Chapter Text
There were a lot of things in Ian Gallagher's life that could be described as shaky at best. It really only took small things to cause it all to unravel, the wonderful life of living with Bipolar disorder had a lot to do with that, not everything but a lot. All it took for everything to shatter was not taking his pills, drinking one too many, anything really could set him off and then he would spiral out of control. Getting stable had been hell, it had taken a long time for him to be able to look at himself in the mirror and admit that he, in fact, was sick, that he would never act or react the way he did when he was sick in any normal circumstances, his greatest fear becoming a reality he was the product of his mother. The only one of his siblings lucky enough to be just like his mother in so many ways. There was one thing he was unlike her with, though, He had gotten help, he had gotten his shit together and went to his doctors and took his fucking meds.
He had his equally stubborn best friend to thank for that. They had been friends for a few years when he had gotten sick. Mickey took it in stride, though, pulled him out of his hell, and instead of treating him like he was broken, he somehow always knew what he needed. He would sit by his bedside during his depressive episodes, taking care of him, not saying a word, until Ian was ready. He would yell at him when he needed a fucking wake up call, and he gave him the strength that his own family couldn't have possibly given him. Mickey Milkovich was his best friend, and there was nothing that could convince him that risking that would ever be worth it.
That is why even though he had, had a crush on the tough ass boy virtually since the day they had met, he had never once said a word about it. They had been friends for 6 years now, and while the feelings came and went, he would never say a word. Sometimes that decision was harder than most. Through his disorder had been one of those times. To not just tell Mickey how much he meant to him, how much he wanted to be so much more than just his friend, but he hadn't. So what if he dreamt about him constantly, or found it hard to be around him sometimes, which was fantastic considering they shared an apartment. So what if he had to turn away sometimes, to hide the very obvious physical attraction to his best friend? Admitting to his best friend that he was gay was hard enough in the first place, there was no way in hell, he was adding "and by the way, I'd like to bang you on every surface in this apartment," to that very awkward conversation.
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Mickey had never really seen the point of the big emotional coming out bullshit. Sure he had spent most of his life trying to conceal it while his fuckhead of a father was around, but since then, he still didn't run around announcing to everyone he knew what he liked to do behind closed doors. Who's fucking business was it? Why did everyone feel the need for that shit anyway, straight fuckers didn't have to do it. You didn't see his brothers bursting through the door with a big announcement when they knew they liked fucking vaginas. It was fucking stupid, but he knew that for some people it was important, like when Ian came out to him. Oh like it was a fucking secret?
Like he wasn't supposed to notice the way Ian eyed him when they had first met. It might have been fleeting but it was there. Ian had never shied away from his sexuality or anything, it wasn't like that. So a week after they had gotten their apartment, Mickey spit his beer across the room when Ian nervously just blurted it out. That was four years ago. The kid looked fucking terrified. Started stammering about never bringing men home for Mickey to see, he promised and continued to beg Mickey not to hate him, not to judge him, or kill him. Mickey had busted out in laughter. "Seriously Gallagher, Who the fuck cares who you fuck? If I don't walk in on you with a dick in your ass, I don't fucking care. Just keep the shit in your room. Okay?" He had rolled his eyes and walked off before hearing behind him. I don't take it in the ass. Oh like he needed to fucking know that. "Don't care." He said before slamming the door behind him.
But he did care. He cared that Ian was gay, he cared that Ian was confident in his sexuality, he also cared that Ian seemed to think he was homophobic or some shit. It was the only time in his life he had ever wanted to say the words, to admit what he was to someone else, but he didn't. Didn't say a fucking word. He just went on like he always did. He told himself he wasn't hiding it from him, that if Ian had ever actually asked he would tell him that, yes he was gay and yes he likes to take it up the ass but Ian hadn't so he didn't admit to shit. He also didn't admit to wishing those first fleeting looks of attraction had been something more than that.
He walked into his apartment shaking his head as he looked up and saw some random guy in his apartment pulling his shirt over his head. The kid looked at him wide-eyed and full of fear when he saw him. “The fuck you looking at?” He asked grunting, causing the boy to run from the apartment in fear. He laughed. “Gallagher, you telling your boy-toys that I'm fucking homophobic again?” He hollered into the room. Ian just bounded out laughing.
