I’m the bad guy

by Obssesivecompulsive

Summary:

When a life altering event happens Violet chooses to move back home and much to her disappointment, it’s really not as relaxing as she hoped it would be.
Sex✔️
Feelings✔️
Friendships✔️
Drama✔️

Notes:

Never done a modern AU before.
It was fun!
I needed a palate cleanser between writing my other fics.
I got a serious case of writers block and kept deleting stuff, so I started writing and this came out!
It’s probably not going to be a long thing.
Maybe like ten chapters, but it helps me get my thoughts out of despair as I write for Fated or Mated.
I keep thinking it’s all trash, so here you go.

Hopefully it’s not trash 😂

Chapter 1: Fucked, in more ways than one.

My back slams into something and pain shoots through my spine for a second but it’s replaced quickly with a very different sensation as he shoves his tongue deep into my mouth.

I make a small noise as he crushes me in between his huge fucking body and whatever the hell I threw myself on.

I don’t even know where we are.
Does that sound bad as a 23-year-old woman who is making out with a complete and total stranger?

Mmm, yes.
But this is just enough crazy to make me feel alive.
To make my skin tingle and my heart race.
To make me feel wanted.

His huge hands travel down my legs and I feel them grip my thighs tightly as he lifts me into the air.
I circle my legs around his waist and hold on with all of the pent-up lust I have from wasting years of my life.

I don’t know who the fuck this guy is, but he couldn’t pry me off of his amazing body if he tried.
Even with all these muscles.

I hear him fumbling with something behind my back as I literally climb him and devour his lips.

The hallway?
I’m pretty sure this is a hallway.
Is quiet except for the sound of our extremely loud and sloppy kissing.

Finally, he is done messing with whatever was behind me and I realize I was up against a door.
He strides inside of what is hopefully his apartment and I hear the door slam behind him.

“Fuck.”
He says when we finally tear our faces away from each other while we breathe heavily.

I look into the eyes that captivated me so much that I started making out with him in the middle of a street, and they smolder with heat as he stares back.
He really is terribly beautiful.
Even the short interaction we had at the bar seemed like we could carry on a conversation.
But I went there with one thing in mind, and it was finding someone to help me forget everything.

As he sits me on the table in his dining room and starts to kiss me again, I know that I have found exactly the perfect person to do just that.
I throw the small clutch purse that was dangling from my wrist somewhere on the floor so I can put both my hands on him without knocking him the fuck out on accident, and then wildly kick my feet in the air behind him. I feel my shoes fly off at the movement, which is exactly what I wanted, and I break away from his mouth.

“Where do you want me?”
He says as he kisses his way down my neck and buries his head in my cleavage.

“Inside of me.”
I gasp out as I feel him bite gently on my breast.
I look down and I see him smirking up at me.

“Well, that’s obvious.”

I start unbuttoning the leather vest I have on.
“If it’s so obvious, then why the hell am I still sitting here?”
I throw my vest somewhere in some room in what I’m still hoping is his place, but I’m kind of past caring at this point.

His eyes travel down my more naked body and his face looks like I’m the first food he’s seen in weeks, and he can’t wait to devour me.
I honestly can’t wait either.

He doesn’t say anything back to me so I put my hands under my short leather skirt to take my underwear off, but his huge hands stop me.

“Let me.”
His voice sounds low and rough, and I’m pretty sure if I recorded it, I could cum just listening to it over and over again.

Fucking Christ, he has to hurry up.
It’s been the longest-
I flick my eyes to the clock on the wall behind his head as I feel his fingers slide under my skirt.

Dear god, I only met him an hour ago.
This might be insane.

All thoughts fly from my head as I feel him literally rip my underwear off.
Slightly rude?
Yea.
Fucking hott?
Yea.

I make a noise that kind of sounds like a whimper, but in my mind is extremely sensual and sexy as I see his head disappear inside of my skirt.

“Oh fuck yes.”
I moan out as his tongue expertly flicks against my clit.

I lay down flat on his table and almost wrench my skirt up to my fucking chest so I can get my hands on his head as he devours me.

I moan and writhe when he sticks one finger inside me and I’m already so fucking close it’s laughable.
Has my sex life been so terrible that this is all it takes? Or is this man really that good?

As he adds another finger and then curls them, I feel them touch somewhere deep inside me and I have an out of body experience as I cum all over his face, I have to admit I think it’s him.

When he lifts his head, he slowly sticks the fingers that were just inside me in his mouth and sucks on it.

“Maybe you’ll be a little more patient now?”
He says in a smooth even voice and I think I make a noise that sounds like
“Ggrugggg.”
Which isn’t my finest moment.

“Maybe you’ll finally let me tell you my name.”
At that, I look up at him from my comfortable spread-eagled position on this nice wooden table.

“I don’t need your name, and you don’t need mine.”
I say breathlessly
He stands up and from this angle, his height is truly gigantic.
I shimmy down to the edge of the table as gracefully as I can and hop off to stand in front of him.
As I crane my neck to look up at him again I realize this angle is no better.

“All I need is for you to do all the dirty things you said you would do to me.”
I purr as I run my hands up his sadly still clothed chest.

I start to pull up the hem of his shirt and he takes it from me, whipping it over his head and I try my best not to drool at his sculpted abs, and tattoo that swirls over his arm.

Shit.
This has to prove my luck is turning around, right?

I quickly unzip my skirt which I am still wearing as a belt, and it falls to the floor.
I look up and he is dropping his pants at the same time.

One look at his huge cock, and I’m ready.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been this turned on in my fucking life.
I don’t know if it’s because I have never done this before, or because I think this man is extremely out of my league, but I’m just going to ride this feeling for as long as I can.

I can vaguely feel my heart beating out of my chest but I ignore it as I grab his shoulders and jump back onto him again.
His arms immediately catch me under my ass and he squeezes.
“Was it all talk?”
I say into his ear before I bite it gently.

I hear him groan and the noise makes my pussy clench.

“Oh fuck no.”
He growls as he starts walking through the apartment.
I have firmly attached my lips to his again as he navigates through the dark and I don’t even realize we are in a room until he pulls away from me and throws me on a bed.

Having him inside me might be the best experience I’ve had in my 23 short years.
I let that thought form as he thrust in and out of me, horny Violet is not a strong independent woman who doesn’t let a man and his talented cock define her happiness.
Horny Violet has no real thoughts as she screams and claws his back and begs for more more more.

And damn, does he fucking give me more.

After four amazing orgasms, I hear him shout as his release finally finds him and he rolls off of me.
Poor men.
One time?
It’s sad really.
I try not to snort at my own thoughts, because up until just now
I was getting none.
Not even the one.
Turns out it's not the emotional attachment I thought I needed, since I have none with this beautiful man breathing heavily next to me.

It was just him that didn’t do it for me, which should have been a sign months ago.

“That was..”
Mr. Greatdick says as he lies next to me. Maybe I should have gotten his name.

“Amazing?”
I offer as I turn over on my side and prop my head up on my elbow.

He flashes me a smile and the sight literally makes my core clench again, the thirsty bitch.

“Yeah, amazing works.”
He murmurs as he trails a finger down my arm.
I planned to find someone, bang it out, and leave immediately, but the way he is looking at me makes me think he isn’t quite done with me yet, and I’m totally okay with that.

“So…should I go?”
I awkwardly say and then try not to cringe.
Fuck, I was supposed to say something sexy.

He chuckles.
“You can if you want, or you can stay and not get any fucking sleep tonight.”

My heart starts beating harder again and I tilt my head pretending to think about it.

“Fuck it.”
I say with a shrug and I roll towards him and straddle his waist.

His hands immediately grab my waist and I can feel his fingers grip my ass.

“I’ll leave after you make me cum a couple more times”
I say with a sultry smile

His only response is another heart-stopping smile and then he picks me up like I weigh absolutely nothing and sits me on his face.

I hesitate for all of a second until his skilled tongue finds my clit again and then I go for the best ride I’ve had in a long fucking time.

 

——

 

I feel my bed shift and I start to roll onto my back.

“Fuck off..”
I mumble as I keep my eyes firmly shut.
I’m too tired to even think about waking up.
As my legs shift I feel the soft soreness in between my thighs and my eyes fly open.
Fuck.
I look around at a room that isn’t mine, it’s way too clean and filled with dark blues and black.
I see his huge back turned toward the door as he looks over his shoulder.

“Didn’t mean to wake you.”
His husky and sleep-laced voice says as his eyes trail over my very still naked body.

“Uh.”
Is all I say as I realize I fell asleep here, in some random guy's house.
Which was very specifically, not a part of the plan.
I don’t even remember falling asleep, he could have murdered me and I wouldn’t have noticed.
But I guess that thought is a little late seeing as I fucked him like four times last night.

I realize he is fully turned now looking at me with his eyebrow raised in question at my lack of words.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
I say quickly and grab the sheet to slightly cover my body.
He just smirks as he confidently gets up and graces me a view of his toned ass

 

“It’s fine, I’m going to shower really quick. You can make yourself at home, or run out of here.”
He turns to smile at me.
“But just so you know, I would not be opposed to doing that again. So a name and phone number would be great before you run away.”

I finally gather myself enough to give him a smirk of my own and shrug.
“Maybe.”

He turns to go into what I’m assuming is a bathroom and as the door clicks I fly off his bed.
I search around his room for my clothes and then remember I threw them off somewhere else.

I grab his shirt from the night before and throw it on so I don’t have to walk around naked, What if he has roommates?
I feel like I would have noticed them last night as I sat almost naked on the dinner table.

I walk through his spacious apartment and look around a bit.
Definitely has at least one roommate.
There is a slightly open door and I see another bed and a more cluttered space, so a normal person also lives here.

I walk through the hall and finally see the huge table my bare ass was on last night.

I search the ground and make a little ‘Aha’ noise when I find my small purse.

I throw it on the ass table, and hope that he cleans before whoever else lives here comes home.
Maybe I should?
I pause the search for my phone in the tiny clutch and then shake my head.

No Violet, you already broke the rule of not sleeping here, you can’t clean this man’s apartment either.
That would be weird.

I swipe up on my phone and for a minute the face recognition doesn’t work and I silently worry that even this stupid fucking phone knows what a dirty bitch I was last night.
It’s so unlike me to leave with a stranger and potentially get murdered because I just needed a quick fuck.
But after the events of the last week and full-on running away from the entire state of California, I needed to be someone else for a night.

I type out a text to my best friend to let her know I survived because she texted me twenty times.

 

I am alive, and fully dicked down

I smile as the dots appear immediately, I feel like she set her volume on full blast to hear if I texted back.
Ahhh, she loves me.

Rhi Rhi:Omg you stupid shit, I was about to call the police! You said you’d be home in an hour!

🙄 I might have gotten carried away. By his huge strong arms and amazing stamina

I smirk and clutch my phone like she’s here with me as I start to walk through his place a little more.

It's nice and orderly but it feels homey and lived in at the same time.
A nice assortment of colors unlike my mystery man’s bedroom is spread across the space, mostly darker greens and blues.

I feel my phone vibrate and look down.

Rhi Rhi: Okay, obviously it was good. Who was it? Are you still there?

I don’t know his name, so I’ve been referring to him as Mr.Greatdick 😏😏 and yes I’m still here

I walk towards his fireplace with a lot of pictures across the ledge, hopefully none of him and any girl. I asked like five times last night before we even left the bar if he was single, and if I find out he lied, I might have to trash this nice place.

I feel my phone vibrate again right before I get to the pictures and look down.

Rhi Rhi: Get the hell out of there, bring me coffee, and tell me all about Greatdick.

I snort and then almost drop my phone when I look back up at the photos.

No no no.
That’s not possible.
Of all the men in this stupid fucking city, I pick him?
He can’t know him.
I close my eyes and panic for a second before I start to look for my shoes.

I scramble around on the floor and finally find them both lying on their side on the other side of the couch.

I fly up and start to search for my clothes.

How the hell do they know each other?
In the picture, they are standing with their arms over each other's shoulders.
Mr.Greatdick with a small smirk and the other with his huge sparkling smile.
I don’t even want to think about his fucking name.
I haven’t seen him since the last day of college two years ago when I was a total asshole to him.
We were friends all of junior and senior year and I haven’t spoken to him since.
I moved my entire life to California.
Got back together with Halden, got engaged, then left at the altar and now here I am running around his apartment with no fucking underwear because his roommate ripped them off of me last fucking night.
I feel my heart beating wildly in my chest as I try to find my skirt, and then dread pools in my stomach as i hear the lock click behind me and I slowly turn to see the door swing open.

“Xade, I’m home early and I-“

His voice dies as he looks in front of him and sees me only wearing a huge shirt, phone in hand, heels dangling off my finger.

“Vi…”
He says as he drops his luggage onto the floor.

“Fuck.”
I say way too loudly.
I can’t move. My feet planted to the floor as I slowly feel so much guilt as I look at his face.

“What are you doing here?”
He pretty much whispers as we stare at each other.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t think you were coming home until later.”
I hear Greatdick say in his low voice behind me and finally it’s as if the world starts turning again and I’m able to move.
I quickly snatch my purse from the table, forget about my stupid fucking skirt, and start walking towards the door.
Okay running.
I’m full-out running towards the door.

He steps towards me as if to stop me from fleeing and I dart around his hands and slam the door behind me.

I shuffle all of the shit in my hands to the crook of my elbow as I breathe heavily and go to my recent contacts in my phone.

It rings only twice as I walk barefoot down the plush carpeted hallways to who the fuck knows where because I have no idea where I am.

“Tell me everything.”
Rhi says as a greeting.

“Please come and get me, I’m in an apartment complex walking around with no clothes on except for a huge shirt, I don’t know where I am, and I’m freaking the fuck out.”

There is only a one-second pause before she jumps into action like the amazing woman she is.

“Send me your location now, I’m already running to my car.”
I hear movement on the other side of the line because I think she is actually running.

I hear her car door open as I put her on speaker and go to our text thread with trembling fingers to send her my location.

I hear the notification on her end as it goes through.
“Got it, I’ll be there in 8 minutes.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief and slump against the wall.
I’m around the corner from the room I escaped and I peek back to make sure no one followed me out.
The coast is clear so I put the phone back up to my ear.

“Tell me when you're here and I’ll run to the car.”
I say as I awkwardly throw my heels on so I’m no longer barefoot.
I’m pretty sure walking on the ice covered streets of Minnesota barefoot would be a terrible fucking idea.

 

“What happened?”
She pretty much growls as I hear her flip her blinker on.

“His roommate came home and I freaked the fuck out Rhi, I can’t believe he is friends with him. I fucked up I can’t do one night stands. Or sex.”
A small sob escapes my throat.
“I'm never having sex again. I'm going to try and believe in Religion again and become a nun.”

I hear her snort.
“Who the hell is his roommate?”

 

I sink lower towards the floor and clamp my knees together so I don’t flash the empty hallway.

I take in a deep breath and try to forget about how I absolutely fucked up those years ago.
I had sex with him after he told me how he felt about me, and I had no intentions of staying with him.
I was fucked up because of my fathers death but it’s no excuse
I used one of my closest friends when I knew it meant something more to him and then left him standing in his doorway as I told him it was just a one-time thing.
I saw his kind eyes fill with sadness and his mouth turn down in a frown that I put on his fucking face.

 

“Liam.”

Chapter 2: Thanks Dr. Gilman

Summary:

Poor Liam.
But also, poor Vi, she is having a bit of a hard time.
I like writing her as an absolute mess, it’s resonates with me in more way then I’d like to admit.. lol

Liam:

“Violet!”

I yell to late as I watch the door slam behind a fucking ghost from my past and then slowly turn to Xaden as he stands dumbfounded in the hallway.

“Seriously?”
My voice comes out strangled and I cough to clear it.

His eyes are wide and he is clearly still processing whatever the fuck just happened.
His look of surprise is so different then the usual stoic mask he wears that I want to make fun of him and laugh except that my heart is beating so erratically and it feels like someone kicked me in the fucking sternum.

“Did you say Violet? Like college Violet? The one that fucked you up?”
He says as I see him start to compose his face and cross his arms.

I throw my keys onto the table aggressively and run my hands through my hair.
I start to pull the blonde strands in frustration.
“Yes.”
I growl as I turn towards him again as he stands in the hallway still, his body lined with tension.

“Why the fuck was she here?”

He looks away briefly before meeting my eyes again.
“I met her last night at the quad.”
I nod absently as I feel my emotions churning in my stomach.
He always brings girls home from the bar, especially when I’m out of town.
I can’t be mad at him, can’t be jealous.
It’s not his fault.

“I didn’t know her name.”
He finally moves and walks toward me. He grips my shoulders and squeezes.
“I swear I didn’t know it was her or I would have never even looked at her.”

I close my eyes for one second and then let out a breath.
“I know, I’m not mad at you. I just…”
I pause and step back from him.

 

I don’t know why I asked such a stupid and obvious question.
She was practically naked, only wearing his shirt in our dining room at 9 in the fucking morning, but it makes no sense.
I saw it all over my friends -her friends- Instagram.
Her wedding was a fucking week ago, which is why I camped out in the god damn cold for five fucking days, with no cell service, and no way to virtually stalk her fucking life through our mutual friends group.

“Wait didn’t you say..”
He starts as he remembers why I left in the first place and I see anger line his face.

“Something must have happened, she wouldn’t have been here with you if she had just gotten married.”

I turn away from him and start to move toward the door.

I hear him snort sarcastically.

“Yeah, because the woman you told me about is such a great person.”

I’m already throwing the door open before I can reply.

“She’s not that type of person Xaden.”
I say over my shoulder.
Even though I have no idea who the fuck she is now, no clue how she’s changed in the past two years of radio silence from her.
Did she fuck me up?
Yes.
But was it all on her?
No.

I rush out into the hallway and push our history from my mind.
I need to make sure she’s okay.
It’s fucking freezing outside and no matter what the hell I feel in this moment I can’t let her stand outside in the cold, alone.

“Where the fuck are you going?”
I hear Xaden huff behind me.

“Have to check on her.”

 

“No, you really don’t.”
He says with frustration behind me but I can hear his footsteps echo mine and I know no matter how much he probably dislikes her because of the shit that went down between us, he also wouldn’t want her to fucking freeze outside in his shirt.

I don’t look back at him as we make our way through the halls and then down the stairs.
I don’t see any sign of her but I'm pretty sure the Violet I knew wouldn’t be stupid enough to walk the streets in this weather and in her current state of undress.

Right when I get to the glass doors that lead outside I see her standing there shivering with the phone to her head.

I burst through the door
“Violet!”
I shout and she flinches and whirls towards us.

“Please just come back inside.”
I say loudly as I walk towards her.

Her face looks completely drained of color and so lost.
The same look she had the last time I saw her before she ran out of my dorm room.

I’m practically transported back to that day I try so hard to forget. The day we both fucked up and I lost one of my best friends.

My heart races as I come down from my life-changing orgasm.
I roll over next to her as she lies there breathing raggedly, sweat shimmering on her forehead, hair mussed and lying wildly across my pillow.
In this moment I think she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

I turn over on my side to prop myself up on my elbow and look at her.

‘Vi.. that was.-‘
I start lightly caressing her cheek.

She slightly jerks away from me and then looks at me in a panic.
I see her eyes widen in what can only be fear as she rolls off my bed away from me.

‘A one-time thing Liam.’
Her voice is thick with emotion and I can see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

I sit up fully to look at her as she rushes around my room grabbing her clothes.

‘One time thing? Vi just wait. Talk to me.’

She shakes her head, her curling hair flying wildly around her.

‘No, I…I’m fine.’
She finally stops moving when I get up and touch her shoulders gently.

‘Don’t lie to me, you know you can talk to me.’

Tears finally escape her lower lids and trail down her cheek.

She opens her mouth but no sound comes out but a small squeak.

I put both my hands on her cheeks and cradle her jaw.
I see her eyes soften like she’s about to finally tell me what the fuck I did wrong, what we did wrong.

‘You’re my best friend. Just talk to me, I’m not going anywhere’

Something about my words look like they slap her and she jerks away from my hands.

She bends over to grab her shoes and then looks at me for what I didn’t know would be the last time.

‘I’m sorry Liam. I don’t..’

She swallows back a sob.

‘I don’t feel the same way you do.’

And then she turns and walks out of my life.
The immediate heartbreak I feel staggers me and I don’t even follow her.

A loud horn breaks me out of my memory as a dark green Jeep Wrangler pulls up to the curb almost popping up on it.

“Vi.”
My voice sounds broken.
So broken.
Still that stupid broken college kid that I thought I left behind.

She whirls back to the car without saying anything and I feel Xadens hand curl over my shoulder.

“Come on brother.”
He murmurs in my ear.

But Violet can’t get the door open and the window rolls down revealing Rhiannon at the wheel.
She shoots me an apologetic face before she yells at her best friend.

“Stop fucking trying to open it when I’m pressing the button!”
She yells but Violet seems to be robotically pulling in the handle in her panic

“Sweet fuck.”
Xaden whispers and then moves around me towards the car.

“Violet seriously!”
Rhi yells.

“Just fucking let me-“
Xaden starts but then it’s like a flip is switched in her and my eyes widen as she literally jumps in the air on her stilettos and the front of her goes through the jeep's window.

We all pause for a moment as we watch her legs kick in the air and Xaden puts a hand up to cover the skin she let show to our entire fucking street in her haste to run away from me.

Fuck.

“I don’t..”
Rhi starts as she looks at me.

“That was weird, sorry.”
She calls out again and peels off from the curb.
I see Violet's pale legs disappear inside the Jeep as they round a corner and I stand there staring for way too long.

“Did she really just..”

Xaden muses almost to himself as he watches where the car went.

I blow out a sigh.

“Yeah.”

I start walking down the street silently without saying anything else.
I hear his boots crunch on the icy sidewalk as he joins me.

“Where are we going?”
He says shrugging on a jacket.

I flick my eyes to the other jacket he still has in his arms and look back at him.

He just shrugs.
“Didn’t want the devil incarnate to freeze to death. I'm not that much of a prick.”

I huff out a laugh.

“Bar.”

“At 10 in the morning?”
He says but keeps following me.

“Yes.”
We walk in silence for the next couple of minutes it takes us to reach the Quad.

As I swing the door open I finally look back at Xaden.

“And don’t call her the devil incarnate.”

I see him roll his eyes, as we settle at the bar in our usual spots because who the fuck else is here at 10 am on a Tuesday?

Just the guy who needs to get his fucking life together and forget about Violet Sorrengail.
Except I can’t.
I never could.
It’s not about still being in love with her, it’s about losing one of the few people I had fully trusted in my life.
We might have only been friends for two years, but it felt like a lifetime with her.

Me and Xadens bond was forged through trauma and pain, but me and Violets.. it was all sunshine and smiles.

“If the name fits.”
He finally replies to me as he flags down Felix with a flick of his hand.

We come here enough for them to know our drink of choice.
We might have bigger issues than women.

“It doesn’t fit. You don’t know what you're talking about, all you know is what an angry immature Liam told you when he got home from College.”

Our drinks slide in front of us and I wrap my hand around the small glass and shoot the smooth pecan whisky down in one gulp.
I relish the burn I feel as it slides down my throat to settle in my stomach.

“Then enlighten me Li, because you were fucking depressed, you haven’t dated someone since, and I’m pretty sure you cried no matter how much you tried to hide it.”

The fucker says loudly and Outside Dan turns around from his free cup of coffee to look at us.
The smile he gives me is large and knowing, as if he too heard me crying in my bathroom at three in the morning as I listened to way too much Hozier and drank alone.

I give him a strained smile and nod before I turn a glare onto Xaden.
Thank God Outside Dan probably doesn’t even remember he lives in the alley by my apartment, or that I see him every day.

But this one memory of his will show itself in the worst way possible, I just know it.

I can’t think of anything to say to Xadens cocky stupid smirk.
I don’t want to rehash this shit.
Don’t want to think of it.

I pull out my phone and scroll through my messages to find her number.

Please just tell me that you guys made it home okay.

I shoot off the text before I can overthink it and look up to see Xadens' smirk widen into a grin and I frown throwing back my fresh drink Felix just plunked down in front of me.

“Fuck off.”

 

———————-

 

Violet:

 

“Vi.. I just don’t know what to say. What’s gotten into you? What makes you think you can just start jumping into fucking cars half naked?”

Rhi’s voice rings through the car like she is channeling my fucking sister and I scowl deeply at the empty road in front of us.

“I panicked. Okay? I lost all basic motor functions, and panicked.”
My voice comes out wobbly and I fucking hate it, so I bite my lip hard enough to leave a mark and then let it go.

“Well that was obvious I’m afraid, and Greatdick? You fucked Liam’s brother”

I groan and rest my head on the dash.

I can feel my phone vibrating incessantly on my lap and when I flip it over and see the name, I quickly flip it again.

I’ve been avoiding everyone but Rhi for a week, and I don’t think I can emotionally handle my verbal lashing quite yet.

I whip my head up narrowing my eyes at her.

“How the hell did you know that was Liam’s brother?”

I heard about Liam’s foster brother, through Liam obviosuly. But I had never met him, never seen him. I can’t even remember his name Liam mentioned a couple of times around me.
My mother made me go home for all my breaks no matter how much I didn’t want to, and at the time his brother lived in Wisconsin.
Looks like they both moved back home.

