Hide.

by sa0irs3

Summary:

Figuring yourself out as a teenager with pressure from your family and society is much easier without feelings thrown into the mix. Unfortunately for Kyoya, he’s best friends with Tamaki Suoh.

Notes:

please slap me if these are ooc, i’ve never written for ouran before and getting it wrong would KILL me. either way this is just a throwaway.

Chapter 1: I got some radio wires soldered to my heart.

“Tamaki, It’s the first day of business.” Kyoya reminded somewhat gently. He was never one to be especially polite or overly friendly, but he wasn’t being exactly cold. Tamaki sighed, groaning softly and somewhat dramatically.

“I know, but it’s so slow!” He replied out of pure boredom and disappointment. The other hosts circled the table. Tamaki then looked over at them, taking note of their quietness. It was awkward, very awkward. However, he wouldn’t force them to talk. As everyone started to leave, Tamaki sighed again, looking over at Kyoya.

“Are you…sure it’ll be okay?” He murmured, disappointment showing. Kyoya knew he poured a lot into this host club thing, and even if he didn’t really get it, he understood his disappointment for something to work out…more than he cared to admit.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fine. It’s only the first day after all.” He assured, giving a soft, rare smile of assurance. “Just…keep up your positivity. It’s…charming.” He added, the comment making Tamaki’s eyes widen slightly.

“Charming?” He echoed, smiling softly. Kyoya caught himself, shaking his head softly.

“Women…appreciate a positive guy, is all.” He recovered, clearing his throat softly. Tamaki sighed, taking a seat next to him.

“Ootori, what will I do if this fails?” He groaned, face nearing desperation. Kyoya laughed softly, shaking his head.

“It won’t. Just keep dreaming.” Tamaki sighed dramatically once again, groaning and dropping his head down on his crossed arms. Kyoya continued to softly shake his head at his antics, shutting his book and placing it next to him on the table.

“What changed, anyways? You seemed so enthusiastic about it this morning.” He inquired. Tamaki lifted his head.

“That was this morning!” He reminded, somewhat agitated but mostly disappointed still. “Now we went a whole day, with barely any visitors.” Kyoya sighed, nodding slightly.

“Yes, but it has only been a day. It shouldn’t stay this slow.” Kyoya was oddly positive. It weirded Tamaki out, like Kyoya was almost begging him to be himself.

“Why do you care, anyways?” He asked bluntly. Kyoya raised an eyebrow at his question. “You didn’t like the idea to begin with.” Kyoya sighed.

“You’re just…being too negative, even I have to step in and remind you who you are. You’re not usually this…glum, I suppose.” He shrugged. Tamaki tilted his head, a faint smirk appearing across his lips.

“Wow, I didn’t know you knew me so well, Ootori.” He teased. Kyoya felt his face heat up and he immediately shook his head.

“It’s not…knowing you well. It’s simply observation. I know that like I know those twins have a hard time getting along with anybody that isn’t each other.” He corrected, shrugging it off. Tamaki’s smirk fell into a pout.

“Come on, Kyoya!” He whined. “You have to know more about me than those two randoms.” Kyoya couldn’t help but stifle an amused chuckle.

“Of course I know you better than them.” He replied, fixing his glasses. “We’ve been friends for years.” Tamaki seemed oddly…pleased with this answer, almost ecstatic to know he was closer with Kyoya. As if it wasn’t already obvious.

“Yeah…that’s right. Nobody is as close with you as me.” He confirmed, near pridefully. Kyoya smirked softly, stifling laughter again as he gently shook his head in amusement once more.

“Correct.” He confirmed. This made the two feel almost…content. Like they’d resolved tension one of them didn’t even know about. Tamaki had secretly felt pushed aside their whole friendship, and he couldn’t put his finger on why exactly. But now, it seemed resolved. And, for Kyoya, Tamaki was back to being dramatic and extra.

It was a win-win.

Chapter 2: See, I’ve been praying for a signal

Kyoya inhaled deeply, swallowing hard as he looked up at the night sky. It’d been far too long since he appreciated being outside, and he wanted to take it in. And, he wanted to get away from his suffocating family for a while, they probably wanted him out too. It was a win-win.

Tamaki tentatively approached him, sitting next to him without warning. Kyoya sat with his legs crossed, Tamaki with his knees up to his chest. He rested his head on his knees, matching Kyoya’s head position up at the sky.

“What’s love, Ootori?” He murmured softly, his voice was nearly a whisper. Kyoya furrowed his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes, fixing his glasses as he looked over at him.

