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Jungkook is just a baby and everything is still very new to him. That's what Appa had told Yoongi when he'd asked why Jungkook was always crying and fussing.
Up until Jungkook came into their family, Yoongi had thought Hoseok was the biggest crybaby in the world. Hoseok would cry at least twice a day on a good day and Yoongi had thought for a second that the twins would be even bigger crybabies than him but that just wasn't true.
Hoseok would cry when the twins cried. He would cry when daddy left the house and he'd cry even harder when Appa left. He cried when he was given a food he didn't like, he cried when Yoongi closed the door to his bedroom, he cried at school, in the store, at the doctors, and even at the playground.
"What's wrong with your brother? Why he always cries?" Yoongi had been asked by one if his friends at a playdate in the park. Hoseok had been running towards appa, screaming and crying because someone had beat him to the rocking horse. Yoongi knew Hoseok was overreacting but the question still prickled his skin. He hated when people questioned his family, always felt his chest tighten and face heat up.
Yoongi had responded with more bite to his words than he intended with "Nothings wrong with him! He's only 6!" After that Yoongi wasn't really enjoying himself anymore, suddenly hyper aware of all the eyes on Hoseok who was now being bounced on daddy's arm and being fed one of the twins' rice snacks as Appa pinned his sweaty bangs out of his face. Yoongi had suddenly wished they were at home where no one could see them.
When Jungkook came along, Yoongi was almost in disbelief at how often he cried and fussed. He cried more than Hoseok and the twins combined and because of it he required more of Appa's attention than any of them. Daddy was always asking Appa what he needed and how he could help but Appa always just told him to give Jungkook some space. Jungkook always needed space or time or someone’s attention but Yoongi supposed it was because he was still a baby. Even still, it seemed a bit unfair.
It was time for breakfast and Appa had asked Daddy to round up everyone to eat. Yoongi was always the first to be called because he could help with Hoseok and the twins on especially chaotic mornings. Those kind of mornings made Yoongi feel all wound up tight and crazy like he wanted to scream and run and pull his hair out but he had gotten really good at pretending he was fine just long enough to get everyone into their seats like he was asked.
It was a Saturday morning where no one had any special plans and both Appa and Daddy didn't have work so everyone moved at their own pace. No school meant Yoongi and the others could stay up late (9:30 pm, 10 for Yoongi) and sleep as long as they wanted (usually just until 9 am because healthy boys need routines as Appa says).
In reality Yoongi was the only one who took advantage of the flexible bedtimes. Jungkook, who hadn't been broken out of his bottles still woke up every 4 hours to eat which landed his and Appa's wake time at about 4:30-5:00 am every day. Daddy would do the feedings most mornings but Jungkook's fussing still woke appa so he'd run through his own morning routine before starting breakfast while Jungkook and Daddy had their bonding time. The mornings were the only time Jungkook would be away from appa without too much fuss, too sleepy and hungry to bother.
The twins would wake up around 6:30-7:00 am although Jiminie tended to sleep later with 8 am being his latest. They didn't fuss much upon waking as they kept each other entertained for the most part. Hoseok's wake time varied dramatically each day but when he's feeling safe and settled, having been able to run through his very specific nightly routine and rituals he'd sleep until about 7 am.
Yoongi could sleep all day if Appa or his siblings would let him. It's usually either Hoseok or daddy who wakes him up in the morning on the weekends. During the week Appa takes care of waking everyone up and Hoseok is too busy running through his very specific and extensive morning routine to bother him.
This morning Hoseok woke up bright and cheery, greeting Yoongi with a kiss on his cheek once he'd finally gotten out of bed to open the door for him. He'd asked Yoongi if they could play Mario kart together but Yoongi didn't want him to lose and ruin his happy mood so he suggested they play with legos instead.
They had managed to build three sky scrapers at about knee height and a car that required quite the imagination to function when daddy poked his head in the door, calling for the two of them.
" daddy look what me and Hyungie made!" Hoseok exclaimed, pointing excitedly at their little creations after scrambling to his feet. He reached out in a wordless plea to be carried by daddy even though the kitchen table wasn't a very far walk in Yoongi's opinion.
Daddy lifted Hoseok into his arms as he made a show of being surprised. " Wow boys!! You guys are getting better and better every time you build something! These are some mighty tall towers" he exclaimed catching Yoongi's eye with a smile.
Yoongi loves getting compliments from daddy even though he doesn't always show it. It's just that Daddy is the smartest, coolest person he knows so getting his approval always makes Yoongi feel happy and important.
"They're actually sky scrapers. And that's a car." Yoongi says as he stands and follows Daddy and Hoseok out of the room and into the kitchen. Yoongi makes sure to greet Appa with a hug and kiss before he finds his seat. He'll just watch until Appa or daddy asks him to do something, he decides.
Daddy goes to place Hoseok into his chair but Hoseok clings to him, whining out as a pout forms on his lips.
