Half-human

by JadzPackett

Summary:

After months of hearing her close college friends Sango and Miroku talk about their kind-hearted, thoughtful, and considerate hometown friend Inuyasha, Kagome is thrilled to hear that he will be joining them this upcoming semester. But her hopes of becoming close to him as well are quickly crushed by his rough, rude, and arrogant persona, the complete opposite of what had been described to her.

But knowing Sango and Miroku, they choose their friends with thought and intent, and they keep hinting that Inuyasha hadn't always been this way. That he had become jaded and surfeited by his childhood and a major traumatic event that happened nearly a year prior.

Over the course of the semester, little by little, Kagome peels back the layers of his past -- and, little by little, she meets the true Inuyasha.
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A modern-era Inuyasha fic about identity, self-exploration, self-acceptance, mental health, abuse, and that feeling as if you are only half-human because of it all.

Chapter 1

“When did you say he was going to be here?”

“Soon.”

“That's arbitrary.”

“So is traffic.”

“We've already been waiting for twenty minutes."

“Kagome. Please.”

Kagome stirred the boba Sango had generously gotten her with her straw. They had been waiting so long that it was nearly gone. She had even gotten a large, and now she was struggling to sip up any flavor from among the ice cubes. There were so many popping pearls left over, too. Maybe she'd order another. “Sorry, sorry. I'm just excited to finally meet him. You guys talk about him so much that it kinda feels like I'm missing out.”

“Do we really talk about him that much?” Sango tapped her straw against her chin in thought. “Sorry. I never noticed.”

“It's fine. I mean, he's been your friend for a long time and you miss him a lot, so of course you'd talk about him often.” She began to chew on the ice just to have something to busy herself… but she couldn't keep quiet for long. “Gosh, the dorms aren't even that far away! Did Miroku drive off the road?”

“Why don't I go get you another cup?” Sango offered. Kagome looked up at her with sparkling eyes until she added, “You only started talking so much when you finished your drink.”

Kagome sighed. “Yeah, okay… that sounds–”

“Oh, hey guys!” Sango hadn't made it a step out from behind the table before she stopped to wave someone over. Kagome immediately perked up again because there were only two people it could be. “Here! I already ordered your guys’ drinks. Miroku, I got your favorite.” She excitedly pushed the cup of Mango tea over toward the other side of the table as Miroku, the friend Kagome was familiar with, sat down. “Inuyasha…” Sango didn't seem nearly as confident and chuckled nervously. She slid the winter melon tea over a lot more hesitantly. “I tried.”

Kagome had heard his name a lot, but never had a face to it; from what she understood, Inuyasha did not like taking part in pictures or videos, so she truly had no reference until that very moment – his hair was long and a beautiful silver, and topped with a beanie with cute fluffy bangs stylishly pulled out front. They were long as well, nearly falling down to his nose but not thick enough to cover his just as pretty golden eyes.

His whole face was just pretty, Kagome thought to herself, much prettier than the average college boy she'd seen these past two years on campus. Sango nor Miruko mentioned how attractive he was, not that that mattered. Kagome wasn't the type to put appearances first, but good Lord, they could have at least mentioned it so she could've prepared herself instead of sitting there gawking for far too long.

“So you're Inuyasha,” she said finally, hoping her surprise was disrupted by her smile. “It's so nice to finally meet you!” She held out her hand. “I'm Kagome.”

Inuyasha studied the drink in front of him after he settled on the chair. He looked utterly disinterested, and when he tried it, he didn't show whether he liked it or not. He just continued to stare. “I know,” he said suddenly. It took Kagome a moment to realize that was his response to her.

“So they've talked to you about me, too?”

“Yup.”

“You're both our close friends,” Sango said to fill in the conversation gaps. “Of course we've mentioned you to him, too.”

“I like your hair,” Kagome couldn't help but comment. “Did you dye it yourself?”

Inuyasha’s hand that was swirling his cup around froze. “It's natural.”

“It is?” She didn't mean to sound so shocked and quickly changed her tone. “It’s really beautiful.”