“He wouldn't fucking leave.” He said simply. Mickey shook his head.
“You know when you came out to me and promised to not bring them home, maybe we should go back to that. Dealing with your petrified one-night stands no longer amuses me.” He said.
“Whatever. You love that you terrify them. It's not my fault that you’re scary as fuck.” Ian laughed.
“Actually it is. What kind of idiot thinks that while I live with a homo, that I seriously hate them so much that I’d bash their brains in, and get blood on my perfectly good carpet. Where do you find these twinks?” He said sitting down on the couch.
Ian just shrugged. “Simple. One look at you and logic flies out the window.” Ian laughed.
“Seriously? I look like that much of a fag hater to you?” Mickey asked curiously.
“You do have that ole Milkovich charm. And it works for me. Especially when they're from the south side. I just have to say your name. It's fucking hilarious.”
“Asshole. Maybe I should just start scaring them off before you get laid. See how you like them apples.”
“Awe Mick. You wouldn't do that to me. You know I get cranky when I'm not getting any.” Ian laughed.
“Don't I fucking know it red.” Mickey shook his head at his best friend again. Although scaring off all of Ian's potential fucks, still had a nice ring to it. He shook his head at the thought. Why would he even think of something like that?
---
Ian was curious when Mickey walked through the door of the club he was currently in. Had Mickey been serious about scaring off his next conquest? Why else would he willingly be caught dead in a gay club? The only time he had ever seen Mickey in one, in the time he had known him was to carry Ian's drunk ass home after a particularly disastrous night out, or when he had been manic. He eyed his best friend for a minute who had seemed to be looking around for something before he finally spotted Ian. He seemed to freeze for a second before smiling at him. Ian quirked an eyebrow at his best friend before seeing Mickey turn cold. Some guy had sauntered over to him, obviously flirting with him. He thought about saving Mickey from having to pummel the idiot but waited for a second.
“Hey there, I thought you'd never get here.” The guy, Chris, Kane, whatever said as he smiled at Mickey. Mickey just frowned. What was Ian doing here? It wasn't his usual place to pick up dates and not even his usual night, he had to think fast, he was about to be outed to his friend if he didn't come up with something fast. He was racking his brain for an answer when he saw the redhead sauntering over to him.
“Hey, baby. What are you doing here? Thought you had to work late?” Ian purred. Oh god, how he wished that was really for him.
“Wh..wait. Your boyfriend? But..” The guy started to stutter and Mickey took the opportunity to get him to shut up and just pulled Ian to him.
“Sorry man. Ginger here is all I'll ever need.” He said quickly and placed a kiss lightly on Ian's lips, grabbing his hand and leading him away.
It wasn't until they were out the door that Mickey realized just what he had done. His eyes widened and he stopped cold. Ian turned to look back at him. “Mick?”
“Uh huh,” he Said.
“You're really freaked out. Come on, let's get you home, far away from all of the flirty gay men. Well except your favorite one of course.” He said laughing lightly. Mickey shook his head and continued to walk. Maybe it wouldn't be that big of a deal, obviously Ian thought he was freaked out because some guy hit on him, not that he had, in turn, kissed Ian, he could play this off. Ian didn't seem to be affected at all.
Ian pulled in a breath of harsh Chicago air as he walked in front of Mickey on the way home. ‘He fucking kissed me….shit that guy must have come on strong as fuck. He looks like he's going to pass out. Maybe the thought of touching me makes him that physically ill? No, it's just because he's straight and doesn't play with all that gay shit, that's all. Right?’
They got home and Mickey didn't say a word he just sat on the couch in silence. He stared at the TV that wasn't even turned on. Ian thought about what to say. Should he ask why Mickey came to find him? No. Should he ask about the asshole who hit on him? No. The kiss? Fuck no. He may have been certifiably batshit crazy but he wasn't about to ruin his and Mickey's friendship over something this fucking stupid. So what if Mickey freaked out and kissed him to show the guy he was taken? it wasn't like he had slipped him tongue, it was a peck. It's not like he had never kissed a girl like that before, wasn't it essentially the same thing? He wasn't attracted to women but he knew for Mickey, it was probably not the same thing, coming from the house he had come from.
