Chapter Text
As the ship halted at the port, Queen Historia stood at the front, the royal guard MPs skirting her at both the sides, along with the important figures stood eagerly to welcome the heroes of Paradis, eyes wide with hope.
You blended into other security guards as you momentarily fixed your hair and adjusted your grip on the rifle. The restlessness in you stirred more and more as you could see the ship approaching from a distance.
As the first figure stepped out, your eyes desperately searched for him . Your eyes fixed to the tall man behind Armin. Jean Kirstein.
His gaze met yours, then your stupid heart slammed against your ribs.
He looked...different, hair slicked back, he had grown up to be taller, manlier, and stronger but he had the same smug smile that always pushed your buttons plastered on his face. All way back to your days at the shore.
The same smile you fell in love with years ago.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
I
Tragic Mullet
As the camps on the port on the eastern shoreline gradually swelled with civilians, laborers, merchants, and diplomats, the interior police had to get involved to keep things moving, you were tasked with keeping port and civilian management, your days as a military police in the safety of the walls were over, as Paradis gained knowledge about humanity outside the walls, it kept expanding as an island, welcoming diplomats, allies, and new technology into your land.
As your boots skimmed through the sand every now and then, you could feel the cold wind caressing your hair and the sound of the waves crashing soothed your senses, you closed your eyes, letting yourself sink in the moment, but you were immediately disturbed by an abrupt movement across the eastern perimeter. Gathering your dimly lit lantern you swinged it around to figure out
“You three! What are you doing past the curfew?” you said with a stern voice which made the three scouts freeze in their place like guilty thieves
“Ah, behold! The clown council strikes again!” you said, bringing a lantern to close to their faces to identify them
“Sasha Blouse, Connie Springer” you paused and narrowed your eyes as you struggled to remember the mullet haired boy’s name “and of course, Jean Kirstein”
“ Shit! It’s the clipboard girl!” Jean said under his breath
“I heard that, Kirstein” you pressed, looking at him directly in the eye
“It’s your third time now, how many times do I have to tell you kids to stop sneaking out?” you sighed “It’s about time I report you to my superior and have you punished” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose
“Aw, is the big scary MP going to report us?” Jean replied mockingly as his friends snickered behind him “You always say that but never do”
“Shut up! This time I will report you for real.” you said as you brought the clipboard to your chest
Scribbling his name in cursive
“Jean Kirstein, loudmouth, disrespectful, tragic mullet”
“Hey! Is this what I get for calling you beautiful last night?” Jean asked, clutching his chest like a heartbroken lover
“It was a pathetic attempt at winning me over Jean, do I look like a simple minded fool who falls for guys with tragic mullets?”
Connie and Sasha snickered behind Jean as you kept hurling insults at their friend.
“Stop giggling and go back to your tents” you said sternly, lowering your lantern
“Unless you want to be punished tomorrow morning”
“I’d gladly be punished if it meant I could see your pretty face every night” Jean cooed as he walked away
“ Bad at flirting” you wrote beside the ‘tragic mullet’ remark as you cracked a slight smirk before walking away
You were done with him looking down at you, you were lenient on them because of their status in the military but it was clear they didn’t appreciate your laidback approach, especially Jean Kirstein.
It sure did piss the hell out of you, he’d always make sure to push your buttons
“Jean you’ve got to stop annoying the fuck out of that MP girl, you’re going to drag us into it as well” Connie complained as he walked towards their tent
“Yeah, she’s tired of your weak flirting skills, she probably thinks you’re stupid” Sasha dragged lazily as she put another stale bread into her mouth
“Shut up and let me do my own thing” Jean walked into his tent after yet another failed attempt
Connie and Sasha shrugged behind him as they parted ways
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
Chapter Text
II
Great Leader
You made sure Jean got the punishment for violating the protocol repeatedly
And oh, shamelessly flirting with you
You sat in the canteen lazily eating away at the stale bread being served to everyone
“Huh? I’ve got to look at the rations properly.” you said as you observed the dry, crusty bread in your hands
“Here, you can have mine” a voice spoke out, almost too familiar to a certain annoying teenager.
You looked and you saw him, Jean Kirstein towering over you as he held a bread in his hand as he took a seat next to you
“Jean?” you paused “there are like ten empty seats for you to sit” you said, annoyed, taking the bread he offered you
“Yeah but none of them have you” he winked as he continued to eat his meal
“Do I have to report you for harassment now?” you shoot back, distaste spreading all over your face
Regardless of how annoying he was, you didn’t hate his flirty remarks, it was almost amusing how bad they were
Or maybe
You excused them because of how stupidly handsome he was, you were a fool for pretty faces. Hair lazily tucked back at his ears, his smug smile that he wore so proudly or his sharp jawline were just enough to weaken your judgement, and oh god, he looked even better in daylight
“So were you informed about your punishment” you said, raising a brow
“Yeah, night watch for a week, with you” he said with a smirk
“With me?” you said, almost choking on your bread
Why’d I get partnered with him ?
With a long drawn out sigh, you focused your attention towards eating your meal
“Disappointed?” Jean said as he looked your way “I won’t bore you, officer trust me” he smirked as he continued eating beside you
“Alright then, don’t slack off” you walked away with your meal tray in hand
“Looking forward to it l/n!” Jean said as he excitedly waved you a goodbye
-
“So, are you not going to say anything?” you tried initiating a conversation as the air between you both grew thick with silence, it was evident how awkward it was for you Jean had been unusually quiet, not that you wanted to talk to him, but it was weird considering how much of a loudmouth Jean Kirstein was.
“Am I allowed to flirt with you? Only then I might start talking” he looked at you as he leaned back against the pole
“Tch, then you better keep your mouth shut” you said with a distasteful expression over you face as averted your gaze at the moon above you
“Say, why you would choose to be in the interior police?” he asked
“The same reason why people join the MP, because I wanted a comfortable life, away from all the chaos,” you paused “I could never understand why the scouts were willing to throw their lives away for the humanity’s sake” you continued as you kept staring at the moon
A few seconds passed
“You know, I don’t understand it either” Jean broke the silence
You looked at him with confusion, not expecting him to give an answer like that
“But my friend, Marco thought I made a great leader” he looked down, a glint of sadness glistening in his radiant eyes “and I thought I couldn’t let something like that go waste”
“Marco didn’t make it but his death was the sole reason I joined the corps” for once Jean’s voice was soft and genuine, like he’d settled something fragile
“I’m sure you do make a good leader” you said, unblinkingly as you settled your hand on his shoulder
“You think so, officer?”
“Not when you lead your friends to sneak out” you said, averting your gaze away from him again yet again and he laughed in response
“Yeah, you could get them in trouble like how you got yourself” you shrugged “it’d be a real shame if Marco saw this.”
“I actually don’t mind being alone with a pretty girl” he cooed as he eyed your hand on his shoulder, the same look he unfailingly has on his face
“Oh crap” you said, jerking your hand in disgust as if you touched something contagious trying to look past the heat that crept behind your neck
Why were you getting shy over such a simple thing?
The waves crashed and the cold wind blew over jeans now cold shoulders as you two didn’t say anything as the wind caressed your tingling hand.
It was a stupid crush, it will be over in a while right? You weren’t the type to pay attention to such things, after all who would bother to look into your eyes and call you pretty and mean it? Jean's words enticed you, really, but the truth was you hadn't heard such words from anyone else and it felt weird. Who would hold your hand and bother knowing you? Love was a foreign concept to you and Hitch’s constant ramblings about men proved you right.
But despite it all you might even let his hand brush against yours while he rushes over to you to say hello.
────•⋅⊰༻♥༺⊱⋅•────
Chapter Text
III
The Rain
The next day Hange gathered everyone for the latest updates. You silently stood at the back of the tent, arms behind your back as you intently listened to her ramble on about cargoes, rations, and updates from the Marleyan captives. You lost the track of what she was saying when Jean, who stood a little too close to you turned around to lock eyes with you, giving you that smug smile of his.
“Hi~” He mouthed as he waved his hand towards your direction as your eyes twitched at the sight of him, you immediately averted your gaze back to Hange who was now talking about something related to topographical survey.