“Why? Someone special?” He inquired with a hint of skeptical amusement in his voice. Maybe even a touch of jealousy.

“Yeah…something like that.” He answered quietly. His tone was nearly dejected, like it had hurt to confess. Kyoya felt himself get slightly envious at the mere thought of Tamaki being interested in someone, which confused him deeply. He didn’t even know the girl he was in to, why was he jealous?

“Well…that depends.” He replied, adjusting his glasses once again as he looked back up to the moon. “How do you feel about her?”

“Her.” Tamaki echoed to himself. He sighed, smiling nervously. “Hm, well…she’s uh—great. Everything I want in a…girl.” He stammered. Kyoya tilted his head, gaze returning to his friend.

“You seem oddly nervous about someone you want to place the L-word title on.” He teased, nudging him playfully. Tamaki shook his head in amusement, letting out a soft, awkward chuckle.

“You know me…all weak in the knees for someone who won’t think twice about me.” He replied, sighing again. He took a long pause, face clearly puzzled as he thought about something deeply. “Kyoya, what makes people good or bad?” He asked, looking over at him again.

Kyoya seemed to consider his query, deeply confused by all his questions. “Well, I think people aren’t necessarily good or bad. We’re all far too complex to fit ourselves into two categories.” He shrugged it off, as if the philosophic query was a simplistic math question.

Tamaki sighed, reiterating now, “No…like, what do you think gets people into heaven or hell?” Kyoya kept his same neutral expression as he considered his words. It was a long silence as Tamaki waited for the answer Kyoya was working on.

“Well—I don’t know, really. It’s another thing we can’t decide nor really explain.” He answered after the silence, earning another sigh from Tamaki.

“Do you think being gay is a sin?” His question was quick and blunt, straightforward with no time to prepare. Kyoya cleared his throat, usual nonchalant facade slipping at the question.

“We are…made to believe that.” He begun, nervous about how to go about his personal opinion without challenging his friend’s. Tamaki seemed straight, or he thought. Hell, he made a whole club around pleasing women. He looked around, seemingly trying to scout out anyone who could report back to his dad. But nobody was there. It was just him and Tamaki.

“No.” He answered simply, seemingly uninterested in further clarifying. Tamaki nearly beamed at this.

“Really? You don’t think—they’ll go to hell?” He further pushed, stopping himself randomly. Kyoya shook his head.

“I mean…I don’t want to discuss this, Suoh.” He corrected, standing up suddenly. Tamaki’s face fell and he followed Kyoya, grabbing his hand. Kyoya turned, bewildered expression crossing his features as he looked back at Tamaki.

“Kyoya, I’m not gay.” He choked out nervously. “I—I have an uncle, I was worried about him, I promise. I’m not—you know me!” He pleaded, tugging him back. Kyoya turned to face him, placing his hands firm on his shoulder with a slightly amused smile.

“Tamaki, I’m just going in for the night. I wasn’t worried about that.” He assured. Tamaki let out a shaky exhale, nearly a shudder of relief.

“Good, wouldn’t want to have you thinking I’m a queer.” He laughed. Kyoya returned the amusement, giving him a small laugh back.

“Yeah.” He replied, turning once again after patting his shoulder gently. “Night Tamaki.” He murmured softly, turning back around towards his house.

“Night, Kyoya.” Tamaki called. Kyoya couldn’t help but smile softly. Why did he so deeply wish that it weren’t true? He found himself secretly hoping his friend was lying, that he was just worried he’d out him or something like that.

No, not Kyoya. He would never. Especially not to Tamaki.

Chapter 3: A sign that you haven’t sent: Static from my better sense

“Can you just talk to me, Kyoya?” His voice pleads through the phone. “. . .Call me when you can. Or talk to me at school, anything.” Tamaki sighed, reluctantly leaving the desperate voicemail to his friend’s phone.

What felt like a million miles away, was Kyoya listening to those words, letting them ring through his ears. “Just talk to me,” and, “I’m sorry.” They ran through his mind. He desperately wanted to reach out, tell him he’s okay and it’d all be alright. But, as of right now, he couldn’t do much of anything.

His brain was on rest, if that was even possible. He felt like a zombie walking through each day, which was odd for someone usually on top. He hadn’t talked to Tamaki for two days, completely avoiding him. Kyoya sat up, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall. Nothing made sense anymore.

