Chapter Text
- 🌫 ₊˚𓆟 ⋆ ˚.༄ 🌫 -
You've had near drowning experiences before, hell, you've saved a person from drowning before. Never had you not been able to make it to the surface in time.
It was always something you and your family worried about, in the back of your mind.
What if you run out of energy, or how bad your lungs would burn before you would have to give in and take a breath?
Your last breath.
Despite this you swim anyways, swimming had yet to kill you, and it was an exercise that didn't involve sweating enough to fill a bathtub. It was your favorite summer activity, second only to kayaking.
So why did this time feel so… different?
Anxiety was never something to get you down, if you were any dumber you might try and claim you didn't have anxiety. Sadly, that wasn't true, but it never seemed to affect you like it did others.
Panic attacks were something you never had before and certainly weren't now, but there was a heavy cloud of impending doom floating above your head and you weren't sure what to do with it.
Everything in your body told you to stay home, lock yourself in your room and stay safe, but you needed an outlet for your energy: And what's better than swimming?
You were desperate for the small chance of it actually getting rid of the feeling that you were going to explode. The feeling of having so much energy, it filled your body until the only way to cope was to distract. If distracting didn't work, swimming until you're too exhausted to move would at least let you sleep through the night.
Huffing, you look around your bedroom, checking for anything at all that might convince you to do otherwise, and after finding nothing physical, you grab your phone to check the digital world.
There are a few notifications, one from YouTube and a few from discord. Probably useless, unless you could strike up an interesting conversation.
Opening the app, you see people talking about skeletons like always. It is a Undertale based server, what were you expecting.
Undertale had been your main fandom for years, and small fanfic communities were your favorite. Hell, if you have a nickel for every time you joined a fanfic discord and became a mod you would have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice.
Scrolling through channels, it turns out no one recommended any new fanfics. Even though you had asked, but you have another DM asking you to submit a complaint to the server owner. Sighing, you draft up a reply rather quickly.
At least this was a rather simple problem so you agree that it would be dealt with appropriately and close the DM. Now the fun part, you go back to the main server and click on the owner's profile, too lazy to just search through your DM’s. You find it rather quickly as it's the first name and open messages.
Forwarding the message and leaving some screenshots to back the problem up, you send it, reading and swiping the rest of your notifications before sending a warning or two to talk in the right channels. Server modding was how you spent most of your time and you honestly didn't mind it, but now that you're caught up, it's no longer a pleasant distraction.
Grumbling, you check your games and grab all the daily free stuff, swiping away the birthday wishes from the random apps that kept track. Perks of staying up late mean it's technically the morning so everything has replenished.
As you collect the time points, and realizing even making a new AU won't fix your problem, you make up your mind. Closing out of discord, you shove your phone in your pocket, grab your skateboard, and an old credit card.
With your weapons of choice, you set off for the front door. Luckily, as you check your phone to see the time even though you just looked, it tells you that it's 2:15 in the morning.
Perfect.
You continue walking, putting more effort into staying quiet knowing that if you played your cards right no one would even know you left. Avoiding as many creaking floorboards as you can while timing your steps to the loud snoring.
Making it to the main door, you grab your shoes and slide them on. Hurrying to tie them.
The old worn shoelaces threaten to come undone and ruin your lopsided bow, so you double knot them in hopes of them lasting until the end of the trip at least, and hopefully not getting caught under your wheels on the way there.
You don't hate your home life; in fact you love your mom and stepdad. It's just that you wanted some time alone for teenage angst before you were forced to interact with people. So, sneaking out became a special little treat.
You slowly click open the lock, slip outside, then move forward. There's no point in relocking the door if you plan to come back in an hour or so.
You also lost your house key.
Once you're a reasonable distance from the house you drop your skateboard and start rolling. It seems to hit every possible bump or snag on the sidewalk, but you're used to it.
Moving to a new neighborhood as a third grader didn't quite give you ‘I know this place by the back of my hand’ privileges but fuck that because you know every part of this shady rundown town like it was the inside of your eyelid.
Nothing ever changed. Not the stop signs with bullet holes through them, or the shitty pavement unless it got a new pothole. Some of the older folks, you were convinced, might have a heart attack and die if a building didn't get broken into at least once a week.
You're halfway now, passing the ice cream shop and the shady alleyway everyone knows houses at least three different homeless drug dealers. You can see one of them move from behind the dumpster but don't bother to try and wheel faster. If those fucker wanted to mug you they would have done it the last few times you went this way.
Hitting a snag you look down reveals your shoelace has finally wiggled its way out of the double knot but you're almost there so you simply tuck the laces into your shoes and persevere.
The back door to the pool area had a camera but it had been broken for years. People came through the back way all of the time, whether it was because they couldn't pay or if they just wanted some free fun. You were pretty sure the owner knew about it but no one had been reported yet.
You pull out the card from your back pocket, jimmying it between the door and the lock and sliding it down. You had watched one of the drunken teenagers do it before and had long perfected the method.
The door clicks and you push it open, pulling up your phone to check discord quickly before putting it back in your pocket, no new messages but the server has been getting quieter.
The pool is the same place it's always been. The water was just green enough to be worried about its quality, yet clear enough to pass expectations. It was also empty. Just the way you like it.
