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Forever – is composed of Nows –
‘Tis not a different time –
Except for Infiniteness –
And Latitude of Home –
From this – experienced Here –
Remove the Dates – to These –
Let Months dissolve in further Months –
And Years – exhale in Years –
Without Debate – or Pause –
Or Celebrated Days –
No different Our Years would be
From Anno Dominies –
–“Forever is composed of nows”, Emily Dickinson
It is six months after their honeymoon ends when Judy finds the unopened gift in her husband’s study. The wrapping is expensive, obviously done professionally, and it is crammed unceremoniously behind a stack of books on a shelf. It only takes a handful of seconds to spot them jutting out into the space, as if Nick had really thought no one would notice.
When he arrives home from another meeting with land investors, he finds it waiting on the dining room table, his wife casually flipping through the day-old paper.
“Hopps.”
“This was in your study.”
“It was hidden in my study.” Judy snorts. “Why were you in there?”
“Looking for ink. I need to pen an apology letter to the Sprouts. Apparently we ruined their…party.” She puts quotes around the last word and sighs, tossing the paper onto the table. “I wasn’t made aware that their fountain was off limits to swimming. And in the midst of all this hot weather.”
“Should have put up a sign,” Nick agrees, and kisses between her ears. “Don’t open that box.”
“Why not? It’s a perfectly acceptable box.”
“It’s not a gift. It shouldn’t be, anyway.” Nick flicks the tag. “It’s from Mr. Big.”
“I have no idea who that is, so don’t talk about him like I do.”
Her husband sighs, collapsing into a chair and accepting a cup of tea, asking for a whiskey before he says, “He’s a crime boss, in the city.”
Judy leans forward. “Mr. Wilde, I’m intrigued.”
“You would be.” He pokes the box with a fork. “I was acquainted with the Big family at university. I even did some errands for them, just for some stray coin here or there. Something of my own that my parents hadn’t given me. I made a mistake,” he says. “And nearly got his son-in-law arrested.”
Judy frowns. “What happened?”
“I got…cheeky. Thought I could handle more than I could. We were supposed to deliver a certain amount of money to a certain location. I thought I knew the best way to get there. I was…very wrong.” He leans back. “It’s over now, no one was hurt, but Big did advise me to keep a low profile. Asked that I never come near his family again.”
“He has money?”
Nick frowns. “That’s what you got from that story? Carrots, I could have been arrested.”
“And it would have been terribly tragic, my dear.” She squeezes his paw. “I’ll open it.”
“Judy, don’t.”
“Nicholas.” Her voice gets clear and sharp, and he pulls back. Effective, when she needs to be. With a quick flick of her wrist, she undoes the wrapping and it falls to the table, revealing a hefty decanter and glasses in a wooden crate. “Oh, it’s lovely, look.”
“To the happy couple. May marriage sober you, Nicky.” Nick snorts. “Well that’s that then.”
“I love it.” Judy passes off the crate to a servant and smiles. “And when we go into the city again next week, we’ll thank them properly. Excuse me, husband, I have letters to write.”
“The Sprouts won’t be appeased,” he calls after her.
“Oh, damn the Sprouts. I’ll swim in a fountain whenever I wish.”
My dear Mrs. Wilde,
We would be honored to have you in our home next Wednesday evening, at six. My wife and I are looking forward to meeting you, and hope you won’t mind that our daughter and her family will be joining us as well. Enclosed are tickets for an opera on Friday. We hope you can make it.
Best,
M. Big
“Well that’s very sweet.”
“It’s a trap,” Nick mutters, his head resting in her lap on their bed. “He wants to kill me.”
Judy huffs, setting the letter on the bedside table and picking up her book. “Nick that was years ago, I doubt he’s still angry.”
Her husband snorts. “You haven’t met Big. I once saw him drop a tiger through—”
“Don’t be vulgar, I’m getting to the best part.”
“Apologies, dear.”
