admitted that if you were to ask him.)
"There is a man in the room with you. When there's that much poison in your blood, the only thing left to do is shoot yourself." A cough, just as deep and unsettling as the man's voice. "There are ways to win this hidden all around you. Just remember, X marks the spot for the treasure. If you do not kill Adam by 6, then Alison and Diana will die, doctor Gordon, and I'll leave you in this room to rot. Let the game begin."
Now Lawrence felt queasy. This sick bastard had his family, and he could be doing god knows what to them. He needed to get out of this situation as fast as possible. Part of him couldn't, or wouldn't, admit this was real. It couldn't be real, he had no reason to be punished like this, it was irrational to believe. It wasn't real, and that was the only logical explanation.
Then again, it had to be somewhat real; how did this person know his name? And his family? And his job?? It all made no sense, and it greatly threw off the man. Being the well respected doctor he was, he was used to structure. Whatever this was, it was not structure.
"Throw it here."
For once, Adam hardly hesitated in obeying- carefully throwing the player to Lawrence in a daze, still completely silent. He looked deep in thought, lost in his own mind, and Lawrence wished he could do the same. His mind was far too dangerous for him to get lost in right now- every turn would be a dead end, running headfirst into a wall of panic, and he'd be lost in a maze of his own creation.
No, he needed to be the calm one. Whatever chaos is raging inside Lawrence, he holds it in. Just.
He rewinds the tape over and over, the threat on his family now being engraved into the darkest corners of his mind, hoping for something more. Anything that gave him more indication of what he was supposed to be doing, hardly even hearing Adam's confused questioning despite his half-answers.
Until he hears something else, just barely a whisper over the loud hum of static. Lawrence grows frantic, waving at Adam to politely command his silence, and the man obeys without a second question- the blank look on his face persisting. Lawrence is in another world as he continues to rewind and replay the ending of the tape.
"Follow your heart." Lawrence mouthed the words to himself, discarding the tape to the side and searching his area of the room for a heart of some sort. Part of him expected a real human heart, given how everything else seemed to be real, but he saw nothing of the sort. Luckily. Turning his gaze to the Adam's side of the room, he noticed a love heart painted on the dilapidated toilet. He didn't want to think what it was painted with, and chose to ignore the suspiciously brown colour.
"There, on the toilet!"
Adam darted around, walking to the toilet and holding his forearm to his nose. His eyes started to water with the intense smell. "Jesus Christ," he spoke, coughing as he did so. "There's nothing in here. Just shit."
"Take off the lid."
Adam rolled his eyes, back to his usual sarcastic self. Somewhat, at least. It was hard to be exactly yourself when in a room with a dead body after being told you were supposed to die in the next few hours- quite a unique experience, but you can surely imagine. Opening the lid and glancing cautiously, as if it could jump out at him at any moment, he examined what was inside before pulling it out.
It was a black trash bag, dripping in some sort of liquid that neither men particularly wanted to consider at the moment. Tugging the bag down, Adam pulled out two hacksaws, and smiled at Lawrence. He examined the bag further, before placing it on the floor, falling with just too much weight; appearing like it had something else hidden inside it.
Lawrence thought it was suspicious, but decided against bringing it up. His mind very well could be playing tricks on him, and he was the last person to fall for such a silly illusion.
Adam threw Lawrence one of the hacksaws, leaving the other discarded to the side as he wasn't sure what to do with it. Lawrence turned around to pick it up; Adam had slightly overshot it, and he ignored the distinct rustling of moving plastic from behind him. Instead, he opted to shift his focus to the chain binding him to the pipes; he pulled the chain as tight as he could and slowly started to saw at it.
There was hardly a dent left in the chain after a couple minutes of Lawrence's sawing, which grew increasingly desperate. He discarded the saw with a similar level of aggression to that of a predator stalking it's prey; despite his calm demeanour, Lawrence was fucking pissed, to say the very least.
Adam, somehow angrier than Lawrence at the situation (understandably, would you be happy if you'd just been told you were going to be murdered by a complete fucking stranger? And there was nothing you could do to prevent it?), throws the second hacksaw that he'd kept nearby at the mirror, resulting in a few large shards of shattered glass scattering around the room. Lawrence flinched at the sound, confused in what Adam was trying to do.
After a far longer amount of time than necessary, Lawrence gave up on trying to saw through the chain and discarded the instrument to the side. It was now that the realisation struck him, and the implications scared him far more than he'd ever admit to another person. "He doesn't want me to cut through my chain." He sighed as he thought aloud, leaning back against the cool tile. "He wants me to cut through my foot."
Adam gave the older man that look again; that look that screamed, 'this bitch is fucking crazy.' Lawrence couldn't blame him, it was an insane sentence to say even with the context of the situation, and to come to such a drastic conclusion must have meant something clicked for the doctor.
As if Lawrence had read Adam's mind, he cleared his throat and began to speak again. "I think I may know who's done this to us."
Adam's intense glare burned into Lawrence, growing increasingly uncomfortable as he was stared at. A brief glance at the man's face told Lawrence all he needed to know; finding curiosity in his gaze as well as the previous white-hot anger that always seemed to be etched into the man's features- as if it were almost instinct for him. He guessed this was likely to be the case.
"It's not someone I know personally, It's.. It's just someone I know of."
"Well who is it?"
"Last I heard, police still hadn't caught him. The only reason I know that is because I was a suspect."
Lawrence stared at the wall, expression almost blank as he recalled the series of events that almost ruined his life. It was a very sensitive subject with him, reasonably so; he was usually reluctant to share an experience like this. Who knew, maybe bad situations can bring out the best in people. (Or the worst, depending on how you looked at it.)
Adam watched him, his gaze expectant as Lawrence got lost in thought. He recalled the events the best he could, telling Adam what he remembered of the situation and making a point to tell Adam that he had an alibi, although not what it was. The last thing Lawrence needed was anyone else finding out about what he did in his downtime, and he still didn't know enough about Adam to trust him fully.
He ignored Adam's questioning about the alibi, trying his best to look unaffected by the recollection of the memory and Adam's persistent questioning. He avoided eye contact with the younger man, growing uncomfortable in the silence. Once again, it didn't seem like Adam was willing to break it, so Lawrence did instead.
"That was months ago. He tried to set me up for murder," Lawrence thought out loud, ignoring Adam's eyes burning into him again, "I mean, technically speaking he's never killed anyone. He finds ways for his victims to kill themselves."
"Or each other, apparently." A mixture of fear and fascination crossed the other man's face. "Are you sure it's him?"