Instead of being let down Jean just took a step back “Are you not going to say hi back to me l/n?” He nudged you
“Why should I? We aren’t friends Kirstein.” You said blankly as you refocused your attention towards Hange
“But I wanna be friends” He said as he gave you a disappointed look. He took a step closer to you, his arm barely touching yours.
“You probably weren’t liked by the ladies, were you Kirstein?”” You said, glaring daggers at his direction, but he remained unbothered.
“The only lady I’m trying to get the attention of is l/n”
You stood in silence as you stepped on his shoe, he yelped in response
“You two! Is something wrong?” Hange looked over the two of you as Jean winced in pain
“Oh, Hange please partner the both of us for topographical survey, l/n specializes in mapping skills” He said slyly as he looked at you who face palmed in defeat.
--
“Hey! The fuck is wrong with you, hold the goddamn compass!” you half shouted as you struggled to write on your clipboard and use the compass both at once
“Calm down, officer we have all the time in the world” Jean cupped his hands around his eyes as he continued looking for new terrains to map “I wanna be done with this as soon as possible” you retorted, clearly losing your composure as Jean continued to push your buttons.
“It’s gonna rain, we have to find a shelter” Jean said as he looked back at you. You clicked your tongue as you looked at the ashy clouds looming over you. The cart kept moving as you both approached a forest
“Are we going to stay here? Did you not pay attention at school when you were a kid?” you shot him a disgusted look “We’re not supposed to find shelter under a tree when it’s raining”
“Relax, the stress is getting to you, there’s a makeshift tent with us, don’t you remember?Plenty caves around here too”
“Oh” you sighed as you looked down in embarrassment “I’m sorry” Jean only chuckled in response “I understand, getting paired with me is making you lose your cool”
“No” you replied “There’s a lot on my mind recently” As the first drop of rain fell onto your cheeks you looked up at the sky, the wind took no time to get harsher as you winded your hood on the top of your head. Jean quickly made his way into a nearby cave as he got off the cart and held out his hand to help you take off.
“You look like a wet dog”
“You don’t look very handsome yourself”
As you got into the cave you took off your cloak and spread it out to dry, sighing heavily you laid flat on your back, allowing your breath to calm down as Jean prepared your lamps to give you both some light in the dim of the cave.
“As if my day couldn’t get any worse” you looked at Jean, who was sat upright beside you, his arms crossed in front of his chest as his ears perked up to hear you better.
“It will be over in a while” Jean said as he peered over to you, not minding your insults one bit.
“You like the rain?” You said, propping yourself up with your elbow as you glanced over Jean who was now setting up a fireplace as the cave got colder “Mhm” He hummed along in response as he continued his work “For someone who doesn’t like me you sure do try to talk to me”
“I’m just bored” you stated blankly
“And you don’t?” he asked
“It reminds me of my past” your eyes drifted towards the flames as the firewood crackled
“Not a pleasant memory, eh?” Jean raised his brows as he immediately caught on the shift in your tone
“Mhm” you hummed as you rolled over to look at the opposite side as the stone beneath you pricked your cheeks and you folded your arm beneath your head for a cushion, you studied the walls of the cave as the wind outside howled.
“Both of them were brighter than me” you paused, replaying the memory of your friends who’d now faded into a pair of warm, welcoming smiles. Marlowe, Emma. “Smarter, stronger and more ambitious” you continued
“I waited hours outside the barracks in the rain, waiting for them to return” you exhaled as you brought your knees closer to your chest, closing your eyes as you replayed the memory in your head
Jean intently listened as he traced the outline of your back turned towards him with his eyes
“I admire you, Kirstein” you said as you rolled over to face the male, “you didn’t succumb to the fear like me” you softly smiled as you looked at him “You were brave and honored the memory of Marco very well” He smiled down at you, his gaze softening as he locked eyes with you “You didn’t succumb to the fear l/n, You did what most people would deem sane”
“But I can’t help wish it was me instead of them” You tried your best to keep your composure “they had so much to live for Kirstein” You said, bringing your hands to cover your face as your breath faltered.
“They would want you to have a long happy life, even if it was in the MP “Jean hummed as he moved a stray strand of your hair away from your face “And that is all that matters”
“Maybe you’re right” you said as you sat up, looking at the flames as they rose upwards, the rain was steering clear every passing minute “Thanks for lending me your ear” you glanced over the mullet haired boy, the light emitting from the flames contorted his features just right as his drenched shirt highlighted his muscled body. His hair stuck to his forehead as he tried to shuffle it in hopes of fraying off a little water that was clinging to his hair.
He’s the kind of pretty that makes you want to stare in awe.
You swallowed as you felt the heat creep up to your cheeks and immediately looked away in embarrassment.
“I can feel your eyes on me l/n” Jean teased as he looked at you with a smirk playing on his face.
“Like what you see?”
“Shut up” you glared at him before you whipped your head to the opposite side. Jean chuckled in response.
────•⋅⊰༻♥༺⊱⋅•────
Chapter Text
IV
Sunrise
“Kirstein?” you said half asleep “Why are you so full of energy?”
“Because I get to see you” he beamed as he tried his hardest to match your much faster pace
"Last night's night watch wasn't enough for you, huh?" you muttered, trying to keep your smirk from showing
"You don't sulk as much in the mornings" he grinned
"That's because you keep running your mouth when we're on duty" you shot back, side-eyeing him
"You'd miss my voice if I stopped talking" he raised his hands in defense "Admit it"
You narrowed your eyes, turning your head to the side as his dumb grin widened
"If I did, I'd just walk into a stable"
"Okay, that was a good one" Jean snorted
“Geez! Why do you walk so damn fast?” he bounced around helplessly as the corners of his brows tugged downwards
“To get away from hopeless flirts like you!” you chirped out, trying to hold your laugh in as you quickened your pace and practically started running away
“Hey officer!” Jean yelped out as he lagged behind “You can’t outrun me, you know that right?”
“Catch me if you can~” you said teasingly as you cocked your head to look at jean as you kept running across the shore
The sun rose across the horizon as its warmth enveloped your cheeks. The golden halo of the sun casted an orange hue on the shore as the sound Jean’s footsteps and his frisky laughter drawing closer mingled with the crashing of the waves.
Your body grew warm from the exhaustion of running as you kept pushing your heavy boots through the sand beneath. His lively laughter only fused with yours and Jean quickly closed the distance between you two and abruptly held onto your hand, firm, but light enough, as if he held you any tighter you'd shatter.
“Gotcha”
And then-
Bam
Caught by surprise you tried yanking your hand away from his instinctively – only to land flat on your back with a thud pulling Jean with you as his head slammed against the crook of your neck with a grunt.
As he retracted his face from yours and locked eyes with you, you could swear, for a second his overconfident grin faded and all that remained was a love-struck teenage boy. Cheeks flushed, wide eyed. Mouth agape, he only hovered over--you stammering and skipping over his own words.
“I-I uh” he paused, words caught up in his throat as he looked down at you “I-I’m sorry” hands still tangled in the sand
You could see his honey streaked eyes gleam under the sun’s rays as you looked at him, too flustered to say anything, you laid beneath him, catching your breath
“You’re beautiful” he mumbled, his voice soft and shaky, like he couldn’t believe you were real.
As if your beauty burned a hole through his chest
“You don’t mean it”
Your pulse jumped, you hated what it stirred in your chest
“Huh?” Jean opened his mouth to react but was immediately cut off by the pain shooting up his face “I think you broke my face” he frowned as he wiped the blood off his nose
You felt a small laugh leave your lips -quite, unexpected and maybe for the first time, something within you softened. Jean laughed along as he rolled over to your side, his hand still intertwined with yours
“Let me see” you propped yourself up with your elbow as you dug through your uniform jacket, pulling out a handkerchief as you wiped his nose, touch feather light and benign, like it only belonged to him
“Does it hurt?” You asked, smirk pulling onto your lips “Not anymore” he chuckled, laughter drowned in sunshine
“Hold up, are we falling for each other-" grimacing, you cut him short with a quick strike at his nose “Get up and go to work, Kirstein“ you said as you got up and straightened your uniform "Aren't you terrible with time? you said you had to run 50 laps because you were late to the training grounds"
"So you were listening last night"
"Only because you said it like you wanted pity. I figured I should atleast pretend to care."
