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The girls didn't know. The demons had usurped their place on the stage.
But now, as they run toward her, she realizes that this time, they do know.
They know what she is. The patterns that stain her skin, the poison that contaminates her blood.
They know everything.
Why?
Why, for once, couldn't life, Hunmoon, some god, whatever, smile on her?
She's tired of fighting the tide. Of staying strong when the world wants her to sink and never come back. She's tired of pretending she can change fate, when her end was sealed the day she was born.
Why couldn't Celine have been kind and killed her when she was a newborn? When she hadn't hurt or loved anyone?
It would be easier.
Instead, here she is, standing, but feeling more depressed than ever, as her nails dig into the skin of her shoulders.
She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Like her parents, like Jinu, like Zoey and Rumi now, her voice left her when she needed it most.
She wants to collapse and cry. She wants to grab her sword and end it all. She wants to go visit Celine and yell at her about why she didn't just kill her, if she was never going to love her anyway.
But above all, Rumi wants Zoey and Mira.
The Saja Boys, Jinu, Gwi-Ma, Hunmoon, none of that matters to her anymore.
And maybe it's selfish, but Rumi is a demon, and she's rotten and broken inside, so she closes her eyes, and prays, to whoever's listening, that they let her win. Let her keep her friends.
She couldn't lose them. They were all she had, all she wanted, loved, and needed.
Neither life nor death would have meaning without them.
So Rumi knelt down, hitting her knees against the hard ground, straightening her back, and begged.
"I can explain. Please, let me explain." Her hands clenched the front of her shirt, sharp claws piercing the fabric and skin, a pleasant itch that helped keep her focused. "I know I'm a mistake, that I don't deserve to live, but please, please, don't leave me alone. You are all I have."
She could barely see, the tears still falling down her cheeks making everything blurry, but in a way, it was for the best. This way, Rumi wouldn't have to see her friends disgusted faces.
She could bear Celine's barely concealed hatred, the way she never looked into her eyes, the way she only saw her mother or the demon who had conceived her and not her, but she couldn't bear Zoey and Mira doing the same.
If they look at her like that, Rumi will break down even more than she already is. But she won't leave, because she can't leave. She can't get away from her friends.
Whether they hate her, love her, fear her, or loathe her, it doesn't matter; they give her existence a meaning she can't lose.
"Rumi..."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have lied to you and made you believe I could be someone normal, someone good, I swear I wanted to tell you, but I'm a coward, and I wanted to pretend for a little longer that I wasn't a monster. That I was-" Rumi choked on her own breath, "-that I was worthy of being loved."
Her claws dug deeper into her skin, the warm, fresh blood sliding through her fingers. It was liberating, soothing, knowing she was human enough to bleed.
But she would never be human enough in any other sense, would she? Not even Celine, who had seen her born and raised her, saw her as anything more than a filthy demon. A secret to hide.
Mira and Zoey...how many demon-slaying songs had they sung with her? Rumi had lost count.
In the end, she was begging for a little more time. Maybe Zoey wouldn't kill her, but Mira, always mature and willing to help others, would.
It could be worse, Rumi thinks, if it wasn't one of her friends who was going to kill her. At least, if it was them, their faces would be the last thing she'd see.
Beautiful faces that would give her a much more beautiful ending than they would know.
Those faces that she loved, loves, and will love, because there's nothing in the world that will make her stop doing it.
"And I'm sorry for assuming I could be loved. For pretending I was a friend of yours, that I could be your family, and something more than a demon." Her patterns boiled against her skin, like insects eating her from the outside in. "I'm sorry for everything."
Celine would hate her if she saw her right now, but wasn't that always the case?
The only people who have ever truly looked at her with affection were Mira, Zoey, Bobby, and...well, she thought Jinu did too, but that was a mistake.
Like her. Like him.
"Rumi, God."
Footsteps approached her quickly. Rumi forced herself to relax. This was the moment. This would end her suffering.
However, instead of a knife blade piercing her, she was pushed backward onto the ground, with two bodies on top of her.
"Girls?" Why hadn't they killed her? And why... "Why are you crying?"
"Rumi." Zoey's hands, much smaller and more human-like than her own, placed themselves over where Rumi was digging her skin. "Please stop hurting yourself!"
Rumi wasn't sure what was happening, but she obeyed, pulling her claws from her raw, mangled, and bleeding skin, staining her blouse with trickles of blood.
Zoey looked like she was about to throw up, but she resisted, taking her claws in hers and stroking them. It wasn't comfortable, because Rumi was lying on the floor, and Zoey was half-sitting, but it felt... good.
"Don't ever act like that again, do you understand?" Mira murmured against her ear, squeezing her shoulder. "I never want to see you like that again."
"But...I didn't do anything wrong?" She hadn't pulled out a weapon or attacked anyone. What had scared Mira and Zoey so much?
"You hurt yourself, that's wrong." Zoey's lips hovered over her knuckles. "And you thought—you thought we'd hurt you."
"I'm a demon."
"You think we care, Rumi? You're our friend."
"But-"
"No, be a good girl, and listen to me. Rumi, you're our best friend, our family, and our partner. We can't, and we don't want to, ever lose you."
"We need you, Rumi. Who would I watch turtle documentaries with besides Mira if you weren't here?"
"I- I'm sorry? I-"
"Shh, Rumi. We've got you, and we'll never let you go." Mira wiped the tears from her own face. "We can talk about the rest later, but memorize that for me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Good girl."
That nickname again. It was doing weird things to her.
Even though Mira and Zoey always made her feel weird, and now that they apparently didn't hate her...her heart did not slow down the accelerated pace it had maintained for the last hour.
But she didn't feel bad, not with the girls all over her. Rumi felt stronger than ever, honestly.