Chapter Text
🛠️ What the Entire Greek Pantheon Thinks of Hephaestus
Zeus:
Still feels guilty for flinging Hephaestus off Olympus. Respects Hephaestus as the god who literally built the throne he sits on. A little afraid of how calm Hephaestus is—like “quiet bomb technician” calm.
Hera:
Deeply regrets everything. Feels maternal guilt, especially when she sees his burn scars or his prosthetic leg. Tries to make up for it with commissions (“Could you forge me a modest crown this time, dear?”), but it’s clear she’s proud of him.
Athena:
Absolutely respects Hephaestus’s intellect. They’ll debate machinery and metaphysics over tea like old scholars. She doesn’t mention the weirdness of their “birth together” situation. Too awkward.
Apollo:
Thinks Hephaestus is weirdly cool. Would never admit it out loud, but he’s impressed by Hephaestus’s quiet confidence. Tried flirting once. Got ignored. Respect increased.
Artemis:
Doesn’t say much, but she trusts him. If her hunters need armor or bows, she goes straight to Hephaestus. She likes that he doesn’t talk down to them—or her.
Dionysus:
Loves Hephaestus’s dry, deadpan humor. Has declared Hephaestus the “most metal” god more than once. Also thinks the forge is a great place to store wine.
Ares:
In love with him. Thinks he’s beautiful—especially with his scars, his prosthetic leg, and that ridiculously long braid. Always tries to spar with him, but Hephaestus is annoyingly good at dodging. (Also: their boyfriend.)
Aphrodite:
Also in love with him. Thinks he’s the most gorgeous man she’s ever seen—because of his hands and his kindness and that totally unfair body. Wishes more people could see him like she and Ares do. (Also: their husband.)
Hermes:
Finds Hephaestus both hilarious and terrifying. Has stolen his tools more than once and paid dearly each time. Calls him “Forge Dad” when being annoying.
Demeter:
Great admiration for his craftsmanship. Likes to debate with him about sustainable metallurgy. Thinks he should eat more. Brings snacks. Lots of snacks.
Hades:
Respects him as one of the few Olympians who doesn’t lie or pretend. They’ve had some quiet, brooding dinners together. Hades appreciates that Hephaestus doesn’t ask intrusive questions.
Persephone:
Finds Hephaestus gentle and sweet. He once made her a ring of living flowers out of metal, and she wears it every spring. Calls him “darling.”
Hestia:
Loves him like a younger brother. He built her hearth at Olympus. She’s the only one who can make him pause mid-tinker for food or sleep.
Poseidon:
Still thinks about how Hephaestus once welded his trident back together and added some improvements. Hasn’t admitted it. Begrudging respect.
Eros:
Finds Hephaestus absolutely fascinating. How someone so unassuming can be loved so deeply by Ares and Aphrodite? He studies Hephaestus like an emotional case study.
Nemesis:
Thinks Hephaestus is the balance the pantheon doesn’t deserve but desperately needs. Has threatened anyone who mocks his prosthetic or scars.
Thanatos:
Loves sitting silently beside him while Hephaestus works. They don’t talk. Just enjoy the stillness.
Hypnos:
Thinks Hephaestus is the only Olympian who respects sleep cycles. Very appreciative. Brings him soft pillows.
⸻
🛏️ When Hephaestus Throws a Pillow at Hermes and Knocks Him Unconscious
Scene: Hermes was being an absolute gremlin—probably trying to juggle someone’s divine artifacts while tap-dancing on the table. Hephaestus, deadpan and unbothered, casually flings a pillow with mechanical precision and thunks him square in the forehead. Hermes drops like a sack of stolen gold.
⸻
Zeus:
“…Was that necessary?”
Hephaestus (shrugging): “It worked.”
Zeus (grudgingly): “Fair.”
Hera:
Takes a sip of wine “He’s fine. He needed that.”
Athena:
Raises an eyebrow, impressed by the angle. “I taught you geometry, but that was… artistry.”
Apollo:
Falls off his chair laughing. “Hephaestus yeeted him into a nap!”
Artemis:
Smirks. “Good aim.”
Dionysus:
Choking on his drink. “That was the most chaotically graceful knockout I’ve ever seen.”
Ares:
Beaming with pride. “That’s my forge babe!”
Aphrodite:
Purrs, “So strong… and with pillows, too.” Then gently fans Hermes with another pillow.
Demeter:
Checking Hermes’ pulse. “He’ll be fine. But next time use a cushion with lavender—helps with recovery.”
Hades:
“…Remind me never to annoy you with paperwork.”
Persephone:
Giggles. “Can you teach me that?”
Hestia:
Sighs. “I just fluffed that pillow.”
Poseidon:
“I didn’t know pillows could do that.”
Eros:
Frantically scribbling notes. “The symbolism! The quiet strength! The unexpected violence wrapped in softness!”
Nemesis:
Nods solemnly. “Balance has been restored.”
Thanatos:
Peering down at Hermes. “Not dead. Just sleeping. Not my problem.”
Hypnos:
Whispering fondly, “Finally. Someone respects my domain.”
⸻
Hephaestus (returning to tinkering):
“Tell me when he wakes up. Or don’t. It’s quiet now.”
And nobody dares interrupt him again.