“Thanks.” He didn't sound thankful.

“So how's Myoga doing back home, Inuyasha?” Sango asked after an uncomfortable amount of time passed. Or at least Kagome was uncomfortable. Sango and Miroku didn't seem to be.

Inuyasha wasn't as reluctant to respond to her. “Still an old fart that refuses to be swept up by the wind. Every time I visit him, I gotta poke him to see if he's still alive.” He started to chew on his straw, but didn't take another sip. “He just doesn't know when to let go.”

“Stop acting like you don't care about him.” Miroku tugged on the beanie. His hand was quickly smacked away. “You wear the hat he gave you every day. And the necklace Kaede made for you.”

 

“I never said I don't care about ‘em.” Inuyasha tugged on the collar of his shirt, letting the beaded necklace fall underneath it. “All I'm sayin’ is that they need to learn when to give it up.”

Kagome listened to them converse and watched their interactions closely, keeping to herself. Of course Sango and Miroku would feel more natural around Inuyasha. Miroku had known him for five years at that point, and Sango for ten; like Sango had said, both Kagome and Inuyasha were close friends to them, but not yet to one another. But still, she didn't expect to feel so awkward and out of place, though maybe Inuyasha felt exactly the same toward her. She couldn't fault him for that.

She waited for a break in conversation to try again. “What are you majoring in, Inuyasha? What brought you to this school?”

And then it was suddenly as if he had never participated in a conversation in his life. He immediately averted his gaze down to his drink and gave her a short answer. “Anthropology.” Usually people would explain why, or exclaim how fascinated they are, or how excited they are to graduate, and she waited for the addition. It never came.

“Oh, cool!” She smiled kindly when she realized that's where he was stopping. “I bet we're gonna have at least one class that's the same because I'm majoring in historical studies!”

“Kagome is incredibly smart,” Sango said, and Kagome appreciated it because it seemed like it helped Inuyasha relax. She nudged her. “Studying with her would be a good strategy.”

He was quiet. Kagome truly couldn’t tell if he was thinking or just ignoring Sango. “I’m going back to the dorm,” he announced as he stood abruptly and grabbed his drink. His bluntness startled Kagome. “Thanks for the tea, Sango.”

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t like it.”

“It’s fine. See ya at the dorm, Miroku.”

Kagome watched him leave. He never said excuse me. People just moved. “Is he walking back?”

“Yup,” Miroku responded, unbothered.

“Did I… did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all.” Sango smiled widely, almost proudly even. “That actually went a lot better than we thought it would.”

“Inuyasha is not a people person,” Miroku explained. “He has a difficult time meeting new people and making friends, so he tends to avoid it if he can.”

“He was only here for ten minutes,” Kagome mumbled, unable to hide her disappointment.

“I know!” Sango exclaimed. “A new record!”

“Why didn’t you guys tell me about that before?”

“Because when people know, they all seem to either have the not me mindset or won’t even bother trying.” Miroku’s eyes followed the people who walked by outside of the boba shop. Inuyasha wasn’t among them. He was already long gone. “We wanted it to be more natural.”

“But this really wasn’t a bad first go,” Sango said reassuringly. “You should’ve been there when he met Miroku for the first time.” She laughed, but Miroku didn’t seem to find it as hilarious. His laugh was pure nerves. “He hated him.”

“Sometimes I wonder if he even considers me a friend today…” Miroku sighed. “I guess he wouldn’t agree to share a dorm with me if he didn’t.”

Kagome was listening, but she was also focused on the clouds outside. They had become thicker within the last half hour. “It looks like it’s going to rain… are you sure he should walk?”

“He’ll be fine,” Miroku said confidently. “Probably just wants to get used to his surroundings and have some time to himself. He didn’t get any time to rest today. He traveled two hours here by train, moved into the dorm, and then we came right here. He’s probably tired and overstimulated.”

“He doesn’t like change very much, either.” Sango’s face had become borderline sullen. “Poor guy’s been through a lot this last year. We asked him if he really wanted to move on top of it all and he was persistent. I guess he just really wanted to get away from– all of that and start as fresh as he could.”