“Apology accepted, darling.”
It is only Judy’s second trip into the city, but she finds that it still engages her, even when she thinks she’s seen it all.
“We’ll have time to visit the bookstore,” Nick says, leaning against the wall as she inspects the flat. “Is this still satisfactory?”
“Nick, it’s wonderful, you know I love it. Bit dusty, but I’ll sort that later. And if we don’t have time for the bookstore, I won’t perish. Though just a moment would be nice, I suppose…” She trails off, running a finger along some of the decanters in the sitting room and brushing away the dust. “Now, do we – Nick!” She shrieks – he’s lifted her, tossing her easily over his shoulder and carrying her through the house. “Nicholas, put me down—” He does. Right onto the bed.
“We have almost two days to ourselves—”
“You have two meetings tomorrow morning and I have an important engagement with the college later in the afternoon and we have dinner with the Lionhearts—”
“Let’s cancel that one.”
“We promised your father—”
Nick groans. “I know.”
Judy sighs, reaching out and stroking his neck. “Don’t mope, husband. It isn’t very becoming.”
“Oh, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
“Nicholas Wilde, you fiend—”
The first day passes without event. They enjoy themselves throughout the afternoon, have a spectacular dinner, and spend the evening reading in silence. The morning after is far more hectic – Nick does have two different meetings (they don’t go well), and Judy’s early lunch with the women’s college is…a flop. They reunite in the afternoon, fall into bed, accomplish nothing, and have tea in their room.
“And do you know what he said?” Nick shoves another scone into his mouth.
“What, darling?”
“He said, ‘Do you really think it’s wise to have a fox running all your legal affairs?’ And I said that Gideon Gray was a fine attorney, educated right here in the city.”
“Of course you did, because it’s true.”
“And then the other, do you know what he says?”
“I couldn’t guess, my love.”
“He says, ‘One fox? There’s going to be two running that bank. How will you keep money in vaults?’ As if I am unaware of myself. This is outrageous.”
Judy nods. “It certainly is.”
Nick drapes himself over her lap. “I don’t think we can do this.”
“Yes we can.” She glances out the window. “It’s getting late, we need to start dressing for dinner.”
“I think I’m feeling ill.”
“The Lionheart's are expecting us.”
He sighs dramatically “How do you handle Bellweather?” Nick mutters, pushing himself up and stretching. “You and my mother.”
“Women don’t have the luxury of being impatient with one another,” Judy says, and goes to pick out a dress.
Dinner with the two Lionheart's is a quiet affair. Leodore does most of the talking, Nick fills in the gaps, and Judy speaks when spoken to. Dawn says nothing.
“Cigar, Nick?” Leodore gestures for her husband to follow, while Judy is relegated to the sitting room for tea with a still silent Dawn, who touches nothing.
Judy clears her throat. “So—”
“Did you hear?” Dawn says suddenly. “My daughter May is engaged.”
Judy smiles. “I hadn’t heard, congratulations.”
“Yes.” The sheep reaches out for her tea. “To that Del Gato boy.”
Judy nods. “I did hear he had come back to the Burrows. You must be very proud, he’s very successful—”
“She said that you were the reason she accepted his advances in the first place.” Dawn’s gaze shifts over to Judy quickly. “She said that you and your…foxes helped her get over her fear. She says she’s very happy.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“Tell me, Judith. Do you intend to visit any other foxes in the city while you’re here?”
“I…” Judy grips her cup a bit tighter. “My husband and I have no plans to—”
“I only ask because you seem to have hitched your wagon to every fox available to you back in that dismal town of yours. It seemed only natural you’d want a complete set. You do appear to have a…taste for the species.”
Judy swallows, hard. “No, Lady Lionheart. I do not intend to do that.”
Dawn shrugs, sipping from her tea. “I only wondered.”
They spend the rest of the evening in backbreaking silence, until Nick and their host emerge from the study in a cloud of smoke and laughter.