She snorts as we take a left turn and she slides into a drive-through for coffee.

“Because as I’ve previously stated, until you tell me what exactly happened between you two, I wasn’t picking sides. I talk to him every now and then especially once he moved back here, and it’s all over his Instagram.”

I make a face.
“You know I don’t-“

She just starts mimicking me dramatically.

“I don’t do social media, I prefer to live in the now, I have no fun and my name is Violet Sorrengail.”

 

I huff out a sigh.

“Fuck you.”

’ Excuse me, can I take your order?’

The voice of the poor soul inside the coffee shop sounds hesitant and worried.

Mother fuck.
You’re on a roll today Violet.

“I’m so sorry!”
I call at the large screen next to Rhi and lean over her.

“That was meant for my very worst friend, who will have a large black coffee, dark roast, like her soul, because she feels no happiness and likes to hurt small animals.”

Rhi cackles underneath me and the woman is silent.
A new male voice crackles to life asking angrily what we want and she mutters an apology and our real orders.

“Leave them a tip.”
I mutter right when we pull up to the window.

“Give me the money.”
She holds her right hand out.
I smack it and smile at her.

“No job, recently abandoned, and making terrible life choices. What makes you think I have money?”

She laughs as she looks down
“Don’t forget pantsless.”

As we make friends with the poor woman behind the window and assure her we are not insane, I feel my heart beat finally slow to a normal pace.

This is why I dragged my ass all the way back to this cold shit town, because Rhiannon can make me feel good no matter what’s happening in my absolutely terrible life.

From the outside looking in, some would say it’s not objectively terrible.
I have a degree that will help me get a job in the field I was interested in, I have good friends, great siblings, clothing, food, and a roof over my head.
But in all reality.
I think I’m cursed.

I quit the beautiful huge library I worked in for the last year suddenly last week, over the phone so I could drive all the way to fucking Minnesota and hide.
I left one of my very best friends in California without so much as a fucking word and haven’t answered his calls because I don’t know what to tell him about me not coming back home.
None of my family showed up to my wedding which ended up being a blessing because neither did the groom.
I’m sleeping on a fold-out couch in my friend's apartment like I’m in college again, and now I technically live 8 minutes from my ex-best friend whom I have completely ignored and not talked about out of shame.

The worst part is he is obviously still the same amazing man he was back then.
He never told our mutual friends about what happened to us, even though he could have made them hate me, he sent me texts for the first six months trying to check up on me until Halden made me change my number, he ran out into the cold for me even though I’m quite sure he probably wants nothing to do with me.

I sigh into the seat as we drive home.

A text notification comes up on Rhi’s dashboard screen and my breath catches at the name.

Liam.

I press ‘read’ before she can hit the ignore button and the robotic woman’s voice clangs through the car.

 

Please just tell me that you guys made it home okay.

I somehow hear it in his soft caring voice and I feel a tear fall from my left eye.

“You finally going to come clean Sorrengail?”
Rhi says as she parks her jeep.

I take a deep breath before I swing the car door open.

Yeah.
I am.
And according to my therapist who I hope takes clients over the phone I should have done this fucking months ago.

Well, here you go, Dr.Gilman.
I’m doing it.

—————

We sit on the couch/my bed cross-legged and staring at each other.

My phone vibrates again and I sigh as I toss it onto the coffee table/my nightstand.

Tairn my beautiful black lab huffs a breath into my ribs where he is curled between me and Rhi.

“Say something.”
I hiss out blinking.
Please don’t hate me.
I know I’m fucked up, terrible, shit.
But please.
Everyone always leaves me.

“So you just ran from him…after?”
Her voice squeaks on the last word.

“Yes, I ran, and never looked back. Completely ignored him. Haven’t talked to him until today.”
I tilt my head.
“Well, technically I didn’t even talk to him today. But you get what I mean.”

I ball the loose fabric at my bent knees into my fist as I tug on it anxiously.
I’m weirdly still wearing Greatdicks shirt- fuck I need to learn his name and be a better person - but it’s soft and comfortable.
I at least added shorts underneath it.

She sits in silence and I finally can’t take it anymore.

“Please don’t hate me.”
I whisper as I blink rapidly and I feel the well of liquid that might fall yet again today.

She glares at me and then grabs my hand untangling it from my shirt.

“I could never hate you, Vi.”
She starts,
“But..”
And I almost crack at her words.

“You have to deal with this shit. It’s not fair to him or you, if you keep this up. You need closure, and I’m sure he does too.”

I make a face at her.
That’s too much, I have only done 8 sessions with Dr.Gilman, I’m sure confronting past mistakes in person won’t come about until at least the 10th.

“I can’t..”
I start and now her face looks angry with me.

“You can, and you will Violet. I’m going to be blunt, and I only do this out of love and because you can take it.”

I gulp loudly and my eyes widen.
“I don’t think I can.”
I whisper but she ignores me and plows on.

“You moved all the way to California to be with a fucking prick Vi. You shut yourself off from all of us after your dad died, you had some falling out with your mother, and Dain all in one fucking day, and now I learn that this Liam shit happened around the same time? Right before you disappeared?”

My heart starts to beat irregularly again when she pauses.
“Same day.”

I whisper and her eyes widen in shock, her perfectly sculpted brows shooting into her hairline.

“Excuse me? Did you say it all happened on the same day?”

I nod mutely not wanting to talk anymore.

Her eyes flutter closed as she takes in a deep breath.

“You asshole.”
She whispers and I lean in to her.
Tairn grumbles in his sleep as I shift him slightly

“What?”

Her eyes fly open.
“I called you an asshole! Did you tell anyone? Me? Liam? No! You pushed us away, you let Halden manipulate you and make you distance yourself from us!”

She is now shouting in the small apartment and I see her cat Fierge fly down from the counter to leave the room.

I hold back the urge to yell ‘Take me with you’ to her fluffy ass she walks away.

I’m terrible at dealing with my emotions. Some would say it’s because of my insane emotionally distant mother, and they would probably be right.
But I’m working on it, I’m trying.
The only real true connections I have are my three best friends, and I pushed them away. Even when one of them followed me all the way to California.
I barely talk to my siblings anymore, they both think I’m being too dramatic in cutting my mother out of my life since I graduated from college, and they both tried to talk me out of marrying Halden.
Fuck I might owe them a small apology on that one.

“I’m sorry.”
I say quietly as she breathes heavily in front of me and shakes her head.

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to Liam, explain it to him.”

My phone vibrates on the table again and I nod to Rhi.
“Okay, I’ll try.”

I pick up the phone and flip it over to answer it.
Right when I’m done swiping to the right I hear him yell.

 

“You stupid flat chested bitch.”

I can’t help it when my lips twitch up into a smile.
Those were the first words I ever heard him utter in my senior year of high school, I was being bullied, like normal, but then some new kid in cowboy boots and tight jeans slipped in between me and Angelica Lucia and called her that and we’ve been friends ever since.

God, why have I been depriving myself of his company?

“Ridoc I’m so sorry.”

My voice breaks.

“You’d better be sorry Violet! Six days? I’ve been calling you for six days!”
His voice shrieks through the phone and I hear Rhi chuckle.

I hold the phone away from my ear now as he loudly rambles on about how I left him in the church having to tell all of Haldens family to fuck off, which is true I did.
But he sort of told me to.

He finally gets quiet and I put the phone back to my ear tentatively.

“Ridoc?”
I get no answer and I hear the keys jangling in the front door.

“What’s Sawyer doing home from work already?”
I whisper to Rhi and she smirks as the door bursts open and Ridoc pushes Sawyer out of the way.

“As I was saying buttercup. I can’t believe you left without me.”

With a strangled cry, I throw Tairn off of me much to his dismay, and launch myself over the coffee table into Ridoc.

“You came.”
I say as I jump up and down in his arms

“I came!”
He parrots back as he grabs Sawyer to join in with us.
His brown eyes widen as he steps away.

“No, I’m so good thanks.”

Rhi runs into him from the side and almost tackles him to the floor.

“Come on Freckles you have to!”
She says joining us.

“Don’t call me that”
He grumbles as he starts to bob up and down on his feet pretending to jump.

My knees hurt everytime I hit the floor, I feel slightly out of breath which lets me know I’m wildly out of shape, but it’s the lightest I’ve felt in fucking years.

We were all just together a week ago, Rhi and Sawyer flew down to come to my wedding, but this feels different. This feels like the start of something instead of the end.

“Come on Sawyer, for me!”
I say over the sound of our jumps on the wooden floor.
A smile breaks over his face.

“Fine.”

He jumps literally once before we hear a huge pounding from the floor, when we all stop I can hear their downstairs neighbor yelling.

“I slightly forgot we were on the fourth floor.”
I say with a shrug.
“Sorry.”

Ridoc throws his shit down on the floor and makes himself at home, he turns to eye the space dramatically.

“Where am I going to sleep?”

I snort and pat the couch.

“I like to be the big spoon.”

——

As Ridoc snores loudly next to me on the tiny pull-out bed I sigh and grab my phone.
My fingers hover over the small icon on the screen and I finally press it like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

You’re being stupid Violet.
I say to myself as I type in all of my info to make an Instagram account.

I add a quick picture to the profile and then find Rhi.
It takes me two seconds to find Liam and then I’m holding my breath.
Not private.
Thank god, now I can stalk him apparently.

I scroll through his pictures and find myself smiling softly at his dimples.
He looks happy to be back here at least. Before I stumbled back into is life and fucked it up.
I click on one with his brother in it.
His smile says it was a reluctant photo, but the man still looks unreal.
The caption says ’ Finally got Xaden to try something new’ and I swipe over to see a picture of them sitting together in a nail salon as Liam has his head thrown back in laughter, while his brother stares intently at the woman touching his feet.

Xaden

The name sounds just as sexy as the man, but I quickly go back to scrolling through Liam’s pictures.
I don’t need to think of his brother at all. I don’t need to make an already wildly fucked up situation so much worse, and judging from the look he gave me outside of their apartment, he no longer wants a repeat performance of last night.

I throw my phone down as I reach the pictures that have me in them and I stuff my face into Ridoc's back.

I can do this.
I’m just going to go right back over there tomorrow and lay it all on the table.

———

 

Xaden:

 

Sweat pours down my face as I push up from the ground for the millionth time.
I actually lost count after 132, but as my arms shake with the force of gravity trying to pull me back down I know it has to have been a lot.
All of the alcohol I consumed yesterday seems to be pouring out of me and my mind feels sluggish, which is great since I have work tonight.

I can’t seem to sleep, not that I was ever great at sleeping in the first place.
But even after changing my fucking sheets I somehow still smell her.

Violet

The woman I’m supposed to hate because of what she did to my brother.
And I do, I hate her.
I just can’t help it if my mind seems to snap back to the night before last.
The way it felt to be inside her, the way her eyes looked after we kissed.
How I wanted to know her fucking name so badly after I woke up with her hair tangled in my hand and her face snuggled into my chest.

I am not a cuddler, and I don’t invite people to stay usually, but after she drifted off to sleep I just..couldn’t bring myself to wake her back up.

And now I hate her.

No matter what Liam says about her, I was there to help pick up the pieces two years ago.
My brother is too good for most people, but he is definitely too good for that fucking woman.

I hear a knock on the front door and sit up on my knees before getting up.

Sgaeyl, my grey and white who the hell knows mix pads from my room to go inspect the door before I can get there.
I don’t even remember Imogen dropping her off yesterday, so I must have been real fucked up. Or not at home yet.
Let’s hope it’s the latter.

I grab a towel from the table as I pass it and wipe it over my sweat-lined face before opening the door.

Her mesmerizing eyes widen as she sees me and I have to bite back the automatic smile that threatens to tug up my lips.
Her hair is down curling around her shoulders and thank god, she has on a huge jacket that covers most of her body.

I see her eyes skim down my body and her tongue dart out from her mouth to lick her bottom lip. I almost forgot that I opened the door in just grey sweatpants and a sweat-soaked white shirt. I follow her eye line down as she slowly looks over me and then clear my throat.

Fuck.
I do not like this woman

 

“What do you want?”
I growl at her because she deserves it.
I tell myself.
If Liam won’t stand up for himself, then I’ll do it for him.

“I just wanted to talk to Liam.”
She says in a whisper, her hands are opening and closing at her sides and I can tell she’s anxious.
Good.

“He’s not here, and he doesn’t need to hear from you.”

I see a flash of anger in her eyes before her jaw clenches.

“Well you don’t speak for him, so I’ll just try another time.”
Her voice is no longer soft and echoes through the hallway.

“Don’t bother.”
I snap.

She makes a face at me, and then a noise of frustration works its way out of her throat.

“Look I get it. Your protective. I understand. But I need to make this right.”

I flash her my cocky smile and grip the door.

“Yeah, I'm protective of people hurting my family, and he hates you Sorrengail, so there is no need for you to come back here.”

Liam would fucking kill me if he knew I was saying this shit.
But I’m not doing it again, I’m not watching the happiest person I’ve ever met spiral again.

I see all the fight rush out of her at once and her face falls.
Fuck.
No.

Her lip slightly quivers as she takes in a deep breath and nods.

“Okay.”
Her voice comes out as a squeak and I almost reach out, because now I can’t stop the guilt that thrashes into me.

“Just..let him know I came please.”

I don’t say anything as I watch her try to compose herself.

“And Xaden..”

I tense as I finally hear my name come out of her mouth.
So soft and sweet.
This is all so at odds with the picture I painted of the woman I heard about in my mind.

“He can’t hate me more than I already hate myself for what I did to him.”

And with that, she turns around on her heel and starts walking down the hallway.

I blink once and before I even know what I’m doing I grab the jacket hanging on the hook next to me and slam the door behind me as I leave to follow after Violet for the second time
In two fucking days.

 

“Violet! Wait!”

 

She doesn’t, in the slightest.
For such a small girl she is fast as fuck, and I find myself having to jog through the hall to catch up with her.

“You have to stop running away every time you feel bad.”
I huff as I shrug my jacket on.

Anger contorts her face as we walk I think she might hit me.

“You literally told me to go away jackass.”
Her voice is shaky, but not with hurt anymore.
I might just keep having to be a dick to her for the foreseeable future if it makes her stop fucking crying.

“Yeah, I did, and you listened pretty quickly. Which seems odd for someone who ‘needs to make things right’”

I hear her little breaths as we walk down the stairs.
Well I walk, she stomps.

 

“Oh fuck you!”
She yells before we reach the front doors of my complex.
I feel her small hand shove at my shoulder and I barely move.

“Ow.”
I deadpan as she looks at me with pure malice in her eyes.

“Nothing else to say? Not going to try to convince me I have it all wrong and you're not here to rip Liam’s heart out of his chest again?”

I see it happen again, right when I mention Liam her shoulders drop and it’s like she deflates.
This time though all of her anger doesn’t leave her, I guess I’m that much of an asshole.

“I don’t need to prove anything to you. I just need to talk to him, and then I’ll leave him alone if he wants me to.”
I nod once making up my mind and start walking down the street.

When I don’t hear any footsteps behind me I stop and turn around.
She is still just standing there looking down at the icy ground.

“I thought you wanted to talk to him?”
I call out.
Her head whips up and I don’t wait again as I trudge back down the street.

I feel like this is a bad idea, because I know Liam. He’s going to forgive and forget. Even though she might not deserve it.

She seems sincere, but I’m pretty sure my brother thought she was sincere when he told her how he felt about her.

The worst part though? I secretly do want to do this, because if Liam reconciles with this woman then I’ll probably see a lot more of her.

And even though I shouldn’t want to, I do.

 

We walk in silence down the street and I make a right turn at the light.

“Where are we going?”
She asks as she briskly walks to keep up with my large strides.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and make myself not look at her.
Just look ahead.
What if she and Liam got back together?
I mean I don’t think they were ever really together, but whatever.

“Going to see Liam.”

At what point from taking her home from the bar to seeing her run out of my apartment in my clothes did this become some sort of obsessive situation?

I spent half the night fucking internet stalking the woman.
Which was hard seeing as she’s not on anything, except for in pictures with her friends, which is how I now know she has a friend named Ridoc who lived in California with her, and they went to the beach.
A lot.
And she always has a book in her hands.
There was no pictures of the supposed ‘husband’ or whatever the fuck.
Seems weird if Violet and the other man are so close.

“I thought I heard you were getting married.”
I blurt out because I’m a fucking idiot.

Her steps falter and her eyes widen at me before she closes them briefly.

“I didn’t.”
Is all she says and I hum my reply and nod.

Finally, we make it to the coffee shop that I know he stops by every day after his run.
I swing the door open and see him leaning on the counter flirting with Jess, as usual.
He always flirts.
Always.
But he never brings anyone home, never seems to wants to date them, and I know I shouldn’t talk and I’m definitely not fucking judging, because after my mom left us and broke my dad I have never given a flying fuck about romantic feelings.
Liam has always been different.
Even after his parents died and our worlds stopped spinning he always believed in Love and relationships and all of that garbage.
Until fucking Violet.

“Li.”
I say giving Jess a smile when he turns from her.

I see shock register on his face at my current company, I wait for a second to see if Violet's going to say anything, and of course, she doesn’t.

“What’s going on Xay?”
He asks without even fucking sparing me a glance.
His eyes are all on Violet.

I clear my throat and once again wait for her to talk.
Dear god woman, this was the entire point.

I casually turn to face the counter and knock my left side into her back.
I see her stumble forward a little and it’s like it broke some trance.

“Liam, could I talk to you? Here, or your place, or mine, or even outside. Anywhere is okay. It will just be for a minute I swear. You don’t even have to say anything back, just try to listen and ill keep it brief. Unless you’re busy then I can give you my new number and we can meet up another time.”

Me, Liam, and Jess the barista who was definitely watching as she steamed milk are all looking at Violet as she rambles on.

It would be extremely adorable if I didn’t hate her.
You hate her Xaden.

Because I see the look in my brother's eyes right now, and he definitely doesn’t hate her.

 

“Here and now’s fine.”
He cuts her off and gestures to an empty table in the corner.

He turns back to the counter and picks up two cups and shoves one into my chest.

“That one was for you.”

I nod as I take it and open my mouth to…what?
Warn him to be careful, tell him not to forgive her?
I have no idea, and I don’t get the chance to do anything at all as he claps me on the back.

“Thanks for bringing her here, brother.”

He sounds happy to be having what is probably going to be a terrible conversation with her.

I look at her sitting at the table nervously tugging her hair for one more second before I’m out the door holding my coffee.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out.

Garrick: So were you ever planning on calling me to explain the insane shit you and Liam drunkenly texted me yesterday?

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose as I scroll up through the dozens of unreadable texts I sent him last night.

Me and Liam kept the pity party going for way too long yesterday and apparently, I wanted to tell Garrick all about it.

We usually never get that fucked up, but Liam needed it.

I back out of the message and scroll down to make sure I didn’t send anything else to anyone else and all I see is two messages to Bhodi the fucker never replied to, a message from Imogen asking me if we made it home.
Shit did we see her at the bar?
And then a message from Cat that I didn’t respond to because even drunk Xaden knew that would end up terribly.

I press the call button on Garrick's name as I walk back towards our place and the line trills for a second before he picks up.

“Oh, Xade you’re alive.”

His chipper voice rings out from the line.

“Sadly, yes.”
I say gruffly and I see my breath puff out in front of me in the cold.

He chuckles and I can hear his blinker turn on in the background.

“I’ve been on shift for the last 48 hours. You got fucked up without me, which is a real dick move and then you never finished telling me about the girl you brought home.”

I sigh at past past Xaden for texting Garrick that morning before I showered like a fucking teenager.

“And then you send all that weird shit about Liam and the girl he liked from college being in town and then nothing you prick.”

“Yeah, well it’s been a weird couple of days.”

That’s an understatement.
Maybe I should swear off women for a while to make my life easier.

“I can explain it more later, you just said your shift ended, I’ll let you get some sleep, but I have to go in at 4.”

Right as I turn the corner for my street I see his huge brown truck idling on the curb.

“Oh honey bear, did you think I was going home?”
His booming laugh is all I hear before the click of the call ending and then he is climbing out of his truck.

“Tell me everything while I sleep on your bed.”

I roll my eyes as we meet at the door and walk in.

“You're not sleeping on my bed, Tavis. You smell.”

He makes a face and runs his hands through his hair.

“We had a busy night, you know how it gets when the cold snaps hit.”

 

I nod as we trudge up the stairs.
I’m actually excited about it, maybe it will keep me busy enough to not fucking think about any of this dramatic shit.
He lets me go first because the asshole is so huge we can’t fit next to each other as we walk.

When we get inside the warm apartment, I let him ramble on about his night as I sip my coffee and try to get my mind back on track.
Work, going back to school, and making sure Liam is okay.
I don’t have time to give a fuck about the tiny woman that barged into our lives to shake shit up.

Sgaeyl comes over to me and patiently waits for head scratches as I lean against the kitchen counter. I run my hands over her huge head absently as I stare at the floor until Garrick stops talking, which is weird, and I look up.

“Stop ignoring me and tell me about the girl that, what did you say?”
He tilts his head as he pretends to think, and his brown curls flop over to the right.

“Oh yeah. ‘Was absolutely mind blowing and gorgeous’”

I grimace and push off the counter.

“It was nothing, just someone I picked up from the bar.”

His smile looks mischievous even with his small dimple on his chin.

He bends down and grabs something that was under the couch and then dangles it off his finger.

“Oh really?”

I look at the small bit of fabric hanging in between us and frown at it before I snatch it from his hands.
I looked everywhere this morning for her fucking underwear after I found her skirt, and top still here. I really didn’t want Liam to find it and be reminded that I fucked the girl he was so into.

“Fuck off.”
I say stuffing it into my sweatpants pocket.

“You going to see her again?”
He asks as I slump onto the couch and he falls backward over the back cushions to land next to me.

“Probably.”
I say in a clipped tone.

His eyebrows rise at that.
“Oh shit, really? Well, that’s good.”

I give him a tired smile
“Because she is the girl that Liam was in love with at college. Violet. Didn’t know until he came home yesterday and saw her here.”

His face falls immediately and he opens his mouth for a minute before speaking.

“Oh shit.”

Yeah.

Oh shit.

Notes:

Any guess on what Xaden and Garrick do for work?

The scene that I have written that made me choose their job just gave me the giggles and I couldn’t not do it.

Also, don’t worry, I’m going to have some flashbacks so everyone can know exactly what Mommy Sorrengail and Dain said to Violet to make her treat our dear Liam that way.

Chapter 3: Tom Cruise and Ramen

Summary:

Alright so this gives the back story to what happened with Violet.
It’s going to be really the only kind of heavy chapter.
The whole point of me writing this was to keep it light and fun, but I needed this for the plot.
Don’t worry, we will see some more relationship building with Liam, and yes of course. Xaden.

So TW for mentions of death and mental illness.

Hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did writing it!

May 2023

I slam the front door to my childhood home.
I really don’t want to be here, see the all too familiar halls, the fake happy pictures plastered in a perfect way up the staircase.
Smell the faint hint of his cologne that doesn’t seem to ever fucking stop lingering in the air, even though he’s been dead for months.

I take a deep breath and clutch the banister tightly trying to pump myself up for this shitty conversation.
I could hear it in my mother's tone when she called.
I have apparently done something again, and this time I actually don’t know what the hell it could be.

One minute I’m just a 21-year-old.
Finally getting to drink(legally), and finding a family with the friends I made along my journey through school. My mental health has been at an all-time high for two years and I finally feel normal, balanced.
Just months ago I felt like my life was finally clicking into place.
I didn’t need my mother's approval, I got to see my dad outside of this wretched house, talked to my brother and sister on the phone every week, and I hadn’t had an episode in years.
My grades were amazing, I was one step closer to my dream of finishing my first three years of college, and I was so excited to move to New York and start my life at Cornell to begin the journey of getting my master's degree in literature.
The bachelor's degree in Library Sciences I’m about to receive in two days when I walk across the stage, was purely for my father and my deep love of books.
And maybe to piss my mother off a little too.

But I always felt like I had a calling for teaching. I wanted to be exactly like my first English lit professor.
Her bright blue hair and no give a fucks attitude sang to me, and ever since I’ve been working towards that goal.

That is, until my father dropped dead suddenly from some heart complication none of us knew about and now here I am.
Forced to be a good daughter to my terrible mother.
Trying to hang on to the thin shreds of my sanity.
Trying to slowly live through the motions of life as I wrap my head around the fact that death is very real.
It’s a concept that I abstractly knew, but didn’t fully understand until it blew down my door and knocked me over.

I make my way up the staircase slowly piecing together the flimsy mental armor I have to wear around the great Lilith Sorrengail.

Chief of surgery and all-around hero of the town we reside in.

‘Oh how great it must be to have her as a mother.’
‘You must be so proud to be her daughter.’

I snort as I swing the door open.

As if she ever paid a speck of attention to me.
As if I weren’t a disappointment in every single way.