Lawrence held back a laugh- both at his poor attempt at a joke, and at the question. Again with the dense-ness.. Although, he had to admit it was growing on him. "Yes."
Adam's look of fascination disappeared and it was replaced by a deep sorrow. Lawrence wasn't the most empathetic of men, although he felt for Adam in this situation. He could never even begin to comprehend how deeply this was affecting him, the knowledge that he had to die so soon. So soon, and so young. It made Lawrence reflect on his career, as much as he didn't want to.
"Well, why am I here? If this bullshit is true, why the fuck am I here?"
"I don't know."
"You could be the one who put me in this room!"
Adam's voice got whiny again, and Lawrence watched the man's short temper come into play for the millionth time- along with the now familiar dense-ness. Lawrence really wasn't the most empathetic of men, nor the most patient; both were currently wearing thin. "I'm in exactly the same situation you are." His voice mirrored the sarcasm dripping from Adam's tone earlier- although his was much more venomous.
Adam snatches up one of the shards of mirror that he'd smashed not long ago, making his way over to Lawrence faster than he could say 'back up, motherfucker.' He grabs Lawrence by the collar of his shirt, and holds the shard to the doctor's neck. Unsure how to react in this situation, a heat rises to Lawrence's face at the closeness of the other man, practically biting his ear with how close he was to it as his breathing turned shaky.
"Wrong, all wrong. You have one thing I don't; information. Now you either tell me what's going on," he presses the shard of glass closer to his neck for emphasis, "or I'll cut you with this. You hear me?"
He tugged his collar up, causing the jagged edge of the mirror shard to dig painfully into the doctor's skin; wincing, he tried to ignore the blood that was now dripping slowly down his neck and the sting as the glass dug deeper with every breath he took. Lawrence stares down at the glass, pausing once he realises it's see through.
Unable to speak in their current arrangement, Lawrence tapped Adam's arm frantically to try and get him to move. Once the shorter man did, Lawrence inhaled sharply- face a deep shade of red before finally speaking. "The glass, it's.. it's a two way, mirror." He spoke the best he could, breathing unsteady.
Adam examines the shard, ignoring the traces of blood now dripping down it's sharp edges. It was indeed a two-way mirror, and the fury ignited within him flared up again. He returned to his side of the bathroom, searching for things he could throw at the mirrors. Eventually finding strange pieces of debris from the walls of the rotting bathroom scattered along the floor, he chose to throw those at the mirror, smashing it until it revealed a hidden compartment with a camera behind it.
Adam was so fucking angry right now. He continued throwing things at the camera, hoping to smash it until it stopped recording(?), "Now we're on TV," He said as he picked up another piece of debris to hurl, "I feel sick. I feel like a damn lab rat." His voice turned into an irritated shout, running out of debris and turning to shards of the now very broken mirror.
"You hear me, you sick fuck? I'm having a blast, this is the most fun I've had without lubricant!"
Lawrence watched him as if he were a fish in a tank, entirely thoughtless creature with only the most primitive of instincts. That pretty much summed up Adam, in his opinion, and he very quickly began to tire of Adam's method, seeing the debris and shards bounce harmlessly off the protective box the camera was meticulously placed inside. "That's not going to do anything."
"What, are we just going to leave it running?"
"You won't stop it. It's why I can't cut through these chains, it's why you can't break that glass. Every possible angle has been pre-thought out by him."
"You sound like you admire this prick." He mocked through a sarcastic chuckle.
Lawrence turned to face him, standing up again. "To overcome something, you need to understand what a perfect engine it is. It's how you fight disease." Starting to search around the room for clues, he mumbled to himself the clue about the X, ignoring Adam's sarcastic remarks in favour of helping them actually progress in this. This game, this torture, this weird team-building exercise. Whatever it was, it needed to be beaten.
"The tape said something about an X. There has to be one somewhere in this room, think. Where would he put it?"
"Fuck thinking. Don't you wanna scream?"
Growing tired of the man's constant refusal to participate, he turned away from him fully and started feeling around for anything resembling an X. "That mentality won't get you anywhere in life."
"And yours does? How can you be the calm doctor guy when he's got your wife and kid? He could be doing anything to them right now, are you thinking about that? Are you-"
"I am thinking about that." Lawrence cut Adam off, snapping at him. He'd struck a nerve in the man, and his previously well-maintained façade of indifference crumbled under the weight of the comment. He'd verbalised the doctor's worst fear without even knowing it, and he sat there looking so smug after getting a reaction out of the man.
"I'm thinking of the last thing I said to my daughter."
Adam's expression softened as the man's voice wavered, clearly upsetting the man. It wasn't his intention, and guilt snaked it's way up his spine as the doctor sat back down to recollect his thoughts. Okay, Adam; note to self, don't bring up Doctor sexy's family (unless he pisses you off more, in which case it is perfectly reasonable and justifiable).
Adam sat in his own corner, unsure what to do with himself now the air had turned awkward so he mirrored the older man's actions. Lawrence fiddled with his pocket for a moment before pulling out a wallet, opening it and presumably looking at a photo of the daughter he mentioned before.
Adam found it interesting how he mentioned his daughter over his wife- he seemed to stiffen at the mention of his wife, but softened and got emotional at the mention of his daughter. It intrigued Adam, and made him wonder about his and his wife's relationship. He already knew a lot about it, given Lawrence's various affair partners that Adam had seen in the few weeks of watching him, but he refused to let Lawrence know of their connection until absolutely necessary, if it ever was.
Adam watched the doctor, noticing how soft his gaze had become and how his eyes brimmed with tears. It made the guilt worse, and Adam was not a very guilty man. There was yet another suffocating silence, and the younger man felt it his duty to break it this time. "How old is your daughter?"
The response was instantaneous. "Eight years, four months and six days."
Adam chuckled the precise number. "So, you're the dad on all the coffee mugs."
"I was worried that she was becoming too yippy. Like her mother."
"Yippy?"
"Someone who laughs at every little thing. I told her.." He paused, barely holding back his tears. Adam had never seen the doctor in such a vulnerable state, despite the months of stalking him, and it caught him extremely off guard. "..I told her that some people find that very annoying."
Yet another awkward silence ensues, with Adam gently tapping the tile underneath him to somewhat regulate himself discreetly. Lawrence did the same, although opting to dig his nails into the palms of his hands instead. It hurt, but the small amount of pain provided a reprieve from the stress- if only temporary.
