Not a Clone

by kestrelsan

Summary:

Cloud's older self shows up from the future and throws his world into chaos.

Notes:

While writing It All Comes Back Around, I had a whole narrative in my head about what Young!Cloud and Zack were up to. This is the companion story told from their POVs. Some of the plot stuff will probably make more sense if you read that story first, but if you’re just here for Cloud and Zack being in love and stupid about it, it’s not really necessary :).

I’m trying to keep scene overlap to a minimum, but I know I won’t always be able to avoid it. I’m also posting this one as I go, because I don’t think I can sit on another 60k fic while I’m finishing it lol. I hope to post a chapter every 1-2 weeks.

Also note that Cloud is fifteen at the start of the story. Personally, I think it’s bugfuck crazy that kids can join Shinra’s infantry at fourteen, but since they can, I consider that to be the age of adulthood and consent in this universe.

Chapter titles are taken from lines from the English translation of Kyosuke Himuro’s Calling, because I love that song at the end of Advent Children. It’s so awesomely 80s.

Also, I’m new to this fandom and source material, having just discovered it via Remake earlier this year, but I have SO MANY FEELINGS and my friends are tired of me going on and on about it :). So more fanfic is likely to come.

Chapter 1: How many sleepless nights

Of course the official response to Cloud’s SOLDIER application pinged his PHS while he was folded up on Zack’s couch kicking ass in the new Shinra Alpha Forces 5 that had dropped earlier that month. It was the first weekend their time off had overlapped since the game came out; Cloud had missed this since Zack had made First.

His stomach dropped when he saw the subject line. “Fuck,” he said, throwing his PHS at Zack, who fielded it on his stomach with an oof.

“What the hell,” Zack complained, when his swing completely missed the target and landed his avatar on his ass. Cloud was already dead from a sniper. “We have to restart the mission now.”

“I can’t,” Cloud said breathlessly, because he couldn’t breathe. “You have to look at it for me.”

Zack shot him a puzzled look that cleared when he picked up Cloud’s PHS from his abdomen. “Oh.”

Cloud couldn’t read his tone—Zack had been nothing but encouraging of Cloud’s attempts to get into SOLDIER, but this was Cloud’s second try now, and maybe Zack was fatigued by the pep talks and consolation burgers from when Cloud was rejected the first time.

Zack pressed his thumb on the email subject line. Cloud knew the second it took him to read the email that this time had panned out exactly like the one before.

“I’m sorry,” Zack said awkwardly, and Cloud’s first thought was that Cloud was a shitty friend to make Zack give him the bad news like that. His second came from that stupid voice in his head, saying, of course you didn’t make it; you’re fucking worthless.

“It’s all right,” Cloud said, hating how high and tight his voice was as he plucked his PHS from Zack’s fingers. “I mean, I knew it was a long shot.” He hadn’t—he’d actually thought he might make it this time. He’d trained so fucking hard for it. Every inch of him hurt from the extra hours in the training room. He’d practically memorized the written portion of the exam.

“They’re crazy for not taking you,” Zack said sincerely. “You’d be great in SOLDIER. I don’t know anyone with a better work ethic than you.”

Cloud knew plenty of people with great work ethics, and they were all in SOLDIER. It was just the bare minimum for being the best.

Cloud didn’t need to be the best. He just wanted to not fucking suck. To be worth something in this life.

“I’ll try again next time,” he said, as lightly as he could manage, and picked up the game controller from the couch cushion where he’d flung it when the email had come through.

Zack was quiet. Cloud knew he was thinking the same thing as Cloud: after two rejections, Shinra was never going to accept him in SOLDIER.

He put the controller back down. “Actually, maybe I’ll turn in early tonight. I know we were going to play for a few more hours, but—”

“Cloud,” Zack said quietly, and Cloud couldn’t fucking do this. It wasn’t like Zack understood this feeling. He was a SOLDIER First Class now—had Zack ever failed at anything in his life? Ever felt this yawning pit of shame at never being able to measure up?

Clutching his PHS in his hand, he shoved his feet in his boots discarded earlier in front of Zack’s couch. “I’ll call you, okay?”

Zack let him go, which made Cloud love him even more. Maybe Zack couldn’t understand this feeling, but he understood Cloud like no one else ever had.

His bunkmates were out when Cloud got back to the barracks, which was good because he didn’t feel like dealing with them. But it also meant that he was alone with his thoughts, which was never a good thing. He should have just stayed at Zack’s and finished the video game instead of leaving and making it into a thing.

He got into his bunk and turned onto his side facing the wall. He needed to accept the fact that SOLDIER was probably not going to happen. He was too small, too weak, too dumb, or whatever other reason was behind the rejections. Plenty of people at Shinra spent their careers in the infantry. It wasn’t a mark of shame.

The burning pressure behind his eyes threatened to erupt. He was not going to cry about this like a big fucking baby. He was almost sixteen, for fuck’s sake.

His PHS buzzed in his pocket. Cloud pulled it out and cradled it in his hands. Zack had sent him some new pictures from that cactuar meme that had been going around. Cloud grinned despite himself as he scrolled through them. At the end, he texted Zack a string of emojis that basically amounted to, those are so stupid. Zack texted back his own set of emojis that basically said, I know, right??? 

Cloud broke their code and sent a smiley face in response, because he knew Zack would get it that he’d succeeded in cheering Cloud up, the way he always did.

Cloud knew exactly how lucky he was to have a friend like Zack. Most days he couldn’t believe a First Class SOLDIER would even want to be friends with him. He had no idea what Zack got out of their friendship, other than someone who liked video games as much as he did, and who shared his weird sense of humor.

And, well, there was also that thing that happened when Cloud would sometimes catch Zack looking at him, all intense and smoldery, and Cloud’s mouth would go dry because he wanted nothing more than to grab Zack by his shirt and kiss his stupidly handsome face.

He didn’t, because they were friends, and while Zack spent a lot of time looking at Cloud like that, he hadn’t acted on anything, either.

Cloud was used to longing for things he couldn’t have. And if one of those things was Zack Fair…well, better to deal with hopeless pining than to scare Zack off with feelings he might not share. It was bad enough not getting into SOLDIER. Cloud couldn’t risk losing Zack, too.

***

Zack wasn’t blind to the fact that Cloud was attractive. He was also not unaware that Cloud was attractive to him. It had taken a monumental amount of self-control he didn’t usually possess not to make a move on him in the year they’d known each other. Because while Zack had a lot of buddies, and he had people he looked up to and admired, Cloud was pretty much his main friend and the person he liked most in the world. He could forego the possibility of ever being with Cloud that way not to fuck that up.

Some days, though, were harder than others.

“Can I ask you something?” Cloud’s knees were pulled up to his chest on Zack’s couch as they redid the mission from the game they’d failed before, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth in a way that took the air from Zack’s lungs and pushed all his blood south. Cloud had no idea how hot he was when he did stuff like that.

“Sure,” Zack said, totally failing at sounding casual by the way his voice came out in a squeak.

Thankfully, Cloud didn’t seem to notice. Not that it mattered, because Cloud’s next question was the one thing Zack had hoped never to have to answer. “Do you really think I can make it in SOLDIER?”

“Um,” he said intelligently. He didn’t want to lie to Cloud, because that would totally not be cool. He also didn’t want to crush his spirit, because also not cool. “I think they’d be dumb not to take you,” he said truthfully, because he did think Cloud had the drive and determination to be an asset to SOLDIER. “It’s just, you know, really competitive.”

“I know,” Cloud said quietly. “I guess I thought working hard would be enough.”

“Working hard is really important. I know you’ve tried a couple of times now, but you’re still young. Maybe give it a year or two.”

“You were in SOLDIER before you were sixteen,” Cloud pointed out.

Zack didn’t want to mention that at sixteen, he’d had a few inches and several pounds of muscle on Cloud. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, but it did. “Angeal always tells me that I shouldn’t compare myself to others, only myself. That it’s the only measure that counts.”

“That sounds like the kind of thing someone tells you when you suck.”

Zack groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Cloud, I love you, but you’re gonna make yourself crazy if you think like that. The point is to keep getting better. To keep working toward your dreams.”

When Cloud went quiet, Zack realized what he’d said.

It was normal to love a friend, Zack told himself through his panic. Telling someone you loved them wasn’t the same as confessing you liked them, right?

“I’m sorry,” Cloud said, after a moment. “You’re right. I’m sorry I get this way sometimes.”

“Hey, stop apologizing.” It hurt Zack’s heart when Cloud got down on himself like this. He was also glad Cloud seemed to have taken the love thing in stride, or maybe he hadn’t heard Zack say it. “Listen, I was going to tell you later, but I’m leading a mission to Junon later this week, and I thought I could try to get a couple infantrymen assigned, if you wanted to go?”

Cloud frowned. “Wait, is this your first command as a First?”

Zack couldn’t help the smile breaking out on his face. “Yeah,” he said, then, “Hey!” when Cloud punched him in the arm.

“You idiot. You should have said something earlier. I’m so proud of you.”

Now Zack’s face was turning red as well as sporting a dopey smile. “Thanks. I’m pretty excited. Kinda nervous, though, to be honest.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Cloud said firmly. “You’re going to do awesome. And yeah, I’d love to go. Keep you on your toes and all that.”

Zack was profoundly relieved they’d moved on from the SOLDIER thing. And the love thing. “I should get more details on it in the morning. I’ll let you know at lunch tomorrow. We’re still on to meet at the cafeteria, right?”

“Sure,” Cloud said, picking up his controller again. “Now load in your character so I can kick your ass on this mission.”

“You know it’s coop, right?”

“Oh, you think,” Cloud said evilly, which was exactly why Zack loved him.

***

Cloud mostly managed to put his disappointment behind him at failing to get into SOLDIER yet again. Mostly. Like Zack said, he had to just keep getting better. There was nothing in the regulations that said couldn’t try again in a year or so, even if a year felt like a really long time. He just had to move on and get over it, and work harder for next time.

So he was totally unprepared for General fucking Sephiroth to invite him personally on a mission to assess his suitability for SOLDIER.

Cloud spent the hours after that in a daze. He barely remembered eating lunch with Zack or going back to guard duty after. He knew people were saying things to him but he couldn’t understand any of the words. After a while, they stopped trying to talk to him.

It wasn’t until that night that panic set in.

WTF Zack, he texted with shaky fingers. Did I dream all that?

His PHS rang a moment later. “Nope,” Zack said, when Cloud picked up. Cloud heard the grin in his voice. “You are definitely being assessed for SOLDIER by the elitist SOLDIER of them all.”

That didn’t help Cloud’s panic any. “But what the fuck do I do.”

Zack laughed, completely missing the reason for Cloud’s freakout. “Just be your awesome self. Seriously. I saw what you were capable of at Modeoheim. Just show him that.”

“Being myself has never turned out well for me in the past,” Cloud said darkly.

“You’d be surprised,” Zack said, uncharacteristically serious. “SOLDIER has plenty of yes men, but it doesn’t have a lot of people willing to speak their mind. It could use more people like you.”

Cloud was surprised to hear Zack say that, considering how avidly loyal he was to the program. “So you’re saying I should talk back to General Sephiroth?” he asked skeptically.

Zack laughed again. “Well, maybe not that, but you shouldn’t be afraid to voice your opinion to him, either. He’s not a monster, at least not most days.”

Maybe not to Zack, but Cloud’s experience was very different. Before coming to Midgar, Sephiroth had been the kind of SOLDIER Cloud had always longed to be: bright, untouchable, powerful. The reality was all that and more. To have someone like that single Cloud out from a crowd was, quite frankly, terrifying.

It didn’t help that Sephiroth’s follow up about the mission came when Cloud was in the infantry training room surrounded by a dozen of his fellow troopers. “Strife,” called the drill sergeant who was overseeing their training for the day. “General Sephiroth is waiting for you in the lobby.”

Silence fell. Cloud knew his face was red when he went to the lockers to retrieve the gear he’d shed for training. He didn’t have to look around the room to see the agape mouths that Sephiroth was asking for him. He wasn’t the worst among them by any means, but he wasn’t the best, either.

When he got to the lobby, Sephiroth was waiting for him. “Trooper Strife,” he said, politely enough, gesturing for Cloud to follow him out the main doors of the Tower and into the back seat of the transport car waiting for them. The security officer driving it shot Cloud a glance in the rearview mirror, probably wondering how a trooper had managed to get on a solo mission with General Sephiroth.

