All I Wanted Was You

by Lemon1772

Summary:

There are times where Regulus wishes his life had turned out different, times where he wishes he could still perform on stages, dance atop bars all night, and kiss James Potter on the mouth. But he would never regret giving any of those things up because that would mean regretting Harry. His wonderful, darling son.

 

Regulus Black had given up his own dream and lover, to raise his son. Over the years he has become somewhat content with staying in the small town all his friends have left, working in a shitty hotel, and stretching every dollar to provide the best life possible for his son. Regulus is happy where he is, truly. Hense why he feels absolutely nothing but anger when James Potter, the unknowing father of his child who left him for fame, suddenly decides that he wants to be in His and Harry's life.

Notes:

Hey guys! This work was created on impulse in the middle of the night so sorry if the grammar it off.

Songs for this chapter:
My hero- foo fighters

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

“I’m heading out Arthor.” Regulus calls as he grabs his old coat from behind the old hotel’s check in desk. It's a dark and old wooden table that blends in well with the rest of the old Hotel. It's not exactly a five-star experience, hell not even a two star, but it's the only hotel in the small town so it gets enough customers that Regulus gets an okay paycheck working here.

“Wait a moment!” Regulus hears his boss' call from the small office down the hall from the lobby. Regulus groans softly as he stands at the door ready to leave and pick up his son from the school’s summer daycare camp. The teacher working it has been getting tired of Regulus’s near constant tardiness and Regulus fears Harry might be hit with the crossfire.

He thinks of just leaving without waiting, Arthor wouldn’t mind, he understands the struggle with him having his own six kids already. It's the only reason he lets Regulus off the hook when he is late or has to call off at the last minute to take care of his son.

The moment before Regulus planned to leave, he spots the man rushing down the hall. His red hair shifts widely as he rushes towards Regulus and his old suit jackets hug his soft body in a way Regulus has to guess is uncomfortable.

“Here! Molly wanted me to give this to you.” He says once he reaches Regulus. Suddenly Regulus notices the old tote bag in the man’s hand. Regulus immediately feels anxiety in his stomach the moment he sees it, he wants nothing more than to shrink in on himself but instead he stands up peak straight trying to not look like he is falling apart, he has seen this bag too many times before. It's a constant reminder that he isn’t doing enough for his son.

Arthur seems to notice Regulus’s posture and sighs before looking at Regulus with soft eyes that Regulus hates to see.

“It's just some clothes that Fred and George grew out of, sweaters, uniforms, jeans, I think a coat too.” Arthur says pushing the bag into Regulus’ hands.

“You just gave me summer clothes a few months ago.” Regulus says, trying to give the bag back “Give them to Ron instead.” Regulus’s boss just smiles and refuses to take the bag back.

“Ron has plenty of hand me downs already, perks of having twin older brothers, there are too many clothes for one younger sibling.” Arthor says it too easily with a laugh. Regulus just remains silent, glaring at the man who now sighs and looks at him more seriously.

“Just take them Regulus, Harry needs them, and they will just go to waste if we keep them.” Arthur says and Regulus scrunches his nose in annoyance. He’s right, Harry has had a growth spurt as most six-year-olds do so now his old winter clothes will be too small which could lead to teasing this upcoming school year. Regulus doesn’t have enough to even buy the two of them premium food, let alone Harry a new wardrobe.

“Fine.” Regulus says tanking the bag that feels like it weighs ten times more than it should. “But I’m babysitting your hoard on Friday, you and Molly can go do something nice.” Regulus says allowing no room for argument in his tone. He refuses to be treated like a charity and genuinely wants to repay the act of kindness that the Weasley's give him. It may not seem like a gesture, but the Weasley kids are known to be wild so it's hard for Molly and Aruthur to get babysitters.

Aruthur laughs at Regulus’s stubbornness, going to open the door for him.

“Molly already bought tickets to a play.” He says, “You're too predictable Black.” The man laughs and Regulus just rolls his eyes as he walks out the door towards the small parking lot. He makes his way to the old blue truck; it's the only thing that Sirius left behind when he left. Regulus would like to think he did it because he knew Regulus would need it, but he’s almost one hundred percent sure it's because it's a piece of junk and Sirius didn’t want it anymore.

Regulus unlocks the side door, throwing the bag up into the passenger seat before heading over to the driver seat. He climbs up into the tall vehicle with practiced ease before starting the engine and pulling out of the lot.

The drive to the school isn’t too long, but it's long enough for Regulus to take a moment to himself. There are very few moments where Regulus is alone and this fifteen-minute drive is one of them. He lets the windows down just a crack, the way he likes it, drives easily down the old roads with one foot on the gas and the other pulled up close to his chest like he did when he was a kid. He turns on the radio, singing along to the music quietly, not censoring himself at the swears like he does when he’s with his son. He loves Harry, he truly does, but he really appreciates these moments to himself as well.

By the time he pulls into the elementary school, he curses as he sees the lot is mostly empty. He sighs in defeat when he sees its 6:32. He’s 17 minutes late. He doesn’t bother to try with parking, double parking extremely and is instantly hopping down and rushing into the school.

As soon as he opens the door to the auditorium, he sees a blur of dark curls come running towards him.

“Papa!” his son yells running towards him. Regulus smiles and picks his son up into his arms the moment the kid comes in contact with his legs. His son is already bigger, taller, heavier now, making it a struggle to hold him, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. He blames the boy's other father’s genes, another reason to hate him.

“Hey Haz, how was camp?” Regulus asks, smiling down at his son who begins to ramble on about his day. He pointedly ignores the middle-aged woman who is glaring at him a few feet away.

“- and I tagged everyone out so then draco had to chase everyone again! It was so fun, and everyone said I was so fast!” Harry tells him excitingly retelling what happened during recess.

“I bet.” Regulus says and true joy starts to build up in his chest. He’s so happy he put Harry into the private school program. When he was in the public kindergarten he was constantly left out by the other children and scolded by teachers due to not being able to sit still. He confided in the Weasleys about it, and they immediately recommended the private school a few ways away. At first Regulus thought there was no way he would be able to afford that, but the Weasley's, due to them putting so many kids through it, were able to pull some strings and get Harry a grant. It doesn’t pay everything, Regulus still pays a hefty sum, but it seems just from the summer day camp that Harry is doing so much better here. The teacher, though she hates Regulus, seems to be able to manage Harry well, and the kids love him here.

“Yeah, I’m the fastest!” Harry cheers, “I bet I could even beat you, Papa!” he cheers, and Regulus just laughs before being interrupted by the teacher.

“Yeah, I bet you could, Harry.” She says sweetly but Regulus can pick up on the double meaning, so he just ignores her.

“Hmm we will have to race to the car to see.” He tells Harry who cheers and begins to squirm to get out of his father’s hold. He is already heading to the door before Regulus can even get another word out.

“Sorry” He mutters to his son's caretaker because he’s not a complete dick, and then he’s chasing after his son.

“Harry, wait for me.” He calls only to hear his son's laughter in return. Lucky once he’s outside he sees his son waiting at the concrete in front of the lot like he was taught.

“Your slow papa.” Harry says with his hands on his hips and head held high. Regulus wants to take a picture, but he resists. His shitty camera quality wouldn’t capture the moment anyways.

“You cheated.” He says meeting his son at the concrete who just pouts in response. “Let's race to the car.” he says, only because the lot is completely empty. His son cheers and the two of them get in ready stances.

“On your mark.” he starts, voice dramatic. He can see Harry inching forward with excitement. “Get set, Go!” He calls and then they are off. He hears Harry laughing as they rush through the lot. Regulus, due to being a grown adult, of course was much faster. He isn’t the type of parent to let his son win but he doesn’t let the gap get too big.

He slaps his hand onto the old truck once he reaches it and only a few seconds later Harry hits the truck.

“Not fair!” He cries immediately and Regulus just gives his son a knowing look.

“I won fair and square, now c'mon.” He says ushering a whiny harry to the backseat. He lifts his son into the truck and sits him into the booster seat. Harry slaps his hands away, saying that he can strap himself in so Regulus lets him be and heads to his own seat.

“Don’t be a poor sport Harry, losing doesn’t mean you're any less fast, it just means that you need to keep practicing.” He tells his sulking son as they begin their drive home. Harry just grumbles in return and Regulus can see him crossing his arm in the back. Regulus rolls his eyes at the cranky soon to be first grader before grabbing a CD and putting it into the truck’s slot. His son perks up at the first song but tries to stop himself from showing too much joy. He sure got Regulus’ stubbornness gene.

Regulus grins knowing that his son won’t be able to hold back for much longer. The CD is full of their favorite songs, Regulus made it for his birthday, downloaded all the songs on the computer at the hotel and took it to a place to get it put into a cd so they could listen to it in the car.

“Too alarming now to talk about.” Regulus sings loudly along with the old track.
“Take your pictures down and shake it out.” He continues and looks back at Harry who is fighting a losing battle. The boy's feet are tapping to the beat, and Regulus knows his hands are itching to pat his lap to the beat. The boy has been obsessed with drums since he was a baby, Regulus wishes nothing more than to get the kid a set, but he can’t see that happening for many years.

By the time the song reaches its course Harry is singing on the top of his lounges with Regulus, getting half the lyrics wrong. His hands slap anything around him to the beat, he laughs and dances along to the song with his hair flying all over.

Regulus smiles and sings along with the boy, nodding his head along with the song not able to fight a smile. Sure, he may like his rides alone, but nothing beats these moments.

“He’s Ordinary!” They finish the song, and Harry dramatically pretends to hit a cymbal. The next song plays on the track and Harry begins to sing, in his own little world. Regulus on the other hand just listens to his son with a smile on his face as they make their way back to their home.

Regulus turns into the small gravel driveway stopping in front of the house. It is a small dirty white house, the grass around it is full of patchy grass but the small garden beside the doorstep is thriving only due to Regulus and Harry’s work.

Harry groans as Regulus shuts off the car, the music going with it before he’s swinging the car door open and hopping down.

“Don’t forget your backpack!” Regulus calls before the boy can close the door.

“Ughh.” His son groans, scrambling to get his bag before running into the house. Regulus just shakes his head; it's going to be a long afternoon. He grabs the bag the Weasley's gifted and heads inside.

He takes his shoes off at the door and slides into his house shoes. He groans silently at the small shoes throne on the floor rather than put onto the old shoe rack.

“Harry, come move your shoes!” Regulus calls through the house. He doesn’t have to be two loud, the house is extremely small. A living room and kitchen only separated by counter, one bedroom, and one bathroom. He can hear Harry grumble from his room as he comes out quickly going to move his shoes.

Regulus moves past his son, putting the bag of clothes onto the old couch. It must have piqued Harry’s interest because he quickly sits beside it on his knees going to open it.

“What is this?” He asks, struggling with the knot.

“Some clothes from the Weasleys.” Is all Regulus says watching his son light up as he opens up the bag.

“Yay!” The boy yells and begins tearing through the clothes. He takes a moment to inspect all the clothes excitingly babbling about them to Regulus who just watches his son. He feels happy he accepted the bag from Arthur.

He watches Harry go through the bag for a few more moments before heading to the kitchen ready to fix dinner. He looks into the cupboards expecting to see some leftover Tofu soup but is completely shocked to see the bowl gone from the fridge. He takes a moment willing himself not to freak out. Those leftovers were meant to be tonight's dinner.

He isn’t usually able to make Korean food for Harry, but he splurged a bit this past week only because he planned to make the meal stretch for two days.

“Harry!” He called, trying to hide the worry in his voice. “Did you move the soup?” He asks his son, hoping that he may have set the food out early.

“No, its all gone!” Harry calls from the living room clearly not understanding the gravity of the situation. Regulus plans their meals two weeks at a time when he gets his pay check. He has little money to be using as petty cash, so food is always a bit tight. There are weeks where he can’t give Harry the treats he wants because he knows he has to save for extra gas to take him to a friend’s house, or weeks where he can give Harry extra treats because he didn’t need to do as much laundry the week before. This week was one of the weeks where they had to cut back.

“I finished it last night.” Harry goes on and Regulus has to calm himself, refusing to yell at his son.

“What?” He asks, trying his best to not reveal his stress and sound relaxed.

“I’m sorry Papa, It was just so yummy I was thinking about it all night and couldn't sleep because I was thinking about, and you know that you say sleep is important so I knew I had to eat it or else I wouldn’t be able to sleep an-” regulus at some point began to tune out his son’s rambling. He takes a few moments to breath trying to repress his anger and anxiousness, refusing to let his son see but it's so hard. Harry knows he’s not supposed to sneak into the kitchen; he is supposed to ask Regulus for food when he’s hungry. He knows it's not the best way of living, but it stops moments like this from happening. Regulus turns to close the empty fridge and looks into the cabinets hoping to find something the two can eat.

He wants to cry when he sees nothing but a can of spam and some pancake mix. Harry hates spam and only likes pancakes if they are made with milk, which they don’t have right now. He hates moments like this, where the struggle is so prevalent. They were having a semi okay day, but Harry will have a tantrum if they have to have this for dinner and Regulus doesn’t have the patience to deal with this tonight. He rests his head against the old cupboard, closing his eyes, trying to stop the tears from slipping out.

He still can hear Harry who has changed subjects, now gushing about the orange sweater he had gotten. Regulus feels another knife to his heart, his sweet Harry, who deserves the world but only has Regulus, and his shitty house, his shitty car, and his shitty food.

“Papa!” He hears Harry call excitedly after a while. He takes a moment squinting his eyes shut trying to collect himself.

“Yes Haz.” he says trying to sound normal and not like he’s on the verge of a meltdown.

“There’s Tot Casserole in here!” His son calls causing Regulus’s eyes to snap open.

“What!” He calls moving immediately towards the living.

“Casserole!” His son cheers again as Regulus walks into the room. He’s greeted with the sight of Harry happily holding a tupperware container surrounded by clothes, still wearing the thick coat he had found. He can’t even process, all he does is walk over to his son drop down next to him and hug him.

“Thank God for Molly Weasly” he thinks to himself.

“Papa let go!” His son whines after a few moments of being squeezed by his father. Regulus obliges hesitantly and takes the casserole from his son.

“You can watch tv while I heat this.” Regulus says as he heads the kitchen again. Harry cheers running towards the thick tv, clicking it on.

Regulus stands in the middle of the kitchen watching as the tupperware goes round and round in the microwave while listening to whatever recorded PBS show Harry is watching. He feels stupid almost crying over fucking dinner, when did his life get like this. How did it turn from long nights out, concerts, hotels, flights, into twelve-hour shifts, canned food, and sleeping on a fucking couch. Sometimes he thinks of what his life would be like if he had just taken the small white pill, but then he hears Harry laughing at the stupidest cartoons and knows that there is no reality without Harry that he is happier in, no matter how little money he has.

The rest of the night is spent as normal. They eat dinner on the coach; Harry continues to watch Tv until Regulus tells him that electronic time is over. Then the boy heads to his room to do who knows what, read, draw, play with figures. Regulus remains on the couch for a moment relaxing before getting up and cleaning the plates, putting the leftover casserole in the fridge. He takes a little extra time to clean the house a little bit, sweeping the floor and whipping down the chipped cupboards. Once he’s done, he begins to set up his bed.

He takes the couch cushions from the Couch, setting them against the wall of the room before unfolding the pull-out bet. He takes his time pulling on the fitted sheet before layering on two blankets. He finishes it off with a pillow.

Once he’s done with that he heads to the small bathroom. He showers quickly, keeping the water cold so Harry can have it warm, then he finishes getting ready for bed. Pajamas, brushes his teeth, washes his face and combs his hair.

“Harry, wash up!” He calls to his son as he steps out of the shower. Once he hears the sound of small feet rushing to get ready, he lets himself relax and flop onto his bed.

“Remember to get behind your ears.” he tells Harry as he walks towards the bathroom in his robe.

“I’m not a baby papa.” he whines before closing the door. Regulus laughs bittersweet because it's true, Harry isn’t a baby. He doesn’t need Regulus to bathe him anymore; he doesn't even need Regulus to remind him how to. He sighs before taking out his phone for the first time this afternoon. He doesn’t expect to see much. He doesn’t talk to anyone much these days, all his friends moved out of town years ago, they keep in contact somewhat, but they have their own lives.

Needless to say, he’s shocked to see a missed call from Barty Crouch Jr. He hasn’t spoken to him in months, it's neither of their faults, just both have busy lives, but still sometimes it feels like Regulus was left behind. Out of everyone, he’s the only one who’s stuck in Springville, everyone else was able to get out, but not Regulus. So yes, he misses his friends, but talking to them is a reminder of what could have been.

He spends some time just looking at the notification before deciding to call back. The phone rings for a moment, but suddenly he hears his oldest friend's voice.

“Reg!” He cheers “How are you mate?” He asks, sounding nothing but happy to hear from his friend.

“Hello Barty, I’m good, how are you?” Regulus asks, not able to hide his own grin.

“Geeze Black, did you suddenly get manners after all these months.” His friend teases. Regulus rolls his eyes, this is why he never calls.

“Last time I tried to be nice to you, you slag.” He snaps sharply, only cursing cause he is sure Harry can’t hear him over himself singing in the shower.

“Ah there he is.” Barty says with a loud cackle that Regulus suddenly misses.

“Why are you calling me Barty?” Regulus asks, sounding annoyed but his friend knows there is no real bite in his tone.

“Can't I just miss my bestest friend?” His friend asks and Regulus actually laughs. In no way does he think Barty doesn’t care about him, but he and Barty have been friends for nearly two decades. They could go years without talking and still be fine and secure in their relationship, so no, Barty, one of the top male models in the world, would not just call Regulus for no reason.

“Mhmmm, and I’m a virgin.” Regulus jokes dryly. “What do you want?” He asks again. He hears his friends hum through the phone before speaking.

“Okay you got me.” he admits “I just wanted to let you know…” he stops for a second forcing a dramatic pause.

“Rosie Senior Passed away!” He cheers loudly into the receiver causing Regulus to be confused. Yes, he’s happy the abusive shitbag kicked the bucket, but this could have been a text. The rosier twins have not seen their father in the past four years at least; that’s the last time they visited.

“Yay?” Regulus says, a bit unsure of how he was supposed to react. He hears his friend groan in annoyance.

