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It was another night in Argentholme, cold as any other. And for a golden Dragonborn, even colder still. Taishen hadn’t felt the damp warmth or anything similar to Jadeshell Village for so long. Too long.
It was like his whole body, every single one of his scales, craved for the sun to shine on them again. The whole ride in the More Abound he’d found himself too excited to care, and then after they arrived in Drakkar, too worried about their survival to think about it. Yet now, he’d found himself the time to, well… have time to himself.
He put down the little cup in his hand, a relaxing mix of spices swimming inside, still steaming hot. The tea always warmed his insides as it went down, but it was nothing compared to the dampening heat of Jadeshell. He knew there was only one way of getting near that same peaceful warmth, if only a facsimile of it.
Taishen bunched his hair again and put aside the tea set, making the fire roar again with a snap of his fingers. He then fed the hungry fire, with wood he’d reserved for his own hearth, just for this specific purpose. He sighed, stretching his limbs and warming up for a training session.
Training always helped him with his anxiety, it centered him. When the More Abound was still floating and not at the bottom of the sea, training his body and soul helped him with his seasickness. That is, whenever he was able to put a steady foot on the helm without throwing the rest of his meal overboard. During those times, he’d depended on his friends to help him get on his feet. He’d received valuable tips on how to avoid seasickness from Barnabos, Queenie helped him brew tea too many times to count, sometimes sweetening it with her honey when he wasn’t looking, and Skrimm… Well, he’d made him laugh with his jokes and strange ways to play cards (who would’ve thought playing cards and losing your clothing garments as a punishment could be that popular!).
Then, there was their spiritual leader, as Barnabos liked to call him nowadays, Jornir. Jornir had, in his own way, saved him from the hesitation that plagued his mind. He’d assured him more times than necessary that their travel would’ve ended with them in Drakkar either way, no matter if Taishen had avoided that iceberg or not. His trinity had certainly some plans with them, plans yet to come to fruition. Still, Taishen still hoped in his heart of hearts that it was maybe Fu Zhao who would hear his prayers at night. He felt doubt creeping through him like a chilling cold, but he stepped closer to the fire and focused on his breathing again.
His faith had been unwavering and unmoving like a rock, as smooth and malleable as water. After FuZhao championed him, he’d heard nothing, not even a whisper in the wind, a ray of sunshine, a yellow flame in the hearth. He would never doubt the power of the dragon that gave him all of his powers, but being so far away from home, could Fu Zhao even hear him properly?
Taishen gave a powerful kick, then spun around to finally land gracefully on his feet, trying to kick the doubt away. He was starting to feel that familiar sheen to his scales, the shimmery sweat upon golden made him feel at home. His friends were his home now, but he yearned for his village, the scent of the tea leaves, the laughs of children, the sun in his face, the warm embrace of Fu Zhao, his niece-.
A creak of the old house they called home made him jump and stumble then fall to the ground. The startle caused his hair to fall all over him, blonde strands almost touching the ground. Taishen found his lungs aching for air, heart pounding in his ears, body glimmering with a sheen of sweat, the wood on the fireplace still crackling away. Despite the unwillingness of his body, he took a deep breath to clear his thoughts, kneeling on the wooden floor.
Fu Zhao had been the one who originally sent him on this voyage, had been the one to grant him powers beyond what any other dragonborn back home could do. He could not doubt his ancestor, could not afford to do so after so many months of praying, after depending on those powers to help his friends survive the horrors of this continent and beyond. Taishen would not, could not house doubt in his heart. His friends needed him alive, and Taishen couldn’t fathom leaving them on this desolated continent without their fire source. He could not disappoint the god that had made him their champion. He took a deep breath again, fanning the flame of hope in his heart.
The door of his room cracked open to see one lone eye blue in the darkness. It slowly creaked open, revealing the form of a certain firbolg, half covered in shadow, half illuminated by the firelight. Taishen was suddenly engulfed by the memory of their first encounter during their imprisonment, however long ago that was.
