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Castiel was not the kind of person to stand up in a room full of strangers. He’d never imagined himself barging into a room, all eyes landing on him, bated breaths. Even during his choirboy days, he’d find a way to hide in the back, the only way to ease his shaking hands until he found those green eyes. Those green eyes put him at ease immediately, no matter what.
He was 12 when he first laid eyes on Dean Winchester, sat with his family in the pews at Sunday Service. He was 14 when Dean Winchester muttered a low “hey” to him in the back of science class. He was 15 when he realised he was in love with Dean Winchester.
He was 28 when he showed up to stop Dean Winchester’s wedding.
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Less than half a year into his surgical residency, and Castiel felt like he’d aged 20 years. Sleep was foreign to him at this point, running off pure adrenaline and the shitty coffee from the cafeteria. Which is why, when he stumbled into his apartment at 4am after a 3 day shift and an ivory invitation fluttered to the floor, he felt like he was dreaming.
“Save the Date
Dean Winchester & Lisa Braeden
Invite you to the celebration of their marriage
June 11th 2017”
Castiel could count on the one hand how many times he had met Lisa, she’d always find an excuse not to attend the get togethers he and Dean had planned every few months. And despite Dean’s insistence that it was okay that she couldn’t make their yearly reunions with their High School friends and their growing families, Castiel knew how much it hurt him.
Benny and Garth hadn’t even met Lisa, were they expected to smile and be merry as Dean’s groomsmen?
Would Castiel have to stand there too? Could he even do that? Pretend that he was happy to see the only man he’d ever loved get married to someone else.
He read the invite over and over, okay so he had more than a year to prepare himself for the wedding. He could do it, for Dean, he thought, he could do it.
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Castiel quite literally had blood, sweat and tears on his shoes at this point in the night. Being saddled with ER duties, he was almost thankful when there was news of a collision with multiple traumas. When he was the only resident to identify a ruptured aneurysm, he wasn’t surprised when the Chief of Neuro asked him to assist in clipping it. Maybe being on his feet for 14 hours straight wasn’t so bad.
It was when he finally had the chance to sit down and chug two cups of cafeteria coffee when he saw Dean’s text from the night before.
Dean Winchester, 21:34 - Lisa’s mom and dad throwing engagement party in 2 weeks - know ur buried at the hospital but would luv to see u there Dx
Castiel sighed, 6 months until the wedding and he thought he’d avoided anything involving Dean and Lisa.
Castiel Novak 05:47 - You’re lucky I’m back in town for Christmas. Staying with Gabriel so expect him to gatecrash!
Dean Winchester, 07:51 - knew u couldnt stay away ;) gabe is welcome and plus 1s for u both, the more the merrier.
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“Cassie, I can still find you a plus one.” Gabe sang as he poured their third, no, fourth shot of tequila.
“Gabe, we have to be at the party in two hours.”
“Yes, and we’re two young, handsome, slightly drunk men. We can find you somebody in no time. Let’s go to Garden of Eden, we’ll find you a guy!”
“Gabriel, I am not picking up someone in a bar, 2 hours before my best friend’s engagement party.” Castiel downed the shot that had been placed in front of him. With a slight wince, “sides, Kali will be here any minute now.”
With that, Gabriel’s latest girlfriend waltzed into the apartment and placed a quick kiss on Castiel’s cheek, and a much longer kiss on Gabe’s lips.
“Cassie, don’t let my sickeningly monogamous relationship put you off finding a soulmate.”
And maybe it was the fifth shot of tequila but Castiel felt a twinge deep in his stomach. Soulmates. Is that what Dean and Lisa were?
Some time after their seventh shot of tequila and Castiel’s second Old Fashioned, the trio jumped into a cab headed straight to the engagement party. Headed straight to Dean.
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The ballroom at the Governor's Row House was dressed up to the nines, just as Castiel had expected, Lisa’s family had spared no expense. Castiel could admit that there was a timeless elegance to the room, created in part by the warm glow of the chandeliers above but primarily thanks to the string quartet on the stage ahead. The silk and tulle adorning the chairs and tables were everything he’d imagined for Lisa but it hurt him knowing that this was something Dean had no hand in. Dean never wanted all the pomp and circumstance, Cas knew he’d be happy with a few friends, his family, beers in Bobby’s yard and a priest there to tie the knot.
It was the sight of Dean, seemingly glowing under the lights, laughing at something an uncle or cousin had said, that brought him back to reality.
Dean, in a green velvet suit jacket and perfectly tailored black dress pants. Dean, with a champagne flute in one hand while the other pushes away Lisa who’s trying to fix his hair. Dean, smiling right at Castiel across the room.
“You made it.” God he’d missed that voice.
“I wouldn’t miss this Dean.”
Castiel was quickly sobering up, something he knew he couldn’t be right now. Slipping back into their easy familiarity, Castiel grabbed Dean’s elbow and asked, “aren’t you going to show me to the bar?”
“How’s -”
“How are yo-”
They started at the same time, traces of the awkwardness of not having seen someone in person for a long time. Unsure of who should proceed, Dean just caught Cas’ eyes with his own in that way they had gotten used to over the past decade or so, eye-fucking, as Gabe liked to call it.
“What can I get you sir?” the bartender broke Cas out of his reverie.
“Whiskey on the rocks, thank you.”
“Residency going that bad, eh?” Dean jabbed him in the ribs as he took the glass from the bartender.
“It’s fantastic and it’s awful. I never get to sleep. I barely see daylight. My bloodstream is made entirely of coffee. And I have to study. But I love it and it’s thrilling and it makes me feel alive. And I assisted in clipping an aneurysm a few weeks ago and I think the Chief finally has some semblance of respect for me as a surgeon!” He’s flushed, breathless and wound up in the best way. Thank you whiskey.
“Cas, that’s great. I always said you were going to be the one to get out of here and make us all proud.” Dean says with warmth in his voice and a lingering hand to the small of Cas’ back. Cas feels the touch in his bones, igniting his bloodstream, it’s sadistic to be this close to Dean, surrounded by his fiance's family. He has to remember why he’s here, to celebrate the engagement of Dean Winchester and Lisa Braeden.
With another whiskey in his hand, “where’s Sam?”
“Caught up in a case,” Dean’s voice is clipped. Cas knows him well enough to know there’s something behind it. “Said if he makes it he’ll probably be late, you know how he is.”
He’s right, Castiel does know how the younger Winchester is, having known him longer than he hasn’t, he knows Sam is perpetually punctual and would never miss something that mattered so much to Dean.
Cas meets Dean’s eyes again, this time a look laced with concern.
“They don’t get on as much as I’d like.” Dean admits in a small voice. “He might be all kale and puppy eyes but he can be hard to please. I don’t know what more he expects out of a partner for me.”
Cas simply shrugged, giving Dean a sad smile. He was too drunk for this conversation, afraid that his loose tongue would have him confessing things to Dean that he never could admit out loud. Instead he took another sip of whiskey, his thoughts interrupted by the booming voice of his brother, pulling along a slightly disheveled Sam Winchester.
Skipping formalities, Gabriel ordered a round of shots with a loud, “the boys are back together!” Hugs were shared, more tequila consumed though Cas didn’t miss the look between Sam and Dean. That look only siblings could read on each other that said we’ll talk about this later.
Cas wasn’t sure how much time had passed, he wasn’t really sure where he was at this point, having long abandoned the ballroom after a trip to the bathroom. All he knew was that he’d found himself a very comfortable couch and that he was very very drunk.