“Do you know what that means?” He asks, sounding almost offended that Regulus didn’t understand.

“That Evan and Pandora are orphans?” Regulus asks, genuinely confused.

“No!” Barty yells clearly having enough of Regulus’ cluelessness. “Evan and Pandora have to come down to sell the house and stuff, and of course as Evan’s boyfriend I’m coming too.” Barty says, sounding as smug as ever.

Regulus feels his jaw genuinely drop. His friends are coming here? He can’t help the excitement that bubbles up into his stomach. It's been four years since he had last seen his friends, it's been a lonely four years at that, just him and Harry. He has the Weasley's of course, but they are closer to parent figures than friends. The age gap is too wide for them to spend time together socially outside of the occasional dinner.

“You're joking.” He says, praying that this is not some sort of joke.
“Absolutely not, we fly tomorrow and should be in town by seven.” his friend says, and Regulus can’t even begin to process.

“Your.. what?” He asks and Barty just laughs. “We can go to Three broomsticks like old times, he says.” he says excitedly, and Regulus immediately snaps out of his shock.

“Absolutely not,” he says, because the three broomsticks was a big no for Regulus. It's a small shabby restaurant with a stage where live music is played every weekend night. It's where he and his friends spent every weekend of their childhood, where Sirius and his friends first played a set, where Regulus had his first kiss. It's a place that is held with some of the happiest moments of Regulus’ life that have now become the most painful memories.

“C’mon reg! Don’t be a spoiled sport!” Barty whines into the phone. Barty doesn’t get it; he wasn’t left behind like regulus. The restaurant isn’t a reminder of what could have been to Barty, it's a reminder of where his dreams had started. It was a photo of Barty at the three broomsticks that has gotten him discovered. It was taken on some shitty digital camera by Evan, yet Barty looked ethereal, the moment it was posted online he had gotten an email from a small agency, and it's been history ever since.

“I’m not going.” Regulus snaps sharper this time, it seems to stop Barty for a moment and the second he right himself he is interrupted by Harry who is leaving the bathroom.

“Papa, I'm done! And I cleaned behind my ears too.” he calls happily as he stands in front of regulus’ makeshift bed.

“Is that my Godson!” Barty screams through the receiver as he hears the father and son talking but Regulus ignores him.

“Good job Haz, did you brush your hair?” Regulus asks because if not it will be one big knot of curls in the morning.

“Yup!” His son says chest puffed out with pride.

“Put me on speaker right now, regulus!” Barty screams from the phone so loud that Regulus wines and Harry notices Regulus on the phone.

“Who is that?” He asks creeping closer towards Regulus’s bed. Standing at the side of it. Regulus sighs before answering, knowing how Harry will react.

“Your uncle Barty.” He says, unenthusiastic and suddenly both Harry and Barty are Yelling.

“Uncle Barty!” Harry shrieks as he grabs the phone from out of Regulus’s hand without warning. Regulus can hear a faint “Harry!” From the phone speaker. He shakes his head but smiles. Harry hasn’t actually seen Barty since he was two years old, but he’s still always excited whenever he’s on the phone, constantly asking him questions that Barty is more than happy to answer. Regulus quickly takes the phone from his son who cries out in protest for a moment but settles when he puts Barty onto speakerphone.

“Guess what buddy.” Barty says a voice ringing out through the small home.

“What? what?” Harry asks, basically bouncing on his toes in excitement.

“I’m coming to visit you tomorrow.” Barty says cheekily and Harry immediately cheers.

“Really?” He pulls Regulus’s hand close to his face so he can have the phone as close to him as possible.

“Yep, and so are your uncle Evan and aunt Pandora.” Barty continues on, clearly pleased at Harry’s reaction. The boy begins to jump up and down, basically dancing in excitement.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m gonna show you my figures, and my room, I can also show you my new clothes and and-.” Harry is talking so fast that Regulus is scared he might turn blue. “I'm gonna show how fast I am, I bet I’m faster than even you.” Harry finishes smiling wider than Regulus has seen in a while.

“Oh, we will have to see about that won’t we.” Barty says, sounding serious to Harry’s ears but Regulus can hear the mischief in his friend's voice. Harry looks like he’s about to rise to his uncle’s challenge but Regulus swifty interrupts before he can go on a tangent.

“Well, we will have to wait until tomorrow to see, Harry it's time for bed.” he tells his son gently and watches as his shoulder slump.

“But Papa, I’m not even tired.” He says but Regulus knows that if he doesn’t sleep well tonight, he will be a nightmare in the morning.

“Hmm maybe,” regulus says while going to brush his fingers through his son’s hair. “But you will need to sleep so you have energy to race your uncle tomorrow.” That seems to do the trick and Harry’s interest is caught. He perks up quickly going to hug his papa.

“You're so right! I need to train!” The boy says as he squeezes Regulus. Regulus just squeezes him in return, humming in agreement.

“Goodnight Haz.” He says before kissing his son’s head and letting him go.

“Good night, Harry! See you soon.” Barty calls through the phone. Harry untangles himself from his papa and begins the walk to his own room.

“Goodnight papa, Goodnight uncle Barty!” The boy calls and then disappears into his own room. Regulus sighs before laying back onto the bed, he takes the phone of the speaker and puts it to his ear, not wanting to be too loud and disturb Harry.

“Ah he’s such a delight.” Barty says into his ear and Regulus snorts.

“You haven’t seen him when he has to wake up at any time earlier than 10am.” Regulus says he loves his son but he’s a little menace.

“Hmm just like his father.” Barty says offhandedly as if he’s just thinking of an old friend, technically he is but Regulus actually gasps in shock.

“Barty” he says warningly. It's a rule, they never talk about Harry’s father, in fact Regulus doesn’t even see the guy as Harry's father. He wasn’t there for Harry's first birthday, for his birth, or even for his pregnancy. He’s nothing but a sore memory that Regulus tries so hard to forget about. He tells himself he’s over it, that he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t need or want him in their lives but it's hard. Especially hard when he’s constantly reminded of the life that He had been abandoned for.

The marauders, the band James Potter, Harry’s Father, is in, is one of the biggest music groups in the world for the past five years. They had gone from underground to worldwide rock sensation in the span of seven years. Their songs are constantly played in stores, the radio, and any other setting where music is played. Regulus hates it, the constant reminder of the people who had left him.

“Regulus, you can’t still be upset at him.” Barty says softly, like he’s nervous for Regulus’s response.

“You can’t say what I can’t be mad about!” Regulus snaps into his phone. He knows Barty isn’t trying to be condescending, he knows Barty’s right. It has been almost seven years since he has seen or heard from Harry’s Father, but the wound still feels fresh whenever it gets unbandaged like this. He has loved Harry’s father, truly loved him like a fucking idiot. He was older, handsome, had the same dream as Regulus and thought that Regulus was fucking capable. They had been in love for four years, started dating at fourteen and only for James to leave him three years later when Regulus was seventeen. Maybe Regulus was stupid, but he truly thought James would be the one, he thought he would get lucky and find his one true love the first time, of course he was fucking wrong. Or maybe he wasn’t but it's still a tragedy.

“Sorry Reg, you're right, that was out of line.” Barty apologizes immediately once hearing Regulus' tone, he knows he’s still not ready to talk about it. Regulus never really talks about his feelings or his struggles, instead he writes. He’s done it since he was a kid, he writes journal entries, poems and stupid lyrics that are now pointless. Regulus remembers a time when he would perform them, laying his heart out for everyone in the three broomsticks to hear. It was fun, truly was, it was his dream to stay like that, but things had changed the minute he took that pregnancy test, even more so the moment James had left.

“Yeah” Is all Regulus can say, because Barty was out of line. He hears his friend sigh loudly, obviously annoyed at regulus’ dry answer.

“Well, I’ll let you go, reg.” his friend says after a moment, knowing regulus is checked out of the conversation. “I’ll see you tomorrow year?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah asshole, see you tomorrow.” The two say their goodbyes and hang up. Regulus lays in his bed just staring at the ceiling for a while. He listens for any sign that Harry is still awake, but the house is quiet. He tries his best not to think of the walking nostalgia that will be visiting tomorrow. He’s excited to see his friends, don’t get him wrong. But if that conversation with Barty is any indicator of how the visit is going to go then Regulus will be around constant walking reminders of his past and the life he could have had. After another few minutes of fretting, he finally feels himself get tired. He closes his eyes allowing sleep to take over him slowly.

Chapter 2

Notes:

Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the love on the last chapter! It motivated me to continue with this work. Hope you like this chapter!

Songs in this chapter
Ain't it fun- Paramore
Pressure- Paramore
All I wanted- Paramore

“Papa, they’re here! They’re here.” Regulus hears his son call from beside their front door like Regulus couldn’t hear the doorbell. Regulus quickly drops the rag that was in his hand, from the moment he had gotten home after picking up Harry from daycare he had been cleaning their mess of a house.

It won’t be his friends' first time seeing their place, they were there when he bought it four years ago. None of them approved of the small home at first, they even went as far as to try and convince Regulus to stay in the small but nice house they had all raised harry in for his first two years of life, they even went as far as to continue paying their parts of the rent when they where gone, knowing that Regulus wouldn’t be able to cover it alone. Regulus thought, refused to accept, he didn’t want to be a burden to his friends and even more he didn’t want to be pitied. So he bought the little place he and Harry call home now. 

He knew his friends feel guilt for leaving him to follow their own dreams, no matter how much he urged them to do so, so to try to stop that guilt from growing he is trying to make his home look as cozy as possible. He’s not that embarrassed of his struggle, he had gotten over that years ago, but he hates the sad glances his friends used to give him when they thought his back was turned, he hated the idea of them worrying. 

So he had spent the last hours, mopping the concret floors, trying to get berry stains from out of their small carpet, scrubbing the chipped cabinets, folding the old throw pillows, dusting the photos on the wall, and straightening up the knickknack Harry and him have picked out throughout the years. 

“Comming coming.” Regulus calls, heading towards the door. He can feel low hum excitement bubble up as he passes Harry reaching for the knob quickly. The moment he pulls the door open he is met with three familiar smiling faces and immediately tackled into a hug. 

“Regulus!” The body yells into his ear as it wraps his arms around him. It takes him a moment to register who it is, but he sees the light brown arms and long white curls and immediately knows its pandora. 

“Panda” He says feeling like he’s in a dream as he clings tightly, like she might disappear if he lets go. They shift their weight from one foot to another, slowly rocking as they just embrace, taking each other in, feeling one another, smelling one another. Regulus feels a sense of home that he hasn’t felt in ages. He can hear Harry laughing from somewhere close by, bringing another layer of warmth to his heart. 

He looks over Pandora’s shoulder to see Barty with his hands around his son, lifting him up and spinning him in circles. Barty’s smile is big and full of teeth as he lifts his nephew, and Regulus suddenly realizes how much he missed seeing it. He’s been able to see some of Barty’s model work, but none of it shows Barty’s authentic self, his freckled are always covered with makeup, his scar on his forehead edited out, and his smile is always closed lip and demure or sexy. None of the photos showcases this Barty, the real Barty, who’s front teeth are a little crocked and has smile lines when he smiles too big. 

Evan stands beside his boyfriend, watching silently with a small smile on his face. His broad shoulders are relaxed as he keeps his hand in the back pocket of his jeans and his brown eyes are warm as he takes in the scene in front of him. Regulus is sure that if anyone else was watching him they would think he was apathetic to the scene in front of him, but Regulus knows Evan, he’s lived longer with him then without, so he knows that Evan’s heart is full at this moment. 

“Oh I’ve missed you so much!” Pandora says, squeezing him tight, bringing Regulus’ attention back to her again, before letting him go. 

“Me too.” Regulus says honestly, stepping away from her. “ How have you been, how was your tour?” He asks her, wanting to know everything. She had just finished her third world tour a few months ago,  Regulus had meant to call her about it but it had slipped his mind. He watches as smiles at his eagerness before rollinger her eyes. 

“We can talk about that later, I want to hug my nephew!” She says before quickly stepping away from Regulus to steal Harry from out of Barty’s arms. Barty complains dramatically while Harry squeals with all the attention. Barty is quick to rebound though, immediately turning to meet Regulus. 

“Fuck mate.” Is all he says as he grabs hold of Regulus, gripping the back of his shirt tightly, refusing to let go. Regulus doesn’t complain at all, instead mimics the action and hides his face in his best friend’s neck. They stand like that for a while, not saying anything, just processing the fact that they are really here together, before they are interrupted by a person clearing their throat. 

“You’ve had your turn.” Evan says now standing beside the two of them, he basically prys his boyfriend off of regulus before hugging him himself. There is something about hugging Evan that is so warm. Regulus would never mention it aloud but he’s always felt specifically safe with Evan, even since they were kids. Maybe it's due to the fact he’s always been bigger, taller than the rest of them or maybe it's just because he’s Evan, fiercely loyal, smart, steadfast, and just good.  Regulus had missed the times when Evan would pull him into hugs like this without a word on especially hard and lonely nights. He couldn’t be more happy to be here again. 

“How have you been?” He asks not to make any moves to let go. Regulus knows that he won’t be the first to pull away from experience so he dreadingly takes the first step back.  

“I’ve been holding on, how about you?” 

“Good, good.” He answers, voice breathy, as he looks down at Regulus with a smile. 

“Aunt Pandora let me show you my room!” Regulus hears Harry shout causing him to look over and watch as he tries to tug the woman towards his room. The young woman laughs, seeming ready to comply with the boys every demand but Regulus quickly interrupts his son. 

“Wait Haz, lets let them settle down a little, they’ve traveled a long way.” He says and his son responds by putting the biggest pout on his face. He’s quickly distracted though as Barty comes from behind him  to pick him up again. 

“Yeah Haz, we came all the way from Los Angeles, we are so tired.” He groans dramatically snuggling close to the boy who immediately starts laughing and trying to get away.

“You slept the whole way.” Evan calls out, exposing his husband who just ignores him, instead spinning Regulus’s giggling child in circles again. All of Regulus’ friends helped him with Harry before they had left to further their careers, but Barty, he absolutely loves Harry like his own. Regulus remembers the awful nights when he couldn’t get newborn Harry to stop screaming, he would try everything but to no avail, the only thing that would get him to stop is being held by his Uncle Barty who would make silly faces at the boy while singing metal songs like lullabies. 

“Hmm not much has changed huh.” Pandora says looking at her nephew and friend fondly.  Regulus just hums and wraps an arm around her shoulders, holding her close again. 

“I missed this.” He says softly but he knows he heard him as she nods her head in return. 

“Me too.” She says. 

“As much as I love this sweet reunion moment.” Evan says from where he stands. “ I am absolutely starved.”Typical, Regulus thinks as he rolls his eyes. If anyone knows how to end a moment it's the ever blunt Evan Rosier. 

“Yes! Food! we need food!” Barty says, coming to wrap a arm around his boyfriend’s waist while the other still holds Harry, who is mimicking his uncles cheering, on his hip

“Lets go to the three broomsticks! Is that still around?” Pandora asks the room. Immediately Evan throws his head back with a loud groan of agreement. 

“Yes, I haven’t been there since we left, I need to eat those nachos.” Evan calls. Regulus immediately feels his stomach seize with anxiety. He starts to think of a way to turn down the idea, not wanting to go further down memory lane. He looks to Barty in hopes to find help but instead he’s talking to Harry. 

“Have you been to the three broomsticks Harry?” He asks the boy who looks at his uncle with big brown eyes. 

“We only have one broomstick Uncle Barty.” His son says, sounding like a teacher correcting a student. Regulus probably would have laughed if it wasn’t for the pit growing in his stomach. Regulus doesn’t want to go to the three broomsticks, even more he doesn’t want Harry to go there. He doesn’t want to see Harry dancing around the same tables he and his father did, he doesn’t want to see Harry singing along to music blaring from the same speakers his old microphone used to be hooked up to and he really really doesn’t want Harry to begin asking questions about Regulus’ history with the place. He isn’t ready for Harry to know about his past, to ask questions about Regulus’ life before him, what his papa gave up on to support him. He especially isn’t ready for Harry to hear anything about his father. 

“Barty I don-” regulus starts trying to sound calm, not wanting to ruin the mood or disappoint his son, but his shoulders are undeniably tense. Pandora turns to him clearly a bit confused but says nothing. 

“It's the best place in the world, food, games, music-” Barty says and Regulus watches as his son’s eyes widen with interest. 

“Barty stop it.” regulsu snaps this time, voice coming out sharp in a way it hasn’t in years. He keeps himself relatively calm, trying to be the best role model for Harry so he doesn’t become the cold sarcastic ass he was as a kid. Lucky Harry doesn’t care for his father’s tone instead ignores it, shouting in glee.

“Music!” He shouts in excitement raising his tiny fists into the air.. If there is one thing Harry got from both of their parents it's his undying love for music. Regulus and him listen to it constantly, in the morning, during car rides, while they clean. It's something they bond over, it's special in their house. If they have a bad day, its not surprising that Regulus will suddenly hear the sound of a familiar song and look up to see his shy son holding his phone. It always leads to the same result, the two of them dancing, singing, sometimes they laugh, sometimes Harry cries, but they are together. That’s why Regulus can’t say no when his son asks.

“Can we please go papa, please!” He calls looking at his father with a begging eye, bigger than they have ever looked before. Regulus sighs before relenting. 

“Just this once.” Is all he says and suddenly all his friends are cheering. 

“Yes! C'mon Haz ride with me!” Barty tells Harry as he begins to walk out the door followed by Evan. Regulus can feel Pandora’s curious eyes on him but ignores them for the moment instead calling after his friend, reminding them that Harry needs his car seat. 

After some shuffling and convincing Harry’s booster seat is removed from Regulus’ truck and put into Barty’s silver Audi. The group had decided to drive in two cars rather than trying to squeeze into one. Evan and Harry with Barty, while Pandora sticks with Regulus. 

Regulus watches as Barty pulls out of the gravel driveway, waving back at a Harry who is waving widely from his seat in the back, clearly excited to be in a new car. By the time they turn onto the street Regulus allows himself to let out the breath he was holding and step on the gas.

