Affinity

by imlikat

Summary:

At eighteen, Sasuke returns to the village—withdrawn, traumatized, and unwilling to talk about the past. Kakashi is assigned to watch over him. He doesn’t expect it to turn into anything more.

Within a week, Sasuke starts testing boundaries in physical ways, and Kakashi struggles with how to respond. Over time, their uneasy companionship shifts. What grows between them isn’t simple, but it is steady: trust, desire, and a kind of healing—for both of them.

Notes:

**I don't think it's confusing, since the summary stays the same, but just in case - I have changed the title of this fic from "An Affinity for Each Other" to "Affinity."

This fic is not my usual “smutty rom-com with a serving of angst” popcorn fic. It has dark and possibly disturbing themes and events—please read the tags before reading the fic! I may be over-warning, but I’d hate to ruin someone’s day because I didn’t warn for something. D:

That said, if you’re still here: thank you, and I hope you enjoy the fic! :)

Quick AU context: After killing Orochimaru in his hideout, it took Sasuke 3 years to hunt Itachi down. At the age of 18, Sasuke killed him—and returned to Konoha within a couple of weeks.

Chapter 1: April

“I’ve thought about this very hard, Kakashi,” Tsunade said, steepling her fingers over her desk. “And I’ve spoken to the Council. We’ve decided that you’re best equipped to keep an eye on Sasuke.”

“Me?” Kakashi asked, frowning.

“You. You and he always had an affinity for each other, and he trusts you as much as he trusts anyone. I believe that you’ll exercise caution in handling him as well as discretion as to when he needs disciplining.”

“Disciplining?”

“Being sent to his room, as it were,” Tsunade said with a little smile. “Being given a good talking to. He certainly still sees you as some sort of authority figure, and you can do a lot with that. He’s not to go anywhere without you, though you can leave him alone once you deem him responsible and trustworthy enough. Which I don’t doubt that he will be—he’s back under his own recognizance, and wants to remain in Konoha’s good graces. The better he behaves, the sooner we’ll let him move out. We’ll proceed in increments, naturally.”

“Why me? Why not Naruto? Naruto could handle him.”

Tsunade shook her head. “I considered it, but only very briefly. They’re… friends, but too volatile together. I don’t trust that they wouldn’t level a few buildings if they got into an argument.”

“Ah,” Kakashi said, shoving his hands in his pockets and settling into his perennial slouch, resigned.

“He’ll live with you, of course. We’ll obviously assign you new quarters.”

Kakashi stood upright again. “Who’s being punished, here?”

“Relax, Kakashi. I thought you’d be glad to get your wayward student back.”

“I am, but…”

“You need your privacy. I know. We’re leaving your old apartment intact so that you can go there for space whenever you need it—and think he’ll act right if left alone. Besides, the way he is now, I don’t know how much socializing he’s going to want to do, anyway.”

Kakashi frowned in concern, this time. “How is he?”

“He’s not doing well,” Tsunade said. “There’s nothing physically wrong with him, but… there’s something wrong with his mind. He seems almost… feral. One of his jailors put a hand on his shoulder and almost got his finger bitten off for his trouble. We barely saved it.”

“And I’m supposed to take care of him,” Kakashi said flatly.

“I have every faith in you,” Tsunade said. “Now here’s—” she handed a slip of paper across her desk to him, which he unfolded. “ —your new address. Get some groceries or whatever else you need, on the village’s credit. A team will be along later with Sasuke.”

 

The apartment wasn't anything to write home about. A reasonably-sized living room, a small kitchen off to the right, and a bathroom beside it. The bathroom at least had a large tub/shower combo. Two medium-sized bedrooms were side-by-side to the left. The walls were all painted olive green, almost the same shade as his flak vest. The refrigerator and pantry were empty.

 

Kakashi came back an hour later with an armful of groceries, a smaller bag packed with toiletries—he’d been able to pick out Sasuke’s old brands by the memory of his smell, aloe and wheatgrass, and hoped the familiar scents would be soothing—a soft blanket, and a large bag full of pillows. He’d remembered Sasuke’s old room, and how many pillows he’d had on his bed. Recalling Sasuke’s old stuffed dinosaur, he’d even gotten the closest thing he could find—a large stuffed elephant. The blanket was because… Kakashi had tamed feral dogs before, and they always seemed to gravitate toward his softer blankets and furnishings. Sometimes they chewed through them, but they liked them, anyway.

When the team of jounin arrived a couple of hours later, Kakashi had the place as welcoming as he could make it—he’d made Sasuke’s bed with the surprisingly soft sheets that had been left folded at the foot on the bed and tossed the scratchy blanket they’d provided into a garbage bag to be donated. He’d instead used the soft blanket and the multiple pillows, lastly hesitantly placing the elephant plush on the pillows, unsure if this would be unwelcome. In the end, he decided to leave it on the bed—if Sasuke didn’t like it, he could just toss it onto the floor, no harm done. Probably. Then he’d made another trip to the market for more blankets and throw pillows to place around the living room and in the chair in Sasuke's room. He’d swung by his own apartment for his shrunken-print blanket, his framed photos, a couple of books and Mr. Ukki, and had just arranged his room to his liking when the doorbell rang.

He answered the door with a welcoming smile and watched two jounin step to the side to reveal Sasuke, whose rear was guarded by two more. He looked slight and pale and drawn, taller than Kakashi remembered, though still barely up to Kakashi’s chin. His hair was soft and hanging around his face, a little longer than when he was younger, no longer worn in the spikes he’d previously favored. He looked as if he didn’t necessitate so much manpower to guard.

Kakashi knew differently.

Apparently the guards did as well, judging by the tense way they watched him move into the apartment. Like he might launch himself at one of their throats at the slightest provocation.

Sasuke walked in slowly, dressed in a standard dark blue shinobi shirt and pants, his shoulders tense, eyes darting around the main living area.

After the jounin handed over a couple of clean changes of the same clothing for Sasuke in a bag, Kakashi dismissed them with a brief word of thanks and a wave of his hand. Then he said, “The kitchen’s right in here,” foolishly touching Sasuke's elbow lightly to steer him without really thinking about it. Sasuke reacted just short of violently, jerking away and taking a large step back into a half-crouch, watching Kakashi with narrowed eyes and bared teeth.

Feral, indeed. Good thing Kakashi had experience in training feral animals—the first stray dog he’d taken in at the age of thirteen had been Urushi, and he’d made him a member of his ninken pack shortly after domesticating him. He’d since trained a dozen or so, passing them onto other shinobi as tracking companions, or civilian families looking to adopt.

And the first two important steps had been taken care of—getting him medical attention, and giving him a safe and comfortable living space.

Kakashi walked ahead of Sasuke, looking back over his shoulder when he got to the bathroom door. “Here’s the bathroom,” he said, opening and closing the door. Then he walked across the living room and reached for the doorknob to Sasuke’s bedroom. He opened the door and stood back. “This is your room. As long as the door is closed, I’ll never go in, except in case of dire emerge—”

Sasuke blew past him, slamming the door behind himself.

“...Emergencies,” Kakashi said, rubbing the back of his head. “All right then. It’s good to see you again, Sasuke,” he said, unsure if Sasuke could hear him or not.

Kakashi stood still for a moment, thinking. In the past five years, the past couple months in particular, Sasuke had been through more than most shinobi go through in a lifetime. He deserved some time, some space, some understanding.

Kakashi had no shortage of those things. He could certainly spare some for Sasuke.

 

He made dinner a few hours later, a pork and vegetable stir-fry with a spicy sauce. After dishing out the food, he walked to Sasuke’s door, plate in hand. “I made dinner,” he said. “If you want to eat in there, that’s fine.”

After a few seconds, the door swung open. Sasuke stood there, staring at him watchfully, as if afraid Kakashi might try to touch him again. Kakashi held the plate out toward him, and Sasuke snatched it as if he feared a trick, his eyes boring into Kakashi’s masked face.

Then he closed the door hard again.

Kakashi sat at the small table in the corner of the living room and ate his portion, ruminating on how to properly help Sasuke. He knew he needed to be positive and affectionate, though if Sasuke wouldn’t let him come near, he wasn’t sure how to do that.

He reminded himself that it had taken Urushi four days to come out of his blanket-shrouded crate and interact with Kakashi, and another couple of weeks before he was ready to be around the other ninken for more than a minute or two without acting aggressive.

He could absolutely give Sasuke a few days to hole himself up in his room.

After Kakashi finished his dinner, Sasuke’s door opened, and he placed his plate carefully on the floor before closing his door a little less firmly this time. Kakashi allowed himself a small smile while he picked the plate up and then washed the few dinner dishes he had.

Breakfast occurred similarly, with the exception that when Sasuke opened the door to take his plate, his hair tousled from sleep, Kakashi saw his bed, unmade, still strewn with pillows. The elephant plush was also still on the bed.

He waited until the door closed before he smiled to himself.

Over the next few days Kakashi saw Sasuke briefly, on his way from his room to the bathroom and back, and when Kakashi passed him his meals, but he never bothered him, certain that if Sasuke wanted to interact, he’d stop and begin the encounter himself. Kakashi spent a lot of time on the couch with his books, and when he ran out on the fifth day, after having read a couple of them twice, to make them stretch longer, he tapped lightly on Sasuke’s door.

“I'm going to my apartment to get a few books,” he said. Surely he could trust Sasuke in the apartment alone now—all he did was stay in his room, anyway. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

When he got back fifteen minutes later—realizing, as he’d left their apartment, that he really had needed to get out, so he’d strolled around for a few extra minutes before heading back—he was pleasantly surprised to find Sasuke actually out of his room, sitting on the couch, reading one of Kakashi’s books, this one on the history of the Second Shinobi War.

“I didn’t know you read non-fiction,” Sasuke said, voice rough from lack of use, shocking Kakashi, though he was careful not to show it. So these were the first words they’d share in years.

Sasuke’s voice was deeper. Kakashi shouldn’t have been surprised.

Kakashi smiled. “Sometimes you need a break from smut, you know?”

Sasuke nodded as if he did, in fact, know, then he put the book down, rose, and walked back into his room.

He shut the door firmly.

For dinner that night, Kakashi made a casserole he’d learned the recipe for in the Land of Water, which was heavy on rice and tomatoes, with a few unexpected—and hard to come by here, in Konoha—herbs and spices.

He carried Sasuke’s plate to his door and knocked, and was shocked again when Sasuke stood there staring at him for… too long. Long enough that Kakashi realized Sasuke wanted him to get out of his way.

“Apologies,” Kakashi said, stepping back.

Sasuke took the plate out of his hands and carried it to the little table, and Kakashi, pleased, grabbed his own plate and a couple of glasses of water from the kitchen and joined Sasuke. He didn’t speak as they ate, didn’t read the book that he’d placed face-down and open there when the timer for the casserole had gone off, just sat and ate and snuck glances at Sasuke. Who seemed to be doing the same, and Kakashi realized—his mask. This was the first time Sasuke had seen him without it. Kakashi smiled slightly when he caught Sasuke looking at him, and Sasuke looked away.

As Sasuke finished his last bite, Kakashi said, “It’s good to see you out of your room.” Sasuke looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes. It was certainly better than saying, “You did such a good job,” or “Good boy,” or especially, “Who’s my best boy?” He thought Sasuke might try to put a chidori through his chest if he tried to speak to him exactly as he did the dogs he trained.

But the intent was the same.

Kakashi didn’t say anything else—he let Sasuke make the next move, whether it was to initiate conversation, or to go back to his room. He did neither—instead, he picked up Kakashi’s book and began reading where Kakashi had left off. Kakashi blinked, then pulled his mask up and carried their dishes to the kitchen.

Once there, he thought for a moment, then decided to proceed as if it wasn’t a big deal that Sasuke was suddenly inhabiting the habitable spaces in their apartment. Finally it felt like their apartment. Humming quietly in order to gently assert his presence to Sasuke’s ears, if nothing else, he washed the dishes, then went back to the living room.

Not taking his eyes off the book, Sasuke asked, “Do you have any books on the Third War?”

“I do,” Kakashi said, leaning casually against the wall with his hand on his hip. “I have a few. I’ll get them tomorrow when I go to the market.”

Sasuke glanced up at him, nodded, then closed the book and placed it on the table. He walked back to his room and closed the door.

Kakashi counted that day as a win.

 

Until, that is, that night when he was reading on the couch by the light of a lamp, and Sasuke exited his room. Kakashi assumed he was going to the bathroom, so he ignored him.

Until Sasuke knelt in front of him.

“Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, frowning. Then Sasuke actually touched him—he spread Kakashi’s knees and moved closer between them. His hands were warm through Kakashi’s pants.

Kakashi’s first instinct was to gently push Sasuke away, but… what if this was the only way Sasuke would accept touch? They were both adults, and while it would be uncomfortable to touch Sasuke or be touched in a sexual way, if that was even what this was about, it might be worth it, if this would get Sasuke accustomed to physical contact in general. Maybe he could even somehow work this into a means of positive reinforcement.

Holding strangely flat eye contact with him, Sasuke reached forward and took the book out of Kakashi’s hands, and placed it on the couch beside him. Then he reached for Kakashi’s fly and unfastened his pants.

“Sasuke—” Kakashi said urgently, disturbed despite his convictions of less than a minute before. This… did not feel right. Sasuke spread his open fly to either side of Kakashi’s crotch and reached inside his boxers.

Kakashi’s traitorous dick was getting hard.

Now Sasuke looked at him with some heat, a touch of desire, and that was something of a relief after that flat gaze.

But Kakashi had to ask, before he let this go any farther.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Of course I do,” Sasuke said, looking down at Kakashi’s half-hard dick, and then back up to his face. “I’ve got the man who was my sensei a lifetime ago, and who’s my babysitter now, on the couch, with his cock out, and I'm about to suck it.”

Which was more than he’d said at once in the whole almost-week that Sasuke had been here—and even though Kakashi had half-expected something like that, it was still something of a shock. “Sasuke, why?” he asked, gripping the edge of the couch when Sasuke wrapped his hot hand around Kakashi’s cock again.

“Because,” Sasuke said, and instead of elaborating, he leaned down and took Kakashi into his mouth.

Fuck, was that a good way to shut Kakashi up, because his brain immediately short-circuited. Sasuke’s mouth was warm and wet and clever, and he worked Kakashi just right, with lots of spit, lots of tongue, lots of eye contact.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered about a minute into it, reaching down to run his fingertips over his cheekbone. Sasuke recoiled as if burned, scrabbling backwards, his teeth scraping along Kakashi’s dick as he wrenched himself away.

“Fuck,” Kakashi hissed, his cock jerking hard and dribbling precum onto his lower belly.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Kakashi. “Don’t,” he said, but after a second he was back, with his mouth around Kakashi’s dick again. Now he had his own dick out and was masturbating with hard little jerks of his arm that shook his mouth on Kakashi’s cock.

“Oh, shit…” Kakashi whispered. Sasuke sucked on his head, moving slower now, his eyes going heavy-lidded and staring up at Kakashi, and Kakashi tensed up, feeling his end draw near.

“Sasuke—” he warned, wanting to reach out and touch him anywhere, wanting more contact than the mouth on his cock and the hand splayed over his inner thigh, then Sasuke went down deep and pulled back up with his tongue pressed hard against the bottom of Kakashi’s dick. He sucked one more time on his head, and “Fuck—” Kakashi bit off, squeezing down hard on the couch cushions as he came forcefully into Sasuke’s mouth.

Once he was done, panting and sweating on the couch, Sasuke knelt upright, spat a mouthful of semen into his palm, and wrapped that hand around his long, hard cock.

“Oh god,” Kakashi whispered, immediately turned on again despite just getting off by how crude, how filthy that was, and by the sight of Sasuke breathing hard and jerking off furiously, eyes squeezed closed, bottom lip caught in his teeth. Sasuke sat back on his heels when he came with a harsh grunt, and it shot all over his shirt in long, pearly ropes, bright against the dark blue.

“Sasuke…” Kakashi said for the third time, though he was at a loss for what he meant to say after that. What was there to say? He’d have to see how this panned out, have to see if this ultimately helped or hurt their very, very slowly developing relationship.

WIth an unreadable glance, Sasuke tucked himself away, stood and walked to his room.

He shut the door gently.

Well, that was something, at least, Kakashi thought with a nearly silent laugh.

 

“He seems to be… adjusting,” Kakashi said, standing in front of Tsunade in her office.

“But not well?” Tsunade asked, looking at him sharply.

“Hmm… somewhat. He’s started eating meals with me. But he’s violently opposed to touch.”

“You tried to touch him?” Tsunade asked, frowning.

“Accidentally,” Kakashi said, a partial lie. He considered telling her about Sasuke accosting him on the couch, but it had only happened once, and he didn’t want to impede Sasuke’s progress by Tsunade possibly re-homing him. So he kept it to himself.

“He doesn’t talk much, yet,” Kakashi said.

“Really,” Tsunade said. “Not much is something, at least. When we had him in custody, he didn’t say a single word. You must be doing something right.”

Kakashi shrugged, inwardly pleased. “Ahh, I’m doing my best,” he said. “I am glad to have him back.”

“Me, too.”

—tbc

Notes:

Thanks to @aishiterumajima for reading this over! :)))

Chapter 2: May

Notes:

Okay, so I did a little summary makeover—trying to be less mysterious and more descriptive. Thanks for hanging in there while I figure out how to explain things! :) Also caught and fixed what could’ve been a confusing plot snag—I edited Chapter 1 so that Sasuke is no longer supposed to be going in for once-weekly medical exams. He’s in fine health. Just a minor retcon! I'll try to keep them to a minimum lol

It seemed that that late-night interlude, while perhaps hadn’t helped, at least hadn’t hindered their growing comfort with one another. Over time, Sasuke went from taking dinner with Kakashi—hanging around for a few minutes afterwards, then going back to his room—to sharing lunch with him, as well. He still didn’t stay long in the living room, but… it was definitely a start.

However, at one point, Kakashi had reached past him for a book, and Sasuke had cringed backwards as if he feared Kakashi would touch him… so Kakashi knew he wasn’t ready for casual contact.

One morning, about two weeks after the couch incident, as Kakashi had begun thinking of it, Sasuke came out in an old sleeping shirt and shorts that Kakashi had gathered on his first trip to his apartment, with his hair a mess. He went to the bathroom, and instead of walking straight back to his room, sat on the other side of the couch from Kakashi.

“What’s for breakfast?” he asked.

Kakashi smiled at him. “What would you like?”

“Scrambled eggs and toast,” Sasuke answered, then he yawned and picked up the top book on the stack on the side table and opened it.

Still smiling to himself, Kakashi made their breakfast and placed both plates on the table, where Sasuke sat with him as if it was no big deal. But to Kakashi, it was. Every little step, every inch they moved forward, was.

Once Sasuke was finished eating, he waited for Kakashi to finish, then took their plates to the kitchen himself and turned on the hot water, another surprise.

Kakashi leaned against the doorway and asked, “Do you want me to rinse?”

Sasuke shook his head no. “I should help out,” he said, looking down at his hands where he was soaping up the sponge.

“Okay,” Kakashi said. “Thanks for having breakfast with me.”

Sasuke gave him an odd look. “Sure,” he said, then went back to the dishes.

He was already house-training himself. This was another step in the right direction. Soon he’d be ready to be among other people.

Maybe not yet, though.

 

That night, Kakashi woke up to find Sasuke peeling his blanket off him. Kakashi grabbed at it futilely, then realized that, one, Sasuke had gotten this close without his proximity waking Kakashi up; two, Sasuke had been rude enough to pick or otherwise open the lock on his door; and three, he wasn’t wearing his mask. Was only in his boxers, actually. Which wouldn’t be that big a deal, as Sasuke had already seen his face, and had seen his body years back, but—now he was vulnerable, practically naked in every way as Sasuke was crawling in between his legs, parting them with his hands when there wasn’t enough space. Kakashi knew he could forcibly tell him no, or overpower him to stop him, but… there would go the positive progress they’d made today, he was sure.

Maybe he could put up with this one more time, then set firm boundaries about it tomorrow.

It’s not exactly as if this was unpleasant—physically, anyway. Spiritually it made him feel dirty, wrong, as if he was taking advantage of Sasuke’s state of mind…

But it wasn’t as if Kakashi started it, a quiet voice in his head said. And it wasn’t as if the unclean, immoral feelings didn’t just add to his arousal, an even quieter voice whispered.

He stuffed that one down deep.

He had to say something though. Sasuke was already pulling his hardening cock through the fly of his boxers.

“Sasuke, are you sure—”

“Shut up,” Sasuke said, and he took him into his mouth.

It was more of the filthy, stimulating same. Again, after Kakashi came with a strangled groan, Sasuke used his come as lube to jerk off, and again, it turned Kakashi on so much he lamented having just come. He wanted to do so many things to Sasuke when he watched him masturbate hard and fast like that, his hand a blur on his cock.

Not like Sasuke would even let him touch him, though.

With a harsh sigh, Sasuke tilted his hips forward and came on Kakashi’s boxers, and a little of it got on Kakashi’s soft cock, which began twitching toward hardness again. Kakashi held himself very still and banished all arousing thoughts. He watched Sasuke walk out, then frowned at the mess on his underwear.

Then he realized Sasuke had been thoughtful enough to come on his boxers, which were much more convenient to change or clean than the sheets.

Definitely house-training himself, Kakashi thought with a kind of despairing hilarity.

The next morning, Sasuke came out for breakfast again, and again, he washed their dishes. Kakashi wanted to stand in the doorway to the kitchen and watch him, but instead, he read on the couch, not wanting to crowd him. Not before he talked to him.

Once Sasuke was done, and walking past Kakashi to his room, Kakashi said, putting his book down, “Wait.”

Sasuke stopped and turned to face him, clenching his hands into fists as if he knew.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “What we did last night, it can’t happen again. It’s not appropriate.”

Sasuke frowned at him, but said nothing. Uncomfortable, Kakashi rubbed the back of his head.

“Do you understand? Anything sexual between us has to stop, immediately.”

Without a word, and before Kakashi could explain in more detail, Sasuke marched into his room and slammed the door behind him.

 

He didn’t come out for lunch or dinner.

He did, however, sneak into Kakashi’s room again that night. This time, Kakashi was ready for him, waiting in the near-dark, on the edge of the bed in his pajama pants, t-shirt and mask when Sasuke crept through the door.

To his credit, Sasuke didn’t startle. Instead, he stood facing Kakashi, balling his hands into fists again. A muscle in his jaw jumped.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said gently. “Why do you need to keep doing this?”

Sasuke was silent for a long time, seconds ticking by slowly, until he finally said haltingly, “It’s. The only way. I’m okay touching you.”

Dread sunk like a cold, heavy weight into the pit of Kakashi’s stomach. “What if I sat still and let you touch me—not sexually—but whatever other way you want to?”

“It’s… not the same.” Sasuke looked miserable, something Kakashi hadn’t expected. Was this so important to Sasuke? If so, Kakashi would be heartless to deny him.

It’s not as if sex wasn’t another tool in a shinobi’s toolbox, after all. And it’s not as if Sasuke wasn’t plenty old enough.

That Kakashi had been Sasuke’s sensei struck a strong chord of unease, but… that look on Sasuke’s face.

They stared at each other, frowning. Sasuke said nothing, made no move to leave.

“If I let you,” Kakashi said after a long moment, “Will that help you? Will it get you used to touch, again?”

“I… think so,” Sasuke said, his relief evident in the way his face and shoulders and hands all relaxed.

Kakashi sighed, looking down at the floor. As much as he told himself that this was okay, it still felt wrong. But he couldn’t just dangle the possibility out there and then take it away.

“Tonight,” he said to the floor. “Tonight, you can do it. Then… we’ll see.”

Wordlessly Sasuke knelt between Kakashi’s knees and reached for the fly of his pajama pants. He held fierce eye contact with Kakashi as he reached inside his pants and pulled his stiffening dick out. Then he went down, eyes closing.

Somehow, it was even better tonight than it had been the other times—either Sasuke was trying harder or the threat of never having it again added a certain something to the sensation, but either way, Kakashi felt himself getting close quickly.

It turned out that Sasuke didn’t mind too much having his hair touched. Which was a relief when Kakashi tried it for the first time, not even thinking as he approached his orgasm, reaching out to Sasuke’s bobbing head and digging his fingers into the silky strands over his ear. Sasuke looked up at him with a frown and a grunt but continued, so Kakashi brushed the hair away from his face and smoothed it against the rest of the hair on his head. He came with his hand buried in Sasuke’s hair, moaning. Sasuke used his come again, and Kakashi moaned this time, watching him.

“Fuck—” Sasuke bit off as he knelt back and came on his shirt again, and Kakashi licked his lip, panting, while Sasuke came down enough to stand and walk out of the room without a word.

As soon as he was gone, Kakashi jerked off to the image of Sasuke’s face, twisted in ecstasy when he came.

Guilt settled heavy on his shoulders, weighing his whole body down, as soon as he climaxed. There had to be another way.

 

The next morning Sasuke again shared breakfast with him. Wordlessly, but his dark eyes found Kakashi’s several times and lingered, and Kakashi couldn’t decipher what it was he wanted.

When Sasuke was washing their dishes, Kakashi said, “I’ve got to go to the market. I’ll be back soon.” It wasn’t a lie. He would go to the market. After he talked to Tsunade.

Sasuke nodded, and Kakashi turned toward the door. Hand on the doorknob, he briefly considered leaving one of his ninken at the door to watch over Sasuke, as Sasuke was no longer holed up in his room, and this would take more than a few minutes, but… Sasuke wasn’t yet that well acquainted with any of his dogs, and he didn’t want to force it to happen in his absence. That, and, come what may of his discussion with Tsunade, he didn’t want Sasuke to think he didn’t trust him. Whether he actually did or not was beside the point.

 

Tsunade was alone in her office, and Kakashi stood straight in front of her, not bothering to affect his usual lazy slouch.

“Tsunade, I can’t look after Sasuke all the time, and I don’t trust him in the apartment alone, yet. Not for as long as I’d need to be away to get my head straight. It’s… too involved. He’s broken, Tsunade,” he said.

And so am I, he didn’t add.

Tsunade looked him directly in the eyes for a long moment, then said, “Okay.”

Kakashi felt tension leach out of his back.

“I’ll let you hand him off to other jounin in the village for a few hours at a time.”

Kakashi tensed up again. He’d thought that he was being absolved of responsibility. Instead, his burden was being lifted a little.

Not enough.

Sasuke would still be in the apartment at night.

“I’ll think about it, and soon I'll send you a list of those I think would work well with him, and be able to handle him,” Tsunade said.

Kakashi was silent for a few seconds, wondering if he should disclose the real reason for wanting Sasuke to go.

“Anything else?" Tsunade asked, pulling a stack of papers in front of herself, clearly dismissing him.

“That’s all. Thank you, Tsunade-sama.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

I'd love to hear your thoughts :) Thanks for reading!

Chapter 3: June, Part One

Notes:

New plan: Instead of posting on Thursday/Friday, I'm going to try to post on Sunday/Monday :) We'll see how that goes lol (already iffy... but it is technically Sunday, right? XD)

Kakashi spent a half-hour in his apartment one afternoon, finally leaving Sasuke alone for the amount of time it took to get rid of some of the prickly, anxious energy that crackled under his skin. He wanted to go out and train, but needed the solitude and familiar surroundings, so settled on doing vigorous calisthenics and one-handed push-ups until his muscles ached pleasantly and sweat slicked his skin, and he felt a little more grounded.

When he returned to their apartment, a small, selfish part of him was disappointed that Sasuke was there, quietly reading on the couch—that he hadn’t used that opportunity to slip out and… what? Cause trouble? Defect again? Kakashi immediately felt guilty for those thoughts.

Then he felt guilty for the dozenth time for having tried to get Sasuke off his hands, at all. The boy was obviously traumatized, and maybe Kakashi could actually help him.

“You okay?” he asked.

Sasuke raised his eyes, then raked them up and down Kakashi’s body, and there was something in the look he gave Kakashi that made him uneasy. Then, Sasuke seemed to dismiss him. Maybe he was upset about being left for so long.