Although brief and recovered, Kagome didn’t miss the odd pause in her explanation. “Oh yeah? What happened?”

Sango and Miroku glanced at each other, like they had both been caught doing something they shouldn’t. “A nasty breakup,” Sango answered after a few too many beats.

Kagome wondered what else they hadn’t told her.

Chapter 2: Curious

It was always difficult for Kagome to get back into the swing of things after having the month off for winter/holiday break – waking up early was definitely what she had missed the least.

“Good morning,” Sango greeted in an all-too-awake state. She sat at her desk with her small mirror positioned in front of her as she prepared herself for the day. She already had her hair brushed back into a bun and she was currently applying her signature pink eyeshadow. One eye was already done and opened and she looked at Kagome through the mirror. “Sleep well?” She giggled at her messy state.

“No,” she answered honestly, pulling her long black hair from her chapped lips. Sango’s curtains were open and light flooded into the whole room, which was something Kagome would find annoying on any day of the week where it didn’t help her wake up in time for class. Still, it hurt her eyes. “All I could think about was yesterday.”

“Me too,” Sango admitted, and Kagome looked at her with confusion and just a little bit of hope that she wasn’t being too paranoid. “I still can’t believe how well it went!”

Kagome groaned, pressing her fingers into her brow bone. “How can you say that went well? It was so awkward.”

“It was, but it was also a pretty big step Inuyasha typically doesn’t take.” She paused as she focused on patting the eyeshadow onto the corner of her eye, careful to not get it inside. “It’s just been the three of us for years. He’s convinced we’re all he needs, which might be true, but usually he doesn’t even try and meet Miroku’s other friends.” She turned to actually face Kagome and smiled widely. She had such a pretty face, Kagome always thought to herself whenever Sango so much as grinned. “That means he was curious enough about you to meet you.”

She didn’t know why exactly, but Kagome couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. “What is it that you’ve been telling him, anyway? What’s so weird about me that he wanted to see it for himself?”

Sango thought about it for a little bit. Or maybe she was thinking how to phrase the answer she already had. “I have a hard time befriending people, too. So I guess it was mainly just, you know, wanting to see who else would be my friend. Not to sound like a complete downer,” she added quickly. “It’s just true.”

“So, in other words, he wanted to see if I was worthy,” Kagome finished for her. She could read between the lines. Kagome was told that Inuyasha was fiercely protective, so she actually felt comfort in the fact that that was at least true, because everything else they told her so far didn’t seem to be.

Sango chuckled nervously. “Eh-heh… yeah… But!” She snapped her eyeshadow pallet closed. “He doesn’t dislike you. That much was clear.”

Kagome had started to get dressed for the day and stopped. “Was it?”

“To someone who has been his friend for nearly a decade, yes.”

“I can’t help but notice you didn’t say he likes me.”

“Well, no, but that doesn’t mean much of anything. Him not liking someone is equivalent to having an acquaintance. It’s if he hates you, then that’s when you gotta worry. But he doesn’t! So you don’t!”

“So how do I get him to like me?” Kagome asked genuinely. She did feel a little pathetic and desperate to be asking such a question, but she had heard so many great things about Inuyasha that she already liked him without actually knowing him, and she wanted him to feel comfortable around her.

This time, she could tell that Sango did actually have to think about her advice as she slowly began to reorganize her desk, her brows knitted just slightly and her eyes narrowed in deep consideration.

“Keep him curious.”

Chapter 3: 1/7

Today’s mood(s): tired, uncertain
Dream: scary, sad, confusing
Anxiety: severe
Stress: severe
Happiness level: unsure
Confidence: low

Today’s goals: get situated for the new semester
Highlight of the day: meeting with friends
Daily gratitude: Sango bought me boba

Today’s entry
I don’t feel like writing a lot today. It was eventful and I’m just tired. I didn’t realize anything new, it was all just the same old stuff. But it was interesting meeting someone new. Scary and weird, but interesting. I don’t know how to feel about it.