" oh, how could I forget such a vital part of the morning?" Daddy asks and Yoongi can tell it's one of those questions that you don't actually have to answer. After carrying Hoseok over to Appa so he can get his morning cuddles, he then places him into his chair without incident.
Hosoek is really good at getting rid of what would be silence in the kitchen save for the dishes clinking as Appa fixes everyone's plates. He's still in his happy mood as he talks animatedly about whatever thought pops into his head. To the untrained ear it sounds like a babbling stream of consciousness but Yoongi and Appa are used to it and can decipher the bits and pieces of one long scattered story that Hoseok is telling.
Yoongi runs his nails across the textured underside of the table, recreating the rhythm of some song he heard on the way back from school with daddy yesterday. He's still listening to Hoseok's story and watching Appa fiddle around with the the different plates and foods but sometimes he just needs a little more stimulation and the rough underside of the dining table against his nails just does it for him.
His mind wanders briefly about when Appa would trim their nails next and then to when he would get his next hair cut. Yoongi thinks he likes his hair long. When he looks in the mirror he actually feels like he's looking at an 8 year old and not an overgrown 7 year old. People often get Yoongi's age wrong because he's a bit shorter than the other 8 year olds in town but he's okay with his height. At least Hoseok's not taller than him. Yoongi hopes Hoseok doesn't get taller than him, or worse the twins get taller than him.
So far Jiminie is the shortest. Taehyungie is pretty tall for a 4 year old in Yoongi's opinion but that could just be because Hoseok is both short and skinny for a 6 year old. Jungkookie's short too but he's a baby and besides he hardly ever stands near any of them on the rare occasions where he does actually bother standing up. Daddy is the tallest and Yoongi hopes he will grow to be the same height as him.
Just then daddy re-enters the kitchen with the twins. He's carrying Minnie while Taehyung bounces along behind him as if he's on a poorly drawn hop scotch board. Minnie is wearing his ballet clothes, black leggings and a white t-shirt plus the little pink tutu that daddy had bought him after he'd been in tears about how the ballet teacher had told him that the tutus were only for the girls.
Taehyung was in his dinosaur costume from last Halloween so Yoongi guessed they must've been playing some kind of princess monster game together. Minnie always made it clear that he was the princess and Taehyung was always the monster or wolf or whatever other antagonist from whichever storybook story they tried to act out.
Taehyung was very obedient to Minnie, sometimes even more than he was to Daddy and Appa. None of the siblings were obedient to Hoseok and all of them listened to Yoongi except for jungkookie. Jungkookie wasn't obedient to anyone but Daddy said it was because he didn't always understand when he was being given a command.
Yoongi couldn't tell which parts of Jungkookie were autism and which parts were just him being a 2 year old and Daddy and Appa couldn't seem to tell either. He supposed that he was just a mix of both. Babies are just confusing like that and Yoongi still wasn't sure what autism even was or why they thought Jung kook was it.
Once the twins were seated and the table was set, daddy took his seat as Appa went to get Jungkook, who was having his 1 hour morning nap. Appa is the only one who knows how to wake him up without causing him to scream and cry for the next two hours.
Daddy asks them all how they slept and what kind of dreams they had and if they had any plans for the day. Yoongi doesn't know what kind of plans two four year olds, a six year old and an eight year old could possibly have that daddy wouldn't already be aware of but he doesn't bother asking and just listens for all of the other kids' answers curiously.
Minnie starts, swing his chubby legs as he pats his little fingers against the table. " me and tae tae wake up and play princess dragon!!" he says with a big excited smile that hides his eyes behind his cheeks. Yoongi doesn't bother pointing out that the question was about the future, not what already happened or the fact that Taehyung is clearly a dinosaur, not a dragon. 4 year olds don't like being corrected and Yoongi does not want to be scolded by one in a tutu.
Taehyung doesn't say anything, just copies Minnie's excited smile but daddy always encourages him to talk anyway. He says that even though Taehyung and Minnie are twins they should have their own voices and experiences. Yoongi still doesn't quite get what he means because it's very obvious to him that they are their own people but daddy always knows what he's talking about.
"What about you, Taehyungie? What are you gonna do today?" Daddy asks after giving Minnie an excited response and reminding a now restless Hoseok that he will get his chance to talk right after taehyungie.
Yoongi thinks it's hard to tell what Taehyungie is saying most of the time because he often mixes up the syllables of his words but Minnie always knows exactly what he says. Sometimes Daddy and Appa have to ask Minnie to translate for them. Other times they have to tell Minnie to give him a chance to speak for himself. Taehyung doesn't seem to care either way as long as he can get his point across.
"I play Minnie!" He exclaims pointing to him as if no one would know who he was talking about otherwise. Daddy gives him the same reaction as he did Minnie and it's finally hoseok's turn to answer.
The twins took too long and now Hoseok is talking so fast none of them know what he's saying but daddy nods along anyway. Yoongi hears his name in the mix a few times so he's guessing he'll be playing with Hoseok today. He's just glad Hoseok is finally in a good mood. It's getting rare for him to have days like this and Yoongi feels sorry for him. He knows that Hoseok is meant to be a happy kid who loves everyone he meets but his brain gives him a hard time.
