Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1
I sit alone in my desolate room after the school day, listening to my favorite artist while staring at the roof.
“Why am I like this.? Why can’t I just be NORMAL!? God.. Why am I such a dumbass..”
I sigh deeply as I roll over onto my side, staring at the many posters on my walls and the clothes on my floor. I never thought the bullying would ever get this bad. They write all sorts of horrible things on my desk, I never paid attention to it, but I just never expected that it would get to me after a certain point.
“Kill yourself!”
“Nobody cares about you.”
“Cut deeper, you pathetic excuse for a person.”
“I hope your mom kicks you out and you have to live with that nasty hobo on the streets.”
“Your dad was so fed up with you that he died because of your ugly, disgusting face.”
I replayed the words in my head, over and over until I was barely paying any attention to my music and started to hyperventilate. I directed more attention toward the box cutter on my desk. I sat up in my bed, looking out the window now wondering if I should relapse. It would help the suicidal thoughts, be a bit more bearable… Right? I get up and walk over to my desk, where many old bloody tissues from the days before reside. I grab my boxcutter, where old blood from the night before still resides on the tip of the blade. I end up grabbing the blade and holding it in my hand for quite a while, I ponder for a bit about if I should do it or not. I hold the blade up to my arm and press down. The smell of blood starts to fill my room as blood starts to flow down my arm and onto my desk. I cut that singular spot multiple times before I move on to different spots on that arm. I cut and cut until my entire body is filled with cuts and I can’t hear my thoughts anymore. Arms, legs, thighs, chest, shoulders, hips. Anywhere from my neck down is covered.
“Sigh… I guess I need to do some aftercare now.”
I end up getting some plaster and wrapping it around my arms and thighs while I stick bandages on the other parts of my body. Once I finish with the bandages and cleaning up the blood off of my desk, I get up and go back to my bed to go to sleep…
“At least it helped a bit..” I go to sleep until the next day when I get awakened by my alarm at 5:30 in the morning.
“Ugh… Everything hurts..”
I end up getting up to change into my uniform. It’s the winter so we’re allowed to wear the winter uniform with the long sleeves and tights underneath. I finish changing into my uniform and go to brush my teeth, just to see my mom passed out on the couch from the night before again…
“How come I didn’t hear her.?”
I wonder until I realize I’m in my room again without noticing I already finished brushing my teeth. I put in my earbuds, put my favorite artist on, and grabbed my backpack to get onto the bus to go to school. I take my usual seat on my bus in the very front so I don't get my hair pulled again by a bully I don’t know the name of. The whole bus ride was a blur and I quickly rushed off once we arrived at the school. I walked to my classroom and yet again, I saw many nasty words on my desk again. Before reading them, I looked around the classroom. The desks were in pairs of two and the light above was blaring. Other than those two things, the classroom was bare. After looking around a bit and seeing the normal stares and whispers, I looked back at my desk to see what they had written.
“hang yourself u fucking loser”
“nobody would care if you died”
“KILL YOURSELF”
“this is y ur so fucking ugly lmao”
“JUMP”
“NOBODY CARES!!!!!!”
I already felt tears forming in my eyes as I read the nasty words on my desk. I quickly wiped my tears away and just started to erase the words. Once I finished that, I sat down, put my backpack down beside me, and just listened to my music until class started. Everything was just a blur until I heard the teacher say that we had a new student.
“Class, we have a new student today. Please treat him kindly and with respect.”
The teacher waved for him to come in and he was the most handsome dude I had ever seen before. He had purple short hair, he had the clearest brown eyes I’ve ever seen before, and his skin was just so clear… I quickly got out of my daydream though as the teacher said my name
“Sir.?”
He looked towards the dude and told him to go sit by me.
“I can’t believe he’s gonna sit by me..! Hopefully, he doesn’t think I’m a loser..”
“Hey.”
“Shit. I was daydreaming again…”
“H-hi… What’s your name.?”
“Oh right… My name is Kuboyasu, Aren Kuboyasu! Yours is Shun, Shun Kaido… Right?”
“Yeah..” “He said my name!!!”
The rest of class was kinda just a blur. At the end of class, he gave me his number to text later after school. At lunch I just had my headphones in, looking down at my sleeves while eating alone in the corner.
“I just wish I could be normal… Hopefully, Kuboyasu won’t find out about how much of a loser I am..”
The rest of the school day was just normal as usual. I got made fun of again, pushed, hair pulled, and more. In the end, I went back to my homeroom and rushed out of there once I got my stuff. I had always liked walking home, but I can’t do that anymore without getting beat up.. I practically ran to the bus to just be able to sit in the very front seat. Luckily, I was one of the first ones off so it didn’t matter too much to me about having to worry about getting beat up. Once I was at my stop, I immediately got off and ran to the house.
“Locked out again… I guess I need to use my key this time..”