Chapter 4: Multitasking

Kagome didn’t know why she was surprised to see Inuyasha attending the same world history course as her, but she genuinely was when she saw him sitting in the front corner of the class.

Maybe it was because she was early, and Inuyasha really hadn’t seemed like a morning person even though she had only spoken to him for five minutes, but the ring of water around his half-drinken cup of coffee suggested that he had been there for a while.

He glanced up when she moved closer. She wasn’t moving toward him specifically, but she had to move in his direction in order to get to the stairs, and she used it as a tester to see how he would react to her. He was a familiar face to her compared to everyone else, so she wanted to sit next to him, but she wouldn’t if it was obvious he had no interest or if he seemed even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

His blank expression as he looked at her for only a second was nearly impossible to decipher – did he remember her? She wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t because he had barely looked at her yesterday, and there didn’t seem to be a twinge of familiarity anywhere in his golden eyes.

But then their gazes met for a second time. Kagome tried to make it seem as if she hadn’t been staring the whole time, but when it was clear she had failed, she decided to try and ease the awkwardness by giving him a small wave.

“Long time, no see,” she tried joking with a polite grin. She regretted it almost immediately, not only because he gave her no reaction, but because now she felt obligated to keep the interaction going – wouldn’t it be even more awkward if she just walked away? Especially with the other people in the room listening. She gestured to the empty seat next to him. “Are you waiting for someone?”

“No, I don’t know anyone here,” he pointed out monotonously.

If he was uncomfortable, he was hiding it well; Kagome, however, didn’t feel so confident and she could feel her shoulders starting to tense.

Keep him curious, Sango’s voice reminded her. She had thought she knew what that meant at the time, but now that Inuyasha was in front of her, she just felt stupid. He wasn’t even looking at her anymore and yet it still felt like she was being observed. Tested. And she wanted to pass so badly.

“Well, you know me.” She risked it all and sat down next to him with just a single chair in between them. She didn’t want to sit right next to him because it was too close even for her, but she also wasn’t afraid of someone taking the middle spot because people seemed generally uninterested in sitting next to the punk-looking boy with the hooded eyes and scowl.

Kagome herself struggled to remain seated as he stared at her like he couldn’t believe she was really there.

There were still a few minutes before class started; she typically wouldn’t sit in the front because she was paranoid about all the eyes behind her, but she didn’t know what other chance she would have to talk to him one-on-one, to grow his curiosity.

“Sango and Miroku missed you a lot,” she said after a moment of consideration. She decided that the easiest way to start a conversation was to bring up a mutual topic they knew about. “I was there when you said you were transferring. You should’ve seen the way their faces lit up,”

“Hm,” Inuyasha hummed, and that was his only response. Kagome wasn’t even sure if he was listening.

“I heard that you’ve been friends with Sango for nearly ten years.”

“Yup.”

“Has she changed a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?” It was clear he wasn’t interested in the conversation. Kagome quickly began to file through any sort of ice breaker she could think of before she finally pulled one. “What about Miroku?”

She felt accomplished when he snorted, although it was annoyed. “Especially Miroku.”

“Sango changed him for the better, huh?”

“Thankfully.”

She tried to act like she wasn’t completely panicking with how awkward this conversation was; she made the conscious effort to calmly open her laptop to prepare to take notes, but she could see how unsteady the cursor was because of how much she was shaking from pure nerves.

She couldn’t help but feel frustrated, too. She usually wasn’t this anxious when it came to meeting new people; she was chatty and had the natural skill of making people feel comfortable around her, so perhaps she wasn’t used to the ice being thick enough to withstand one swing, or maybe it was because Inuyasha was best friends with her close college friends and so she wanted to feel included, and like she belonged.

It was probably an even mix of both.

Halfway through the lesson, Kagome sneakily opened Discord to message the group chat she had with Sango and Miroku – all she could think about was what she was going to say after class concluded, because she couldn’t possibly just leave without saying anything else. But she needed backup.

