careful what you wish for

by skipple

Summary:

Sieun is Suho's and Suho is Sieun's, from the moment they met in that abandoned train yard.

Chapter 1: part one

Summary:

Sieun doesn't think he’s pretty, scratch that. He thinks Ahn Suho is crazy fucking sexy. And boys like Suho love boys like Sieun. 

present.

Suho comes back to Seoul on Hyeontak’s birthday. How kind of egregiously fucked up is that?

He is standing in front of Sieun’s job, the new building he works at now, at ten in the morning like he does this all the time. Like he’s been doing it for the past six months he’s been actually willingly absent from his life. 

“Sieun-ah.”

Sieun can’t help that his mouth drops open, and he for a moment imagines how dumb he looks right now and he fucking hates that because he was supposed to look indifferent when he saw Suho again. 

He was supposed to look fit and calm and as if these months without each other didn’t rock the fuck out of his world. Flip it upside down and have him dangling thousands of feet in the sky from such slippery fingertips. 

And Suho knows how sweaty his hands get sometimes. 

He didn't know when he was coming back. Suho said as soon as I can, and that was it. Now he's here. 

“Found you.”

Suho looks good, of course he does. 

His hair’s a little shorter than when Sieun last saw him, and he styles it with gel now, with a side part. Some pieces are falling onto his forehead. He’s wearing a black shirt, short sleeved, showing off toned arms. It’s tucked into black chinos, nice black shoes. 

He looks fucking good. Nothing new here. He still checks off boxes Sieun didn’t even know he had. 

“I wasn’t the one missing,” Sieun says back, trying to sound annoyed, or irritated, but his voice just comes out a little broken, like he hasn’t used it in a while.  

Suho smiles that little smile. Sieun’s stomach churns at the sight. In a good way. Unfortunately. 

“Can we talk? Do you… fuck, I’m sorry, you’re at work,” Suho stumbles for maybe the first time Sieun’s ever seen. 

He never used to stumble around his words, around his wants. That’s Sieun’s job. Suho bites his lip while he thinks for a second, then brings his eyes back to Sieun. 

Then his eyes drop to his sweatshirt. Because it’s definitely his.

Sieun hasn't been in his apartment in two months. Went over there after seeing Hyeontak one day and just cried in his bed like a loser.

Grabbed his red sweatshirt in the chair by the door before he left this morning, he was rushing, so of course he’s wearing it today. 

The universe really loves him, it does. 

“Wearing my sweatshirt.”

“It’s cold, it was the first thing I saw,” Sieun lies. He deliberately put it on today. He was rushing but, he would have grabbed something else if he didn't want to be in this today. 

Suho bites his lip to keep from smiling so big, so fucking smug. Sieun rolls his eyes and makes a little noise with his tongue and teeth.

Suho doesn't dwell. Because Sieun is still the same. Wrapped around more than his finger, more than his red sweatshirt, more like his entire soul. 

“Don’t you have time to talk to me, Sieun? Say yes.”

Sieun doesn’t have time to talk. He has a client meeting right now for a design he’s been working on, in the building that Suho is standing in front of, seemingly much larger than the structure behind him. 

Ahn Suho, twenty-six now and smooth as ever. 

Sieun still opens his mouth and whispers out, “Yes.” Just like Suho knew he would. 

Sieun tells his client that he’ll be late with a quick text. It's not something he’s ever done before, but it’s a returning client, Mrs. Hwang with the fabric store. She sends back that she understands, and asks if he wants anything from the shop around the corner. 

Sieun politely tells her No, thank you and doesn’t even give the nice woman an estimated time of arrival. 

He simply gives himself, his time, over to Suho without a thought. They sit on a bench around the building in the back, at opposite ends of it. 

“Sieun-ah,” Suho says, and Sieun looks up at him and bets he fucking does feel bad. But Suho’s facing the trees. “I don’t know how to say it all, and I don’t even know if you want to hear it.”

“I want to hear it,” Sieun whispers, even though a part of him actually fucking does not. 

Because what could Suho have to say after it's been six months since they've seen each other in the flesh? And four months since they've talked, plus some extra days. 6 to be exact, fuck yes Sieun has been counting. 

And yeah, it was supposed to be even longer, which is crazy, but whatever. Sieun doesn't think Suho should have ever left in the first damn place. 

So, there's a billion things he could say. There’s a billion possibilities. 

“You should ask me whatever you want to ask me first. I think that’s fair.”

Sieun frowns, not expecting the spotlight to be shown on him. 

He’s not the one who left. He’s not the one who actually stopped calling and texting. He’s not the one who showed back up in Seoul after six months without a warning. 

Sieun is not the one who broke Suho’s heart. He didn't do that. Suho broke his, and his own by collateral.

“You talk,” Sieun says, before he even realizes he’s saying something, really. “Since you have time to talk now. Since you want to talk now.”

Suho’s eyes darken a bit. The conversation is already off of the rails. 

“You don’t have anything you want to ask me?”

“What’s the point of asking you why you didn't call me, Suho?” Sieun questions him, his heart starting to race. 

It still hurts so badly, especially with Suho sitting on this bench with him. 

“I’m sorry,” Suho whispers, shaking his head while he drops it, to stare at his own lap. “Sieun. You know that. I didn't come see you straight off a flight to apologize about that.”

Sieun nods, even though Suho isn’t looking at him. 

Suho groans a bit, his head in his hands, like he’s really struggling right now. When he looks up again, he looks distraught. And Sieun likes that look on him, needs Suho to have more of a hard time right now. 

“Sieun, never in my life could I stop loving you.”

Sieun’s chest erupts with laughter. A nasty little laugh, and he stands up from the bench, gaining Suho’s eyes again. 

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Sieun, wait. Please, baby.”

Sieun spins around and Suho runs into him by accident from where he was charging after him, and Sieun reflexively shoves him backwards. Suho stumbles back into the bench, puts his hands out to catch himself. 

“Don’t call me that ever again,” says Sieun, with a tone that he’s never used with Suho before, it feels wrong. 

But it also feels really fucking good. Because who the fuck is Suho to call him Baby after something like four months of silence? 

Suho exhales his name. Like a dust of sugar. “Sieun-ah.”

“You…” Sieun fights himself for not knowing what to say, which words to get his feelings across. He ends up sneering out, “You really fucking suck, Ahn Suho, and you know that you fucking suck and you’re still here fucking sucking in front of me.”

Suho raises an eyebrow at his way with those words. “Sieun-,”

“You know I’ll forgive you if you ask, so don’t ask me to forgive you, okay?” Sieun’s pleading, his eyes welling up with frustrated tears that he swears on everything he’s not going to let fall. No way, not in front of Suho right now. 

“If you love me you won’t ask me to do that.”

“Sieun-ah, I don’t need you to forgive me, I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” Suho says, walking forwards, but Sieun just walks backwards. 

Suho stops and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. Clearly irritated this isn't going the way he may have thought it would. 

He should have known better. This is Yeon Sieun he's in love with, Yeon Sieun. 

Suho reaches out for him, any body part will do, but Sieun jerks away again, flinching.

“Why are you acting like you’re afraid of me? You’re not afraid of me.”

Sieun turns around again. Suho runs in front of him. 

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness, Sieun,” Suho repeats, calmly. 

“You’re asking for so much more,” Sieun says to him. “For my time. My attention. So that I eventually will forgive you anyway, without you even needing to ask. You’ve been gone for half a year and you’re still the fucking same. Move out of my way.”

Suho side steps, and Sieun walks forwards. Suho comes next to him this time. 

“Sieun-ah, we both know you’re very good at holding a grudge, no need to test it out now, hm?”

Sieun chews on his cheek instead of responding. They round the front of his building. He sends a quick text to his client that he’s ready, that he’s heading back in, and many thanks for waiting. 

“I can see you when you’re off of work?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

Suho chuckles and the sound irritates Sieun’s ears, rubs his insides all wrong. He almost flinches at the noise, his grip on the front door handle of the building tightens. 

“Yes or no?”

Sieun holds his gaze with Suho. After six whole months.  

“I’m busy.”

“Baby, that’s not a yes or a no.”

“Suho, stop, please, fuck,” Sieun says, curses, and his heart jumps anyway. It fucking leaps, the traitor. “I’m busy today, seriously, it’s my friend’s birthday.”

“Go Hyeontak, mm, yeah.”

Sieun’s face splits into a grimace. “. . . Stalker.”

“What, you think I wasn’t keeping tabs on you?”

“You’re unbelievable, Suho,” Sieun murmurs, and he turns for a final time, bumps the door open with his hip and leaves Suho standing outside, with that stupid smirk on his face. 

Sieun looks over his shoulder one last time before he boards the elevator, just as his client steps on with him. 

“Good morning, Sieun-ah.”

Sieun watches Suho turn around, shove his hands into the pockets of his slacks and start walking away from the building. Broad shoulders and wide gate in his steps. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Hwang,” he says, bowing at the waist, eyes still on Suho’s back. 

In his office, with Mrs. Hwang sitting in front of him pointing out things for him to change on the graphics for her business, his phone lights up with a text. 

From Suho. 

안수호

i’ll pick you up at 4 that’s when you’re off right? 

sieun-ah you miss me. i missed you so much

(10:21)

 

i don’t have anything to say to you right now

 

you keep not declining, so i’m taking that as i’ll see you at 4

 

i can’t today, suho

you can’t just show up and demand things

 

yes, i can.

i’ll pick you up later, yes?

do i need to show up at your job unannounced tomorrow?

 

i don’t know. don’t show up at my job unannounced

(10:23)

“Sieun-ah, did you catch that? The color here should be a bit cooler, I want the contrast like on the front.”

Sieun sits up and discards his phone for his desk, wide eyes at his large desktop screen. 

“Sorry, sorry, yes, noted. Anything else?”

Mrs. Hwang gets lost in her rambling and critiquing again, and Sieun watches Suho’s text come in. 

안수호

see you soon sieun-ah. 

(10:24)

 

*

 

two years ago.

Sieun and Suho meet at a rager party deep in the city. 

Some underground event, invite only, in an abandoned train yard that’s fully decked out for the night. It’s been converted into a real deal space for parties; it’s a frequently visited place, but Sieun’s never been. 

He’s never been one to go out much, but his friends are partiers, so, alas.

It’s not the night anymore, it’s the morning. Already midnight when he shows up with Hyeontak and Humin, a little drunk already from their pregame. 

Suho had his eyes on Sieun since he walked in, a tiny body in between two larger ones, big eyes tracking the whole joint as if he was sober enough to shake some shit up if need be.

Humin got called away, and Hyeontak kept his arm looped around Sieun while he introduced him to some of his other friends. 

“That’s your friend isn’t it?” Suho says, to his friend next to him, blowing out smoke from a cigarette. “In the blue?”

Seongje looks over from his spot relaxed into a thrifted, falling apart couch. “Go Hyeontak? Oh, yeah, we went to high school together. Cool guy.”

“Mm,” Suho hums, remembering him very vaguely. But he’s not looking at Hyeontak. The other one. “That's his boyfriend with him?”

Seongje says around the filter of his cig, “Oh, I dunno who that is, Gotak posts him pretty frequently though. He’s cute.”

“Yeah,” Suho agrees, flicking some ash into the night. “Very.” He wants him.

Suho doesn't follow Hyeontak on socials, but he keeps his eyes on Sieun the whole night. Following him around, watching Sieun basically just stick to Go Hyeontak’s side, and only drink from Go Hyeontak’s cup, or a cup that he hands him. 