“Hm?” Kakashi asked. Though he was itching to take a shower and change into some clothes that weren’t damp with sweat, he leaned against the wall, patient.

Sasuke looked up at him again and nodded, then turned his eyes back to his book. That was answer enough.

 

Kakashi got the note from Tsunade that week, as promised. The list was short: Neji, Shikamaru, Gai, and Lee. He wondered that Naruto wasn’t included… Did she really think they’d get into it that badly within the space of a few hours?

Then he remembered the way they used to fight… remembered that destroyed rooftop, remembered carrying Naruto back from the Valley of the End. He felt a little ill, at that. Maybe it was best that they stay separated for now, especially when Sasuke was still so raw.

 

“Are you ready to get out of here? We can go out tomorrow.” Kakashi said to Sasuke a few days later as they brought their lunch plates to the kitchen. Sasuke could handle Kakashi inhabiting the cramped kitchen with him now, almost two months into their cohabitation—he didn’t bristle or tense up so hard Kakashi thought he’d break his own back anymore when Kakashi turned sideways to squeeze past him to the fridge, barely an inch between them.

The first time he’d tolerated Kakashi in the kitchen with him for any amount of time, he’d snuck into Kakashi’s room again, and repeated what was fast becoming the usual routine. Remembering that devastated look on Sasuke’s face, Kakashi hadn’t brought up the prospect of ending it again—he was almost resigned to it, though the guilt he felt afterwards was crushing.

But what was a little more guilt, in the face of everything else? He'd handled it before, and could handle it again.

“What do you mean?” Sasuke asked, sounding suspicious.

“Tsunade says you can visit with some of the other jounin in the village. I thought we’d go see Lee first.”

We, because Kakashi wasn’t about to actually leave Sasuke alone with anyone yet.

“I…” Sasuke looked down at his soapy hands holding a plate in the sink. “I think so.”

“Good,” Kakashi said, and he barely restrained himself from clapping Sasuke on the shoulder. “We’ll go after breakfast.”

 

Kakashi expected the nocturnal visit, since Sasuke had agreed to something that might be difficult. Kakashi was still unsure what about this… soothed Sasuke? Rewarded him? But whatever it was, Sasuke used a minor jutsu to unlock his door and stepped in on silent feet at close to three in the morning.

Kakashi was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, with his bedside lamp on.

Without a word, sparing only the briefest glance at Kakashi’s face, Sasuke went down on his knees and opened Kakashi’s pants. He reached for Kakashi’s cock, which had been getting hard ever since he’d felt the particular surge in Sasuke’s chakra that Kakashi had found to precede these events. He was fully hard when Sasuke pulled him out. Sasuke didn’t make a sound, but he closed his eyes and rocked his hips back and forth before going still again, and dropping his head to take Kakashi into his mouth.

“Ah,” Kakashi sighed when he was engulfed in Sasuke's wet mouth. He reached forward and threaded his fingers through Sasuke’s hair, felt the way his head bobbed up and down on him, and let his fingertips run through Sasuke’s silky hair.

Then—there was a reason Kakashi had been waiting sitting up, instead of lying down, as he had done a couple of times. He stroked down a strand of hair in front and let his fingers keep going, to caress Sasuke’s cheek. Sasuke jerked away. “What are you doing?”

“I want to touch you, Sasuke. I’ve let you do it your way quite a few times already, and now, I want to touch you. That’s all.”

Sasuke stared at him, cock gripped loosely in his hand, lips wet and pink in the lamplight, and then he narrowed his eyes. But instead of the rejection Kakashi expected, he got a bitten-off, “Fine.”

Sasuke took him back into his mouth. Kakashi touched the soft skin of his face, and when he ran his calloused fingertips over Sasuke’s neck, Sasuke shivered and made a strained noise. Then Kakashi’s palms swept out toward his shoulders, and Sasuke cringed back, almost letting Kakashi slip out of his mouth.

Ah. The curse seal was gone, but Kakashi remembered where it had been probably almost as well as Sasuke did. He steered clear of that patch of skin, focusing on his neck and his jaw and his cheeks. After a moment of this, Sasuke was still visibly uncomfortable, mouth barely moving on Kakashi’s dick. So Kakashi stopped touching his skin and Sasuke went back to giving him head, and soon Kakashi was coming, digging his fingers into Sasuke’s hair and pulling gently.

Sasuke put on his usual show, after, and again, Kakashi had to jerk off once Sasuke was gone. He sighed heavily after he finished, dropping his head forward. That… had not gone well.

He supposed it could have gone worse, though. Even if Sasuke hadn’t enjoyed it—and that was probably putting it mildly—he had actually allowed him. That was progress… right?

 

The next morning, Sasuke was quiet and sedate through breakfast. He didn’t eat much of his eggs and toast, just took a few bites and then stared down at the portion he had left, hands in his lap. Once Kakashi had finished and pulled his mask back up, and hoping this silence was about the visit with Lee, and not about the night before, he said gently, “We don’t have to go, Sasuke-kun.”

“Don’t call me that,” Sasuke said flatly.

“Alright, Sasuke.” Kakashi watched him for a moment, watched him sit stone-still in his seat, his hair falling around his face. “But I’m serious, we don’t have to go if you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready,” Sasuke said to his eggs.

“Look at me and say that,” Kakashi said, authority in his voice.

Sasuke’s eyes flicked upward first, then he raised his head.

“I’m ready,” he said, eyes intense. “I want to go.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” Kakashi said with a smile.

 

Sasuke was jumpy when they took to the streets, cringing away from anyone who came close, eyes darting back and forth, looking everywhere for danger. Kakashi almost turned them around and took Sasuke back home after the first block.

But they only had about four more blocks to go, so he led him forward, thinking that maybe this exposure to the world would be good for Sasuke.

He doubted himself again a block later when a courier brushed against Sasuke’s arm while Sasuke was busy moving out of the way of a man on the opposite side. Sasuke bared his teeth and snarled in aggression, alarming the man, then moved just inside an alley and stood still for a few seconds with his chest heaving and his eyes closed. Kakashi stood in the entrance to the alley while he did this, to keep anyone else from accidentally bumping Sasuke.

They could have gone to the rooftops at any time, and probably should have already… but Kakashi really had thought this would help Sasuke.

He could admit when he was wrong.

“Come on,” he said to Sasuke, and he dashed upwards from one side of the alley to the other until he stood on the roof of one of the buildings.

Sasuke followed quickly, his relief evident in the way his shoulders visibly relaxed as soon as he had a sturdy stance on the sloped tiles.

“That bad, huh?” Kakashi asked, not unkindly.

Sasuke exhaled carefully. “Let’s just get there.”

It was only a matter of a minute before Kakashi opened the door to the small compound Lee shared with Gai and a few other shinobi who specialized in taijutsu. They stepped in, and the central training yard was empty, save for Lee, who was going through some slow movement exercises. Kakashi had stopped by the previous day to request that everyone but Lee and Gai make themselves scarce for the duration of their visit. He had the feeling that when they heard it was Sasuke visiting, they were glad to.

“Yo, Lee!” Kakashi called.

Lee stood from his crouch and turned to face them. He bowed. “Good morning, Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke-kun.” Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi could see Sasuke tense subtly, but he didn’t tell Lee not to call him that. Kakashi was pleased—this was already progress.

“Gai here?” Kakashi asked.

“He’s in the common room,” Lee said, surveying Sasuke with his eyes.

Kakashi watched them watch each other for a moment, to make sure Sasuke wasn’t going to do anything awful right off. He thought this would be fine, though—Lee seemed like a good choice because he could either work through exercises with Sasuke with zero contact… or, if Sasuke was up to more, if he didn’t mind being touched inside the bounds of combat, they could spar in a purely physical way, without getting chakra or dangerous jutsu involved.

He’d said as much to Lee the day before.

Finished visually evaluating Sasuke, Lee asked, “Would you like to do some kata, Sasuke-kun, or would you prefer to spar?”

He didn’t even react to the Sasuke-kun, this time.

“Kata,” Sasuke said. Then he added, much to Kakashi’s delight, “First.”

 

Kakashi found Gai in the common room of the compound, fluffing pillows, straightening things that didn’t need to be straightened.

“Yo, Gai,” Kakashi said.

“I thought I felt your presence, my Rival!” Gai exclaimed, beaming.

Of course he had—Kakashi and Gai could recognize each other’s chakra from a mile away, Kakashi thought, with only a little hyperbole.

“Looks nice in here,” Kakashi said dryly.

“Thank you, Kakashi,” Gai said, ignoring the hint of sarcasm in Kakashi’s tone. “I trust that Lee and Sasuke-kun are getting along? I stayed inside so as to not to immediately overwhelm Sasuke with my exuberant presence.”

“I appreciate it,” Kakashi said, leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets. “Though you should probably not call him Sasuke-kun.”

“Noted, my Rival. How should we proceed?”

“Ah, I’d like to get back outside with them so that I can keep my eyes on Sasuke. This is the first time he’s been outside in two months, unless you count the walk from the holding cells to the apartment. He’s okay for now. I’m not sure how long that’ll last, though, especially once they start sparring.”

Gai’s eyes had begun to sparkle with what Kakashi suspected were unshed tears. “His first time out, and you chose to share his presence with us. I am deeply honored.”

“It made the most sense. And I trust you.”

The tears threatened to spill over.

“Come on, Gai, don’t start crying, now,” Kakashi said, amused. “Let’s get out there. It’s been awhile since you and I have sparred, too.”

“I have counted the days, my Rival.”

Kakashi laughed, knowing Gai was being falsely melodramatic. Or… was he? Sometimes Kakashi just could not tell.

When they reached the courtyard, Sasuke and Lee were still moving through kata, standing a few feet apart.

Kakashi studied them for a moment, saw the relaxed slope of Sasuke’s shoulders, the smoothness of his face—both of which could change at any second, but it was a good sign.

“What do you say, Gai?” Kakashi said. “Hands tied behind our backs?”

“It’s been years. I agree. Lee, get the rope from the storage shed!”

“Yes, sensei!” Lee called, and he hurried to a little shed at the edge of the yard and came back with two pieces of rope, the length suggesting that they were cut for exactly this usage.

Gai said, “If you would, Lee,” and moved his wrists behind his back.

It surprised Kakashi considerably when Sasuke took the other piece of rope and moved behind him, looping it around his wrists, fingers brushing his skin without any negative effect. Kakashi suppressed a joke about getting Sasuke to tie him up more often. He didn’t even want the thought in his head.

“There,” Sasuke said, and he stepped back.

“Thank you, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, at the same time Gai said, “My thanks, Lee.”

Gai and Kakashi locked eyes, but Kakashi didn’t miss Sasuke turning to Lee and saying, “Spar?”

Kakashi grinned.

“Ready, my Rival?” Gai asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Always so cool. Here I come!” Gai exclaimed, and he launched himself at Kakashi, aiming a high kick at his head. Kakashi easily avoided it and tried to sweep Gai’s leg out from under him before the other one hit the ground, but Gai hopped over Kakashi’s spinning foot.

Kakashi nearly held his own for a minute or so, until he chanced a look over at Sasuke and Lee. In the brief second he saw them, it seemed that they were having a friendly spar. Kakashi smiled, until he looked back to Gai, and Gai bounced on his feet once before he kicked Kakashi hard in the ribs.

“Our cute students are even more adorable when they’re fighting each other,” Gai said, not even out of breath.

“Ah, I suppose they are,” Kakashi said quietly, trying not to wheeze from that kick. “Though I don't really consider Sasuke my student anymore.”

“What do you consider him?” Gai asked, surprising Kakashi by showing discretion, and keeping his voice low, as Kakashi had—and Kakashi barely avoided a kick to the face. He went on the offensive, aiming a blow at Gai’s knee that might put him in the hospital if it landed.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Kakashi said, kicking out at Gai’s hip after it missed. “My… ward would be the best word for it.”

“Kakashi, he’ll always be your student, and you might have a better time with him if you treated him as such.” Gai danced backwards, avoiding a flurry of kicks. “Everyone still needs their sensei, even as adults, and unlike yours or mine, his is still alive and well. Be what he needs you to be!” Only Gai could make such a vehement exclamation so quiet.

Kakashi thought of the feel of Sasuke’s mouth on his dick—what he needs you to be—and forcibly ejected that thought from his mind. “Maybe you're right.” Kakashi glanced to the side again to see Sasuke blocking a high kick from Lee. The energy in his chakra was lively, but smooth.

Gai, who, in a show of sportsmanship, had been hanging back waiting until Kakashi’s attention was on him again, leapt forward and aimed a kick at his hip, then diverted the kick at the last second and got Kakashi in the temple.

“If I win this spar, you'll admit that I'm right,” Gai said. Now he was slightly out of breath, which was gratifying, because Kakashi was seeing black spots floating in front of his eyes.

“And if you lose?” Kakashi asked, taking a few steps backwards to try to regroup.

Gai stood where he was, letting him. “Twenty laps around Konoha on my hands.”

“Thirty.”

“Deal, my Rival.”

Gai rushed forward, his unusual footwork confusing Kakashi for a second—but a second was long enough for Gai to headbutt Kakashi hard on the bridge of his nose.

Kakashi fell on his rump to the ground, shaking his head. “Shit. You really rang my bell, Gai. I think it’ll be awhile before I can see straight. I yield.”

“It was an excellent match. If you hadn’t been so mentally distracted, I have no doubt that you would have won.” Gai laughed. “Or at least put up more of a fight, my Rival,” he said teasingly.

Kakashi hopped to his feet and began working at the complex knots Sasuke had bound him with, but before he could make much progress, without being asked Lee and Sasuke halted their spar and walked over to them.

“Thank you, Lee,” Gai said as Lee untied his hands.

“Thanks, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, each little brush of Sasuke’s fingers against his wrists feeling like a small victory. He was glad Sasuke’s knots had been so complex.

Once they were both untied, Sasuke and Lee moved from behind them, standing almost shoulder-to-shoulder, and Kakashi had to admit that they were pretty adorable. Though he’d never tell Sasuke that.

He was so comfortable with Gai’s presence that he didn’t even react when Gai stepped into his space without Kakashi being aware of it, when Kakashi’s attention was on Sasuke’s chakra—only slightly agitated, but still high-energy. Gai reached out and touched Kakashi's nose where he’d headbutted him, and Kakashi winced. He reached up to feel it, and there was a small, painful bump there.

“It doesn’t seem broken,” Gai said, beaming. “Good. I’d hate to ruin my Rival’s striking good looks.”

Sasuke glanced at Gai sharply, and Kakashi couldn’t decipher his expression. But now his chakra really was agitated.

They left soon after that, after Kakashi happily admitted to Gai that Sasuke was still his student, and might still need him—out of Sasuke’s earshot. He still remembered Sasuke saying Kakashi used to be his sensei a lifetime ago, the first time Sasuke had gotten on his knees in front of him, and wasn’t sure if he’d appreciate Kakashi trying to step back into that role now.

The four of them bowed, Kakashi grinning dryly as they did it. But he understood and appreciated Lee’s consideration in not trying to shake Sasuke’s hand. And he appreciated Gai’s consideration in not trying to hug him, which might make the younger men feel as if they had to share some physical gesture of goodbye. Gai looked like he was barely restraining himself, his hands coming up to his waist before he jerked them back down to his sides a few times.

“Thanks, Lee,” Sasuke said, and Kakashi smiled. This had gone so much better than he’d feared it would. A fragile light of hope for Sasuke’s recovery had begun to glow in his heart.

“You’re quite welcome, Sasuke-kun,” Lee said “Any time you want to spar, you know where I am. Maybe next time we can fight until we have a winner.” Lee grinned brightly at Sasuke, who just said, “Hn,” with a little smirk that was so 13-year-old Sasuke that it hurt Kakashi's heart.

They went straight to the roof of the building next to the small compound this time, not bothering with the streets. That might have been a little much, Kakashi had to admit to himself. By the time they got back to the apartment, Sasuke’s chakra was smooth and even, and Kakashi grinned at him as he unlocked their door.

Once they got into the apartment, Kakashi said, “You did really well today, Sasuke. I’m proud of you.” It seemed appropriately sensei-like enough to fulfill what small unspoken agreement he had with Gai, but hopefully not as blatant as to set Sasuke off, as well as being words of positive reinforcement. And hopefully what Sasuke needed to hear from him.

It was also true.

From what Kakashi could see of Sasuke’s face before he turned away, he didn’t smile, but he looked pleased, nonetheless. “Thanks, Kakashi,” he said. “I’ll be in my room.”

Kakashi nodded, though Sasuke couldn’t see him. Of course Sasuke would need to be alone—of course he was overstimulated.

Over dinner, though, Kakashi had questions. “Did it bother you when Lee called you Sasuke-kun?”

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. “A little, at first. But he always called me that, and it didn’t…”

Instead of finishing the sentence, Sasuke took a spoonful of his soup, not meeting Kakashi’s eyes.

Kakashi wouldn’t push him on that. Not yet, especially when he’d done so well today. He had to know, though: “Why are you okay with sparring? There’s a lot of touching involved in that.”

“Oh,” Sasuke said, then he brought another spoonful of soup to his mouth. “It’s different. They’re strikes. Not touches. I can handle strikes.”

Interesting, but hard to work with. Kakashi couldn’t just go around hitting him. It was good, though, that he could handle at least some form of physical contact, even if it was violence.

“Okay, Sasuke. I’m done asking questions. You can relax.”

The tension immediately drained out of Sasuke’s shoulders, the tightness around his eyes smoothed out, and his fingers loosened on his spoon.

He looked up at Kakashi. “I wouldn’t mind going there again.”

Kakashi smiled at him. He sure was doing a lot of smiling today, but he didn’t mind, not one bit. “We will. There are a couple of others I want you to visit, too.”

“Who?” Sasuke asked, his shoulders creeping up again.

“Shikamaru and Neji. But you don’t have to go, if you don’t want to.’

“Oh,” Sasuke said simply. “Okay.” Then he went back to his soup.

 

“I think Sasuke’s improving,” Kakashi said, slouching in the middle of Tsunade’s office.

“Good. Have you left him with anyone yet?”

“No,” Kakashi said. “I’m not sure if I’m comfortable leaving him alone with anyone right now. I did take him to see Lee and Gai.”

“How did that go?” Tsunade asked.

“Really well,” Kakashi said, smiling behind his mask. “Lee and Sasuke did some kata and then sparred, and Sasuke was… absolutely fine. Strangely enough, he can handle being hit. It’s regular touch that sets him off.”

“Interesting,” said Tsunade, her eyes sharp.

“I’m not going to go around hitting him all the time, don’t worry,” Kakashi said with a grin.

She grinned back. “I’m glad I left him with you. I think it was the right choice.”

Kakashi only nodded, trying not to think of the night before, when Sasuke had crawled into his bed and blown him. But… he was glad, too. Now that they’d started… doing what they were doing, he realized that he wouldn’t be okay if Sasuke was doing it with anyone other than himself, as twisted as that was.

“I hope you can leave him with others soon,” Tsunade said. “I know you need your space.”

“Oh, I’m…” Sasuke jerking off between his spread thighs, coming all over his underwear and slowly swelling cock. “I’m getting used to it. It’s not as bad as it was at first.”

“I’m glad. Now…” Tsunade grabbed a sheaf of papers, and Kakashi nodded.

“I’ll check in again soon.”

 

Kakashi brought Sasuke to see Shikamaru about a week later.

Shikamaru and Sasuke sat silently on the wide porch of his house for almost half an hour, staring out at the trees that ringed the property, until some of the stiffness went out of Sasuke’s back, then Shikamaru turned to him and asked, “Shogi?”

“Sure,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi had been sitting on the opposite side of the porch, leaning against the wall of the house, book in hand. He glanced up when they moved around, and went back to his book when they sat down in front of the shogi board.

They shared maybe a dozen words through the whole game, and Kakashi smiled. He hadn’t thought much of Tsunade’s suggestion that Shikamaru be one of his “relief jounin,” as it were, thinking that at least Shikamaru wasn’t a physical kind of person, and he was undemanding in his conversations, but… he’d realized now that this was just about perfect, as one of a few temporary companions Sasuke would have.

Shikamaru was quiet, he knew how to read people and to know what they needed or didn’t need, and he was brilliant—Sasuke had been reading, but he hadn’t really had the chance to flex his mental muscles for some time. Actually, Kakashi had no idea how long it had been.

Shikamaru was also smart enough to keep Sasuke outside instead of being confined indoors, aware of their current living situation and Sasuke’s status as a parolee.

He glanced over at them, and Sasuke was facing him, but he didn’t look up. His face was intent, focused—he looked as if he were enjoying himself. Kakashi felt warmth bloom in his chest. He went back to his book.

Until Shikamaru said, almost an hour later, “Thank you very much.” Kakashi looked up to see him bowing where he sat. Sasuke bowed back.

“That was… fun,” Sasuke said, the corner of his mouth curling up just barely. They stood and moved to the edge of the porch again, sitting quietly side-by-side, little more than a foot of space between them. Kakashi got up and ambled over to the shogi board, the pieces still in their last positions as when Shikamaru had won… barely. Kakashi smiled at Sasuke’s back.

Kakashi was aware that he himself was unusually intelligent, and his years of experience had only made him a more formidable player, yet only managed to beat Shikamaru almost a quarter of the time. Sasuke was young, and he’d given the resident super-genius a run for his money already. It was almost funny that the same person who’d bared his teeth in aggression at Kakashi this morning, when their hands had accidentally brushed when reaching for the salt—though he had actually apologized a moment later—was here calmly, cool-headedly strategizing. And so well, too. There was a reason Sasuke had been first in his class, and it wasn’t entirely because of his ability with jutsu.

He realized he was proud of Sasuke… proud of both the young man who was once his student, and the feral young man who hadn’t spoken to him for almost the whole first week Kakashi had been watching him.

Without sharing a word, both Sasuke and Shikamaru stood so near to simultaneously that Kakashi truly couldn’t have said who started to get up first. Looking out at the trees, Sasuke said, “Thank you for the game.”

Shikamaru glanced over at him, then turned his gaze outward as well. “You’re welcome to come and play any time you want,” he said.

“I will,” Sasuke said.

 

That night found Kakashi on the couch, waiting for the inevitable. Sasuke came out of his room at a little after one, showed no surprise at finding Kakashi on the couch, and began their familiar routine without a word.

Kakashi wanted to touch him so badly his hands tingled. He settled for running his fingers through Sasuke’s thick, silky hair until he came hard in Sasuke’s mouth. Sasuke did the usual, and Kakashi was able to wait until Sasuke went back to his room and closed the door behind himself before going to his own room and masturbating furiously, his hand, which smelled like Sasuke’s shampoo, and deeper than that, like Sasuke’s hair, pressed firmly to his nose and mouth.

“Fuck,” he whispered, once he wiped his hand and cock clean. “Fuck.”

 

“We’ve settled into something of a routine,” Kakashi told Tsunade, though he didn’t tell her what they did as part of their routine.

“I should hope so, after two months,” Tsunade said, lifting an eyebrow.

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. “It took awhile. He was… pretty fragile, at first.”

“And now?”

“Not as much, though I still wouldn’t want to put him unsupervised in public.”

“Have you been able to leave him alone with any of the jounin?”

“No. I supervised his session with Shikamaru. It went really well.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’d hoped Shikamaru would be a good fit.”

Kakashi nodded. “I plan to drop him off for a few hours with Neji this week—I think he’s ready, and I could use the breathing room.”

“Getting to you again?” Tsunade asked.

You have no idea, Kakashi thought despairingly.

“It’s just… been a while since I’ve had a good solid block of time where I didn’t constantly have at least half an eye on Sasuke. It’s… exhausting, honestly.”

“I can tell. You don’t look so hot,” Tsunade said with a smile.

“Thanks.” Kakashi returned the smile, rubbing the back of his head.

“If that’s it…?” Tsunade asked.

“I’ll get out of your hair,” said Kakashi. “I’ll let you know how it goes with Neji.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

Someone who is probably not reading this fic for understandable reasons kind of indirectly gave me the idea to include other jounin. So, I wanted to thank them, whether they're reading, or not :) Thank you!

Chapter 4: June, Part Two

Notes:

In this chapter: mild to moderate emotional infidelity, depending on how you read/see it. Don't get too mad at Kakashi /o\ he’s under a lot of pressure!

And I know I’m playing it fast and loose with chakra, but I figure… Kakashi is the ELITIST of the elite, so his chakra sensitivity would have to be high, and whose chakra would he be most attuned to (aside from Gai’s, maybe)? I think he could sense a big shift in Sasuke’s mood from anywhere in the village. Maybe farther than that.

And Neji… I think Neji would be able to do whatever the fuck he wanted with chakra, whether it made sense or not. Idk lol. He’s a genius at chakra, the end.

Over breakfast a few days later, Kakashi said lightly, “I thought I might drop you off to visit with Neji this afternoon. If you’re okay with that.”

Sasuke froze with his forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth as soon as Kakashi said drop you off. Once Kakashi finished speaking, Sasuke put the fork down and stared at him.

“Why?” he asked, frowning slightly.

“I think it’s time to see how you handle being around someone else, without me to… anchor you.”

Sasuke twisted his lips. “Why Neji?”

“Honestly?” Kakashi asked.

“Of course.” Sasuke’s frown deepened.

Kakashi gave him a little smile. He was still getting used to making so many facial expressions without his mask on. “I think he’d be able to handle you if you lost control and tried to do something foolish. Something that might get you put back in lockup. Even then, if you panic, I’ll feel your chakra, wherever I am, and I’ll come running to help in whatever way I can.”

Sasuke actually relaxed, instead of being affronted, as Kakashi had feared he would be. “Where will you be?” he asked.

Kakashi shrugged and took a bite out of his toast. Once he swallowed, he said, “I don’t know, really. I thought I might train. Maybe go get a drink.”

“In the middle of the afternoon?”

Kakashi lifted one corner of his lips. “Only one, Sasuke. I won’t get sloshed, don’t worry.”

Sasuke finally took the bite of eggs he’d been ignoring. “You know,” he said, looking down at his plate, “I wouldn’t mind if you went out drinking some nights.”

“Really,” Kakashi said.

“Or training. Whenever you wanted.”

“Are you trying to get me out of your hair, Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, feeling a little amused at the reversal.

“I feel… cramped sometimes,” Sasuke said, not meeting Kakashi’s eyes. “You don’t have to… watch me all the time. You can trust me.” Finally he looked up and met Kakashi’s gaze, and he looked genuine. He also looked like he was about to jump out of his skin.

“Relax, Sasuke. I understand. Both of us are private people. It is tough, being around someone all the time.”

Sasuke visibly relaxed. “Okay,” he said with a sigh.

“So,” Kakashi said, and he slapped his hands down on his thighs. Sasuke blinked at him.

“I’ll take you to see Neji, and I’ll go train. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tonight, I’ll go out and have a few drinks. I take it you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s a plan, then.”

 

The Hyuuga compound was huge, but as he’d done with Lee and Gai, he’d dropped by the day before to see what could be done about all the people that thronged the grounds at any given time.

It turned out that there wasn’t much that could be done—so instead of being out in the open as they had been at Lee and Gai’s place, they’d have to stay cooped up in Neji’s room if they wanted to be away from people. Kakashi had reconnoitered it to see if he approved, and found that it was much more spacious than Sasuke’s room at the apartment, with large, southern-facing windows that let in a lot of light and fresh air, as Neji had them open in an invitation to the summer’s warm breezes.

It wasn’t a wide open space, but it would do.

They ran over the rooftops again, Sasuke’s hair streaming behind him—it was getting long. He might need a cut soon. Though Kakashi knew he would miss it, if he did chop it off. He looked handsome in the high-necked white shirt and dark pants Kakashi had picked out for him on his trip to the market the day before.

When they arrived at the Hyuuga compound, Neji was waiting at the gates—he greeted them, then let them in. Kakashi walked Sasuke to Neji’s room and waited until he sat down at a chair by Neji’s desk and looked reasonably comfortable before he said, “I’ll be back in about an hour. Have fun, kids.” Neji leveled a flat look at him, and Sasuke actually turned in his chair to roll his eyes. Kakashi was still chuckling about it when he walked out the compound’s gates.

