Chapter 1: second chance at life
Chapter Text
I'm awake.
Or more accurately, I'm conscious.
He hasn't heard the morning announcement from Monokuma, so does that mean he slept through it? Or was he waking up earlier? Why can he hear beeping all around him?
Where am I?
Shuichi blinks his eyes open, a headache already starting to form, throbbing in his head as if protesting at the very action. He checks his surroundings. He's expecting to wake up in the dorm room that he lived in for the past month or so. What he didn't expect was the situation happening in front of him. He's in a bed, surrounded by nurses that rush around with clipboards and chatter endlessly, the words a puzzle that he is too tired to even think about, let alone figure out.
Is this a new motive from Monokuma?
Focusing on something other than the pain in his head, he tries to remember, forcing a way through his fuzzy memories. Remember what happened the last time he was awake. His thoughts finally catch up to his instinctive reactions, and a few jumbled-up memories get dug up.
The killing game was over
Monokuma and the mastermind are dead
Maki and Himiko survived along with him
Thoughts and memories came rushing into his head, amplifying the headache rather than lessening the pain. Shuichi slams his eyes shut, then instantly regrets it. A wave of pain overwhelms him, and he instantly feels nauseous. He opens his eyes, frantically searching the room for anything he could use.
The chatter in the background got louder. No- not louder, closer. Heads swam into his vision overhead, mouths moving. The voices were muffled, as if he were listening from somewhere underwater. One of the figures seemed to understand what Shuichi needed, because when he leaned over, there was a bucket placed beside his bed. He threw up the contents of his stomach- which really wasn't a lot- tears stinging his eyes. Nurses kept rushing around, some of them talking louder and exiting his room, although Shuichi's attention was hardly on them.
His ears were ringing, his vision blurry, and the sweat sticking to his body and blankets didn't help with his nausea at all. He had questions like any other person would have in his situation, but his main focus right now was the only thing on his mind.
Find Maki and Himiko
He wasn't sure why he wanted to find them at all, fairly sure that neither of the two would know any more than he did. After all, if they all woke up in the same circumstances, Shuichi couldn't expect any of them to know anything. Despite that, all Shuichi wanted to do was find his friends again. He was in the outside world- probably- so they should group back up together. The other two survivors had to be somewhere nearby, considering they were in a hospital. The nurses were his best bet to get information, though Shuichi doubted his ability to properly hold a sane conversation at the moment. Eventually deciding that sleep was probably the best course of action, he closed his eyes, felt the exhaustion wash over him, and waited for the world to slip away into nothingness.
He slips in and out of consciousness over the next few hours- or days, since Shuichi can't bother keeping track- waking to a similar sight every time. The number of nurses slowly decreased, which was all Shuichi could tell from the muddled memories he had. The next time he was aware of waking up, his head was clearer- good news- and he didn't have quite as much trouble opening his eyes anymore.
At least his memory now was a little better than last time. He remembers the killing game. What happened right before this? Tsumugi had outed herself as the mastermind; he knew that much. Keebo had self-destructed to break the end wall, and there were three survivors: Him, Maki, and Himiko. Kaede had killed Rantaro, Kirumi had killed Ryoma, Kiyo had killed Angie and Tenko, Gonta had killed Miu, and... Kaito... he had killed Kokichi. But Kaede wasn't the one who killed Rantaro- Tsumugi was- and the entire game had been a lie. What was that supposed to mean? Was he also a lie? All the memories he had? His aunt and uncle? Even the first case he solved that remained imprinted in his memory? His thoughts started to spiral. As a distraction from his thoughts, he gave himself a different task.
Focus on finding where you are, Shuichi
As much as he could from a lying-down position, he tried to properly see his new room. Not surprisingly, it was a lot easier now than he remembered from the last time he was awake. Obviously, sitting up would be a good course of action to take if he wanted to see more. He ignored his body's protests as he forced himself out of bed and sat on the edge, observing. Nobody was in the room, and there weren't any visible weapons as far as he could see. That didn't mean that this place was safe, but it was enough to know that he wasn't in any immediate danger- for now.
As expected, it was a stereotypical hospital room. It was white, blue, white, a little brown as floor tiling if he was lucky, and- who would've guessed it- more white. At least he finally knew what the infuriating beeping was- a heart monitor- and would've facepalmed for his stupidity if he could actually move properly. There were curtains around his bed that were pulled back, and on the far corner of the room, there was a desk with a laptop- presumably where the doctor would sit. As he started to slowly calm down, the voices started to register in his mind. Two people were arguing from just outside his door, and Shuichi listened in.
"Why can't you let us see him?!"
The voice was worried, concerned, and a lot of other emotions that Shuichi didn't have enough energy to peel apart. The speaker was a female voice he knew all too well, his mood lifting just at the thought of seeing her again. But how was she alive? Was she even alive? Were they in the afterlife?
A calm voice- the doctor or the nurse- responded to the first speaker, shutting her down.
"He's just woken up, and he is not in the right mental state to be seeing you. Perhaps when he's rested up and feeling better, you can come back."
A third speaker, another voice that Shuichi didn't even notice at first but still recognizes, quietly convinces the first speaker to leave.
"C'mon, Kaede. The doctor's probably right. He's just woken up, and we can't expect him to be perfectly fine after everything that's happened. Let him rest a little. He probably needs it."
It took a while for what the voice had said to register in Shuichi's mind, but after it did, it was like an explosion took off. Kaede? Kaede, as in Kaede Akamatsu? And why did the third speaker sound so hauntingly similar to Rantaro?
The shock stunned him for a while, the possibility of Kaede and Rantaro being alive momentarily freezing him in place. If they were alive, that meant there was a possibility of everybody else being alive. Gonta might be alive. Kirumi, Tenko, Angie, Kiyo, K1-B0, Ryoma, Miu, Kokichi, Tsumu- he stopped himself right there. He couldn't stand the sound of her name, even if it was only in his mind. How could he ever face her again without feeling hatred, knowing she was the reason for their pain? Wait-
Kaito! If Kaito was alive, that would be all the more reason to go see Maki.
"Wait- !" He forced the words out, desperately trying to get the attention of the nurse outside. He had to say it. Had to see her. Had to know she was alive. Had to know if everybody else was alive. He tenses, taking a step closer to the door while using the bed as support, shaking. He knew that this was reckless, but why would he care? Kaede Akamatsu was outside, and even if the world was ending, nothing would be stopping him from getting to the door.
... is what he would be saying, if he had better walking capability than the average one-year-old toddler. Unfortunately, Shuichi did not have that kind of luxury. Once he reached for the door and let go of the bed frame, his legs gave out from under him, and he collapsed to the floor. The only thing cushioning the fall were his hands, which shook from the impact.
The nurse must have heard the commotion because the door opened soon after. Kaede and Rantaro's worried expressions peeked out from behind the nurse, who immediately got to work helping Shuichi up.
"Why were you on the floor?! Don't do things like that!" The nurse's face looked down at him, half in worry, half in disappointment. Shuichi didn't even hear her, words going in one ear and out the other. His entire focus was on the two people standing in the doorway, peering down at him with concerned faces. Two people he thought he'd never see again. Two people he thought were dead.
"K- Kaede... ?" His voice cracked, barely holding back on the rush of emotion going through him. "I- Is that you... ? Am I dead?"
He wasn't sure what he was expecting her to say or do, but what she did next definitely wasn't on the list. She smiled, as if what Shuichi was asking was perfectly hilarious, and knelt down to his eye level.
"No, no, you're not dead. We're alive, Shuichi. We're all alive."
She hugged him, the warmth and comfort instantly calming him down, something that he hadn't been able to do for a long time. He barely registered Rantaro kneeling down next to him, only snapping back to reality at the sound of a question.
"What... were you doing on the floor?" Rantaro's tone was calm, quiet, and non-judgemental. Still, Shuichi couldn't help but feel embarrassed as he stuttered a little, explaining.
"W- well... I- I heard you two... so... I wanted to see you..." He looked away from them, searching for anything else in the room to divert his attention to, not wanting to see their expressions at this particular moment. Luckily, Kaede and Rantaro weren't the type to tease Shuichi about his shy personality- at least not in a moment like this- when Shuichi was finally reunited with them. They stayed silent. Inside, Shuichi was grateful for that. He needed time to process everything that had happened, and they seemed quite happy to give him all the time he needed. The hug lasted a few minutes, but the minutes felt like they dragged on for hours. It took a while for Shuichi to register that he was crying, hot streaks left on his cheeks leaving damp patches on Kaede's shoulder. It felt like so long since the last time he cried, and at the same time it felt like it was just yesterday. Of course, nothing can last forever. Kaede and Rantaro said their goodbyes, their concerns, their promises to see each other soon, and quietly shut the room door behind them as they left.
The nurse still in the room helped him up from the floor, supporting his weight until he found himself seated on the edge of the bed again. She paced the room, fussing over his possible injuries from the fall, shooting him disappointed looks from wherever she happened to be in the room. Shuichi tuned the nurse out, nodding occasionally when the she snapped at him for attention, and instead thought about the things he should ask Kaede once he was released from bed rest. At least, he was pretty sure bed rest was what he was supposed to be on, judging from the way the nurse seemed to be turning away visitors.
The next few days had passed in a blur, and neither Kaede nor Rantaro visited him during that time. Clearly the nurses were doing a better job of keeping them out than Shuichi expected, or maybe the first time they came over was just a one-off thing. Either way, it felt like an eternity had passed until the one morning when the doctors told him he could join the rest of his friends again.
"Mandatory group therapy is on Sunday mornings. If you don't know where to go, just follow your classmates. Don't get into fights and follow the rules from other doctors. There are signs around this facility to tell you where you can't go as well, so pay attention."
With the long list of rules Shuichi quickly committed to memory, he set off to find Kaede and Rantaro. His nurse- her name was Ayano, he remembered- had told him that they all gathered at the cafeteria in the mornings, and had given him directions on how to get there.
He hurried down the hall as fast as his body would let him go, reaching the doors to the cafeteria in record time- not that there was a precedent- and stood there. What was he supposed to do once he got in? He already hear the chaos unfolding inside, Tenko's signature voice yelling at Kiyo- something about how degenerate men could never have been trusted- and the rest of them calmly talking as if this was a normal occurrence. He was about to turn back when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and a voice suddenly spoke up behind him.
"Shuichi? What're you doing here? Aren't you going to go in?"
Startled, he spins around to see who it was and finds Kaede standing a little while away, looking at him with the same kind eyes she always had.
"Kaede?! I- I mean, yeah... I was just going to go in..." Shuichi mumbles out a reply, immediately regretting it the moment the words left his mouth. Good job. He just single-handedly blocked off his escape route, meaning he now had no choice but to go inside. He could practically hear the sarcastic applause in his own brain.
Fortunately, Kaede didn't seem to pick up on his discomfort, instead starting up a conversation.
"If you're here, that means you're off bed rest," Her eyes lit up with hope as she continued talking, "so you can join us for group therapy! And game nights! And- !"
Bang!
Her excited rambling was interrupted by what sounded like something heavy falling onto the floor, and it came from inside the cafeteria. Expression changing almost immediately from excited to worried, she quickly turned away from Shuichi to push the cafeteria door open, him following suit and entering right after.
The loud noise was quickly explained by the scene they found inside when they opened the door. A broken chair lay on the floor off to the side, and Tenko was sheepishly standing beside it, trying to fix it. It turns out that what happened was really quite simple- Tenko threw a chair at Kiyo, and he dodged- and understandable considering her shouts from earlier.
None of the other students in the cafeteria seemed to care much about Tenko's rage, which led Shuichi to believe that this was something that happened often, if not everyday. At the sight of Kaede and Shuichi, voices immediately started, all talking over one another to try and speak to him first.
"Hey Shuichi! You finally woke up! It's about time you- "
"Nya hahahaha! Atua's divine power has- "
"Poo-ichi, you vir- "
"Nyeh... welco- "
"Shui-"
"Congra- "
Voices blurred together, created a mess of noise that he couldn't pull apart. Shuichi was quite positive that he could not respond in time, and when a loud booming voice interrupted and silenced all the other speakers, he looked up to find a familiar purple haired man with his signature goatee.
"Long time no see, Shuichi! I knew my sidekick wouldn't let that bear beat him!" Kaito's voice was booming, as it always was, and he showed no sign of the fatigue and illness he had back in the game. He patted Shuichi on the back- it was more of a shove- and proceeded to drag him to a corner to hold a conversation. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Maki-Roll is, would you? The nurses won't tell me a THING! Can you BELIEVE that?!"
"Ah- Kaito... I- I don't know anything about Maki, sorry... I just got off bed rest. How've you been? You... don't look as sick as you were before?" Shuichi wasn't really sure how to breach the topic of Kaito's illness, seeing how he was so secretive about the entire thing during the game. Unexpectedly, Kaito laughed.
"HA! You really think something like that could defeat me, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars?! That puny little disease is beyond me!" Whatever happened to Kaito from his failed execution to now, Shuichi figures it was a good change for him, if it got rid of his sickness.
"Um... Kaito? How are you alive... ? How is everybody here alive? I- I thought you all- "
He trailed off. Shuichi wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. He didn't think he'd ever find the right words to finish the sentence. Not with the way the killing game had affected them all mentally.
"Oh, that? Easy! The doctors explained it to all of us! Ok well, I didn't really understand it either," Kaito answered confidently, before scratching the back of his head sheepishly, "all I know is that apparently the game was some simulation thing? Whatever that means, all of us are alive!"
Simulation? That was it? All of their suffering, their pain, their desperation, hope and despair, it was all fake? He knew Tsumugi had been hinting at something when she said the killing game was a lie, but Shuichi never thought- never realized- that Tsumugi meant that as literally as she said it. The world swam in his vision, and he felt a wave of nausea roll over him.
Alive. All of them were alive. The classmates that he'd condemned to death, the classmates that he'd never gotten a chance to get close to, the classmates that had died to save them. They were all still alive.
Looking back up, he scanned the room to see where everybody was.
Kaede had left Shuichi with his own time to talk to Kaito, and was chatting with Rantaro in one corner of the room. Tenko was busy apologizing to all the girls for breaking the chair, all the while shooting glares at Kiyo. Ryoma was talking with Kirumi, Angie and Himiko were watching Tenko, Gonta was trying to put the chair back together, and Miu was telling anybody who was listen that the gorgeous genius girl was back to save the world with her inventions- classic Miu. One thing that stood out was that the victims of the killing game were quite comfortable talking with the blackened of their murder- excluding Tenko. Kaede seemed perfectly fine talking with Rantaro- though he supposes she apologized over and over- and Ryoma was chatting with Kirumi too. But still...
"Where's Kokichi and Keebo? And you said Maki wasn't here too... ?"
Kaito's face dropped. It must be something that Kaito wasn't really happy about, he realizes. Although it did make Shuichi curious. Maki was always strong, physically or mentally speaking. It was weird for him and Himiko to be awake and moving before Maki was, so what was she doing... ?
"Well, about that. Keebo was a robot, so, well, his body couldn't be... brought back into the game. I still don't know where Maki-roll is, but that purple gremlin? Why do you care about that little piece of shit? He's still in a coma, from what I've heard. Not that we hear a lot about him, y'know. Nobody really cares. About Keebo though, " Kaito's voice was very expressive on how he felt. Clearly he was still mad about not getting any info about Maki, and Shuichi could practically picture Kaito punching the living daylights out of Kokichi just from his tone. "Miu's trying to rebuild Keebo, and since she's the Ultimate Inventor, we're just leaving her to it. Her and Keebo were pretty close, after all."
Ah. So Miu was trying to rebuild Keebo. It didn't occur to Shuichi that Keebo wouldn't be 'alive' in a sense, but after Kaito said it, it did make sense. Plus, Miu did always have some kind of admiration for Keebo, so it was understandable for her to rebuild him from scratch. Kokichi on the other hand? Shuichi had mixed feelings. Every time he thinks about Kokichi, his mind flashes to the jokes, the games, the lies, the flirting way he kept talking around him. It didn't take very long for his mind to drift to the scene at the hangar, blood spilling from the press, making puddles on the floor big enough to make anybody queasy.
"That makes sense... I'll see if I can talk to the nurses for you- about Maki, I mean." He absentmindedly promised Kaito he'd find information on Maki- not that he wasn't planning to- and walked away to rejoin Kaede and Rantaro.
"That's my sidekick! I knew I could count on you! If anybody can get it out of them, I'm sure you can!" Kaito's voice followed him from behind as he left, and he knew what expression would be on his face without even looking. The same Kaito, smiling, holding out a thumbs-up, encouraging them all to keep going.
As he approached, Kaede and Rantaro's conversation abruptly stopped, before Kaede waved at Shuichi to invite him over.
"Hey Kaede... I just talked to Kaito, I- I have a few questions... "
A few questions was an understatement. Not knowing anything was giving him a headache, and he still hasn't gotten over the mere fact that they're alive.
Where were they?
What's the organization running this?
What really was the killing game?
Where was Maki?
Where was Kokichi?
What are they going to do with their lives now?
Then it occurred to him. As much as it hurt him to think about her at all, what had happened to Tsumugi after the killing game? He hadn't seen her in the cafeteria, none of them had even mentioned her, and everybody seemed to have forgotten her existence. No, Shuichi realized. Not forgotten. There was no way they could forget her, not after everything that had happened. They hadn't forgotten about her, they were pointedly ignoring her existence, just like Shuichi had been doing. None of them wanted to breach the topic.
"Yeah, sure, what is it? I had a lot of questions when I woke up too, so don't worry." Kaede's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, temporarily calming down the whirlwind of questions going through him. If she was going to answer them all, it would take a while.
"Well, I have a few questions. I guess what I want to know the most right now is... where are we? Like- this is the outside world, right? We're... out of the killing game?" Shuichi asked, genuinely, because there was no way he could rest easy if he didn't know where he was. Kaito had said that the killing game was over, but if that were true, where were they staying at now?
"This place is a hospital run by Danganronpa meant for the people that participated in the killing game, Shuichi. Oh- Danganronpa is the name of the killing game, if you didn't already know" Kaede's answer seemed to leave endless more questions for Shuichi. People that participated in the killing game? No matter how rich Danganronpa is, they wouldn't have built a hospital for sixteen people. There would have to have been more to make the organization build a hospital, and just the thought of the other killing games made his blood boil. Even if they auditioned, even if they signed up for this, the people running this place were sick, and the people enjoying it were even worse.
"I see. And... do you two happen to know where Maki is? Anything? Kaito's really worried." Might as well ask. Shuichi isn't holding much hope for Kaede or Rantaro to know about Maki's whereabouts, but there's no harm in trying.
"No I haven't, sorry" Kaede's answer came quick, and apologetically
"I haven't seen her around either." Rantaro's was a little more polite, seeing as he didn't know Shuichi all that well.
"It's fine... you guys wouldn't happen to know anything about Kokichi... would you?" He needed to know. Even if he wasn't sure what he was planning to do with that information, he needed to know. Tsumugi was one thing- she had been the mastermind- but Kokichi was different. Even if he had tricked them, lied to them, manipulated them, and had been a total asshole, his intentions were the same as everybody else.
Kaede's face dropped. It wasn't very noticeable- Rantaro's was more obvious- but it was enough for Shuichi to know that she was hesitating. It was exactly what he expected, after all the work Kokichi had put into making people hate him, but it still hurt. Kokichi hadn't done anything malicious until the fourth trial- Gonta's trial- and yet every single person in the class was convinced of his evil right from the start. At the same time, he couldn't help but be impressed at the way Kokichi had managed to manipulate them all into believing that he was evil, all the while never doing anything to actually prove it until much later in the game. It made Shuichi mad- in a sense- from the fact that none of them trusted Kokichi even after the events of the fifth trial.
"No... we haven't. All we got was that he's still in a coma." Her tone was guarded. But not in the way that made Shuichi think she was hiding anything. It was guarded in the sense that Kaede was worried about him. Worried about what she thought he was going to do with the information.
It was understandable, really, why she had concerns about him seeing Kokichi. The worry could go both ways, whether she was worried about Kokichi or Shuichi.
1. Kaede thought seeing Kokichi was bad for Shuichi's mental state
2. Though Shuichi was not one of the people who wanted to throttle Kokichi, it wasn't an understatement to say that nobody liked Kokichi very much.
Of course Shuichi could understand why Kaede would think that. But then again, understanding did not mean acceptance and no, Shuichi didn't accept that. There was no way he could, not when he still had a problem to solve and a Kokichi to unravel.
"Alright, thanks Kaede... that's what Kaito told me too..." He sent her a grateful look that she accepted with a smile, before saying his goodbyes to the group in the cafeteria and settled for wandering the hospital hallways.
Every hall looked pretty much the same, the only difference he could visibly notice being the numbers on the rooms. He vaguely remembered Ayano- the nurse- telling him that his room number was 415. There was no way the people that distributed their rooms would separate the group by a large margin, right? The other classmates would have to be somewhere near his room number, although there was no way of knowing if it was the same floor, same hall, or some other separation. Separation by gender or by sanity wasn't out of the question, given Tenko's outbursts and his totally stable mental state.
Either way, he didn't have a clue where he was going to say the least, but he did know where he wanted to go.
To find the source of his headaches
To go get answers
To see Kokichi.
Chapter 2: calm before the storm
Notes:
as of writing this, nothing worthy of ao3 author curse has happened yet. so thank god.
Kokichi's personality is complicated af, so I hope i don't completely screw up while writing later chapters
If there are any suggestions for improvement or future plot, leave them in the comments <3
thank you to my friends for beta-reading over my work :3
(warning: miu's dirty mouth)
Chapter Text
It turns out, wandering the halls aimlessly was not a good idea when it came to finding a specific person. Especially if you considered the fact that most of the doors were locked, and the unlocked ones usually led to either a supply closet or a bathroom. Well, that was fine, wasn’t it? It wasn’t like finding Kokichi would be an easy task. Ending the killing game wasn’t an easy task either, and they’d still managed to pull it off. Still, even Shuichi had to agree that this was not a long-term plan, if he could even call it a plan at all.
