Just give me the reason

by Scalara

Summary:

Alastor is having traumatic flashbacks of his and Vox's past relationship and cracks are beginning to show. He is not allowing anyone to help him (not even Rosie, who tries her best, but because Alastor is Alastor, you know how that ends).

And then Lucifer decides to move in. Well, this just ruined the rest of his week.

Past Voxal, future Appleradio!! Slowburn.

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

He could remember everything. The hands that grabbed him and held him down. The mouth that kissed him without his consent. The breath on his face, on his body. The dizzy feeling, was he drugged? He didn’t give any consent, he was sure of it! Why doesn't it stop?

Alastor woke up gasping, covered in sweat that sticked on his fur. Another nightmare of that memory. It’s been seven years, he should be over it already! He rose from the bed and walked to the ensuite. Small delights of being hotelier and friends with the owner of the hotel. He shuddered, imagining if he had to walk down the hotel corridors looking like this and in this state of mind. No, that’s not going to happen.

In the bathroom he quickly splashed water on his face, enjoying the feeling of cold water cooling him down. He looked in the mirror and assessed the situation. He was looking better than he thought - no eyebags under his eyes, but there was still that tired look of someone who hasn’t slept enough. He clenched his hand into a fist, claws digging into his flesh but he didn’t care. Pain was rooting him in the moment, giving him a sense of control. He liked to be able to be in control. A couple more steadying breaths and then he would go back to bed, though he doubted that he would not get any sleep tonight.

__________

He isn’t used to the crowds, but here he is, walking towards the dining room for breakfast. He could hear the laughter and chatter. Everlasting smile on his face, he stepped in and the voices stopped for a while, irritating him.

“Please, don’t stop because of me. I would be happy to hear what was the reason for such joyful sounds” he poured himself a coffee and sat at the head of the table, crossing his legs.

“Oh it’s nothing, Cherri just told a funny story about what happened on her last date! Nothing that you would be interested in!” Charlie rushed to answer.

“Charlie dear, I would love to hear what happened. So please, miss Cherri, if you don’t mind…?” Alastor heard himself saying pleasantly, grimacing inside. Well if that’s what kept the conversation going.

“So, as I was trying to say before the strawberry pimp interrupted..”

Alastor let Cherri speak, listening in for any useful details he would later use, while sipping his coffee. It left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, but he didn’t care. Caffeine was good, it started his day and made him feel like a human.. oh well, demon again. It also gave him a reason to come and dwell with the other residents of the hotel, offering a distraction of those thoughts. Nights were the worst. He doesn’t fall asleep easily and he keeps lying on the bed, surrounded by those thoughts, being a prisoner of his own mind… A personal hell for him in Hell.

__________

He continued his day normally, doing small renovations in the hotel before going for his daily outing in Pentagram City. Rosie-dear was waiting for him and she did say something about the arriving shipment of the fresh tongues last time he visited her and implied an invitation for him to join. How could he refuse such an offer? And Rosie might also provide him some help with his situation.

“Alastor! How I have missed seeing your lovely face, where have you been mister?”

“Dearest Rosie, you know as well as I do, I visited only a couple of days ago. I’m very busy nowadays and as much as I want to visit every day, it’s simply impossible. But I’m very happy to see you too, how have you been?”

“I have been good, thank you for asking! Now I think I promised you that we are going to have those fresh tongues. Come here and have some! And how have you been?”

Alastor follows Rosie to the small alcove, smelling deliciously seasoned roasted tongues. He can feel his mouth watering, Rosie always knew how to surprise him. He took a seat and allowed Rosie to serve him tea before he answered.

“I’m not doing so well, I’m afraid. Those nightmares I have told you? They have returned. I can barely get any sleep at night and it’s starting to take its toll.”

Rosie sighed and put her tea away. Then she grabbed Alastor’s hands, a move which would have cost someone else their hand, but because it was Rosie, Alastor found it comforting.

“I’m very sorry to hear that dear. Do you need any kind of sleep medication? Or do you just want to talk about it?”

“You know very well that I don’t want to use any medication” Alastor shuddered. Medication would make him feel groggy and out of his body, he just… didn’t want to experience that again. But Rosie of course only wanted his best so he wasn’t mad. “I guess I only wanted to talk about it.”

The next hour and half he spent talking to Rosie, going through his nightmares, while Rosie nodded at the right places and let out sympathetic voices. It made Alastor feel like he was heard and his feelings were valid, a rare luxury in Hell. He was so fortunate to have a friend like this.

__________

Shrill laughter broke the silence, making him flinch. He wasn’t a fan of loud noises, they made his ears hurt. Another reason why radio was a better medium than that loud, noisy picture box!

“Alastor, old buddy, come and join us! Val got that movie deal and is moving up the ladders! And Velvette just gained 10 new followers in one day!”

Alastor looked up from his note pad where he was making plans for the next few shows, giving them a small smile.

“Congratulations, both of you. It’s nice to hear that you’re getting the recognition you both deserve”. No matter what he thought about other demons, he was genuinely happy for them. It was always good to have powerful allies in your corner. Not that he needed one, but he wanted to… what did he want? Keep your friends closer, but your enemies closer? Yes, that’s right. Even though he didn’t like those enemies and would do absolutely everything not to spend time with them. But alas, one can only do so much to avoid them.