Appa returns with Jungkookie in his arms just as Hoseok is finishing up. He's clinging on to Appa's shirt tightly and he has red lines across his chubby cheeks from how much he was sleeping. Yoongi thinks he looks funny with his hair sticking up in every direction and his big round eyes looking around the kitchen in wonder. It's finally Yoongi's turn to answer the question. Yoongi opens his mouth to speak right as Appa goes to place Jungkook in his high chair and his sentence is swallowed by Jungkook's scream which makes his ears ring painfully and tears everyone's attention away from him.
Yoongi, Hoseok and Taehyung cover their ears, watching as Appa wrestles to get jungkook into his chair and strapped in. Minnie glances around between Appa, daddy, and Jungkookie with a concerned look on his little face. He always wants to help when anyone in the family gets hurt or upset but daddy and Appa don't always let him. Jungkookie is always like this at breakfast, screaming, crying, throwing whatever he can get his hands on but daddy and Appa insist on letting him sit at the table with everyone else.
Yoongi knows that if any of them tried anything remotely close to that they'd be excused from the table and sent to their room. Jungkook is allowed to disturb them and ruin their peaceful breakfast but Yoongi isn't sure if it's because he's only 2 or because he has autism but either way Yoongi never gets the chance to share his plans for the day. He supposes his answer wasn't that important anyway.
————
By the end of breakfast both Appa and Jungkook’s food is strewn across the kitchen and Yoongi is pretty sure he didn't see Appa get two bites in. Yoongi feels a heaviness rising in his chest as he watches Appa stand, grab the wet wipes and make his rounds, cleaning each kids hands before sending them off with a juice pouch to play. Appa looks tired and a little upset but Yoongi thinks he's trying to hide it.
Yoongi stays seated, even though he knows that 8 year olds should be able to clean their own messes after a meal. He's starting to realize that it makes Appa's eyes get all glossy and sad when he tries to do things like this by himself and for whatever reason he has a feeling Appa is already feeling gloomy today so he won't refuse the gentle touches of wet wipes today.
When Appa makes his rounds and gets to yoongi, the others have already gone off to play and it's just Yoongi, daddy, appa and Jungkook who seems to have finally settled down and found a food item interesting enough to not throw it across the kitchen.
"Did you enjoy your breakfast, baby?" Appa asks Yoongi, voice gentle and quiet making Yoongi feel like it's just the two of them. Yoongi nods, closing his eyes as Appa runs the cool wet wipe over his face. Appa coos, placing a kiss on Yoongi's forehead before he gently cleans each of his fingers with the wipe.
"There you go, handsome. All clean." Appa kisses his cheek and Yoongi knows he can run off and play now but Appa just looks too tired and it doesn't feel fair that he just gets to have fun all day while Appa does all the work. He even cooked all of the food but he barely got to taste it because of jungkook.
Somewhere in the distance there's a thud and then Taehyung's voice rings out in a pained cry that startles jungkook. He drops his piece of squished food and his lip quivers and Appa is rushing over to him, cooing already.
Daddy glances at Appa for a second, his expression unreadable to yoongi, before he rushes out of the kitchen towards Taehyung’s cries. Yoongi wonders what kind of face that was and figures it's just one of those faces that only grownups know how to read. It wouldn't matter though because Appa's full attention is on jungkookie.
Yoongi never gets the chance to ask Appa if he'd like him to help clean breakfast up.
———
When appa is with jungkook you don't interrupt unless it's an emergency. Yoongi guesses Taehyung's injury wasn't an emergency since daddy hadn't come back around to report anything to appa. Yoongi decided he would just stick around with Appa and Jungkookie until he was needed elsewhere. Hoseok was probably in a game with the twins right now anyway.
Once Appa had gotten Jungkook cleaned up and calmed back down he carried him over to his play mat, sitting in the floor with jungkook in his lap. Yoongi sat a good distance away from them, not wanting to disturb Jungkook's calmness with his presence. Anything could set him off, Yoongi thought. He's like a little bomb.
Appa's laptop is already propped up and he starts clicking around on it. Jungkook stares at the bright screen with his mouth open, eyes wide. It must be his first time seeing a computer, Yoongi thinks.
"Yoongi-yah, appa has an appointment with Jungkookie's doctor online. Do you want to go play for a while? It needs to be quiet in here." Appa says, now trying to hold Jungkook's hands from grabbing the laptop and doing who knows what with it.
Yoongi knows that Appa is asking him to leave the room but for some reason he just doesn't want to. Maybe it's because he wants to see what Appa does all day or maybe it's because he's trying to figure out what Jungkook's deal is but he wants to stay.
" I can keep quiet, Appa. I'll be like a mouse, only quieter because there's no cheese or cats around!" Appa seems to buy it, a tired smile forming on his lips.
"Alright, you can stay but no funny business." Appa warns. Yoongi nods and motions as if zipping his lips and throwing away a key. He saw that on TV once and asked daddy what it meant.