“Harry’s never been to three broomsticks?” He hears Pandora ask him as they turn onto the street following Barty. He cringes at the question, he knows Pandora isn’t judging him and is genuinely curious but he still feels a bit embarrassed. He tries hard to not make his deterrence from his past known to his friends, he doesn’t want them to know how much he mourns his old dream or lover. When Harry was still young he blamed not going to the restaurant with his friends on the fact he had to watch his son, but now clearly that wouldn't work anymore. 

“Yeah” is all he says, knowing that Pandora wants him to say more, but the weight of his voice is enough for Pandora to understand. 

“Oh Reggie.” She speaks with a voice full of sympathy and understanding. She’s always been gentle and especially aware of emotions. She’s been able to read Regulus like a book since they where young, so he knows she can see his mourning and stress even without him saying anything.

“It's hard” Regulus says, not able to stop himself, “I know Harry will love this place, he deserves to experience it, but I don’t want to be forced to remember.” He doesn’t want to think about times Sirius would dance on the pool table, or the fights Peter got into at the bars. He doesn’t want to watch as new artists sing on the same stage Regulus used to. 

“Don’t let the old memories haunt you then, just make new ones.” His friend says as if it's the easiest thing in the world. “Don’t let the memory of other people restrict you from experiencing things that bring you joy. Music, performing, and three broomsticks aren’t things that need to be tied to other people Reg,” Regulus is thankful she doesn’t mention any names. “Those things belong to you, and you deserve to experience them for yourself and with your son without ghosts haunting you” She says it so easily, so naturally, like it didn’t just ruin Regulus’ whole perspective. Maybe after all these years of repressing any memory, hiding from anything that could bring back nostalgia wasn’t the road to healing.  Maybe it is time for Regulus to live for himself, to become alive in his own life, not just a forgotten person who is only affected by someone else's. 

“Oh.” is all he is able to say for a while, his head reeling. All this time he had just thought that parts of his childhood had belonged to other people. The memory of his first concert was connected to Sirius who sung the last song with him, the memory of songwriting was connected to Remus because he would sit with him for hours in silence and so on. Everything that was his was just a reminder of someone else. But now, that whole ideology was stripped from him by his friend. Those memories are Regulus’ they shouldn’t haunt him and deter him from things he  had once loved, experiences his son would love. They should remind him of the joy music brought him and push him to let his son explore that same love. 

Regulus sits silently in his thoughts for a few moments, mind still reeling but Pandora seems to not mind. She nonchalantly reaches towards the knobs at the front of the car turning on the radio, only speaking after a few moments. 

“Well, now that your brooding session is out of the way, ask me about the tour.” She says easily as some pop song plays on the radio. Regulus laughs, really laughs for the first time in a while and does just that. Pandora tells him about the beautiful cities she visited, crazy fans, and everything in between. 

“No way!” he yells as finally parks in front of the old brick building. 

“Yes, I’m telling you, he had every detail on it too.” Pandora says with a laugh as she continues to tell him about the tattoo one of her fans had of her. Pandora, being one of the most popular female singers, has a fair share of overly devoted fans.

“And what did you do?” Regulus asks, putting the truck into.

“Thanked him for the gesture of course.” Pandora says simply and at that Regulus is laughing again. 

“Your still fucking crazy.” He says between laughs as he begins to climb out of the car. Pandora just hums, unaffected, opening her door. 

“I’m media trained.” Is all she says before hopping down. Regulus lets out another bark of laughter before jumping out himself. He spots the silver audi a few spots over and heads over to it. As he gets closer he begins to hear heavy and loud music coming from it. He groans, because of course Barty is making his son listen to some of his overly heavy shit when he’s not around. Next thing he knows Harry’s gonna be demanding Pantera before school.

Regulus stands outside the car with Pandora beside him before knocking politely on the passenger window. Even quickly rolls it down, but doesn't even bother to turn to Regulus instead, he continues to swing his head to the beat.

“Why are you making my child listen to this satanic music?” Regulus asks jokingly, remembering all the times his own mother called anything faster than jazz satanic. Evan seems to recall the memory as well and snorts. 

“Please this stuff used to put your kid to sleep.” Barty calls from the front seat and Regulus smiles fondly at the memory of Harry dozing off to Alice and Chains. 

“Well, he is a little devil huh.” Pandora says and Regulus looks to the back seat to see his sun swinging his head hard to the beat as he drums on the car and his lap quickly. 

“You got quite the little drummer.” Evan tells him with a knowing smile. 

“Don’t I know it.” Regulus says before moving away from the passenger door and heading to unstrap his child from the back. As soon as he opens the back door Harry is grinning at him. 

“Look papa, look.” He calls and drums into his lap quickly and not surprisingly, to the beat. Regulus just smiles and begins to take off the kids seat belt. 

“Right on.” he says before picking Harry up and lifting him out of the car. The moment he places his son’s feet onto the ground he is heading to the driver’s door to get to his uncle.

“He really has favorites.” Evan says rolling his eyes as his boyfriend grabs ahold of the six-year-olds hard

“Smart boy.” Barty says smugly as he leads the group towards the restaurant. Regulus takes a breath as they approach the concrete building. It doesn’t look like much on the outside, just a dark building with a brown sign stating the restaurant’s name. Regulus remembers the first time his brother brought him here, he was scared thinking it was some sort of illegal club or brothel. Regulus almost finds himself smiling at the old memory. 

He feels Pandora nudge his shoulder face matching his. He can read her eyes, saying “it's not that bad huh.” Regulus just rolls his eyes in return. He’s not having a panicking yet, so it isn’t too bad. 

The group stands outside the black heavy door, Evan, in front of the group goes to open the door, but before he turns to Harry. 

“You ready little man?” he asks with a smile and Harry cheers jumping excitedly. 

“Yes!” he cheers from beside Barty. Regulus can’t relate to his son’s excitement, suddenly all the ease he was feeling a moment ago vanishes, he feels a pit at his stomach as Evan opens the door. 

Loud music is heard as soon as the door opens, revealing the inside of the restaurant. It looks the exact same as the last time Regulus was here, he notices as he steps inside. 

He can’t help the memories that come rushing back. It's full of new faces, but Regulus still can see the booth where he and his friend would eat, write songs, and joke in. The bar his friends would dance on, the stage they would perform on. He can feel himself spiraling, scared to think about the memories filled with people who had disappointed him. He looks to his friends ready to tell them he can’t do it, to make some excuse to leave. But then he sees it, his beautiful son.

Harry squeals as he runs into the new restaurant. His eyes wide at the crowded restaurant, watching as people cheer from their tables and dance in the large empty spot in front of the small stage in the back. Regulus runs a bit ahead of Barty, trying to see the stage. Regulus see’s the moment his son's eyes find  the cover band that’s playing, he jumps in excitement then he’s turning to his father to Regulus with such happy eyes. The same ones that remind Regulus why he gets up in the morning, why he works almost twelve hours a day, why he stopped trying to become a star, instead becoming a full-time father. 

“Papa, look drums!” He squeals pointing at the stage, then clapping his hands to the beat that the purple drum set is beating throughout the restaurant. Regulus suddenly can’t help the smile that blooms onto his face. His son’s expression reminds him of the same one he had when he would run here after school, pure joy and excitement. He sighs, this is worth it, this is worth everything. 

“Yeah buddy” he says walking past his friends who look at him, Pandora and Evan just grin, but Barty looks like he expected this all along. “Maybe you can take a look at them after they finish.” He says. Regulus is almost one hundred percent sure he will be able to, it's the old set that the restaurant keeps in house, the one they had to buy because Peter broke the older one. 

His son squeals again in excitement at his father’s idea jumping up and down again. 

“Let's find a table, yeah.” Pandora interrupts the father and son, ushering them to find an empty spot. They end up in a booth towards the right of the restaurant, luckily it's not the one that Regulus spent most of his teenage years in. He sits between Harry and Barty, Harry’s on the outside facing the stage. 

“They changed the menu!” Evan says from behind the large menu he is holding. “Where are the nachos” 

“I’m pretty sure you were the only person eating those things Ev.” Pandora says from her spot smiling at her brother, clearly feeling nostalgic herself. This is where she started to, Regulus remembers the first time she got up on the stage, it was impulsive, she was doing it to show Regulus that it wasn't scary. Ever since she hasn’t stepped away from it. 

“Besides, that I don’t think this has changed all that much, look” Barty gestures towards the brick wall beside him. It’s almost completely covered in white chalk drawings from over the years. 

“Woah you can draw on the walls here!” Harry cheers from his spot, his grin still not leaving his face from the moment he entered the room. Regulus is really happy that his son is so excited, but he was just able to get Harry out of his drawing on the wall phase and fears this might cause a relapse. Before he can explain to his son that it is something special to this place he is interrupted. 

“Well I’ll be, I thought I heard some familiar voices.” Regulus turns to the voice, eyes widening as he sees the familiar face of Minevera McGonagall, the owner of the three broomsticks, basically the mother of regulus’s little friend group throughout their teen years. 

“Minny!” Barty yells immediately pushing at Regulus’s shoulder trying to get out of the booth. Regulus easily complies, scooching Harry out of the way.

“Ms. M, how have you been, you're still working?” Evan asks as he goes to hug the women who easily reciprocated. 

“That's rude Evan.” Regulus snaps, turning to apologize to the older woman but she just smiles. 

“Still lacking manners hmm” she says as she pulls away from the man in his arms who now has a bit of a red flush that mostly hidden from his brown skin. He mumbles an apology, something he would only do for this woman, but is interrupted by Barty pushing him out of the way. 

“Minny! Don’t ignore me!” He says taking his boyfriend’s place and holding onto the older woman tightly. Regulus smiles at the two, they are especially close. Regulus remembers the times when Barty would be at the restaurant before anyone else, even when the groups came in the morning, sitting in a booth in pajamas eating cereal. Nobody ever asked about it but they all knew he had spent the night in the backroom, it truly was his home away from home. 

“How are you, my boy?” Minny asks the man. “So much better now.” He says uncharacteristically emotional sounding. The two embrace for a few seconds before the older woman releases his friend. She continues the trend, pulling both Pandora and Regulus into tight hugs greeting them with smiles. Once she lets go of Pandora, she bends down to Harry who looks at her with curious eyes. 

“And who might this young man be?” She asks, holding her hand out to shake the boy's hand. Harry happily takes before proudly introducing himself. 

“I’m Harry James Black. I like your ear holes.” His son says innocently pointing at McGonagall's gages. Regulus watches as her eyebrows raise in shock looking at Regulus quickly. She must see the absolutely terrified look on Regulus's face because she doesn’t ask about it, she knows enough. The two were dating, the marauders left, and Regulus is still here, with a son James has never visited. 

“Why thank you young man.” She says easily carrying on the conversation, “now get back into your seats, I’ll serve you tonight.” She says ushering them all back into their seats. With that the group begins to stammer out their orders, Evan asking if there's any way he can get his god-awful nachos and Minny just says she will see what she can do. 

They spend dinner catching up, laughing, sharing stories, and eating their old favorite foods. Harry remains bored of the conversation for most of the night, instead itching to get out of his seat and get closer to the stage. Regulus was only able to keep him in place by telling him he can check out the band once they all finish their food. 

“There is nothing better than this.” Pandora says as she finishes the last bite of her burger. Regulus thinks to himself there has to be better five-star restaurants that she has visited but doesn’t bother asking about it, to content himself with his pasta. 

“Papa, can I go to the band now?” Harry asks tugging on Regulus’s t-shirt sleeve for the hundredth time that night. Regulus is ready to finally agree when the drummer of the band plays a quick fill ending the song and the singer begins to speak. 

“How are we all doing tonight?” The kids yell into the mic only to be met with cheers from the crowd. “I hear we have some local legends in the house!!” The singer says dramatically looking around the room.. He's young, maybe sixteen and looks exactly like Sirius did when Regulus would watch him on stage, confident as if he belonged there.

“Pandora Lovegood are you still here?” The boy calls looking around the restaurant for the platinum blond. Regulus’s head immediately turns to his friends eyes wide. She looks just as shocked as he does, choking on the soda she was drinking before raising her hand to greet the young performer. The restaurant immediately erupts with cheers at the fact a world renown artist is in the restaurant, most of them likely do not know she grew up in the small town herself. 

“Happy to have you here tonight, miss.” the boy says winking at the table causing Barty to burst into laughter nudging at regulus.

“Seems like there is a version of your brother in every universe.” Regulus hates that he has to agree. 

“But of course we can’t forget the legend Regulus Black!” The boy shouts again and this time it's Regulus who is coughing in shock. Sure Regulus was pretty popular when he was performing, but only in the indie scene and six years ago Regulus would like to add.

“Looks like I’m not the only star tonight.” Pandora says smugly at the same time Harry is looking at him clearly confused but not upset. 

“Papa?” He says looking up to his father expecting answers. Before Regulus can answer he has to smack Barty, who is waving his hand wildly signaling to the performer that Regulus is in fact in the booth.

“He’s right here!” He yells and the young singer immediately catches eyes with Regulus. 

“Ahh, thought you could hide huh.” He says laughing as the older man is hunched trying to make himself small. Do children have no respect for their older all of a sudden, he thinks to himself. 

“The uncultured may not know who this man is, but he’s basically an urban legend in the underground scene, absolute bangers but then disappeared out of nowhere, only returning tonight it seems.” the little shit explains to the crowd with a grin. Regulus wonders if he knows that he’s not flattering or impressing Regulus, instead just annoying him. 

“Truly thought, you guys are inspirations to small bands like us.” The boy starts losing his overconfident persona sounding more serious. “You inspired a lot of us along with the marauders,” Regulus cringes at the mention of the band. “And it would be an honor if you would perform a few songs with us.” The boy’s voice sounds more hopeful at the end, like a child asking for a big favor he doesn't expect to get. Regulus plans to politely decline but then his son is once again pulling at his shirt. 

“Papa can sing on the stage! Please, please sing on the stage!” He cries in excitement, basically vibrating in his seat at the idea of his father performing. Regulus’s defenses start to shake but he still plans to decline. Before he can say anything though Pandora is moving. 

“We would love to!” She yells pushing Evan out of the booth and standing up herself. Regulus’ head snaps towards her in shock ready to yell at her but then she gently ushers Harry out the booth so she can pull Regulus up. 

“What wait?” He says as Pandora starts to pull him through the cheering crowd. Soon they are walking up the steps of the stage greeting the young, shocked faces, who clearly did not expect them to agree. 

“Whoa, I didn’t think that would work.” The young man says into the mic, earning a few laughs. 

“It will be fun to perform here again after so much time, especially with the new scene.” Pandora says easily to a clearly starstruck boy. Regulus remains silent around trying to mask a scowl, as he waits for the moment he can get off stage. 

Go to a restaurant and make new memories, sure he can do that. But perform, after all these years, experience everything he gave up again.He’s not so sure he’s ready for that. Performing is something of his past, something he connects to closely to his time with the marauders, with James. He doesn’t want to be reminded of what was lost any longer. He wants to lock it away into a part of his brain that will never be touched. 

“Well, um we need a moment to prepare.” the young man says, fiddling with the guitar strapped around his neck. “ We know a few of your old songs, Ms. Lovegood, from your first album, is that good?” the young boy asks surprisingly politely for a young rocker. Regulus thinks it's not good,in fact anything but good.  Regulus basically wrote that album for Pandora.

 Pandora is an amazing singer, but writing is not her strongest talent. Regulus has plenty of songs just sitting in his journal and was more than happy to give them to Pandora, knowing that he would no longer need them. 

He wants to tell this young boy hell no it's not okay and walks off, but Pandora firmly holds onto her hand, nodding at the boy who turns away from the mike hiding with the rest of his band. 

“What the fuck Pandora.” Regulus snaps quietly into his friend's ear. “You know I don’t want to do this, I can’t” he snaps softly.  His friend just looks at him with playful eyes.

“Cmon Reg, it will be fun. You used to love this stuff” she says with a easy grin but Regulus can tell from her eyes that she’s not ignorant to his distress.

“Yeah, but then I got pregnant,” he says, clearly stressed. “I’m Harry’s father now, not a rock singer, I gave this stuff up and you know it.” He says seriously. It's a sad reality, giving up his dream for parenthood, but it's not something he will go back on, the decision brought him the best thing in his life, a happy healthy son. 

“You can do both Reg,” Pandora says, truly trying to convince him. Regulus is about to rebuttal but Pandora continues. “Look I don’t expect you to become some rock star again, it's just one performance for fun, in front of what fifty, sixty people?” Pandora gestures to the small crowd. “And look how excited Harry is to see his Papa on stage.” She says gesturing towards the empty space close by the edge of the stage where Barty and Evan stand beside Harry who looks ecstatic. When he notices his father looking at him he immediately starts waving, throwing up a clumsy “I love you” sign. “He clearly wants to see you perform, so just do it this once for him.” Pandora says and Regulus wants to strangle her for using his son against him. It's so hard saying no to Harry when he knows he will be crestfallen if Regulus walks off this stage. Regulus sighs heavily before looking back at Pandora. 

“Fine,I’m just gonna do like a backup though.” He relents and he watches Pandora face morph into a wide grin before playful rolling her eyes. 

“Yeah Regulus Black is my backup, right.” She says sarcastically as if it wasn’t possible, like she’s not the international star. Regulus is about to fire back at her but the teens get his attention. 

“Okay, where ready if you guys are, Sadie will count you guys in whenever.” He gestures to the girl behind the drum kit. 

“We’re ready.” Pandora says quickly, now heading to stand right in front of the mic stand then taking one of the mics to the side and handing it to Regulus. He snatches it out of her hand with a glare before looking out towards the crowd. They’re clearly excited cheering but Harry is by far the loudest, he can basically hear Harry’s his son's voice over everyone else's. It's the only thing keeping him from just walking off the damn stage. Pandora gives a quick thumbs up to the drummer and then regulus hears the telltale sound of sticks counting them off. 

A few beats later, a familiar beat fills the restaurant and the tension in Regulus' shoulders eases.  He stands beside Pandora as she begins to sing his lyrics to  the song. He remains quiet, allowing her to lead. He can’t help the butterflies that begin to flutter in his stomach as the familiar feeling of adrenaline spikes as he looks out into the small crowd, all now on their hands clapping along to the beat as the star sings. 

