Chapter Text
There is silence in the car as they drive to the restaurant, Jimin is leaning against the window looking at the nightlife. Usually, the quiet doesn’t bother Yoongi, in-fact he welcomes it, but it feels a lot different now. Well if he’s honest he should be feeling like this, given he forgot that it’s his and Jimin’s first year anniversary today. He should have gotten the idea when Jimin looked expectantly at him the entire morning as if he was waiting for Yoongi to do or at least say something. Or the time when Jin Hyung and Taehyung took Jimin for a surprise Spa Date in the afternoon. In fact, before departing, Hyung had even tried giving him a wink as a hint. But the upcoming deadlines for the new album release were the only thing on Yoongi’s mind, that he spent the entire day tweaking the songs forgetting about everything else as usual. When the three of them returned back expecting the house to be decorated extravagantly, all they found was a sleep deprived Yoongi still in his grey sweatpants and headphones slid to his neck. It was for a moment, but Yoongi did see sorrow in Jimin’s eyes as Taehyung dragged him into their bedroom. He didn’t get it initially, but Jin’s glare was really scary that made him rethink all his life choices. While he went through a panic attack, Jin rose to the occasion and called someone, 30 mins later they were all ready to have a group dinner at the newly opened rooftop restaurant that usually needed reservations two months prior. In other circumstances, Yoongi would have questioned how exactly Jin achieved this feat, but he is more than happy right now that at least he can still save the day with whatever time they have left on his hands. Taehyung went with Seokjin in his car, leaving the couple alone to follow them behind. The other three decided to reach the location directly.
Yoongi feels increasingly nervous as the silence stretches on. And he can't stop himself from the constant fidgeting in his seat or just clearing his throat too often. But none of these activities are actually helping him to think of anything that could make the situation better. He practices some lines in his head until they reach. He should say something, at least an apology for that matter. When they stop at a particular traffic light, Yoongi feels a slight caress over his knee that he was shaking unconsciously the entire time. He turns to peek at Jimin, who is still avoiding his gaze and is instead looking at the nearby tree decorated with small fairy lights. The lights reflect over his face making him look ethereal. A sharp sting passes through Yoongi’s chest, but he dismisses it as the traffic light turns green.
Once the road gets cleared and the car picks up a constant speed, Yoongi's mind wanders to how rare it is for Jimin to be this quiet. Yoongi knows this phase, it happens whenever Jimin feels too overwhelmed with his own thoughts but doesn't want to burden anyone else. The notable times it has happened before, Yoongi has seen Jimin being clingy and speaking up only when he has sorted his thoughts. The hand on his knee never left, so Yoongi tentatively tries adding his left hand on top. The action causes Jimin to retract his palm and finally turn to look at him. His face looks bewildered as if he himself forgot his hand was caressing Yoongi’s knee a moment ago. They look at each other for a moment before Jimin goes back to staring out the window.
After parking their car, Yoongi notices the group chatting at the entrance of the restaurant. Jimin comes beside him and interlocks their fingers with a bright smile on his face. But Yoongi can clearly see how fake it is without the characteristic crescent eyes. The others notice them, and some pleasantries and wishes are exchanged. Everything is going good, until the most dreaded question of the night is popped, “Wow! You both are right on time. I thought we would see you during our seconds.” Hobi says as he nudges Yoongi's shoulder. “By the way, why invite us? You both could have a special date night together right?”
Yoongi feels Jimin’s hold tightening and turns to him impulsively. He considers if it's the correct time to put forward his bare thoughts . But as soon as he gazes into those brown eyes full of concern and question, Yoongi’s brain goes totally blank and he realises he is not at all ready to say anything. So, he just makes the first excuse that comes in his mind, “I think I didn’t lock the car. I’ll come back.” Jimin’s hold drops, but the touch… that familiar feeling lingers.
Yoongi goes back to his car and leans on its hood. “Fuck!” he curses as his hands find their way through his hair. He really needs to get a grip, he can’t keep avoiding confrontation like this. Jimin is sad, he should be disappointed in Yoongi, then why is he still so calm about all this? And why can't Yoongi just say something, ANYTHING? WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?
“Hyung?”, a deep voice mumbles as a hand grips his shoulders. Yoongi turns around to see Namjoon. “Are you okay?” His eyes hold a compassionate look, the same one that everyone seems to be giving him the entire evening. And frankly, Yoongi is done being looked down upon.
Yoongi sighs, narrowing his eyes and asks in an annoying tone, “Why are you here? Go back. I am coming.”
Namjoon turns Yoongi around to face him fully, squeezing his shoulders a bit in the process. “Hyung, that’s not an answer.” He stares at Yoongi for a while before continuing, “It's normal to forget stuff you know.”
“Oh is it? Then why the hell are you all giving me these pitiful looks? Huh?”, Yoongi snaps as he pushes Joon away. He walks towards the driver door, just to calm his increasing anger. He clicks the button to unlock the car a little too many times as he continues, “I had deadlines to manage, okay?”
Namjoon follows him around as Yoongi opens the door “No one here is giving you any kind of looks, Yoongi.” Namjoon continues with an equally high tone, clearly getting agitated. “But I did tell you to leave early yesterday instead of drinking till late. You didn’t mind the deadlines then…”
“Hah!” Yoongi lets out a bitter chuckle as he slams the door shut. “So a man can’t even enjoy one evening, without being reminded how fucked up his life is? It's just a small day, a day when Jimin asked me last year, mind it last year if I wanted to be boyfriends. It's done, we are boyfriends, aren’t we? It's not like we are married and I forgot our marriage ann-”
A phone ring from inside the car cuts their conversation short. Yoongi opens the door again to see Jimin’s phone in the centre console. As he takes it out, his eyes fall on his very boyfriend standing in the distance looking at them. Jimin doesn’t look angry or even shocked. He just looks… disappointed, his eyes moving between Yoongi and Namjoon searching. Yoongi notices a lone tear sliding down his cheek, that he wipes away harshly and breaks eye contact, dropping his head to stare at the ground instead.
Fuck! Did Jimin just hear their conversation?
The air shifts and the whole world goes quiet, as if taking in what just happened. Yoongi can hear his own thumping heartbeats. They feel like an earthquake, breaking off the fragile thread that was keeping Jimin connected to him. He was supposed to apologise, but… but his last sentence definitely didn’t sound like he was sorry? Namjoon, following Yoongi’s line of sight, also turns to realise Jimin’s presence behind him.
Jimin just moves towards them avoiding their gazes and grabs his phone. “Jimin…”, Yoongi whispers, clawing at anything to grab the broken string that he severed. He tries to hold on to Jimin’s wrist but Jimin simply removes his fingers and goes away, never glancing back.
Shit! Shit! Shit! What have I done?