Chapter Text
Regulus black was late to his first ever class at university. The tall halls of the old Oxford campus has distracted him significantly. It was his first time ever being late to class and he was rather nervous that the habit might continue. There were old paneled windows surrounding him and a cast of sunlight that made him feel hopeful for the first time in years. He knew that his being here was a gift. He never thought he would make it this far at all. Especially not since Sirius had left.
Fourteen year old Regulus hardly looked before crossing the road. He did now though. Sometimes he waited even when he knew it was safe just to be sure. Now days, he’d stop to look as the sun drifted into the old corridors, and he thought he really could make it out. He was nearly smiling when he pushed the door to the classroom open gently trying to slip inside. He was only a few minutes late, three, which while a lot for him wasn’t at all that much to miss. The professor smiled at him as he entered. He starts at that, it’s an odd response to tardiness he thinks.
“Did you get lost son?” The man asks, he has warm brown eyes and smile lines that reach all the way to the edges of his face.
Regulus had been expecting someone stern and ready to lay down the law. He’d always thought lawyers would be cool and restrained. He didn’t know what to say to this man, in a soft looking sweater that he was sure had been made for him, flecks of red blue and brown through the wool. His curly black hair is speckled with grey and he reminded Regulus of someone he would rather forget. He fit right into the warm sunlit classroom. And Regulus was frozen as he realised that he didn’t feel quite like he should be here anymore. The classroom was far too warm, they’d spot the slight cruelty in him within seconds. He stared at the man for another twenty seconds before he realised he should answer.
“Yes sir, I was distracted. It won’t happen again.” He nodded curtly and went to sit down in the second row of the class. Close to the windows so that he could feel the warmth on his skin.
“Oh you don’t need to call me sir, that goes for the rest of you too. My name is Monty and I ask that you please call me by it.”
He turned back to the old chalk board and wrote the name ‘Monty’ out in neat perfect cursive. Then underlined it twice. “Now, before I before I begin this class I find it of the upmost importance that all of you know the rules for attending it. To begin with, respect is something that I think is earned and while some of your professors here will want you to call them sir or professor it is important to me that you know by being here you have my respect, and I expect you to give it back to me. If I think that you don’t respect your peers, for example you are disruptive or don’t participate in group projects then there will be consequences. I expect your work to be on time and to a high standard. If they are not, I will contact you and you will have to do extra work. Now, to begin-“ there’s a crash as a tall man falls through the door just catching himself in the handle to stop himself from dropping the cane he’s walking with. He looked a little dumbfounded as everyone turned to him.
“So sorry Monty, the elevator broke and I can barely get these stupid things open on a good day,” The man was nearly out of breath as he shuffled to sit up the front, just in front of Regulus. He noted with some interest that the man was tall and broad, as well as his strong facial features. He also smelled faintly of coffee and something sweeter that Regulus couldn’t quite place.
“Every one, as I was about to start introductions, Remus Lupin he will be your teachers Assistant this semester, Remus why don’t you introduce yourself first.” The man sighed slightly as he pushed himself up to face the class.
“My name is Remus Lupin, as I hope you’d guess. I’m studying criminal law, I’m twenty two and my favourite food is chocolate.” He sits back down quickly though his body is turned in his seat now to face the class.
“Now, Remus here is who you go to first if you have a question with homework or an assignment, I’ll be able to help you further with course work and other questions but as I can’t look at you assignments until you’ve turned them in he will be your best bet for questions now who’s next oh, why don’t you continue son and we’ll just circle around the room.” He points to another student a girl with long brown hair and pale skin to Remus’ left.
“My name is Rose brown, I’m twenty, studying realestate law and my favourite novel is withering heights” she smiles around the room before she sits down.
The introductions go on for far longer than Regulus thinks they should given that it’s a relatively small class. He’s entirely zoned out by the time it gets to his turn. He’s last. He isn’t at all listening anymore and if someone walked into the room right now and held a gun to his head he’d be at a loss to name anyone other than Rose or Remus. He’s still staring out the window when someone coughs pointedly. He looks up to see people watching him intently. Fuck, he thinks to himself. Standing slowly.
“Regulus Artucus Black. I’m studying financial and business law.”
He sits back down quickly only to notice Remus staring at him quite obviously before blurting.
“Black? As in the House of Black? As in Sirius’s little brother?” The colour drains from Regulus face as he hears the name. He forces himself to focus, shaking his head.
“I’m an only child.” He says calmly, looking back to his table and taking his note book out pointedly ignoring Remus.
“Right, well I’m looking forward to getting to know you all a little better as our semester goes on, to start with, this semester we will be looking mostly at best practice and industry standards …” Regulus lets Monty’s voice was over him as he starts taking notes breathing regularly to try and calm down, Remus is still turning in subtly to glance at him every now and then while he’s working.