Taishen had been aching for the weight of his tea set on his hip for quite some time when he heard the news of someone else coming to their prison. The nights in Yulong were hot and damp as could be, something that in his current situation he would more than kill for. Despite the warmth, he would always make sure to keep a tallow candle on. The warm flame would remind him of his mission, to learn and have experiences outside Jadeshell that he could bring back and dispel the evil forces surrounding it. Even if the others would complain of the smell and heat, even if it took all of his strength to create a tiny flame back then, he would look at the meek flame and stare at it for what seemed like hours, almost in a meditative state. It made the wait shorter, and it kept him sane.
The cell door rattled as one of the guards inserted the key, calling the attention of everyone inside. Even as the guards spoke among themselves and jeered at the new prisoner, he did not say a word. Through the door the guards pushed a blue giantkin, silent as if mute, and that one blue eye shining through long strands of red auburn hair, disheveled from struggling with the guards as they took off his handcuffs. From the moment that Taishen saw that blue eye shining in the darkness, he knew that he would look up to it like one looks up at the stars to keep yourself from straying from your path. A star that would surely never flicker. To be looked upon it felt like the warmest embrace. To give a name to the new flame that ignited his heart that night would be foolish. And how foolish he was, to hand over his flaming heart to the wall of ice that was Jornir, if he just asked for it.
Their experiences after crashing in Drakkar had only confirmed that Taishen had been right to trust, almost blindly, in Jornir. Jornir had been unmovable in his faith, like an anchor at the bottom of the ocean, yet he’d kept the whole group afloat. Jornir, in all his brutally honest wisdom, had kept Taishen afloat. His encouragement to perfect his art, their discussions on draconic runes, the spot he would leave for him to rest after his guard, his compassion and understanding. Taishen could still remember the coldness of being plunged in the freezing rapids, Jornir’s arms around him like a lifeline.
“Taishen… Taishen…!” A hand shook him from his trance. Jornir had both of his hands on Taishen’s shoulders, now kneeling in front of him. His brow furrowed in an uncharacteristic worry, hair loose and not in its usual braided style. “Are you alright?”
“Jornir!” Was the only thing that escaped Taishen, like taking a breath of fresh air after too long underwater. “My friend, yes, I was… I was meditating, is all. Were you asleep already? I am terribly sorry, Jornir!”
“I heard something that sounded like falling. You did not answer when I called from the doorframe.” He said in that hoarse voice, his right hand now placed upon Taishen’s forehead. “You’re warm. Are you alright?”
“It’s just the hearth, Jornir. Nothing to worry about. It just helps me concentrate more on my training.” Taishen looked up again at him, now noticing how sweaty and disheveled he must be. “Forgive me for my appearance, I got… Carried away, it seems.”
Taishen stood up gracefully, trying to get the dust off his knees and enduring the heat in his cheeks. How long had he been out of it before Jornir shook him awake? The silence that Jornir left spoke louder than his words. Doubt. “There’s nothing to worry about, my friend! If it were a malady of my form, I would have come right to you.”
“So there is something bothering you.” Just as always, it seemed like the druid could read him like an open book.
“There is no such thing, I can promise you. It’s just…” He thought of something to say, something less pathetic than a little faith crisis. “I am seemingly unable to find rest. My mind just keeps pacing. Nothing to worry about, I assure you.”
“Taishen, your mind is just as important as your body, if not more.” Jornir finally stood up, quicker than usual, maybe because of the lack of the tusks on his back. “Treating your mind accordingly is just as important as healing any physical injuries.”
“Training and meditating usually helps me find rest, yet…” Taishen’s whiskers twitched, reminding him of how little sleep they had been getting. “I seem to find no respite, no matter how tired my body feels.”
“I see. This happens to me as well. Talking about it could help you feel better.” Taishen let himself a moment to recollect his thoughts. When he was about to deny his offer once again, Jornir seemed to stammer a few words that he’d left unsaid. “Or so I’ve been told.”