Vox’s smile tightened. He took a few brisk steps and soon he was next to Alastor. Alastor tried to act like it didn’t bother him. Keep your feelings in check and keep smiling. His posture stiffened, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Velvette and Val, can you leave two of us alone?” Vox waited for the other two demons to leave the room, before he tightened his grip. Alastor’s smile grew even wider, even though he felt TV demons claws to break his skin, letting out a few droplets of blood.

“You send my gifts away, once again. Why?”

“I don’t want your gifts, I don’t want anything from you. You know perfectly well that if I desire something, I can buy it myself”

“It’s insulting. I buy you all those pretty things, bring you flowers and try to keep you happy, but you keep insulting me!”

“I don’t ask you to buy them for me! If I need something, I’ll ask -” Alastor’s reply was cut and he lost all air from his lungs, when the fist hit his stomach.

“Now look at what you made me do. Don’t you understand, I just want to keep you happy. You’re so pretty, I don’t want to hurt you, but you make me do these things to you when you make me angry! It’s your own problem if you’re so stupid bitch that you don’t realize what’s good for you and when people want to take care of you!”

Alastor smiled through the pain. “I’m sorry, I promise to be good from now on”.

“See that you do”

__________

“......... Alastor? Did you hear what I asked?”

Alastor blinked his eyes a couple of times, he was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t notice that he was needed.

“I’m sorry dear, can you repeat the question?”

“Oh, nothing, I just wanted to let you know that we are out of detergent. You are so good at getting it at a lower price so I was wondering if -”

“Yes of course dear Charlie! I would be delighted to help!” Alastor put on an even wider smile, to hide his own storm which still brewed inside of him.

Charlie kept looking at him, making him nervous. Was there still something else the girl wanted and why didn't she just say it?

“I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. You have been in your thoughts the whole day and I’m worried about you, are we giving you too much work? You have been working so hard, maybe you want to take a break, I’m sure that me and Vaggie will find a good deal for detergent and Vaggie can take tasks off from you!”

“Charlie dear, I would hate to shed any of my load on your or Vaggie’s shoulders, so don’t fret! I’m doing fine, you don’t need to worry about me!”

“If you say so Alastor. But if you need help, you need to only ask”

“Of course dear. Now, I think I need to continue my duties. I’ll see you later at dinner.”

Alastor watched as Charlie turned and walked away. He couldn’t help but shiver, his composure was starting to crack. Damn it, this happens every time when he talks to someone about what has happened and those nightmares. Why was he so weak, letting these dreams affect him this much? He should be stronger, he is stronger than that!

Alastor walked down the hall towards the bar, furiously thinking of different solutions to his problem. Rosie has said something about grounding techniques, about breathing in, holding it and breathing out. Or just allowing thoughts to come and go. Well, that last one just won’t do! He wasn’t going to be vulnerable, even if he was alone in his bed chambers.

“Hi boss. Normal one?”

“Yes Husker” Alastor sighed when he sat down. Husk glanced at him, but didn’t say anything. Good. He wasn’t in the mood to explain himself or try to think about excuses, or even to put a feline demon in his place. He drank his rye in silence, continuing to think about his problem. Suddenly he felt someone’s hand on his waist.

“Hiyaaaaa Smiles! Whatcha doing?”

Alastor moved faster than the snake. He almost hit Angel to the jaw, but the latter was faster and moved away from his fists. Alastor suppressed his desire to strangle him with his tentacles, oh he was so tempted.

“Wooooaaah, what got you out of sorts today? It was just a small touch, I didn’t know that you’re that prissy!”

“Keep your hands on yourself, unless you wish to have them hacked off and eaten” Alastor hissed, dusting his coat. Angel just stared at him, a quick realization hitting his face. Before he could say anything, Alastor left. If he would have turned, he would have seen Angel following him with his eyes, shrugging off when Husk was about to ask if he’s ok.

__________

Alastor could feel it, a lump in his throat. If he would have been alive, he was sure it would beat wildly. He can feel cold sweat running down on his face and to the neck. He clutched his chest, trying to calm himself down. He felt like he was choked, he was about to start to hyperventilate. It was just a touch, that fool Angel was just messing around, it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean that he was about to hit him or anything. Those days were over, but why he was still feeling like this, why he let these stupid feelings and thoughts control him. No no no. Alastor stopped and slid down the wall to sit, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Alastor. Is everything ok?”

He looked up and stifled the hysterical laughter he almost let out. He was so close to safety in his own room, but no, he let himself out of control and now this was the end result.

“What, no ‘Smiles’? You’re losing your touch dear Angel”

“No, not this time. Do you need anything?”

“No, go away. I don’t need you, anyone or anything. I can handle this myself”

He saw that Angel’s face had this weird expression, which almost looked like determination.

“I’m not leaving you. I’m going to sit here and just keep you company” Angel huffed and sat down with him, keeping a respectful distance.

Alastor wanted to laugh, but it would be ugly, hysterical, not his usual laugh. Still, he almost felt gratitude towards the other demon, who stared at the wall in front of them, not saying a word and most importantly, keeping those hands on himself. They sat there which felt a long time, but it was only for a few minutes. Not speaking, but for some reason Alastor was sure that other demon knew what he was going through. This was his way to help him. But why? He has been nothing but an asshole towards him, why was he helping him? For some kind of power move? To get him to a debt of gratitude? He was sure as hell going to find out.

“Why do you do this? What's your plan?”

“My plan?”