"..Would you like to see her?" Adam nodded hesitantly, moving to stand up but sitting down again once Lawrence decides throwing the wallet will suffice. Opening the wallet, he sees a photo of a young girl with long, curly brown hair. She is smiling happily, and it warms Adam's heart. It makes him think of himself as a kid- the girl, Lawrence's daughter, looked very familiar to how he did before his transition. Before everything went to shit, when things were happier.
Adam found himself daydreaming about these times often, although he would never admit to anyone how dearly he missed those loving moments with his family; where nothing in the world mattered but them. "She's gorgeous."
"Thank you." A fond smile spread across the man's face as he spoke.
"Don't thank me. In a couple years from now some scumbag like me is gonna show up on your doorstep to take her to a rave." He chuckled at the mental image of the esteemed doctor Gordon answering the door to his daughter's date, getting defensive and protective over her. He thought it was both a hilarious and terrifying image.
"Yeah, well that scumbag better have a plan B in case he ends up going to the rave alone." Now Lawrence was chuckling, and despite it being a rare sound, Adam thought it was a lovely sound. He was grinning wildly at the man unintentionally, staring at him for far longer than necessary before Lawrence noticed, at which point Adam looked away.
"You gonna have any more kids?"
"Ah, well.. We've talked about it, but with both of our schedules it's difficult enough to focus on one."
Adam looks back at the picture, lost in his own childhood memories now. "I was an only kid. Always wanted a brother or a sister." Another fond smile spread across his face, looking at the ceiling as he got lost deeper in his thoughts. "I remember, I wanted to be a vet. Like, really really wanted to be a vet."
Lawrence chuckled at the thought of Adam being an animal person. It fit, in all honesty, and Lawrence unknowingly returned the fond smile that painted the shorter man's face. "Then I saw the grades you needed to get into it, and I pretty much knew it was a pipe dream."
"What garbage. I've seen kids with brain tumours complete high school from a hospital bed-"
"Well then, they got further than I did." Adam's tone turned defensive- school was always a touchy subject for him; he'd backed himself into a corner. Hoping Lawrence would pick up on the unwillingness to discuss education, he chose to stare at the wall rather than at the doctor.
"Yep, I think I can safely say it's too late to become a vet."
"It's never too late."
Adam turned to look at him again, gesturing to the dead body on the floor. "Well, he's got fuck all chance of being a vet."
Lawrence burst out laughing, and Adam had hardly felt prouder of a joke in his entire 25 years of living. His laugh was lively, it was full and bubbly- Adam could listen to it all day, and he couldn't help but laugh along. Despite the unlikely situation, both men would easily say that this was one of the best moments they shared.
After a few moments of laughter, it slowly died down and Lawrence was even more passionate than he was before. He desperately wanted to get to know Adam more, specifically in a better situation where neither of their lives were on the line, and found his prior distaste of the man swiftly changing to be fondness. "We are going to get out of here."
Adam scoffed at the new-found determination. Although he desperately wanted to believe Lawrence, there was a dark corner of his mind that replayed the tape over and over. Lawrence seemed to quickly catch onto the boy's sudden withdrawn attitude, and gazed at him softly. Adam tried to ignore it, but when the silence grew thicker with tension once more it was Lawrence who spoke first this time. "Did you really want to die?"
Adam stared at Lawrence, confusion widespread across his face at the question.
"The voice on your tape. It said, 'Many days you have wanted to die.' What does it mean?"
"Means whoever did this has obviously been watching me on many days."
Lawrence's expression softened further, and Adam found genuine concern in his eyes.- although he was unsure why. Lawrence had no reason to care for him, he was a no-good stalker at best; not that the doctor knew that, but still. Adam felt unworthy of the older man's concern, and if he had to fight him to get rid of it he would.
"Why did you want to die?"
There was hardly any hesitation in his answer- as if he'd explained this a thousand times over. Lawrence's concern deepened at the rehearsed response. "The same reason everyone else wants to die. Because it's preferable to living."
The doctor's response was even less hesitant- as if he too had explained this a thousand times over. It wasn't unlikely, given his profession, but Adam felt a pang of jealousy that he got the same treatment as anyone else. "Death is not an alternate version of life; you're either alive, or you're nothing."
"Yeah, well I'm alive and I'm nothing." Adam took a deep breath, trying to make sense of the whirlpool that was his thoughts right now. He took a few minutes to think, grateful for the silence that followed for once; it allowed him to think clearer, and he desperately needed a moment of clear thought.
And despite the thought, Adam still chose to say the thing that Lawrence least expected- words he'd never thought he'd hear, even in this situation. Perhaps it was this which made it harder for the doctor to comprehend, or perhaps he didn't want to admit Adam had verbalised another of his worst fears as if it were nothing.
“Fine. You can kill me.”
Shock ebbed it's way into Lawrence as he processed the outlandish decision. “What?”
“You heard the tape, I still think dying is preferable to living. No one would miss me.”
“That’s not tr-“
“Do you want to see your damn family or not?”
Lawrence hesitated. More than anything, he wanted to answer, but he wasn’t sure his mouth would let him. Of course he wanted to see his family- but not at the expense of Adam’s life. Adam took his silence as an answer and made a gesture with his hands as if to say, ‘that’s what I thought’, Lawrence’s disappointment in himself growing.
“I just, have one request. Before you kill me.”
Lawrence tilted his head in confusion, staring at the man across the room from him. Was he really going through with this? Would he even be able to? He didn't want to admit it was a possibility, but it certainly was- and a growing one. He wanted the younger boy to stop the nonsense.
"I'm not doing that, Adam."
Adam rolled his eyes, having already made up his mind. Maybe if Lawrence knew the fucked up shit he'd done, the doctor would be more open to the suggestion. Maybe if Lawrence saw Adam how he saw himself, he'd be more open to the suggestion.
"Look, Larry, there's a reason I'm here, with you. I am a shit person and I 100% deserve this."
"Oh, shut up. You haven't done anything."
"I'm a photographer. I take photos for people and sell them, and you were one of the people I stalked."
Lawrence froze, anger rising to his face. He'd had a feeling he was being watched, and he'd finally found the culprit. It worried Lawrence, thinking back to his affair partners and wondering if that was what Adam was being paid to investigate. Part of him wanted to scream at him, to call him a good for nothing stalker who invaded Lawrence's privacy.
Another part of him wanted to kill him like he was insisting, but he knew that was what Adam wanted. This was the man's attempt at convincing the doctor, and Lawrence hated to admit it was partially working. The final part of Lawrence wanted to blush at the thought of being stalked by the other man. It was stupid, but it made him feel wanted, in a way only Adam could.