If it wasn’t for the awful heat in the room, Taishen could’ve sworn he’d seen Jornir turning crimson and avoiding his gaze, his ears downturned as well. The dragonborn gave himself some time to savor the sweetness of the moment as one savors an exotic fruit.
“Well then, in that case, how should I start?... Would you like to talk about this over a cup of tea?”
As they both sat down with their cups of tea on Taishen’s bed to talk about it, the conversation seemed to just flow away. Even if it was less talking about it and more like Taishen just talking for hours on end, Jornir seemed glad to just listen to him. Even happy, one might say.
“... And I’m terribly sorry if I woke you, my friend. I was just too deep in my thoughts to notice, and then a creaking of the house distracted me…”
“There is no need to apologize, Taishen.” Jornir said gruffly, sipping on his tea.
“There are many things I need to apologize for, to all of you, too many to count” Taishen’s claw traced the engravings on the cup while his other hand held his snout, trying to hide himself. “I wasn't able to provide fire when we needed it, I wasn’t able to protect everyone when I needed to, I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t-”
“You are, Taishen. And you always have been, and will be. I do accept your apologies, even if I do not believe them necessary. There is no need to bother yourself with these… Thoughts.” Jornir sipped slowly, regarding Taishen with a soft eye. “Fate has put you on this path, to learn. Isn’t this what your god asked of you as well? To learn?”
“Just not at the sake of other lives!”
“They were lost from the start, I saw it in the runes.” Jornir had placed his hand on Taishen’s shoulder again, and he felt the piercing stare of one lone eye. But Taishen didn’t want any sympathy.
“Jornir, I am the reason all those ogres and humans died. I destroyed that city in the blink of an eye.” Taishen lowered his sight to his hands. They were stained in the blood of uncountable innocent people, even if indirectly, the guilt he felt would not wash away. “This land… It takes advantage of the weak, of the merciful.”
“Taishen Fireblossom. You are strong, in faith, in body and in mind as well. Your kindness is a strength, not an inconvenience.” The firbolg placed a hand on top of Taishen’s, engulfing it completely. Finally, jade scleras looked back upon mismatched eyes. “I am certain, as dawn follows the night, you will be triumphant in your mission.”
Time seemed to freeze over for what seemed like eternity. But it didn't phase the golden dragonborn. To know that his faith was reciprocated made his heart warm in an unusual way. Lazy butterflies seemed to escape from Taishen’s belly, as if lulled to slumber by Jornir’s words. Even if it was foolish of Taishen, he wished it meant the same for Jornir as it meant to him, to put his faith and judgement on someone he thought so highly of. Eternity was broken when Taishen wrapped his arms around the giantkin as well as he could, to ignore the tears welling in his eyes.
“Jornir, I… Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You honor me with your words.” He said after a while, and felt the druid’s hands on his back, petting his scales. “I cannot allow these doubts to fester. For the sake of everyone, I shall be as strong as what you deem me to be.”
He heard Jornir let out a small laugh, almost imperceptible if it wasn’t for the fact that they were basically chest to chest. Except they weren’t, Taishen was hugging him by the small of his waist, the only place where he knew his arms would wrap around completely, the side of his head plastered on the druid’s chest. As soon as he felt Jornir tense up, Taishen decided to let him go, suddenly ashamed of the proximity of their bodies.
“I do not wish to keep you awake much longer, my friend, you must be tired as well.” Taishen whispered before yawning and stretching his arms, the strain of his training now taking a toll.
“You are not the only one having a hard time falling asleep. I am glad to see you are at ease now.” Jornir rose from the bed, leaving his empty cup next to the pot. “Very well, this was… Good. You should rest now, Taishen, I shall take my leave.”