He rounded another corner and found an impossibly long corridor, doors taunting him from both sides. Then it hits him. Ayano worked here. She was the closest source of information that Shuichi could access at the moment, and if he was lucky, she’d be in his room. Finding his way back to his room was not that hard, considering that he actually knew the room number he was looking for.
At least luck was on his side. He hadn’t even made it to his room when he saw her in the hallway, pushing a tray further down the aisle.
“Ayano!” He called out her name, praying that she’d hear him. Luck really did love him today- she’d turned around at his voice- and Shuichi practically sighed with relief. He sprinted down the hall, ignoring the pain in his chest- and the no running signs- and skidded to a stop right in front of her.
“Shuichi… ?” Ayano peered down at him, a confused yet worried expression visible on her features. “Why are you running? Didn’t you see the signs? And you shouldn’t be exercising yet! It gets in the way of your recovery!”
Shuichi barely registered the words coming out of her mouth. Whatever she was advising him to do, it was probably the best course of action, considering his physical state. His chest hurt, his lungs burned, and his legs ached. He’d never been athletic, sure, but there was no way he was this weak. Still, he wasn’t going to let her keep droning on about health concerns without asking her some questions.
“Ayano, sorry to bother you. I have a few questions I think you might be able to answer… ?” Shuichi wasn’t expecting much. Ayano could sigh, apologize, and say that it was confidential or that there was some patient privacy thing. There wasn’t anything he could do to protest against something like that, and if Ayano really wasn’t going to say anything, he’d just have to suck it up.
“Oh, sure! What did you want to ask? I’ll answer to the best of my ability!”
Wait- what? Wasn’t this a little too easy? Or does Ayano just not care?
“My classmates told me… that some others haven’t woken up yet,” Shuichi pointedly left out Kaito’s name from the conversation, to avoid dragging him into unwanted trouble if this did turn out to be for nothing, “like… Maki Harukawa? And Kokichi Ouma. I… was wondering if you could… tell me their room numbers? I- If it’s not too much trouble…”
Ayano’s brow furrowed. It wasn’t noticeable, and the only reason Shuichi saw it was because he might as well have been staring at her face.
“Miss Maki is awake already, that I’m sure of… as for where she is, I have no idea,” Ayano’s voice was guarded. The exact same tone of voice that Kaede had when she told him about Kokichi’s condition. Did nobody trust him around here? “But when it comes to Kokichi… it’s sort of a special case.”
A special case? Did she mean the fact that he hadn’t woken up from a coma yet? It was weird, Shuichi realized.
If we followed the timeline of deaths, Kokichi was the tenth person to exit the killing game. Kaito was executed after him, K1-B0 self-destructed, Tsumugi was crushed, and then there were the three survivors who left the game last. Excluding K1-B0 and Tsumugi, every other person was at least awake, so what was wrong with Kokich that made him so special?
“What do you mean by a ‘special case’?” Even though he’d gotten this far with his theory, he still had to make sure. It wasn’t as if his classmates were very open with the information about Kokichi, if they had any at all other than ‘he’s in a coma’.
“I’m sure you’ve heard that he’s still in a coma, correct?” So she did know. But with the way she was talking, it was almost as if there was something more that she didn’t think he knew about.
Something important.
“Is that… all that’s happened to him?” Shuichi hadn’t come this far to give up now. If there was something wrong with Kokichi, he’d find out what. Whether or not he could help- whether or not he would help- didn’t matter. He wasn’t leaving empty-handed.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that there’s something wrong with him. When he was killed in the game, his mind completely believed that was the end for him, so it’s not waking up even if he’s physically alive.”
Ah. So that’s what was wrong with Kokichi. Summed up in Shuichi’s mind, it basically translated to ‘Take that Shumai~ I won't stop giving you heart attacks from worry even when I’m unconscious!’. He could practically see his face swimming in his vision, mocking, laughing, running away from him.
“Our best doctors are working to help him regain consciousness, and they say it’ll take from three days to two weeks.”
“Do you know which room he’s in?”
Why? Why did he ask for that? Was he planning on visiting? He didn’t think he had enough mental strength to be able to stand looking at Kokichi’s face. Clearly Ayano didn’t think so either, because she frowned. Ever so slightly, the corners of her lips tilted to show disappointment.
“Shuichi, I wouldn’t recommend visiting him. I’m not sure it’d be good for you or him. But… you’ve already made up your mind, haven’t you?”
He nodded. Even if Ayano wasn’t going to tell him, she had given him enough information. If the doctors were working on helping Kokichi regain consciousness, there would be a lot of people at his door going in and out. That narrowed his search quite a bit, and it would only be a matter of time before he found Kokichi’s room. He looked up when he heard a resigned sigh.
“Room 405. Right down the hall. I don’t think you’ll listen but still, I don’t suggest visiting.”
Oh. She said his room number. That certainly made things a lot easier. At least one of his objectives was done, and that just left finding Maki on his to-do list. He muttered a ‘thank you’ to her retreating figure before he made his way back down the hall.
It was getting close to noon, and the only reason why Shuichi could even tell the time was the occasional clock or electronic display that showed the time differences. Returning to his own room, he found that Ayano had already been in his room, with there being clear signs of someone cleaning out the room and making the bed.
He searched the room for a while, eventually finding a notebook placed in an extremely obtuse location- seriously, why was it behind the bed- and got writing. After all, he’d learned some important things from Ayano, and he didn’t trust his memory right now.
Kokichi in room 405, unconscious
Maki is awake, location unknown
Tsumugi? location also unknown
Sighing, he put the notebook into the pocket of his jacket and left the room, making his way to the cafeteria. Kirumi was probably already making a meal, and it had been far too long since he had eaten Kirumi’s cooking. He hadn’t gotten to try it ever since Kirumi was executed for killing Ryoma in their second class trial.
Shaking his head out of his own thoughts, he pushed open the door to find most of the class- excluding Kokichi, Maki, Tsumugi, and K1-B0- already seated. Kaede and Rantaro waved him over, and Kirumi gave him a small bow as he made his way to their table. He glanced at Kirumi, dressed in a hospital gown and yet still retaining all of the professionalism and efficiency she had in the game. Scanning the room, he saw that the rest of the group had already scattered into small groups.
Tenko, Angie, and Himiko were seated to the left of their table. Kiyo was leaning on a wall while talking with Ryoma, who seemed to be one of the only people who remained neutral to him. Kirumi had shut herself into the kitchen area, busying herself with making lunch, and Gonta was helping carry the large plates of food. Miu was nowhere to be seen, though Shuichi figured she had stayed up all night working on rebuilding K1-B0 and was probably asleep in her room. Where was Kaito… ?
“You were gone the entire morning! What were you even doing?” Kaede’s question shook him out of his observations, and he looked back across the table to meet her gaze.
“I had a look around the hospital, that’s all… asked a few questions. I went back to my room to rest too, since… it’s a little overwhelming.”
He tried to keep his answer as not-suspicious and inconspicuous as possible. Kaede was already worried about him and not without reason, and he didn’t need or want her to be looking over his shoulder at everything he did.
Kaede nodded, and didn’t respond. It was pretty obvious that she didn’t believe him for a second, but at least she understood that he didn’t want to tell her and didn’t keep prying. It wasn’t as if Shuichi was planning a revolution or something important either- if he was, he’d probably tell her- but it didn’t stop the feeling of guilt churning in his stomach as he watched her look back down at her plate and go back to eating lunch.
He sat there for a while longer to avoid being impolite, as in ‘he can’t come join them for lunch and leave literally 5 minutes later without eating anything’, having lost his appetite from the conversation with Kaede.
“I’ll… go look for Maki. Kaito wanted me to do that…”
Lying felt terrible, the bitter taste left in his mouth that made Shuichi want to take it back. Especially to Kaede. The fact that he was able to reunite with Kaede was already a miracle, and yet Shuichi was corrupting it by piling on lie after lie.
Still, Shuichi didn’t apologize. He waved goodbye, said thanks to Kirumi for the food, and left the cafeteria. There were things to do, places to go, and people to try and see.
He was back at it: wandering the halls and hoping that he’d find someone he knew. Well, this time the attempt to find someone was a little more successful than last time, leading to him encountering a wild Miu in one of the spare rooms. A Miu that did not seem to show any interest in him at all, and was focused on smacking away at some metal pieces.
His brain supplied useless information about how to start a conversation, which was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do at the moment. She looked busy, so Shuichi figured he’d let her be. He turned around to leave, to keep looking around for Maki and eventually make his way to Kokichi’s room.
“Hey Poo-ichi, what’cha doin’ just standing at my door?! Staring at my fucking awesome gorgeous genius girl figure, are you?!”
Too late. He should’ve left earlier. He turned around with a smile, waving a little.
“It’s nice to see you too, Miu. I heard you were working on rebuilding Keebo… ?”
He questioned her, since she wasn’t the only one who missed their favorite robot, even if Keebo was the only robot they knew. Despite being a robot, Keebo had behaved remarkably more human than even some of their classmates during the events of the killing game (ahem, looking at you Kokichi), and Shuichi had to admit that he did miss him.
“Fuck yeah! I get to build Keebo just like I wanted him! He’s gonna be a real man after I’m done with him!”
Yeah. Expected. That was in-character for Miu.
“You two were… really close in the game, too. I’ll just leave you to it then… ?” He reached for his hat to hide his eyes since he was nervous, only to feel nothing there.
Even if the habit wasn’t completely gone yet, Shuichi didn’t have a hat when he woke up in the hospital room a few days ago. So, of course, he wasn’t wearing a hat now. Nothing to hide his eyes. He’d never felt comfortable with Miu ever since he’d met her. Sure, they’d all gotten used to her antics, but it wasn’t like he was comfortable with what she was saying.
“Hah! You virgins wouldn’t understand a genius like me anyway!” Shuichi left her laughing in her room and continued down the hall in his search for Maki.
After he wandered the hall for what felt like hours, Shuichi started his walk to return to his own room after a productive day. He hadn’t gotten any leads on Maki, but he did get Kokichi’s room number and find out the reason why he was still in a coma.
By the time he got back to room 415, he felt like his back was going to snap in two. Maybe walking along hallway after hallway for a few hours wasn’t good for him.
He looked over his notebook again as he sat on the edge of his bed, mentally making a schedule for the next day. Breakfast at the cafeteria- that was a given- and then he’d visit Kokichi’s room. Depending on how long the visit was, he’d have some time left in the afternoon to go look for Maki, since he’d already promised Kaito to look.
The bed creaked as he lifted the blankets to go to bed, listening to the occasional doctor or nurse passing by his door as he fell asleep.
He woke up to a flash of bright light and immediately pulled his head under the covers to avoid the sunlight. Groaning, he held onto the blanket as something- someone- tried to pull it off of him.
“C’mon, Shuichi. Wake up! We’re all waiting for you in the cafeteria!”
A familiar voice came through, and Shuichi peeked out from under the covers to see a girl looking down at him- Kaede. Wait, what? How late was he if everybody else was already in the cafeteria? That would push his entire schedule back for who knows how long!
He immediately kicked off the blankets and put on his jacket, and got out of bed in a hurry.
“Thanks for waking me up, Kaede!” He yelled at her as he ran down the hall, hearing her voice call back after him. “Don’t run so fast! You’re not fully healed!”
He jogged down the hall, lungs protesting at every step he took, and arrived at the cafeteria. According to the clock suspended on the wall, it read 10:39. Monokuma’s morning announcement usually plays at 8 AM- Shuichi can practically hear his squeaky, grating voice- which would mean that he overslept his usual schedule by two and a half hours.
When he pushed the door open, exclamations from all the other people gathered there started, overlapping each other and talking about how late he was. A hand slapped on his back- Kaito- and he vaguely heard Tenko yelling about how degenerate males wasted their time by showing up late.
Kaede entered the cafeteria a few minutes after Shuichi did- clearly she didn’t run the whole way- and took a seat next to him. Even if not all of them were gathered, seeing them reunited and eating together in a cafeteria reminded Shuichi of the peaceful times at the very beginning of the killing game.
Back when none of them knew what was going to happen. Back when Kaede had been alive, when Kirumi was still making breakfast for them, and when everybody still trusted each other.
He smiled. It wouldn’t be the same, it never would, but this was close enough. Shuichi would take this over waking up in worry and fear any day.
He watched as Kirumi busied herself in the kitchen making the food each of them preferred to eat while Gonta carried the finished dishes up to tables. It was a familiar yet distant scene in his memory, and it was one that Shuichi thought he’d never see again.
The fact that he hadn’t eaten yesterday was catching up to him, and he practically breathed in the plate of food that Gonta had set down on the table. Kaede was telling him to eat slower while laughing, and Rantaro was chuckling on the side too. Shuichi felt his face get hot, and he lowered his gaze to the floor in embarrassment.
There was something on his mind, though, which he felt like he needed to get an answer to. What was the timeline here? What day was it? What month was it? What year was it? He didn’t know exactly how long he had spent in the simulation, so he figured that was probably useful information.
“Hey Kaede, do you know what day it is? And the date?”
She looked over at Shuichi, and her face scrunched up in something that Shuichi interpreted as confusion, like she didn’t actually know the date.
“Well, it’s Wednesday, I think it’s April 19, and the year is 2017.”
Well, that was interesting. It wasn’t like there was anything interesting about the date, but Shuichi couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. He never knew the date in the killing game, and he’d lost all memory of his pre-game. Safe to say, he was not very caught up on the current time.
“I know it’s confusing, Shuichi, but don’t worry! All of us were just as confused as you, if not more, since nobody was here to explain to us.”
He spent the rest of breakfast catching up with Kaede over what happened during the time she’d been awake, when the rest of them were still in the killing game. What he learned was interesting. The killing game was broadcast across nearly every platform, and so the participants who died early on in the game could watch the rest of the game from the hospital. He felt boiling anger rise up from somewhere inside him. Kokichi had figured it out before any of them, and he’d said it best.
“The bastards who created this game and the shits enjoying it… they all piss me off ! ”
He made a mental note himself to watch the season they’d participated in. Whether or not he’d be able to stand seeing his classmates die all over again, he had to see what exactly the rest of the world saw.
Speaking of Kokichi, Shuichi really was getting too far off-track. He stood up, ready to make his way to Kokichi’s room, when Angie popped into his vision.
“Nya hahahaha! We are alive thanks to Atua! Have you prayed to Atua yet, Shuichi? Atua accepts blood donations too, and it only takes one or two pints!” Angie had her hands together, resembling a prayer, except she was smiling widely at Shuichi.
“I’d die if I gave you that much! And um, no, I haven’t prayed. Not yet,” Shuichi didn’t really know how to respond to that- to her. Angie had tried to brainwash every person into believing in Atua during the game, and Shuichi hadn’t forgotten that. He didn’t have time right now for Atua, however, and he had to get out of the cafeteria somehow. “Angie, could you- ”
“You degenerate male! I knew you couldn’t be trusted! Asking for a favor from a girl?! We all know what you’re up to!” Tenko’s voice slammed into their conversation uninvited, and Tenko herself appeared moments later already in an offensive position. “Don’t worry Angie, I won’t let this degenerate male lay a hand on you!”
“Um… Tenko… ?”
It wasn’t like this was the first time something like this had happened, but Shuichi was not going to waste time on this right now. Still, he did understand Tenko’s personality, and he knew that he was not going to get through to her at the moment. Though there was one person who Shuichi knew could help. He shot a pleading look at Himiko. As best as he could, considering that Tenko was currently threatening to ‘maul’ him.
At least Himiko seemed to understand what Shuichi needed, because she spoke up in her usual tired voice.
“Nyeh… I need to go now. I’ve been saving up MP for a new spell, and I need a partner. Does anybody… ?” She looked around the room questioningly, though nobody responded other than Tenko.
“Oh! Himiko, I'll help! Gladly! Just tell me what you need me to do! I can kick out all the degenerate males for you too!” Tenko stopped brandishing her fist at Shuichi and left to go join Himiko, leaving the cafeteria. He breathed out a sigh of relief and waved at Kaede and Rantaro before getting ready to leave the cafeteria too.
“Hey, wait up!”
Shuichi turned around at the voice, and found Kaito coming up to him with a wide smile.
“Ah, Kaito! Is this about Maki again? I still haven’t found her…” He figures it was probably about Maki and his promise, so he told him the truth to spare him the time of asking. Though, it wasn’t about Maki at all.
“Nah, it’s not about that. And don’t worry ‘bout it, sidekick! I came to ask if ya wanted to join us on game night? Kaede should’ve mentioned it, right? Game nights in her room every Saturday evening!”
Game nights… ? He did vaguely remember Kaede mentioning it when he just woke up, though he’d been in too much of a daze to remember much of what she said.
“Yeah… I’ll come, of course. Thanks for reminding me.”
Kaito laughed loudly before patting him on the back and leaving to go join Kaede and Rantaro at the table Shuichi had been sitting at.
Taking this as his chance to avoid any more unwanted conversations between classmates, he left the cafeteria in a hurry. He pushed open the doors and turned right to head to the staircase, almost immediately colliding with something- or someone.
The force wasn’t that strong, though he did stumble a few steps back before he checked who it was that he had bumped into. It was Miu, and she was looking like a vampire that hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. On second thought, that was probably accurate.
“S- sorry, Miu! I wasn’t looking where I was going!” Immediately, Shuichi rebalanced himself and apologized with a bow.
“Eep- ! W- what do you want with me… ! Oh, it’s just you, Poo-ichi,” He watched as Miu looked up nervously at the person that she’d bumped into, before quickly changing tones once she realized it was Shuichi. “You better watch where you’re going! You might’ve hurt my gorgeous tits!”
She brushed past Shuichi and entered the cafeteria, still laughing loudly. Shaking that encounter - that was interesting to say the least- from his memory, he made his way up the stairs and headed to Kokichi’s room.
He looked at the room numbers, passing his own room on the way down the hall. 409… 407… 405. This was it. Kokichi’s room.
He can't accept or forgive Kokichi, not after everything he's done. He can't bring himself to forgive the very person who practically sentenced Kaito to death. So why does he find himself standing in the hallway in front of the door, ready to knock? He’s manipulative, evil, and an annoying bastard who wouldn't stop bothering them during the game. He also knows that he sacrificed his life to end the very game he claimed to love, and despite everything, Shuichi couldn't think of any reason to not be worried about him.
He grits his teeth before turning the handle and stepping into the hospital room.
What greeted him was a rush of cool wind and a hospital room that looked almost exactly like his own, with the additional presence of the smell of disinfectant. Kokichi is lying in a hospital bed near the far corner, connected to tubes, IV, an oxygen mask, and heart monitors.
It felt wrong, to see Kokichi so motionless, so pale, so skinny, so… calm. Despite Kokichi’s height, none of them had ever noticed just how malnourished he was, because of his large presence. His bubbly personality, his exaggerated movements, and the dramatic facial expressions he always had made him someone who could fill up the room whenever he walked in.
To see that same person lying still on a hospital bed, sleeping peacefully, was extremely off-putting. It was a foreign concept already to see Kokichi not be pulling one of his usual antics. His hair was darker than it was in the game, nearly completely black, and though Shuichi didn’t think it was possible for him to get even paler, he was paler.
He sat by one of the stools next to his bed, talking to him. At a close proximity, it was easier to see Kokichi’s expression, even though there wasn’t much to see.
“Hey, Kokichi… maybe I really am losing it… talking to an unconscious person like this… ”
He could see Kokichi in his mind already, perfectly imagining the expression on his face, the words coming out of his mouth.
“Aww, is my beloved Shuichi missing me~ ? You must be reeeeally desperate to talk to me!”
He smiled. He could practically feel the headache coming from hearing Kokichi talk, but right now? He kind of wished it would happen .
He went on talking for a while, telling an unconscious person everything that had happened to him lately. Venting to a person who just listens feels good, Shuichi realizes, but he would seem a little crazy if someone walked in and saw him telling his life story to an unconscious person.
He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but he eventually whispered a goodbye to Kokichi’s still body and left the room. Exhaling, he realized that perhaps he was not sane if he was holding a conversation with a guy in a coma.
“Why the long face?”
He looked up in surprise at the sound of Maki’s voice, and there she was, coming up beside him while walking down the hall.
“Maki?! I thought you- where were you?” He spent hours looking for Maki, and she just happened to appear right in front of him as he was walking away from Kokichi’s room?
She looks down a little while twirling her hair around her finger, Shuichi not missing the subtle, uncomfortable signs she was showing. She started walking down the hall towards the cafeteria, so Shuichi followed while waiting for her response.
“I just didn’t know how to face everyone. So… I avoided you guys for a while. I didn’t expect you to be here, Shuichi.”
Well, that was understandable. Shuichi hadn’t been sure how to face anyone when he first woke up either, though he didn’t really have a choice. Kaede and Rantaro had been right there when he first woke up, and they’d helped him through it.
On one hand, Shuichi was pretty surprised that Kaito alone hadn’t been able to convince Maki to come out of hiding yet, but on the other hand, Kaito was probably the last person that Maki wanted to see.
“How’ve you been? Kaito made me promise to… y’know, look for you. He’s getting really worried. You should probably go see him?” Shuichi didn’t know how to say that more politely, but Maki understood his point.
“Yeah, I know that. I was going to do that right now. By the way, was it your room that you were leaving?”
Well, shoot. There was the million-dollar question that Shuichi didn’t want her to ask, nor did he want to answer. Maki hated Kokichi with all her heart, and Shuichi knew that. If he told Maki that it was Kokichi’s room, even though she had already said she wouldn’t do anything to him, there was no telling what she would do.
“Yeah… that was my room.” Shuichi lied. Again. The bitter taste was back, this time even stronger than before. It was a pretty obvious lie and even Shuichi could probably figure that out in a normal conversation. Kokichi’s voice rang out in his head, teasing.
“Oh c’mon Shumai~ You’re a horrible liar! If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable, stupid!”
As if on cue, Maki’s eyes narrowed, and she did not look impressed with him. She looked at Shuichi carefully before she spoke.
“You’re lying.”
Well, it’s not like it was new information that Shuichi was absolutely terrible at lying, but now he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond.
“So, whose room was it, Shuichi? Don’t even try to lie to me.”
He knew there was no point in lying. Maki was almost as good as Kokichi when it came to peeling apart lies, due to her training as an assassin.
“Kokichi. It was Kokichi’s room.”