It takes a few minutes for the call to get connected but Jungkook doesn't get fidgety or fussy, his big eyes still glued to the screen. Appa is still holding his little hands gently but Jungkook doesn't seem to mind.
"Good morning Mister Kim Seokjin and hello there Jungkookie! The doctor greets. Yoongi can't see the screen too well but the doctor sounds like a lady. Jungkook smiles wide at the screen, suddenly rocking back and forth. Appa frees his hands and Jungkook starts to flap them as if he's trying to fly away, making excited little noises. Hoseok does that too whenever he gets really excited. Appa greets the doctor and scoots the laptop out of Jungkook's reach.
Yoongi doesn't think he's ever seen Jungkook so excited and happy. Yoongi could almost be convinced this was a completely different baby. Seeing Jungkook so happy seems to make Appa happy and a little energized but then the doctor asks how the past two weeks have been and Appa's smile falters, his eyes tired again.
Appa sighs, glancing down at jungkook, soothing a hand over the back of his head and placing a kiss there. He looks sad, yoongi realizes and he wonders what Appa is thinking. Is jungkookie sick? Maybe those red lines on his face this morning were more serious than he'd thought. Is he going to die? Why would he need to be talking to a doctor anyway? And why at home? Maybe they want him to die peacefully at home surrounded by his family (Yoongi saw that on TV once too and asked daddy what it meant). Yoongi just knows that he shouldnt have been fighting the urge to do everything twice this morning. Maybe if he hadn't listened to his doctor Jungkookie would still be-
"Yoongi, baby are you okay? What's the matter?" Appa asks, sounding worried. Yoongi blinks a few times, realizing that he had been scratching his own legs while he was lost in his thoughts. He feels a pang of embarrassment and gives a jerky nod. Does this count as 'funny business,' Yoongi wonders.
Appa looks concerned and motions for Yoongi to scoot closer to him. Yoongi does, his heart racing and his armpits itching. Appa pulls him in, hugging him before he introduces him to the lady in the screen. She looks nice like she would buy you things and tell you you're doing a great job even if you've barely done anything. Yoongi had a kindergarten teacher like that.
"Hello there! Your appa has told me so much about you, Yoongi. How are you?" The lady asks, her voice high and cheery. Yoongi's lips are sealed and he already threw out the key so he just waves and smiles without showing his teeth. He looks up at appa, hoping he gets the message and of course Appa does.
"You can talk, baby." Appa says softly, running his fingers through Yoongi's hair. Yoongi says hi and asks what's wrong with Jungkookie. Appa looks surprised at Yoongi's sudden question but the doctor just answers in that same cheery voice.
"What makes you think there's something wrong with him, Yoongi-chi?" She asks and Yoongi doesn't know how to answer that. He wants to say it's because he gets all of Appa's attention and he gets to do whatever he wants and he's always crying and he never plays with the other kids and he pretty much hates daddy's guts but Yoongi doesn't want to tell anyone all of that. It feels wrong.
Yoongi shrugs, taking a look at jungkook whose eyes have never left the screen. "His eyes are really big and he's drooling on appa." He hears Appa chuckle and the doctor smiles big but Yoongi doesn't know what's funny. Still, he waits for her answer.
"Can you tell me anything else about Jungkookie?" She asks and Yoongi stares at him. He has a big nose for a baby and a small mouth but fat little cheeks. Yoongi thinks he looks like a rabbit, especially with his big cheeks and his two front teeth being slightly bigger than the rest. Even though Jungkook's eyes are big and round, he's never actually looked at Yoongi or any of the others for that matter. They can never get his attention even for pictures. So yeah Yoongi doesn't know much about him even though they've been living together for a while now.
"He's 2 years old." Yoongi says. He leaves out the part about how he cries all the time and the autism. The doctor nods and agrees.
"Well, Yoongi from what I hear there's nothing wrong with your little brother. He has big eyes and he drools because he's a toddler and he's still getting used to his body, okay? You're a very good big brother and there's nothing for you to be worried about." Yoongi nods.
She must be lying or maybe he should've been honest about why he thinks there's something wrong with jungkook, yoongi thinks as he goes back to his spot off screen. He grabs a puzzle, deciding that he should try to distract himself so that he won't scratch his legs again. There are red lines everywhere and they kind of sting and itch but Yoongi ignores them.
Appa and the doctor keep talking but Yoongi doesn't follow everything they say very well. He hears Appa talking about how the past two weeks have been. He says that Jungkook hasn't been eating aside from bottles and that he thinks he's getting too skinny. He says that Jungkook's been biting and pinching and that he refuses to go with anyone but him. He says that Jungkook doesn't transition activities well at all and Yoongi doesn't know what that could possibly mean. He says that since Jungkook's not eating he's waking up more at night to have bottles but he'll only take them from appa. He says some other things too but Yoongi zones in and out until he hears the last part.