Cloud was wondering that, too. Remembering Zack’s words of encouragement, he tried not to feel intimidated. “There’s no one else on the mission, sir?” he asked, as the car pulled out onto the street.

From the other end of the back seat, Sephiroth glanced at him, cool and appraising. This was only the second time after that scene in the cafeteria that Cloud had ever been this close to him. “Is that a problem?”

“No, sir, of course not,” Cloud mumbled, despite Zack’s advice to be himself and not be afraid to speak up. Because this was fucking weird, right? Sephiroth meeting him for the first time a day ago and inviting him on this mission. Even if he was assessing Cloud’s suitability for SOLDIER, shouldn’t he have told Cloud something about it?

Cloud hated this kind of thing, where it felt like he was being judged on how well he could read other people’s minds.

He was quiet the rest of the ride down to the slums. When the security officer dropped them off, Cloud was a little surprised to see where they were. He’d never been to Wall Market personally, but he’d certainly heard about it. The third year troopers liked to go to the shows at the Honeybee Inn when they could get the tickets. They liked to do a lot more than that, too. Everyone knew what kind of place Wall Market was.

“This is where our mission is, sir?” he asked doubtfully as Sephiroth led the way through the streets crowded with people and lined with food stands, merchants, and other services. Cloud blinked at the explicitness of some of the advertisement posters.

“We’re investigating the sighting of a fugitive who escaped Shinra’s custody,” Sephiroth said, his stride long enough that Cloud had to trot to keep up. “He was spotted in Wall Market two nights ago.”

Usually that kind of news made its way through Shinra’s ranks like wildfire, but Cloud hadn’t heard anything about it. It made sense why Sephiroth was deployed to capture the fugitive, but not why he’d only brought Cloud with him.

He debated whether or not to say anything, but maybe that was the test? He said hesitantly, “With due respect, sir, if he’s a dangerous fugitive, shouldn’t we have brought backup?”

“I didn’t say he was dangerous,” Sephiroth said, after a moment. “I thought it best to keep a low profile.”

If that was true, he was doing a terrible job of it. Everyone they passed knew who Sephiroth was, by their startled looks and haste in getting out of his way. If Sephiroth had hoped to find their target by stealth, they’d already failed.

An experienced warrior like Sephiroth would know that. There was something else going on here.

Sephiroth seemed to have picked up on Cloud’s doubt. “Don’t worry, I don’t consider this to be a particularly dangerous mission. You should be safe enough if you stick close.”

Cloud’s face reddened that Sephiroth thought that was the source of his concern. Cloud might only be fifteen and a trooper, but he’d been in plenty of dangerous situations. It was part of the job. “I wasn’t worried about that, sir.”

He couldn’t help but think back to the Modeoheim mission where he’d met Zack. They’d been dispatched to track down a Shinra doctor, Hollander, who had disappeared with classified documents and genetic material, probably to sell to Wutai or to start his own lab. Cloud had managed to grab him while he was attempting to escape the mako facility. He’d gotten a commendation for his actions, but Hollander had still escaped in the end. Maybe this was Sephiroth’s way of giving him a second chance?

“Stay here,” Sephiroth said abruptly, and then the man actually leaped up the side of one of the buildings to the roof.

Mako enhancements were no joke.

Cloud scoped out the area in the meantime. The throughway they were on met a smaller alley a few feet ahead, which led down to another alley. There were several fire escapes and makeshift ladders that could act as points of egress from the roof, if the target was indeed on the rooftops, as Sephiroth seemed to think. The building Sephiroth had scaled connected to several others; this entire slum could be navigated by rooftop.

If they’d brought backup, they could have positioned troopers at the egress points. As it was, there was no way for Cloud to cover them all.

He ended up going back to the spot where Sephiroth had told him to wait. A few minutes later, Sephiroth returned. Whatever Sephiroth’s goal had been for this mission, he’d clearly failed, by the dark expression on his face.

“Any sign of him, sir?” Cloud asked.

“No,” Sephiroth said shortly. “We’re done here.”

***

Cloud was still trying to work out what exactly that had been about when Zack returned from his Junon mission. They’d texted a few times while he was away, but Cloud had been trying not to bug him too much, knowing Zack was nervous about his first command as a First.

Zack looked tired but happy when Cloud got to his place. He’d wanted to let Zack sleep, but Zack had asked him to come over to help him eat the pizza he’d just ordered, which meant he was probably too wired for sleep.

“How’d it go?” Cloud asked, after Zack let him in and he’d grabbed a slice from the box on Zack’s kitchen table, following Zack to the couch.

“Really good,” Zack said around a mouthful of pizza. “Like, some of the Seconds are older than me, so it was kinda weird, you know? But no one gave me any hassle, and we cleared the area of monsters without anyone getting hurt, so it was all pretty much a win.”

Cloud’s heart filled at seeing Zack so happy. “Of course it was.” He nudged Zack’s thigh with his foot. “You’re Zack freaking Fair, First Class SOLDIER.”

Zack snorted, nearly inhaling some of his pizza. After a brief coughing fit, he said, “You are way too good for my ego.”

“I think you mean bad for your ego,” Cloud said dryly.

Zack grinned. “You and Angeal, man! He’s always telling me to be more humble, but how could I be, with all this?” He waved at himself.

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Gods forbid.”

Zack wagged his eyebrows ridiculously at him. “You know it. Enough about me, though, tell me how your mission went with Sephiroth.”

“Oh.” Cloud thought about what to say. “It was fine?”

Zack frowned. He always could see through Cloud. “Where was it? He wouldn’t tell me anything about it.”

“Oh. One of the slums. Er, Wall Market.”

Zack’s eyes went wide. “He took you to Wall Market?”

Zack sometimes had a tendency to think Cloud was younger than he was and needed protecting, which was kind of sweet, but also unnecessary. Cloud had been in Shinra’s infantry for almost two years now; what he hadn’t seen firsthand, he certainly knew about. “It wasn’t that bad. Kind of an interesting place, actually.”

Zack looked so appalled Cloud had to laugh. “What mission did he have there?”

“We were looking for a fugitive who’d escaped. He didn’t tell me anything more about it.”

Zack frowned. “I haven’t heard anything about a fugitive here in Midgar.”

Cloud shrugged. “Yeah, me either. Whatever it was, we didn’t find anything.”

Zack got up to get another slice of pizza. When he returned to the couch, he asked, “So, what was Sephiroth assessing you for?”

“I have no idea. He didn’t tell me much about the mission. Didn’t say anything to me at all, really. He disappeared for a little while, and when he got back, he seemed kind of pissed off.”

Zack looked thoughtful. “I’ll talk to him about it.”

Cloud nudged his thigh again. “It’s fine. You don’t have to do that.”

Zack said stubbornly, “And why not? Isn’t that what friends do?”

Cloud sighed. “Most troopers don’t have a First Class SOLDIER ready to rush to their defense just because they were called in for a slightly weird mission. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

Or have word get around about all the preferential treatment he was getting. The barracks could be brutal whenever someone stepped out of line. Cloud was already on thin ice because of his friendship with Zack. It was even thinner after getting personal attention from someone like Sephiroth.

The last thing he wanted was to trade on Zack’s friendship to make it into SOLDIER. He wanted to earn that spot on his own.

“I won’t get into trouble,” Zack said with his usual confidence, which wasn’t dimmed even by the prospect of confronting his superior officer.

Cloud knew Zack well enough to know he wasn’t winning this battle. “Fine, but don’t mention me, all right? Just ask him about the mission.”

“Sure thing, Cloudy.”

***

Cloud had his doubts. He carried them all through the next day, until Zack finally called him late in the day, sounding thoughtful. “So, um. Apparently Sephiroth has another mission he wants both of us on this time. Something about checking the reactor at Nibelheim.”

Cloud’s stomach sank.

Zack went on, “I thought it was kind of weird, considering that’s where you’re from, but then I checked the mission records and the locals have reported monsters in the area. So I think it’s legit.”

Cloud gripped his PHS where he was curled up on his bunk. “Why does he want both of us?”

“No idea,” Zack admitted. “He said something about wanting to see us in action, since I just made First Class and you want to get into SOLDIER, but I’ll be honest, I think there’s something else going on.”

If there was, Cloud had no idea why he’d be involved in it. Was it just because he’d been with Zack at the cafeteria that day? It made sense that it was coincidental, that Sephiroth had just needed a trooper for some reason, but it was disappointing, too. Cloud still wanted the opportunity to prove himself.

“When do we leave?”

“In a couple of days. Hey, if nothing else, at least you’ll get a free trip home, right?”

“Right,” Cloud said faintly.

He’d never told Zack much about growing up in Nibelheim. About the stares, the whispers, the barely hidden derision. Some of it was because of his mom, who had dared to raise him on her own after Cloud’s dad died. A lot of it was because of Tifa’s dad spreading it around town that Cloud had been the one responsible for Tifa falling from the bridge when they were younger. As much as Cloud would like to see his mom again, going back to Nibelheim wasn’t the homecoming Zack probably imagined.

“And you’ll still get the chance to impress Sephiroth with how well you’d do in SOLDIER.”

Cloud was a lot less sure. But if the universe was going to give him his shot, then this was it, right? It was practically being served up on a silver platter, ready for him to take.

If only it didn’t have to be Nibelheim.

Chapter 2: Tumbling atop history

It took the short drive to Junon and twenty minutes on the ship before Cloud’s motion sickness kicked in. He’d thought he was over this; it had been a while since it had reared its head.

“Did the pills help at all?” Zack asked, his hand moving up and down Cloud’s back, a warm pressure through the cloth of his uniform. The bare inch of space between his thigh and Zack’s on the cabin bunk felt both miniscule and vast. If he didn’t feel like death warmed over, he might have leaned into Zack’s hand, just a little.

“Yeah,” he managed, because the pills had helped. His motion sickness, anyway, not his profound embarrassment that Sephiroth had had to buy him the pills at the ship gift shop. If he wasn’t so pale and clammy from the nausea, he was sure his face would be red. “Thank General Sephiroth for me, would you?”

Zack laughed softly, the sound reverberating through the bed. Unlike the movement of the ship, it made Cloud feel warm, anchored. “I told you he wasn’t a monster.”

Cloud didn’t think Sephiroth was a monster, but he didn’t think he had a particularly good impression of Cloud, either. “Did he tell you anything more about the mission?”

“No,” Zack said, his face closing over. Cloud knew how much it was bugging him that Sephiroth hadn’t told him more. “Maybe it is just a SOLDIER evaluation for you.”

If it was, Cloud was sure he’d already failed.

Zack’s hand slowed on the small of his back and drifted away. Cloud was missing its warmth when it returned, into his field of vision this time as Zack pushed back the spikes of his hair and Cloud’s breath stuttered to a halt. “You’re still pale, but you look better. Less green.”

“Thanks,” Cloud managed, as Zack’s fingers brushed against his forehead, the calluses of his sword hand a little rough on his skin, catching the stray strands of his hair.

A knock on the door got his lungs working again. He sucked in a breath. “Come in,” Zack called.

It was one of the ship’s porters, looking for Sephiroth. “The captain wants to speak to him about the landing schedule.”

“He’s not here,” Zack said, frowning, because it had been a while since Sephiroth had dropped off the pills.

Cloud nudged his leg with his. “Go look for him. I’m fine.”

Zack’s brows drew together. “You sure?”

“I’m sure,” Cloud said, as firmly as he could manage. “I’m gonna lie down for a bit, anyway.”

“All right.” Zack still looked doubtful, but he told the porter he’d send Sephiroth to the bridge once he’d found him. “You’ll be all right?” he asked Cloud again, once the porter had left.

Cloud rolled his eyes, then promptly wished he hadn’t, as it triggered another wave of nausea. “You don’t always have to take care of me, you know.”

A strange look passed over Zack’s face, like he was about to say something but stopped himself. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Once Zack had closed the cabin door behind him, Cloud slowly unlaced his boots and toed them off, placing them neatly against the wall next to his bunk. He swung his legs onto the bed carefully, hand splayed on his stomach as if that could somehow keep it from churning as he gazed up at the low deck head.

If it weren’t for his motion sickness and that they were going to Nibelheim, he might actually be enjoying the opportunity to be out on a mission with Zack again. The last time, Zack had given them a speech about honor and dreams and doing your best, and it had stayed with Cloud a while. It had reminded him why he liked Zack so much, even taking their friendship out of the equation. Why he was so proud that they were friends.