“Are you not even gonna give me a hand? This is ridiculous" He got up as he looked at you intently, wincing at the impact of your punch “Why’re you looking at me like that?” you raised a brow “Gonna hit me?”
“Nah” the fawn haired boy replied “These are the eyes of love officer” he said with a playful smirk, peering down at you as he dramatically pressed onto his chest.
“Stop joking around” you say unblinkingly as you pat his uniform down, getting rid of the sand that had found its way onto his shoulders, hands brushing through the folds of his uniform jacket, his warmth pricking your skin just enough to make your lips curve into a small smile.
“I’m not joking around” he furrowed his brows in dejection
You don't say anything but your hands find their way to his head, running wild through his faint brow locks.
“Hey-”
“Tragic” you muttered as you spinned on your heel, walking away like you didn't just take a dagger to his pride and twist it, his mullet.
“Is that the MP girl everyone’s talking about that you like?” Armin butted in, nudging Jean’s shoulder playfully
“Now who told you? Was it Sasha I swear to God-? “The boy half shouted, hands flying over to cover his face like that would help him hide the stir in his voice
“It’s okay Jean I swear!” The blond raised his hands in defense “How about you invite her over for supper?”
God, you liked him- you liked him you could feel a faint of pink forming on your cheeks and your heart paced an abnormal rhythm at the thought of his stupid laugh and his dumb grin Maybe he wasn’t so bad.
The third day of night watch you would let yourself look past his flirty remarks.
────•⋅⊰༻♥༺⊱⋅•────
Chapter 5
Notes:
posting everything all at once. im lwk embarrassed bc ts isnt that well written. much better if you look at them as a collection of moments rather than an actual story.
Chapter Text
V
Olive Tree
“Kirstein!” you half yelled as you tried catching Jean’s attention while he walked the hallways of the Mithras HQ, you ran towards him excitedly as he gave you a warm smile
“It’s been so long” you huffed, “When did you come back?”
“A little late after you” he replied
“And you didn’t ask for me?” you pouted, pretending to be more hurt than you actually were
“I did actually, that’s why I showed up at your work” he looked at you as went red from embarrassment
“We have few more days till we have a meeting with the queen” He said as leaned down to you
“Will you come to the festival with me?” he asked, face inching closer to you, anticipating your answer.
“Why me? There’s other girls to hang out with” you shot him a disgusted look as you pushed his face away from yours “Yeah but none of them are mean to me” he backed away, shrugging
“ wrong” you replied “none of them want you, am I right?” you sneered at him as he looked at you with the same look on his face he’d give you before saying something corny again.
“Does that imply you want me, officer?”
You swiftly hit his head “I’m saying I’ll come with you” you walked off as you smiled at his direction
And when you did, it knocked the wind out of him, it always did, when you smiled, his world always titled slightly off the center.
You counted an hour after another, restlessly pacing back and forth your room till the clock hit 5’o clock, excitedly you hurried over to your closet and grabbed your prettiest outfit, even if it hurt your ego in doing so, you wanted to look pretty for him. You grinned and blushed like an idiot as you thought of 100 different scenarios with Jean Kirstein your hands flying over to your face as you squealed. You were excited to meet Jean, but you’d never say it to his face.
Jean had asked you to wait for him under the lantern post where he’d pick you up and lead you to the festival.
There you were, clad in a long frilly white skirt and a pink blouse with laces adorned at the end of its sleeves, the airy clothing moved with you as Jean glanced at you in the distance, he looked like he’d seen an abnormal titan go off.
“Hey!” you pouted as you landed a soft blow on his head “What are you looking at?”
“Oh, nice outfit” He said as his gaze lowered to look at you, he smiled softly
“Really?” you looked at him, pouting as you crossed your arms over your chest
Maybe you died a little inside a nice outfit, that’s all?
“Then what do you want me to say?” Jean copied your movements as he peered down at you in confusion.
“Nothing” you replied, unaware that your coldness slipped through just enough to make Jean take a notice of it
“Come, we’re late” you started walking ahead. Jean only steered closer as he half yelled your name.
Fuck. He cursed himself as he realized.
She wants me to call her pretty.
“You look pretty tonight” He grinned, you only glared at him in response, leaving him confused.
He continued following you around through the bustling crowd until you got caught in between, hurriedly, he reaches for your hands and pulls you close to him, causing you to lose your balance for half a second
“I wouldn’t have had invited you if you wanted to go solo” eyebrows furrowing in confusion
“I’m sorry”
you could feel the heat creep towards your cheeks as you felt his warm hands on yours, providing you a little warmth amidst the chill the evening brought.
“So” he paused, “Where do you want to go first?” Jean asked as he guided you through the crowd. Your eyes stayed glued to his hands intertwined with yours “The game row, please” you requested.
“Ah, you’re gonna be stunned with my skills” he boasted as he cocked his head towards you
The streets were bustling with people. The yellow lighting contrasted with the faint blue sky fading into a darker shade as the night advanced, kids running around with cotton candy, faint sounds of laughter from all corners of the place rang in your ears. The scent of incense and freshly baked pastries faded as you arrived at the game row, you could see Jean’s friends bicker around the booths but his attention stayed on finding a stall he wanted to try.
“Psst, Sasha, look” Connie nudged Sasha as she eyed the streets “Look it’s the MP girl and Jean!”
“Huh?” Sasha eyed you both half dazed “Connie, can we hurry up and go eat already?” sighing in response, he continued looking for yet another stall
“Looks like it’s finally happening.” Armin smiled as he saw y/n and Jean bicker from distance as she hit, glared at him and laughed at his plight all in 15 minutes. “Look he’s losing another game” Armin chuckled as he talked to Connie, who snickered in response.
“You’re so bad at this Kirstein” you rolled your eyes as you stood there as he paid for a third try “I’m sorry, I’m only trying so hard to get you what you want” he replied as he threw another ring at the bunny plushie you mentioned was cute. And this time he didn’t miss it.
You only stood there, too flustered to say anything as he handed the plushy over to you.
“Thanks” you muttered, holding onto the plushy which didn’t fit in your arms quite right, but hid your face just enough to hide the redness of your cheeks.
“Aww, thanks? That’s all I get?” the male pouted and before he could process it, you pressed your lips onto his cheeks, it was awkward and stiff, but enough to wipe the smug out of him.
“That was-“
“Let’s go” you demanded, cutting him off
“Okay ma’am” He hummed in response, his heart still catching up to the fact that you’d kissed him tonight, a dust of pink bloomed on his cheeks. He’ll be thinking about it for days.
–
Your eyes jumped to one stall after another as Jean kept up with your pace towards the long stretch of stalls.
“Find something you like yet?” he asked as he looked at you glancing all over the area “Not yet” you hummed in response “Hey, look” He pointed towards a jewelry shop as he looked over you for approval and you nodded in response. He carefully inspected the numerous hair accessories laid out on the countertop in front of him as he reached for a wooden hair pin with a little sun attached to it at the end, it had a glimmering gold stone ebbed inside.
“What about this?”
“For whom?”
“For you” he replied, smiling ear to ear
“It reminds me of you”
“The sun?”
“Yes, the sun” he said as he held the pin beside you to see if it matched your hair twirling it between his thumb and index finger.
“Warm and bright” He mumbled under his breath as he studied the hairpin carefully “I kinda love waking up to the sun in my face” he shrugged as the corner of his lips tugged upwards.
You half laughed as your cheeks flushed bright red at his words “I didn’t know you thought of me that way, Kirstein”
“I’ll be more vocal from now on then” He handed you the hairpin as he laughed along with you. He quickly hurried up with the payment as he asked you about what you’d like to do next, but was cut off by him.
“The wishing tree” He suggested as a smile bloomed on his face as he excitedly gushed about the old olive tree “which towers the city at the end of the festival grounds, it’s said that the olive tree nymph once fell in love with a mortal who died at the battlefield and never returned” you nodded as you turned towards Jean as he went on about the olive tree, his eyes glistening with passion as you looked at him warmly.
“To this day, she waits for him under the tree and grants the wishes of young people who are grieving, hurting or falling in love” he turned towards you “Isn’t that cool?” He chirped out as you hummed in response, pretending you didn’t already know about it, as if you weren't working in this city for years.