"I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm failing my family and I want to help him, I just don't know how. I'm pretty sure Joon has just given up. He doesn't offer to hold him or help me feed or change him anymore. We barely even talk about things anymore."
By the end of it, Appa's face is red and he's wiping at his tears. The doctor tries to comfort him and says that this can happen in families with a special needs child. Yoongi replays what Appa said in his head.
Did Daddy really just give up on jungkook or did he give up on appa? Yoongi thinks about it and it's true. Daddy lives like jungkook doesn't exist just like how jungkook lives like no one but himself and Appa exists. Yoongi wonders what this means and if that's why Appa looks so sad. Appa loves it when they get along and play together. Yoongi wonders if Jungkook even knows that Appa is sad and tired or if he even cares. Can babies even care about grown ups? Jungkook just babbles and tries to put his entire fist into his mouth as he rocks back and forth, eyes still trained on the computer screen.
Appa says that he has two other special needs children but they never put a strain on him like this one. He must mean jungkookie, Yoongi thinks. Hoseok cries a lot so he must be special needs too but who would the other one be, Yoongi wonders.
"But think about it, Seokjin. With Yoongi it was just you and Namjoon so he could have your full attention. With Hoseokie it was practically the same deal. He and Yoongi got along well and both you and Namjoon could split everything evenly if needed. One child each wasn't so bad, huh? Now you've got the twins who aren't special needs but they aren't much older than Jungkookie and Jungkookie who is high needs autistic and all of your children still require lots of attention from both of you. You know that you can count on Yoongi to keep his siblings entertained but you don't want to rely on him so much and rightfully so. He's still just a small child himself." Yoongi wants to remind them that he's almost a teenager but he doesn't know if those kinds of comments count as funny business or not so he stays quiet as the doctor continues.
"I'm sure Namjoon is feeling the weight of everything as well but it seems that he tries to keep a brave face on for the other children. Sometimes it can be hard to be brave in the face of autism when everything is so unknown for all of you so he's become avoidant of Jungkookie because that means, in an ideal world, all you would have to focus on is keeping Jungkookie calm. But this is not an ideal world, huh? That's not all you have to focus on and it's showing. You all need an intervention, something has to change and I know change is scary because it's new and unpredictable but things will only go downhill with they way their going now."
By now Appa is crying a little harder but Yoongi can tell he's trying to hold it all in. Yoongi thinks he should leave now so Appa can cry it out. That always makes him feel better. But can Appa even cry it out with jungkookie still here? He's calm and happy now but who knows what will set him off next.
Yoongi quietly puts away his puzzle and sneaks out of the room. He should find daddy, he thinks as he wipes his hands on his shirt and clenches and unclenched his fists until it feels a little better inside. It takes 8 tries and then he's off to find daddy.
Daddy is in the twins bed room, being slain by princess Minnie and hoseok who is probably supposed to be a knight or something. He's calling out for taehyung whose eyes are covered by his dinosaur hood to help him. The only part of his face visible is is smile as he wrestles to untie his hands from one of Minnie's scarfs.
Yoongi decides he should wait until they're done playing to ask daddy to talk. He doesn't want to hog him from the rest of them. Instead he goes to his room, closing his door. He needs to relax a bit, he can tell he's getting himself all worked up as Appa would describe it. He changes into pants and a long sleeve shirt so that he won't scratch himself and he grabs one of his basketballs from his closet to keep his hands busy.
Yoongi sits on his bed, sighing. His nails scratch at the tiny bumps on his basketball as he thinks, trying to make sense of everything he's just heard. Yoongi wonders again when he'll get his nails clipped and it occurs to him that Appa hasn't been doing any of his usual Appa stuff on them. He hasn't brushed taehyungs hair in a few days, he hasn't tried convincing Hobi to try out some different character themed underwear, he hasn't asked Minnie about his ballet practices, and he hasn't raided Yoongi's room for his laundry and whatever other smelly things he'd usually take every few days.
Yoongi's legs still sting slightly especially with the pant legs rubbing against them and he wishes Appa would come and rub them with antiseptic and coo at him the way he usually does. Yoongi supposes that part of being the oldest means that he will be the first one to stop being babied and the thought should make him happy but right now things are weird so it makes his heart ache.
There's a knock at Yoongi's door and it sounds like daddy so Yoongi tells him to come in. Daddy is sweating, his hair is everywhere and he has red spots on his face and neck, likely from being slain by Minnie and Hobi. He gives Yoongi a smile and closes the door behind him, walking around his room with his hands in the pockets of his pajama shorts.
"You feeling okay? Are you cold?" He asks, his voice soft as he finally reaches Yoongi's bed, sitting next to him.
Yoongi is confused for a second before he remembers that he changed his clothes. Of course daddy would be curious. Yoongi shakes his head.
"No, my arms and legs were itchy." He answers and Daddy's eyes soften at him.
"Can I see?" He asks before reaching out after getting a nod from Yoongi. Yoongi brings his legs up onto the bed, pulling up his pant legs to reveal his legs. The fabric feels weird rubbing against them even though they've almost stopped stinging.