“Yes, there must be something that you’re after. Some kind of personal gain or -”

“Hell no! I’m not after those things. I’m worried about you. You left in such a hurry, only after I touched your waist, for which I’m sorry about, since it seemed to trigger you. I just wanted to come and see if you’re ok, and to apologise”

“Well, I’m doing fine so why don’t you just apologise and go away” Alastor snarked.

Angel rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry for touching you, but I will not leave you. You’re not ok, even blind, single braincelled fool can see that. Look, I know you don’t want to talk, but I can always listen if you ever change your mind. After all, I know-” Angel cut himself off, not completing the sentence, then continued. “ … I’m here for you, if you ever need me. As a friend.”

Angel rose up, threw a smile down at Alastor and left. Alastor continued sitting there, but when he heard noise close to him, got up and walked to his room, surrounded by confusion.

__________

He felt those hands again. They were touching him, forcing him to open his legs. He was naked, his wrists were tied down. He was touching him, from down there, forcing him to become wet against his own will. Why did his body betray him ? He didn’t want this!

“I’m going to make you feel so good baby…”

Then stop! He didn’t want this, he didn’t want to be taken against his will. Raped. He couldn’t say a word, those drugs were making him woozy and took away his ability to speak. Reduced him to this moaning mess. Just the way Vox liked.

Sudden intrusion of fingers woke him up from his thoughts, making him involuntary gasp. No no no, this can’t happen! Not again!

“You feel so good, can’t wait to be inside of you…”

Alastor couldn’t do anything but just watch him with contempt. Vox slapped him on the face.

“Wipe out that expression off your face and just keep smiling and be pretty!”

And Alastor smiled. He continued to smile, when he felt Vox enter him. He wasn’t ready, it hurt. He just kept smiling, when Vox moaned and squeezed his small tits painfully and rubbed his clit too much and too hard and finally came inside of him. Falling down on top of him, not bothering to even watch out with his weight, what a brute.

“Did you come darling?”

Alastor smiled prettily, nodding his head. A lie, but that idiot won’t know. As expected, Vox just turned his back on him and started snoring. Alastor could feel the tears fall down on his face and he cried silently until he also fell to sleep. He was still tied down.

Alastor woke up, heart up in his throat. His mouth was feeling dry and he felt a headache coming. He sat in the bed, keeping his hand close to his chest, trying to calm himself down. It was just a dream, a memory. He wasn’t here right now. He would never be in the same bed with him again.

He looked at the clock. 8 AM, damn it, he was late for his morning show. He was never late, what would his listeners think about him now? He rolled over and got up, he needed a shower. He felt sweat sticking to his fur and it made him feel dirty. No good of going down there, among the people in the hotel and not to look like he was hotelier. One needs to keep appearances up.

He quickly showered and went downstairs. While he was walking on the hallway leading to the foyer area, he noticed something in the corner of his eye. What in the…? Those little goat-dragon creatures, Razzle and Dazzle, were lifting something up? ‘Wellcum Daddy’ oh dear God, didn’t anyone teach that girl anything about grammar? He was sure to meet the main culprit soon.

“Charlie dear, does this mean your dad is about to visit us? You must be quite honored, he is deigning to come and meet you finally, after all these months.” Alastor took great joy in seeing Charlie’s face fall for a couple of seconds, before she started smiling again. Good girl, always keep smiling.

“Dad is coming to help us, to get me into a meeting with Heaven! He must have been pretty busy these last months and now he has time!”

“Charlie, if your dad would like to see you, he would make time to meet you. You should not need to beg him to meet you”

“It’s not like that -”

Suddenly the doorbell rang, making Charlie spin around and sigh “Okay everyone, it’s showtime!”

__________

“Dad! Before you leave, can you… I mean… I want you to stay here with us!”

Alastor couldn’t help but watch. It felt like watching a train crash into another train, you’re unable to do anything else but watch for catastrophe to happen. His plans! How could he now manipulate a naive princess to do his bidding, to turn her into his pawn? All he could do is to hope that the foolish father would refuse her daughter. After all, he was looking at his daughter's face, all shocked…

“Of course I’ll move here Char Char! I will have my own wing, but you don’t need to worry about that, I’ll just create it myself!”

… well shit. Alastor cursed mentally. He was supposed to refuse! Lucifer turned and faced him, his expression of pure, unadulterated glee and malice.

“I’m sure that me and the bellhop here are going to be good friends! After all, you will be seeing me a lot from now on Al… Albert!”

Alastor resisted the urge to groan. How was he supposed to live with this insufferable little King? His smile grew even wider.

“Oh sire, I’m sure that your output isn’t needed on every occasion!”

“It will be my pleasure Alfonso, someone needs to make sure my little girl is getting the best advice and help she deserves!”

Alastor gritted his teeth. “And you sire, you don’t believe that I’m capable of guiding your precious daughter with my best capabilities?”

“Oh no, you understood me wrong. I don’t doubt your capabilities, I’m doubting you as a person. After all, you have introduced yourself as The Radio Demon and are continuously and loudly announcing that you are only here for entertainment. For those things alone, I don’t trust you near my daughter.” Lucifer smirked, annoying the everloving hell out of Alastor. This… this buffoon! He saw right through him, so he was much more dangerous than he led people to believe. Alastor would need to watch himself around him.

“Oh, who am I to stand between a daughter and her… protective and loving father? After all, you seem to think that only you know what is best for our dear Charlie.”

