Work Text:
rebus
From rebus: hey can you take care of opening today?
To rebus: why
From rebus: stayed up too late watching anime
From rebus: please
To rebus: you are twenty six years old
To rebus: be responsible
From rebus: i’ll buy you croissants this afternoon
From rebus: this is the worst hangover i’ve ever had
To rebus: don’t give me that bullshit you haven’t even gone to sleep
From rebus: how’d you know
To rebus: remus it’s fucking five thirty in the morning
To rebus: . . .
To rebus: go to sleep i’ll take care of opening
From rebus: o best of brothers
To rebus: laying it on a little thick are we
To rebus: i’m going back to sleep for another ten minutes
To rebus: i suggest you do the same
745 692 8374
To 745 692 8374: hi this is roman
To 745 692 8374: the devilishly handsome man who runs the tattoo parlour across the street to whom you gave your number
To 745 692 8374: once again, welcome to the neighbourhood
From 745 692 8374: Hello, Roman.
From 745 692 8374: Thank you for the warm welcome.
From 745 692 8374: And “devilishly handsome” seems an exaggeration.
To 745 692 8374: right in the heart . . .
To 745 692 8374: wait until you meet my brother remus
To 745 692 8374: you two would probably enjoy ganging up on me
From 745 692 8374: I do know Remus.
From 745 692 8374: We share mutual friends.
From 745 692 8374: . . .
From 745 692 8374: Remus Grace, right?
To 745 692 8374: yeah
To 745 692 8374: and roman grace, at your service
From 745 692 8374: If you’re the older one, the correct title would be “Your Highness”, wouldn’t it?
To 745 692 8374: ?
From 745 692 8374: As in, Grace. Your Grace for a duke, and the higher ranking is that of a prince
From 745 692 8374: Forget it, it was a bad joke.
To 745 692 8374: nonono it was funny!
To 745 692 8374: i didn’t know that about noble addresses
To 745 692 8374: funny you should say that though
To 745 692 8374: because remus and i played royalty a lot as a kid
To 745 692 8374: and i DID know what a duke was then
To 745 692 8374: unfortunately “duke” and “prince” translated to us calling each other dookie and prissy
From 745 692 8374: That is hilarious.
From 745 692 8374: Having siblings sounds fun.
To 745 692 8374: only child?
From 745 692 8374: Yes, tragically.
From 745 692 8374: Though my peers say I’m better off because siblings are annoying.
To 745 692 8374: yeah siblings are annoying
To 745 692 8374: but on the whole, i wouldn’t give up remus for anything
To 745 692 8374: (don’t tell him i said that he will hold it over my head for the rest of our natural lives and beyond)
To 745 692 8374: if you like, you can borrow him
From 745 692 8374: You honor me.
From 745 692 8374: (Beyond?)
To 745 692 8374: our brotherly bond will transcend death
To 745 692 8374: we’ll prank each other as ghosts
From 745 692 8374: I see. That sounds exhausting. I hope, as my honorary brother, Remus won’t resort to bothering me as a ghost.
To 745 692 8374: nah you’d go straight to heaven
To 745 692 8374: no lingering here with us poor mortals
From 745 692 8374: Haha.
From 745 692 8374: Well, it was nice talking to you but I have some inventory to finish, so later?
To 745 692 8374: later it is
To 745 692 8374: hmu whenever, i’m always free to talk
To 745 692 8374: not that i don’t work, our parlour gets a lot of business
To 745 692 8374: i’m just gonna shut up now
To 745 692 8374: bye, janus
From 745 692 8374: Bye, Roman.
From 745 692 8374: :)
rebus
To rebus: janus from across the street is now your honorary brother
From rebus: finally
From rebus: how long are you gonna make me wait for my niblings
From rebus: i’m gonna be the uncle who shows them fun explosions
To rebus: wait what
From rebus: you married him, right? so he’s my brother-in-law
To rebus: remus for once in your life shut the fuck up
To rebus: it’s not like that
To rebus: where are my croissants
From rebus: so . . . no marriage, then?
To rebus: WHERE ARE MY CROISSANTS
From rebus: didn’t look like you needed them
From rebus: you were having the time of your life talking to jan
From rebus: you should be thanking me for making you open so you could meet him on his first day
To rebus: remus i will murder you
To rebus: i can make it look like an accident
From rebus: yeah but you have motive
From rebus: and i’ll haunt you anyway as per our discussion last year
From rebus: so
From rebus: no marriage?
To rebus: turn around
Janus [snake]
To Janus [snake]: looks like a slow day
From Janus [snake]: It is.
From Janus [snake]: Not many people show up to buy flowers outside of special occassions.
From Janus [snake]: It’s hell to keep up with them when they do show up, though.
