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Dean had a hard time accepting his bisexuality. He even isn´t quite sure if he has accepted it yet. But nevertheless, here he was. In a gay club. For a gay dating event.
He definitely doesn´t want to date someone, thank you.
And he´s definitely not gay.
He´s bi.
Or whatever.
All these words make Dean feeling ill, but now in his late 30s he cannot lie to himself anymore.
All the mocking from Sam about his obession with Dr. Sexy. Some of the policeman he was forced to work with doing a hunt. The one or other drunk wank session to gay porn.
And nontheless, the bastard of an angel in a trenchcoat.
No, dean is definitely not straight. That would be a lie. And he cannot lie to himself anymore
But he still can lie to sam, and he will lie to Sam. And he will lie to Cas.
Non of them needs to know about his late bloomer sexuality crisis. Thank you very much.
He will figure it out all by himself, Thats why he is here, thats his mission.
What were the points of the mission? what has he accomplished so far?
To exist in a gay club without burning a life?- Check
To find a hot dude to have his first ever gay sex?.... - Not Yet
Dean never was the shy kind of person, especially not if it´s about the good sides of life. The carnal desires. He likes porn, he likes sexual daydreaming, he likes wanking. And he loves a good fuck.
The Last one night stand was years ago, though, being older and wiser, settled with Sam and Cas in the bunker. But Dean was sure he still has it in him.
He was sure
Because now he definitely is not anymore,
Whatever, he´s here for a mission, and for beer. That´s definitely something he needs right now. Alcohol. So Dean fights his way trough the dancing crowd to the bar, orders a beer, sits down on a stool and looks through the crowd. To find the right man for him.
Dean doesn't know himself who this mysterious man should be like. But He starts to doubt that he will find this man tonight in this club. Most of them here are way to twinky and glittery for Dean. Too Gay. He wants a man who doesn't scream `queer´ with his appearance. Just a normal bloke, like he was. Or Benny. Or Cas.
Just like Cas, not Cas in particular.
What is he even doing here? The beer is a bit too cold, the air a bit too warm. Dean feels his that his pulse is unnaturally high. He´s nervous
good damn, hes a hunter. A soldier He killed demons, and saved the world!
He will be able to chill around a bunch of gay dudes without having a panic attack.
Normally he loves to chat up a woman in a bar, being confident; and he likes the feeling of being perceived as a hot confident man. Even if they don´t hook up in the end, it helps Dean with his feeling of self-worth.
But with gay men it can be the other way around as well, right? he doesn´t have to be the one who starts the talk… right?
So, Dean takes a deep breath. Stay calm. And he dares to look around again.
They´re playing some abba song, and the crowd seems to be very into it. Damn, Dean himself likes it, a bit. The dance floor is packed, it´s pretty loud, but not too loud and there are a lot of colorful lights. But the most interesting thing are the people. There are more men than women, but more women then Dean has expected. He notices a few couples, dancing really tight, and some of them even kissing.
There is one couple, two men, both of them really tall and skinny, one is wearing a white cropped tank top, the other one seems to be topless. They´re snogging, while they hole each others bodys. It´s a mix of kissing, and dancing. Dean feels his blood rising in his head. Is it getting warmer here?
That´s exactly what Dean wants. A man to hold and to kiss, and to explore each other bodys.
Damn, he feels like a inexperienced teenager again.
Dean takes another deep breath, pushing down the sad feeling of missing out all this years, and takes a sip of his beer, when he feels that someone is approaching the bar and sits down right next to him
“Hey” does the stranger to Deans right side says. Dean hoped that some dude will be braver than him and does the first move, and here finally is someone who´s braver than him.
No he only needs to be Dean´s type.
Dean turns to him, half expecting some of the glittery twinks he saw earlier, but no. It´s a man with short brown hair, wide shoulders and a beard. Dean doesn´t know if that man is who he was looking for, but he´s not half bad.
“Hey” Dean responses, trying to conceal how nervous he is.
A quick talk cannot hurt, see if this is the man Dean wanna loose his gay virginity to. Urgh
“I´ve never seen you here before, are you new in town?” the man asks, leaning forward to speak more clear over the loud music. Dean can see his brown eyes just perfect. This man is, in fact, really handsome.
“I´m just traveling trough, nice to meet you” Dean answers.
The Bunker is not far away, but still far enough to be considered not in this town. Dean doesn´t want this man to know this about him.
“Oh I see, are you traveling for work?”
Dean considers his possibilities to answer. This conversation starts to bore him. The man looks hot, but he doesn´t give Dean what he´s looking for.
Or... Dean thinks. Maybe this man doesn´t have to be interesting for a quick experimental round. So Instead of answering, Dean grabs the shoulder of the stranger, leans forward and kisses him.
The sensation comes as a shock, for both of them. Normally Dean would wait longer for a kiss, when picking up a women, wait for clues that she´s interested as well. But he´s impatient, and he´s also pretty sure that this stranger wants Dean as well.
The facial hair is scratching Dean´s face, the shoulders are more broad than any womens, and he tastes and smells different. Manly. Strong. Hot.
The stranger stiffs for a moment, and than starts to reciprocate the kiss eagerly. He touches Dean´s neck with one hand, playing with Dean´s short hair in his nape, his other hand travels to Dean´s knee.
It´s getting hot pretty fast. Dean wasn´t prepared for the boner he got immediately. No women made him so horny, so fast. Or was it the new experience? That Dean still considers this as something he isn´t allowed to? Something sinful, naughty?