They stood again face to face and everyone in the hotel could cut the tension with the knife. Alastor kept smiling as he saw that Lucifer was losing his composure. Oh, it was so much easier than he thought to get under the small King’s skin.

“Oooohkaayy, I think that’s enough. Dad, you can have the west wing, I know you love watching sunsets. Now, if there is anything I can do for you, let me know” Charlie hopped in when she realized that two men weren’t going to let things drop.

Alastor turned away and let out a silent sigh. West wing. Alastor had his rooms at the east wing. At least she was smart enough to put some distance between him and her father.

__________

That evening Alastor sat in the parlour, even after everyone else had left. Husker had left the bar one hour ago, leaving him a bottle of his favorite rye. Alastor kept looking at the flames, noticing how beautiful they were, in their own way. Capable of causing so much destruction if left unattended, but they also kept one warm and protected from the wild animals. He wasn’t sure if he was a fire or or prey now. His own memories were making him weak, but he was still formidable. He just couldn’t afford anyone to see him as he was.

“What are you doing bellhop?”

Alastor flinched. This damn King. There he was, looking silly at his dumb duckling pants and wait a damn minute, that idiot was half naked?

“Sire, how nice of you to join me. Have a seat. Are you sure you aren’t cold, since you seem to have lost your shirt?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I’m too hot, there is something wrong with the heating in my rooms. Care to take that on your work list tomorrow, as a first thing in the morning?”

“That doesn’t explain those duck pants, how horrendous they are! I can give you my tailor’s details, I’m sure he will come up with better clothes for you.” Alastor snickered, enjoying every time he was able to strike against the King’s ego.

“You haven’t answered me, what are you doing here?”

“Not very observant, are we? I was enjoying my rye all alone, in silence, when you decided to walk in and begin questioning. Or are you saying that I’m not allowed to come and go wherever I want in this hotel?”

“You are clever one, you twist the words, so the listener is confused and doesn’t have all the answers they seek from you. But I have a newsflash for you, I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m very old, I have seen life and I know when someone is speaking bullshit. So, once again, what are you doing here?”

Alastor looked at Lucifer, his smile vanishing a bit, but still showing. He saw from the KIng’s face that he was a little bit unnerved about this.

“Why, my dear King, I just want to help your daughter in her hotel business. As you said, I’m here for entertainment! And if you haven’t figured out the rest, you can wonder about that for as long as you like. I’m not going to tell you anything.” Alastor rose from his seat, ready to leave.

“You’re not leaving anywhere before I give you permission” Lucifer commanded, with surprising authority echoing in his voice. Alastor sat back down, he didn’t like to be bossed around.

“If you or your activities ever endanger my daughter or this hotel, I will personally make sure to cut the meat out of your bones and rip your soul away, throwing them to the hellfire. You’re not the only one who can twist and torture the souls down here, Radio Demon” Lucifer continued, with coldness in his voice. Alastor nodded, he knew when he was better to stay silent and Lucifer motioned him to leave.

__________

“Nobody will ever love you like I do. Nobody is ever going to put up with your shit. But I will always love you and take care of you, my pretty little doe” he whispered into his ears, while cruelly dragging his claws across his back, drawing some blood. Both of his holes down there felt raw and used, dripping his abusers cum.

He has been unreasonable and this was his punishment. He was put down in his place. He hated it. Was this how relationships were supposed to be? He wasn’t sure. Everything hurt, Vox didn’t prepare him at all. He felt a sharp tug on his tail.

“Are you listening me whore? Maybe I should loan you to Val, make you work. His viewers would be happy to see famous Radio Demon to be filled over and over again, they would love to see you use your mouse for something useful for once”

Alastor once again woke up, wildly jumping up from the bed, looking around before realizing that he was alone. Another nightmare, third one this week. Was he losing his mind? No, that can’t be happening, he still felt like himself. He was just stressed, nothing more. Probably because of Mimzy's stunt, he was so happy that he had finally cut her loose. Nothing good ever came from her visits, Husker was right about that.

Looking at the clock, he saw that it was time for his morning show, so he readied himself before locking himself in his radio tower. After all, the show must go on.

__________

“Alastor! We heard the last hour of your show, I loved it! I just told dad how I admire your focus on keeping this hotel running and still having time to do your radio show!” Charlie beamed at him and Alastor chuckled.

“Thank you! Did you also notice that I reserved a small segment for your hotel?”

“I’m so sorry, that must have been before we opened up the radio! But that’s so sweet, thank you Alastor! Here, dad was making breakfast, I’m sure that there is something you can eat too…”

Alastor stared at the table, which was full of different dishes, all sweet. Figures.

“I’m afraid that I’ll only have coffee my dear. Thank you anyway. Sire” he nodded towards Lucifer, who was watching the two of them like a hawk.

“You’re only eating babies for breakfast, aren’t you?”

“DAD!”

Alastor took a deep breath, then turned his gaze towards the King. “I don’t like anything which is sweet, sire. It’s nothing personal, but I’m used to make breakfast for the whole hotel and I’m always listening everyone’s wishes and keep in mind their preferred diet”

Lucifer moved, just a little bit. Alastor knew that he just assumed that everyone liked sweet dishes in the morning. Another win for him. That’s why he was so surprised, when King specially conjured up a rich venison-filled omelet for him for breakfast. So he knew what he liked. Was this a test, to try and trip him up, to make him angry for taking his place in the kitchen?

“Thank you sire. I can do the dishes.”