Brennan and Mira handled life so effortlessly, just like her. Stressed? Take a bath. Feeling overwhelmed? Just a calming breath will do the trick.
But not me. Just one surge of emotion could tip me over the edge and make me feel as if I’m falling down a never-ending hole of despair.
But not anymore. I’m better. I’m fixed damnit.
No matter how badly my father's death threw me off balance, I have been teetering on the edge and I just know with a little bit a time and a lot of distance, I can put my feet back on solid ground again.

I barely spare her a glance as I run my eyes over my father's small office. This is the first time I’ve stepped in here since he passed.

“It’s your fault.”
Her strangled whisper makes me whip my head towards her and I finally see her.
Trembling and red-eyed.
She didn’t even cry when she told us he was dead, or at the funeral.
But now?
What the hell did I do?
The anger leaves me and it’s replaced by a cold dread as I open my mouth.

“What?”
I squeak out.

She throws a familiar brown journal down in front of me on the desk and I reach for it with trembling fingers.

“It was all your fault, Violet.”

As my brain processes her words, I know deep in my bones they will haunt me for years to come.

My vision swims as tears fall onto the paper with my dad's neat handwriting on it.

‘My dearest Violet. I know you’ll find this first.’

Except I didn’t. Because my mother didn’t let us into this room.
She hoarded his things and the memories of him like a dragon with its treasure
She found it first.

And as I read his words, we now both know his secret.
That my father knew he was dying for almost a year.
He didn’t tell us.
Didn’t think I could handle it.
Didn’t want to ruin my life.
Didn’t want me to end up back in a hospital with a panic attack because I couldn’t breathe.
Because I’m apparently so much weaker than my siblings he assumed I couldn’t take it while I went to school and lived my life.

That familiar weight presses on my chest like an old friend, and even though I can’t take in a full breath, in a weird way it’s comforting as I stumble from the office, and out of the house.
I didn’t respond to my mother, didn’t even look at her again as I fled.
It’s a twenty-minute walk back to campus and I don’t remember any of it, but somehow I’m here in front of the dorms and I feel hands clasp down over my shoulders.

“Vi, what’s wrong?”
A familiar voice says with concern.
I turn slowly and wipe the tears away from my eyes and see Dain.

“I just..I saw my mother.. I’m having.”
I stutter out the words as I gasp and clutch my chest as the emotions swell and crash over me again like I’m a rock in the middle of the sea.
Except I don’t feel like a rock.
Rocks are strong and unmovable, and that’s not me.
My father was right.
I’m not fixed.
I’ll never be fixed.

Dain has known me since the 4th grade and is well aware of the frequent panic attacks I used to get. He’s the only one other than my family to know.
And even though I haven’t had one in two years, apparently it’s all muscle memory to him as he guides me to the bench outside of the dorms and puts my head between my knees.

As I clutch my eyes shut and try to slow my heartbeat I finally have enough air in my lungs and I spill out everything to him.
What my mother said.
What my father thought of me.

He is quiet for a long time as he draws soothing circles along my spine.
I finally sit up slowly, like I'm physically pushing back on the crushing weight I feel.

“Talk Dain.”
I rasp out.

He purses his lips.

“Maybe it was for the best Vi.”
He says in a low voice as he looks at the ground.

My spine stiffens as I jerk away from him.

“Excuse me?”
My voice comes out in a harsh whisper.

He just runs his hand through his short brown hair.
“I mean look at you. You can’t handle it, and I’m not saying that in judgment. Most people couldn’t if they had your history. It’s going to send you right back into that place.”

The way he says the last word is like it’s poison, something disgusting.

I stand up abruptly and he follows me.

“Don’t take it the wrong way Vi, and don’t let this derail you. You're about to graduate, we will both go to New York, and I was hoping..”
He trails off staring at my eyes and then down at my lips and I. Fucking. Snap.

My hand launches from my side without even a thought and it catches him right in the cheek.
I hear him make a surprised noise as my knuckles already pulse with the impact.

I know I probably didn’t hit him hard enough to really hurt him. But I don’t fucking care.

“Fuck you Dain.”
He looks back at me clutching his face with a hurt look on his face and opens his mouth to talk, but I don’t let him.

“No, fuck you!”
I yell.
“I never wanted you as more than a friend! I made that perfectly clear a million times! And as my best friend, you’re supposed to support me! Not throw my problems in my face like it’s an inconvenience to you!”

Literal spit flies from my mouth as I scream at him.
I don’t give a fuck about everyone staring at me as they walk by.
I don’t care if they think I’m crazy.
Maybe I fucking am, but at least I can be crazy with out this asshole making me feel terrible about it.

His face morphs into rage in front of me.

“This is why you're always alone Vi, why Halden left. You push people away when they try to help.”
He spits and then turns to almost run across the courtyard away from me.

As much as I try not to let his words get to me, I feel something inside of me crack open, and I stand there helplessly letting all of my hard work over the last two years drain right out of me.

Because that’s what’s always been the problem right?
I shut down, push people away.
I don’t feel like I’m supposed to.
The way normal people do.

I walk into my building in a daze again and turn directly to the right to go to the bathroom.

I can’t go back to my room and see Rhi, she’ll make me talk about it and she doesn’t know.
None of them know how truly broken Violet Sorrengail is.
So I splash water on my face, wipe all the tears away, and smooth out my shirt.
When I walk back out into the lobby I go to the elevator and push the number three.

I need to see him.
Liam.

I know I should go take my medicine before I see him, but who needs an emergency Benzo when you have a walking talking shot of serotonin?

He won’t pry, he won’t make me spill.
He’ll just fill the silence with chatter about nothing in particular until I’m ready.
If I ever am.

I finally walk down the hall and knock on his door a bit frantically.
Fuck I hope he’s here.
I feel anxiety threatening to choke me again.
I can’t be this dependent on any of my friends.
Dains right.
They’ll all just leave me too.

 

“Fuck Violet.”
Liam mutters as he puts his hand down over mine and squeezes it as it sits on the table.

I just give him a tired smile.
“I’m so sorry.”
I say trying to hold back my tears.

“I never told you any of it, about the panic attacks, what I found out, what happened. I left you there…after.”

He starts to shake his head in protest.

“No, we don’t have to talk about that right this second.”
His breath comes out in a huge whoosh as he closes his eyes and then opens them.
“Did you at least tell the others?”
He asks looking at the coffee cup in his hands.

I make a face and his lips purse.

“Not everything, not the true extent of my issues. I didn’t talk to them as much as I used to these past couple of years…but Ridoc was there, and he isn’t stupid. I know he knows..”

I see his jaw tick twice and then he nods.

“Let’s walk to my place so we don’t have to talk about this around a million people.”
He gestures around him and I realize the coffee shop has gotten busy as I told him my long drawn-out story that I tried to say would be brief.
I’m such a liar.

I hesitate for only a second, because of the Xaden of it all.
He seems to understand my silence.

“We should be alone, he has class and then work.”

 

I nod and we both weave in and out of people, he throws a small wave at the girl behind the counter, she has light brown hair and a nice smile as she waves back.
I swear she looks familiar, but maybe she was the lady who thought me and Rhi were nuts yesterday in the drive-through?

The cold air bites at my exposed face and neck but I welcome the feeling.
I need a little help to snap me back out of the past.

“I really need to apologize Vi.”
Liam says quietly as we walk side by side.

I give him an incredulous look.
“Why the hell would you apologize to me? I ran away from you and ignored you for fucking years out of shame and worry that you hated me.”

He gives me a stern look before pursing his lips again.

“Because I’m not an idiot.”

I know he sees the confusion on my face and he chuckles.

“I mean, I knew something was up. I could tell you’re head was somewhere else, but I had gotten it in my mind that the next time I saw you, I would tell you how I felt.”

I look down at the pavement my shoes are walking on to avoid eye contact.
Still fucking hiding Violet.
I mentally scold myself.

“I thought I was about to lose you when you moved all the way to New York. I panicked and made myself stop being such a chicken shit. Too bad it was the worst possible fucking time for you, and I would have known that, if I didn’t ignore all of the signs you were practically screaming at me.”

I shake my head now and bite my lip.
He’s too fucking good for this world.
For me.

“It isn’t your fault, you didn’t make me get in bed with you.”

He stops walking then and looks at me as he tilts his head.

“Then tell me what I did wrong.”

My breath catches and I force myself to meet his intense blue eyes.

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything. I ran because of what you said.”

His brow furrows as he looks at me.

“You’re my best friend. Just talk to me, I’m not going anywhere”
I say quietly.
And his eyes widen.

“Why would that..?”
He stops talking as I grab his forearm.

“Like I said, it wasn’t your fault. You were my best friend. But I had been lying to you the entire friendship, I didn’t tell you I had..issues. Dain had just thrown it in my face that pretty much every person in my life has left me, which was true at the time. With the exception of Rhi, Ridoc, and Sawyer. I mean shit my own family didn’t want to be around me Li.”
I huff out a breath and see it cloud around me.

“I had to leave you before you left me.”
I whisper.

I keep my hand on his arm as I pull him into a walk before he can reply.
I need to get the fuck out of this shit weather.

“And at the time.. I didn’t..”
I pause and struggle with how to say the words without being an asshole again.

His left hand moves up to grip my fingers where they rest on his arm.

“You don’t have to Vi. It’s been years. I’m over it.”

I blow a deep breath out and then suck in another.
Fuck, I have to find a new therapist down here for sure.
And I’m going to get my moneys worth with how many break through I’m making in a fucking week.

“I didn’t feel for you that way, at least I never let myself. You know Halden left me right after we met, and I just spent the time enjoying being free. I finally stopped having episodes. It felt like life was manageable and I was just happy with all of you, as we were.”

I shrug.

“But I wanted to Li. I really did.”
I grip his arm tighter as if it will help him believe my words.

“You were so good. Are so good. In that moment I thought that getting into bed with you would somehow fix all of my problems because you were so fucking amazing, and then when it was over and I still felt like my world was falling apart. I panicked.”

I gaze into his eyes as we stop in front of the doors, and I hope he sees the sincerity of my words.

“But you somehow got back with him and almost married him? I mean I’m assuming you aren’t married right now?”
He asked arching a blonde brow as he pushes the door open to get into the lobby of his complex.
Alright, we are done talking about the sex we had. Got it. I'll respect any fucking boundary he sets, as long as he keeps talking to me.

I huff out a humorless laugh.

“Yeah. Well, that’s a long depressing story.”

He drags me up the stairs behind him.

“I have time, we have a lot to catch up on Vi, and I’m not letting you run out again.”

I smile at the back of his head and a small part of me feels like it finally starts to heal over.

—-

His house is warm, cozy, and dark as we enter.
The memory of the last time I stood by this table tries to replay in my mind and I push it away.

“Want anything?”
He asks over his shoulder as he moves into the kitchen.

I bite my lip and think.
I have had too much caffeine already and it’s kind of too early to drink.
But right as I have the thought he plunks down two glasses in front of me and a bottle with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, that’ll be good.”

I shoot back the small amount of what I think is rum he pours and then watch as he gives me more.

“Bathroom?”
I ask because I don’t remember seeing one the other day except for the one Xaden went into that’s located in his room.

“Second door on the right”
He says before taking a sip.

I slip in and out quickly.
Just looking at my reflection long enough to deem myself presentable, and not red and blotchy from all of the crying I did in public today.

As I’m closing the bathroom door another one flies open across from me and a huge figure shrouded in darkness is standing in the doorframe.

I yell like a damn child and my fist instinctively flies out and hits the monster in the gut.

I curse when it hits hard flesh and clutch my hand as the shrouded monster also curses and then flips on the light.

He’s absolutely huge, and his curly brown hair is tousled like he was asleep on it recently.
His face looks like it’s a cross between being outraged and laughing as he looks at me.

Liam comes running down the hallway, probably because I screamed, but I see his shoulders drop as he sees the man.

“Garrick, what are you doing here?”
Liam asks and the man’s face finally breaks out into a smile.

“Yeah Garrick what are you doing here scaring people in the dark?”
I say angrily.
I have seen his face in a couple of Liam’s photos, but to be honest, he wasn’t where my attention was as I flipped through them.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t turn any lights on, and you know Xaden lives here too, I could have been him.”

I scoff as I try to get my heart rate down.
“I probably would have hit him too.”
I mutter as I turn away from the gigantic man and walk by Liam.

Now I definitely need another drink damnit.

I grab the glass and bring it into the living room to make myself comfortable on their olive green couch.

I sink into the cushions as Garrick follows Liam into the room murmuring.

I catch a hushed.
‘So this is the girl?’

And I want to seriously ask if he means am I the girl who was a bitch to Liam? Or had sex with Xaden? But I bite my tongue because that is not something I want to talk about anytime soon.

They both join me in the living room, Garrick with a beer instead of liquor and he still has a smile on his face.

“I’ve heard so much about you.”
He says excitedly as he sits down.
I frown at him.

“That’s probably not a good thing.”

He shakes his head.

“Not really, but I reserve judgment until I’ve met a person. Your hit to my gut has piqued my interest, so tell me more about yourself, Violet.”
He leans forward on his hands as they rest on his knees and my frown deepens as I look at Liam.

“Are all your friends weird?”

Garrick barks a laugh and Liam smiles.

“You're my friend Vi.”
I shrug and pretend his words don’t make my insides do a happy dance.

“I’m aware.”

“Okay, so you're back to friends, that’s good, that’s good.”
Garrick says nodding as he sips his beer.

“But did we address why you ghosted him?”

Both me and Liam look at him like he’s lost his fucking mind as he smiles at us.

Instead of replying I pull out my phone and start to type into our group chat.

The very best friends in the whole world

I did it Rhi, I told him everything. Aren’t you proud of me?

I send off the text and she doesn’t reply for thirty seconds as Liam hisses something to Garrick.

Tell me you’re proud of me bitch, my therapist says I have a need for praise and I am in NEED.

SeeSaw: I know I’m not Rhiannon, but I’m very proud of you Vi, you finally did it.

Ridickdick:Yay Vi! You did something you should have done literal years ago!

I purse my lips as I see he’s typing again and flick my eyes up to the two men still whispering back and forth.

SeeSaw:Well that was fucking rude.

Ridickdick: I'm kidding, but also not. I’m here for the hard truths.

Ridickdick:You know me, I’m always hard.😉

 

Fucking gross assbag.

SeeSaw:Please stop.

 

Rhi Rhi: Omg Vi! Finally! We can all be friends again and it won’t be awkward!

Ridickdick has changed the name to “The core four, soon to be five”

😒 That's probably not true. I mean I still didn’t reach out to him for two years.

 

Rhi Rhi:Well if you told him about everything with Halden, I think he will understand. Liam is amazing like that.

I grimace at my phone like she could see me.

I did it Rhi, I told him ✨ almost ✨ everything

Rhi Rhi: Seriously?

SeeSaw: Seriously?

Ridickdick: Seriously?

 

I push the button on the side of my phone and make it go black as I look up.
Both men are now staring at me as I bite my lip.

“Sorry. It was..”

“Everyone?”
Liam supplies smirking.

I nod and sigh.
“Yeah.”

“Who’s everyone?”
Garrick asks leaning forward again.

“If your going to stay here I need you to be quiet so I can tell Liam some more shit.”

His eyes widen and he pretends to zip his lips and throw away an imaginary key.

I roll my eyes but settle back into the cushions.

———

 

Two more sizable drinks in, Garrick switched to liquor, Liam switched to beer, and I’m almost done with my story.

“So yeah, two years of an extremely shitty relationship and I’m standing in the middle of a church that I didn’t want to be in.”

Liam snorts.

“Wearing a huge puffy white dress I didn’t like, and he didn’t even fucking show.”

Garrick gasps as he puts his huge hand on his chest.

“He stood you up?”
He asks taking a drink with wide eyes.

I nod.

“Yuhp.”
And I take a drink now wishing it would wash the anger out of my mouth.

I mean looking back, even though it’s only been a week, it was a fucking blessing.
It was exactly what I needed to kick my ass into gear.

All of the things Rhi had said for years came crashing down on me as obvious truths.
He didn’t care about my mental health, he didn’t want me to see a therapist or take pills.
He talked me out of going back to school, and barely paid attention to me.

But the real truth is I let him do all those things.
I didn’t listen to the people who have always had my back when they told me I was worth more.
I have been letting other peoples opinions and views of me dictate my entire life for way to fucking long.
So really it’s all on me, just like it’s all on me that I’m crawling my way back to happiness.
Well I guess he’s a fucking prick too.
But I don’t care if I never hear his name again for the rest of my life.
As I drove here straight from the fucking church with Rhi in the passenger seat, I broke down crying, but not because I was sad, but because I wasn’t.
Standing there alone made me the happiest I’ve felt in years.
I finally realized I was strong.
Strong enough to pull myself out of the depths of my own mind.

Sad didn’t come until five days later when I realized how much of my life I had wasted.
And then I met Xaden.
And now I have Liam again.

 

I see Liam’s jaw clench as he looks away from me.

“It’s not an excuse for why I didn’t reach out.”
I say hiccuping.

“It’s really not Vi.”
Garrick adds shaking his head.

“But, I just thought I deserved it all, and if he took me back and stayed that it would prove that everyone doesn’t always just leave me in the end.”

 

Garrick's face looks horrified.
“That’s super fucking terrible.”

I wince and nod.

“I know. I was just so tired of being a burden to everyone in my family, and I knew deep down I wasn’t to him, because he didn’t really care enough.”

Garrick gives me kind eyes and leans forward to give me an awkward pat on the back.

“I’m proud of you for telling us that Violet.”

I laugh and pat his hand.

“This is super weird because I just met you, but thanks. It means a lot, I think?”

He doesn’t comment on my words and just smiles.

“So you moved here to get away from that asshat and then found yourself in Liam’s apartment.”

I laugh again because I’ve had enough drinks to find how the universe treats me hilarious.

“Yeah apparently. But I don’t regret it.”

I smile and then frown when I realize how that sounds.

“I mean because it gave me the push I needed to stop being a dumb ass and talk to you.”
I say quickly but Liam just chuckles

“Yeah, I’m weirdly glad it happened too. I missed you, Vi.”

I sigh as I look at him.

“I missed you too. I really thought you hated me.”

He shakes his head.

“Never.”

And then tilts it to the side.

“Well maybe for like the first three months after college.”

 

———-

Garrick:

 

Omg look at my new best friend

I stare down at the image of me and Violet on his couch with our faces squished together.
I know it’s going to piss him off because he wants to hate her so bad.
I get it I guess, I mean I have no siblings but my friends are as close as.
I just don’t feel the need to instantly hate someone out of solidarity.
Fuck even Liam doesn’t hate Violet, and I think she’s quite delightful.

Xade:Why are you still at the fucking house bothering them?

Bothering?

Me?

Never!

I simply woke up from my nap and she was here. I found out all the juicy gossip about what went down, and now we are best friends.

 

Xade:What did she tell you?

I chuckle when he replies in .2 seconds and of course asks me what we talked about. It’s so obvious he’s into her. This is great.

Friends don’t spill each other's ☕️

Xade:What in the actual fuck does that mean?

 

Xade:Did you text me while I’m at work just to be a jackass?

Oh my gosh, two texts from him back to back? Practically unheard of. He’s pissy.
I sigh as I lean back next to Violet on the couch. I know this isn’t the best circumstance for him to finally show interest in a woman. But it’s better than him feeling nothing and walking through life like one day is just another hurdle to the next.
The surly fucker needs to feel something besides brood and gloom.

Even if it’s a little annoyance at the small girl to my right.

Xade:Prick

I smirk.

“Vi, Xaden wants proof you’re still here.”
I lie.
Que my evil villain cackle.

She makes a face that I swear is hiding a small smile and flips off the camera as I snap the photo.

I immediately hit send.

Besties for the resties.

 

Xade: I'm working. As in busy.

 

Liar.

This is the fastest you’ve ever replied to my texts. Seems like you’re just drowning in work.

Get it? Drowning.

 

Xade:No I don’t get it. That makes no sense Gar.

I roll my eyes and throw my phone on the cushion.
I’m fucking hilarious.

I hear keys jangling at the door and then it swings open.
At the sight of black curls I almost think somehow Xaden ran all the way here in the last five minutes I’ve been texting him.
Until the smile hits my eyes.

“Bhodssssss!”
I drawl out, slightly tipsy.

I see his eyes sweep the room and then land on Violet next to me.

“This is Violet!”
I say jabbing my thumb at her as Liam gets up to hug him.
Violet stands as well and when Bhodi meets my gaze I point aggressively at Liam’s back and mouth ‘Liam’s Violet.’

I don’t think he gets it though because his brows furrow, but then they shoot up in surprise and
Ding ding ding.
He understands.

“Oh fuck, that’s the girl.”
He says way to fucking loud.
I thought the fact that I mouthed it to him, would be a hint for a bit of discretion.

I hear Violet huff from where she’s standing next to me and she throws a hand on her hip.

“Yeah yeah, it’s the girl that fucked Xaden before she knew he was related to Liam.”
Her voice sounds annoyed as she glares at Bhodi.

Liam turns and makes a face at her and Bhodi’s eyes bulge.

“You fucked Xaden?”

A very manly, very robust and deep laugh tumbles from my lips.

Alright, I’m fucking lying, I just squealed like a fifth grader, because this is fucking hilarious.

For me.
Not for her.
Or Xaden.
Or even Liam.

But I’d like to think way down the line.
I’m talking years.
Maybe decades.
We will all look back on this moment and laugh, while Xaden crosses his (somehow still ripped) arms and pretends he has no emotions.

————

 

Violet:

 

It’s been an extremely blissful two weeks since I reconciled with Liam.
We might not be as close as we once were, but for the first time in forever, I feel like we could get back there.

We text, and he’s come over to Rhi and Sawyer's to hang out.
It feels like old times.

“You sure you're going to be okay alone?”
Rhi says for the millionth time.

I roll my eyes at her.

“Yes mom, go have fun with your girlfriend I can spend one night all alone in this great big apartment.”

I fling my hands out at the small space and she snorts.
This will be the first true night I’m alone in a while.
Since I came clean to my friends about everything just like I did with Liam, they have of course, stuck to me like fucking glue.

Except Ridoc and Sawyer are on their way to his old place in California to grab more of his shit.
He had a mental breakdown after wearing the same shirt three times in one week so Sawyer being the gent he is offered to take off work and drive him there and back.

“I could reschedule.”
Rhi says pursing her lips at me.

“You could stop hovering.”
I say with a smile.

I get up from my spot on the couch and take her hand.

“I’m good. I found a new therapist in town and had my first session this morning, I’m feeling great about the job interviews I have.”

Okay, that’s a lie.
The job hunt is going fucking terrible, but she doesn’t have to know everything.

“I’m just going to sit here, watch some trash TV, and eat my weight in Cool Ranch Doritos.”

She laughs and then runs her hand over her perfect braids.

“You could go stay with Liam, or ask him to come here!”

I shake my head.
“Nope. Bhodi is there, and I have been avoiding him since I made a complete ass of myself when I met him.”

She makes a noise at that and turns from me to grab her overnight bag.

“It wasn’t too bad, Liam said It was funny.”

“It wasn’t. It was awkward. I haven’t talked to Bhodi since, and I might never again.”

She rolls her eyes at my dramatics.
“How about Xaden? He still being a dick?”
I shrug.

We haven’t talked either except for a ‘hello’ or wave when our paths cross at his house.
He hasn’t been a dick to me, and I feel like it’s because Garrick or Liam, possibly both told him more about what happened all those years ago, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I kind of preferred it when he was an ass.
It’s how Liam should have treated me.

I realize I never answered her and just smile.

“Nope. Me and him are all good.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“And you're procrastinating.”

We both level a look at each other as we verbally spar back and forth and then finally Rhi breaks and looks away with another sigh.

“Fine. Call me if you need me, don’t burn the house down.”

“Love you!”
I say in a chipper voice to her back.

“You complete me!”
She calls back before the door slams and I am finally…alone.

Okay, I instantly hate it.
I have gotten so used to the constant chatter over the past three weeks here that the silence is slightly overwhelming.

I pull out my phone and my thumb hovers over Liam’s contact.
Maybe I’ll just pop in.
Fuck it right?

No Violet.

What did the new and slightly gruff Dr.Peach tell you just this morning?

‘It’s not a weakness to lean on people, but you also have to learn how to stand on your own’

And stand I shall.
I am amazing fucking company if I do say so myself.

Instead of turning on the TV I connect my phone to Ridocs JBL speaker he left here and decide to blast some music.

As Billie Eilish blares through it singing about friends and dead bodies in her car, I sway to the beat and step out of my jeans.
I rummage around the laundry I haven’t folded yet and pull out my secret love.

Xadens shirt.
I swear it’s not because it’s his, this fabric is fucking insane.
Like I went to Amazon and possibly bought two others in the same brand insane.

I whip off my shirt and bra and slide the delicious cotton over my head.
Tairn judges me silently as I bend down to sing in his face.

Maybe it's in the gutter, where I left my lover

Shit this song is kind of dark.
I like it.

I straighten up and grab Fierge before she can run and swing her around as she looks at me with death in her eyes.

You know what goes well with Doritos?
Ramen. Which kind?
Spicy beef, obvs.
If I’m going to live like I’m in college again.
I’m going to eat like I’m in college again.
Because I’m a fucking adult.
With no income or savings, so ramen is really all I have.