Sieun dances a little sometimes, shyly, but Suho clocks the fact that he can move to a beat, and that he’s comfortable in his body. He doesn’t talk very much, only to Hyeontak and Humin, the ones he came with. His smile is crazy gorgeous, bright from far away, and Suho genuinely cannot find interest in anything, let alone anyone, else. 

Sieun declines every cigarette, every joint, every vape. He seems really content just being underneath Go Hyeontak’s arm, or Park Humin’s- Suho remembers that guy’s name halfway through the night- or somewhere in their vicinity.

Sieun’s wearing a white tank top with a jean jacket over it, jean shorts that match that jacket. White socks pulled out of brown platform boots that make him three inches taller. And he’s still shorter than the majority of the people there. 

Ridiculously cute, Suho can't believe he’s never seen him before. He rides in an entirely different circle, but he’s kind of annoyed that the universe didn't drop Sieun in front of him sooner.

Suho approaches Sieun when he finds him alone, by chance, coming back from the bathroom. And then he purposely gently runs into him, pretending that he wasn't looking where he was going, just so he can put his hands on him. His waist, while he steadies him.

Fits like a glove.

“Sorry about that,” Suho says, smoothly, and he still has his hands on Sieun’s skin, conveniently where his tank top is riding up. 

Sieun’s hands settle on Suho’s wrists, only for a second, and then they fall.

“S’okay, no problem,” Sieun responds, looking up at him with the most intense, but lovely eyes Suho has ever seen in his life. 

They’re a little watery, bloodshot. Like he’s really exhausted, but still awake, still wanting to party.

“I haven't seen you here before,” Suho says, finally dropping his hands. 

Sieun blinks, and doesn't say anything, just keeps looking at Suho like a small animal begging not to be eaten. Suho isn’t picky with his food, usually. Sieun is something he could indulge in every day, though, and he hasn’t even tasted him yet. 

Suho smiles a little, at his lack of response, doesn’t find it off putting at all. 

“What's your name?”

Sieun takes a small step backwards, and his eyes leave Suho for the party just around the corner, and then come back to him. 

“Yeon Sieun.”

Suho tells him his. “Ahn Suho.”

Sieun blinks again, like a wordless response, and Suho kind of likes it. He’s used to people being a little better at small talk, but Yeon Sieun is fucking pretty, he really doesn't care.

Sieun thinks Ahn Suho is very pretty as well, but he’s bad at talking and even worse at flirting, at letting someone know he thinks they're cute. He always waits for the other person to make the first move.

Ahn Suho seems like a person who has no problem doing that.

Wearing a collared leopard shirt, unbuttoned past his chest, a couple long necklaces sitting in the space there. Black fitted pants, black sharp toed boots. A couple pieces of his hair fall into his eyes, long enough in the back to curl around his ears and his neck, a conservative mullet. 

Sieun doesn't think he’s pretty, scratch that. He thinks Ahn Suho is crazy fucking sexy. 

And boys like Suho love boys like Sieun. 

“How old are you, Sieun?”

Suho quite literally watches Sieun’s cheeks flush, underneath the blazing makeshift light fixture in the corner, shining brightly on the small walkway to the bathrooms. 

The music from the party is still pretty loud where they are, and Sieun answers again, in a louder, deeper voice than Suho was expecting now that he hears it again. 

“Just turned twenty four. You?”

“Me too, a couple months ago,” Suho responds, pleased with that, and Sieun looks so, too. Maybe. His face hasn't really changed. Big eyes and a cute mouth that Suho can't stop staring at. 

Suho doesn't waste any time. “You and Go Hyeontak… are you together? Like, dating?”

Sieun’s face scrunches up so adorably, Suho thinks he might actually bite him. He hopes he gets the chance to do that soon.

“No,” he says, with a sternness that really means no. “We’re just friends. He acts like that with everyone.”

Suho presses a little further, just one last time. “Do you wanna be like that with him?”

Sieun’s frown changes from lightly offended to confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, would you date him,” Suho clarifies, as forward as ever.

Not would you fuck him, or kiss him, Suho could really care less. But would you date him. Like him. Look for him in a room full of people. 

Sieun shakes his head slowly. “No…?” 

He’s never thought about dating Hyeontak, ever. He’s always strictly had platonic feelings for him, so the question feels so left field for Sieun. 

“Is that a question?” Suho raises an eyebrow, and he does realize this has turned into a full on investigation, call him Nancy Drew, but he just needs to make sure.

That Yeon Sieun is not taken. Or soon to be taken. By anyone. 

“No, I wouldn't date Tak,” Sieun says, kind of deadpanning at Suho now. “Why are you asking?”

Suho’s smile only widens. “I wanna get to know you.”

“You wanna… get to know me.”

“Mhm. Yes.”

Sieun gets impossibly redder, and he nervously looks away, flicks his hair out of his face and eyes. He starts biting his bottom lip, where it’s already red. A habit.

Suho exhales out all of his crawling energy to touch him. All over. He wants to put his hands back on his waist and pull him right up against his body. He also wants to grab his jaw and pull his attention back, ground him in the moment even though he’s nervous. He wants to run his fingers over his raw lips, and then kiss them and make em even more raw.

“Yeon Sieun,” Suho says, which does grant Sieun’s beautiful eyes again, his whole face turning back to Suho.

Sieun just hums, looking captivated and so obviously wanting. He thinks he’s calm about it, but Suho sees right through the shy smile, and his insane moon-like eyes.

“You wanna get to know me?”

Sieun feels tingles all over his skin, from more than the twilight morning air that’s turning a bit cooler with each gust. 

He whispers, “Yes.”

And it’s the first yes of many. From both of them. 

 

*

 

a month ago. 

Okay, so Sieun has his back against a wall and his pants and accompanying boxers just above his knees, the hem of his shirt in his mouth, and his hands have a fistful of black hair. 

This shit started a month ago, so they’ve been at this for longer than it could be called a harmless lapse in judgment. A mistake. They know what they’re doing now. 

They even talked about it already. For both of them, it’s for entirely different reasons. Unfortunately. 

It's only happened a few times in the past month. 

There’s a man beneath Sieun, who’s on his knees, looking up at him with wet, lustful eyes, his big, rough hands gripping Sieun’s waist. And he’ll coax him and talk him through it all, even though his mouth is mostly busy.

Sieun’s eyes roll when he takes him all the way, and his hips press forwards chasing that wet warmth, just to get them pushed back, his sacrum hitting the wall again.

“Tak-ah.”

Hyeontak and Sieun are not dating. Absolutely not. 

They're just hooking up. Kind of. And underneath their friends’ noses. The secretive part of it all, sneaking around. Like they're not supposed to do this, or allowed. Like their friends will shame them or something worse. 

And Sieun doesn't remember the first time it happened very well because it left butterflies in his stomach or something sweet like that, but because Sieun felt almost like he was having his cake and eating it, too. 

Being fucking greedy. No slices for the hungry guests. For the first time in his life. 

Hyeontak walked him home, the whole way, all the way inside of his apartment. Then his eyes changed when he looked at Sieun, darkening and sparkling at the same time, and he didn't even ask before he dipped his head and kissed him. 

Sieun didn't mind that he didn't ask, and he didn't mind that he kissed him. He kissed him back immediately, like he was just waiting for it. 

Touch deprived but only for something like this. Keyword: something.

He didn't know what he really wanted in that moment- yes, the fuck he did - but this was his best friend, who he’s grown the closest to. In a way that’s definitely way fucking different than what Hyeontak and Humin have, but he never really cared to question it. 

Not even back in college, where they met, both in their third year. 

Hyeontak has always just kind of… treated Sieun a little differently than the rest of his friends. Not enough to really draw attention, but Sieun noticed, of course. Never thought too much about it, just accepted that Hyeontak had an extra soft spot for him. 

Sieun doesn’t think it’s crazy to want things. Or need things. He was left high and dry anyway, he has a right to do this. 

He is allowed to do this. To indulge in something that he wants. Even if it’s not from the right person. 

A part of him wishes it made him feel dirty or something equally negative, make him want to stop. But he doesn’t. He’s hurting and he’s angry and this is what he’s doing with all of that hurt and anger. 

Hyeontak’s lips are covered in spit, and he's smiling so mischievously up at Sieun, his tongue flicking and sliding in all of the right places. Then he grabs him gently, and pushes his face into Sieun’s stomach.

“You know what to do,” Hyeontak mumbles into his skin, his hand and wrist working faster. 

Sieun whispers out a curse, his head knocking back against the wall, fingers tightening in his friend's hair. 

And Hyeontak always times him perfectly, lifts his head from where he was pressing soft kisses into Sieun’s skin, and lets Sieun paint his face. Messily, and with his name spilling out of his mouth over and over and over.

“Hyeontak,” Sieun finally whispers his full name, out of breath and shaky, looking at his best friend with his cum all over his face, blissed out beyond belief. 

And his pants always have a darkened spot, too, where he comes untouched for Sieun. 

Every time. Without fail. 

Hyeontak licks his lips, and drags his fingers through Sieun’s mess on his cheek, his nose. 

“Hm, baby?” 

He used to call him that only when they were messing around, but it's started to bleed into other times, too. Hyeontak's testing the waters and Sieun flinches every single time. 

The first time he said it, it made Sieun freeze up. He hadn’t been called Baby in months. Didn’t realize how much he missed it, how much his insides wrapped around the four letter word like a virtue. 

He didn’t have the heart to tell his best friend not to call him that again, but it nags at him every time. Like a bug bite on his ankle. Gets itchy out of nowhere, and then Sieun’s jerking suddenly to relieve the discomfort. 

It just doesn’t sound the same coming from Hyeontak. And it feels worlds away from the one he knew so well. 

Sieun tries to wipe the rest of his friend’s face with the inside of his own shirt, and Hyeontak just stays kneeling for him, out of breath and moving his head around for Sieun’s gentle hands.

Sieun doesn't want anything in particular, he’s just saying his name. And somehow Hyeontak knows that, because he doesn't press him further, and just keeps watching him while he cleans his face.

It’s always a little weird, right after, because they're not dating, but they respect each other. It’s not a booty call exactly, they have fucked in broad daylight before, but still. 

There's always this little lull. There’s no blissful aftermath, ever. It’s just one moment folding into the next. A minute ago Hyeontak had a mouthful of his dick and now he doesn’t. 

Their friends are downstairs. They're in Humin’s Uncle’s house, while his Uncle is out of town. 

“You okay?” Hyeontak asks Sieun, while he finally stands up, their point of views switch. He’s looking down at him now, and Sieun has to tip his head up. 

“Mhm,” Sieun hums, nodding, and not lying. “Your turn.”

Hyeontak smiles gingerly, bends down and yanks Sieun’s pants back up his legs, buttons and zips him up, too. Sieun just stands there, watching his hands work fast at another thing. 

“I’m okay,” Hyeontak says, his hands brushing down Sieun’s shoulders. “I just wanted to get that fucking look out of your eyes.”

Sieun frowns. “What look?” There's only one person Sieun gives looks to. 

“You know what look,” Hyeontak murmurs, fingers coming onto Sieun’s neck. 

Sieun really wasn’t aware he was looking at him like pull me upstairs and suck my dick please but he guesses he must have been. If it was there for real, it wasn’t really for him necessarily, but. 

They’ve been doing this, and Hyeontak knows exactly where they stand, so. 

