Chapter Text
The women's washroom. Riza couldn't have been more thankful to see that worn door with the peeling label. She whipped it open so hard that it slammed against the concrete wall and echoed throughout the entire room. She stormed through the closest stall, locking it behind her and fell to her knees. The nausea that had burned her throat during her entire meeting with Grumman finally let go. She gagged uncontrollably as her breakfast contents of green tea and buttered toast sprayed into the toilet like a running faucet.
His signature was there.
[ CERTIFICATE OF HONOURABLE DISCHARGE FROM THE AMESTRIAN STATE MILITARY.
This is to certify that Riza Hawkeye has honourably served as First Lieutenant in The Amestrian State Military.
This is a Testimonial of Your Honourable and Faithful Service to the Military and Amestris.
Signed,
Führer Grumman
Brigadier-General Roy Mustang ]
Riza coughed up some more, feeling the stomach acid burning her throat. It didn't make any sense! They were supposed to rebuild Ishval together! That was what they had planned and promised! This wasn't happening! It was one of those stupid nightmares she'd be having lately. It had to be!
The stench of bile filled her nose and her head rested on the stall wall as her entire body shook. She panted and panted, tasting stomach acid on her tongue. Every so often she’d feel the urge to hurl again but it was nothing more than spit. It was okay, it would be! She’d just walk into the Colonel’s office and laugh with him about the cruel joke he played.
She picked up the certificate again, the sight of that signature that she had gotten so familiar with making her queasy again. Except this wasn’t a joke. How could he do this? What was his plan this time? Dismissing her from the military on honourable discharge? Was he insane?
During their meeting, Grumman allowed her to have a couple hours to gather her things and say goodbyes if she wished. He did crack a joke that she didn’t smile or laugh at.
“You’ll have a few hours to gather your things, and, knowing you, finishing up whatever work you have on the go, weeks in advance,” he chuckled, fully expecting Riza to join along but she didn’t. She just stared at the paper with her usual stoic facial expression, trying her best to hide the panic she was truly experiencing.
With wobbly legs, Riza stood up, no longer feeling the urge to throw up anything else and washed up in the bathroom sink. She had to find the Colonel right that second.
Except he was nowhere to be found. She had even asked the other team members and nobody knew where he had been all morning.
That meant one thing.
He was avoiding her.
She didn’t have too much time left for his antics. News would spread soon and she wanted to be out of the building for that. “Stupid,” she muttered under her breath as she trudged along the various halls. She checked the library, his office, and every hallway in the building. Nothing. The only place he could be was the cafeteria but it was nowhere near lunchtime yet. Regardless, she had to cross that out.
She walked inside and quickly scanned the room for a tall dark haired little annoying piece of- Her heart skipped at the sight of him standing in line. In his hands was a large black coffee, his usual. Riza huffed. Of course he’d be taking lunch early in order to avoid her.
She marched right over to meet him when he exited the pickup area. The look on his face when they locked eyes further confirmed her suspicions. He had been avoiding her.
"H-Hi Lieutenant."
She could see the sweat on his forehead. She just stared at him while all her confidence from earlier started to fade. Embarrassment of her discharge began bleeding through. It felt like she was in school again getting a suspension form. What should she say? What could she say at this point?
"I haven't seen you all morning," she stumbled out, trying to hide her shaking hands.
"Ah," he said, running a hand through his hair. Riza could see it shaking too. "Yeah, been a little busy today."
Silence followed as she stared at him, hoping he’d take the reins of the conversation. Would he mention it? Or would he just pretend nothing happened?
What to say… what to say…
He grit his teeth together, not looking her in the eye. "I can tell you want to yell at me... but do you mind doing it in my office instead?"
Riza could do nothing else but nod.
The walk to his office was nothing less than awkward. Neither spoke and usually Riza found comfort in their shared silences but not this time. Her mind was spinning full of questions to ask but she didn’t know what to ask first. She took a seat in the chair in front of his desk and he rolled back in his behind it. He kept avoiding her gaze which only frustrated her. “So, uh-”
"Colonel... why?" She spoke barely above a whisper.
There was a hint of pity in his eyes and she hated it. "You deserve to go out and enjoy your life," he said. "You don't need to waste any more of it in here with us old men." He laughed but Riza could hear that it was a pained one. "Meet a nice guy, have a kid, buy a house, go hang out with friends, you know, whatever else civilians do. You deserve that."