Alastor sat at his usual spot, reading the newspaper. The omelet was delicious, but he wasn’t going to show it.

“Hiya Smiles!”

“Angel” Alastor flashed a rare smile towards the other demon, beckoning him to sit next to him. Angel did just that and filled his plate with fruits and pancakes, then doused a healthy amount of syrup on top of them.

He was warming up towards the spider. But he also didn’t like the look on Lucifer’s face, when he watched them interact with each other. He should be much more careful from now on.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Summary:

Alastor and Lucifer grows closer in this chapter and we see what's inside Luci's head~

Notes:

I want to say that because this series started before season 2 trailer (and this chapter published two hours before rumoured trailer), chapters will not follow the canon from this chapter onwards. I have figured out the major story line, which I will follow, and maybe when season 2 comes and something happens (which will fit in the story), I'll find a way to introduce it.

“So bellhop, about that heating in my room?”

 

Alastor gritted his teeth, before turning as far as he could, hands still in the dishwater. “It’s next on my list sire, don’t you worry! You can go and fulfill your duties as a King! And when you return, the temperature in your rooms will be acceptable!”

 

Lucifer nodded then walked away. Alastor muttered something under his breath which contained words pampered, imbecile, king, cane, deep and ass. Yes, he was in a bad mood. Those nightmares have been plaguing him for weeks now. He was accustomed to not sleep long even as a human, less as a demon, but at least before those nightmares his sleep has been restful! Now he’s tired all the time, ready to murder or at least maim someone, who looks at his way with the wrong expression.

 

Alastor stopped washing the dishes for a while, trying to remember what he was doing before those nightmares started. Oh yes, that overlord meeting. Vox had approached him a few weeks after that. Trying to reconcile. He had turned him down, but not before Vox was able to twist his arm behind his back and threaten him.

 

Anyway, he wasn’t worried about him anymore. Vox would be stupid to try something, when Alastor was good friends with the princess of Hell. Good friends might be a little bit of a strong word, Alastor didn’t have many friends, but yes, he considered the princess as one of them. He can only hope that the princess's reputation was enough to give him some clout, especially after his unfortunate seven year absence.

 

That seven year absence… Alastor stopped washing the dishes and just leaned over the sink, gripping it with his hands. Who could have known how bad one deal could turn? He prided himself for being an expert dealmaker, who was powerful enough to escape his own deal. How wrong he was. What was given, it was easy to take away and he had learned that through the hard way. Alastor shook his head and focused on washing the rest of the dishes. He had a lot to do today.

__________

Since he was a man of his word, Alastor started from the King’s quarters. Heavens forbid, the King doesn’t need more reasons to hate him. Also, he prided himself for paying utmost attention to the details and something as small as broken heating was bothering him. Not on his watch! This way he can try and get more info from the King as well..

 

When he stepped into the room, he stopped right on his tracks. What was this? Alastor managed to stifle the laugh. There were ducks everywhere! On top of the table, a giant duck plushie on the bed and oh my golly, was that a duck tea party arrangement? That to be said and when Alastor had recovered from his initial shock, he had to admit that the man had taste. Expensive bedsheets, beautifully crafted furniture and art. There were two chairs in front of the fireplace and on the side table there was cognac in a bottle made of crystal and a pair of crystal glasses. And on top of the fireplace, there was a huge painting of a family. The King, the Queen and their daughter, all happy.

 

Alastor stood in the middle of the room, taking it all in. He knew the Morningstars were rich, but Charlie didn’t flaunt her money and neither did Lucifer. To be surrounded by such wealth, it just felt odd. Especially since his own childhood was filled with poverty. His dad was a scumbag, who got laid off from the factory when he was a kid and started drinking and hitting his mom and later, also Alastor. His mom was a nice woman and has raised him practically all by herself. But her salary wasn’t much, she worked as a seamstress and didn’t get paid nearly as much as she should have. Alastor used to wear ragged clothes, which other people had donated to the church and the church had given them to his family. They got used to living from paycheck to paycheck. Dad’s relatives were rich but they had cut him off from the family the second they learned that he got a colored woman pregnant. No wonder his mom had taught him not to rely on anyone else than himself. Wise woman she was, his mommy.

 

When he was an adult, he worked in two jobs to be able to support his mom financially. Yet he never complained, his mom had worked so hard that she deserved that. Dad on the other hand… All he got was an axe on his skull and a shallow, unmarked grave. More than that bastard deserved, he should have tossed him to the bayou and let alligators destroy the evidence.

 

Alastor grunted, he didn’t want to start thinking about his past life. The past is in the past, there is no need to wallow in it. Besides, he has work to do and the faster he can get out of these rooms, the better.

 

Fixing the heat wires wasn’t easy. Someone who had wired those things, seriously messed up and magic didn’t help. So Alastor had to dirty his own hands to try and fix the situation. Lucifer was right, the room started to feel after a while a little bit stuffy and hot and Alastor had to remove his coat and shirt, to feel a tiny bit better. While he was reconnecting the wires he heard when the door opened and closed and steps behind him. Alastor looked behind him and of course, it was no other than Lucifer.

 

“I’m almost done, sire, just a few more minutes” Alastor said, suddenly ashamed of how the King saw him. No other than… that TV demon, had seen him without his shirt on for a long time. When he didn’t hear an answer, he called out again and looked back “Sire?”

 

Lucifer nodded and went straight for the cognac bottle, pouring down two fingers of it. He seemed to think about it for a couple of seconds and then poured cognac into another glass as well, setting them both down next to the chairs.