Sieun leans away from his friend’s roaming hands, and ends up looking down. “Your pants,” he mumbles, pointing at Hyeontak’s jeans, and his friend looks down, and then bursts out laughing, and Sieun bites his bottom lip to keep from laughing, too, because now they’re definitely going to get caught. 

“Shit,” Hyeontak curses lowly, still very amused at himself, and he runs into a dresser of the room they’re in and magically finds some gym shorts. 

They’re a little small, but it’s better than walking back out there with a wet spot on his damn jeans, so. 

“Say you spilled water on me.”

“What were we doing with water?”

“They’re drunk, they’re probably not even going to notice I changed my pants. Or that we left at all.”

Sieun literally facepalms. When he brings his hand back down, Hyeontak is still standing there, with a very cute look on his face, blushed cheeks, and his hands out to his sides like he has nothing else. 

“You’re probably right,” Sieun assures him, and pushes himself off of the wall, and goes for the door. “You have to stop doing that.”

“You do it to me,” Hyeontak mutters from behind him. Sieun isn't even thinking about it anymore, really. 

Sieun leads the way to where their friends are indeed too drunk to notice that Hyeontak is wearing shorts and his hair is fucked up, and Sieun looks a little too sexually relieved and not enough regular drunk. 

It’s just Humin, Juntae, Yeongi, and some other friends from college. A small get together. 

The seven of them laughing and yelling around the living room, over the loud music, unaware and oblivious to the duo re-appearing around the corner. 

Hyeontak leaves Sieun’s side and disappears into the kitchen, and Sieun collapses down onto the couch, with still tingly legs. 

And a whole different voice, a little smoother, a lot more commanding, calling him Baby in his head.

He grabs his phone from his place on the coffee table, gets to his messages with the one person who runs his mind regardless. Regardless of everything and everyone. Anytime of the day. 

Even when Hyeontak is hovering over him, or when he’s passing a ball to him on the court, sitting across from him in some hole in the wall, just the two of them. 

Sieun is always thinking about Suho. Wondering what he’s doing. Why he won’t answer. 

Their last messages still sits there. From a little over three months ago. 

안수호

(02:10) i love you yeon sieun

 

come back. you promised suho-yah. (02:13)

He doesn’t know that he’s trying his hardest. Just to get back home to him. As soon as he can.

Sieun tries not to think about their last phone call. 

It’s not that hard, Humin and Yeongi, his loudest friends, end up coming over and forcing him to participate, only keeping Sieun distracted for so long.

*

 

two years ago. first meet continued.

“You found Sieun!” Hyeontak yells, when he sees Sieun coming around from a big group of people, and then Suho right behind him. 

“I found Sieun,” Suho parrots, hands in the pockets of his jacket, while he walks next to Sieun, his gaze casted downward at him. 

Hyeontak and Suho know of each other. They don’t float in the same circle, but their friends mix. Like, Seongje and Hyeontak. Humin and Baekjin. They've been to some of the same places, though and met before, they've just never really mingled like that.

“What’s up, man? I haven’t seen you in a while,” Hyeontak says to Suho, and they dap each other up, pull each other in for a quick half hug. 

Sieun stands in front of the embrace, his eyes flickering back and forth between the two. 

“Been working, traveling a bit,” Suho answers. “How’s the team?”

“Right, big boss guy. And it’s good,” Hyeontak answers, nodding. “Second year. Finding my footing. It’s weird being a rookie.”

“I know, tell me about it,” Suho chuckles. “I’m only just now getting an office of my own, been with the company for four years now. Even interned with them in school, it’s hell.”

“Who do you work for?” Sieun cuts in, asking Suho. 

Suho gladly brings his attention back to him. “Gaming company. Kojji, you heard of it?”

Sieun answers, much to Suho’s surprise, “I used to play Moon Lake as a kid.”

“Classic,” Suho smiles, and Sieun smiles back, his eyes literally glistening. 

Hyeontak looks between them and something changes in how he’s seeing Sieun suddenly. Flirting. He’s seen him flirt before, but not like this. This is an entirely different level. 

Sieun is presenting himself for Suho, with his clothes on sure, but he’s eye fucking Suho and letting Suho do the same back to him. 

“Yeah, I'm an Assistant Game Mechanic Designer. Hope to be Lead soon.”

Sieun blinks, softly. “Wah… cool.”

“Ahn Suho,” Hyeontak chuckles out his name, painfully, but only he has to know that. “Are you trying to steal my friend away from me?”

Suho looks back at Hyeontak, and his face isn’t reading very friendly, in all honesty. 

He kind of takes Hyeontak’s words straight to the head. Like a healthy swig of moonshine. And he responds exactly how he wants to, no filter. 

“I can’t steal something that’s not actually yours, Hyeontak, now can I?” 

Hyeontak looks taken aback when Sieun looks at him, even while his stomach lurches at Suho’s words. 

The he’s not yours that sits in-between the lines. The unspoken promise that Sieun will be his in due time.

“I’m still your friend, Tak-ah, don’t worry,” Sieun says, reaching out and putting a hand on his chest. Hyeontak watches Suho track Sieun’s hand, until it falls from his shirt. 

Sieun blinks at the two of them having some weird ass standoff.

“Yeah yeah,” Hyeontak says, covering himself well, at least to Sieun, not so much to Suho. “Let’s get a drink, boys, yeah?”

Suho can see right through Go Hyeontak. 

Just like he can read Yeon Sieun like an open book. And Yeon Sieun is a picture book. So many expressions, not so many words on the page. 

Like right now, looking between his friend, and this guy he just met who he thinks is really sexy and suave. He looks a little worried, adorably so. 

“Yes,” Sieun says, before Suho can agree, like he’s trying to make up for something. 

Suho sees the objective clear as day. Get Yeon Sieun to want to be in his bed. Tonight. 

It doesn’t take very much. 

Sieun doesn’t even drink much more than he did before Suho made sure they legitimately ran into each other. A drink and a half more. 

This time from Ahn Suho’s cup instead of Go Hyeontak’s. 

“You’re a little drunk, Yeon Sieun,” Suho says, slipping an arm around him at just the right time, before he crashes into the fence on the side where they’re standing, behind pockets of people who are talking and smoking, dancing. 

It’s just the two of them. Suho managed to move them away from Hyeontak and Humin and their other friends, with the help of Seongje who appeared when they were at the three fold up tables with enough liquor for a speakeasy. 

Suho claps his fingers against his palm in a gimme motion. “Give me that,” he says. 

Sieun pouts, holding his cup in his hands still. He’s been mouthing at the rim of the cup like a teething puppy, it’s making Suho’s stomach swirl in nice ways, hopefully not noticeable ways.

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Sieun, you almost just fell over.”

“I’m a little clumsy.”

“Ah, that’s okay. I’ll catch you.” Suho laughs a little, spinning from a lot more than the drinks he’s had. 

Sieun makes him feel dizzy. He’s so pretty and quieter than everything around them. He demands his attention with nothing but his eyes, and this medusa-like energy. 

And he just does little things that drive Suho insane. 

His lip biting habit. The way he keeps the cup between his teeth sometimes, wraps his lips around the edge of it.

And his fucking tongue. It’s literally never in his mouth unless he’s tight lipped and not wanting to give a verbal answer. Licking his lips, constantly. 

He doesn’t chew on his straw, but he moves it around with his tongue. Soft pink muscle looping in circles, and then his lips, a deeper shade of magenta, wrapping around the straw to sip more of Suho’s mixed drink. 

He doesn’t look at Suho when he does it like Suho wishes he would, because it’s totally absentminded. He just does that. 

Looks like that. 

Suho is obsessed with him. It’s been less than an hour. 

Sieun steps in a little closer, liking how hot Suho’s arms are in contrast with the morning air. He likes how Suho gently grabs at him, under his jean jacket. He’s respectful with it though, for the most part. 

Sieun wants more. And so does Suho.

“Sieun,” Suho calls him, even though he’s already looking at him. 

“Yes?”

“Do you want to come home with me?”

“Yes.”

Hyeontak shoves his way through a few people to get over to them, and Sieun for some reason, steps right up into Suho’s space. The closest they’ve been all night. 

Suho instinctively wraps his arm around his waist even tighter, more than happy to have Sieun snug into his side. He thinks it’s exactly where he belongs. 

Hyeontak yells to him over the music, “Yah, Sieun-ah, we’re about to go to Nu-mi’s place! Come on!”

Suho gently grabs the cup from Sieun’s hands while he becomes distracted with Hyeontak, almost starting to spill the dark purple contents inside. 

Sieun declines. “M’going with Suho.”

“Huh?” Hyeontak looks dumbfounded, really, and Suho fucking revels in that. 

Hyeontak has a crush on Sieun. It’s so obvious to Suho. It’s subtle, and it’s probably not been tested until now. Someone like Suho being actively interested in his best friend, and his best friend being something like hypnotized. 

“Sieun wants to come home with me,” Suho says, and then he spreads his palm against Sieun’s side, his fingers taking up more space. “I’ll drop him off in the morning.”

“Woah,” Hyeontak says, scratching his head. He looks at Sieun. “Sieun-ah, since when do you do one night stands?”

“Who said it’s a one night stand?” Sieun says, and Suho looks down at him with his jaw dropped just a little bit. “And even if it was, so what?”

Hyeontak puffs out a laugh. Another painful laugh. “My bad. Okay then.” He looks at Suho. “I’ll send you his address.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sieun can tell me in the morning,” Suho says, thumb and fingers rubbing in circles on the skin of Sieun’s stomach. He suddenly wiggles them and it tickles Sieun. 

Sieun sinches his waist to one side, giggling as he jerks away from his hands. The alcohol is swimming comfortably. 

“Suho-yah, I’m ticklish.”

Suho looks down at him, and does it again, uncaring of Hyeontak standing there. Sieun gasps and pushes him away, and Suho grins and grabs him at the waist again and yanks him into his side. 

“Jeez,” Hyeontak mumbles. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, Sieun-ah?”

“Yeah,” Sieun says, both of his arms down at his sides while he fits like he was cut out for this spot in Suho’s side. “Be safe, tell Baku I said bye.”

“Okay, I will,” Hyeontak nods, as he starts to back away, hooking his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans. “Be safe, Yeon Sieun. Be nice to him, Ahn Suho.”

Sieun lifts his hand in a polite wave, and Suho just breathes out a laugh through his nose, not even bothering to counter Hyeontak. He’s already unlocked something in Sieun that he couldn’t. 

“I wanna go, Suho-yah,” Sieun says, kind of whiny, unaware that Hyeontak is still watching them from a little ways away. But Suho can feel his gaze. 

Suho thinks he’ll grant every wish Yeon Sieun ever asks for. He loves his whining already. 

“Let's go.” 

 

*

 

eight months ago. 

“California?”

“Yeah, Los Angeles.”

“Suho-yah.”

“Baby, come here.”

Sieun more or less sulks over to Suho, and crashes down into his lap. They’re in Suho’s apartment, his loft. A unique little spot just out of the suburbs of Seoul. Sieun loves being here, he loves being with Suho. 

The past year or so they’ve been pretty much inseparable. The one in a million kind of love. 

Suho lets Sieun rest his head on his shoulder, and he turns to nuzzle his nose against Sieun’s face. “You’re gonna miss me or something? Tell me how much.”

“You’re talking like you already accepted the offer.”

“Well, because I think I will.”

Sieun feels a little dumb now. 

Okay, no, they’re not boyfriend and boyfriend but what the hell does that mean anyway? Some people are boyfriend and boyfriend and they wouldn't do half of the shit that Sieun and Suho do for each other.