“Castiel, we’ve been looking for you!” It was Sam, his words slowly starting to slur. “Gabe thought you’d done a runner, I bet you’d fallen asleep somewhere. Guess he owes me ten dollars.”
“I’m glad my inebriation amuses the two of you.”
“And yet you still pull out words like inebriation.” Dean’s voice carried itself through the room. There he was leaning against the doorframe, in all of his Dean Winchester glory. Lit from the hallway light behind. The younger Winchester had nestled into a Chesterfield in the corner of the room. Castiel had found himself horizontal on the couch.
“Well the party’s alive and kicking in here isn’t it?” Dean gestured to the men.
“We’re hiding.” Cas admitted.
“From Gabe? Yeah he’s relentless, I think he’s cornered Lisa’s uncles with a bottle of tequila and the threat of a good time.”
“Come join the fun in here, hide with us, I brought champagne!” With that Sam pulled a bottle from god knows where, popping the cork and taking a long sip straight from the bottle.
“Sammy, this is my engagement party. Lis won’t be happy if I go MIA.”
Oh, Lisa, that’s why they were here. Dean’s upcoming nuptials.
“Gimme.” Cas said, motioning for Sam to pass him the bottle. Before he could grab it, Dean was in front of him, taking the champagne from his brother and making himself comfortable next to Cas on the couch. They passed the bottle back and forth, each taking a few sips before Cas realised their proximity. This was too much, he was too close. He could smell the woodsy notes of Dean’s cologne, a cologne he’d been wearing since Cas bought it for him one Christmas when they were 18.
But he was tired and he was drunk and Dean’s shoulder covered in green velvet was looking really comfortable right now. He took another long sip as his head found Dean’s shoulder.
Dean had grabbed the champagne bottle, deft fingers tracing shapes in the condensation. Cas was mesmerized and with only the distant hum of the string quartet, he could feel himself drifting off.
His daze was broken when Sam reached over to finish the last drops of champagne, teetering slightly before nestling back into the chair.
Dean got to his feet, “s’pose I should get back to my party. Don’t hide for too long you crazy kids, I can’t handle this all on my own.” With that he was gone and Cas felt a sudden chill at the lack of Dean’s warm body next to him.
From a seemingly never-ending stash of liquor, Sam pulled out a bottle of whiskey, already half empty.
Shrugging, he simply said “what? I made friends with one of the bartenders.”
Cas swiped the bottle from him, taking a sip with a wince,”I’m not complaining.”
They passed the bottle back and forth again, settling back into the silence Dean had earlier interrupted.
“I’m glad you’re here, Cas. I know Dean is too.”
Sam had that look in his eyes. Cas didn’t want to think it was pity but he didn’t know what else to call it. Did Sam know? Has he been that obvious this whole time?
Sam’s voice was almost a whisper, “Cas?”
Reluctantly, Cas met his eyes.
“We can’t let this happen,” he was quiet as if voicing this aloud was wrong.
Feeling suddenly more sober than he had been for hours, “what are you talking about Sam?”
“I see how you look at him, we all do. Why do you think Lisa never hangs out with the two of you? She sees it too but… but she also sees the way Dean looks back. You miss that Cas, he’s looking back. He has been for as long as I can remember. I think he’s been in love with you since we were kids. Remember that summer we all stayed at Bobby’s? The night we camped by the lake to see the meteor shower?” Cas was speechless, could only nod his head. “Dean didn’t care, didn’t even wanna go, he complained the whole time about the bugs and how the water wasn’t safe to swim in. But when the stars were falling, you were so excited – so happy. And Dean? He was looking at you. Like you were the stars.”
“Sam.” was all he could say. He wasn’t stupid, he knew their friendship wasn’t like others but this? If this was true, this whole time, he’d wasted it all. “He’s getting married.”
“You could stop it.” As if that was the simplest thing, as if Cas could say the word and Dean would call the whole thing off.
“Sam, you’re drunk,” he got up, unsteady on his feet, “I, I need to leave. We’ve both had too much to drink, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Cas he loves you, don’t let this happen.”
“Enjoy your evening, Sam.”
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It was all Cas could think about, he worked overtime, he ran more than he had in years, he studied harder than ever but Sam’s words rang in his head no matter what, he loves you.
The holidays came and went, he covered every shift he could. His life was the hospital; surgery helped. He knew if he stopped for too long he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking, to quiet his mind. He couldn’t confront his thoughts, he loves you.
It was well into March when Pamela Barnes was admitted and Cas found himself the lead resident on her case, a brain tumor putting pressure on an optic nerve, causing sight loss.
Pamela was fiery, a breath of fresh air on the ward and despite everything, she saw right through Cas.
“I can hear you pining from here, Doc.”
Cas’ grip on her charts tightened, he knew, logically, that he should get back to work but there was something about the woman that made him want to open up. “My best friend is getting married in less than three months and -”
She cut him off, “you’re in love with him.” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He gave a shrug and a small, somewhat defeated smile.
“Got it in one, Miss Barnes.”
“Call me Pam, Doc. If there’s one thing I know, it's that life is too short. Tell him you love him.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“I’m losing my sight, I’m dying -
“You’re not dying.”
“I’m dying, Doc and I can’t see much but I can see that you’re in love and you’re in pain and you need to tell this man you love him before it’s too late.”
Cas continued to work on Pam’s case, assisting the Chief in any way possible. Pam made him work. It was always “Doc, I need another pillow,” “Doc, tell the nurses I don’t want the green jello,” “Doc, any chance I get can get some whiskey in here?”
At some point she’d taken to calling him Blue Eyes, “if those blue eyes are the last thing I see, I’ll die happy but God will I miss those thighs of yours.”
“You’re not dying, Pam.” Cas said more to convince himself than comfort the woman.
Pam was a fighter, Castiel had learnt in his time treating her. When her sight was fully gone, she continued to joke that she could still feel his biceps. When the tumour spread to her spinal cord, paralyzing her slowly, she joked that she could still smell his cologne when he walked in the room. When she was asleep more often than not, in and out of consciousness, she’d called him her angel, telling him “I’ll see you up there, angel. Don’t worry though, not yet, you’ve got a long life to live with Dean.”
Pam died two weeks before Cas left for Kansas, for Dean’s wedding. It was only at her funeral did Cas remember that he’d never told Pam Dean’s name.
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Somehow it was June and Dean was getting married in four days and Cas was one too many beers deep. Sam had been tasked with kidnapping Dean, which left the remaining groomsmen, Benny, Garth, Charlie and Cas to get Bobby’s cabin prepared for the two days they’d be there.
To Charlie, preparing the cabin meant decorating; to Garth, it meant jumping straight into the hot tub; to Benny, it meant starting the barbecue; and to Cas, it meant drinking. Drinking until he’d forgotten they were waiting for Dean, for his bachelor party, before his wedding to someone else. Castiel was trying not to think about it. He wasn’t doing so well at that.
The afternoon was growing humid, the tell tale signs of a storm in the air, a small part of Cas hoped the storm would hit for Dean’s wedding day – Lisa would hate that.
Cas had joined his friends outside, situating himself in a wooden rocking chair on the porch, whiskey in hand. The light was beginning to soften, closing his eyes against the low sun, Cas could almost forget the reason he was here. If he focused enough, all he could hear were the lazy ripples of the lake, the rustling of the trees. Not the sound of Charlie and Garth playing Uno or Benny humming to himself at the grill.