HigurashiOneK
Hey guys, do you have any plans that I can come along on?
Plans with Inuyasha preferably
Or plans that you wouldn’t mind me and Inuyasha joining
And if not then make one

sangobongo
literally what are you talking about

HigurashiOneK
Do you guys have any plans with Inuyasha soon?

sangobongo
not really

HigurashiOneK
Then you should make one

sangobongo
why???

Monkroku
Aren’t you supposed to be in class

HigurashiOneK
Because he’s your friend?
And I am in class. I’m ✨multitasking✨

She glanced up at the board as if to prove her point. Thankfully the first day of the second semester was basically just a review.

Monkroku
We were going to ask him if he wanted to go to the mall with us this weekend

HigurashiOneK
Perfect!
I am formally inviting myself.
I’ll ask him after class!

sangobongo
bold of you to assume you werent already invited
but why?

HigurashiOneK
I’m literally sitting next to him right now and I don’t want to just leave without a word after trying to already talk to him today.
My goal isn’t to make him my friend today because I know that’s not realistic. I just want to give myself a future chance.

sangobongo
you sound really desperate

HigurashiOneK
That would be because I am.
I have never felt so awkward in my life.
I need it to stop.

sangobongo
good luck with that

Monkroku
You guys will become friends eventually
I know Inuyasha is different from what you’re used to but give it time Kagome

HigurashiOneK
That’s exactly what I’m doing by coming along.
I can learn more about what he likes, too!
It’s perfect!!
I’m so smart.

Monkroku
And you should probably use those brains of yours to pay attention

HigurashiOneK
Eh, it’s just refreshers.
You guys are way more interesting

sangobongo
i think inuyasha agrees because hes messaging me too lol

Kagome glanced over at her table partner. He was leaned nonchalantly on his hand, staring ahead at the professor with everything but interest reflecting in his eyes. She hadn’t even noticed him typing on his phone.

HigurashiOneK
Omg, really? Lol, what’s he saying?
He’s sneakier than I am.

sangobongo
hes asking what im doing after class

Monkroku
Gasp! You’re texting in class too?
Didn’t know I was friends with the bad kids

sangobongo
i didnt know i was dating a narc

Kagome suppressed her laugh when Miroku sent a gif of a shocked and offended man, hiding her smile behind the screen.

HigurashiOneK
Are you guys gonna do anything after school?

sangobongo
probably since its been a while since weve hung out
i can ask him about the mall too

HigurashiOneK
NO LET ME DO IT

sangobongo
okay okay

HigurashiOneK
Class is almost done.
Brb!

Kagome saved the very few notes she did take and closed her laptop, sliding it back into her bag. It wasn’t until then did she realize Inuyasha didn’t have one, nor did he have a laptop or a notebook, or even a pencil – for someone who showed up early, he was drastically underprepared with nothing but his phone and earbuds, which Kagome also hadn’t noticed until that very moment, when his hair caught on his shoulder and exposed his ear for just a second. Had he been paying attention at all? She began to wonder if his short answers yesterday simply came from his lack of interest in school and not necessarily because of her.

She stood in front of him until he noticed her. Or, at least, until he acknowledged her with a look.

She waited until he paused his music. “Are you going to the mall this weekend, too?”

He blinked. “Not that I know of.”

“Well, Sango, Miroku, and I are going. You should come, too!” When he didn’t respond timely, she felt the need to fill the silence. “The mall is really big and beautiful. It’ll be a lot of fun!”

The two of them began walking toward the exit; although she stepped aside for him, she was expecting him to hesitate walking out the door while in a conversation, but when he saw the opening, he took advantage of it and was out of the classroom within seconds. Kagome had to wait for a few more people to pass by before she could follow him.

“I’ll think about it,” he said once she had barely caught up. She almost didn’t hear him, but she picked up on his tone.

It didn’t sound like he was going to think about it.

Chapter 5: Expert Opinion

Turns out, Inuyasha did actually think about it, or maybe he already knew his answer and just didn’t want to give it to Kagome specifically; either way, she was pleasantly surprised to see him approaching her and Sango alongside Miroku.