All Suho did was make clear that he didn’t want to hurt Sieun because he travels for his job sometimes.

Neither of them are in a rush for anything madly serious, but they know that they’re in love with each other. Irrevocably. Which is madly serious within itself.

Suho is content with the fact that nobody catches his eyes like Yeon Sieun. That he looks for Sieun everywhere, all the time. Wants him beside him, on top, beneath, in front, and behind.

Sieun has never committed to anything besides school and freelancing with his work in his entire life. Suho is his first real relationship. He’s never been the type to crave something necessarily traditional. 

The way he feels about Suho isn’t anywhere near traditional anyway. Primal, at best. 

Suho is more than that simple, overused term anyway; boyfriend. He’s also Sieun’s best best friend, and his private chef on most days. His driver, even though he has his own car. His nurse when he’s sick. Something like anxiety medication when he’s nervous. 

Suho is everything. Even his soon to be heartbreaker. And the one who will put it right back together.

“Baby.”

Sieun turns back to him, from where he was staring off at the wall behind Suho’s head. 

“Hm?”

“You’re gonna miss me.”

“It’s ten months, Suho-yah.”

“Mm. Ten months. It’ll go by fast. And it doesn’t start until two months from now.”

“The two months will go by fast, not the ten,” Sieun debates, and then he pushes himself off of Suho’s lap, finding his footing on the floor again. 

Suho travels for work, but it’s always really quick trips. Three days max, and they're well spread out. Sieun can work with that. 

Can he work with this? Damn near a year? He thinks it’s disrespectful to even ask Suho to do such a thing, don't they know he’s with him? 

“Baby, Sieun-ah,” Suho calls again, trying to stop him from leaving. He grabs Sieun’s hand and Sieun just looks down at him, looking real pouty. “Where’re you going?”

“I dunno, I don’t wanna sit on you anymore.”

Suho laughs at him and just tugs his hand, and Sieun stumbles forwards. 

Lowly, Suho says, “Come here, Yeon Sieun.”

Suho whips his arms around him and yanks him back down to the couch, back in his lap, this time with his back to his front, his arms settled around his tummy. 

He spreads his legs and Sieun sinks right in between, relaxing immediately. Suho pushes Sieun’s shirt up and Sieun lets his hands roam. 

“You’ll be fine without me for a little while,” Suho says, his lips just behind Sieun’s ear. “You’re a big boy, hm?”

Sieun shrugs his shoulders. 

“Yeah, you’re my baby, actually,” Suho says, then.

And Sieun hums at that, leaning his head back until it’s dropped onto Suho’s shoulder again. 

“I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Sieun, I’m going to miss you so much, too.”

“So, stay.”

Suho has granted Sieun’s every wish up until this point. 

Whatever he asks for, Suho makes it happen. 

Even the things he doesn’t, even the things he’s afraid to ask for, but Suho reads him like a damn magic eight ball or something. His usual few worded responses or requests, challenges. 

They are insanely, almost scarily, in sync.

Sieun’s a little more dependent on Suho than Suho is on him though, and they both know that. It’s not a bad thing, Suho likes it, of course. He likes how clingy Sieun is, how he acts like he hasn't seen him in years after he just went to pee or grab a snack from the kitchen.

Even when he has days off, he sometimes goes into the Kojji office with Suho, spins in the spare chair behind his desk. Those are Suho's favorite and best days at work, obviously. 

Sieun used to be a little embarrassed about it, his clinginess and dependence, but like everything else, Suho makes him feel good. Like all his little quirks and things he thought someone would find annoying are perfectly normal, actually welcomed. Cherished, and looked for. Waited on. 

Suho loves him, and Sieun knows that. If he’s positive about anything, it’s that Suho loves him. 

Suho’s love for him is a little different from his. It’s… darker. But darker in the way that makes it even sweeter. The kind of sweet that needs to be washed down with water, but Sieun never does that. Just endures it all, invites it… encourages it. 

Instead of responding with any words to Sieun’s grand wish, bad ones, because he has to go to Los Angeles, Suho kisses him, so soft. 

Even as he melts into the couch, and lets Suho distract him with his mouth, Sieun doesn’t forget how he feels, with the knowledge that Suho will take this job in the states, in LA, and leave him behind in Seoul. 

He just hopes he can survive it.

 

*

 

a year ago.

“I kinda feel like I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Tak, shut up.” Sieun is desperately trying to beat him at this stupid race car game. 

Hyeontak has been complaining about not spending as much time with Sieun as before, and it’s not even true. 

Sieun is very good about splitting his time between his friends and Ahn Suho. 

Hyeontak just doesn’t like the fact that Suho picks him up and drops him off from work and hangouts more often than not now. He also comes along to the hangouts sometimes now too, and he gets along well with Yeongi especially, and Humin.

Hyeontak never really thought about Suho and Seongje’s friendship, he knows they met at the university they went to, and that’s that. Like he met Sieun. Gained a new friend. 

But Suho isn’t Sieun’s friend and when they’re apart, Suho’s always texting him and has a sliver of attention that Hyeontak used to get. 

There’s someone who makes Sieun blush just from the sound of their voice, or some words on a screen. Hyeontak didn't know what Sieun looked like when this kind of stuff happened to him before, but he knows now. 

And it’s, like, half of Sieun’s demeanor. Sieun is so SuhoSuhoSuho all the time now, even if he’s not talking about him. His eyes have his name written in them, and he’s picked up some of his mannerisms, too. 

Like pushing his tongue into his cheek. He’s doing that right now, concentrating on the game. 

“I was just here two days ago- Fuck.” Sieun cuts himself off when his digital character runs into a wall on accident and it slows him down significantly. 

He falls into nineteenth place. Out of 20.

“I know, but still,” Hyeontak says, calmly, easily in first place. He’s lapped Sieun twice. “You’re always with Suho, nowadays.”

Sieun gives up and tosses the controller on the table. He makes a face at Hyeontak, dipping an eyebrow in a kind of half-disgusted frown. So friendly. 

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you’re jealous. But I know you, so I’m gonna guess you’re just being annoying on purpose.”

Hyeontak ends the game and tosses his controller on the table, too. 

He doesn’t think he has a crush on Sieun. He’s known him for four years now, and yeah, he’s always felt a little… different about him, but he wouldn’t describe his feelings as a crush. 

Maybe protective, maybe… only slightly possessive, but in the weird way that doesn't really make sense. Like he doesn’t want anyone else knowing the intricacies of Yeon Sieun, because he honestly barely knows them himself. 

Sieun doesn’t just let people in. He has a small circle of people that he calls his friends, that he trusts. 

Not everyone gets to know that Yeon Sieun loves karaoke- doesn't sing (unless once in a very, blue moon), but he’ll dance in the corner, or on the fluffy seats. That he tries to test how spicy he can take his food. That he gets very competitive at things he’s adorably bad at. Like basketball and video games. 

Ahn Suho knows even more than him. Gets to see Sieun alone in dimly lit rooms, and alone in the golden rays of the sun when they go on dates. He knows where Sieun’s ticklish spots are and how he likes to cuddle through the night. 

Suho gets to feel and taste Sieun’s lips, and gets to touch him in places Hyeontak just can't. Because they are friends. Just friends. 

“Just miss you, Sieun-ah,” Hyeontak says, innocently, shrugging his shoulders. 

And then he tears his sweatshirt off, pulling it over his head at once, and Sieun scoots over so he has a little more room to do that. 

When Hyeontak looks at him again, Sieun’s face deep in his phone. Not even a little curious about what he looks like while he’s pulling his clothes off. Even digital-Suho is more interesting. 

Hyeontak huffs unbeknownst to Sieun, and goes about finding another shirt to wear while Sieun texts Suho.

안수호

(16:40) you okay? i miss you baby 

 

i’m good i miss you too suho. how are you (16:43)

 

fine. still want me to come at 8? 

 

yes please thank you suho-yah

 

okay. you’re welcome my baby 

i miss you 

 

ㅋㅋ i miss you too suho my love

 

:)

“Wanna go eat?” Hyeontak asks him, new shirt pulled on. 

And Sieun looks up finally, and says, “I miss you too, I guess, weirdo. And yeah, what are you in the mood for?”

Hyeontak can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, feeling satisfied with something like fucking scraps from Sieun. 

“Mandu.” 

They eat together and Sieun keeps having to kick Hyeontak’s feet away from his. 

“Stop doing that, you are annoying me,” Sieun mumbles, giving an extra hard foot shove to Hyeontak’s leg under the table. 

Hyeontak laughs at him and surrenders. 

They don’t fucking play footsies, ever. Hyeontak is flirting and Sieun just thinks he’s being normal with his friend who truly does annoy him most times. 

“So, how’s life, Yeon Sieun?”

Sieun raises an eyebrow. “Are you about to tell me bad news or something? Is that why you wanted to go eat?”

Hyeontak’s face changes, and he frowns, holding his hands up in the air. “What? No.” He drops his hands on the table loudly. “I can’t just wanna go eat with my friend?”

“Just me? Told everyone else the bad news and saved me for last?”

“Sieun-ah, there’s no bad news,” Hyeontak chuckles, which isn’t all the way true. 

He’s not sure if it’s necessarily bad news… but a part of him does want to complain very loudly about Sieun spending so much time with Ahn Suho. Again.

And Hyeontak knows he has absolutely no right or jurisdiction to do that at all. 

He’s lucky enough to be where he is in Sieun’s life, he’s not ignorant to that fact. And he doesn’t want to ruin anything between them, so, no. No bad news. 

“I just wanted to eat with you, hang out with you, without Baku’s loud ass,” Hyeontak covers. “And Juntae’s out of town with his Mom and Auntie. That leaves you!”

“Hmm…” Sieun pushes his lip out in fake disfavor. “Now, I feel like a last resort.”

“Alright,” Hyeontak says, always legitimately stressing over Sieun’s sarcasm. 

Sieun smiles a little bit, his amused smile. Sweet and small. “Life’s good, Tak-ah. How’s yours?”

Hyeontak wants to say it’d be better if he could see his friend as often as he used to, but he holds that back, too. 

“Pretty good,” he answers, then eats another dumpling whole, with a scoop of rice. Sieun scrunches his nose at him, shoveling food in his face like he hasn’t eaten in years. 

Something he and Suho do have in common. One of the very few things.

“You’re coming to my game this weekend, right?”

“Oh,” Sieun says, and Hyeontak’s heart drops. “Damn, me and Suho were gonna go to the countryside, but I’ll tell him we have to go next weekend.”

“Oh,” Hyeontak says, also. His eyes dart to his food. “No, it’s okay, you guys go.”

“Tak. We’ll be there.”

Hyeontak was asking if he would be there, just him. Sieun.

But lately, Sieun means Suho. 

“Okay,” Hyeontak says, looking up again once he finds some strength. Swallowing the rest of his food without any help from his water, the cup is sweating a lot less than he is about Sieun’s relationship. 

“Cool. Thanks.”

“Of course, Tak-ah.”

It’s so innocent. 

And Hyeontak remembers he should chill the fuck out. Acting like this about Sieun and his newfound relationship. It’s been a year already, they’re still in their honeymoon phase, maybe. 

It’ll die down, is what he thinks. 

But it won’t. It really won't.

They talk about easier things after that, and Hyeontak stops flirting so fucking hard, Sieun is completely oblivious about it anyways. His heart, his mind… they really only operate on Suho Mode. 