And he didn’t even have his best friend to help him figure things out. Which to be fair was his fault, but he couldn’t help it. How could he be there for Tamaki when he couldn’t even be there for himself. He pressed numbers he knew he probably shouldn’t, and his phone rang. And rang. And rang.

“Kyoya?” His voice felt like a breath of fresh air, like something out of a damn commercial. It was TV-sold love, a hug in just the subtle ring of his name.

“Hey Tamaki.” He replied. His voice was cold and tired, in stark contrast to Tamaki’s. The boy on the other line sighed in relief, and Kyoya could hear his smile, almost completely pinpoint his exact facial expression just by his breath. Of course he knew him better. He knew him better than anyone.

“Finally! Are you mad at me?” He immediately cut to the chase. Kyoya sighed deeply, already expecting his question based on his multiple voicemails and notes.

“No. I am not mad at you.” He replied. “I’ve just. . . needed some space.” He admitted softly, coming down from his usual cool demeanor.

“Oh. Why didn’t you just tell me that?” Tamaki asked. Kyoya. . . hadn’t thought of that. Why didn’t he just tell him? “I would’ve understood.”

“Well… thank you for understanding. I just didn’t want you to worry, I suppose.” He hummed, thinking of why he didn’t just inform him of his leave.

“I worried more without your explanation, Kyoya! I thought you hated me!” Kyoya winced at his raised voice out of instinct, and Tamaki could hear it through the phone. He immediately felt guilty and sighed. “I’m sorry…I just—you really worried me.” He apologized.

“No, no… it’s okay. I just, you know I’m weird about talking.” He sighed, running his hand across his forehead out of stress.

“I know. You and your feelings…” He joked. Kyoya laughed weakly.

“Yeah.” The silence was nice and comfortable, like they’d never stopped talking. Suddenly, everything felt sort of okay. Even though Kyoya had been struggling with his feelings for the past few days.

Since their conversation Friday night, Kyoya had been eaten up by his feelings fully. Right after he got home, he panicked, drowning with ideas he couldn’t stop. Tamaki said something that had struck him. Was he gay? No. He couldn’t be. He was supposed to be perfect. He couldn’t be his father’s only failing son.

Kyoya couldn’t like boys. He couldn’t be gay. Being queer would only bring him suffering. It’d only bring him pain. Especially if he’d lost… Tamaki. Maybe. No. He couldn’t love Tamaki, could he? That’d be simply foolish.

He’s not in love with Tamaki.

Chapter 4: He’s a better kisser than you’d think, mom.

Music room three was mostly empty, just Kyoya and Tamaki. The president was humming along to some of his French music playing softly while the other was quietly reading. They both enjoyed sitting in comfortable silence, even though it wasn’t exactly silent. Tamaki’s tunes captured the warm atmosphere around them, the heat from the dying sun beaming on the large windows.

“Kyoya, you still with me?” He murmured with a soft grin, his chin resting next to Kyoya’s head on the couch. He looked up from his book, smirking in amusement at the blonde’s antics. He shook his head and looked back down at his novel, flipping the page.

“Yes, I’m still here.” He replied sarcastically. Tamaki hummed in approval, sitting on the couch next to him with his usual playful aura.

“Good, because I have so many ideas for our next events.” Kyoya nodded, urging him to go on with a soft, interested hum. “Okay. Two words, Masked Ball.” He whispered, eyes bright like his idea was outrageous and unheard of. Kyoya stifled a small chuckle, shaking his head.

“Yup, perfect.” He agreed, amusement clear. Tamaki’s excitement was shot immediately, his face falling.

“Kyoya, why do you hate me?” He groaned dramatically, resting his head on his shoulder. Kyoya immediately stiffened, taking note of the golden locks brushing his cheek. Tamaki had always been a touchy guy, but after the mental fight he’d just had with himself, this was near torturous.

“I just want you to come up with smarter ideas.” He chuckled nervously, trying to lighten his growing tension. He swallowed hard, trying not to lose it at the subtle gesture. Tamaki must’ve noticed how nervous he was, because he flashed him a prideful, cocky grin.

“Oh, is someone a little… nervous?” He teased, lifting his head up. Their faces were now mere inches away. Kyoya instantly cleared his throat and looked away.

“Absolutely not.” His voice was strained and uneven, trying so hard to be stern. His voice betrayed his cold front, displaying just how flustered and embarrassed he was. Tamaki used this to his advantage to further tease him.

“Really? You seem pretty flushed to me.” He taunted playfully, slightly tilting his head. With one hand, he turned Kyoya’s face back to his. “There’s that pretty face.” He purred. Kyoya flushed a deeper shade of red at his words, if that was even possible.