It made him doubly aware of how little he was bringing to the table. What did he have to offer, other than a weakling Zack had to take care of?

He must have dozed off, because the cabin door closing startled him awake. It was Zack, an odd look on his face as he sat down on the bunk opposite and started to unlace his boots.

“Did you find him?” Cloud asked. He’d never seen Zack look like that before, like he’d seen a ghost.

“Yeah,” Zack said. He swung his legs onto the bunk and crossed his arms behind his head, staring up. They lay in silence a while, then Cloud felt his eyes on him, the bright blue gaze strangely piercing. “Hey, you don’t have an older brother, do you?”

What a weird question. Cloud might not have told Zack everything about growing up in Nibelheim, but he was sure he’d said it was only Cloud and his mom. “I don’t have any siblings. Why?”

“No reason.” Zack turned his head to stare up at the deck head again. “When I went looking for Sephiroth, I saw someone who looked a lot like you, talking with him. But older.”

That was…weird. Then again, his mom had never told him much about his dad. He’d died when Cloud was young, and Cloud had only a few vague memories of him; impressions, really. The rumble of a deep voice, his mom laughing at whatever he’d said. She smiled a lot but didn’t laugh often, and the memory was vivid.

Thinking about his dad having another kid before he’d met his mom, about the possibility of having a brother, felt a little like his motion sickness returning. But it was…possible, he supposed.

“I’ll ask my mom about it,” he said, because Zack wouldn’t have brought it up if it was just a passing resemblance. If it wasn’t important.

“Okay,” Zack said, this time sounding sleepy. “Night, Cloud.”

***

By the time they reached Nibelheim, Cloud was just glad not to be in a moving vehicle any longer. The pills had gotten him through the night on the ship, but his nausea had returned on the drive from Costa del Sol.

He kept his helmet on when they got off the tac truck, both to hide his pale face and because he didn’t want to let the people who’d barely tolerated him growing up know he was here.

Zack noticed, by the puzzled look he gave him. “Happy to be back?” he said, bumping his shoulder against Cloud’s, the question more genuine than rhetorical.

“Sure,” Cloud said. He didn’t sound convincing even to himself.

“You’re welcome to visit anyone while we’re here,” Sephiroth broke in. “Friends, family. We won’t leave for the reactor until the morning.”

“Hey, Spike, your mom still lives here, right? Think you can wrangle us a dinner invitation?”

No doubt Zack was trying to put him at ease, but Cloud hadn’t even told his mother he was coming to Nibelheim. “I’m sure neither of you want to have dinner at my mom’s house.”

He wasn’t expecting Sephiroth to say, “If you don’t think it would be an inconvenience, a home-cooked meal would be welcome.”

Even Zack seemed surprised by Sephiroth’s ready acceptance. Cloud realized they were waiting for him to respond. “It wouldn’t be an inconvenience.” He sent a silent apology to his mom. “But I should probably let her know.”

“Of course,” Sephiroth said smoothly. “Please take the afternoon to visit with her and let Zack know if we would be welcome. We’ll take your things to the inn.”

A suggestion like that from a superior officer was as good as an order, and Cloud took it as such. Zack clapped him encouragingly on the back, which helped a little as he crossed the town square toward his house.

Nothing had changed, not that he’d expected it to in the two years he’d been gone. Still the same drab town, the same small-minded people. Maybe Zack thought he ought to be happy to be back, but all he felt was dissonance at seeing in reality again what had been relegated to memory: the water tower, Tifa’s house. Images that didn’t quite match up.

It was doubly strange having to knock on the door of the house he’d grown up in, but he didn’t have a key anymore. The split second his mom didn’t recognize him in his helmet when she opened the door was one of the weirdest things Cloud had ever experienced. Then her face lit up. “Cloud, is that you?”

“Hey,” he said awkwardly, aware that he’d had days to let her know he was coming. She had a landline; he could have called her from his PHS.

“Welcome home,” his mom said with a smile, voicing none of the recriminations he deserved. “Come in.”

Once inside, he took his helmet off. Everything looked just the way he remembered. The same pictures on the walls and shelves, the same plants and flowers in vases and pots. His mom always did like growing things. The same old refrigerator they had to defrost every other month so it wouldn’t leak, humming loudly in the kitchen.

“Let me get a look at you,” his mom said, taking him by the shoulders. “You’ve gotten so tall.”

Cloud held back a snort, because while he’d grown a couple of inches in the last two years, no one would ever accuse him of being tall.

“You look so handsome, too. Is this your SOLDIER uniform?”

“Oh, uh, no. I’m still in the infantry. I’ll probably try out for SOLDIER next year.” Which wasn’t a lie; he didn’t need to tell her he’d already been rejected twice.

“As long as you’re being careful,” his mom said, just like a mom, and then her arms were around him, hugging him tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

Cloud’s eyes pricked at the corners as he hugged her back. He should have told her he was coming. He’d called a few times since leaving for Midgar, but he knew she worried about him. He should have called more.

She pulled him over to the kitchen table and nudged him to his usual spot. “I’ll make some tea. Tell me everything. How is Midgar? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Mom,” he said, ducking his head in embarrassment. This was why he didn’t call.

“Never mind, I know you wouldn’t tell me,” she said, as she filled the tea kettle. He heard the smile in her voice. “What brings you home? Are you here to take care of the monsters the villagers have been seeing?”

“Actually, yes. I’m here with General Sephiroth and my friend Zack to check on the monsters and the reactor.” He couldn’t help the pride in his voice that he’d been included in such esteemed company, whatever the reason. Then he remembered what he’d sort-of committed his mom to. “I may have, uh, invited them over for dinner tonight.”

His mom whirled on him. “Cloud Strife! You might have led with that.”

Cloud winced. “Sorry.”

She shook her head, but her smile hadn’t dimmed. “It’s fine. You know I’m more than happy to have your friends over for dinner. Lucky for you, I have a roast I can defrost.” She went to the refrigerator and pulled out a package wrapped in brown butcher paper from the freezer, putting it on the counter as the kettle began to whistle.

After fixing their tea, she brought the two mugs over to the table, putting one in front of Cloud and the other at her seat, then went to get a plate of graham cookies, like Cloud was five.

Cloud still ate them.

“Tell me what Midgar is like. You look tired.” She sat and reached across the table to push one of the unruly spikes of hair away from his face. Cloud’s face heated when he thought about Zack doing the same thing for him last night, the faint scratch of calluses on his skin.

“I’m fine,” he said. “It’s okay. A big city and all that.”

He had no idea how to describe Midgar to someone who’d never been there. It had been nothing like what he’d been expecting. If it hadn’t been for Shinra and Zack, he would have been swallowed up by it. There were stories of people coming to the city from the country all the time, only to slip through the cracks.

He remembered what Zack had asked him last night. Hesitantly, not wanting to offend his mom, he asked, “Did dad have any other kids before you met him?”

She blinked, clearly surprised. “Why are you asking that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I was wondering if it was possible I had any older siblings.”

Her gaze softened, like maybe she was jumping to the wrong conclusion about why he was asking about possible siblings.

He ducked his head. “Zack thought he saw someone who looked a lot like me, but older. That’s all.”

“Oh.” After a while, she said, “If he did, he never said anything to me about it.”

She didn’t offer anything more. Sometimes Cloud wished they talked about his dad more, but he also knew she still missed him, even after all this time. He hadn’t wanted to stir up her grief by asking.

“Tifa asks about you often,” his mom said, after a moment. “Have you seen her yet?”

“No, not yet.” If it were up to him, he wouldn’t see her at all. Not after all his cocky assertions that he’d make it into SOLDIER. Aside from his mom, Tifa was the one person from Nibelheim whose opinion he cared about. He hadn’t been able to live up to his promises to either of them.

Maybe his mom sensed his reluctance, because she didn’t push it. “I’m sure there will be time for all of that. You’re here for a job, after all. Tell me about your friends who are with you.”

“General Sephiroth isn’t a friend,” he said, not wanting to give her the wrong idea. “He’s leading the mission.”

She smiled. “Tell me about Zack, then. He’s your friend, right? You just said so.”

She was teasing him, Cloud knew, but he still wasn’t sure what to say about Zack. They were friends. More than friends, maybe, though not exactly in the way Cloud wished. Best friends. The person he couldn’t imagine his life without.

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

She searched his face when he didn’t say anything more. “All right,” she said finally, her smile soft. “I look forward to meeting him.”

She stood and took her mug to the sink. “Speaking of, if we’re hosting dinner, we had better get started. Come on. You can help me with the rolls.”

***

Something’s going on with Sephiroth.

Zack stared down at the text he’d just sent Angeal, waiting for a response. It was late in the day, which meant Angeal would be done training the Seconds, and either in his office finishing up paperwork or back home in the apartment he shared with Genesis. Unless he was on a mission. As a First, Zack had access to the mission schedule. He checked it while waiting for a reply, and confirmed Angeal wasn’t scheduled for anything this week.

Angeal’s reply came a few minutes later, just as Zack reached the inn. What do you mean?

Zack’s thumbs flew on his PHS. He’s not telling us everything about the mission. And he met with someone last night on the ship.

He’d thought he was seeing things when he finally found Sephiroth on one of the upper decks, talking to a figure in black who’d looked eerily like Cloud. Not exactly the same, though. The voice had been deeper, the figure taller and broader. It couldn’t have been Cloud, despite the distinctive shade of blond hair.

Angeal took longer to reply this time. I’ll talk to him.

Well, fuck. Zack stared down at the screen. Angeal didn’t ask who Sephiroth had met with, which meant he already knew. Which meant that the only one not in on this secret was Zack.

That was really not cool.

He called Genesis, who answered on the fifth ring. He sounded out of breath. “Puppy, I’m in the middle of a horde of shoats who keep humping my leg when they’re not trying to bite it off, so I hope this is important.”

Oops. Zack had missed that in the mission schedule. “Why are you answering your PHS? And yes, it’s important.” Important to him, anyway.

Genesis sighed. “Fine. Give me five minutes, and I’ll call you back.”

While he waited, Zack picked up his and Cloud’s baggage from the lobby where Sephiroth had left it, taking it upstairs to their room after getting the key from the front desk. He put Cloud’s bag on one of the beds and sat on the other, foot tapping on the fraying rug next to the bed while he waited for Genesis’ call.

It came a few minutes later. “I need a very thorough shower after that, so make it quick.”

Zack said bluntly, “What are you and Angeal and Sephiroth hiding from me?”

Zack could usually tell when Genesis was lying. Genesis merely sounded slightly annoyed. “I’m not hiding anything from you. Why do you think we are?”

“I’m on a mission with Sephiroth, and something is very clearly up. He’s meeting with strangers—” who look like Cloud “—and not telling me about it. When I asked Angeal, he was cagey.”

Genesis was silent a moment. “It probably has to do with that swordsman Sephiroth is obsessed with.”

That was news to Zack. “What do you mean? Obsessed how?”

Genesis snorted. “Have you met Sephiroth?”

Genesis had a point. “Who is it? The swordsman, I mean.”

“No idea. I ran into him in Wall Market. I’ll send you the video I took. Keep it under wraps, though. For some reason, Angeal and Sephiroth are sitting on it for now.”

“Thanks, Gen.” At least Genesis was willing to give him some answers instead of keeping him in the dark. Unlike some.

“You’re welcome, puppy.” There was a muffled sound. “Ugh, that is disgusting,” Genesis said, before the call cut off.

His PHS pinged a few minutes later with the video Genesis had promised. It was too grainy to make out the swordsman’s face, but it was definitely the man he’d seen last night on the ship. Same modified SOLDIER First outfit, same distinctive blond hair.

No wonder Sephiroth had expressed such an interest in Cloud.

Zack rubbed the back of his head, wondering what to do. He could send the video to Cloud, but on its own, the video didn’t prove much. Cloud wasn’t the only person in the world with blond hair, even if they did look eerily alike.

As if aware of Zack’s thoughts, his PHS pinged with a message from Cloud. My mom said to come over around seven for dinner, if that’s all right.

It was enough to distract him. Zack was nervous about this dinner for reasons that had nothing to do with Sephiroth. He was going to meet Cloud’s mom. What if she hated him? What if she told Cloud to stop hanging out with him? Zack was not used to worrying about people liking him. Most people did. He was a likable guy. But what if that wasn’t enough?