At the training grounds, he found a loose group of chuunin and tokubetsu jounin facing off with each other, one-on-one. Temporary freedom making him feel light, he ostentatiously stretched his arms in front of him, cracking his knuckles, then rolled his neck on his shoulders.

“Who’s ready for a real challenge?” Kakashi asked.

It turned out that they all were.

Kakashi had absolutely no problem with that.

After taking the whole gang out without having to uncover his Sharingan eye, Kakashi sat on a nearby bench. He was uninjured, just a little banged up, quite out of breath, and covered head-to-toe in sweat. Raidou came to sit beside him—and part of Kakashi regretted that he was just showing up, because he would have been formidable, had he been part of the group Kakashi’d sparred with—and they chatted for a little while before Kakashi realized his hour was up, and he didn’t have time to go home and take a shower.

Smelling himself—he didn’t smell particularly bad, just sweaty—Kakashi took off at a light jog.

When he reached the Hyuuga place, he was let in by some Hyuuga whose name he didn’t know, and the man indicated that Kakashi had free reign to roam the grounds.

“Thanks,” Kakashi said, then he ambled to Neji’s room. He found Neji and Sasuke seated cross-legged on the bed, feet bare, eyes closed, seemingly meditating. High levels of chakra pulsed in their veins and cycled from one into the other. It seemed surprisingly intimate.

A few seconds after Kakashi showed up in the doorway, the smooth flow of Sasuke’s chakra became unstable. His eyes came open and he turned to face Kakashi, looking a little dazed.

“Am I interrupting?” Kakashi asked, feeling guilty.

“We were just finishing,” Neji said. He turned so that his legs hung off the bed. “Sasuke’s chakra reserves are much greater than they used to be.”

Sasuke looked pleased at that. He stood, eyes clearer, and moved to pull his sandals on.

“I’m ready when you are,” he said to Kakashi, though he was looking at Neji.

“Let’s go, then,” Kakashi said. He took a few steps backwards. “After you.”

The two young men walked a dozen steps ahead of Kakashi, speaking quietly. Kakashi could have overheard what they said if he wanted, but… he wasn’t going to eavesdrop. Even if something Neji said had Sasuke turning to him with a little smile on his face that Kakashi thought no one saw but him. He also observed Neji raising a hand, as if to place it at the small of Sasuke’s back, then letting it drop a second later, seemingly remembering what Kakashi had told him about Sasuke and touch.

He almost wished Neji had touched him. Just to see what would happen.

Kakashi gave himself a hard, angry mental shake. What was wrong with him?

Was he actually getting jealous?

God, he hoped not.

 

As they walked back to their apartment, Kakashi contemplated on how it was an undeniably good thing Sasuke was slowly crawling out of his shell. He’d been pleasant with all the jounin Kakashi had taken him to, seemingly more pleasant with each visit. Hell, he’d been downright flirtatious with Neji. By Sasuke standards, anyway.

It was good for Sasuke, to not be so high-strung all the time, and… maybe if he was easier around other people, he’d be easier for Kakashi to deal with, too.

When they got back to the apartment, Kakashi was barely in the door before Sasuke shoved him against a wall and unfastened and yanked down Kakashi’s pants until they fell straight to the floor.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi asked, absolutely unsure how to deal with Sasuke like this.

“You’ve been sweating,” Sasuke said, his eyes hot. He jerked Kakashi’s underwear down and grabbed his soft cock.

“Yeah. I need a shower,” Kakashi said. He cursed himself when he felt his dick begin to get hard in Sasuke’s hand. This wasn’t part of their routine, and he wasn’t sure how to react.

His body knew how, though.

“No,” Sasuke said, looking down at Kakashi’s thickening cock. “I know what you need.”

He dropped to his knees and took Kakashi’s cock-head into his mouth, groaning quietly. Sasuke making noise while he sucked Kakashi off was a new development, one that didn’t make it any easier to say no to him. As if it had ever been easy. Or even an option. Closing his eyes, Kakashi slipped his hands into Sasuke’s hair. He gently tugged Sasuke away from his dick.

“What?” Sasuke asked, his face already sex-hazed.

“Take off your shirt,” Kakashi said, stroking through Sasuke’s hair. If Sasuke could turn routine on its head… maybe he could, too. “I want to look at you.”

Sasuke glared at him for a few tense seconds, and Kakashi was certain, with warring feelings of relief and disappointment, that Sasuke was going to get up and walk away. But instead he unceremoniously pulled his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor beside him. Kakashi gazed down at him, taking in the fine alabaster skin over sleek, strong muscles, the dark pink nipples, the few light scars that marred his otherwise creamy, perfect skin.

Then Sasuke took Kakashi into his hand again and licked along the length of him, took his head into his mouth and moaned, louder, now. Kakashi’s dick sunk deep into Sasuke’s mouth and Kakashi dropped his head back against the wall and groaned, and soon he felt the almost-imperceptible shaking of Sasuke's mouth around him, and he cracked an eye open to see Sasuke jerking himself off.

God, why did that have to be so hot? Kakashi felt himself edge immediately closer.

Sasuke slid his mouth away, and Kakashi was helpless but to stare at his wet, swollen pink lips when he said, “Kakashi. You taste so good. Your sweat…” Sasuke trailed off as he took Kakashi back into his hot, sucking mouth.

“Fuck…” Kakashi whispered, and when Sasuke moaned softly, Kakashi’s hips snapped forward.

“Sasuke!” he cried out quietly, and his full balls tightened, his cock-head tingled, and Sasuke moaned again. Kakashi came in his mouth with a long, shaky groan.

He wanted to sink to the floor, but Sasuke wasn’t finished. Once again, he spit Kakashi’s come into his hand and wrapped that hand around his cock, one hand bracing himself against the wall beside Kakashi’s thighs. Panting, legs trembling, Kakashi watched the muscles of Sasuke’s arm move and bunch as he jerked himself off, and quickly, he finished with a soft grunt, his come splashing on the wood floor, some of it getting on Kakashi’s clothes puddled around his ankles, some of it getting on the wall.

He knelt there breathing hard for a few seconds, then picked up his shirt and wiped himself off, then the floor and the wall. He stood smoothly and looked up at Kakashi’s sweaty face.

“You can take a shower, now,” Sasuke said, sounding satisfied and smug, which was also a new thing. Kakashi didn’t know what to make of it. “I’ll start dinner,” Sasuke said

In the shower, Kakashi soaped himself up slowly, eyes focused on nothing, mind purposefully blank. Soon though, unable to stop himself, he uncapped Sasuke’s shampoo and took a long, slow sniff of it.

“What the fuck am I doing?” he asked himself quietly.

He couldn’t be fall— having these kinds of feelings for Sasuke.

Couldn’t be.

 

The bar was crowded, but it was the least cramped Kakashi had felt in two months. Sasuke was safe at home, no need to worry about him, and he was… free for a few hours. Given the go-ahead to drink, at that. A suspicious part of him wondered if Sasuke had some ulterior motive in wanting him to be intoxicated… but Kakashi easily dismissed that thought.

It was entirely possible Sasuke just wanted him out of the apartment for a while, and a bar sounded like a tempting option.

Well, if that’s what he thought, he was right.

He caught sight of Genma’s brown hair and backwards hitae-ate at the bar, and he grinned. He approached, then sat on the stool beside him.

Genma sighed. “Times are hard,” he said mournfully, and Kakashi laughed softly. It was an inside joke between them that had been in place for so long that neither of them remembered how it started.

Genma motioned to the bartender for two more beers, then turned to Kakashi. “Haven’t seen you in a few months,” he said, then he flipped his senbon from one side of his mouth to the other.

“Yeah. I’ve been… keeping an eye on Sasuke, since he came back to the village.”

“I heard,” Genma said. “I also heard he’s a monster. That can’t be fun.”

“Hmf,” Kakashi said, a short laugh. “He’s not a monster. He was… hurt, in a lot of ways, I think. He was kind of like a stray dog when I got him.”

“When you got him, huh? You training your stray dog?”

Kakashi opened his beer when it was put in front of him. “More like we’re training each other.”

“Really,” Genma said, turning to fully look at Kakashi, who prayed his face or body language wasn’t going to give him away. “In what way?”

“I give him positive verbal reinforcement when he does something good, and he tries to attack me when I accidentally touch him. We both learn.”

Genma laughed.

“But enough about Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “We both wanted me out of the apartment tonight so that we could get away from each other for a while. I don’t want to spend all night talking about him.”

“Fair enough,” said Genma with a crooked grin. He spilled the local gossip as they worked their way through a few drinks, then his own insignificant-to-anyone-else on the outside, but very-significant-to-him drama while they had a couple more, and Kakashi judged he’d been gone long enough, and gotten buzzed enough, that he should go home.

“—and then she just left,” Genma finished.

“Sounds about right,” Kakashi said, tipping his beer back to finish it. “Ah, I should probably go. I need to get back—”

“You wanna check out the alley first?” Genma asked, another tradition that had grown between them over the years. He put his drink down and pulled out his wallet.

“I, uh…” Kakashi considered. He really should be getting home, but… it would be nice to get physical with someone he’d actually said yes to, instead of going along with it just to keep him from having a meltdown. Which he still wasn’t sure Sasuke wouldn’t do, if he tried to stop… whatever they were doing, again.

“I hear the alley’s lovely this time of night. Nice ambience,” Kakashi said.

Genma snorted and led the way out.

In the alley, Genma grabbed Kakashi by the front of his flak vest and shoved him against the nearest wall. He jammed his knee between Kakashi’s legs and reached up to pull down Kakashi’s mask. Genma was the only one Kakashi would ever allow to manhandle him like this, or to pull his mask down without permission.

Well, maybe not the only, Kakashi thought, but then Genma had his full attention when he tucked his senbon behind his ear and kissed Kakashi, deep and hard.

“It’s been awhile,” Genma said, voice low and rough.

“Yeah,” Kakashi agreed, and he kissed Genma again. The other man made quick work of his vest fastenings, then his hands went to the button of Kakashi’s pants.

“What do you wanna do?” Genma asked, his voice sultry. He unzipped Kakashi’s fly.

Kakashi caught his pants before they slid to the ground, where they were standing in an oil slick.

“I wanna move to a better spot,” Kakashi said. “Oil puddle.”

“Ah,” Genma said with a quiet laugh. He gripped Kakashi by the open panels of his flak vest and moved him over a few feet, then slammed his back against the wall again. His mouth found Kakashi’s, and Kakashi considered. What did he want to do?

Sasuke, a voice in his head whispered.

“Do you have any lube?” he asked, and Genma reached into a pocket of his vest and pulled out a small bottle.

“Then I wanna fuck you,” Kakashi said, trying to drown out that little voice. He hadn’t fucked anyone in several months, and it had been even longer since he’d had Genma.

“Fine with me,” Genma grinned. “You can let go of your pants, now,” he pointed out.

But Kakashi held on. His cock was as soft as if he’d been sitting at home reading a history book. It actually might have been firmer, then, depending on whether Sasuke was sitting on the couch with him.

Genma’s hands were working on his own pants.

Voice serious, Kakashi said, “Genma.”

Genma looked up at him, frowning slightly.

“I, ah…” Kakashi scrubbed his hand through his wild hair, making it even wilder. “I think I should go. I’m too exhausted, I don’t think I can…”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Genma said, though not unkindly. He grinned at Kakashi and began refastening his pants. “Go home. But I’m taking a raincheck.”

“Done,” Kakashi said, grateful. He closed and rearranged all his clothing, feeling a little bad that he’d rejected Genma as he had, but… he thought he would have felt worse had he gone through with it.

Sasuke’s pink face. His satisfied, smug voice from just this afternoon. Kakashi took a deep breath.

“Right. I’ll see you around, Genma.”

“See ya, Kakashi,” Genma replied, and with a jaunty wave, he strolled out of the alley, leaving Kakashi alone with his thoughts.

 

Kakashi re-entered the bar and had a few more drinks, and it was later than he’d planned it to be when he got home. But Sasuke was waiting on the couch for him, all lights off in the apartment except for the lamp beside him. It glowed in his glossy black hair and along the curve of one cheek. Kakashi despaired.

“Are you drunk?” Sasuke asked.

“Not quite,” Kakashi said, toeing off his boots by the door. He did have to rest a hand against the wall to do it, though. “Well, maybe a little.”

“Did you have fun?” Sasuke asked.

“Yeah. Ran into an old friend.” Kakashi opened his flak vest and pulled it off, then hung it on its peg by the door.

“Oh yeah?” Sasuke sounded interested. Sasuke sounded like he was paying attention.

Now Kakashi was doubly glad he hadn’t fucked Genma.

“Yeah. Genma. You might remember him, he was one of the proctors of the—”

“I know who he is,” Sasuke said, voice sharp. His eyes were narrowed.

“What?” Kakashi asked, all innocence.

“Did you fuck him?”

“No,” Kakashi said. He wondered if it would help if he told Sasuke the whole of it—that he could have, that he was about to, but that he couldn’t get it up because all he could think about was Sasuke.

“You did something,” Sasuke said, eyes raking over Kakashi’s body.

“I kissed him,” Kakashi admitted. He was teetering on the decision to tell Sasuke all that when Sasuke stood and marched up to him.

“Don’t touch me,” Sasuke said, and he reached for Kakashi’s mask. He tugged it down below his chin, gripped the front of Kakashi’s shirt, and then his mouth was on Kakashi’s, firm and fierce and full of teeth. When Sasuke kissed, it hurt, and Kakashi moaned, at a loss as to what to do with his hands. They came up, wanting to touch Sasuke, to hold him close so that he wouldn’t pull away, to press their bodies together so that he could feel Sasuke’s warmth, more than just the hand or arm usually draped over his thigh while Sasuke sucked him off. When Sasuke bit his lip hard after a handful of seconds of kissing, Kakashi gasped, his dick already nearly fully hard.

It was over almost as soon as it had started. Sasuke let go of Kakashi’s shirt and took a step backwards, staring up at him, his face defiant, challenging.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered. His hands still longed to touch.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke replied, his voice ringing off the walls of the little apartment. “Don’t kiss anyone else.”

Heart pounding, Kakashi nodded.

“Say it,” Sasuke said, voice strident.

“I won’t kiss anyone else.”

“Good,” Sasuke said. “Good night, Kakashi.” He padded off to bed. Kakashi expected a slammed door, but Sasuke closed it gently.

In his room, Kakashi couldn’t get his pants down fast enough. Touching his painful bitten lip, pressing on it, he jerked off hard and fast and came in less than a minute, groaning so loudly he was sure Sasuke could hear him.

Let him.

 

“I left him with Neji,” Kakashi said to Tsunade. “They got along well.”

“Good,” Tsunade said. “You’ll be free of him soon, at this pace.”

That sent a thin tendril of unease curling through Kakashi’s stomach.

“I’m not sure about that—he still won’t allow himself to be touched. I think we need to do something about that, first, before someone gets hurt.”

“I agree,” Tsunade said. “What do you suggest?”

“Ah, I honestly don’t know,” Kakashi said, furrowing his brow. “I’m still trying to think of something. Maybe exposure therapy, but I don’t want to put him through that, just yet.”

“It’s something to think about,” Tsunade said.

“Oh, I was also able to leave him alone in the apartment for a few hours the other night.”

“And he was fine?”

Kakashi thought hard about how to answer this. He didn’t want to lie to Tsunade, but he couldn’t very well tell her the whole truth. Especially not this far along in things. “I think he got a little anxious—he was waiting up for me. He went to bed almost as soon as I got home, though.”

“That’s… a bit of a mixed bag,” Tsunade said. “It’s wonderful that you could trust him enough to leave him for that long, but… I don’t want him to become too dependent on you. I guess the encouraging news is that he seems to trust you, though.”

“Up to a point,” Kakashi said. “Though I don’t know where that point is. Hopefully I won’t have to find out.”

“We can only hope,” Tsunade said. “Any immediate plans for him?”

“I thought I’d leave him alone with Gai.”

“That might be… interesting.”

“If it involves Gai, it usually is,” Kakashi said with a grin.

 

—tbc

Notes:

I'm considering changing the title of this fic to "Affinity." I was never 100% on "An Affinity for Each Other," and I kinda like the shorter title better. If you have strong feelings either way, let me know. Otherwise, possiblyyyyy keep an eye out for a new chapter of "Affinity" to be posted in a week.

Chapter 5: July

Notes:

I don't think it's confusing, since the summary stays the same, but just in case - I have changed the title of this fic from "An Affinity for Each Other" to "Affinity." Hope you enjoy! :)

In the dark quiet hours of the night, Kakashi lay awake, restless, his mind circling around Sasuke.

What exactly did Sasuke want from him?

Kakashi was more than willing to be what Sasuke needed him to be, if it helped him heal. But he’d thought he was just… a convenient dick to suck, for whatever relief Sasuke got from doing that. Sex was just a tool, after all. On missions, Kakashi had done much more for much lower stakes—a tidbit of intel, a minor distraction. Nothing as important as helping his wayward, once thought lost, now traumatized and barely stable student overcome whatever had him flinching away from even the most casual, the most insignificant, touches.

It was just sex. And Kakashi had never had a problem keeping his emotions out of it. That had been his standard operating procedure for decades. It was just sex.

But lately, it felt like more.

That kiss from Sasuke, that promise he’d forced out of Kakashi, that felt like more, as well. Was Kakashi just confused and reading things into it, though? Sasuke was in no place to be striving for romantic relationships, and Kakashi was in no place to provide the safety and security he might need, in one.

Or was he? He’d provided Sasuke with safety and security so far. True, he’d tried to stop Sasuke once, within the first few weeks of their current situation. And true, he’d kissed Genma, which he hadn’t even realized would be a problem until Sasuke called him out on it—and his sixth sense for that had been uncanny. Or had he just suspected it, so asked to get Kakashi’s reaction? Or had Kakashi been acting strangely, and that’s what set off alarm bells?

Whatever it was, it seemed that Sasuke needed a commitment from Kakashi. Which was no small thing—Kakashi had never been exclusive in his life. Never had the need nor desire for it.

But Sasuke needed safety. Sasuke needed stability. So Kakashi would do whatever he could to provide that for him.

Kakashi sighed and rolled over in bed, trying to get comfortable.

What exactly did he want from Sasuke?

It didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter.

He felt that he should take a step back from this whole thing and regroup, get some distance from it, get his head straight. But would that be good for Sasuke, to be held at arm’s length by someone who’d previously allowed him so much access?

Kakashi would wait. Kakashi would see. And if it turned out that he had feelings for Sasuke, then he couldn’t let them complicate… whatever was happening here. Whatever made it okay for Sasuke to smile so softly at Neji, whatever made it okay for Sasuke to walk around their apartment in an old t-shirt and shorts of Kakashi’s in the mornings with his hair a mess. Whatever made it okay for him to glance up, amused, from his breakfast when Kakashi said something stupid, like he was just a normal teeneager.

If he did have feelings for Sasuke, the onus was on him to deal with them, in whatever way he could, without rejecting Sasuke.

Having come to some sort of resolution, though it wasn’t much of one, Kakashi rolled over onto his other side and sent a tendril of his concentration a dozen feet away through the wall and into Sasuke’s room, where he knew Sasuke was lying in bed. He let Sasuke’s calm, sleeping chakra signature ease him down into sleep.

 

Night. Kakashi came back from a short walk to find Sasuke sitting on the couch in the living room with the lights off, frowning out through the partially-opened blinds. His face swam up out of the gloom, his hair and eyes black as pitch, his skin white as a sheet. He looked otherworldly.

“Everything okay?” Kakashi asked. He sat on the opposite side of the couch and looked out the window. There was nothing to see, really—a few single-story houses, a general goods store closed up for the night. No one walked the streets.

Kakashi wondered if Sasuke had been looking for him.

Sasuke didn’t say anything.

Kakashi considered for almost a full minute, staring out the window with Sasuke. It had been months, and they hadn’t broached the topic even once. It was quiet, it was late, they’d had a decent, low-stress day—this felt like as good a time as any. He said quietly into the darkness, “If you ever want to talk about Itachi, I’ll listen.”

Turning to glare at Kakashi, Sasuke bared his teeth, nostrils flaring. “That’s a good way to get hurt.”

“What, asking if you want to talk about It—”

“Saying his name at all.”

“I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun—”

“Don’t call me that!” Sasuke hissed.

Without making direct eye contact, Kakashi watched him: his tense shoulders, his bared teeth, the way he leaned forward, the way his fingers dug into the couch cushion. After a moment passed and Sasuke was still in his aggressive stance, Kakashi said, “Well. I’ll leave you alone. Good night, Sasuke.”

Sasuke didn’t respond, just breathed out hard through his nose, then turned to continue frowning out the window, body still stiff, so Kakashi stood and went to his room.

It had been an unpleasant exchange, but at least Kakashi had discovered one of Sasuke’s aggression triggers. Probably an anxiety trigger, too, if the increased rate of respiration was any kind of indicator.

Kakashi sat on the edge of his bed and wondered if he should have stayed with Sasuke, if his presence might have eased Sasuke’s mind a little. He considered going back out to the living room, but then he heard Sasuke’s door close hard. He sighed heavily and flopped back onto his bed.

 

Morning was… fine. Kakashi had expected some friction, some disharmony, something to indicate that he’d put Sasuke’s back up and then left him alone, but… nothing. Sasuke came to the table with his hair a mess—which was even more evident now that it had grown to his shoulders—in his t-shirt and shorts. After a sleepily-mumbled, but still pleasant, “Morning,” he dug into his pancakes. No syrup. Kakashi took his the same way.

Pleased that Sasuke apparently wasn't holding a grudge for the night before, Kakashi watched Sasuke cut his stack of pancakes into little squares before spearing a few squares on his fork and eating them.

It was kind of adorable.

“What?” Sasuke asked with his mouth full, meeting Kakashi’s gaze.

“Nothing,” Kakashi said. “I like the way you eat your pancakes.”

Sasuke snorted, actually smiling a little, then went back to work on his breakfast.

Kakashi cut off an edge of pancakes with his fork and brought that bite to his mouth, then once he’d swallowed, said, “I thought you could visit Gai this evening.”

Sasuke froze and looked up at Kakashi. “I’d rather see Lee.”

“He might show up later—he’s on a mission.”

“Shikamaru?” Sasuke asked, slowly putting his fork down.

Gai on the brain, Kakashi shifted into sensei-mode. “I think Gai will be good for you. You’ve tested your body with Lee, your mind with Shikamaru, and your chakra control with Neji. Now, you get to test your patience with Gai.” He grinned.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, then went still again. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“I am. Gai is a great guy, but he’s a drain on the patience, sometimes. I have a feeling you won’t have much tolerance for him. Which is why I’m only leaving you there for an hour.”

Sasuke’s eyes went wide. “An hour? And you won’t be there?”

“Correct on both counts, Sasuke.”

“What if I… snap?”

“I have every faith that you’ll keep control,” Kakashi said. He took a bite of his sausage, then, gesturing with it, said, “Besides, if you lose your temper and go on a rampage, Gai will be able to control you until I get there.”

Sasuke snorted derisively.

“What?” Kakashi asked. “Gai’s strong in every area. He might be stronger than me.”

Sasuke’s eyes went wide again, and Kakashi thought that if Tsunade could see how calm and expressive and normal he was this morning, she might set him free on the spot.

“I thought he was lying about that,” Sasuke said.

“Nope!” Kakashi said gleefully, as he always was when proving someone wrong about his rival’s strength. “We’re dead-even in our challenge score, 55 to 55. You saw how he beat me last time we were there.”

“But you were distracted. He said so himself.”

“Ah, but he still would have beaten me—he was simply being gracious. He’s good in every area, but he’ll outshine me in pure taijutsu every time.”

“Oh,” Sasuke said.

“If you really don’t think you can…” Kakashi said, raising an eyebrow, and Sasuke took the bait.

“I can do it.” He sighed. “What time?”

“I’ll take you after dinner,” Kakashi said with a smile.

 

Once Kakashi dropped off a visibly reluctant Sasuke at Gai’s compound, he jogged to the training grounds. He only had an hour, and he had some serious tension to work off.

Luckily, there was a group of chuunin training, and once again, when Kakashi offered them all the chance to fight the famed Sharingan Kakashi five-on-one, they took it in an instant.

Body moving, Kakashi got lost in the flexing of muscles, the impact of skin on skin, the look in the other men’s eyes as they slowly realized they were going to lose. They were good, though—one of them might have gotten Kakashi in a chokehold if another one of them hadn’t tripped over his own feet in his exhaustion and bumped into him. Kakashi took out Chokehold quickly and without prejudice. Okay, with very little prejudice. When all was said and done, the man was still able to limp away with all his senses and organs intact. The limp would go away in a few days.

It took longer than expected, again—when he pulled his flak vest back on, sweating through his clothes in the hot July sun, he had to sprint to Gai’s to get there only a little late.

“Sorry I’m late,” Kakashi said when Gai opened the front gate, trying to look casual, though sweat dripped down his temple. It dripped in lots of places—that was the only place it was visible, though. “I had to help an old lady carry her groceries home.”

“You’re so full of shit,” Sasuke said, stepping out from behind Gai.

“Ah, my Rival, always with the hilarity,” Gai said, grinning.

“Everybody in one piece?” Kakashi asked, though the answer was obvious. He also hadn’t felt Sasuke’s or Gai’s chakra flare as it would have, had there been an emergency.

Sasuke’s only answer was a rude snort. Kakashi grinned at him, but he was watching Kakashi closely. Staring at him.

“Your adorable student is strong, Kakashi!” Gai exclaimed. “He bested me in two out of three matches!”

“He won at arm wrestling,” Sasuke said with a smirk. Of course Gai would win at a straightforward bout of arm wrestling—Sasuke would never be a large enough man to carry the kind of upper body strength that Gai did.

That suggested that Sasuke had beaten Gai in a clean spar. Well, Gai may have been fighting clean, anyway. And some other contest, which could range from the downright nonsensical to something serious involving chakra. He’d ask Sasuke about it later—he was ready to take a shower.

And Sasuke was staring at him hungrily. He felt his face heat.

“Ah, Rival, you've overexerted yourself. You should get out of the sun. Come in, come in.”

“I’ll be fine, Gai,” Kakashi said, amused as always when Gai played the mother hen. “We’re only a few blocks away. But we should go.”

“Understandable! I won’t keep you any longer. Sasuke, you’re welcome back whenever you so desire.”

Sasuke surprised Kakashi with his polite, “Thank you, Gai.”

“Later,” Kakashi said, waving a peace sign at Gai.

“May you return soon, Kakashi!” Gai exclaimed, and then Sasuke leapt onto the roof across the street, and Kakashi followed.

 

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said as soon as they were inside the door.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi replied, turning to face him. He quickly formed hand signs to set up a sound-dampening jutsu, knowing it was presumptuous, but… he had an inkling of what was coming.

He just hadn’t realized how aggressive Sasuke would be. Kakashi was barely finished with the jutsu before Sasuke ripped his flak vest open and tossed it onto the floor, then jerked his shirt up, shirt and mask and headband all getting tangled together, catching on and pulling Kakashi’s hair as Sasuke yanked the mass over Kakashi’s head.

Tucking his fingers into Kakashi’s waistband, Sasuke shoved him hard against the nearest wall. Kakashi lost a breath when his back hit plaster. Then he sucked in a sharp one, and groaned when Sasuke bent his knees and licked up Kakashi’s stomach, up his chest, ending at his neck, where he attached his mouth and sucked. His hands spread and moved over Kakashi’s sweaty skin.

“Fuck, Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed.

Sasuke moaned. He bent down enough to take Kakashi's right nipple into his mouth and scrape his teeth over it, then gave it a hard suck. Kakashi’s hips bucked forward.

“You can’t just—” Sasuke said against his sweaty skin, then he moved his mouth to Kakashi’s left nipple, which had a long, deep scar slashed through it. Sasuke latched on and sucked, and Kakashi used the chance to take a calming breath. He said, “That one’s not—” but Sasuke bit down hard, and it absolutely was.

“God,” Kakashi groaned, then Sasuke’s fingers worked at the waist of his pants, and in a couple of seconds they slid down his sweaty legs to the floor. Sasuke cupped Kakashi through his underwear, and the action moved the boxers over the head of Kakashi’s dick, the slick slide of the fabric over the head making it apparent he was leaking like crazy.