Daddy softly runs a thumb over one of the scratches, watching yoongi for any reaction. "Were they itchy or were your hands just feeling and looking for something to scratch?" He asks, grabbing Yoongi's basket ball that now had little white scratch lines here and there.
Daddy's right, he thinks. Yoongi sometimes gets scratchy when there's a lot on his mind and Daddy knows that. "You don't have to answer that, buddy. But can you tell me what you're thinking about in here all alone? I thought you'd be gaming with Hobi on a Saturday morning like this." Daddy asks, getting more comfortable on the bed.
Yoongi looks down at his hands, feeling unsure what to say. Was talking to daddy always this difficult? He supposes he should start with jungkookie who kind of started all of this.
"Why do you hate jungkookie? What's wrong him?" Yoongi asks, meeting daddy's eyes. Daddy blinks like this was yards from what he was expecting Yoongi to ask.
"I don't hate anyone, especially any of you. I love all of you guys just the same and what makes you think there's something wrong with jungkookie?" Daddy asks. Yoongi shrugs. There's that question again, it must mean that he's right but the grownups don't know what to say, Yoongi thinks.
"He's special needy like me and hobi so there must be something wrong with him. And he always cries and he only likes appa and he never eats. Is he sick? He's gonna die isn't he?" Yoongi feels tears building up and his heart is pounding like it's trying to crawl up out of his throat. "His doctor is a liar! He's not healthy is he?" He's full on crying now and Daddy grabs him, pulling him into a tight hug that squeezes the air out of him and forces him to breathe in a fresh breath.
"Yoongi, Jungkookie is fine. He's not sick and he's not going to die. Where is all this coming from, buddy?" Yoongi can't answer daddy's question right now because he's trying to control his breathing but he thinks he's lying to him just like the doctor.
Daddy rubs his back, rocking him back and forth. "Yoongi everyone's healthy and safe, okay. And nothing you do is going to make any of them get sick and if they get sick it's not because of you so stop worrying yourself so much." Daddy kisses the top of Yoongi's head and hands him his basketball to scratch at. Yoongi realizes that he'd been scratching at daddy's arm absentmindedly. It must've hurt, so Yoongi apologizes through his tears.
"But what's wrong with him? Why is he always crying? Why won't anyone tell me?" Yoongi asks, a little calmer now, sniffling and scratching along the black lines on the ball.
"He's just autistic. That means his brain is wired differently than everyone else, like you and Hobi. Being special needs doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means you'll need different things than other people. Jungkook needs a lot of things and he needs a lot of love and attention and Appa is great at giving him those things. He's still a baby so he can't tell us what it is that he needs. Things are probably very uncomfortable for him and frustrating. People cry when they need things. Jungkook needs a lot of things so he cries a lot, okay?"
"What does he need? He makes Appa sad and lonely." Yoongi says honestly and Daddy just takes a deep breath, rubbing Yoongi's back some more as he looks up at the ceiling, thinking.
"It's not Jungkook's fault that Appa is feeling sad and lonely. It's not any of you guys fault, okay? You guys make us happier than anything in the universe and that will never change." Daddy says. Yoongi stays quiet because his question still hasn't been answered.
"Now, what does Jungkookie need?" Daddy repeats the question, thinking again. "Appa and Daddy are still learning that part, but I can tell you what we know so far, okay?" Yoongi nods, listening.
"Number one is appa. We all need appa, huh? Well Jungkookie only wants Appa to do things for him. I think it's because he learned from a young age that Appa is the fastest at figuring out what's wrong and fixing it."
"Does he hate us? He never plays with us or even look at us and he always screams when you try to hold him" Yoongi says.
"You know what, Yoongi? Sometimes it does feel like Jungkookie hates me but then I remember how sweet and loving he is. People aren't born with hate in their heart, Yoongi. That's how I knew you didn't really mean it when you said you hated me and Appa and the twins. Your heart is too new and full of love and life to hate people and Jungkookie is the same. Remember how we figured out that you actually were just having a hard time with all of the changes?" Yoongi nods, remembering how mixed up he felt back then.
"Well that's the same thing that's happening to Jungkookie. When we're babies everything is always new and changing and because Jungkook is autistic, he's already having a hard time adjusting to life. I bet you he'll be less fussy as he gets older because he'll learn how to express himself and we'll learn to understand him, huh? That's why we don't force him to do things when he cries. We want him to have a way to tell us when he's not feeling comfortable and crying is his way for now. We just need to hang in there with him."
Yoongi wonders why daddy is the only person who actually answers his questions. He supposes Appa is probably feeling a little too sad to answer them but what about Jungkookies doctor? Are doctors even allowed to lie? Yoongi wonders if people die when a doctor lies and the thought makes him feel a little sick to his stomach. He scratches a little harder at his basketball.
"What else is going on up there?" Daddy asks, lightly tapping Yoongi's head. Yoongi doesn't want daddy to scold Jungkookies doctor because she looks like a nice lady who takes care of appa so he doesn't say anything about her lie.