It was too much to think about right now. Sure thing, Spike. I’ll let Sephiroth know. See you then.

***

Zack was aware he was laying it on a little thick, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from draping himself all over Cloud at dinner, teasing him mercilessly in a way that could easily be construed as flirting.

Sephiroth certainly seemed to think so, by the warning looks he kept throwing him. But Zack wasn’t talking to Sephiroth at the moment. All Zack cared about was that Cloud didn’t seem to mind. He wasn’t shrugging Zack’s arm off or telling him to stop, anyway.

Cloud’s mom was a tougher read. She didn’t seem bothered by Zack’s open affection for her son; on the contrary, she seemed relieved he’d made friends. By the careful looks she kept giving them, maybe she’d picked up that Zack wished they were more than that.

But his mission for the moment was for Cloud’s mom to like him, and he seemed to have accomplished that. So he was in a relatively good mood as they wrapped up dinner. It wasn’t even marred by Sephiroth leaving for a mysterious walk when they left Cloud’s mom’s house.

Cloud had put his helmet back on for the walk back to the inn. Zack bumped his shoulder. “Are you going to tell me what that’s all about?”

Cloud’s cheeks reddened noticeably under the helmet. “No.”

Well, all right, then. Zack bit back his curiosity. If Cloud didn’t want to tell him, Zack wasn’t going to ask.

“I talked to the mayor and the guide who’s taking us up to the reactor,” he said instead, once they’d returned to their room at the inn.

“Oh?” Cloud said, finally taking off his helmet. When he started to strip out of the outer layers of his uniform, Zack blinked and glanced away. He’d seen Cloud undress before in the training room lockers; he’d seen Cloud naked in the shower, for fuck’s sake. But this felt different somehow. “Who’s taking us?”

“Some girl named Tifa,” Zack said to the wall. “Apparently she knows the area the best.”

He sensed Cloud stiffen. “Oh.”

Zack glanced back at him, searching Cloud’s face for some clue to that ambiguous response. “Do you know her?”

“Kind of,” Cloud said, fingers moving stiffly on his uniform buttons. “We knew each other as kids, before I left.”

“Huh,” Zack said, his stomach churning in a completely unfamiliar sensation. Like bees flying around, buzzing in his stomach uncomfortably. His skin felt hot. “Was she your girlfriend?”

Cloud paused in the act of shrugging off his uniform coat. “Uh, no? Why would you ask that?”

Relief washed over him, soothing the buzzing in his stomach. “No reason. It just seemed like you had history.”

In the time Cloud took to answer, the bees came back. “Not history, so much. She…when we were kids, after her mom died, she went up Mount Nibel. I went after her to try to convince her to come back, but she fell on the old bridge, and I wasn’t able to catch her. We both fell, but she was more badly hurt. Her dad and the other townspeople blamed me for it.”

“Oh.” That explained a lot, actually. “So, um, the helmet thing…?”

Cloud shrugged. “I guess besides my mom, there’s no one here I want to see.”

Zack tried to imagine feeling that way about Gongaga. He’d been friends with everyone there, even the grumpy man who lived outside the village with his dog. They’d all wished him well when he left, even started up a collection for him to help him get to Midgar, since his parents didn’t have much money. His parents’ letters always included stories about the villagers and how proud they were that one of their own had made it in SOLDIER.

“That sucks that they thought that,” Zack said. “Like, I can’t imagine anyone thinking that about you. Clearly they don’t know you.”

Cloud didn’t smile, but his expression lightened a little. “Anyway, that’s why I wasn’t excited to come back here.”

“I can understand that. But now that you are, and we get to fight some monsters tomorrow, you’re excited, right?”

That pulled a small smile out of him. “I think you and Sephiroth will be killing most of the monsters.”

“Not all of them. He still needs to see you in action.”

“I guess.”

“I’ll be sure to save some for you.” Cloud’s mood hopefully improved, Zack took his boots off and stretched out on his bed. “Do you think your mom liked me?”

He hadn’t planned on asking that. It just sort of slipped out.

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Of course she liked you. Who doesn’t like you?”

Zack didn’t care if Cloud was giving him a hard time; the confirmation put a broad smile on his face. “Right?”

Cloud snorted and reached over to turn out the light. “Go to sleep, Zack.”

***

The day started off weird and just got weirder.

First, there was the reactor. Zack kept to his promise and left some monsters for Cloud, who acquitted himself rather well. Zack made sure Sephiroth took note of it. When they reached the suspension bridge leading to the reactor, there was a brief exchange between Sephiroth and Tifa, Sephiroth requesting that she let him examine it first. When he did, he found several places where the ropes had frayed and were ready to snap. It had taken them an extra hour to find a different way around.

When they finally made it to the reactor, Zack and Sephiroth went inside, while Cloud and Tifa waited outside, and everything got weirder from there.

There was Sephiroth talking about his mother, and then about monsters. Some stuff about being a monster himself, and SOLDIER being full of monsters, which Zack put away to think about later. Mostly there was Sephiroth getting more quiet and broody the more creatures they found in those specimen tanks, while Zack struggled to deal with the horror of it all.

“This is Hojo’s doing,” Sephiroth said finally.

“Professor Hojo from the lab?” Zack’s only experience with Hojo had to do with him testing Zack’s mako levels and SOLDIER enhancements in that crazy VR testing program of his.

“I need to get to the lab in the manor.” Sephiroth was already heading for the reactor door, his long strides forcing Zack to jog to keep up. Cloud and Tifa glanced over in surprise when they emerged from the reactor. Sephiroth didn’t acknowledge them, didn’t wait up for Zack, just kept walking to the trail heading back to town.

“What was that about?” Tifa asked.

“No idea.” Zack watched as Sephiroth disappeared around a bend in the trail. “Let’s go back to town.”

They returned more slowly. Cloud was still keeping quiet around Tifa, not letting on who he was. Zack wasn’t sure how he’d feel about Tifa after the story Cloud had told him, but the first thing she did before they’d started up the trail to the reactor was ask him if he knew Cloud. Which was Cloud’s cue to say something, but he stayed stubbornly silent while Zack had made a vague comment about Shinra being a big place.

Zack would have rather knocked some sense into Cloud, because Tifa seemed gutsy and kind, and she clearly cared about Cloud, but it wasn’t Zack’s call to make.

“Is there a lab in Shinra Manor?” he asked her, as they made their way back down the trail. He remembered Cloud’s mom mentioning the manor last night at dinner.

“I don’t know,” Tifa said. “We always stayed away from it as kids. Sometimes there’d be strange sounds coming from it, like it was haunted, but I always thought it was the older kids playing tricks on us.”

That sounded a lot like one of Shinra's labs to Zack.

It was dusk by the time they made it back to town. Tifa left with a promise to take them back up the mountain if they needed to go back to the reactor, and Zack and Cloud returned to the inn.  

There was a tiny restaurant attached to the inn. Zack was starving, and he knew Cloud must be, too. They hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast other than the Stamp bars Zack swore were made from protein and chocolate-flavored dirt.

“If we eat down here, are you going to keep your helmet on?”

“Yes,” Cloud said stubbornly.

Zack sighed, but he knew Cloud well enough to know he wouldn’t win that argument. “Let me see if I can get something to bring up to the room.”

“You don’t have to—” Cloud started, but Zack waved him off.

“Go on up. I’ll meet you up there.”

Zack was already on his PHS texting Angeal while he waited for the restaurant to fix a couple of plates of what appeared to be chicken, some kind of limp vegetable, and slices of white bread. No wonder Sephiroth had wanted to eat at Cloud’s mother’s last night.

Sephiroth is freaking out about something we found at the reactor. Some experiments in tanks. And a sealed door labeled Jenova that we couldn’t get open.

Angeal’s reply came as the server was putting everything on a tray for him to bring up. His mother?

His…what? What about his mother?

Jenova is Sephiroth’s mother. Where is he now?

That made no sense at all. Why would Sephiroth’s mother be in a mako reactor?

He went to a manor in town he thinks has a lab. He thanked the server and put his PHS on the tray so he could carry it all up. When he got to the room, he knocked on the door with his elbow and waited for Cloud to let him in.

“This was all they had,” he said, putting the tray on the desk in the room. Cloud had finally removed his helmet, at least. He pulled up a couple of chairs to the desk for them to eat while Zack checked his PHS.

Angeal had written back. Let me talk to him first before you do anything.

Zack was really tired of being brushed off, especially by Angeal, who was usually upfront with him about everything. He thought about calling Genesis, but he had a feeling he’d gotten all the help he could expect from that end.

The restaurant had included a couple cans of soda on the tray. Zack popped his open and drank deeply from it, eyeing the food without much enthusiasm. Cloud was already eating.

“So what’s going on?” Cloud asked, in between bites. He’d wrapped the chicken in the bread to eat like a sandwich, which did make it look more palatable. Zack did the same. They both ignored the vegetable. “What happened in the reactor?”

Zack gave him the short version, which consisted of Sephiroth being upset by something he’d seen—he didn’t tell Cloud about Jenova being Sephiroth’s mother, because it felt like something Angeal had told him confidence—and also the disturbing knowledge that there was something monstrous and weird being done in that reactor, and that the monsters they’d encountered on the mountain were probably in some way a result of it.

It was not a good look for Shinra, that was for sure.

“Wait, you’re saying the monsters are being caused by the reactor?”

Zack had never thought too deeply about his role in Shinra. He was a SOLDIER, which meant that he followed orders first. That didn’t usually bother him, because he thought of his orders as coming from men like Angeal, who was the most honorable person he knew. But Angeal wasn’t the only one making decisions at Shinra.

He thought about the creatures in those specimen tanks. Whoever was responsible for doing that…they were part of Shinra too.

“I think so.” His stomach churned queasily, and he gulped down some more of the soda. “It’s…you know about our mako infusions, right?”

“Yeah,” Cloud said. “You have to have them to be in SOLDIER. It’s what makes your eyes glow green sometimes.”

Zack was briefly distracted by the thought of Cloud noticing his eyes, then yanked himself back into focus. “I think whatever was in the tanks with those…experiments…was mako. I think they’d been human once. I think the mako is part of what made them mutate.”

He didn’t want to think about what that meant for his own mako infusions.

“So the mako in the reactors is also causing the animals around it to mutate into monsters.”

Cloud had reached that conclusion faster than Zack had. “I think so.”

Cloud was quiet. “Do you think Shinra knows about it?”

That was something Zack would like to know, too. The company had to know what its reactors were doing to the surrounding area, the threat being posed to the townspeople. If there was a lab here, it meant they were studying the effects of it deliberately.

“I think so.”

Cloud was quiet another moment. “That’s fucked up. I mean, the Nibel reactor’s been here forever. It was the first one Shinra built. If it’s been making monsters all this time….”

“I don’t know. Were there a lot of them around when you were growing up? It seems like there are more and more these days. We ran into quite a few on our way up.” His Junon mission had been the same.

“I don’t know. Maybe? Not as many as there seem to be now.”

“Sephiroth knows something,” Zack said. They’d both finished eating, so Zack piled their plates and empty soda cans back on the tray to take back downstairs. He knew he’d promised Angeal he’d wait, but it had been hours now with no word. He was tired of waiting. He was tired of being kept in the dark as to what was really going on. “I’m going to find out what.”

“Wait, what? Where are you going?”

“To the manor to find out what Sephiroth knows.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Zack hesitated. “Maybe it’s better if I go alone. He might be more willing to talk just to me.”

“Because you’re both SOLDIERs,” Cloud said. He stated it as a fact, and didn’t sound bitter about it. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Plus this way you can contact Angeal if I don’t check in. Let me send you his number.”

He did that, then grabbed his sword from where he’d propped it against the wall earlier. “If you don’t hear from me in an hour, call my PHS. If I don’t pick up, call Angeal.”

“Zack….” Zack was shocked when Cloud grabbed his hand. “Be careful.”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, his brain a little shorted out by the gesture, even though Cloud dropped his hand almost immediately.

“Call me in an hour.”

“I will,” he promised.

***

Once at the manor, Zack briefly rethought his plan. For one thing, the manor was pitch black. No ambient lighting, no lamps lit on the inside. By itself, that wasn’t alarming. Zack’s mako-enhanced sight meant he could see fairly well in the dark. But he was a little concerned Sephiroth was sitting alone somewhere in that dark house doing…something.