 

I don’t mind, letting you down easy

But just give it time

If it don’t hurt now just wait

Just wait a while

 

Pandora’s voice carries throughout the Restaurant with practiced ease. Regulus never particularly liked this song, thought it was a bit too dramatic and cocky sounding, but Pandora insisted on it going into the album, saying it needed an upbeat track. 

Her voice sounds so natural as she sings, and for a moment Regulus freezes, nervous like it's his first time on stage again. He feels as if he can’t move, unsure what to do with his hands as the lights beat down onto his head. He stands there like that as Pandora finishes the first verse but it's almost like instinct, before he can even think he leans closer to the as the bridge comes’ singing harmonies with Pandora. 

 

So what are you gonna do

 

He sings along with her and suddenly he feels more at ease, the butterflies settle and a lasting excitement stays instead. He looks out into the crowd smirking at the few people who look shocked at the fact Regulus doesn’t sound like dogshit. Regulus wants to smack himself for being nervous a moment ago, He’s Regulus fucking Black, the 90’s goddamn scene prince, ofcourse he can sing. Before he knows it he’s singing the chorus alongside Pandora.

 

Ain't it fun

Living in the real world. 

 

He lets himself move with the music, swaying smoothly with the band. They are not perfect, clearly still learning how to use the instruments, but it's enough to hold the melody of the song. The crowd seems to love it though, by the time they reach the bridge anyone who wasn’t already by the stage had migrated to it. Pandora has taken her mic off the stand, now moving around with practiced stage presence. Regulus mostly stays in one spot, but lets his body move with the music, singing passionately. 

Pandora walks right over to  him as they reach the bridge, smiling at him knowingly and Regulus doesn't have it in him to pretend to be annoyed so he just smiles back. He nudges him clearly signalling for him to sing along with her and he complies easily. 

 

Ain't it good to be on your own

Ain't it fun you can’t count on no one

 

They sing together, now Regulus gestures towards the crowd with Pandora, suddenly remembering why he wrote this song. The universal anger of realizing you have only yourself, something everyone experiences at some point. It's a lament to the fact that humans are so dumb to want to be independent so quickly when it is really  a lonely awful weight. He sings his teenage feelings with an odd sense of pride, laughing at his naive younger self and hopes the crowd can relate. As the guitars back out and the beat stays heaving Regulus immediately sings along without hesitation. 

 

“Don’t go crying to your mama

Cause your on your own

 

He sings as a chant, the crowd begins to join in, clearly loving the show. Regulus though ignores them instead trying to find Harry in the crowd. He sees him in the middle of the crowd sitting on Evans shoulder cheering his little head off. He doesn’t know the words but he just looks happy to be there, pumping his little fists in the air. Regulus takes the moment to meet his eye and wave which his son enthusiastically reciprocates.  

He smiles before looking away and walking  towards the middle of the stage with Pandora.They finish the song smoothly, dancing around each other, singing in eachother face, interacting with the crowd. The song fades out and to Regulus’ surprising joy another begins to play. He almost lets out a cry of joy as the fuzzy guitar begins to play loudly in the restaurant. This has to be one of Regulus’ favorite songs on the album. It's angry, raw, and vulnerable, exactly how he felt, and he will be damned if he doesn’t sing the hell out of it. 

He begins singing into the mic before he can even remember it’s technically Pandora’s song. 

 

Tell me where out time went

And if it was time well spent 

Just don’t let me fall asleep

Feeling empty again

 

Pandora seems to have no issue with Regulus beginning to take the lead, and honestly regulus doesn’t care if she does. He’s too lost in the song, feeling all the passion his 17 year self felt writing it. He had wasted so much time on James just for him to leave him, it had hurt so bad he wasn’t sure how he’d deal, if he would be able to. The song is a testament of that and instead of it scaring and hurting Regulus he feels a hot churn in his chest, a satisfying release as he sings into the mic. 

 

I can feel the pressure

It's getting closer now

We’re better off without 

 

Regulus sings it as if James was right in front of him. As if he could show James that though he was hurt, he is better now, he doesn’t need him anymore, Harry doesn’t need him either. He’s completely lost in the song, yelling, holding his mic as he moves to the beat. He doesn’t notice that he’s basically sung the whole thing alongside Pandora until the little instrumental. 

He turns to her knowing ready to have some sense of apology for taking over but she just smiles encouragingly, urging him to continue, clearly not caring that he’s taken more control of the song. 

 

Some things I’ll never know

And I had to let them go

But I’m sitting all alone

Feeling empty

I can feel the pressure

 

He had spent a lot of time wondering what his life would have been like if James had just heard him out, if he had just listened, but that circle of thinking didn’t do him any justice, just made him feel pathetic and alone. He doesn’t feel that way anymore, or at least not right now. Now instead he feels some sort of freeness as he sings about some of his most vulnerable feelings to an unknowing crowd. 

They finish the rest of the song as they started, full of emotion and energy. Regulus’ heart is pumping so fast in his chest, he’s missed this, he’s forgotten how good this feels, how therapeutic it is to just let all his emotions out to the beat of a song. Before he had time to think more about it another song starts. 

The guitar riff begins and Regulus’ shoulder’s tense for a moment, he feels as if a door withholding memories he wanted to keep away forever were opened. He can deal with remembering silly naive Regulus, remembering the anger he had felt, but he can’t deal with the emotion this song evokes, the feeling of loss and abandonment Regulus had felt, that he is still feeling at moments. 

Pandora looks at him too knowing how vulnerable this song was. Regulus almost didn’t put it on the album, but he relented last minute because no one would know it was his . It was his rawest most private emotions put into one song and it became the most popular track on the album. That's the thing about music, it's why Regulus was good at it, he can put his very soul into his lyrics, his riffs, baselines, and beats, creating a song that is a genuine experience for people to listen to, to feel.

Pandora looks at him worried for a moment, but Regulus feels a resolve in his stomach. He wants to sing this song, he wants to feel it, maybe it will bring him closure, maybe it won’t, but it's his song. So he ignores her troubled look, instead steps up farther into the stage, sets his mic into the empty mic stand and begins to sing.

 

Think of me when you out

When your out there

I’ll beg you nice on my knees

 

He remembers the fight like it was yesterday. Regulus had told James they needed to talk two days before the Marauders and Regulus were going to go on a country wide tour as openers for another band. It was a trial with Dumbledore records, one of the biggest music companies in the world. if they did well they would get signed, their dreams would come true. It truly was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Regulus had just found out he was pregnant and knew that he had to give up his dream of becoming a star if he wanted the child to have a somewhat normal and fair life. He wouldn’t be able to perform on stage with a large pregnant stomach, and he wouldn’t be able to raise his child if he had to be in the studio or sound check every day. He knew what he had to do the moment he saw the red lines on the test, what he had to give up.

He had told James that he couldn’t go on the tour and asked him to stay with him as well. James at first seemed confused, Regulus remembers the utter shock on his face turn to a nervous grin, thinking that Regulus was joking. But Regulus insisted seriously saying that he had to stay and he needed James to stay as well, that they needed to pull out, that they could try again, maybe in a few years but he wasn’t ready yet. 

It was scary honestly, once James realized Regulus was serious, he had blown up, accusing Regulus of being scared, selfish, acting as if Regulus was trying to sabotage him. Regulus remembers yelling back at James, trying to defend himself, trying to understand why James couldn’t calm down and listen to him for a moment, but James was having none of it.

 He yelled in a way Regulus had never heard him yell before. It was sharp and loud with anger sounding foreign from his lips as he cursed at Regulus for making him choose between his dream and Regulus. Regulus had met him, screaming back at James for not letting him speak or explain. James refused to listen though, convinced Regulus had bad intentions. The moment James said that he could leave without Regulus, that he wouldn’t let anything hold him back something in Regulus had shifted.

He remembers all the fights leaving him. If James viewed his career as more important than Regulus, why would it be more important than a baby he had never met. So, Regulus didn’t tell him, instead just stood there completely checked out. He just nodded along to whatever James was saying at that point. The only thing that got him out of it was when James turned to leave. He had asked him for more time to stay, to hear him out, but James just turned without a word and began walking away. 

Regulus had felt desperate at that point, calling out saying that if James walked away now then they were done. He watched as James stopped for a moment before walking out the door without looking back. Regulus stood there for minutes after, just looking at the door as he felt his heart break while the pregnancy test remained in his back pocket with a ribbon wrapped around it. 

It was the most traumatizing moment of Regulus’ life he thinks, worse than his parents yelling or hitting him and his brother. He had truly loved James, expected him to stay, for them to raise Harry together and then pursue their dream again once he was older, but that was shattered. He was left behind by the one person he wanted to be with most. 

 

And maybe then we’d

 remember to slow down

At all of our favorite parts

 

He sings into the mic while memories of all the forgotten sweet moments between James and him filtered through, all the moments he had taken for granted and would have done anything to get again. He doesn’t process anything around him, the crowded nor the band, only himself and his memories. He just sings his heart out, feeling everything he did when he was seventeen, pregnant, abandoned  and heartbroken. He notices the band quiet for a moment, and he takes a breath 

 

All I wanted was you

 

He screams like a prayer into his mic. Clutching his chest at this point. It hit him that he still felt for the song. There was still a small, repressed part of himself that missed James, that wanted them to work out. It only made the song more beautifully painful to sing. He continues to repeat the lyric like a mantra until the band calls it quits. No more song plays after, the concert is done and Regulus finally looks into the crowd breathing heavily. 

He’s surprised to see so many crowd members cheering with wide eyes and clapping hands. He looks to Pandora expecting to see her next to him, but she’s to the side of the stage, the led light on her microphone is off, she hadn’t even been singing, she let Regulus handle it alone. For a moment Regulus feels naked, he laid it all out raw in the song, all his emotion, his anxieties. Suddenly he hears the loud cheer of his son and nothing but warmth fills his body. Suddenly its obvious to him that quitting performing as a whole was such a stupid choice. That this was what he was made to do, even if it's not on the stage of a sold-out arena, he was meant to write music and perform it. 

He watches his son as he yanks on Evan's hair, clearly wanting to be let down and as soon as he is he is racing onto the stage. Regulus doesn’t even try to reprimand him for climbing up, just picks him up and hugs him in front of the cheering crowd. He misses this feeling so much, and it feels ten times better to be cheered for when his son is with the crowd. 

“Thank you everyone, thank you.” Pandora says to the crowd trying to settle them down. “Know you’ve heard All I wanted the way it was meant to be sung.” She jokes but Regulus can tell it's fake, it's for the crowd. She continues to thank the crowd and the band and soon they are both walking off the stage. 

“That was amazing Papa, you were so good! Just like on tv! Everyone was like "woah and I was like that’s my Papa!” James cheers gushing about the performance. Regulus just smiles and nods holding his son close to his chest. They walk back to their booth to meet with Evan and Barty. 

“Right on mate.” Evan says once he sees them, clearly proud of Regulus, grin wide on his face. Barty on the other hand is smirking. 

“I knew your attention seeking ass would do something like that.” He says lazily and Regulus immediately goes to smack him on the shoulder. 

“Shut up your ass.” He says hoping for everything that Harry wouldn’t pick up on the language. Barty just laughs in response as if it was all in good fun. Regulus can’t help but smile at his friend's antics when he sees Ms. McGonagall walked over with a wide smile. 

“It is always a pleasure to see you perform.” She says to both Regulus and Pandora who smile politely in return. 

“I’ll have to give you tickets to one of my shows.” Pandora tells the women, easily taking the attention away from Regulus. The adults fall into easy conversation from there, jumping from, topic to topic. At some point Harry had run off towards the stage to bug the teens about the drum set.

An hour that felt like only a minute passed, and Regulus was calling Harry from off the stage where he sat next to the drummer, watching her every move. Regulus is almost positive he wasn’t invited to sit up there but didn’t bother to ask his son once he came down.

“You're so good at singing papa.” Harry tells Regulus for the hundredth time, yet it is still more fulfilling than when any record labor had told him that.

“Can we come here again sometime please papa?” Harry asks his dad, basically begging and Regulus finds the answer easily coming to his lips. 

“Yeah, whatever you want.” He says, because sure, maybe he will have to work an extra shift, skip dinner, or something, but the joy and comfort he felt heart is so worth it. It's worth it to see Harry so happy, and selfishly he feels happy here as well.

Notes:

I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment they are what motivate me!

Chapter 3

Notes:

Guys I'm alive! Sorry for such a late update life has been crazy. Honestly was thinking of giving up on this, but y'all showed so much support I decided to lock in and finished another chapter! Hope you like it; please be nice I wrote this instead of sleeping just for y'all.

Songs for this chapter
Change (in the house of flies) -Deftones

James can feel the beat of the drums in bones as he stands at the center of the stage with his guitar hanging around his neck. It's a small crowd, only about two hundred people due to the performance being in the recording studio of Rita Frita’s Late Night Talk Show. A young James potter would be stoked at the turn out but now James can’t help but feel a little bored of this crowd in comparison to the tens of thousands of people they perform for in stadiums. 

 

Still, he feels the electricity in his nerves as Sirius falls into a familiar guitar riff, his back against James as they lean fully onto each other and bend down till they reach the ground. The poise is a bit provocative, then on knees, James in nothing but some baggy jeans that fall are falling off his waist and a few necklaces, while Sirius is in one of his cropped tanks. It may be too much for live TV, but the Marauders were known to care less about decorum. They do whatever whenever, the classic rock stars who have parents wanting to ban their music from their children while secretly enjoying it themselves. 

 

It’s like you never had wings

 

Ah. ah-ah-ah

 

Ah-ah-ah

 

ah-ah-ah

 

James lets his head hang back on Sirius' shoulder as he rolls his midsection back, basically humps the air. He can hear the crowd's cheers louden.  His guitar sits forgotten on his lap due to the fact he holds his microphone in his hands tightly as he lets Sirius take full lead. Slowly he separates himself from Sirius as the instrumental ends, going back to stand at the forgotten mic stand. 

 

I look at the cross

 

Then I look away

 

Give you the gun

 

Blow me away 

 

He sings as low as possible, almost whispering before belting again as the chorus repeats. He picks up his slack as the song continues, stays as the mic stands strumming along to the song. He can’t help but feel a little left out as Remus and Sirius fuck around on stage, he doesn’t know how Peter doesn’t get lonely up on the kit alone. 

 

They finish the song with as much passion as they started with, Peters fills sending chills throughout James as always, he’s always carried this particular song in James' opinion. As the last cymbal crashes James lets himself sag a little bit in relaxation as the crowd cheers. 

 

“That was Change in the house of Flies by the Marauders!” Rita yells excitingly from her seat facing the large camera in front of her. The crowd develops into screams again at the mere mention of the band's name. James smiles wide and feels an arm wrap around his shoulder. He looks to his left to see Remus standing close by. James laughs and brings a hand to his own shoulder to hold Remus’, 

 

“Don’t go anywhere because we will be right back for an interview after the break!” She yells waving to the camera until a stage manager yells “Off Air” and suddenly her smile drops from her painted lips and she slouches into a more relaxed posture. She turns to talk to some assistant before disappearing off stage. 

 

“A bit of an act she puts on huh.” Remus says from beside him finally stepping away and walking towards the guitar rack to set his bass on. James just nods as he follows suit. 

 

“It's kind of impressive.” James says honestly, because it truly is to him. Rita is one of the many examples of celebrities James has met who are nothing like their on-camera personalities. She’s nothing but bubbles and cheers on air, almost coming off a little ditzy as she asks celebs inappropriate questions seemingly unknowingly, but James has known this woman for three years being on her show multiple times and can say she’s anything but ditzy. In Fact she’s one of the smartest in the business if James had to choose, everything she does is meticulous, all her overly invasive questions asked in ways celebrities can’t invade. If her true intentions of exploiting celebs secrets for her own viewership wasn’t so evil, James would almost respect the women. 

 

James has never been able to keep up with a persona, he remembers when they first started getting big their agent tried to give them all new personalities to help them get more attention. Their acting was so awful that their management scrapped it and told them to just be themselves. They were lucky they are a bit of a quirky group because fans loved it, their raw charisma and stupidity. That on top of their heavier music led them to be the rockstars of the generation. 

 

“Just say the woman’s a cunt.” Peter says as he walks over the group alongside Sirius, sounding as cheerful as ever despite his foul language. “What do you think she’s gonna ask about this time, Remus’s drunk tweets or James' failed love life.” He jests causing Sirius to high five him instantly. James just rolls his eyes as Remus lets out a sarcastic “ha ha.” 

 

“Maybe she’ll ask about your receding hairline.” James snaps back not willing to stand for the blatant slander. It's true, people constantly talk about his old relationship with Lily, his exe from the band witches. They dated for a while, a year, before realizing it honestly wasn’t working out, maybe it never did in the first place and broke it off. Unfortunately, they had been the couple at the time, people believing that they were going to get married and were soul mates causing them to even after four years still dissect every interaction that he has with one of his best friends.  

 

“You know they won’t” Peter says smugly and James just huffs because he knows its true. 

 

“Yeah I forgot you must be protected at all costs” He says mimicking a cooing voice as he imitates the teenage fans who absolutely adore Peter’s light hearted personality and deemed him as needing their protection. No news station can say anything bad about him without being raided by hundreds of thousands of fans coming to his defense. 

 

“Starting to sound a bit bitter, eye prongs.” Sirius sings songs as he his own guitar down before leading the group from the shiny stage floor and onto the interview couch set. 

 

“Always.” James says as slumps himself onto the couch. He lets his legs spread as he comfortably leans into the arm of the chair beside him before throwing an arm around Sirius who sits in between him and Remus with his leg draped over one of Remus's thighs. Remus automatically reaches down, messaging the long-haired man’s calf with one hand. Peter sits politely at the end looking nothing but bright eyed with his hands sitting plainly in his lap. 

 

The four have done this for the past sixish years, different talk shows, different hosts, but same kind of questions. James still can’t help the little bit of anxiety that crawls into his stomach. It's not enough to affect his actions, but it's there just sitting in the bottom of his stomach. He’s can't help the feeling even though he knows his life is amazing, he’s living his dream, something most people could never say. He knows he worked for it, it's not like he feels undeserving, but he’s scared that something will happen, that things are too good, and the rug will get swept under him. It had happened once, seven years ago and completely ruined him forever, but now James feels as if he’s constantly waiting for it to happen again. 