Hyeontak takes Sieun to the courts after they eat, and says they can work it off. Sieun does more sitting and just passes the ball back to Hyeontak when it rolls over to him. 

Hyeontak sees the way Sieun starts eyeing his phone around seven thirty, and it’s still light outside, he doesn’t want him to go yet, but he supposes it’s time. 

They’ve been hanging out kind of all day. The majority of the day. Suho never gets or feels jealous. Because Sieun comes home to him.

“You really like Ahn Suho, huh?” Hyeontak says, breathing a little hard after doing a lay up. 

Sieun claps for him. “Mm, yes,” he answers, a blissful smile coming across his face, that only happens when Suho is mentioned. Or Suho is around. “He’s so lovely, Tak.”

“Yeah?” Hyeontak laughs, painfully, dribbles the ball a couple times. “Never seen you like this before.” He starts walking away from Sieun, still bouncing the ball. “Kinda gross.”

“I don’t care. I love him.” Sieun says back, so far from bashful, and he flops backwards gently onto his back, holding his phone up to his face, the screen brightening his face. 

안수호

where are youuuuu (19:34)

 

baby you said 8 ??? 

ㅋㅋㅋ i’m on my way 

 

yay see you soon suho-yah

 

your location is at the courts?

 

yes

 

K

Sieun giggles at his text, Hyeontak asks him what’s so funny. 

“Nothing, just Suho,” he replies, looking at the text again. 

Hyeontak makes a perfect three pointer. Sieun wasn’t even watching. The ball bounces over to the fence. 

Sieun quickly types out a response before he sits up and gets up to retrieve the ball for his friend. 

안수호

 

stop

(19:35)

 

baby i didn’t even say anything ㅋㅋ

Sieun stands up and gets Hyeontak’s ball from the grass, tosses it back gently. 

“Suho’s on his way, so you don’t have to take me home.”

“I could’ve taken you home,” Hyeontak says, and then makes a quick lay up. Sieun watches and claps for him again, genuinely. 

“Ah, it’s okay, Tak-ah,” Sieun says, and then he pushes his phone into his back pocket and snatches the ball from Hyeontak’s hands quickly. 

“Oooh, you’re getting fast!” 

Sieun tries to dribble the ball, and it works for a good three bounces, but he loses control of it, and Hyeontak steals it back easily, and hits another lay up. 

The ball bounces back to Sieun and he catches it in his small hands, tries to make a basket and misses terribly. It comes up so short.

Hyeontak laughs at him of course.

“Wah, Yeon Sieun, you're so ass at basketball, really.”

“Shut up, throw it back.”

Hyeontak tosses the ball back, and Sieun shuffles backwards so it can bounce one time and slow down a bit before he grabs it mid air. Hyeontak keeps chuckling at him, finding him very entertaining.

Sieun tries for another and it at least bounces off the rim. 

Hyeontak yells with celebration for him, “Closer!”

It goes like that for a while, Sieun not making a single basket, and Hyeontak showing off. Just messing around and enjoying each other’s company, like they always have. 

Suho’s headlights shine onto the court after another 15 minutes, and Sieun tosses Hyeontak’s basketball back without a further damn thought in his head about spending more time here. 

“See you in a year, I guess,” Hyeontak calls to him, joking, when Sieun runs over to grab his discarded jacket by the bleachers. 

“You seriously feel like you don’t see me anymore?” Sieun asks him, when he’s jogging back. 

Suho’s standing over the door of his truck, propped up on the foot step of the car. Just watching. Sieun feels safe and comfortable underneath his gaze, always has. 

“Nah, I’m just joking,” Hyeontak says, and Sieun knows there’s a bit of a lie in there, but he doesn’t bother pressing. Because he’s just not interested in opening that can of worms.

“See you soon, Sieunie.”

Hyeontak hasn’t called him that in forever, ages. Not since college, maybe. 

Sieun pushes out his lips, pouting them a bit in distaste, the so obvious coverup by using that name. 

Suho’s leaning on his car door waiting for him.

“Tak-ah. I’ll see you soon. Get home safe, yeah? Text me.”

Hyeontak dribbles his ball, hating to watch Sieun go, says, “That’s my line.”

Sieun rolls his eyes and turns, and Hyeontak watches him skip happily to Ahn Suho. 

 

*

present. hyeontak’s birthday. suho’s back in seoul. 

Suho is standing outside the building again when Sieun comes down. 

Fridays are always his shorter days, so he has some leftover energy to deal with the typhoon of a man watching him walk up to him, like the smirk never left his face from six hours ago. 

“Hi, baby.”

Sieun just sighs. 

"You been driving my car?"

"What?"

"The seat was set up from you."

"I haven't driven it in a while," Sieun says, making a face at him. It's so cute, he doesn't look put off at all. 

"Thanks for taking care of it," Suho responds. "And yourself."

"Okay, Suho."

Suho laughs through his nose, smiles pretty and big, heart bursting. He gestures for Sieun's hand and says, “Let’s eat. The spot down the street.”

Sieun looks at his empty hand and keeps it that way, pushing past him and not arguing about this because it’d be useless. Also because as much as he hates his fall into temptation when it comes to Suho, he kind of obviously wants to be exactly where he is. 

He missed this. Them. He missed Suho. Suho makes him feel charged, makes his skin feel electric. Makes him feel alive. 

He set off something in Sieun the first night they connected and even though he’s been gone for half of a year, and Sieun’s let someone else, his friend, try to fuck and kiss the pain away, it’s still there. 

That unexplainable fire in his body for Ahn Suho. Burning as bright as ever. As hot as ever. All over. 

It’s chilly outside, even in the sunlight, but Sieun is on fucking fire right now. 

Suho walks behind him the whole way, his hands in the pockets of his nice pants. Decides not to skate so tough on the thin ice that’s been laid down for months. At least for the walk over. 

In the booth, a few minutes later, he decides to spark up again. 

“Besides me, have you been okay?”

Sieun just stares at him. 

Mostly because he literally has not seen him in six months, four months since he’s seen him on a screen.

“Sieun-ah, I don’t want to fight with you.”

“I want to fight with you,” Sieun says back, void of any emotion, even annoyance. 

“You’ll lose,” Suho responds, and Sieun rolls his eyes. “How is your new job? You like it?”

“Suho, we don’t have to do this.”

“We don’t have to do anything, Sieun, you’re right. Want me to take you to your place?”

“I would love that.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Suho smiles, and he just brings his gaze to the menu in front of him. “Stop acting like this.”

Sieun grinds his molars and wishes he could detach his brain from his body, because his body is not listening. 

His brain is telling him to leave, to just get up and fucking leave, go get what he needs to get for his best friend’s birthday tonight and ignore the fact that Suho is back in Seoul. 

His body, though, is staying right in this seat. And his heart, which might be in a few pieces, is still in Ahn Suho's hands. 

A waitress comes up to their table, a bright smile on her face. “Hi, I'm Rubi, drinks?”

“Hi Rubi, two waters, please,” Suho smiles back at her. “Extra ice for him, if you don’t mind.”

The young woman nods politely, “Sure. You think you’ll be ready to order in a few minutes or so?”

Suho nods his head. “Yes, thank you.”

Rubi disappears and Suho looks back at Sieun. 

“You still like extra ice, right?”

Sieun parts his lips to speak, but the words come seconds later, like he’s buffering. “Yeah, Suho.”

Suho hums, obviously reveling in that for himself. 

“I’m not that hungry,” Sieun says after that, which is kind of true. 

His stomach feels weird. Full of feelings that he locked away for the past four months.

“Get it to-go, then, you’re going to meet up with your friends after this, right? For Hyeontak’s birthday? You’ll be hungry later.”

Sieun puts his head on the table, on top of his forearms. It shakes the table, and the noise attracts a couple of looks from other people sitting in there. He gets a nose full of Suho from the sleeves of the sweatshirt he buries himself in. 

“Sieun-ah, you’ve gotten even more dramatic.”

Sieun picks his head up and says, “Suho, I can’t do this right now.”

“Why not? You have an hour to spare, don’t you?”

“Not for you.”

“Okay, Sieun. Leave then,” Suho says, sitting back against the booth. “You’re acting like I handcuffed your ass to the table. Leave if you want, you know I always want you to have what you want.”

“If that was true, you would have never left Korea.”

“I had to leave, Sieun. And if you give me an hour, or even half of an hour, of your time, so that I can tell you all the things I’ve been doing… you wouldn’t be so harsh.”

“I don’t care about what you’ve been doing.” Lie.

“You haven’t kept up with me?”

“No.” Lie. 

“Mm,” Suho hums, nods. He knows Sieun has kept up with him. Maybe not as fiercely as he’s kept up with him, but he plays into Sieun’s monotony anyway.

“Kind of hurts my feelings.”

“Suho, what, the fuck, is your-,” Sieun shuts his mouth and watches Rubi come out of the swinging kitchen door, two cups of water in her hands. 

He and Suho are having a staring contest by the time she’s at the table. 

“Extra ice, and normal ice,” Rubi says as she sets them down respectively in front of them. “Okay, how about food?”

Suho doesn’t break their eye contact, and says, “Kimchi Jjigae, we’ll just share one. And a side of rice.”

Rubi nods and takes their menus, and Sieun doesn’t know what her face looked like right then, but if he had to guess she was definitely wondering what the fuck they have going on. 

“What’s my problem, you were about to ask?” Suho says, tilting his head. “Come on, baby, you know you are my biggest problem.”

Sieun shakes his head. “Stop calling me that.”

“Slipped out,” Suho’s turn to lie, around a teasing smile. A smile that makes Sieun’s stomach impossibly sicker. 

“You told me not to call, Sieun-ah, are you forgetting that?”

“The one time after you left to listen to me. That’s so fucked.”

“Regardless, I try to do whatever you tell me, Sieun.”

“And you still left Korea.”

“And I came back. Six months earlier than those bastards wanted me to because of you.”

Sieun chews on his lip. Well, that does feel nice. Suho being defiant to get his ass back to him. Sieun finds himself thinking As you should.

The lag in response gives Suho time to flip it back to his side again.

“How's work?”

“It’s fine,” Sieun says, quickly. 

“That’s it?”

“Suho, I don’t want to do this.”

“We can eat in silence, I don’t mind.”

Sieun looks out of the window, watches some cars pass instead. When he looks back at Suho his face softens a bit and Sieun knows what’s coming. A compliment. Suho always looks like that right before he starts firing off how pretty he thinks he is. 

“You’re so beautiful, Sieun, even when you’re looking at me with murder in your eyes. Heh.”

Sieun grimaces, his face twitching into it so cutely to Suho. “I wouldn’t kill you.”

“Mm, those eyes say otherwise.”

“My new office space is nice,” Sieun says, changing the subject back where Suho wants it to be for now. “I got a new application for editing. Lots of clients. It’s fine.”

Suho looks happy for more details. “I wanna see what you haven’t put on your new website.”

“You looked at my website?”

“Ba-... Sieun-ah, I look at everything that has to do with you. I stalk you and your friend’s social media, look at your websites for new changes, I even went by your apartment earlier. Yeah. You think I’m weird?”

Sieun loudly blinks at him. “I think you’re a fucking maniac.”

Suho laughs lightly, takes a sip of his water. He licks his lips and says, “I missed you so much.”

Sieun feels like he can’t breathe suddenly. Or maybe it wasn’t so sudden. The oxygen has slowly been squeezing out of his lungs since he saw Suho outside of his building at ten in the morning, ready to throw a big ass wrench in Sieun’s plans. 