He said, still and unmoving, as Taishen climbed the bed and tucked himself in. He indulged in bunching up his pillows and stretching his limbs on the bed, covering it completely. It was only then that Jornir moved again, stirring the coals in the hearth and feeding it a bit more wood, just so it wouldn't run out until well into the morning. Just as the druid’s hand was about to reach the door handle, Taishen cleared his throat and hesitated to speak, his heart a drum in his chest.
“Jornir?”
“Yes, Taishen?”
“I’ve heard when one struggles, sleeping beside another is a good way to get rest.” Taishen said, unable to look at the door or the firbolg next to it. The only thing that betrayed his seemingly relaxed state being his tail flicking at the side of the bed, almost touching the floor.
“Or so I’ve been told.” Taishen added, almost lightheaded from the rapid rhythm in his chest, almost reaching his throat.
“Are you… asking me to lay with you?” Jornir asked after seconds that stretched like hours.
It took Taishen what seemed like a century to hear the rustle of clothes and steps towards his bed, as if in careful hesitation. Finally he could hear boots being taken off and the multiple bedsheets being peeled apart. A resigned sigh made itself present in his ear, the same tingling sensation he felt when they were hanging on for dear life in those rapids, along with a warmer, much larger body in Taishen’s bed.
Both of them laying in a normal humanoid bed together was too tight of a fit, bordering on uncomfortable. Of course, compared to the hard cold floor in the middle of the drakkarian wilderness, this was a palace. Even though they now had all the comforts of living indoors after months of surviving on the harshest, most cruel winter known to Avantris, Taishen would secretly miss those times, where the five of them would huddle around each other, looking for a warm spot. In retrospect, the thought seemed so trivial and so silly. How foolish of him, the champion of Fu Zhao, to seek the mortal comforts of sharing warmth with the people you love the most.
Taishen turned around to finally face Jornir, who had both of his eyes closed with a relaxed expression, cheeks slightly flustered. He slightly opened his working one, cold blue ice staring at him. Taishen stared back, getting closer and closer, pleading for something he’d rather not even think about.
Jornir, finally getting the clue, blushed but still opened his arms to receive a warm hug, one he couldn’t help but return, slightly pressing Taishen against him. This time, not out of necessity or cold, but just out of utter affection. Words just seemed so unnecessary in this little realm, where only the both of them existed, where Taishen could swim in the endless ocean that was Jornir’s embrace.
Taishen was afraid he could never go back to sleeping alone after this.
“Dawn will come soon.” Jornir reminded him in a whisper, voice rougher than usual from what seemed like exhaustion.
“Good night, Jornir.”
“Good night, Taishen.”
Taishen closed his eyes and awaited dreamless slumber. Even after the exhaustion of his body, and talking his heart out loud for hours, there was still something in the back of his mind. It kept him awake, and it was making him lose his patience.
He wiggled in the firbolg’s grip until he felt two big hands picking him up from under his armpits, up until he was almost on par with Jornir’s eye level, only to then feel the arms embrace him again. Jornir hummed something, too sleepy to open his mouth, then pressed Taishen closer again. Against his own will, Taishen’s heart picked up its pace, the trot suddenly becoming a gallop. Despite his face burning up, his physical tiredness would not let him move, and so, he plunged himself into the feelling, wrapping his arms around Jornir’s neck.
By now there was no chance that Jornir could not feel the rapidly beating heart against his chest. But if he did, he didn’t mention it. Taishen started tracing the designs on Jornir’s clothing, trying to not think about the fact that they had never been so close, scales against soft fur. His attempts at calming down had the opposite effect, as Taishen felt Jornir gulp.
“What is it, Taishen?” His voice was almost sweet in his ear. Taishen gave himself a moment to answer, battling with the knot in his throat.
“Jornir, I…” Taishen started saying, even wrapping his tail around Jornir’s leg. “I just can’t thank you enough, for everything you have done to save me, save us, I… I wish I could be as devoted in my faith as you are in yours.” Taishen felt Jornir take air and open his mouth to talk, but he was quicker.