He watched as her face dropped into a scowl, the familiar cold expression on Maki’s face that she had always worn before getting to know Kaito. She hated Kokichi, and it wasn’t without reason either. Kokichi was the reason Kaito died, practically sentenced him to death, and Maki had always been close with Kaito.
“Why him? I don’t know what you see in him. You were always trying to get close to him in the game too. Listen, Shuichi. He only causes trouble, and there’s no point in trying to properly talk with him.”
Her disgust was clearly expressed in her tone, the way her eyes almost seemed to glow red, and the held back anger that was coming from her. Shuichi was reminded of the period of time right before they found Kokichi’s body, when Maki was fully prepared to kill Kokichi. When she’d shot the arrow with Strike-9 poison at Kokichi, fully aware that it would kill him.
Shuichi was saved from having to answer by the cafeteria door, which they had already reached during the length of their conversation. He looked back at Maki before he quietly pushed open the door, almost immediately greeted by Kirumi. Did she never leave here or what?
Kaito was in the corner of the room listening to Gonta talk about something- probably bugs- and Shuichi watched as Kaito’s face practically lit up after he saw the group that walked in.
“Maki-roll! Where were you this whole time? Thanks, Shuichi! You really are a great sidekick!”
He came up to Maki and hugged her, which made the assassin blush a fierce red and shove Kaito a good 5 feet away from her. Chuckling, Kaito shrugged it off and instead started laughing, coming up to hug Shuichi as well. The hug was strong to say the least, but it did calm him down.
Kaito went back up to Maki, apologized for the sudden hug, and started talking nonstop. The game nights in Kaede’s room, group therapy, and a bunch of other random stuff that Shuichi wasn’t even sure if Maki was interested in. Kaito had just started going on about the constellations that were visible from the roof of the hospital when the doors of the cafeteria slammed open.
A nurse barged into the cafeteria and ran up to Shuichi, interrupting his conversation with Maki and Kaito and stopping in front of the three of them. They took a few steps back to give her some space and let her catch her breath, but she didn’t even need it and immediately started talking, words spilling from her mouth.
“You’re Shuichi, right? Shuichi Saihara?” She looked worried and looked like she was nearing the point of hyperventilating because of it. Shuichi could practically feel the urgency radiating off of her, so he nodded quickly as an answer to her question. The other people in the cafeteria began to group around them, trying to hear what the nurse was saying.
“It’s Kokichi. You were the one who visited him this afternoon, right? He woke up from his coma.”
Oh. Well, at least Shuichi knows he’s okay now. He tried to ignore the confused look on Kaito’s face and the menacing glare that Maki was giving the nurse, and the overall negative feeling that the crowd of people behind him were giving off. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, even though he knew that this animosity towards Kokichi was caused by Kokichi himself.
At least he knew Kokichi was an independent person. He could handle himself, right? He would certainly be annoying once he recovered, but that wasn’t the focus right now. Kokichi had woken up, which meant he could keep that guy off his mind and-
“He wants to see you.”
Chapter 3: a liar knows a liar
Notes:
first chapter in Kokichi POV, his personality was rlly hard
thank you to my friends for beta reading :3
apologies for any medical inaccuracies, if you notice something you can point it out <3
nothing ao3 author curse worthy yet :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He’s talking with Kaito in the hangar. He’s been asked why he wants to end the killing game, since he always says it’s fun. He’s convincing Kaito to kill him.
“That was a lie, obviously… H- how could a game that you’re forced to play be fun… ? I had to think this game was fun to survive. I had to lie to myself! The bastards who created this game to toy with our lives, and the shits enjoying it, they all piss me off! Th- that’s why I’m willing to do whatever it takes to end this killing game!
That’s why you need to kill me, so we can win and ruin this killing game. We’ll bring the true mastermind and everyone who’s watching down to utter despair! Then everyone who died can rest in peace!”
Kaito’s face is conflicted. But it doesn’t matter. Kaito will have to give in eventually, since he’s the one being blackmailed. It’s a simple choice: either Maki dies, or he dies. Kaito is bound to choose for himself. He’s always been the hero type.
“But h- hey… at least… I wasn’t boring, right?”
He doesn’t talk anymore. He doesn’t have the time or the energy to waste on talking. He’s moving like he’s in third person, setting up cameras and Kaito’s jacket.
He’s laid down in the press. It’s coming closer, closer, closer.
The machine is whirring as it slowly presses down, making it harder to breathe. He feels cramped. For someone who's going to die in seconds, his mind is oddly dull, almost peaceful.
It’s getting closer.
He closes his eyes. He’s been waiting for this moment for far too long. He’s sacrificed too much to let it pass by.
Closer.
The touch of the metal on his face is cold. Like icy hands welcoming him to his death
Closer.
Then it’s warm. Like he’s rising out of his body and getting closer to the sun.
Closer.
Then-
I’m awake. I know I’m awake. But I can’t do anything.
Am I awake?
Even without vision, the world seems blurry, hazy, like the morning fog that someone sees when they walk out the door. Like his mind is covered by some sort of cloth, and all the thoughts he has are distant. Quiet. Small.
Someone’s talking. Who’s talking?
Isn’t he supposed to be dead?
He still hears the whirring of machinery. There's nothing like that around him, right?
He remembers being crushed. He remembers the pressure of cold metal on his body. He remembers dying.
So why is he not dead?
Someone is next to him. That someone is talking about something.
I can’t move.
The realization makes him pause a little.
The person talking doesn’t seem to know he’s awake.
Who’d even want to visit him anyway? He thinks he’s dead, at least he’s supposed to be dead. Is he in heaven? His brain supplied the answer to that question.
It might be hard for me to make it into heaven.
Inwardly, he feels like laughing. He isn’t sure what he’s doing on the outside, but he’s pretty sure it isn’t laughing.
He’s either in hell, or he’s alive. Neither of which are very logical conclusions to reach in his brain.
If he’s in hell, he should at least be able to move and see whatever he’s going to suffer through, unless this is his punishment? Not being able to see, move, or talk, for an eternity?
If he’s alive, then how? He remembers being crushed, the feeling of dying. He remembers the last moments when his brain flashed through the images of Shuichi, of Miu, Gonta, Kaito, and of DICE.
He hates this. Not knowing anything, not being ahead of anyone. It was easy to do in the killing game; every single person was easy to read, like an open book that he had in his brain. Now? He had no information. He didn’t even know whether he was dead or alive.
The person is leaving. A tiny voice whispers in his brain, telling him to stop the person. Telling him not to let the person go. Telling him to move, to get up, to take control of the situation.
He tries, but his body feels like it’s drenched in quicksand, and he can’t move at all. Can’t tense up his body, can’t even feel his body. It might as well be a question of whether or not he has a body.
The world is silent. The person left him. The tiny voice is back. Louder than it was before, telling him to open his eyes. He tries again. It’s like trying to swim upstream, and the small effort he’s putting into opening his eyes is washed away by some unknown force.
Get up! Move! You don’t want to stay like this, do you?!
The world speeds up. He’s watching himself from above his body. He’s waking up, and his eyes are opening. The monitors in the room are beeping, and a woman comes into the room. She rushes around, fiddling with the machines. And the computer. And a notebook.
Kokichi finally sees himself. He’s back in his own body.
Who was the person talking to me?
He knew there was someone, right next to him, talking to him when he couldn’t say anything back. The nurse is looking at him. With pity and concern. His face didn’t change, but his thoughts did, shooting rapid-fire insults at the nurse silently.
He doesn’t say anything about the expression. He tries to ask a question instead.
I can’t talk… ?
He can’t talk. It felt like his vocal cords are still asleep. No sound comes out when he tries to talk, just an unnervingly cold feeling in his throat. He tries to force the words out, only to be stopped with a sharp pain from his throat. The nurse seems to know what he was trying to do, because she comforted him- disgusting- and told him what was going on. It turns out that you aren’t immediately able to talk after waking from a coma, which is what he just tried to do.
Instead of whatever the nurse expected him to do, which was probably something boring like crying or sulking about it, Kokichi forces himself to sit up. It’s hard, it feels like waking up on a bad morning, except it’s ten times harder, but he does manage to sit up. The nurse seems surprised.
“Mobility so fast after waking up from a coma…”
She’s surprised at him being able to move. Was he supposed to keep lying down like a bedridden person? Maybe that’s exactly what he was. The nurse mumbles to herself while scribbling on a clipboard, while he keeps trying to talk. His throat stings. Trying to force the air through his vocal cords felt like pushing through thorns, each spike stabbing at his throat, trying to stop him from talking.
“Where is this? Am I dead?” He nearly winced with the amount of effort it took to get the words out, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He can’t show weakness or pain, not in front of someone who he’s never met.
“No… you’re not dead. You’re alive. This is a hospital.” The nurse was surprised. Was it because he was talking? Was he not supposed to be able to talk this fast? She mentioned something like that earlier too, something about his mobility after waking from a coma.
She said he was in the hospital, so he’s really not dead? He remembers his death like it was yesterday. Maybe it was yesterday, and he would never know.
Whether he’s alive or not doesn’t matter, does it? His own life doesn’t matter. He needs to know if the rest of his friends classmates are alive. He can’t just ask directly, though.
“Hmmm? A hospital, you say? Interesting, interesting. How did I get here? And how did I change clothes? Don’t tell me… you undressed me in my sleep!?”
Nothing like a few implicating questions to get someone to let down their guard, right?
“I didn’t do anything like that!”
Bingo.
“Hmm? You didn’t? Then how did I change my clothes, huh?”
“You were always in these clothes! The killing game was a simulation, and you were admitted to the hospital after you entered!”
A simulation. That certainly explained how Monokuma could show up everywhere and make buildings appear out of the ground. If it really was a simulation, it could be broadcast around the world easily, just like he’d thought during the game. That did raise a question in his mind though. How did they get all 16 of them to enter the simulation?
Kidnapping was the first thought that came to mind, which was also what had happened in the false memories implanted by Monokuma and the mastermind. But that was out of the question. If they really kidnapped all 16 of them, why would he wake up in a hospital? And if they had the tech to run an entire killing game in simulation, they wouldn’t have needed to bother.
He needed more information. And he knew how to get it.
“So where’s everybody else? Y’know, the other people in the simulation you’re talking about,” He gasped dramatically, putting a hand over his mouth and widening his eyes to fake surprise and fear. “Don’t tell me… you undressed them all too!?”
“I didn’t! They’re all awake!”
All awake. All awake.
They’re all alive? That meant that the others who died in the killing game woke up, just like him? The people that he had lied to, the people he had manipulated, the people he had killed for the sake of ending the killing game.
Kaito was alive.
Miu was alive.
Gonta was alive.
Shuichi… he was alive too.
He needed answers. It was clear that the nurse wasn’t the best source of information. He doubted there was anything the nurse could tell him that he couldn’t already figure out.
He was in a coma, so that meant that he was probably asleep longer than the rest of his classmates. He may well be the last to wake up, given that he has no idea the time or date.
Then Kokichi’s entire body froze. He realized something. He hadn’t been lying as much as he was in the game. That impulse, the voice telling him to keep lying…
It’s not there… ?
He felt as if he could laugh if his throat didn’t hurt so much already. The killing game was a simulation, so his feelings could have been a simulation. He was prepared for that already. Having an existential crisis now of all times wasn’t why he did all that snooping around in the game.
His entire personality was a lie.
Well that’s ironic.
His entire personality, to be a liar, to trick everyone, to manipulate everyone, was a lie in itself. In a way, him being a liar was the biggest lie he’d ever told. Except he’d thought it was the truth when he said it in the game. He had lied to himself so well that he almost believed the killing game was fun.
Truth really is in the eye of the beholder, huh…
He’s been thinking for way too long. The nurse had stopped fidgeting from embarrassment a long time ago. It was fine. He’d gotten everything he needed to know from her anyway, so she could leave for all he cared. All that was left to hear from her were rules, probably. Endless regulations about how to stay safe, warnings about how he was still weak, and yapping about therapy.
At least, Kokichi was fairly sure they would give him therapy if this really was a hospital. He didn’t even know why they bothered, and he wasn’t about to make that therapist’s job easy.
Which one of his classmates didn’t want to rip him limb from limb the second they saw him? It was a hard question, though it was expected. He’d put so much effort into turning them all against him. He’d been crushed to death, and yet he could practically see their reactions. Maki’s indifferent face, Himiko complaining, and Tsumugi going on about how he couldn’t be trusted. K1-B0 had always been weird, since he was always willing to talk to Kokichi, even after everything. Probably because he was a robot.
Then there was Shuichi. The outlier. The one that he never managed to properly read, to properly understand, and to properly turn against himself. Shuichi was like some sort of glue, stuck right by his side. Kokichi had shooed him away with threats of death, weapons, and yet it took until Gonta’s trial for Shuichi to properly see Kokichi for what he was trying to become.
"You’re alone, Kokichi, and you always will be.”
His words rang in his ear. He’d heard insults like that before, whether from previous classmates, friends, or even family. But the problem was that Shuichi seemed to make the insult stick with him. He didn’t need to get sentimental or emotional right now, though. Shoving the emotions down into the depths of his mind with the rest of the useless trash, he focused on another thought running through his mind.
Did the plan work? Who was the mastermind?
He’d sacrificed his own life and never gotten to find out what happened at the end of his trial. He needed to talk to one of his classmates to get the rest of the answers he needed. He understood his classmates. Knew how to rile them up, how to lead them around by the nose, how to worm out the information he wanted even if they didn’t want to give it to him.
Shuichi Saihara.
Realistically, Shuichi was probably the only person that Kokichi wouldn’t be in immediate danger with. Kaede was out, since she probably at least held a grudge for rejecting her ideas and messing with her during the trial. Rantaro, Ryoma and Kirumi, maybe, but if he was right and the killing game was broadcast, he wasn’t sure what their reactions would be to his actions. He’d never gotten enough time to read them properly, after all.
The rest of his classmates had been with him long enough to see him show his real act, and would most likely either laugh at him for being bedridden (Miu), punch him in the face (Kaito), threaten to murder him (Maki), or just walk out on him altogether (the rest of them).
If Shuichi was the only option, then so be it. He could put up an act long enough to last for however long he was going to bug Shuichi. It would also mean more time together
“Ahem! Ms. Nurse over there, stop staring off into space!”
“Huh!? O- oh yes, um, what is it? Did you need something from me?” The nurse jolted, as if she didn’t expect Kokichi to talk to her again. She took a while to regain composure before asking what he needed.
“Yeahhh, I did need something. I’m just sooooo missing my beeeeeeest friend Shuichi and I’m going to die without him! Can you go call him reeeeeeal quick?” He drags out the words as annoyingly long as possible, and it has the intended effect. He saw the nurse’s forehead crease in frustration before she sighed.
“No, Kokichi. You’ve just woken up from a coma, and we still need to stabilize your condition. You’re not in the best shape to be having visitors.”
Her voice was steely, effectively coming off as a ‘do not argue back’ kind of tone. Sadly for her, Kokichi was never the type to care about something like that.
“WAAAAAHHHHHHH! YOU’RE SO MEAN TO ME!!!”
He let the crocodile tears fall, and forced the wailing out while ignoring the stinging pain coming from his throat. The nurse didn’t need to know he was in pain, and what would letting her know even do?
“Oh my god, stop, I'll let you see him! Just stop!” The nurse covered her ears with her hands, telling him to stop crying. He instantly stopped, not because she told him to, but because he felt as if his throat might split in two if he kept going. It was also partly because he couldn’t have stopped until she agreed.
He smiled innocently at her, watching her hurriedly retreating back leave his room. He heard her rushed footsteps echo down the hall for a while, until she was far enough that he couldn’t hear anything. If he was lucky, Shuichi would be visiting in a while. As long as it took for that nurse to find him, at least. During the time he had before Shuichi got here, Kokichi was fine spending it thinking about his current situation.
The nurse had told him the truth when she said they were at a hospital, which a quick glance at the notebook that the nurse had been writing in proved. It was filled with a clutter of indecipherable writing, and the first thought that came into his head was that you would need to be bordering on insanity to read it properly. To him, the notes looked a little something like scribbles with occasional ups and downs.
He gave up on reading the alien language notes and instead made his way back to the bed. He probably had some time left, considering that the time needed to find Shuichi and then for Shuichi to come to his room would take more than the 30 seconds he had spent trying to read the doctor's handwriting.
He made a mental note to himself, almost jokingly, that the nurse's handwriting could pass off as another secret code for DICE to use as communication if he learned how to write like that. Then stopped his train of thought.
DICE wasn’t real. He’d come to terms with that fact in the game a long time ago, when he’d first seen his motive video after waking up in the morning. It just wasn’t possible for a group of people to accept him for what he was. To join him, stay with him, trust him, or love him. It hurt just thinking about it. If they were real, then he didn’t deserve them. Not a single one of them, the people that he faintly remembered in his memories, smiling and laughing around him as if he wasn’t evil.
He shook the thoughts of DICE out of his head. He had time to reminisce about them later, and finding the rest of his classmates was the key priority. His classmates had to be close to where he was, probably either down the hall or around the corner. There was no way he’d be alone in a large hospital, and funding aside, he couldn’t imagine it being easy on the nurses to run across the building just to take care of another one of them.
The biggest mystery in his head right now was how the killing game ended. Either his plan worked and Monokuma had to admit that he didn’t know who the real culprit and victim were, or it failed and Kaito was executed. If Kaito did everything like he told him to do, then the plan worked. It had to work.
Monokuma wouldn’t break the rules- not when there was an audience- and risk losing the popularity the killing game probably had. The killing game had to be interesting and still follow the rules for it to be entertaining. After all, a game where the creator can cheat is boring, and nobody would watch a boring show.
He shot a look at the time currently on the clock. It was currently 5 minutes past 10 PM, so if his game with Shuichi was going to drag on, he could use the time as an excuse to get out of answering questions. He moved his gaze below the time and at the date. The numbers seemed to be mocking him. It read 2017-04-19, a full three months from the last date Kokichi had in his memory.
Footsteps
Someone was coming down the hall, and then the footsteps stopped right in front of his door. It was probably Shuichi hesitating and debating whether or not to come in.
He quickly sat cross-legged on the bed and put on the best grin he could manage at the moment. A strange tingling sensation that Kokichi interpreted as ‘being nervous’ emerged from somewhere in his stomach. He ignored it. After all, Ultimate Supreme Leaders don’t get nervous about meeting anyone, especially not Shuichi Saiharas.
There was shuffling, then steps back and forth. Wow, Shuichi really did not want to see him, did he? Though it wasn’t like he was surprised in any way. After what he did in the game, it was surprising that he even bothered to walk all the way from wherever Shuichi originally was to visit Kokichi’s room.
There was finally knocking on his door, to which Kokichi answered with “You can come in,” and Shuichi walked into the room a few seconds later. One quick glance at his face told Kokichi basically everything he needed to know about how the detective was feeling. His face was among the hardest to read of the 15 other classmates, but occasionally, his face became like an open book.
He looked hesitant, while that strong front that he usually put up was still visible. It was pretty obvious that every single cell in his body pretty much wanted to bolt out the door and leave. But there was another emotion prominent on his face. Anger. It was to be expected, since he never got to apologize- not that he would have apologized- for the things he did in the game.
“Kokichi… I don’t know why you asked for me to come, but I have some questions.”
Well, he invited Shuichi here already. He wasn’t going to let him leave without getting some information first, and annoying the hell out of him while he was at it. The best way to distract Shuichi from his anger would be to say something unexpected, to make him focus on trying to understand Kokichi instead of interrogating Kokichi.
“Hey Shumai, long time no see~ Ya miss me so much that you just had to come visit me in my sickbed?” He rocked back and forth on the bed like a child, making sure to put on the most flirtatious smirk on his face. It worked, since Shuichi immediately got flustered and tried to avoid eye contact.
“N- no, Kokichi it’s not like that! Weren’t you the one who told the nurse to ask me to come?”
Straight to the point, just like he expected. Shuichi was a detective, and Kokichi asking a nurse to get him to visit wasn’t a very in-character thing for him to do. Of course, he would wonder why.
“Wow, you’re thaaaat curious about why I called you here? Did you have something in mind for us to do~”
Of course he didn’t have anything in mind. He probably came here on short notice, and there was no way someone like Shuichi would pass up the opportunity to keep deciphering him. His attempts to get closer to him during the game didn’t just sail by Kokichi’s head, after all. Either way, he was sure that Shuichi didn’t have something in mind. But Kokichi sure did have something in mind.
“Wha- No! I- I didn’t plan on doing-” He laughed as he watched the detective blush and panic around while trying to find the right words to respond to him.
“Relax, detective. You’re so uptight, it’s almost boring. You get flustered easily~ But don’t worry! The Ultimate Supreme Leader has prepared an amazing game to play for your visit!”
His throat stung from talking with Shuichi. Every word he pushed out irritated his already weak vocal cords, and it felt like he was burning his neck on a fire. Still, his face remained the mask of excitement, because there was no other way to get Shuichi to play this game. He needed to stay in control of the conversation or else it would turn into an interrogation, which was the last thing he wanted. And he needed Shuichi to play this game, because it was the easiest way to get information about the situation.
Shuichi raised his eyebrows, morphing his face from the boring and tense anger to something more akin to interest. The same kind of interest that he had shown whenever he found Kokichi loitering in the school and invited him to play a game. Kokichi had to physically stop himself from smiling. He couldn’t help but feel a little warm in his chest, something that Kokichi would hesitantly name as ‘happiness’. (Something that he deserves to feel a little more)
“Hey Shumai, wanna play two truths and a lie?”
It was the easiest game to reveal and obtain information after all. Dropping hints was inevitable, not to mention that he could read Shuichi. He was a liar, after all. He knew his kind.
“Uh… I mean, sure, but why two truths and a lie? Isn’t this game biased against me?”
It wouldn’t take long for Shuichi to move past the shock and remember that he was supposed to hate Kokichi. All he had to do was keep distracting Shuichi before that, to get as much information as he could. It was bound to happen, since there was no way for Shuichi to just forgive and move on this fast from his friends' deaths.
It was true that he practically sentenced Kaito to death. Maki wasn’t part of the original plan, but Kaito was going to die in the original anyway. Shuichi hated him after Gonta’s trial too, there was no way he’d listen to him over Maki.