His plans that have to do with Go Hyeontak's birthday.

“Hard to believe.”

“Sieun-ah,” Suho says, seriously, “You really think I didn’t miss you?” 

Sieun plays with the wrapper from his straw. 

“Should I get on my knees? Cry until snot’s coming out of my nose talking nonsense about how much I love you and need you? That I can’t live without you? That I’m sorry for doing what you asked and not calling?”

Sieun huffs at his own words and looks out of the window of the restaurant instead of at Suho. “Maybe.”

“Not happening,” Suho says, right after him. Sieun brings his eyes back to him and Suho, unashamed, smirks at him. “I don’t need to tell you shit you already know.”

“Sometimes it’s courtesy to say them anyway,” Sieun responds. “Sometimes you do and say things that you don’t wanna do or say because you know the other person likes it. Or needs it, or might want to hear it. Wouldn’t expect you to know anything about romance.”

“Romance?” Suho repeats, disbelieving. “Sieun, I am the most romantic when it comes to you. I literally almost lost my job to come back to you.”

“Leaving for half a year and not speaking to me for most of it is not romantic.”

“Coming back with a ring is, though, hm?”

Sieun’s jaw loosens, and so does his heart, somewhere in his ribcage. Like a picture frame on the wall, dropping to one side, uneven and on the brink of crashing to the floor. 

“What?”

Suho barks out a laugh. “Forget it.”

“Did you just… propose to me?”

“Sieun, why the hell would I propose to you in a shabby restaurant next to your job? Who do you take me for?”

“Suho-yah-,”

“Stop freaking out, baby, I’m not proposing to you,” Suho grins, leaning onto the table. “Yet.”

Again, shakily this time, Sieun says, “Suho-yah.”

“You didn’t call either, Sieun.”

Sieun's frown gets impossibly deeper. And yeah, he did not. “I know.”

“So, you’re beating me up for doing something you also did.”

“You should have called me. You’re the one who left.” Sieun takes a sip of his water.

Suho, understands. That’s what makes them work so easily. They just… see each other. They don’t care if it’s warped, a trait that’s not good to have. Like being selfish, and hypocritical. Or, terribly stubborn, sometimes a little petty. 

They just simply work with whatever and shift through whatever, because they love each other that much. 

So, Suho changes the subject again, enjoying his time with Sieun again. He knew it wasn’t going to be… soft and quiet. Suho gets other versions of Yeon Sieun, too.

“So, how’s your little friend group? Since you don’t care about my whereabouts in LA.”

Sieun retreats, not answering that stupid ass question, because he knows he’s really only inquiring about Hyeontak. Sieun sits back in the booth again, with a crazy beating heart. 

The other crazy thing is, he would have said yes. It’s still sitting in his mouth even though the question didn’t even get asked. He doesn't even know if Suho really has a goddamn ring or not. 

He is fucking looney for this dude. A horrible example, truly. 

“You could have just told me while you were there,” Sieun rebuttals.

“I was busy from sunrise to midnight, almost every single day, working my ass to get back to you.”

“Right.”

“I was on a jet twice a month, flying to New York and Chicago… to meet with people, expanding my networking bubble. Learning a lot about the company and its expansion. Taking on new roles. A raise also, by the way. I’ll be Lead Designer of Kojji in a month.”

Sieun nods his head slowly. I'm so proud of you, Suho-yah. “Cool.”

Suho snorts at him. “Ah, Sieun-ah, I love when you play hard to get with me. Because you are actually so damn easy to get.”

Rubi is back with their Kimchi Jjigae and a bowl of rice, two pairs of chopsticks, two soup spoons, and some napkins. She refills Suho’s water, too, then disappears without another word. 

Sieun watches Suho unpack his chopsticks and grab a helping of rice, then he holds it out over the table, happy sparkle in his eyes.

“Open.”

Sieun breathes through his nose, and opens his mouth, gingerly. He tells himself it’s only because he doesn’t want to make a scene. Suho looks so pleased when he feeds him, licks the chopsticks after like a maniac. 

“Since I know you won’t be kissing me anytime soon.”

Sieun abandons his own table manners and speaks while he chews because the thought just can’t wait. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” He asks Suho, genuinely. Showing up out of nowhere, knowing it's going to make his brain whirl. 

Suho eats his own huge hill of rice, smacks on it with a smile. “You don’t know I thrive off of driving you crazy, Sieun-ah? You should know that by now. You let me.”

Suho feels like a criminalized drug to Sieun, but it’s not deteriorating him at all. Nothing but euphoria, up and up and up and up. This is how it’s always felt. 

But Suho gave him his first awful comedown in the past six months, and he wasn’t even there when Sieun suffered from Suho-withdrawals. 

Even started letting his best friend turn him inside out because of that. Hyeontak isn’t a drug to Sieun however. He’s just his friend. 

“I have to go, Suho,” Sieun says softly, half of him wanting to stay and the other half knowing he needs to get to Humin’s Uncle’s that they have for the weekend again, and help set up for tonight. For their best friend’s birthday. 

“Okay.” Suho nods, finally accepting. He stabilizes his chopsticks in their kimchi stew and grabs the spoon, dunking it gently in the broth, and then holding it over the table for Sieun again. 

“Just eat a little with me, hm? Please.”

And again, like he’s been doing all morning, and now even into the afternoon, Sieun obliges and opens his mouth to be fed.  

Suho only eats a little bit, and makes Sieun eat mostly half of their food, then packs it away for him when Rubi brings a to-go container to the table. 

Sieun wants to tell him to eat, but he doesn’t. He just bites his tongue. He doesn’t want to show his cards yet, even though Suho has x-ray vision. Fuck that, Suho literally looked at Sieun's cards while he dealt them to him and he's still going to let him win because he loves him. And there's nothing else he'd rather do.

And besides, Sieun he knows Suho will eat. He doesn’t need to tell him to eat, and then see Suho’s sweet face when he promises that he will. 

Suho doesn’t mind this, though. He loves Sieun more than life, he does. He may fuck up sometimes, but he loves this man. This small bundle of so many emotions and expressions and deliberate words. 

He’ll ease his way back in. He’s always had a little more patience than Sieun. And Sieun always leaves the door cracked anyway. Sieun never takes long to open up and relax for Suho. 

Suho walks Sieun all the way to his car in the garage just behind the building he works in. Opens his door for him after he unlocks it, gets to the handle before he can. 

Sieun eyes him while he drops into his car, and if Suho were really tenacious he’d duck in there and kiss Sieun stupid, but he wants to see him later tonight. 

He wants to pick him up and bring him home with him, so he’ll be even more patient. 

Sieun opens his mouth to ask him Am I going to see you later, but he stops himself before he does, and he looks forward again, cursing at himself silently for almost blurting out such a desperate question. 

Suho smirks slyly at him, still standing in his doorway. “Sieun-ah.”

Sieun responds with his eyes, Suho has his attention. 

“I’ll see you later, Sieun-ah.”

Sieun doesn’t know how and he doesn’t ask. If Suho is saying he’ll see him later, then he will see him later.

Suho steps back and closes his door for him. Sieun tries not to look in the rear view mirror as he’s pulling off, but he fails so miserably. 

He actually almost runs a damn stop sign because he’s still staring in the goddamn mirror watching Suho wave. 

His phone starts ringing, 바쿠, across the top of the screen. It’s the first time Humin has good timing. 

“Yeon Sieun, where the fuck are you?”

“I’m on my way, I got held up at work,” Sieun says into the phone, holding it between his shoulder and cheek so he can still drive with both hands. “He’s not there yet, right?”

“No, you fool, it’s a surprise party, did you forget? Hurry up before you show up after him!”

“I’ll see you in a few, Baku,” Sieun says, and he hangs up because he’s seriously had enough of being bossed around for the past forty-five minutes. 

He tosses his phone in the passenger seat and drives with no music on, just the sound of Suho’s voice in his head.

Suho is back. In Seoul. After six months. After not speaking to Sieun for four. (Only because Sieun asked him not to.) And he still wants Sieun as bad as he did before he left. Of course he does. 

But he acted like he could do life without Sieun for ten months. And Sieun doesn’t really know what to think or how to feel about that right now.

Suho said he will see him later, so. Sieun would be a nasty liar if he said he wasn't over the moon about it. Looking forward to seeing him again after so much time. He didn't know how it would go, but like everything else when it comes to them, Sieun accepts it and rolls with it. 

*

two years ago. first meet continued.

Suho drives a dark grey silver truck, a big body for big energy. He opens up the passenger door for Sieun, holds his hand while he steps up into it and collapses down into the seat. 

“You sure you wanna come to my place?” Suho asks him, raising an eyebrow, clearly more sober. He’s a little drunk still, but he can handle his drinks a lot better than poor Sieun. 

Sieun isn’t necessarily sloppy when he’s drunk at all. He actually handles himself pretty well, but… he doesn’t hold back like when he’s not running off liquor. He says whatever he’s thinking, he's more forward, and mouthy.

And when he's around someone he really likes, which he hasn't really felt until Suho, he's even more outwardly amorous. Flutters his lashes and shit like that. 

Suho thinks he’s otherworldly cute, and really hopes he keeps saying yes. 

“Yeah,” Sieun says, reaching out and putting his hands on Suho’s chest. Brave. “You sure you want me to?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Suho frowns at him, out of pure disbelief. “Yeon Sieun, I don’t know how someone hasn’t locked you away just for themselves yet.”

“Mm, you wanna lock me away? Super pervert of you.”

Suho bites his tongue, and folds his palms over Sieun’s hands on his chest, tilting his head at him. “Sieun, you’re really fucking cute, you know. Stunning.”

And there Sieun goes, biting his lip again, and looking down at the space in between them, before he brings his face right back, eyes like moons. So predictable. 

Like a video game, specific settings, reactions. Suho’s learning them all quickly, memorizing every little thing about Sieun. 

Sieun lets go of his lip, and quietly says, “You’re handsome.”

“Thank you,” Suho replies, maintaining his composure as he walks a little closer. 

Sieun scoots forwards on the seat in the most insanely not nonchalantly way ever. Even spreads his legs so Suho can step between his thighs. 

Suho puts one foot up on the step of his truck, lifts his arms and grips the top of the car with both hands, resting the top of his head somewhere near the rubber of the side of the truck while he looks down at Sieun. 

The air feels so warm around them although it’s pretty chilly out now, nearing three in the morning. Sieun can’t believe he’s even still awake, but Ahn Suho is standing in front of him, so he’s up. 

“Do you wanna kiss me?” Sieun asks, still just as quiet, and he’s never been bolder in his life, seriously. 

Suho is doing something crazy to him, making him just ask so Suho can deliver. Something about his energy makes Sieun comfortable, and more importantly, audacious. 

“All night,” Suho whispers back. “Your mouth.”

“You like my mouth?”

“Sieun-ah,” Suho says, dangerously soft, and he laughs a little bit, in service to himself, just to calm the growl in his chest. “Keep it up, you might not make it home later.”

Sieun blows air between his lips noisily, giggling at Suho, while his stomach flips and flops. Somersault after somersault. All night. 

“Sieun.”

“Suho.”

“Come here.”

Sieun puts his hands on the seat beneath him, on either side of his thighs, and angles and lifts up for Suho, while Suho dips down. Their lips magnetize impossibly gentle, like pillows, clouds… so soft that it has to be deeper, they both feel it at the same time. The urge to swallow each other. 

They lose their breath quite quickly, and in between, Sieun makes another request.