Judy puts herself into their carriage back to the flat, and stares hard out the window.
“That went better than expected.” Nick leans back in his seat. “He gave me some names to contact, some investors who won’t be so quick to judge.”
“That’s wonderful.”
He puts a hand on her leg. “And how was Lady Lionheart? Did you get on well enough?”
“It was fine, Nick.”
He makes a noise. “Are you alright?”
“I am.”
“Did you get into a spat or something?”
Judy turns to him. “It isn’t in good taste to discuss the private conversations of women, Nicholas. You know that.” She blinks, too quickly. Judy has no idea where it’s come from, this angry feeling inside of her, the one forcing tears to burn at her eyes, threatening to give her away –
“You’re crying,” her husband says. “Judy, what’s happened, what did she say?”
“Nothing important.”
“Judy—”
“It doesn’t matter.” Her voice cracks, just there, at the end, and she turns from him. “Leave it, Nick.”
“My dear—”
“I said leave it.”
They ride the rest of the way in a silence more bitter than the one she left behind.
The moment they arrive at the flat, Judy excuses herself, finds Nina, her maid, and says quickly, “Draw me a bath, please.”
“Of course, my lady.”
Judy sighs. “I need to get rid of the stench of that woman.”
“Whatever you need, my lady.” Nina leaves her and orders hot water to be brought to the room. Nina is the eldest daughter of the Otterton's, and a good girl, hardworking and earnest in all she does. The Otterton's have become friends, and Mrs. Otterton has asked them to take on Nina and pay her, in the hopes she might save up enough to travel to the city to find work on her own in due time.
When the tub is full, Judy lets the girl undo the snaps of the dress, turning away as she slides into the water.
“My lady.”
“Yes, Nina.”
“I find that…when I am trying to forget someone…lavender is very useful.” She places a vial of the scent on the edge of the tub. “To use at your discretion,” she adds.
Judy smiles. “Thank you, Nina. You can go, enjoy yourself for the evening.”
“Of course, my lady.” She curtsies and leaves the room, and Judy sinks into the water. She can’t stay in too long – if the water cools she’ll be cold all night, but it’s warm enough to be comfortable and she’s happy to have the distraction.
She jumps when someone knocks at the door.
“Judy?” Nick. “May I come in?”
She sighs. “Yes.”
He steps in, closing the door behind him. He has his coat draped over his arm, his sleeves rolled up. He is as she always imagines him, as she had when he had gone from her at the end of that terrible winter. Judy reaches out to him and he goes, sitting by the side of the tub and taking her paw, playing in the water with the other.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened, but I need you to know that I will do whatever I can to make this right.”
“There is nothing to correct. An angry woman lashed out at me. I handled it poorly in front of you, and I’m sorry.”
Nick frowns. “Never think you can’t cry in front of me. I’m certainly going to cry in front of you.”
“Oh? That’s a promise, then?”
“It is.” He kisses her nose. “You smell wonderful.”
“Lavender. It was Nina’s idea.”
“She’s a clever otter.”
Judy nods. “I want to send her to college.”
“What?” Nick laughs. “Where did this come from?”
“I want to send all the girls to college, my brother too. Abby and I won’t get the chance, and heaven knows she won’t want to. But she’s getting married in the fall, and she’ll have children soon after. They deserve to be educated.” She looks at him. “The bank will succeed, Nick. I have faith in that. And when it does, we’ll use its reputation to send the girls to school. To a real school. None of this finishing school nonsense, they should have educations.”
He smiles. “I love you, do you know that?”
“I do.”
“You dream things everyone else thinks impossible. But to you, it’s only ever a matter of when.”
She leans into his touch. “I will do this, Nick.”
He nods. “I know. And so I will do this with you.”
By Wednesday morning, Judy’s pushed the Bellweather incident from her mind. Nick hasn’t pushed, and Judy is far too proud to tell him, so they agree not to discuss it any further. Nick, meanwhile, is more than preoccupied with seeing Big for the first time in some years, and obsesses over what to bring.
