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“Is it really fraud if I don’t profit of it?”
Things had gotten a little out of hand for dear old Ravio. But you see, it wasn’t his fault! And Link really had no business in getting involved here, it had nothing to do with him.
“Ravio. You tricked people into doing your taxes by pretending you couldn’t read. It took poor Anton days! When you could of just done it yourself"
“Yes, but it’s not like they did it right . He made so many math errors I need to do the whole thing again! It was such a waste of a good scam..”
“ Ravio. You scammed your innocent, friendly neighbors into giving you free labor why?” There was a bit of a scary edge to Link’s voice, like he was really mad or something. But Ravio knew better! Link was actually a huge softy, and had a massive soft spot for him. The angry voice was just him pretending!
“Because I didn’t want to do my taxes! Obviously.” Link didn’t seem to like that answer (or so he was pretending), since his scowl deepened and he started to pinch the bridge of his nose. But good ol’ Ravio would win him over, any minute now!
“C’mom, mr hero! Don’t you hate to do your taxes too! Wouldn’t you love to have someone else do them, if you had the chance! Actually, for a small fee, I could rope you in to this little scheme-”
“Enougth with the scheming! You’ve been busted. No more fraud, got it?”
“I told you, it’s not fraud! Besides, if you don’t let me keep doing it, I’m just gonna start not paying my taxes again!”
“Again! Ravio, since when were you not paying your taxes!” Link seemed to have reached a whole other level of acting at this point. His face was all red, and he’d started yelling passionately. It was honestly quite impressive, Ravio thought. But,he paid it no mind.
“Why would I pay taxes? I’ve been dodging them since forever . They really punch a hole in your profits, I’m not sure why anyone would pay them really.”
“Sure.” Link had transitioned to tired now, rubbing his eyes and looking pained. It was a good sign Ravio was winning him over! He must have gotten tired from all that acting. “Why did you start paying them, then?”
“Well, I would've just kept not doing them, like I usually do, but Zelda said if I do that one more time I’d actually get thrown in jail this time, and you know I wouldn’t do well in jail, Mr hero. I’m just not built for it.” He sighed, long and loudly, to show off his inner turmoil. “Taxes are such a pain, mr hero. I took one look at all those forms you had to do, and I decided i just could not do it. So I decided to set my little scheme to get them done! Of course, it didn’t actually work . But there’s always time to try again! Maybe I could get Linda this time, she’s smart…”
“For Hylia’s sake, Ravio, I’m not letting you do it again! It’s bad enough I left you unchecked for this long… ”
“Aw, mr hero, you know I’m not that clingy! I can deal with being left alone for a bit!” In tenacious times like these, a bit of teasing was sure to soften Link up. He was surely close to dropping to act! After all, who could stay mad at someone so loveable like him!
“Ravio.”
Uh oh. Seems like Ravio may have committed a misstep in his master plan to win Link over so he could keep doing fraud. You see, Link could respond to teasing in one of two ways: One, he fell head over heels for good ol’ Ravio all over again, and goes all soft and mushy. That was the intended result. But the other option… was that he got very very done with good ol’ Ravio.
He may be dealing with the second one here. But Ravio could salvage it! Afterall, he was nothing but a creative businessman!
“Ehe, well, mr hero, I just meant that I can fix my mistakes, on my own, and I don’t need you babysitting me! Rest assured, I’ll provide Anton with full compensation for his work, and I’ll of course do the same with the next victi- I mean, employee!” Of course, Ravio had no intention of honouring his promise, he had his fingers crossed! Of course, Link didn’t know that though! He couldn’t see his hands, they were under his robe!
“And I’m meant to believe that, Ravio? When you’ve broken every single promise you’ve ever made to me? Including, but not limited to, not paying rent, not leaving my home, never paying me back for all the food you’ve bought with my money , and never paying me back for all the emotional damage you’ve caused me.”
“Hehe, what a funny joke Link…”
“And last but not least, you have, not once, repented for any of your schemes without being forced! Which is why, my dear bunny, you are going to do my taxes, along with your own, until I judge you as repented for your crimes. And of course, I don’t trust you to do that on your word, so I’m going to sit there and watch you every time, got it?”
Ah. This had gotten a little out of hand, hadn’t it? It was just a little fraud. “Link, your always so serious~”
“ Every single time.”
“I-” You see, Ravio was a master businessman and an even better swindler, but… even he knew that sometimes he had to cut his losses. For you see, Link was a very important asset to Ravio’s business. It just wouldn’t do to piss him off, especially since he was usually so mellow and understanding - usually he practically enabled his schemes! So, as much as it pained him, it was a strategic business decision to comply with Link’s terms.
But of course, he couldn’t just take him sitting down! A good businessman always knew how to cut a good deal out of anything!
“But, mr hero!..”