Still, he wasn’t going to back down. Shuichi was already in his room, and whether he actually hated him or not, he was going to get what he needed one way or another.
“What do you mean, Shumai~ You’re a detective, figuring out lies should be easy for you! Do you wanna go first, or should I go?” He leaned in, smiling brightly and forcing a tone of excitement into his voice.
Kokichi watched as his face changed from hesitation into acceptance. He’s played games like this in the killing game before. Shuichi would seek him out during the day and spend time with him, even giving him gifts. He never figured out why someone like Shuichi would bother spending time with him after everything he did to push Shuichi away. Still, even he had to admit that some of the gifts Shuichi had given him were things that Kokichi liked.
“Um… sure.” Kokichi watched his face and body language carefully, making sure not to miss any sign of lying.
“M- my first statement is that my parents are famous. My second is that I live with my uncle. The third is that my first official case was finding a pet alligator.“
Wow. Maybe he should’ve reconsidered Shuichi’s IQ when he started to hang out with him. The statements were boring, utterly lacking in anything that Kokichi had wanted to find, and were basically useless.
“Three. Three’s the lie.” It was practically obvious. There was no way anything else could be a lie, considering the information that Kokichi already knew about Shuichi.
“Wha- why?” He stared at Shuichi’s bewildered expression and burst out laughing.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out? The first one is so out there that it sounds like you’re trying to make it an obvious lie, so it’s not a lie. You already told me you live with your uncle, so the third one’s a lie. Maybe it wasn’t a pet alligator, maybe it was a cat, or a dog, or maybe,” He leaned in, and put a finger on his lips, giving Shuichi the best villainous smile that he could manage. “It wasn’t your first official case, was it?”
He kept the detective in his view as he looked down to fiddle with the blankets, knowing that he would come off as bored and disinterested. The grey-golden eyes of the detective were like a mirror, reflecting exactly what the boy felt on the inside. They were clouded over with confusion, but Kokichi’s existence itself was something to be confused about, so he wasn’t really surprised. It was the tiny spark in his eyes that caught his interest. A tiny glimmer of interest, of curiosity, shining through the fog in Shuichi’s mind. The detective really did hold his profession at heart, always wondering and asking questions, trying to figure out Kokichi’s personality.
“How did you… never mind, it's your turn…”
He grinned at Shuichi before he rocked back and forth on the bed, kicking his legs out.
“Okay, okay. Jeez, no need to rush me, Shumai~ “ He leaned in closer to where Shuichi was seated on the bed, looking up at him innocently.
“First, I’m like, suuuuuper bad at martial arts! Second, I’m actually the prime minister AND president of Russia at the same time. Lastly, Kaito was executed for killing me!”
It was simple. He might not know whether Kaito was executed or not, but to have the second statement as an obvious lie meant that if the last one was false, Shuichi would call him out on it. The first statement was true, though Shuichi knowing that fact didn’t mean he could do anything to him. After all, Shuichi was too nice to use his weakness against him.
“Um… two’s the lie, isn’t it?”
Kokichi’s eyes narrowed. The second statement was a lie, of course. It was way too obvious even for someone like Kaito, let alone a detective. But that wasn’t what was important. If Kaito was executed for killing him, that meant that Shuichi had found out about his plan during the trial. It did hurt a little, knowing that his death had been for nothing. But his probability of success had never been very high, taking into account Kaito’s personality. Kokichi knew Kaito would agree to help in order to save Maki, but after that? It was all a matter of whether or not Kaito would stand letting his friends guess the wrong culprit. Which he would never do. So then, how did the killing game end, if it wasn’t through his plan?
“Okaaaaay, yeaaaah, you caught me. I’m not actually both the prime minister and the president of Russia,” He pouted, angling his face downward and making sure his lower lip was slightly trembling as a sign of sadness. He slipped into the expression like it was second nature. He hadn’t practiced all those hours in front of the mirror for nothing, after all. “I’m only the prime minister of Russia. What a shame it was, really, that my opponent beat me by a mere 3% of votes during the presidential election.”
Shuichi had found out basically nothing about Kokichi from his own three statements, but Kokichi had found out quite a lot about what happened in the killing game. He laughed at the disbelieving expression that had taken over Shuichi’s features, before patting him on the back (not very lightly) and reminding him that it was his turn again.
“But c’mon now Mr. Detective, don’t get all respectful and silent with me just ‘cuz I’m actually a very important political figure! It’s still your turn, y’know, and you hafta play the game!”
“O- oh, right…”
Shuichi had most likely tuned himself out of Kokichi’s yapping and lies, and he jumped when he heard Kokichi’s voice suddenly directly talk to him.
“Oh, c’mon Shuichi! I know I’m beautiful and handsome and all, but you’ve gotta focus on something other than my face!” He grinned, subconsciously turning the corners of his mouth up in a way that he knew looked like a genuine smile. He didn’t need to force a smile, because when he did smile, it wasn’t forced. It was a forced smile, but it was easy to do, practiced and rehearsed many times before he could use it properly in normal conversation. Shuichi’s reaction to his flirting wasn’t anything new, but seeing the detective stutter while trying to find the words to respond still made something flutter in Kokichi’s heart.
“Alright… my first statement is that I’m an only child, my second is that I like journaling, and my third is that I enjoy reading novels.”
Well, he might as well start thinking about his own three statements at this point, since Shuichi wasn’t giving him a good challenge.
“The second one…”
He waved his hand dismissively, closing his eyes and sighing dramatically to show Shuichi that he was not interested in his statements.
“That’s right… but you’re not going to explain why?”
He glanced over at Shuichi’s face, and seeing his confused, surprised, and still curious look only made Kokichi want to explain himself. But he didn’t.
“Nope!” He made sure to pop the ‘p’, making himself as annoying as possible. “My turn!”
He had a clear idea of what he wanted to know. The mastermind of the killing game. Kaito was executed while he had been crushed by the press, meaning that there were only 5 candidates as to who it could be. Shuichi, Maki, Himiko, Keebo, and Tsumugi. He’s pretty sure he could rule out Shuichi and Maki, since the detective was absolutely terrible at lying and that Maki would be way too obvious as a mastermind. Not to mention that if Maki really was the mastermind behind the games, why would she bother making them kill each other if she could do it herself?
That left Himiko, Keebo, and Tsumugi. He wasn’t sure about Himiko and Tsumugi, but he had spent a decent amount of time teasing Keebo, and him being the mastermind would also be too obvious. In the first place, having a robot on a human repopulation mission didn’t even make sense, so him being the mastermind wouldn’t fit at all. It was a 50/50 chance between the two girls, but he was inclined to pick Tsumugi as the mastermind over Himiko.
The magician had been unhelpful during trials to say the least, but her emotions for Tenko and Angie after their deaths had been genuine. He of all people should know that, since he was the one who had taunted her until she let her emotions out. That left Tsumugi, the plainest one of them all. Given how often she used the word ‘plain’, it almost seemed suspicious that she was trying so hard to remain an average student. Nothing about her had stood out to him other than her freakish love for cosplaying, but that was exactly what made her suspicious. Thinking about the possibility only led his mind down rabbit holes, but there was one way to confirm his theory.
“My first statement is that Tsumugi was the mastermind of the killing games. My second statement is that I once had a pet elephant when I was five years old, and the last one is that I’ve drunk more Panta than water in my life!”
He kept Shuichi in his peripheral vision as he pretended to be checking on his nails, and saw his expression change from confusion into a pained sort of look. Tsumugi must really have been the mastermind. For Shuichi to react with that sort of face, whatever happened after Kokichi died can't have been good.
“Tsumugi… she was the mastermind, so… it’s obviously the second one, but really… you should stop drinking so much Panta. It’s not good for you.”
Not even a moment's hesitation, huh? He did make the second one an obvious lie on purpose, but Shuichi confirmed his suspicion that Tsumugi was the mastermind. Tsumugi, the Ultimate Cosplayer.
Tsumugi… that psychopathic bitch.
Kokichi felt his heart pounding in his chest, every part of him wanting to have Tsumugi right in front of him so he could kill her. She was so plain, so unnoticeable, that she had managed to keep off of his radar for so long. The more his brain considered the possibility, the more it made sense for her to be the mastermind. Even as everything was clicking in his head, he still didn’t trust his own answer. But he knew that there was no other candidate but her, and it wasn’t even fully because Shuichi had said so. Tsumugi had been the least suspicious out of the five, and that was what made her feel off. All four of the others having proven to Kokichi previously that they could at least keep a secret, albeit some better than others.
His vision was getting blurry from how much he was shaking with anger, but it didn’t stop him from spotting Shuichi sitting a little ways away, staring at him with those concerned eyes.
Pity.
He unclenched his fists slowly, barely registering the pain from his nails digging into his skin. He didn’t look down, but he knew that there would be red marks on his hand. He had to calm down. He was still in the middle of a game with Shuichi, though he probably should end it now. He didn’t think he could stand it anymore.
He yawned dramatically, leaning backwards and putting a hand over his mouth. He stood up lazily and went over to the nurse’s computer to check the time, slouching the entire way there to emphasize the fact that he was getting tired. He clicked on the mouse a few times, and the screen slowly came to life, lighting up with the home screen. The small corner that had the time read 11:16. They’d really spent more than an hour talking in his room?
“Oh, Shumai… it’s an hour past bedtime… wouldn’t want to keep you up… plus, the Ultimate Supreme Leader needs his beauty sleep, y’know…” He yawned again, dragging it out on purpose to an annoyingly long length. He looked over to Shuichi and saw that his eyelids were drooping. It was pretty clear that he needed sleep.
“We’re done with the game… ?” Shuichi muttered out a response quietly, and it was obvious that the drowsiness was getting to him. One more push, and Kokichi was sure he could get him to leave and go to bed, since Shuichi’s brain was probably already inwardly wishing to just flop down on a bed.
“Yep, I won this round. You gotta rest up properly so we can have a rematch, otherwise you’re going to die to my organization of 10,000 members.” He wouldn’t ever admit he was worried. Ultimate Supreme Leaders don’t get worried, since they don’t care about anybody or anything. He just needed Shuichi out of his room so he could scheme about things. That’s it.
Shuichi nodded and slowly left the room, and Kokichi waved until he heard the click of the door as it closed. His hand flopped back down onto the bed, and he soon lay down too. He closed his eyes, letting the rush of thoughts and information he’d gotten that day finally get processed.
Tsumugi was the mastermind, so that meant she likely had answers to all the questions he still had about the killing game. Questions that even Shuichi probably didn’t know the answer to.
Then there was Rantaro Amami, quite literally the most mysterious one of the 16, even with himself included. None of them had enough time to get close enough to him, especially with the message from his past self telling Rantaro to watch his back and not trust anybody. Kokichi had managed to lock-pick his way into Rantaro’s lab by finding a loophole in Monokuma’s rules, but it left him with more questions than answers. Rantaro had been a participant in the previous killing game, so if Rantaro got his memory back when he died then he could answer a few questions about the killing game itself.
Still, it was probably somewhere close to 11:20 now, and his body was demanding rest. He hated the fact that he needed sleep to operate, and he would much rather try to get more information. Especially since his mind would be working 24/7 even if he was sleeping, but he lay down on the bed anyway.
His entire body ached, although the nurse had said it was from tensing up and then staying still in a coma. His throat stung from the conversation, and he was pretty sure it would be hoarse and scratchy tomorrow when he woke up. He wasn’t looking forward to the next morning, but pulling an all-nighter exploring the hospital didn’t sound enticing at all.
The other things that he had to find out could be left for after he got some rest. (procrastination at its finest)
Tomorrow, he will most likely meet his old friends classmates again.
He would have to face the people that he’d played the villain to, and the people that he’d killed to complete his plan of making the entire class guess wrong.
He needed to make a plan.
Notes:
cliffhangers make me feel powerful, sorry
Chapter 4: a path to recovery
Notes:
i won't be posting any chapters in the next 2-3 weeks or so cuz i have vacation!
thank you to my friends for beta-reading :3
apologies if there are any medical inaccuracies, you can point them out if you find any
if there are suggestions or comments you want to make, feel free!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s cold
It’s cramped
It’s dark
He reaches his hands out and tries to feel for the wall around him, but his hand gets stopped before he can even fully extend his arm.
He doesn’t know where he is, but at the same time, he knows exactly where he is.
His entire body aches, and his position is hard to hold. He’s perched with his head down low, half crawling and half sitting while leaning on a hard, cold surface. He tries to stand up cautiously, only to feel something above him. It wasn’t a hard object, certainly not a wall, but it made him sit back down with a silent sigh.
“Why can’t you just listen to me for once, you useless bitch!?”
“You’re not making any sense! It doesn’t- ”
“All I’m asking for you to do is — ! Can’t you properly- ”
Something shatters. The boy can hear the individual pieces clatter to the floor. Somebody screams. In pain or in anger, the boy cannot tell.
He covers his ears. The chaos from outside melts away into a piercing ringing in his mind. The darkness threatens to swallow him whole, and he squeezes his eyes shut to try and hide.
He doesn’t feel anything. It’s almost funny that the boy laughs, but something stops him from making noise. He’s not scared, he’s not crying, he’s just following the routine. Don’t listen, don’t look, and everything will be fine.
Then the void glows a warm red, and he opens his eyes. There’s light squeezing in from a crack in the box he’s in, blinding his sight. The crack widens until the boy realizes that it’s a door opening, and a face peeks at him from the lit room outside.
A smiling man, reaching out his hand for the boy to take. Nothing about the man seems dangerous, in fact it feels the exact opposite, but the boy is terrified nonetheless. The smile of the man seemed fake, the corners of his mouth curved up just a little too much. His eyes were cold, and did not hold any of the warmth that the smile or the glow behind him suggested.
The glow coming from the world outside illuminated the dark box he was living in. It was like the sun slowly rising, the dark night slowly banished by the light. The boy now could clearly see where he was, a closet. The objects above him were clothes: jackets, dresses, shirts
The boy pushed himself as far as he could before he felt his back knock on the back of the closet, and he turned back to see the man reaching for him.
His outstretched hand comes closer, tempting the boy to take it and join the man, tempting him to go into the warm glow coming from behind the man.
He hesitantly reached out to the man, but when he finally closed the distance between him and the hand he was given, his hand grasped nothing but air.
As the boy blinked, the world was now white, a sterile room completely opposite to the darkness the boy previously saw. The only sign of the dream was an outstretched hand reaching for the ceiling- one which belonged not to a boy, but to a patient in a hospital named Kokichi Ouma.
As Kokichi blinked, confusion creeped up on his mind as he tried to picture what was in his dream. He knows almost exactly what happened, and yet he can’t shake the weird feeling from his mind.
The feeling that he, Kokichi Ouma, was the boy in the dream.
Not once did he ever get to see the boy’s face. Nothing about the boy made any sense, and the personality shown in the dream was completely contradictory to Kokichi’s personality. Even with all these hints, the logical evidence that pointed towards a different conclusion, he knew for certain that it was himself.
Assuming that he was right in that the boy was him, it raised a few questions. First, was the dream inspired by a memory from before the killing game? Was it an actual event that happened, or was it a fictional depiction of his life? Supposing that it really did happen, was this kind of ‘memory recovering through dreams’ only happening to him? Were the others also having similar experiences when they woke up in the morning?
Inwardly, Kokichi groaned. That was yet another thing he had to investigate today, and he could already feel his body protesting. Somehow, he felt even less well-rested than the day before, even though it had been the first time in forever that he’d gotten a proper night’s sleep.
Better not get used to that.
Even if the dream was a real memory, it didn’t impact him right now. He could investigate the dreaming situation when he had more time- and more motivation- and focus on the plan-making part of his day. The killing game was over- fuck Tsumugi that bitch- and he had no reason to play the villain anymore. But he couldn’t go back. Whoever he was- had been- before the killing games took an interest in him was gone.
The old Kokichi Ouma was gone, and the new one didn’t have any memory of how the old one would have acted. It’s not like it mattered that much since there was no way that the new one would even try to act like the old one, but it still stung a little.
He can’t miss what he never had, so there was no way Kokichi could miss his old self, right? After all, not remembering having it and not having it weren’t too different if you thought about it in a first-person sense. It was true that close family and friends would be worried, but Kokichi highly doubted he would have anyone like that. The DICE in the killing game must have been inspired from something in his old life, but Kokichi didn’t want to believe in that. Recognizing that DICE was an actual real life thing in his old life would mean admitting that they got arrested, which was what happened in his motive video. Plus, if the situation shown in his dream was to be trusted, his parents wouldn’t have missed him either.
He felt the tips of his mouth curl up slightly at the thought of his parents. Whatever happened to the Kokichi in the past, it certainly didn’t matter to him now. Still, he let the smile drop back into a mask of indifference. He can’t drop the act. Not in the game, not now, not ever. As a distraction, he forced his aching body to stand up and get properly ready for the morning instead of lounging on the hospital bed like some sick person.
He didn’t have plans to meet anybody today, but he certainly wasn’t going to look like some figure out of a horror movie if he did happen to bump into someone. Still, he wasn’t prepared for what he saw when he looked into a mirror.
It wasn’t the messiness of his hair that bothered him, but the color. He’d been in a coma for who knows how long, during and after the game, so it was bound to be messy. He wasn’t surprised at the bed head hair he had developed. His hair had always been purple, dark purple with a bit of a transition to a lighter color. To see pitch black hair on top of the pale face he’d always seen? Now that was surprising.
He reached up for one of the strands of his hair, twirling it around his finger as he processed his new hair color. Maybe being in a coma for so long and having no proper food somehow affected his hair color. Shuichi did seem to be a lot skinnier when he saw him yesterday, so perhaps the same thing happened to Kokichi. But just as he finally started to process and make sense of his new hair color, he stopped cold with a realization.
Shuichi didn’t seem to notice my hair color change.
Kokichi had been careful yesterday, and he had made sure to watch Shuichi’s movements like a hawk during their game of two truths and a lie. If he noticed his hair color change, even if he only slightly showed confusion, Kokichi would’ve caught it. Not to mention that the detective was never the type to find something interesting and not question it. If Shuichi saw his hair color, he would’ve asked, and Kokichi was 100% sure of that fact.
There was only one possibility that would explain how Shuichi wasn’t surprised.
He’d seen it already.
It was a ridiculous thought, so impossible that Kokichi nearly dismissed the idea entirely until he remembered something. Someone. The person that Kokichi thought had been a hallucination. The someone that Kokichi had heard during his coma, and was talking to him by his bedside.
What if that someone was Shuichi?
It certainly fit in with all the clues he’d gotten so far, and it would explain why Shuichi hadn’t reacted weirdly when he saw Kokichi’s hair color. But still, for Shuichi to come visit Kokichi when he wasn’t even awake yet? And if it was Shuichi, why had he been talking to a person who couldn’t respond?
His mind swirled with questions, momentarily leaving him a little disoriented. Did Shuichi still hold a grudge against him or not? If he did hold a grudge, then why had he visited him at all when he could’ve just not bothered with it? If he didn’t, then why was the expression he wore the day before so full of regret, malice, and hatred?
He was thankful, really, when the door opened and snapped him out of his spiralling. The nurse entered his room with a clipboard, though her face turned immediately to fear when she saw him. The nurse rushed over and went on and on about doing checkups on him, muttering things and reaching to support his body as if he couldn’t walk by himself. He sure wasn’t thankful anymore.
He pushed past the nurse with a shove and went for the door, though the small twinge of satisfaction was completely ruined by the dull throb in his arm and shoulder. He shut the door to the sound of a clipboard clattering to the floor, and left the nurse to hurriedly pick it up while he moved down the hall.
He spared a glance at the number plate of the room he just left, and read ‘405’ before he lost interest and moved on down the hall. While walking, he put his hands behind his back and hummed while he committed the room number to memory.
The hospital halls were endlessly long and so uselessly white and blue. It was true that blue had a calming effect on the human mind- something useless that Kokichi somehow knew- but the number of times he’s seen that color in the half hour he’s been awake was just over the top.
He rounded a corner carefully and found another sea of blue looking back at him, almost mocking him for his pathetic attempts at trying to find his way around the hospital.
Maki was an assassin, and she was one of the harder people to predict movements for. He wouldn’t be surprised if he met Maki while wandering the halls today. The other person to look out for was Shuichi. Kokichi had a lot of questions, but he certainly didn’t want to meet the detective right now, lest he get into another interrogation. He wasn’t very worried about meeting the other members of his class again, but nor did he want to reunite.
By some luck from the gods, he stumbled on a map of the hospital and found the directions to the cafeteria on the first floor. He stood in front of the paper posted on the wall for a few minutes, trying to memorize every detail to help him find his way later. He was interrupted by loud, heavy footsteps coming down the hall.
They had to have been Gonta’s footsteps. No other person in their class was big enough to cause so much noise, and he doubted it would be someone working at the facility. Having a giant as a hospital worker couldn't be very comforting to patients.
He quickly filed the map away into some part of his mind that he probably wouldn’t bother to check, and moved on down the hallway in the opposite direction the footsteps were coming from.
As he hurried down the hallway constantly looking back to see if anybody rounded the corner, he repeated a line in his head. He wasn’t avoiding Gonta.
…
Ok, yes he was. But it wasn’t like he was ever going to admit that.
If Kokichi had an inner-thoughts lie detector, it would’ve gone off at his statement about avoiding Gonta. Then again, it would be going off 24/7, so it wouldn’t be much use. And the constant ringing would be extremely annoying, so he should be glad he doesn’t have a lie detector in his brain.
He heard the sound of a door shutting, which was a signal to Kokichi that Gonta probably entered some room and that it was safe for him to wander the halls again. Still, why was Gonta coming down this hall anyway? Either he found an infestation of bugs in some random place, or he was on his way back to his own room.
His question was answered by the numbers he saw on the clock mounted on the wall at the end of the hallway. It was too far for Kokichi to properly make out the time, but the hour hand was definitely pointing somewhere from 10-11. Enough time had passed since their usual breakfast meetings at 7:30, and Kokichi wasn’t very worried about there being people in the cafeteria.