 

“When you’re done, I want you to join me”

 

Alastor tensed up, he didn’t want to spend time with the King. But he also had a power to obliterate Alastor and he preferred to live his second life instead of being double dead. So, it was in his best interests to sit with the King after he was done.

 

When he was done fixing the wires, he quickly put his shirt and coat back on and then sat on the chair. Lucifer handed him a glass of cognac and Alastor nodded when he took it. He tasted it, it burned his mouth and left a pleasant aftertaste. Rye whiskey was still better, but he can appreciate a good glass of strong alcohol. They sat in the silence, neither of them spoke anything, but silence was oddly comforting and not pressing.

 

“Who gave you those scars?” Lucifer asked abruptly. Alastor almost inhaled the cognac instead of taking a sip of it. That was a question he didn’t expect and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to give an answer. He glanced at Lucifer and another man just raised his eyebrow, challenging him not to answer and see what he can do.

 

“Just other overlords sire, during turf wars. I didn’t know you cared” Alastor lied. Yes, he got scars from other overlord, but not in the turf war. A good liar always sprinkled some truth in his lies.

 

Lucifer sipped his cognac, finishing the drink. Then he lifted his gaze to the painting.

 

“I don’t care, you’re right about that. But I want to be sure about your reasons for staying in this hotel. I can’t afford to lose her as well” Lucifer sighed.

 

“This again? Believe me sire, I’m not here to hurt Charlie. If I wanted to, I would have done so already. I have my own reasons to stay here, but they will not put your daughter to the danger”

 

Lucifer nodded. His eyes suddenly filled with sorrow, and Alastor didn’t know what to do.

 

“She admires you, did you know that? You have been this sort of father figure to her during these last months, more than I have done. All I want is her being happy and I’m prepared to do absolutely anything for her happiness. So I believe you understand why I don’t want you to be near her?”

“I believe I understand sire. You fear that I’m taking your place and at the same time you fear that I’m going to do something that will endanger her. You don’t have to be afraid of that sire, I’m not good enough to be a father figure, not to talk about being a father, so I will not steal your spot in Charlie’s life. And besides, she worships you. You weren’t here to see every time she was hurt by your actions but still she kept defending you. Only a child can offer that sort of trust to their parent, if they are good at parenting. Trust me sire, I know”

 

Lucifer stopped looking at the painting and moved his gaze to Alastor. He kept looking at him, making Alastor feel uncomfortable in his spot under the King’s gaze. After a minute Lucifer sighed and turned his head away.

 

“It seems that I misjudged you. I don’t know why you told me that”. Alastor also didn’t know why he told all those things to Lucifer. Because he didn’t have answers, he finished his drink and stood up. When he was making his way to the door, Lucifer spoke again.

“And this has been confidential. If I hear that you have been speaking about what has occurred in here, you know what will happen”

“Yes sire.”

__________

“WHY YOU” -twist of his tail- “KEEP DOING” -twist of his ears- “THIS TO ME?” and to finish that up, one handswipe with claws out, puncturing his skin and making him bleed all over the place. Alastor winced, he had crossed the line. Vox kept ripping his back with his claws, making him lose so much blood that he felt dizzy.

 

It was an honest mistake, really. Valentino and Velvette had been talking about their own mediums and Alastor had heard them, peeping in to offer his own opinion. He had lifted his hand to scratch his antlers and Velvette had seen the bruises under his sleeve, asking aloud who had given him those bruises. That had been enough to raise Vox’s attention, who had excused them both and started beating and abusing Alastor.

 

“No one should know what happens between us two!”

 

“Then you should leave the marks somewhere where no one can see them, you imbecile!” Alastor cursed mentally, when those words left from his mouth, as Vox’s rage hit the new level now. Slap echoed in the room and soon he was doubled over, when Vox kicked him in his stomach. After that, he felt a hit on his spine, causing him to land on the floor, to be kicked and clawed on. Why didn't he manage to keep his mouth shut?

 

Alastor frowned, massaging his wrist while sitting in the lounge. He has been watching Lucifer to act all goofy around Charlie and Vaggie, and thinking about their conversation. Lucifer has asked about his scars, but didn’t want to know an answer, disguising his disinterest as being worried about his daughter. He just wanted to open the conversation and picked a part of Alastor which caused him to become uncomfortable.

 

Alastor’s smile widened and eyes changed into radio dials. His static grew louder and he summoned his shadow.

 

“Oi, Smiles!”

 

Alastor quickly returned to his normal form. “Angel Dust”

 

“You seemed to be in your thoughts and wanted company, so I joined. Happy?”

 

Alastor wasn’t happy, but he knew that if he tried to push the spider away, he wouldn’t budge. Better to just accept and let him be there.

 

“I was just thinking about some things, unpleasant memories, nothing else”

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

Alastor didn’t want to talk about it, but he knew what Angel Dust went through with Valentino. Charlie has been crying about it to the whole hotel staff.

 

“How can you take abuse from someone like Valentino? He’s just an overgrown bug, ready to be squashed and wiped away?”

 

“Charlie told you, eh? Valentino owns my soul, there is nothing I can do about it. He owns me in the porn studio, but when I’m staying here, I’m safe. If I even raise my voice to him, he hits me or worse. But I can take it, I just choose wrong and I need to live with my choices. No one can save me from myself” Angel Dust smiled somberly, twisting the beer bottle in his hands. “But enough about me, what about you? Do we want to talk about your little panic attack a couple days ago?”

