The Drugs

by rainbow_93

it’s 2016. June, 2016. And Ryan’s just been beat up by his sister. Not really beat up- not with punches or kicks. With her words- with her fear. With her anxiety and care. He’d been doing drugs- doing drugs and drinking, since 2014. Since 2014, everything was about drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex. He was an absolute mess. He was still relatively young, too. And he’d kind of wasted that.

He hadn’t really always been close with Molly, not really, until about 12 years ago. Even though he’d known her his whole life. She’s quiet, reserved, artistic. She’d smoked for a bit, but quit pretty quickly. She hated alcohol…and she was pretty smart. She struggled a bit with reading- even though their mother owned a bookstore, she’d take books and cut out photos to make art instead of reading them.

But he’d just been beat up by his older sister’s anxiety, and he felt nothing but guilt. He’d been feeling guilty for a while, in all honesty. He’d lost his ex girlfriend and best friend because of all his issues. A month ago, he’d been in the studio with her, and, god bless her- despite her patience (which she had quite a lot of, she had to be a goddamn saint) she couldn’t take it anymore. He’d been high, and lashed out at her in frustration. He’d blown up, yelling at her and shoving her into the door, causing her to trip over a microphone stand and hurt herself. He wasn’t himself, and he hadn’t been for a long time. Because of that incident, she left Mother Mother, and more importantly, she left him. He didn’t blame her- she was a sweet soul, but like anyone she couldn’t take everything thrown at her- especially literally.

The reason Molly had yelled at him was because she couldn’t stand the fact that her little brother was slowly killing himself, and had been for years. She didn’t want him to die, and secretly she wouldn’t be able to live without him. But Molly couldn’t tell him that.

So he quit. Cold turkey. The withdrawals were absolutely HORRENDOUS, but the pain from missing Jasmin was worse. And the things Molly told him were terrible.

“Jasmin’s dead, Ryan…you’ve gotta quit. Just do it for her. *Please~*”

He genuinely couldn’t believe that. He didn’t think Jasmin would die before him, not ever. She wasn’t that old, and it didn’t make sense. He had no idea how this even happened. He needed to quit for her, even if she wasn’t there to see that.

For months, Ryan worked on himself. He stopped the drugs, stopped the drinking, and shortly after stopped smoking. He felt so much better. And just in time for his 29th birthday, that November, he was 2 months sober. He was so proud of himself, and wished and wished Jasmin was still alive to see him like this, and he knew wherever she was, most likely in some pagan heaven, considering how witchy and spiritual she was. He knew Jasmin was somewhere, and that she was proud of him.

That December, a huge blizzard hit Vancouver, and he didn’t realize it was coming. It started snowing very hard while he was out walking, and he could barely see. He went into the first place he could- a quiet, warm jazz club. It was dim and not very crowded- it was actually quite empty, and it seemed like a show had just ended. There was a tall, skinny man cleaning the tables, and a heavier-set woman on the stage sweeping and getting it ready for another show. Then he saw her- oh, this couldn’t be real. She shut the piano on the stage, dressed in a sweater that still had a cigarette burn from one of his old cigarettes. She unplugged the microphone, wrapping up the cords and setting the stands off to the side. She walked backstage, disappearing behind the curtains. The heavier woman, who was taller than her- actually, everyone in the room was taller than her- noticed Ryan, and leaned the broom against the wall.

“You just missed a great show- but judging by how you look, you’re here to get out of the snow, huh? I don’t blame ya, though. It’s gonna be snowing like this for a while.”

“I do enjoy jazz music, but yeah, i- I’m not really here for the music…”

“That’s alright. None of us were probably going to head home anyways, it’s much too cold out. But knowing Jasmin, she’ll probably head home, out in the cold, because of her dog.”

Ryan’s eyes widened, and his heart sank. She wasn’t dead?

The skinny, tall guy spoke up.

“No, she brought her dog with her. Dahlia’s been in front of the heater all day.”

Ryan looked at the space heater, and the klei-kai in front of it. She immediately recognized him, and ran over, wagging her tail.

The woman smiled, looking at Ryan.
“Do you know Jasmin already? She’s never mentioned anyone like you, but then again she doesn’t talk much about her social life anyway.”

“Uh- yeah, I- we used to be friends.”

Jasmin came back from the backstage, and saw Ryan. She froze, and didn’t really know what to do.

“Hey, Jas-“

“Ryan…what…what are you doing here?”

“I- I was just getting out of the snow…I didn’t know you were here, I’m sorry…”

“No- but, there’s no drugs here- you’re not gonna have withdrawals, right?”

“No…I’m three months clean, Jasmin.”

She looked a bit surprised, but also proud.

“Really, Ry? Three months…? I’m proud of you.”

That evening, they talked a lot while it snowed out, and Jasmin seemed a bit more reserved and sad than she used to, and he wasn’t sure why.

“Jasmin…you seem…I don’t know…sadder?”

Jasmin sighed a bit, and hung her head.

“Yeah, I guess I am. I haven’t really had anyone to talk to. You guys were my closest friends, I don’t really have many others to talk to…except for these guys.”

“How exactly did you end up in a place like this?”

“On accident, really. But I miss the band…I regret leaving.”

“Really..? Would…would you ever be open to coming back?”

“Yeah…maybe…but I also enjoy this little jazz club. It’s cozy…and it feels so much like home. I love these people. And the band wasn’t really getting anywhere…”

Ryan felt a pang in his chest, and felt a bit disappointed. This was going to be very difficult.

“Oh- I- I see, Jasmin…”

They sat in an uncomfortable silence, and Jasmin just played with a ring she had on her middle finger.

“I’m very proud of you for getting sober, Ryan. That takes a lot of willpower.”

Ryan had wanted to hear that since his first week sober. He wanted to hear that on his birthday. He wanted to hear it on thanksgiving when he had ice water instead of beer with dinner. He wanted to hear it from the empty chair he left Jasmin, whom he couldn’t believe was still alive. He didn’t know why Molly thought she was dead- but she obviously wasn’t.

“God, Jasmin…you have no idea how much that means to me…I’ve wanted to hear you say that since I was a week sober- I- I- I thought I wouldn’t hear from you again- since- since I thought you’d- oh, god-“

He looked like…he was about to cry…? Jasmin hugged him tight, and took a deep breath.

“I- I love you, Jasmin- I’m so sorry-“

Her heart dropped, and she held him a bit tighter. Even after how she’d been treated by him, even after almost a whole year apart, she still loved him too. She knew he was different now, too. That he was sober, he was actually in his right mind. He was Ryan again, and not the scary, depressed guy she’d known most of the time she’d known him.

“Don’t apologize, Ryan. I love you too. So much.”

They waited the rest of the blizzard out, chatting with the tall skinny guy and the heavier woman, playing with Dahlia, and playing the large grand piano they had on the little stage. The snow finally let up, and they got ready to leave.

“Jasmin?”

She turned around right before she opened the door.

“Yeah, Ry?”

“You wanna be back in the band?”

She smiled a bit, her exhaustion showing.

“Yeah. I do…”

“That- that’s good…I’ve been working on some music anyways. I think I’m gonna call the album No Culture?”

“Sounds good Ryan.”

“I love you, Jasmin.”

“I love you too.”