As expected there weren't a lot of people left in there. Only Kirumi tidying up the remains of a large breakfast in the kitchen while everyone else had already left to finish their own agendas.
“Hey Kirumom! Long time no see!” He waved both hands enthusiastically at the maid, who was currently washing dishes with her usual ice cold poker face.
She turned at the sound of his voice, and her expression changed into something Kokichi recognized as mild amusement. And annoyance, but that was a given.
“I’d heard you were still in a coma, so I hope you’re doing well. However, I request that you do not refer to me by that name”
As uptight as ever. But it didn’t really matter, since he wasn’t about to care how Kirumi felt.
“Aww, c’mon! Be my mom, Kirumi!” He leaned in closer to Kirumi and waved his arms in front of him excitedly, slightly pushing his lower lip forward in a childish pout.
She shook her head exasperatedly and gave up on the topic. Even the Ultimate Maid couldn’t talk it over with Kokichi if he was determined to be annoying. Instead, she switched the topic to something that she could actually help with, which was probably just her way of trying to distract him from the ‘be my mom’ topic.
“Is there something you need done, or are you here for breakfast?” She spoke calmly, giving a little curtsey as she did.
She wasn’t wearing the maid outfit she had in the game. She had the hospital patient robes, all disgustingly light blue and ugly in Kokichi’s opinion, but she still managed to look as elegant as ever. Another question slowly formed in Kokichi’s head.
If the killing game was just a simulation, were their Ultimate talents also fake?
He was already mentally prepared for their personalities and backstories being fake, but he wasn't sure about Ultimates. Clearly they retained some sort of skill set from the killing game, since Kirumi was still being all maid-y and mother-y to them all. Shuichi was as curious and detective-like as he always was, and even Kokichi didn’t feel all that different. Excluding the fact that he no longer felt compelled to lie all the time. The lying was just another personality trait made by the mastermind- fuck you Tsumugi- to make his in-game character a little more interesting.
He wasn’t too sure about the others in the class, but he could probably guess that they were the same way. If Kaito hadn’t been as astronomy-obsessed as always, Shuichi was sure to have shown some signs of it. And he was sure that Maki would be as cold as always, letting death threats leave her mouth as Shuichi laughed at her apparent ‘joke’. Kaede didn’t talk as much about her talent compared to Kaito, but he doubted she could go for long without mentioning some sort of piano song.
He grinned and interlocked his fingers with his hands behind his head, shifting his balance from one foot to the other. “Nishishi~ what if I told you that I need Kirumom to join my organization? Y’know, my 10,000 loyal subordinates are coming to take me out of the hospital, and we’re taking over Maid-topia tomorrow! Since you’re the Ultimate Maid and everything, I think you’d be a reeeeally good candidate to help me!”
Kokichi was pretty sure that if he said that to someone like the space idiot or killer girl, they would’ve killed him. Still, when Kirumi simply sighed and went back to washing dishes, there was not a shred of surprise in his mind.
He leaned in and tilted his head so he’d be sideways in Kirumi’s vision. He felt his hair brush across his face as it shifted with gravity, the strands blocking the side of his vision.
“Okaaaay, Kirumom I’m sorry! I was lying about that! I came in to get some Panta, so do ya know where they are?”
Kirumi sighed, and gestured at a cupboard a few meters away without even looking up from her dish washing. Grinning, he grabbed a can of the grape soda and waved goodbye before he headed back down the hall the way he came and felt the smile slip from his face like it was melting.
He couldn’t pin what exactly felt wrong, but something about his conversation with Kirumi was odd. She acted the exact same, and he’d acted the exact same, so what was wrong?
Every feeling he had in this world felt so fake, and yet at the same time felt real. Maybe it only felt fake to him. Maybe Kaede, Rantaro, and the other people that had died first in the simulation felt that this world was real, and the killing game was the fake world instead.
Rantaro dying first as the Ultimate Survivor had been ironic. It was, in fact, so funny that Kokichi had spent a few minutes laughing about it in Rantaro’s lab after he found out about it. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. Yes, dying was a tragedy no matter when it happened, but Rantaro’s death was painless and spared him of the pain of seeing other dead friends.
To have Kaede’s pinball drop on his skull from the height of the bookcase would’ve been instant death for him. Rantaro died alone with no close friends, having not trusted a single person in the killing game.
Completely understandable.
Even with no reason to distrust the others, Kokichi had distanced himself even before the killing game started. Not to mention that Rantaro received a video from his ‘past self’ telling him to never trust anyone.
The only reason why he knew about the video Rantaro had gotten was by bending the rules, and even then Rantaro remained a complete mystery. The video had stopped the boy before he managed to reveal any kind of important information. He still vividly remembered the day after Gonta's trial where he found Rantaro’s lab on the fifth floor, and then snuck in later during the night.
He stood in front of a lab door, his heart beating loudly in his chest. If he was right, then Monokuma had no right stopping him from entering. He’d read through the rulebook enough times that he could recite the entire thing by memory. Monokuma had to follow rules for the game to be interesting.
With a mask on his face to conceal his nerves, he reached into his pocket to pull out his lock-picking tools, before inserting them into the metal lock on the lab door. He barely managed to get a feel for the lock before he heard a familiar squeaky voice behind him.
“And where do you think you’re going, Kokichi Ouma?”
He turned around with a grin, holding out the lockpicking tools as if he was presenting them proudly. The familiar black and white bear stood in front of him, paws covering his mouth while he was laughing.
“Hmm? Lockpicking Rantaro’s lab door, obviously!” He smiled innocently, and turned back to the door to continue his entertaining activity of breaking and entering.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned his head to look back, and found Monokuma red in the face with steam coming out of his head.
“Lab doors will be locked if their owner dies before the lab is unlocked! You’re breaking the rules!”
Monokuma had said something like that before, when Shuichi and Kaede had been trying to explore labs. But still, Kokichi hadn’t seen it during his reading of the rules, which meant it wasn’t officially a rule on their monopad.
“Whaaaat?” He tilted his head at Monokuma, plastering confusion onto his face before continuing. “I didn’t see that in the rulebook at all! You can’t make up stuff like that!”
Monokuma’s head was so red that Kokichi reckoned he could’ve fried an egg with just the steam coming off of it.
“THE LAB DOORS WILL BE LOCKED IF THE OWNER DIES BEFORE THE LAB DOOR IS UNLOCKED!” His squeaky voice rang out, shrill, but it wasn’t very threatening. Not when his metal face looked as if it would melt. The bear was only repeating the exact same thing he already said, and Kokichi wasn’t worried about people finding him. The dormitory was in a completely different building, and it was already well past the night time announcement.
He put a finger on his mouth and grinned, leaning in closer to Monokuma.
“They’ll be locked. But you never said they had to stay locked, did you?”
He smiled at the robotic bear as they stuttered to try and find an excuse for not letting Kokichi in.
“Wha- That’s not- FINE! Enter that god damned lab for all I care!”
Monokuma sank into the ground and disappeared, but Kokichi couldn’t be bothered to go spiraling into questioning reality at this point. Finally with no more interruptions, he heard the lock click open after a few seconds of rattling in it, and pushed the door open.
There wasn’t anything that would point to Rantaro’s talent in the lab, but there was something that caught his eye. A large safe near the back of the room, locked by two giant spinning wheels. He slowly walked over while whistling a little tune, looking over the markings.
One read A, one read B. Both had symbols written around the main letter. He suddenly realized what the slate that Gonta had found was trying to hint at. The markings in the stone read ‘horse a’ which Kokichi had then completely twisted to hide the meaning, even though he hadn’t known what for. The second half of the safe had been on the courtyard. Kokichi would’ve missed it if he didn’t see a flash of writing behind the wall of leaves.
He spun the dial, one pointing to horse on the A dial, and the other pointing to gemini on the B dial. As expected, the safe opened, and Kokichi walked in to find the video that Rantaro had left.
It revealed Rantaro’s Ultimate as the Ultimate Survivor, though Kokichi burst out laughing at that contradictory part of the message. After calming himself down, he kept watching the video. Most of the information was just the past Rantaro talking about useless stuff, but what really caught his interest was the buzzer stopping Rantaro from revealing something about the two-person rule.
Rule #6: The killing game will continue until only two people remain.
It had seemed like a logical rule, since even if one person knew the culprit, the other could force a tie. What was the hidden meaning in that?
Rantaro knew more than he let on, and he never got to let on much considering his early death. Still, the fact that a buzzer played to stop him meant two things.
1. The two-person rule was important enough that someone felt the need to not let Rantaro hear.
2. There was someone on the side of the killing game watching Rantaro record, meaning that the mastermind also knew about the video Rantaro received.
He had a lot more questions after watching the video, but he kept Rantaro’s lab in his mind as a potential hiding spot before he closed the safe. After making sure to lock the door to Rantaro’s lab before leaving, he walked all the way back to the dormitory to scribble in his notebook. He didn’t have much time left, so he needed all the information he could get.
He’d enacted his sacrifice plan a few days after the visit to the Ultimate Survivor’s lab too, so there hadn’t been much time to focus on the mystery of Rantaro Amami.
He popped open the can of Panta, tasting the familiar grape flavored soda fizz in his mouth before he swallowed. It tasted the exact same as he remembered it in the game, but he just couldn’t put his finger on why it felt different. Whatever. Panta was Panta, and Kokichi wasn’t going to complain now that he’d finally gotten his hands on his lifeline.
He skipped down the hallway, bouncing on his toes. He paused when he heard the whirring of machinery coming from one of the rooms down the hall. He moved in closer to investigate, and found the familiar figure of Miu Iruma, who was currently wearing a helmet and drilling something.
Something about the sight reminded him of the days in the game. When he lounged on a table or some rolly chair and watched Miu as she worked on the blueprints he’d given her. The familiar way her eyes seemed completely focused, and she had her hair pulled back into a bun to avoid bothering her.
He felt as if he was going to throw up. Something invisible was squeezing his neck, just like Gonta had choked Miu while he’d watched, and he felt his legs losing strength. He couldn’t breathe, but if he was going to collapse, he had to do it somewhere else.
He immediately tore his eyes away from Miu and her whatever invention she was working on. He couldn’t look at her without feeling guilty, the turning in his stomach threatening to force the Panta he’d just drank right out of his mouth.
His organization had a ‘no killing’ rule. The rule was one of the only rules in their group, and it was one that Kokichi had set himself.
He stumbled into the washroom that was down the hall and collapsed in one of the stalls, hugging his legs as he leaned on the wall.
There was one word echoing in his mind. Sorry.
I’m sorry.
Sorry for killing Miu, Gonta, and Kaito.
Sorry for killing myself.
The pressure on his neck was getting stronger, and tears stung at the edge of his eyes, about to spill over. His vision was fading to black, and the sound of his heart got louder and louder until it sounded like thunder in his head. He tried to calm down. To breathe. Take control of the situation. Push his emotions down like he always did. He wanted to run. To hide.
Something was ringing in his ear, and Kokichi couldn’t focus. Something was coming. He needed to get away. The waves of nausea forced him back down every time he attempted to stand, and he felt his stomach scream in protest.
He was underwater, and he was sinking further, inch by inch. He was cold, the ocean water freezing his joints and leaving him shaking. He was drowning, and he couldn’t get back up for air.
I can’t breathe… can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe!
He bit down on his lip and tasted the metallic blood on his tongue, and the tears finally got tired of waiting. They left wet streaks on his face as the drops landed on his knees. The tears were warm. Welcoming. Comforting. Like the feeling of a home.
He buried his head in his knees and let his tears stain his clothing. He didn’t have any sense of time. He stayed in the darkness for who knows how long.
Until his weak body no longer protested at any attempt to tense up.
Until his limbs finally swam back ashore and he regained the ability to breathe.
Until his tears no longer flowed from somewhere that he had kept hidden for so long.
He choked as he tried to gasp for air, saving his mind from dipping into a world of unconsciousness. His clothing was drenched in sweat, sticking to his body and leaving him just as freezing as before.
He felt dread. The logical side of his brain was alive again. Nothing was coming after him. But the feeling of dread creeping over him was real, no less real than his death.
He stood up slowly, using the sides of the stall for support as he forced his shaking legs to hold him upright. He was light, lighter than air, and he was going to float above his body and leave Earth. Something was putting pressure against his skull, and it was like his head was going to explode.
The blood was rushing to his head. Even though he didn’t stand up that fast, he nearly fell back down. He gripped the door handle to steady himself, knowing full well that he would fall if he didn’t.
He reluctantly pulled the door open and checked his reflection in the mirror. His now black hair stuck to the sides of his face, though he didn’t know whether it was from sweat or tears. His skin practically glowed from the streaks of tears and sweat drops. His face was even paler than it had been in the game, and the purple bags under his eyes were more noticeable than ever.
He looked at the thing staring back at him in the piece of glass. ‘It’ was smiling. ‘It’ was disgusting, a smile with cracks at the edges and a feeling of joy that didn’t meet the eyes. ‘It’ had crinkled eyes in the way that one would expect a happy person to look. Except ‘it’ wasn’t happy.
‘Its’ eyes were gaping holes that would suck anyone into the depths of hell. ‘Its’ mouth was sharp, and the warmth from the smile never managed to light up ‘its’ face. ‘It’ was not human. ‘It’ was a shell of a person who used to be, and a reminder of who they had become. Something as gracious as a heart didn’t suit ‘it’ at all. ‘It’ looked away from the mirror. At the same time, so did a boy named Kokichi Ouma.
Kokichi turned from the mirror to the exit of the bathroom. It had been a while, and there was no guarantee that someone hadn’t seen him entering. Staying for too long would be dangerous, and someone could see him like this.
He grabbed a nearby towel and wiped as much sweat off his face as he could. There was nothing he could do about his eyes being puffy, but he could just wait it out. They’d fade eventually, though he didn’t know how long it would take. He pulled the sticky wet hair off his face, eyeing the slick strands of his hair with disgust. He’d never cared much about personal hygiene. There was no time for washing and brushing and making sure he was presentable when their lives were on the line. Kokichi usually did the absolute minimum for things like that, but even he had a breaking point.
Then there was the problem of the very clearly wet clothes he was wearing. He knew a few classmates who would immediately snap to the worst possible outcome, which was definitely not what happened. Even those that might be more forgiving, like Shuichi or Kaede, would not think that he’d been crying.
He reached for a roll of paper towels and tried to rub off some of the water. It wasn’t a good idea, but it would help the process. Kokichi’s mind has never felt so empty of ideas.
He looked at the figure in the mirror again. ‘It’ looked terrible, but nothing to suggest that anything had happened. He sighed and leaned on the wall. His eye bags hid most of the puffy look, so there wasn’t evidence of him crying. His hair still looked sweaty and wet, but he could brush it off as sickness or something like that. It would be a viable excuse since he’d just woken up from a coma the day before. Except Kirumi and Shuichi, the others had no idea he’d even woken up yet.
He brushed some dust off his already stained clothing and left the bathroom, dropping the slightly wet paper towels into a garbage can on his way out.
The clock on the far wall indicated that it was well past the time they usually ate lunch. That meant Kokichi could go back in to grab another can of Panta- if he wanted to.
He did not want to.
Instead, he followed the ‘exit’ signs and headed to the nearest staircase to head upstairs.
What was my room again? 405? 505?
He vaguely remembered reading the number 405 off his room plate when he left this morning, but it didn’t really matter. He’d collapse anywhere as long as it was private, which meant that the public bathroom he had been in certainly didn’t fit the requirement.
He barely remembered making his way up all the staircases, but he did remember meeting a giant in the stairwell.
“Kokichi? You don’t look good. Is Kokichi okay?”
He looked up. He met the eyes of the exact person he never wanted to see again, especially not at a time like this. Not when he’d just seen Miu…
“I’m fine, Gonta.”
He snapped at the bug-lover, wishing that he’d just take the insults and leave already. But Gonta wasn’t that kind of person, and Kokichi knew that.
“Kokichi’s face looks sad. Was Kokichi crying?”
Gonta bent down to look into Kokichi’s eyes, and he couldn’t avoid the gaze. Avoiding eye contact was the same as admitting he was hiding something, which he was not doing.
“No, I wasn’t. I saw some rhinoceros beetles outside the hospital earlier, so why don’t you go look at those?“
A complete lie. He had no idea if rhinoceros beetles were outside the hospital, nor would he have been able to recognize one even if he did see it. Still, Gonta’s face lit up at the mention of insects.
He felt a kind of pain in his heart. Gonta was way too kind. Too trusting, too honest, too naive. He was not the kind of person you’d put in a killing game and expect to murder. But he did. He’d murdered someone. Miu. It was because of what Kokichi did. After Kokichi used him, made him see the flashback light, and convinced Gonta to follow through with his murder plan.
The tears he’d shown before Gonta’s execution were fake. Pleading with Monokuma and asking him to execute him along with Gonta was also fake. It was a gamble, but it wasn’t really. There was no risk to his actions. He knew the Monokuma would follow his own rules. There was no way the bear would’ve executed both him and Gonta, no matter how much he wished for it. He only said what he said to comfort Gonta, to make him think he truly did the correct thing.
…
Right… ?
“Really!? Kokichi see rhinoceros beetles outside hospital!? That’s amazing! You don’t want to come, Kokichi?”
Something in his mind snapped. The rope that had been holding back his emotions started twisting from the moment he’d seen Miu. Now, it was tearing, and there was nothing Kokichi could do to stop it.
Why would Gonta invite Kokichi? Why would he trust him? Why would he ever be happy around him?
“Enough already, Gonta! Why are you still acting so nice around me!? I used you for my plans during the insect meet-and-greet! I made you kill Miu!”
Words tumbled out of his mouth, and it left Kokichi with his heart pumping, trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t. Not with Gonta, not right now. He’d gone so far, done so much, all to turn his classmates against him. And yet this is what happens? Gonta. Shuichi. Kaede. They were all way too naive. Kaede was too optimistic, Shuichi saw everything Kokichi did as a puzzle, and then there was Gonta Gokuhara.
The giant should hate him. He had every right in the world to hate him, a lot more than the others in the class who did hate him. But he didn’t hate him. Even after everything Kokichi’s done to him, Gonta saw something in Kokichi that made the green-haired giant remain trusting. Even if he did listen to his friends and eventually stopped listening to Kokichi’s lies, he still acted so nice around him.
Kokichi hated it.
He was a villain. He should be treated like one. He deserved to be treated as one. Nobody else had any problems understanding that fact. Some even took it to a whole new level when it came to hatred, but Kokichi was fine with that.
From the second the killing game was announced, and even before that, he’d known he was going to be a villain. He’d slipped into the role flawlessly, and yet…
“Kokichi didn’t make Gonta kill Miu. Gonta did it because he wanted to spare Miu. Kokichi was kind. Insect meet-and-greet was a good idea, too.”
Gonta’s innocent smile shined down at Kokichi, who could only stare up at the two-meter-tall giant. Tears filled Kokichi’s eyes for the second time that day, but he looked down and bit his tongue to stop them from spilling out.
“Just go, Gonta. I’m not coming with you.”
Somehow, he managed to stop his voice from shaking as he rejected Gonta’s offer. The entomologist could do the bug-finding alone. Kokichi knew that he wouldn’t be able to face Gonta with the familiar look of disappointment when he came back empty-handed. He turned around and didn’t give Gonta a chance to respond to his blunt refusal, and forced his legs to walk in the direction of his room. The heavy thumping leaving behind him suggested that Gonta also turned to leave, and the thudding of steps down the stairs confirmed it.
Something compelled him to get back to his own room, and he didn’t go against the impulse. He knew he was seconds away from breaking. His mask was just moments away from crumbling, and he couldn’t let anybody see the real him.
He kept his gaze on the room numbers flashing past him.
419, 417, 415, ???
The numbers were going by way too slow. His legs were burning, and from the way they were hurting, Kokichi thought they were going to fall off. It was an agonizing countdown to safety. He was just a few meters away from the place he could reluctantly call ‘home’. It was the closest place to home he was going to get in the near future, after all, and at least hospital doors had locks so he wouldn’t be interrupted if he did fall apart.
409, 407... 405!
There it was. In sight. All he had to do was step forward, reach out, and push the door open-
“Kokichi?”
His heart dropped straight down into the pits of his stomach. It was like all of the expectation, the hope, was just sucked directly out of his body. He felt the goose bumps rising on his arms. He felt the wave of cold spread through his entire body. His mind went blank, and the only rational thought he had was to act. To pretend.
He turned around slowly, putting on a smile as best as he could. There he was, standing just a little ways off, closer to the end of the hallway. The familiar shade of dark blue hair on yet another face that Kokichi would rather die than see at the moment.
Shuichi Saihara.
Notes:
idk if anybody saw the reference, but yes there was a bsd reference in there.
Chuuya makes me so sad and his backstory is worse :(
Chapter 5: fractured masks
Notes:
I decided I have no life and speedran this before my vacation started, but for realsies this time i have vacation...
i don't know why i'm spending my summer doing this
this chapter is longer since I couldn't find the right place to end it and I had too much time to add detail =3=
thanks to my friends for beta reading :3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He doesn’t know why he’s even bothering with the wait. Kokichi could be anywhere in the school, and Shuichi doesn’t have any idea when the purple haired boy would be coming back up. Still, something stopped him from just giving up on his lousy plan and kept him waiting. What he’d heard Kokichi do earlier that morning was concerning to say the least, and he needed answers. If Kokichi wasn’t going to tell him anything, then Shuichi was going to respond in kind. With a detective investigation, his specialty.
He smiles and waves a good afternoon to a passing Gonta absentmindedly, and then realizes with a start that Gonta was talking to someone in the stairwell. He couldn’t catch their conversation, but the voice that snaps at Gonta belonged to the exact person he was waiting for.
He held his breath, and soon heard Gonta’s loud footsteps slowly moving further and further away from where they were in the hallway. Then, Kokichi’s figure came into view. Saying he looked awful would be an understatement. He was slouching, dragging his feet forward as if it was taking all his energy to not fall over.
The detective was not expecting to see Kokichi again when he looked so bad, but he’d been waiting for him and he wasn’t about to give up. He came out from the shadow and took a few steps forward before calling out to Kokichi.
He’s standing a few feet away from the Supreme Leader. They’re frozen, looking into each other’s eyes in a way that would almost be considered a staring contest.