 

“No”

 

“That wasn’t a question. I have seen that kind of behaviour before. Only those who have been abused act like that and have such strong reactions.”

 

Alastor’s static grew louder again, now this time attracting the attention of Lucifer, Charlie and Vaggie, who quickly made their way to the two men.

 

“Is everything ok here?” Charlie asked, worried.

“What did you do now Alastor?” Vaggie asked angrily. Why did that girl have to be that aggressive all the time?

 

“I didn’t do anything. Angel Dust was just prying something that he didn't have the right to know” Alastor stood up, dusting his coat. “Now if you excuse me, I need to go for a walk”

 

Four of them watched, when Alastor left the hotel. Vaggie sighed, exasperatedly.

 

“I think Alastor is or has been a victim of abuse” Angel Dust said after a long pause, causing three of them to look at him.

 

“I caught him having a panic attack in the hotel corridor a couple of days ago, and now he doesn't want to speak about his past. Sounds like normal Alastor, yes, but the fact that he was literally hyperventilating on a floor… that’s not a normal reaction after being touched”

 

Lucifer didn’t say anything, letting Charlie speak frantically, only to Vaggie calming her down, saying that they should not try to confront Alastor on this matter. He saw the scars at the overlord’s back, but he disregarded them since the sinner said them to be scars from the turf war. But he also seemed very anxious for a millisecond before answering.

 

His marriage with Lilith was happy and passionate at first, but after millenia or two their love had settled down into deep affection. He had never raised his fist against her, after seeing Adam doing that to her in paradise. Another reason why Lilith rebelled against him and ran into Lucifer’s arms.

 

He remembered when Lilith had woken up from her sleep, clutching her chest and breathing heavily. He had to take her into his arms and whisper to her, calm her down, when she was sobbing. His heart broke into thousands of pieces every time this happened. Lilith hasn’t seen those nightmares for a long time, but if she calls Lucifer when she has seen one, Lucifer will always calm her down, singing to her.

 

He loved his ex-wife dearly but as a friend. Love might have died between them a long time ago, but he still cared deeply about her and wanted her happiness. That’s why he had to let her go, because that was the best. Then Lilith had disappeared, not saying a word, leaving Lucifer alone, because his daughter had become estranged from him due him neglecting her for decades. A costly mistake and one he was trying to correct now.

 

So why was he caring about that deer demon and why he wanted to comfort him so much?

__________

The life in the hotel continued rolling and soon it was the day of extermination. Lucifer made short work of Adam, beating him up to pulp, relishing every hit. Only his daughter was able to stop him from delivering a killing blow. Then that odd little demon had stabbed the First man in the back. His only regret was not to kill Lute, Adam’s first lieutenant, instead he let her leave with all the living exorcists.

 

Lucifer helped Charlie and her companions to rebuild the hotel and they finished in record take. Take that Dad. But Charlie grew worried by every hour, since Alastor had not returned after they were finished. She was sure that the demon had been killed or laying somewhere, succumbing slowly to his wounds. Her worry was affecting all the other residents as well, even Vaggie who continuously looked on the front door. It made Lucifer insane. That’s it, he was going to find this demon!

 

Once outside, he focused his power on the Radio Demon’s power signature. It was faint, but he catched a small signal from the radio tower. Lucifer opened his full set of wings and landed on the ruined tower’s roof.

 

“Go away!”

 

Lucifer’s temper flared. How this sinner dared to give him commands! Angrily, he pulled the part of the roof away, jumping inside the tower. It took a while to let his eyes to focus and get used to the darkness, but when he saw a lump on the floor, under the console, his heart sank. It was truly a pitiful sight, to see one mighty demon as Alastor, huddling himself. Then he smelled the blood.

 

“You’re hurt”

“What a sharp observation, congratulations sire! Now leave me be and run back to Charlie”

 

“No. Leaving you to die would hurt her. And as much as I loathe to admit, she and the hotel need you. So I’m fixing you, though it might hurt a bit”

 

When he said that, he kneeled in front of Alastor, touching him. Alastor snarled, his antlers grew and his shadow curled around him, protecting him and hissing at Lucifer. “Oh cut the theatrics!”

 

Alastor weakly lifted his hands and revealed what he had been hiding - a horrible gash which ran across his chest. He didn’t want to argue with Lucifer and who was he to try and stop if the foolish King wanted to save his poor hide?

 

Lucifer whistled. This sinner was tougher than he had anticipated. He took a heavy blow on to his chest from angelic weapon and is still alive and talking? He had to respect that. It must pain the demon greatly though, he can see it from the blurriness of his normally sharp eyes and the fact that his shadow kept hissing at him, while he was touching the wound.

 

“Like I said, this is going to hurt. Are you ready Alastor?” Lucifer muttered. Alastor nodded, too weak to talk, but he did notice that Lucifer used his name and not ‘sinner’, ‘demon’ or any other of his insults. He bit back the scream he was about to let out, when Lucifer started working, mending his crushed bones and flesh back together with a glowing hand. The other hand was keeping him still, when he tried to thrash and move away from Lucifer. Damn, how can that short be so strong?

 

Sweat trickled down on Lucifer’s face and neck. The blow has destroyed Alastor’s rib cage and tore his muscles apart. He knew that he hurt the other man and he tried to be swift on healing, but he couldn’t rush it also. Adam has left a lot of angelic essence in the wound as well, he needed to remove that or the wound will never heal up properly.