Sasuke looked down and cursed. “You’re so wet,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Kakashi breathed. “Bite me again.”

Sasuke moved his mouth to Kakashi’s intact nipple and bit down, just as hard as he had the first time, and Kakashi groaned loudly, legs almost giving out. He felt precum gush out of his cock, slicking up his boxers even more.

“You like that?” Sasuke asked, then he did it again, squeezing Kakashi’s dick. Groaning, he tugged Kakashi’s underwear down, then dropped to his knees in front of him. He had his own cock out before he even started, this time.

Moaning, Sasuke wrapped his hot mouth around Kakashi’s hard dick, sucking sloppily, his face red. Kakashi leaned his head against the wall, panting, trying not to just fuck Sasuke’s face. Then Sasuke lightly scraped his teeth along Kakashi’s cock and Kakashi cried out in surprised pleasure, and he felt another gush of precum spill from his slit. His legs felt weak.

“Mmh!” Sasuke moaned, gripping Kakashi’s sweaty hip and holding him still as he scraped his teeth again, a little harder.

“Fuck, Sasuke,” Kakashi panted, flattening his hands against the wall so he wouldn’t grab onto Sasuke. He’d grab his hair, but he feared that would stop this painful-pleasureable onslaught.

“Mmmh!” Sasuke moaned, louder now as Kakashi’s dick pulsed in his mouth and he got another spurt of precum on his tongue. His jerking arm sped, and his mouth was shaking on Kakashi’s dick, now. He sucked, without teeth this time, pulling back until he reached the tip, then sliding his lips back down along its length. He pulled back again, and then, making hot eye contact with Kakashi, slid all the way down, his throat constricting just under the head of Kakashi’s dick.

“God, Sasuke, I gotta siddown,” Kakashi slurred, absolutely sex-drunk.

Sasuke pulled off with a wet noise and a sigh, and he stood so that Kakashi could move to the couch. Once Kakashi sat, Sasuke pulled one of the man’s sandalled feet out of his sweaty pants and underwear, spread his legs, and knelt between them. With a long moan, he licked up the underside of Kakashi’s cock, then he took him into his mouth again, bobbing his head up and down slowly, taking Kakashi down his throat over and over.

Until finally he had to pull off to breathe. “Don’t get sweaty,” Sasuke said seriously. “Unless you want this.”

Kakashi let out a loose laugh. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he said, then moaned when Sasuke went down on him again. Now he did let his hands dig into Sasuke’s hair, his scalp a little sweaty too, but his hair was still silky and thick and perfect to grip and hold as Sasuke sucked him.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed. “God, Sasuke—”

“Mh-hmm,” Sasuke moaned, sucking on Kakashi’s sensitive head. “Mmmh,” he moaned again, twisting his head, looking like there was nowhere he’d rather be, nothing else he’d rather be doing than kneeling on the floor with Kakashi’s dick in his mouth.

“Sasuke!” Kakashi cried out. “I’m gonna come,” he warned urgently.

Sasuke groaned loudly and sucked even harder, and Kakashi’s toes curled as his orgasm began hurtling toward him.

“Oh, fuck! Sasuke, god! It’s—” His cock bucked and spurted in Sasuke’s mouth, and Kakashi threw his head back in a long, broken moan, pulling his hands out of Sasuke’s hair at the last second so he wouldn’t yank any of it out. It was too much, too intense, too hard, his hips snapping up off the couch, Sasuke’s teeth scraping him accidentally this time, but that only made him come harder, until…

“Oh my god,” Kakashi finally whispered, swallowing audibly and sinking back into the couch cushions. His body ached from that orgasm far more than it had from his six-man spar earlier. But he could hardly think about that, because here was Sasuke, spitting Kakashi’s come into his hand and wrapping that hand around his dick, his hand a blur as he jerked off, panting, head thrown back.

He was so beautiful.

Kakashi swallowed hard.

Once Sasuke came, he actually rested his sweaty forehead against Kakashi’s sweaty thigh for a few seconds before he straightened up. He picked up Kakashi’s shirt, shook out his headband, and used the shirt to first wipe down Kakashi’s sensitive dick—Kakashi squirmed at the rough treatment, less keen on discomfort now that he wasn’t immensely turned on, and he didn’t miss Sasuke’s little smirk—then he wiped the come off his own dick, then the floor.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said, his voice rusty, exhausted.

“Hmm?” Sasuke asked, tossing the shirt away and looking up at him.

“What is it about sweat—” Kakashi broke off when Sasuke frowned thunderously. Then Sasuke took a deep breath, and Kakashi could tell he was trying to school his facial features into a neutral expression, and failing.

Still frowning, though slightly less than before, Sasuke said softly, “He never…” He turned his face away, looking over at the table in the corner.

It was Kakashi’s turn to frown. “Who?”

Sasuke didn’t say anything, but his jaw trembled.

“Sasuke, who?” Kakashi asked again, slowly sitting upright. An intense feeling of disquiet washed over him.

Instead of answering him, Sasuke turned toward him, leaned close, and gripped the back of Kakashi’s neck. “Shut up,” Sasuke said, then pulled Kakashi forward into a deep kiss.

This one tasted like Kakashi’s come, and it started almost as frantic and painful as their first one had, but then Sasuke flattened his hand on Kakashi’s cheek, and suddenly it was… soft. Almost sweet. Sasuke kissed him, and it took everything in Kakashi not to wrap his arms around Sasuke and hold him close, to tear his gloves off and run his bare hands under Sasuke’s shirt, up and down Sasuke’s long, perfect back. He clutched the couch cushions tight and hummed softly into the kiss. Approvingly. He wished… a lot of things. At the moment, he wished Sasuke would allow him to get physically and emotionally close enough to use kisses as positive reinforcement, instead of… Kakashi didn’t need blowjobs, Kakashi didn’t need sex, he just wanted…

Actually, at that moment—mind clear after an orgasm, Sasuke’s lips moving slowly against his, Sasuke clutching the back of his neck and his waist with slightly shaking hands—he was experiencing a rare moment of emotional honesty with himself, and he knew… he wanted a lot.

But it was more than he should ever take. More than he should even consider taking. He’d already taken too much, as it was… he knew deep down that he should have refused this to Sasuke, the first time he’d knelt in front of Kakashi.

But his blood boiled at the thought of Tsunade taking Sasuke away from him if Sasuke had balked at him after the refusal. At the thought of someone else looking after Sasuke, of someone else thinking that allowing Sasuke his personal brand of intimacy was the only way.

…Would anybody else, though? Was there anyone else as twisted as Kakashi, as fucked in the head that he would think that the best course of action was letting his former genin student and, more importantly, severely traumatized prisoner suck his dick?

Kakashi sighed through his nose as Sasuke kissed him, and had to squeeze down tight on the cushions again when he felt Sasuke’s hips trembling against his inner thighs.

What he wouldn’t give to hold him.

Finally Sasuke pulled his mouth and hands away, sitting back on his heels. He stared up at Kakashi, his chest moving with his quick, shallow breaths. Kakashi wondered, if he put his palm over Sasuke’s heart, how hard would it be beating?

Kakashi’s was about to beat out of his chest.

 

They didn’t make a big deal out of Sasuke’s 19th birthday. They weren't exactly about to throw a party. Kakashi picked up some pork fried rice from Sasuke’s favorite takeout restaurant, and after they ate, he gave Sasuke a package of hair elastics.

“I’ve noticed,” Kakashi said, oddly nervous, “it gets in your face, sometimes.”

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, turning them over in his hands, a strange look on his face.

The next day, Sasuke came out of the shower with his wet hair in a half-ponytail, and Kakashi wanted to smack himself. Of course, if Sasuke wore his hair in a ponytail he couldn’t help but look like Itachi.

The half-ponytail suited him, though—it put Kakashi vaguely in mind of a warrior’s topknot. A few chin-length strands had already come loose, but otherwise it bared Sasuke’s handsome face, as well.

“Looks good,” Kakashi said as he passed Sasuke on the way to the bathroom.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said again, this time with a subtly pleased expression.

Kakashi counted it as a definite win.

 

“He handled Gai better than expected,” Kakashi said.

“I figured as such. I had ANBU on alert in case of an emergency. But they reported that the worst thing that happened was a lot of eye rolling.”

Kakashi laughed. “Good. It was a success in every way, then. Gai could use a good eye roll or two sent his way, sometimes.”

“Joking aside,” Tsunade said, leaning forward with an elbow on her desk, “How is he doing?”

Kakashi thought hard. Part of him thought that he should come to these reports with his answers pre-planned—but Tsunade could see through all manner of bullshit, and he didn’t want her to as much as sniff the faintest hint of rehearsed deception or subterfuge.

“I think he’s… getting better. Slowly. But we never thought it would happen overnight, did we?”

Tsunade stared at him searchingly, so he continued.

“And he almost disclosed something to me that I think he wanted to keep secret. I think that if I stay close, if he knows he can trust me and knows I’m not going anywhere, he’ll tell me what it was. And there’s got to be more, where that came from.”

“What did he say?” Tsunade asked, leaning forward.

“‘He never.’”

Tsunade frowned. “Context?”

“I think he'd prefer that I keep that confidential,” Kakashi said.

Tsunade stared at him for a moment. “All right. But if I decide it would be more beneficial to know than not to know, I might have to insist.”

“Understood,” Kakashi said, hoping desperately it wouldn’t come to that.

“Rght, then,” Tsunade said.

“I’ll show myself out.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

Idk if y’all have thought much, or will in the future, about power levels & abilities in this fic, but i have lol

I feel like as far as pure taijutsu goes, Lee>Sasuke>or=Gai>Kakashi. I keep thinking of Bruce Lee’s quote, “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” Taijutsu is Rock Lee’s One Kick. As far as Sasuke goes, he was already considered a genius before he ever got his Sharingan, and in a shinobi village, genius is also measured by skills in combat. And I do believe that 1) Orochimaru enhanced him in some way(s), and 2) Sasuke has seen enough action with his Sharingan that he’s got some serious moves. And he’s young and super-fast (just not as fast as Lee!)(though, long ago getting ready for the Chuunin Exam Finals, Kakashi trained him to be at least very close in speed)(tho of course Lee’s gotten even faster since then) so I bet it would be tough going against Gai, but I think he could eke out a win.

I think that if he were really trying, he could p much wipe the floor with Kakashi lol. It is the ideal that the student surpasses the master, after all ;D

i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i'd love to know what you think so far!

Next chapter - August - is pretty short, but after that, September is a doozy.

Chapter 6: August

Notes:

Apologies in advance if I don't get Sasuke's jutsu quite right! It's been a while, and research can only help so much :0

Kakashi took Sasuke to visit his jounin watchers periodically over the next weeks, going to the training grounds for his usual skirmishes, during the few hours Sasuke stayed at any of their homes. He trusted Sasuke implicitly that he wouldn’t melt down with one of the four jounin now—though he knew he’d be keeping an eye on Neji’s interactions with him, for purely selfish reasons—and it felt good to let loose without fear.

Because it had been—fear. For these past four or five months, and increasing in intensity since he’d started leaving Sasuke alone more often—to go to the library, or to peruse the marketplace without forcing himself to rush, or to go out drinking, though he carefully steered clear of Genma—he’d feared something would set Sasuke off, and he'd go nuclear, and he’d be carted off to the holding cells again, until he was assigned a new watcher, since Kakashi was obviously not up to the task. This fear hadn’t been so obvious at the beginning—at first, part of him had actually been eager to have Sasuke taken off his hands, especially once their… closeness, as he thought of it euphemistically... had uncomfortably begun.

But slowly, he’d begun to feel that not only was Sasuke his to take care of, Sasuke was simply… his.

This was nothing he could share with anyone, not even Sasuke. Especially not Sasuke. But he was devoted to Sasuke, had been since almost the beginning, and committed to helping him find his feet, his comfort, his sanity.

He felt as if a lot of it was tied up in touch, specifically Sasuke’s aversion to it. Knowing that strikes didn’t bother him—he’d sparred with Lee, who was roughly his age, and with Gai, who was an authority figure like Kakashi—and he’d been none the worse for wear, both times. Had actually come out of it seeming better than before.

And he didn’t mind being the one doing the touching. Kakashi didn’t know, and didn’t want to know, if Sasuke would be bothered touching anyone other than Kakashi, but… his hands had roamed Kakashi’s chest, stomach, face, thighs, cock, and he hadn’t tensed up at any of it.

It would be a thorny problem to unravel, he knew. But he also knew that it would be worth it.

Kakashi left the training grounds with plenty of time to take a shower before picking Sasuke up at Shikamaru’s house, this time—he knew he’d enjoy the fallout, if he showed up dripping with sweat, but he didn’t want to force Sasuke, in any way, to have their limited brand of sex with him.

He had to admit that it was very tempting, though.

He almost laughed at Sasuke’s disappointed face when he showed up in a fresh uniform, his hair clean and damp, all traces of sweat rinsed down the drain.

That night, Sasuke sucked his dick, anyway. Of course he did. Not only had he behaved himself alone under Shikamaru’s supervision… he’d actually managed to best him at shogi, for once.

Once Sasuke finished himself off and cleaned up the mess, Kakashi watched him carefully. He’d been thinking, once his head had cleared after another spectacular orgasm.

“Sasuke…” he said.

“Hmm?” Sasuke asked, his face soft. A pang tightened Kakashi’s chest. He relentlessly beat it down.

He took a deep breath. “Do you want to fuck me?”

Sasuke blinked. “Fuck… you?”

Kakashi nodded, and Sasuke blinked again.

“You’d… let me?”

Kakashi frowned. “Of course I would. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I— I thought—” Sasuke stammered, then he looked at Kakashi, frowning in befuddlement.

“What did you think, Sasuke?” Kakashi asked gently.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke bit out, suddenly frowning in what looked like anger, but might have been frustration. He wouldn’t meet Kakashi’s eyes.

“Okay,” Kakashi said quietly. “We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

It was encouraging when Sasuke nodded his head, still looking past Kakashi’s shoulder.

 

“Maybe tomorrow, if you think you’re up for it… we could go train,” Kakashi offered over dinner the next night.

Sasuke looked up at him now, his eyes a fraction wider than usual. Then they tightened. “I… don’t know,” he said. “Will there be other people there?”

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. “Sure, if we go to the training grounds. It might be good for you. But if you’re not ready, I’ll take you outside the village.”

It was a sign of exactly how unready Sasuke was that he didn’t take that as a challenge, and insist on the training grounds. “Outside the village sounds good,” he said after a few seconds.

“Done. Just you and me, then. We’ll go after breakfast.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes were bright at breakfast, and he ate his plain oatmeal as ravenously as if it had been something far more delicious than what it was—the most bland fuel Kakashi could think of.

He watched impatiently as Kakashi shoveled his own oatmeal down deliberately. His wasn’t as bad… he at least liked a few slices of banana scattered on top.

When Kakashi took the last bite, Sasuke stood. “Let’s go,” he said, a smile trying to form at the corners of his mouth.

“Alright, alright already,” Kakashi said with a smile to show that he was teasing. “Let your old sensei get his things together, then we’ll go.”

As Kakashi quickly packed a bag in his room, Sasuke came in and sat beside the open bag on the bed. “What’s this stuff for?” he asked.

“Weapons and things. I thought we might spar with swords.”

Sasuke grinned at him, and Kakashi wished he’d have thought to take Sasuke out to train sooner. But he’d sparred with Lee and Gai, and Kakashi thought that had been a good amount of exercise…

But he hadn’t had the chance to spar with his old sensei yet.

Besides, Sasuke was a physical young man, had always been, and training had always been important to him—the more he thought about it, the more disappointed in himself he was that he hadn’t considered it sooner.

Kakashi packed away the last of the summoning scrolls, slung the bag over his shoulder, smiled at Sasuke, and led the way out.

 

There was a large, mostly barren field about a mile outside of the village. A scant handful of trees were spread around the field, most of them with lightning or chakra burns. A few charred stumps were scattered here and there.

“You’ve been here before,” Sasuke said when they walked beyond the outer ring of trees onto the flat ground.

“It used to be one of my favorite training grounds,” Kakashi said. “Nobody else has ever come out here with me. Until you.”

“Not even Gai?” Sasuke asked, a small smile playing around his mouth.

“Not even Gai.” Kakashi grinned over at him. “Gai’s ninjutsu is… quite different from mine.”

“Oh,” Sasuke said.

A few dozen yards into the field, Kakashi unshouldered the bag, then said. “”First…”

He quickly summoned his ninken, eight well-trained dogs of disparate sizes and appearances. Two of them trotted around his feet, tongues lolling. It had been awhile since he’d had them out. Sasuke stood still when one approached him and sniffed him, but he didn’t make any move to pet the dog.

Must not be a dog person, Kakashi thought with a touch of disappointment.

“Go have fun, guys,” he said with a smile, and the ninken scattered around the field, leaping and rolling in the grass, biting at each other’s ears, barking playfully.

Kakashi turned his smile to Sasuke. “Let’s warm up with a little taijutsu.”

Grinning, Sasuke settled quickly into his stance.

It was quite the warm-up—Sasuke pushed Kakashi’s limits like few ever had, even harder than Gai did, and Kakashi could see how Gai had lost to Sasuke in this match-up. It was only Kakashi’s huge body of experience that kept him from being completely obliterated, and as it was, he was panting, hands on his knees, when Sasuke paused—just short of the end of a strike that might have broken Kakashi’s cheekbone had it landed—took a step back, and with a smug grin, said, “You yield.”

Kakashi waved him off. “I… yield,” he panted, then he stood and stretched his back. Maybe they should have begun with kata instead. “Excellent job, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, this close to calling him Sasuke-kun.

After Sasuke let him rest briefly and get a drink of water, Kakashi felt nearly normal again. “Now, ninjutsu. I want to see your Chidori Current. Then, Kirin.”

With a smile, Sasuke glanced at Kakashi.

“You’ll want to move over there,” Kakashi said, pointing to a spot at least twenty yards away. “And…” he reached for the headband where it covered his Sharingan. “Do you mind?”

“Of course not,” Sasuke said with a smile that actually showed a few teeth, but in a pleasant way, for once.

Kakashi called out to his summons, “To me!” and once they’d gathered around him, quickly instructed them to stand several yards behind him. Then he tipped his headband up to uncover his left eye and watched Sasuke walk across the field, remembering the boy he’d trained in the original chidori six years ago, amongst the red and tan rocks of his other personal training ground.

How had so many things gone wrong?

Then Kakashi felt Sasuke’s chakra flare dramatically. He whipped his head up in time to see Sasuke make a lightning-quick series of hand-signs. Then Sasuke’s left hand went so bright Kakashi could barely even look at it, and with a thick yell he let loose a wave of chakra lightning that crackled and curled around the earth at his feet, racing outwards in all directions. For a second, Kakashi feared he may not have told Sasuke to get back far enough—but the current petered out a few feet before it reached Kakashi.

Grinning, though a complex tangle of feelings twisted in his gut, Kakashi gave Sasuke a thumbs-up. Sasuke began strolling back toward him. His left sleeve was smoking, the edges singed. Luckily it was one of the standard-issue blue shirts he’d been given upon his release and not one of the ones Kakashi had picked him out.

When Sasuke was within easy hearing distance, he said to Kakashi, “I could have gone wider. But I didn’t want to burn your shoes. It’s a long walk back to Konoha.”

Kakashi grinned even wider. “Cocky little shit,” he said under his breath, proudly. It was nice to see this rare glimpse of the old—

He whipped his head Konoha-ward as he felt a dozen chakra signatures approaching quickly.

Kakashi stood a foot in front of Sasuke, facing the approaching shinobi. When half a dozen ANBU trotted onto the field, and the other half-dozen spread through the trees at the perimeter, Kakashi put a hand on his hip and slouched ostentatiously. He sensed his ninken come to sharp attention.

“So, what infraction have we incurred, hmm?” he asked.

In a polite tone, as most, if not all, ANBU knew Kakashi’s history with the organization and respected him for it, an ANBU in a crow mask stepped forward and said, “Our sensor felt Uchiha Sasuke’s chakra used offensively in this direction. Hokage-sama sent us to investigate, and to apprehend him, if necessary.”

“It’s absolutely not necessary,” Kakashi said, unable to keep some of the harshness out of his voice. “We’re training. I had him show me one of his techniques,” he said, pointing to his uncovered Sharingan eye. “Chidori Current. If you must know for your reports.”

“You’re not in any danger?” Crow ANBU said, tilting his head.

“You are in eminently more danger than I ever was, if you don’t leave us be.”

Crow lowered his head in a show of respect. “I’m afraid we can’t do that. We were instructed to observe until you both reached your quarters safely. And to step in if intervention was needed.”

Kakashi sighed and looked up at the sky. He was going to have some words with Tsunade.

“That won’t be necessary. But if you must observe... stay in the trees. And don’t come out unless one of us is actually killing the other. Which won’t happen, I assure you.”

Crow bowed at the waist. “We’ll escort you back to your quarters when you’re finished here.”

Kakashi sighed again. “Fine.”

The ANBU cadre dashed away to ring them from the trees, and Kakashi turned to Sasuke.

‘So, where were we?” he asked with a forced smile.

“Weapons?” Sasuke asked.

Kakashi laughed dryly. Let them decide second-by-second if one of them was about to be skewered. Served them right for sucking the joy out of the morning.

And it was sucked dry. From a summoning scroll, Kakashi got out his old tanto, and also a katana he’d picked up for Sasuke the day before, and they each sent chakra flowing through their blades. At this, Kakashi was more experienced, and Sasuke was quicker—so it was an almost even match, though there was no joy in the competition. They finally broke apart after several lackluster minutes, both of them sweating and breathing hard, neither of them ever in any danger.

“I guess we’re done?” Sasuke asked sedately as Kakashi packed the blades up and tucked the scroll into his bag.

With a long, gusty sigh, Kakashi said, “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

He called his ninken near again to give them goodbye pats and fur-ruffles, and as he prepared to send them back to summons-space, Pakkun trotted up to Sasuke and held up his paw.

“Paw pads?” he offered in his gruff voice.

WIth the ghost of a smile, Sasuke squatted, then tentatively reached out and pressed his palm against Pakkunn’s soft paw. Then the little dog nodded and trotted over to Kakashi.

“Ready, boss.” Then they poofed out of corporeality.

True to their word, the ANBU flanked them on the way to the village, then half of them trotted in front and half in back. Kakashi threw them for a swerve when he took to the roofs with Sasuke, but they immediately caught up, and soon they were home.

“Tell Tsunade I’ll be in to see her tomorrow,” Kakashi told Crow-mask at their door.

Crow nodded, and had the gall, and the pedantry, to actually wait until they both walked into the apartment before he took off with the rest of the unit.

 

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said as he closed the door behind him.

“Yeah?” Kakashi asked absently, irritated that their good time—especially Sasuke’s good time—had been interrupted like that.

Sasuke stared up at his masked face, his eyes intense. “You’re all sweaty.”

Kakashi chuckled. “That I am,” he observed. Maybe the day wasn’t entirely a bust. His hands flashed through signs.

“Remember what I told you,” Sasuke said, stalking toward Kakashi.

“I remember,” Kakashi said, feeling like a heroine in one of his smuttier romance novels.

Holding eye contact, Kakashi stepped out of his boots, then saved Sasuke the trouble of moving his clothes out of the way by quickly shucking his vest and peeling his shirt-mask combo over his head, taking his headband with it. Before they even hit the floor, Sasuke was on him, licking up the center of his scarred chest. His scarred, heaving chest. He’d gotten hard in record time, and when Sasuke flattened his hand over Kakashi’s stiff cock and squeezed, he moaned and bit down on Kakashi's right nipple.

Kakashi felt even more like the heroine. He was being ravished. He laughed.

“What?” Sasuke asked, and he licked a long line up the middle of Kakashi’s stomach.

“Nothing,” Kakashi panted. “I’m just… really turned on.”

“Good,” Sasuke said.

 

“Tsunade, there’s no reason to send your ANBU out to hunt us down when we go to train,” Kakashi said firmly.

“If one of the sensor-nin feels Sasuke performing high-level jutsu without warning, there’s plenty of reason.” Tsunade’s eyes were fierce.

“It ruined our training session. We were getting somewhere,” Kakashi said in protest.

“Kakashi. Protecting the village is much more important than protecting Sasuke’s feelings, or his training, or even his recovery.”

Kakashi silently seethed. “Of course it is. But next time, can you just send—”

“I sent as many ANBU as I felt were necessary, in a bad-case-scenario—only bad-case, because I trusted you. If I’d thought it required a worst-case scenario response, you would have had every ANBU in the village there.”

Kakashi breathed out hard through his nose.

“Alright, Kakashi,” Tsunade said, firmly flattening her palm against her desk, just short of slamming it down. “I’ll tell you what. If you want to take your boy out training, actually think first, and let me know. If I'd known about it beforehand, I may have sent one or two men to observe quietly, and that’s it. I don’t know why you didn’t realize what a bad idea it was, one, going a mile outside the village on your own with a prisoner…”

Kakashi winced—that was the first time she’d admitted aloud that he was a prisoner.

“...and two, using high amounts of chakra to do S-level destructive jutsu. Without giving me a heads-up. I understand that I might have ruined your day trip, but Kakashi, you’re smarter than that.”

Kakashi sighed. She was right on all points.

“Okay, okay,” Kakashi said, resigned. “I’ll let you know first, next time.”

“And will you be okay with an ANBU or two tagging along?”

“If you must,” Kakashi said.

“Good. You may go.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

Next chapter: hold onto your butts.

Chapter 7: September

Notes:

TW and Reader Advisory for this chapter:

 

This chapter includes mentions of past sexual abuse, specifically underage non-consensual acts. These themes may appear occasionally throughout the rest of the fic but are most prominent here.

If you find parts of this story intense, complicated, or hot—that’s okay. Complex feelings are valid, and it’s normal to experience mixed reactions. Please take care of yourself while reading, and know you’re not alone in feeling conflicted. Feel free to take breaks, skip bits, or stop altogether if you need to. Your comfort is what counts.

And again, I may be over-warning. But sometimes it's better to over-warn than to under-warn.

Less than ten minutes into a brawl at the training yards, Kakashi felt Sasuke’s chakra flare from a distance—violent, angry—and then immediately, Gai’s.

“Gotta go!” Kakashi called, off the training field before the words were even out of his mouth. He barely had the presence of mind to scoop up his flak vest, and he swung it around his shoulders as he picked up speed.

Pumping chakra into his thigh muscles, he sprinted faster than his body would usually allow toward Gai’s.

He was keenly aware of both of their chakras, both so well known to him—Sasuke’s was jagged, brittle. Fragile. He couldn’t describe Gai’s—the closest he could get before he reached the gates to the compound was overwrought.

The gates were unlocked, else he might have torn them off their hinges. He found Gai slumped on a bench at the outskirts of the courtyard.

“What happened? Where’s Sasuke?” Kakashi asked roughly.

Gai looked up at him, his face a picture of agony. “He was doing so well, and I… I patted him on the shoulder. He had your Lightning Cutter ready to use before I knew it. He only stopped because Lee came running over, calling his name.”

That was important to know, but not the most important. “Gai. Where is he?”

Gai sniffed. “Lee took him to an empty room. Kakashi, I am not used to my students having anything but positive reactions to me placing my hand on their shoulders. Unthinking, I expected the same from him. I simply slipped up, Kakashi. I am truly sorry.”

“Apologize to Sasuke,” Kakashi said roughly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this angry at Gai. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this angry, period.

“I did,” Gai said, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “I do not think he heard me, my— Kakashi.”

“Alright,” Kakashi said with a sigh. It was an honest mistake, one he’d made himself. “You didn’t mean to, I know. But if I ever bring him back to you, you cannot do it again.”

“I know,” Gai said, wiping under his eyes.

 

Sasuke had been placed in one of the many spare rooms in the compound, and Kakashi rushed to find him as soon as he’d finished speaking to Gai. As Kakashi opened the door, he felt exactly how brittle Sasuke’s chakra was.