Does he know how lovely he is? You thought to yourself as the background noise faded and all you could hear was the sound of his voice.
“I’m glad you invited me” you said, the corners of your mouth tugged upwards as you held onto Jean’s arm “How else would I have known about the wishing tree”
“You don’t say nice things like that often” Jean said as he steered towards the direction of the fabled olive tree with you. Peeved at his words, you unhooked your arm around his and strode ahead as you flipped your hair.
“Hey-“Jean sulked behind you “Are you always like this?” you glared at him before losing your cold exterior
“You’d make an annoying girlfriend” Jean sighed as he peered down at you and before you could look at his direction to stare daggers at him he hurriedly thought of words to slow down the impact “I mean- not that I’d mind” the word I slipped out of Jean’s mouth as he quickly covered his face with his idle hand and looked at the opposite direction and you couldn’t help the smile pulling at your lips.
“Are you done?” Jean asked as he tried glancing over your wish written on a strip of pink ribbon “Hey! Don’t look at it!” you hissed as you quickly gave his cheek a light slap, tilting his face aside.
As you walked over to the tree you looked at thousands of colorful ribbons sway at the gust of wind, it’s dead branches creaked and grated against each other time to time as you struggled to tie the ribbon at the lowest hanging branch “I’ll tie it for you” a familiar, cheeky voice spoke “No peeking” you smiled as you handed him the ribbon. You looked up at his tall figure tying your wish next to his to the branch.
“What did you wish for?”
“Aren’t you supposed to not talk about it?” you said, tilting your head in confusion “What if it doesn’t come true?”
“Then I’ll make it come true for you” He sang as he sat on the grass beneath him, signaling you to do the same. “A quiet life with someone I love” you said as you sat close to him, leaning into him “Maybe a house on a farmhouse under a clear blue sky, can you give me that?” you said, half expecting him to say yes, to realize this was your way of signaling yes, I like you too . Even if it was maybe a bit grand and too childish.
“I hope I can” he professed, quiet and mellow , like he didn’t say something that made your heart skip a beat
For a while, you sat there in silence as the weight of what you both shared sank into your chests, you leaned into him as his warmth spread to your body. You glanced over to Jean whose head had sunk low as he snored “Jean!” you lightly hit him “This is no time to sleep!” you half yelled as you shook the male wide awake with your hands at either side of his shoulder “Ah” he replied “I can’t even relax around you” Jean said half dazed as you helped him get up and scolded him for his carelessness. “This is no time to relax!” you said as you dragged his hand towards the festival grounds. “Let’s get you back home”
He only hummed in response as he let you hook your arm into his “Thank you, y/n” He said your name and you could swear you felt flowers bloom into your chest “I had fun tonight” “Thank you to you as well, Kirstein” you mumbled as you leaned further into his arm as you closely held onto the bunny plush in your hands. The memory of his skin tingles on your lips.
And amidst the rush in the morning at the HQ, Hitch would be hearing everything about it, nodding intently as she devised a plan in her head for you to return his favor like you asked for her to.
Jean was the color to your bleak life, one day you’re seventeen with a heart full of love nowhere to put, desperate for a home or someone to call yours. Then a boy comes along with his cocky smile and stupid flirty remarks and heart so kind that it makes you wanna curl up in your bed and cry, and oh, a tragic mullet.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
VII
Return the Favor
As people walked out of the meeting hall the muffled voices faded with the sound of chairs scraping the floor, their boots clattering across the hallway as you stood with your hands in front of your chest, your back against the wall, eyes momentarily taking heed to tall figures who could be him.
“Y/n?” he said and your chest caved in at the sound of his voice calling out your name.
Your name felt safe on Jean’s lips, he sang each syllable, and for half a second you faltered. You slowly turned around to face him.
“Is it okay if I call you y/n?” he gazed into your eyes as he strode towards you, and you stood there, trying to keep your composure.
“Sure, I never understood why you would call me officer, I’m not your boss”
“But you do order me around”
“Tch, all I ask from you is to keep in your lane “annoyed, you stepped on his shoe. He winced, yelping in response
“What you did that day wasn’t very much in lane either” He mocked, pulling at your nonchalance.
“Don’t tell me what to do” you took a step back as you furrowed your brows
“Yes ma’am” he smirked as he raised his hands in defense “got a thing for stepping on handsome men or something?
“Ew” You scoff, as your hands find your way to his forehead
“Maybe you’re right about the handsome part” you said with a short laugh before flicking him hard on the forehead. And his heart skipped another beat.
“And your mullet isn’t so bad”
He laughed at your comment as he replayed the memory of you constantly making jabs at his haircut.
Jean could stop you whenever he wanted, he could get away from your constant physical attacks on him, messing his perfectly set hair up, flicking at his forehead, lightly slap his face away when he stared at you for too long or hitting him softly on his head. But he didn’t, he never wanted to, why’d he dodge the touch of a girl he loves?
He laughs as he leans closer “yer pretty too, you know that?” scanning your features and you grimace at him like you always do, like you aren’t screaming internally holding back the pathetic urge to kiss him senseless.
“You think so?” you blink, still not believing his words
“I’ll say it over and over again, until you believe me, y/n” he said, his gaze never leaving yours.
You take a step back as you feel your face flush at his words, gaze averting as you open your mouth to only to stammer pathetically between words.
“I-I wanna return your favor for uh..Taking me to the fair”
There it goes, all the rehearsing you did to sound composed and confident fell useless just because of his stupid remark.
“There’s a sunflower field behind the abandoned school and uhm… you can come if you want to”
“Mhm” He hummed “Of course I wanna come” He took a step back as he saw the stirring discomfort in your voice.
The walk in the sunflower fields was quiet, few words were exchanged as you walked close to him as his hand brushed against yours. The thousand golden heads swayed with the wind as you brought your hand towards your head to keep your hair from going out of place. You cursed as the wind grew stronger.
Jean looked at you as he took in the sight of you before laughing at the mess your hair had become
“We’re going to Marley in a few weeks” He said, his gaze locking yours as he continued looking at you fussing about your hair.
“Huh?” You stopped in your tracks, your hand falling to your side. “How long will you be gone?” That was your first thought.
Because I’d miss you
God he always was.
The first thought after you wake up
The first thought when you looked at the shore
The first thought when you thought no one would bother knowing you.
“A few weeks maybe?” He replied as he closed the distance between you, fixing your messy hair before pulling you into an unexpected embrace, you stood there as a whirlwind of hundred different feelings rushed to your heart, your hands slowly slid to his waist as he pulled you closer, arms caging your body against his. His heartbeat fast against your ears as the scent of his cologne comforted you as you melted further into his touch.
“I’ll be back soon, kay?” His voice muffled into your hair as he leaned in to take in the scent of you, bringing a hand to caress the back of your head.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
VIII
Eren Jaegar
You were back in the now port city as your duty shifted. The room grew livelier as more people came inside to join in for drinks, everyone had gathered to celebrate Paradis ‘latest achievement. But you couldn’t be bothered— your eyes were fixed onto Jean.
The yellow tinged flickering lights hung low as they momentarily swung from the impact of Jean and Eren bickering and throwing punches at each other, you overheard Hange sighing and telling Levi to break them up or else it would go on for hours. You see Captain Levi as he walks towards them, you shut your eyes close in dismay as you see his fist flying towards Jean with him landing flat on the floor.
He looks around in daze and his eyes meet yours, his cheeks turn red from embarrassment as you laugh at his plight from meters away.
“Come outside” you mouth as you smirk at him before walking out of the tent. He hurries up and straightens his clothes to follow you.
You walk out of the tent and feel the warmth fade away due to the chill in the evening wind.
“You called?” Jean says as he rubs the sore spot on his face.
“How old are you again? Picking fights like that” you scoff as you scan Jean’s face for any signs of bruises.
“He started it” He looked away as he furrowed his brows
“God, you’re so childish” you face him in an attempt to meet his eyes “It’s because of Mikasa girl isn’t it?” you tease him with a smirk playing on your face, you've had gotten that information through
You knew exactly what you were trying to do.
He scoffs as he strides towards the opposite direction, completely ignoring your remark. Dumbfounded, you tug at his sleeves, he swats your hand away as he keeps advancing forward.