“I had a crate of wine sent to the house yesterday,” Judy says. “Stop fussing.”
Nick pokes his head out of the dressing room. “This is going to be a disaster, Judy.”
“It’s going to be fine. We were warmly invited to dine with them, and I’m looking forward to meeting their daughter.”
“Fru-Fru,” Nick deadpans.
“She seems like a very nice girl.”
Nick huffs and goes back to finding a jacket. “Are you wearing green?” he asks.
“I am.”
“I will too, then. Big thinks highly of couples who coordinate. It was always something strange he looked for.”
“We’ll look very handsome then, won’t we?” Judy goes to him and helps him right the ensemble, brushing a stray hair from the shoulder. “You look very nice.”
“You look stunning,” he murmurs, pulling her close. “If I had less self-control, I’d rip this off of you.”
“It was a gift from your mother, how would you explain that to her?”
Nick grins. “Oh, I’d find a way.”
Judy swats his paws away and goes to find her set of pearls. “Help me get this on, we’re going to be late if we don’t get downstairs.” Nick nods and comes behind her to fasten the necklace around her neck. His paws trail over her shoulders. “Later,” she murmurs, looking up at him. “You may ravage me later, husband.”
“You wound me, wife.”
“No,” she says, turning and pushing herself flush against him. “Tonight, I’m going to make it all better.”
If there was bad blood between Nick and Mr. Big, it’s dissipated by now. The shrew welcomes them into his home, nestled among the hills of Tundra Town, the colder borough of the city. He’s small, but he’s set out dishes they can eat from, serves them a meal they can enjoy, and is, in Judy’s opinion, a complete gentleman.
“You know, Nicky, when I found out you’d married, I thought to myself, I must’ve heard wrong. There was no way the young fox I knew, balancing school work and delinquency, running about the city, could have ever settled down. Especially with a vision such as your lovely wife.” He nods toward Judy. “But the news was confirmed to me. I couldn’t resist. I hope we can put the past behind us, and move forward. Together.”
Nick raises a glass. “I can’t imagine anything better.”
Mrs. Big is as delightful as her husband, and their daughter talks Judy’s ear off all night. Everything she and her husband mention has to do with her father, and it only takes five minutes for Judy to know who needs to hear about the bank first – and it isn’t Mr. Big.
“Someone said that?”
Judy sighs. “I know, it’s awful isn’t it?”
“You should tell my father. My father would find people for you. Or give you the money himself.”
Her husband nods. “He’s a good investor, has an eye for it.”
“Nick does as well, but the mentality of some folks.”
“The nerve you mean,” Fru-Fru says. “Father. Did you hear this? Has Nicky told you?”
Big sighs. “What, sweetheart? Heard what?”
“That those nasty old brokers downtown won’t give the Wilde’s money for their bank because Nicky’s a fox!”
Big frowns. “What’s she talking about? What’s this?”
Nick grimaces. “It’s…something I’m working on, back in the Burrow. Judy and I are looking to start a bank in town, their first one. It’s a growing place, a lot of land development, room for businesses to grow. I came to the city to look for investors, but…” He shrugs. “I met with Leodore Lionheart last night, he gave me some names—”
“Don’t trust Lionheart,” Big says, waving his little paw. “That man’s a crook.”
“Ah.”
“Don’t worry about it, Nicky. I’ll give you the money.”
Nick’s picked that time to put food in his mouth, and he chokes, coughing so hard Judy has to put a comforting paw on his back.
“I’m sorry,” he wheezes. “What did you say?”
“You need money. I’ve invested with your father before, and I received a healthy return. Your father is a good man, and your mother is an honest woman.” Big gestures toward them both kindly. “One generation of Wilde’s can’t be too different from another. And you’ve grown into yourself, Nicky. I heard you did good business here, on one of your last trips.”