I throw the pot under the faucet and swing my hips to the beat again. This playlist Ridoc made me is fucking great. He did at one point tell me not to listen to it out loud, but I’m going to assume he thought I would be embarrassed by WAP, which came on while I was taking a shower earlier.
Why would I ever be embarrassed by WAP?

I have never actually measured out anything in my fucking life while I’m in the kitchen, so when I’m satisfied that it’s probably enough water, I turn to put it on the stove and flick the nob to the highest setting.

I’m not trying to wait an hour for this water to boil.

I walk to the bathroom down the hall and grab a pony tail holder to throw my hair up in a messy bun a top my head.

My anxiety does get the better of me for the first time tonight and I race back on the hardwood floor to make sure the water isn’t boiling and flying everywhere.
As i slide into the kitchen like I’m Tom Cruise when my parents are out of town (shout out to everyone that loves the classics) I see that 1.Its been two seconds and the water is just sitting there and 2. That was fun as hell.

I giggle like a small child as I slide up and down the hallway. Feeling light as fucking air and perfectly content with being alone with my thoughts and I’m so fucking proud of myself in this moment.

The song changes to something I’ve never heard and I pause briefly as the beginning sounds weirdly erotic.

I grab my phone with a curios look on my face as the male singer starts to sing like he wants me to cum in my pants as I’m all alone making noodles.

Good girl by Nation Haven.

Oh well.
This is nice.

I check the stove again and see the water start to simmer.
Doritos would have just been easier.

I move through the house cleaning up my mess as I dance to this ridiculously sensual shit.

I step back off the rug in the living room and run into my slide once more when Fierge jumps right in front of me.

“Fuck!”
I scream as I try not to kill this cat with my feet and I lose my balance.
It’s like it’s happening in slow motion.
I see myself getting closer and closer to the edge of the kitchen island.
I see Fierge narrowing her eyes at me.
She really did want my death after I danced with her.

Time starts again when I feel the sharp blow to my temple as I connect forcefully with the marble table and I crumple to the floor.

My vision starts to go black and I can hear Tairn barking somewhere in the distance.
The song still pulses around me as the singer grunts sexually.

“And I said like that, like that.
Good girl good job.
You can take it baby girl just a little bit more.”

As my eyes fall closed like they have the weight of the world on their lids my last thought before blacking out is that I hope the song fucking changes before someone finds me.

 

———
I’m floating.
Weightless.
This is it.
The beyond.
I died while making noodles in my underwear.

Put that on my headstone and suck it mom.

I feel something clutch my body and I begin to move my head.
Okay, maybe I’m not dead. Because I have a body and someone is holding it I think?

My eyes are too heavy to open and every time I try to turn my head it pounds.
The heat wrapping around me feels safe and I burrow into it and think I make a small sound.

“It’s okay. I got you, Violet.”
The voice sounds so far away, and also like it’s in my head at the same time.
That voice.
I know it.
I’ve heard it.

“Xaden.”

I gasp out and finally pry my eyes open.
I blink up at him as his face hovers over mine and he has a frantic look in his eyes, but it’s like right when he sees mine looking back at him he smiles.
Like truly smiles.
No smirk. All teeth.
Fucking insane.
This has to be a dream.

“I’ve got you, don’t worry.”
He says again and I can feel his hands grip me tighter.
His hands.
He’s carrying me.

“What happened?”
I mumble out.

“You fell and hit your head. Fire alarm went off.”
He says and I notice we are in the stairwell descending down.

I try to jump up at his words
Fire alarm?

Don’t set the house on fire
Oh my god, Rhi is going to kill me.

“No, you’re staying right here with me Violet. It’s okay, there was no actual fire. The place is fine.”

I sag in his arms once again in relief.

“Thank god. Rhi would have lost her shit.”

I feel his laugh rumble in his chest underneath me as his hand flexes on my thigh.
My bare thigh.
Seriously universe?

Why was he even here?

“Do you ever wear pants?”
He asks teasingly as if he knows exactly what I was thinking and I huff.

I finally look up at him again
“Do you ever-“
But the words die in my throat as I register what I’m seeing.

A black firemen’s hat is nestled on his perfect fucking head, and if that didn’t clue me into why the hell he was in my apartment, my cheek resting on the name badge on his chest would have.

Lieutenant Riorson MFD

“Mother fucker, seriously?”
I ask with way too much bite in my tone for someone who was just rescued.

Another rumbling laugh sends shock waves through my body when I feel it.

“What?”
He asks as he kicks the door open in front of him like a god damn action hero and the cold night air kisses my skin.
Yes yes yes.
I need cold.
I need it so much.

“You’re a firefighter?”

“Yes.”

I roll my eyes at his one-word answer and try to look dignified as he carries me like a small child toward an ambulance.

God damnit there is a fucking ambulance out here.
And people staring at me.

Again, like he knows what I’m thinking, he wraps me even tighter in his arms and I’m pretty sure the only thing you could see when you look our way are his huge fucking biceps.

“You never told me you were a firefighter.”
I grumble into his chest.

“You never asked. Besides, what’s the problem?”

We reach the ambulance and he squats to softly sit me down right inside of it and my feet dangle off towards the ground.
Not two seconds go by when I feel a huge weight land over my bare legs and I look down at his jacket as his name stares back up at me.

When I finally get the balls to look back at him he is just in a plain black thight as fuck tshirt with suspenders crossing over his chest and i feel like i gulp audibly.

“Problem?”
I squeak.
“You’re over here carrying people out of not burning buildings looking like a wet dream and I feel weird and fuzzy.”

I grab my head and feel a wetness underneath my fingers.
When I look at my hand I blanch at the red covering my fingertips.

“I’m bleeding. Oh my god Xaden I’m bleeding, I'm dying. Someone get me a fucking doctor!”
Alright, so my panic might be a little much in the moment.
But I can’t help myself as my heart rate picks up and I’m wildly looking at all the random people as they stare at me freak out.

All of a sudden everyone fades away as he kneels in front of me to block my view.

“You're not dying Violet. Stop moving.”
I instantly freeze and his huge hands grasp my chin and tilt my head upwards.
A small light appears right in my eye and I blink it away in confusion before he does it again in my other one.

“A wet dream, huh? Also is that my fucking shirt?”

He says close to my face as he prods the wound on my head.
My anxiety abates a little as I try my best to glare at him while not moving.

“I have brain damage, I didn’t mean it. And also, no.”

He raises his eyebrows and I sigh.

“Okay yes. But it’s just so fucking comfortable.”

I see him doing something with his hands but don’t really want to look to closely as he snorts.

“That’s why it was my favorite.”

I pout.
Just a little, and he chuckles as l feel a small sting on my head.
Right when I’m about to hiss at the pain his latex-gloved finger gently rubs over my cheekbone.

“You can have it back.”
I murmur.
When the fuck did he put on gloves?
Where are the EMTs?
Why am I bantering with Xaden Riorson half naked, outside for the second fucking time in his presence.

He bites his top lip as he concentrates on something he’s doing to my damn head and then shakes his own.

“Nah, it looks better on you.”

He stands back now and towers over me at his full height.

“All done.”

My eyebrows raise which pulls the skin on my forehead and I slap my hand on it and wince.

“All done? Shouldn’t you get an actual EMT? Or I don’t know, take me to the damn hospital. I could have internal bleeding, I could be hemorrhaging as I speak.”

The hospital.
Where the mother that doesn’t know I’m back home works.
Fuck it, I’m totally fine.

His eyes sparkle in amusement and I scowl.

“Hemorrhaging? That’s a big word.”

My scowl deepens and my skin pulls again.
Damnit.

“I watched 22 seasons of Greys Anatomy just last week dick, I know some shit.”

He has his cocky smirk is back now.
“Of course you did. But I’m also a trained paramedic and you’re fine.”

I run my hands over the small bandage on my forehead gingerly

“Aren’t you still in college? I should get a licensed professional's opinion.”

He rolls his eyes at me now.
“I'm now back in college for med school Violet. You’re fine.”
I frown as he keeps talking.

“But you can’t stay here tonight. There was no fire, but there was a shit ton of smoke from the burner you left on and it needs to clear out for at least twenty four hours.”

I gasp and try to stand at his words but he is a fast fucker and already has a hand on my shoulder to make me sit down.

 

“My dog, Rhis cat.”
Even if the shit tried to murder me.

“They are fine.”
He flicks his head to the right and I look over at Garrick holding a very fucking angry cat as Tairn looks at everyone in boredom.

“Oh my god thank you!”
I call Tairn to me and he lopes over to sit at my feet as Garrick walks over with Fierge grinning.

“Did someone lose their pus-“

“Tavis!”
A sharp voice sounds from somewhere behind me and he winces.

“Fuck, Nyra is so done with my shit tonight.”
He says as he dumps the cat into my lap and I stare at her trying to convey the long talk we are going to have about attempted murder when we are alone.

“You’ve said the word pussy like twelve times, what did you expect?”
I hear Xaden murmur.
I refrain from smiling because none of this is funny.
It’s terrible.
And weird.

“So you're both firemen?”
I state the obvious as they look at me.

Garrick shrugs and then reaches next to him to grab the hose that was dangling off their huge red truck.

I feel another weird joke coming on so I interrupt him.

“Could you go back in and get my phone?”
I ask nicely to Xaden and blink my eyelashes a few times for good measure.

But Garrick pulls out my purple phone from his pocket and hands it to me.

“Grabbed it before the cat, also you have some real kinky music, Vi. The guy on there told me he wanted to clap my cheeks before I turned it off.”

I feel my face flush with embarrassment as I murmur a quiet thank you and scroll to find Rhi.

“So yeah, we are both firefighters.”
Garrick says holding up the hose again.

“That’s why you don’t see us a lot, we are drowning in work.”

He smiles at me like I have a clue what the fuck he’s talking about and I put the phone up to my ear as it trills.

“Get it? Drowning?”
He says holding up the limp hose in his hands.

I shake my head as Xaden rolls his eyes.

“Not even a little dude.”

He purses his lips in anger as Rhi picks up the phone.

“Vi, is everything okay?”

I make myself sound bright and cheery.

“So I didn’t technically burn down the house.”

 

Her frantic screaming through the phone makes my head hurt and then I see a familiar blonde head pushing through the throng of onlookers.

“So everything’s fine. I have Fierge, stay at Tara’s until tomorrow night, I’ll be with Liam. Kay Love you Bye!”

I quickly press the red end call button.
I’ll text her in a second.

“You called Liam?”
I ask Xaden.

He shakes his head.

“Garrick did.”

Liam is full out running to me.

“Violet! Garrick said you were in a fire. Fuck are you okay?”

I glare at Garrick while I nod.

“There was no actual fire. I just bumped my head. I’m fine.”

Liam whirls on Garrick.
“Why the fuck didn’t you say any of that. You just wrote ‘Violets in a fire’ Who does that?”

Garrick throws his hands up.

“In my defense, I wrote that before we went up there and saw it was just smoke from a pot of water, okay? I just knew they lived in the building and when the call came in, that fucker-“
He points at Xaden.
“Was freaking the fuck out and driving like and insane person, so I thought i should text you just in case Violet was dying in a fire.”

We all stare at him for a second and I see Xaden glaring daggers at his best friend.

“Can I leave?”
I ask anyone who will let me escape this hell.

“Yeah, I’ll get your statement about what happened when I get home.”
Xaden says without looking at me.
Oh good, I have hours to come up with a better story, then sliding in socks on floor while trying to cook a simple dish.

“Come on Vi. You can have my bed, I’ll take the couch.”

I just don’t even bother arguing as I let him help me out of the ambulance.
I hold Xadens' jacket out towards him as I carry Fierge like a football, and he takes it but then drapes it over my shoulders.

“I’ll get that back later.”

I give him a look.

“What if there is an actual fucking fire you have to go into?”

He smirks at me again and I clench my teeth.
“Worried about me?”

I make a frustrated noise and turn around.
“My shift ends after we clear out of here.”
He calls to my back as I follow Liam to his car.
I throw up my middle finger in the air and hope he sees it.
What the fuck is my life right now.

Notes:

Instead of her having the physical issues she does, I switched it up a bit and made it a Mental Health issue.
It’s was honestly just was easier for me to write about since I suffer from large amounts of anxiety, like our girl Violet does.

And for any of you others out there reading who also suffer from anything and everything.
I see you, I love you, you’re amazing, and I hope you enjoy 💜

Chapter 4: It’s really a story about Garrick being iconic

Summary:

Just some more fun with the whole crew.
But it’s starting to heat up 🔥 👀

As I said when I started this, I am writing this purely for fun and giggles as a way to help me overcome some writers block on my other fics.

So it will rarely be that serious.
I just love all these idiots, and I love to giggle.

Xaden:

 

Garrick Tavis:Well hello everyone 😉

Tall one great ass:So drinks later? Vi will buy the first round since she almost burned down my apartment.

Haven’t met this one yet:Our apartment, and yes.

I swear I hate her:There was no actual fire, and it’s been a week. I’d say we should all get the fuck over it now.

Liam Mairi:Im in! My meetings done at 6, you need me to pick you up Vi?

Hot for a dude:We’ve been pregaming for the last hour since Violet has no job and I’m ’working from home’

Bhodi Durran:I’m working tonight, but Violet won’t talk to me anyways.

I swear I hate her:We can go to that bar that’s close and just walk! But thanks Li.

Bhodi Durran:You mean the bar you met Xaden in?

I swear I hate her:This is why I don’t talk to you.

Imogen Cardulo:Who in the mother fuck are you people?

Sloan Mairi:Im literally at school in Boston rn.

Garrick Tavis:Sorry Sloany Balony. I just miss you.

Hot for a dude:Yeah Sloan, we just miss you. Tell me, do you look like your brother?

Hot for a dude:For research purposes.

Sloan Mairi:Oh I’m much prettier then Liam😉

Liam Mairi:Stop.

Haven’t met this one yet:Wait, Vi. You met Mr.Greatdick at the quad?

Sloan Mairi:omg who’s that?

Imogen Cardulo left the chat

 

Bhodi Durran:Look bro, I dunno who you are, but I’m going to need you to call me in thirty minutes and elaborate on the story of that nick name.

Garrick Tavis:This is the best idea I’ve every had.

I swear I hate her has left the chat

Garrick Tavis has added Imogen Cardulo

Garrick Tavis:Im, these are all my new friends, be nice. Come drink with us.

Garrick Tavis has added I swear I hate her

Imogen Cardulo:No, fuck you Tavis.

Garrick Tavis:Vi. No one even saw what Sawyer/Ridoc wrote. (I can’t remember who’s who and I didn’t save your actual names in my phone.)

Garrick Tavis:Xade did you see your nickname 😂😂😂

Sloan Mairi:🤢🤢🤢🤮

Tall one great ass:You sent that to everyone Garrick..

Garrick Tavis: I'm aware.

Liam Mairi:I think we should all just shut the fuck up now.

Liam Mairi:Garrick.

Hot for a dude: I'm pretty offended. I thought I made a very memorable first impression.

Garrick Tavis:Ahh, Sorry Ridoc.

Haven’t met this one yet:And I’m the one that hasn’t met you and also answers my door with clothing on.

I swear I hate her:Well if no one is going to ask. What are they in your phone?

Liam Mairi:Oh vi, you should never ask Garrick that.

Garrick Tavis:Ass cheeks for days and other roommate

Haven’t met this one yet:Okay, yeah. I’m slightly offended too.

Imogen Cardulo:If I go for one drink, will you all shut the fuck up?

Garrick Tavis:Of course!

Liam Mairi:Just come out Imogen, their my friends from college.

Hot for a dude:Naw

I swear I hate her:Probably not.

Tall one great ass:Imogen, I’ve seen pictures, if you’re into women, so are me and my girlfriend.🤞

Imogen Cardulo: I'm in.

 

I look up from my phone in horror as I see over 40 message notifications.

“Tavis!”
I bark across the garage and it echoes because all of the trucks are currently deployed.
He whips his head towards me with a small smile and turns the chair so his back is facing me.

“What in the fuck did you do”
I growl.

I’m in some fucking group message with a whole bunch of people who are some how saved in my phone. I stride over to him and rip the phone from his fingers before he can hit send on another text.

“Who the fuck are these people, and how are they in my phone.”

He turns around and grabs for the phone, missing terribly.

“Vi’s friends. I met them like two days ago, except for Sawyer, he was at work.”

I let my glare do the talking because that’s not my main concern.

“I took your phone when you left it in the truck and added them for you. They are all super cool just give them a chance!”

“Why the hell didn’t you save their actual names?”
Even though I can guess at least who one of them is as I scroll up.

My thumb pauses at the nickname one of Violet's roommates said.
I control my face before my mouth upturns into a smirk.
I can't say anything back to that.
I have to forget it.
Because it’s been one week of that woman practically living in my house hanging around Liam and I can see he still likes her, and she seems to possibly feel the same. But even if she didn’t, the whole situation is way to fucked for me to even touch.

We have become..friends. Or well, we are friendly. Okay, she's friendly, and I grunt a word out here and there and help her reach the coffee cups that we keep on the tallest shelf in the kitchen.
But for me, that's friendship.
Liam and Garrick both drunkenly threatened me the night Violet finally apologized, and even though I don’t have the full story, or even a part of the story because I didn’t really understand what either of them were saying, I know i can’t be an asshole anymore.
Not to mention she’s just so…
Something.
Magnetic.
Like she draws people to her.
I wouldn’t say it’s because she’s nice.
She has a sharp tongue and isn’t afraid to use it, which I might like too much.
But, she is also so caring in small ways.
She walked Sgaeyl for me the morning after I saved her from a pot of boiling water and over slept for class.
Two days ago I came home at 8am from a over night shift and Liam told me she made coffee for me because he told her that I had to stay awake for class at 9.

When she told me she almost died making ramen noodles, and I gave her the finer points of the unhealthy amount of sodium in that dreadful food, she yelled about being a poor unemployed librarian for twenty minutes, and then two days later I came home and saw she bought more of my healthy snacks I keep for when I have to grab something quickly in between work and school.
I don’t know if she thought they were Liam’s or what, but.. it’s the weird little shit like that, that makes me need to keep my fucking distance from her.
I'm so used to taking care of everyone else, it feels to..odd.

I can tell she wants to be friends, she includes me in every conversation she has with her insane friends on the phone or Liam, much to my dismay.
Garrick already texts her way too fucking often, which is weird, and now extremely annoying because it seems as if our two friends groups are going to collide and I just..
Shouldn’t.

The sounds of Garrick's voice jolts me out of my mind,
“I thought it would be way more entertaining if you tried to figure out who everyone was on your own.”

I roll my eyes and throw his phone back on his lap.

“Well I hope you have fun watching Imogen being taken home by someone else tonight asswipe.”

I’m going to assume ‘Tall one great ass’ is Rhiannon who I’ve only seen behind the steering wheel of a car, and in pictures on Instagram when I lightly stalked Violet. Garrick should have known better, Imogen is going to fucking love her.

“She was just joking.”
He rolls his eyes but then makes a worried face.
“Right? I mean, she told me when we met that she was in a serious relationship.”

“Was that before or after you tried to flirt with her?”

Garrick makes a face and shrugs.
“That’s besides the point. Whatever, are you coming out?”

I scoff and turn to walk back to the supplies room where I’m dutifully taking inventory.

“Fuck no.”

Of course I’m not.
Because I am a responsible adult who constantly has work or school, has to look after the many irresponsible adults I call friends, and possibly dive into Tinder to have an uncomplicated fuck.

——

 

I throw myself down on my couch when I finally get home, blessedly alone.
Silence greets me as I tilt my head back on the cushion. I hear the pad of footsteps come toward me and I blindly throw my hand down to pat Sgaeyl.
I hear a lower growl and whip my head up and recoil.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”
I ask a dog, that hopefully won’t answer me, but the way his eyes look have me slightly on edge about his intelligence.
The large black beast just looks at me with judgement as Sgaeyl finally pads over to him and they sit side by side staring at me.

I’m sad to say I release his gaze first and pat my sweats on the sides to feel for my phone and ask Liam why Sorrengail's dog is threatening me in my own home.

 

14 unread messages.

I sigh as I swipe up and see a ridiculous amount of pictures sent by Garrick, who would have guessed, of their huge group sitting in a booth.

My eyes automatically find Violet because they are fucking traitors and when I see Liam’s head thrown back in a laugh with his arm around her I close the whole fucking app.

I hit the little pink and white app in the middle of the phone and start swiping numbly.
I much prefer going out and picking up women the face to face way, but I also prefer fucking in my own house and the only bar that’s close has been ruined for the night.

You have matched with Kyliiiieee💜

Ugh, learn how to spell.

You have matched with Erica

Nice face.

Looking for someone to stir my gumbo pot.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is a gumbo pot?

 

You have matched with Desiree

Mmm, points for no weird duck face.

Just looking for some easy fun.

Alright finally, someone normal, my fingers hover over the keys. Why is this so fucking awkward?

Hey.

Not original, but I usually just let my face speak for itself.

Damn Xaden, are you going to be my daddy?

Or should I say Xaddy?

I groan and throw the whole fucking phone on the floor.
I look over at the two dogs still staring at me.

“Yeah, I’ll be back later.”

I’ll just go for one drink.
Maybe two.

 

—————

 

Violet:

My phone buzzes against the cherry wood table and I glare at it.
I’m going to turn the fucking thing off.
I swear.
I look around the table at everyone laughing and joking with each other and realize these people are almost every person I know and talk to, so why the fuck not?

I hold down the little button and then swipe to shut it off.
Fuck you Halden.
Eat shit.

And sorry Mira and Brennan, I don’t have the mental capacity to lie to you about where I’m living currently.
Because they would tell my mother, and then I might have to commit some kind of assault.

“Everything okay?”

I feel Liam’s breath on my ear as he talks low enough not to draw attention to me.

“Yep, Halden, Mira, and Bren called again. I just don’t want to deal.”
I say with a shrug.

Sawyer locks eyes with me from the other side of Ridoc and mine narrow in anger at him again.
“Come on Vi!” He huffs. His cheeks are flushed with the shot we all took right when we sat down. “You can’t be mad at me forever, I didn’t know the guy was in the group chat!!”
My eyes narrow even more, they are almost closed at this point, and I flip him off.
It’s not about the horrible nickname we all secretly laugh about because we know Xaden would probably hate it. He is intense and barely smiles, so that’s just a solid guess.

No no, it’s the fact that after he let it slip, the dick actually called Bhodi and they chatted like life long friends for twenty minutes as we got ready to come here.
Traitor.

He gives me a pained face and then I casually swipe my index finger along my throat. You’re dead Hendricks.

Liam barks out a laugh at the entire exchange and throws his arm around me.
“It’s all in good fun, but I swear if it really makes you uncomfortable I’ll threaten everyone to stop.”

Honestly, I don’t care. I am not ashamed of my actions. I had fun, it was consensual and we are adults. At first, I only cared because I didn’t want to make Liam uncomfortable and then he would realize he should still hate me, but he seems to think the whole thing is some hilarious form of fate.
And then Xaden started acting weird to me in our brief encounters. Kind of staring, not talking too much, grunting responses, so I assumed he was uncomfortable that his friends were giving him shit like they were doing to me.

But now I don’t care at all and want everyone to forget because I have now fully meshed with Liams other friend group, and I will get Xaden to participate, even if it kills me.

Halden won’t stop pestering me, and neither will my dear siblings. It’s as if they all just realized they missed my wedding even though it’s almost been a damn month.

“Naw, I’m fine. I just like fucking with Sawyer.
I murmur into his ear.

The door swings open and the cold air whips my hair around my face as I turn and lock eyes with dark and broody himself.
He walks up and surveys the scene before him and I swear I can see the immediate regret of coming here in his eyes before he abruptly turns and goes to the bar.

“Imogen!”
Garrick says loudly at the pink-haired vixen that’s leaned into Rhi.
“Xade is here!”
She doesn’t even turn to look at him and I smirk.
“Hey.”
He snaps his fingers in between the two women and I see Imogens sparkling green eyes narrow the same way they did on me when I went to shake her hand after I entered the bar.

I had been warned, a lot. Like too much.
Honestly so much that I thought the woman would somehow immediately snap me in two upon meeting her. With her muscular arms and built ass body, she probably could.
But she only looked at me appraisingly and cocked her head. “Aren’t you the bitch that made Liam listen to terrible music for six months?”
Liam’s hands tightened on my shoulders as he whispered “She says that about anything that isn’t death metal, it was normal music.” I only nodded because that bit of personal news seemed on brand for her. She is beautiful and lethal all in one package, her striking pink and blonde hair coupled with her no give a fuck attitude makes me want to be her when I grow up.
I only responded with “yep.” And that was that, we have been cordial ever since.

“Why would I give a shit if Xaden was here? I see him every fucking day in my gym.”
She bites out and then narrows her gaze back in on Rhi who looks absolutely delighted to be the center of her attention. I can’t wait for Tara to get here and meet her.

Imogen might have bitten off more than she could chew with those two.

Xaden finally makes his way back to the table, drink in hand, and silently sits at the empty spot at the end of the circular booth by Garrick.