By the weeds that had grown up around the house, no one had lived here for a long time. The front door was unlocked and slightly ajar. A quick recon of the first and second floors of the house revealed nothing other than a few scurrying mice.

Back on the first floor, he found an elevator that only went down. He pushed the button for the basement floor.

The elevator doors opened onto rough stone steps leading into a cavernous room. The first thing he noticed was a light coming from one of the rooms down the hallway on the other side of the room. The second was the gleam of metal bars from the cages lined up against the wall.

Suppressing a shiver, he followed the light.

He heard voices as he drew closer to the room. One was clearly Sephiroth’s, the other the man in black from the ship, the one who looked and sounded so much like Cloud. They were distracted enough that they didn’t notice Zack stepping into the room.

“Hey Seph, I know you said you wanted some time to yourself before telling me what the fuck is going on, but it’s been enough time now and I think I deserve some answers.”

He stuttered to a halt at the sight of Cloud standing next to the desk where Sephiroth was sitting. It was Cloud. Not Cloud’s brother, or cousin, or some other relative. Cloud.

Just…older.

He was staring at Zack like he was just as shocked to see him. Like a man who’d been starved for the sight of him.

Zack cleared his throat, his eyes glued to Cloud as he said to Sephiroth, “I’m guessing this was why you wanted Cloud on the mission.”

Sephiroth looked up from whatever he was reading at the desk. It looked like some kind of journal. “Yes,” he said shortly, before returning his attention to it.

Zack’s hand drifted to the hilt of his sword.

The other Cloud, the older Cloud who wasn’t Cloud—who couldn’t be Cloud—held up his hands. “I’m not a threat to you.”

“Okay,” Zack said, not releasing the hilt, “but what the fuck are you?”

“He’s from the future,” Sephiroth said.

Cloud shot him an annoyed look. “I never said that.”

“It was the only logical conclusion, since you maintain that you aren’t a clone,” Sephiroth said calmly. “The only explanation for why you look so much like the Cloud of this time, and clearly have his memories,” he glanced at Zack, “but are older and have your own set of memories. Like ones of fighting me.”

“From the future,” Zack repeated. It was ridiculous. That kind of thing didn’t happen outside of books and movies.

Future-Cloud shrugged.

“You were right about the suspension bridge, by the way,” Sephiroth said.

“Okay,” Zack said, not in the least bit okay. He was trying to work through how something that was clearly impossible could be possible. He tried to remember every movie he’d ever seen on the subject. “But doesn’t that mean you and Cloud can’t exist in the same universe without, I don’t know, destroying the fabric of time and space? Aren’t you supposed to stay out of the way so you don’t inadvertently change things?”

“I am very much trying to change things,” Cloud said.

“It’s an interesting philosophical argument,” Sephiroth said.

“No, it’s not,” Cloud shot back at him, sounding annoyed. “It’s just the way it is. There’s no need to pick it apart.”

Something weird was going on between the two of them that Zack couldn’t put a finger on. “Yeah, but won’t every change you make have a million other unintended consequences and changes, maybe something that causes you to, I don’t know, die or something, and then you’ll just disappear from this timeline?”

Future-Cloud stared at him a beat, those all-too-familiar blue eyes widening slightly. “I trust that the Planet won’t let that happen until I’ve done what I came here to do.”

There was a pause, and then Sephiroth asked, “What exactly are you here to do?”

“I want to take down Shinra.”

That got Sephiroth’s attention. And Zack’s, to be honest. He might have just been questioning Shinra’s motives and good intentions earlier with his Cloud, but it was still the company he worked for and had pledged his loyalty to.

Sephiroth said quietly, “You want to take down Shinra.”

“Yes,” Cloud said. “They’re destroying the Planet. They’re fucking evil. They give Hojo free rein because he gives them super SOLDIERs in return. They don’t care about the human misery they cause, the lives they destroy. They don’t care that it’s fucking evil. They’re worse than Jenova. She can’t help being what she is, but they can and don’t care.”

Jenova again. She seemed to be the key to something. Zack couldn’t disagree with any of the rest of it, not after what he’d seen.

“Shinra controls more than half the Planet,” Sephiroth said. “It won’t be an easy task, taking them down.”

“But you want to, right?”

“Wait,” Zack broke in. “You’re talking about taking down the entire company? The people who employ us? Fellow SOLDIERs?”

“We’ll have to work out the details, of course,” Sephiroth said.

This was crazy. Zack couldn’t believe Sephiroth was even considering it, except…Zack had seen the experiments, the monsters. “I think we should talk to Angeal first.”

Sephiroth said quietly, “I would not go forward with anything unless Angeal was in agreement.”

Zack nodded. That was some relief, at least, knowing that Sephiroth wouldn’t just barge forward based on the word of this…other Cloud.

“You should know, both Angeal and Genesis carry Jenova cells, too. In my time, I think they’d already degraded.”

Zack didn’t like the sound of that at all. Any of it. Jenova cells? Degraded? “What do you mean by degraded?”

Cloud looked like he regretted saying anything. “I don’t know all the details.”

Sephiroth gave Cloud a sharp look, then said to Zack, “I’ll contact Angeal and have him and Genesis meet us somewhere. Midgar has too much surveillance.”

“Costa del Sol,” Zack said, the first place that came to mind. “What?” he said, at Sephiroth’s look. “I’m sure we all have leave built up. It makes sense for us to spend it there. No one will think it’s weird.”

“No, it’s not a bad idea,” Sephiroth said, somewhat to Zack’s surprise. “I’ll ask Genesis to find a place. He and Angeal are already aware of Cloud.”

Of course they were. Zack was apparently the only one who hadn’t been. “What about my Cloud? Er, this time’s Cloud? He has the right to know about this, too.” He waved in the direction of Future-Cloud, who seemed a little taken aback by the mention of his other self.

“I will leave that decision to you,” Sephiroth said to Cloud.

“Oh. Sure, he can come,” Cloud said, not sounding enthused.

Speaking of. Zack checked the time on his PHS. It hadn’t quite been an hour since he’d left the inn. He sent Cloud a quick text. Everything’s fine. I’ll let you know what’s going on when I get back.

He was aware that fine was quite the overstatement. He didn’t know how the hell he was going to explain to Cloud that his future self had traveled back in time in order to instigate a rebellion against the company they worked for, a rebellion they were going to plan while vacationing in Costa del Sol.

It would all be fine.

Chapter 3: The answer is in the wind

Notes:

Yes, there's only one bed :D.

“I have to tell you something,” Zack said.

Cloud wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that they were standing on the private beach of an enormous villa outside Costa del Sol, where he apparently was vacationing with four First Class SOLDIERs, with no idea how any of it had happened.

Zack was the only part that was familiar. He was a steadying anchor like he always was. But Zack had been acting weird ever since he’d returned from the manor last night. All he’d told Cloud was that Sephiroth wanted to talk to Angeal and Genesis about Shinra and what they’d found in the Nibel reactor, and he didn’t want to do it in Midgar for reasons Cloud could guess.

Why Cloud had been included was a mystery. He wasn’t a First; he wasn’t even a SOLDIER. If Sephiroth was afraid he would blab to the company about it, he could have asked Zack to keep quiet about what was going on.

“So, um,” Zack said, then stopped.

Cloud waited. Whatever Zack had to say, it couldn’t be any weirder than everything else that had happened the last few days. Probably.

“You know how I asked if you had an older brother?”

Cloud nodded. “I asked my mom about it, but she didn’t think my dad had any other kids before they met.”

“It turns out it’s not your older brother. It’s, er, you. From the future.”

Cloud stared at him, wondering why Zack was taking this moment to fuck with him.

“I swear I’m not fucking with you,” Zack said.

Maybe Cloud had said that out loud. Cloud searched his best friend’s face, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Because the simplest answer, which was that Zack was telling him the truth, was clearly not possible.

“He’s got mako eyes. And he was wearing what looked a lot like a First Class SOLDIER uniform.”

“That’s not funny,” Cloud said, hurt spiking through him, because while they might rib each other in the way friends did, Zack knew how much it meant to Cloud to get into SOLDIER. How much it hurt to be rejected.

“I’m not joking. I’m serious, Cloud, the guy I saw Sephiroth talking to on the ship, the same one I found with him in the basement at Shinra Manor, was you.”

Zack did look serious. Cloud felt suddenly like an ant under a microscope, unknown eyes peering down at him, overexposed. No wonder Sephiroth had been so interested in him.

“Why do you think he’s from the future?” he asked slowly, the words sounding even more bizarre in his mouth than they had in his head. “It would make more sense if he was a clone.”

Not that that was any better. Worse, maybe. Cloud had no doubt Shinra’s labs were capable of cloning people, with as much genetic research they did. This older self of his could be the result of one of their experiments.

Or—his heart lurched unpleasantly—maybe he was the clone.

“He’s not a clone. Or at least he says he isn’t. Sephiroth seems to believe him. Sephiroth was the one who guessed he was from the future, actually. I don’t think he—you—had planned to tell us that.”

A wave hit Cloud’s bare feet, the water colder than he would have expected considering the heat. He was distantly aware of it, as well as the trickling of sweat down the back of his neck.

“Cloud.” Zack’s hands were warm on his bare shoulders, steadying him. “Fuck, you’re really pale.”

The concern in Zack’s voice sent a warm rush of feeling through him that he would have enjoyed more in other circumstances. “I’m always pale.”

“Yeah, but right now you look really pale.”

Zack’s face was suddenly inches from Cloud’s, close enough to kiss. Cloud’s heart stuttered in his chest. All the blood that had left came rushing back.

“I’m fine,” Cloud said, pulling himself together. Zack was just checking to make sure he wasn’t about to pass out. It wasn’t anything more than that. “I mean, apparently I’ve come back from the future to vacation with four of Shinra’s elite SOLDIERs. It’s not weird at all.”

Zack didn’t seemed convinced by his humor attempt. His eyes searched Cloud’s face, his hands a warm, steadying pressure on Cloud’s shoulders. “I know I told you we were here to talk about what we found in the reactor, but it’s more than that. Future you and Sephiroth want to take down Shinra. I guess I do, too. Those experiments were fucked up.”

Maybe Cloud should be concerned that he was being included in what was apparently the planning stage for a company coup, but if the person he trusted most in the world was in on it, that was good enough for him.

“Okay.”

“Really?” Zack asked seriously. “Because I get that the whole thing has to feel weird as fuck. Trust, me, seeing him last night, looking so much like you….”

Cloud refused to be jealous of some future version of himself. Even if the thought of an older, better version of himself out there wasn’t helping his self-esteem any. “Yeah, it’s fine. Am I going to get to meet him, or would the two of us in the same room together destroy the fabric of the universe?”

“Right?” Zack threw his hands up in agreement. “That’s what I said. I feel betrayed by every science fiction movie I’ve ever seen.”

Cloud missed the warmth of Zack’s hands, but he was going to have to be a big boy now and deal with the weirdness he’d been dealt. Might as well start now. “I guess we should get in some swimming now, in case the world ends later.”

Zack grinned. “This is why I like you so much.”

***

All of Cloud’s attempts at nonchalance faded when he came face-to-face with his future self in the living room of the villa. “This is definitely the oddest moment I’ve ever experienced,” Genesis said from the couch, looking back and forth between them, echoing Cloud’s thoughts exactly.

Zack was right about his mako eyes. Seeing those green-tinged eyes in an otherwise familiar face, albeit older, was both exciting and disconcerting. Because if his older self had become a SOLDIER, that meant Cloud could, too.

It was still fucking weird to see someone else with his face. The other Cloud was taller, bigger, and had enviable biceps, but it was like looking into a funhouse mirror, everything the same but…not.

It was some comfort that his older self seemed just as freaked out by him.

Cloud didn’t get a chance to talk to him until just before dinner. “Hi,” he said, feeling stupid, but not knowing what else to say. He blurted out, “I hoped I’d be taller.”

The other Cloud laughed. “Sorry, kid, this is as good as it gets.”

Cloud wasn’t too keen on that kid, even if his future self did have about ten years on him. He let it pass. “So I made it into SOLDIER.” It was the only explanation for the mako eyes.

The other Cloud hesitated. “In a way.”

There was only one path to mako enhancements that Cloud knew of, and that was through SOLDIER. Then he remembered the monsters on Mount Nibel, the experiments in the reactor Zack had told him about. Maybe there were other ways. “I don’t want to know.”