She couldn't believe he was giving her that bullshit line. She didn't want that life. She wanted to stay here and rebuild Ishval. Try and make up for her filthy sins.
"And what better time than now? With the plan to rebuild Ishval, we're restructuring-"
"You really expect me to believe that?" Her voice cracked in all different places. "Feeding me the same lines that you, yourself, hate?" She almost forgot the formality in the midst of her swirling emotions. "Sir." It came out with a bigger bite than intended and she saw the way he flinched.
“That’s because I don’t have that luxury. You, on the other hand, have so much potential. You’ve done enough for us here in The State Military that we’re incredibly thankful for so it’s time that you do something for yours-”
"Cut the nonsense, sir," she said, cutting him off again. He spoke like a corporate drone. "Who ordered you to do this?"
His head hung slightly. "Nobody," he said quietly. "It was my own decision."
Riza swallowed the incoming pressure in her throat that was fighting its way back up to the top.
"As I said earlier, you were never meant for this. You're the smartest woman I've ever met. You should've gone off to university to become a Doctor or something."
"I made this decision on my own, sir. Neither you or anyone else did." she said firmly.
"But I heavily influenced it." He did his best to hide it but Riza noticed the hurt in his eyes and the way his voice squeaked. "Don't you see? I did this to you! All of it! I think about the way you were as a teenager, eyes bright with excitement and wonder. Now all I see is despair and misery and it's because of me. You welcomed me into your home, shared the secrets of flame alchemy, trusting me, and I took that trust and spat it back in your face in the worst way possible. And to make matters worse, you entered the military and had the displeasure of slaughtering innocent people that now haunts you for the rest of your life, because of me!" His shaky breath was the only sound in the room and Riza could only watch him fiddle with his uniform button constantly as a distraction. He always did that when he was stressed or nervous about something. "I failed,” he said slowly in shame. “I failed to protect you like I promised your father before his death. And The Promised Day...I was useless. I couldn't do anything but just sit there and watch you die." Riza didn’t miss the way his shoulders tensed up at that. "So now, I'm going to make sure that you're protected. That's why I'm going to ensure that you're living the civilian life that you deserve."
She didn’t deserve anything. She wasn't a fragile little bird. She was a bloodthirsty monster. She didn’t deserve this kindness or anyone thinking of her in this way. “Like you, sir, I’ve dedicated my life to the people of this country. I wish to continue to serve them and to rebuild Ishval.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible.”
"Colonel-"
"I'm not going to argue about this, Lieutenant. You’ve been honourably discharged.” This wasn't a joke or something she could influence. He was serious. "Go find that husband, have that kid, and buy that house, alright? You're no longer bound as my adjacent."
This wasn’t happening! "I refuse," she said in the most serious voice she's ever had. "You know very well that I am not a civilian and I never will be one. I will never find a husband, have a kid, or whatever other fantasy you've cooked up in your head. The military is my home and the only place I want to be is here. Now stop being stubborn and let me assist you in the plan to rebuild Ishval."
That must have taken Roy by surprise. He sat there for a second while he digested her words and she could see as he tried to muster up a proper response. "Are you disobeying a superior officer?"
"Yes, sir,” she replied without missing a beat. He always went for that comeback when he had nothing else and she knew it held no merit as he’d never use his rank against her that way.
He leaned back in his chair, hands together, gears clearly cranking. “This isn't up for debate. I want you to have a good life, without the military, and most importantly, without me in it.” Riza opened her mouth to retort but he continued. “I've hurt you enough. I've hurt you so much, and damn it, I'm so sorry.” Riza noticed the way he pressed his lips together for that split second to push it all back inside. He had been trying his hardest not to break but it was beginning to fail. “I'll continue with the plan to rebuild Ishval and I'll see it through, you have my word.”
Riza's mind swirled. This was happening. This was really happening. What could she do? There had to be something she could do! “Sir, wait, I-”
“Please,” he whispered, tilting his head down at his lap so his eyes were hidden by his bangs but the damp dots on his uniform pants said everything. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
Her eyes stung with her own tears pricking them. This was it. This was really it. She was officially discharged from the military. It was over. No more “sir”, no more “Lieutenant.” But what hurt the most?
No more Roy Mustang.