“Jean~” You sang as you held onto his hand, light enough for him to not swat it away this time. Why’d he want to? He’d always loved the feeling of your hands against his.
“Come let’s sit down here” You tugged his hand down as you crouched down in the sand, signaling him to do the same.
He reluctantly followed but he continued to not meet your eyes. You rolled your eyes at his attitude before circling around him to look into his eyes.
“You know what your problem is Jean?” you say “You’re not mad at Eren, you’re mad at yourself” you say before settling down in front of him.
His eyes meet yours and you grin “I’m right aren’t I?” you say as you lean closer to his face.
The scent of the salt on your uniform mixed with the sweet scent of your perfume irritated his senses, not because it was annoying, but because he wanted to bury his face in your neck and savor it.
“Yes” he mutters as he averts his gaze from yours yet again. “How do you know?” He asks, still not facing you.
“Because I know you dumbass” you chuckle at his words “People listen to him, follow him, and Mikasa? She’d throw her life away if it meant she could save his suicidal ass”
“But you’re you, Jean” you lean back before bringing his hands into yours, filling the gaps between his fingers as he flinches at the slightest of your touch. You internally laugh at him.
“He’s not as smart or rational as you or a better leader than you” His gaze locked yours and his mouth fell agape, his eyes glinting with disbelief, not because he didn't believe it himself, but because he'd never gotten acknowledged like this before.
“You don’t have to be like him”
“Okay you’re embarrassing me” Jean quietly said as he gave you a nervous laugh. The moonlight casting a glow on his flushed face. “Maybe you’re right” He sighs as he locks eyes with you again “Except for the Mikasa part” a blush creeping up on his face.
I’m glad
You knew Jean was head over heels for you, it was a bold assumption, yes, but he’d never admit it for god knows why, and you wouldn’t either because you were too proud, or maybe too bashful to say it upfront but clearly not enough.
so you’d touch him where he flinched, hold his hand and hook your arm around his or mess his hair up. Tell him brazen things and watch him stutter and blush like an idiot.
And you sat there as you relished in it. It was no secret to both of you.
“Jean and y/n are at it again!” Sasha mocked as she shamelessly pointed her index finger towards the both of you, gathering other scouts’ attention as they snickered in their places.
“Sasha! You—“Jean flinched as he abruptly got up to run towards her in a desperate attempt to shut her up. You stayed behind as you giggled at the scene.
“Y/n!” Eren half yelled as he shouted your name across the area, waving at you “Care to join for some drinks?” he asked with a smile.
You weren't particularly close with Jean's friends, but they'd always invite you over or casually talk with you if the moment called for it, they were fun people to be around.
You got up, walking towards Eren and the others fixed their eyes on you.
“Sure” you respond with a smile
You hurry to the room with the rest as Jean and Sasha keep bickering amongst themselves. You could hear them throw insults at each other in the background.
You and the others go upto a vacant table and Jean signals you to sit next to him with a smirk.
“Can't you go a second without her?” Connie teased as the others laughed along with him, making you feel slightly embarrassed as you sat next to Jean.
“So what?” he even didn't deny it. Jean stirred in his place, rolling his sleeves up as he looked like he was ready to throw hands.
“Stop it guys, y/n's visibly uncomfortable” Armin chimed in, smile never leaving his lips as took a seat next to Jean's left.
You lightly flinched as you felt Sasha's hand slap against your shoulder “Make yourself comfortable with the clown council, kay?” she chirped as she brought her drink closer to yours to make them clink.
You lightly chuckle as you remember the nickname you gave them as she went back to chatting with her friends.
The night advanced and the room grew louder as Sasha and Connie shaked the room with their laughter as the others silently chuckled along, too drunk to pay mind to any of their jokes. Armin reluctantly drank another glass as Jean, who was visibly more drunk than the others, forced him into it.
Jean and you didn't talk much because you were busy chatting with everyone, but you could feel him glance at you more than usual,maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he'd always stare at you like this.
You felt his gaze corner you as you fixed your hair, becoming painfully aware about your appearance.
“Quit staring, Jean Kirstein” you pressed, eyes refusing to meet him as you tried to hide the smile creeping up on your lips.
“I'm not”
“Then what? Eren Jaeger? didn't know you fancied men” you chuckled as you looked over to Eren laughing with Mikasa on the other side of the table.
“H-hey” your remark made him stir in his place. He lightly held your head and spun it in his direction to lock eyes with you. Face inching closer to yours as you slightly scrunch your nose at the smell of alcohol.
He stays there, mapping your face as a lazy grin forms on his face. “I love it when you make that face” and you feel the heat creep up to your cheeks.
He retracts his hands from you and lowers himself on the table facing you, face flushed bright with how drunk he was. You copy his movements, gaze fixed onto him.
You both stay like that for a while, taking in each other's sight as the music behind faded into nothing but a background noise and what remained was Jean and his infuriating smirk.
“You're the loveliest girl in the whole wide world” he says, speech slurred and his eyes glinting softness as he brings his hand over your head to tangle itself into your hair, brushing a section of it before settling it down, the warmth of his hand contrasting with your cold ears. Your lids shut close at his touch.
“How do you know? Have you met all the girls in the world or what, Kirstein?” you let out a chuckle
“But no one is going to look at me the way you do” he sighs as he keeps mapping your face with his gaze. “Or scold me or understand me the way you do or a hundred other things.” you laugh under your breath as you intently listen to him.
“You make me so happy, y/n”
You bring your hand towards his face, settling it down on his jaw, warmth pricking your skin as you could make out its outline, memorizing it on your skin.
“I'm glad we're friends” he says softly before nuzzling into your hand
But friends dont look at each other like that.
Jean showed you all there was, that your life wasn’t all about going through motions, meaningless days or a long chain of letting go. Sometimes it was his gaze wanting to meet yours in crowded rooms, sitting close to the shore together, lingering touches and reassuring each other— you’re my sun y/n.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
IX
Promise
Soft glances here and there, adoration from far away, his hand over your shoulder or him playing with the ends of your hair while conversing. His playful flirty remarks that cringed you so hard but made you smile when you were all by yourself in your tent.
You wanted to stay by Jean’s side .
Now as you both sat near the shore looking at the sundown, the orange and yellow hues spilling onto your faces as the sound of waves failed deafen the thoughts in your head unlike usual. With your knees hugged to your chests, you said quietly
“What do you see after all this?” you asked “what if a war breaks out?” you looked at him and for a second, he saw you falter, a hint of sadness in your eyes
“I trust in Hange and the others” he said as his eyes drifted into the distance “We’ve come this far, I don’t think I should back down just yet” he gave you a grin, not cocky or smug one this time, it was genuine and real
“But you have a lot to live for Kirstein” you said “Sasha, Connie and the others, you’ve got a family back in Trost, and you’re willing to throw all that away?”
“I don’t know, I’d want to spend more time with you before I’m gone” and you felt your chest tighten at the response, he knew he wanted to stay longer, and how were you supposed to bear the weight of that? And before you could gather any words to say you felt your eyes brimming with tears
“Hey-“He reached out his hand to place on your back “What’s wrong?”
“Are you stupid, Kirstein?” you said, gasping and stammering between your words “Why’d you say that?”
“Say what y/n?”
“That there is a chance you will be gone?”
He didn’t say anything, just pulled you into his embrace, holding your trembling body as it gasped and flinched under him, you looked at him, blotchy face, and gripped him like the world might swallow him whole.
“Promise me, Kirstein” you said, quietly
“If anything happens you come back alive”
“I promise you y/n” he said as he pulled your body against his once again, the woody scent of his cologne mixed with the flowery scent of his hair spread to your senses as Jean kept rubbing circles on your back, nesting his chin on your head as you heard nothing but the waves crash against each other and the sound of Jean caressing the soft fabric on your back.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
X
War Torn
As the ship was preparing to sail, you looked over to Jean and waved him goodbye.
Bring me some souvenirs you mouthed at Jean who only chuckled in response
The Levi squad ventured outside the Paradis Island for the first time, in order to negotiate and create an alliance with the Ymir’s subject group. You hoped to see Jean soon but it was fine with you because you went months at a time not seeing Jean, your duty was shifted according to the tasks you were meant to handle, Jean too would get super busy as with his work.