I lean forward and smile prettily.
“Decided to grace us with your presence?”
Two shots and one rum and Coke deep and I feel like fucking him.
No, sweet Christ, fucking with him.

It’s just something about his way to good looking face that makes me want to simultaneously make him be my friend, but also give him shit at the same time.
The feelings are complex.
Or I have a crush like a child.
Whatever.

He flashes me a small smirk.
“I didn’t know you cared”
He leans back in his chair and flexes his huge arms over his chest. “But I just wanted to come make sure everyone made it home alive.”

I scoff but before I can reply Garrick throws his arms around his friend. “He was probably at home strolling Tinder and struck out.” He says with a shit eating grin and with the clench of Xadens jaw, I’m inclined to believe his guess.

“Didn’t strike out. People are fucking weird.”
He says making a face.
“Does anyone know what a Gumbo Pot is?”
He says furrowing his brow.

“Like the food?”
Sawyer says eating a handful of nuts from the bowl in front of him.

“Or like pussy?”
Ridoc says sipping a martini. Sawyer coughs loudly and I see an entire peanut fly from his mouth, Xadens face takes on an even deeper look of disgust.

“I think it was the pussy one..”
He murmurs like he’s been scarred for life.

I laugh loudly with Liam and a recovered Sawyer.

“This is why I’m going to die alone, and probably adopt like twelve cats to keep me and Tairn company,” I say chuckling.
“Your dog tried to bite me,” Xaden says pretty much chugging the amber liquid in his glass and I just nod. “Yeah, he’s a great judge of character,” I say wistfully and it earns me an actual laugh from him (aha!) and I pretend to be shocked.

“Oh my God, Xaden, did you just laugh at my joke? I knew we were going to be friends.”
He rolls his eyes but I see a small smile on his face.
“Honestly if he didn’t like you, he’d just ignore you. Just wait until you see him interact with someone he hates Vi.” Liam says with a grin.

I turn to reply when the cold air hits me again and I see a man coming in the door. I don’t even say shit as I go completely boneless and slip my whole body under the table like a snake.

“And there she goes.”
I hear Xaden say. “She really does know how to exit a conversation.”
I look over to Ridoc and Rhi peaking under the table at me.
“It’s Dain! Dain is here. Here is where Dain currently is!”
I say rapidly. I can’t do this, this is too much rehashing of the past. I haven’t seen him since the day he ran from me like a little bitch after saying terrible shit.

“Stop talking like that Vi, it’s unbecoming of a scholar.”
Ridoc says bringing his Martini under the table as I see Rhi pop back up.

“Holy fuck it’s Resident advisor dick.”
Sawyer says. “I mean Resident Advisor Dain.” He adds after Rhi snorts.
“Who the fuck is that?” Imogen (I think?) asks.

I hear Rhi muttering something, probably about Dain to the ignorant people who don't understand why I have to hide under the table.
“Oh shit!” I hear and then Garrick's face is under the table.
“Is it that Dain?”
I make a face and nod aggressively “Have you ever in your life heard of anyone else with that fucking name Tavis?” He tilts his head in consideration. “No, I guess you're right.” And then I see a tawny hand dragging him back above the table.

“I can tell him to get fucked.” Liam says angrily.
“No, Violet should tell him to get fucked.” Xaden says back in a bored tone.

I decide that I will tell myself to get fucked, and scurry out of here like a gremlin if it means not seeing that man.
I start to shuffle on the floor as Ridoc watches me.
“How did he know I was here? Did you post that stupid picture to Instagram already?” I ask in an angry hiss as I try not to touch the sticky floor.

His eyes widen and then silently he raises his head so he is no longer under here with me.
The asshole!

I squat crawl slowly and I can feel a burning sensation in my calves, oh god I might have to take Imogen up on the offer to go to her gym, I’ve only been down here like two fucking minutes.
The tip of my heel steps in something wet, which is fucking gross and I slip for forward almost face planting in the gross floor when I catch myself on someone’s knees. Of course, they are his.
“I told you before Violet, you should stop running away from shit when you feel bad.”
He doesn’t crouch down, but his voice reaches me just fine and I give him a great jab to his thigh.

“Shut the hell up Xaden. That guy is a total dick and I just simply don’t want to deal with it.”
I shift my weight and my knees start to throb. “Where is he?” I hiss, he doesn’t reply and when I hear Garrick start to speak I see him hit his midsection.
I sigh and start to crawl a bit forward so I can poke my head out from the table and see where he is.
The fact I am mere inches from this man’s dick is not lost on me, but this is not the time nor place to care. His huge hand touches the top of my head and pushes me back down and I yelp.
“He’s walking up, stop sexually harassing me and get the fuck up here.”
Xaden says in a rush.

His huge hands grab me under my arms as he shifts his legs to the side and he pulls me up like I am a small child and now I am awkwardly wedged in between him and Garrick.
He throws his arm over me and Is the picture of nonchalance as Dain fucking Aetos walks up wearing a suit that looks slightly to big on him as he straightens it nervously.
He grew a beard that is cropped short to his face, but other than that, he looks exactly the same as he did the last time I saw him.

“Violet.”
He says as if I’m the ghost of Christmas fucking past and not someone he obviously stalked to find me here. I stare at him awkwardly as Rhi clears her throat.
“Hey Dain, what the fuck do you want?” Her smile and tone imply that she is unhappy with his presence and the whole entire table just feels awkward as hell.
“Gamlyn tagged Vi in a picture-“ he starts and then looks at me again. “I didn’t know you were back home. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because I didn’t want to.” I finally find my voice and it is hard and unwavering, thank god.
“Come with me outside, just for a second, please?” He asks me with a piercing gaze.

I look away, and see Liam is about to say something, and it won’t be nice by the look on his face so I clear my throat to catch his attention. I shake my head when he looks at me and take a deep breath.
Fuck it. Let’s hash this shit out and then I can come back in and get seriously fucked up.
Like a responsible adult.

“Okay. We can go outside.”
I say and then I start to push on Xaden to move. He doesn’t, which confuses me since he’s the one who wanted me to do this horrible shit.

“She’ll meet you outside Dan.” He says not looking at the man at all.
“It’s Dain.” He says in a flat tone.
“Sure.”
He dismisses the other man and turns to me, as Dain starts to awkwardly back away.

“Dont let him talk shit to you. Don't let him guilt you.”
Xaden starts as he looks at me so deeply I feel like his eyes are gazing into my damn soul. I haven't actually had any deep talks with him about anything so I have no idea how he touched on the two biggest fears I have going into this conversation, but I feel my throat tighten with emotion.

“Do not run away if he makes you mad.” Liam adds seriously, and a small stab of guilt wriggles through my gut but I just nod at everyone.

Garrick leans over me “Just go for the balls, and he will go down.”
Imogen scoffs and shakes her head.
“No, hit him right in the trachea.” she says touching a spot on her throat. “Then he can't talk anymore.” she smirks.

Everyone starts talking at the same time and I have to scream over them.
“Alright Alright! This isn’t fucking fight club, I’m not going out there to hit him.”

Liam coughs. “Again.”
I shoot him a glare.

Finally Xaden scoots over to slide out of the booth just as I see Ridoc climbing over Liam.
I stand up and look at him in confusion.
“What are you doing?”

He shrugs. “Going with you. Obviously.”

I don’t even have the patience to argue and honestly, I need my baddest bitch to have my back. I turn slightly on my heel and walk out the door.
Ridoc is right behind me when I stop next to the wall outside and shuffle my feet as I wait for Dain to talk. I mean, this is going to be an apology.
It has to be, right? I should just be able to listen, nod, and leave.
Easy.

“Vi, I’m sorry.-“
I already start nodding, step one and two of three already complete.
“- that we grew so far apart that you didn’t reach out, but icing out your own mother?”
He scoffs now as my blood pressure rises.
“You’re better than that. You moved, changed you’re number, and completely fell off the grid.”

His hands are thrown on his hips now as if he’s a disapproving parent.
“Who do you think had to hear about it every holiday? Everytime time I step foot back in this town? Me, and now you’re here-“

Blind red hot anger surges through my entire body. I feel as if electricity is running through my veins as I listen to this idiot talk. Instead of hearing his words I start to hear my mother,
Its your fault. and Halden Why even threat to leave me Vi? No one else would deal with your crazy shit.

I don’t even realize exactly what I’m doing until I feel my legs lunge forward and I jab my fist right into his throat, exactly where Imogen showed me.
His words are cut off as he sputters and grabs at his windpipe.
Oh..oh no

“Oh damn!”Ridoc yells

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at Ridoc, but I’m met with darker skin and black curly hair.
“Do not make me arrest you, Violet.”
Bhodi’s voice sounds extremely amused as he wears a conflicting face of seriousness.

“What?” I say blinking at him. He moves his suit jacket out of the way and I look down at a shiny badge clipped on his belt next to a huge fucking gun.

“What in the hell? Are all of you just apart of the fucking Villiage people?”
He makes a confused face as I hear Dain hacking behind me.
“Is Imogen going to come out here dressed as a fucking cowboy next?”

“There were no firefighters in the village people, Vi.”
Ridoc says calmly next to me.

“Not the fucking point!”
I screech.

I’m pulled away from my anger that’s weirdly aimed towards Bhodi, the fucking Police officer apparently when Dain finally recovers from the small tap I might have slightly given him.

“You’re unhinged Violet. What happened to you?”
Anger snaps in me again and I lunge forward ready to go for the balls next when Bhodi throws his arm around my waist and drags me away from him.

“If I were you, I’d leave sir.” Sweet baby Jesus, Bhodi has a cop voice.
I hear Ridoc inhale and I look over at the man clutching his nonexistent pearls as he stares at Bhodi.

“She’s the one who assaulted me!”
Dain seethes.
“Well, I didn’t see anything.” Bhodi turns to Ridoc. “How about you, handsome?”
Ridoc is opening and closing his mouth like a weird fish as he shakes his head no and I make a strangled noise in my throat. This is not the time to forget how to talk for the first time in your life.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Bhodi says flashing a smile and then turning back towards Dain.
“So I’d leave before I let her go, and I really don’t see anything.”

Dain looks at me one more time. “I’m going to tell your mother you're back home. Get your shit together Violet.”

I leap in Bhodi’s arms as he clutches onto me and yell at Dains back as he walks away.
“Fuck you Dain!”

Once he rounds the corner I immediately sag down in Bhodis hold and he lets me go. I straighten my dress out and smooth down my hair.
“Did that seem unhinged to you?” I ask both men.
Bhodi makes a face that tells me he wants to say yes but Ridoc being the best fucking friend ever immediately shakes his head.
“Hell no, that was amazing.” He grins wolfishly.
I nod and walk away from both men and kick the door to the bar open, and instead of joining the table I walk straight over to the stools facing the bartender and order three shots of tequila.

I don’t look back at my friends at all as I shoot one down as soon as it’s placed in front of me, but before I can reach for the next one a hand snakes in front of mine and grabs it.

“So it went well then?” Liam says before knocking it back.

“Not even slightly,” I say before reaching for the third.
Now a tawny-skinned hand comes from above my shoulders and plucks it from my fingers.
“At least you didn’t run away,” Xaden says and I tilt my head back to see him down my last shot.

“Three more.”
Liam motions at the bartender.

“Want to talk about it?”
He says giving me serious side eye.

“I have no idea why I just did that. I mean of course he was a dick, but I went out there knowing he was a dick. I was going to be responsible, I swear!”
Apparently, I did want to talk about it, because now all my words are rushing out of me as Liam sits to my left and Xaden on my right.

Three more shots appear and I gulp mine down greedily.
“I thought he would just apologize and then whine a little. I-“

“We heard what you did, Ridoc is bragging about you.” Liam says.

“-and he told us an abridged version of what he said,” Xaden adds.
“I would have hit him too, honestly.”

I make a frustrated noise in the back of my throat.
“No more talking, only drinking.”
I look to my left and right. “Are you both with me? I mean we are going to get fucked up. If you can’t handle it, leave now.”

Liam grins and motions at the bartender again. “Oh, I’m with you.”

I quirk my eyebrow at him. “I’m serious, I’m talking ‘so messed up I won’t remember this so I don’t have to tell my therapist’ fucked up.”
Xaden snorts
“That’s extremely unhealthy.” I give him a very serious look and he rolls his eyes. “But fuck it, I’m in.”

I grin at both men and clap them on the back before taking another shot.
And that’s the last thing I remember.

 

————

 

Xaden:

I groan loudly as I curl into myself on the bed. Holy shit I haven’t felt like this since I was 21.
My head is pounding and I really might vomit at any moment. I throw my hand out to find my wall so I can put my forehead against the cool surface and I hit flesh.
A person.
Another person is in my bed.
My eyes fly open and I gag at the sudden movement.
Is this my bed? I immediately see my dark blue comforter and sag in relief, but it’s short lived as I remember there is someone else in here with me and I have the overwhelming sense that it’s fucking Violet.
My heart starts to pound in my chest and I feel sick for an entirely different reason.
Fuck I cant believe I slept with her again, why in the ever loving fuck did I drink that much with her?
In those heels? In the dress? I mean I pretty much sealed my own fate sitting next to her at the bar. I clench my eyes closed so I can pretend i’m a good person for atleast ten more seconds.
I try to recall last night and only remember getting there, Violet crawling under the table, she hit someone, Bhodi was there?

Fuckkkkkk.

I let out a huge sigh, open my eyes and move my hand to inch back to the covers. My pinky hits skin again and it caresses her back as I move it down.

“That tickles.”
A groggy extremely male voice says.
I rip the blanket back quickly now and feel overwhelming relief when I see Liam blinking up at my sudden movement.

“Fuck, Liam what are you doing in here?”

He moves his head back and forth and then dry heaves and the sight almost makes me do it as well.
“I have no idea. Did I..have work today?”

I lay back down on my pillow and pinch the bridge of my nose to try and quell some of the pounding I feel with every pulse of my heart.

“No, it’s Saturday.”

I get no response, so I flick my eyes to the side and see him nodding slightly with his eyes shut tight. I’m off for the next three days. Thank shit, because I might need all three to survive whatever the hell I put in my body last night.

Liam suddenly flies up into a sitting position and groans.
“Violet. Did we take her home?”

I honestly have no fucking clue, but if we are this bad, I’m sorry to even think it.
But she might be dead.
She weighs like 100 pounds and it’s the height of a teenager, I don’t think she could have survived whatever the fuck we did.
I roll over to get off the bed and noises that I am not proud of escape my throat as my feet do not hit the floor and I fall onto my rug.

“Shit, Xade?”

I grab my nightstand like I’m fucking Jack reaching out to Rose on that door in the middle of the Atlantic. It’s all about survival, or at least it should have been, she could have made room on that damn door. I can’t believe I let Garrick talk me into watching that fucking movie with him while everyone was on call at work yesterday.
Oh shit, I wonder if Garrick made it home alive.
I shake my head at my fuzzy thoughts,
I can do this.
I. Can. Do. This.

 

I audibly groan as I pull myself up.
“I’m gunna check the house.” I grit out between clenched teeth as I open my eyes just enough to see slightly, and shuffle out of my door.
“You have no clothes on!”
Liam yells and I look down.
Jesus fuck, why?
I shuffle back and grab my sweats off the back of my chair and put them on slowly.
Now I finally shuffle through the quiet hallway. I make it to the living room and see a purse, one heel, and Violet's friend Ridoc on the floor.
Alright then.

I slowly turn back around and the world blurs around me with the movement and I have to lean on the wall. Pictures slant and one falls as I hit into them shuffling back to Liam’s room.

I throw open his door and it smacks against the wall on the other side. If I didn’t think it would literally kill me I would laugh.
Violet is in the very middle of his king size bed, still in her dress with one heel on, face down, and some how spread out so thoroughly it looks like she’s taking up the entire space.

Sgaeyl and Tairn both raise their heads from the end of the bed and eye me angrily, as if they also got no sleep last night.

“Violets alive!”
I yell, kind of.
It was more like a whimper honestly. But I hear Liam grunt so I’m assuming he heard me.
She doesn’t stir at my voice at all and I till my head forward to look at her and I swear I don’t see her chest moving.
Fuck, did I jinx it? Did she just slip into an alcohol induced coma in front of me?
I walk to the bed and lean over to feel her pulse when she rolls over fast as fuck and kicks out her tiny foot right towards my balls.

I somehow catch her tiny dagger like toes before they make contact and she blinks up at me in confusion. “Fuck Xaden, sorry.”
She wipes what I am pretty sure is drool from her mouth as she takes in her surroundings.
“I don’t even remember coming back here last night.”
She mumbles and I snort as I start to walk back towards my room.
“Ridoc is asleep on the rug in the living room.” I throw over my shoulder.

———

After throwing up in the comfort of my private shower twice, and standing in the hot water for almost an hour I’m finally sort of functioning enough to make my way to the kitchen.
Both Violet and Ridoc are sitting on the couch animatedly chatting and I shoot them a glare. How the fuck are they so alive?
Liam grunts from the kitchen and then hands me a cup of coffee and I wave my hand in thanks as I throw myself onto the chair next to the two annoying people.

“Repeat that Rhi.”
Violet says to her phone, that I didn’t notice she had held up in between her and Ridoc.
She leans towards me with a grin.

“Me and Sawyer had to pretty much carry that giant fucker up the stairs last night”
Her friends voice also sounds aggravatingly chipper, and holy shit, is Garrick here somewhere?

“Which is why I opted for putting Garrick in a cab and sending him on his way, don’t worry I checked. He is in fact alive.”

I groan at Imogen's voice. She’s with Rhiannon? Damn, she actually went home with her. I missed all the good shit. Or I just don’t remember it.
Realization hits me that Rhiannon must have been referring to me. Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been that bad before in my life. I’m always the picture of control. Even when I was younger.

“Sorry.”
I mutter into my coffee cup, and Violet's laugh tinkles around me.
They keep talking to each other about last night, apparently the only ones that can’t remember shit are me, Liam, and Violet. Everyone else knew when to stop drinking except the three of us, but honestly, it’s all Violet's fault.

Bhodi stayed long enough to tell everyone hi, and make Ridoc never shut the fuck about him, and I completely missed meeting Rhi’s girlfriend.

As I sit here and contemplate going back to sleep for the next twenty four hours i feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

My finger hovers over a text from Bhodi and Garrick, I decide to go with Bhodi, he is probably just making sure I’m alive, and Garrick probably sent something gross like a picture of him throwing up.
Yeah, that’s happened before.

Bhodi Durran:Lmfao. You were blasted.

I stare down at the video under his text in horror and quickly push the play button.

I hear the loud chatter of people in the bar before the camera shakily pans over to me and I cringe. I look sweaty and disheveled as fuck. My face is flushed red and my hair is sticking up wildly as if someone had been tugging it.

Stop smacking my ass Vi!
I hear Liam yell from somewhere off-camera.

That's me handsome

Ridoc's face comes into view next to mine and he winks.

Well I don’t blame Liam for thinking it was Vi.

I slur loudly.

She hit Dan earlier.

Garrick pushes next to me and jostles the camera

She hit me when I met her!

I nod my head with my eyes closed.

She hit Gar. She is violent as fuck.

My eyes fly open wide as if I had the most amazing thought ever and I lean forward out of the camera angle and drag Violet back with me.

I'm going to call you Violence! It’s so fucking perfect.

Violet throws her head back and cackles in my grasp, before booping me on the nose with her pointer finger.

Shut up Xaddy.

I close the video immediately and cringe.

I look up when I realize it’s quiet in the room now and everyone’s staring at me.
Oh fuck.

Both Violet and Ridoc lunge toward me at the same time and grab for my phone.
Usually there would be no contest, no struggle at all between me and these two but Violet is out for fucking blood today and her small hand lands on my cheek as she pushes my face away. I feel Ridocs' larger hand on my chest and I fleetingly wonder if he really wants the phone or just the chance to touch my pecs, because he’s asked me like three times and I’ve only met him twice.
I have my phone in a vice grip, prepared to launch it into the nearest wall if need be when I feel it being plucked from my fingers as I see Liam’s dimples hovering over the three of us.

“Got it!”
He says with more enthusiasm than he has had since waking up, and they all huddle on the couch to rewatch the horror show.
“Oh my god, he sent another one!”
Ridoc giggles.

I hear more yelling and I know they opened up another video and I sigh in defeat as I get up and throw myself next to Violence and lean in.

It is a good nick name for that little devil, drunk Xaden was on point.

One man enters, two men leave.

Liams voice is so fucked, it’s hard to understand him as he smiles lazily at the camera. It’s a close-up shot. Like extremely close, panned into his nose.

That's not right Li.

I hear another male voice say and I’m pretty sure it's the other roommate, Sawyer.

Yeah, fuck it. My money is on Vi.

The camera shakes up and down as Sawyer laughs.

Me too.

“Please God don’t tell me I got in another fight.”
Violet says and I see her cheeks redden slightly in embarrassment.

Whoever can do five shots the fastest gets the piggyback ride home.

That is distinctly Garricks voice I hear yell from somewhere off camera and Violet lets out a sigh next to me.

“Thank fuck. Just a terrible decision, no assault.”
I can’t hold in the laugh as I lean in to her further trying to see who she’s drinking against as the camera turns slowly.

Rhi waves half heartedly as Imogen sits in her lap, and a pretty girl with short hair blows a kiss to the camera before placing her hand on Imogen's knee. Ah, that must be the girlfriend.
Ridoc is dancing, but there is no music at the quad so he is doing it by himself next to a chair, and then the camera stops on the table with Violet and me staring back at each other.

Oh shit.
No wonder I feel like ass.
Seriously how is she not comatose right now?

No matter what, best friends? Drunk Violet says hiccuping and holding out her pinky.

Drunk Xaden is nodding seriously and takes her pinky in his own for a second
Sure, but I’m going to win Violenceee I slur

Alright, get ready. Three, two, one- Sawyer counts

And then the camera flies to the floor and we can hear him cursing out Ridoc.

Liam looks up from the video.
“How the hell does Bhodi have this?”

Violet scoffs “Him and Sawyer are apparently friends now.”

“And so are we.”
I add with a smirk.

She rolls her eyes, “Well duh, I only buy stupid fucking gross expensive snacks for my friends asshole.”

——

 

I didnt even realize I had fallen asleep again, until the smell of food has me blinking up at Liam and Violet as they talk above me. My head is resting on his leg, and I turn quietly so I don’t interrupt what looks like a serious conversation.

“I finally have a job interview on campus Monday.”
She mutters brushing her fingers through her hair.

“That’s good, you’ll probably get it if Markham still works there. He loved you back then.”
She makes a face but nods.
“Yeah, but I’m not excited to go back to the ol’ Alma mater”

Liam huffs a laugh. “But this time around you’ll be a part of the staff.”

Violet's grimace has me smirking.

She is so easy to read. She wears every emotion on her fucking face at all times. It’s pretty refreshing to practically be able to read someone’s mind instead of trying to figure them out and coming up short, which happens for me often. Hence why I only have friends that I’ve known since I was a child.

“You should call back your brother and sister.”
Liam says with a frown looking at the table, presumably at Violet's phone as it buzzes.

“Yeah yeah, I know.”

I finally decide to speak since it feels like I’m awkwardly eavesdropping.

“You shouldn’t-“

“Run from my problems.”
She finishes pitching her voice to mock me.

“Yeah, the last time you said that, I confronted my problem, and committed a misdemeanor.”

My eyebrows rise at her wording.

“I got anxious Dain would try to throw me in jail and I asked Bhodi.”

I bark out a laugh. She is so fucking tightly wound, it’s crazy.
It shouldn’t be possible for someone who seems so carefree and sure of herself to also worry about every little thing.

“For a member of our esteemed police force, he has a potty mouth.”
She says throwing her hair over her shoulder.

I chuckle again, because he sure fucking does, but I feel like that’s mostly my fault. I was a pretty good influence in a lot of ways growing up, but my vocabulary though? Could use some work.
I finally lift my head from Liam’s lap and the roaring pain in my head has finally calmed to a dull ache, thank God.

“I’m going to go for a run.”
I say stretching my back.

“You guys are ridiculous with that shit.”
Ridoc says walking in the living room wearing a towel over his head, and what I think is a purple face mask while eating eggs with his fingers.
No fork.
Like an animal.

I don’t even give him a response.

I mean seriously? The bacteria on fingertips alone, I just can’t with these people.

 

——————

I cut my run short when rain starts to pelt into me. I normally wouldn’t give a shit, but I already feel so shaky from pretending I’m five years younger than I am and drinking my weight in tequila. I cut through the park and turn back onto our street.
My eyes catch a weird shape hanging from the tree to the right of our apartment's entrance, and then I kick my stride into high gear when I realize they are legs, it’s a person.

I run up to the tree and the flailing legs of someone who’s hanging on the lowest branch and roll my eyes.

“Violet, what in the ever loving shit are you doing out here?”
Of course, it’s her. She’s always got to be doing something fucking weird.

Her head turns to look over her shoulder, her hair is plastered to her face, and dripping with water.
“Oh thank god! Xaden, I came out here to call my sister, and then I heard like a really weird noise. So I looked everywhere and there is a cat up here. You have to save it!”

I roll my eyes, more like she was trying to put off calling her sister and now she’s chasing ghosts in the tree outside.