“You’re not funny.” He managed through his embarrassment. Tamaki raised an eyebrow, still studying his face carefully.

“I’m not joking.” He replied, seemingly fully serious. After all their years of being friend, Kyoya knew how flirty he was. However, it’d never gotten to him. Not until now.

“You… what.” He swallowed again. Tamaki looked away, it seemed as if all confidence from his frame dissipated.

“The uhm… talk? We had Friday?” That’s all Tamaki had to say. Kyoya knew. He stared at him in near disbelief. It was definitely shock mixed with almost excitement. Kyoya shook his head. This can’t be real, it couldn’t be.

“I think… uhm—I’m bisexual?” He informed, the mere idea leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as he said it. Tamaki didn’t exactly hate the realization, but he still felt worried about it with Kyoya. The other boy just nodded at this, taking in the information carefully.

“Yeah.” He nodded softly. The admission from Tamaki almost… relieved him. Like he’d finally come up for air after holding his breath underwater. Tamaki’s simple realization had just been his personal lifeguard. Or, maybe just Tamaki himself had been.

“Can you… say something?” He muttered nervously. Kyoya turned back to him, shutting his novel promptly and setting it on the coffee table. He looked up at him, breath hitching slightly as he took in his features. Being all nervous, Tamaki sure was a sight. His lips were slightly parted, cheeks reddened and hair messy as usual. Kyoya smiled softly, running his hand through Tamaki’s hair with a soft chuckle.

He inhaled sharply at the gesture, involuntarily leaning into the touch. “I think there’s no problem with that.” Kyoya murmured assuringly, pushing back his blonde locks with an uncharacteristic smile. He pulled his hand back, looking at his features with a hint of clear adoration in his eyes.

After tension-filled silence, Tamaki swallowed hard, thinking of his next action. He didn’t want to butcher this. He had to get this right. The way Kyoya was staring, all his subtle implications… it was all too much. He cupped his cheek with one hand, gently rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.

“How do you do this to me?” Tamaki questioned lowly, a small smile gracing his lips. Kyoya jokingly shrugged modestly, laughing softly to himself. This moment was perfect. Too perfect. It felt like it was missing something. It was.

Tamaki worked his confidence back up, slowly build his courage after a couple small jokes and sarcastic quips. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his best friend’s lips. It was damn near magical. Kyoya felt himself stifle a disapproving groan as he pulled away.

“Was— that okay?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Kyoya’s face softened, cracking a smile.

“Okay? Why’d you pull away?” He teased, cupping his cheeks and pulling him back in desperately. All pent up admiration and unreciprocated feelings dissipated at the kiss, making them both feel unimaginably overwhelmed with emotions.

Tamaki started giggling like a small child against Kyoya’s lips, and he pulled back. The black-haired boy found himself laughing with him, even though he didn’t really know why.

“What?” He asked, still cupping his cheeks. Tamaki stole a few more quick kisses, holding onto his wrists as his giggles intensified.

“I don’t know!” He managed through his laugh attack, melting against Kyoya’s lips once more before pulling back again. He rested his forehead against his, chuckles eventually dying down.

“I guess you just make me happy.”

Chapter 5: I've been praying for your touch, your glance, your hand

Kyoya knew they shouldn’t. Every kiss, touch, and glance was taboo. They only dug themselves deeper into this impossible hole. Tamaki knew better, too, but he couldn’t possibly part from him.

“Tamaki.” Kyoya muttered, pulling away to catch his breath. “We can’t.” He sighed. Tamaki just groaned, letting his head fall on the other’s shoulder dramatically.

They never cared about other’s opinions, those two. Well, Kyoya cared about his dad’s. If he didn’t, he’d surely regret it. His father made him very sure of that. Tamaki soon found him caring less and less about his own father’s opinion and Kyoya caring more—if that was even possible.

“They won’t find out.” Tamaki assured, lifting his head to look up at Kyoya. He then rested his cheek on his shoulder, staring off to the side. It was now mid-evening in music room three, their usual spot now. Kyoya sighed, letting his head fall against the wall. He stared off blankly too, looking up at the ceiling.

Their silence was awkward and painfully long. Kyoya hated it more than anything. For so long, the two hadn’t had a single awkward moment. It’s like only after they started dating that they had this weird tension.

Tamaki reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers with a soft, reassuring squeeze. He did all that with the same blank look on his face, like he was doing it near instinctively as he processed their situation.