But your unrest grew and the feeling of dread in your chest spread all over your body like poison as you learned that Eren had gone missing and the Levi squad was stuck in Marley . Jean was stuck in Marley . A few days passed, then months, and before you realized, a war had broken out
You stood at the docks, scanning the soldiers one by one, their boots clattering on the wooden floor as they took off from the airship. You were desperately trying to find Jean and when you did, it felt like the stars were crashing down.
You tried to walk over him all calm and collected as if, all these months you didn’t feel like his absence burned a hole through your chest.
“You waited?” Jean looked at you with his tear stained eyes. His one glance was enough for your heart to shatter. You wanted to hold him, wipe his tears or throw your arms around him and tell him how desperately you missed him.
But you only stood there in silence
“You were crying?” you looked at him as you traced your thumb beneath his eyes, wiping tears away from his face “Sasha didn’t make it y/n” his breath hitched as he held onto your hand, desperate and needy.
“Everything was going fine but- “he paused, and then turned away, bringing his one hand to cover his eyes that were brimming with tears. You circled around him to face him “Jean” you muttered as you tried to forcefully remove his hands away from his face, begging him to face you. He didn’t say anything, his eyes only locked yours with a glare of mournful sorrow.
Sasha wasn’t someone who you were particularly close with, she’d tease you from afar and play around. She was someone you knew was always there to light the room up. But you knew what she meant to Jean.
“Want to talk about it?” you said, holding his hands into yours “I don’t know” he said quietly as he averted his gaze from yours “you must be tired” you paused, “get moving with the rest” you said as you pointed towards Levi and the others as they got moving
“y/n?” he said softly, like a prayer “Can I see you tomorrow?”
“Anytime Jean.” You said as you cupped his face with your idle hand “I’ll be waiting for you.”
--
A loud knock against your door woke you up, who would show up at your doorstep this late?
You cautiously walked towards your porch as you slowly opened the door, only observing the visitor through the small opening of your door.
The instant you looked at the visitor you let out a sigh “What are you doing here so late?” you whisper shouted before remembering what had gone down this evening.
Fuck .
You cursed yourself as you held Jean by his hand and led him to your room
“I’m so tired y/n” he sighed as he sat on the corner of your bed, letting his head fall back into his hands
“I know Jean, I know” you kneeled beside him, trying to catch a glimpse of his pain struck face “I can’t sleep either” he sighed quietly, he no longer looked like the boy who chased you on the shore
“Please y/n” he said through his strained voice “Please say something, anything”
You stared at him wistfully as you fell short of words to comfort the soldier.
What were you supposed to say to a war torn man? Will things get better? Because they certainly weren’t. Marley would retaliate at any time and you’d lose sight of him yet again.
The light in his eyes had faded and what remained was a man struck with grief and impending doom of the war. He was no longer the boy who started petty fights or did childish things to get your attention or the boy who told you he’d build you a house under the clear blue skies and grassy fields feigning childlike innocence in his eyes.
“You don’t have to do anything anymore, Jean” you mumbled as you forced him to look at you, hands cupping either side of his face
“You can stay here as long as you like” you said as you signaled him to lay on your bed and he followed. He curled his body, bringing his knees closer to his chest, like a frightened child.
You went on to dim the lights but you felt Jean’s large hand grab a hold of yours
“Don’t” Jean held onto your hand as he looked at you, heartsick and weary from the battle
“Please don’t leave me y/n” “I know Jean, and I won’t” you reassured him as you planted a kiss on his forehead.
You gingerly made space for yourself beside him. And as you ran your hands through his soft faint brown hair he leaned into your touch, finally letting himself rest.
Jean loved you, god he loved you more than anyone ever could, but the air between both of you always hung low, you gazed at each other longer than usual and fell short of courage to confess and when you held his hand as he cried he thought that this is all he could ask you for, that if he named it, you might lose him, lose Jean Kirstein to what the war might bring, but he couldn’t hold himself back, he wanted to be around you, hear your stupid laugh and have you scold him, just so he could replay it in his head. Utter your name in the dim of his room like a prayer over and over again until it was only a noise. He wanted to feel your soft touch against his blood stained hands and have you speak to him in your kindest voice despite it all. He remembered the promises he made to you and all of that felt distant and childish. He wanted to believe it, he really did— but it was too much to ask for, and it was selfish, yes— to keep you waiting because he feared you might lose him. But he wanted more of you anyway.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
XI
I'll Always Come Back to You
The next day Jean was gone before you even woke up, as your eyes flickered over to the side of where Jean slept last night, you felt the scent of his woody cologne from the blanket you put on him last night. He had covered you with his blanket when he left.
You brought it closer towards you, basking in Jean’s scent as your lids fell heavy at the familiar comfort.
Things got more complicated day by day, the wine laced with Zeke’s spinal fluid, Floch Forster running wild with his yeagarist ideologies, Yelena betraying the island and the unrest with the civilians grew like a wildfire and what not. Caught amidst the political mess but you couldn’t care any less, about joining the yeagarists or opposing the plan of the founding titan unleashing horror all over the world.
All you wanted was a comfortable life in Mithras, at least for now but God wouldn’t let you rest. All of the extra shit was uncalled for.
Maybe Jean would know what was going on with his friend’s fucked up head. God, where was Jean even wandering off to? Was he even safe?
He was a high ranking scout member, must’ve been busy all these days right? You never saw him after what went down that day after he came back from Marley.
Maybe he joined the Yeagarists, no, it was far from what Jean believed in, and then was he arrested for dissent? Could be. Your mind raced with possibilities as you became lost in thought.
How can I manage through this mess with my sanity intact?
“y/n?” a familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Hitch” She took a seat beside you as you looked up at her, letting your fingers go that were pinching at your nose bridge.
“I don’t fucking understand Hitch” you sighed as you leaned back against the bench. “What’s going to happen now?” You paused “And where’s Jean?” you said as you let your head fall back into your hands
“The high ranked MPs probably turned into titans by now, the Levi squad is out there” Hitch replied
“Go look for him when the mess is over” Her voice softened as she placed her hand on your back.
“It’s crazy to me you know” she said as she leaned back “That the guy you once made fun of was the one to promise you things straight out of a fairy tale” she said as she recalled how you would tell her stories about your time spent with Jean as you squealed and jumped around your friend.
You hummed in response as you stood up “I think I’ll go look for him” you offered Hitch a faint smile before wandering off to the outside.
-
You got off your horse as you walked towards the city where Jean was currently stationed at, the stench of blood and ash terrorized your nose as you looked at the buildings that once stood tall all crumbled down in front of you, the ground beneath you continued shaking as your eyes loomed over the terrifying aftermath of the horror Eren Yeager had unleashed.
“Y/n?” A familiar voice yelled your name across the yeagarist HQ
“You’re alive” you said, bringing your hands to cover your mouth, voice shaky as your eyes stung with tears
“and you’re fucking insane, y/n” Jean said as he retracted his blade and ran towards you “Do you know if you hadn’t come a little late you’d be titan fodder by now?” He snapped, his gaze piercing through yours was enough for you to shudder and look away
“I needed to know” you muttered as you continued to look away from the scout. His eyes widened at your confession, he took a step forward and then pulled you into a tight hug
“I’m sorry” his voice cracked as he wrapped his arms around you, as if you’d fade away from his sight if he let you go
“I’m glad you’re safe y/n” he said softly as he pulled back from you, his hands firm at the either side of your shoulders
“What now?” you dryly said as you pointed towards the smoke left by the colossal titans.
“I don’t know!” He half yelled as his grip on your shoulders tightened, anger threatening to spill from his mouth as his breath got heavier, and you flinched at the sudden change in his demeanor
“We’ve joined forces with Marley” he said, his voice shaky as his grip on you softened, pulling you into another embrace.
Your lids fell heavy at the familiar scent of Jean’s cologne as you let yourself melt into his embrace.
”I don’t know what’s going to happen to us” He murmured into your hair “But I just can’t sit here with blood on my hands y/n”
“No” you flinched at his words and shut your lids tight as tears fell from your eyes. He retracted from your embrace as he shook you,
“But listen” He leaned down to face you as your head sank low as you realized you finally lost Jean to war.