“That’s probably for the best, to be honest,” the other Cloud said.

Still, it nagged at him all throughout dinner. How did his future self get his enhancements, if it wasn’t from SOLDIER? And that modified SOLDIER uniform he’d been wearing earlier, a First Class one, no less—how would he have gotten it?

At least thinking about that took his mind off how overwhelming it was being surrounded by all these elite SOLDIERs deep in discussion over how to take over Shinra. Even with Zack next to him, he felt like an afterthought. The only reason he was here was because of the man sitting across from him, who looked just as awkward and uncomfortable as Cloud felt.

After dinner, Zack dragged him into the living room. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t take one more breakdown of Shinra’s security posture.”

“Thank you,” Cloud said fervently. He’d been lost in the weeds of the discussion for a while now. His future self had retreated into the kitchen, seemingly just as overwhelmed. “How much of that do we need to remember?”

Zack shrugged. “Dunno. I figure they’ll tell us what they want us to do when it’s time.” He searched Cloud’s face. “So, um, how are you doing with all of this?”

Cloud didn’t pretend not to know what Zack meant. “Fine? I mean, it’s weird, of course. I wish I knew more about what had happened to him, and why he came back. Why I came back,” he corrected.

“Yeah, Angeal and Sephiroth really shut down the discussion on learning more about the future.”

Cloud had so many questions, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers. There was a hardness to his older self, a reserve that was more than Cloud’s normal introversion. Cloud didn’t particularly want to know what had made him that way.

Zack leaned back on the couch, then nudged Cloud’s knee with his own when Sephiroth got up from the table and disappeared into the kitchen where the other Cloud had gone. “What do you think is up with that?”

Cloud had noticed a weird tension between Sephiroth and his future self at dinner. “I don’t know. I used to have a huge crush on Sephiroth before coming to Midgar. Maybe something happened between them in the future.”

The priceless expression on Zack’s face was worth that embarrassing crush reveal. “Wait, what?”

“I was a member of his fan club and everything.”

Reactions warred over Zack’s face, until finally settling on something like disgruntlement. “What would you even see in him?”

“Seriously? I mean, he’s—”

“For the sake of my ego, please don’t finish that sentence.”

Cloud couldn’t help the grin stretching over his face. He’d thought he’d picked up a hint of jealousy from Zack the other night when they were talking about Tifa, but it was even more obvious now. “You’re jealous. You. Of Sephiroth.”

Zack crossed his arms over his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Cloud nudged his thigh with his foot. “You are. Admit it.”

“I admit nothing,” Zack said, but his cheeks betrayed a faint redness. Zack never blushed. Cloud had thought him constitutionally incapable of it. “Anyway, who knows what kind of weird-ass things you got up to in the future?”

“Like dating Sephiroth?”

Zack groaned in defeat. “I’m going to try to forget you said that.”

While Cloud was enjoying this new side of Zack, they were also veering a little too close to that thing between them, the one Zack never acted on and Cloud was too nervous to call out.

As solemnly as he could manage, Cloud said, “I mean, he’s not you, of course.”

Zack sighed. “Thanks for the pity save.”

***

So maybe the thought of Cloud with Sephiroth made him crazy—to be real, the thought of Cloud being with anyone made him crazy—but it wasn’t helping his state of mind any when they turned in for the night and he realized the room they were sharing only had one bed.

“I can sleep on the floor,” Zack offered, because the last thing he wanted was for Cloud to feel uncomfortable.

Cloud looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Why would you sleep on the floor? The bed’s big enough. It’s not like we haven’t bunked together in closer quarters.”

He wasn’t wrong, but it was still different. Bedrolls pushed together in a small space wasn’t the same as sharing a bed, even as large a bed as this one.

Zack took his time in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face, changing into the sleep shirt and loose boxers he’d brought in with him. He passed Cloud on the way out, who had changed into sleep clothes as well. It was all so domestic, which Zack found he didn’t mind at all.

“What, er, side do you want?” he asked, when Cloud reemerged from the bathroom.

“The left, I guess,” Cloud said. His cheeks were beginning to pink up, probably because Zack was making this weird.

There was no way to not make this weird. All their usual ease with each other had fled, replaced by this horrible awkwardness.

Zack got under the covers, then reached out to turn off the light next to his side of the bed. Cloud did the same, plunging the room into darkness. Zack stared up at the dark blur of the ceiling as it slowly came into focus, his eyes adjusting to the low light.

He’d been so good at reining in his feeling for Cloud for the sake of their friendship. He’d thought maybe they’d go away eventually, or turn naturally platonic, but over this last year they’d just grown stronger and more intense. The more time he spent with Cloud, the more he wanted more.

He didn’t want to be that guy fucking up a good thing by wanting it to be something different, but the truth was, he didn’t want to just be friends with Cloud. If that was all Cloud wanted from him, then he could probably find a way to deal with it, because it was Cloud. Zack couldn’t imagine not having him in his life. But it would be hard. It would be painful, too, particularly if Cloud found someone else to love. It was one thing to hold back his feelings, and quite another to have to get over them.

He didn’t want to wait any longer to find out.

“Cloud,” he said, turning on his side at the same time Cloud did, Cloud’s “Zack,” ending in a muffled grunt as their faces crashed together and Zack’s nose burst into pain.

“Ow, fuck,” he said, putting his hand over his throbbing nose, which didn’t seem to be bleeding. It hadn’t even been that hard a crash.

The bed shook between them, and Zack realized Cloud was laughing.

“Fuck you,” Zack said, the complaint coming out muffled from his hand over his nose.

Cloud laughed harder. “Should I kiss it and make it better?”

Zack took his hand away, nerves spiking through him as they never did on the battlefield. He could probably take the rejection, but it would hurt. It would still be better than never knowing. “Maybe you should.”

Cloud’s laughter faded. Zack mentally kicked himself for pushing things. But then Cloud propped himself up on his elbows, his face looming over Zack’s, so beautiful it made Zack’s heart swoop, closer and closer until Zack felt the soft brush of Cloud’s lips on the bridge of his nose.

“Better?” Cloud asked quietly, lying back down on his side.

“Yeah,” Zack said, his voice coming out a little shaky. “How about yours?”

Cloud didn’t answer, just kept staring back at him, waiting for whatever he was going to do.

So Zack pushed himself up on his elbows, leaned down to brush his lips over the tip of Cloud’s nose. When that didn’t elicit an adverse reaction, he moved lower, finding Cloud’s lips soft and slightly parted, giving Cloud plenty of time and room to pull back if he wanted to.

Cloud didn’t pull back. Instead he leaned into it, his hand snaking around the back of Zack’s head to pull him in closer, his mouth opening under Zack’s in a wet, hot slide of tongues that Zack had only ever dreamed about.

It took him a moment to realize they were kissing. He was kissing Cloud. His best friend, his favorite person in the world. They were kissing, and it was fucking glorious, and maybe they were risking their friendship by doing this, but Zack thought it might be worth it for this kind of perfection.

Fuck, this kiss was going to kill him. It was going to slay him dead. He wanted to go slow, but he couldn’t stop himself from dipping back in for more and more. Cloud seemed just as into it, making sexy, contented sounds against Zack’s mouth that went straight to his dick, his fingers tightening in Zack’s hair like he was holding him in place, hotter than it had any right to be.

There were too many covers on them, tangling with their arms and legs. He kicked them off just as Cloud rolled into him, the hardness Zack felt most definitely Cloud’s dick under his sleep shorts, scorching hot against Zack’s own.

After his brain had finished shorting out, Zack forced himself to pull back. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, though not the hardest thing in this bed, that was for fucking sure. His dick felt ready to tear a hole through the flimsy cloth of his boxers. “So, um, fuck, Cloud, this is the hottest thing ever, and I don’t want to stop, but I think maybe we should, uh, slow down a bit.”

Cloud’s hand loosened in Zack’s hair then slipped down to rest in the crook of Zack’s neck. His pupils were blown out, lips red and puffy from where Zack was kissing him. Probably Zack shouldn’t be fixating on Cloud’s lips when he was trying to calm down.

Sounding just as gratifyingly affected by that kiss, Cloud said, “You know I’ve, uh, done stuff, right?”

Cloud was almost sixteen, of course he’d done stuff, but also what the fuck. “What do you mean?”

Cloud had that small smile on his face, the same one from when he was teasing Zack about Sephiroth. “I’ve lived in the barracks for the last two years. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean.”

Zack certainly had his own share of experiences living with a large group of horny teenagers. He had his own apartment now as a First, but it hadn’t always been that way.

At Zack’s silence, Cloud said, “I’m just saying you don’t have to, I don’t know, protect me from things.”

The last thing Zack wanted was to be one of those overbearing, possessive asshole types, no matter what his kneejerk reaction was. “Do you feel like I’m overprotective?”

Cloud propped his head in his hand and responded with the same seriousness. “Honestly? Sometimes, yeah. You’re a protective guy, I get that. I kind of love that about you. But I’m not made of glass. I’m not going to break.”

Whatever Cloud had said after love was lost to the stupid grin spreading over Zack’s face. “You love me.”

Cloud groaned and rolled onto his back, throwing his arm over his eyes. “Forget I said that.”

“I am never forgetting you said that. No takebacks, Spike.”

Cloud moved his arm to peer up at Zack. “If we’re going to play that game, then I distinctly remember you saying you loved me not that long ago.”

“I do love you,” Zack said, because no one had ever accused him of not going all in.

He was treated to the highly satisfying sight of Cloud’s face turning every shade of red. “You’re ridiculous,” Cloud finally muttered.

“I bet you love that about me, too.” He leaned in to nuzzle Cloud’s nose, because he owned his ridiculousness. “Tell me about all this stuff you’ve done.”

“I’m not telling you anything now.”

“You know I’m not going to stop bugging you until you do.”

“Fine,” Cloud said, sounding put upon, but also a bit strangled when Zack leaned in to kiss the curve of Cloud’s jaw, then lower to the soft skin of his throat. “You know, like, hand jobs.”

“Like this?” Zack said, working his hand between them to palm the bulge in Cloud’s shorts.

“Yeah,” Cloud said breathlessly, pushing into Zack’s hand, at the same time tugging at the waistband of his sleep shorts.

Zack moved his hand to accommodate him, pulled down his own boxers to free himself from the too-confining cloth until their cocks were flush together, skin to skin, the silky slide and heat the best thing Zack had ever felt in his life.

He ran his palm over the head of Cloud’s cock, thinking unsexy thoughts to keep himself from coming too soon, and picked up enough precome from the both of them to ease the slide of skin as he took them both in hand.

“Fuck, Zack,” Cloud said, his little stuttering moan the sexiest thing ever. Zack worked his hand over the both of them, listening to the sounds that told him what Cloud liked, thumbing the underside and pressing down on his slit until Cloud’s fingers dug into Zack’s shoulders like he was barely hanging on.

It wasn’t Zack’s first time doing stuff, either, but it had never been like this, not with someone he liked this much. There was so much he wanted to do with Cloud; he wanted to taste him there, wrap his lips around the silky smooth head. Wanted to mark up that pretty pale skin of his.

So much he wanted to do, but this was good. Not enough, not by a long shot, but he could be patient when it was for something he wanted this much.

If he didn’t fuck this up, that was. He worked his hand over them in the way he liked and was beginning to learn Cloud liked, the act of holding back the hardest thing he’d ever done.

He was rewarded with Cloud’s moan. “I’m going to—Zack—” and then heat was spilling over his hand, the feel of Cloud’s dick pulsing against his own enough to send him over the edge too.

After a while, he was aware of the sticky mess between them and how quiet Cloud had gone. He pressed a kiss to Cloud’s shoulder, the closest part of him in kissing range, then got up to wash off in the bathroom, bringing back a wet washcloth that he handed to Cloud as he climbed back in bed.

He couldn’t tell what Cloud was thinking as he wiped himself off and dropped the washcloth to the floor beside the bed. But if Zack was feeling a bit self-conscious about everything, it was a safe bet Cloud was, too.

“Hey,” he said, reaching for Cloud’s hand in case Cloud wasn’t a cuddler. “Was that all right?”

“Yeah,” Cloud said, closing his fingers around Zack’s and inching forward tentatively to narrow the space between them. “Was it all right for you?”