It was still much better than that angry burst of violent chakra from a few minutes ago.

Sasuke sat on a cot, his hands tight on the edge, staring down at his feet. His eyes were wide and glassy. Kakashi cursed Gai under his breath.

“Hey, Sasuke,” Kakashi said softly, standing in the open doorway.

“Kakashi?” Sasuke asked, looking up toward Kakashi but seeming not to see him. His eyes looked blank, the irises a strange flat gray, not their usual glittering black.

“It’s me,” Kakashi said gently. “Are you ready to go?”

Sasuke nodded, then blinked, his eyes beginning to clear. Kakashi wondered where he’d been inside his head, just now. Maybe leaving Sasuke alone hadn’t been the best idea Gai had ever had.

But what was the alternative? Stick around with Gai, who had just traumatized him? Hang around with Lee, a near stranger, while he was in the middle of what Kakashi assumed had been a nasty panic attack?

“Let’s go home,” Kakashi said, his voice light, his posture slouched, his hands tucked into his pockets. No threat here.

“Okay,” Sasuke said, standing.

Kakashi had never been more glad that their apartment was only a few blocks from Gai’s compound. It took them a matter of a minute over roofs to get home, and once Kakashi let Sasuke in first, Sasuke sat on the couch and resumed his floorward stare.

“Hey,” Kakashi said, sliding his mask down past his chin.

“Hey.” Sasuke’s voice was flat, uninterested. At least he hadn’t shut himself in his room.

“What did he do?” Kakashi asked as he sat on the couch, wondering at the severity of this reaction. The couple of times Kakashi'd touched him accidentally, he’d bared his teeth and jerked away. Violently, yes, but he was… fine, after a couple of minutes.

“He put his hand on my shoulder,” Sasuke said quietly.

Kakashi frowned at him. “I don’t mean to…” he rubbed the back of his head, trying to remember the little he’d learned over the years about trauma, about what he’d experienced himself. Haltingly, he said, “I don’t mean to… make whatever you’ve been through seem unimportant, or make you feel like… what you’re going through now isn’t real. But… why was this so much worse than usual?”

Sasuke was silent, gripping the edge of the couch and looking down at his feet.

After almost two still, silent minutes passed, Kakashi said quietly, “Okay, Sasuke. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

He began to stand, but then Sasuke said. “It’s different when it’s you.”

Kakashi carefully lowered himself again, as if jostling Sasuke would stop him from talking.

“I… know I still snap,” Sasuke said. He dropped short little sentences like breadcrumbs. “But it’s not as bad. I know you. I don’t know Gai.”

Kakashi stared at him, interlacing his fingers loosely between his knees. They might have been breadcrumbs, but Kakashi could not for the life of him follow them to any kind of satisfactory destination.

It was not as bad when it was Kakashi touching him—that was the big takeaway. But there was something more important to discuss, before Kakashi patted himself on the back too much for being the lesser evil.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

Sasuke took a long, deep breath and raised his head, aimed his face across the room. “Yeah. I just need…. a little while.”

“You’ve got it,” Kakashi said, giving him a smile that he couldn’t see. “Is there anything you want for lunch?”

“I don’t care,” Sasuke said blankly.

“Dealer’s choice it is, then,” Kakashi said cheerfully. “If you want to go to your room, I’ll get you when it’s ready.”

“I think I’ll just sit here,” Sasuke said, eyes still unfocused.

“That’s fine, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, more gently, now. “I’ll be here if you need anything.”

As Kakashi worked on chicken soup and grilled cheese in the kitchen, humming to reassure Sasuke of his presence, he thought over what Sasuke had said. And what he had said. I’ll be here if you need anything.

Flipping a sandwich in the skillet, he wondered—would it have been as bad if Kakashi had been there? Would his presence have helped at all? Or was it entirely Sasuke’s unfamiliarity with Gai that tipped him so far over the edge?

There wasn’t any way to put those questions to the test without potentially making Sasuke worse. Kakashi sighed, poured and plated, and when he walked into the living room with Sasuke’s portion, Sasuke glanced up at him, his eyes clear and focused.

“Hey,” Kakashi said as he walked past him to the table. He put Sasuke’s meal down, then went back for his own.

“Hey,” Sasuke replied when Kakashi passed him on the way back. Kakashi shot him a quick, closed-eye smile, then got his own food.

Sasuke was quiet over lunch, but then, he usually was. He was no longer withdrawn into himself, at least—his shoulders were squared, his hands steady, his eyes straightforward when they met Kakashi’s a few times as they ate. And he ate it all, a good sign.

Any better? Kakashi wanted to ask, but he knew that questions like that usually only benefitted the asker, rarely the asked. He took the dishes to the kitchen and placed them in the sink.

Once he’d begun washing, Sasuke squeezed into the kitchen with him and stood at the other half of the sink. “I’ll rinse,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi had pulled his mask up after lunch, but he slid it back down under his chin so he could give Sasuke a genuine smile.

They didn’t say anything as they worked through the few dishes they had, but a handful of seconds in, Sasuke leaned just barely toward Kakashi, and his shoulder brushed Kakashi’s upper arm.

Kakashi almost jerked away… but Sasuke didn’t.

Kakashi decided that the best course of action was to not make a big deal out of it. So they stood close and washed dishes—slowly—with their arms touching. Very slightly, but it was worth the world to Kakashi.

 

Kakashi was waiting on the couch, towel on the seat beside him, sound-dampening jutsu already in place, when Sasuke slipped out of his bedroom at nearly two in the morning. If the “arms touching after Sasuke recovered quickly from being touched by another man” incident didn’t deserve a celebratory round of dick-sucking, Kakashi didn’t know what would.

He inwardly rolled his eyes at himself for the irreverence of that thought and parted his thighs to let Sasuke kneel between them.

As Sasuke reached for Kakashi's fly, Kakashi said softly, “You know, we don’t have to do this, Sasuke.”

Sasuke’s hands slowed and he frowned up at Kakashi.

“No,” Kakashi said, understanding what Sasuke thought he heard. “I mean, we can do something else.”

“Like what?” Sasuke asked, still frowning.

“I don’t know. Is there anything you want to do?”

“I want to do this,” Sasuke said firmly, unzipping Kakashi's fly the rest of the way.

“Alright,” Kakashi said, leaning back in his seat.

It was, as usual, an exquisite blowjob, with Sasuke experimenting some more with using his teeth to intense results, and, as usual, Kakashi got hot and bothered again when Sasuke jerked off afterwards. He wanted to go to his room and finish himself off for the second round, but after Sasuke cleaned himself up, he was still on his knees… looking up at him almost nervously, the bottom of his shirt clutched in his hand.

“Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, quickly tucking himself away.

Sasuke was silent for almost a whole minute, but Kakashi was happy to wait it out. He had a feeling this was going to be important.

“Orochimaru never let me see him sweat,” Sasuke said flatly. “I don’t know if he even did.”

He’d been right—this was important. He stayed silent, listening, watching carefully as Sasuke let his eyes drop away, peering down and to the side, lamplight highlighting the fact that they were wet.

Sasuke took a deep, bracing breath, then continued in his flat voice, “Orochimaru used to… fuck me. But… when I knew he wanted to, sometimes I could get him to let me suck his dick instead. He’d touch me, touch my body, and talk about it, like it was already his. But it was still better than when he fucked me. A lot better.” Sasuke’s voice was emotionless.

The memory of Sasuke cringing away when he’d insisted on touching him made Kakashi deeply uncomfortable.

“And… did you like sucking his dick?”

“No. I hated it.”

“Then why do you do it, now?” Kakashi asked, baffled.

“The only thing I liked about it, the only way I could get through it…”

Sasuke paused, and he was silent for so long that Kakashi wondered if he should gently ask him to continue. But it was a difficult decision, and before he could decide, Sasuke opened up again.

“The only way I could get through it was by closing my eyes and pretending he was you.” Sasuke’s voice was still nearly emotionless, but he looked at Kakashi with a challenge in his eyes, and Kakashi couldn’t look away. Could barely process the words. To be forced to do that at such a young age—had he started when Sasuke was thirteen? Kakashi wouldn’t ask—it was unforgivable. And to pretend it was him—

If Orochimaru hadn’t already been dead, Kakashi would have hunted him down himself. He might have died trying to take one of the legendary Sannin out, but he would have tried.

Sasuke continued speaking. “Each time I do it now, it feels like… I’m undoing the times I had to do it for him, like I’m… taking it back, a little bit at a time. Making it mine.”

It was small comfort that he was here now, with Sasuke, able to help him in ways he’d never imagined.

But small comfort was better than none.

He just wished he knew how to comfort Sasuke.

“And I’m sorry,” Sasuke said, voice finally showing some emotion, enough to break Kakashi’s heart. His eyes went down to the floor between them.

“Sasuke, you have nothing to be sorry about,” Kakashi said gently, carefully reaching out to let his fingers slide through a lock of hair framing Sasuke’s face.

“No. Listen. That’s why I can’t… handle you touching me.”

Kakashi furrowed his brow.

“Because—I pretended he was you, and I could shut out the sight of him, and I could mostly shut out his voice with enough mental noise, but I couldn’t stop feeling the way he touched me.” Sasuke looked up, and his eyes and eyelashes were wet, though his cheeks were still dry. “That’s so… tangled up in… everything. When I’m sucking your dick and you touch me, it feels like him touching me again.”

That made a tragic, mixed up kind of sense, and Kakashi nodded.

“What about when you’re not sucking my dick?”

“I don’t know.” Sasuke sighed. “I don’t think it matters. Any way you’ve touched me reminds me of him. You’re so… gentle. He touched me a lot like that, casually or, whatever… it seemed like every time he was around me, he had to touch me in some way. His hands were… always smooth, and cold.” Sasuke shuddered, and a tear finally spilled free and ran down his cheek.

He took a deep breath, then continued, his voice slightly shaky. “But I trust you. That’s why it’s even worse when it’s someone else touching me. It doesn’t matter how they touch me. I don’t know them. I don’t trust them. They’re not safe. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but… I don’t know,” Sasuke said again, slumping.

“Sasuke, it’s okay,” Kakashi said, feeling unequipped to have this conversation, searching desperately for the right words. “It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s how you feel, and that’s what’s important.”

Sasuke exhaled heavily. “I guess,” he said, voice quiet, not meeting Kakashi’s eyes.

“What if I didn’t touch you like that?” Kakashi asked, thinking of the ease with which Sasuke sparred. Sasuke looked up at him.

Kakashi continued, “What if I was rough with you?”

Sasuke’s lips parted, and he took a deep breath.

“Is it worth a try?” Kakashi asked.

Wordlessly, Sasuke nodded. He got to his feet in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi inhaled slowly, closed his eyes for a second in a silent prayer, and when he looked up at Sasuke again, he reached out and gripped his wrist tightly enough to make the bones grind together.

“Okay?” Kakashi asked.

WIth a nod, Sasuke said, voice strained, “Just. Keep going. You’ll know if you have to stop.”

“Alright,” Kakashi said quietly. Pressing hard, he ran his calloused fingers roughly up Sasuke’s arm, under his short sleeve, where he gripped the muscle of Sasuke’s shoulder and squeezed hard enough to hurt.

Sasuke hissed through his teeth, but stayed still, his face beginning to pinken.

Though it felt soul-level dirty to him, knowing what he knew now, but wanting to help Sasuke in whatever way he needed, he said, “Sasuke… do you want me to touch you casually? Or… intimately?”

Swallowing hard, blush darkening even further, Sasuke whispered, “Intimately.”

Pulling his hand away, Kakashi said firmly, “Take off your shirt.”

Inhaling deeply, Sasuke peeled the shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor. The blush extended to his chest, which was moving with his deepening breaths.

Heart pounding, Kakashi slipped his gloves off and dropped them carelessly to the floor. He mashed his thumbs against the upper curves of Sasuke’s hipbones that were visible above his shorts, then he dragged his rough hands up to Sasuke’s chest, with heavy pressure so that he could feel each nick and scar and callus as it ran over his soft skin. Sasuke was panting.

Watching Sasuke’s face, Kakashi took Sasuke’s nipples between thumbs and forefingers and pinched down on them.

Sasuke moaned.

Kakashi glanced away from Sasuke’s pink face to see that he was obscenely erect in his shorts. Kakashi’s own dick, already hardening again, much to his mental discomfort, pulsed a little more toward hardness, and he breathed out heavily. Watching Sasuke’s face carefully once more, he dragged his hands down and unfastened Sasuke’s shorts. He let them fall to the floor.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke breathed, and that got Kakashi the rest of the way there.

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, caught up in the moment. He focused on lifting the waistband of Sasuke’s underwear away from his hard, hard cock.

“This is. Working,” Sasuke said, chest rising and falling rapidly now.

Kakashi almost ran his thumb gently up the underside of Sasuke’s cock, which was so erect it was standing up nearly parallel to his belly, but he stopped himself just in time, instead wrapping his fist around it and giving it a harsh pull.

Sasuke moaned, steadying himself with his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders.

“Good?” Kakashi asked, smoothing his voice, trying to get it as far away from Orochimaru’s low rasp as he could. He glanced up at Sasuke’s face, weighing his reaction.

Mouth hanging open, Sasuke nodded.

Sasuke’s dick was wet at the tip with precum, and the smell of it, of him, was intoxicating. To his shame, Kakashi wanted to lick him, taste him. But he knew how much Orochimaru liked to use his tongue in combat—so who knew how much he liked to use it in a sexual capacity?

Kakashi silently cursed Orochimaru for being such a large presence here, then he realized that this must be how it was for Sasuke every time. Not like this, though—infinitely worse.

He gave Sasuke a few hard jerks that had to hurt, then he was determined—he wanted to make Sasuke feel good.

He didn’t have to use his tongue.

He tilted Sasuke’s dick away from his body a little, and, looking up into Sasuke’s face, leaned forward and took him into his mouth, groaning involuntarily at the taste of him. Sasuke stiffened, his eyes going wide, so Kakashi gripped his hips quickly, clamping down on them hard enough to leave bruises, and Sasuke moaned.

“Kakashi,” he whispered, letting one hand move tentatively into Kakashi's hair.

That was a green light if Kakashi had ever seen one.

He let his eyes fall closed and hummed, “Mm-hmm,” then concentrated on sucking Sasuke as well as he could with as little tongue as possible.

He didn’t have to focus long. Soon Sasuke had both hands in his hair, gripping and pulling, and he swayed slightly where he stood, his dick constantly leaking precum into Kakashi’s mouth.

“Mmmh,” Kakashi moaned, nearly past the point of shame, and Sasuke moaned back, voice sounding wrecked. He jerked on Kakashi’s hair hard enough to pull a few strands out, and Kakashi grunted, dick aching.

He knew he shouldn’t be this turned on. This was about Sasuke, this was about healing, in the way that Kakashi was realizing all of their sexual encounters had been about healing—it wasn’t about Kakashi’s wants and needs. And yet. And yet. Sasuke was deeply desirable, and Sasuke clearly wanted this.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke moaned.

Wanted him.

Kakashi groaned and gave up on trying to feel the right way, and sucked him hard and fast, bobbing his head, spit dripping down his chin.

“God!” Sasuke cried out, yanking on Kakashi’s hair again, his legs beginning to shake.

Come on, Sasuke, come for me, Kakashi thought, so aroused his cock hurt from being jammed so haphazardly into his pants earlier. “Mmh,” he moaned again, barely remembering to keep his tongue out of it, but applying firm pressure with his lips, teeth behind them pressing down.

“Kakashi, I’m— fuck, fuck!” Sasuke moaned raggedly, then he blew his load in Kakashi’s mouth, hot and salty and bitter and perfect, and Kakashi moaned desperately as he worked him through it to the end before finally pulling off and licking his lips. He had the feeling that, if it weren’t for his hands holding so tight to Sasuke’s hips, Sasuke might have actually slumped to the floor.

“Ahh—” Sasuke gasped, panting, face pink and glistening with sweat.

“You good?” Kakashi asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Sasuke panted. “Fuck.”

Sasuke stared down at him, his eyes huge and dark, and he began to tremble.

Kakashi carefully softened his hands on Sasuke’s hips.

Any arousal he might have been feeling was killed by Sasuke’s shivering, replaced by deep concern. Now he let go of Sasuke’s hips, and noticed that yes, there were thumb-sized bruises on his hipbones. “It’s okay. Sasuke. Sit down,” he said, patting the cushion beside him. As Sasuke pulled his shorts up, Kakashi said, “You don’t have to do anything, or say anything. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Sorry I wasn’t enough to keep you here. Sorry I couldn’t save you from him. Sorry I—

“It’s okay,” Sasuke said quietly, sitting on the far cushion, but angled so that he was mostly facing Kakashi. Kakashi reached for the back of the couch where a throw blanket had been tossed earlier, and he handed it to Sasuke, who pulled it up around his shoulders.

He stared at Kakashi with shining black eyes, breathing a little hard still, and Kakashi was overcome with urges to touch him—to caress him, to kiss him gently, to apologize with his body for everything Orochimaru had done.

But, frustratingly, that would only make Sasuke feel worse.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said, watching his fine features, still relaxed from his orgasm. His dark hair framed his pale face perfectly, and his skin glowed in the lamplight.

“Yeah?” he asked, eyes roaming slowly over Kakashi’s face. Kakashi realized he hadn’t pulled his mask back up, and decided it could stay down. Decided he’d leave it down more often.

“Do you feel okay, after that?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke actually gave him a little smile, and Kakashi wondered when the last time was that anyone had had the knowledge and the desire to touch Sasuke the way he needed to be touched. If anyone ever had. He ached for Sasuke.

“Any time you want to do that again, you just have to ask. I don’t expect anything in return, okay?”

Sasuke took a deep breath, then said, “Okay.”

They shared comfortable eye contact for a moment. Kakashi knew there was to be no post-orgasm cuddling, but he usually skipped that part, anyway. He wouldn’t have minded this time, though.

What he usually did was return the favor if necessary, spend a few minutes talking if the mood was conducive, or simply get dressed if it wasn’t, then leave.

But Sasuke wasn’t much of a talker. And Kakashi thought that going straight to his room would be a terrible idea, here. So, “I’m kinda hungry,” he said with a half-smile. “What about you?”

Sasuke returned the half-smile. “A little,” he said.

“What do you feel like?” Kakashi asked, and he considered slapping his hand down companionably on Sasuke’s knee, hard enough to not be reminiscent of Orochimaru. But he wasn’t sure if touching Sasuke without warning was okay yet, and a simple slap on the knee wasn’t the kind of thing you asked permission for. He’d save it for more important moments.

Sasuke thought for a second, then asked, “...Do we have any leftovers of that fried rice?”

“Sure do.” Kakashi smiled at him. “It’s all yours. I think I’ll have grilled cheese again.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said, looking content and relaxed for the first time since he’d moved in.

Kakashi couldn't stop smiling at him.

He hummed as he heated up the rice and made his sandwich, out of happiness this time instead of as a way to make his presence known—he thought he’d already made his presence known in a pretty big way, tonight. His good mood was somewhat tempered by what Sasuke had revealed to him… but that was in the past, and there was nothing he could do about it. What he could do, though, was help Sasuke heal, and he felt as if they were finally making strong inroads in that direction, never mind how unorthodox they may be.

He smiled as he scraped the fried rice into a bowl and put his sandwich on a plate, and he was still smiling as he carried the food into the living room and saw Sasuke sitting at the table, reading one of the books Kakashi had gotten from the library. He thought he’d ask if Sasuke was ready to try the library next—it was quiet, there were very few people there, and with his intense interest in any and all books, there would be plenty to keep his attention.

He wouldn’t ask tonight, though. Tonight they’d just quietly celebrate their small breakthrough.

Oh hell, who was Kakashi kidding? It was a pretty big breakthrough. Though he wasn’t sure exactly how he’d tell Tsunade about it.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, bringing a bite of rice up to his mouth, his eyes aimed down at the table.

Kakashi didn’t know what he was being thanked for—the food, or earlier—but either way, he said softly, and with a genuine smile, even though Sasuke wasn’t looking at him to see it, “Of course, Sasuke.”

But even though he was still looking at the table, Sasuke smiled a little in return.

 

“I want to take him to see Naruto,” Kakashi said.

Tsunade glanced up from her papers at him. “Has he asked to?”

“Sasuke asks for very little,” Kakashi said.

“So that’s a no.”

“Correct. But still, I think it would be good for him. I’d ask him first if he wanted to, of course—I’ve asked every time with the relief jounin, and he’s complained a little—only once, about Gai—but he’s gone every time. He wasn't ready for the training yard, yet. But… I think Naruto’s energy might be something he needs.”

“I’ll think about it,” Tsunade said, frowning.

“Oh,” Kakashi said as if he’d almost forgotten. “Sasuke allowed me to touch him.”

Tsunade sat up straight. “Really.”

Kakashi nodded.

“Tell me about it.” She leaned forward in her seat.

“We had an… interesting day. He had a panic attack—”

Tsunade interrupted. “Gai, correct? We had ANBU watching their training session. They almost brought him in. Would have, if Lee hadn’t acted so quickly.”

“Ah,” Kakashi said, shrugging one shoulder, hiding the delayed panic that turned his hands and face cold, at what he hadn’t even realized might be a possibility. He took a subtle deep breath.

He hadn’t meant to reveal Gai’s role in the panic attack for fear she’d take him off his short jounin roster, but if she already knew, there was nothing he could do about it.

“So, Gai patted him on the shoulder, and he had a panic attack. He was better by dinner, then afterwards, he leaned his shoulder against me while we did dishes. A little while after that, we started talking.” None of which was a lie. He’d never tell Tsunade a bald-faced lie. His strategy with her was to be as transparent as possible, whenever possible, so that he seemed to be completely honest. Of course, he held back some things. He was Hatake Kakashi. If he didn’t hold back some things—like Gai’s involvement in Sasuke’s panic attack, for example—she’d probably be more suspicious. It seemed to be working so far.

“He’s been abused, Tsunade,” Kakashi said levelly. He knew he didn’t have to say how, or by whom.

Tsunade frowned again, this time in pain. “I was afraid he had. He told you about it?”

“Not all of it, I’m sure. But the long and short of it is this: he can handle touch—if it’s rough. He let me grab his wrist pretty tightly, then squeeze his shoulder hard enough to hurt. I think my calluses helped, too. All together, it didn’t remind Sasuke of him.”

Tsunade stared with a complex expression on her youthful face for long enough that Kakashi feared she’d heard something of what he hadn’t said.

Then she nodded. “You’ve done very well, Kakashi,” she said. “I was almost certain you’d get him out of his shell, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. He must really trust you.”

Kakashi inclined his head. Then he said, “It’s been six months, Tsunade.”

“Yes, Kakashi. However—you haven’t seen as much mental trauma as I have. The worst cases of physical injury usually bring along with them a whole host of problems, one of which is, well, trauma. Trauma is complicated, and it takes time. And it’s not something that’s easy to deal with from the outside for anyone… especially for someone with so much of it in his own life.”

“Tsunade, I’m fi—”

She held a hand up. “Or maybe that’s what makes you so compatible with him. Either way, I’m glad I chose you to look after him. And I’m proud of both of you.”

“I’ll pass that on.” This felt like time for a dismissal, so Kakashi stood straight from his casual slouch.

“Don’t leave just yet,” Tsunade said with a smile. “I trust your judgment. Whenever you think he’s ready to meet with Naruto, by all means, let them meet. It might be good for them to see each other—you could be right. But don’t leave them alone together. I need you there to step in, if necessary.”

“Alright,” Kakashi said with a nod.

“Okay,” Tsunade said, still smiling. “Now you can go.”

 

—tbc

Chapter 8: October Part 1

First, the library.

A few days after their breakthrough, Sasuke hadn’t come to him again, for which Kakashi was honestly a little relieved. Sasuke was always intense, and Kakashi was… tired. Perhaps from hearing about some of Sasuke’s past and present emotional damage, perhaps from being reminded of some of his own, perhaps from so long stuck indoors for so much of the day.

He wouldn’t begrudge Sasuke any of that, though.

“What do you want for breakfast, Sasuke?” Kakashi asked as he walked into their living room in his t-shirt and sweatpants, no mask. Sasuke was dressed similarly, his hair, which reached a little past his shoulders now, a rat’s nest in the back. Kakashi grinned at it.

“Egg and bacon sandwich?” Sasuke asked, barely looking up from the book he was reading.

“Done,” Kakashi said, and after a brief stop in the bathroom, he started cooking. As the bacon was sizzling in the skillet, he poked his head out of the kitchen doorway.

“Sasuke,” he said,

“Yeah?” Sasuke asked absently.

Kakashi stepped back into the kitchen to flip the bacon, then poked his head out again. “How would you like to go to the library today?”

At that, Sasuke finally looked up from his book—one on the history and cultures of Lightning Country, if Kakashi recognized the cover—and turned to face Kakashi. “The library?” he asked, and the strange mixture of hesitation and eagerness in his voice made Kakashi grin at him.

“You’re… not wearing your mask at all,” Sasuke finally noticed.

“Correct, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. He poked his head back in to check on the bacon, then popped it out again.

“What if someone comes by?” Sasuke asked.

“My, you’re full of questions this morning, Sasuke,” Kakashi said cheerily. “If someone comes by, you can answer the door.”

“Oh. Yeah. You just… threw me off with…” Sasuke gestured toward the bottom half of his face.

“I can put it on,” Kakashi teased. “If that would make you more comfortable.”

“No!” Sasuke said quickly, then he blushed.

Kakashi stepped back into the kitchen and grinned again.

A few minutes later, the sandwiches were made, and Kakashi carried them to the table. Sasuke put his book aside.

“You know what we need?” Kakashi asked. “A coffee maker. I miss coffee. I could go back to my apartment and get mine, I suppose.”

Sasuke picked up his sandwich and took a bite, then asked, “You still have your apartment?”

“Of course. We’re not going to be living here forever.”

Sasuke’s face fell, though he tried to hide it by taking another bite. He had to have known, hadn’t he? That they couldn’t live together forever?

…Maybe he hadn’t.

Shit.

“But who knows, really?” Kakashi said. “The world’s a funny place.”

Sasuke glanced up at him, his dark eyes slightly tight at the corners.

“Anyway,” Kakashi said. “You never answered my question. Would you like to go to the library today? I can’t make everyone clear out, but I’ve noticed that if I go at around one, there usually aren’t many people there.”

As Sasuke seemed to think it over, some of the yolk from his egg ran out onto his plate.

“You’re losing some yolk, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, gesturing toward the yellow puddle with his own sandwich. Sasuke quickly wiped it up with a corner of his sandwich, then bit off the corner.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, his mouth full, and Kakashi had a moment where he wanted to simply… stay in this moment. The two of them in their sleep clothes, both of their hair a mess, eating breakfast together with a pile of books off to the side of the table. Kakashi pointing out when Sasuke was losing some of the best part of his food while they discussed whether they wanted to go to the library that afternoon. It felt… dreamlike. Seven short months ago, before Sasuke returned, it would have been unbelievable. Hell, even more unbelievable six months ago, when they’d both been made to move in together, with the way Sasuke had been, back then. This felt so domestic, so sweet and simple, that Kakashi didn’t want it to end.

But it had to end. They’d go to the library, and Sasuke would shy and cringe away from anyone who came near him, and later, Sasuke would slip into his room for his brand of healing, and why? Why did terrible things have to happen to people who did nothing to deserve it?

Kakashi was not one to celebrate deaths, but he was glad Orochimaru was dead, and, as much as he disapproved of the concept of vengeance, he was ecstatic that Sasuke had had what catharsis, what closure he could have gotten, from being the one to kill him.

“Let’s go, then,” Sasuke said suddenly, drawing Kakashi out of his ruminations. Kakashi blinked—Sasuke had finished his sandwich. Kakashi looked down at the nearly whole one he had in his hand. His egg was getting cold.

“Want me to stay while you finish?” Sasuke asked.

“Nah, do whatever you want,” Kakashi said. “Won’t take me but a minute, anyway.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said after a few seconds. He stood and took his plate to the kitchen, and Kakashi heard him in there washing dishes. Kakashi smiled a little sadly while he sopped up some yolk with the final crust of his bread.