He simply hummed in response, ignoring the third part of his mind stubbornly. He had experience in affairs, of course, but he'd never been able to shake the intense guilt that often followed. It was enjoyable in the moment, but the aftermath always resulted in him ridiculing himself for thinking this way about anyone but his wife.
He couldn't help but let his mind wander to divulge into that third part of himself, thinking about the things Adam could have seen and blushing at the possibilities. Adam, unfortunately, was a very observant person- noticing the blush and of course being quick to question it.
"Why are you blushing? You're meant to get mad at me and blow my brains out."
"Just, god. What did you see."
"You're not the most faithful man, are you?" He answered the question indirectly, confirming Lawrence's suspicions and making the blush spread further, blood travelling south fast at the thought of being watched while doing something so.. scandalous.
Lawrence didn't reply, but Adam took the furious blush covering his face as confirmation. As much as he wanted Lawrence to kill him and as much as he was determined to have this go his way, he desperately wanted Lawrence. From the moment he'd been stalking him, he was enamoured by the man's looks.
Adam sighed. If he was going to die, he'd want Lawrence to do it. This might be his last chance to feel him, to have him in the way that those countless other partners had had him, and Adam simply couldn't pass the opportunity up. “..Can we fuck?”
Lawrence couldn’t help the chuckle that left him at that- that was his last wish? Really? Part of him wanted to deny it, to laugh at him and to deny him, but he knew he would find it immensely difficult to deny him of his final wish- especially since he couldn't deny that he also wanted to see the man like that.
Lawrence Gordon was a man with questionable morals.
He sighed, running his hand through his dirty blond hair and nodding to Adam. As much as he could say he didn’t want to have sex with him, Lawrence couldn’t lie to Adam. His morals were certainly questionable- but his time in the bathroom had proved that Lawrence was no liar, not to people he cared deeply for, and he would never lie to Adam.
The boy smiled, carefully stepping over the disgusting pool of blood leaking from the dead man’s head and prying the gun from his cold hands as he did so- using his shirt as a barrier between the body and his hand. He straddled Lawrence, wrapping his arms around his neck and turning his expression stern for a brief moment.
“You can say no, if you want. I’m not gonna get pissy with you if you don’t-“
“No, I want this. I want, I want you.” Adam smiled again, starting to roll his hips against the bulge in the doctor’s pants. He kept his eyes firmly on the older man, holding his face in place so he couldn’t look away. Lawrence was breathing heavily- trying not to snap his hips against Adam was proving to be a much tougher challenge than he’d expected; he was fighting a losing battle.
“Let go, doc. Go wild, take what you need.” Adam leaned down, lowering his tone to a seductive purr right against Lawrence’s ear- and that was all the permission he needed. He unzipped the dirty jeans the man had on, pulling them down to his knees.
Adam did the same to Lawrence, unzipping his pants and pulling them to his knees. By now, the bulge in Lawrence’s pants had become even more obvious as his dick strained against the fabric of his boxers; Adam ate the sight up, hungry eyes exploring every inch of Lawrence that he could see, and Lawrence would be lying if he said his eyes didn’t wander too.
Growing tired of just staring at the man, he pulled him closer by his waist, shoving his hand into his boxers and quickly shoving his middle finger into the man’s wet cunt, earning a gentle gasp from him. Lawrence smiled, thrusting his finger in and out of Adam as he palmed at himself through his own boxers, clothed dick practically begging for the other man’s heat.
Adam’s gentle sighs were music to Lawrence’s ears (and his dick, apparently). He decided he needed to hear more of it, adding a second finger and slowly pumping it in and out of the man. His gentle sighs turned to even gentler moans as he bucked his hips, chasing more of the feeling and moving Lawrence’s hand from his own boxers to replace it with his own. He pulled them down, finally freeing the doctor’s dick and lazily jerking him off.
Adam smiled, not being afraid to move up and down on Lawrence’s fingers and ride them properly. If he was needy, he’d take what he fucking wanted without shame. Engrossed in the feeling of Adam’s hand around his dick, Lawrence started thrusting into it and added a third finger inside Adam. He took it so well, hardly even wincing at the stretch, and Lawrence wanted to cry tears of joy when his soft moans grew louder and more frantic.
The hand stroking Lawrence’s cock stuttered, and Adam rode his fingers with a pace that would be impressive for anyone else- choking out a ‘please’, warning him of how close he was. The older man smiled, pulling his fingers out of Adam and revelling in the whine he let out as he did so. The photographer moved his hand away from the doctor’s dick, pouting.
“Asshole.” Lawrence chuckled, pulling his boxers down to meet his pants and exposing his slick cunt to the cool air of the bathroom. He wanted nothing more than to fuck him stupid, make him cry and whine his name, but he wanted the moment to last as long as possible.
Suffice to say he was procrastinating.
Shoving the three fingers that were inside Adam not long ago into his mouth, he guided Adam’s hips with his free hand and brought him to hover over his dick, fully hard now. Adam sucked the fingers obediently, pleasantly surprised by the taste and happily taking them all in his mouth. He resisted the urge to slam himself onto the doctor’s dick, waiting for Lawrence to make the next move obediently.
Once he felt his fingers were clean enough, he pulled them out of Adam’s mouth and brought his other hand to rest on the photographer’s other hip. Before Adam could process anything, Lawrence had pulled their hips together harshly and shoved himself inside Adam, earning a loud gasp-turned-moan.
Adam felt like his nerves were in fire in the best way possible- he’d had sex before, obviously, but never with anyone Lawrence’s size; not that he was complaining, he’d gladly do this all day if he could. The older man guided Adam’s hips slowly, biting his lip as he felt how tight Adam was around him, pleasantly surprised with it. He moved a hand to cup Adam’s cheek gently, gazing at the man in front of him.
He wanted to cry, knowing what he had to do to him after this. He wanted to scream and cry and refuse to kill him, but he needed his family. This was for them, he reminded himself as he gazed at the man he’d turned affectionate towards. Besides, he wanted this. The phrase was of little consolation to the older man.
Adam’s hand held onto Lawrence’s own as he moaned, interlocking their fingers and moving his hips faster on his own since Lawrence had stopped guiding him and had just rest his other hand on his hips instead. He stared into the man’s eyes, finding adoration and a deep, deep sorrow.
He wished he could take it all away. Part of him felt responsible for the two being stuck here, and although the rational side of his brain knew that was dumb he couldn’t help but blame himself. Both men were desperately trying to distract each other from their own sorrows, Lawrence’s desperate thrusting into Adam leaving him leaning over the taller, kissing him passionately as he cried.