Not the rumble of the Impala, wheels crunching over gravel.
It was really happening.
At the sounds of car doors slamming, Charlie scrambled to get the confetti cannon she’d brought as Garth began opening a bottle of champagne.
“Surprise!” Charlie roared, Benny half-heartedly blew into a kazoo as he flipped a steak.
Smiling genuinely, Dean just said “thank you, guys. Really.”
It was that smile that Cas thought about at night.
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Sam and Charlie had busied themselves making cocktails, at her insistence that the occasion called for more than just beers. Garth was setting out plates and cutlery on a wooden table under the trees near the lake as Benny was finishing off the food. Dean had joined Cas on the porch, sat side by side in matching rocking chairs with drinks in hand, Cas could almost imagine it was just the two of them.
Dean had closed his eyes against the lowering sun, still warm on their skin. Castiel took the time to map out Dean’s features, in the way he hadn’t been able to in years. So rare were the times they were alone like this nowadays. Sat here like this, Cas could count the freckles beginning to peek out thanks to the early summer sun. He delighted in the way Dean’s eyelashes were creating shadows on his cheeks. When Dean dropped his head back onto the chair, Cas took pleasure in his exposed neck, glistening with beads of sweat, catching glimpses of the tattoos snaking up his neck.
“Lis wants me to cover ‘em up for the wedding.” Dean said, eyes still closed.
Cas let out a noncommittal “hmm”. Stuck still in the daydream of Dean.
“My tatts. She says the photographs won’t age well if they’re visible.” He’s turned to look at Cas now, something almost unreadable behind his words.
“They’re a part of you Dean. You’re getting married, Lisa can’t pick and choose which parts of you she wants.”
“Don’t look at me like that, Cas.”
“Dean.” was all he said in response. He could feel himself itching to reach for Dean’s knee to comfort the man.
It was then that Benny’s voice called them over for dinner.
Benny had outdone himself this time, with overflowing plates of barbecued ribs, steaks, coleslaw and homemade cornbread. Charlie had served everyone a spicy margarita after some convincing that cocktails did in fact compliment the food well.
With bellies full and the table cleared, the group migrated to the fire Sam had started. The flames crackled as they settled into chairs, Cas was mesmerized by the shadows flickering on Dean’s skin.
“I haven’t eaten this much since Thanksgiving.” Charlie groaned, rubbing her stomach with one hand and clutching another margarita in the other.
“Yeah, well don’t get too comfortable.” Benny said, nudging a log into place with a stick, “You owe me a rematch.”
“A rematch?” Cas inquired, raising an eyebrow.
It was Garth who answered, “Poker. Benny won’t live it down that Charlie wiped the floor with him last time we played.”
“I’ll grab the cards.” Sam offered, already on his feet.
As the rounds went on, Charlie continued to sweep the floor with the men, gloating each time and ordering Sam to make more margaritas for the group. The sun had finally set and what little light they had was coming from string lights, festooned in the trees, too dark now to continue with their games, the group made their way back into the cabin. The living room, more of a den really, had Bobby written all over. All dark wood, old leather and books. Lots of books. Stacks of books leant in corners, spilling from the deep shelves, dog-eared on side tables. The faint scent of ash and old paper lingering in the air—comforting, familiar.
Sam and Benny situated themselves on the matching armchairs on either side of the fireplace as Garth, sitting cross-legged, attempted to start the fire again. Charlie curled up, cat-like, on the rug in front of them, leaving Cas and Dean the one couch in the room— no longer big enough for the two of them to share comfortably without body parts touching. Despite the haze around his periphery, perhaps from too much alcohol, Cas was hyper-aware of their bodies. How many times had he and Dean sat in this very spot as teenagers, warm under blankets while Sam told them stories of myths and legends from one of the many books.
“Hey, Sammy—grab the blankets. And a beer while you’re at it,” Dean said with a lazy wink.
“I’ll have you know that I’m only doing what you say cos this is your bachelor party.”
“Yeah yeah.”
Slightly dusty, Sam passed the blankets out. Charlie had announced she would be making a fort which required at least three of the blankets which left Cas and Dean sharing one. Of course. It made sense to Cas and his cosmic joke of a life that this would happen.
“No hogging the blanket, Cas. I know what you’re like.” With that, Dean sidled closer, their shoulders now flush with each other, he couldn’t let himself think about the warmth of Dean’s thigh against his own so he finished his beer instead.
Cas had lost count of how many drinks he’d had, they were all far past being drunk. Which is why, when Charlie produced a perfectly rolled joint, he jumped at the opportunity to get a little high too. Though he would never admit it to any other doctor and would certainly not recommend it to anyone else, he’d do this in med school, get too drunk, almost black out, then even himself out with weed. He’d be right as rain for class the next morning.
Benny and Garth, now both parents with Garth now outnumbering Benny’s two daughters following the birth of his twins, took the emergence of weed as their get out.
“It’s getting too late for this old dad, I’m afraid.” Garth joked.
“Dude, you’re 30.”
“Yes Dean, ancient.” Added Sam, baby of the group, “however, I think I’ll take my leave too.”
“You too Sammy?” Dean feigned shock, “you not partying till the early hours at Stanford?”
“Dean, I’m in my first year of law school and working part-time as a paralegal, this is probably the most sleep I’m gonna get for the next three years.”
Cas let out a short amen at that. “Let the boy sleep.”
“Just the three amigos now. Who wants to start?” Charlie offered the joint to Cas. Taking the chance to stretch his limbs, now tingling from the prolonged contact with Dean, he joined her on the floor.
“Quite the fort you’ve built there, Char.” Dean poked a foot at them.
“Join us in my lair.”
The three of them laid, heads touching, looking up at the beamed ceiling, passing the joint back and forth, breaking the silence to occasionally giggle at something or other. Finding themselves funnier for trying to hold back laughter than any of the jokes themselves.
Time passed in the way it tends to do when you’re high, a comfortable silence settling until they noticed quiet snores coming from Charlie.
“Heya Cas.” Dean punctuated with a poke to his ribs.
Turning his head, Cas was met with green eyes, “hmm?”
“Let’s go for a swim.”
It was a bad idea, it was definitely a bad idea. They were both far from sober, Cas felt looser now, looser than he had in a long time around Dean. He didn’t trust himself.
There was something about the way the lake was catching the moonlight, the stillness in the air and the fact that Dean was slowly undressing in front of him that had Cas speechless.
So they’d done this before, they were teenage boys once with sprawling summers ahead of them, daring each other into the water as the temperature dropped. That didn’t stop Cas’ breath from catching in his throat, or the way the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, or getting half hard from the sight of Dean standing naked in the moonlight.
“Cas, if you’re not naked in the next three seconds, I’ll take your clothes off myself.”
Stuck in that awkward place of whether to address what Dean had actually said or brush it off, Cas just set off running toward the water, “gotta catch me first.”
The first lick of the water was sobering, sucking in a breath at the feeling, Cas hesitated. Then, hearing Dean nearing him, he peeled off his t-shirt and threw it into Dean’s vicinity.
Dean let out a wolf whistle, “and the rest, Novak. Show us what you’re packing.”
Feeling suddenly more ballsy, he began to unzip his jeans, not breaking eye contact with Dean, who had reached Cas at the edge of the lake, in touching distance. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
And maybe he did take his time peeling his jeans off and throwing them to join his t-shirt. It was all in good fun.
