Chapter Text
!!WARNING!!
**This story contains dark themes of depression and suicidal thoughts. Additionally this story contains the following: violence and abuse.**
If you're susceptible to these things or tend to fall deep into these thoughts, please click back. Your mental well-being and stability are the most important.
You breathed heavily, your chest rising and falling. You uncurled your hands, letting the chunks of hair fall to the dry grass. Your knuckles were stained red after the relentless abuse you inflicted. Your eyes stared at the girls in front of you, fallen on the ground while they glared. You reached up and touched your disheveled hair. You couldn't run your hands through your hair as you came into contact with a sticky substance. You pulled at the gum, managing to pull out a strand. You stared at it, your eyes shaking in fury.
You looked back at the girls who stiffened. You smiled maddeningly and were about to lurch forward to continue your onslaught. Until you felt someone grab you by the hair and reel you back. You screamed in pain and peered through your bangs. You stiffened upon seeing the gaze of your agitated caretaker.
The caretaker didn't say a single word as they dragged you back into the building, with you crying out in distress. When you looked back at your aggressors, they were smiling at you.
You seethed in anger.
You sat quietly at the table, keeping your gaze on your feet from below the table. You could feel the man from the other side scrutinizing you. The room was so quiet you were scared that your heartbeat could be heard. You waited in anticipation, with hope. That soon shattered when you heard the man sigh. A sigh you were all too familiar with.
"Unfortunately, we aren't interested in someone as troublesome as her." The man from across the table said. "We want a child who's obedient, not a troublemaker."
You failed, again.
The woman beside you, the one in charge of the meeting, smiled nervously. "I understand, but I'm sure with enough discipline, she can be the child of your dreams."
The man slammed his fist on the table, causing you and the woman to flinch.
"I said I don't want her, that's final." The man repeated with irritation. "Now hurry up and give me the other child I was interested in. I don't want to see this... thing anymore."
Your hands clenched around your shirt in an attempt to suppress your emotions. Your lips quivered, and you blinked quickly, trying to contain the tears that threatened to spill. You were so focused on keeping your composure that you didn't hear your surroundings. You didn't hear the woman calling your name.
It was only when you were roughly grabbed by the arm that you reacted. You gasped as the woman dragged you out of the room. When you looked up at her, you trembled in fear at the anger and disappointment she had in her eyes.
"All that effort to convince him to even consider you. All down the drain because you couldn't keep yourself together." She hissed. "At this point, it's better to kick you out. At least the streets would want you."
You had nothing to say. You didn't have the right to say anything. All you could do was hang your head as you let her drag you.
You had failed to please the adults. Now, you need to be punished.
You sat on the soft mattress in the confinement of your room. You touched your bruised cheek that has been stained with your tears. You lifted your head, your blank and glossy eyes staring at the window. You watched with distaste at the other children playing at the playground. Each of them was wearing the same sandy outfit as you were. You grabbed the book on your desk and threw it at the wall while growling with frustration. As you wept into your pillow, that frustration soon turned to distress and agony.
Your sobs filled the cold, confined room. Your heart tightens with unimaginable pain that a child shouldn't endure. Eventually, you had dried all of your tears and exhausted all of your anger. Now, you stared blankly at the window, staring at the orange-tinted sky. Now that you had cried all of your emotions, you felt empty. Yet, at the same time, your chest felt heavy and burdened.
You sat up from your bed. You reached for your drawer and pulled it out. You rummaged through your clothes, peeling them back to reach the bottom. On the bottom was a singular pencil sharpened to the tip. You wrapped your fingers around it and pulled it out. You twisted the pencil in your hand, staring at the sharp tip. You raised it to your neck, pressing it against your skin.
Compared to the emptiness in your chest, the slight pain from the pencil triggered your senses. It felt comforting. A sort of pain that was within your control. 'I want to disappear. I want to go somewhere far away where I can't be hurt.' You pressed the pencil further and further...