“Fuck, yeah. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

Even in the dim light, he could see the bemused look on Cloud’s face. “Why didn’t you before? You had to know I wouldn’t have said no.”

“Well, no, I didn’t know that. I was always afraid I’d fuck it up and scare you off.”

“You’d never scare me off,” Cloud said, the simple statement enough to swell Zack’s heart.

Zack leaned into Cloud’s space to brush his lips over Cloud’s, just because he could. “I’ll remember you said that, Cloudy, because you’re stuck with me now.” He shifted closer, inviting Cloud in.

Cloud was a cuddler after all.

Chapter 4: Stop pretending you don’t notice

Notes:

Life's been kicking my ass lately, so this took longer than I expected. Every time I write them it's like sinking my hands into a basket of puppies and kittens. Also, smut. Enjoy! <3

Cloud woke the next morning alone. Zack’s absence made him wonder if he’d imagined everything that had happened last night, or worse, if Zack was already regretting it. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Zack had second thoughts, or if he gave Cloud the we should just be friends speech. Zack had seemed just as into it last night as Cloud had been, and he wasn’t the kind of person to dick someone around, but maybe he’d just been caught up in the moment.

He had enough time for all his stupid insecurities to rear their ugly heads when the bedroom door opened and the man in question stepped inside and stalked over to the bed. Instead of stopping there like a normal person, he crawled onto it to straddle Cloud on all fours, leaning down to plant a kiss on Cloud’s lips. “Morning.”

“I have morning brea—” Cloud protested, but Zack just kissed him again like he didn’t care.

“Mmm, you kinda do,” Zack said, then yelped when Cloud hit him on the arm.

“Asshole,” Cloud said, pushing at Zack’s shoulder for him to stop smothering him with his giant warm body, very aware the bedding was doing nothing to hide his response to all the kissing. A feeling rose in his chest that was quite possibly happiness.

Zack obediently rolled to the side and propped his head on his hand, a stupid grin on his face. Cloud suspected his face was doing the same, which was mortifying but couldn’t be helped. “I was going to bring you breakfast, because Angeal made muffins. But then Sephiroth and Genesis got into it, and it seemed wiser to wait.”

Cloud had no idea how to unpack that. “What time is it?”

Zack shrugged. “Nine, maybe? We were totally right, by the way. Sephiroth has it bad for you.”

“Future me, you mean.”

“Hmm,” Zack said, sounding less certain.

Cloud couldn’t help but tease him a little. “You’re not still jealous, are you?”

“I mean, I get exactly why he’s so into you,” Zack said, in that way he had of tearing through Cloud’s insecurities and laying all his secret wants bare.

Cloud had no idea how he did that. But as scary as it was to put himself out there, Zack deserved the same honesty from him. “I think last night made it clear how much I’m into you.”

Seeing the relief in Zack’s grin was worth his split second of terror that he was reading the situation all wrong. “Yeah? Good to know.”

He threw his arm over Cloud’s waist to play with the hem of the comforter. Zack was tactile as a friend; Cloud could only imagine how he’d be in this new relationship zone. Whatever that was, exactly. “Sephiroth said something else, too. That us not talking to the other Cloud was hurting his feelings.”

Cloud didn’t know how to feel about that. Except he did: profound disinterest. “Pretty oversensitive of him to get his feelings hurt by something like that,” he said, aware that he was essentially talking about himself but not caring.

Zack pulled back to study him. “You really don’t like him, do you.”

“I just don’t understand why he’s here. Like, how awful could the future be that he came back in time just to fuck around with things here?”

Zack was quiet. Cloud knew he was overreacting, but it wasn’t Zack’s future self who had shown up out of nowhere to interfere in his life. Not that the other Cloud seemed to care about Cloud’s life. To him, Cloud was just his dumb kid younger self.

“I mean, I get it,” Zack said slowly. “I don’t know what to say to him either. He’s like you, but different. Harder.”

Cloud refused to feel sorry for him. “He’s not me.”

“He’s not,” Zack agreed. “We don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.”

Cloud didn’t, but he also didn’t see a way around it. Like it or not, his future self had returned to take down the company they all worked for, and he had the support of Shinra’s four elite SOLDIERs to do it. If Cloud wanted to continue to be included in the planning of it—which he did, because he thought the experiments Zack had described from the Nibel reactor were fucked up too—then he was going to have to learn how to deal with the other Cloud.

“It’s okay,” he said, aware he’d already ruined the mood. “I should probably shower.”

Zack didn’t stop him from slipping out of the bed and heading for the bathroom. Cloud didn’t know if he was disappointed by that or not as he started the shower and got in. Lifting his face to the warm spray, he wondered if the other Cloud would have had the courage to ask Zack if he wanted to join him. He tried to picture the look on Zack’s face if he had.

Maybe next time he would.

***

They retrieved a couple of muffins from the kitchen for breakfast, then spent the morning out on the beach. Zack found a surfboard in the garage, and they took turns trying it out. Despite his super strength and mako enhancements, Zack wasn’t much better at it than Cloud was, and they finally gave up after too many wipeouts to count and collapsed on the beach.

When Zack leaned over to kiss him, the weirdest thing about it was how not weird it was. It was like they’d slipped from friends to something else so naturally that Cloud didn’t know why it had taken them this long.

As private as the beach was, though, it was still visible from the house. “They can see us out here,” Cloud reminded Zack.

“So?” Zack said lazily, nuzzling Cloud’s jaw like the puppy Angeal called him. “It’s not like they don’t know.”

The thought of anyone other than Zack knowing anything about his personal life made him profoundly uncomfortable. “Know what, exactly?”

Zack snickered. Cloud pushed himself up on his elbows and resisted the urge to kick him. “Please don’t tell me they know we had sex last night.”

“I mean, I didn’t say anything, but probably?” Zack said, sounding completely unconcerned. Like he didn’t understand the potential ramifications of his superior officers knowing he was in a relationship with someone who was trying to get into SOLDIER. It was bad enough that Zack was technically Cloud’s superior officer, even if Cloud was in a completely different branch of Shinra’s military.

Finally clocking onto Cloud’s uneasiness, Zack pushed himself up. “It’s not a problem, is it?”

“It’s not a problem,” Cloud said slowly, not wanting Zack to think his reticence had anything to do with him, or at least not in that way. “It’s just that they’re probably not going to let us go out on missions together if I have to take orders from you.”

“Would it be weird if you did?”

Cloud blinked and pushed himself up. “Yes? Like, it was fine when we were friends, when you were heading missions I was on, but we weren’t sleeping together then.”

Zack hummed suggestively. “Sleeping together, huh?”

Cloud kicked his ankle. “You’re taking the exact wrong message from what I’m trying to say.”

Zack sighed and sat up, leaning back on his hands. Cloud was briefly distracted by how fucking gorgeous he was, with his combat-toned muscles and black hair slicked back, his full mouth red from kissing, currently downturned in thought.

Cloud should have kept his mouth shut. He didn’t know why he had to sabotage every good thing in his life. They could have put this conversation off; there was no need to drag it out now.

“I understand what you’re saying,” Zack said finally. “I’m not trying to downplay it. I just think we don’t really know what’s going to happen in the next few weeks, you know? But it’s definitely something we’ll need to figure out when you join SOLDIER.”

Cloud appreciated Zack’s confidence in him, even if Cloud was quite a bit more pessimistic. “If there even is a SOLDIER after this.”

“There will be,” Zack said with certainty. “There’s no way Angeal would go along with getting rid of SOLDIER.”

It was some consolation, considering all the other changes they’d had to deal with. “You think I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”

“No, but I don’t think you get how unsurprised they are by it. Angeal’s known for a while how I feel about you.”

“Oh,” Cloud said, a flush already betraying him.

“Also, we have a whole week here before we have to go back and think about all of this stuff. I was kind of hoping to get laid a few more times before then.”

Zack was right. Cloud didn’t want to ruin the time they had, or this thing between them, because aside from getting into SOLDIER, it was the most important thing in Cloud’s life. “Optimistic, aren’t you?”

“Always,” Zack said with a grin.

***

No one said anything to Cloud when they returned to the house, no knowing glances or smirks, but that was mostly because a whole other level of weirdness had settled over the house after lunch as they were all witness to Genesis braiding Sephiroth’s hair.

Everyone else seemed to be taking it in stride. Even Zack seemed unsurprised. The only other one nonplussed by it was the other Cloud, and they exchanged a mutual what the fuck look that made Cloud feel a little better that he wasn’t the only one.

When the conversation shifted to the reactors, and his future self started in on it with Angeal, Cloud was grudgingly impressed; he never would have had the courage to argue with a First Class SOLDIER like that. Cloud wondered what it would feel like to have that level of confidence in himself and lack of care for what others thought.

All those semi-warm feelings toward himself evaporated when the other Cloud left in a huff, and Zack went after him.

Cloud knew he was being irrational. It was just who Zack was—he was the good guy, the peacemaker. But it stung all the same. He didn’t know why his future self couldn’t have just stayed in his own time.

“Do you have a particular reason for feeling so strongly about eliminating mako energy?” Genesis asked him, bringing Cloud’s attention back to the three SOLDIERs who were gazing down at him expectantly.

“Um, no?” He had no idea why it was such a sticking point with his other self. The Mt. Nibel reactor had existed as long as he remembered, and the town had always been proud that theirs was the first one built by Shinra. Cloud had never felt anything about it one way or the other.

“Perhaps it was an experience you had later in life,” Sephiroth said.

If it was, it had nothing to do with Cloud. He cared about Zack and about getting into SOLDIER. Everything else was too big and out of his control to worry about.

When Zack returned with the other Cloud, Cloud tried not to stiffen when he plopped back down on the floor next to him. “Hey,” Zack whispered, nudging Cloud’s shoulder with his own. Cloud relaxed and leaned into it, catching the other Cloud’s eye in a clear hands off message.

His future self looked a little amused by it, but he didn’t challenge him, either.

Cloud resolved to put it behind him, but he couldn’t help but ask Zack about it later, when they’d retreated to their room after dinner. “So, what did you guys end up talking about?”

“Huh?” Zack flopped down on their bed. He’d already stripped off his shirt and jeans, naked aside from his boxers, and Cloud’s brain fizzed out at the sight of him. Not that he ever forgot how hot Zack was, but sometimes it would be pushed to some other corner of his mind, until bam, it was right there in front of him, undeniable.

“You and the other Cloud,” he said, telling his dick to calm the fuck down already.

“Oh.” Zack chewed his bottom lip. “I just asked him to trust the others a little more. I think he didn’t know them well in his time, or they weren’t around.” His face dropped a little at the thought. Cloud mentally kicked himself for bringing it up.

Then Zack’s face brightened, and he snickered. “Actually, he asked me what my intentions were toward you.”

Cloud blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, it was like getting the side-eye from your older brother.”

Cloud crossed his arms over his chest. “He’s not my brother.”

“I know, but you have to see he cares about you, right? Enough to make sure I’m not taking advantage of you, anyway.”

“You’re not taking advantage of me,” Cloud said, a little put out that the other Cloud seemed to think he needed looking after. He’d never asked for nor wanted an older brother, certainly not one who knew every intimate detail about himself, because he’d experienced it all as well.

Zack folded his elbows behind his head. Cloud knew he was well aware of how attractively it flexed his muscles. “I was kind of hoping you’d want to take advantage of me.”

It was high time Zack got a little of his own back. Zack’s eyes widened when Cloud stripped off his shirt, unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down over his hips. He didn’t give Zack a chance to react before straddling him on the bed, settling on his thighs with only the thin cloth of their boxers between them.

“Fuck, Cloud,” Zack breathed, his hands going to Cloud’s hips.

“Hm?” Cloud said, running his hands down Zack’s chest, enjoying the shiver of skin at the touch. “You were saying?”

“How am I supposed to know what I was saying when you do stuff like that?”

Cloud hid his grin and moved his hands lower, Zack’s hitch of breath loud in the room as he reached the hem of Zack’s boxers.

He didn’t actually know what he was doing. A few hand jobs in the barracks had been enough to tell him he didn’t really like doing this with people he barely knew and didn’t even like that much. He just hadn’t wanted Zack to think he was completely inexperienced.

Zack’s hands caught at Cloud’s, weaving their fingers together. His voice was gratifyingly husky. “You know we don’t have to do anything, right?”

Cloud sat back and tugged his hands free. “If you don’t want to, then tell me.”