Except it’s not.
One of them is looking at the other with an expression so akin to fear that it’s unnerving. One of them is reaching for a door handle. One of them looks close to breaking down. That someone is not Shuichi.
A boy is standing in the entrance hall of a house. He is staring hopefully at the door. What he hopes for is that the door will open. That the familiar figures of his parents would be smiling at him as they came home from work, just like they always were. Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn to days.
The boy doesn’t know if his parents will come home. He warms up his breakfast like clockwork, every day moving as if on schedule.
At first, they would leave in the morning and leave a note. But he doesn’t want a note, he wants his parents' smiling faces. They used to play with him all the time, and he would talk to them about his day.
Then, they stopped coming altogether. It was fine. He would wait as long as it takes. He knows how to live by himself, and he knows that he can wait.
It comes as a surprise the day his uncle and aunt come to the door. He rushes to the door after hearing the doorbell, expecting to finally see his mom and dad. They will smile, tell him that they had to work a little long, and hold out presents for him.
He’s faced with disappointment and an explanation that he’s going to live somewhere else instead. Away from his parents.
His uncle and aunt are kind. They slowly tell him what happened. They say that his parents are moving to another country, and don’t have time to take care of him. They say that his parents asked them to take care of him. They say that he’ll live with them now, and that he should get ready.
The boy is silent. His chest feels empty. The sadness he should’ve felt at being torn away from the people that gave life to him wasn’t there. When he thinks of his parents, he comes up with a familiar sight of the three of them, mom, dad, and son, hugging each other and smiling. But he is the only one in the image that he can see.
He doesn't remember their faces. Or anything about them, for that matter.
His mom is caring, gentle, and his dad is strict. But the boy doesn’t know what they look like. It has been too long since he last saw their faces.
His world changes. The boy is sitting in a car, looking back through the rear window. Watching the building he’s called ‘home’ for 10 years.
The car he’s sitting in belongs to his uncle and aunt, the people he will live with from now on. The road is bumpy.
He feels the car rocking along on the road, but his vision is getting blurry.
One particularly large bump sends his head right into the car ceiling. Groaning and rubbing his head, he sits back down on the car seat properly, facing the front of the car.
He’s looking at a light blue wall, blank if not for the occasional painting or wire connected to it.
He’s sitting up in a hospital bed, and the dream from earlier fades in and out of his memory.
Just what was that?
He asks that, but he’s pretty sure he knows that was. A memory, most likely. The dream felt so similar to a flashback light. In the way that though he didn’t remember that event in his memories, it just felt so right . Like it was always there, and the dream had only helped him realize that.
From what he knows of his past self, he lived with his aunt and uncle because his parents were in a different country. The dream must have been his memories as a child of moving to live with his uncle’s family. He was certain, at least, that the boy in the dream was him. There was no question about that.
Were his friends also having similar things happen to them? There wasn’t enough information to go off of, if it was going to be just him trying to get answers. He forced himself off of bed and got ready with sheer willpower, staring longingly at the warm blankets before he headed out the door.
If there was any place where he was sure he’d get answers, it’d be the cafeteria. None of them had managed to shake the habit of immediately going to the cafeteria to meet up in the killing game. From what Shuichi had seen the previous days, the entire group still met up for breakfast and to just talk. Setting that as his first target destination, he headed down the flights of stairs until he traced the sound of chattering to the cafeteria doors.
Judging from the volume, not everybody was there yet. Of course, there were the people that most likely wouldn’t be coming. Kokichi, K1-B0, Miu, and Tsumugi, just to name a few.
Speaking of Kokichi, their meeting yesterday had been enough to send Shuichi’s mind into a confused spiral. He’d been too tired nearing the end of their conversation yesterday to properly think, but he had a chance now.
By all logical means, Kokichi shouldn’t know who the mastermind was, nor that Kaito was executed. During the class trial, the one participating while talking from inside the exisal was Kaito, not Kokichi. It didn’t make any sense for him to include that in his game of two truths and a lie, considering that he was dead before any of those events happened. Unless Kokichi included them for the purpose of trying to find out whether or not they were true? There was no way…
…
Oh. That’s exactly what he did.
That’s exactly what Kokichi had been trying to do, and Shuichi fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. It made a lot of sense. By including a statement you were unsure of along with a statement you knew was true and a statement you knew was false, you could determine whether or not the original was true or false. Supposing that the other player knew the truth, that is. And Shuichi did know it. That was what Kokichi had been betting on, and Kokichi had won.
Shuichi, by not determining any problem with the statements, had told Kokichi everything he needed to know. The rest of his confusing lies like being the president and prime minister of Russia were designed to do just that: be confusing. They distracted Shuichi from trying to find what Kokichi was doing, because such an obvious lie was shoved in his face. He felt like facepalming himself for missing such an obvious hint.
During their game of two truths and a lie, Shuichi had known everything that Kokichi was trying to find out. At the end of their game, Kokichi got exactly what he wanted, and Shuichi left his room tired, sleepy, and even more confused than before.
He had to give credit to Kokichi for that game. It was an amazing way to get information, not to mention that Kokichi had literally woken up from a coma hours before.
Kokichi knew a lot more than he let on, and it was in moments like these that Shuichi regretted not trying to get closer to him. Of course, there was the occasional flirting and the time he spent playing games and giving gifts to Kokichi, but it wasn’t enough. Shuichi knew that, and yet he never tried to cross that barrier.
The reason was complicated, but not enough for Shuichi to not know them. It was partly because of his own cowardice. After the death of Kaede in the first trial, it was an understatement to say he was depressed. Kaito had been the one to drag him out of that, so he became friends with Kaito. Kaito got closer to Maki, so by extension, Shuichi was now half friends with Maki.
Kaito and Maki both hated the shorter lying boy with a burning passion, and so Shuichi did too. Considerably less, sure, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d said things to him that he would take back without a second thought now. He wasn’t willing to sacrifice the friends he’d already made, in fear of losing them.
The other part? That was even simpler, since Kokichi was just someone like that. He somehow managed to turn every single person against him without even doing anything. He pushed every single person away from any attempts to get closer, which meant that Shuichi was included.
But even though Shuichi knew it wasn’t entirely his fault, the guilt churning in him didn’t forgive him. It relentlessly chewed at his mind, and it had dragged his body all the way to Kokichi’s room yesterday.
He could partly pin the blame on Kokichi for him not opening up, but Shuichi knew that he had any number of chances to accept Kokichi.
He immediately pinned the ‘untrustworthy’ label on him right after their first meeting.
He didn’t even give the leader a chance to explain during the insect meet and greet.
He rejected Kokichi’s offer to end the killing game together in the virtual world.
Even after Kokichi’s death, Shuichi refused to learn more about him. Kokichi, the person that had sacrificed everything, even his life, to save the other members of a class that he always claimed to hate. To end a game he said he enjoyed.
He looked up, and found that his legs had somehow carried him all the way to an unfamiliar hallway. The echoing laughter and talking from the cafeteria was nowhere to be heard. He turned around and glanced down the way he assumed he came from, but saw nothing but the hallways that seemed to extend endlessly.
He chided himself mentally for getting lost in a hospital, and decided to follow the way back. Hospital hallways were good in only one sense, in that they were very straight. He didn’t remember turning a lot on his way here, so all he needed to do to get back to the cafeteria was go the way he came and walk very far. But then again, he was lost in thought, so his memory wasn’t reliable.
By the time he made his way back to the cafeteria, there was almost nobody inside. Breakfast was already over, and everybody other than the maid had left. Kirumi was gathering their dishes and preparing to wash them, so Shuichi didn’t interrupt her.
He grabbed some of the leftovers that Kirumi offered him and left the cafeteria quietly. He was ready to try and find Kaede, Kaito, and Maki to see if they had any plans, plus check in on Miu’s progress with building K1-B0. Plus, they did say that Saturday evening was game night, and today was Saturday.
He was already halfway down the hall that led to the staircase when he heard whining coming from the cafeteria. Kirumi wasn’t someone to do that. Matter of fact, nobody other than the purple gremlin was someone to do that. Miu isn’t that far from where he is, so he decides to make a beeline for her lab instead. As emotionless as Kokichi could appear to be, there was no way he would be able to stand seeing the inventor again. Still, he didn’t want to disturb Miu’s work. He changed his target from Miu’s lab to the bathroom down the hall instead, poking his head out of it to see what was happening.
His analysis turned out to be false. After Kokichi left the cafeteria holding a can of purple soda that Shuichi recognized as Panta, Kokichi made his way straight to Miu’s lab. Immediately, Shuichi went straight into the bathroom and shut himself in the last stall.
He couldn’t stop his heart from pumping in his chest, a rush of adrenaline temporarily taking over. He couldn’t hear anything over his heartbeat, but as he slowly calmed down and listened for footsteps, he heard someone enter the bathroom. The footsteps were quiet, slow, and there were sounds between the steps that sounded like the person was dragging their feet across the floor.
It had to be Kokichi. There was no other option for who it could be, yet Shuichi doubted himself the second he heard what was happening.
He was crying .
The realization left him frozen, momentarily forgetting who exactly he was talking about. Kokichi. Kokichi Ouma, the liar. There was no way he was actually crying. He was faking it, probably. He knew Shuichi was in the last stall. He had to know.
Except… the longer he listened, the less confident he was. The longer he heard the broken sobs of a boy he’d always seen as emotionless, the more regret he felt for never connecting with him.
“I’m sorry.”
What? Sorry?
The voice was so quiet, whispered, that Shuichi would’ve missed it if not for the echoing walls of the bathroom. Did Kokichi himself even know he said something?
“I’m sorry for killing Miu… and Gonta… and Kaito.”
Every name was followed by muffled gasps of air. Everything Shuichi had known, had
assumed
he’d known about the leader, was crumbling to ashes. Kokichi had always been someone like that. Someone that exceeded what he was expected to do. At first, he was just a boy. He was happy, funny, and a little vulgar, but still a boy. Then, he turned into a liar. Someone who was useless in investigations, someone who made fun of the situation because ‘why not’. But even then, he wasn’t evil, just annoying. He then turned into a villain. Manipulative, definitely evil, someone who saw people suffering and got entertainment out of it. After his death, his image changed again. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t evil. He had reasons. But now…
“I’m sorry for killing myself.”
Shuichi doesn’t know who Kokichi is talking to, or thinks he’s talking to. But Shuichi does know that his preconception of the supreme leader was completely wrong. It’s breaking. Like a mirror, shattering on the floor. Like a piece of wood, tasked with carrying too much. Like a mask, slowly cracking from the inside.
Yes, Kokichi was an asshole. He lied a lot more than necessary. He was just an annoying pest.
This might be the first time since Shuichi got to know the teen, where he got to see his genuine emotions. Finally, his gaze reached beneath the masks and smiles that the liar always wore. All Shuichi saw was a child- a broken, sobbing child, lost in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one that the detective saw.
Shuichi had always derived some sort of joy from solving cases. Maybe it was the detective spirit in him, but he hated it. Feeling happy at finding out why his friends died wasn’t why he became a detective. He didn't want to be a detective to feel that kind of joy. He didn’t want to be a detective if it meant that he would feel that kind of joy.
If this happened during the game and Shuichi found Kokichi crying in a bathroom, he may have felt a twinge of satisfaction that he would regret later on. Not at the fact that Kokichi was crying, but that he opened up. Now? It hurt. Something inside Shuichi’s mind just broke, and all of his willpower couldn’t stop him from letting out a loud breath. Kokichi didn’t hear him. It twisted his heart, and it hurt more than it would if Kokichi was stabbing a knife into his chest.
He didn’t know how long he stayed in the bathroom, trying to block out the quiet cries coming from Kokichi, a few stalls down. After what felt like hours, Shuichi heard shuffling in the direction of Kokichi’s stall, and the sound of a stall door creaking open was heard.
Silently, Shuichi stepped closer to the entrance of the stall to look through the gap between the wall and the door. The person he saw out of the corner of his eye looked so different from the Kokichi he’d seen yesterday.
His entire outfit was stained wet with sweat, and his hair stuck to his face in clumps. The eyebags and the red eyes did nothing to make him look better, quite the opposite, and his eyes were even emptier than the time after Gonta’s trial.
And yet, from the fraction of Kokichi’s face that was visible from Shuichi’s location, a chilling realization formed.
Kokichi was smiling.
Shuichi never prided himself on emotional intelligence or anything, he considered himself above average at best. Reading a normal person’s expression wasn’t hard, Shuichi could usually tell what they were feeling, but he never got that sort of ‘I know what you’re thinking’ feeling when it came to Kokichi.
Similarly, Shuichi wasn’t confident in his ability to lie, either. He’d known about that for a long time now, and it was by trust and pure luck that his friends never saw through his lies during the class trial. If Shuichi was a complete novice at telling lies, then Kokichi was the expert among experts. To see that same person, the expert among experts of lying, of hiding, of pushing down emotions, wear such a broken smile?
It wasn’t easy.
It was the same expression Kokichi wore after the fourth trial ended. After Shuichi said those words that he’d regretted ever since.
‘You’re alone, Kokichi, and you always will be.’
They were words that he’d spat out in anger. Of course he’d be angry. Gonta killed Miu, and Kokichi was the one responsible.
The trial had been getting out of hand, and the entire discussion was running in circles. Kokichi announcing Gonta as the killer was already surprising, but forcing Shuichi into agreement would’ve never even crossed Shuichi’s mind. But he was a detective. His job was to find the truth, even if that meant doubting his friends. Kokichi’s argument was the most logical conclusion, and there was no other candidate by process of elimination. But Kaito wouldn’t accept that as his answer, and Shuichi knew that first hand. Kaito believed by trusting, and Gonta was their friend. The astronaut wouldn’t have listened to logical arguments that instead put his friends in danger.
The Kokichi that was staring at the mirror trying to fix his appearance was no different from the cackling one in the game that made Shuichi’s skin crawl. They were the exact same person on the inside. The only difference was that one of them hid behind a layer of deceit, while the other was falling apart.
Kokichi left the bathroom after double and triple checking his appearance, and Shuichi followed suit. He had questions, a lot of them, and Kokichi was going to answer them.
…
Which is how he found himself stalking the teen as he trudged his way up the stairs. Wait, no, he’s not stalking. He’s… following him extremely close behind. And besides, he even took a different staircase to get back up to the hall that Kokichi’s room was in so that he could reach it first.
Kokichi was most likely going back to his own room, and the hospital rooms were all equipped with locks. If Shuichi let Kokichi back into his own room, he knew that Kokichi wouldn’t see the light of day until at least tomorrow morning.
He heard thudding coming from down the hall, and found Gonta heading for the stairwell. The giant turned and saw Shuichi, so he smiled, waving at the entomologist politely and watching him get further and further away. Gonta also waved, and though Shuichi would normally have started up a conversation, he wasn’t in the mood for that.
“--- ?”
Gonta was talking with someone. He couldn’t make out the conversation from this distance, but it sent questions tumbling around. Who was he talking to? Gonta seemed concerned, was there something wrong? Then-
“Enough already, Gonta! Why are you — nice around me!? I used you for — ! I made you kill Miu!”
Shuichi inhaled sharply, feeling the cold air sting in his nose. The voice slammed the rest of his incoherent whispers right out of his brain.
It’s Kokichi. He’s yelling at Gonta.
The way he sounded on the verge of tears. The anger that was barely concealed in his tone. It was all eerily reminiscent of their debate before Gonta’s execution. Except now, there was a hint of guilt.
Kokichi continued to talk, sounding completely defeated. Gonta’s footsteps were heard again, this time heading down the stairs. He must’ve left Kokichi. Or, Kokichi told him to leave. Then, he heard it. Footsteps, likely from Kokichi, coming down the hall. Shuichi has never heard his footsteps so loud before.
Kokichi has always been the confusing, elusive, and mysterious type of person. He’s there as long as he wishes to be there, whether you want him to be or not. And if he is there, it’s most often loud and annoying and despair inducing. If he doesn’t want to be found, you can’t find him no matter how hard you look. Kokichi vanished after Gonta’s execution, and nobody could find him even after mobilizing the entire class. It was also despair inducing. He didn’t show up until the day when the class was told of Kaito's plan to take down Monokuma. And even then, he showed up on his own terms, threatening to bomb the entire class. Shuichi could only assume, but right now had to be one of the times Kokichi wanted to be found the least . To be able to hear his footsteps, or see him at all, only showed how far Kokichi was out of it.
As if mirroring his conclusion, Kokichi appeared in view looking like he just got out of a street fight. It wasn’t much better than what he saw through the slit of the bathroom stall, but Shuichi could tell that he’d tried to fix his appearance.
He nearly felt his heart stop when he saw the desperation on his face. The raw emotion that Kokichi was showing. He regretted the action before he ever even did it. Before denying Kokichi the ability to shove his emotions down again.
It was like Shuichi watched in slow motion. Kokichi’s small, pale hand reached for the door handle. The way his eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. The way his face was twisted into an expression of pain. And…
“Kokichi?”
The expression of fear on his face as soon as the words left Shuichi’s mouth.
Shuichi instinctively jerked back in surprise. Kokichi? Scared? The two things didn’t seem like they belonged together. He dug into his memory, desperate. In all his time knowing Kokichi, good or bad, had he ever seen Kokichi scared?
No, he realized, he hadn't.
He was always smiling and laughing. When it was needed, he was serious. If he ever got lost in his thoughts, he’d distract the class and find some excuse to leave. If something really got to him, he’d get angry. Even while dealing with the guilt of murdering Miu and Gonta and with Kaito adamantly claiming he was the culprit, he was never scared. He was crying at Gonta’s death, he was angry at Gonta’s idiocy, he was playful and made dirty jokes with Miu, but never was he afraid. Despite all of the unexpected twists in the killing game and being faced with deaths of their own class. Despite Maki’s identity as an assassin along with constant threats and the numerous times he’d been nearly strangled. Despite all of the twisting emotions he must’ve felt, fear was never one of them.
He stepped out from around the corner of the hallway, finally coming face to face with the supreme leader.
Kokichi’s silence said volumes more than a proper answer.
He wasn’t responding. Shuichi didn’t expect him to respond. The tension was so thick that he could’ve cut it with a knife. The silence was overwhelming, both taking over every one of Shuichi’s senses as well as causing him to be overly sensitive to every sound happening around them. Kokichi’s laboured breaths. Shuichi’s heart pumping. The sound of heart monitors beeping somewhere down the hall. The clock ticking down, second after second.
Kokichi’s frozen body finally moved. He reached for the handle of the door, slowly.
Tick-tock
His own hand moving to intercept, reaching for Kokichi’s shoulder
Tick-tock
Kokichi pushed the door open, and Shuichi followed.
Tick-tock
Both of them stepping into the hospital room, one following the other.
Tick-tock
How he found himself in this situation, Shuichi knew very well. How to continue the conversation? Yeah, no. He’s imagined this scenario numerous times in his head, thinking of all the right things to say.
Should he start with a confrontation, or was he better not mentioning what he heard in the bathroom? Would it work better if he tried comforting him, or would it feel safer for Kokichi if they started with games? Could he try something motivational, or even just remaining silent? Let Kokichi have the first say? Or even lecture him on his faults?
None of them felt right. Or, maybe some of them did. But he didn’t know which ones, or how to approach a situation like this.
He’s always relied on Kaede, the positivity, and Kaito, all the motivational talk. Even Maki, however cold and emotionless, was somehow more understanding than he was. Or maybe that was just Maki’s assassin instinct talking, letting her understand emotions better even if she couldn’t feel them herself.
He didn’t know what to feel about being bested in emotional intelligence by an emotionless assassin. He didn’t know what to feel in general, to this entire situation. If he told himself just two weeks ago- it felt like two weeks ago since they were in the game, but who knows?- that he would be trying to think of something to say to a crying and depressed Kokichi, he might’ve thought he got possessed by Kokichi himself.
He opened his mouth slowly, taking in a deep breath before talking. The words he wanted to say would just fall out on their own, wouldn’t they?
“What do you want?” A raspy voice spoke out. That wasn’t his, was it?
He started and looked at Kokichi, the voice catching him by surprise. The other boy was sitting slumped on the bed, looking at him pointedly.
Wow , he looks dreadful…
Not the time, idiot!
He blinked, looking at Kokichi in a daze before processing that Kokichi was most definitely expecting an answer some time soon.
But looking into his eyes reminded him too much of Kaede. Of Kaede after killing Rantaro. Of Kaede confessing. Of Kaede after she was voted guilty. Of Kaede right before her trial. The pain and guilt mixed together in his gaze along with bitter acceptance, forming a look that sent shivers down Shuichi’s spine.
He’d seen that look on too many faces. People that had murdered out of desperation, the people that he himself sentenced to death. He’d lied to himself. He mourned for them just like the rest of his friends. But wasn’t he just as guilty as the murderers themselves, if not more so?
Kaede, Kirumi, Korekiyo, Gonta, and Kaito. Every one of them had their own reasons for what they did. Shuichi and the rest of his friends even agreed with some of those reasons.
Kaede, for killing Rantaro in the hopes of saving them all?
Kirumi, for being torn between her friends and her duty?
Gonta, for facing the truth and giving a mercy kill?
Kaito, for being blackmailed and having no other choice?
They were all murderers, people who couldn’t be forgiven. But they were people who’d laughed with Shuichi, cried at the deaths of their friends, been stuck in a killing game that pushed them to their limits. None of them were at fault.
Neither was Kokichi, right? Shuichi couldn’t stop the anger rising up whenever he thought about what the shorter teen had done in the game. Indirectly caused the death of Ryoma and by extension Kirumi, manipulated Gonta into killing Miu, as well as dragging Kaito down with him in his crazy suicide plan.
“Earth to Shuichi? Did you leave your mind in an undisclosed location?”
A mop of hair appeared in his vision along with Kokichi’s face, as happy and smiley as ever.
It occurred to him that while he was doing all of that thinking, he was staring off into who knows where. Kokichi must’ve been looking at him the entire time, too, and he didn’t even notice…
“Ack! Sorry… I was just thinking about some things…”
Kokichi’s eyes narrowed slightly, before they lit up again.
“Some things, huh? No way- pervy things?! No wonder you grabbed my shoulder!”