“Stop smoking.”

“Don't even buy them myself. Only do it on nights like this.”

“Not if you wanna kiss me. I don't like it.”

Suho bites Sieun's lower lip, sucks it into his mouth, lets go a second later. Wishes he could have a recording of the sound Sieun just made.

“Not a problem, Sieun.”

It’s like they’ve already worked out that this will happen again. That tonight is absolutely not a one night stand, like Sieun’s friend implied at first, and whenever Sieun makes it home, it will not be the last time Suho sees him. 

They kiss a little longer, and at some point, Suho’s halfway in the car and Sieun’s starting to lean back against the center console. Damn near rubbing up on each other on the side of the road like that, bodies almost pressed together. 

“Suho-yah,” Sieun murmurs against his mouth, slurring a little now, drunk from liquor and Ahn Suho, a lethal mix. “I wanna come home with you.”

Suho finally pulls himself off of him, with the help of the side of the car he’s been gripping for dear life. 

He hums happily, a soft little noise, as he brings his foot down from the truck step, still with his arms outstretched over him. His shirt is riding up a little. Sieun pulls his eyes back up from his body. 

“I'm so glad that you do,” Suho says low, dropping a soft hand on Sieun's knee. "Let's go."

Sieun swings his legs inside of the car, and then Suho closes the door for him, and jogs around the front. Sieun watches him the whole way, and when he easily gets into the car, while whipping his keys from his jacket pocket. 

Suho turns the truck on and pulls from the side of the road smoothly, and once they’re on the road, he sits with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other gripping the bar at the top of the car.

Sieun can’t stop looking at him. Suho wouldn't be able to stop looking at him either if he didn't have to drive. 

“What, Sieun? Ask me anything.”

Sieun blurts it out. “When was your last relationship?”

Suho pulls his eyes from the road to sneak a look at Sieun. “Like, two years ago.”

"Why?"

“Why?" Suho laughs a little. "Because that was when I got dumped last and I haven't dated since. What do you mean why?” 

Sieun puffs his lips up before he responds. “Just thought you would have dated more.”

Suho smiles a little more. “I could say the same about you. But I know you don’t date around.”

“How do you know?”

Suho snorts. “I can’t explain it, but I can just tell.”

"How long was it?"

"My last relationship?"

"Mm."

"Few months."

"Before that?

"Mmm, a year. That was the only other one. My freshman year of college, so it doesn't really count, to me."

Again, Sieun is pretty bold when he's drunk. So he plainly asks, "You've dated women?" 

Easily, Suho responds, "No."

Sieun hums, "Hm."

"Do you?"

"No."

Suho is so curious. "And when was your last relationship, Yeon Sieun?"

Sieun giggles a little, blushing. "Never been in one."

Suho isn't surprised, honestly. “Why?” He questions, like Sieun did him. 

Sieun bites his lip. "I dunno, for me, I just... never really wanted to be around someone like that."

Suho looks back at the road to stay focused. "I'm lucky. You wanna be around me tonight."

Sieun folds his arms across the center console, feeling an incredible drawing to Suho, gnawing somewhere in his skin, to be closer, all over. He’s not drowning in alcohol, he’s sober enough, awake enough. 

He wants and wants and wants. But it's more than the sex that he is sure is going to happen. He wants more of Suho in general. To know everything about him. He wants to please him and be his muse. He wants to be around him for more than just tonight. 

Suho is sitting over there, driving them to his place, feeling the exact same way.

“I got your attention at a big party, I feel pretty lucky too.”

“Sieun, you grab everyone’s attention, trust me,” Suho argues, shaking his head as he watches the road, trying not to speed.

Precious cargo in his passenger seat. Looking at him with crazy sex eyes and pouty lips. 

“I feel like I only want yours now.”

“Sieun. You’ve had my attention since you walked into that yard,” Suho says, easily. He steps on the gas to make it through a yellow light, gets through fine. Sieun grabbed his leg in the process though. 

“Put your seatbelt on,” Suho says after that, pushing Sieun back in his seat, with a gentle, but heavy hand on his chest. Sieun flops backwards with a huff. 

Sieun grabs the seatbelt and pulls it halfway in front of him, Suho does the rest, driving with one hand. He straps Sieun in and then grabs his left hand, and puts it back on his thigh. 

“Who would dump you.”

Suho steals another look at Sieun. “Doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago, anyway.”

“Mm. Still. You’re so nice, Suho-yah.”

“Sieun, I haven’t really done anything for you, yet.”

Sieun shrugs his shoulders again, his head lolling to the side, favoring the trees now. “You make me feel good.”

It’s Suho’s turn to bite his lip, having to find his deep seated decorum. 

He will soon learn that Sieun truly has a way with words. And he doesn’t just say things, he promises them. Sews them into Suho’s skin, weaves them into his veins. 

You make me feel good. And all Suho has done is kissed him, tickled him a little in front of his friend, let him put his hands on his chest, and his thigh while he drives. Not much. 

On the other side of that though, Sieun makes Suho feel good too. Just with his presence and his expressive eyes, his pretty mouth and prettier voice. 

It's been a little over an hour or so and they're both already so into each other. Barely know a thing about the other’s life and they're already wanting to be a part of it after this. Wanting to know how they can fit into each other's worlds. 

Suho wants to tell him that there is so much more where that came from. Making him feel good. Just wait another twenty minutes. 

Sieun actually passes out on the ride back to Suho’s place. 

And Suho doesn’t mind at all. 

He looks over every now and then, Sieun in a light doze in his passenger seat. He drives the speed limit the whole way to his place, turns as smoothly as he can. 

Suho opens the passenger door and picks up Sieun bridal style, closes the door with his backside and lets the truck lock automatically while he trudges up to his townhouse, somehow unlocks the door and safely carries Sieun inside. 

He wakes up just after Suho pulls his chunky boots from his feet, and sets them neatly by the wall. As soon as he's about to tuck Sieun in, Suho gets pulled down by Sieun, his arms looping around Suho’s neck.

Their faces smash together, lips coming right after, finding each other instantly. 

“M'sorry, Suho, I'm awake now,” Sieun says into his mouth, and he’s smiling a little bit, unashamed about it, and Suho is smiling too. Sieun is such a lightweight. And he's clearly a sleepy drunk, too.

Suho truly didn't mind. Fucking Sieun isn't the only thing he wants to do with him, just having him in his bed is enough. He feels like he won already. 

“You’re so cute,” Suho says back, can’t help himself, just like he can’t himself from licking further into Sieun’s mouth after he says that, their tongues dancing much more messily than their bodies did earlier at that party. 

It goes like this for a while, but it slows. Turns intoxicating. The kind of intoxicating when there's too many chemicals mixing in your blood and your stomach and your body doesn't know which one to attach onto.

Sieun starts making all kinds of ridiculous noises once Suho’s hands are on him, underneath his jacket. 

Suho gets it off, discards it for the floor. Sieun's arms are so soft. 

“I wanna shower,” Sieun says, suddenly, sitting up more, staying pretty attached. “Shower with me.”

“It’s so easy to listen to you, Yeon Sieun,” Suho chuckles, kissing down his jaw, his throat. 

He finally bites like he’s been wanting to. And while he’s a little sweaty and dirty from the night. Already freaked out for Yeon Sieun. Licks up his neck a couple times like a damn mountain lion, favoring a couple spots for biting and sucking marks into his skin. 

Sieun makes the prettiest sounds, his small hands coming around Suho’s head, holding softly, fingers tangling in his hair. 

Eventually, Suho lets off, and he brings Sieun off of the bed, half bear-style, half baby-on-his-hip this time. Sieun very subtly acts like he’s a Princess and Suho is glad that he doesn’t have to tell him. 

He locks Sieun around him easily, loving how he feels like this, close and all over. Suho wants to be suffocated in him.

In the bathroom, Suho sets him down, nicely, slowly. Sieun finds his footing and steps out of his socks, Suho does the same. 

Then Suho walks over to the shower and pulls the glass door open, yanking the handle to warm-hot. He grabs some towels and sets them out on the large bathroom counter.

When he turns back around, Sieun’s just in his boxers already, sitting on the bench over there, hands gripping the sides of it. 

Suho exhales audibly, tongue poking through his lips while he runs it across the bottom row of his teeth.

He is so glad Sieun is not a painting. 

“Come take my clothes off, Yeon Sieun.”

Sieun stands up and walks over, coming a little shy now. 

Suho smiles at him, grabbing his hands and putting them on his shirt. Sieun immediately grabs a handful of the cotton. 

“Yeah, Sieun-ah, don’t act brand new. I see you.”

Sieun slides his hands to the bottom of his shirt then lifts it up. Suho raises his arms and Sieun’s way too short to really pull it off all by himself, so Suho ducks a little bit, and does the last bit of it, tossing the shirt to the floor. 

Sieun’s small hands softly trail down his chest, and then his fingers are on his belt, loosening and undoing it with a little bit of fumbling. Of course his tongue is hanging out of his lips, licking the corner of his mouth aimlessly.

Suho helps him a bit, unzips his pants while Sieun keeps at his belt, and then they both pull at his jeans and shove them down together, so they’re both left in just their boxers and a slowly steaming bathroom. Suho kicks his jeans off, to the side by the sink.

Time seems to go slow when they’re together. It feels like they’re rushing, but at the same time, the moments are still so drawn out. They're both feeling every square inch of it. 

“Suho-yah.”

“Yeah?”

Sieun becomes really quiet, over the noise of the water. “I’ve never done this before.”

“What? Showered with someone, or…?” Suho doesn't care what the answer is, really.

“Like shower sex. You wanna have shower sex, right?”

Suho hooks a finger into Sieun’s boxers and pulls him in. Sieun steps closer.

“We don’t have to have shower sex, we can just take a shower and then have regular sex in my bed. Or not have sex at all.”

“I want to."

"It's whatever you want, Sieun. But?" Suho senses a little more hesitancy. He's never learned someone so fast. 

"But I don’t wanna have regular sex with you in your bed.”

“Whatever kind of sex you wanna have, Yeon Sieun, how about that?”

“Okay,” Sieun says, nodding. And then he looks down, hooking his own small fingers in Suho’s black boxers. “Should we count to three?”

Suho laughs at him, but they end up counting to three like idiots and then pulling each other’s boxers down, and holding each other's arms while they step out of them. 

Sieun is still giggly and he’s like a very fierce bug when he’s a little delirious and drunk at the same time. And happy, he’s definitely over the moon right now. He’s handsy. Suho likes it a lot. 

He meant what he said. Suho makes him feel good. Without the kisses and even without the dire need to have Suho so deep inside of him that he could really possibly play doctor and rearrange his insides. 

Suho’s not a lightweight, but he might be when it comes to Sieun. 

He leads him into the shower slowly, walking backwards while guiding Sieun forwards. Tells him to watch for the small step. 

Sieun looks like a literal wet dream under the spray of the water, and Suho pushes his hair out of his face, messing it all up. Sieun blinks at him, tongue peeking out of his lips, thoughtlessly, licking at the water that’s falling on his mouth.

Suho holds his head in his hand, his thumb just at the edge of Sieun’s mouth. “You’re so gorgeous.”

Sieun whispers back, “So are you.”

“No, Sieun, you’re fucking…” Suho stops talking abruptly and shakes his head, and then he dips down just to kiss Sieun, hard. He pulls away after a few seconds, breathless, the both of them. 

“You’re something else.”