 

After minutes of excruciating pain, Lucifer fell back and admired his work. He did pretty well, if he can say so himself. Alastor’s fur would still bear a huge scar, but at least he fixed everything under it. Alastor himself was awake as well, though his eyes had been screwed shut and his grin was resembling more of a grimace than a smile. He was still alive and his shadow was coddling him, staring at Lucifer with pure hatred in its eyes.

 

Alastor slowly opened up his own eyes, and brought a hand on his chest. There was a huge, rugged scar, but no more pain. He lifted his gaze on Lucifer, who smiled at him. His shadow, sensing its master’s mood, released him and set itself behind him. Lucifer has said that Charlie needed him, but that can’t be the only reason his King had healed him.

 

“Why did you do this? You didn’t need to heal me, you could just have let me die and say to Charlie that you got here too late or something?”

 

Lucifer was startled, surprised by the question. Why did he save Alastor? He didn’t know the true answer.

 

“You have been useful this past month, that’s all. Now can you move or do I need to carry you to the hotel?”

 

Alastor let out a loud static noise. Carried? How undignifying would that be? Like Hell he would allow anyone to see him in such a state.

“I’ll walk on myself”

__________

“I have this one spider demon under my contract, you would like him Vox! Feisty as hell, but soon I will break him!” Valentino laughed and Vox laughed with him.

 

“I’d like to see that! What are you planning to do, make him do 20 hour days until he collapses?” Vox almost choked on his drink.

 

“No, let’s just say that I have my ways to break people…” Valentino smiled ominously. Alastor just kept quiet and drank his red wine, while two other men conversed about that spider demon. He then poured more. Wine dulled his pain on his ribs and spine.

 

Alastor groaned, and held his ribs. Lucifer had managed to fix him up, but the pain still lingered. Charlie had hugged him tightly when she saw him, crying and sobbing about being sorry for getting him almost killed. He had just patted the girl’s hair gently, saying that there is nothing to be sorry for.

 

If he goes now and asks for painkillers, Charlie would have another nervous breakdown and Vaggie would have his head for making Charlie cry. Though the former exorcist angel had warmed up towards him during this last month, there was still some tension between them. She had seen how hard Alastor worked for the hotel and how he was trying to help Charlie’s dream come true. Well of course, he had his own agenda, but less others knew about it, the better.

 

His nightmares haven’t also let him go. He was still plagued by them, but for some reason he wasn’t as unnerved by them, not anymore. There were still moments when he lost his ability to function after a really rough night, but it was over very soon. He just felt some… calming energy, flowing inside of him and suddenly he felt peace.

 

Alastor sipped his coffee. Its bitter taste grounded him, reminding him of this moment. 

 

“Alastor! Charlie told me to find you, something about the bills and -” Angel Dust was cut short, when Alastor lifted his hand and beckoned him to sit with him.

 

“I believe I owe you an apology, from earlier.”

“No need to be sorry about that, now listen-”

“What happened to you?”

“What?” Angel Dust looked astonished. “What do you mean?”

 

“I have known you for six months and you have been complaining about Valentino. What has he done to you?” Alastor looked at his coffee mug, he didn’t want to look Angel Dust in the eyes. Not after such a question.

“Val… he owns me, so he can make me do things for him in the porn studio. Our contract dictates that he can only use me when I’m in the studio’s premises, so when I’m out, I’m free.” Angel Dust mutters, shadow darkening his face.

 

“I see… and what about that contract? Did you leave yourself a loophole, a way to get out of it?” Alastor questions.

 

“No, I wasn’t that smart. I needed that contract to get me out of trouble, but it seems that I switched only to worse chains. Not a good deal, you see. Val managed to write that sort of contract, that I was forced to accept that in that situation. I’m not proud of it and I just wish that things would be different”

 

“Can I ask one more question? It’s a personal one this time and I understand if you don’t want to answer, but… what did he do to break you?”

 

Angel Dust shuddered, sorrow filling his gaze. Alastor conjured a drink for him, and the spider demon took it gratefully, taking a mouthful of it.

 

“He wasn’t very pleasant about it. He hit me, he still does that. But when I was extra mouthy, he… assaulted me. Sexually. He kept doing it, until he broke me for good, until I couldn’t do or say anything against him”

 

Alastor felt a cold dread, his heart would have skipped a beat if he was alive. He felt sorry for the other demon. He wasn’t supposed to feel sorry for him, but his own experiences made him realize what another man has gone through. No wonder he felt like he could talk to him. And Angel Dust didn’t show needless pity towards him, he didn’t change his behaviour near Alastor too much. He knew what Alastor was going through and he tried to help. But why? Alastor wasn’t used to such kindness and something told him that there was a catch.

 

“So what happened to you Smiles?” Angel Dust asked.

Notes:

This was quite hard to write. It required me to enter into a certain mindspace, to be able to produce text. I wrote a little bit on every day, until yesterday I had a very bad day at work and I was stressed, so I poured every bit of my frustation, hurt, anger and sadness into this piece. Basically everything from the bar scene is what I wrote yesterday.

Flashbacks are on italic. This fic is going to be Appleradio, though it starts with strong Voxal-vibes. It's just slowburn, so enjoy the wild ride of negative emotions.

I don't know how long this will continue, don't ask me. I'm playing with bittersweet ending, but then I change my mind. We will see.