To Janus [snake]: i see
To Janus [snake]: in that case, would you like coffee
From Janus [snake]: That sounds lovely, but I can’t leave my shop right now.
To Janus [snake]: i’ll buy you something and bring it over
To Janus [snake]: we can eat lunch in your shop if the flowers don’t mind
From Janus [snake]: I’m sure I can convince the flowers otherwise, if they do mind.
From Janus [snake]: Won’t it take you out of your parlour? I don’t want to bother you.
To Janus [snake]: i don’t have any appointments today and walk-ins can just be redirected to call my phone
From Janus [snake]: Then lunch sounds lovely.
From Janus [snake]: Shall I expect you in about fifteen minutes? I’ll set the table.
To Janus [snake]: ooh, sounds fancy
To Janus [snake]: make it twenty, and i’ll be there
From Janus [snake]: Of course.
rebus
From rebus: so
To rebus: so what
From rebus: a little bird told me you had lunch with janus today
To rebus: i repeat
To rebus: so what
From rebus: rude
From rebus: maybe i’m just trying to congratulate you on making friends
To rebus: yeah, maybe
From rebus: okay fine
From rebus: was it a date???
To rebus: three q marks
To rebus: damn you’re curious
To rebus: and no it wasn’t a date
To rebus: he isn’t interested in me anyway
From rebus: if you say things like that about my brother i’ll kick your ass
From rebus: he’s lucky to have you crushing on him you absolute buffoon
To rebus: really getting some mixed messages here
To rebus: and really jumping the gun
To rebus: we’re just hanging out
To rebus: and where were you today, anyway?
From rebus: end of the world
To rebus: fine, don’t tell me, whatever
Janus [snake]
To Janus [snake]: same time as usual?
From Janus [snake]: Sure.
From Janus [snake]: I’ll lay out the table.
From Janus [snake]: Any preference for the centerpiece this week?
To Janus [snake]: you don’t have to keep doing this
From Janus [snake]: Roman.
To Janus [snake]: janus
From Janus [snake]: Tell me or it’s orchids.
To Janus [snake]: no those are expensive
From Janus [snake]: Centerpiece.
To Janus [snake]: ughhhh fine roses
From Janus [snake]: Roses again? This will be the fifth week in a row.
To Janus [snake]: you’re not counting our first lunch?
From Janus [snake]: I picked out the flowers then. I didn’t expect them to appeal to you so much.
To Janus [snake]: it’s not like that
To Janus [snake]: roses have always been my favourite i guess
To Janus [snake]: they were mom’s favourite.
From Janus [snake]: My condolences.
From Janus [snake]: Would you like red roses or something else?
To Janus [snake]: nonono she’s alive and well
To Janus [snake]: we just don’t talk that much anymore
To Janus [snake]: and red roses
From Janus [snake]: Red roses it is.
From Janus [snake]: May I ask why? If it’s not too intrusive.
To Janus [snake]: i like men, she didn’t like that, etc etc
From Janus [snake]: Ah. I understand.
From Janus [snake]: I was fortunate enough not to face such a reaction from my parents, but that wasn’t the case with many of my friends and extended family.
To Janus [snake]: that sucks
To Janus [snake]: i’m sorry
From Janus [snake]: It’s quite all right.
From Janus [snake]: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take over the conversation.
To Janus [snake]: nonono
To Janus [snake]: it’s okay
To Janus [snake]: we have that in common, right?
From Janus [snake]: I suppose we do.
From Janus [snake]: I’ll see you in twenty minutes?
To Janus [snake]: make it fifteen, the line’s moving fast
rebus
To rebus: so
To rebus: funny story
To rebus: i’m in the hospital
From rebus: what did you do this time
To rebus: i ate a flower
From rebus: . . .
To rebus: look
To rebus: janus was showing me around his shop
To rebus: he gifted me a few oleander flowers
To rebus: and they looked really tasty
To rebus: so i ate one
From rebus: roman you blithering buffoon
From rebus: OLEANDER IS POISONOUS
To rebus: yeah i know that now
From rebus: how are you still alive
From rebus: where are you
To rebus: he made me throw up most of it as soon as he noticed
From rebus: screw this i’m calling janus
From rebus: try not to shave off any more years off my life if you can
To rebus: k
To rebus: gn
Janus [snake]
From Janus [snake]: Roman, are you all right?
From Janus [snake]: How are you feeling?
To Janus [snake]: better
To Janus [snake]: not so dizzy any more
To Janus [snake]: thank you for taking me to the hospital
From Janus [snake]: No thanks needed.
From Janus [snake]: I was really worried about you, you know.
To Janus [snake]: i’m fine now
To Janus [snake]: and you shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my stupidity
From Janus [snake]: I’ll be the one to decide that, thank you.
From Janus [snake]: Please don’t eat strange things.
To Janus [snake]: not “don’t eat flowers?”