 

They had been waiting outside of the parking garage for only a few minutes, but the cold was bitter and their cheeks were already pink. Sango was snuggled as deeply into her coat as she could be and Kagome was bundled up in a large sweater and a scarf; Miroku had bought them all hot chocolate and coffee and started to hand them out with his red hands. 

 

There were only three, Kagome noticed as she took her peppermint hot chocolate from Miroku with a gleeful thanks. Inuyasha handed him the cup he held after Sango and Kagome had theirs. He must not have wanted anything. Perhaps he wasn't as bothered by the cold; he certainly didn't seem to be with his thin red topcoat and sweatpants being the only semi-warm clothing items he had, though his cheeks were also starting to bloom with color. 

 

The mall was only a thirty minute walk, one they easily could’ve made if the weather was more withstandable, but Miroku would be driving them so they didn’t turn into fashionable popsicles. 

 

“What stores do you typically like going to, Inuyasha?” Kagome asked once they were out on the main road. With the help of the music, the silence wasn’t awkward, but she still wanted to converse.

 

He thought about it. Or he at least pretended to. “I don’t know. I’m not a huge shopping person.”

 

“He’s just coming because he missed us,” Sango cooed jokingly.

 

He scoffed. “As if. I just don’t wanna be bored today.”

 

Sango glanced at Kagome, and Kagome glanced at Sango. They both sat in the back and exchanged grins. He missed us, Sango mouthed. Kagome cleared her throat to cover her giggle.

 

“Oh, well. Malls are still fun even when you don’t go for shopping.” Kagome watched as other cars passed them. Miroku was a more cautious driver and didn’t like speeding. “People are always interesting enough.”

 

~*~

 

Inuyasha proved to be the most interesting of them all to Kagome. 

 

She couldn’t read his body language as well as she could with others; she had been watching him to try and get a sense of what he liked, how he responded to certain jokes, his role in the friend group, just any glimpse of the person Sango and Miroku described him as for the past few months; but with every store they went into, with every item she thought she saw him staring at, with every comment made and discussion had, she was only left with more questions.

 

There was one point where Kagome thought they had something in common. She had seen him staring at a Studio Ghibli beanie, one with an embroidered patch of the Catbus on it. The Catbus was Kagome’s favorite Ghibli character. She just found it so cute and loved it ever since she was little, so she had asked him about it.

 

“So you’re a Ghibli fan?” She had asked, jumping at the opportunity to engage with him. They were in Hot Topic, split into two groups though Kagome acted as if she hadn’t been following Inuyasha around to try and find a moment to interact. She pretended as if she had just noticed him standing a few feet away from her.

 

Inuyasha’s expression remained flat, which Kagome hadn’t been expecting – with how intensely he stared at the hat, she expected his face to light up at the mention of it, but he couldn’t look more disinterested. “No.”

 

“Oh.” She looked between him and the beanie a few times. “So you must be confused by what you’re looking at, huh?” She said humorously.

 

“No,” he responded monotonously. “I know what it is.”

 

But the Catbus was a popular character, Kagome thought, so she didn’t think much of it. He’d probably seen it plenty of times before and must have gotten curious enough to look it up. Why he stared at it like that was beyond her, but it wasn't nearly as odd as their interaction in Spencer’s Gifts.

 

It wasn't difficult to stay with him, because both Inuyasha and Kagome hung around toward the front where the shirts, jewelry, and blankets were displayed. She spent some time looking through the jewelry even though the majority of it wasn’t her style (she preferred small, dainty jewelry over the statement pieces that Spencer’s sold), then turned her attention toward the shirts; she also wasn’t a fan of graphic tees, so really she just wasn’t a fan of this store in general, but she didn’t want to be the only one standing awkwardly outside.

 

She was surprised to see Inuyasha yet again staring at a shirt, but she couldn’t tell which one until he picked it up to look at it more closely. It was not the shirt she was expecting.

 

“Are you a Janis Joplin fan?”

 

He was quiet for a few seconds as he looked over the design, white with a pop of color and brightened by Janis Joplin’s unique smile, something similar to admiration in the way he stared. It wasn’t really hesitation as it was a consideration, and his answer left Kagome dumbfounded. “No.”