So much so, that Suho washes his hair for him. And bathes him. Like since when does he do this with people he just met out? Sieun does the same for him, as if they've touched each other this softly and carefully before, like they've memorized each other's bodies years ago. 

One night stand their asses. Go Hyeontak is going to have to take that one back and maybe even pay for it, seriously. Kind of fucking insane to assume either of them wouldn't want anything to do with each other after meeting. 

Suho carries Sieun to the bed after he dries him off, and they're already back trying to see how much of their mouths they can get to touch by the time Suho is slowly lowering Sieun onto his bed.

~

Sieun’s insides feel like when Suho bites into a marshmallow. That’s the best explanation he has. 

At first, Suho can’t even speak with Sieun wrapped around him like this, in a whole different way than when he carried him into his bathroom. 

Sieun’s still holding onto him like that, but there’s a whole other part of him that's squeezing around Suho and it’s the best thing he’s ever felt in his life.

It’s the first time he doesn’t think he can last long, actually, completely gone in Yeon Sieun, unraveling them both equally, until they are nothing but bones.

Sieun’s a mess beneath him. Suho didn’t think his noises could get any prettier, but they do. 

And Sieun cries when he gets fucked, of course he does. What else would those alluring fucking eyes do? 

“You’re so beautiful, Sieun, fuck.” Suho’s groaning his words out, moving agonizingly slow. 

He can’t do this any faster, and he wants to take his time. Keep Sieun like this as long as he can. 

“So glad I waited for you, Sieun. Would have been a fucking idiot to not wait for you.”

Sieun’s eyes flutter closed again, mouth slightly agape while he gets pushed into the mattress, slowly, in perfect rhythm. 

His legs are loose around Suho’s hips, whole body completely relaxed, completely giving in. He lets Suho spread him even further, burying himself inside of him, like he’s trying to get stuck there. 

“Suho-yah,” is all Sieun can say, and he’s biting his lips again, til they’re bloody, and Suho loves the taste. 

It’s mixed with Sieun’s tears, and their spit, their cum too, it’s disgusting, but it’s perfect.

“You feel so good,” Suho whispers to him, speeding up just a little bit. He draws out a little more, slowly pushes back in. “So good, Sieun, damn,” He feels like he's slurring his words, fully gone off Yeon Sieun. 

Sieun whimpers from his praise, and he tries sinking down on him, too, planting his feet in the mattress. Suho quickly grips onto the front of his hips, keeping them in place. 

“Sieun.”

Sieun whines out a What, already so stripped in front of Suho. Already letting him see sides of him that nobody has ever seen, sides that he hasn’t even shown himself. 

He didn’t know he could be like this with someone… so easy. And malleable. 

“Let me fuck you, Sieun-ah.”

Sieun nods, sniffing a little bit from his tears, and he relaxes again into the mattress, his legs coming back up around Suho’s waist. 

Suho pushes his face into Sieun’s throat, circling his arms around his smaller body for leverage.

“Suho-yah.”

“Hm? Tell me.”

“Touch me.”

Suho rearranges immediately in order to do so. The noises of pure pleasure he gets must become a favorite sound, favorite song. 

Sieun's voice is already so enticing, but his moans… the mewling he’s doing all because of Suho… it's sending Suho to realms unknown.

“Don't hold out on me, Sieun,” Suho tells him, “Let go for me when you want, hm? When you can't take it anymore.”

Sieun’s still crying from the pleasure, the moment, how sweet Suho sounds while he's whispering such dirty things to him. Telling him he's so good and perfect, and he can't wait to do this again in the morning and take him apart again, maybe even worse.

Sieun feels like papier mâché. Turned out every which way, flipped and folded, licked and sucked on in places he’s never been before. Suho acts like he’s literal food.

He likes how Suho calls him by his name only, no pet names. Like he’s reminding the both of them who he is, who's getting fucked into the mattress, who’s sobbing and gasping for air.

“Su…Suho-yah-,”

“Mhm, don't wait, Sieun, let me see.”

Sieun’s whole body tenses up before it relaxes again, fully just play dough in Suho’s arms and hands now, blacking out while he lets Suho fuck him past coherency, all the way through his earthquake of an orgasm.

Magnitude: Ahn Suho. He's so glad he didn't take cover.

Sieun’s a mess. Suho’s little wrecked mess. Chants of fuckfuckfuckfuck and SuhoSuhoSuho-yah spilling out his pretty, raw lips.

Suho thinks he even curses so cutely, everything about him is perfect.

“God, Sieun,” Suho groans, face back in Sieun’s throat, hips stuttering like crazy against Sieun’s body.

“Suho.”

“Hm?”

“Stay inside of me, please.”

Suho pulls his head up, and it's almost a mistake, because Sieun’s fucked out face is enough for Suho to come untouched, really.

“Whatever you want. You thought I wasn’t gonna ask to cum in you, Sieun?” Suho asks him, his voice so broken. He’s trying to mouth at Sieun’s jaw and talk to him at the same time. “Fucking crazy.”

Sieun smiles at him, even through the last of his tears, the last of his little gasps and moans, exhausted and overstimulated to the max, but still locked in for Suho.

Especially when Suho bottoms out and stays there, then holds Sieun so tightly while he comes undone inside of him. Sieun’s full name all over his tongue, blissfully and just as spent.

“I don't think you can go anywhere, Yeon Sieun,” Suho pants, after he’s carefully pulled out, holding Sieun’s jaw with his other hand when he winces. Brushes his thumb against his lips. 

Suho rubs his hip, sliding his opposite hand on his skin to distract him from the onset of soreness.

“I don't wanna,” Sieun murmurs, calming to a blissful state, and Suho can tell he’s about to have the best sleep of his goddamn life. 

He feels incredibly gassed up right now, making Sieun look like this.

It’s obscene, might even be seen as rude. Such a pretty boy, completely demolished. And still so gorgeous while like this, beyond captivating. Breathtaking. 

Streaks of his own cum on his stomach, which Suho drags his tongue in and laps up like a kitten to milk. 

Sieun puts a tired, limp hand on Suho’s head while he does that. He feels so weak, so feeble. But so… Suho’s. He knows deeply that he is stuck here now.

It doesn't cross his mind that Suho won't take care of him. And he figures he won't just stop at this, cleaning him up and smothering him in kisses until he’s knocked out clean. 

He thinks Suho will take care of him in so many other ways, too. And he's right. 

Nothing becomes off limits. Suho finds himself wanting to do everything for this quiet, but playful Yeon Sieun, who dropped into his life at the perfect moment. 

Suho’s not sure if he would have been ready for someone so delicate and perfect before, but he is now.

 

*

 

four months ago. suho in los angeles.

Sieun can feel it. He can feel the end of the rainbow, the emptiness of the black pot, missing gold.

“Baby. Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“I miss you, Suho-yah.”

“I know,” Suho says, through the screen. “I miss you more, my Sieun. Three weeks down, hm?”

“I dunno,” Sieun mumbles, slumping at the kitchen table, in front of his laptop screen. He’s in Suho’s apartment, he left him the keys. 

Told him he can stay whenever he wants. Sieun hasn’t seen his own apartment in three weeks. Since he left. He’s been wearing all of Suho’s clothes, showering with his soap and shampoo. 

Eating at the places that are his favorites, just so the workers who know them can bring Suho up, wondering where he is, and Sieun can talk about him to someone who isn’t his friends - they are sick of hearing Sieun’s whining. 

Driving his car. Using the cologne he left. Ordered himself ox bone soup a couple days ago even though it’s not even his favorite, but Suho loves it, so he tries filling his stomach with something Suho loves. 

None of it is helping. 

“Sieun-ah, fix your face, seriously, it’s hurting me.”

“You’re hurting me, you’re so far away,” Sieun complains, and seriously it hurts. 

His literal chest hurts with the absence of Suho. He’s always around, and Sieun’s always around him too. If he’s not working or hanging out with his friends for a couple hours, he’s with Suho. 

Needs eight tall glasses of him a day, it’s important. Video calling feels like half a glass of lukewarm tap water. 

“Told you I can fly you out. On company money, baby, it’s no problem.”

Sieun shakes his head. “Need to be here. Have to go into people’s businesses sometimes to see the layout myself. It’s not the same over the phone. Just like this.”

Suho hums, and makes a sad face. “I’ll be back in no time, Sieun. Really. I’m trying not to think about how much I miss you, or I might get fired, seriously. You take over my mind.”

Sieun blinks slowly. It’s 5:30 in the morning in Seoul. 9:30 at night in Los Angeles. 16 hour time difference. 

“You should go back to sleep, baby. Go get in my bed.”

“No. Wanna talk to you.”

“You’re tired, Sieun-ah. Go get in my bed, please, baby. Call me when you wake up again, I’ll wake up for you.”

Sieun is whining now, like a child. “Suho-yah.”

Suho smiles at him, fond and in love. Holding it together because he has to. Even though he can feel it, too. 

He can feel the clouds rolling in, fat with rain. Thunder is shaking their sturdy alliance, this unbelievable connection, something he never thought he would have with someone. 

Suho didn’t know he could be soft for someone, and so gentle. He didn’t know he had the wits about him to take his time. Didn’t know he could become so obsessed with someone so quickly, so wrapped up in their everything. 

Being in Los Angeles, it hasn’t been easy. He’s making it look easy because he doesn’t want Sieun to worry about him, but it’s killing him. Seeing Sieun’s pretty face on his phone or computer screen rather than right in front of him. 

And the time difference is a fucking nightmare. One of them is always exhausted, or in the middle of work. It’s only been three weeks, and Suho is… he’s suffering like this. 

He watches with a furrowed brow and a yearning heart while Sieun gets up from the kitchen table and pads slowly to his bedroom, flopping down in his bed, almost on top of his computer. He sighs deeply. 

“Call me when you wake up, Sieun-ah. I love you, baby, so much.” 

“Stay.”

“On the phone?”

“Mm.”

Suho chuckles lightly, and Sieun is squinting his eyes open, using up the last of his morning energy so he can watch Suho smile, and adjust wherever he’s sitting, in the dark. The camera comes a little closer to his face once he’s comfortable. 

“Okay, baby, I’m right here. Sleep.” 

Sieun groans softly, not wanting to, but it overtakes him. He’s sure to whisper with the last of his consciousness, “I love you more, Suho-yah.” 

Lightning keeps cracking with a promise somewhere far away from their dissipating rainbow. But Suho feels like it might strike them soon. Or get way too close.

Notes:

part two is done :P its just long it needs to be two parts. lowkey maybe should be three lmfao but like tell me what u thinkkkk girl oh my god mom pick me up im scareeedddd. i feel like this might self indulgent omg who asked for this.
also does the back and forth even make sense idk i like doing that sometimes but .... sometimes it can be annoying i can literally just put it in order if it's stupid help 😭😭😭

 

*a couple inspirations, first of all that sieuntak --> shse au on twit by milo ... listen i think sieun is suho-sexual but something bout sieuntak ... idk it's a nice midnight snack sometimes i cannot lie to you. i wanted to explore unrequited sieuntak though because obviously i'm shse down and i think that's sooooo hyeontak to be down horrendously for his friend and sieun is just like ok ur hot or whatever but where tf suho at 😭😭😭😭 I'M SORRY (i'm not)

secondly, if you watch scandal, when fitz said "why didn't i meet you sooner? what kind of a coward was i to marry her and not wait for you to show up" to olivia on that damn plane oOOHHHHH MYYYY GOOOODDD yeah fully inspired by that moment shonda rhimes you will always be famous

i'm being stupid and gay on twitter