Usually, Shuichi might’ve snapped at Kokichi. Or gotten all red and flustered. Either way, he was sure that was the reaction the other male was expecting. Kokichi only riled people up to see their reactions, and that was how he got fun out of it. Right now? In his mind, he was trying to get Shuichi to go away. He half-expected Kokichi to make up some reason and get him out of the room.
“Stop, Kokichi. I have some questions I think you can answer.”
I’m… not stuttering?
This was a personal conversation, and though it was worse for Kokichi than it was for him, he was expecting to be stuttering his way through the entire thing. But then he made the connection. He stuttered during the game because by revealing the truth, he sentenced a friend to death. The reason for it was because of guilt. Now, he was revealing the truth with an intent to help.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.
He knows Kokichi won’t want or accept his help. He remembered the comments from Maki. Why help someone who was the reason for much of their suffering?
His brain supplied the answer for him.
He wasn’t trying to help Kokichi, more so trying to understand him. It was this particular reason that led Shuichi on so many wild goose chases during the game, trying to find Kokichi.
What made Kokichi do the things he did? What was going on inside his brain? What was he trying to hide behind the facade? Every shared smile or every worried glance, every rock-paper-scissors match or tea party, it was all in an attempt to reach mutual understanding.
Shuichi was willing to bet that Kokichi couldn’t read his emotions well yet, either. That was exactly what made him so interesting to Kokichi, what made the supreme leader willing to spend time together. Willing to say that Shuichi wasn’t boring, going so far as to write ‘trustworthy’ under Shuichi’s name.
Kokichi never trusted anyone. That much was common knowledge even among people who hated him or never bothered to try understanding him. He was prickly to anyone who tried to come too close. Trying to earn his trust was like fighting an uphill battle, or going against the current of a river. It was akin to how parents would describe their journeys to school ‘back in the days’ in levels of difficulty. All in all, it was a task that might as well be deemed impossible.
“Oh, my beloved detective has questions for me? Well, I’ll do my best to answer them all truthfully!” Kokichi lit up with a smile that seemed brittle at the edges. Shuichi deadpanned him.
“Uh, truthfully?”
“Of course! When have I ever lied to you?”
“...”
They both fell silent. Shuichi shifted his eyes down to the floor, and Kokichi dropped his smile. Shuichi was grateful. He wasn’t sure he could stand looking at the forced expressions for much longer. Kokichi’s smile had always been fake, but they seemed much faker, much more fragile.
“You said you had questions.”
So they were getting right to the point then. It was a win-win for both of them. Kokichi probably just wanted Shuichi done with his interrogation and out of his room as fast as possible, even if that meant being a little more open. Shuichi appreciated the direct approach, for the first time since never.
“Yeah, I do.”
Kokichi was avoiding eye contact.
Rare
. He usually was the one to stare right into your soul with a devilish grin on his very punchable face.
“Then get on with it, detective. Or are you too distracted staring at my handsome face?”
He felt heat slowly creep its way up to his cheeks, and quickly reminded himself that Kokichi was just trying to rile him up.
“It’s not that. I…”
How was he supposed to finish that sentence?
I heard you crying in the bathroom? I want to ask about Miu and Gonta? I’m interested in your past trauma???
“I… ?”, Kokichi raised one eyebrow at him, a half-amused expression on his face. He wasn’t faking that, as far as Shuichi could tell, “I what, Shuichi? Spill it out already! The Ultimate Supreme Leader doesn’t have all day! I choked a pet kitten? I graduated from pranking school and proceeded to unleash world wide doom? I became a professional stalker overnight?”
What the fuck? How in the name of all things holy…
How did Kokichi know about his stalking? Unless that was just a guess out of the blue?
Though, his silence seemed to give Kokichi the answer he wanted. Maybe it was the fact that his eyes widened so far that they resembled giant marbles.
“No way. Shuichi choked a pet kitten!?”
“No, I didn’t!” He retorted. He was not going down in Kokichi’s memory as a kitten choker.
“Then, you graduated from prank school AND unleashed world wide doom?! Which school were you attending?! I personally graduated from the one at the exact coordinates of 40.8223286°N 96.7982002°W, and my name isn’t Kokichi, it's actually Josh Ouma. Aw man, if I’d known earlier, I would’ve invited you to join my organization! I swear, we need more sophisticated people like you…”
“Kokichi! I didn’t do that, and I was in the hospital the entire day! And how do you even remember those numbers?!” Nor was he going down in Kokichi’s memory as a prankster more proficient than the supreme leader. And really, how did Kokichi remember that long string of numbers? Was he just making them up as he went?
“So if you didn’t choke a pet kitten and you didn’t unleash world wide doom, then… you became a professional stalker? Wow, Shuichi, what brought this on? Who were you stalking?! Was it your girlfriend Kaede?”
“I wasn’t stalking Kaede!” He shouted indignantly. He had not sunk to the depths of stalking Kaede, and he was not planning on it.
“Hmm, so it wasn’t your precious Kaede? Then who was it? Kaito? Maki? Hmm…” Kokichi was depressed. Shuichi knew that, and yet why was it so infuriating to see him tease him like he always did? How in the world was he so good at pretending? “Oooo~ Was it me? Didja miss me that much?”
He tried to keep a straight face. He really did. But Kokichi had the observational sense of ravens (apparently the most observant animal according to some books in the library), and Shuichi couldn’t have slipped past him. Whatever he did to get himself caught, Kokichi most certainly saw it, and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly at Shuichi.
“...”
A flash of recognition passed through Kokichi’s dull eyes. Seems to Shuichi like Kokichi made the connection. Now to see how he’d react.
“So… my beloved detective was stalking me? Wow… you must be a professional! Where did you get your training? Don’t leak any of my top-secret plans to Maid-topia, ok? Our invasion is still a confidential military secret!”
And of course he’d just laugh it off. For a second, Shuichi almost dared to believe- almost expected- that he’d finally won against the prankster. That he’d been able to glimpse under his facade, even for just a second. Going against expectations was what Kokichi lived to do, and Shuichi had dealt with his antics for a long time now.
Words were stuck in the back of his throat, stopping him from responding. He had so many things to say, so many questions to ask, but he didn’t get through a single one of them. He assumed that he came prepared, but how prepared was he? Really? Not at all. He tensed, feeling his heartbeat start rising. He was letting Kokichi’s taunting get to him. Silently, he tried to control his breathing and get his mind back on track. But this time, he lost the battle. Anger crept past his efforts to silence his own thoughts, and it pushed the words hanging at his lips out.
“Stop, Kokichi! I’ve had enough of your lies! You and I both know they’re all just meaningless garbage, so can you just be direct with me? For once in your life?! Would it kill you to do that?!” He was running out of air. The words weren’t recognizable to Shuichi’s brain. Every sentence tumbled through in a fit of rage, too fast for him to decipher the meaning. But Kokichi heard them loud and clear. “I was in the bathroom when you went in. I heard everything.”
His mind wasn’t working properly. Trying to pull up memories of earlier that day was just adding to the headache already growing in his temple, and Kokichi’s reaction didn’t help. Not in the slightest.
His eyes stayed completely still, just looking straight on into Shuichi. His expression was unreadable, but Shuichi didn’t miss the calculating look that the teen sometimes wore during their conversations. A look that said ‘I know a lot more than you’ and creeped you out about it.
His vision was blurry, though it wasn’t clear whether it was the fault of sweat or tears. Could be both. His entire body felt hot, and it wasn’t from embarrassment. It rolled off of him in waves, both making him shiver and sweat at once.
He thought distantly that it was the first time he’d been truly mad at someone in a long time. He hadn’t been mad at anyone since at least three weeks prior, and funnily enough, it was to the same person pissing him off right now.
‘You’re alone, Kokichi, and you always will be.’
Just like now, he’d lost control back then, too. Blinded by anger, he spat out words that he’d never meant to say.
“I- ”
Kokichi started his response, and then stopped. He turned away, and so did Shuichi. He didn’t want to look at his face right now, for fear of finding that exact same smile plastered on.
“Just stop. I’m done with you.”
He didn’t stutter or hesitate. The words rolled off of his tongue naturally, but left such a disgusting taste in his mouth. The same feeling he’d gotten the first time he directed his anger at Kokichi.
I’m done with you.
The words left no room for argument. It was conclusive. The meaning was clear to both him and Kokichi. He’d had enough with Kokichi. Enough with his lies.
But then, why did it feel like a hole opened up in his chest? He shouldn’t care, and yet he did. He was a walking contradiction, and his heart was being torn between the two. Kokichi meant something to him, though he didn’t know what. He finally realized why the other had left the courtyard immediately after Shuichi’s statement. He felt the need to just take some time for himself, to just be alone, and he wasn’t even on the receiving end. It must be ten times worse for Kokichi. Just by uttering those words, his chest felt like it was being crushed underneath some kind of pressure. It hurt. He couldn’t breathe. Did Kokichi’s death have the same feeling? He had to say something, right? Change the topic? Too awkward. Apologize? Say he didn’t mean it? Did it really matter what he said? Time didn’t wait. It forced him down a path he didn’t ask to tread on, and it was taking all he had to cling to the edge.
It wasn’t too late to fix what he’d said. He couldn’t take back what he said in the game, but he could take back what he said just now. It’s embarrassing of course, but there weren’t any better options. It was never too late, but every second he wasted now was only going to make it harder to make the decision. His body moved before his brain ever finished thinking about it.
“Koki-”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Shuichi, are you here? I’m coming in.”
The door clicked open. They’d forgotten to lock it while entering. The hinges groaned as the door swung slowly, and a girl clad in a hospital gown stepped in.
“M- Maki… ? What are you doing here… ?”
The assassin wasn’t looking at him. She was staring blankly at the mess of a person sitting right next to him. Kokichi.
“What are you doing with him ?”
The disgust in her tone was very clear, the murderous expression on her face only served to enhance that point.
“Woah, it’s the killer girl! No apology for what happened the last time we met?” A cheerful voice floated past him right at Maki, and he didn’t even need to turn around to see Kokichi with a shit eating grin on his face.
The last time they met?
The last time Kokichi and Maki saw each other would have to be before Kokichi’s death. Oh, right. When Maki shot Kokichi with a crossbow dipped in Strike-9 poison and was fully prepared to take his life.
“Do you want to die?” Maki’s glare sent a shiver down Shuichi’s spine. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen the look, but the bloodlust behind her steely red eyes was enough to trap him in place.
Kokichi was seemingly unaffected by the scowl Maki was giving him. “I already died once Maki-roll, no need to do it again! Why’re you looking for Shuichi, huh? The idiot wants to talk or something?” The idiot in question being Kaito Momota.
“Don’t call me that!” The figure disappeared so fast that Shuichi barely even caught the flash moving past him. By the time he reacted and spun around, Maki was holding Kokichi by the neck.
Kokichi smirked, “Why? Only your precious Kaito can- !“, he never got to finish that sentence. If not for Shuichi clutching onto Maki’s arm like his life depended on it, he was pretty sure Maki would’ve chucked him out the window.
His brain somehow had the time to think ‘There’s a word for that, isn’t there? Defenestration, I think.’
“What do you even see in him?” Maki demanded, dropping Kokichi onto the floor like a ragdoll before turning on Shuichi instead. “He killed Kaito! He killed Miu and Gonta! Why are you still bothering to talk with him?!” Her red eyes pierced through Shuichi, a fire lit somewhere inside them that burned with rage. Shuichi glanced sideways at Kokichi, who was leaning on the wall while rubbing his neck. He really didn’t want to admit it, but Maki when she was in assassin mode scared him.
“Whatever,” Maki sighed, and then turned to leave the room quietly, “Kaito wanted to remind you that there’s game night at Kaede’s. Her room is down the hall, Room 426.”
“A- alright, tell Kaito and Kaede that I’m coming!” He called to her retreating back, looking blankly as the door shut and her footsteps headed down the hall.
He looked back at Kokichi, still slumped on the floor. Maki’s interruption resulted in him never managing to apologize, but he could still fix that now. He just had to open his mouth, say sorry, and then get to Kaede’s game night.
“Kokichi… I…”
“I- I- I… I, what , Shuichi? I’m sorry? Is that what you wanted to say?”
“...”
“Just leave already. You’re done with me, aren’t you? If you’re done, then get out! It’s not like any of us actually care about each other!” Kokichi’s voice was still raspy and trying to recover from Maki’s choking.
Shuichi blinked, a sour sensation creeping its way up his body and to his eyes, stinging it with tears. He turned, sparing one last glimpse at Kokichi’s collapsed form before heading out the door. Vaguely, he heard a tiny choked whisper come from beyond the wall of wood, but it was too quiet to make out words.
Kaede’s room was fairly easy to spot, with there being a wide open door and chattering voices coming from inside. One look inside revealed that there were board games and playing cards scattered all across the floor, and three people looked up from their very thrilling game of Snakes and Ladders to meet Shuichi’s eyes.
“Shuichi, you made it! I was so worried about you since you weren’t at breakfast or lunch! Where were you all day?” Kaede’s voice cut through the haze in his mind, and dropped him right back into reality. “Oh, I- I was coming to breakfast and then took a wrong turn. I must’ve lost track of time.”
A hand smacked him on the back, and it would’ve sent him toppling over if it weren’t for said hand gripping his shoulder to keep him steady. “At least ya made it! C’mon, sit down!” A booming voice rang in his ear, and he jumped out of his own skin. “K- Kaito!”
The rest of that afternoon was as peaceful as it could’ve been. They played chess, switched to a very capitalist game of Monopoly which ended with Maki decimating the rest of them and claiming it was ‘part of her training’, and settled for card games in the end. They were currently teaching Shuichi the rules of a game called ‘Go Fish’. Shuichi couldn’t help but let his mind drift off back to earlier in the day, back to his conversation with Kokichi.
Kokichi is good at lying and faking emotions. There was never any chance of me trying to catch him off-guard. If I want to get closer to him, it’ll be a slow process at best. Why was he so cheerful even when I was asking him questions? He must’ve known there was no way to get out of it, so why did he bother pretending? Come to think of it- why did Kokichi lie so much? Was it fun for him, or was it just a habit? He lied a lot in the game too, even if it was something serious to him. So that meant it was a habit? How did he get a habit like that? It wouldn’t be a habit unless he was lying from a very young age. Why would someone need to lie starting that early? Unless… it was a defense mecha-
“Earth to Shuichi? Helloo?”
“Huh- ? Go Fish!” He flinched, jumping at the noise and shouting out the last thing he remembered them playing.
“Uh… we’re playing UNO, Shuichi.”
He paused and examined the cards in his hand. A rainbow ‘+4’ as well as an assortment of colors smiled brightly back at him.
When did we switch to UNO? I didn’t even notice…
“You’ve been distracted this entire time, Shuichi. Are you sleepy? If you are, you can go rest if you need it…”
“Oh… yeah, thanks. I think I need to do that…”
He managed to regain his bearings and nodded politely to the three of them, apologizing profusely for being so distracted during the game. Maki’s eyes twitched as she watched Shuichi’s behavior, but she didn’t voice her thoughts.
Kaede’s voice followed him out of the room. “Tomorrow is group therapy! If you don’t know where it is, just follow me!”
He waved at her from outside the door frame before making his way back to his own room. The sky outside was nearly pitch black, and gave him no idea on what time it was. How long had he spent in Kaede’s room? The thing about group therapy completely slipped his mind, but now that Kaede reminded him, he recalled Ayano mentioning it to him two days ago.
He had to be careful not to wake anyone up, turning the handle to his room and praying to anyone in general that it wouldn’t creak. He slipped past the crack he opened in the door, and slowly inched the door closer to the frame. Luckily, the usual scream of the metal hinges didn’t happen.
He clambered into the hospital bed after brushing his teeth, tossing the covers over him and flopping his head down on the soft pillow. Kokichi was taking up at least half of his entire mental capacity, but the other half was begging Shuichi to just go to bed. As much as he loved thinking about mysteries, nothing about the other seemed fun to think about. Especially after what happened.
The hospital room blurred in his vision, and it was a losing battle to keep his eyes open. He closed them, letting the drowsy feeling slowly spread over his brain and limbs, dragging him into unconsciousness.
Notes:
I love filling up the emotional scenes with funny things that ruin the atmosphere! :D
the coordinates kokichi said are the coordinates to the legendary Josh fight, if you don't know it then you should
i'm secretly hoping for someone called Josh to read this XD
also i managed to slip another bsd reference into there, bc why not?
Chapter 6: to feel 'happy'
Notes:
vacation was cool, went to greece, turkey, and italy
i've recently started rereading percy jackson (again) so there may or may not be some references later? :P
school is starting so i'll probably procrastinate even more on the chapters. also this chapter is shorter cuz i wanted to get it out before the first day of school.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Just stop. I’m done with you”
“I’m done with you.”
“I’m done with you.”
“I’m done with you.”
Shuichi’s words echoed in Kokichi’s head. His eyes slid shut, a slow breath escaping his mouth. He hadn’t known he was holding one. With his eyes closed, he could focus more intensely as his mind tried to fully comprehend Shuichi's words. A retort bubbled on the tip of his tongue, ready to spring out. “You should’ve been a long time ago” He spat out. Or, he thought he did. He remained there on the bed, motionless, too busy processing to do anything else.
He peeled his eyes open to look at the detective. Shuichi’s face was vacant, and Kokichi couldn’t get any kind of read on what he was feeling. The detective usually wore his heart on his sleeve, but it was always during the serious moments when Kokichi’s ability to read people decided to go on vacation.
“I’m done with you.”
Stop…
“You’re alone, Kokichi, and you always will be.”
Stop… !
He’s just a lying sack of shit.
You’re evil! A remnant of despair!
He wanted to scream. Scream at them, make them understand, let them see that he wasn’t a villain. At least, not the villain he appeared to be. He’s had many titles over his lifetime.
Liar.
Ultimate Supreme Leader.
The Mastermind.
A villain.
Remnant of Despair.
The most accurate one might just be the one he calls himself. Liar. Can he blame them? They believed his lies, fell for his trap without even once doubting themselves. For people who called him out on his lies so often, they never saw the biggest lie he was spinning.
Humans lie for many reasons. To save face. To blame someone. To hide the truth. To help someone. To be mysterious. The desire to be understood. Humans are naturally prideful. They think they’re above others, cementing themselves in illusional positions of power, of grandeur. It gives satisfaction for classmates to call Kokichi out on lies, deluding them into believing they could read him. Understand him. Lie about the small things, so they don’t doubt the big things. That’s the belief Kokichi has stood by, and was taught from a young age. And right in front of him, there was someone trying to shake the entirety of Kokichi’s existence. What started out as a game of cat and mouse was evolving into something he couldn’t control anymore.
“Koki- ”
Was he regretting it? Trying to take the words back, say something flimsy and misleading like “Kokichi, I’m sorry for saying that” and then ask for forgiveness? If apologies were enough to solve the problem, then the world would’ve blown up by now. Anger simmered quietly, waiting for Shuichi to finish his half-assed apology so he could at least disguise his breakdown as something else.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Nobody would come to visit Kokichi. It’s either someone looking for Shuichi, or a nurse.
“Shuichi, are you here? I’m coming in.”
Great. Just great. The second last voice he heard before he died. Absolutely wonderful, we might as well invite Kaito in here too.
The door of his room creaked open and a head poked in with the audacity to look surprised before immediately dropping into a scowl.
“What’re you doing with him ?”
Well geez, this is my room. No privacy or what?
“Woah, it’s the killer girl!” He sat up and put the most annoying grin he could imagine right on his face. “No apology for what happened the last time we met?”
“Do you want to die?”
Her red eyes were probably unleashing murderous glares at him right now, but Kokichi really was out of fucks to give. It was very reminiscent of Maki’s glares the last time she’d attempted murder on him, like when he revealed her assassin identity or in the exisal hangar. There were probably more. Other people also did that too. At least he didn’t actually die to Maki in the game. Did it really count if it was still her boyfriend that finished the job though?
“I already died once Maki-roll, no need to do it again! Why’re you looking for Shuichi, huh? The idiot wants to talk or something?” The idiot did not, in fact, want to talk. If he did, he would have come himself while barging into every single room along the way. Kokichi would’ve heard him coming a mile off.
“Don’t call me that!”
The red light exploded in fury, and Kokichi felt something harshly grab his neck. His feet left the floor, and his world rose up a few centimeters. Kokichi’s mind went silent, wondering stupidly if this was what tall people saw every day. Stupid overgrown teenagers and their 5’7 heights. Not to mention Gonta. And Kaito. He inwardly cursed himself out for being short.
He drew a smirk onto his face and taunted the assassin. “Why? Only your precious Kaito can- !” A jerk cut off the rest of his words, and he instinctively tensed his entire body up. He shut his eyes in expectation of a knife slipping into his throat. Or being slammed against the wall. Or being thrown out the window. Or being choked to death. How many ways did assassins have to murder someone? Did he really want to know?
A second passed. Then another.
He opened his eyes to find Shuichi Saihara grabbing onto the assassin girl’s arm, stopping her from doing her murder.
He dropped, and his stomach suddenly decided to unleash a swarm of butterflies, following Kokichi on the way back down. Maki had rounded onto Shuichi while tossing Kokichi down to the floor. “What do you even see in him?” Her red eyes were flashing with pain, confusion, and anger. “He killed Kaito! He killed Miu and Gonta! Why are you still bothering to talk with him?!” Kokichi turned his brain around for the answer, but he realized didn’t know either. The detective was always impossible to understand. When Kokichi thought he’d got a read on him, he’d go and completely ruin every expectation he had. And the most infuriating thing? Kokichi liked him found him interesting for that.
It turns out, when you’re good at reading other people, the world gets boring. He thought of everyone as their own boring little NPC programming. Said programming was emotions. Kaede Akamatsu could be expected to be positive, supportive, and kind, because she felt empathetic. Or, for example, Kaito. He was always loud, motivational, and a tad bit stupid, but that was because he was ambitious and felt like he needed to take charge. But Shuichi? The inside of his mind was a complete enigma. He didn’t expect Shuichi to care when he cut himself with a knife. He didn’t expect Shuichi to not care when he had gotten a concussion. He didn’t expect Shuichi to be able to announce Kaede as the culprit. He didn’t expect Shuichi to side with him during Gonta’s trial. And really, there wasn’t a lot of stuff that Kokichi didn’t expect. There was a sort of thrill to it, like a chess grandmaster playing against another of the same level. Unexpected incidents and actions were annoying sometimes, and potentially dangerous, but there was an underlying satisfaction that Kokichi felt whenever Shuichi figured out his plan or was still struggling to do it.
