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Surprisingly, Namjoon thinks he should just tell him. It’s late at night, but there’s nobody around to recognize them except the owner of the pojungmacha herself, smiling softly at them as she served them dak-kkochi and soju. Jeongguk’s slightly drunk, which is why he started talking about Seokjin at all, and Namjoon is perching his chin on his palms as he stares moonily at him.
“And why should I tell him, hyung?” Jeongguk asks, proud that his words came out clear and cool, not showing any of the panic rising upwards in his chest.
Namjoon shrugs. Takes another shot. And, Jeongguk knows he’s even more drunk than Jeongguk is, and that he probably shouldn’t even be entertaining him, but Jeongguk needs to hear it, he wants to know.
Finally, Namjoon clears his throat, staring down at his empty plate. They both finished eating a while ago. Jeongguk’s glad the stall owner is nice enough not to kick them out.
“In the military… we weren’t… free, you know? And it was miserable, and ever since I’ve gotten out, I keep thinking how different I am. Yet, the world almost seems the same, and some of the other members, they seem the same, and my family… they’re the same, but I feel different.” Namjoon pauses, flexing out his fingers as if he’s never seen them before. “I’m touchier now, too. I can’t stop touching everyone. I can’t believe I wasn’t this touchy before. I should have been.”
“Hyung—”
“You should tell him because you’re free now, and I know you’ve loved him for a while, and I know he loves you.” Namjoon shrugs again before he lets out a small laugh. Almost bitter. Maybe sweet. “We’re older now, Jeongguk. We shouldn’t be beholden even when we’re free. You love him so much, I can see it in your face now from you just thinking about him, and that’s special.”
Jeongguk sniffs, head so dizzy that he’s almost able to convince himself this is a fever dream. He blinks. Namjoon is still there, still watching him with a quirked smile and an understanding expression. This is Namjoon; he’s seen Jeongguk grow up, just like Seokjin. Jeongguk bites the inside of his cheek at the thought. Just like Seokjin.
Seokjin.
“What if….”
Namjoon is shaking his head before Jeongguk can even finish. “Don’t wonder about it. I’ve spent so much time wondering that and it’s still led me to here. There’s no point in it. You should tell him. He’d want to know.”
Would he? Jeongguk wonders, looking down at his empty glass, almost able to see his reflection from the harsh lights baring down on the table and dishware. Would Seokjin want to know?
He thinks of telling him. Thinks of his shining eyes and the smile he gives only for Jeongguk. Thinks of how his eyebrows furrow together when he’s deep in thought, the way his ears flush red from too much attention, the fact that Seokjin always accepts him with open arms, always goes along with everything and anything Jeongguk may say or do.
Namjoon makes a noise across the table from him and Jeongguk looks back up at him. Maybe Namjoon already knows his decision. Or maybe Namjoon is so drunk that he’s trying to figure out who Jeongguk is.
Jeongguk’s throat bobs as he pours himself another drink and swallows it down. It burns.
They have a driver pick them up, both too drunk and too tired, and after Namjoon’s dropped off, stumbling out as he whistles softly, Jeongguk asks to be taken to Seokjin’s place, which isn’t even questioned.
Would Seokjin want to know any of this?
Jeongguk’s a bit more sober when they arrive, but only just enough to steadily make his way through the gate and towards the door. The motion detector lights the entryway as he nears it, obnoxiously bright as he rings the doorbell, hazily staring into the video doorbell camera. Seokjin’s probably still awake—his sleep schedule isn’t the best right now what with his tour just finishing up and Seokjin’s incessant need to make up for lost time playing video games all day and night.
Jeongguk rings the doorbell again, and then, Seokjin’s voice flickers through the intercom.
“Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk sighs, the sound of his voice a pleasant calm in the swirl of his body and his emotions. “Come get me, hyung.” He pauses. “Sorry.”
Seokjin hums once, turns off the intercom, and, not even a minute later, opens the door to let Jeongguk inside.
Immediately, Jeongguk presses his body against him, wrapping his arms around his broad shoulders as he nuzzles into his neck and flings off his shoes. The door shuts behind them, and, really, Seokjin does an admirable job at taking his full body weight randomly at nearly one in the morning.
“You came over just to assault me?” Seokjin murmurs, amused. He shifts Jeongguk’s weight so Jeongguk is leaning back on his own feet again, and Jeongguk only lets out a small noise of protest.
“Are you gaming?”
Seokjin huffs. “Oh, is that why you came over, then? I don’t know how much winning you think you’ll do after drinking so much.”
Jeongguk nuzzles against him more. “’m sorry, hyung. Was out drinking with Namjoon. And guess what? I paid for us.”
Seokjin’s arms are warm and strong around his back now, holding onto Jeongguk securely. It's as if he’s afraid that if he lets go, Jeongguk will float away. Maybe he will. He doesn’t want to find out.
“Look at you, all grown up. Would hope so considering you’ve paid for us many times now.” Seokjin finally pulls back to drag him along into his room. His PC is on, a game Jeongguk doesn’t recognize paused on it. Seokjin pays it no mind, simply dropping Jeongguk onto his bed and settling down next to him.