Dean was waist deep in the water at this point, Cas watched as he dipped his hands into the lake, scrubbing his face and hair with the saltwater. He was beautiful in the moonlight, Cas thought, he was Dean Winchester, he was always beautiful.
Stood now, in only his boxers, he couldn’t do much to hide the fact that he was hard and when Dean turned around, eyes settling on his own, Cas knew he’d noticed. There was a brief moment Cas was sure he’d heard a small whimper come from the man in the water.
Time was moving slowly – too slowly, Cas could feel every second pass as Dean took him in. Could feel Dean’s eyes moving over his skin, his gaze settling on the finger Cas had hooked into his own waistband, ready to undress completely. Taking the look in Dean’s eyes as permission, Cas pulled his boxers down.
Fully exposed in front of his best friend like it was the very first time, he heard Dean let out, “Cas.” As if it was a command or an invitation, he stepped into the lake.
He hissed at each step he took into the water closer to Dean, the cold almost brought him to his senses. But he could see Dean swimming just under the water, mesmerizing under the moonlight and felt suddenly drunk again. Dean was inviting him in, right? And he did know about the growing issue of Cas’ erection. Cas’ mind was simultaneously buzzing too loudly and completely quiet.
Cas muttered a quiet “fuck it” and begun to swim toward Dean. They continued to swim side by side for some time, breaking to take breaths of cold air or to splash each other as they had when they were teenagers. Cas hadn’t felt so light in a long time.
Both breathless from laughing they moved closer to the shoreline both still shoulder deep in the water, Dean stopped inches from Cas and whispered, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you. I miss you Cas.”
Cas could hear his heart pounding in his chest, the gravity of the words settled between them. For as long as Cas had known him, Dean did this thing when he said something too personal, too soft, where he hung his head and fiddled with his fingers. Cas knew it was to hide the blush that appeared across his cheeks, to shield himself from the vulnerability he’d just opened himself up to. And for as long as Dean had known Cas, he knew that there was no hiding how he felt in that moment from his best friend. Cas could always see right through him and right now all he wanted Cas to know was kiss me.
“Dean.”
He looked up, green eyes meeting blue. Slowly but somehow all at once, Cas had his hands on Dean, one hand reached to lift his chin, the other snaked across his waist, reaching the small of his back. And then their lips met. It was altogether exactly as Cas had dreamed of and nothing he had ever imagined.
Dean’s lips were soft against his own, hesitantly he licked into his mouth, fingers softly inching closer toward the swell of Dean’s ass. With that Dean deepened the kiss, pulling gently at the dark hair on the nape of Cas’ neck. He couldn’t help but let out a groan, Dean gave a low chuckle in response, Cas could feel him smile into the kiss. Somehow it felt like the most natural thing for them to be doing, as if they had been wrapped up in each other countless times before. Kissing Dean felt familiar, comfortable but he was also being set ablaze by the man in his arms, skin tingling under every touch. When Dean rolled his hips into his own, slotting their dicks against each other, Cas actually whimpered.
It was Dean who broke the kiss first, hands still lingering on his face, into his skin he whispered “God Cas, I need you.”
Cas couldn’t help the way he surged forward then, kissing Dean deeper than before and allowing no space between their bodies, hot skin on skin. Cas found a sweet spot just under Dean’s ear, muttering into his skin in between each kiss, “you’ve got me, I’m yours,” chanting over and over.
“Cas, baby please.” Dean groaned as Cas’ hand reached for his cock. “Please – stop.”
He was brought back into the moment by Dean’s words. They shouldn’t be doing this. Feeling suddenly cold and sober, he started to recoil from the man in front of him, pulling his hands away but then Dean was reaching for him again and dragging him to the shore line. It was a far cry from a sandy beach, instead they were nearly knee deep in grasses and shrubs. Now that they were on dry land, Cas had full sight of Dean’s leaking member, he was itching to touch him again when Dean dropped to his knees.
“M’gonna blow you.” Dean said it as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Cas let out a moan from deep within. Tentatively, Dean flicked out his tongue, tasting the pre cum leaking out of Cas’ cock, eyes fluttering closed momentarily in pleasure. He savoured the taste of salt on his tongue.
“Fuck Dean.” He gripped the other man’s hair, suddenly needing to stabilize himself as Dean began to take him into his mouth. Cas’ cock was heavy on his tongue, he couldn’t help but palm his own dick once, twice at the feeling. One hand joined his mouth on Cas’ thick shaft as the other stroked lines up and down his thigh. Cas was overcome with pleasure, the sensation of having Dean on him like this was all encompassing. When Dean licked a stripe on the underside of his cock, Cas saw stars and then Dean was taking all of his cock, his nose hitting the soft curls at its base, humming as he swallowed and Cas truly thought he was gonna pass out.
“Dean, I’m gonna come soon if you carry on like that.” He was breathless and achingly hard. Dean looked up at him through thick eyelashes, blushed and panting.
“Kinda the point baby.” He responded with a wink, “I want to taste you, need you to come for me.”
Dean’s lips were around him again, head falling back at the sensation of Dean hollowing out his cheeks. As he let out a string of curses his hips gave an involuntary thrust deeper into Dean’s mouth. Before he could apologise, Dean was pulling off with a lewd pop, looking up at him this time with a smirk. “Fuck my mouth, Cas, c’mon.”
Naturally, he had to oblige, tightening his grip on Dean’s hair he whispered words of encouragement to the man below him as he fucked into his mouth. Feeling every small flick of Dean’s tongue and movement of both his lips and hand as he thrusted further in.
“Jesus Christ, Dean Winchester, you are unbelievable.”
Dean looked up at him with watery eyes laced with lust and a weight Cas didn’t want to unpack in that moment and then he was coming down his throat and Dean was swallowing every last drop.
Trembling, Cas could only respond with a quiet “good boy.” Dean shuddered at the praise.
Dean wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Cas thought, was one of the most erotic things he’d ever seen. Without much thought he pulled Dean to his feet and licked into his mouth, tasting remnants of himself on the man’s tongue.
“Fuck, Cas.” Dean was putty in his hands, soft and pliant, a direct contrast from the Dean everyone else knew. All hard muscle and calloused hands.
He could tell Dean was growing restless, grinding up into Cas’ groin with pure need, his own cock bobbing heavily against his stomach. All Dean could manage was a mantra of please, please, please.
Cas took Dean in his hand, slick from pre-come, he rubbed a finger along the red slit. Dean was hot in his hand, the flush spreading out across his body, Cas never wanted to forget the sight. It took his breath away, the sight of Dean flushed and leaking for only him, it was enough to give him pause.
“Tell me what you want, Dean. I’ll give you whatever you need.” Cas spoke against Dean’s lips, punctuating every word slowly as he stroked Dean’s cock.
Dean was boneless, thrusting into Cas’ fist, muttering his name over and over. “Cas, Cas, Cas I - “ He readied himself for Dean’s release but instead felt cold where Dean once was. “ - I can’t do this Cas.”
Dean pulled back, just enough that Cas could feel the distance between them, stark and heavy. Cas met his eyes once again, he blinked once, twice then looked away.
“Dean…” His voice was quiet, careful not to spook the man in front of him, he took a tentative step forward. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Dean’s face twisted in pain. “ – but I’m not going to say I regret it. I’ve wanted to kiss you for as long as I can remember.”