"Why doesn't Jungkookie eat his food? he threw all of Appa's food and Appa didn't even get to eat. He's probably sad because he's still hungry and Jungkookie won't let him eat." Yoongi says, a slight whine creeping into his tone because he still doesn't think it's fair for Appa.
"Jungkookie doesn't like the feeling of solid foods in his mouth yet So he refuses them. He also doesn't like certain smells, just like you and Hobi. The twins have foods they don't like too." Daddy pauses here like he wants to say something else but Yoongi can tell he's trying to decide how he should say it. Grownups have been doing that to Yoongi a lot lately and he wonders why.
"Jungkookie shouldn't be allowed to throw his and Appa's food all over and disrupt everyone else's meal just because he doesn't like his but Appa doesn't like scolding him and he doesn't want me to scold him either. That's why I didn't interfere this morning." Now daddy looks kind of sad. Yoongi gives him a squeeze around his big body, trying to cheer him up. Daddy wraps an arm around him where he still sits in his lap and gives him a little squeeze back.
"Why does Jungkookie make you and Appa feel sad?" Yoongi asks even though he knows Appa just told him that none of them could make them sad. Is daddy lying too?
"It's not Jungkookie, it's the fact that his autism is always giving him such a hard time these days and that's causing Appa to have a hard time. We're still learning, buddy. I'm sorry you have to worry so much. You're just a kid, huh?" Daddy's eyes look suspiciously shiny when he draws back from kissing the top of Yoongi's hair.
"I'm almost a teenager, daddy! After 9, 10, 11, and 12." Yoongi reminds him and Daddy gives him a smile and tells him not to grow up so fast because Hobi still needs him by his side. Yoongi doesn't quite understand what that means but he tells daddy that he'll always be by Hobi's side even when he's an old man. Daddy tells him he's the best big brother ever and that makes Yoongi smile brightly.
"Hobi is happy today. I wish he could be happy everyday." Yoongi confesses, his smile fading.
"You pay a lot of attention to how everyone is feeling, Yoongi. That's a good trait to have. Hobi is a lot like Jungkookie but he's better at expressing his struggles so we can help him through them a little better."
Daddy's right, Yoongi thinks. Hobi needs appa a lot too and he doesn't get scolded. Now that he thinks about it none of them get scolded a lot. He guesses they are pretty nice kids and they don't get into a lot of trouble. Hobi loves rules and he makes sure everyone follows them. Minnie and Taehyung get scolded sometimes for not playing together nicely but Yoongi and Hobi used to get scolded for that too.
Somewhere in the distance, Appa calls for daddy so he wraps up his talk with Yoongi and goes to see what Appa needs. Yoongi feels settled now that he knows more things about jungkook but he's still curious about him.
A few moments pass before Yoongi heads out of his room, going to see what Daddy and Appa are up to. He spots them in Jungkook’s room, each seated on the carpet watching Jungkookie crawl around.
He can walk but he rarely does so. Yoongi wonders why, wonders if maybe his legs get tired because he’s a baby or if it’s the autism. He still wears diapers too but Yoongi supposes he doesn’t know what age kids can stop wearing diapers. He can barely recall his own diaper days and he’s grateful for that.
Jungkook crawls around in a circle, screeching each time he gets close to appa who scratches at the carpet, making a silly face at him. Yoongi finds himself smiling each time as he watches. Appa can always make Yoongi laugh, even if he’s playing a baby game like this or peek-a-boo. He’s just funny like that sometimes.
On one round Jungkook crawls a little closer to Daddy who has just been watching with a smile too. Daddy does the same thing as Appa but Jungkook gets startled, full body jumping in surprise, eyes round and shiny. His lip quivers but Appa makes a high pitched trilling sound that distracts him from crying and Jungkook is quickly crawling over into Appa’s lap.
Daddy looks a little disappointed to Yoongi and it makes him feel a bit sorry for him. He just wants to play with Jungkook like Appa but Jungkook is being a little mean to him. Daddy and Appa are definitely different but it’s easy for Yoongi to love them both the same so why can’t Jungkook do that, Yoongi wonders.
Appa gives Daddy a small smile, the kind that grownups do before they lay some bad news on you but instead of bad news he scoots both himself and Jungkook closer to daddy. Jungkook turns away from him with a little bit of a fuss, trying to climb appa’s shoulders to get away but Appa just puts a hand on his back, steadying him.
He uses his other hand to guide daddy’s hand to Jungkook’s back. Jungkook settles a little, relaxing on Appa’s shoulder, rubbing his face back and forth against Appa’s neck as daddy rubs his back. Appa scoots closer until he and daddy are basically hugging around Jungkookie until he stops his whining, still just rubbing his face against appa.
Daddy kisses Appa on the cheek and then once on the lips. Yoongi closes his eyes on that one, peeking out a moment later when he thinks the coast is clear and daddy and Appa are just resting their foreheads together. They look calm and peaceful and jungkook is too. Hugs always make Yoongi feel better too so he supposes him and Jungkook have that in common.