It felt so overwhelmingly good, Lawrence was ramming into his g-spot with a ferocity so intense Adam thought he might break, and he couldn’t help but cry. Lawrence kept using his cunt, pulling his hips to meet his own as if he were nothing but a fleshlight.
Adam would never admit how much he loved Lawrence. It was a secret he was willing to (and going to, it seemed) take to the grave, and he’d had the last laugh with this. He’d finally got what he’d been craving, what he’d been touching himself to the fantasies of for months. Adam’s moans grew impossibly loud as Lawrence fucked him even faster, flipping their positions so Adam was pinned by his hips to the grimy bathroom floor- poor thing being defiled further as cum and slick leaked out of him.
It didn’t take long in this position for Adam to cum with a loud whine around Lawrence, pulling him closer by his shirt to kiss him deeply as he came down from his high.
Lawrence’s hips stuttered as Adam tightened around him, fucking him through his orgasm and reaching his own climax not long after Adam. Both men panted heavily, Lawrence’s cum mixing with Adam’s and joining the mess in the floor as it too leaked out of him. Adam smiled at Lawrence, pulling him closer again to share a deeper kiss as his tears flowed even faster. Lawrence struggled to look him in the eyes after what he’d done, shame already starting to ebb into him.
He didn’t regret it in the slightest, and that made the situation worse. Maybe that was why he smiled at him and slowly started to thrust into him again, Adam’s thighs twitching as the pleasure this time was laced with the pain of overstimulation.
Maybe he just wanted it to last longer because he didn’t want to kill him. Maybe he just wanted it to last longer because he loved him. Who knew. He fucked Adam as hard as he could, loving the ecstatic whines that Adam let slip as he was fucked full of Lawrence’s cum, Biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as his pace increased.
Lawrence had started to cry too at some point, picking up Adam’s small frame and hugging him to his chest as he used him as a fleshlight once again. Adam revelled in the feeling of being close to the man he loved, and wrapped his arms and legs around Lawrence’s torso as the force of Lawrence’s hips bounced him up and down.
Neither man wanted this to end.
Lawrence felt Adam’s walls tighten around his dick even further, signalling how close the younger man was for the second time. He fucked into the man with everything he had, drawing out impossibly loud whines of desperate pleas, mixed with moaned ‘Larry!’s. Adam came with a shudder, cunt twitching around the man’s dick as he continued to fuck him through his orgasm, chasing his own release.
Adam’s loud whines turned gentle once more as the overstimulation hit him like a brick, relief flowing through him once Lawrence came inside him for the second time. There was now two piles of cum on the floor, two very sweaty men, and the issue of how to kill Adam.
Adam moves himself off of the doctor's dick, pulling up just his boxers lazily while Lawrence tucks his dick back into his own undergarments somehow even lazier. The shorter man gestures for the gun that fell out of his hand while they were caught in the flames of passion, and Lawrence picks it up- turning it over in his hands. Bringing the bullet he found in his pocket earlier to meet his other hand, he sighs.
He stares at Adam, eyes blurring with tears. And despite the tainted vision, for the first time Adam looks like the boy he is.
Lawrence shakes his head, resolve hardening in his features as he stares back down at the weapon in his hands. He turned it over, examining it for no reason in particular. “I can’t do it, Adam.”
The younger man brought his hand to tilt Lawrence’s head up, making him face him and kissing his cheek gently. The tears that were flowing before had slowed, and he stared at Lawrence with nothing but adoration. “You can. It’s okay.”
Lawrence’s chest heaved as he sobbed into Adam’s hand, curling in on himself and pulling Adam into a hug. He really, really didn’t want to do this.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Adam.” He whispered in his ear, Loading the gun behind his back with a gentle click. Pulling away from Lawrence, Adam cupped the doctor’s cheeks with both hands. The tears had stopped now, and Adam had never looked happier.
“Kiss me. Please. I want my last thought to be of you.” Lawrence nodded as Adam leaned in, holding the gun to the side of the boy’s head as he did so. He angled it so he wouldn’t hit himself, connecting their lips in a gentle kiss.
Lawrence pulled the trigger.
Adam fell to the floor with a loud thud, blood leaking from the nasty wound and further staining the already defiled tile almost immediately as Lawrence sobbed over his body. He couldn’t tear his eyes from Adam’s face, stuck smiling as a single tear rolled down his cheek.
Lawrence could never admit how much he loved Adam. Partially because he couldn’t bring himself to, and partially because he wanted Adam to be the first to know. And now Adam was fucking dead.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck has he done.
He continued his sobs, loud and echoing in the scarily silent room. It felt unnatural, and Lawrence was deeply unsettled by it. The silences between them before were awkward, and he thought he would rather endure anything but another one of those silences, thick with tension.
Right now, he would give anything in the world to have one last silence with Adam.
"I've done it!" He cried through choked sobs, hoping whoever was watching them before would come and finally save him. He clung to Adam's body in disbelief, reaching out to touch the warm blood that painted the floor- an attempt to ground himself, although only succeeding in further upsetting himself.
Before long, the door to the bathroom was swung open with a loud thud, and standing in the hallway was one of the orderlies at his hospital- Zep. In a blind rage, Lawrence stood up and got as close as he could before the chains snapped him back, shouting nonsense at the man through a blur of tears.
"You SICK FUCKING BASTARD. I'm gonna take a great pleasure tearing you limb from fucking limb. Let me go, let me go right fucking now!"
"I'm not the one you have to worry about!"
"Who the fuck is, then?!"
Zep reached into his pocket, pulling out a tape recorder identical to the one he and Adam had used and pressing the button. Lawrence was quick to quiet, turning away from Zep and back to Adam. He crouched down next to the body of the man he loved- not ready to be apart from him yet.
"Hello Mr Hindle. Or, as they called you around the hospital, Zep. I want you to make a choice; there is a slow acting poison coursing through your veins, which only I have the antidote for. Will you murder a mother and her child to save yourself?" Lawrence stiffened. "Listen carefully if you will. There are rules."
Lawrence, still slouching over Adam's body turns to face Zep- an animalistic rage flowing through him. He needed nothing more than to tear him apart, limb from limb. How dare he lay a finger on his family. "What did you do to them." He spoke slowly, as if trying to feign indifference- but Lawrence was a new man.
He needn't feign indifference when his hands were covered in the blood of the man he loved. He needn't feign indifference when his family could be fucking dead right now. He needn't feign indifference if it were not truly indifference he felt. Perhaps this game had taught him something.