Dean was stone, trying to stay steady despite the storm that was unfolding around him. A hand outstretched across the divide, Cas went to cup Dean’s face but was met with a flinch. Something about that broke a small part inside of him. At this moment, Dean looked wounded, and Cas hated himself for causing it. He could’ve, should’ve swallowed his pride, let Dean be happy and forget about his feelings. He would’ve grown used to it, Dean making a life with Lisa, even if it killed him, he would’ve done it for him, to see Dean happy.
Castiel was selfish, a vice he had never indulged in. Castiel was kind, Castiel was generous, Castiel always looked out for others. He was never selfish, his feelings didn’t get the better of him. He didn’t ruin people’s lives.
“Cas, I – I’m getting married Cas.”
Cas wasn’t sure when he’d got himself dressed again but the sun was attempting to rise and Dean was gone and Cas was alone on the riverbank, cold and alone.
----------------------------
Dean and Lisa had been high school sweethearts, on again off again in the way that couples are when you’re seventeen. Castiel sat idly by as Dean took her to the prom, as he told her she loved her, when she replaced his seat at Bobby’s for Sunday night dinners.
He couldn’t help but be relieved when they both moved out of Lawrence for college, leaving Lisa in their small town teaching little girls how to dance. Though they were apart, Dean completing his fire training at the Academy in Emmitsburg and Cas at Johns Hopkins, pre-med. “My best friend’s gonna be a surgeon,” Dean would make sure everyone knew. They were only really an hour apart, if Dean drove fast enough.
They were closer than they had been in years. Despite Cas’ job at the library he’d taken to help him through med school and his growing pile of student debt and despite Dean’s training which more often than not left him aching, sore and tired. They made time for each other. Choosing a small town somewhere in the middle for them to meet every Saturday for the Farmer’s Market. Dean would never admit he enjoyed trailing after Cas as he sampled artisanal honey and home brewed ale but they kept coming back every week, if not to see the way Cas’ face lit up every time he and Charles at the honey stall got to talking about his bees.
It wasn’t long until Dean was back in Kansas fighting fires and saving kittens from trees or whatever it was he did. Then Castiel was applying for med schools and the distance suddenly felt vast. When Cas graduated, Dean was there screaming the loudest as he threw his cap in the air. When Cas finally moved into an apartment that was only marginally better than his student accommodation, Dean was there to fit all of Cas’ belongings into the Impala and move him in.
Surrounded by moving boxes, lukewarm beers in hand, waiting for their pizza to arrive was when Dean casually asked “do you remember Lisa Braeden?” As if Cas could forget. “We’re kinda together now.”
Things changed after that, it was harder to make time for each other. Time zones and life got in the way. They just kept missing each other and soon Cas was in Seattle and spare time meant something different. He ate, worked and slept. Their friendship at that point was little more than ill timed updates over text, brief birthdays and Christmases.
Castiel missed Dean’s voice.
----------------------------
When Dean made it back to the cabin, he was breathless and shaking. Feeling too sober and suddenly hungover, he decided a shower was the best idea. Thanks to ancient plumbing, Dean stood under too cold water scrubbing himself raw. He wasn’t a cheater, he was getting married for Christ sake, he didn’t do things like this. He didn’t get on his knees for his best friend. His dick gave an involuntary twitch and suddenly the water was just the right temperature and he was getting himself off to thoughts of Cas and the memory of him coming down his throat.
The sun was starting to rise when he finally cleaned himself up and got into bed, head still spinning, thinking only CasCasCasCas. He fell asleep with the words on his lips like a prayer.
When he awoke, it was to the smell of bacon. Charlie was fixing coffee, Benny and Garth were shooting the shit around the table, Sam had his head in a book and there was a Castiel shaped absence in the room.
Sam must’ve noticed the way Dean’s face contorted in a mixture of confusion and pain, filling in the gaps, he supplied, “one of Cas’ patients took a turn for the worst, he’s flying back for surgery.”
It hurt less if Dean believed it to be true.
“Did he - did he say how long he’d be gone?” Dean’s voice was hoarse when he spoke.
Charlie spoke this time “he said he’s gonna do his best to make it back for the wedding, you know he wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Her smile didn’t do much to convince him either.
As if his world wasn’t crumbling around him, Benny pushed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him and they were off to planning their day of fishing. Dean almost lost himself in the day, the sun was warm and they were mostly successful with their catch, only when they were docking on the riverbank was Dean taken back to the night before. His skin felt hot and if anybody noticed the way he was staring at a particular spot in the blades of grass, they didn’t say anything.
Benny had started grilling some fish when Dean gave in to the urge to wander to the patch of grass he and Cas had been last night. As if standing there would bring him back, change the way it had all ended. God, he felt like an idiot staring at a faint indentation in some weeds but he could almost see the imprint of where Cas had laid down when he had walked off, the greenery still forming the shape of the man as if he had just been raptured.
“Dean, hey.” Sam was behind him, stretching out a beer in offering, “is that Cas’ shirt?” He pointed to the blue fabric a few yards away. How had Dean missed that?
“Uh yeah, I think. We uh - we went for a swim last night. We were still high, must’ve forgotten to put it back on.” He cringed at himself, Christ he was a terrible liar and Sam knew every one of his tells.
“Dean,” they were face to face now, “it’ll be okay. He’ll be there, he always is. For you.”
“I know, Sammy, I know.”
Dean felt like everything he couldn’t say out loud was written on his face. Sam knew, of course he did.
“Y’know, everyone will get over it if you decide to call it off.”
“Are you kidding? Dad would go crazy if I give up the one thing he’s ever approved of me doing.”
“He’d get over it.”
Dean looked down, he didn’t want to unpack this with his brother right now. Suddenly a stone at his feet was the most interesting thing in the world. He took a long sip of his beer.
“Sam, you’ve done everything right. You’re doing the whole college thing, you’re gonna be a freaking lawyer! You know that sabbatical I took with Lisa? Yeah, I was suspended. A kid died on my watch and I had a breakdown okay. And you know what Dad said? Huh. He called me a pussy, said I was too weak to be a firefighter. Told me that spending so much time with Cas during my training had turned me soft – “
“Dean.” He took a step toward his older brother. “You need to calm down.”
“No Sam, you don’t get to tell me how to feel. You left, I was away training for a few months and then I was right back where Dad wanted me. Where he could make sure I was still his good little soldier. You know when Mom died I knew he’d take it out on me, act like it was my fault she got cancer. I was with Cas when he told me she was gone, I was 16 and I was crying and Cas was holding me through it and you know what Dad said then? He called me a faggot and told me to man up.” He could feel tears in his eyes now, “so no Sammy, I don’t think he’d get over it if I told him I wasn’t marrying Lisa because I’m in love with my best friend.”
Sam didn’t want to break the silence that followed, scared that anything he said now would break Dean further. “You know you don’t have to live to impress him, Dean.”
“I wish it was that easy Sammy.”
----------------------------
Castiel hadn’t made it far, he and Dean had spent countless summers here and he knew these country roads like the back of his hand. He wasn’t surprised when his feet brought him to the Roadhouse. Looming in front of him, looking as it always had, Cas decided he was in desperate need of a drink.
“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
“Ellen, hey.” Though it had been years since he’d seen Ellen she hadn’t changed all that much. She still loomed over him as if he was that 17 year old kid, sneaking beers on summer nights – all dark eyes and razor sharp wit.
“You in town for the wedding?” He gave a small nod and sat down at the bar.