Yoongi feels relieved that Daddy and Appa still seem to love each other. He doesn’t know what he’d do if they didn’t anymore, the thought makes the back of his eyes a bit itchy and his nose starts to run a bit. Yoongi wants to get in on the hug but he doesn’t want to disturb Jungkookie so he stays put, just watching, trying to hold back his tears but if he’s honest he's scared.
There’s too much unknown and he still feels sorry for Appa and Daddy the more he thinks about them. He can’t hold back anymore and he tries to keep quiet as he crawls into the room, slipping into the small gap between Appa and Daddy.
They don’t say anything, just letting yoongi cry it out. They must’ve known he was there all along. Yoongi makes a note that he needs to work on his spying skills. One or maybe both of their hands pat and rub at his back until he can settle down a bit but it’s still hard for him to breathe, hiccups and cries still lingering.
Daddy picks him up easily, settling him into his lap and puts one hand on his chest and the other on his back, pushing all the air out out of Yoongi for a second before he lets him breathe. He repeats it again and again until Yoongi can breathe calmer on his own and Appa runs his fingers through Yoongi’s hair, leaning over to kiss him on his temple.
Yoongi feels a lot better here between appa and daddy, even with Jungkookie now staring at him like he’s grown a second head or something. He feels bad that he broke the group hug up with all his crying so he apologizes, sniffing some more but both Appa and daddy rush to reassure him that he doesn’t have to be sorry for feeling and that he has a lot on his mind for an 8 year old. They’re right, they always are, Yoongi thinks.
Jungkook suddenly breaks free of Appa’s hold, scrambling over to his little play pretend kitchen and grabs a plastic cup, inspecting it closely and then just as Appa is telling him that it’s a cup for drinking, he beams it right at daddy’s head at the speed of light.
The action is so sudden that all Appa and daddy can do is gasp and then Appa is curling his lips in, trying not to laugh as he gently scolds Jungkook.
“Hey, we don’t throw things at people, Kookie” Appa says, his laugh trickling out between each word. Daddy just rubs his forehead, still at a loss for words and Yoongi can’t hold back his own giggles despite the hand over his mouth.
“He’s a good thrower, Daddy.” He says in between giggles, causing both Daddy and Appa to laugh. Jungkook doesn’t pay any of them any attention, digging through the rest of his toys until he finds something else. This time it’s a toy hammer and appa quickly rushes over removing it from Jungkookie's hand before he can get any ideas.
“Let’s use lovey hands for Daddy, Kookie.” Appa says, still holding back some laughter. Jungkook leans forward, giving Appa a kiss and a poorly coordinated hug and Appa smiles big, praising him for listening.
“Can you use lovey hands for daddy?” Appa asks, scooting over to sit next to Daddy to show him. He watches with wide eyes as Appa gives Daddy a hug and a kiss on the cheek and a cheery ‘I love you’.
There’s a pause and then Jungkookie is crawling over to Daddy. They all wait expectantly as he crawls into Daddy’s lap, clumsily and then after a brief moment he’s reaching out to hug Appa and place another wet kiss on his cheek, waiting for his praises.
“Close enough” Daddy says with a proud smile, just happy to have him in his lap. Jungkook claps his hands together a few times as Appa coos at him telling him how good and smart he is.
“He’s didn’t even kiss daddy” Yoongi comments and before anyone can say anything back Yoongi has to duck down with a yelp, the plastic cup narrowly missing his head. He can’t help the laughter that escapes him as Appa gasps again in disbelief, quickly reminding him to use ‘lovey hands’
“Okay, I guess it was close enough” Yoongi laughs, hoping to not have something else blasted at him. Jungkook really is a good thrower and Yoongi doesn’t need to feel it to know.
Jungkook crawls back over to Appa’s lap, giving him another clumsy hug and kiss and Yoongi tips over, laughing at him because maybe Jungkookie isn’t that bad after all. Daddy and Appa laugh too, asking him what’s so funny.
“He’s pulling a prank!” Yoongi laughs, grabbing the cup and handing it to Jungkookie. This time him and Daddy take cover behind their hands and sure enough Jungkook throws the cup with a high pitched squeal, it hits Daddy and bounces off and both Yoongi and Jungkookie are hysterical at the way Daddy yelps out, rubbing his head, dramatically.
Yoongi hands Jungkook the cup again and takes cover behind Daddy but Appa interferes, removing the cup from Jungkookie's hand before he can launch it.
“Alright boys, that’s enough torturing Daddy for today.” He says but he and daddy are both laughing as well, Appa’s eyes are wet with unshed tears and Daddy’s looks a little shiny too but of course Yoongi doesn’t say anything, still giggling as Jungkook looks around for the cup.
Things are still scary if Yoongi thinks about them too long but right now with Appa and daddy around and Jungkookie happy, Yoongi doesn’t have to think about it. All he has to worry about in this moment is making sure Jungkookie doesn’t get ahold of that cup again and if daddy will have a bruise on his head.