Right now, the lesson was lost on Lawrence.
"Nothing. You won the game, so I don't need to kill them."
"Then where the fuck are they?! Get me out of here! I won the game, get me out!" The anger melted a little, forming a puddle of desperation. He needed to protect his family- he needed to go home. He needed to see his daughter, and his wife, and his old life. Lawrence needed his old life back.
Lawrence tugged at the chains that bound him, ignoring the stabbing pain at the sound of metal clinking loudly. It was a burden he could bear- the mere thought of his family getting hurt because of him was not. He couldn't let them come in harm's way and guilt gnawed at him for getting the family into this situation in the first place.
"I don't have a key."
Lawrence paused his frantic tugging- slowly turning to face Zep. His poorly maintained composure undid just a little more, the ropes now dangerously frayed and threatening to snap at any moment. Lawrence wanted to cry- he wanted to scream, he wanted to kick, he wanted to see his family.
Surprising to both men, Lawrence stayed silent. He held his head in his hands, the stress of the situation getting to him far more than anything ever had. He brought his knees to his chest, leaning his head on them so he didn't have to look at the situation. If he couldn't see it, it wasn't real. Childish logic, but logic on it's own was in drastically short supply so any form of it was welcome and cherished.
He couldn't face what he'd done.
Could he ever?
After staying in the same position for a few moments, a thought came to Lawrence. It was fleeting, but it was the only idea he had to get out of their situation. His mind was hazy with far too many emotions for him to process, and this was very clearly affecting his problem-solving skills.
He hardly felt the tears rolling down his face anymore. Everything felt numb- he were to be thankful for this if he went through with his insane idea.
The saw from earlier was laying just to his right. Lawrence glanced at it, nervous.
Zep quickly caught on to Lawrence's thought process, scrambling to take the saw away from the doctor in a panic before he could grab it and say bye-bye to his foot. Lawrence lunged for it as Zep got closer, desperation growing. There wasn't another way out, it wasn't fair to take his only chance away as a reward for winning the game.
His foot was a small price to pay for the safety of his daughter, and it was the best way he could make up for killing Adam. The more Lawrence considered the option, the more he realised it wasn't about Diana. Not in this escape method. This was so he could feel some solace for what he'd done.
He managed to grab the handle before Zep could, tugging it away and taking off his shirt with his spare hand. If he was going to do this, which he was, he needed to do it fast- before Zep could stop him. Before any harm could be done to his family.
He tied the blue shirt as tight as he could around his leg, holding it in place with one hand and his teeth since the other was busy with the saw. There was a mess of noise surrounding him, but it felt to Lawrence as if there was cotton in his ears- nothing was processing in his mind except 'I need to escape.'
He held the saw to his ankle, taking a deep breath, and begun the grisly amputation.
Chapter 2: I don't smoke
Summary:
Lawrence Gordon deals with the consequenced of his actions.
..Barely.
Notes:
READ THE TAGS !!! GORE WARNING
Sorry this one is shorter than the last chapter, I might make a thirt chapter if i can find a good way to go from where i left off but for now i don't know
kudos and comments are GREATLY appreciated please tell me what you think i love to hear about it
Chapter Text
Lawrence was being watched. It was a feeling he'd grown to be used to- a feeling he'd grown to enjoy. The culprit seemed to be the same, if the repetative patterns were anything to go by, and Lawrence would gladly rather have one secret admirer over ten any day. He checked his watch as he got out of his car- it was far later than he'd intended to return from his.. activites, but he found almost anything could be blamed on his position as head of oncology.
It was somewhat amusing to him that his wife had absolutely no idea what he was actually doing when he 'stayed late at the hospital'- while he was obviously guilty for it, he couldn't help but feel a sort of satisfaction from cheating on her. Their marriage had never been a happy one, and neither made a great effort to change that; it went unsaid that the only reason they were still married was for Diana.
The eyes burning holes into Lawrence's back persisted as he locked his car and made his way to the enterence into his house. Somehow, as he moved further away from the eyes, the feeling got closer and closer; the only logical conclusion was that not only was he being watched- he was being followed, and their next destination was actually inside his house.
Even if Lawrence had a family to protect, he couldn't deny the arousal he felt whenever he knew he was being watched during his 'late shifts', and if the admirer had gotten bold enough to attempt to follow him in, that could only mean good things for Lawrence's strange interest in them. He was actually excited to meet this freak.
Maybe he could catch them in the act, if he turned around at the right time. He entertained the thought, unlocking the door. There was a short hallway separating the garage from the rest of the house; if Lawrence timed it just right, the culprit would have to follow him through the corridoor to get inside the house and he could catch them in the act.
This brilliant plan of his had no visible flaw, and Lawrence was far too excited to see the person who'd been stalking him for so long. He had no idea what he would do if he was successful, but he was far too caught up in his own excitement and strange fascination to think that far ahead. It took a few moments for Lawrence to realise he'd stopped in his tracks, rubbing his forehead as he smirked.
A camera clicked as he paused- further confirmation that they were here tonight other than just a strange feeling of being watched. It wasn't a long walk to the door, despite the too-big garage, and before Lawrence knew it he was fumbling with his keys to unlock the coridoor's enterance. The camera clicked again, louder this time.
They moved fast. If he wanted to catch them, he'd have to move quicker.
He stepped through the corridoor, standing around the corner once he came out of the other end. He was lucky it was so late, Allison and Diana would be asleep by now, and he doubted that Allison in particular would be thrilled to have a stalker in the home, and to find out that Lawrence was enabling them.
Yes, he was very thankful. There were no footsteps as the stalker approached through the corridoor, and Lawrence politely tapped his shoulder as they stood in front of him- unaware that the man they'd been following was right behind him.
They turned around, and Lawrence's heart dropped at the sight of a rotting, seemingly reanimated corpse. The corpse of Adam. Decaying flesh was hanging carelessly from his head, right where Lawrence had shot him, and he quickly jumped back in fear. The corpse approached- lips almost nonexistant.
"Why did you kill me, Larry?" It spoke as it stumbled towards him.
"You- You asked me to! You told me to!" He was shaking- the corpse got closer, bones cracking uncomfortably loud as it followed him backing away, and Lawrence found himself drenched in sweat. Suddenly his steps felt uneven as he fell backwards, trying desperately to get away from him as he felt the end of his trousers begin to dampen.
