Chapter Text
Simon sits in his flat. Alone.
He isn’t unfamiliar with loneliness. No, it had practically been his life’s calling for most of his life. That is, until he had met Daphne.
The past few months they have shared together have been the best of his life. She brings a joy out of him that he had not even thought his mangled heart could comprehend. She’s become his best friend, his person, his love.
And now Simon has to stomach the fact that she’ll be with another man tonight.
It was his own doing that had gotten them to this point. He had told her that he didn't see a future with her, specifically not one in which she would be happy with him. It broke him to have to push her away, ripped him apart on the inside, as if putting distance between them was an act that went against the very laws of nature.
They had been on again, off again for a week or two now...except they were never truly off. Simon would tell her how he was no good for her, but he would still show up at her door again the next day. Even if it was only for a short moment, he would find an excuse to see her. He had been utterly failing at staying away no matter how hard he tried, and he felt all the worse that he could not put his feelings aside to allow Daphne a clean break from him.
But tonight would be different. It had to be, for Daphne’s sake. He wouldn’t allow himself to continue stringing her along, not when she deserved so much better than that.
He would let her go, and he would stay put where he was. Tonight, the only thing he would allow himself to do was pine for Daphne from afar while stewing in his own self-loathing with a glass of brandy in hand. Perhaps he could make some time to throw in some resentment at his father as well.
Meanwhile, Aunt Agatha was holding one of her summer soirées this evening, and she had made a point to mention to him that Friedrich would be attending tonight — the same Friedrich who had shown an interest in Daphne in the past.
And, according to Agatha, Daphne was accompanying him to the party tonight, more or less making him Daphne’s date. How Agatha knew this particular detail, Simon wasn’t sure, but at this point he did not doubt her ability to know anything and everything about everyone’s business.
Simon takes a swig of his brandy, resting (or perhaps more accurately, slamming) his glass back on his table.
Daphne had never reciprocated Friedrich’s interest in her, but perhaps this is a sign that she is now open to the idea. Simon wants to latch onto the hope that this is all merely platonic and friendly, but it feels cruel to do so. After all, isn’t this why Simon had been pushing Daphne away? For her to find a man who can make her happy the way she deserves?
And Friedrich is great for her. In fact, he's fan-fucking-tastic for her, Simon admits bitterly. He’s met the guy a few times, as he is a nephew of a friend of Agatha’s. Friedrich is nice, rich, comes from a good family. Simon bets he wants a boatload of kids too, just like Daphne.
He squeezes his eyes shut at the image in his head, of a little baby that looks like a mix of the two of them. Binging all the brandy in the world wouldn’t make him as nauseous as the picture of Daphne and Friedrich’s little family together.
But maybe the only thing that hurts more is another image, one that’s been popping into Simon’s head for some time now. It’s an image of another baby, one that looks like a mix of himself and Daphne. It hurts him like a fissure through his very soul. Hurts him that he can't give Daphne what she wants. And, if he's honest with himself, what he wants, too.
He wants it so much. He’s pictured what Daphne would look like, glowing and radiant while pregnant with his child. What it would sound like to have a household full of their children’s laughter ringing throughout.
He wants it, and yet…he is afraid. Afraid of being a shit father like his own.
It had felt so good to tell that bastard on his deathbed that his line would end with Simon. No more Bassets, no one to keep the family name alive. The man had never cared about his son, only placing importance on the family name and the esteemed image and status that had to be upheld.
It was something Simon could hold onto, that bitter promise he made to his father. A kind of cursed North Star that guided his fucked up life.
But then, Daphne had changed his world, become his world, in the time since he had met her. And now nothing is simple. He’s drowning in old wounds and insecurities, all the while trying to keep Daphne afloat and away from the anchor that he would be on her life.
And maybe it would be easier to let her go if he didn’t know what it was like when he was with her, if he didn’t feel that bond that seemed to pull them together. He knows it’s love and he knows she loves him. After all, it’s impossible not to feel her love, with how bright and radiant it is.
And he loves her too, more than anything, which is why he knows it would destroy him to watch her suffer through a life with him.
There’s a part of him that tells him they belong together, that all those happy moments they have shared together mean he could be the right man for her. But he’s scared that’s just the selfishness talking, that classic Basset greed that may be the only gift he has ever received from his father.
Simon rubs a hand over his face. He doesn’t know what to make of the mess in his head, but he’s already tired of thinking about his past and his father tonight. Maybe a lifetime of brooding over such topics has caught up to him. Or the additional brooding over Friedrich has worn him out.
Regardless, he decides he doesn’t want to be alone tonight, doesn’t want to be alone at all, if Daphne will have him, and desperately hopes that he hasn’t come to that decision too late as he grabs his jacket and makes a beeline for the door.