No matter how progressive he wanna think, it still feels sinful. Snogging a man in a gay club. While his brother and Cas think that he is a completely straight man.
The thought about Cas is making Dean´s stomach feeling funny. Thinking about the angel while his tongue is in the mouth of another man.
But being here, in a gay club, with a whole ass boner, kissing a man and thinking about another man really points it out. Dean. is. not. straight.
His realization was stopped when the man in front of Dean puts his hand to Dean´s shoulder and pushes him away.
“Ok big boy.” He says, he breathes deep and slow, definitely turned on as well “You´re not a man of many words, right?”
“No I´m not.” Deans answers,with a small chuckle.
But at the same time he asks himself what does he want?
Does Dean want to have sex with this man? Tonight?
His erection does know an answer to this question, but Dean´s gut knows another.
Being secure about his sexuality is one thing. But having sex? Gay sex? Maybe even Butt sex?
Deans stomach makes a turn, a mix of fear and arousal. But to much fear for his liking
He´s not ready for that. Not tonight.
“You ok?” the handsome stranger asks.
“Yes, yes I am, I just need to…” Deans says, without knowing what exactly to say. He doesn´t want to reject this man, but what should he do? In the end, Dean doesn´t really care about the man. This wont be his only chance to loose his gay virginity. So Dean just points awkwardly to the restrooms, stand up from his bar stool, and left the bar as fast as he could.
The world starts spinning, but Dean tries his best to ignore it.
Dean is way more drunk than he thought, he noticed now, standing and walking is not as easy as it should be.
He fights his way to the toilets, through the mass of people.
“Huh?” Dean seams to be really drunk, or still high from the snogging.
Because for a little moment he thought he has seen a beige trench coat. Funny. Normal people don´t wear such things in a club. And obviously Cas would never be in a place like this
Finally, in the restroom, Dean washes his face and hands with cold water at the sink. His mind is full with thoughts. The experience with the hot guy, but not having the balls to commit to gay sex yet. And a few thoughts of his angel mixed in.
Dean doesn´t even know how angel sexuality works. They can have sex, he knows that from Anna. But do they have the sexuality of their vessel? Normally he would say they would be asexual, Cas definitely give him this vibe. But maybe Cas is just a shy guy. Who knows? But Anna was definitely straight. Or was she? Would Anna had sex with a woman as well?
Maybe angels are bi, like him.
But all angels? To be honest, Dean is only interested in the sexuality of one angel, the one and only angel.
To many thoughts, and Dean´s head is spinning. The cold water calms him down, but tonight was definitely too much for him. He needs to go home. Lay down. And stop thinking about Cas´s sex life. If he has one.
Dean splashes the last bit of cold water in his face, stand up from the sink and turns around.
Behind him, now in front of him, Dean looks into ice blue eyes. When one speaks of the devil.
“Hello Dean”
The world never stopped spinning. Even faster now.
With his stupid trenchcoat and his head tilting to one side. Castiel. God damn.
The loud noise of the club and the people entering end leaving the restroom completely forgotten.
“What are you doing here, Dean?” Cas asks.
What is he doing here? Kissing strange buff man in a gay club…?
Maybe Dean starts to hallucinate?
“Ehm-” Dean answers, really intelligent and really sober.
“Dean?”
Dean notices that he has to be looking really stupid right now. He stands there with his open mouth, glossy eyes, clearly drunk and clearly post snug session. Is he still hard? Oh god, Cas cannot see him like that. He decides to say something, to be bold and to take the bull by it´s horns
“What are YOU doing here Cas?”
Wow, that was a great move, Dean thinks to himself. Switch the question around. Hello, dean the genie…
“I´m dancing.” Cas answers and gestures awkwardly with his hands to the dance floor outside of the toilet.
“But I wouldn´t have thought that you…” Cas makes a long break, with intense eye contact. Dean can practically hear his question why Dean is in a god damn gay bar!
“Yea, me too, eh…dancing!” Dean says “But I planned to go now anyway, because of…” he gestured into the crows, hoping to say something with that. He doesn´t even know himself what he wants to say.
“Yes,so-... Bye Cas, see you at the bunker?”
Dean cannot even hear Cas´ answer to that, he´s basically sprinting towards the door. The club is still buzzing with people. Dean can see the guy he just kissed out of the corner of his eyes. He feels sick. It´s too hot and to loud, and he needs to get out of here.
He´s squeezing himself through the dancing, gay men, and Dean jumps out of the big door and into the fresh air.
He´s breathing in deeply, the wind is ice cold and it´s the middle of the night. His mind becomes more clear and he finally starts to feel like himself again. He grabs his car keys from his jacket and goes to his baby, a block away, while he asks himself if he is even capable of driving right now. But on the other hand he definitely needs to drive his impala as fast as possible right now. He needs it to clear his head, and his racing heart beat. That was a fucking crazy night.
Dean can finally see his Baby on the other side of the street, his chest automatically fills with a feeling of home. He will drive to the bunker, and try to sleep and to forget everything that happened. Well, not all of it. He definitely needs to accept now thats he´s maybe, a bit, bisexuel.
But he definitely needs to forget about the weird encounter with his gorgeous angel.
Dean comes to a sudden halt.
`his´angel? Ok, maybe Cas could be considered his angel.
But his angel in a gay club?
“What the fuck?” Dean is saying to himself into the cold air.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS CAS DOING IN A GAY(!!!) CLUB?