 

“Thirty seconds” A manager calls, pulling James out of his mind. His friends are grinning and chatting next to him. Rita is taking a seat across from the group. There’s a man doing some last-minute touches on her makeup, and another one coming towards James grabbing ahold of his shirt to check his mic without permission. James just allows it to happen, used to it by now but his Sirius of course has to make it difficult. 

 

“Hey, I have a boyfriend you know” Sirius's says teasing the poor worker who is now sporting red cheeks but still works as if he didn’t hear anything, successfully ignoring the way Remus squeezes Sirius’s thigh and mumble something along the lines of down boy. 

 

The two have dated for years, way before the band went on the life changing tour. They haven’t ever confirmed it to the public, but they don’t keep it a secret by any means. They kiss, flirt, and constantly make heart eyes to each other on stage and on cameras yet fans still speculate, There are thousands of accounts dedicated to debunking the “secret” relationship between the two. Sirius has always found it a bit funny, loving every video he sees that showcases how much his moony loves him, while Remus just shrugs them off nonchalantly. They are unashamed of their love and don’t feel like they need to share, clarify, or prove it to any fan. Also, they enjoy teasing the hell out of their thirsty ass fans whenever they are asked a question about it, it has become a game to them of some sort. 

 

“Stop flirting and smile.” Peter says as the technician runs off the stage and the countdown goes and shows a big red 12 on it. 

 

“Happy to see you all again, remember this is all business.” Rita says from her spot quickly before turning to the camera with a big smile. James just smiles politely back at her but knows the double meaning, whatever she brings up or says during the interview isn’t personal, it's just a part of the business. 

 

“Welcome back everyone! Here on the couch we have world wide sensations, The Marauders!” she cheers loudly to the crowd who are once again out of their seats cheering. James waves out at the crowd out of politeness but he can see Sirius blowing kisses from beside him. 

 

“It's been a while since you’ve been in these seats yeah, not since your last album.” Rita says now more towed the band, already starting the interview. 

 

“Yeah, we’re happy to be here again.” Peter says from his end of the couch politely. 

 

"Happy to have you, but please, introduce yourselves to the few who don’t know who you are.” Rita says clearly trying to make them comfortable as she compliments them. James takes it with practiced ease as he remains lounged on the couch before lifting his hand half haphazardly introducing himself and the band. 

 

“I’m James Potter, these are my buddies Sirius Black” The long haired man just nods in acknowledgement grumbling out a “hey” which causes the crowd to scream again, but James ignores it going to introduce the rest of the group.

 

“Remus Lupin,” He continues, Remus just waves quietly at the crowd who are losing it. “And Pete” he says simply with a smirk. Peter doesn’t seem to notice and instantly raises both his arms in the air while yelling as the crowd cheers him on with matching enthusiasm. James and the rest of the band laugh at their drummer’s antics. 

 

“Lovely to see you are as lively as ever” Rita says trying to regain control of the room. James sympathizes with her as he does anyone who tries to interview them. “Now, you're not back empty handed are you, tell me about the new album.” She says knowing they can’t talk much about it, as it's dropping tonight. Remus, though, picks up the question without a hitch explaining the main themes of the album without giving too many spoilers away. 

 

“It's basically a homage to many of the moments in our lives that shaped us, except songs similar to change.” He explains with practiced ease. Rita eats up the answer, nodding happily with the result. 

 

“Now, if the other songs are anything like that one then we will be more than pleased with the album.” She says, Sirius does a little fist bump beside him acting as if the response was important to him, James can’t help but laugh at the sheer disregard he has for the women’s opinion. Rita either doesn’t see the little remark or chooses to ignore it as she goes on. 

 

“Should we expect a tour from this album, there is nothing better than watching you boys live, lovely performance by the way.” She says, her tone lightly flirty which James cringes at. He doesn’t entertain her at all, completely ignoring her fake advances. 

 

“Hmm we will have to see, can’t give away too many secrets.” He says simply adding a signature smirk to his face. Rita nods politely but James can tell she’s not happy with the answer by the way her eyes squint. 

 

“Well, on the note of live performing, let's talk a little more about it.” The segway was not smooth in the slightest, clearly, she was hoping they would announce the tour here on live. “Your fans absolutely love your stage energy, how much of that do you think comes natural, how much is practiced, give me all the Deets on how the performances come to life.”

 

James knows exactly what kind of answer she is looking for, it's a known fact that marauders concerts are a time, a fucking fun one for sure. They are constantly yelling with the crowd, interacting with each other, messing with one another. There are also endless amounts of fan service they provide when performing, it's all in fun though and genuinely just how they naturally react to the song. Sometimes they will make suggestive actions towards the crowded or one another, Remus and Sirius are repeated offenders but everyone pitches in at some points. The fans love it, like theorizing about it, which leads to talk shows constantly wanting to know how much of it is an act, and what is true. 

 

“We practice, of course.” Sirius says Seriously from his spot, but the large grin on his face makes it clear he is up to no good. “But most of it is spontaneous in the moment shit, I just can’t control myself around these guys you know.” He says innocently. Peter immediately barks in laughter at his friend's answer, but Remus seems less amused and pulls at Sirius’s hair causing the smaller man to yelp then whine while holding his head dramatically.

 

“Bad dog.” He says sternly but the smile on his face is fond if anything. Sirius mimics a bark before dissolving into laughs leaning against James' shoulder for support. 

 

“Yeah as you can see, the shows are authentic, these guys couldn’t behave even if you paid them.” Peter says to Rita who just sits quietly watching the whole affair. 

 

“Should've known that by now huh.” She says grinning and James just nods along in agreement. The interview continues as such, Rita asks them questions and the band half answers them and half jokes around. They're probably seven minutes in when Rita finally asks about Lily. 

 

“James, I just need to ask, Lily Evan?” is all she says and James immediately groans internally but only shows an annoyed smile on the outside. He can hear the rest of his band laughing at the question. 

 

“I told you, I told you!” Peter yells reminding James that he called that he would be asked about it. James just laughs in response. 

 

“Yeah you did.”

 

“Told him what exactly?” Rita interrupts the two, clearly wanting answers. James groans because of course she has to know everything but still responds. 

 

“He was telling me about how he was sure you were going to ask about her.” James says not able to hide the annoyance in his voice. 

 

“Is there any reason why I should be asking about her?” Rita says clearly trying to lead the conversation. The crowd follows suite, dramatic ooo’s murmuring through the studio. James wants to bang his head against the wall. 

 

“There is nothing between me and her but a wonderful friendship, and there hasn’t been for years.” He says with a seriousness in his voice he doesn’t usually carry. He’s just tired of people speculating and trying to define his every move when he’s around her. 

 

“Sorry, the people want to know.” She shouts loudly ignoring James' clear annoyance. James feels Sirius tense beside him in clear upset. “It's hard moving past such a seemingly perfect relationship, we can’t help but cling.” Rita says laughing and looking at the crowd for validation and they all cheer in agreement. 

 

“Yeah well, we have a perfect good friendship that you can look at if you care that much.” James snaps before he can stop himself. His friends on the couch all snort at the dig while Rita tries to hide any indication that she understood she got insulted. 

 

“Speaking of relationships, we have a blast from the past you might want to see.” Rita says, there’s something in her eye that makes James uncomfortable and he tenses as she grins at their confusion. 

 

“We’ve done some research before hosting you here tonight.” She says leaning forward onto her desk. 

 

“I’m flattered.” Sirius says trying to seem casual but James can tell he’s uncomfortable by the way his fingers tap onto his thigh. 

 

“Hmm, it's no problem.” Rita says sweetly before continuing. "So you are all from Springville, correct?” She asks seemingly innocently. It's not unknown knowledge, their fans have known for years about their upcoming, still James feels a pit in his stomach start to form at his childhood town being brought up. 

 

“Born and raised,” Remus says, somehow able to hide any edge from his voice. 

 

“So you might know the name Pandora Lovegood.” James is surprised he’s able to hide any physical reaction from hearing the name he hasn’t heard in years. Since they left the town they haven’t seen her, even when she rose to fame. They grew apart, James likes to think, but he knows that it's deeper than that. He refuses to let himself dive into that pit on live tv though so he just smiles. 

 

“Oh yeah! We hung out a lot when we were young, all had the same dream and all that.” He says like it's no big deal, like their fans won’t be making speculations about their relationship for the next forever. 

 

“Man I miss that girl, she was lovely.” Remus says something close to nostalgia in his voice causing James to think he genuinely means it. 

 

“Wow, childhood friends, and we have never seen you guys interact.” Rita says, faking surprise. James wants to glare, what is she getting at?" 

 

“Yeah well, things get busy once we achieve our dreams, no bad blood or anything just kind of grew apart.” Peter says genuinely looking a little sad as if he’s trying to justify losing contact with his old friend. James suddenly wants to yell at Rita, tell her to mind her own business and storm off set. 

 

“Well, you’ll be happy then to see this little clip that’s been circulating twitter recently.” She says and suddenly the large screen behind then changed showing a photo of a scaringly familiar restaurant where Pandora stands on a stage mic in hand. James can’t help but smile at the view of the three broomsticks, old memories clouding back to his mind. 

 

“Well shit” Sirius says from beside him, clearly shocked as well. 

 

“Mhmm, she was seen back home earlier today doing an impromptu concert, she wasn’t alone though surprisingly.” Rita is clearly gleeful at their surprised reaction. 

 

“What do you mean by that?” Peter says trying to sound unphased but is clearly moved by the photo. 

 

“Next photo” Rita says nonchalantly and the screen changes. Suddenly Pandora isn't alone anymore, beside her stands the man who ruined James.

 

James feels his heart stop as he sees a face he hasn’t seen in years. The face that James once watched display sly smiles and shy glances, the one he used to kiss and tell all his secrets too. He feels genuine nausea as it's displayed on the large screen, for all to see. He feels like the small part of himself that he wanted to keep secret from the world, the trauma that he still carries with him in the back of mind, the one the ruined his future relationships put up on screen for millions to see. 

 

James knows he’s not the only one affected. Sirius genuinely gasps, all his confidence gone as he looks on the screen, to his brother that he had left and hadn’t seen for years. Sirius grabs harshly onto Remus’s hands as if it is a life line. 

 

“Why are you showing us this?” Peter suddenly asks, confusion and alarm clear in his voice as he tries to decipher Rita’s aim. Why is she showing them a random picture of ghosts of their pasts, how did she know that it would be this effective of them, where did she even find things. 

 

“Well, the full video has been circulating for the past few hours and theories are flying as people find more and more connections between you guys.” She says as if she is genuinely innocently curious, but James can see the darkness in her eyes as she grins at them as if she is finally cracking them. 

 

“Now, James, can I ask what your relationship with the young man on the stage is?” Rita asks him and James grinds his teeth, his finger digging into the couch. 

 

“I don’t know what your talking about.” He says with a fake laugh. He tries playing stupid, which he never does. He's always honest in interviews or clearly just ignores the question but he never lies. He never felt the need to until now, it's like a defense mechanism. He can feel it though, the feeling of the rug beginning to move under his feet. 

 

“Hmm are you sure, maybe this will jog your memory somehow.” She says faking sympathy before looking for something under her desk. She takes out a piece of paper before turning it towards the group. James almost flinches when he sees it.

 

It's a grainy old picture of them all, sitting in their booth of broomsticks. Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch make ugly faces behind an unknowing Peter who smiles brightly at the camera. Pandora on the other hand isn’t even looking at the camera instead laughing at the two rowdy boys' antics from across from them. Next to her Remus sits smiling easily with Sirius sitting up on his lap posing with a peace sign smiling wide. Then beside them, James can see himself sitting right next to Regulus Black who leans into him so far his Head rests against James’ shoulder. He looks at the camera smiling shyly while James looks at him, a small smile on his face but eyes clearly full of love in a way no one could deny. 

 

Suddenly James feels like he can’t breathe, as if the ground has fallen beneath, as if he’s eighteen again and being told he has to choose between his dream and his first love who he thought was his biggest supporter. The world shifts on his axis and he can’t adjust. 

 

“How the fuck did you get that.” Sirius snaps as soon as the photo is shown. Rita just laughs like she doesn’t know what she’s doing. 

 

“It's all over twitter right now, I just thought you might want to see some old friends -” She’s cut off by Remus who is now pushing Sirius’s leg from off him and standing up. 

 

“Okay that's enough, we're leaving.” He says grabbing a shocked Sirius and tugging him onto his feet. Rita immediately back petals in shock at the reaction. 

 

“What wait, what’s the problem, I was just-” She starts but Peter is already shrugging and standing up himself and James feels himself following suit.

 

“I don’t know what the fuck your intentions where, but they defiantly weren’t pure.” Peter adds before beginning to take off his microphone, following Remus out. James just follows the other wordlessly, halfheartedly waving towards the crowd as he goes. 

 

He feels like a robot as he walks backstage, dropping his own mic into some random worker's hands. 

 

“We’re leaving.” Remus says suddenly, he doesn’t even lead them to their dressing room to grab their stuff, instead to a back door at the end of the hall.

 

“How the fuck did they even find that, how do they even-” Sirius starts rambling angerly as they are walking but Remus shushes him. 

 

“Not until we’re in private.” He says as he continues to lead them down the back street and towards a main road. Immediately they slouch and keep their head down, trying to remain unseen by the fans who stand waiting outside the building they just left. 

 

Peter quickly calls down the first can they see which luckily comes to park beside them quickly. As they open the door and head in, James can see the driver's eyes widen. 

 

“Your Your-” He starts clearly shocked at the superstars in his back seat. 

 

“Yeah, hey.” James says lamely, trying to keep himself together.

 

“Oh my goodness, my kids love you guys, I love you guys, can I have A-” He starts to ramble on but suddenly stops seeming to read the vibe of the car. The whole band looks dejected, slouched shoulders and swollen eyes. He takes a moment to collect himself before putting his eyes back onto the road.

 

“Erm um, where too?” The man finally asks the group, Peter recalls the name of the hotel quickly and the car begins to make its way down the busy street. 

 

The car remains mostly silent, beside the slightly awkward conversation Peter is having with the driver which James can barely listen to due to the loud thoughts in his head. He can’t even finish a single thought before another one enters his mind. The only constant  is the name that is always haunting him, the name of the owner of the eyes James see’s in his dreams, the name of the owner of the hands James can still feel lingering on his skin after years, the name of the man who walked in his life, made space, no, a home, in his heart only to later destroy it for reasons James will never know. 

 

Regulus, James thinks, in every connotation.

 

The name bounces in his head. Sometimes leaving a surge of anger behind while other times a sense of mourning. Why did this man still have such a hold on James? James has everything he had dreamed of, a fanbase, money to support his parents, a band full of his best friends. His life is perfect, but still he can feel a piece missing, his Reg. Not the Reg who forced him to leave, the one who ruined their relationship, but he mourns the Reg who James had loved for years on end, who he thought had shared his dream and supported him. James misses that person and he hates it because he’s sure that he doesn’t exist anymore and all that is left is the man who abandoned and traumatized him, ruining him for anyone in the future.. 

 

How is it fair that even though James is the one who made it out, the one with the money, the one who’s not in Springville anymore Regulus seems happier than him. The image flashes in James mind again and he physically winces. He looked fine, so happy on that stage without James in the crowd, like he didn’t care that James had left. James feels like a fool because every time he goes on stage, he can tell someone is missing from the crowd. How could Regulus just forget about him, move on, when he ruined James.

 

James continues to spiral, unable to stop his thoughts, some revolving around his hate for Regulus while others yearn for him, even though he knows it wrong. He hadn’t even noticed they reached the hotel until Sirius broke the calm silence in the car. 

 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Sirius groans from his spot beside the window. James quickly looks out the window beside him, only to be met with the scene of a large crowd surrounding the hotel entrance. 

 

“Why can’t we have one fucking moment to ourselves!” Sirius punctuates this statement with a punch to the side door of the car. It looks like he was going in for a second one when Remus quickly grabs ahold of his fist, not roughly but firm. 

 

“Sirius.” is all he has to say, because Sirius knows that he needs to calm down and takes a deep breath. Peter quickly goes to apologize to the cab driver before asking if there's any way that they could get to a back entrance of the hotel, which the cab driver denies mournfully. 

 

“We just push our ways through like normal then.” Sirius says with fake cheer, it's clear he’s trying to remain calm but is doing an awful job at it. James is suddenly forced to remember that he wasn’t the only one who had been abandoned by Regulus. 

 

“It's not just paparazzi though,” Peter interrupts, finally talking to the band and not just the cab driver. “Fans are out there too.” He says gesturing towards the crowd again. James takes a closer look and notices the teen girls and boys, young adults, and even a few older people surrounding the door holding phones, signs or wearing merch. He feels his chest tighten.

 

James loves his fans, truly he’s usually a slut for them. He takes as many photos with them as they want even when security tries to pull him away, he lets them rub up on his body during performances, hell, the amount of free tickets he has just given out on a whim is almost criminal. But today, he wants to see none of them, he can’t even imagine talking to any of them.

 

“Let's just push through, politely decline pictures, give quick thank you's to compliments, and not answer any questions.” Remus says, always the leader. No matter how many people think James or Sirius “lead” the band due to their loud personalities or charisma, it has always been Remus who holds them together. He’s the one who usually leads rehearsal, breaks up fights, and keeps them from getting canceled. He’s the one who keeps them on rhythm, in both the world and in the music. 

 

“Ah our Mooney, always so clever.” Peter says, trying to make light of the situation. James doesn’t bother to respond verbally and just nods. He can feel worried eyes on him but refuses to say anything until they are in the hotel, where he can break down like he desperately needs too. 

 

“Alright off we go then.” Sirius says, voice once again a fool of false cheer and confidence, as he runs a hand through his long curls, pulls on a smile and opens the door. 

 

“Hey, you guys beat us here!” He yells loudly as he steps out, only to immediately be met by fans. James watches as Remus follows him out with a firm hand on his shoulder before he himself manages to bring his face muscles to form something close to a smile and jump out of the car. 

 

He immediately feels the familiar feeling of strangers hands on him, the crowd pushing around him, and voices yelling his name. Usually he would eat up the attention but now it causes his head to pound as the crowded becomes denser. 

 

Camera flashes began to pulse, blinding James for seconds on end and reminding him that he left his shades at Rita’s studio. To only make it worse he begins to get assaulted with questions. 