“Ah. My father, he wanted me to—”
“Don’t give your father the credit. It was your work. You did it. I’ll give you the money. We’ll meet one more time before you leave, I won’t discuss business with you anymore tonight, this was a social call. But before you go, before we see the opera.” The shrew nods, folding his paws over his belly. “I have faith in you, Nicky. I have faith in your wife. I know she won’t let you slip.”
Nick grabs her up in the carriage the second it takes off.
“If it wasn’t completely inappropriate and if you were ready—”
“You may not undress me here.”
“When we get back to the flat—”
Judy smiles. “You may undress me there,” she says, and sighs as he tips her head back, kissing her neck. “You may do whatever you’d like with me.”
“I love you,” he says. “And I am better because of you.”
“I told you, I would make it right.”
Nick smiles. “Yes, you did.” He nips her shoulder, kisses down the length of her arm and grips her paw in his. “And when it works, we’ll do everything you’ve dreamed of. Everything we’ve dreamed of.” He pulls her close. “Your dreams are mine, too. We do this together, wife.”
“Yes,” she murmurs. “Yes we do.”
“Say it.”
Judy hums. “My husband.” Nick groans into her neck. “Does that still undo you then, hmm?”
“When you say it, when I hear you—” The carriage goes on for a bit, and his paws and her own are everywhere, as many places as they can be. It is not appropriate, it is obscene, but Judy is keyed, she is proud, she is alive, and she wants –
The carriage jolts to a stop, and they right themselves.
“I plan on finishing this inside, wife.” He holds her close, helping her up the stairs. Judy pauses at the top, peering closely at the door. “What is it?”
“Didn’t we shut this?”
Nick frowns. “We did—”
The door swings open, and for a moment, Judy blames the wind. But just below her line of sight, the culprit makes himself known, a puff of smoke spilling between them all.
“Nick!”
Judy waves the smoke from her face and peers down. “Who—”
Nick growls. “We talked about this.”
“We sure did. Didn’t know you were coming into town though. Should have wrote ahead.” The other fox, a fennec, glances up at Judy. “This must be the lady of the house.”
Judy raises a brow. “You must be Finn.” She reaches out to greet him. “I’m pleased to finally meet you.”
Finn chuckles, taking her paw and pressing a kiss against it. “Oh no, Mrs. Wilde. The pleasure is mine.”
“And that’s quite enough of that.” Nick ushers Judy into the house and leans down to grab Finn by the collar. “I’ll be back.”
“We’ll meet again, my lady,” Finn calls, laughing as he’s dragged, bodily, down the stairs. Judy sighs, watching them go before she raises her skirts and heads to their room.
Sat at her vanity, she considers the evening, and decides it’s a perfectly acceptable replacement for one before. She finds no anger left inside her, nothing to cry over or rage about, nothing to even consider for another moment. Instead, she reaches up to undo the clasp of her necklace, and finds her husband sliding into view.
“I’ll take care of that,” he murmurs.
“Did you take care of Finn as well?”
Nick looks sheepish. “I lived here when I was at university. Finn could come and go as he pleased. He won’t be doing it anymore.”
Judy shrugs. “If he wants to be here when we’re gone—”
“He has a perfectly acceptable flat of his own, don’t let his stature fool you.”
Judy stands and turns to help Nick undress, sliding his jacket over his shoulders. “It doesn’t bother me. Nothing could bother me right now. I am perfectly happy.”
“So am I.” Nick leans down to kiss her shoulder, bare now without her gown. “You were so impressive. You never cease to amaze me.”
“I do not intend to stop doing this. Ever.”
Nick smiles. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They fall into bed together, touches light and voices soft. In her younger days, Judy had imagined that the warmth of another body, so close to her, would be oppressive, would drown out her thoughts and suffocate her in her sleep.
She finds when he is away, that is precisely how she feels, and it is only when he’s found his place again, in any bed, next to her, that the world feels right once more.