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Loop 8
Before the loops, when surpassing RAD Weekend was her main goal and not her deadline, the first few weeks were nothing more than a blur. Now, Kohane Azusawa is convinced that she could remember every single detail and more. She could tell you exactly who was in Weekend Garage when she first meets An Shiraishi, who was there to see the moment her life changed forever. She could count down the seconds to when Kotaro Mita would cut the power during their song, waiting in equal parts eagerness and dread for when she could safely cut away at her hair. She has committed to memory the bruise on Toya Aoyagi's face, how it swells out of his cheek for days afterwards and only seems to fade once they're all together.
She has definitely remembered the once intimidating presence of Akito Shinonome. Not just because of how he scrutinises her when they first meet and the animosity she had tried to be rid of sooner already. (Loop 2 - Akito just looked through her. Like he'd seen a ghost. The lights never went out that time, she almost wished they did.) No, Kohane Azusawa has another reason to be wary of Akito Shinonome now that she's repeating this year over and over again.
It's no doubt to anyone that Akito was and always will be the most perceptive of the four. He knows almost instantly when someone doesn't have their head fully in the game, he knows exactly what they need to do to get stronger, he'll drag them all to a café across the city just so they can relax. Kohane admires him for it, truly she does, but it has become the most frustrating thing about him. If she slips even once he'll be onto her, and it is so hard to not slip when you've relived the same year eight times.
"Oi, Kohane. Can you come here a sec?"
Kohane knows what he's about to ask her about before she's even set the mic down on the stage floor. An teased her for it and Toya seemed to contemplate following her example for well over a minute. To Akito, it's a clear sign of something being wrong.
"I'll be right there!" She tries to pass the anxiety off as just her usual, early stage nerves. She knows it fools neither of them, albeit for very different reasons. Still, the three steps over to him at Ken's bar feel as long as their trek through the forest two weeks ago. As if to show he's aware that what he wants to discuss isn't just things he's noticing in her singing, he gives her a minute of silence while finishing off the coffee An must have made him somewhere during her song with Toya.
Kohane thinks that, if the circumstances were any different, she'd love to have all of these memories ingrained in her mind - like a photo album in perfect condition, protecting what she treasures most. As it stands, with her inability to repeat everything as it were the first year, the small differences make her feel like she's painstakingly painting over every little detail. It's something she hates, as the paint certainly hasn't dried by the time she adds the second coat, and soon enough she's lost track of what is and isn't true within this timeline. This is the cause for Akito's inquiry - and it's not the first nor will it certainly be the last time he'll almost catch on this way.
"I just wanted to check. You didn't mean to use my first name earlier, right?"
Truthfully, such a slip of the tongue shouldn't have happened to begin with. Kohane definitely never reached a first name basis with Akito or Toya the first time around - even if they definitely were close enough for it. There was a point where calling them anything besides Shinonome and Aoyagi was strange to even consider, a remark Toya had shared when they sat together in Crase Café one day.
(This conversation is the fault of loop 6. It was just after their confrontation with Taiga in the airport, Kohane was aching for a change in the cycle and suggested a stop in the nearby park. She had forgotten that it rained later on that day. It was during a frenzied rush for cover that Kohane let it slip the first time to an exasperated Akito's comment.
"Dammit Kohane! I only bought these shoes recently and they're already waterlogged!"
"Sorry, sorry Akito-kun. I," she paused her response to exhale with a laugh, "I forgot to check the forecast this morning..."
She was laughing so much she almost didn't see the shared surprised expressions to dash across his and An's faces. It was when she was only just recovering when Toya put the second nail in the coffin.
"I think Kohane-san has lost it. What do you think, An-chan?"
An's ensuing bawk was so loud Kohane doubled over in laughter again. If it wasn't for their first time surpassing RAD Weekend, she thinks that moment would be the happiest she's ever felt.)
"No, no. My apologies, Shinonome-kun. It was just a slip."
It's the same excuse she's used everytime Akito has almost caught on to her, and it works just as well as every other time she's used that excuse. Not well at all.
"If you're making a slip like that something must be up. C'mon, what's going on in there?" His full attention is on her now, and he's pointing to her forehead like it will bring forth everything she's keeping bottled up.
If Kohane thought she could explain everything that's going on in her mind in a way that doesn't make her seem bizarre she would have by now. By all means, she knows that telling any of them would help - she'd have someone to go to for ideas on why she's in this situation. However, that person would be gone by the next loop, and that's if they even take her seriously to begin with. Sure, Sekai exists, but that's different to actually going back in time. Akito won't accept nothing for an answer though, so she's just going to have to play into what he knows for certain.
"It's just... Our first event is coming up soon. This won't just be us performing in any old battle or venue, we're planning out the whole night. Doesn't that terrify you a small bit? There's so many things we could mess up." The words come out so naturally she could join Wonderlands x Showtime on stage next week with her acting - she knows it's enough for Akito to drop it for now.