He hated it.
Hated the way he paid attention to Shuichi’s face.
Hated the way he felt whenever Shuichi visited.
Hated the way he broke down after he left.
Hated the way that even now, Shuichi didn’t seem to have an answer either.
“Whatever. Kaito wanted to remind you that there’s game night at Kaede’s. Her room is down the hall, Room 426.” The girl turned around and left the room, and Shuichi shouted after her before the door fully closed. “A- alright, tell Kaito and Kaede that I’m coming!”
The detective turned his head to blankly meet Kokichi’s eyes. Shuichi opened his mouth, the beginnings of an apology forming. In that split second, all of the hatred and anger reached a boiling point. Shuichi had gained confidence in the game. Where the fuck had it all gone?
“I- I- I…” He repeated, purposefully raising the pitch of his voice to sound more timid, mocking Shuichi. “I, what, Shuichi? I’m sorry? Is that what you wanted to say?” His voice came out scratchy and weak and disgusting . It was taking all he had to not try and rip his own vocal cords out.
Shuichi said nothing. The silence gave Kokichi all the answers he needed.
“Just leave already. You’re done with me, aren’t you?” He watched Shuichi fidget nervously at the door, unsure of what to do. Kokichi could certainly give him something to do. The person in front of him wasn’t the Shuichi he’d known during the game. “If you’re done, then get out! It’s not like any of us actually care about each other!”
The words visibly stung just like Kokichi hoped they would, watching Shuichi recoil as if he’d burned him with hot iron.
Good. Just leave like that.
Shuichi’s eyes seemed to distort for a second, and Kokichi immediately knew the detective was crying. Or maybe he was crying. Maybe both. The door slowly shut itself in front of him, and he let out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding.
He brought one hand up to gingerly rub his neck, feeling smooth skin and a burning sensation. The other hand went to claw at his mop of hair, tangling his fingers and the strands together. His vision blurred, and he knew he was crying. Kokichi pulled his legs closer to himself, whispering to himself.
“Why can’t I stop lying… ?!”
“Oi, brat! You little piece of shit- get back here!”
Three men chased a boy- could not have looked more than 10- down in the streets, angrily shouting curses. A boy ran through the streets, carrying in his arms what looked like a few apples, loaves of bread, and a spray paint bottle that looked like it’d been to hell and back.
As the boy ran through twisted alleyways and jumped over boxes and cans, the shouting gradually got quieter and disappeared. After looking around to make sure nobody was following, he ran a little further until he got to an abandoned and dirty apartment building. Carefully putting down the items in his arms, he pulled a needle and inserted it into the rusted lock. After fiddling for a while, he smiled when the lock gave a satisfying click. He quickly stuffed the needle back into his pocket before precariously balancing the fruits and bread on one arm, grabbing the spray paint can, and pushing his way in.
“I’m back, losers!”
He called into the dingy room, and thumps could immediately be heard coming from all over. A group of ten scarily thin- him not excluded- children surrounded him eagerly, and he bent down to put the food on the floor. Chaos ensued, and didn’t stop until every crumb had been devoured.
All ten of them were chewing, panting, and laughing all at once, collapsing into a pile on the floor to keep their wrestling match going.
The boy couldn’t help but join in, taking a running start before jumping and flopping down on all ten of them, hearing cries of protest coming from somewhere underneath him.
Someone’s kick knocked him off of the pile as the rest of them slowly untangled themselves as well, remaining on the floor breathless with giggles.
The boy smiled.
He was in front of the same ten kids, and though the place was the same, the atmosphere had changed quite a bit. Every one of them sported the same outfit: a checkered pattern scarf around their necks and messy white shirts and pants. The group was seated in front of the boy in a crowd, cheering and clapping.
“Wooo! Boss, what did you put on that guy's stall this time?”
“The bread was so yummy!”
“When are you going to send us on missions?”
“What’re we gonna do next time?! I’m so excited!”
The boy wore the same scarf, but his outfit was accompanied with a ripped up dark purple cape and a dingy little black sports cap.
He clapped his hands a little, and the chatter almost instantly silenced.
“Alright. What did I do to his stall? I wrote ‘IDIOT’ in neon colors, that’s what!”
“Boss, how do you write in neon colors if we only have one can?”
The boy’s eyes twitched in annoyance, glaring down at the one boy sitting at the front with a shit-eating grin and innocent big eyes blinking up at him.
“Shut up, DAMIAN!”
“My name isn’t- !”
“It is NOW! Anyways! Next order of business!”
Snickering spread through the seated group, and ‘Damian’ grumbled under his breath before shutting up.
“It’s almost June, so you know what that means?! We’re hitting the ice cream shop!”
Roaring cheers came from the group of kids, and all of them threw their scarves into the air in celebration. The boy reached for his scarf as well, but once again, his hand closed on nothing but air.
The morning sun somehow angled itself to shine right into Kokichi’s eyes, blinding him. His hand was still placed over his neck, halfway to reaching for a scarf that wasn’t even there.
A nurse was in his room, opening the windows and listing a bunch of things to herself- oh wait, he was supposed to be listening.
“- erapy session happening after lunch, so you can just follow your classmates! You are also severely malnourished so we’ve invited a healer to talk to you about that, too! You also have an individual therapy session in the morning too, so you’ll need to get up for that, and you’ve also been showing signs of severe- ”
Oh gods, shut her up.
Somehow she had more to say on the topic of his health than Kokichi had to say on how much he hated Monokuma. And he had a lot to say about that.
Therapy meant old men with clipboards asking stupid questions like “Do you feel happy?” or “When do you think your problems started?”. Therapy is supposed to help you find the answers, not expect you to give them. Is that not how it works?
“Ahem! Mr. Ouma, I hope you’re listening?”
A sharp tap of a pen brought him back to meet the nurse’s gaze.
“No, the supreme leader doesn’t concern himself with peasants like you.” Kokichi drawled, making sure to put emphasis on the word ‘peasants’ while dismissing the nurse with a wave of his hand. He watched, internally laughing, as the nurse’s face contorted for a second in what looked like anger, before simmering down and resorting to leaving.
“Have a great day, Mr. Ouma.”
“I hope you don’t!” He called to her, holding back the laughter as the door closed (a little loudly) and her footsteps echoed down the hall.
Congratulations. You got yourself a few minutes to sit down and waste your life away.
That was uncalled for, rude, not necessary, and certainly not polite of himself. His disappointment was immeasurable. Why did he even keep his brain around?
“Room 405. You’re Kokichi Ouma?”
Kokichi spun around at breakneck speeds- no literally he felt his neck crack- and faced the stranger who was currently smiling and looking around the room.
“No, I’m Percy Potter. Who’re you?” He replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the woman.
“Ah. I’m your personal therapist. You can call me Mrs. Morgan. I’m here to talk with you a little. Just an hour, from 10 to 11.”
He blinked at her. There she was in all her glory. A blonde woman, probably in her twenties or thirties, coming into his room and claiming to be his therapist. Mrs. Morgan held a clipboard, at least, but nothing about her screamed ‘doctor’, ‘therapist’, or even ‘educated’. She wore a bright pink T-shirt that had an egg and read ‘sunny side up’ with a big fat smile on it. She had heels on, a miniskirt that probably didn’t fit hospital protocol, and had at least twenty bracelets on each arm.
In summary, Kokichi did not believe her to be a proper therapist and it only further hardened his resolve to watch her struggle to get him to open up.
Mrs. Morgan pulled one of the chairs with wheels over to her and sat down, crossing her legs. She then proceeded to gesture to the other chair in the room, probably signalling for Kokichi to sit down or something.
After careful consideration, Kokichi deemed sitting down as ‘not important enough to argue’ and sat down on the chair. She tapped her pen in a rhythmic pattern and read aloud off the paper slowly. It was almost like she was trying to be the most infuriating person in the world.
“Kokichi Ouma. 16. Male. Severe depression, severe malnourishment, severe hyperactivity, pathological liar, severe…”
“Can we just get to your stupid questioning?” Kokichi snapped, interrupting the rambling of the supposed therapist. She looked up, a little disgruntled, but recovered quickly and plastered a sickly sweet smile onto her face.
“Of course. That was a little boring, wasn’t it?” Her voice dripped with lies, but not in the way that Kokichi used them. Mrs. Morgan probably hated her job or something. Kokichi would not be surprised. In fact, he couldn’t wait to add to that hatred after their sappy therapy session. Mrs. Morgan clicked her pen a few times, scribbled a few words in her clipboard, and looked up.
“So, Kokichi. How have you been feeling recently?” She inquired, a curious look on her face as if she actually cared. She balanced the clipboard on her leg as she crossed her arms, nodding along to absolutely nothing.
“Good. Absolutely amazing. I’m ready to go and conquer Russia.” He replied, raising his arms and mimicking two stick figures fighting each other. Except his version consisted more of one person jumping repeatedly on the other. If the therapist was surprised, confused, or worried, she showed nothing. She continued to smile, quickly scrawled a few more words down, and looked back up at him.
“Is there a reason why you want to conquer Russia specifically?”
Kokichi glared at her. Making a therapist get fed up was harder than he thought. Then again, they probably had to deal with annoying attention-seeking 12 year olds crying over some sob story they made up.
“Nope,” He said cheerfully. “It’s just the only place we avoided since it was too cold.”
This time, the therapist did seem a little exasperated.
“So then, could you- ”
“We tried using water guns, but they froze! Just when we broke their castle walls down, they’d just pour water and make it freeze over!” He broke right through her sentence, complaining about the completely made up experiences he’d had in Russia. “Really, if you’re planning to take down Florida, you gotta make sure to wear a lot of clothes so you don’t freeze.”
“Why Florida? You were just talking about Russia. Also, we’re getting very off-topic. Could you-” She started, but Kokichi cut her off again.
“What are you even talking about? I’ve never even mentioned Russia once in this conversation. Or maybe I did. I can’t remember anymore. Did you know I actually have the memory of an axolotl? It was diagnosed by my family doctor. I’m not lying about that.”
“You certainly did mention Russia, and why an axolotl, of all things- never mind. Mr. Ouma, can you stop distracting me and pay attention to our therapy session? I am trying to help you.”
“Aww… how did you know I was distracting myself? What if you were the one distracting me?” He teased her, getting right into her face and blinking multiple times, widening his eyes as far as he could.
The therapist employed the strategy of ‘ignoring Kokichi’s antics’, and managed to obtain a critical hit. “Mr. Ouma, do you remember your dreams?”
Yes, he thought, of course I do. How could I forget them?
The visions of his past. The echoing voices of his classmates. The deaths of his victims. A reminder of how much he’d changed. A reminder of what the killing game had done to them. A reminder that even he could have people who loved him. Laughed with him. Accepted him. A reminder that he was alone. He had nobody except himself and his guilt.
Their whispers haunted him through the night, followed him during the day, and surrounded him whenever he got a break. He couldn’t forget them. He couldn’t move on.
They wouldn’t let him.
“Nope! The last time I dreamed was before I was born!” He chirped excitedly, kicking out his legs like a child.
“I find that quite hard to believe.” Mrs. Morgan clicked her tongue a few times, tucking her hair behind her ear before continuing. “Now then, can you tell me how you’re feeling? Do you feel happy?”
Kokichi had to bite back an insult.
Isn’t it your job to figure that out?
How was he supposed to know? In the first place, what did ‘happy’ mean?
He could go ask someone, and they’d tell him that playing a sport made them happy. Someone else might say that painting made them happy. Hell, Kaede was happy playing piano. Gonta was happy with bugs. Their talents were their passion, their own way to reach happiness.
He could go search online, and there’d be articles. Endless pages of useless advice telling him what to do. How he could be ‘happy’. How he could feel ‘happy’.
None of them ever described what it was.
Was it to smile? To laugh? To tell jokes? Was he happy or sad if he did all of those things perfectly? Stood in the mirror with a smile while checking angles until he was satisfied? Rehearsed lines over and over until they slipped out unconsciously?
Was it to feel content with his life? They ended the game. They were all alive. They were back in the real world, and they could live peacefully. Was he content with that? If he didn’t have to sacrifice his own life, would he have been more content with the results? If he prevented more deaths earlier on, would he have been happier?
Was it the light way he could feel whenever he was absorbed in an activity? The way his mind could drift endlessly and be focused on a task at the same time? The way his lips would turn upwards in a smile without him realizing? He saw others with passion, others following through, others reaching the finish line.
Was it not a positive feeling, but instead a lack of negative ones? Was happiness simply not the absence of sadness? Not feeling angry, scared, or lonely? He was surrounded by classmates that hated him. He was angry at himself for pretending and everyone else for misunderstanding. He lived in constant fear, dreading the day when his walls would break down.
Was happiness not an emotion itself, but instead an umbrella term of smaller, positive feelings? Was that why when he tried to feel ‘happiness’, he drew a blank? He could feel accomplished. He could feel peaceful. He could admire someone. He could enjoy a good day, laugh at a good joke, taste good food, and experience all of the good things in his life. He could not feel ‘happy’.
Happiness felt like an island. One that everyone believed to- without question- exist. One that everyone around you seemed to be reaching, confirmations and support swirling around.
What was wrong with him when others could confidently say ‘I feel happy’?
Why did every single person, regardless of age, strive to achieve happiness?
Would he feel the taste of a lie on his tongue when he finally spoke the words?
Was the joy of life not in thinking about the experience, but in the experience itself?
“Yep! I’m perfectly peachy, and I’m fully energized to go launch an invasion! You’re holding up the schedule, by the way.” The lie rolled off his tongue, prepared, smooth, and revolting. Kokichi couldn’t properly come up with an answer to the question, even if he didn’t lie. How was he supposed to explain his feelings if he didn’t understand them himself?
“Great! Could you tell me what you’re looking forward to in the future? Hopes? What do you want to be as an adult?” Mrs. Morgan seemed to believe his lie without a second thought, moving onto her next few questions.
Hopes. Visions for the future. Great.
During the killing game, Kokichi was convinced he wouldn't live to see his eighteenth birthday. It wasn’t like he was too occupied with something else to care about his future. Up until what felt like a week ago, survival was the top priority, not dreaming about the future. Not promises of keeping in touch once they made it out. Not promises of becoming a world-class pianist, or starting a detective agency, or going to space. Kokichi didn’t have dreams for the future. Staying alive was, is, and will stay the most important thing.
Hope was dangerous. Having hope for the future would only create disappointment. Of course, hope was something that could keep a person going. When in despair, hope can help someone claw their way back out of a pit. It functioned like a last-minute life saver that could keep someone afloat for a little while longer. Still, hope was a double-edged sword. Raising your expectations was asking for them to be crushed. Lowering your expectations meant you could either be proved right or be surprised- in a good way.
As such, Kokichi didn’t have any hope for his future. Didn’t dream or expect anything of ‘future-him’ to prevent any disappointment he might have.
“I’m looking forward to the end of this trashy excuse of a therapy session.” He glared at the therapist across the room from him, her face still in a resting smile. He then added, “When I was a kid, I looked forward to building the Great Wall of Mattresses, and I wanted to become a mattress engineer.”
“Is there any reason why you were interested in mattresses?” She uncrossed her legs, leaning in while propping her head up with her hands. “Did you not have mattresses as a child?”
“No,” he snapped, “I had a billion mattresses in my home.”
Sure, maybe he did have a bad childhood. Not that it mattered, since he couldn’t remember anything about it.
“So, I’ve got a few things to say to you, Mr. Ouma. You seem disinterested in social interaction, but I think you’re just a little on the introverted side. Your dreams and goals are unique, but they show that your mind is quite creative. You seem to have no problems mentally, and while you may show a few problems with emotional communication, you’re completely healthy.”
She paused, looking down at the words she’d just written down. The notes to the ever-growing paragraph of comments and concerns that she had for Kokichi. After a minute of squinting- she was probably struggling to read her own handwriting- she looked up at him and continued, "As far as your physical body is concerned, however, I’d recommend you eat a lot more than your current diet.”
He groaned, slumping in his chair and falling to the floor dramatically. It certainly wasn’t the first time someone commented on his weight and diet. DICE did that a lot. Kirumi did too, but she was a maid so it was expected. Now it was a fucking therapist that he met an hour ago.
“Yeah, yeah. I won’t take that into consideration.”
“I seem to recall you were looking forward to the end of our session together? I’m leaving now, Mr. Ouma.”
Kokichi turned to look at the clock on the computer screen. 10:58 . The hour passed without him even realizing. Though, half of it was probably just the therapist scribbling on her stupid clipboard. Weren’t therapists supposed to magically cure all of his depression with a conversation? How the hell did Mrs. Morgan manage to bore him to death, make his depression worse, and be completely useless?
“See you next week, Mr. Ouma. Do work on your diet, alright?” She gave her signature smile and left the room quickly.
He stared blankly at the patch of wall where Mrs. Morgan had last been sighted, and it took a moment before he processed the fact that he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. He could drop into the cafeteria and nab another Panta can and still make it to the group therapy session which he currently had no information on. Who, what, when, where, why, how. He got two of them down. What: therapy. Why: they were mentally ill. Like, very ill. Who, when, where, how? Yeah, no idea.
He stumbled into the cafeteria 10 minutes later and found that it was not as abandoned as he thought. Heads turned the second he entered, conversations pausing awkwardly as hateful glances came in his direction. A clenched fist, an eye kept on him, a few people murmuring quietly, probably talking about him. The only ones who didn’t seem angry were Kaede, Rantaro, and Shuichi, sitting alone at their own little table in the corner. Kirumi too, since she came up to him to strike up a conversation.
“Good morning, Kokichi. How did your therapy session go?” Kirumi did a little curtsy politely, smiling at him.
“What? Does everybody have therapy this morning or what?” He scanned the room and found that most of the people were here, even the early risers that usually got to the cafeteria before the morning announcement and waited there for other people to show up.
“Yes, most of us all do individual therapy sessions on Sunday. The group therapy session is starting in half an hour, do you know where to go?” She replied, gesturing to the classmates behind her, who had mostly- and luckily- all gone back to ignoring him.
“My nurse was mean and she never bothered to tell me!” He cried out, clutching his heart and letting crocodile tears roll down his face.
“Kokichi, it’s in room 102 at noon. Just follow us and you’ll get there.” Kirumi sighed in resignation and told him the time and place. Two more questions down. Now left who and how. Although ‘how’ was probably self-explanatory since it was therapy, which meant the therapist was going to use some funny words and ice breaker activities to try and cure their depression.
He sauntered over to Shuichi’s table and plopped down on the empty chair, grinning at the three reluctant but smiling faces that met him.
“Hey Kaediot! Long time no see! We really got roped into the killing game, y’know, but we hung on and we made it through! And Rantaro, life really just hits hard. Catch you by surprise, y’know?” He exclaimed, excitedly hugging the two of them.
“Hey there, Kokichi… ” Kaede answered first, her smile a little forced but still kind. Kokichi watched her carefully, noting the reluctance in her eyes. Kaede was the most forgiving, sympathetic, and kind person that there was in the killing game, save for maybe Gonta. She must’ve watched the footage of the later murders after she died and woke up in the hospital, if she had this bad of an impression of him.
Rantaro waved a hand, acknowledging Kokichi’s presence but not responding verbally. He didn’t trust him yet. Habits were hard to shake off, and Rantaro’s distrusting personality carried over to real life.
Shuichi was not addressed by Kokichi in his greeting. He stared down at his food, playing with it using a fork, pushing it back and forth on the plate. His eyes were blank, lost in his own thoughts. Kokichi didn’t quite know how to start up a conversation with him, and Shuichi most likely didn’t either. Still, Kaede would expect Kokichi to annoy Shuichi about something, so that’s what he’ll do.
“Hey Shumai, wanna play a game?” He leaned in, watching as Shuichi started a little before raising his head to meet Kokichi’s gaze.
“What… kind of game?”
“Poker! We can gamble money!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of poker cards he’d found in his clothing after some digging.
“We don’t have money, though?” Shuichi furrowed his brow, looking at the cards in Kokichi’s hand as if they were a ticking time bomb.
“We’ll make you pay the rest later! You’ll be in debt, and then I'll charge interest on it.” He shuffled the cards, doing a little riffle with the cards just to show that he was experienced. His hands moved with ease, doing every move as if they were practiced to perfection, using the cards as an extension of his own body.
“Why are you so sure that you’re going to win?” A spark of interest had returned to Shuichi’s eyes, watching Kokichi shuffle the deck.
“Duh, because I’m amazing at rigging the cards!” He wasn’t. He was confident in his ability to bluff his way through the game.
“If you’re rigging the deck, then- ”
The sound of chairs screeching interrupted Shuichi’s protests, and Kokichi looked up to see that the majority of his classmates were already filing out the door. A quick peek at the clock told him that it was five minutes to noon, which meant it was probably time to get to their group therapy session. Chattering filled the hallway and Kokichi’s ears could only hear the voices and footsteps moving down the hall. Finding the room was not a challenge, even if he lacked basic navigation abilities.
And then it happened.
The people in front of him stopped moving, They stood there, silently, all signs of conversation gone. Then, slowly, they moved into the room like the tide receding. Hesitant. Careful. Suspicious.
Then he made it into the room. And he saw what happened. He froze. Inside, a figure was sitting at the end of the U-shape table.
She was fidgeting with her fingers.
Twirling her hair around her finger.
Shifting in her seat.
There sat the mastermind, Tsumugi Shirogane.
Notes:
the dream scene of kokichi took me so many tries to write bc i needed it to show that life wasn't easy but its kokichi so they're always laughing anyways
when I started writing this, i had a very vague idea of where i wanted it to go. now we're a few chapters in, and my search history has been filled with me researching emotional dialogue and the meaning of happiness...
the therapist in this chapter Mrs. Morgan, was inspired by a sorta therapist that I actually talked to. It helped me about as much as it helped Kokichi.