Blood poured out of what was left of his foot, and he screamed in terror as adam- or what was left of him- still continued to get closer. The moment they were face to face and Lawrence could practically see through the bullet wound in his head- a wound of his own creation- he awoke with a jolt and a shout.
He was covered in sweat, shaking as a stray tear rolled down his cheek. He threw the bedsheets off of him, staring at his stump. Everything was okay, Lawrence. It was just a dream. Just a dream, Adam was gone. He can't hurt you.
He smoothed his hair back, reaching for his cane and prosthetic laying on and against the bedside table. He was still getting used to sleeping alone.
After what had happened in that dreadful fucking room, he couldn't bear to look at her in the eyes. There were multiple reasons for this, but the most prominent one was that Lawrence simply couldn't pretend he loved her anymore. Not after meeting someone like Adam.
The divorce was easy. The marriage had already fallen apart, they just had yet to make it official. Diana seemed to cope with it well enough- but it was a big change. Lawrence had her on weekends while her mother had her weekdays. While Lawrence would have given anything to spend more time with her, he was almost unable to balance his work and physical therapy for his foot alone- throwing a child in the mix would put more unnecessary stress on him.
He sighed, strapping his prosthetic to his stump and limping to his bathroom. Standing in front of the sink, he splashed his face with water- the coolness of it soothing him. For a split second when he was glancing in the mirror, he saw that horrible image of Adam's rotting corpse behind him.
He spun backwards, finding nothing.
Jesus christ, what had he become?
He limped back to his bedroom, grabbing his cane before half-heartedly throwing on a loose pair of trousers and a shirt. He desperately needed to clear his mind- to do anything that could distract him from his own thoughts. A walk was the easiest way to occupy himself.
He was quick to leave the house- it held too many memories. Memories he wished desperately he could forget. His coat provided little comfort from the cool air of the night. He'd completely forgotten to check the time, in his hurry to leave, and so all he could do was hope there was a convinience store still open.
He wasn't particularly sure where he was walking to. He just knew he needed out, before his mind caught up to him and he had another panic attack- he'd been getting those a lot recently. It was no surprise, realistically, considering the immeasurable trauma you would get from being kidnapped and forced to kill someone.
He should probably go back to therapy.
..No. A shudder went down his spine at the mere suggestion of a thought about it. He'd much rather deal with things the way he had been, even if that wasn't the best. Or even good, honestly. His methods were mediocre at best.
He talked to himself as his feet carried him wherever they were aiming to go, listing tasks he had yet to complete to distract himself. It wasn't working too well- this was apparent when Lawrence found himself in the nearest convinence store, cigarette pack in one hand while his other rummaged in his coat pocket for his wallet.
He sighed as he paid for them, making his way out of the store and leaning against the wall for a few moments- considering what to do with himself next. Lawrence was never the type of man to smoke. It may have been his years of medical training, but he'd never had even an interest in them.
The thing about losing someone you love before you even had the chance to love them is that everything reminds you of them. Everything is a cold, bitter reminder of what could have been between you- what should have been. It's hard to go back to normal life after knowing that it should have gone differently.
Lawrence sighed and made his way to a park nearby. As he walked and his mind decided he needed to be tortured futher, he thought he saw Adam walking across the street several times. He'd even heard his voice behind him once- thought he'd heard a shout of his name.
He sat on a bench, letting his cane rest between his legs as he fiddled with the box of cigarettes. He didn't even have a lighter on him.
"Nice cane." A voice came from beside him- footsteps oddly silent.
"Thank you." Lawrence turned to face the stranger. "Do I know y-.."
Adam's face stared back at him- completely free of rot. He looked just as he did before Lawrence had shot him. His mouth hung open as his words trailed off, in complete shock at seeing that face again. Every time he'd seen Adam, had dreams about him, he'd always been decaying.
..There was no way he was real. It had to be another hallucenation- his mind playing cruel tricks on him, as if he hadn't suffered enough.
Although, he couldn't help the burning hope that spread through him. Hope that it really was Adam. Or at the very least, it was a hallucenation of Adam that he could bear to look at. One that was completely free of the damage Lawrence had done on him.
"Judging by that face, probably." He extended his hand for him to shake. "I'm David."
David.
David.
"Ah, um. Yes. My.. My apologies. I'm Lawrence. Lawrence Gordon."
David chuckled at his inability to form a coherent sentence without immense struggle. If only he knew the mess that Lawrence's mind had become. He would have found it annoying, but he was a changed man now. For the worse or for the better, who knew, but he was a changed man nonetheless.
"You got a lighter?"
"Hm?" He hummed in confusion, not expecting the question.
"A lighter. For those." David motioned towards the packet of cigarettes that was still, miraculously, in Lawrence's hand. He shook his head, not trusting himself to speak properly
David laughed at him again. His smile looked so much like Adam's- it was uncanny. He wanted to reach out and grab at him- prove that this wasn't just a cruel trick once again and make sure this was actually real. It definitely didn't feel real. The only thing he could do was ask if he knew anyone called Adam.
"I really do apologise, you just look a lot like someone I know." He paused for a moment, finally managing to tear his eyes away from the man's face. "Someone I used to know." He corrected himself, tone melancholy before he cleared his throat and put the pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket.
"I get it, man. No worries. Wanna tell me about him?" David sat next to him, and Lawrence felt strangely comforted by his presence. As happy as he looked, Lawrence could tell he'd lost someone too. Perhaps not exactly how Lawrence had, but still a loss.
"His name was Adam." He said with a half-hearted smile.
David's face dropped. Lawrence leaned away from him, cautiously, and David mirrored his movements. "Adam? Adam Faulkner-Stanheight?"
Lawrence nodded- having learned his full name a while after he got out of the bathroom. He looked confused as the man stood up swiftly and angrily, putting distance between the two.
"What is it? Did you know him?"
"How do you know him." Lawrence froze. His tone was harsh and angry, he was really not in the correct headspace to deal with someone mad at him, especially about Adam. Besides, no one knew he'd been in a Jigsaw trap. No one knew what had happened that day- and he certainly wasn't ready to tell people about it.
"Why.. Why is it that you're interested?"
"Because my brother's fucking dead, and I still don't know who killed him, because it sure as fuck wasn't an accident!" He shouted now, making Lawrence flinch and shrink in on himself. Christ, he did not need this tonight. He fiddled with his cane, uncomfortable with this knowledge and simeltaniously unsure what to do with it.
He had a few options.
1. He could tell the truth, fully. Tell him that they were in a Jigsaw trap together. This, however, came at the risk of not being believed and consequently being punched by this angry little man he'd met not even 10 minutes ago. There was no doubt in his mind that David was lying about them being brothers- partially because the resemblence was downright eerie and partially because of just how similar their personalities were.