She fixed him a drink, “I thought you boys were out at the cabin?”
“Yeah” His response was non committal.
“What aren’t you telling me angel?”
After Dean’s mom died, they’d joked that they were both now in this secret club of momless kids with shitty dads but then Bobby and Ellen came along and filled a hole neither of them knew they needed filling. It was Bobby who helped Cas with his college applications and Ellen who made sure Dean and Sam had lunch money every day. It was Jo and Ellen who knew before anyone else that Cas was gay, “Mom’s just know these things, Cas.” Jo had said one night when Sam and Dean were out in the junkyard with Bobby. The girls had been watching some medical drama and Cas had taken much more interest in McDreamy than some run down hunk of metal. “Plus, you’d have to be blind not to have a crush on Patrick Dempsey.”
“Ain’t that right.” Ellen had said and Cas didn’t miss the small smile she gave him over Jo’s head. He knew after that, that this was his safe space as it had quickly become for Dean and Sam.
Cas never really knew his mother, didn’t really know what constituted being a good mom but he thought Ellen had done a damn good job at being one for the boys.
Before he could let all of his secrets out, the door was opening and he was being wrapped in small arms.
“Cas!” Jo shrieked with a kiss to his cheek. “Ew, why do you smell like sweat and salt water?”
“I uh, I walked here from the cabin.” He could feel Ellen’s eyes sharpen, mom instincts kicking in.
“Castiel! Are you insane?” There was the mom voice, reserved for when Jo was caught sneaking out or when he and Dean were very clearly high at the dinner table.
“I had to leave.”
“So you thought you’d walk through the country in the middle of summer?”
“It may not have been the best idea.”
Jo swatted him, “Damn right it wasn’t Cas. What the hell happened?”
“Told em I had to get back to Seattle for a surgery.” He hung his head.
“So what are you doing here, boy?”
“I kissed him, okay. I kissed him.”
Ellen had come round to his side of the bar, he felt a warm hand on his arm.
“Oh honey, your timing is terrible.”
“I told him I didn’t regret it. I don’t. I don’t regret anything that happened.” Jo raised an eyebrow. “He left me out there so I started walking.” Ellen places a drink in front of each of them.
“I’ll close up early and the three of us can snuggle on the couch like we used to. And you,” she points a finger at Cas, “can share everything that’s on your mind angel.”
Sometime after their third or fourth episode Jo pokes Cas in the ribs, punctuated with only a “So?” Resulting in Castiel spilling nearly two decades worth of secrets, divulging on the longstanding unrequited love he’s been harboring for his very straight best friend.
“Which is why I can’t go to the wedding on Sunday.” He finishes along with his third fourth beer.
It’s Jo who speaks first, “did you tell him you love him?”
“What difference would it make?” Cas says, exhausted now.
“You might not want to hear this hon but things have already changed, it wouldn’t hurt to tell him. You might be surprised by his response.” Ellen responds with a hint of knowing behind her words.
Castiel sleeps in the room he and Dean used to share back when they’d sleep over at Ellen’s. He remembers how rebellious they’d felt knowing they were sleeping above a bar, even more so when they’d started sneaking bottles of vodka from the cellar to share. Now though, he feels haunted by the past, itching to be in the OR with a scalpel, the only place his mind is ever quiet.
He wakes on Friday still tired and anxious so he pulls on his sneakers and sets off running. At this time it’s still quiet, the sun barely up, the sky filled with purples and pinks. Tonight he should be at the rehearsal dinner, instead Jo’s letting him hide in her apartment with her cat still under the guise of being in Seattle for surgery. As he’s thinking to himself that he shouldn’t so brazenly be out here running in the small town, filled with Dean’s friends and family, he slams straight into Sam Winchester’s solid frame.
It takes a minute for Sam to realize who just knocked him off course. He pulls an AirPod out. “Cas? W- what? I thought you were in Seattle?”
Cas knows he can’t lie here instead he quickly surveys the area to ensure Sam is alone on his jog.
“Don’t tell Dean, please.” Castiel thinks he sounds pathetic.
“When did you get back? Dean’s been going insane, he said you haven’t answered any of his texts.”
“I’ve been at Ellen’s.”
“You never left?”
“Dean knows I have feelings for him, we -” he knows he can’t tell Sam that his brother was getting him off just two nights ago. “We - uh kissed. He ran and left me there.”
Sam’s lack of surprise shocks Cas, “you know.” He says, matter of fact.
“You left your shirt you dumbass -” he gives Cas a playful nudge, Cas attempts a smile. “And you know Dean can’t lie.”
Cas stiffens, “don’t worry, I don’t know the details. Thank God.” Cas does smile at that. “But I know something happened and I know my brother loves you Cas.”
“Ha.” His laugh is empty of all humor. “He’s still getting married. I can’t be there for that.”
“I think you should speak to him again, before tomorrow. I think you can change his mind.”
“Sam, he’s made his decision. He didn’t choose me.”
Before Sam can convince Cas any further his phone rings, “It’s Dean, I gotta go. Come to the hotel before the wedding, talk to him, please.” With that he sets off running again.
When Cas makes it back to the Roadhouse, Ellen and Jo are already working. He fixes himself a coffee and hesitantly checks the phone he’s been conveniently ignoring for the past few days. He has seven unread messages from Dean.
Dean Winchester 03:42: Cas.
Dean Winchester 03:47: im sorry
Dean Winchester 11:45: Sam told me about ur patient. Hope ur ok.
Dean Winchester 23:20: i need you here for this cas
Dean Winchester 01:47: im going insane here cas.
Dean Winchester 02:53: I miss you.
Dean Winchester 08:21: Hope to see you at the rehearsal dinner tonight Dx
Jo drives him to her apartment later in the day. She gets ready for the rehearsal dinner while he makes himself comfortable on her couch with a pint of ice cream.
He’s just about to open a bottle of wine when she comes into the living room, dressed in a deep burgundy slip dress.
“You look gorgeous Jo.” She blushes, always more comfortable in jeans and combat boots.
“You know, you can still come.”
He shrugs, “Go, have fun.”
A couple of hours later he’s finished the ice cream, halfway through a bottle of red and watching surgery tapes on Youtube, finding that it’s the only thing that doesn’t bring him back to Dean. Jo’s cat, Lucifer, has taken up station on the other side of the couch. After the second glass of wine the cat had pushed over, Cas is sure the damn thing is out to get him.
“I’ll leave you in the woods, you demon.”
“Castiel, are you threatening my cat?” Jo inquires, shutting the door behind her, heels in hand.
“You’re back.” he says, surprised. “I promise no harm to that monster.” He points at the cat who is now rubbing his head on Jo’s leg.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s an angel.” Jo makes her way to the couch and takes a quick drink from Cas’ bottle of wine. Castiel stares at her with a raised eyebrow.
“You’re lucky you didn’t have to sit through that. Nothing was up to Lisa’s standards, she complained about the lights and the canapes. Lord knows what she’s gonna be like tomorrow, poor Dean looked like he wanted to Runaway Bride it.”
Cas shifted uncomfortably as he reached for his glass of wine.
“Uh sorry, you probably don’t wanna hear about this.”
“It’s fine, really Jo. He’s getting married and I’m going to have to deal with it.” He gestures to the empty ice cream and wine, “this is me dealing with it.” He laughs.
To a slightly drunk Jo, this is the funniest thing Castiel has ever said, laughing so loud that the cat jumps out of her lap, which sets Cas off too. Maybe all isn’t terrible in the world.