He starts to drift of calmly into the routine of writing and listing until the class was over.
Chapter 2: Chapter two
Notes:
Not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter, getting used to Remus POV and how I’ll write with it this is more of me testing it out might go back and rewrite it later
Chapter Text
Remus tries to stand hurriedly as class ended but his joints are still stiff from his earlier escapades through the building with the elevator broken. The classrooms warmth had made the pain a little easier but it didn’t at all make him agile. He looks up to where Monty is watching him from his desk. After the last students funnel out of the classroom the man walks over to him, offering him a hand up.
Remus at his full hight stands nearly eye level with Monty, the older man smiling at him gently waiting for Remus to start one of his spiels about everything that he’s thinking.
“It’s him Monty, I know it. Sirius is going to lose his mind. Why wouldn’t he tell me though? It’s not as though I can’t find out I mean I know those sorts of families are incredibly private especially with the Blacks history in less than ethical business dealings but, I mean, Sirius misses him like he’s the only thing that keeps him alive so why wouldn’t he want to know?”
“If I may Remus, perhaps, he doesn’t love the idea pf dragging up his family history with a man he doesn’t know in a class full of people that he will have to work with professionally.” He picks up most of the things on his desk clearing it while continuing to listen to Remus quietly.
“I suppose, I’m so used to Sirius that man doesn’t have a secretive bone in his body. Or even a subtle one. But I’m going to have to tell him Monty. He’ll run into him at some point and I live with him I can’t avoid him” Remus is leaning on the desk looking intently at Monty. A man who was like a father to him, more so after he’s moved out with James and Sirius, he’s wearing one of the sweaters that Effie had knitted for him. The thought of the woman making Remus feel even more calm. She’d become fast friends with his mother when he’s first made friends with James when they were ten.
“He can be subtle about things Remus, when he feels they need that discretion,” Monty had a glimmer of amusement in his eye as he looked at Remus turning to walk out of the class room signalling that the young man should follow.
“Maybe, I suppose he was always more calm when other people might be upset,” Remus deep in thought looks back at Monty.
“He cares about his brother Sirius, he’ll do whatever it takes to get him comfortable around him again, besides, I have a feeling you’ll get along well with Regulus soon enough” Monty smiles at him as he continues down the stairs offering Remus a hand. His joints had given him trouble since an accident when he was only six. They often ached, he’d despised it for a long time but now days he was only mildly frustrated by the inconvenience and pain.
Monty offers to drop him home after picking up a couple extra things from his office, his flexible hours make it so that he can often leave campus between his classes. Remus smiled at him gratefully, knowing that he’d have extra work to do when he got home and also that he’d would not be able stand if there weren’t seats on the bus. Remus always loved spending time with Monty, the man was calm and kind, a trait he’d passed onto James. And he also had really good taste in music.
Remus finds the car ride with Monty to be easy as they usually are. He stares out the window listing to the cranberries while Monty is humming along gently. Remus’s muscles are tight and sore even from the short car ride with Monty. Monty helps him out of the car over to the house he shares with James and Sirius.
“Moony hold up!!” before Remus can even turn his head he can feel Sirius pull up next to him after running out of the house.
“Hello Sirius how are you today?” He turns pat Sirius’s shoulder without moving the arm supporting Remus as he reaches to get his cane.
“You okay Remus?” Sirius is calmer now careful as he reaches out to Remus without thinking. Offering support, as he sees Remus wince slightly.
“Yeah, elevator broke is all. Stairs are a bitch.” Monty closes the car door behind Remus, who is now standing on his own despite Sirius wrapping himself around Remus. Remus tries not to feel shame from the deep warmth that his friend’s actions start within him.
“Monty, did you want to come inside for a bit? James made lunettes yesterday, part of his need to learn more about the French,” Sirius quickly caries on the conversation as they both walk slowly with Remus. Sirius, helps Remus settle into the couch the on with coffee table and pillows close to it, so that he can get comfortable. Sirius also knows this is where Remus likes to study best.
Remus can feel himself drift off in the soft sunlight filtering into the room while Monty and Sirius fuss around him, he knows he’ll wake a little later still sore and probably have more work to do but he’s tired and decides that it’s not the end of the world if he rests his eyes for a little.
He sleeps heavily nearly registering as the voices around him fade away. He vaguely feels being moved but if asked later he wouldn’t recall as strong tattoos arms picked him up gently carrying him through the hallway to his room. Nor would he recall as general practiced hands took off his shoes coat and belt before tucking him under the covers and setting a glass of water on his night stand.