2. He could tell the partial truth. This could go either way- he could tell him that they were in a Jigsaw trap together, but not that Lawrence killed Adam. Or he could tell him that he was the one who murdered his brother. The first way had the same risk of not being believed- but the worst the second way could go was getting punched. If Lawrence was honest, he felt like he deserved it for what he'd done.
3. He could outright lie. He wasn't sure what lie he'd say yet- he was sure he'd come up with one eventually if he were to go through with this, but for now he had no idea. Lawrence liked to think he was a decent liar- that or his wife just never really cared. He would rather not risk it. Besides, he wasn't the type of man to lie anymore.
4. He could try and change the subject. This one was the most risky as well as the least likely to work.
He sighed. His mouth hung open as he searched for the words- failing to locate the correct ones to capture what he wanted to say. "We... We were in a Jigsaw trap together." Lawrence looked at the floor- at his prosthetic foot. "It's the reason I need this." He shook his cane, hoping that would be enough and he would be believed.
David's face was pale- all anger had disappeared and it was replaced by something much sadder. Mourning, perhaps. Lawrence couldn't quite put his finger on what emotion it was, and he suspected David couldn't either. It was understandable- grief is a complicated and fascinating thing.
"Jigsaw..." He spoke under his breath, clearly not meaning for Lawrence to hear it. David looked back at him, anger returning almost as quickly as it had disappeared. He grabbed him by the collar of his coat, tugging their faces close together agressively.
"Prove it."
"Excuse me?"
"Fucking prove it! Prove it was Jigsaw!" He shouted, slamming him against the back of the bench. Lawrence didn't push back, he didn't fight it. Even if he did he doubted he'd win- not that he wanted to do either. Sighing, he lifted the leg of his pants to reveal his prosthetic foot. He had no idea how else to prove it, so the most he could do was hope this sufficed.
David's voice broke as he ran a hand through his hair (God, it looked just like Adam's.) and stepped away from Lawrence. "Fucking knew he'd get him too, man! I knew it!" As much as Lawrence wanted to question what exactly he meant by that, he suspected it wasn't the time.
Instead, he took out the packet of cigarettes- taking two from it before putting it back in his coat pocket safely. He tapped David's shoulder, offering him one. The man hastily took it, reaching into the pockets of his baggy jeans and pulling out a dark blue lighter with a sticker of a skull on it.
Christ, even their styles were the same.
Lawrence tried not to linger on the continued similarities between the brothers, and instead held out his cigarette for the other man to light. David did just this after he'd lit his own, taking a shaky inhale of the smoke before exhaling somehow even shakier. Lawrence copied his movements, suppressing a cough as the foul gas invaded his lungs.
David sat beside him once again, holding his head with the cigarette-free hand as he cried quietly. Lawrence watched him intensely, waiting for him to speak again. It didn't take long for him to do so, which Lawrence had come to expect.
"I miss him, man. I really fuckin' miss him." He took another drag of the cigarette- this one longer. More reluctant.
Lawrence nodded. "Me too."
The thing about losing someone you love is that you learn to appreciate what you have. Lawrence didn't have much, and neither it seems did David- but they had each other. In that moment, they had each other, and both would come to be thankful for that in the years to come.
Until you have seen death, you cannot fully appreciate life.
It was now that Lawrence finally understood what Jigsaw was trying to get across. The way he did it caused much more pain rather than rehabilitation, but Lawrence finally understood the point. And, to an extent, he had to admit he did appreciate the smaller things much more now. He didn't appreciate the change Jigsaw had forced onto him, but at the same time he did.
David leaned his head against Lawrence and took yet another drag of the cigarette. Lawrence did the same.
"He would have loved to be here right now." Lawrence offered the small comfort to David, who sniffled and nodded. It wasn't much, but the offer still meant everything in the world to the younger man.
"I was in a game too." Lawrence turned to face him, curious. "You can ask about it. Just don't be a fuckin' dick."
Lawrence nodded, chosing his words carefully. "Do you know why you were there?"
David nodded. I guess, I thought living was pretty overrated. Smoked about ten of these," he tapped his cigarette, a few pieces of ash falling onto Lawrence's coat, "a week. I just kind of.. Hated being alive, I guess." There was a small pause as Lawrence nodded, taking in the information. "What about you?"
Lawrence thought for a moment. He hadn't fully reflected on that day since he got out- only really thinking about what he did to Adam. "I.. wasn't very faithful to my wife. There was no love left in that marriage, and we only stayed together for our daughter. I think I'd forgotten how to feel."
David nodded too, understanding. Lawrence was slightly surprised at how easy it was to talk about- David just brought him a sense of calm he couldn't quite understand. He supposed there were multiple factors to it, though, one being his uncanny resemblence to his brother.
Maybe that was pathetic. Maybe he didn't care anymore. Maybe he liked this time with David.
David held out the lighter, not offering it but just showing it to Lawrence. "This was his, you know. Never got rid of it." Lawrence considered this for a moment.
"Do you ever think of letting go?" He asked, looking out at the painstaikingly neat shrubbery and admiring it. David moved away from him, looking at him in confusion. "It'd be a lot easier to just let go. Do you ever think about what that would be like?"
David thought for a moment, taking a drag of his cigarette while he did so. "No." It was a simple answer, but it was all that was necessary.
"Me neither. It seems impossible, doesn't it?" David thought again, nodding this time. Lawrence held his cane. The sky had started to lighten. Lawrence was still unsure of what time it was, but he did know he had work in the morning. As horrible as separating from David felt, he had to.
Maybe that was letting go.
The two said their goodbyes breifly before heading off in opposite directions- Lawrence to his home while David went wherever he was going next. Lawrence didn't think about it.
The only thing Lawrence could think of was Adam, and it would be this way for the years to come. Even when Lawrence would eventually learn to live with the consequences, he'd still have the occaisional nightmare. Even when Lawrence decided to assist Jigsaw himself, he still hallucenated his voice sometimes, begging him not to leave.
Lawrence could never let go. It was the least he could do for the man.
girlsrituals on Chapter 1 Sun 25 May 2025 06:16AM UTC
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sstarrddustt on Chapter 1 Tue 27 May 2025 09:57AM UTC
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fathermushroom on Chapter 2 Fri 05 Sep 2025 12:03AM UTC
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sstarrddustt on Chapter 2 Mon 08 Sep 2025 08:36PM UTC
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