He swallowed thickly, cheek still pressed to his boyfriend’s shoulder. Well, were they dating? They never really did much besides kiss and exchange I love you’s. So were they friends with… ’benefits?’ Not like they’d gotten anywhere close to that. Also not like either of them would exactly mind.

They sat there like that for a moment, just holding each other, soaking up all their time they had together. Soon, he thought, soon they’d be able to talk. Kyoya never was good at emotions, and Tamaki knew the reason behind them not having a conversation was his lack of communication skills.

Tamaki never chastised him for this. He understood his situation all too well with his family. Kyoya never learned to speak about how he felt, because something as simple as vocalizing his feelings could result in severe consequences.

And Tamaki felt nearly… helpless. like he couldn’t help him no matter how hard he tried. Every “Come to me with your problems,” and “I’m here for you,” just felt like a desperate, unheard plea. They’d been seeing each other like this for some time now, why did he feel untrusted?

It wasn’t his fault, nor Kyoya’s. This was something inevitable with Kyoya’s upbringing, far out of either of their hands. Tamaki knew it was hard for him to talk and was completely out of his hands. Kyoya couldn’t force his feelings out if his life depended on it, especially if it didn’t.

He just couldn’t articulate his problems. Tamaki then moved his head, resting his forehead against Kyoya’s collarbone. He took his hand from Kyoya’s, wrapping his arms around his waist.

Kyoya sighed out of a strange mix of guilt and bitter contentment. He hated how much he loved this. Tamaki was a drug he could never get bored of. His hands found their way to his back, pathetically returning Tamaki’s passionate and energetic embrace.

He hated this. Many, many unfair questions wrapped his thoughts. Why did he have to love him so much? Why could he never please his dad? Why couldn’t he just be normal?

Why can’t Tamaki just be a girl?

Chapter 6: I keep the car running; I keep my bags packed

The faint sounds of the broom brushing against the floor, the distant sounds of the other hosts talking, and the irritating sight of Tamaki fawning over Haruhi. All of it. It was driving Kyoya over the damn edge.

Tamaki seemed to notice this and like a light switch moved his attention from Haruhi to him.

“Kyoya.” He purred, dragging out his name in a sing-song-y chime. He only hummed in annoyance as acknowledgement. He could feel soft petals caressing his jaw, and closed his eyes in growing irritation.

He looked up, immediately met with the sight of the blonde president proudly running a rose against his face. He twirled it before softly tapping his nose. Kyoya scrunched his face at the sensation, sighing softly.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Tamaki with a proud, playful smile. The same one he fell in love with. He hated how he couldn’t stay mad at him long, even if he was just basically throwing himself at another person.

He shook his head in amusement, his antics earning a tiny chuckle from him. Kyoya couldn’t lie, even if he was annoying, Tamaki was cute. It pissed him off further, just another factor of his that drove him wild.

“Are you coming over today?” He asked, looking over his shoulder at his notebook. Oh, that’s right. They’d planned a hangout at Tamaki’s mansion. The idea was an odd mixture of exciting and nauseating to Kyoya.

He nodded simply before answering, “Yes.” That was it. No hint of enthusiasm or any of his true emotions towards the idea. Tamaki smiled in silent approval, just nodding to himself.

“Good.” He hummed, standing up once again. It was a Friday. A nice day to hangout, usually hinting at a sleepover or something of that sort. Kyoya had completely forgotten about it until just then, but the idea wasn’t disappointing.

Not like he’d prefer to be anywhere else with anyone else. Tamaki’s mansion was always calming to Kyoya. It was the one place he knew he could really relax and just be himself without any distractions, stress, or expectations.

Tamaki was always a bonus factor, too. Even if recently he’d been pissing Kyoya off. Ever since the commoner joined the host club, Tamaki had been all over her. He assured him that he came first, but something about the way he acted set every jealous reaction in Kyoya’s brain off.

It was like a ticking bomb being set further and further off. Kyoya wasn’t a violent guy by any means, but Tamaki’s actions weren’t helping that perfect record. He didn’t know if he hated his boyfriend or the girl more.

Haruhi was cute, really. That pissed him off more. Of course Tamaki would be into her. She wasn’t Kyoya’s type in any way, but she was undeniably attractive and adorable.

But he could never say anything to anyone besides Tamaki. It was too dangerous. It was all too much for Kyoya. He knew this was a risky game, but it was unfortunately one he was willing to play for Tamaki.

So he’d just have to stay jealous.