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Frustration and anger was held within you. You couldn't place your finger on why, you just felt absolutely awful.
It was the little things. It was always the little things. The innocent banter from your friends that unintentionally seemed to jab you where it hurts, your friends going shopping without you. You weren't able to come, but it still stings.
You were allowed to be mad at them for that, right?
Here comes a thought,
That might alarm you
When you thought people were mad at you, it gave your mind the opportunity to twist and stretch those negative thoughts from something so little to a raging storm that swirled angrily inside your head
Something you did, that failed to be charming,
Things that you said are suddenly swarming
Then coming to find they weren't mad at you. Now you had the task of having to act like everything was normal while fighting back the sting of tears that decided to plague you. Multitasking was always your thing anyways
It wasn't your fault, for being sensitive. For being the quiet one who didn't have much to say at times. Just accustomed to finding a corner and sitting there quietly. Observing. Basking in your own thoughts for a while
No wonder you didn't have many friends, or those who were friends with you weren't close enough because you couldn't let them. Weren't social enough to be able to spread your wings so freely, to let people know the real you so soon.
Maybe it was self sabotage, having nothing to offer. It's not like you could blame people, how could they hold a conversation with someone that couldn't even hold a second of eye contact?
There were people who understood, and people who didn't. Those who did tried to understand. One of those people being Chris.
He would gladly hold you in his arms, letting you cry your feelings out. Like right now.
Wrapped up in him, shoulders shaking as you sobbed. Another week that'd been emotionally difficult.
All these little things seem to matter so much,
That they confuse me,
That I might lose me
It never made sense, you'd had a good life. Good parents who spoiled you rotten, you got everything you wanted
Yet you just felt miserable. No positive outlook anywhere.
Chris didn't need to hear your words to know what you were getting at. Your tears told him everything he needed to know. He knew you needed to be comforted. To be seen, to be heard
Even if it was difficult for you, he'd be there every step of the way.
“Shh, shh, shh, c'mon now sweetheart. I'm here” Chris soothed, fingers tangling into your hair so he could massage your scalp.
He held you tight, a reminder he'd never let go. Never let go of you.
Your hands clung tightly to the fabric of his shirt as if it were a lifeline, your constant sniffling broke Chris' heart.
Your eyes were red from tears, looking up at him with those forlorn, wet eyes.
“Chris I-”
He shushed you with a kiss to your temple “I know, I know. You don't have to say anything. Just feel”
The feeling of his lips on your skin helped soothe the ache in your heart. Like a bandage slowly wrapped around the cracks.
He kept you on his lap, using his presence to lull you into a calmer place of mind.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay
You've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here
Chris let you cry until you could cry no more, until your eyes were all dried up. The shaking of your shoulders slowing down to a halt, your heavy breathing following suit.
The silence sat in the air, though it was comfortable. The weight of trust and vulnerability sat heavy. A sign he'd be there no matter what. In rain or shine, he'd be there.
Though it took some time, you built the strength to pull away from his chest, still on his lap. You let him wipe your tears away, calloused thumbs brushing under your eyes.
Rough from years of fighting, covered in blood that was not his. Yet he tended to you with a significant amount of gentleness, as if you were to break easily
You allowed him to help you through his, to be the silver lining. The one to help you get back on track, there with you every step of the way. Big and small.
You opened yourself up to him, flesh and bones.
Take a moment, remind yourself,
To take a moment and find yourself
He held you tight, reassuringly as he got you to eat again. Feeding you, even if it was slowly. Getting you to properly hydrate yourself, especially after all that crying
Pressing loving kisses to the top of your head as you let yourself be consumed by slumber for the first time in a while, exhausted from being so deep in your emotions.
You didn't realise it at first, but this is what you needed. You needed him. He was your anchor, the light at the end of the tunnel. He helped you to no end, not even asking for anything in return. Chris just wanted to see get better. Seeing the light begin to return to your eyes once more.
And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.