And he thought about how much he wanted to tell Tsunade to put his old apartment on the market.

 

The library was almost abandoned when they showed up at 1:15, and Sasuke gave Kakashi a tentative smile as they walked through the doors side-by-side. Kakashi’s gloved wrist brushed Sasuke’s arm, and Kakashi’s heart sank, but Sasuke simply… looked at him. Kakashi beamed down at him. He had the quickly-suppressed urge to plant a hand on top of his head and ruffle his hair.

Maybe he’d try that sometime, when it wasn't in the neat half-ponytail he often wore it in when they went out. Playfully, and provoked. When they were alone in their apartment, when it had been a decent, undemanding day.

But for now, Sasuke stopped in front of him, staring around at the stacks.

“Where’s the History section again?” Sasuke asked. “It’s been awhile.”

“Follow me,” Kakashi said, and he tucked his hands in his pockets and led Sasuke deeper into the building, nodding to the librarian as they passed by.

An elderly lady walked past them, and Sasuke didn’t cringe or jump away. He took a step to the side to give her plenty of room to pass, then calmly began walking again. Kakashi smiled down at him. “You’re doing great, Sasuke,” he said quietly.

Sasuke didn’t say anything in response, but the tips of his ears turned red.

When they reached the History aisles, Sasuke walked along them looking up and down, seemingly trying to read all the titles at once. He walked the rows a few times before Kakashi, slouching against the edge of one of the sturdy bookcases, said, “There is a better way, you know.”

Sasuke shot him a glance. “I know what a card catalogue is, thank you. I’m just… browsing.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, amused.

Again, when someone—a young civilian man, this time—walked past, in the narrow space between shelves, Sasuke didn’t panic, just smoothly moved out of the way, and resumed surveying the books once he’d passed.

“How many can I get at once?” Sasuke asked.

“Well… I forgot and left two of them at home,” Kakashi said, giving Sasuke an apologetic smile. “So you can get five on my card. Or… do you have a library card?”

Sasuke shook his head no. “I did, but… it’s lost.”

“Ah,” Kakashi said. Of course it would be. “Maybe they’ll give you a replacement one.”

What sounded like a few young people all giggled loudly a little distance off, quickly shushed by the librarian.

“Maybe I’ll deal with that next time. I know what five I want.”

“You sure? I can ask for you,” Kakashi said.

“It’s not that. I’m just…” Sasuke didn’t finish the sentence, but his eyes were slightly wider than usual, his breathing a little quicker.

“Alright, Sasuke,” Kakashi said softly.

Sasuke glanced quickly at him, pulled five books from the shelves, and nodded for Kakashi to lead the way.

They checked out and left the library within minutes, and Sasuke handed a few of the books to Kakashi.

He glanced up at the nearest rooftop, then met Kakashi’s eye, and Kakashi nodded.

 

Kakashi waited for Sasuke in the living room again that night, in his t-shirt and pajama pants, sound-dampening jutsu in place, and it was barely past midnight when Sasuke walked out of his bedroom on silent feet.

“Kakashi,” he said in a hushed voice. The sound of his name like that made Kakashi’s chest ache.

Sasuke stood staring at him in the lamplight for several seconds, then he peeled his t-shirt over his head. His body was nearly flawless—there were a few old, pale scars on his arms, and Kakashi knew that if he looked closely, he’d find the scars Haku had left with his senbon, a lifetime ago.

To Kakashi, he was utterly perfect.

Sasuke stepped forward, and Kakashi sensed something different in the air. He didn’t spread his thighs to make room for Sasuke, this time. Sasuke turned off the lamp, leaving them in a darkness lit slightly by the streetlights filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. He knelt beside Kakashi on the couch, gripped the bottom hem of Kakashi’s shirt and slowly pulled it over his head.

Kakashi’s breathing had already deepened, and he could hear Sasuke’s quick, shallow breaths. When Sasuke reached down to untie the drawstring of Kakashi’s pants, his mouth was inches away from Kakashi’s. Kakashi, staring, yearning, parted his lips.

“Will you do something for me?” Sasuke asked.

Anything.

“Yes,” Kakashi said instead. “What is it?”

“Just…” Sasuke licked his lips nervously. “Do what I tell you to. Only what I tell you to. I want to try something.”

“All right,” Kakashi said softly, letting his arms rest loosely at his sides, raising his ass off the couch when Sasuke told him to, so that Sasuke could pull his pants and underwear down. When he settled back, the skin of his stiffening cock was hot where it lay against his lower belly.

With a deep, audible breath, Sasuke stepped backwards off the couch and pulled his own pants off, leaving the only remaining item of clothing between the two of them Sasuke’s boxers.

“Okay,” Sasuke murmured, then he planted a knee beside Kakashi’s hip and pulled his other knee up to straddle him, their hardening cocks separated only by that thin layer of fabric. Sasuke gripped the back of the couch with one hand and brought his other hand to Kakashi’s face, flattened his palm over Kakashi’s stubbled cheek. He rolled his hips subtly. His eyes went heavy-lidded, lips parting. He ran his thumb around to Kakashi’s mouth and slid the pad of it along Kakashi’s lower lip, then hooked it inside, sliding it deeper to touch Kakashi’s tongue.

Kakashi was absolutely breathing hard now, Sasuke’s proximity and the feel of his body at their few points of contact, and the smell of his skin and his shampoo, everything making him hard as a rock. Moaning softly, Sasuke dragged himself up the length of Kakashi’s cock, then back down, his dick hard and balls soft through his boxers.

Sasuke leaned in close, and Kakashi had to go against his every instinct not to kiss him. Only what I tell you to. Sasuke breathed heavily, his parted lips just an inch away from Kakashi’s, and he rubbed the flat of his palm along Kakashi’s jaw.

Kakashi wondered if Orochimaru had ever had stubble, which led him to wonder if Orochimaru had ever kissed Sasuke, and suddenly he was a little less hard.

It came back with a vengeance when Sasuke ground down against him and whispered, “I’m going to kiss you. You can kiss me back, but don’t touch me. Okay?”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, meeting Sasuke’s dark, dark eyes in the gloom.

Then he closed his eyes when Sasuke’s lips touched his.

It was the sweetest kiss yet—slow and soft, with Sasuke’s hand caressing Kakashi’s face, spanning it from temple to jaw, feeling the way it moved as they made out, their tongues barely brushing. Kakashi was careful not to use too much tongue—that Sasuke was comfortable kissing him like this made him doubt Orochimaru had done so, but… he could never be too careful with Sasuke. Not about this.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke whispered, drawing back a few inches. He’d stopped grinding on Kakashi, but that was just fine—Kakashi wanted him to do what he was comfortable with. That Sasuke was allowing this to happen was miraculous in itself.

Besides, Kakashi enjoyed the kissing more, anyway.

“Touch my legs. Be rough with me.”

“Alright, Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered, flattening his hands on Sasuke’s thighs and dragging them harshly up to his hips, hands traveling on top of the boxers, then back down to his knees, calluses and scars providing the texture and sensation that Sasuke seemed to need.

Sasuke leaned in to kiss him again and Kakashi didn’t stop moving his hands, tracing the shapes of Sasuke’s thighs, his hips, his knees, his calves. Kakashi’s thumb met his middle finger when his hand wrapped around Sasuke’s ankle. Sasuke’s kiss was deeper this time, and he lightly bit and sucked on Kakashi’s lips, moaning softly as he rocked his hips over Kakashi’s hard cock.

“Your hands on my back,” Sasuke said, voice husky and low.

“Hmm?” Kakashi asked, a little dazed.

“Put your hands. On my back. Be rough.”

“Mh-hmm,” Kakashi agreed, spreading his big hands over Sasuke’s long, narrow back. He thought they must cover almost the entirety of it, and just imagining what it looked like made Kakashi’s cock jerk.

But, Be rough, Sasuke had said. So Kakashi rasped his coarse hands up and down Sasuke’s skin.

“Mmhhh,” Sasuke moaned softly.

Kakashi reluctantly broke the kiss, but he honestly didn’t know the answer to this. “Do you want me to use my nails?” he asked, voice unintentionally rugged.

“Yeah,” Sasuke breathed, lifting and lowering himself over Kakashi’s lap, and the sight of that made Kakashi groan deep in his chest. Kakashi’s dick jerked slowly, and he dug his blunt fingernails into Sasuke’s back over his shoulderblades and dragged them down.

“Ah!” Sasuke cried out, pressing his hard cock against Kakashi’s stomach. His boxers were damp. “Again!”

Kakashi dragged them down, and when he flattened his hands over Sasuke’s back again, Sasuke leaned down and kissed him hard, rutting against his stomach. His balls were so soft and warm through his boxers, and they dragged up and down Kakashi’s shaft as Sasuke thrust against him, his hands burying themselves in Kakashi’s hair.

Kakashi panted through his nose, letting his hands press heavily against the satiny skin of Sasuke’s back. He was so hard—had this been anyone else, Kakashi would have had them on the floor by now, naked, and taking his cock inch by eager inch.

“Give me your hand,” Sasuke said, breathless.

Kakashi brought it around between them, and Sasuke reached into his boxers and pulled out his hard dick. He thrust slowly against Kakashi now, then took Kakashi’s hand and planted it over his cock so that it was sandwiched between Kakashi’s hand and flat stomach.

Kakashi moaned softly when Sasuke began rutting against him again, his freely-flowing precum easing the slide against Kakashi’s palm.

“God, Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed, then he swallowed hard as Sasuke slowed and shortened his thrusts, his balls rubbing over and over against the underside of Kakashi’s head. Kakashi was more of a dick man, but balls had their place, too, and there was no part of him that wasn’t enjoying the sensation.

Then Sasuke began rolling his hips in larger passes, moving up and down over Kakashi’s lap like he was riding him.

“Fuck,” Kakashi whispered, closing his eyes.

“Do you wanna fuck me?” Sasuke asked quietly, intensely.

“It doesn’t matter—”

“Do you wanna fuck me?” Sasuke repeated.

“Only if you wanted me to.” Kakashi owed it to Sasuke to be truthful. He opened his eyes to take in Sasuke’s face, and it was intent, curious, but not afraid in any way.

“Do you wanna fuck me?” Sasuke asked one more time.

“Yes. I do,” Kakashi said honestly. “But… I’d be just as happy kissing you, that’s it. I…” Something warm and huge was ballooning in Kakashi’s chest, making it hard to speak, hard to even breathe.

“You what?”

Kakashi sighed, releasing some of that unfamiliar pressure, and found that suddenly, he couldn’t be completely honest. “I want to make you feel good, most of all.” Which wasn’t what had wanted to come out, but it was still true.

Sasuke kissed him again, and it was perfect—firm and confident and passionate, and Kakashi had never wanted so badly to wrap his arms around Sasuke.

Then Sasuke was pulling back, his lips dark in his pale face. “I want you to do something. I might stop you right away, so be ready.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, staring up at him.

“You can take this hand away,” Sasuke said, tugging gently on the hand that had been trapping Sasuke’s dick against his stomach. “Now I want… your hands on my back. But don’t be rough with me, this time. Don’t be very gentle, either.”

Sasuke stared down at him, still holding the hand he’d pulled away, so Kakashi assumed he wasn’t finished speaking yet. “Touch me like you want me,” he said, and Kakashi couldn’t help it—he let out a soft, short laugh. He wouldn’t have any problems with that.

Kakashi wondered when he’d stopped feeling guilty all the time and when he’d started simply wanting Sasuke. Maybe it was since he’d been able to make Sasuke feel good, too.

Maybe it was knowing he’d helped Sasuke, in whatever way, handle Orochimaru, back then.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and elaborated. “Touch me like you haven’t had me in months, and you want me.”

“Whatever you want,” Kakashi said, gazing up at Sasuke’s apprehensive face. “I’ll stop as soon as you tell me to.”

That seemed to put Sasuke somewhat at ease, because he let go of Kakashi’s hand and gave him a brief kiss.

“Okay,” Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi leaned forward and splayed his hands across Sasuke’s perfect back, and he dragged them up and down it, steady pressure, fingers clutching. He let his softer palms skim up all that smooth skin, then his fingertips pressed in, leaving the nails out of it, and dragged back down.

“Sasuke,” he whispered, watching Sasuke’s face, which was tight, nervous. “Do I need to stop?” he asked, making another pass up and down Sasuke’s back. Eyes closed, Sasuke shook his head no, so Kakashi let his hands drift a little lower, to squeeze the bunched muscle of Sasuke’s hips. At that, Sasuke let out a soft little sound that Kakashi couldn’t interpret—but he didn’t tell Kakashi to stop.

Instead, he said, face still tight, eyes still closed, “Now my arms, too.”

Surging subtly, instinctively up toward Sasuke’s mouth, wanting badly to kiss him, Kakashi let his hands travel with solid pressure from Sasuke’s shoulders down his arms, feeling firm, wiry muscle under soft skin. His fingers easily encircled Sasuke’s wrists, and he found Sasuke’s fingers stiff against his shoulders. He traced his fingers over them before he remembered—not gently.

But Sasuke was still here, still enduring this.

Kakashi hated that it was something to be endured, but… this was the reality of their lives. This was a huge step in the right direction, though, and Sasuke was—

“You’re so brave, Sasuke,” Kakashi murmured into the quiet, dragging his scratchy fingers back up Sasuke’s forearms to his elbows.

At that, Sasuke’s eyes finally opened, and he stared down, wide-eyed, at Kakashi.

“You are,” Kakashi said. “I’m so proud of you. I don’t care how that sounds. You need to know. You’ve been through so much, and—”

“Shhh,” Sasuke hushed him, barely suppressing a smile. “Kiss me,” he said.

So Kakashi stretched upward and kissed Sasuke, moaning softly into Sasuke’s open mouth. He let his hands trail up Sasuke’s arms to his shoulders, avoiding the location of the old curse mark, to his neck, where he flattened one hand against the nape of Sasuke’s neck and used that to pull him in closer, to deepen the kiss. His other hand slid into Sasuke’s hair, digging in and carding through the thick, silky mass.

“Mhh,” Sasuke said.

Kakashi pulled back only enough to ask, “What?” their lips still clinging lightly together.

“Nothing,” Sasuke said, and he surprised Kakashi by actually laughing a little. “Just Mhh.”

“Mhh,” Kakashi said back, grinning up at him, then he pulled Sasuke back down and kissed him, slow and sweet, trying to pour out all the unspoken things he was feeling so strongly, the words he couldn’t say to Sasuke yet, for fear that it was too much, too soon, that he’d scare him away… but would as soon as he was a little more whole. Sasuke’s hands moved to the sides of his neck, his thumbs stroking Kakashi’s cheeks gently. Lovingly. Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut tight, his forehead furrowing as he kissed Sasuke like his life depended on it.

It felt like it did.

“Mhh,” Sasuke said again, this time gently tapping on Kakashi’s right cheek with his thumb.

“Yeah?” Kakashi asked.

Sasuke stared at him, so serious Kakashi took a careful breath.

“I… don’t know if I can do this,” Sasuke said. “But I want to… try.”

“Whatever you want,” Kakashi said, relieved, nuzzling Sasuke’s jaw.

“I want you to. Wrap your arms around me. I don’t know how loose or tight, I—”

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said. He reached up and tucked a long lock of hair behind Sasuke’s ear. “As soon as you need to stop, just let me know. If you need to go straight to your room after, that’s fine. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“...Okay,” Sasuke said, biting at his lip.

“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked.

“You’re supposed to do what I say,” Sasuke said, suddenly fierce, and Kakashi wasn't sure how serious he was being.

“Alright, alright,” he said lightly, smiling at Sasuke, who took a deep breath.

“Okay,” Sasuke said. “However you think is best. Now.”

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s waist—tightly to start, but he could slacken up a little bit if he needed to—and kissed Sasuke's tense jaw.

“You good?” Kakashi murmured.

At Sasuke’s nod, Kakashi loosened his hold a little bit and let his hands slide firmly up Sasuke’s back again, this time with his inner arms pressed to Sasuke’s sides.

Emotion tightened Kakashi’s chest, making him quake, and he wrapped Sasuke up tight and held him close, burying his face in the curve of Sasuke’s neck and breathing him in.

Such a brave boy, having been through so much, and still trying so hard to get better, despite his discomfort, despite his fear.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke whispered.

“Hmm?” Kakashi asked, unable to trust his voice with more than that.

“I just…” Sasuke’s hands slid into Kakashi's hair again, stroking it soothingly, carefully. Kakashi swallowed a sob that threatened to escape. It still shook his whole chest.

Kakashi didn’t know how to feel this.

“You okay?” Sasuke asked, brushing against his cheek again.

“Mh-hmm,” Kakashi said, pressing his forehead hard against Sasuke’s shoulder.

He knew he shouldn’t ask. Sasuke had instructed him to do only as he was told, but… he was overcome by a deep, almost spiritual ache, and it was such a small thing.

“Sasuke,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?” Sasuke asked, still running his fingers through Kakashi’s hair.

“Can I kiss your shoulder?” Kakashi asked, closing his eyes.

Sasuke’s hands slowed in Kakashi’s hair, but he whispered, “Yeah.”

Running his hands up Sasuke’s back, pressing them against Sasuke’s firm, smooth flesh, he dropped a kiss onto the smooth slope of Sasuke’s shoulder. Then another, and another, moving closer to his neck. Kakashi’s heart wanted to beat out of his chest.

“Can I kiss your neck?” he murmured against Sasuke’s skin.

“Yes,” Sasuke breathed.

So Kakashi turned his head and pressed a soft kiss against Sasuke’s long neck, then opened his mouth against it, with gentle suction at the end of each kiss. Sasuke groaned softly, tugging on Kakashi’s hair, and for the first time in who knew how many minutes, Kakashi was acutely aware that he was naked, and Sasuke was so close to it he might as well have been.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said in a low, husky voice.

“Yeah,” Kakashi whispered against his kiss-damp skin.

“Feels good,” Sasuke said quietly, cupping and cradling the back of Kakashi’s head, holding him close.

Kakashi squeezed his eyes closed and let his hands drag roughly down to Sasuke’s hips, which he gripped as he opened his mouth wider against Sasuke’s throat, letting his teeth scrape as he closed his lips.

“Ah,” Sasuke moaned, rocking his hips, and Kakashi’s cock, which had been slowly waking, stiffened more at the sound. Then Sasuke rocked his hips again, and Kakashi could feel that he was getting hard in his underwear, too. Sasuke’s hands went to Kakashi’s shoulders and he thrust slowly against Kakashi’s lower belly, letting his hips slide back on the way down. His nearly-hard dick rubbed against Kakashi’s, and Kakashi was suddenly, achingly hard.

He kissed higher, letting his lips and teeth travel along Sasuke’s jaw to his chin, then back down his throat, and Sasuke was making soft, aroused sounds that wound Kakashi up tighter and tighter.

“Sasuke,” he whispered against Sasuke’s humid skin.

“Yeah,” Sasuke moaned, rolling his hips.

“God,” Kakashi breathed, using his grip on Sasuke’s hips to slow his movements, to make each thrust longer, bodies pressing harder against each other, a light layer of sweat slicking the slide of skin on skin.

“Oh!” Sasuke cried out, tilting his face up, and Kakashi couldn’t resist the long column of his throat. He opened his mouth over it, feeling Sasuke’s adam’s apple bob under the skin, then scraped his teeth all the way up to his chin.

The sheer amount of trust that Sasuke had in him utterly destroyed Kakashi.

“Kakashi!” Sasuke moaned. “I think I’m gonna…”

“Good,” Kakashi whispered, letting his lips run along Sasuke’s angular jaw. “I wanna feel you.”

Kakashi guided his hips through another handful of thrusts, his own dick rock-hard and aching, and Sasuke plunged his hands back into Kakashi’s hair.

“God, yeah, god!” Sasuke groaned, lips parting, face flushed and dewy.

“Yeah, Sasuke, that’s it,” Kakashi coaxed, then Sasuke moaned loudly, his hips shuddering and jerking in Kakashi’s hands as he shot his load in his underwear. He groaned shakily all the way through it, the warm dampness of his boxers smearing against Kakashi’s cock, and Kakashi whispered, “Fuck.”

Sasuke panted over him, his breath hot against the side of Kakashi’s face. Breathing hard, Kakashi pressed his calloused hands against Sasuke’s back and tilted his head back, hoping for a kiss.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said softly.

“Yeah?” Kakashi asked.

Instead of answering, Sasuke leaned down and pressed their lips together, slow and lazy and exhausted.

“Mmh,” Kakashi moaned into the kiss, and it was over all too soon.

“I don’t think I can handle any more touching,” Sasuke said.

“That’s okay,” Kakashi reassured him. “Whatever you need.”

“I need to—” Instead of verbalizing it, Sasuke climbed off of Kakashi’s lap, then sat at the far edge of the couch. He pulled his wet boxers away from his crotch with a look of distaste.

“You okay?” Kakashi asked.

“Yeah, just…” Sasuke made an uncomfortable face. “But… I want you to finish. I wanna watch you jerk off.”

Kakashi breathed out hard and reached for himself, his cock still hard as a rock. “Anything you want me to do?” he asked, giving it a light squeeze.

“Just… you don’t have to be quiet,” Sasuke said awkwardly.

“Alright,” Kakashi said with a little smile. He started stroking himself, not bothering to suppress his moans, and after all that, it didn’t take long until he reached the edge.

“Sasuke, I’m close,” he panted, rolling his head to the side to look at Sasuke, even more aroused by the focused, intent way Sasuke was watching him, his cheeks still dark.

“Yeah,” Sasuke whispered. “Get it all over.”

“Fuck,” Kakashi hissed, his orgasm rushing toward him.

He was wound up so tight, he came so hard all he could do was snarl and gasp, and as requested, he leaned back and shot hot ropes of it all over his stomach and chest. Panting as he came down, he looked over at Sasuke and saw him idly playing with his own dick, half-hard again.

“I’ve heard you,” Sasuke said, closing his eyes for a second. “I knew you did it sometimes after we finished. I always wanted to see you.”

“How’d I do?” Kakashi asked with a crooked smile, leaning his head back against the couch, letting his hand drift away from his softening cock.

“It was perfect,” Sasuke said quietly.

You’re perfect, Kakashi thought, and he was overcome with the urge to grab Sasuke and kiss him, and touch his skin, and hold him close, and… even though he probably couldn’t do that right this minute, he was astonished and more than a little grateful that Sasuke might actually allow him do that in the future.

Sasuke was watching his face, his eyes soft, his hand gone still. Kakashi realized he’d been staring.

“Sasuke…” he said softly, reaching for him with his clean hand without thinking about it. Sasuke surprised him by reaching back. His fingers dipped into Kakashi’s palm and he squeezed lightly before he pulled his hand away.

“I’m gonna go clean up,” Sasuke said. He watched Kakashi for a few more seconds, his face relaxing, softening.

Kakashi gave him a little smile.

When Sasuke smiled back, he felt that huge, warm swell in his chest once more.

 

“How did it go with Naruto?” Tsunade asked.

Kakashi said, “We haven’t gone yet. I wanted to wait a little longer.”

“Why?”

Kakashi gave her a lazy shrug and said, “It just felt right. We did go to the library, though. Smashing success.”

Tsunade smiled at him. “Did you clear the library out, first?”

“No, but we went at a slow time. There were people there. We stayed for about half an hour.”

“That’s… very good. Why a smashing success, though?”

“We bumped into each other. All he did was look at me.”

“Ah. I see,” Tsunade said, smiling wider. “That’s excellent. How’s he doing with touch, other than that?”

Kakashi thought for a moment. “I guess we are going through exposure therapy. I touch him now and then. Roughly at first, but getting closer to ‘normal’ touches, and he’s slowly getting used to it. I’m not sure how it would be with anyone other than me, though.”

“We’ll have to find out, soon,” Tsunade said, lacing her fingers together on her desk.

“Not too soon,” Kakashi said, holding up a finger. “I’d prefer it if decisions like that go through me. Strongly prefer.”

“I understand,” Tsunade said, staring him down. Kakashi, of course, didn’t flinch. “It’s not as if we need him in the field immediately, or anything. He has time.”

“Good,” said Kakashi.

 

—tbc

Notes:

Kakashi loves Western breakfasts! I’m going to pretend that at some point he was stationed for a while in a Western-style nation/village, and he picked it up there. Or just don’t think too hard about it lol. I’m sure he makes Eastern-style omelets, and fish and rice for breakfast sometimes too :P

Also: Next chapter he will visit Naruto! Sorry for any disappointment because he didn't make it there this chapter.

Chapter 9: October Part 2

Notes:

I am Having A Day, so I’m posting a few hours early. Hope you enjoy it!

Things were calm for a while. Kakashi didn’t try to get Sasuke out of the apartment—just let him be, let him exist in his skin with the knowledge that he could be touched, again. Sasuke didn’t come to him in the middle of the night, and, of course, Kakashi didn’t try to initiate anything.

But now and then Sasuke smiled at him over breakfast, and once Sasuke rested his feet in Kakashi’s lap when they were reading on the couch.

A feeling of relief accompanied that span of time, when Kakashi felt unencumbered by Sasuke’s intense needs. Along with that relief came guilt that he should feel it—wasn’t it right, that he give Sasuke what comfort he could, in whatever way he could? Even if it weighed on him sometimes?

Even if it weighed on him sometimes. Even had he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, he’d still be happy to be there for Sasuke, as much as Sasuke needed. And not just because he owed it to Sasuke, though he did, but… because Sasuke had been dealt an awful hand, one that he didn’t deserve, one that he shouldn’t have to bear alone.

And… because he cared for him. Very much, Kakashi cared for him.

However, relief or no relief, guilt or no guilt, they couldn’t sit in limbo forever. After two weeks, Kakashi felt like it was time.

As they shared breakfast, he asked, “How would you like to go see Naruto?”

Sasuke froze mid-chew, his eyes going wide. After a second, he finished swallowing and said, “I… thought they were keeping me away from him.”

Kakashi nodded. “They were. They thought the two of you might be too volatile together. I think you’d be fine, though.”

Sasuke nodded, his eyes going vague. “I… would like to see him.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said with a smile. “I’ll stop by his place this afternoon and talk to him, and I’ll take you there tomorrow, if you’re ready.”

Sasuke gave him a warm little smile. “I’m ready.”

 

Naruto lived in a small house in the middle of the village, farther away from their apartment than either Gai’s place or the library. The neighborhood was lively, the buildings short and squat. Kakashi led the way as they approached, stealthily leaping from roof to roof, and found Naruto waiting for them on the porch when they alighted onto the ground.

“Sasuke!” Naruto yelled loudly enough that a few people looked up from what they were doing, distressed. Most, if not all, of Konoha knew the name of Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto rushed off the porch and into his tiny front yard, throwing his arms out wide.

“Naruto—” Kakashi warned sharply. He’d stopped in to have a chat with Naruto, and, knowing Naruto’s easy physicality with any and all of his friends, had warned him not to touch Sasuke unless Sasuke initiated it. Which was highly unlikely.

Naruto froze in his tracks. “Sorry,” he said, scratching the side of his head, his eyes going narrow in embarrassment.

“It’s okay, Naruto,” Sasuke said evenly. “It’s good to see you,” he said with a tentative smile.

“Yeah! You too. I was afraid they’d keep you cooped up forever. I’ve been asking Granny Tsunade if you could come over, or if I could go to your place, for months! She always said no, though. Something about us destroying city blocks.” He laughed, as if they hadn’t nearly killed each other in the past. “But I thought that’s what Kakashi-sensei was here for, anyway.’

With a quick, slightly smiling glance over at Kakashi, Sasuke said, “He is. Among other things.”

“Oh,” Naruto said, scratching the top of his head, this time. “Okay. Anyway. Do you want to go inside, or do you want to hang out on the porch?”

“Do you have a back yard?” Sasuke asked, glancing over his shoulder, where a handful of people were visible, moving and talking as they walked through the street.

“Oh yeah, that’ll work. I’ll show you the house on the way through.”

“Alright,” Sasuke said with a small smile on his lips.