 

“Hey look over here!”

 

“Cmon show us some teeth.”

 

“When’s the next tour?”

 

“Marauders! Over here!

 

“James, when's the last time you saw Lily?’ 

 

Questions keep getting shouted and James feels like he can’t keep up. The demands alongside his loud thoughts are beginning to become too much. The only thing that is allowing him to get through the crowd is the fact that Peter is pushing him through it. 

 

“James, can we please get a picture?” James looks over to see two young girls looking at him with bright eyes. He wants nothing more than to refuse but struggles to find the words. 

 

“Oh um.” He begins but that god as he is interrupted by Peter.

 

“Sorry guys, not tonight.” He says easily before continuing to push through the crowd frantically. 

James feels an insane amount of relief as he sees the door to the hotel in sight, his eyes narrowing on it like it's a life line, because to him it is. A few more steps and finally he will be away from the hands that grab him and the voices that shout for him. James finally starts to feel a bit of hope but it's suddenly ripped away with one question. 

 

“Who’s Regulus Black?!” A voice in the crowd yells loudly and suddenly its as if time stops and the world tips.

 

James feels himself freeze immediately, eyes losing focus and everything becoming a haze. How did they find out his name so quickly? What do they know already? How long will they hold this over his head? What else will they dig up? Will they find out how he is broken and not fixable? Unlovable?

 

Before James can even think of a response Sirius is turning around pushing past Remus and then past James before he can even think to stop him. James can only watch as Sirius finds the paparazzi who asked the question and steps to close into his space to be friendly.

 

“Don’t fucking say his name.” Sirius growls out, voice loud enough to be heard over the crowded but still cold and full of venom. The paparazzi is unreactive to the warning, instead eating up Sirius’s reaction, putting his camera further in Sirius’ face.

 

“Give a statement, what’s your history with Regulus? Is he family, a lo-?” Before the man can even finish his sentence Sirius lunges forward grabbing ahold of his camera and throwing it onto the ground. 

 

James can hear gasps but he can’t find it in him to feel surprised. Sirius has always been brash when emotional, and though he and Sirius don’t talk about Regulus, it is clearly a very sensitive spot for the both of them.

 

James can only watch as Sirius continues to curse at, yell at, and threaten the man, before turning to yell at the whole crowd of paparazzi who are now snapping even more at his breakdown. He doesn’t even feel the usual wave of uselessness he gets when he’s not able to stop Sirius’ antics, instead all he feels is a hollow shock, an unease as his past lovers name bounces around in his head.

 

“Don’t fucking say his name, Don’t fucking speak about him!” Sirius yells and though James can’t see it he knows the vein in his forehead must be popping out. He knows he should do something, anything, but he just can’t find it in him, he’s completely useless, falling into a pit that he thought he got out of years ago. James is only pushed fully back into reality by Remus, who literally pushes him to get to Sirius. 

 

“Go inside you two.” He snaps as he passes them before calling Sirius’s name and telling Paparazzi and fans to back up. 

 

James just lets Peter continue to drag him towards the hotel, ignoring fans and questions until they reach the door. He ignores the doorman as they walk inside, ignores the elevator hand as they head up to their floor, and ignores the Maid outside their hotel room. 

 

James just lets himself be led inside the room, to the bed and plops down in silence. 

 

How did they come to this, why now? James never wanted his fans to dig this up, to dig Regulus up. He knows what they will do with the information. He’s seen what has happened with Lily. 

 

Everything he does, everywhere he goes, Regulus will be there, he’ll follow, haunt him more than he already does. It will not only be the spontaneous thoughts of him that haunt his brain, but also questions about him during interviews, fans asking if songs are about him, people constantly theorizing about them on twitter. 

 

James can barely get by with Regulus only being a memory in his head but knows he’s real again and back. Somehow, in a way that only Regulus Black can manage, he has become a name associated with James. Even after seven years of not talking to one another. Regulus still is such a prominent part of James' life. 

 

Notes:

James POV!!!! Lowkey was tricky to write but I hope it was okay!! Also, what do you guys think of the Marauders characterization and stuff, (only positive feedback please I'm sensitive fr). Feel free to give theories of what you think will happen and leave a comment (they are the only thing keeping me going fr). heheh lots of love!!

Chapter 4

Notes:

SUPRISE!! very quick update ikr! I got so motivated due to all the comments and decided to drop another chapter! Hope you guys like it!!

 

“James, are you sure you are a good mate?” James hears Peter ask for the third time in the ten minutes they have been in the hotel room. James just grunts in response, remaining where he sits on the edge of his bed with his elbows resting on his spread legs, hand clenched together. 

 

He almost feels bad for ignoring a clearly shaken Peter who knows next to nothing about the fall out between Regulus and James. James never really told anyone about it, he wanted to put it all behind him and forget about it. Even though he refused to explain to his closest friends what happened, they still picked him up and took care of him during the first year after the break up when he was extremely bad. 

 

He can still remember Remus forcing him into the bathtub after long sad nights at the bar where he would try to forget everything. He remembers Peter still trip sitting even after he begged James not to take anything. He remembers Sirius begging him to explain why he hated his brother, seemingly unknowing as to what Regulus had done to James. 

 

James refuses to tell Sirius anything, not only because he knew that if he explained what had happened he would fall apart, the wound would be reopened and he wasn’t sure if it would ever close, but also because Sirius adores his younger brother. 

 

Since childhood the black brothers have been closer than most siblings. Instead of being annoyed at Regulus following Sirius around, Sirius was constantly dragging Regulus to hang out with him and his friends. Sirius made sure that his brother was with him constantly, a full grown helicopter parent at the age of 11. 

 

James is sure it has something to do with the fact Sirius felt morally obligated to take care of his younger brother in the way his drug addict mother neglected to do so to him. He would keep Regulus away from home as much as possible, even setting off into the house of horrors alone to grab clothes or other necessities to bring to regulus so they could sleep over at James’ house instead of going home. 

 

Sirius has always been Regulus’ protector, yet instead of sticking with him he had left with James to go on tour all those seven years ago. 

 

James is unsure as to how that happened, he wonders if Sirius had felt betrayed by Regulus at all for abandoning him on his journey to fame, but if he did he doesn’t show it. Instead whenever Regulus is brought up (which is rare) he still has that loving look in his eye, the one that had left James’ the moment Regulus told him to abandon his dream. 

 

That fact sends James spiraling at times wondering if he ever truly loved Regulus or if familiar love is just something stronger than romance. He doesn’t think he could ever forgive Regulus the way Sirius has. There is no way that James could still speak highly of the person who asked him to give up everything he worked for the way Sirius does still to this day. 

 

So, that being said, James doesn’t talk about what happened between Regulus and him to anyone, especially Sirius, because he doesn’t know how they would react. Would it ruin the image they had of Regulus, would it lead to the same feeling of betrayal James had felt or, James sometimes wonders if they would get mad at James, tell him he made a mistake. 

 

James couldn’t bear the idea of either situation becoming a reality so he kept quiet, struggled alone, pushed it down. Sadness turned into anger, loneliness into horniness, and abandonment into resentment. 

 

The band knows that James Potter doesn’t talk about Regulus black, that his shoulders will tense when he’s brought up, that he threw away every jacket or hoodie of his that Regulus had ever worn, and that sometimes on February 19th James will go to a bar, get black out drunk, and come home cursing Regulus black’s existence before crying himself to sleep only to not remember the next day. 

 

Maybe that’s why Peter looks so on edge, bouncing on the balls of his feet a few steps away from the bed, completely unsure as to how to approach James in this state. Unsure as to how he would react to anything. So the two sit mostly in silence as James tries to deal with the fact that Regulus Black has found his way back into the narrative, poisoning his life once again.

 

The quiet in the room was interrupted without warning as loud footsteps and the loud voice of one Sirius black came from outside the door. It was the only warning given to the two before the hotel door was slammed open. 

 

“Who the fuck do these people think they are, talking about my Regulus like that.” Sirius snaps as he enters the room, kicking off his boots at the door. Remus follows behind him quietly before allowing himself to sit on the small couch in the room. He seemed to have given up on trying to sooth Sirius at all, instead just letting him tire himself out. 

 

“I swear, if I see his name in any trashy mag I will sue, not I’ll send out our cult like following on their ass.” he continues as he begins to pace before beginning to undress taking off the tank top and pulling on the old worn t-shirt he left on the ground. 

 

“Thirteen-year-olds are fucking evil, so I’m sure they will learn their lesson, messing with us.” James remains silent, trying to find it in him to not explode. Why does Sirius care so much about Regulus? Who cares if people know he exists. He should be asking James if he’s okay. Sirius knows that the media will run some tragic romance shit about the two of them, prying into James’s past. The past that James can barely even speak about. Sirius has been James’ friend for years, over a decade. He should know that James needs support right now. But instead he’s raving about protecting Regulus. 

 

“Why can’t we have one fucking thing private, one thing!” Sirius rages as he continues to get into his pajamas.  

 

“I give up so much just to give Regulus what he needs, only for them to ruin everything anyways!” Sirius’s voice is slowly losing its heat, instead morphing into something more  desperate. “I tried so hard for so many years for it to be ruined just like that. Fuck this. Fuck this!” Sirius yells before throwing the broken hair tie that snapped as he was trying to put his hair up. The yell brough James somewhat out of his stupor making him notice that Sirius’s eyes have become glossy as he stands glaring at the broken hair tie he threw on the ground instead of at anyone else. 

 

James’ heart would usually hurt for his friend, but instead he can only feel the rotten ach of betrayal. SIrius should be mad for him, not for Regulus. Regulus isn’t even here, he left, but still he's at the forefront of Sirius’ mind. Another reason is added to James’ lists of reasons he hates Regulus black which he hopes will one day out lengthens the list of reasons he once loved him. 

 

“Come here.” James hears Remus mumble from the couch, gesturing for Sirius to join him. Sirius doesn’t argue and heads over quickly before plopping down beside Remus who immediately adjusts Sirius so that he’s facing away from him before taking the rubber band that is around his wrist and works to put Sirius’s hair up. 

 

“You're right, it's not fair that we don’t get the same right to privacy as other people.” Remus starts his voice smooth and unwavering. “But, we knew that we would lose that privacy with the dream we are pursuing.” Sirius grunts at that looking like he wants to argue. “It's still not fair, but there is not much we can do about it. We can only figure out how to adjust to it.” Remus says as he finally finishes the pony tail allowing Sirius to turn towards him again so they can face one another. 

 

“I know, I know, but I just tried so hard with this, I did everything, I gave up everything.” Sirius says, no longer sounding mad, just defeated. Remus doesn’t try to refute this time, instead only pulls Sirius into a hug. 

 

James can’t view the moment as heartwarming like who usually would, instead he bristles with anger and confusion. Before he can even voice said emotions Peter chimes in.

 

“What did you do Sirius?” He asks carefully, unsure as to how Sirius will react to the question and worried for the answer. Sirius has made many stupid decisions and agreed to many dumb things in their time in fame. He’s gotten them screwed over by brands on many occasions so his fear is understandable. 

 

Sirius remains quiet for a while, not answering but before James can think to echo the question he speaks up. 

 

“I left.” is all he says as if it explained everything, but it did nothing for James.

 

“No shit mate!” he snaps sharper than he meant to. “What did you do, what did you give up?” James asks, waiting to hear what shit deal Sirius made because of Regulus backing out of the tour years ago. 

 

“I gave up on my brother!” Sirius roars standing again, eyes full of rage as he looks at James. James doesn’t back down though, instead stands as well meeting the glare. 

 

“He left you first.” James says, and he doesn’t even know why. He knows it will hurt Sirius, yet he doesn’t care. He can’t find it in him to care, he just wants Sirius to understand that Regulus shouldn’t matter anymore, he should be forgotten. 

 

“No!” Sirius yells still not getting it, it seems. “I’m the one who walked out, I’m the one who left.” Sirius says with the same weight as someone admitting murder.

 

“Because he forced you to!” James argues not allowing his friend to blame himself for this, this, whatever it is. 

 

“Don’t fucking say that!” Sirius growls out, stepping closer to James. “It wasn’t his fault.” 

 

“OfCourse you fucking think that, always picking up his slack huh even seven years later.” James says before he can even think. He can hear Peter gasp and urge him to stop, but he can’t find it in him to care. 

 

“Do you really think that Regulus still needs you after seven years, that he even gives a fuck about what you're doing. He quit. He left!” He yells right into Sirius’s face. “Get over it, fuck. If he wanted to be here, to support you. If he cared about your dream, about you, he would have at least visited. Or better yet, he would have not been a fucking sell out!” James snaps before taking a breath. Instantly he regrets what he says. He finally looks at Sirius’s face only to see pure rage mixed with something worse, despair. James feels bad for being the one to rip the band aid off but refuses to put it back on too. 

 

“I mean, good riddance though, he isn’t worth your energy anymore.” James says calmer this time because Sirius needs to know that it is time to let go. Time to only focus on himself, not the brother who still holds him back even after seven years of radio silence. 

 

“How could you say that?” Sirius mumbles. 

 

“Pardon?” James asks, rightly confused. Sirius just looks at him for a moment, clearly searching for something in James’ face. 

 

“You don’t know anything, that's my brother” He says, voice cold and sure,  shocking James. Because Sirius is heat, he’s fire. He’s easily influenced, emotional, and always blowing up due to it. But this, this is different, this is fact to Sirius. “I left Regulus, I left Reggie..” his voice breaks but he continues. “I knew that he would be stuck there, that he wouldn’t be able to leave Springville, that he wouldn’t get another shot at his dream, but I still left him all alone.” Sirius says and James can’t feel anything but confusion because Sirius is not stupid but his logic is so fucked. 

“If Regulus really wasn’t the one to leave then why hasn’t he visited, gone to a show, called, hell why hasn’t he even texted.” James askes wanting to grab his friends shoulders and force him to realise that he’s not the one in the wrong here. 

 

“Don’t act stupid James.” Sirius snaps cold. “You know already, don’t you.” He says as if it should hurt James, as if it makes sense. 

 

“No, I don’t know.” James says now desperate for answers. 

 

“That's why you broke up, no?” Sirius says, voice venomous. “How could Regulus date a rockstar if he wants to live a private life.” Sirius says like it's simple, like it means something. “How could Regulus be able to visit us and remain outside the public eye. How could his life remain normal if he’s around us?” Sirius says, looking right into James' soul. 

 

James finds himself at a complete loss, Regulus and privacy? Regulus could always care less about what people knew or thought they knew about him. Is that the bullshit he fed Sirius, which led his friend to so much guilt and pain. 

 

“What are you talking about?” James asks carefully. Sirius’s face morphs from cruel to confused.

 

“Regulus wanted a private life, so you had to break up.” Sirius says plainly, like James should know this. James slowly shakes his head. 

 

“No, that's not..” He starts unable to get his thoughts straight. Is that what Sirius thought this whole time, that they had a mutual break up, that Regulus didn’t just give up on them one day. 

 

“What James, still can’t process it?” Sirius asks, “regret it? yeah get in line.” James hates how casual Sirius sounds now, like he has all the facts right. Like he knows what happened. 

 

“He told me to quit the tour two days before it fucking started and then broke up with me when I refused.” James says before he can even process it is coming out of his mouth. The room is quiet for a moment, pure silence before Sirius speaks up.

 

“What?” is all he’s able to get out at first, sputtering over words for a second. “No, he didn’t” he tries but James cuts him off. 

 

“He was scared, or jealous or some shit. He sold out! He gave up everything, his own choice by the way, and tried to drag me down, no, us down, with him. He’s fucking poison, a fucking snake. Pretending to support, to be on our side, until the last moment. Then suddenly its not what he wants, he can’t do it, and he bails like a fucking coward!” James can feel tears well up in his eyes, “ He made me choose between him and my fucking dream, our dream. I barely had a choice, I had no time. I just wanted both, I wanted to do it with him, I thought we were doing fine perfectly, but, but,” He breathes trying to get it together. “But he’s a fucking parasite, and I’m glad I got out when I did.” He finishes ignoring the looks his friends give him, and the shocked looks Sirius gives. 

 

“James what?” Sirius starts but James interrupts him. 

 

“Lets just continue on trying to forget about him, I’ll dodge questions in interviews and block his name on social media or some shit.” James says, trying to end the conversation. “I’m going to sleep.” he says before going into the bed and under the covers still in his concert outfit. 

 

“James you can’t just-” Peter tries but James interrupts him. 

“Goodnight.” He snaps only to be greeted with angry mummers that he tunes out. He tunes out the voices, ignores the hands that try to remove the sheets, and the sounds that could be mistaken for Sirius’ cries. Instead he lays in his bed trying to ignore it all, trying to forget about Regulus black and the damage that he has done to his life. 

 

—----

 

“James Potter!”

 

James groans at the yelling that wakes him up. He rolls over planning to ignore it only to feel a large weight get on top of him, forcing his attention to them.

 

“Are you trying to fuck me?” The voice yells before James feels a slap on his face. Immediately he opens his eyes to see his attacker and is only half surprised to see their manager Dorcus Meadowes straddling him with her eyes full of fire.

 

The band and Dorcus have crossed the line between a professional and friendship many years ago, but that doesn’t mean that Dorcus is any less tougher on them. If anything it means that she is stricter, harsher, because she wants them to succeed. She’ll yell at them for slacking off in practice, but come back hours later with refreshments. She’ll yell at them from getting too drunk on a concert night, but leave painkillers on their bedside tables. She has her own definition of tough love that James and his band mates love her for. 

 

Now though, James  is nothing but scared as he faces the brunt of Dorcus’ anger and is completely unsure as to what she’s mad about. 

 

“Dorcus, what are you doing in here?” He asks half asleep, not even trying to get her off. Instead he tries to somehow get comfortable again with the new weight. Dorcus doesn’t allow this, instead she growls at him before glaring and rolling off him. He feels his covers get ripped straight off him revealing him to the cold air. He hisses, closes his eyes for a moment to collect himself before sitting up. He knows that when Dorcus wants something it's better to just go with it then fight it. 

 

“Now I’ll ask again, why are you fucking me James?” She says glaring at him still. James can’t help but feel inadequate in front of her. He’s still in his clothes from yesterday, hair a mess, half asleep, and surely looks a mess, while she’s standing wide awake, in her pressed suit jacket and skirt, looking nothing but sharp. 

