Chapter Text
TITLE: Our battle will be legendary
FEATURING THE CHARACTERS: thanos, karl marx
WRITERS: fiasco, hayden, eatham
RATED 18+
Karl Marx wiped the blood streaming from his nose as he looked upon his adversary across the field.
"You don't understand, Thanos!" he bellowed, "Why do you insist on fighting when we could combine our powers for the greater good?!"
Thanos looked down his big ass purple chin at the man with the craziest hair and beard he's ever seen in his life.
"Your hair... Your beard... It is unequal you receive such gifts while I am left with nothing on my own head," he stated with all the gravitas of a king.
"... What???" Karl Marx yelled in bewilderment.
"You heard what I said."
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Marx realized that, for all his prowess with the Infinity Gauntlet, he could never achieve what he wanted. All that power, all that glory. The power to annihilate life is worth nothing if the wielder is bald.
"Then, perhaps, you can use your power for good," Marx finally responded. The lack of air on the Earth's moon stung his lungs, but he could manage.
"What good can I achieve?" asked Thanos. His eyes were watery. The gravity of his sins finally began to weigh on him.
Marx thought for a moment, his head light. Finally, it came to him;
"Seize the means of hair production."
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The power of the thought alone surged through Thanos. Suddenly all across the Universe, everyone above a net worth of like a million dollars went bald. All the hair surged into Thanos at once as he seized their means of hair production. Marx screamed as he was enveloped into the web of ever expanding hair that poured out of Thanos's flesh.
That was all 30 years ago, now orbits the Earth as a second moon sized ball of hair. Marx now lives in a little hair cabin where he continues the write, the event having had inspired him for his idea of Communism 2 or something. I don't even know anymore.