I see her move her arms and then she makes a tiny yelping noise as she starts to slip and fall.
Even though it’s not that far off the ground, and hitting her ass in the mud might be a good life lesson of why we don’t fucking climb trees in thunderstorms I catch her around the waist and help gently place her on her feet.

She gives me a pointed look and throws her hands on her hips.
“Hurry up! It’s pouring and the poor thing looks terrified.”
I finally look up and see a small orange looking rat shaking on the second to last branch above us. I sigh loudly.
“Oh don’t act like that, isn’t this like what firemen usually do anyway?”

I stop my hands from reaching the branch and give her a look. “No, contrary to what you’ve seen in your romantic comedies, we fight fires.”

I grunt as I grasp the branch and plant my feet up against the trunk of the tree and reach.
“We don’t rescue cats. You should have called Bhodi.”
I have to reach my hands impossibly far to grab the freaking thing as it inches away from me like I’m not trying to save it’s fucking life.
I finally grasp it under its chubby stomach and start to descend.

“Oh my god, it’s just a baby. Look a how freaking cute it is Xaden. Can we keep it?”
I clutch the soaked rat to my chest as it digs its claws into my shirt and give her a confused look.
“We? Take it home. To your place, with your friends, and their cat they already have.”

She pouts. Like full on sticks her bottom lip out as she pets the wet thing that’s still for some reason in my arms.
“Fierge hates other cats, Rhi will say no! Please please please.”

She bats her impossibly long eyelashes at me and I see small droplets of water drop from them.
“What if Sgaeyl hates cats?”
She huffs at my statement. “Sgaeyl is a perfect lady, don’t lie to me.”
I snort, because she’s right. My dog could give a flying fuck about cats, or anything in general really.

“No.”
I say and start to try and move the thing off of me. It digs its claws in even deeper and I glare at it. “What if it already has a home, and your just stealing a cat?”

“I’ll take it to the vet tomorrow and check for a microchip, I’ll even download Facebook and look at the lost pet pages. But if I don’t find any owners can we please keep it?”

Her smile is dripping in innocence and I know it’s all a dirty lie so that I’ll cave.

“And just keep in mind that if you say no again I’ll go inside and ask Liam. One look at that little fucker and he will say yes to me.”

I sigh in defeat. She’s so fucking right.

“Fine.”
I bite out and internally groan. Why did I just say that? Why.
She squeals and throws her arms around me and the fucking cat that is still hanging to me.

“Thank you! I’ll come over all the time and take care of it, and when I finally get my shit together I’ll take it with me, I swear!”
My lips tilt up in a small smile at her happiness, even if I feel deeply conflicted about having this small ugly creature in my house.

I look down at her and she is still smiling and staring at me, I see her eyes flick to my smile and then she bites her bottom lip.
I don’t know who the fuck leaned in first, all I know is she is pressed into me and the cat is starting to make angry noises at being squished in between our two bodies but I can’t seem to care as I stare into her hypnotic fucking eyes.

God, I want to kiss her. Want to feel her perfect fucking lips again, take her back upstairs and peel her wet clothes off one by one and lay her back down on the table just like that first night and-
Lighting rips through the sky and a loud bark of thunder follows making the damn cat spear my flesh with its claws. I hiss at the pain and real back from making a huge fucking mistake.
She barely seems to register the noise but takes a step back when I do.
I can’t do any of that shit, shouldn’t even think it.
Liam is upstairs. My brother. My best friend.
I saw them talking earlier, saw the way his eyes softened as he looked at her.
And he would be so good for her, she needs someone happy, stable, and extremely optimistic to help battle what she clearly suffers from.
Studying to be a doctor and being a certified paramedic didn’t even help me come to my conclusion about what some of her issues are, it doesn’t matter how many people she has around her that tell her she’s amazing, wonderful, the most beautiful fucking woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
It matters what she thinks, and I know deep down Liam could help her see all of the fucking great things about herself. He could be her sunshine when her mind gets too cloudy.
Just like he is for me.

 

“Do you have feelings for Liam?” I find myself asking, before I can clamp my lips shut.
Her eyes widen a bit and she pushes the hair from her face as she blinks.
“Uh, I mean I’m just happy he’s back in my life.”
What an amazing non-answer.
I nod rapidly and take two more steps away from her.

“Well when you figure out what you want, you should talk to him, because I think he really likes you Sorrengail. He would be good for you, great actually.”
I swallow down the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat.
“And you deserve something good.”

Someone better than me, and Liam will ways be better than me.

I turn on my heel and escape into the hushed hallways of my complex and run through my door. Liam turns from the stove and gives me a small laugh, and then frowns when he sees me holding the cat I fucking forgot about.
I walk up to him and pry its small claws from my chest and then grab the kitchen towel that was hanging over the rail on our oven.
I wrap it like a burrito and then thrust it into Liam’s chest.

“Sorrengail found a fucking cat.”
I say absently as I flee towards my room and slam the door.

 

Liam:

I’m standing in the kitchen, holding a spatula and now, a cat. When Violet runs through the door after Xaden. She is soaking wet, dripping everywhere, and her eyes look a bit wild.
“Everything okay?”
I ask hesitantly as I turn back around to flip my grilled cheese before it burns.

“I found a cat.”
She mumbles and I snort and raise the bundle in my hand.
“Yeah, I heard.”
She walks jerkily towards me and stops right when her feet touch the tile of our kitchen.
“Liam..” Her tone is anxious and I throw my spatula down and look at her in concern.
“What’s up? Did something happen with your sister?”
She just shakes her head and water flies everywhere with the motion. Her eyes look uncertain as she gazes at my face like she’s never seen it before.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Her tongue darts out of her mouth to lick her bottom lip and I hungrily track the motion with my eyes. She looks amazing, as usual. Even wet and clearly disheveled. But unlike past Liam, I know when to keep my fucking mouth shut, and she isn’t doing well, hasn’t been doing well honestly.
I’m trying to just be that steady presence in her life that I know she needs, her other friends are there for her, and I know that, but I want to be the one she knows she can say anything to. The shadow behind her that can help her when she falls even though she's the toughest woman I've ever met, and I know she can get back up on her own.
But she shouldn't have to.
I can’t fuck that up again, even if my romantic feelings are rekindling with our friendship.
It’s been such an amazing couple of weeks with her, and all of our other friends. Like a tiny part of me that I could feel was missing is finally back and I can breathe easier.
Even Xaden is acting differently. Smiling more, coming out with everyone to drink, actually living instead of doing what he thinks he should be.
I thought I would be jealous of them, of what happened, but Vi wore him down in only the way she can and now they are actually friends. I honestly love it.
He needs more friends, and fuck, so does she.

“Looking at you like what?”
She finally murmurs.

I search for the right words I want to say, because it seems like she is looking at me as more than her trusty friend Liam, but I can’t say that, can’t cross that line.

“Like…like something’s going on. You don’t look like you feel— alright.”
I finish awkwardly.

The next thirty seconds feel like the longest of my life as she just stares at me. Neither of us break the silence and then I see her swallow.

“Would you go on a date with me?”

Shock and happiness rise in me at the same time and I feel both emotions battle on my face.
Finally, my mouth splits into a huge smile as the smoke alarm goes off over me.

“Yes.”

Chapter 5: Thanks Eve

Summary:

Alright alright, I finally did it!
This story is all based on vibes and the vibes were just not vibing for a while!
Sorry everyone.
I’m not sure how funny this turned out to be despite my efforts, but it’s what I wanted in the moment, so I hope you like it! 💜
Also Grammarly totally stopped working, so if you see anything, no you don’t 👀.
I tried to find everything but I’m notoriously terrible with the English language even though that’s the only one I know.

Violet:

 

“Okay, what about this one?”
I step out of the bathroom and flourish my arms wildly. Sawyer barely looks up from his phone.
“That one’s nice.” I kick my foot out towards him and the slipper I was wearing sails through the air perfectly and hits his knees where he sits on the couch.
“That’s the same thing you said about the last three dick.”
I stomp over to the freckled traitor. “Need I remind you why you’re being made to help me pick an outfit.

He glares at me over his phone. “No, but also I kinda think all of them are a little too showy for interviewing at a library.”

I make a face at him and throw my hands up. “This isn’t for my interview! It’s for my date with Liam tonight!”

His phone dangles down now and his face makes a little ‘o’ of surprise.
“Oh, then I would have said, Why are you even trying so hard. It’s Liam, he saw you throw up in a bush like two days ago.”
My face falls flat and my eyes narrow. “If he said yes when you asked him out after that, then I’d say just wear like pants or something.”

I make a face of horror. “Pants?” He shrugs.
“It’s fucking cold.”

I throw myself on the couch next to him with a loud huff and steal the phone from his hand before he can even move.
“Who are you texting anyway? Does Sawyer finally have someone?” I say waggling my eyebrows as I look at the screen and then widen my eyes.
He makes a grab for it but I’m a fast reader so the damage is already done.

“Seriously! You’re still talking to Bodhi.” I scroll up through the long text thread. Damn.
“And it’s all about…Ridoc?”
I throw the phone back on his lap and give him a devilish grin. “This is great. I think you, Bodhi, and Ridoc would be hot together. You should let me watch.”

He makes a strangled noise and I see a blush already creep up his neck and I laugh. Oh, it’s too easy to embarrass him. I love it. None of the rest of us has any shame.

“I'm just trying to be a good wingman.”

The door breezes open and Rhi pulls her hat off. “We're talking about women? Because I have some fucking stories that will make your freckles wiggle Hendricks.”

His face looks pained. “Please God no. I was just saying I’m trying to help Ridoc and Bodhi actually talk, purely so Ridoc stops talking about him.”

Rhi just snorts and then looks at us. “Vi, why are you so dressed up?”
I make my eyebrows rise and motion towards my perfectly normal dress. These people are just too used to living in this terrible climate.
“I have a date tonight.”
She makes a face. “It’s just with Liam.” I make a frustrated noise and grab my whole damn suitcase to drag it to the bathroom and change.

I get it’s just Liam. But I am wildly nervous. Not only have I not gone on a date in…a very long time. Like it’s sad how long, but I’m worried this is going to ruin our friendship that we just got back. Xaden's words from the other day in the rain ring through my ears again.
He’s right. Liam is a good man, great looking, always thinking of others, nice, sweet as hell. Someone I should want to be with, and this time around I think I’m finally ready for something steady like that. I’m pretty sure I only subjected myself to Halden and his shit personality because I knew somewhere deep down that it wouldn’t work and I wanted something temporary.

Okay, so my new therapist said that, but it really does make sense. I deserve to try and be happy, and these weeks back here in this town I hate have been the happiest I’ve had in a long while.

I finally emerge from the bathroom in jeans and a thick cream sweater. Ridoc is now home from Imogen's gym. She probably really regrets telling us about it and how close it was after he’s gone for the last two days.

He whistles as he sprawls on the couch. “Liam is a lucky man, your boobs look great.”
I point at him, “and that’s what being a friend is people.” He smiles at my praise and then throws me my phone.
“Call your fucking sister right now before I do it for you.” He looks at me seriously “and you know how much she hates me.”

 

My hands are a little shaky as I open up Messenger and click her name.

So sorry Mir, life is so cray. I promise I'm doing okay. Call you soon. Fr.

I grimace at how terrible the whole text is but send it before I can rewrite it fifty times and then not send it at all.

Why in the fuck am I so nervous?
This is Liam.
Mairi.
Li.
My friend. Even if I act like a raging bitch during this entire date, he will be nothing but kind to me. I mean I proved that with what I did to him two years ago.
I hear my phone go off and try not to feel fear at how quickly she texts back.
Shit, that means she's mad.

Seeeeester: Violet Diana Marie Sorrengail.

Oh no. She used my full reality star Real Housewives name. I literally tell people I don't have a middle name, like Cher or Prince because it’s so fucking terrible.

Seeeeester: You do not say cray, or short hand ‘for real’

The jig is up. She knows I'm spiraling.

Seeeeester: Tell me where the hell you're hiding now, and Brennan will come get you.

I cringe at the thought of so many Sorrengails back in this fucking town and send her a quick ‘🙄 👌🖕’ and stuff my phone into my pocket.
Either Dain decided not to tell my mother about me being back, or he couldn't find her cave where she hangs upside down in darkness waiting for winter to pass.

 

I shuffle from foot to foot as I push all thoughts of my horrid life giver from my mind. I'm already anxious enough as it is, and now I'm rethinking my clothing choice again but It’s too late for me to change, and I just need to stop freaking the fuck out.
I look around the empty parking structure waiting to see Liam’s red charger come around the corner. Okay maybe it isn’t too late, maybe, and I’m just spit balling here, I was too fucking anxious to spend one more second in my apartment with three people that won’t stop fucking with me and bringing up embarrassing shit to talk about with my date.

Because unlike the man who has called me 37 times today, they like Liam.
And I can’t fuck this up again. Which means no weird stories even if he was present for most of them, and no subjecting him to the animals that are my current roommates because I apparently live in a sitcom.

My chin rises in this cold, desolate, and now that I think about it, creepy place. I beg my mind to be confident, sure, and not the slightly manic jumble it usually is.
I instantly deflate.

 

I might fuck this up again.

 

——

 

“I would have knocked on the door yah know.” Liam says with a small smile as he sits next to me driving to some unknown place because I am an idiot and told him I was totally cool with him picking whatever, but In reality I have not gotten the chance to peruse their menu. I mean what if this is some new weird vegan place like every other restaurant in California was? I can’t eat copious amounts of flaxseed again.
I refuse.

“I know.” I murmur and mirror his smile. “But everyone was acting like a bunch of jackasses.”
He just snorts and mutters, ‘and that’s new?’ I give him an awkward chuckle and then grimace at the uncomfortable silence that follows.

 

“So Garrick really wants to fuck Imogen am I right?” I blurt out.
Tact is my middle name.

Liam barks a laugh in the quiet car as we speed under street lights.
“He has had a thing for her for years, we all just ignore it now, including Imogen.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. I mean, he is kind of weird. Really talkative, says odd shit, and does whatever comes to his mind. But he is by no means, bad looking.
My eyes widen a bit in the dark car. Holy shit am I the female version of Garrick?
I shake my head. No, no depressing thoughts.
Not tonight.

“Why?” I ask simply because my inner musings are all over the place. Usually I would let the steady stream of babble take over and Liam would listen intently, but tonight.
I’m date Violet.
Calm, cool and collected.

His right shoulder goes up in a shrug from where he grips the steering wheel. “He has never acted on it. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s not exactly shy.”
I snort. Yeah I noticed, especially after meeting Rhi for .03 seconds and asking her if she enjoyed the company of large men with chest hair.
“Immy just figured he wasn’t serious because he never made a move. But me? I think it’s the exact opposite.”
I nod because that makes sense. Commitment is hard, I know this. Okay well commitment where there is actual feelings is hard.
“Xaden agrees with me, but we made a deal not to talk about it like five years ago, and it’s kept the friends group together so we stick to it.”

“And what’s Bodhi’s story?” I say with seemingly little interest. I might have promised Ridoc to dig up dirt on the tall dark gun wielding man, and I can’t let Sawyer outshine me in the friend department. We have had a slightly strained relationship since we met, only because he gives me more shit than everyone else in Liam’s other friend group. Even more than his sulky grunting cousin. But, when I saw him just this morning at the coffee shop I have now learned everyone I’ve ever met goes too, something happened and I’m not quite sure what it was, but he has been..nice. I mean it’s only been like eight hours, but he shot down every attempt Garrick made at teasing me about this date in the group chat.

“Oh he’s not interested in Imogen.” Liam says with a smile and I smack his arm playfully.
He just laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t know, he’s kind of like Ridoc. He dates around, never stays with anyone. Likes fun.”
I nod “and how much like Ridoc is he?” I say lifting my brows.
He snorts understanding my meaning. “He likes what he likes.” I smile. So exactly like Ridoc then. Good. My best friend deed is done for the night so we can stop talking about the people that have quickly become a part of my life.

But the silence drags on in the car and for once in my life, I have no clue what to say.
“Why is this awkward?” Liam asks making a left turn.
“Awkward?” I squeak and wave my hand. “This is normal.”

He gives me side eye, “yeah, I’ve known you a long time. You’re being weird.”
I huff out a sigh and my hands fidget in my lap. “I believe you should have already come to expect a certain level of weird by this point.”

He pulls into a parking lot and I look at him. Like really look at him for the first time tonight. He looks good. Clean shaven and all of his charm on display. The half smile he’s wearing shows me the dimple in his right cheek.

“This is a different weird, but I know you know that.” He puts the car in park and returns my gaze. “Just pretend we are two friends hanging out. Because technically that’s what’s happening. No pressure.”
The words help ease my anxiety but then the bastard takes my hand and interlaces our fingers and I feel my pulse pick up again. “No matter what. We will stay friends. I promise.”

I nod my head with way more confidence than I feel as he swings out of the car and crosses the front of it to open my door, I take a deep breath.
What could really go wrong?

——

Everything.
Apparently my life is meant to be a series of unfortunate events and I don’t even have the immense pleasure of getting Neil Patrick Harris playing the villain.

We are walking behind a gangly man named Trevor as he takes us to our table and both Liam and I stop to stare at the people seated directly in front of us in abject horror.
Sitting there perfectly poised, dressed impeccably as always is my fucking mother.
She sips her wine daintily as she talks with an older man who looks slightly familiar but I could give a shit at the moment.

“We can leave.” He murmurs as the blonde floppy haired man guiding us on this nightmare looks at us in confusion. I frown at my terrible luck and spend all of two seconds trying to channel my inner Xaden.

Stop running away just because you feel bad.

I can practically hear his voice in my mind, and like all the other times he tries to be a rational put together adult, I don’t listen.
I nod my head yes with a little to much vigor trying to teleport myself to a different universe where life isn’t trying to kick me in my nonexistent balls.
She hasn’t even turned to look our way, this is the perfect time to make our escape. Liam turns around to face me with a pained look on his face.

“This is already a terrible date.” He whispers for no apparent reason. “I’m sorry, I should have just cooked for you at my place, at least there this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Only because Dracula has to be invited in.” I whisper back because now he’s got me paranoid that somehow my mother gained super hearing in my time away. I grab his hand and interlace our fingers once again. “Hey, do you, like want to sit—“ Trevor leans in talking to us and I ghost my finger over his mouth. “Shhh. We are having a moment Trev.” He throws his hands up and nods as if this happens everyday, and maybe it does.

“My baggage is not your fault. This can still be a perfectly pleasant night, after we get the fuck out of here.” His little dimple smile makes me happy and I turn on the heel of my brown boot to drag Liam through the tables of people. “Change of plans Trev—” I start to say but I can’t get the rest of my sentence out because I run face first into a server carrying a huge platter of food.

 

You know, I have to admit. The universe did give me like two whole seconds to feel good about running, until instant karma hits me, and I can hear Xadens cocky laughter echo in my mind.
I stand there and just take the cascade of pasta that is thrown on me because I have no spacial awareness. I lock eyes with the man falling in front of me and I try to give him my most sincere apology I can without opening my mouth and letting a stray noodle fly in.
Liam’s hand goes slack in mine and when the damage is finally done and the sound of breaking dishes stops I look over at him covered in marinara sauce and he just nods while wiping his eyes with his right hand.
I lift my chin and look towards where my mother was sitting, and she stares at the daughter that has been gone for years, I swear I see her eye twitch but she makes no move to acknowledge me. As I shake the rigatoni from my curls, I can kind of understand why.
“Oh shit.” Trevor says with wide eyes, before I can agree Liam tightens his hold once more and pulls me.

My heels slide on the slippery noodles coating the marble flooring, and I make sure not to make eye contact with anyone as we walk. Cross this place off the list of available food options in this town, I shan’t be coming back. When we pass by the hostess stand Liam throws his arm up in a casual wave.

 

“You guys have a wonderful night!” He says in the most Liam way possible and I hold in my bark of manic laughter at their concerned faces. One brave soul gives us a strained smile as some sort of garnish flies from his hand when he puts it back down and we finally blessedly escape through the front door.

Neither of us say a word as he pops his trunk, throws me a towel, and gets one for himself before we slide into his car. This right here is why I don’t date, this never happened with Halden. Granted we never went anywhere, but still this proves my future is doomed.
I slide down in the seat with shame burning in my chest. I ran, again, because I didn’t want my mother to ruin me and Liam, again, but I did that all on my own because this date is completely fucked and Halden called it all those months ago when I decided to give up day dreaming and just settle down with him. Who would want to handle my crazy? Carry my emotional load? Help me sort through my thoughts that when presented with a situation to fight or flight in, I practically shoot into the clouds like I have wings.

The silence stretches uncomfortably as he puts the car in drive and swings right back out of the parking lot. On one hand, I’m happy with the silence because I don’t know what to say, on the other I feel like it’s driving a wedge right back in between us.

“Vi—” Liam says and I cringe a little. “That was fucking terrible.” I make a strangled gurgling noise as agreement and then to my surprise he huffs out a laugh, “Did you see the look on her face though?” A crazy laugh escapes my throat as I nod.
“Bet she wishes I wasn’t home.” My shame is slowly burning into anger at myself as we speed through the night. Why can’t I just be a normal adult? For one fucking night?
“I think she hoped that my years away would turn me into someone she didn’t hate, atleast now she knows that’s not the case.” My voice is dripping with disdain and I feel Liams hand touch my thigh and rest there.
“Hey, you are who you are and I think that person is amazing.” I don’t say anything back as i turn to look at the town in a dizzying haze through the window. I can feel his thumb circling on my thigh and I try to hone in on it. Feel my apprehension from before to take my mind off all my crazy family shit, but now it seems Liam is safely back to being my friend in my mind and his casual touches just feel normal.

“You should really talk to her.” He murmurs. “Just write down everything you want to yell at her, and say it all at once.”
I nod robotically even though I’m not going to do that. Is she a terrible fucking mother?
Yes.
Even before my fathers death she wouldn’t have won any awards, but a small part of me that seem to have gotten louder since I saw her face believes that she has reason to feel the way she does about me.
I’m different. Not like her, or my siblings.
Sometimes I make rash decision, or I can’t get a handle what’s happening inside my brain so I just drift through life. I didn’t have the emotional fortitude to follow in her footsteps like my brother and sister, I ‘embarrassed’ her my entire childhood with my outbursts and needing more attention.
After two perfect kids, who wouldn’t be a little disappointed they got me instead?

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I whisper not repeating any of my thoughts on the subject. I don’t want to hear all the perfect things Liam will say to try and convince me that I’m ‘great’.
None of it matters if I can’t convince myself.
And like the fucking perfect man he is, he just shrugs, presses the volume button for the stereo until it reaches 30, and pushes play.
Should I be surprised he was already rocking out to Taylor Swift? No, because we saw her in concert sophomore year and he all but drooled on the floor.

The music is blaring in his car so loudly I can feel the bass shaking my spine and I fucking love it. He’s slapping the steering wheel to the beat as I shimmy in my towel lined seat. We both start yelling the lyrics at the same time like we are perfectly in sync.

 

They say I did something bad
Then why's it feel so good?
They say I did something bad
But why's it feel so good?
Most fun I ever had
And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could
It just felt so good

He pulls in front of his apartments and we have finally come down from what can only be described as a musically manic episode. He hasn’t uttered one more word about the entire ruined date. This is why I consider this man like bottled sunshine. Always knowing exactly how to make me feel better, without prying into my soul and spilling all of my anxieties onto the floor.

 

We decided to come to his place and wash away the evidence of my failure to exit a building without incident because Xaden is out, and we should be alone.
I throw myself out of the car and let the snow that started to fall minutes ago help me clear my mind.

“So, want to try again on the whole date thing?” He says walking around the front of his car smiling at me. I’m still blinking up at the sky when I quietly laugh. “I don’t know, I ate some of the food i found down my sweater on the way home and I’m pretty full.” I finally dip my chin down to give him a cheeky grin and the way he is staring at me has me pausing. This is really happening, I can see it in his eyes. I might be slightly quirky and possibly a fucking mess, but I’m not blind. He still want this, me.
When I thought about leaving Halden, I would dream about some faceless man and a whirlwind romance full of burning passion and uncontrollable feelings, but that just might be the thoughts of an emotionally immature woman.
Relationships aren’t like that really, isn’t it more common to slowly fall for your best friend, and have a quiet safe life full of smiles, farmers' markets, and white picket fences?

 

My breath catches when he steps closer and slides his hand over my cheek to dip his head toward me.

“Can I—“ he starts to ask when I say fuck it, grab his shirt and haul him into me. We are kissing and it is..
Something.
It’s not bad by any means. His lips are soft, pliant and melded to mine. His tongue expertly sweeps into my mouth, and I’m transported back in time to the last time we were together in college and we kissed just like this in the middle of his room. He was standing there, trying to explain his feeling for me and I said the exact same thing in my mind.
‘Fuck it.’
As the kiss deepens I feel his hand slide into my hair and my heart starts to thunder when I don’t feel anything else. No spark, no passion.
Am I about to do the same fucking thing I did to him all those years ago?