It's not like it's entirely a lie. Even the first time, there was a distinct level of worry clogging Kohane's mind that came with everything Vivid BAD Squad has done. She recalls the fear that another technical mishap would occur, or that she would freeze on stage again. By all means, to all four of them this should be the only thing troubling her right now.
Just like she expected to happen, Akito reluctantly buys it. For a brief moment, his focus turns away to whatever An and Toya have wound up doing on the opposite side of the building (is that a chess board?) before he returns to Kohane with a face showing he's thought of something. His hand moves up to the back of his head, an action Kohane has long recorded as his way of signifying that he's trying to make this moment as casual as possible, and he presses on with whatever wisdom his glance around the room brought him.
"Well, I suppose it's to be expected you'd feel that way. We've been grouped up in here every day for the last two weeks after all..." Kohane nods along in the brief pause as he collects his thoughts, "Say, would first names help you loosen up a bit?"
.... Eh?
"Eh?"
"Well, it's just. Urgh." Akito's hand moves to the front and pinches his nose, his elbow is resting heavily on the bar by now. "This is Toya's idea really, blame him. He's been considering it ever since our camping trip, said it would help us bond or whatever." As he says this, his eyes slowly move back over towards where his partner is clearly confused as to how he's losing against Kohane's own. Only they can see how An has somehow managed to snatch the queen piece from under his nose and is hiding it behind her back.
"Look, you don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought, if comfort and anxiety is the issue, that maybe it would help build trust. Or something."
Kohane thinks, if An or maybe Ena were here at this moment, that a quip would be sent Akito's way regarding how gracefully he speaks. As it stands, she appreciates his down to earth nature much more in discussions such as this.
"... Thank you, Shinonome, I think that sounds like a good idea."
The smile that she's aware has crept onto her face is genuine, it always is around the three of them, and she sees how Akito's shoulders become less tense in it's wake.
"Well, seems like you aren't fully used to it yet, but if you like the idea we should probably tell those two about it."
Then, in quick succession, Akito breaks out into a smile that An and Toya would definitely remark as goofy, he stands up, ruffles her hair (like it needed to be messier) and wandered away to rob Toya's queen off of An. Kohane remains glued to the bar stool for a moment longer, mostly in shock of how suddenly the conversation ended, before feeling her own grin grow wider. She puts away her worries over anyone finding out again and moves to join them at the table. Her final words before joining the commotion are muttered more than anything.
"Sure thing, Akito-kun."
------
Akito Shinonome prides himself on being the one on the lookout for his teammates. He's not afraid to confront An on her handlings of finally having a partner, he'll be first in line to drag Toya out of his own head, he'll do anything to worm out Kohane's anxieties now that they're working together. So it really pisses him off when, for whatever reason, he can't figure out what could be bothering them. This is irrational, he knows. It's not like he can read their minds or anything. It's just that, when he can't be the one there for them, usually the issue is resolved in a week. Either because someone else could play his role or because of a trip to SEKAI. So maybe that's why Kohane has been bothering him for the better half of this month.
By all means, it's not like this sense of something off is affecting her ability to sing. More than anyone else, Kohane Azusawa seems to just never stop growing. He'd almost be jealous if he hadn't already chosen to view it as a reason for him to keep going in response. Rather, this sort of issue could easily bring issues down the road if no one can get her to open up - and since it seems like he's the only one to notice this about her it'll have to fall to him to get her to crack.
As he steps away from the bar, and can practically hear the cogs in her brain work away, Akito admits two things to himself. One, that he truly has no clue what could be up with her. Two, that Kohane has no intention of letting him in on it any time soon. Her diversion would almost be flawless had her mind not seemed so far away from the current moment. Then again, she's always had that sort of air of being... distant. Unfocused. Not fully there in the moment and yet responding to everything like she's rehearsed for every possible outcome of the day just the night before. It's sort of like when Toya gets lost in his mind, only Akito has no idea why she does it.
In the end, it's not his place to judge, and it is definitely An's right as her partner to be the one to ask first. Or maybe she already has. Akito should ask her about it soon.
He successfully snatches the queen back for Toya, much to his gratitude. Kohane rejoins them soon after and is pulled into confirming how great and awesome An is at chess (her words). He mentions off handedly that she's only really great and awesome at cheating in chess, which brings her to rant about how she simply plays by a much more interesting rule set. Toya seems to actually be taking this seriously, because Akito sees him pulling out his notes app to write down An's stupid rules. It feels like no time passes at all before they're heading their seperate ways for the night. He even forgot to bring up his idea before they got sent home by Ken.
Kohane is focusing on the ground as they walk away together. They both live in the opposite direction to Toya, albeit she has a much longer trek to make from Vivid Street. She seems transfixed on the puddles left from the late evening rain that just cleared up. It's a surprise when she speaks out clearly at her turn off point.
"Thank you, Akito-kun, seriously."
Then, with the flash of a smile, she's off down the road again. Akito stops for a moment to watch her leave, before turning around to continue home.
'Just what is going on with her...'