 

“Oh… well, what music do you like? They have so many artists here.”

 

“I listen to a lot,” he responded, and for the first time, Kagome thought that they were getting somewhere in conversation, somewhere both of them could contribute and find something in common. 

 

When he didn’t expound, she asked, “Like what?”

 

Inuyasha scanned the selection. “Gorillaz,” he decided. There were three different designs of the band to choose from, none of which Kagome liked herself but she could imagine him in all of them. “I really like Gorillaz.”

 

He bought the Janis Joplin shirt.

 

Kagome couldn’t help but feel frustrated by the end of the day: she was the one that needed to make herself look more interesting, but she felt like the only thing she accomplished was making herself look silly and invasive, and she couldn’t help but feel out of place whenever Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha interacted with one another.

 

They were all so close. Conversation came naturally to them and Sango even got Inuyasha to smirk once which was the closest thing to a smile Kagome had seen him wear, and even though Sango and Miroku made sure to keep Kagome involved so she didn’t necessarily feel unwelcomed, she still felt like an intruder. Like she was someone they had just met on their outing and she decided to tag along.

 

She told herself not to worry about it in the moment. Just take every opening Sango and Miroku gave her and try to get Inuyasha to engage as well. She knew that’s what they were trying to do, and she appreciated it more than they would ever know (because she would forget to tell them), but each attempt was feeble and unsuccessful –

 

In fact, it almost felt like it had the opposite effect and that Inuyasha became more and more disinterested whenever Kagome talked. Or maybe she was just visibly seeing his social battery deplete, his facial features slowly changing from stoic to just plain tired.

 

In a weird way, it was comforting to Kagome watching Inuyasha fight to stay awake on the ride back to campus, because maybe that really did mean he was just running out of fuel. It would make sense based on what she was told about Inuyasha not being a people person and all, and he was very clearly more on the introverted side, he was tired even after an hour long class…

 

Yeah, that's all it was, Kagome could reason with herself. Everyone had different timers set and needs to meet: Inuyasha's was just shorter, and he needed patience and understanding. 

 

Kagome could give that to him – she was determined.

 

~*~

 

“So. Your expert opinion.” Kagome shut the door behind Sango before she threw her singular bag onto her desk chair; she had bought a lot, but they were all small and she had just thrown them together into the one bag. “Did today go well?”

 

“Yeah!” Sango exclaimed excitedly. She had started to organize her new clothes, knowing full well she would never pick them back up if she didn’t do it now. “He had a lot of fun.”

 

Kagome was halfway seated on her bed. She paused right before her butt met the springy mattress, and she looked at Sango questionably. “Did he?”

 

“Mhm!” Not feeling as motivated, she just tossed her new earrings into her jewelry box so she could hurry onto her own bed, kicking off her shoes. They landed lazily in the middle of the room. Neither of the girls moved to pick them up. “He didn’t once say that he wanted to leave. That’s pretty damn good.”

 

Kagome didn’t believe Sango, but she trusted her. “Okay. I had a lot of fun, too. Thanks for letting me come along.”

 

“You say that like you weren’t formally invited.”

 

“Yeah, I just…” She debated on how much to tell Sango. She didn’t want to sound whiny or clingy, but she wanted to be able to share her concerns with her best friend openly.“I just kinda felt like I was intruding some of the time.”

 

“I'm sorry, Kagome. Miroku and I–”

 

“No, don't apologize!” Kagome said quickly. She valued honesty, but she already regretted bringing it up. “I'm not saying that to make you feel bad! I’m just–” she gestured vaguely between the two of them. “Trying to- you know.”

 

Sango laughed at her awkwardness. “Yeah, I know. But I'm still sorry. I promise he's not trying to make you feel like that.”

 

“I didn't think he was. I know I just need to be more patient…”

 

“But?”

 

Kagome sputtered a few times, unsure of how to convey her thoughts accurately. She began to strangle the air. “But I like him so much already so I just want to be his friend. What?” She asked when Sango gave her a look that was somewhere between all-knowing and suggestive.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Don't you dare.”