From Janus [snake]: Some flowers are edible and actually quite tasty.
From Janus [snake]: I’ll make them for you once you get better.
To Janus [snake]: better not be trying to poison me again
From Janus [snake]: Well, the first attempt didn’t work, so I obviously have to try harder.
To Janus [snake]: flowers as a method of murder
From Janus [snake]: I am a florist, after all. I have to keep with the theme.
To Janus [snake]: too right
To Janus [snake]: but thank you again
From Janus [snake]: Don’t mention it. I’m glad you didn’t suffer any serious damage.
To Janus [snake]: my hero
To Janus [snake]: my knight in shining armour
From Janus [snake]: Don’t exaggerate
From Janus [snake]: You’re embarrassing me
From Janus [snake]: It really wasn’t that big a deal.
To Janus [snake]: you literally saved my life
To Janus [snake]: i’m swooning over you right now, don’t you know?
From Janus [snake]: Punctuation. Things are serious.
To Janus [snake]: janusssss
From Janus [snake]: Haha
From Janus [snake]: Good night. Sleep well so you can recover and get back to tattooing.
To Janus [snake]: shit yeah
To Janus [snake]: my clients are going to miss me
From Janus [snake]: Your sparkling personality? Really?
To Janus [snake]: phbbtttt
To Janus [snake]: good night
From Janus [snake]: Good night, Roman.
rebus
From rebus: guess what
To rebus: no
From rebus: someone’s driving down here
From rebus: or should i say multiple someones
To rebus: wait no way
From rebus: yup
From rebus: all three of them
To rebus: FUCK YEAH
To rebus: we haven’t seen them since new year’s
To rebus: it sucked
From rebus: it won’t suck anymore tomorrow
To rebus: THEY’RE ARRIVING TOMORROW?!
To rebus: hang on how do you know this before me
From rebus: they wanted to surprise you
From rebus: uhhh pretend to be surprised tomorrow
To rebus: no way
To rebus: who’s arriving first
From rebus: virgil
From rebus: according to the nerd’s itinerary he’ll be here with patton by dinnertime
To rebus: sweet
To rebus: we can go out for lunch!
From rebus: nah i have an appointment tomorrow
To rebus: damn
From rebus: it’s fine
From rebus: get dinner from somewhere
To rebus: sure
To rebus: hang on why now
To rebus: remus tell me you didn’t
To rebus: tell me you fucking didn’t
To rebus: i can’t even curse at you because i don’t know a single term that doesn’t insult your parentage and consequently mine
From rebus: i didn’t
To rebus: lying snake
To rebus: dammit i can’t even use that one
From rebus: why not?
To rebus: because janus likes snakes
To rebus: it’s his favourite animal
To rebus: that was one of the first things he told me, actually
From rebus: snakes aren’t animals
From rebus: wait, they’re reptiles, never mind
To rebus: i couldn’t care less
To rebus: i don’t want them to worry about me
To rebus: it’s been a week, i’m fine
From rebus: maybe if you stop doing stupid things they’ll stop worrying about you
To rebus: alternative: you could have just. not told them anything!
To rebus: virgil will have chewed his nails off by now
From rebus: relax, i didn’t tell virgil
From rebus: i told logan
From rebus: he’l probably text you today
To rebus: Fine.
To rebus: Whatever.
From rebus: roman come on
To rebus: What?
To rebus: I’m perfectly fine.
To rebus: Why would you think otherwise?
From rebus: i am diagnosing you with passive-aggressive
From rebus: knock it off or else
To rebus: Or else what?
From rebus: turn around
Janus [snake]
To Janus [snake]: good morning, floral overlord
From Janus [snake]: Good morning, Roman.
To Janus [snake]: so i just wanted to inform you i will not be able to make our lunch today
To Janus [snake]: since a few friends have arrived from out of town
From Janus [snake]: Oh.
From Janus [snake]: Thank you for me letting know.
From Janus [snake]: *letting me know.
To Janus [snake]: no problem
To Janus [snake]: hope you find some way to keep yourself occupied without me
From Janus [snake]: I’ll struggle to amuse myself without you.
To Janus [snake]: that’s the spirit
To Janus [snake]: don’t miss me too much, byeee
From Janus [snake]: Bye, Roman.
From Janus [snake]: Take care.
rebus
To rebus: got pizza
From rebus: cool
To rebus: is everyone home?
To rebus: virgil’s with me
From rebus: yeah
From rebus: logan asks who’s driving
To rebus: virgil
To rebus: i told him, so he insisted
To rebus: he’s taking it surprisingly well?
From rebus: apparently logan already told him
To rebus: damn
To rebus: i couldn’t tell at ALL
To rebus: also didn’t logan guess by me texting that i wasn’t driving?