'From the very beginning, my life didn't mean anything. It was never wanted, never needed.'
Suddenly, your chest tightened with unfathomable pain. You gasped in shock and dropped the pencil, letting it collapse to the ground with a clatter. You clutched your chest as you became unable to breathe.
'Stop, stop.'
That was all you could think of as you cowered on the floor in pain. You wanted this pain to stop; it was excruciating. It was like your whole being was being torn apart and put back together again. Your pleas were eventually answered as the pain subsided, and you could breathe again. You lay on the floor, drool slipping from your lips. Then, the anger that had dissipated from earlier returned. You clenched your hands and punched the ground repeatedly.
"Ma?"
You froze.
You waited in silence.
Were you hearing things? Were you hearing voices again?
"Ma, are you there?"
Your heart lurched at the soft, familiar voice. You grabbed the pencil on the ground and stuffed it in your drawer. You quickly wiped your tears on your sleeve. You tried your best to make yourself look normal before making your way to the door. You pushed down your emotions and took a deep breath. When you were ready, you forced a smile and opened the door. On the other side was a little girl. She had green eyes that resembled the rich trees and hair that radiated like the sun.
"Hela." You said softly. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you." She said with a happy smile. A smile that could wash your worries away. "Can I come in?"
You couldn't say no to her. "Of course."
You knew you shouldn't. You were in confinement, and if your caretaker were to find out, you'd be severely punished. Well, you didn't care. Nothing mattered to you when it concerned Hela.
She walked over to your bed and took a seat. You sat beside her, and she leaned her head on your arm.
She held onto your sleeve and spoke quietly. "You got punished again, huh?"
Your smile dropped, and you stared at the wooden floorboards. "Yeah..."
"It's them again. Those meanies." She said with a frown. Her brows lowered in anger and distaste. "Always getting you in trouble and bullying you. Look at what they did to your hair, Ma!"
Hela reached up and touched your hair, pulling at the dried gum. "They ruined your beautiful hair. I'm going to beat them up when I see them! I'll do it for you, Ma!"
Ma, the name she would refer to you.
You've become accustomed to that motherly name, even when she was a year younger than you and a kid yourself. You didn't mind since you're willing to become a parental figure to a child who didn't have any.
You shook your head as you chuckled lightly. "What did I say about violence?"
Hela pouted. "How come I can't use violence, but they can? Your hair is ruined."
You shook your head. "It's okay. My hair is not that pretty anyway."
"Nu-huh! Your hair looks so pretty in the sun. It glows and glitters like an angel!"
"You're so sweet, Hela."
Hela smiled. "I'll help you get it out."
With a determined look, she crawled behind you. The bed creaked as she positioned herself comfortably. You felt her fingers go through your hair, tugging here and there. You could hear her grumble and sigh in exasperation.
"Ugh, it's so sticky! I'm sorry if I hurt you by pulling."
You hummed. "It's okay, I can handle it."
Hela continued to comb and pick at your hair, trying her best to get all the gum out. As she did, she spoke about her day cheerily. She was the kind of girl who couldn't stand the silence. It reminded her of the loneliness that always surrounded her. As you listened and chatted with her, the cold room became warm.
"Hey Ma?"
"What is it, Hela?"
"I love you."
You smiled softly, your heart fluttering from her words. However, your smile dropped as you felt unworthy of such love. "That's nice of you to say, Hela, but you should reserve those for someone you care about."
"But I do care about you!" Hela exclaimed as she crawled to look at you. Your eyes locked onto her determined and solemn expression.
"I care for you so much. More than I care for anything else here. I only love you!" She declared as she hugged you aggressively.
You chuckled as you ruffled her hair, finding her adorable. "Alright, I get it, I get it."
Hela smiled, but it quickly faded into a frown.
"Ma, can I ask you something?" She asked.
"Yes, anything."