Jeongguk lies back, turning so he’s facing Seokjin on his side. Seokjin isn’t lying down with him, only just sitting there and watching. He seems flushed. Jeongguk might be projecting.
“I missed you,” Jeongguk says then, reaching out and dragging his fingers across the back of Seokjin’s hand, which is so close to Jeongguk that he barely had to move at all to do so.
“You saw me not even a full day ago.” Seokjin sounds amused still, but there’s a hint of worry in his voice. Jeongguk supposes he’d be worried too, if Seokjin were to show up at his place in the middle of the night drunk and—
And what?
Jeongguk shifts even closer to him, moving his hand up to grab at his wrist instead. We shouldn’t be beholden even when we’re free, Namjoon says again in his head, and maybe he’s right. Would Seokjin want to know? Does Jeongguk even want to know?
“Hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles, so softly that Seokjin only frowns and moves closer. Jeongguk takes the opportunity to pull him down completely, Seokjin landing with a soft oof across his body, his face now pressed into Jeongguk’s neck instead.
Jeongguk brings his hand up and runs it through Seokjin’s hair. Seokjin tries to pull away, obviously having landed uncomfortably on top of him, but Jeongguk holds him closer, slightly pulling at some of the strands.
“Seokjin-hyung,” Jeongguk repeats, managing to get his voice to come out louder this time. He feels wrecked and pulled apart. Feels like there’s an incoming wave that he can’t stop. Feels like there’s been years and years of touch turned taste turned thought.
You should tell him. He’d want to know.
Jeongguk’s throat clamps up, his chest tightening, and he grips at Seokjin’s hair even tighter. He’s afraid to let go. He’s afraid of Seokjin letting him go.
“Jeongguk.” Seokjin’s voice is soft. Jeongguk wonders if he kissed him right now if Seokjin would mind the taste of soju all over his tongue.
“I’m in love with you.”
Seokjin’s entire body stiffens. Jeongguk’s heart seems to break so quickly it’s as if it was made for ruin.
“Sorry that I’m drunk when saying it,” Jeongguk continues, when he still doesn’t feel Seokjin’s body relax. He needs to just say it all, tear apart the already open wound and let it bleed out fully. “I love you. Namjoon told me I should tell you. Told me you love me, too. He said we should be free. And,” Jeongguk breathes, “I just love you. I don’t remember not ever loving you. You don’t… it’s okay if you don’t… but you should know. Even if you maybe don’t want to know. You should know.”
Seokjin’s body finally seems to relax and Jeongguk can’t help his sigh of relief. Even if it’s not the same between them after this, at least Jeongguk will know that Seokjin knows. Finally. Finally.
Finally.
“J-Jeongguk,” Seokjin eventually mutters, voice cracking as he moves his body off Jeongguk to land beside him. It’s then that Jeongguk realizes Seokjin’s tearing up.
“Hyung? Are you… I’m sorry if—”
“No, don’t say sorry. Just. You’re so. Jeongguk, what is this? You show up here drunk after a long night only to crawl into my bed—”
“You put me to bed, though?”
“—before telling me that you love me… it’s… this is too much like a dream, it’s weird, Jeongguk. I just defeated this boss, and now you’re in my bed, and I’m crying.”
Seokjin sniffs primly, but he’s the one pressing his body against him even more, making sure to intertwine his legs with Jeongguk’s, the heat of his body an endless comfort, as always.
“’m sorry, hyung, really, I didn’t mean to just show up, I… I was out drinking for a long time, and, yeah, sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry.” Seokjin drops his head against Jeongguk’s, against his collarbone. “Don’t say sorry. I’m in love with you, Jeongguk. I didn’t think… I don’t know if I ever would have told you.”
You should tell him. He’d want to know.
“Oh.”
And, suddenly, the night seems to finally start to catch up to him. The exhaustion that’s been sleeping in his bones comes awake, and the emotions he’s had strung out like a string pulling a needle seems to slip, and Seokjin loves him. Seokjin loves him.
“Oh,” he says again. He doesn’t know what else to say. He yawns.
Seokjin just keeps holding onto him, and Jeongguk knows they should talk about this, but he doesn’t feel any type of rush nor the devastating wave he was sure to come. No, he feels as if he was dipping his toes into the river before he finally dove in, now only floating, but not away. No, floating, but still grounded.
“Can we talk about this more in the morning, hyung?” Jeongguk finally replies. “I’m so tired. Shit.”
Seokjin lets out a small laugh, but he presses a kiss against Jeongguk’s chest, and Jeongguk knows it’ll be alright.
“You’re absolutely ridiculous.” Seokjin’s mouth is so hot where it’s touching Jeongguk’s bare skin. He had pushed down Jeongguk’s shirt at one point for easier access, for the comfort that Jeongguk knows so intimately as well. “Of course, baby, we can talk about it later. Thank you for telling me. I love you so much.”
Jeongguk smiles sleepily at that, closing his eyes and nestling against the pillows and soft sheets. They smell just like Seokjin. “I’m glad that you wanted to know, hyung. You’re my favorite person in the entire world.”
Seokjin pulls back to press a kiss against Jeongguk’s cheek now instead. “That’s good to hear,” Seokjin breathes. “Because you’re my favorite person in the entire world, too.”
It’s declared so simply, and it feels so free.