There wasn’t much to see—as Kakashi followed them, giving them as much space as he could in the little house without losing visual contact, Naruto pointed out his living room, complete with a ratty bachelor’s couch and milk-crate side tables, pointed at his bedroom at the same time as he closed the door to it, then through his kitchen, which was actually twice as big as the one Kakashi and Sasuke shared—and it seemed even bigger, because it didn’t have a washer and dryer crammed into the corner—then hooked a thumb toward the bathroom.

Tour complete, he walked them out onto the back porch, which was made of blue-painted boards and raised about two feet off the downward-sloping ground. It was much quieter here.

“Sorry I only have one chair,” Naruto said. “I can grab some kitchen chairs, if you want.”

But Sasuke was settling on one end of the porch with his legs dangling off, positioning himself so that Naruto would have to sit between himself and Kakashi. So Kakashi could keep an eye on his face, certainly.

Maybe so that he could see Kakashi, too. It was true, Kakashi was here for more purpose than to keep them from trying to kill each other—they hadn’t spoken of it explicitly, but he was also acting as emotional support for Sasuke.

Smiling at him, Kakashi grabbed the chair and moved it to the far side of the porch, where he’d be out of earshot of quiet conversation. He sat and pulled out his book.

“So how have you been?” Naruto asked, probably not the most sensitive of questions, but there was Naruto for you. He meant well.

That’s all Kakashi heard for a good portion of an hour as the two boys spoke. He looked up from time to time to see Sasuke in turns serious, amused, rolling his eyes—and smiling, a sight that never failed to make Kakashi’s chest feel both light and tight at the same time. On a few of these glances up, Sasuke must have felt him looking, because he raised his eyes to Kakashi’s, and his pale face went a little softer until he looked away.

For a while, once Kakashi was reasonably certain they weren’t going to begin fighting, he became absorbed in his book. So it was a surprise when suddenly—

“Itachi—” Sasuke said loudly, making as if to stand up.

Naruto reached out and grabbed his wrist, hard, and Sasuke froze, his eyes going wide, furious. Kakashi was instantly ready to intervene, muscles immediately coiled tight, book thudding onto the boards of the porch.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said. “You don’t have to…” As he let go of Sasuke’s wrist, probably remembering Kakashi’s warnings, he spoke in a softer voice, and Kakashi would have given a lot to hear what he had to say.

Because it got Sasuke settled down again, slowly sitting back on the porch, listening to Naruto with his brow furrowed and a frown turning down the corners of his mouth, but without the pure, primal anger he’d displayed the time Kakashi had brought up the matter of Itachi.

Sasuke sat, listening, then he sighed and looked down, his brow smoothing out. When he looked up, his eyes were big and dark and vulnerable.

He spoke quietly for a few minutes, and Kakashi couldn’t make out anything but the occasional word, and the pitch and cadence of his voice. Kakashi’s chest ached—he was so grateful that somehow Naruto had gotten Sasuke to open up on this subject. And as curious as he was, he could be patient—he was positive that Sasuke would open up to him in his own time, as well.

After a while, Sasuke tapered off, and he and Naruto stared silently at each other for several seconds before Naruto leaned forward quickly, arms outstretched as if to give Sasuke a hug. Baring his teeth, Sasuke recoiled… but as soon as Naruto dropped his arms, shoulders slumping, Sasuke huffed out a breath and wrapped his own arms around Naruto. Naruto brought his arms up to hug Sasuke back, and when Kakashi saw Naruto’s back shaking he realized he might actually be crying, Then he saw Sasuke’s face, saw that tears ran down his cheeks too, though a small smile curled up his lips.

Kakashi’s throat felt tight. He beamed at the two of them, and when Sasuke’s eyes met his, the smile Sasuke gave him over Naruto’s shoulder widened.

Kakashi's heart was still beating hard when the two boys said their goodbyes soon after, with promises to spend more time together soon.

Sasuke was so preoccupied with his visit with Naruto, staring down, deep in thought, at the ground in front of his feet, that he didn’t even notice when they didn’t immediately begin traveling via the roofs. In spite of that, however, he had, and had always had, excellent situational awareness, and he carefully stepped and moved and leaned out of the way of anyone who got close, until they were only a block from their apartment.

Then he looked up with a quiet, “Oh.”

Kakashi grinned at him. “You’re doing great, Sasuke. Almost there. We can still move to the roofs, if you like.”

“I… think I’m fine,” Sasuke said, his teeth showing in a slightly nervous smile as he walked, glancing around at the people, the stores, the houses.

They made it into the apartment without incident, though Sasuke’s shoulders were beginning to tense up by then. Kakashi stared at him as Sasuke slung his light jacket off and hung it on a peg by the door.

“I’m so proud of you, Sasuke,” he said softly.

Sasuke grinned, his cheeks going pink, and Kakashi wanted so badly to kiss him that it was a physical ache.

Maybe later.

In the meantime, though… Sasuke’s smile was fading.

“I’ll… tell you about Itachi,” he said solemnly. “Some time. Soon. I feel like it isn’t fair that I told Naruto first, after—”

Kakashi wasn’t in the habit of interrupting Sasuke, but he thought this time it was necessary. “Sasuke. Naruto is—still—your best friend. I’m… something else.”

Sasuke stared at him, skittish, eyes wide.

Continuing, Kakashi leaned his shoulder against the wall a few feet away from Sasuke and said, “You can tell me whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush. Do you understand?”

Sasuke nodded slowly. “I’m…”

When he didn’t finish the sentence for several seconds, but looked at Kakashi with big eyes, Kakashi said softly, “Of course.” With a smile, he asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

 

That night, when Kakashi was waiting on the couch for Sasuke, Sasuke surprised him by walking past the couch and into Kakashi’s room.

Smiling, bemused, Kakashi followed. He leaned against the doorway and watched with interest as Sasuke stripped down to nothing, his dark eyes never leaving Kakashi’s.

“Well?” Sasuke asked.

Entering the room, Kakashi pulled off his t-shirt and stepped smoothly out of his pajama pants until he, too, was nude, and they stood a foot apart, eyes locked. Kakashi’s hands itched to touch, but Sasuke hadn’t yet given permission.

“Get in bed,” Sasuke said.

WIth a grin, Kakashi climbed into bed and lay on his back with one hand tucked under the back of his head. Sasuke stared at him for a minute, his eyes hot in the low light. Then he paced over to the bed, climbed on, and, sitting upright, straddled Kakashi's hips.

Sasuke rocked back and forth, his hardening cock rubbing deliciously against Kakashi’s.

“Can you do what I tell you?” he asked, voice low.

“Of course,” Kakashi assured him, though he had to clutch the sheets to keep from touching Sasuke. It had been two weeks, after all, and all the feelings in the world hadn’t stopped desire from simmering just below Kakashi’s skin throughout that whole time. His breath had already quickened.

So had Sasuke’s. His pupils were huge in his dark eyes. They were both wound so tight in this tense feedback loop of desire that Kakashi didn’t imagine this was going to last any reasonable amount of time. His dick was already hard as a rock, and so was Sasuke’s, under the silkiest of warm skin, where it rubbed against his.

Sasuke dropped forward, planting his hands on either side of Kakashi’s shoulders.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Sasuke whispered, his eyes traveling slowly over Kakashi’s bare, lust-hazed face. “Hands to yourself.”

“Uh huh,” Kakashi agreed, and when Sasuke’s mouth met his, Kakashi had to dig his fingernails into his palms to keep from coming. Sasuke seemed similarly affected, rutting hard and fast against him, panting through his nose.

“I’m close,” Kakashi breathed when Sasuke broke the kiss, and Sasuke dropped his forehead down against Kakashi's and kept fucking against him.

“Sasuke—”

“Wait,” Sasuke said urgently. “There’s something…”

Sasuke’s dick swelled against Kakashi’s, a sudden spurt of precum making everything dangerously slippery and hot. Kakashi groaned, and his fingernails drew blood in the meat of his palms.

With a long, loud moan, Sasuke mashed their mouths together and came all over Kakashi’s dick and stomach. As Kakashi felt his inevitable fall over the edge approaching, no matter how hard he tried to do what Sasuke told him, to hold off his orgasm for him, Sasuke sat up quickly, wiped some of his spunk off of Kakashi’s heaving belly, and wrapped his come-slick hand around Kakashi’s dick.

“Ohhh, fuck,” Kakashi moaned desperately, hips lifting Sasuke off the bed as his climax came barrelling toward him. Sasuke steadied himself on Kakashi’s shoulder and jerked him, everything slippery and warm and that was Sasuke’s come, and Kakashi’s cock bucked in his hand, then his own come joined Sasuke’s on his belly and chest. One shot even hit him in the bottom of the chin.

It took Kakashi almost a full minute before he was coherent enough to form a word. “Sasuke,” he said, breathless. Sasuke sat upright over his hips, and Kakashi almost drew him down to his side so that he could hold him, before he remembered himself.

“Yeah?” Sasuke asked. With a faint smile on his face, he was tracing nonsense designs in their mingled semen on Kakashi’s stomach.

“I understand why you do that now.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, looking down at him, pink-faced. “The first time I just wanted… some lube, or something. I wasn’t used to being… that turned on by sucking dick, and I wanted to hurry and come. But it was so hot. I couldn’t help doing it again.”

“Very hot,” Kakashi agreed, filing away the rest of the information, but not addressing it—Sasuke would let him know if they needed to talk about it.

Sasuke smiled faintly at him, and they both breathed for a minute, until Sasuke swung his leg off of Kakashi and moved to grab Kakashi’s t-shirt off the floor.

“Here,” Sasuke said, wiping the come off Kakashi’s chest and stomach. “Sorry I got you so—”

“Don’t ever apologize for that,” Kakashi said emphatically. “Or for anything you do when we’re being… close.” He wanted so badly to grab and hold Sasuke in that moment. A deep, indrawn breath stuttered back out of his chest.

“Okay,” Sasuke said, exceedingly careful as he wiped down Kakashi’s soft, sensitive cock. Then he cleaned himself off as well as he could and tossed the dirty shirt onto the floor. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stared at Kakashi for a moment, and Kakashi sensed that he was about to leave. He had no idea what to do to get Sasuke to stay longer, or if he should even try, after the overwhelming day Sasuke’d had, though he very badly wanted to.

In the end, he couldn't stop the word from falling from his lips. "Stay?" he asked softly.

“One condition,” Sasuke said, just as softly. “Will you… put your arms around me?”

With a relieved smile, Kakashi scooted over in the bed and placed one arm on the mattress. Silently, Sasuke lay down facing away, his neck resting on Kakashi's bicep, his head on the slightly sweaty pillow above it. Kakashi slowly, deliberately wound his other arm around Sasuke’s waist, then pulled him close, his body touching Sasuke’s from knees to chest.

Sasuke settled against him, relaxing into his arms. “You’re warm. It’s… good,” he said softly.

“I’m glad,” Kakashi said, and he pressed his nose against the back of Sasuke’s head and breathed in the sweet scent of his hair, and the light trace of sweat. He spread his hand on Sasuke’s smooth, flat stomach and breathed him in again, and said, “You’re warm, too.” More words crowded up at the back of his tongue, words of desire and affection and devotion so deep he felt like it could drown him. Like it could drown them both.

He wanted security for Sasuke. Safety. Comfort in his own skin. He wanted happiness for Sasuke. He wanted Sasuke. For himself, for his own, forever.

“Sasuke,” he whispered.

“What?” Sasuke whispered back, turning his head so that Kakashi could see the curve of his cheek, the tapered end of his eyebrow.

“Thank you.” Slowly, Kakashi squeezed him tighter.

“For what?” Sasuke asked, turning farther. Now Kakashi could see the corner of his eye, his long, dark eyelashes.

“Trusting me.” Kakashi loosened his arm, and Sasuke turned away to face forward once more, fingers coming up to wrap lightly around Kakashi’s forearm.

“Thank you for letting me,” Sasuke said quietly.

In the end, he dozed in Kakashi’s room on and off for about an hour before he finally needed his own space, and went back to his own room. That sleepy hour, spent with his arms around Sasuke, and Sasuke’s fingers loosely wrapped around his wrist, was as near to a miracle as Kakashi had ever experienced.

 

This time, Kakashi let Tsunade know when they were going outside of the village to train. Gave her a full day’s notice, as a matter of fact, though he did it with a lazy drawl that might have offended her, were she looking to be offended. Luckily, she wasn’t. She sent two quick, silent ANBU operatives with them, and they stayed entirely out of the way, secreting themselves amongst the trees, masking their chakra so tightly that there were times Kakashi couldn’t even feel it.

Particularly when he was occupied with other things. Like, once he summoned his ninken to let them out to play, Bisuke trotted up to Sasuke and sniffed his hand, and it pleased Kakashi greatly to see Sasuke tentatively reach out to pat the dog’s head. His ninken were dogs, but they still had gotten the knack of somehow displaying human emotions, and when Bisuke looked excited by this new development, Sasuke squatted down and rubbed behind his ears gently, lightly ruffled the fur on his back, then patted it down.

When Sasuke looked up at him, there was no hiding the tender look Kakashi had aimed at him during this exchange. Kakashi just hoped the ANBU couldn’t see, as far away as they were. Though he honestly didn’t know how far away they were—he’d been so preoccupied with Sasuke.

And he remained preoccupied with him. They sparred briefly using pure taijutsu, but before Kakashi could get winded, he called it to a halt.

“I want to see what jutsu you’ve learned over the years,” Kakashi said lightly, as if it was of no import. But he tugged his hitae-ate up to reveal his Sharingan eye, and he grinned at the fierce look that flashed over Sasuke’s face when Sasuke’s eyes flashed to red.

Turned out, Sasuke had learned a lot since he’d left the village. Shoving his mixed feelings to the back of his mind, Kakashi might have been awed, had he not known more—but honestly, perhaps not better, in a few cases—and they wore themselves out for a good part of an hour with attacks and counterattacks and reversals and nullifications, tomoe spinning as they memorized each other’s techniques. It was exhilarating.

Kakashi finally raised a hand to halt Sasuke’s advance when he felt his chakra reserves getting critically low, low enough that he was in danger of having to spend the next day in bed, if they went any farther.

With his sleeve, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Incredible, Sasuke,” he panted when Sasuke approached him. “But I’m afraid my chakra can’t keep up.”

Sasuke smirked. “Another point to me, then,” he said.

Kakashi laughed breathlessly. “I suppose so. What do you want for your prize?”

It was in a low, intense voice that Sasuke said, watching a bead of sweat roll down Kakashi’s temple, “You know what I want.”

 

In the end, Sasuke had to mostly carry Kakashi back to the apartment—he’d overextended himself more than he’d realized, he’d been having so much fun.

The ANBU broke off with a short nod when they reached the apartment, and Sasuke hauled Kakashi inside and let him slump on the couch. He knelt and carefully pulled Kakashi’s feet out of his boots, then with heat in his eyes, he opened Kakashi’s flak vest, and Kakashi weakly helped him remove it, feeling the strength ebb from his limbs by the second. The rest of Kakashi’s sweaty clothing was stripped away quickly, and Sasuke stood before him fully clothed, eyes roaming Kakashi’s bare face and body.

“Sasuke?” Kakashi asked.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, voice low and breathy.

“What are you—” Kakashi began to ask, but then Sasuke dropped abruptly to his knees and spread his hands out over Kakashi’s inner thighs. He licked Kakashi’s scarred stomach, humming in pleasure, then ran his tongue along the crease between Kakashi’s thigh and hip.

Kakashi wanted to dig his hands into Sasuke’s sweaty hair, wanted to guide his licking tongue to his hardening cock, but his arms were almost entirely limp at his sides. The side of Sasuke’s face grazed Kakashi’s dick as his mouth moved over Kakashi’s lower abs, then Sasuke sat upright, face red, breathing hard.

“Kakashi,” he said, then swallowed. “I’m gonna suck your cock.”

Kakashi’s heart thudded in his chest. It wasn’t exactly asking for permission, with Kakashi’s body currently immobile and limp—save for one vital part—on the couch, unable to stop him, unable to even help.

But it wasn’t exactly not asking, either.

“Okay,” Kakashi agreed, and Sasuke dropped his face to Kakashi’s crotch and dragged in a long, deep sniff, moaned shakily, then took him into his mouth. There was the burr of a zipper, then Sasuke’s arm started moving as he jerked himself off.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. “Yeah.”

Sasuke moaned loudly around his dick and pulled up to suck on the head, and Kakashi realized something.

“Shhh,” he said quietly. “I didn’t do the…”

Sasuke thoroughly impressed him by not missing a beat on his blowjob as he made the hand signs to activate the noise-muffling jutsu. Then Sasuke’s hand was back to work, his other one splayed out across Kakashi’s thigh, rubbing and squeezing the thick muscle there. He moaned again, eyebrows drawing down, and the hollow of his cheek when he pulled up was the most arousing sight Kakashi had ever seen.

“Fuck, Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered, tingling warmth blooming between his hips. “I’m getting close.”

“Mm-hmm,” Sasuke said around his cock, and he bobbed his head faster, gorgeous and intent and sweaty and fuck, Kakashi really was close. It felt strange to not tense his hips as his end drew close, to not thrust upward into Sasuke’s sucking mouth, but he couldn’t even move to do that much. He cried out loudly as that heat twisted tight in his gut and his balls drew up, and he came hard in Sasuke’s mouth.

This time, Sasuke didn’t spit Kakashi’s come out—this time, he swallowed it, every drop, his throat working to take everything Kakashi had to give.

“God, Sasuke,” Kakashi panted, and he groaned as Sasuke opened his mouth against his inner thigh, sucking at the sweat-salty skin, licking, dragging his teeth over it, his jerking arm moving so fast his whole body was shaking. When he came, he had his cheek pressed to Kakashi’s thigh, panting, the side of his mouth open against Kakashi’s skin. His eyes were squeezed shut.

“Ah…” he breathed once his arm finally went still, and he slumped over, face pressing harder against Kakashi’s thigh. “Ah, Kakashi…”

“That was all you, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, trying not to sound amused, and mostly succeeding. He started to reach out again, to touch Sasuke’s cheek this time, but of course, his arms were still inert on either side of him.

“Your cock…” Sasuke said, then he swallowed and began to pull himself upright.

As much as Kakashi wanted to know what Sasuke had to say about his cock, he didn’t push when Sasuke changed the subject. “I think I got some come on the couch.”

“It’s okay,” Kakashi said with a half-laugh. “It’ll wipe off pretty easily.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said, standing and tucking himself away. “Do you wanna stay here or get in your bed?”

“I should probably lie down,” Kakashi said. With you, he wanted to add, but Sasuke seemed a little standoffish at the moment, and he didn’t want to make him say no.

Or was he? “Alright,” Sasuke said, then he dropped a knee to the cushion beside Kakashi’s hip, leaned in with one hand on the back of the couch, and kissed Kakashi. It was in sweet counterpoint to their brisk, low-contact fooling around—or maybe it had just felt that way, since this was the first time they’d kissed, and Kakashi hadn’t gotten to touch Sasuke even once—Sasuke’s mouth moving slowly against his, tongue dipping inside Kakashi’s mouth briefly. Kakashi was glad he could at least kiss back, though he wished he could put his arms around Sasuke.

Some other time.

Sasuke’s other hand slid gently over his scarred chest, up his neck, fingers twining in Kakashi’s hair where they dug in briefly before Sasuke pulled away.

Lie down with me, Kakashi again wanted to ask once Sasuke had dragged him into his bedroom. But he wouldn’t presume. Not when Sasuke had had the consideration to almost ask for permission.

Sasuke brought him reheated leftovers later, and fed them to him, entirely businesslike, though his cheeks were pink as he did it.

Late that night, Sasuke padded into Kakashi’s bedroom, stared down at him for a moment, then crawled into bed beside him. He carefully arranged Kakashi’s arms so that they were wrapped around him. Kakashi didn’t know how long he stayed… content and comfortable and exhausted, Kakashi couldn’t even remain awake for a half hour before sleep took him.

Sasuke was gone in the morning. It was enough.

Two more days passed like this as Kakashi convalesced, Sasuke taking care of him, feeding him, climbing into his bed with him and wrapping Kakashi’s arms around his body, more relaxed each day.

On the third day, part of Kakashi wished he wasn’t recovered.

 

“Naruto went great,” Kakashi said as soon as he ambled into Tsunade’s office.

“Really,” Tsunade said.

“Yep! They’re on excellent terms, even after Naruto grabbed Sasuke by the wrist. I thought I was about to have to intervene, but… Naruto talked him down, somehow.”

“You don’t know how,” Tsunade said, frowning slightly.

“I was close enough to see them. But I gave them their privacy.”

“You should have been closer, Kakashi.”

Kakashi shook his head, tucking his hands into his pockets. “I have to trust Sasuke. Trust them both. And it turned out just fine. Besides, it doesn’t matter how close I’d been—if those two really wanted to hurt each other, nobody could have stopped them.”

Tsunade sighed. “I suppose you have a point.”

“Anyway!” Kakashi said brightly. “We don’t have to worry about it being only me who can touch him. They hugged. For a while, actually. It was very sweet.”

Tsunade smiled. “I’m glad. You’re doing great with him, Kakashi. Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will,” Kakashi said. “I’ll see myself out.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

Hi, I’m Sasuke, and this is Kakashi, my… something else.

Thanks SO much for all your comments. It really means a lot! And sometimes, they make me think about things I overlooked, and I do a little bit of minor-to-moderate plot fixing lol. It makes me feel better about the fic when I’m done, anyway.

Also, I just noticed: thanks for 100 kudos! I love y'all ♥♥♥

Chapter 10: November Part 1

The trip to Neji’s a few days later seemed as if it would be a breeze, after Naruto.

Kakashi still had minor, petty misgivings about Neji, but… it had been good for Sasuke, the times he’d gone. Nobody knew chakra like Neji, and Sasuke needed that kind of exercise just as much as he needed Gai’s or Lee’s taijutsu, or Shikamaru’s shogi games.

So Kakashi dropped him off the day after they’d made another trip to the library to exchange books. Sasuke had stayed on the ground for their trip to the library, and only opted for rooftops halfway through their way back. He didn’t need to sneak into Kakashi's room anymore, when he’d had a good day like that one, or a particularly bad one—Kakashi never locked his door anymore, and even left it open on nights he felt that Sasuke might need him—so Kakashi had been awake, but he wasn’t sitting up waiting for him, this time. He’d been in his boxers under the blanket, and he’d held the edge of it up so that Sasuke would climb in once Sasuke walked in through the open door.

Sasuke had stripped completely and climbed in beside him, and let Kakashi hold him close for several minutes before he finally motioned for Kakashi to get on his back, then crawled between his legs and sucked him off. Instead of jerking off this time, though, he’d switched places with Kakashi and moaned and sighed as Kakashi sucked his dick slow and easy, running his coarse hands all over Sasuke’s soft skin until Sasuke’s back arched off the bed, hips shuddering. Sasuke gripped Kakashi’s hair and cried out loudly as he filled Kakashi’s mouth with hot, bitter come.

Sasuke had even stayed for a while, again, and Kakashi had dozed off a time or two with Sasuke wrapped up tight close to him, his heart beating through the fine skin of his back, in counterpoint to Kakashi’s.

“Good night,” Sasuke had finally said, climbing out of bed, and when he’d leaned down to kiss Kakashi one more time, Kakashi had felt like his chest was going to burst.

That made it a bit easier to leave him with Neji—knowing that Sasuke felt close enough to Kakashi to lie with him in bed, to kiss him goodnight. So far removed from the feral little beast he'd been when Kakashi had first taken custody of him.

But why was it hard to leave him with Neji, anyway? Maybe it was the small smile Sasuke had given him a couple of times. Maybe it was the way Neji had nearly spread his hand at the small of Sasuke’s back, twice now, acting so impulsively he had almost forgotten what might happen if he touched him.

Things were different now. Now, sometimes, Sasuke… could be touched.

Kakashi went to train, as per usual, and… he had the brief urge to skip his shower. Call it jealousy, call it possessiveness, call it whatever, part of him wanted Sasuke to attack him like he had the first time, right after leaving Neji’s. Attack him like he’d never attack Neji.

He sighed. But he'd resolved to never put any kind of pressure on Sasuke for sex, and that would be pressure, indeed. Sasuke had essentially promised him that if he came home sweaty, he was going to get his dick sucked, and then some.

“Oof—” Kakashi doubled over as a tokubetsu jounin kicked him right in the gut, he’d been so distracted by mental images. He danced backwards, shaking it off, then went on the offensive again.

He took a shower before he picked Sasuke up.

 

At the Hyuuga compound, when he turned the corner to look in through Neji’s doorway, his stomach lurched. Neji and Sasuke were seated on the bed, facing each other with their eyes closed, their hands clasped together in front of them. Large amounts of chakra flowed freely from one to the other, so that Kakashi couldn’t tell theirs apart. So delicately balanced, so intimate. He felt a stutter in the flow. Sasuke opened one eye and looked at him, gave him a little smile which Kakashi returned.

Kakashi stood there for another minute until the flow slowed, until it settled in each of them, lively, but not overexcited. Then Sasuke opened both eyes and grinned at Neji, who grinned back.

Kakashi very deliberately did not grit his teeth. It was a good thing that Sasuke was able to touch others, even and especially others who he didn’t know very well. Even if it was to hold hands, and even if he smiled so sweet at them when they finally, slowly, let go.

With a deep breath, Kakashi forced a smile that he really should have felt, if he wasn’t an absolute asshole, and waited for Sasuke to rise from the bed.

Suddenly feeling even more like an asshole, Kakashi sniffed the air for whatever subtle scents might be left from any kind of sexual activity up to two hours ago. He hated how much he relaxed when he didn't smell anything, just wood polish and a light, pleasant-smelling incense.

But Sasuke had never promised anything to him, had he? The closest they came to a promise was Kakashi agreeing not to kiss, or presumably do more with, anyone else.

“You ready?” Sasuke asked as he stepped into his sandals.

“Whenever you are,” Kakashi said lightly. “After you.”

Of course, he wanted to observe them as they walked together. Halfway down the hall, his face went hot when he saw Neji’s hand come up and hover at Sasuke’s lower back again.

The nerve of him. Neji lightly, exceedingly lightly, touched Sasuke’s back, and when Sasuke jumped, but didn’t react beyond that, Neji firmly flattened his hand there.

Kakashi seethed. It was only there for about a minute as they walked through the compound to the entrance gates, but…

Sasuke was not Kakashi’s to touch. Not his exclusively. Just because Sasuke came to him for sex, came to him to work through things, to become accustomed to being touched, to being held… didn’t mean that he was Kakashi’s property. Honestly, the more people who touched him, the better.

Still, he didn’t have to look so happy about it, smiling over at Neji when Neji said something subtly clever.

Soon enough, they exited the compound, and Kakashi forced calm into his voice when he asked, “How did that go?”

“It went well,” Sasuke said with an easy smile at him. “I’m learning a lot from him.”

“Good,” Kakashi said, wanting to touch Sasuke himself. Something held him back.

“I think… I can handle the street, today,” Sasuke said, watching the thin stream of people walk by.

“That’s great, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, more genuine, now. “Let’s go home.”

 

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said after they’d closed the door and walked into the dark apartment.

“Yeah?” Kakashi asked, trying to get his mind off of Neji’s hand looking so at home at the small of Sasuke’s back.

He felt Sasuke’s arms wind around him from behind, and that did the trick.

“You never come home sweaty anymore,” Sasuke said, and it was the closest thing to petulant he’d been since they’d begun cohabiting. Kakashi almost laughed.

Instead, he answered honestly. “I don’t want you to feel any pressure to do anything with me,” he said, fingers wrapping loosely around Sasuke’s wrists.

“Oh,” Sasuke said, and Kakashi felt the press of his face against the back of his flak vest.

“I can go get sweaty, if you want,” he said dryly, giving Sasuke’s forearms a squeeze.

“No, that’s okay,” Sasuke said, and Kakashi was actually a little bit disappointed. Then he felt a sharp pang of guilt for his disappointment.

Sasuke continued, “You don’t have to be sweaty for me to suck you off.”

“What if I want to suck you off, instead?” Kakashi asked, impulsively going out on a limb. Feeling a little unwound after seeing Neji touch Sasuke, a little dangerous.

“Oh,” Sasuke said, surprised. “O… okay.”