On the couch, however, was a stock still Mickey, freaking out for an entirely different reason. Lips, Ian's lips, Ian's chest. Straddling Ian. Pulling him over the couch and kissing him again. Fuck. It was like a fucking movie playing in his head. He had gone out tonite aiming to get laid, and now he was home, it was like his body didn't get the fucking memo that it wasn't going to happen. His thoughts were whirling around, imagining all of the things the red-head could do to him. The moans that he knew the man across the room could so easily pull out of him.
“Mickey…” Ian started shakily. Afraid of the reaction he might receive by the obviously freaked out Mickey.
“Hmm,” Mickey said dazily.
“You okay man? Look sorry the guy freaked you out...it's over now, okay?” He said softly. Mickey nodded, not really paying attention to the real Ian. He was completely focused on the Ian in his head. Moaning, biting. He shook his head finally.
“Think I'm gonna head to bed. G’nite red.” He said passing Ian without even a look.
---
Ian banged his head on his desk at work the next day. “The fucks up with you? Fight with the boyfriend?” Mandy said from behind him.
“Don't have a boyfriend.” He said grunting against the desk.
“Mickey, you fucktard, did you fight with Mickey? What, did he find out you're madly in love with him or some shit?” She said laughing.
“Oh fuck off Mandy. I'm not in love with your brother.” He said lifting his head up to glare at her.
“Uh huh, keep telling yourself that.” She rolled her eyes taking a big gulp of the water sitting next to him.
“What's that supposed to mean? Do I look like that much of an idiot? Falling for my straight best friend? Do I look like a masochist to you? Getting my head bashed in by…” He stopped as Mandy spit the water across the room. Thankfully not in the direction of the computer. “The fuck Mandy?” He yells.
“Umm, sorry. You actually think he'd hurt you?” She asked trying to hide her shock at something else in his rant that she couldn't quite wrap her head around.
“No..course not. But he would fucking leave. Being okay with a gay best friend, and thinking said friend wants to ram you in the ass, so fucking different.” He says.
“Fucking ew. I absolutely do not want to know what you would do my brother if given the chance.” She said walking away.
--
“He doesn't know?!?” Mandy yelled at her brother entering his apartment.
“The fuck you going on about?” He asks shaking his head.
“Ian, he thinks you're straight? Are you fucking kidding me?!?? Six years, you've been friends for six years and he thinks you fuck chicks??? How the fuck do you do that? “ he shrugs at her.
“He never asked. I ain't gonna have some big coming out bullshit again, been there, fuck that. Why does it matter? I don't care who he fucks, he doesn't care who I fuck.” He said
“Fucking idiots.” She said shaking her head walking out.
--
Ian was exhausted, after Mandy's shit, which continued into the day. Scowling at him, sighing and calling him an idiot every so often, mixed with the fact that he was absolutely sure Mickey still wasn't speaking to him, or he was avoiding him, whatever it was that was going on. He just wanted to go to bed, he didn't want to go out or get fucked, he just wanted to forget this fucking day and try again tomorrow.
He slammed the door and started taking off his clothes, fully determined to slam himself down on his mattress and stay there. He heard the shuffling around in Mickey's room. He was confused. Mickey came bounding out of his room, in sweatpants, covered in sweat.
“Ian! What are you doing here?” Ian tilted his head at his roommate. Who looked like he was fresh out of a porno. He did look amazing like that.
“I live here? You got company?” He asked curiously.
“Uh, yeah. Didn't think you'd be home. I'll keep it down. Promise.” Mickey said smiling awkwardly.
“Don't worry about it, man. You've dealt with my shit for long enough. 'Bout time you get some action around here. I'll leave you to it. Have fun with your lady friend.” Ian said walking into his room.
Mickey rushed back into his room finding the man sitting on his bed. “Get the fuck out.” He said sternly.
“Come on man, we were just getting to the good part.” Mickey rolled his eyes.
“Out!” He said practically throwing the man out of his apartment before Ian could see him.