“I’m a skilled soldier dammit” He assured as he held out your hand to slide a ring on your finger, your breath hitched as you opened your eyes to the feeling of the cold metal on your fingers. The ring was ill fitted but you barely registered it because your mind was racing with every emotion, eyes widening as you looked up to him.
Jean had gotten the ring from his mother years ago when she’d tell him to give it to the girl he loves, he carried it for years, unsure of what it meant, the idea was silly to him but he’d comply to keep his mother happy, then you came along, with your angry glares and hair that fell perfectly on your shoulders and he thought it wouldn’t be so bad if he spent his entire life with a girl as lovely as you.
What did this mean? Were you supposed to be sad? Angry? Happy? Cry and scream and beg Jean Kirstein to stay back and not fucking march to his own death? No, that’d be going against his resolve.
“This is my promise to you y/n” He confessed and your world came crashing down. He brought your knuckles close to his lips to press a kiss.
“I’ll always come back to you”
“That day” he began “Under the olive tree? It wasn’t a lie or something fairy tale-ish or childish”
“I’ll give you everything, y/n” He said as his eyes glinted with a mix of everything. Hope, terror, grief and love so fierce it drove you insane.
“I hadn’t had the time to tell you about what I feel because I was afraid, I don’t know anything but what I do know is that I want you, y/n” He cupped your face as his face inched closer to you
“And I want it to be you for the rest of my life. I wish you’d have yelled at me for being like this sooner” He mumbled.
You looked at him, wide eyed, mouth agape as he gutted his heart open in front of you, spewing everything he’d been holding back for months and you had to pretend you didn’t buckle at the weight of it all. That you hadn’t been wanting to hear these words for god knows how long.
“You don’t look good when you’re crying officer” He said quietly as he offered you a faint smile, resembling his smug smile from your days at the shore
“C’mon, be a little mean to me, this is so not like you” He chuckled faintly through his trembling lips
“You better come back in one piece Jean” you snarled as you grabbed a hold of his collar and pulled him into your lips, it wasn’t pretty or endearing, it was desperate and hungry, like you both would lose each other if you let go, his hands tangled through your soft locks as he pulled away and locked his eyes with you.
“You better wait for me”
“I always have, idiot”
He leaned into you to press his forehead to yours
“I love you”
“I love you more, officer”
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
XII
Romeo-of-The-Walls
Jean Kirstein did not just love you — he made it his sacred duty — his ultimate resolve to come back to you untethered and safe just so he could see you smile and hold his face and feel your touch.
He wanted a life with you, under clear blue skies and grassy fields, like you always hoped for.
He was bound by his promises to you, and it wasn’t so bad. Now as he held Reiner with the support of his malfunctioned gear, millions of thoughts raced through his head.
The steam from below caught their bodies in scorching heat as the rubble from the roof fell onto them.
“Jean” Reiner’s voice cut through the chaos “Do you think there’s a chance we might win?” He asked, face white with dread looming over his face.
“Nah” Jean replied, just as scared as Reiner was “We’re scout regiment, we never know when to lose, right?” He mumbled through his trembling lips as cold sweat took over his body.
“But I don’t want to die here!” He yelled in dejection as his grip on Reiner tightened even more in a desperate attempt to keep him anchored
“I really don’t want to, there’s this amazing woman waiting for me back in Paradis” He shut his eyes close in dismay as his breath faltered between his desperate words.
“We've all got something back home right?” his breath heavy as his voice cracked.
‘Jean..” Reiner only gazed at him with a pain stricken expression as he fell short of words to offer comfort.
What If I don’t make it back? What if something goes wrong? What if I crush her hopes?
The sight of rubble and blood splattered across the ground beneath you shook as your heartbeat quickened. The smell of iron and ash grew thick and sharp as it spread to your senses .You pressed onto the side of your heart and crouched down in the middle of rubble as Hitch quickly followed and placed a hand on your back to offer comfort.
“What’s wrong y/n?” She asked as her gaze met yours “I don’t know, I just feel anxious out of nowhere— my head’s spinning right now” you slurred as your head sank further, eyes clouding with haze.
“Let’s get you out of here” She stated as she propped you up, sliding your arms onto her shoulder and grabbing a hold of your waist as she led you out of the rubble. Settling you down on the cool, cemented ground.
“Want me to take you back to your apartment? She asked, head tilting as she crossed her arms in front of her chest “No” you replied as your breath got heavier
“No—I want Jean back “you brought your hands closer to your mouth, muffling out your cracked voice as you tried to hold yourself together from falling apart in front of Hitch.
“y/n” her voice cut through the ringing in your ears as she settled her hands at the either sides of your shoulders, trying to ground you.
“If that Romeo-of-the-walls doesn’t come back I’m gonna kill him with my bare hands” she said as the corners of her mouth tugged upwards in a sadistic smile.
The choice of her words brought you to cackle through your blotched face as she looked at you cluelessly. Her hands flying off your shoulders as she offered you a faint smile
“You’re so bad at this, Hitch” you looked at her through your tear stained eyes as you got up, straightening your uniform. “Let’s hurry up and get going” you looked at her as she steered closer to you as you continued pacing forward.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
XIII
You're My Sun
To my Dear y/n,
I’m alive
Like I promised you that day under the evening sky
I almost died twice and all I could think of was you.
By the time this letter reaches you I’ll be just a few months away from coming home—for good. Then I can spend all my time with you, without senseless wars or those pointless walls. Like Eren always wanted for all of us.
Connie keeps bringing you up and Reiner keeps asking me for details and I’m more than happy to talk about you over and over. It got to a point and I think they’re getting tired of me, but I can’t help it.
Sometimes I wonder if you’ve forgotten about me because I was gone for too long, but I’m sure that there’s no one with a mullet like mine,right? I miss your laugh and the way you’d scold me when I sneaked past the curfew.
I remember, seeing you for the first time, I don’t know what it was, your hair being the perfect shade of black or the way you’d roll your eyes and throw fists in the air, I’m sorry but I saw you do that.
You were walking along the shore at the sunrise, muttering protocols one after another but the wind blew your hair out of place and you lost it, you immediately went to fix it and ran inside with a frown. It was your routine wasn’t it? To pace around under the sunrise when everyone was asleep. Uniform and everything.
And I felt a gaping hole in my chest disappear, a hole I didn’t know I had all my life.
That’s when I knew I was screwed, y/n.
There’s a lot of things I wanna tell you about when I’m home. Why I think you’re the most perfect girl in the world or why you’re my sun.
That day I didn’t know what was going to happen, all I knew was that I wanted to live a long comfortable life away from this bullshit, and I saw your face that I loved to death, under the sun when I accidently fell onto you and I knew it wouldn’t be so bad. Building you a farmhouse under grassy fields and clear blue skies was something I knew I wanted as well.
Please wait for me,
I love you, always.
-Jean
Jean you fucking creep . You narrowed your eyes as a distasteful expression spread over your face at the thought of Jean watching you from the shadows, you were half flattered, half creeped out. still you heavily sigh and shut your eyes in contentment as you bring the letter close to your heart.
The reason Jean had wrote you so late was because the allied nations were still wary and learning to trust the Eldians, wary of anything Paraids related reaching their land, even if the communications were recovering Jean couldn't reach you because anything from Paradis was heavily monitored, you tried sending a few letters and so did he but there were various checkpoints, delays and inspections. Ships carrying mail were either turned away, rerouted or stood at the docks for too long.
“Can you tell me what’s written in there already?” Hitch frowned as she waved a hand over your face, trying to snap you back.
“Oh” you smile as you bring the paper in front of you to scan it again “I’m just so glad he’ll be here in no time”
You stood under the olive tree with Hitch who you’d force to come along, the ribbons Jean had tied had faded into a faint pink, the fabric fraying at the end, you struggled to catch its ends as Hitch snickered at your plight from behind, you scoffed—finally gripping onto the fraying end of ribbon Jean had tied closer to yours
“What’s in there?”
“It says I hope I get the courage to tell her”
She inched closer as she draped an arm around you, pulling you closer as she smirked “Excited?”
“So much so that my heart’s going to explode” you replied as you returned her a smile.