 

He takes a moment to look around only to see Remus and Sirius quietly watching the affair from their own bed, seeming to also just wake up. James can’t help but wince a little after looking at Sirius whose eyes are puffy no doubt from crying. 

 

He knows he’s going to have to apologize for last night. He stands by what he says, but knows that he could have said it another way or at another time. He hates being in fights with Sirius and just wants to get over it already. He wants to go back to how it was, go back to pretending Regulus doesn’t exist, like his name isn’t a large crater in the best friends’ relationship. 

 

Peter, he finds, is already up, sitting on the bar near the kitchenette eating what looks like cereal. He gives Peter a small unsure wave, clearly also shaken from last night's blow out. James just sighs and nods his way before looking back at Dorcus. 

“What are you talking about?” He asks genuinely confused. Dorcus just looks at him for a moment, really looks at him, searching for an inkling of insincerity. 

 

“Who is Regulus Black?” She asks sharply, looking into his eyes. James tries not to physically flinch at the name. He knew that it would be more prevalently used now but it still has an affect on him.

 

“Just someone from my past that I’m trying to forget.” James says gravely. He doesn’t want to give out too many details. It's the answer he plans on giving to anyone who asks, interviewers, paparazzi, fans. 

 

“James, now is not the time to be fucking vague.” Dorcus snaps, going into her purse to grab her tablet. “Twitter is a mess right now, people digging up any photo they can find of you two, theories are flying about what happened, who broke up with who. Not everyone is fighting in your favor.” She says before flipping the iPad for James to see. 

 

The screen displays screenshots of twitter feeds, all conspiring about Regulus and James. There are pictures of them too, old ones of them in bars, concerts, and restaurants. James his headache deepens as he looks at them. 

@Peter’stwinbro

So, James dropped his boyfriend for fame?? I always thought he was genuine but I guess all rock stars are assholes. 

 

@Kingpin

I don’t know why people are surprised James had a past relationship, like are people not allowed to break up anymore?

 

@Siriuspleaseinteract

LETS NOT FORGET THAT JAMES IS A REAL PERSON, HE’S ALLOWED TO HAVE EXES

 

@Mauradersbias

My question is why did the photos suddenly come out right when the marauders are realising they're arguably biggest comeback album, idk who this Regulus Black is, but I’m sure he just wants to clout chase

 

@Celebritywatcher

James Potter exe better spill the tea on what happened, I knew there was something up with that guy

 

@DailyBasic

Nah, I used to be a James potter fan, but leaving an OG for fame is crazy..

 

@Mauradersguitarcase

Picture of Regulus, James, and the rest of the group

Bro Idk who Regulus Black is but I need to see him and James interact!! Somebody find him rn!!

 

James just groans, rubbing his hands down his face after reading the tweets. The fact that people can come up with whole stories just from a few photos is insane.

 

“Why is everyone only attacking me? I’m not the only one in that photo.” He asks, “He’s Sirius’ brother for fucks sake.” He says and he can hear the “fuck you” Sirius shoots his way but chooses to ignore it.

 

“Your not, Sirius is in hot water to, but he’s not the one who’s fucked me ten times over.” Dorcus says, glancing momentarily at Sirius before going back to James.

 

“Can’t we just ignore it, it will blow over in no time, hell we could even post a picture of me and Sirius kissing or some shit.” Remus asks from his spot in his bed. James nods in agreement, unsure as to why Dorcus sees this as such a big deal. Celebrities get into dating scandals all the time, this shouldn’t be that bad. 

 

“No we can’t, because we are being blackmailed right now by the person who posted the video of Pandora and Regulus.” Dorcus says calming but it puts something heavy in the room. 

 

“Blackmailed with what?” Peter asks carefully from where he sits. James can’t help but feel confused as well, because what else is there. Most of the internet already knows they are where in a relationship, there’s nothing more to it really. 

 

Dorcus ignores Peter’s question, instead zero’s in on James again.

 

“James, what was the one thing I asked all of you before I started managing you guys.” She asks, voice cold. “I had only one question, one thing I needed to know.”

 

James tries to remember. He thinks of the night they met Dorcus. It was in a bar after one of their shows on their first tours. She was an intern at Dumbledore records and saw real potential in them. She was eager to work with them, not asking anything of them but a few things.

 

“If we had any sexual assault charges?” James asks, because Dorcus did ask them that. He didn’t know why that would be relevant now. His body locks up for a moment as he thinks the worse, did someone accuse him, did Regulus?

 

“No. Fuck!” Dorcus snaps rubbing a hand on her forehead. “Not that Potter.” She snaps before looking at James again expecting an answer. James really tries to remember but comes up with nothing. Luckily Peter interrupts. 

 

“You asked if we had any drug issues, a racist past, or baby mommas” Peter says easily and that seems to be what Dorcus wants to hear as she claps her hands and points at Peter.

 

“Thank you Peter, the only useful one.” She says more so as a dig to the others than a compliment to peter. 

 

“I don’t get it, how did I fuck you over?” James asks again, losing his patience. Dorcus looks at him again for a long while in silence before taking out her iPad again. 

 

“James, I swear to god, if you're playing stupid right now, I will drop you, and I mean it.” Dorcus growls out, dead serious. She’s said this multiple times as a joke, but now there's nothing playful about her tone. James swallows as he waits nervously for Dorcus to find whatever she was looking for. 

 

He knows he’s never touched hard drugs before. Sure he’s done weed, acid once, but that's it, not enough to get him canceled. He doesn’t think he’s ever said anything racist, especially with him himself being mixed. He’s never cared about anyone’s race. And from what he knows Lily has not had a child in the seven years of knowing her, so he’s at a complete lost. 

 

“The person who posted the video of Regulus and Pandora didn’t post the whole thing, only a snippet. Now they are threatening the company with posting the whole thing if we don’t give them hush money.” Dorcus says before giving the iPad to James again, a video on it ready to be played. “I’m going to kill you if you knew all along, as both your manager and friend. But I’m sorry and congrats if you didn’t know.” Dorcus says solemnly. James doesn’t even try to understand what she means instead he hits play on the screen. 

 

The video is poor quality, and it’s clear whoever took it is not in the front of the small crowd due to the fact you can see the tops of people head. Still though, the stage is clear. Regulus black stands there looking at the cheering crowd in front of him. James’ heart hurts as he see’s a shy smile grace his lips, one that used to be directed at him constantly. He’s about to ask Dorcus what the point of the video is when suddenly a loud voice is heard in the video.

 

“Papa!” It yells and Immediately Regulus’ eye turn to someone in the crowed. A small body is offloaded from someone’s shoulders before running onto stage into Regulus's arms. James watches in complete shock as Regulus hugs the dark skinned, curly headed child, before they pull away enough for the kid to look at the crowd.. 

 

James feels his heart genuinely stop as he gets a better look at the kid. His eyes are small and grey like Regulus’s, his nose is small and flat as well, but everything else mirrors James’ own face. The large smile, big ears, the hair, the skin, the face structure. James feels himself drop the iPad. 

 

“No” is all he can get out. Because no, there is no way he has a kid, there is no way he has a kid that he never knew about. 

 

“Dorcus, what the fuck is this?” James growls out, hands shaking as he looks at her, she no longer looks mad, instead shocked a bit sad.. 

 

“James, you really didn’t know?” she asks and James can only grit his teeth

 

“You thought I knew!” He yells, how could she think that lowly of him. He has a fucking kid, a child, that he never got to meet, that was fucking hidden from him for all this time. He doesn’t even know what to think right now. He has a child, Regulus couldn’t have thought it  wasn’t his, yet he never knew, he never got to meet him. 

 

Tears violate James’ eyes before he can even stop them. How could this happen to him? Why now. Why when everything was so good did this have to fall onto his lap. He tries desperately to gain some type of understanding on how he feels. Sad that he never got to meet his child, furious at Regulus for not telling him, scared for what people will think if it gets out, sad that the child didn’t grow up with two parents, mad that he’s stuck in Springville, enraged that Regulus didn’t tell him in all these years, mournful that he never got to see the kid grow up, anxious about if he ever will have a relationship with the kid, unsure if he even wants one, angry  that the boy will interrupt the way James’ life is going now, resentful because Regulus Black kept his son from him. 

 

“What, what is it!” Sirius asks, noticing the complete breakdown his friend is silently having. Tired of no one answering he gets up from his spot on the bed and grabs the ipad for himself. James here’s the video play again before he hears Sirius gasp, dropping the tabled.

 

“No, my Reggie.” He says before cupping his mouth, silently crying. Remus and Peter are up in instruments looking t the video themselves. 

 

“What is this?” Peter asks, but everyone already knows the answer. Dorcus answers anyway. 

 

“James has a son with Regulus Black, and we have three days before the owner of the video plans to release it.” Dorcus says gravely. 

 

“Why, why didn’t he say anything.” Sirius starts sounding desperate for some sort of answer. “Why didn’t he say something all these years, we could have helped him or something. Is this why he, why he.” Sirius takes a moment to  try to catch his breath. “Is this why he needed privacy, why he needed me to leave?” Sirius asks voice revealing how close he is to breaking down. “I, I don’t understand, why didn’t he say anything! I would have stayed, I would have!” Sirius yells out before grabbing onto Remus for support and breaking down. 

 

James just watches unfeeling. He thinks of the night that everything blew up, he thinks about how scared regulus had looked when James walked in, how surprised and angry he was when James refused to comply with his demand. He must have knew then, he knew and still didn’t tell James. He prevented James from meeting his son, he stole him away from him. 

 

How dare Regulus. How dare he take this from him. Did he do it out of revenge, out of anger. Did he think James was unfit. James can’t feel anything but anger, no sympathy like Sirius, just hurt and betrayal. 

 

“I want to meet him.” James says suddenly. 

 

“James..” Dorcus says, clearly planning to stop the idea.

 

“No, I want to meet him, I deserve to.” James says again. “He’s my, my son.” The word feels foreign on James’ tongue. He looks at Dorcus who seems to want to do anything besides agree, but still she nods. 

 

“Okay, we can fly out later today. We have four days before tour practice starts, we need to be back by then. Have it settled by then.” Dorcus says, purposely vague about what “settled” means. James knows that if the public finds out he had a hidden baby that he “abandoned” he would be canceled, that if people know that he left his pregnant boyfriend they wouldn’t care that he didn’t even know he was pregnant. The public would turn on him. Still, James can’t go on without meeting his son, even if he only sees him once. Even if it means he has to see Regulus black. 

 

“Okay, we’re handle it.” James says, and then he stands up and starts packing.

Notes:

Wow things are revving up. Don't expect another update to soon, but I'm feeling very motivated so who knows... As always feel free to leave comments, I love reading you guys' reaction!! Thanks for all the love!!

Chapter 5

Notes:

Another chapter just for you guys!! Hope you like it!

“I swear I’ve never seen someone drop a camera so fast.” Barty finishes his story with a loud laugh accompanied with a slap on the hotel’s old wooden counter. Pandora laughs along with him from her spot on the ground beside Regulus’s office chair. Evan remains stoic but rolls his eyes as his boyfriend retells the story of how he dropped his camera when Barty tried to turn an average shot into a nude one. 

 

The small group of old friends had  been sitting at the hotel for the past three hours. Regulus couldn’t afford to take off work and urged his friends to find something to do until he was off, but instead they demanded to stick around with him during his shift.

 

Regulus tried to argue, telling them that it would be boring and that his boss would be annoyed, but of course Author didn’t mind the slightest, in fact he was delighted to meet Regulus’s friends even going as far as to invite them all to dinner. So now Regulus finds himself trying to play disappointed and annoyed at his friends as they share stories around his desk. 

 

“I mean come on, I was already basically naked, did the shorts really matter that much.” Barty teases his boyfriend who just groans before leaning farther into him. 

 

“I just don’t want anyone looking at what’s meant for my eyes only.” Evan says easily, ignoring the way Barty’s whole face lights up red. As happy as Regulus is for his friends he can’t help but want to gag at the display. The two of them are just so in love it makes him sick. Watching them reminds Regulus of a time where things had been different, where he thought he would get that kind of love as well. 

 

“Reg, is this all you do all day? No wonder you get shit pay.” Barty says finally turning away from Evan to begin messing with the keys hanging on the little kiosk on the counter. Regulus immediately slaps his friend's hands away with a glare. 

 

“It’s a Wednesday, of course it's empty today.” He says flatly even though he knows it's no busier any other day. “Not all of us can afford to sell our bodies for a paycheck.” he finishes.

 

Barty immediately shouts in offense. 

 

“Hmm, but I bet you could Reg, if you tried.” Pandora says earnestly from her spot on the ground.

 

“Yeah because the modeling industry would just be so welcoming to someone who’s already given birth.” Regulus says sarcastically thinking about all the stretchmarks on his body due to the quick amount of weight he gained during his pregnancy. He loves being a father, truly, but he will never go through childbirth again. 

 

“Maybe not industry modeling, but I know a few cites where people are into that.” Barty jests while wiggling his eyebrows. Regulus immediately chokes on air before falling into laughter. He can hear the sound of Evan slapping the back of Barty’s neck and Pandora shouting at Barty for the crowd comment. 

 

Regulus is once again reminded how much he misses having his friends around, how much he misses moments like this where he can just have stupid conversations and not take things too seriously. Before Regulus can think of a smart retort to Barty his phone starts ringing. 

 

He immediately goes to check the caller, shocked to see the number belonging to Harry’s old school. Regulus is sure that he unenrolled Harry last spring, so they shouldn’t be calling him anymore. Annoyed, he presses decline, planning to ghost the establishment, but not even a moment later his phone rings again. 

 

He can feel his friend’s attention shift from their conversation to Regulus as he grown and picks up the call. 

 

“Hello?” He snaps into the phone uncaring if he sounds rude.

 

“Mr. Black I just wanted to inform you..” The woman on the phone starts her spiel but Regulus cuts her off. 

 

“I already un-enrolled Harry, I don’t need any information from you.” He grits into the phone about to hang up when the women continues. 

 

“No, wait, it's not about that.” the woman says more frantically this time. Regulus sighs, tries to calm himself down to hear her out.

 

“What is it.” He says, firmly, making it clear that he doesn’t want to waste his time. He glances to his right to meet Pandora’s confused glance. 

 

“Some, um, Reporters, I think, came to the kids camp today, they said they were looking for Harry.” The woman says, voice careful like she knows Regulus will react badly to the news. 

 

Regulus immediately sits up straight in his chair, hand gripping onto the phone stronger than before. 

 

“I’m sorry, what?” He asks, voice absolutely holding no room for jokes. Someone was trying to find his son, a reporter. What could they want with him? Is Harry, okay? Did something happen, do they know where he is?

 

“I don’t know much. Just some man came in with a crew member asking if Harry went here, I told them no, and that I couldn’t tell them where he attends now.” The woman says hastily, seeming to understand the importance of the situation. “They seemed annoyed but then left saying to head to the next one, I think they were looking in all the schools in town.”

 

Regulus curses immediately standing up grabbing ahold of his keys. 

 

“Thank you, thank you for letting me know.” is all he can think to say before hanging up quickly. He tries to think of what to bring as begins move from behind his desk towards the door. His mind goes miles per second as he thinks of every possibility of what’s going on but the only constant being that he needs to see Harry, he needs to know he’s safe. 

 

“Woah Reg, what's going on?” Evan asks as Regulus rushes around the counter so fast he bangs his hip on it. He doesn’t let it stop him though instead he continues making his way to the door. 

 

“Reporters are at Harry’s old school, there looking for him, I don't, I don't know what they want or if they are-” Regulus can’t seem to find a solid train of thought but luckily, he doesn’t have to because his friends are already standing up to follow him. 

 

“Fuck, okay Reg, it’ll be fine we’ll get him.” Barty says, making his way to the door. Regulus barely feels any relief from the statement because Barty doesn’t know that for sure, nothing will be fine until Harry is standing in front of Regulus again. 

 

“Wait, Barty, Pandora you guys should stay here, the reporters might be here because of you two.” Evan says and Regulus can’t help but gasp. It's such an obvious conclusion to come to but he hadn’t even thought of it. 

 

Did Regulus put Harry in danger by having him in public around Pandora and Barty? He didn’t even think of any consequence that could come out of it. The town is so small and desolate he doubted any news channel would become aware of the two celebrities' whereabouts. How could he have been so stupid, he let his loneliness get in the way of his son’s safety. 

 

“Regulus, c'mon we gotta go.” Regulus hears Evan call forcing him out of the mini panic he didn’t even know he fell into. He blindly follows his friend, here Barty says they’ll cover Reg’s shift while he’s gone as the door closes behind them. 

 

The two friends rush to Regulus’s car. Regulus doesn't bother to even put his seatbelt on before he’s hitting the gas and speeding out the parking lot.

 

How could Regulus let this happen, after all these years of trying to protect Harry from everything, everyone. Everything he has done, has given up, could potentially be for nothing and he doesn’t even care. He doesn’t care about not being able to see his friends for years, not being able to follow his dream, having to cut off his brother, losing his lover, all he cares about is the fact that Harry’s life might be obstructed. 

 

His Harry, who loves digging up worms in the central park to show his papa, who like singing and dancing in the grocery store, who sparks up conversation with strangers no matter how much Regulus tries to stop him. His Harry could lose every right to enjoying those things freely and it would be no one but Regulus’s fault. His fault for being thoughtless, selfish. 

 

“Reg its going to be fine, they have no idea where Harry is right now.” Evan says from the passenger seat, where he hold onto the handle above the window as Regulus takes a particularly sharp turn. Regulus can’t help but laugh at the audacity of his friend who clearly doesn’t understand the weight of what is happening right now. 

 

“No idea? Evan, they are checking schools!” Regulus stresses out “There are only three in the 50-mile vicinity of Hogwarts.” Regulus can hear Evan suck on his teeth, finally realizing how close they are to finding Harry. “They already checked his past school, there’s only two more, there’s a fifty-fifty chance that they could be heading to Harry right now!” He yells. He can’t stop thinking of anything but the worse, Harry at recess when reporters try to get a shot at him, yelling his name or worse, a teacher letting the paparazzi talk to his son, baiting him into giving up details about his life. 