Kakashi used his grip on Sasuke’s forearms to carefully loosen his arms from around his waist, then spun to face him. He tore his mask down, and, grabbing Sasuke roughly by the shoulders, quickly pressed their mouths together.

“Mmh!” Sasuke exclaimed, but he didn’t push Kakashi away, so Kakashi kissed him deeper, tongue sliding into his mouth before he remembered not to.

But, “Mmh,” Sasuke said, softer now, relaxing in Kakashi's hold. So Kakashi tugged Sasuke’s shirt up, lamenting the loss of his mouth for the two seconds it took to get the shirt over his head. Then it was on the floor, and their mouths met with a hot jolt, and Kakashi dragged his hands down Sasuke’s back, stopping just short of his ass. He dug his hand in at the small of Sasuke’s back, covering Neji’s invisible handprint with his own, larger one, then brought his hands around to Sasuke’s front.

You okay? he almost asked, and maybe should have, but Sasuke was moaning softly and gripping the sides of Kakashi’s flak vest, so Kakashi took that as a clear go-ahead.

He quickly ran through the hand signs for the sound-dampening jutsu. He pulled his vest off and dropped it to the floor, jerked off his gloves, then dragged his hitae-ate off and tossed it onto the couch. His shirt and mask joined it a few seconds later, and they both groaned when they wrapped their arms around each other and their bare chests and stomachs pressed together as they kissed.

Too soft. Kakashi wanted rough, he wanted primal, so he dropped to his knees, bit at the shallow indentation of Sasuke’s belly button, then unfastened his pants.

Sasuke was so hard in his boxers, the tip damp with precum. Kakashi took a long sniff, groaning, then wrapped his lips around the fabric-enshrouded head of Sasuke’s cock.

“Oh,” Sasuke moaned softly, and Kakashi sucked, some of the precum wicked out by the suction and splattering his tongue. “God, Kakashi,” Sasuke moaned, his legs already beginning to shake.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered, looking up at him. Watching Sasuke’s flushed face, he slid his underwear down to the floor. Sasuke’s dick was so hard it was standing nearly straight up. Kakashi almost licked it, but then he remembered in time. So instead, he went another route and rubbed his face against it, his stubble surely painful as it scraped over the sensitive skin.

“Oh!” Sasuke cried out, legs trembling profoundly. “Oh!” His hands came down into Kakashi’s hair and yanked when Kakashi rubbed his face the other way.

“Fuck,” Kakashi whispered against the underside of Sasuke’s head, then he took him into his mouth.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke moaned in a thick, throaty voice, his dick jerking. WIth a hard suck, Kakashi pulled off.

“Sit on the couch,” he said quietly, his voice hoarse with desire. He held Sasuke’s pants and underwear down so that Sasuke could step out of them, then followed him to the couch, where Sasuke settled in the center, his ass near the edge of the seat cushion.

Kakashi considered saying, I’ll stop whenever you need me to, or, Just tell me what you need me to do, but he was certain that by now, Sasuke knew those things. Instead, he said, “You can touch me however you want.” Then he dropped his head down to Sasuke’s lap and took him all into his mouth in one long, slow descent.

“Oh god!” Sasuke cried out, hands going back to Kakashi's hair. They rubbed and gripped and pulled as Kakashi worked him with as little tongue as possible, but one calloused hand on his balls, which he was glad to find didn’t bother Sasuke.

On a slow suck up, Sasuke let go of his hair with one hand and used his thumb to trace Kakashi’s scar, from his forehead over his left eyebrow and closed left eye, then down his cheek. Then Kakashi went down on him again, and when he came back up, Sasuke let his thumb rest on a small but deep scar that twisted the left side of his upper lip. Kakashi took him deep again, and when he came up, slowly again, Sasuke’s fingers went to the right side of his face and drew a line over a long scar that ran from almost Kakashi’s cheekbone to his jaw. It kept going down Kakashi’s throat, but Kakashi went back down on him. He did use his tongue this time, but in the roughest way he could, pressing it hard against the underside of Sasuke’s dick as he moved, as he sucked.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke moaned breathlessly, pushing his messy gray hair away from his forehead and watching him closely as he sucked Sasuke’s cock.

“Mmh,” Kakashi moaned, his own cock hard, so hard in his pants. He considered pulling it out and jerking off, as was Sasuke’s habit, but he wanted to concentrate on making Sasuke feel good.

So he spread his rough hands over Sasuke’s inner thighs and rubbed them up and down, then drew them up his heaving stomach and chest, pulling up to suck on his head. His thumbs found Sasuke’s nipples and ran over them, then he pinched, Sasuke’s breathy groans going straight to his cock.

“Your stubble,” Sasuke whispered, still holding his hair back.

When Kakashi let Sasuke pop out of his mouth, the streetlight caught the edge of Sasuke’s iris and Kakashi saw that it was bright crimson. Fuck. Cock throbbing in his pants with the rapid beating of his heart, Kakashi held hot eye contact with him and rubbed his lips and stubbled chin and cheeks over Sasuke’s hard, leaking dick.

“Oh god Kakashi I’m gonna come—” Sasuke panted urgently. “Your mouth, please, fuck—”

Kakashi barely had time to wrap his lips around Sasuke’s head before Sasuke was pouring himself out in hot, salty spurts that made Kakashi moan louder every time one hit his tongue.

“Oh god!” Sasuke moaned desperately, digging his head back into the couch, hips squirming as Kakashi swallowed him down, then slowing while Kakashi worked him gently through to the end.

“Oh…” Sasuke breathed, looking up at the ceiling. His hands fell away from Kakashi’s head, arms flopping to the couch beside him. “Fuck.”

Smiling, Kakashi leaned down to kiss his thigh, his hip, careful not to let his stubble brush Sasuke’s dick now, in its ultra-sensitive state.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi kissed his belly button. “Mh-hmm?” he asked, then he moved to kiss the lower curve of his ribs.

“Come here,” Sasuke said, slowly sitting upright. “Kiss me.”

Cock aching, still intensely aroused and hard and leaking lightly into his underwear, he’d never been happier to grant a request in his life. He knelt upright and let Sasuke wrap his arms loosely around him, then their mouths met and Sasuke moaned softly. He sucked on Kakashi’s tongue, fingertips drawing lines up and down Kakashi’s back. Without asking permission—because that’s the kind of night this was turning out to be, and it seemed like that was perfectly fine—Kakashi wrapped his arms firmly around Sasuke and held him close.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke whispered against his lips, then he moved his mouth to Kakashi’s neck. In between kisses to the sensitive skin, Sasuke said quietly, “You’re so good.”

A shiver ripped through Kakashi’s body, and he squeezed down on Sasuke. Who kept kissing his neck, but let one of the hands on Kakashi’s back slide around front, to pass down over his belly, over the waistband of his pants, and finally come to cup the stony shape of Kakashi’s cock. Kakashi grunted, breathless.

“You’re so hard,” Sasuke said, sounding almost amused.

“You don’t know what you do to me, Sasuke,” Kakashi whispered into the dark, almost a confession. “Every time.”

“Mmh,” Sasuke moaned softly, satisfied, content. But his hand was moving up and down on Kakashi’s hard dick, and Kakashi slowly thrust up into his palm.

“Want me to jerk you off?” Sasuke asked, mouth drifting to Kakashi’s ear, hot breath sending goosebumps rushing through him.

“I want you to do…” Kakashi had to take a deep breath when Sasuke squeezed him. “Whatever you want to do to me.”

“Really,” Sasuke said. “What if I wanted to leave you like this?”

“Fuck,” Kakashi breathed. “Then I’d stay like this.”

“For as long as I asked?” Sasuke said, and he slowly unzipped Kakashi’s fly.

“As long as you asked, God, Sasuke…” Sasuke had pulled his cock out through the fly, still wrapped in the thin cotton of his underwear. Kakashi’s hands twitched on Sasuke’s sides.

“What if I wanted to ride you?” Sasuke whispered into his ear, and Kakashi froze. His cock didn't, though, instead bucking in Sasuke’s hand.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said, voice serious. He leaned back, letting his hands come to rest firmly on Sasuke’s thighs.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do. But if you really wanted that, I’d have to be absolutely sure, before I’d even entertain the idea.”

“Sorry,” Sasuke said, biting his lip before he met Kakashi’s eyes and seemed to gather himself. “I don’t know if I do, or not. I just… wanted to know how much you did. And I have my answer, but then again, I don’t.”

“It’s okay, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, and he cupped the sides of Sasuke’s face and kissed him, brief but hard. “You don’t have to figure anything out, now. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing. Or less. Or more. Or nothing. Whatever you need.”

Sasuke gripped Kakashi’s hips and leaned in for another kiss. “Would you really be okay with doing nothing?”

“Honestly? No.” Kakashi examined Sasuke’s face as he spoke, and he found only understanding. “But if it was what made you feel better, safer, whatever you need to feel, then I could live with it. And I’d still—”

Kakashi bit the tip of his tongue, looked down, and rubbed the outsides of Sasuke’s thighs, taking care to drag his hands along them with firm pressure. He said quietly, seriously, “I’d still care about you, and want only good things for you, and want to help you in whatever way I can.”

“Kakashi…” Sasuke said softly. “You’re so…”

Looking into Sasuke’s face, Kakashi saw wide-eyed disbelief, pain, and, hiding behind those, a tentative hope.

“Sasuke. I meant every word I said.” Even the ones I didn’t say. Especially the ones I didn’t say. He took Sasuke’s face within his hands again and kissed him gently. “You’re… very important to me. Always have been, but especially… since you’ve been back. I would do anything for you.” And if Sasuke heard Kakashi’s voice break on the last words, he didn’t show it, instead let his eyes fall closed, eyelashes dark shadows over his cheeks, and gave Kakashi a small smile.

Kakashi let his head fall forward so that their foreheads touched, and he stroked Sasuke’s cheeks with his thumbs, not thinking about whether he was touching him too gently, not thinking beyond—he’d partially unburdened himself to Sasuke, and Sasuke didn’t pull away from him, didn’t retreat to his room. He actually seemed pleased.

But they, being who they were, couldn’t stay in that vulnerable, emotional place for too long. Sasuke lunged forward and kissed Kakashi hard, and when he pulled back, Kakashi looked up at him from his knees.

“I still wanna make you feel good,” Sasuke said, hands going to Kakashi’s button and unfastening it, letting the pants slide down Kakashi’s thighs. Kakashi had gone half-soft, but the kiss had gone some way toward getting him hard again, and the way Sasuke looked at him took him even closer. “What do you want me to do to you?” Sasuke asked, his voice sultry and delicious.

He kissed Kakashi again, and when they pulled apart, panting lightly, he again had his hand wrapped around Kakashi’s stiffening dick and was stroking it through his underwear.

“Like I said. Whatever you want to do,” Kakashi said, slightly breathless.

“Anything I want?” Sasuke asked, slipping his hand into the fly of Kakashi’s underwear and wrapping his warm fingers around him.

“Anything,” Kakashi whispered into the space between Sasuke’s parted lips.

WIth a slow, twisting stroke, Sasuke kissed him, dragging his tongue along Kakashi’s, then pulled back slowly and said, “There’s something. That I wanna try. We’d need lube, though. Is that okay?”

Kakashi pressed his hands against Sasuke’s bare sides, considering. “It really depends on what it is.”

“Anything I want,” Sasuke reminded him with an arched eyebrow. Then Sasuke kissed him. “Go get the lube and I’ll show you. It’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

With a sigh, though he wasn’t entirely sure what he was sighing about, Kakashi stood and kicked his pants a few feet away, then went and got the lube from under his mattress. He’d stashed it there when he’d moved in, in case he wanted to mix up his masturbatory routine, but he’d never really had the need to use it.

Sasuke mixed things up plenty.

He also grabbed a reasonably clean towel from where it was draped over the back of a chair. When he came back to the living room, he stopped dead in his tracks.

Sasuke was naked. On his knees on the floor. Bent over the couch cushions. His ass was in the air, and he stared over his shoulder at Kakashi, his cheeks and ears bright pink in the lamplight.

“Sasuke…” Kakashi murmured, then he swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. “What are you doing?”

“Come here,” Sasuke said. “Get on your knees behind me.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Kakashi did, quickly stepping out of his underwear, then kneeling on the outsides of Sasuke’s calves when Sasuke didn’t spread his legs as Kakashi had expected with dread.

“Now…” Sasuke said. “Get lube on your dick. Lots of it.”

“Sasuke…” Kakashi said again. He had to amend the thought that he had so often that he would do anything for Sasuke.

It turned out that he would do almost anything.

Sasuke sighed, then said, “Kakashi, I don’t want you to fuck me. I just want you to fuck between my thighs.”

Kakashi let out a short, relieved laugh. “Why didn’t you just say so?” He popped the cap of the lube and poured a palmful out, then rubbed it liberally all over his cock, which was quickly getting hard after the brief misunderstanding had scared him a little soft.

“I wanted to, I don’t know, build suspense.” Sasuke dropped his head down onto the couch.

“It’s fine, Sasuke,” Kakashi soothed. “You just… scared me.”

“Sorry,” Sasuke said, raising his head to look back at Kakashi from the corner of his eye.

“It’s okay,” Kakashi said softly, kissing Sasuke on the shoulderblade. “It’s okay,” he repeated, kissing higher, close to his neck. He moved his clean hand firmly over Sasuke’s back, loving the feel of his soft skin. “When do you want me to…?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Sasuke said, sounding less embarrassed, now.

“First… spread your legs, just a little.”

When Sasuke scooted his knees outwards, Kakashi spilled another splash of lube onto his hand and slicked up Sasuke’s inner thighs and the bottom of his balls. Then he wiped his hand on the towel, considered, and handed the towel to Sasuke, instructing him to put it on the couch.

Once Sasuke had spread the towel out so that it was hanging off the cushion in front of him, trailing onto the floor, Kakashi said, “Okay.”

“Okay,” replied Sasuke. Holding his breath, Kakashi gripped Sasuke by one hip, steadied his cock with his other hand, and slowly thrust forward.

Oh, it felt good being squeezed between Sasuke’s thighs. Warm and tight and supple, with the perfect amount of give to the firm muscle. Kakashi drew back and thrust in again, all the way this time, until his pubes bumped Sasuke’s upturned ass, and he groaned.

“You always feel so good, Sasuke,” Kakashi breathed, gripping Sasuke with both hands now and speeding his hips.

He rubbed down Sasuke’s outer thighs, and when he was halfway down, pressed them closer together with a soft moan.

“Better?” Sasuke asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Kakashi whispered. His hands moved up to Sasuke’s ass and gave it a squeeze, then he dragged his rough fingers up and down the satiny skin of Sasuke’s back. His jaw dropped open when Sasuke began pushing back against him every time he thrust in, his thighs almost crushing Kakashi’s cock, they were squeezing him so tight, but it felt so good.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi moaned. He leaned over him so that his chest kissed Sasuke’s back, and wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s narrow waist. One hand drifted down to his cock, and his arousal impossibly kicked up another notch when he found it hard again. “God,” Kakashi whispered.

“This is really hot,” Sasuke admitted, pressing his forehead against his crossed arms on the couch.

“I know,” Kakashi groaned, jerking Sasuke slowly. “I wanna make you come again.”

Sasuke moaned and pushed back against Kakashi’s driving cock again, his dick sliding against Kakashi’s fingers, almost popping out.

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said quietly. He kissed the back of Sasuke’s shoulder, then dragged his teeth over it, prompting a whole-body shiver. “Be still for a minute so I can jerk you off.”

“Is that—ha—as long as you think it’ll take?” Sasuke asked, all out of breath already.

“I think you’re really close,” Kakashi said with a grin against Sasuke’s back, then he stretched forward and bit down on the back of his neck, usually covered by his long hair.

Sasuke cried out, his cock jumping in Kakashi’s hand. Thrusting leisurely between his taut thighs, Kakashi jerked him off slowly, slickly, his other hand cupping and rolling his balls.

“Kakashi—” Sasuke breathed, back going tense. The muscles in his arms stood out, and he started thrusting into Kakashi’s hand. Kakashi didn’t stop him. Because he could feel it coursing through Sasuke—it only took a few more seconds of that before, “Oh, god!” Sasuke moaned, and shot his load all over the towel he’d draped in front of himself. As he came, he squeezed down hard with his thighs around Kakashi’s slowly thrusting cock.

“Fuck,” Kakashi whispered, pressing his forehead against Sasuke’s spine as he milked the rest of Sasuke’s orgasm out of him.

Sasuke swallowed audibly, took a deep breath, then rasped, “Fuck me. Fuck my thighs.”

That’s all Kakashi needed to hear—need pulsing hard in his veins, he gripped Sasuke’s hips and thrust between his slick, supple thighs, groaning shakily when Sasuke shifted and squeezed down on him again.

“Kakashi…” Sasuke said quietly. “I want you to come in me.”

Kakashi’s hips stuttered and his cock gave a hard throb as a huge swell of arousal overtook him. “Fuck, Sasuke, don’t—”

“Come in me, Kakashi. Please.”

“Ahh!” Kakashi slammed his hips against Sasuke’s ass, and for a second, he could pretend he was fucking Sasuke, could pretend that was his tight little ass that he was drilling into. It was so warm and slick and squeezing down around him so hard, and Sasuke moaned softly, and Kakashi lost it.

“Sasuke!” he cried out, holding onto Sasuke’s hips for dear life as he came messily all over and between his thighs, fucking against him and panting until his voice went hoarse, until his cock was too sensitive, and he had to carefully pull back. Once he began to withdraw, Sasuke parted his thighs to help, and Kakashi planted his sweaty forehead against the center of Sasuke’s back.

He kissed Sasuke’s skin, moist and salty with both of their sweat. “Sasuke,” he said, still panting. A mixture of guilt and dread was already brewing in his gut.

“Yeah?” Sasuke asked. He’d pulled the towel away from the couch and begun wiping his thighs.

“You can’t… say things like that.”

“Why not?” he asked, and then, “Here,” he said, passing the dirty towel back to Kakashi, who just held it for a few seconds while he thought.

“Because…” Kakashi gave a dry, deflecting laugh. Because it makes me feel like the worst kind of creep, he couldn’t bring himself to admit out loud. Because I want you when I know I shouldn’t want you. Because you don’t need that from me. “I honestly don’t know. It just seems like a bad idea, unless we both knew for sure that you were ready.”

Sasuke pushed himself off the floor and sat on the couch in front of Kakashi. “Does it disappoint you? That I’m not?”

“Nothing like that,” Kakashi was quick to reassure him. “I don’t want you to put unnecessary pressure on yourself to do it. That’s part of it.” He noticed that he’d left bruises in the shapes of his fingers on Sasuke’s hips.

As he reached out to run his fingers over them, Sasuke said, “So, what’s the other part?”

Kakashi looked him in the eyes. “I don’t want to get carried away, or misunderstand, and hurt you. Or scare you or make you nervous. Or anything else that might happen, if I try to take things too fast.”

“You won’t,” Sasuke said simply. “I trust you.”

That trust slayed Kakashi, and all he could do was stare at Sasuke's open, honest face for a long moment.

“Kakashi?” Sasuke asked.

He knee-walked toward Sasuke until he was between his legs, then he leaned forward, and kissed him. Sasuke plunged his hands into Kakashi’s hair and Kakashi only kissed him harder, breathing heavily through his nose when Sasuke scraped his nails gently over his scalp. Goosebumps rushed over his skin, hardening his nipples, making his cock twitch and his asshole tighten.

“Careful,” Kakashi said when they pulled apart. He slid his fingers into Sasuke’s long, silky hair—when had it gotten so long? It was well past his shoulders now—and kissed Sasuke’s jaw, his neck.

“Or what?” Sasuke asked lazily.

“You’re gonna make me horny again.”

“Oh, no,” Sasuke said, with exaggerated concern.

Kakashi pulled back, grinning. “You little shit,” he said. “Come here.” He wrapped Sasuke up tight in his arms and ran his lips along the side of his neck. “You just want me to suck your dick again.”

“What can I say?” Sasuke asked. “You’re hot when you’re so concerned about me.”

“Then I’m hot almost all the time.”

Sasuke snorted. “You’re not wrong.”

 

A few nights later, it was very late as they lay in Kakashi’s bed after going down on each other. Kakashi drummed his fingers on Sasuke’s hard belly. He had… questions, though he wasn’t sure if he should ask them. Not when Sasuke was so relaxed and seemingly content to lie there with his head resting on Kakashi’s arm, face soft and sated, eyes half-closed. But if he didn’t ask now, then when? Over a meal? While they washed dishes? The next time they went out for one of their training sessions, when ANBU operatives might be able to hear them?

Kakashi breathed out carefully, then flattened his hand firmly on Sasuke’s stomach. “Sasuke,” he said, and Sasuke turned his head slightly toward him, the soft smile on his lips making Kakashi second-guess himself.

But he was already keyed up, and he’d wanted to know these things for some time. He hardly ever asked anything of Sasuke, and if he didn’t ask now, then he may never do it.

Then, “What is it?” Sasuke murmured sleepily.

Kakashi took a deep breath. “Why were you okay with me touching your hair at the beginning?”

Sasuke actually gave a short, bitter laugh, fully awake now. “He didn’t like my hair. The one part of me he didn’t like. Said it was too thick and unruly. Too wild. He mostly left it alone.”

“Ah,” Kakashi said. His loss, my gain, he thought, and he reached out and tucked a strand of that thick, unruly hair that he liked so much behind Sasuke’s ear. He didn’t know what he would have done at the beginning, if he couldn’t have at least touched that much.

Seconds ticked by.

“You’re still thinking,” Sasuke said bluntly. “What is it?”

Kakashi pressed his lips together into a flat line, then plunged ahead. “When did you learn to kiss?”

“Oh,” Sasuke said, voice softer, and his eyes slid away to focus on the wall beyond Kakashi’s shoulder. “There was a boy, in Sound. Not much older than me. We trained together, and… he liked me. He tried to kiss me one day. I let him.” Sasuke shrugged awkwardly. “This was before anything with…” He set his jaw, then continued. “We made out, I guess, a few times. Then… Orochimaru gave him to Kabuto to experiment on. It was almost immediately after that when Orochimaru started… sending for me, at night.”

It was hard not to stroke Sasuke’s skin gently, soothingly. “I’m sorry,” Kakashi said. Sorry it happened, sorry I asked.

Sasuke seemed to take his meaning, because he met Kakashi’s eyes and nodded, his face tense, but relaxing as they watched each others’ expressions.

“I know how you can make it up to me,” Sasuke said.

“How’s that?” Kakashi asked, brushing his fingers through the silky black hair at Sasuke’s temple.

“Kiss me until I forget him.” Sasuke’s eyes were suddenly glossy, and Kakashi leaned in and pressed their mouths together in a slow kiss. He didn’t know if Sasuke meant the boy, or if he meant Orochimaru. Either one was impossible, he knew that much. But he could try. And try, and try, until their lips and chins were chapped, until Sasuke slumped against him in exhaustion.

Sasuke went back to his room, but he gave Kakashi another goodnight kiss before he left.

 

A few relatively normal days after that, Sasuke dragged himself to the breakfast table, his face blank.

Frowning slightly, Kakashi chewed his toast and watched him. He’d been in these moods before, understandably, but his chakra signature had never felt quite this flat. Gloomy. He pushed ahead anyway—sometimes action was the best antidote for a rotten mood. “I thought I’d take you to see Shikamaru today,” he said.

“I can’t,” Sasuke said. Dark circles ringed his eyes. His gaze only came up as far as Kakashi’s mouth.

“You okay?” Kakashi asked, frowning more deeply in concern. This was the first time Sasuke had outright refused. Anything.

“Kakashi, I just…” Sasuke took a deep breath, staring down at the table. “I can’t.”

“Okay, Sasuke. We can stay at home today,” Kakashi said gently, worried he’d somehow hindered Sasuke’s healing. Was it his aggressiveness the week before? Their roleplaying more involved sex? Was it his questions from a few nights ago?

Or was it just a bad day?

Sasuke spent the day buried in books, roaming from his room to the living room. He sat beside Kakashi on the couch a few times, he ate with him at the table, but never once met his eyes.

 

It was late, the first night they’d been together over a week after Sasuke’s worst day in recent memory, and they lay in bed in the dark after one of the gentlest intimacies that they’d shared so far. Kakashi had one arm outstretched and Sasuke lay facing him, his head on Kakashi’s bicep. His fingers drew sleepy patterns on Kakashi’s side and stomach. He seemed entirely recovered, which relieved Kakashi for a number of reasons.

Out of the darkness, Sasuke spoke softly. “Kakashi. I know you’d never come out and ask me to, but… I forgive you.”

All Kakashi could do was stare at the vague shape of his face in the gloom, his chest swelling, aching.

“For whatever you think you did wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong.” At first Kakashi thought he meant for his recent actions, but then Sasuke said, “Anything I did was far beyond your control, maybe even beyond mine, I don’t know… Kakashi, you weren’t perfect. But nobody is. And you were never anything but good in my life.”

To have his insecurities, his fears that he’d failed Sasuke as a sensei, and as the first real authority figure he’d had in his life for years after the massacre, laid bare—and then to have them wiped away, just like that—was more than Kakashi could handle for a moment. He shuddered and pulled Sasuke close, held Sasuke’s head against his chest so that Sasuke couldn't see his face—even in the near dark—while it went through… whatever tangled emotions he was experiencing from second to second.

A stubborn, self-loathing part of him wanted to argue, but then Sasuke kissed his collarbone, then his neck, and he closed his eyes.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said, muffled against his skin, and Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut tighter and stroked a hand down the back of Sasuke’s hair. “If anything, I should ask you to forgive me,” Sasuke said quietly.

Kakashi tenderly kissed the top of Sasuke’s head and continued petting his hair, awed that Sasuke was able to actually put these things into words. He thought back to the feral young man who’d been put under his watch seven months ago. “There’s nothing to forgive,” Kakashi said gently.

Maybe… maybe he was good for Sasuke. He’d helped him get here, hadn’t he? Sure, Sasuke had done much, perhaps most, of the work himself. But it was gratifying to think that Kakashi's efforts and patience and understanding had contributed to Sasuke’s current stability. It wasn’t perfect—Kakashi still usually couldn’t touch him gently, other than his thick, unruly hair—but he could hold him in his arms and kiss his hair, bend to kiss his forehead, his nose, and then Sasuke’s mouth found his.

Hours passed.

 

“Sasuke… wouldn’t go see Shikamaru the other day,” Kakashi said. He was hesitant to share this info with Tsunade, but… perhaps she’d have some advice, or some insight.

Tsunade flicked her eyes up to his masked face. “Bad day?”

“Seemed like it. He looked like he hadn’t slept.”

“And you’re worried about him.”

“Yes,” Kakashi said simply.

Tsunade sighed. “It’s nothing you did wrong,” she said. “Healing isn’t always linear, especially from complex trauma like he’s experienced. There are bound to be some steps backwards along the way. In fact… is this the first time he’s said no to a visit?”

“Yes,” Kakashi said again.

“That’s honestly a little surprising. Kakashi…” Her voice softened, became less clinical. “You’re doing fine. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. You’re good for him.”

Keep doing what you’ve been doing. Kakashi felt the largest swell of guilt he’d experienced in a long time over exactly how he was helping Sasuke. Kakashi gave her a short nod. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Tsunade said with a slightly amused tilt of her lips. “Now, I believe you know where the door is.”

 

—tbc

Notes:

this fic is going to be 15 or 16 chapters long. i’m setting it as 16 right now, because i have 16 total definite, mostly finished chapters, and i’m unsure whether i’m going to finish the final “epilogue” i’ve started… i began it to address a tiny plot point that got lost in the shuffle (idk if i want to say what it is, because it might be spoilery? lol. but you might be able to guess it, especially as we get to the end of the fic), and it decided it wanted to turn into a PWP of a chapter. so idk if a gratuitous smut scene is necessary… or if it doesn’t matter if it’s gratuitous, if i really want to write it. but do i really want to write it? i’m very tired right now, so it’s hard to tell. and who knows, it might turn out that i add it weeks or months after i post the “final” chapter of Affinity.