----------------------------
When the rehearsal dinner is finally over, Dean is glad that he and Lisa are in separate rooms for the night, thankful for the quiet and the chance to drink whiskey without Lisa glaring at him. God bless hotel mini bars.
He’s loosening his tie when he hears a knock at the door.
He’s thanking the gods that it’s his younger brother standing on the other side.
“Sammy. Whaddaya want?” He lets his brother in the room, gesturing to the whiskey in question and pours the two of them a drink.
“Came to see how you were, y’know after that.”
“So it was obvious to everyone how terrible it went huh.” Dean murmurs.
“Dean,” Sam says, “even the waiters were cringing.”
They’re quiet for a while, taking sips of their drinks.
“I spoke to Cas today, he was out jogging near Ellen’s.”
Dean’s ears perk up, “he’s here?” He sounds almost hopeful.
“He never went back to Seattle. Whatever’s going on between you two, there’s still a chance that it can be fixed. He stuck around for a reason. He could still turn up tomorrow.”
“Sam.” He doesn’t go on, sick of sounding like a broken record. The I’m getting married tomorrow going unsaid.
“Get some sleep, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.”
----------------------------
The first thing Dean notices when he wakes up is the rain. The rain that was not forecast for his big day. He sends out a silent prayer to Lisa’s bridesmaids who must be falling over themselves trying to console her. Rain. Typical, he thinks, maybe the wedding is cursed.
John Winchester is the first person he speaks to on his wedding day, the man taking up space in his hotel room before Dean’s even had a chance to brush his teeth.
“Where’s Sammy?” Is the first thing Dean asks when his Dad takes a seat.
“I sent him for coffee. I wanted to see my eldest son alone before his wedding.” There’s an edge to his voice that Dean doesn’t miss, as if his father is sending him a silent message. You’re going through with this if it kills you.
Dean starts to get himself ready, anything to prevent the conversation John seems to desperately want.
From the bathroom he hears his father speak, “your brother says Castiel might not make it. He too good for us now that he’s a big shot surgeon huh?”
“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Dad. I need to get ready.”
Much to Dean’s delight, Sam’s at the door, coffees in hand.
“Hey. Dad.” Sam simply nods in John’s direction.
“You’re a lifesaver, Sammy.” Dean says, taking one of the coffees out of his hands.
As more groomsmen arrive, Dean’s stomach begins to twist in knots, he can feel Cas’ absence like a weight around his neck. Charlie gives his hand a squeeze when she arrives. He wonders if he’s that obvious.
“He might still turn up.” Sam whispers to him at one point.
When, fulfilling his Best Man duties, Sam checks on both the guests arriving and the bridal party, Ellen gives him an apologetic shrug. On his way back to the room, he’s sure he hears Lisa shouting at one of her bridesmaids.
He’s fixing his brother’s tie a third time when Dean says, “He’s not coming, is he?”
“I’m sorry, Dean.” Sam responds as if it could make things better. He doesn’t miss the way their father is glaring at them.
By some miracle, they’re making their way to the chapel, “we’re not even religious, Lis” he’d said when Lisa had informed him she’d booked the chapel. He stays in the car as the groomsmen make their way into the chapel, leaving just Dean and John and a heavy silence between them.
“Your mother would be proud.” John says as he gets out of the car.
“I’m not sure she would be, Dad. I’m not sure she would be.” Dean responds but John’s already making his way inside.
Despite everything else, Dean finds himself at the altar, fiddling with his cufflinks while Sam and Charlie speak to the preacher. Benny and Garth are showing guests to their seats; Dean knows if Cas were here, he would be the one to calm Dean’s nerves.
Everybody takes their positions.
Dean can feel his dad’s eyes on him as the pianist begins to play something quiet and classical, he thinks it sounds eerily similar to a death march.
The bridesmaids make their way down the aisle, and they all look beautiful and happy, Dean’s heart squeezes a little at that. Then Lisa’s walking down the aisle and she looks beautiful, she really does, wearing a fitted silk dress bright white against her tan skin, dark curls flowing down her back. She’s smiling wide, mouthing greetings to the guests as she passes. Dean’s not looking at her, he’s watching his dad who’s watching him right back, eyes narrowed as if to say “you’ve gotta do this right for her, for me.”
Dean feels Sam slap him on the shoulder, grounding him as Lisa stands in front of him and passes her bouquet off to her maid of honor. She gives him a bright smile, he winks back. She looked like she belonged in this moment - calm, certain and undeniably present. Dean wished his mind wasn’t somewhere else, somewhere that resembled a grassy clearing on a riverbank.
He didn’t feel present at all.
“Greetings to everyone gathered here today as we bear witness to the special union of Dean Winchester and Lisa Braeden. –” Dean can just about hear the Preacher say. His mind is racing but he keeps telling himself to focus, focus on the wedding, focus on Lisa. Don’t think about Cas.
“Marriage is a symbol of love, commitment, and unity between two people who have decided to journey through life together, as one.” The Preacher continues.
Dean nearly laughs. If only they knew.
“Dean,” the Preacher’s words bring him back to reality, “Lisa, you have chosen each other as partners. You arrived here as individuals, and today, you will leave as one. Please look at your partner and join hands.” Dean takes one last look at the Chapel doors, if Lisa notices him doing so, she doesn’t let on.
“The moment you have waited for is almost here but first, I must do my due diligence as your officiant.” Dean sucks in a breath, holding it there without realizing.
“Before I proceed, should anyone here present know of any reason why these two should not be married? If so, speak now or forever hold your peace.” The Preacher waits. The room is silent. Dean steals a glance at the guests, noticing the way John is glowering at him as his eyes dart toward the doors. Dean can hear his heart beating loud against his chest as the seconds tick by, Lisa’s ever present smile falters, just slightly.
The Preacher claps his hands together and Dean feels it like a gunshot. “Fantastic, let us proceed.”
That’s that, Dean supposes but immediately admonishes the part of himself disappointed in the outcome. He can hear the Preacher’s voice continue with the reading, he can hear himself repeat the vows, he feels Lisa squeeze his hand as she says hers but he doesn’t feel like he’s in his own body.
He looks at Lisa again, forcing himself to focus on her. She was good – reliable, intelligent, safe. She put this whole together without complaint, she put up with his hours at the Station, John loved her. But part of him was whispering: Should love feel like safety or a million tiny explosions going off all at once?
“Do you, Lisa Braeden, take this man to be your wedded husband?”
Without a beat, “I do.”
“Do you, Dean Winchester, take this woman to be your wedded wife?”
Time seemed to slow down. Dean’s breath caught in his throat, he tried to speak but he found that no words came out. Just say it. It was his Dad’s voice in his head.
Lisa’s face falls, just a fraction, her grip on his hands loosening, as if she can sense his doubt. He hears a few quiet whispers amongst the guests.
Then, from the back of the Chapel, the wooden doors swing open.
Castiel.
Stood there wet from the rain, breathless from running, Castiel, looking almost like he hadn’t realized what he was really doing, with just one word on his lips.
“Dean.”
----------------------------
It may have been a stupid idea to run to the chapel in the pouring rain, clad in just his running shorts and a well-worn Fire Academy t-shirt Dean must’ve left behind years ago; yet here he was, dripping wet, clothes clinging to his hot skin, everyone's eyes on him.