Chapter Text
If anyone had asked James where he knew the young man with black hair, the cut of which had grown out into soft waves framing his face. He would be at a loss. Which was strange because James is so sure he knows the man. The way his eyes are looking into him, slightly shocked. The man’s lips parted as he blinks rapidly. James could feel is own pulse behind his ears. “Sorry, what can I get you?” James asks putting on his best customer service voice. His smile meeting his eyes though when he looked at the other man. “Yeah, um, can I have an iced latte? With caramel?” He seems surprised by his own shyness, like he’s someone used to carrying himself with a certain air of confidence. “Of course and can I get a name for that?” He says, he half wants to ask another random question to keep the guy’s attention on him. “Evan.” He says calmly, clearly regaining some of his confidence. James nods, he feels like the name doesn’t quite suit the mysterious stranger. But he likes having something to call him by. The man taps his card quickly turning away from James, who feels instantly colder away from his gaze. “Hey, what can I get for you?” He says, his smile slightly smaller now that he’s away from ‘Evan’. He writes the order on the cup quickly, writing his number under the name for the order with a little smiley face. This trick has never worked for him but James is still hopeful. Mary snatches the cup from him and gives him a scathing look as she starts making the drink. James serves the next two customers quickly before joining Mary on the bar. She’s finishing the order for Evan as he joins her. “You wanna give this to him?” She says, her eyebrow raised in a look that screams judgment. James doesn’t even take a second to question her scorn before taking the cup and leaning over the counter in his best flirt. “I have an iced caramel latte for Evan!” He calls out, his voice is even and slightly lower than he’d usually call. ‘Evan’ steps forward, his black hair just out o reach of his mind as he takes the drink. James tries not to think about the way the mans hands look, fingers glinting with the fine metals of the many rings he wears. Or how their hands just miss each other on the cup. He turns back to the cue Mary still glaring at him and shaking her head every time he looks her way. It’s another half hour before the cafe comes to a lul with less people. Mary is still glaring at him. She doesn’t get it because she already knows who she likes, likes her back James thinks grudgingly as he meets her gaze from where he’s restocking the sugars for people to add to their own coffee. “Your number James? Really? That’s unprofessional of you. What if we lost a costumer?” She says, James knows she’s not fully serious from the small smirk that’s playing across her face. He ties his head at her his smile proud and wide. “Whatever do you mean Mary, who would mind a note from me” Mary looks at him deeply unimpressed. “Asides from you my dearest lesbian friend.” James mock bows to her slightly. “It’s embracing to work with you.” James smiles at her “no seriously, don’t hit on the customers, we need them.” “It’ll be fine, Evan is his name by the way and it’ll be great. Most everybody loves me” there’s a certain tone in his voice that sounds almost uncertain though very few people would catch it. “That doesn’t mean that you can have flings with customers, I’m almost certain he’s a student here and what will happen if it gets messy between you bc I don’t want to watch another girl through a smoothie in your face. Or clean up after it,” she’s ranting a little bit James doesn’t even care as he laughs. “By that girl you mean Lilly and you lived when she threw that in my face because you’re in love with her and you like watching me suffer. Don’t lie.” James is smiling now as Mary glares at him. He flicks he towel teasing her as he starts to prep for close. “Have you said anything to her about that by the way?” He’s gentler now. “No. And you know I can’t, so stop bringing it up.” Mary is clearly angry with him and James shoulders slump slightly as he leans forward, sighing. “Look. I know it’s not my place but she feels the same way and you can’t live your whole life watching her thinking she’d be better off. She won’t be.” He’s leaning across the table he’s at looking Mary in the eyes with a look so sincere she’s a little unnerved. “Well,” Mary’s voice is shaky but firm “I can’t know that that’s true. And Jamie for the love of god I know you would risk anything for a love story but not everyone has that luxury. She’s the most important thing in the world to me and I will not risk her. Not for anything.” James looks solemn as he’s wiping down more tables. He locks the door on his way out and smiles broadly at Mary. Hiding the small pit of worry in his chest at making his friend sad.
Chapter 4: Chapter four
Summary:
Just a warning here fairly detailed description of panic attacks, internalised homophobia, some mentions of past toxic friends
Chapter Text
Mary cries on her way home from work, tears running down her face as she thinks of James’s words. She loves James, and there’s a part of her that is so desperate to believe him, that she could tell Lilly how she felt, and nothing world go wrong and nothing would change. But the bigger part of her knows that that’s not true. It’s thinking of biking home from high school after Bella, her best friend, Bella, didn’t even want to be friends with her as a lesbian. She’d never felt like a predator before, like she was making people unsafe. Not till that moment, and she remembers the feeling the crushing feeling of guilt and shame. She doesn’t want to feel it again. Lilly is her roommate and she’d rather die than jagged Lilly think that she’d been looking at her or thinking about her like that. She couldn’t bear it. The feeling of her face, her dark skin and curly hair, things she’d always liked. About herself and admired into her mum shifting into a wolf like creature. Creepy, and ugly. A wave of nausea washed over her, and she had to hold a hand over her mouth to stop gagging.