I can’t.
Not to him, not the ray of sunshine that apparently only I could dim with my questionable actions. Why don’t I feel anything more? There has to be something wrong with me, but maybe with a little more time I can get over whatever the fuck it is.
He rips apart from me suddenly and holds me by the shoulders with a scrutinizing look on his face.

I have to tell him, say something. I owe it to him to be honest. Fuck, I owe it to myself. Stop fucking running away Violet.

“Liam that was..” I trail off because my inner strength immediately falters when I see confusion and then sadness in his eyes.

 

“Li?” A woman’s voice says hesitantly behind us and we both jump back as if we are children caught sneaking around. Both our heads whip to the direction the sounds came from and I’m met with the same startling deep blue eyes of the man I was just sucking face with.
Fuck, it’s Sloan.
I’ve never met her, but I’ve seen pictures of her, heard stories. She was still living with Xaden in Wisconsin when we were at college.

“Sloan?” Liam says incredulously and then rushes to his little sister to pull her into a hug. I’m still completely thrown by the events that just took place, and slight heartbreak at my lack of feelings toward one of my very best friends.
“What are you doing here?” He says muffled into her hair and I see her face flash in confusion.
“Thanksgiving break dumbass, I said I would come.”

I still haven’t made a move or said one word. I slightly want to start retreating back into the shadows and slowly disappear so that I can wallow in self pity or spiral in despair alone.

“That wasn’t supposed to be till Wednesday!” He says stepping back and I tune out the rest of the conversation as I finally get my legs to move, and i take two steps away from them. Sadly that gets both their attention when long blonde hair flips through the air as she turns to look at me.
“Was I interrupting something?” She says with a smirk and the look that passes between Liam and I is troubled.

Holy fuck did I make it obvious that I wasn’t feeling it? Does he somehow already know?

He says “No” quickly as I smile and blurt out, “I’m Violet, we talked in the group chat briefly.”

Her brows furrow as she looks at her brother. “Didn’t Gar say she was with..” she does not get to finish that thought as a high pitched laugh tumbles from my mouth and I bend down to get my purse where I threw it in the snow covered ground as I got out of the car.

“I’m going to go and let you to catch up.” My boots are already treading to the sidewalk passing them were they stand. “Vi, you don’t—” Liam tries to say and I know he doesn’t want me to go, but this is my perfect exit so I can figure out what the fuck to do. This time will be different.
Adult. No running.
“No, it’s totally fine! I’ll see you tomorrow maybe.” I say waving at them. “I’ll call you after my interview and it was nice meeting you Sloan!”
Her eyes are wide as she shifts her gaze in between me and her brother but I turn my back on both of them as I start to walk hurriedly down the street.

The trip back to my apartment feels like the worst kind of walk of shame. I didn’t even get any sex, or pleasant memories.
I ran from my mom, embarrassed myself, kissed Liam again, and then ran from him.
Banner fucking day Violet.

By the time I throw open the door scaring the shit out of all three of my room mates I am extremely close to tears. Ridoc and Sawyer yell at my silhouette in the doorway until Rhi flips on the lamp next to her. “We were watching a scary movie about smiles.” Ridoc mumbles until they all see my quivering lip and concern flashes on their faces.

“What the fuck happened to you?”
“Why are you home so early?”
“Why do you smell like garlic?”

All three of them say at the same time and I drop my purse on the ground as I blink my eyes rapidly trying not to let them see any tears fall.

“I saw my mom, and kissed Liam.” I murmur.
They all sit up straighter at my weird sentence, and for once they are all totally silent. “It was bad. I don’t think..” I swallow down my emotions so I can finish my thought. “I don’t think i feel that way about him.”

“So he threw his dinner at you?” Ridoc says motioning towards my disheveled appearance.
“Wait, you just kissed him because your mom was there?” Sawyer adds and Rhi huffs out a long sigh.

“Both of you shut up,” she says to them and then scoots in closer to the arm of the couch to make a spot for me. “And you come tell us everything.” I nod like a child as I amble towards my three favorite people in the world. “And if Mairi did throw food on you, I’ll slash his tires.”

I sniffle out a tiny laugh and throw myself in between them. Even if I’m probably staining the couch, which is my bed, and I feel like absolute shit.
At least I’m not alone.

 

Xaden:

 

I walk out of class bending my neck back and forth. It’s been six hours since I’ve woken up and it’s still stiff as shit, but what the fuck did I expect after sleeping on the end of Garricks bed like we used to do when we were kids?
The fucker is 6’6 now, all I got were kicks to the face, and more time to wallow in the consequences of my own actions.

I can hear Garricks words from last night ringing in my ears after I knocked on his door.
‘Why did you tell Violet to go for Liam if you actually like her?’
Because I’m a good fucking brother damnit, they have actual history. I’ve come to begrudgingly learn that she’s not a terrible person.
She just has the tendency to retreat like a frightened cat whenever she feels threatened. As long as she doesn’t do that to him again, I can deal with whatever it is that I’m feeling right now.

I grit my teeth as I walk down the busy hallway to escape outside. I hear Garrick again, he was on it last night, just telling me all the shit I didn’t want to hear and being smart about it too.
It was fucking terrible.

‘You’re jealous Xay, you need to get the fuck over it, or say something to Liam.’

How about option 3? I push down my weird new feelings, distract myself with other women and eventually I will go back to option 1 and get the fuck over it.
Even if that didn’t work so well for me last night. I had a date planned on purpose for the same time as Liam’s, but unlike his I met mine on Tinder. She barely wanted to go to the bar, and also had no interest in talking to me.
All seemingly amazing things, right?
Yeah I couldn’t get into it.
I finally lied and told her something came up at work and walked my ass around the neighborhood thinking about silver tipped curls, and her sharp tongue.
I didn’t even realize I wandered back to my apartment complex until I stood there on the corner watching Liam and Violet make out like a fucking creep. I turned around and walked straight to Garrick, got a ton more life advice than I had planned on, and now I’m leaving school after not paying attention the entire day because the little terrible woman is trying to ruin my life.

All I need to do is stay the fuck away from her for like a week, and then I’ll be fine. I’m looking down at the grass as I make my way to the parking lot and hear sniffles to my left. I almost don’t look, because who wants to be stared at while they have a mental break down at college? But something about the small laugh that escapes after the sob has me whipping my head up and actually groaning out loud at whom I see sitting on the bench.

Why? Fuck you universe.

My feet automatically take me to the left and I sit down all the way at the other end of the bench as she holds her face in her hands.
“So, did the interview go badly or did Ridoc finally tell you that you can’t read the ending to that new book because the guy you like dies?” I go for joking and her head flies out of her hands to search my face.
“He dies? Oh my god why are you trying to make my day worse Xaden?” My name is broken by a small sob and I feel the uncontrollable urge to pull her into me and comfort her.
I have no idea what the fuck is going on, all I know is that I can’t sit here and watch her lose her shit on this bench. It seems to physically hurt me.

“I really thought you would have read it anyway by now.” I mutter as I scramble for something else to say to make her stop.

“I haven’t had time.” She sputters and wipes under her eyes. “I’ve been getting extremely drunk with you, interviewing for jobs, going on dates, and seeing my mother.
The last two words were said with such venom I stay quiet for a moment as I stare at her tear soaked and achingly beautiful face.

“How’d that go?” I finally murmur and internally wince at how fucking stupid that question is. It obviously went very poorly, but something about this woman makes me say and do all the wrong things.

She huffs out an unamused laugh and hiccups. “It didn’t go.” I don’t say anything and just raise my eyebrows before she rolls her eyes and looks down. “I ran from her and straight into a man carrying a lot of Italian dishes.” My brows furrow but I completely bypass the feeble attempt to sway my focus on the actual problem.

Before I can even open up my mouth and fuck with her for running away she looks at me in confusion. “Didn’t Liam tell you anything last night?”

I stare down at her tiny hands wringing together in her lap and stay silent. All this crap I talk to her about owning her shit and I ran like a little boy at the sight of her kissing my brother. He’s called me like four times and I haven’t answered either. What the fuck happened last night? Did she fuck up again and that’s why she’s crying on this bench? Or does it have nothing to do with Liam because he is amazing and perfect for her.
I run my hand through my tousled hair and grab the back of my neck. My only tell that I am uncomfortable. Thank fuck she doesn’t know me as well as my friends. “I stayed with Garrick last night.” I mumble out and when I look back up to her I see her eyeing my face and then my arm flexing behind my head.
Shit maybe she does know me that well. I throw my arm down and clear my throat as we sit in silence. It’s not exactly awkward but her eyes look so fucking intoxicating as she stares at me that I keep looking away.

“Why?” She finally asks and I feel my mouth pull into the worst fucking smile I’ve ever made as I shake my head. “You waiting for someone to come get you?”

Her eyes narrow at the obvious conversation change, but she thankfully lets it go. “No, I walked and now I just don’t feel like moving.”
I nod but she bristles at me before rambling, “and I don’t feel like talking about it right now asshole, I’m not avoiding. I just have no emotional energy left—”
She finally stops as I stand up and throw my hand out towards her.
“Let me take you home.” My voice is a lot less gruff than normal, but she’s finally stopped crying and I can’t bring myself to make her feel sad again.

She graces me with a dazzling smile that threatens to make me drop to my knees in front of her and ask her to forget Liam and go somewhere with me, but I throw away all those fucking treacherous thoughts and grab her hand when she places it in my palm.

“So the interview was bad?” I ask again as we head toward the parking lot. She quickens her pace to stay next to me and I drop her hand once I realize Im still holding it. “Oh no, I got the job.” She says with a small shrug, and I turn towards her so she can see my eyebrows quirk up. She makes a face as we weave past some cars.
“I figured I would, which is why I saved this place for last on my list of possible employers.” She stops at that and I refrain from making an annoyed noise at her. Usually I can’t get her to stop talking so that means this has something to do with her complicated past that I’m still trying to unravel small bits at a time.
“Go on.” I prod slowing my pace so we can talk for just a little bit longer.

“The head of the library here is friends with my mother.” She murmurs as her face contorts in displeasure. “I’ve known him since I was a kid, and l knew he would hire me, but it’s not because I’m over qualified, just because of who I’m related too.”

I nod as we walk. I get wanting to do something on your own merit. I have the exact opposite problem honestly. I work so hard and focus on nothing but the future because my father took his for granted and then died before he could fix it.
Thankfully we aren’t stuck in that same town in Wisconsin anymore and the people around here don’t recognize my last name or what he did, because it would curry no favors like Sorrengails mother does.
It’s why I sent Liam off to college here in the first place, I was already pushing through to much adversity studying where he did. It made me drop out.
Liam didn’t deserve to be lumped in with me just because my aunt raised him.

“Did you always want to be a librarian?” I finally say as I push all the thoughts of my childhood away from me like I normally do. She huffs out an unamused laugh as I pause next to a black suv, “No, I was supposed to go and get my masters to become a literature professor, but—”
She pauses and I don’t even need her to finish the sentence. I’ve gathered enough about what happened.
She ran.

“Well fuck him, and fuck the job.” I say shrugging my wide shoulders and zipping up my leather jacket. “Just leave and go back to school like you planned.”
She gives me a withering glare. “Like it’s so easy—”
Her eyes widen and I trail her gaze to two people walking near us through another row of cars.
“What?” I say in confusion.

“That’s my mother, walking with my new boss.” Her voice sounds panicked, I grab the keys out of my pocket and pull her forward a little more but she flattens to the car at our backs and tries to open the door. “This isn’t my car.” I murmur and her head whips to me, “well then why the fuck are we standing here Xaden? Crawl on the ground, your height is like a fucking beacon.”

I roll my eyes, “Yeah, no thanks. I can tell them to fuck off for you if you want?” Maybe I’m feeling a little bad for pushing her so far into doing things she doesn’t want to. Maybe I just really feel like a hypocrite because of last night. Either way, everyone thinks I’m a dick anyways, why not make it worse for a good cause? A high pitched laugh tumbles out of her lips and I can hear the two faint voices floating towards us. “Make a decision—” My words are cut off when she slaps a hand over my mouth.

“Just give me weekly briefing on her progress, and thank you Markham.” The severe looking woman is talking in an annoyed tone to the older man at her side. She looks nothing like Violet in the slightest, but maybe I’m already biased from the stories I’ve heard of her.
I can feel Violets hand pulling me down to duck behind the SUV with her, I bat her away and she pauses when the man’s voice reaches us.

“It’s no problem Lilith, I’ve always loved Violet. Such a mind, it’ll be a pleasure to work with her.” Okay, maybe she shouldn’t say fuck the job. The guy doesn’t seem to bad, even though his beady eyes kind of freak me the fuck out. Her mother makes a noise deep in her throat.
“Yes well, don’t say that yet. She is not doing well Lewis. I will assume her work ethic is poor, as well as her mental state. I just need eyes on her before she disappears again. I have donors lined up to help us expand our surgical unit, and I will not be embarrassed by her getting arrested for assault.”
That fucking twat Dan ran to her mom to tattle tale? No wonder she hit him.
The cruel words I hear come from the asshole who birthed the woman I can’t stop thinking about makes anger shoot through my gut. I take a step forward without thinking about it, fully ready to go off as I would do for any of my friends.

That’s a revelation I’ll unpack later.
Violet grabs onto my bicep stopping me and shaking her head sadly. An annoyed breath rushes out of me and I dangle my keys wordless at her and point to my bike that I parked next to the car we are currently hiding behind. She looks at it and then at me in exasperation. I can tell she wants to comment, but the two people are still standing near us on the other side of our hiding spot and I reach over to pop my seat up and bring up a helmet towards her. She grabs it with a huff and then snatches the keys from my hand so quickly I can’t even react. She throws me the other helmet and slams my seat down before swinging her leg over my bike and stuffing the helmet over her head.
She straddles it like she’s ridden before, and the sight shouldn’t make anything inside me stir, but if I’ve learned anything in the past month since she waltzed into my life, it’s that I’m a terrible person.
And everything she does seems to be too alluring.

She inserts my key and the bike roars to life as I try to unsuccessfully move her so I can sit in front. I huff a frustrated sigh no one can hear as I slide behind her and push off the ground when I see her tiny feet dangling to the right where it leans trying to reach. I’m about to throw my hands on the handles around her small body but the bike lurches forward once and stops abruptly almost making me shit myself and then her tiny deft hands squeeze the throttle again and we shoot forward at a speed I am nowhere near comfortable with since she is apparently taking the reins on this ride.

 

I throw all pride out of the nonexistent windows and put my arms around her middle to hang on for dear life. Fuck I should have called Liam back, what’s the last thing I said to him?
I think it was ‘No we are good on fat free mayonnaise.’ What terrible fucking last words, maybe Garricks or Bodhis is better? I cling onto her even tighter as she pulls onto the street definitely cutting someone in a small Toyota off, and then weaves in between traffic.

Jesus Christ I think the last thing I texted both of them was ‘Fuck you.’
She can’t kill me, I need to be a better friend and brother before I go.
I can hear my loud breathing in the helmet and I’m tempted to throw open the visor to give myself some more air, but also I’m just waiting for us to ram into something and I feel like I should protect my eyes.
The brakes slightly squeal as the light in front of us turns red and we come to a very abrupt stop. She turns her head over her shoulder and flips the visor up. Her squished cheeks are making the huge grin on her face a little lopsided and I can hear her barking laugh over the thrum of my engine.

“Holy shit Xaden this was exactly what I needed. Thank you!” I wait for my look of pure horror to fade from my face before I move my visor too. “Please don’t fucking kill us Sorrengail. I swear I’ll be nice to you for—” the light turns green and we are off again and my stomach churns with the serpentine pattern she seems to be driving in.
Where the fuck did she learn to ride like this? In any other circumstance, as in my huge ass not being on the actual bike, I would be impressed. But I’ve seen her walk, and usually it isn’t all that graceful.
I’m assuming how well she’s handling this ride is some sort of miracle super genius ‘I know physics so I know how to do everything’ type of shit.

We stop at another red light and I see her head bob up and down at the music blaring from the car next to us and I pinch her waist. “Pay attention!” I yell over all the noise and I feel her body shake with what I’m presuming is laughter and I catch myself smiling before I turn my head and lock eyes with the man next to us staring intently at me clawing on to this five foot nothing pint size morsel of chaos.

I nod my head and flip him the finger as he laughs and then we are shooting off again to turn down my street. Why in the fuck is she taking me to my own house on my fucking bike? How do I find myself once again sucked into her crazy like she is gravity. Unshakeable, inevitable, and a fucking bitch when your about to fall. I have that exact feeling in my gut when I’m around her, the unmistakable lurch you get in your stomach when you feel the ground beneath your feet vanish.
She expertly turns to pull onto the side street next to my complex and then slowly moves into the small parking garage that sits behind it. I feel her slight hesitation because she has no idea where to park and I slide my hands over hers, totally covering the small digits on the handle bars and guide us into my spot.
Right when I get the kick stand down she throws off her helmet still smiling from ear to ear. Her hair is sticking up every which way and I can see her slightly shivering and I curse myself for not thinking about giving her my jacket.

“Wildly inappropriate for the climate, but fucking fantastic none the less.” She says swinging off next to me. “I should have known you would ride a bike, your physique doesn’t exactly scream Honda Civic.” I take my helmet off and run my hands through my flattened hair as I raise my eyes brow at her.
That almost sounded like a compliment. “Oh don’t play coy Xaden. You ride up on this—” she starts waffling her hand at me. “Looking like that. I’ll assume panties all but evaporate.”
I grin and run my eyes down her legs and tilt my head. “I don’t know, it seems as if yours are still sadly in place.” I say before I can stop my stupid fucking mouth.

Her laugh rings out through the empty parking structure as she runs her hands through her hair.
“Anytime I know I might run into you I glue them to my ass cheeks since you’ve already ruined one pair.” I bark out a surprised laugh. This is the first time we have actually slightly conversed about the first night we met.
We both endure the jokes that have started to fade away, but never addressed what happened between us. I feel a small bit of surprise that I seem to like joking about it with her more than pretending we never spent the night together.

“But I do have to say you probably looked hotter sitting backsies.” I give her a confused look and she makes a face. “You know, being the ass, caboose, butt, rear—”
I open my mouth to stop her before she can really get started, I’ve been present enough to see her and her three friends go on for fucking years with this shit.”Stop—”
“Tushy.” She adds quickly with a smile.
“None of those are the correct terminology.” She rolls her eyes and folds her arms.

“Alright fine, but you should let me ride on your bike again” I give her a look that definitely says ‘fuck no’ without me having to say it out loud. Her smile turns wicked, “I’ll even get behind you and let you do all the work.”
I hear a laugh come from around the corner. “Good luck Vi, I’ve been offering him that same deal since we met him!”
Her laugh rings out at the unmistakable voice of Ridoc whom I’m slightly worried has somehow moved into our place without Liam or I knowing.

“Where’d you learn to ride?” I ask as they walk towards us. She smiles wistfully. “My brother had a bike back when he used to be cool.” I weirdly want to ask a million questions about her mysterious siblings she avoids like everyone else in her family, but I don’t get the chance as the men finally approach.

“Looking good Vi! Please tell me you have your Class M license so I don’t have to give you a ticket.” I finally stand up off my bike and turn to give my cousin a look as he emerges next to Ridoc. Both in gym clothes and walking very close.
Fuck, I’m never going to be rid of the man now:

“Bite me Officer Krupke” Violet says with a saccharine smile lighting up her face.
Bodhi gives her an affronted look and Ridoc walks toward her to put his hands on her cheeks.
“You know how hot it is when you quote Broadway musicals.” She throws up her hands too and captures his face between them while me and my cousin share a look. It’s not the weird words, or even the touching. I’ve seen way weirder shit in my limited time with these people, it’s the fact that Ridocs tone and body language looks more like he’s asking her if she’s alright. I don’t know how, but I can tell they are having a silent conversation as they stare at each other.
“Only for you babe.” She says nodding and knocking her forehead against his. “Runaway with me babe.” He says with a small smile as she flicks her eyes to us and steps back.
“You know I would, but I refuse to be with someone with a better ass than me.”

He makes a pained noise in his throat as he walks next to Bodhi once more. “I’m sorry my love, it’s genetic and unavoidable.”

They share another look and Bodhi finally turns from them again to find my eyes. “Where the fuck have you been? Liam thought you were dead. He wanted me to go in today just to make sure you weren’t arrested or hospitalized.”
I snort to cover up the immense guilt I feel at ignoring my brother.
“Fell asleep at Garricks. Let me take Violet home and I’ll go up to see him.”
He thankfully doesn’t comment about the ‘date’ I had last night, or ask why I ended up at Garricks. He does flick his eyes to Violet briefly before nodding.

“It’s cool, I’ll walk home.” She says waving at us and going to turn.
All three of us instantly protest and she stops to make a face. “Jeez, its fine!”
I narrow my eyes on her. “What happened last night, you never told me.”
Her face is unreadable as she tilts her chin at me to purse her lips but Ridoc looks uncomfortable as fuck.
“Who says anything happened last night?” She says in cool voice.
“Everything about this entire interaction?” Bodhi says taking his phone out of his pocket.

“Okay, then come upstairs with me. I’m sure Liam would love to see you.” I say calling her obvious bluff. She would have already been in my apartment, thrown her fucking shoes in the middle of the floor for me to step on, and made herself at home if something wasn’t wrong.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I grab for it without breaking eye contact with her. I’m going to win this staring contest, she’s the only one who challenges my glares with one of her own. I put my thumb on the home button to unlock it as she sighs and looks away.
I flick my eyes down to the screen and see it’s from Bodhi.

Bodhi Durran: Li was being weird as fuck too

Bodhi Durran:He practically threw me out when Ridoc got here.

Well, now I have no clue what the fuck is going on.

“Nothing happened, I bathed in pasta and then Sloan came home for Thanksgiving break.”
My head snaps up as Bodhi gives her and confused ‘What?’
“Sloan is here?” Everyone gives me a quizzical look but I don’t care, about any of it anymore.
My whole family is back in one place for the time being.
“Don’t you live here?” Bodhi asks and I wave his comment away. “Could you?” I ask flicking my eyes to the defiantly annoying girl to my right. He nods and walks towards her. “Come on Sorrengail, I’ll drive you home on the way to the gym.”
Ridoc hangs back for a moment and opens his mouth like he wants to say something but then Bodhis voice drifts from where he’s pulling a complaining Violet. “Come on Gamlyn! Let’s whip that ass into shape!” He makes an obscene noise and flutters his eyes for a second before jogging to catch up with them.

“Feed my cat Xaden!!” I faintly hear through the space, I’m almost running towards the stairs.
As if I could forget about the fucking cat that won’t leave my damn lap? I push the thought of my new pet aside, my sisters here and finally I feel something other than guilt, jealousy, or shame.

The sunshine twins will make this all better, even if shit with Liam is weird and he doesn’t even know it. They always make everything better.

———

 

“You look like dick Xay.” Sloan says pouting at me as I let her go. Alright, so she isn’t exactly the bucket of flowers that Liam is, but her outer exterior matches him so perfectly, that I’ve always loved how she offsets his extreme optimism. “Don’t be rude Slo.” Liam chides from the kitchen and she snorts.

“Rude was locking me out of your treehouse when you were well in to your teens. I’m just being honest.” I give her a huge smile, ah finally someone with the same personality in the house. “I just almost died on my bike, I’m allowed to look like shit.”

Both of them look alarmed and I curse myself. I really don’t want to bring up Violet, so I completely change the subject. “How’s school? Meet anyone?” I rapidly ask her and don’t even give her a chance to answer. “Before you leave we will hit the mat and you can show me if you remember how to take down an attacker.”
She rolls her eyes and flips her hair over her shoulder. “Schools boring, you’re being overprotective, and I’m going to take a shower because Liam obviously wants to talk to you alone and won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
I flick my eyes to the man and see him pacing back and forth in the kitchen as he shoots her a look. “I’m totally fine!” He yells after her.

“Lying sack of shit!” She yells back before I hear a door slam and I take a breath. Alright, time to try and explain why I’m ignoring him.

“Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been trying to call you since last night, I’m freaking out.”
Liam says rushing to me. “Sorry, I’m totally fine, no need to freak—”

He waves over his shoulder dismissing me as he turns pacing again, “I’m not worried about you.” Okay?
“Uh, good.” I say lamely and he whirls back around. “I kissed Violet last night.” I fight to control my face, or blurt out ‘yeah I know I was watching like a fucking weirdo.’ “Cool Cool Cool.”
I say nodding my head and waiting for someone to please come kill me because what the ever loving fuck was any of that? He makes a face at me. “No not fucking cool Xade. Thats what I’m trying to tell you. Sloan interrupted us—.”

“Oh bummer.” I blurt out and internally breathe out a sigh of relief. The honor of being my favorite sibling in the entire world has now been bestowed to Sloan for her impeccable timing. Maybe that’s why Violet was acting weird? Because Slo saw them sucking face and it was embarrassing.

“Shut the fuck up and listen!” He hisses and then turns to look at the bathroom door our sister went into. “Sloan interrupted me before I could tell Violet that the entire fucking thing was a huge mistake.”
My mouth pops open in confusion as my brows furrow. “Huh?” Is all I can remember how to say and he blows out a huge breath and rubs his hands down his face.