You close the door behind you, flicking the lights on before propping your skateboard up against the wall before peeling your shoes and socks off. Your shirt comes off too but you leave the shorts, they were well worn enough that a swim couldn't do anything to hurt them. Hell, it might even fix them at this stage. You toss what's left in your pockets next to the skateboard.
The pool isn't very deep, lowest point around 11ft but it's very wide. The adult you asked about the pool told you it used to be a popular hang out spot in the 1900’s but you would bet your last penny they were pulling your leg.
You approach the water, sitting on the edge of the pool. Dipping a toe in tells you that it's rather cold but listening to your body has never been your strong suit. You stand up and move back, making sure to be in front of the deep end. It had multiple no diving signs but no one had a gun to your head so fuck the rules.
You take one more step back, and launch yourself forward.
You start your dive way too soon and scrape the bottom of your chest on the concrete, it burns as your knees and the top of your feet skim it too.
You had halfway expected this, you had lost more blood at this pool than you have trying to learn to skateboard. Bleeding a little was simply a part of swimming for you, and swimming is what you did.
You had learned enough from the last times to immediately turn once you were fully in the water, continuing to go straight would end up with you hitting the far wall but turning let you swim the entire length before worrying about more possible injuries.
Is it really fun if you didn't bleed a little to get it done?
You reach the end of the pool, surfacing for a quick gasp of air before kicking off the edge and continuing. You swap between swimming styles just to break up the monotony. Doggy paddle, ice cream scoops, frog, whatever style makes your muscles burn more.
Pushing yourself to swim faster leads to you hitting your head on the opposite end. You should stop getting lost in thought while swimming but checking out made the time go by faster. You cannot feel your arms anymore but you continue to swim.
You think about what's going to happen today. If you're lucky you'll convince them to take you to the small fro-yo store down the road. You can still taste the salted caramel flavor in your mouth from the last time you went.
Soon your thoughts fade out until you're no longer thinking but feeling. Each kick and swish of your arms and legs adding an irregular rhythm to the invisible beat.
Lap after lap.
Row after row.
You take a break, in the middle of the deep end.
You should continue. It would be simple to continue long enough to reach the ledge but you don't. You paddle in place for a bit, ignoring the exhaustion seeping into your bones.
Staying still in the water isn't an easy feat. You could feel in each kick how the water fought against you. The burning of your muscles as you continue long after you should have stopped.
Your internal clock is only right twice a day but you know you've swam for hours. You can tell by how bad everything aches. All of a sudden the smell of chlorine attacks your nose.
You sneeze, going oddly lightheaded. Your vision fades out as you wince in pain, everything is dark as your body starts to feel like pins and needles.
You're going to puke. Of all times to get nauseous, why now?
You need to get out of the pool, or at least out of the deep end but your vision still hasn't come back, nor has the feeling in your limbs. At some point you had stopped swimming.
You're not sure if you're sinking or not. Not until water burns your nose, then your eyes when you fail to shut them. You panic, thrashing, trying everything you can to go up.
You try to kick but your legs spasm, sudden jerks that aren't helpful. You flail like that will save you, like someone will notice and come help.
You're an idiot .
Your head had long gone under and your feet kicked off the floor again and again. Bobbing up and down, desperate for some air, something to stop the burning in your lungs.
Breath. Go under. Kick. Gasp. Go under. Kick. Struggle. Go under. Kick.
You couldn't breathe.
You think you see something above the water, glowing bright. The unforgiving fluorescent lights, laughing at you as you get farther away.
You put all your energy into one last kick, not ready to die, not on your motherfucking birthday.
You never reached the surface.
Your mouth opens, breathing in things that simply were not air. You gag, but there's nowhere for the water to go. The water burns your throat as you try to cough. Your nerves are on fire, you struggled but you're not even breaking the water tension.
You try to count in your mind, trying to calm down to reserve whatever you can. If you could just get up you would be able to float on your back.
The last few bubbles leave your mouth. All movement has slowed, even the slight twitching of your fingers. You can't feel your body very well anymore. Mind desperately blocking out the pain.
Lightheadedness makes you feel like you're falling from a skyscraper but you know you're probably six feet under.
At least it doesn't hurt anymore.
Your last thought is how your mother will react.
-🌫 ₊˚𓆟 ⋆ ˚.༄ 🌫 -
There's darkness all around you.
It is still dark, but lighter somehow.
There is something glowing in the distance.
Why does your body ache, aren't you dead?
The darkness is a comfort, so it lightens more.
Light? You stare into the abyss.
Something kind stares back.
With a burst of light, a star is born just out of reach of your hand. Your body trembles and aches. Lungs burning like they were set ablaze, you know if you were to stand your legs would give out on you, so you put one hand in front of the other, grit your teeth, and crawl.
Each movement makes you wheeze but you keep going, there is nothing else to do. Water pours out of your mouth like an overfilled cup. The floor gets slicker with each mouthful, but still you move forward.
Inch by painful inch, you get closer and closer.
Until.
You reach out. Grabbing at the light, making contact only for it to explode. A vibrant rainbow of colors overtakes you, creating wind that rips at your hair.
It glows brighter for just a second, vivid purple.
Then you wake up.
-🌫 ₊˚𓆟 ⋆ ˚.༄ 🌫 -