No one on the bus even noticed. But the moment she steps through the door Lilly notices, rushing forward to wipe the tears away from her eyes. Her bright red hair falling over her shoulders and she went to hug her. Mary pulls away.
“What’s wrong Mary? Are you alright?” Mary just shakes her head taking a deep breath. It’s just Lilly, her best friend.
“Nothing just one of those days,” her voice steadier now.
“If you’re sure.” Lilly gives her a tight smile before heading back into the kitchen.
Mary knew it would make her feel worse as the idea crept into her head. The walk to her room from the ground door was short. As she stepped through the to the kitchen. She was probably making dinner as it was her turn to cook. Mary doesn’t know if she could handle food.
Mary’s vision sways a little as a sudden wave of sadness hits her, the yellow flower patterned walls of their sixties house that is in desperate need of an update taunt her as they all start to sway. It’s not like she isn’t used to this, Lilly is the best person she knows but there’s a weight that sits in her chest when they’re together a platonic boundary that she can’t cross. She knows it’s made her pull away lately. James won’t not bring it to her with his worried shine in his eyes. James is worried, he went to school with her, he knows what’s happened and despite his best attempts to get her to see otherwise he can’t convince Mary that she isn’t something rancid. James doesn’t understand why she does this. He’s never been seen as something truely predatory. He’s so nice. To everyone that even when they don’t like him, they want him to like them. Mary’s fairly sure James has never done anything wrong in his life. But he always thinks he can help, and he always sees the good in everyone. Lord nows that’s why he stayed friends with Peter for so long. Mary knows that Lilly notices these things too, the way she always hesitates to hug. Mary is swallowed by a guilt and shame that’s so deep she can’t seem to think at all as she makes her way through the horribly yellow halls faded with what must of been years of smoking cigarettes in the house. She isn’t even a good friend. She can’t even be friends with a girl without making her out to be some kind of sick love interest.
Her bedroom is a safe haven for her to cry, the fairy lights and polaroids Lilly put up watching her so that she doesn’t feel like she’s breaking down alone. If she doesn’t look too hard through the blur of her tears is like they’re little angles watching over her. Her focus landing on a photo that they’ed all taken at the beach on day when they were out. Mary’s eyes land instantly on Lilly, the way her pale skin had pushed up against Mary’s deep brown, their hair tangling together slightly in the wind. She looks at the photo now and feels sickeningly like a monster. The putrid black rot inside of her crawls up tendrils latching onto her as she finds it harder to breathe by the second. She’s sure there’s something evil inside her and she can feel it now. And she must because other people notice it too, other people see it in her, Bella certainly did. She hasn’t hugged anyone without reservation since she was sixteen surely Lilly noticed and Mary’s guilt is doubled. She’d brushed Lilly off just now, the darkness like smoke curling through her lungs, twisting her words into something dismissive and maddening. What would happen if everyone knew Mary, not as some silly snarky sometimes kind and funny girl but as this cruel awful thing she was. People always noticed, they always did. She was lucky her friends hadn’t left her yet, she could reap havoc she could destroy. - her vision came back into focus slowly with the hand that was placed on her shoulder, her mind hadn’t caught up yet, still reeling while she breathed heavy. Slowly the smoke cleared and through her easy eyes Mary could see one of the picture angles with red hair was next to her. Saying something gently into her ear.
“Dinner,” the voice is soft and considered and Mary wonders how long it took Lily to become as wonderfull as she is, or is she was born like that. Mary wished she could be more Like Lilly sometimes, she wasn’t at all soft or gentle like her.
“Huh,” her voice is horse like shed been yelling but it was just the twist of her breathing in her thought. Her mouth tasted like blood.
“Dinner’s ready, if you want it. Maybe we could watch Howles moving castle. Something to calm you down,”
“Mmmmh,” there’s a hand in Mary’s hair, something she hates when people touch. Most people, Lilly is an exception to everything.
“I made your favourite, I had a feeling you’re gonna need it today,” her voice was so soft and there were tears streaming down Mary’s face. “C’mon, you know it’ll make you feel better” Lilly pulled he up slightly, not touching her too much. Lilly never did. The first time they’d met Lilly had given Mary a hug so strong Mary had nearly panicked. Lilly was saying something about how much she’d heard about her from James. Mary had hastily, pulled away, trying not to be rude, she didn’t know how much James had said about her. Lilly had been less touchy with Mary, it made Mary feel almost guilty, but she preferred it to the anxiety that swept over her with any contact.