–
As the ship halted at the port, Queen Historia stood at the front, the royal guard MPs skirting her at both the sides, along with the important figures stood eagerly to welcome the heroes of Paradis, eyes wide with hope. You blended into other security guards as you momentarily fixed your hair and adjusted your grip on the rifle. The restlessness in you stirred more and more as you could see the ship approaching from a distance. As the first figure stepped out, your eyes desperately searched for him . Your eyes fixed to the tall man behind Armin. Jean Kirstein. His gaze met yours, then your stupid heart slammed against your ribs.
He looked...different, hair slicked back, he had grown up to be taller, manlier, and stronger but he had the same smug smile that always pushed your buttons plastered on his face. All way back to your days at the shore.
The same smile you fell in love with years later.
-
You guarded the meeting hall as you stood in silence, recognizing his voice in the sea of muffled voice in the hall, the same voice that had cradled you times before.
The door clinked open and you whipped your head around to scan Jean’s figure among the crowd and when you saw his head peeking above the much shorter crowd, your mind short circuited and your body did the thing for you.
you ran as fast as you could, pushing the people to the side as your gaze stayed fixed to him, he was in the middle of a conversation when he’d noticed you, eyes widening with glee—he spread his arms with a lazy grin to welcome you into his embrace.
Your chest collided with his as the force knocked him down on the floor with you, hitting his head with a dull thud, he laid there, arms sliding to your waist as you locked him with yours.
The others stared, whispering amongst each other, some smiled. You’d probably get yelled at for your unprofessionalism later but it didn’t matter, none of it did in this moment.
You’d tackled down a 190cm soldier with nothing but sheer excitement.
Connie scoffed “This is why I hate couples” Reiner chuckled in response.
Annie couldn’t be bothered.
The horseface has a girlfriend?” Pieck teased and Armin watched as he gave Jean a pleased look, Jean only gave him a dazed smile as he closed his eyes to take in the sight of you in this moment.
No more wars, no more conflicted feelings, no more hiding behind loaded glances and lingering touches. Just his love, his warmth, his light, his sun hands curling into the fabric of his tuxedo, trying so hard to keep him close like the world might swallow him whole again.
He didn’t budge, tell her to get off, just let her cry into his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair with utmost care.
“I’ve missed you terribly” he said, soft and shaky
“Welcome home” you raised your head to meet his gaze, face flushed with every emotion there was, streaks of tears coating your face as you hair fell at all the wrong places, disheveled.
“Still think I’m pretty?”
“Awfully”
You felt a small laugh escape you
“You know that you’re my sun, right?”
He pushed a stray strand away from your face before pulling your trembling lips into a kiss, the taste of your cherry chapstick lingering between both of you, you could feel him smile against your lips, and that’s how you both knew you were home.
“Eww” Connie gagged as the others laughed at the scene.
Days blended into months and Jean asked you to come to the same fare he took you to when you were both eighteen with conflicted feelings, everyone went as a group this time, you invited Hitch to accompany you, after all she’d been there to see your every breakdown when Jean was away, he took you the same tree he’d talked about years ago.
“y/n?” he spoke as he stood behind you who were writing a wish along with your friends
And then—
He got on one knee, awkward and stiff as he winced at the feeling of stones beneath him pricking his knees through the fabric of his clothes.
And your heart leapt out of your fucking throat
He slid his hand into his coat as he popped open the case “Will you marry—”
Your eyes widened and a gasp no—a shriek escaped your throat as you stood up and tackled him down on the floor, yanking the ring out of his hand as Connie catched it just in time.
“Yes!” You yelled “Yes I will!” It was ugly, messy, your friends were laughing as you heard them applaud. Hitch’s laughter rang in your ears as she cheered on both of you. A kid in the background probably dropped his ice cream in shock, clueless people nearby were probably staring but you could only care about the man caged in your arms.
His lips curling into a warm smile as he brought his hand over to cup your face
“Marry me y/n” he confessed as he looked at you like he always did, like he couldn’t believe you were real.
“Because I wanna wake up to the sun in my face every damn day of my life” Your eyes widened as you connected the dots in your head, face flushing bright red as you fell short of words to utter, your heart slamming in your chest.
And then you heard it, Jean’s laughter, and the same frisky laughter you’d heard on the beach when he’d fallen onto you and called you beautiful, back when you were seventeen and slowly falling in love, back when you thought no one would’ve bothered knowing you. Back when Jean Kirstein thought love was a distant dream. Making you his was a distant dream.
“I said yes dammit!” you cried out as you excitedly kissed Jean Kirstein, you felt your teeth clatter against his he probably busted his lip.
And he went home wincing at the pain as you bounced around him desperately trying to stop the bleeding with your handkerchief.
Your friends walked alongside as you overheard Annie whisper to Armin “I’m glad we’re not weird as them” to which Hitch butted in and shamelessly laughed, mocking you as she cocked her head to look at your sorry faces.
Your gaze softened at the sight of your friend, your bestfriend laughing without a care in the world and Jean by your side with no threat to take him away from you. Your heart had never felt fuller.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
XVI
Ayla
The leaves rustled with the evening breeze as you and Jean sat by the rock near your farmhouse, the stars hung above you and the moonlight spilled on your daughter as you held her closer to you.
Jean gawked at her as she fell further into a deep slumber after shaking the whole farm and waking you both up with her cries, sighing sharply you look at Jean whose index finger was nearing her cheek in an attempt to poke at her cheeks
“tch” you hiss as you swat his finger away, Jean purses his lips together as he complies with a sad look over his face, slumping next to you in defeat.
“You know it’s not fair” Jean said unhappily as he continued to look at his daughter “she looks nothing like me”
It was his third time in a week bringing that up, you were pissed at his complaints.
“Because I carried her and I went through the labour, not you” you grimaced like you always did, shifting away from Jean in annoyance who only inched closer to annoy you further.
“C’mon~” He sang as he draped his annoyingly large arm over your shoulder, pulling you in as he smirked. The shape of him had changed during all these years, but the way he held you remained the same, warm, safe—a place that was unmistakably your home.
“At Least I’m glad” his face nearing yours “she’ll look at me the same way you do when her dad pisses her off “you glare at him, his smirk never faltering
And then—a small laugh escaped you
“You’re pathetic Jean” you grin as you plant a soft peck on his lips before looking at your daughter who was now yawning mid sleep.
“Thank you Jean”
“No, thank you ” Jean said as he poked Ayla’s cheeks, this time you let him as you watched her giggle and hold his finger in the small of her hand.
Ayla, that's what he'd insist on naming her.
And when you asked him why he told you it was because it meant the moonlight, the light borrowed from the sun, to him, your daughter was a reflection of you, the same face and same shade of black hair.
And the same glare in her eyes when she grew up.
Hitch would scoff at your choice and insist on calling her Layla because she'd basically help co parent the kid.
The others, especially Mikasa would sit by the fireplace and nod as they listened to Ayla ramble on and on about something Armin had told her about.
Connie would, at times, get into yelling matches with her as they argued about which ice cream flavour was the best.
And maybe when
She'd grow up to be an angry teenager and get into fights with her dad, she'd glare at him the same way and he'd pause–throw in something silly to lighten the mood and she'd laugh the way you always did, still do.
“ I’ve told you your glare doesn't budge me, I'm used to it ”
What a liar.
(present)
“I’ve never been happier, y/n”
“So have I”
You looked up to watch the same moon you did back when you both were seventeen and slowly falling for each other, fools, you both were, to keep your feelings from each other for so long, but it was worth it, all of it, you both would have waited for each other for years even if it ripped your hearts apart for four years.
Four long, painful years, one when he was stuck in Marley and the other three when he was busy forming alliances after the battle of heaven and earth.
When Jean promised to come back to you six years ago—your life took a turn and here you were holding your daughter in your hands as Jean— your Jean sat next to you, with his frisky laughter and his smug smile and presence so calming you'd do it all over again.
This was all you could ask for—and it was enough.
────• ⋅⊰ ༻ ♥ ༺ ⊱⋅ •────
Wapawapota (Guest) on Chapter 3 Wed 09 Jul 2025 02:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
woodnymph444 on Chapter 3 Wed 09 Jul 2025 03:57PM UTC
Comment Actions