“It was so fucking weird. She was beautiful, like she always is, right?” I find myself nodding in agreement and then quickly stop. “The entire date lasted about five fucking minutes because her mother was at the restaurant, Vi wanted to leave and when we turned to go she ran into a waiter that dumped food all over us.” The blanks from her previous statement start to fill in, but honestly I don’t give a shit about her terrible luck. I want to know why he would ever say that kissing the woman who I might think is the best I’ve ever had was a mistake.
I clamp my lips shut so I don’t say those words out loud and make an off putting humming noise in my throat to let him know I’m listening. He doesn’t seem to notice, thank fuck, and looks off to the side to continue his story.

“So we got here to clean up and I looked at her as the snow was falling around us and I wanted nothing more than to just finally kiss her, be with her now that she was giving us a shot.”
He completely stops and snaps his mouth closed.
“And?” I growl too harshly and clear my throat. “I mean, what happened?”

His brows scrunch together and he makes a pained face. “I have no clue, it wasn’t like the first time in college. It was nice, I mean she was nice…I guess.” He shakes his head. “It just felt—flat. Nothing like it did before.” I nod slowly and try to arrange my thoughts into something that good big brother should say.
“Maybe it was just an off night.” I shrug, “Every time doesn’t have to turn your world upside down Liam, give it another chance.” My throat feels like it wants to choke a little as I say the words I know he needs to hear.
I didn’t even do what I said I was going to and stay away from her. I have a fresh memory of Violets body in my grip, and that has to be the only reason I feel so queasy deep down in my gut.

“You’ve never felt it Xade, you don’t do relationships, you don't understand.” He shakes his head and takes a step back to fall backwards into our couch with a sigh. “It’s supposed to feel like something more if you’re with the right person. Like fire is eating up your veins and your heart is pounding. Like there isn’t anyone else made for you, and you fit perfectly together.”

“And you no longer felt that at all.” I murmur as I take a seat in the chair and stare down way to hard at our rug. My pulse picks up a little and I try really hard not to look as panicked as I feel right now.
He picks up his shoulders and drops them as if in defeat. “No, I still love her but it’s like not in the same way.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. “I don’t know how to explain it, right when our lips touched its like she firmly moved from date to best friend, and I feel like an utter dick because I’m going to have to tell her all of this at some point very soon, and I’m the first man she has tried with since Halden.”

I want to disagree because I’m the first man she met after that sack of shit, but I don’t have it in me. Can’t.
I knew I was more interested than normal, the morning after when I was in the shower and I washed quicker than I ever have before in the hopes she would still be around.
Something about the limited conversation we had that night drew me in and since then it’s slowly grown into something I can’t even name. Getting to know her was a terrible fucking idea, because that wild passion, fire thing, stupid romantic shit he just spewed?
Yeah I’ve felt it before.
Only one fucking time in my life, and now the girl I’ve been trying to talk myself out of is about to get throughly freaked the fuck out by what Liam tells her.
If history is any indication she’s going to run, or stop talking to him.
Fuck what if she also stops talking to me?

I look up to see Liam’s mouth moving and realize he’s been talking this entire time while I internally spiral and I take deep breath and snap out of my shit.
“—pretty sure she knew something was wrong with me last night, but she did text me today to tell me she got the job and I panicked and invited her to Thanksgiving so I could give myself three days to figure out my shit.”

He finishes his hurried ramble and I say “Yeah sounds good.” Before what he said registers in my mind.

“Wait, here?” My voice squeaks and I cough into my hand. I swear to god I’m so lucky Liam is losing his shit or I would never live this entire interaction down “Here with us?” I repeat. “In this place with us and our friends your going to tell her that you don’t like her like that?”
I grimace at the verbiage I used. Fucking hell it’s like high school all over again.
“And then she’ll be stuck here for an entire day and then have to eat with us?” I continue as he makes an apologetic face.

“I also invited all of our friends, so we might have to get an extra turkey or something.”

Fuck.

 

——————

 

Get here right fucking now.. 2:04am

Garrick Tavis: Its 2AM. We’ve gone over this before Xade, it was one time at summer camp, I’ve moved on. 2:05am

Shut up asswipe, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I need help.. 2:08am

Garrick Tavis: Right now? 2:09am

Garrick Tavis: This is the time that people sleep and think about what their thankful for 2:09am

Garrick Tavis: Thanksgiving Eve. 2:10am

Garrick Tavis: Thanks Eve 2:10am

Garrick Tavis: Ill be over in the morning 2:10am

Garrick Tavis: Xade? 2:15am

Garrick Tavis: You dick, you know I can’t leave a conversation when I know you’re mad! 2:16 am

Garrick Tavis: Fine you win, but I’m getting sloshed 2:20am

Garrick Tavis: and you’re not allowed to yell at me when I mess up the fucking pies again!. 2:20am

You don’t touch my fucking pie Tavis.. 2:21am

Bring whole milk. 2:21am

Garrick Tavis: Fine. 2:22am

Garrick Tavis: Love you. 2:23am

Love you 2:26am

 

“Jesus fucking Christ! I said dice the walnuts, but obliterate them into fucking dust so that no one can’t even taste them!” I think I might be going insane.
The thought passes through my mind but quickly leaves as Garrick throws the nut dust into my face.
“I told you! I had rules! You can’t be mean to me.” He whips around. “Sloan he’s yelling again!”
She waves her hand behind her head from her seat on the couch without turning our way.
“Behave children, I’m trying to watch some fucking guy dance in tights in negative 12 degree weather.”

I used to love watching the parade every morning. My mother would put it on and make me hot chocolate and we’d sit there and watch the entire thing through until Santa showed.
Now during this holiday that was never the same after she left, I lose my shit in the kitchen because I’m the only adult that knows how to cook.

“I guess we are just going to have stuffing with no fucking walnuts.” I say shrugging and throwing my apron off. “Bland ass fucking stuffing that Janet could make down the road.”
I wave my hand towards the window and Garrick gives me a confused face.

“Who the fuck is Janet? And why are you being so insane today!”
Very good question, because usually I am a tyrant in the kitchen.
Orderly, precise, organized, and fucking efficient.
But this year I feel all over the place.
Violet is probably on her way here because Liam told her and the billions of people that are always attached to her to come early so we could all spend the day together as a happy fucking family.
And I’m freaking the fuck out.

Liam is going to talk to her at some point today.
How much is enough time to wait to make a move on the woman your brother had a thing for, kissed, and realized he didn’t?
Oh not to mention her entire deal with not taking emotional news well or the fact that her ex fucked her up and no one treats her like the amazing fucking person she is.
Fuck the more I think about her the more I can’t stop.
I don’t even remember my last two days of classes before we were finally let lose for the holiday. I haven’t even opened my god damn letter from Columbia that feels way to thin to be a ‘congrats you can come here in the spring and finally follow your dream.’

This might be the worst fucking week of my life. “I just have a lot of shit going on.” I mumble at Garrick and he frowns before stepping into my space.
“Xade, you definitely got in, you have a perfect GPA even after dropping out and moving states.” I shake my head and pat his shoulder.
“It doesn’t matter, today’s about everyone else.” His frown deepens a bit and when he opens his mouth to talk the front door flies open and hits the other side of the wall.

“I have so much alcohol.” Liam says struggling and I see Imogens pink hair over his right shoulder before I hear her growling voice. “Move it Mairi.”
“We had to tip Felix for making him let go of the his Blue label scotch.” Imogen snorts at Liam’s words as she throws everything in her arms at Garrick who rushed to help her.
“You mean I had to tip him. Golden boy didn’t have any cash on him.”
My phone pings in my pocket and I take it out to see Violets name on my screen.

“Sounds good.” I mumble to whoever as I swipe up to see what she wrote.

Violence: So were we supposed to cook the turkey you left at our place?

Holy fucking shit, seriously? I reminded her like twelve times and she yelled at me yesterday for talking about that stupid fucking bird so much.
“Oh good Xaden is still acting weird as shit. Happy thanksgiving everyone!” I hear Immy say sarcastically but my attention is now fully focused on the hard task of not being a huge dick to her, but still getting my rage across.

You’ve got to be kidding me Sorrengail.

Tell me you’re joking.

Right fucking now, or I’m leaving and going to the quad and you can have Garricks cooking.

Violence: 😂😂 Omg Bodhi was right.

Violence:You get so into this shit.

I release a breath, she’s fucking with me. She has to be.

Violence: Don’t worry Mr.Greatbigstickupyourass, I made the turkey exactly like you told me to. I got up at two in the fucking morning and everything.

Why today Violet? The the sacred day of the large birds that everyone thinks can’t fly because people believe everything they see on tv.

Violence: You’re adorable, and you get extra points for the turkey fact. See you soon 😊

I smile down at my phone. I’m adorable.
That’s a great sign, right?

“Look someone finally got Xady to smile!” Garrick says next to me, I whip my head up to narrow my eyes at him. “The celery isn’t going to chop itself Gar, try not to fuck it up.”
His elbow hits me right in the gut when he passes by.
“Tell Violet I said hi.” He hisses and ducks my outstretched hands.
Prick.

Everything finally seems to be calming down and starting to go my way, I’ve gotten almost everything done. All we have to do is put it in the oven thirty minutes before it’s time to eat, which is Liam’s only contribution to today’s festivities because his culinary specialty is grilled cheese.

I throw myself next to him on the couch and take a sip of my beer which is customary to drink even though it’s only 10 in the morning. He’s been extremely quiet about the entire Violet situation since spilling it all to me three days ago but I haven’t seen her here at all, which is weird.
Ever since they reconnected she pretty much lived here when he was off work, and she’s still been texting me her normal three weird thoughts a day, but she also never brings up Liam either. I see his hands fighting in his lap and I raise my eyebrows.
“You good?” He slightly startles at my voice even though I have been sitting here for at least five minutes now.
“Not really, I haven’t seen her since our shit date, and I don’t want to lose her again.” I want to say something deeply profound, or at least helpful in the slightest but as I rack my brain to come up with anything that he doesn’t already know I can hear a key in our lock and then the door swings open.

“Happy Thanksgiving fuckers!” Bodhi yells as he walks in with a huge plate hopefully holding a turkey in his hands. I surge up to my feet for some unknown reason and make myself stop fucking with my shirt. This is so fucking selfish. The entire thought of me pouncing on her after she possibly gets her heart broken after talking to Liam is a terrible fucking idea, but I’ve never actually had a relationship. I don’t know how this shit works, or how to start it.

Is it supposed to be organic and just randomly blossom from friendship one day? Because I don’t think I have the patience to wait for that. Every time I see her it’s like something comes over me, overrides my purely dickish personality, and a huge part of me loses all sense.

The thoughts skitter from my mind when she finally walks in next to Rhiannon. Mid laugh, unbuttoning her coat, snow still in her hair.
Shit.
I’m fucked.

“You look like you’re going to throw up,” Sloan says from her chair as she stands. “I’m cool,” I reply quickly and she makes a face at me.
“Yeah, I was talking to him.” She says jutting her thumb next to me and when I turn I realize Liam has been standing next to me completely silent as well.
“I meant he’s cool,” I say quickly again.
Saved it.

I push his shoulder a little and it finally snaps him out of his daze and he walks over to his friends. He and Violet share what has to be the most awkward hug I’ve ever fucking seen and everyone in the room seems to be watching them. I didn’t tell anyone about what he told me, but from the looks on her friends' faces, they know something.

“I’m Sloan, younger, better-looking sister to the two idiots who live here.” She says walking up and knocking her brother out of the way. Violet looks so fucking relieved and after Rhiannon says a quick ‘hi’ she drags her into the kitchen and I fight my traitorous eyes from following her all the way there.

“I’m Ridoc, and you definitely are the better-looking Mairi.” Liam rolls his eyes, they look so much alike that most people mistake them for twins, even though he’s older by a year. He claps a hand on Sawyer's shoulder who is not paying attention in the slightest as he makes an angry face at his phone.
“And this here is Dungeon Master Hendricks, who needs to look up from his phone because we promised no magic on the holiday.” She snorts an amused laugh.

“Dungeons and Dragons? I’m a Druid Elf.” She says with a smile and the man finally looks up from his phone and then seems completely fucking mesmerized.
“Seriously?” His brows slightly furrow but the huge smile on his face cancels out the confusion. Ridoc on the other hand wears all his emotions on his face at all times.

“Seriously?” He repeats in a skeptical tone, I can’t see her face but the way her hip pops out and she holds her arms lets me know it’s not nice. “Wow, okay. Wasn’t expecting that.” He mutters and walks away to leave Sawyer still drooling over the tall blonde woman that I know I should feel protective over by the look he has on his face.
But I’ve met him, and she can handle Hendricks easily.

I’m about to just sit back down and stay extremely quiet for the rest of the day so I don’t say anything weird as fuck to Violet in front of all of these people when I feel a finger poke into my back.
“Get in the fucking kitchen and stop being so god damn weird Xade,” Garrick whispers into my ear from behind me before calling out Rhi’s name as she walks towards Imogen.

I look into the small space I have already cleaned like a maniac and see Violet leaning against the island looking down at the drink in her hands alone.
Liam is talking with Bodhi and Ridoc as he eyes her as well and everyone else is immersed in thirty different conversations.
My feet move of their own volition and I find myself silently standing next to her rocking back and forth on my heels.

“Where's Andarna?” She starts and I quirk my eyebrow.
“Who the fuck is that?” She scoffs and turns around to let her back rest against the surface. “My cat, I told you her name like two days ago!” I huff out a small laugh.
“You were serious? What kind of name is that?” She shrugs, “I got it from the same book Rhi got her cat's name from, thought it sounded mysterious. What have you been calling her?”
I purse my lips and wonder if I should answer honestly. I am not a cat person in the slightest but for some weird reason that god damn ball of fur loves me and Sgaeyl loves her so I might have gotten a little attached.
“Mittens.” I say quietly and her loud laugh brings a smile to my face. “You’re such a basic bitch Riorson, and I might love it a little.”
I have no idea what the first part of that sentence means, but I’ll take it.
“You need help with anything else in here?” She says waving around the kitchen that looks untouched. I shake my head. “Naw, just have to finish some pies later and we are all set.”

She perks up at that, “I can help, I hate following recipes, but you’d be surprised at how good my food tastes.” I hope my smile doesn’t give away how absolutely terrible that sounds. How do you hate following the instructions professionals give you?
Oh my fucking god the turkey she brought is probably terrible.
“Sounds interesting.” My voice is only slightly strained when I hear Liam clear his throat from behind us.
“Hey, Vi can we talk for a sec?” She gives me a panicked look that I don’t understand in the least. Does she know what he’s about to say to her? I mean obviously after one sort of date and then almost total silence for days, I guess I’d probably figure it out on my own too.

“Yeah.” She whispers back and slowly walks from the kitchen to follow him down the hall.

I have no idea how long they’ve been gone. I have been in the kitchen standing behind everyone else as they talk trying to make it not obvious that I’m listening for any raised voices, shouting, or crying. She hasn’t come through here to run out of my place, which is a great fucking sign but I can’t seem to pull my attention away and make an effort to talk to anyone else.
All of my family seems to be enjoying the company of Vi and Liam’s friends. We have a tradition that we spend every major holiday together, alone, like it used to be when we were kids, but adding these other people in doesn’t seem like such a terrible idea.
The day that is usually slightly tinged in sadness as we reminisce is now filled with loud chatter, smiles, and way too much laughter coming from a nervous-looking Sawyer as Sloan gives him her full attention.

I silently slip away to my room so I don’t bring anyone else down with my extremely weird mood and the letter I threw on top of my dresser finally gets my attention away from the girl across the hall. Just fucking do it Xaden.
Sack up, open the fucker, and go to college.
Or just stay here and continue with the career that I already have.
Easy.

I rip the top open with sure fingers and pull out the single piece of paper that is probably telling me in the most professional way possible to just go fuck myself.

Guess we’ll see.

 

—————

 

Violet:

 

“—Bad.” Liam finishes with a weird face and I take a step back to lean on his desk and feel a small spark of anger in my chest, even though I totally fucking agree.
“Did you just say our kiss was ‘bad’? I’m an excellent kisser Liam Mairi. What the fuck?”
I might have slightly forgotten what I was going to tell him before he started rambling, but like what girl wants to hear that?

His face instantly looks apologetic. “No no no, you weren’t bad—” he pauses as if to think but I nod my head with a sniff. “The kiss felt..different.” He is speaking slowly as if I’m not understanding so I finally push away my pride that just decided to make an appearance for the first time in years to the side, and take pity on him.
“There was no spark.” His face looks relieved at my words as he breathes out a loud sigh and runs his hand through his golden locks.
“Exactly, I don’t get it I mean the first time we kissed it was…everything”
I look down at his messy room that feels slightly like home because we are so alike and try to quell the battling emotions I start to feel in my gut. “Maybe you just liked the idea of old me” I mutter.
You and me both buddy. I was such a different person in college, in a way I was more alive, and fuck of a lot more sure of myself than I am currently.
He grabs my chin to lift my head, “Hey don’t say that, I love you just the way you are, and I do Vi. I feel it.” He puts his hand on my chest over my heart and I do the same to his much taller frame.
“You’re just not in love with me.” I say quietly and he slowly nods.
“I guess not.” He murmurs with surprise and a touch of sadness. I see him wipe his face clean of all non-happy emotions and turn to look at me. “And you’re not in love with me either.” He says it without and hint of doubt. I crack a small smile just so he doesn’t feel like all of the emotions I’m currently drowning in are his fault. They aren’t, but that doesn’t make them hurt any less. I have wracked my brain for the last three days waffling between just telling him bluntly like he just did with me, or trying to give us another shot because maybe I was just feeling off that night. But when he said he felt the same nothing I did, I knew it just wasn’t meant to be.

The nicest man on the entire planet said it felt bad kissing me. Halden never loved me, I can’t make myself love this perfectly perfect guy that’s always been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it.
Am I destined to just be alone for the rest of my life?
Am I missing that little spark in me that attracts my ‘other half’ or does it lure nice men like Liam in, only for them to realize the packaging doesn’t match the crazy inside, or men like Halden, or Dain.
Sweet Jesus. I think I should just stop trying.

“Oh I’m crushed Liam, didn’t you know I enjoy being in loveless relationships?” My joke falls flat as we stare at each other and think of my last boyfriend, ah no, Fiancé. “Yeah, that sounded funnier in my head,” I mumble and kick my boot into the pile of clothes on his floor. “Can I still stay for food even though this has been the most awkward Thanksgiving of my life?” Actually, this still doesn’t take the cake on bad holidays, but I don’t think this moment needs a story about my mother and her serving us lentil soup instead of the traditional dinner because holidays were trivial. He laughs his normal deep laugh and the sound slightly eases my tension. “Of course Vi.” His huge arm swings over my shoulders. “I meant what I said. I love you—” he throws the doors open in front of us so we can finally join everyone else and dodge knowing looks about why we just disappeared and holds his pinky out to me. I grab it with mine and we clench them together, and even though we have never really said it that much before, it feels effortless with all of the uncertainty that was hovering between us for days.
“Love you too Mairi. But just as a friend who’s had the pleasure of tonguing you.” He makes a face and throws down his hand.
“Ack, who the fuck says tonguing?”

 

I laugh and finally feel the tension that’s been coiling around my chest ease as my phone starts to go off in my back pocket. I mistakenly don’t even look at the caller ID, too enthralled with looking at the retreating back of the man that I wished I could love, but also feel immense relief that he is still my best friend.

“Hello,” I say with a small smile on my face that drops instantly when I hear him make a frustrated noise I know so well.

“Fucking finally Violet! I can’t believe you waited this long to answer.”

My voice is stuck in my throat as my mind scrambles around having to hear Halden speak again. Rhi and Imogen start to walk into the small hallway and I know she is going to see right into my damn soul and know something’s wrong.
So I escape into the room to my right, and thank god that Xaden isn’t in it.

“Hello? Fucking say something!” He yells and I wince at the memories that flood me with that tone as I sit on Xadens' pristinely made bed. Weirdly the complete sterile feel of this room helps calm the huge surge of anxiety I get rushing through me. It reminds me of the man it belongs to and once again I try to channel his strength.

“What do you want Halden?” My voice sounds unwavering and done with his shit. Get it, Vi.

“To talk to the girl who just fucking disappeared and never came home! I called everyone trying to find you, and Dain told me where you were. Just come back so we can talk.”

I grit my teeth at the way his tone changes from aggressive to false worry in an instant.
“No, I’m already home. Throw my shit away, forget my number, and do what you did best during our relationship, pretend I never existed. Because I am so fucking done with you and your shit.”
He pauses and I can hear his breath over the phone line. My hands are shaking slightly with the adrenaline from this moment finally happening and I push the speakerphone button and throw the phone onto the bed in front of me.
I’m pretty sure my self-assured asshole tone knocked him silent and I do a congratulatory dance in my mind.

“You can’t mean that flower,—”
God damnit I hate that fucking name.
“I made a mistake when I didn’t show up to the wedding, but you were complaining for fucking months about everything, and I finally snapped. Just catch a flight today and I can pick you up later.”
The motherfucking audacity of this man.

“Don’t call me that, and I was complaining because I didn’t want to do it, just like you apparently didn’t. So let’s call it what it was, a mistake. It’s done, we are over. Fuck off.”

I should have ended the call right then and there.
Mic drop moment, on a high, but I’m a stupid wench and I like getting hurt apparently.
He growls into the phone now, “You know what I’m trying to accomplish here. I didn’t waste years of my life with you just so you can make me look like an idiot. I put up with your weird shit because you knew when to look pretty and shut the fuck up—”

The rest of what was probably very harsh words are drowned out by the bathroom door being swung open so hard it slams against the other side of the wall and I look up at a pissed off Xaden. If I ever thought he hated me I was seriously wrong because the look on his face now is terrifying.

He wordlessly grabs the phone from my bed and hits the speaker button before he puts it up to his ear. “You don’t call her again. I don’t even want you to think of her you stupid prick. If you can’t follow those simple instructions I’ll go all the way to California and teach you how to fucking listen.”
He ends the call abruptly and throws my phone back down as I stare open-mouthed at him.

“Why would you let him talk to you that way?” He says through clenched teeth. I swallow and finally remember how to talk.
“I accidentally answered his phone call, and then thought I should finally talk to him so I would stop running away from my problems.” He takes a step toward me eliminating the space between us as I’m still perched on his bed.
“There is a difference between running and setting boundaries Violet. You don’t have to give a single fuck about what any of those people say or think about you after you’ve said your piece.”
I stand and it brings us perilously close together, my chest is touching his and I crane my neck to look up. I don’t know if it’s the events from the last three days catching up to me, or the way that I’ve felt about him since we met that I’ve pushed far down deep inside, but now that everything with Liam and me is cleared up I want to do something extremely reckless with this man.

Oh fuck, Liam. Does he know? Or will he think I’m trying to fuck with them both?
I pull back a little and shake my head.

“Did Liam finally tell you about our date?” His face falls a little and I think I see pity flash through his eyes and it tells me that he definitely knows, and that fact alone makes up my mind.

“I’m sorry, I know you asked him because of what I said—” I cut him off by grabbing the front of his soft black shirt and pulling him into me.

Sparks flash beneath my closed eyes as our lips meet again, and the wild untamed passion I called childish rears up inside of my gut as he groans softly and melts into my touch.
Unlike our first time, my only thought isn’t about trying to get his clothes off and I get lost in the sensation of his perfect lips on mine as his tongue dances its way into my mouth.

I feel him crouch a little and his hands grip the tops of my thighs but before we can take this any further a booming knock shakes the door behind us.

“Come on Xaden! You didn’t want me to touch the pies, but I’ve already stuck my finger in them all to taste them.” Garrick's voice yells through the wall and we break apart breathing heavily.

“Vi.” He says in a strangled whisper and I can’t seem to form words as I stare up into his eyes.

“Seriously, stop wanking it and come out to join your family prick!”
God damnit Garrick really knows how to kill a mood.
“Okay.” His voice slightly cracks as he tries to yell back and he makes a pained face as he clears his throat.

“We are talking about that after this day is finally fucking over.” He says pointing at me and I nod silently.

He closes the door behind him so no one sees us coming out of the room together and I start to pace back and forth.
Holy fuck what did I just do?
He looked terrified, I mean he was into it, but so was everyone else I kissed except for Liam apparently and they didn’t actually feel for me like I did for them.

Christ! Liam!
That’s his brother. I’m going to hop from one to the other because the first one didn’t like me? Am I going to drive a wedge between their close family?

I’m so fucking jealous of how inseparable and well balanced they are, I wish with everything in my heart my siblings and I were the same way and I’m just going to come in and ruin that?

Fuck, how can I leave without Xaden running after me?
Because I know deep in my bones he’s not the type of man to let me go without telling him why first.
I let all the emotions battle inside my mind as I ready myself to walk out of the room.
Fuck why does our lord and savior Taylor Swift have to be so right?
For something that was such bad idea, it felt so fucking good.

Notes:

Also yes, an update for ‘I’m only human’ and ‘Fated or Mated’ is hot off the press.
Give me a couple days(I say that loosely because I might be a dirty liar) to get them all edited and beautiful.

Thank you to everyone who has joined me on this journey through my writing, and also to the people that just found me.
You’re all amazing!