 

“Okay, yeah I understand the rush.” Evan says calmly which calms Regulus’ nerves, good he’s not crazy or over paranoid. “But still, we don’t even know what they are looking for Harry though, try not to think of the worst.” Evan clearly is trying to calm Regulus down but it does anything but that. 

 

Does Evan not know that Regulus already knows that. Its the reason why every possibility as to what could have happened to cause this is running through his head. His strongest theory is that people want to know who the baby hanging out with famous celebrity Pandora Lovegood and Barty Crouch jr is. Its not a weak theory, people love seeing their idols with babies, but Regulus wishes that it just wasn’t his son who everyone wants to get content out of. 

 

“I’m his father, I can only think of the worst.” Regulus says solemnly. Evan doesn’t say anything to that seemingly unable to form a response. The rest of ride is spent in a tension filled silence that isn’t cut until Regulus turns into the school to see no crowd of vans and excessive amounts of camera equipment. 

 

“Fuck.” he breaths out as he feels his shoulders relax a bit while parking the car. He can here Evan mumble a similar statement before opening his door and hustling out the car. Regulus isn’t far behind him as they rush into the school.

 

Regulus pays no mind to the way the door hits the wall as he hurries into the foyer of the school. He nearly runs into the office and towards the secretary desk, scaring the poor middle-aged women sitting behind her computer. 

 

“What can I help you-” She starts but Regulus doesn’t let her finish. 

 

“Harry Black, I need to take my son now.” He says with urgency hoping that the women would understand his dire need. Instead she looks him up and down, her eyes housing the disapproval Regulus has gotten from many other people. 

 

“Your the father?” She asks clearly skeptical due to Regulus’ age. Regulus would usually give the woman a piece of his mind, but he can’t find the will to care when he has bigger matters to deal with. 

 

“Yes, fucking-” Regulus aggressively fishes into his pocket looking for his wallet. Once pulled out he takes out his ID to show the women. “Look, Regulus Black, now bring me my fucking son.” He snaps glaring at the woman who flinches a little under his gaze before picking up her phone making a call to the classroom. 

 

“C’mon Reg.” Evan says while grabbing ahold of hot Regulus’s shoulder while guiding him away from the secretary’s desk, stopping him from further scarring the poor women.  Regulus doesn’t fight, just lets himself be pulled over to some uncomfortable chairs. Regulus would think with the fortune he is paying that they would be more comfortable. 

 

It takes a few anxiety filled moments before Harry comes barging through the office door. Regulus finds himself gasping and standing at the sight of his son coming running to him in too big jean shorts, an old t-shirt.

 

“Papa!” He cries before flinging himself to his father, letting out nothing but giggles as Regulus picks him up in a hug. 

 

“Oh Haz.” Regulus says holding onto his baby tight, kissing his curls. Harry only lets him hold on for so long before pushing away. 

 

“Eww, that's enough papa.” He groans as he takes a step away from his father, completely ignorant to the emotional turmoil he is going through. “Do I really get to leave early? Why? Is there a surprise?" His son asks him, looking up with eager eyes. 

 

Regulus can’t find any words to say, his mind running a complete blank. He has no idea what to tell his son, surely not the truth, but he also has no surprised planned for the boy. 

 

“We just wanted to spend more time together before we all have to go, that's all.” Evan says easily, breaking his silence. Harry immediately perks up, grabbing the hand of his uncle.

“Where are Aunt Panda and Uncle Barty?” The boy ask innocently. Regulus can only let out a huff of a laugh at his son before grabbing onto his shoulders, ushering him towards the door quickly. 

 

“There waiting for us at the hotel, let hurry.” he says as they make there way to the atrium once again. Harry skips a few steps ahead of Regulus and Evan, completely carefree to the anxiety that still riddles his fathers spin. 

 

That was to fucking close. He needs to figure out what people want with his son, and how they even figured out he existed. No one outside of four people know who James’ Potter’s dad is and Regulus trusts those people with his life, so he feels pretty confident that it has nothing to do with him, or he hopes so. 

 

If the public were to find out, Regulus knows that Harry’s life would never be the same. Suddenly people would want something out of him, expect something from him. He wouldn’t be able to be the carefree boy that Regulus can protect anymore. He would become a boy that all of the public try to mold as he grows up, judging his every step. 

 

Regulus knew that he would have experienced this if he went on the tour, and was okay with it, but he couldn’t subject an innocent baby to it. One who wouldn’t have a choice. So he gave it all up, and refuses to allow himself to regret it.

 

“Papa! Papa lets race!” Harry shouts from his spot near the curb. Regulus’s head shoots towards his son in Suprise, he’s met with nothing but childish innocence in big eyes as he looks back at Regulus. He can hear Even laugh from beside him before nodding his head towards Harry. 

 

“Yeah Regulus, you gonna accept the challenge?” Evan asks a playful glint in his eyes. Regulus immediately straightens himself out, scoffing. 

 

“Of course,” he says before heading to stand by his son, pushing down his anxiety for a later time. “First one to the truck.” He says unnecessarily because he’s sure Harry already knows. His son nods nonetheless before getting into a starting position. 

 

“I’ll go stand by the finish line.” Evan calls while jogging over to the car. 

"You're going to go down Haz.” Regulus says playfully, squinting his eyes dramatically at his son who mimics the action. 

 

“Please, I’m the fastest kid in my class.” His son says trying to look disinterested but is awful at hiding his grin. Regulus almost gasps, wondering how he learned such pompous behavior. Before he could ask though Evan begins to call the race with his arms raised high above his head. 

 

“On your mark. Get set. GO!” He yells, and the two are off. Regulus is never the type of parent to not take a competition with his kid seriously, but today he’s too happy that his kid is okay to care. So halfway through the parking lot he lessens his speed to be behind Harry and begins taunting him from behind which leads to childish giggles escaping his son. After a moment they are no longer racing, instead Regulus is halfheartedly chasing after his giggling son. 

 

When Regulus finally picks up speed he picks up his giggling son who shouts in protest as he peppers his face with kisses.

 

“Papa, I’m too old for this!” He whines as Regulus carries him to the truck but giggles, nonetheless. 

 

“You're never too old to be my Baby.” Regulus says all sappy, something his brother used to say to him that drove him mad when he was younger. 

 

“I’m going to have to disqualify the both of you.” Evan says flatly from his spot near the car. Regulus just hums but Harry starts to whine and struggle in his fathers hold. 

 

“Thats not fair, it was Papa, not me!” He cries out to his uncle, hugging his leg. 

 

“Hmmm, I don’t know about that.” Evan says pretending to think, ignoring the grip of the six year old. 

 

“Race me then, I’ll show you!” His son says, jumping away from his uncle and putting his hands on his hips. Regulus can’t help but laugh at the seriousness on his son’s face. He wonders if running was as important to him when he was younger. 

 

Evan puts on a big show of thinking about if Harry is a good enough competition which drives Harry mad. It takes a bit of convincing but soon Regulus is watching his friend and son get ready to race as he waits by the truck. 

 

He feels an unstoppable joy fill his heart as he watches such a simple scene, he never planned his life to look like this, after school racing, singing in the car, practicing first grader homework problems, but he would never change it for anything anymore he thinks, he’s content with this life. 

 

“Papa? C’mon!” He hears his six-year-old yell from across the lot and takes a dramatic sigh before raising his hands up. 

 

“On your mark! Get Ready!” Regulus had every means to say “go”, but suddenly a large white van came zipping into the parking lot. Regulus panics as he looks away from it only to see Harry who clearly expected the race to start running into the middle of the parking lot, right where the dangerously fast, and stupidly reckless van is heading. 

 

“Stop!” He screams urgently, beginning to run to meet his son in the middle. He doesn’t know who he’s yelling at, the driver or his son. It doesn’t register in him to specify, the only thing in his head is to get to his son, to protect him. 

 

“Stop! Stop!” He yells as he gets closer, he can see the car racing recklessly into the parking lot, right towards his son. There are no thoughts in his head, nothing races through his mind. The only thing he can think about and see is his son’s face which is now wrecked with horror as he looks towards Regulus. 

 

“Papa!?” He hears his son yell out towards him, still frozen in shock or fear. It only makes Regulus’s legs pump faster, still yelling at the van. 

 

“Stop! Fucking Stop!” Regulus yells, not even able to censor himself. He can see the van slowing in the corner of his eye, the driver must have seen Harry or heard Regulus as the Van hurries to a stop. 

 

Not fast enough though, Regulus thinks as he rushes to his son, wrapping his arms around him and crouching down to completely shield the boy from the incoming boy. He feels no fear, not for himself at least. All he can do is close his eyes, hoping that his body will be enough to protect his boy. 

 

He waits, expecting pain, but nothing comes. He vividly hears Evan Yelling but doesn’t register it for a moment, only bracing himself. After a moment of nothing happening he allows himself to look behind him, towards the direction the car was coming from. 

 

Only a few feet away the van is still, just sitting there like it did not almost run over his son. Regulus gives himself only a moment to feel pure shock before turning to his son who is now in tears and hugging him tight. 

 

“Papa!” His son cries out before blubbering apologies for things out of his control. Regulus ignores them, instead just hugs him tighter, peppering kisses onto his boy. How could so much go wrong in such a short amount of time. 

 

“Shh, its okay, its okay.” He soothes, It takes seconds before he feels a hand on his shoulder. When he turns he see a frazzled looking Evan. 

 

“Are you guys alright?” He asks and Regulus just looks up at him before nodding. “Who goes that fast in a school lane, fuck.” Evan gasps out before hugging Regulus and Harry. 

 

The question sparks a surge of rage in Regulus, Because sure, racing in a parking lot is not the safest thing, but this is a school, children running in the street is expected. Who the fuck comes swerving in going forty miles per hour. 

 

“Stay with Harry.” is all Regulus says as he separates himself from his son, standing up. Know that he knows Harry is safe his attention can now shift, relief turns into furry as he begins his walk towards the van. 

 

He has ever intention to give whatever fucker is in the passenger seat a peice of his mind as he stands outside the door, glaring into the tented window. 

 

“Open the fucking door.” He snaps, surely loud enough for the people inside to hear. He stands there seething for another moment as the door remains unopened. He can here hushed voices, feel vibrations from people moving inside but no evidence of the people inside complying. 

 

“Open the fucking door!” He yells, kicking into the van this time, making it clear that he isn’t to be fucked with.

 

It takes another moment, but suddenly a door opens, It's not the passenger, but the side door. Regulus watches as it slowly opens revealing a face he never thought he would see again. A face that he has learned to stop yearning to see, one that he forced himself to abandon. 

 

“Reggie!?” 

 

Regulus barely has a moment to process what he is feeling before he watched the person, his brother, rushes out the van like a starved man. Regulus can’t process any other voice but his brothers as the man cries out before pulling him into his arms. 

 

“Reggie, I missed you so much.” Sirius says wetly into his ears, pulling him closer. Regulus breaks at the words, his mind going blank as his whole body weakens and he lets himself fall into his brother's arm. He grabs ahold to the back of his brother’s hoodie. 

 

“Siri, Siri..” He mumbles out, unable to find any other words. Sirius rambles out familiar soothing words, the same ones he would tell Regulus as they were kids whenever Regulus was upset. The hug fills Regulus with such joy, such peace It fills something in him that he forgot was hollow, not forced himself to ignore was hollow.

 

His older brother his here, Sirius is here. He’s here, even though Regulus pushed him away, even though Regulus stopped pursuing music, he’s here, hugging him again. 

 

“How are you here, what?” Regulus asks, unable to form the question. He reluctantly pulls away to take a look at his brother. He immediately notices signs of age, slight smile lines, and a stronger jaw. He’s filled out a bit, looks stronger and healthier, but he still has a dog paw tattooed under his ear, has the same smile, same warm grey eyes. 

 

“Oh Regulus, my brother.” Sirius says wispily, meeting Regulus eyes, seeming to also be drinking in every change of his younger brother. 

“Sirius.” Regulus says a little more firmly this time, wanting answers. Regulus remembers the tearful conversation that he had had with his brother the night before the tour. He had essentially pushed his brother away and forced Sirius to leave him behind. He told him that he didn’t want to live in the limelight and that he wanted a normal private life. Sirius had called out the lie immediately, he knew Regulus too well, he knew Regulus loved performing, loved the attention, and music much more than their boring town. He had demanded Regulus tell him the truth, so Regulus had to think fast, act desperately. 

 

He told Sirius that it had all been too much and had always been too much. That he only lived the fast life and pursued music because Sirius did and he secretly hated constantly being on stage. He said that being around Sirius made him feel like he had to be larger than life to gain his attention and that he had enough and just wanted to be Regulus, a man held to no expectation. He told him he felt like he wasn't able to truly just be himself around him. It had stunned Sirius, Regulus remembers the absolutely confused and hurt face his brother made. He almost took it all back, and told his brother everything, but he knew if he did that, Sirius would give up on everything and stay to help Regulus at home, or if Regulus could have somehow convinced him to still leave, he would constantly be thinking of Regulus and letting it hold him back. 

 

So, Regulus didn’t say anything, instead listened to his brother tell him he would quit everything for him still and proceeded to deny him the option, saying that then he would have to live with the guilt of knowing he was the one who stopped his big brother from following his dream. It was awful, manipulative, and one of the worst things Regulus had done, but it worked. 

 

Sirius tearfully agreed to leave, he agreed to not be in contact, to not reach out unless Regulus did no matter how long it would be, and he did it because he thought it was what would make Regulus happy. 

 

“Why are you here?” He asks still looking into his brothers' eyes, trying to find some sort of strength in him to look mad but was failing miserably as his brother’s mouth formed a familiar half smile before opening. 

 

“Well I-” 

 

“Papa!” Regulus eyes snap away from his brothers immediately, instead immediately turning towards the sound of his son’s voice. He turns around to see Harry running up to him, Evan not to far behind. Its clear that his friend was trying to keep him away but Harry got to reckless. 

 

“Harry! No!.” Regulus yells frantically, his heart beating so hard he can here it in his ears. His son, too frazzled by the previous events ignores his yell instead rushes straight for his leg, wrapping his arm around. 

 

“Papa!! I’m so sorry, I’ll never run in the street again, I’m Sorry, I’m sorry.” Regulus feels himself at a loss, he tries to pivot his body so his brother can’t see. Sirius can’t know, he can’t know what Regulus had really been up to these past few years, he can’t know that it had all been a lie. Regulus tries to hide the curls, as he puts a hand in his son’s hair, trying to soothe him. 

 

“Hey, it's okay, you're okay, I’m not mad.” He whispers quickly to his son in hopes to soothe him. Harry continues to cry into his leg though. Regulus tries everything he can to soothe the child quickly as he tries to ignore the eyes of his silent long-lost brother. 

 

He can hear more voices coming from the car, a familiar voice berating Sirius’ rash behavior. Regulus tries not to tense at the sound of the familiar voice. How could he forget that wherever Sirius was Remus was not too far behind. 

 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His son continues to cry and Regulus can’t help but feel like a failure. He can’t even stop his kid from crying over something that was not his fault and he couldn’t keep his brother away from his mess of a life. A new sense of self loathing makes it way into Regulus’s bones as he realizes that Sirius can see how bad of a job he’s doing, how much of a shitshow his life it. A toddler crying into the leg of his old, worn slacks, his old stained hotel clerk top along with his dead curls. He’s sure he looks worse fore wear compared to Sirius’s perfect skin, designer sweatsuit, and shoes.

 

“Hey buddy, I don’t believe we’ve met.” Regulus heart palpitates as he hears his brother’s voice address his son. He is barely able to force his grip to loosen as his song warily looks around Regulus’s leg and towards the stranger. 

 

“Siriu-” 

 

“I’m so sorry about the van, that must have been scary huh.” Sirius says ignoring Regulus as he squats down more towards Harry’s height, clearly waiting for a response. 

 

“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” Harry says, and Regulus can feel his heart arm a little at the fact his son actually listens to him sometimes, but he can barely feel it over how fast his heart is racing. 

 

“Okay, let's introduce ourselves, yeah? Does that sound good?” Sirius ask again, in the same voice he used to use on Regulus when he was trying to get something out of him, a over the top kindness to his tone. It would sound synthetic to anyone else, but Regulus knows it's completely genuine. 

 

Regulus watches Harry as he puts on a concentrated thinking face before looking up to him for permission. Everything in Regulus wants him to say no, to pick up Harry and run away, to pretend that this never happened, that it was a dream. But another part, a stronger part of him, one that has been festering and growing for years, that had dreamed of seeing Harry held tight in his uncle's arms forces him to nod at his son. 

 

“I’m Harry James Black.” His son says proudly, as if there isn't an insane weight his name, before holding out a hand. Regulus looks to his brother, waiting for some sort of shock or betrayal to show on his face, waits for him to turn to him in disgust and leave him, but he’s met with none of that.

 

“I’m Sirius Orion Black, nice to finally meet you bud.” His brother says, taking the small hand and shaking it, the only thing Regulus can see in his brother’s eyes is love. 

 

“Sirius? that’s not a name.” Harry says, finally stepping away from Regulus and towards Sirius.

 

“It sure is and has been since birth.” Regulus watches in awe as Sirius goes back and forth about something as mundane as a name with his nephew. He watches as his brother accepts his son with such open arms and ease. 

 

“Well, Sirius is seriously my name so it’s what you will call me.” Sirius says in a fake serious tone as he looks at Harry playfully stern. Harry lets out a dramatic sigh before breaking into a little fit of giggles and nodding.

 

“Okay Sirius.” Harry finally relents, but it immediately sounds wrong in Regulus’ ears.

 

“Uncle Sirius.” He corrects before he can even think about it. He hears Sirius gasp before looking at him in complete disbelief but Regulus just nods, acting like there was no meaning behind the gesture.

 

“Yeah, Uncle Sirius.” Sirius says under his breath before picking Harry up and running towards the van.  

 

“Moony! Come out and meet our nephew!”

Notes:

This one was a rollercoaster for sure, hope you guys still liked it though!! Tell me what you think please!! Your comments are what drive me fr!!.

Also, I don't know how soon the next update will be, things are getting crazy with school coming around the corner!

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed this, let me know if I should continue. Please comment I absolutely love knowing what yall think.