 

“I'm just speculating. You know.” She tapped her temple. “Gathering.”

 

Kagome’s eyes narrowed. “Elabrote.”

 

Now it was Sango’s turn to hesitate. To think and consider, so Kagome wasn't expecting her to be so blunt.

 

“Do you have a crush on Inuyasha?”

 

“What?” She choked on her own spit. “No?! I barely even know him.”

 

“But you like him already.”

 

“Yeah, as in, like, I know enough about him– er, no, that's not– it's just that I'm interested– wait! No! That's not the word I wanted to use!”

 

Sango was nearly cackling. “Yup. Uh-huh. Just keep on digging there, Higurashi.”

 

“Gah!” Kagome swatted at her lips as if trying to pull a hair from them. “You're putting words in my mouth!”

 

“So what was it that made you like him? Seeing him?” She gasped dramatically. “Kagome, I didn't think you to be so shallow.”

 

“No!” She could feel how red her face was getting which definitely did not help her defense case. “I don't care about his appearance. I mean, not that I think he's ugly or anything like that. Quite the opposite actually, he's very pretty like one of those kpop idols you and Miroku like. What's the one idol? The one guy with the long hair and doll-like face?”

 

Sango held up a finger. “Objection! This is irrelevant.”

 

“No, it's not! I'm just over-explaining!” She basically smacked herself in the face as she hid behind her hands, letting herself fall back onto her bed. “He's attractive, okay? Like, really attractive. But that's not the reason I want to be his friend. Haven't I already explained this to you?”

 

Sango nodded once. “You have. I just like seeing you panic.”

 

Her chest rose and fell with a deep sigh. “Can I ask another question that requires your expertise?”

 

“Is this off-topic? Because I will not be answering anything that isn't related to today or Inuyasha for my own amusement.”

 

“No, no. It's related to Inuyasha.” Kagome turned onto her side to face Sango. “What music does he like to listen to? He always has his earbuds in but I can never tell what it might be.”

 

“He listens to a lot,” Sango said and Kagome wondered if the two of them had planned their answers out together solely to keep her frustrated. 

 

Sango must have seen the dissatisfaction on her face, because she added, “I mean, like, literally everything from all over the world. French, American, Indian, Korean, Spanish. The genre doesn't matter either. Rock, pop, metal, ballads, indie, oldies, electronic. He's really not that picky with his music.”

 

“Does he like anything that I do? I just think that maybe that would be the best place to start, you know? Since he likes it so much. And if he listens to a lot, then there's bound to be a crossover, right?”

 

“Yeah!” How cheerful Sango sounded gave Kagome more hope. “Actually, we were going to have a study session at the end of the week! I always bring along my speaker so we can listen to music in the background so it's not too quiet. Would you like to study with us?”

 

Kagome’s eyes lit up. “Really? Do you think the guys would be okay with that?”

 

“It's just studying. Everyone has to do it.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to keep budging in where I’m not wanted.”

 

“Don’t worry about that.” Sango sat up straight and placed a hand over her heart. “In my expert opinion, you’ll be wanted.”

Chapter 6: 1/12

Today’s mood(s): tired, hesitant, excited 

Dream: weird 

Anxiety: high

Stress: moderate

Happiness level: moderate

Confidence: low

 

Today’s goals: don't have a panic attack

Highlight of the day: I found a Janis Joplin shirt

Daily gratitude: my friends inviting me to the mall with them

 

Today’s entry

Today was actually a lot more fun than I was expecting it to be. I don't like places like malls, they're too crowded and loud and have too many smells, but Sango and Miroku really can make anywhere feel safe.

I don't know how to feel about Kagome, though. I understand why Sango and Miroku are friends with her. She talked to me a few times and she's super nice and all that, but there's just something about her I can't get past. I'm always fine when I hear her talk, I like her voice even, but then I look her in the eye. And then the alarms in my brain start going off and all I can think to myself is “I have to find a way out”.

 

Things to bring up tomorrow:

Kagome

Going out without having a panic attack

Janis Joplin 

Sesshomaru and dad