Zack’s eyes rolled upward. “Are you kidding me? You can’t tell how much I want to?” The bulge in his boxers did seem to back that up. “I’m just saying, we can go as fast or slow as you want.”

“Why is it up to me?”

Zack blinked up at him. “Huh?”

“Why is it up to me to decide how fast we go?” Cloud clarified.

That seemed to stump Zack a moment. “Because I’m older? I should be, you know, looking out for you.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re okay with me doing whatever I want to do.”

Zack’s eyes widened. “Yes? I mean, I think so.”

“And you’ll do whatever I tell you?”

Zack swallowed visibly. “Fuck, Cloud, are you trying to kill me?”

It was rare that Cloud felt powerful in this world. Seeing someone like Zack rendered to this, because of him, was a fucking rush.

He leaned down to kiss Zack’s chest, just above his sternum, power and want fluttering hot in his stomach. “Keep your hands on the bed.”

Zack groaned, but the twitch of his boxers showed how very much he was into this. “You are trying to kill me.”

 Cloud still didn’t know what he was doing, but it was Zack. He could fuck this up royally, and Zack would still be there for him.

He moved down Zack’s muscular thighs and tugged at the hem of Zack’s boxers, a little intimidated by the sheer size of what was under them, but encouraged by the increasingly ragged sound of Zack’s breath. Last night the room had been dark, Zack’s hand doing most of the work, and Cloud hadn’t had a chance to really look at him. He tugged Zack’s boxers down, moving to the side so Zack could kick them off.

Zack’s cock was as gorgeous as the rest of him. Cloud let himself look a moment, ignoring Zack’s not-so-subtle smirk, then decided, why the fuck not. He leaned down to lick the tip of it.

Zack groaned, his cock jumping under Cloud’s tongue. The noise he made when Cloud licked the palm of his hand and wrapped it around the base of Zack’s cock was encouraging, even more so when he took the head in his mouth, tasting salty precome.

Zack made a strangled sound and jacked his hips up, the tip of his cock sliding over the roof of Cloud’s mouth. “You gotta let me touch you,” he begged.

Cloud hummed an affirmative that Zack took as permission by how quickly his hands were in Cloud’s hair, not pushing or directing him, just carding through his hair, fingertips light on his scalp. Remembering what Zack had done for him last night, he ran his thumb up and down the underside of Zack’s cock as he sucked the head, taking it as far as he could before his gag reflex kicked in.

By the hitch in Zack’s breath and his muttered fucks interspersed between jerks of his hips, Cloud figured he was doing a passable job of sucking cock. He paid attention to Zack’s responses, did what he thought he himself would like, and it wasn’t until he noticed how rock hard he was in his shorts that he realized how much he was getting off on it. Not just Zack’s clear appreciation for what he was doing, but the salty taste and earthy smell of him, the hot glide of skin over his tongue, the sheer fucking hotness of having Zack come apart under his mouth.

The tugs on his hair grew more insistent. “Cloud, you gotta, ahhhh fuck,” Zack moaned, and Cloud let himself be pulled off as Zack took himself in hand and jerked himself a few times before coming all over his stomach.

Cloud stared down at his handiwork, at Zack’s blissed out face, and thought, I did that.

Zack blinked dazedly at him. “Are you kidding me right now, Spike?” He grabbed his t-shirt from the side of the bed to wipe his stomach off. “How did I not know you could do that?”

Cloud shrugged. “Just naturally gifted, I guess.”

Zack growled low in his throat, and the next thing Cloud knew he was on his back with his boxers pulled off, Zack’s mouth hot and wet on him. “You know it’s not a competi—” Cloud managed before breaking into a moan, because holy fuck having his cock sucked was the best thing ever.

He didn’t mind this competition at all.

***

If Zack had his way, they would have stayed in bed the rest of their vacation. Fuck this coup thing, he was having sex with Cloud, and it was just as amazing as he’d always imagined. Better, even; his imagination had nothing on the reality of how fucking perfect the sex was. Cloud was even more diabolical in bed than he was on the gaming console. Witnessing Cloud’s natural reticence and uncertainty peel away as his confidence grew was the biggest fucking rush Zack had ever experienced.

So he fully planned on staying in bed as long as they could get away with, a plan that was rudely interrupted by the sound of fighting outside the house.

They exchanged a look and scrambled out of bed, because that was definitely the clash of steel and sizzle of materia. Considering the exchange between Sephiroth and Genesis yesterday morning, Zack wouldn’t put it past either one of them to challenge the other. He’d heard about some of their battles from Angeal, and knew they were only nominally friendly.

When they got out onto the beach, however, he saw to his surprise that it was Cloud. The older Cloud, that was. He and Genesis were battling out on the beach in a firework display of materia, Genesis’ katana and Cloud’s modular sword flashing in the sun as they sparred.

Angeal was already out there, watching. Angeal had a pretty good poker face when it came to assessing fighting ability, but Zack knew him well enough to see he was impressed.

“Genesis asked Cloud for a spar,” Angeal said, in response to Zack’s raised eyebrow. “I had no idea he was this good.”

Watching the two of them, Zack had to agree. Future Cloud was clearly enhanced, so Zack had expected he would be able to keep up with the other SOLDIERs, but this was more than keeping up. Zack had sparred with Genesis enough to know when Genesis was feeling pressure, and he was definitely feeling some now.

It was hard to believe this was Cloud pushing Genesis to his limits. It was like watching someone he knew intimately, and yet didn’t know at all. Cloud’s speed and agility, some of the moves he made that had never been taught in the SOLDIER program, reinforced just how different he was from Zack’s Cloud.

Cloud was also watching himself with a complicated look on his face.

Zack hadn’t really understood Cloud’s kneejerk dislike of his other self before, but he kind of got it now. Zack had never been faced with a version of himself who had everything Zack knew Cloud longed for: strength, ability, the qualities of SOLDIER. At the same time, it was proof that Cloud could have all of those things, too. Zack knew Cloud was willing to put in the work. Here was concrete proof that it was possible.

As Cloud countered every materia attack from Genesis, he couldn’t help but say, “Holy shit, he’s good. I want to fight him next.”

Cloud made a sound next to him. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that out loud. But it was true. Watching Cloud like this was as exciting as fuck, because if everything went the way they both wanted, Cloud would soon be in SOLDIER and it would be him Zack was training with.

Sephiroth had also joined them to watch the spar, Masamune in hand—clearly he’d jumped to the same initial conclusion Zack and Cloud had. He watched for a moment, expression stormy, then turned on his heels and left.

The match wound down not long after that when Genesis finally held up a hand to signal he was done. Cloud returned his sword to his back, not even looking winded.

Angeal’s gaze went to Zack’s Cloud. “I hear from Zack that you’ve been applying to get into SOLDIER.”

Zack barely restrained himself from fist pumping the air. Cloud’s expression lifted. “Yes, sir.”

Angeal nodded, not saying anything more, but Zack knew that nod. Angeal had seen enough to be willing to give Cloud a chance in the program, if what they were planning to do with the company all worked out.

Zack grabbed Cloud’s hand on their way back to the house. “You know what that means, right?”

Cloud still looked dazed. “He didn’t say anything definitive.”

“Trust me, I know him, and that definitely means he’ll be willing to give you a shot. Cloud Strife, SOLDIER. You’ll be giving me a run for my money soon.”

Cloud jabbed him in the ribs, but Zack saw how pleased he was. His heart swelled. Cloud was finally going to get the chance he deserved.

***

After the predictable blowup that ensued between Sephiroth and Genesis after that spar, Zack and Cloud and Genesis ended up going into town while Angeal cooled Sephiroth down. It was Cloud’s first time in Costa del Sol, and Zack was enjoying showing him around. Cloud even let him grab his hand and hold it as they walked around, not even pulling away when they joined the crowds, which Zack counted as a win.

Genesis put up with it for a while before declaring he was taking them to lunch. After arguing about the place—Zack had been traumatized before by Genesis’ food choices—they decided an open-air bar-slash-restaurant attached to one of the hotels in town that had a big enough menu to suit all their preferences.

When Cloud excused himself to use the restroom, Zack turned to Genesis. “So what was that about this morning?”

Genesis looked smugly pleased with himself. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh,” Zack said, sipping his soda. Genesis had opted for some kind of apple wine, mostly so he could compare it unfavorably to the Banora apples he grew up with. He and Angeal were obsessed with that place. “You just thought it would be a good idea to challenge Cloud?”

Genesis shrugged. “I wanted to see what he was capable of. He may be an ally now, but he’s still an unknown. I wanted to know if he was potentially a threat.”

That took Zack aback. “It’s Cloud. How could he be a threat?”

Genesis sipped his wine and made a face, returning the glass to the table. “I know you think otherwise, but he’s not the Cloud you know. He’s had years of experience you know nothing about, in a world that’s foreign to us. Angeal and Sephiroth might think it’s better not to know, but I prefer to know what lies ahead of us.”

“That was your only reason for challenging him?” Zack said skeptically.

“Well, no, I also wanted to make our Silver General jealous. It’s been taking them far too long to get together.”

There was probably some universe in which Genesis’ reasoning made sense, but it wasn’t Zack’s. “If you don’t trust Cloud, why would you want him to be with Sephiroth?”

“Purely selfish reasons, I admit. Sephiroth has been intolerable lately. It’s only gotten worse since your boyfriend’s future self showed up. He needs to get laid. If it’s not with Angeal and myself, it might as well be with Cloud.”

Zack loved his friends, but he didn’t need to hear about their sex lives. He definitely didn’t need to think about Sephiroth having sex with Cloud, even if it was his older version.

He was pretty pleased by that boyfriend remark, though. Even if it was probably not meant to be his main takeaway from the conversation. “So, um, you know Cloud and I are together now, right?

Genesis looked amused. “Yes, we’re all very much aware.”

“When did you know with Angeal? That it was the real deal, I mean.”

The question clearly took Genesis by surprise. Zack had never asked Genesis or Angeal about their relationship; it was just a thing that was, like the sky and sun. “Do you think it’s the real deal with Cloud?”

“Yeah,” Zack said, resisting the urge to duck his head. “I know we’re young and all, but honestly, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

“There’s your answer then, puppy. I was even younger than you when I knew. Some things are meant to be. Desire is the bringer of life, you know.”

Luckily Cloud returned before Genesis could launch into a recitation of Loveless. Once he started, it was hard to get him to stop.

Zack took Genesis words to heart, however. He knew how he felt about Cloud. All that was left was finding out if Cloud felt the same.

He brought it up that night as they were getting ready for bed. They only had a few more nights here, and he wanted to make sure Cloud knew how he felt, anyway. “So, um, when we get back to Midgar, things are going to be kind of crazy for a while.”

Cloud, who had been in the process of pulling his t-shirt over his head, paused. “Are you saying to you want to stop this when we get back?”

“No!” Sometimes Zack forgot that Cloud was wired to take things in the most pessimistic way. “I’m trying to say I don’t want to stop. Even if it’s crazy, even if things don’t go the way we’re hoping with the company and all, I don’t want this to just be a one-off. Unless you do, that is.”

“No,” Cloud said. He sat on the bed, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “But I’d understand if you did. I know you’re going to be helping Angeal a lot when we get back.”

“That doesn’t mean I want to stop spending time with you.” He sat on the bed across from Cloud, feeling uncharacteristically uncertain. “Like, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this is good, right?”

The edges of Cloud’s face softened. “Yeah.”

“And once you get into SOLDIER, we can work out the whole mission thing. I’m sure Angeal can figure out a way to keep it from being an issue.”

“That’s a lot of ifs,” Cloud said dryly.

Zack shrugged. “You knew you what you were getting when you signed up for me.”

A smile stole over Cloud’s face. “Yeah, I did. So is this your way of asking me if I want to be exclusive?”

Now that Cloud said it, Zack realized that was a much more succinct way of getting to his point. “We don’t have to tell anyone about us if you don’t want to, but yeah, that’s what I want.”

Cloud shrugged. “I don’t mind. If you want to tell people, that is.”

That was a pretty big admission for him, since Zack knew how much Cloud hated other people knowing about his personal life. “Cool,” he said, relief bubbling up in him. He leaned over to Cloud, sealing it with a kiss.

He didn’t know what was going to happen when they returned to Midgar, if they could pull off this coup or not. But as far as he was concerned, he’d already won.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of It All Comes Back Around