“When we were falling down that waterfall, I wanted so hard, desperately tried to protect you, tried to use my magic, and call upon Fu Zhao. But…” He gulped, blinking away the tears of frustration. “The only thing I remember as we fell was you saying an incantation, your magic enveloping me…” If he closed his eyes hard enough, he could almost feel the freezing waters. He shivered, both from the ghost feeling and the realization that struck him at that moment, quickly rising to properly look at Jornir, who now had both of his eyes open, his downturned ears going a deeper crimson.
“I am alive because of you.”
“It wasn’t an incantation. It was your name.” Jornir corrected him, like it was just a trivial thing, with the smallest smile on his face. “I was saying your name, Taishen.”
He wiped the tears off of Taishen’s cheekbones. Even if he was avoiding looking at Taishen directly, Jornir’s gaze felt less cold than before, almost melting.
But before Taishen could really think about his answer, his mouth opened on its own to reveal his thoughts. “I would have liked to be able to hear you saying my name, you have never looked so beautiful as in that instant.”
The realization seemed to hit them both like a whiplash, and Taishen decided to hide himself on the crook of Jornir’s neck, feeling it heating up, still speechless. Jornir was a man of few words, but was never left speechless. The wall was more than melting, it was boiling over.
Once again the seconds stretched into what felt like hours, centuries passed without an answer that wasn’t Jornir’s heart beating against his chest, slightly tensing up. The knot around Taishen’s throat tightened as he felt the anxiety creeping in. Before Taishen could apologise, the druid interrupted.
“I have seen… Many things during my lifetime, met all kinds of people...” Jornir finally started talking, caressing Taishen’s back softly, in a different manner than before, like now he was certain of his actions. “But you, Taishen, are the most beautiful, most precious of them all.”
“Your feelings are not lost on me. I… Care for you, dearly.” Maybe Taishen had fallen asleep and this was all in his selfish, foolish imagination. His suspicions were disproven as he heard the sounds around him, the druid’s soft breathing, the fire crackling away.
“As do I, like never before.” Taishen sighed with relief, with the weight finally off his shoulders, he felt like he could breathe again. He yawned and finally closed his eyes, pleased with the warmth of his heart. “Thank you, Jornir.”
“No need. We will talk about this later. Rest now, my heart.”
“Good night, Jornir.”
Skrimm wasn’t one to wake up early. In fact, it was getting kind of late for his companions to wake him up. It was bright outside now, he’d forgotten to close the curtains when he fell asleep and just to make matters worse, the fuel in his fireplace had run out in the middle of the night. Great start to his day, just fucking great. He rose, grumbling and cursing everyone and everything as he put on his boots.
“I swear to God if this is just one of Jornir’s tests… ‘Skrimm, do this, do that’ Yeah, kiss my…”
He was doing his best Jornir impression when the open door to Taishen’s room caught his attention. Most of the time the door would be wide open on account of him not being in his room, and the times he would close it shut were during his training sessions (yeah right, training sessions). But never ajar like this.
He got closer to the door and held the cold handle in his hands, and as he was about to yell Taishen’s name, the sight made his jaw drop to the floor.
The wide expanse of Taishen’s shoulders were wholly covered by his bed sheet, from his vantage point Skrimm could barely see the tip of his snout, golden scales shining against the fire that was still raging in the hearth. All that would be normal, if you ignore the fact that Taishen was snoring with Jornir on the same bed, hugging and intertwined like a pair of lovers.
Too late did he notice Jornir was staring at him, with a killer look on his eye, just the same glare he would do after Skrimm ‘skrimmed’ something up. A look that seemed to say, ‘Go ahead and tell them, they will never believe you.’
Skrimm just decided the battle would not be worth it, retraced his steps and closed the door behind him. He tried to muffle his steps until he reached the stairs, and then, he bolted to the kitchen, where Barnabos had just begun to work on breakfast for the four of them.
“Fuck! Fuck, fuckfuckfuck FUCK!! Queenie is gonna be so mad she missed that! Oh I owe her so much gold now, fuck!”