"Are we going to stay together? Forever?"
Your expression faltered, you debated whether you should be honest with her. You decided it was best to be honest. It was something that was gonna happen eventually, and you wanted to prepare her. "No, I don't think we'll always be together. One of us may have to leave the other behind when they get adopted."
You prepared yourself for her tears, but surprisingly, she took it well.
"I know, but it still hurts." She said quietly.
You looked at her to see her sullen expression.
You patted her hair in an attempt to comfort her. "Even if one day we get separated, it doesn't mean we can't see each other again. No matter what or how long it takes, I'll find you."
"You promise?"
"....I promise." You said with a reassuring smile.
Hela smiled wide. "Then, when you do find me, you'll be amazed at what I can do!"
"What you do? Are you going to do something when you get older?"
Hela nodded. "Yeah, I thought about it a lot. I want to make a place where kids like us can go and be happy."
"A place for kids? Like this orphanage?"
"No! I hate orphanages! It's going to be different! It's going to be a place where kids can play and do whatever they want. They'll have someone who can take care of them and teach them ABCs! It's not going to be gloomy like this, it's going to be bright and happy! It doesn't matter who they are or where they come from. They'll have a place they can go when there's nothing else."
You smiled and cuddled her close. "That sounds like a great idea, I know you can do it."
Hela lifted her pinky. You did the same, and by intertwining your pinky with hers, you sealed the promise.
You weren't sure you could keep her promise. After all, you intended to live a short life, but now, when you stared at Hela's relieved expression and listened to her laughter...
Hela giggled, and you could imagine her bright smile. A smile that unknowingly saved you from falling deep into the abyss. You wanted to protect that smile, protect her happiness from the cruel world.
Yes, you can't disappear just yet. You have to make sure Hela gets out of this hell. You have to teach her how to read and write so she can impress the adults. Unlike you, she had a chance to be loved and cared for. So, you don't mind living just a little longer.
At least, that was supposed to happen. You weren't sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but when you thought you'd taken care of everything, something else would pop up. You found yourself looking after more children, teaching more and more even after you left the cursed orphanage.
You could say no, but when you saw the desperation in their eyes, the innocence and ignorance of youth, you couldn't. How could you? They had no one else.
Who would be there to protect them?
Who would teach them important life skills?
Who would guide them into a successful future?
Most importantly, who would care for them?
Turning on them and abandoning them would be the same as what they did to you. They would feel this same ache, this emptiness in your chest. They'll wander endlessly in their mind but forever stuck in one place. They'll fight a battle of self-worth and degradation for the rest of their lives. They'll learn that the only way to survive is through death, only then can peace truly be achieved.
That's why you absolutely cannot leave them alone.
You'll create a future they can look forward to. You'll give them guidance, love, and care. You'll become a parental figure who fulfills their emotional needs and a teacher who can guide them to a successful future.
So you'll continue your fight until every lost child finds their way.
Yet, you never imagined one of those "children" would be the cruel prince of Inazuma.
"Get back here."
You turned from the cliff to look at the man before you. His blue eyes stared into yours with an unreadable expression. The only sounds were from the whispering trees and the subtle chimes from the bells adorned on his hat. Compared to your ragged and unkept appearance, he looked like he came out of a fairy tale.
"Don't move a single inch."
His monotonous but authoritative voice sliced through the silence. You stayed silent and unmoving but not in obedience to his command. You stood there to ensure he wouldn't move himself. You knew the moment you did, he would not hesitate to do it as well.
The only thought that ran through your mind was how much he's changed.
"Please..."
Your expression faltered.
His expression tightened.
"Come back to me."
Below is the link to Quotev's version. This will serve as proof of my ownership.
"Do you know the difference between the shadow and the darkness? The darkness will swallow you whole, leaving no light to exist. A shadow, however, will always have light. So, knowing this, allow me to be your shadow and lead you into the light."
- To the prince of Inazuma