From rebus: he says he doesn’t have any faith in you
To rebus: rude
To rebus: i stopped by the florist’s today with virgil so he could pick out something
From rebus: nice
From rebus: was janus in
To rebus: yeah, he showed us around
To rebus: i think he wasn’t feeling very well because he kind of rushed through billing and shooed us out
To rebus: hope he isn’t ill
From rebus: he’ll be fine, he isn’t the type to eat poisonous flowers
From rebus: what did virgil get
From rebus: i hope he put a dent in your wallet
To rebus: first, we share wallets, idiot
To rebus: second, he didn’t actually
To rebus: he got a bouquet of rosemary
To rebus: it was purple and weird-looking just like him
To rebus: . . .
To rebus: virgil hit me
From rebus: man risked life and limb to exact revenge
From rebus: i can't believe virgil disregarded safe driving to hit you
To rebus: fuck off
To rebus: we’re almost home
Janus [snake]
To Janus [snake]: gooood morning
To Janus [snake]: it has been a hot minute since we spoke
From Janus [snake]: Good morning, Roman.
From Janus [snake]: Having fun with your . . . friend?
From Janus [snake]: And it’s been two days.
To Janus [snake]: friends, actually
To Janus [snake]: the whole gang is here
To Janus [snake]: yeah but we text everyday
To Janus [snake]: it feels weird not doing that
From Janus [snake]: I don’t mind.
From Janus [snake]: I’m sure you’re busy.
To Janus [snake]: well, virgil remus and i form the trio of worst decisions in general
To Janus [snake]: so it’s already been an eventful couple of days
From Janus [snake]: Sounds chaotic.
From Janus [snake]: Virgil was the one you brought to my shop, yes?
From Janus [snake]: He picked out rosemary flowers, if I recall correctly.
To Janus [snake]: yeah that’s the one
To Janus [snake]: stellar memory as always
From Janus [snake]: Thank you.
From Janus [snake]: I’ll leave you to it. You sound busy.
To Janus [snake]: bye janus
rebus
To rebus: hey janus has been acting kind of weird
To rebus: do you know if he’s okay?
From rebus: idk
From rebus: why are you asking me
From rebus: you two are the ones that text daily
From rebus: married couple-ass behaviour
To rebus: he’s been acting weird for about a week actually
To rebus: ever since the others arrived
To rebus: and he hasn’t been answering my texts
From rebus: oh
To rebus: oh what
From rebus: you should probably go talk to him in person
To rebus: why?
To rebus: do you know what’s going on?
To rebus: remus, is he okay?
From rebus: he’s fine
From rebus: it’s not really a big deal, i think
From rebus: but it will become a big deal if you don’t go now
To rebus: fine
To rebus: way to take the pressure off
From rebus: i’m not
From rebus: don’t fuck this up
To rebus: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID
From rebus: yeah that’s probably the problem
To rebus: REMUS
Janus [snake]
To Janus [snake]: hey janus
To Janus [snake]: are you free today?
To Janus [snake]: . . .
To Janus [snake]: i’ll come over around one
rebus
From rebus: spill
To rebus: what
From rebus: how did it go
From rebus: is he still angry with you?
To rebus: he was never angry in the first place, for your information
To rebus: and he thought virgil was my boyfriend
To rebus: further cemented by him buying rosemary
To rebus: which is apparently kind of a romantic flower??
To rebus: idk i’m not a florist
To rebus: but the point is, my BOYFRIEND and i are good now, thank you very much
From rebus: FUCKING KNEW IT
From rebus: I CALLED IT RIGHT AT THE START
To rebus: there is no way you knew, you asshole
From rebus: yes there is
To rebus: no there isn’t
From rebus: yes there is
To rebus: prove it
From rebus: blistering buffoon
From rebus: i never stayed up at that night
To rebus: wait what???
From rebus: i went to bed at NINE
From rebus: and i slept EARLY
To rebus: . . .
From rebus: my plan worked!
From rebus: bow before me, the greatest of matchmakers
To rebus: remus
From rebus: what, i earned this
From rebus: you can’t say anything
To rebus: thank you.
From rebus: sap
From rebus: you’re welcome
Janus [snake][yellow heart]
To Janus [snake][yellow heart]: good morning, my heart
From Janus [snake][yellow heart]: Good morning, Roman.
To Janus [snake][yellow heart]: same time as usual?
From Janus [snake][yellow heart]: Come early. I’ve been missing your face.
To Janus [snake][yellow heart]: of course, anything for my knight in shining armour
From Janus [snake][yellow heart]: What if your knight wants a kiss?
To Janus [snake][yellow heart]: my knight can have as many kisses as he desires
From Janus [snake][yellow heart]: I’ll be holding you to that.
From Janus [snake][yellow heart]: <3
To Janus [snake][yellow heart]: <3