He should’ve written something down, rehearsed a speech or something but now he’s stood in front of a hundred or so guests, Dean and Lisa’s friends and family, and a goddamn Preacher, he’s left with nothing to say except,
“Dean.” It’s low, rough in the way Castiel’s voice tends to be first thing in the morning, or after remaining silent for a while, or a particularly long night.
Castiel’s hands start to shake, he tries not to look too much at the horrified looks on the faces of the guests in front of him. Before he can speak, it’s Lisa who breaks the silence.
“Castiel,” she says in the tone she uses on her dance class kids, “what are you doing here?”
In the corner of his eye he sees John Winchester stand, Dean almost flinches, pulling his hands away from Lisa’s and turning toward Cas.
A few things happen all at once; Sam clears his throat, Dean mutters an “I’m sorry,” first to Lisa then, more audibly, to the guests. He steps away from the altar eyes locked with Cas’ as John Winchester’s voice cuts through the silence with one word, “son,” a warning.
Cas can only imagine how Dean is feeling, he looked like a deer caught on a six-lane highway, any sudden movements were sure to spook.
The silence stretched on, it seemed that no one wanted to make the first move, Cas suddenly feeling like he’d made a terrible mistake until he saw Dean step closer to him, back down the aisle.
“Dean, you don’t want to do this.” It was John again, the only person in the chapel with the balls to cut through the silence.
At that, Dean whipped his head toward his father, Sam knew what this meant and Cas could see the alarm on his face.
“Actually, Dad. You don’t get to decide what I do or don’t want. I’ve been in love with Cas since the day we met, and since the day we met, it’s been you talking him down. I’m tired of trying to live up to your expectations, Dad, I just want to be happy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” His shaking hands began to loosen his tie. “I am going to walk out of that door with my best friend, and you,” he gestures to the guests, “you are going to enjoy the party that Lisa has killed herself to throw. And Lis, I’m sorry, I really am but you don’t want to marry me either. So dance, get drunk and go on that honeymoon, you’ll forget about me.”
Cas could hear Lisa laughing as Dean walked toward him and when he felt Dean’s hand in his own, pulling him out of the chapel he laughed too.
----------------------------
“You’re a dumbass, you know,” was the first thing Dean said to Cas as he crowded him into a wall outside the chapel. “You really waited until the very last minute to turn my whole world upside down huh.” Cas could feel Dean’s breath on his face as he inched closer. “You were s’posed to be in Seattle, cutting into some guy’s skull, instead you’re here dripping wet may I add, going all wedding crasher on me. What’s that about Cas?”
“I’m sorry,” Cas looked down, “I couldn’t see you be in love with someone else.”
Dean reaches out to stroke a line up Cas’ jaw then lifts his chin, face to face again. He instinctively leans into the touch. “It’s you Cas, it’s always been you.”
Cas opens his mouth to respond but is silenced by the feeling of Dean’s lips on his own. This didn’t feel like it had in the lake. Where that was all hurried heat and secrets, this kiss was slow, measured, tender. This kiss said I love you.
Dean’s lips press perfectly against his own, moving in sweetness until Cas’ hand snakes down Dean’s back, feeling the muscles there until he reaches the curve of his ass, squeezing just enough to force a whine out of Dean’s mouth. Cas takes Dean’s lower lip between his teeth, pushing a thigh between his legs. Dean pulls away from Cas’ lips just enough to moan his name, giving Cas the opportunity to press kisses down Dean’s jaw, into that place just below his ear that turns Dean into putty.
“Cas,” Dean sighs again with a slight buck of his hips, “Coming in my pants against the wall of a church probably isn’t the best idea right now.”
Cas chooses to ignore him for a moment, loosening his tie further to allow him access to Dean’s collarbone, licking and nipping at the smooth skin there.
“Mmph, I’m serious Cas. Someone’s gonna come out here and kick our asses if we don’t leave.” He kisses Cas softly on the lips, “and I really want you out of those wet clothes.”
Cas places a hand on Dean’s face, really looking at him this time. This close, he can see the freckles across his nose, the brown flecks in his green eyes, his kiss-plump lips.
“God, I really do love you. Let’s go.”
Sam must’ve slipped the keys to the Impala in his tuxedo because he’s pulling them out of his pocket and dragging Cas toward the car.
“Where to, Sweetheart?” He asks Cas when they’re sitting in the front seat, an arm stretched on the headrest behind him.
“I’ve been staying at Jo’s and I’m not sure you’ll be welcomed back at your hotel,” he’s glad Dean can find the mirth in that judging by his low chuckle, “Let’s just drive.”
Castiel has always loved watching Dean drive the Impala and for once he’s not stealing glances of him from the passenger seat. As they drive out of the city, Cas sees Dean visibly relax, one hand loose on the steering wheel, the other, stroking circles on Cas’ thigh. He’s humming along to the song on the radio, Cas thinks he suddenly looks younger, the worry lines around his eyes smoothed as the buildings turn to open roads.
“I can feel you watching me, creep.” Dean jokes without turning his head towards Cas.
“I’m allowed.” Cas states simply. And the freedom of knowing he can look at Dean whenever he wants now is almost too much, “I’ve spent years pretending I’m not in complete awe of your beauty, Dean. I will never stop looking at you like this.”
Ever the dodger of compliments, Cas sees the blush creep up Dean’s cheeks as he says, “aw shucks Cas, you know how to charm a guy.”
Cas places his hand over where Dean’s is on his thigh, “I hope you know I’m never going to stop showing you how much you mean to me.” Dean looks at him now, they’ve been driving down a long stretch of road for some time, Cas knows he’s in control of the road as he looks at him with a playful smirk. It’s Cas’ turn to blush, something he’s not really familiar with but he could get used to, having Dean make him feel like this. The heat behind Dean’s eyes is enough to set Cas on fire.
“Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that ... I got laid.”
“Pull over then Dean.” All humor gone from his voice, replaced with a low rasp that has Dean squirming in his seat.
By some kind of miracle, Dean manages to pull over on a strip of dirt road sheltered only slightly from the rain by a row of trees. He barely has a chance to shut off the engine before Cas is climbing over the bench, putting a knee on either side of Dean’s hips. With one slow grind into the man below, Cas feels him begin to harden, dipping his head closer to Dean, lips almost touching.
“God, the things you do to me Dean.” He whispers against his lips, rocking into him, Cas knows, with his maybe too short running shorts there’s no hiding the effect Dean has on him. Dean sighs into his mouth as Cas slips his tongue between his lips, licking into his mouth.
“Angel,” Dean pulls away to pepper kisses along Cas’ jaw, “you are gorgeous.” Cas tips his head back, giving Dean access to the soft stubble snaking down his neck. Tugging at Cas’ t-shirt he presses a kiss to the hollow of his throat, sending a shiver through Cas that Dean can’t help but revel in. “I like you in my clothes.” He whispers against the man’s neck in between kisses. They exchange kisses like that for a while, deep and hot, pressed against each other, Cas shifting every now and again to press his hard cock against Dean’s own. Dean bucks up into Cas with a moan that Cas could drink up for the rest of his life.
They were both growing impatient feeling the desperate need to be touching each other everywhere, skin to skin. Cutting through the pure lust, Dean’s fingers toy with the waistband of Cas’ shorts, dipping underneath and taking Cas’ member in hand in one swift motion. Cas lets out a gasp.
“Oh Dean.” He pants as Dean begins to stroke the length of him. Grabbing Dean’s wrist, he says “Dean, let me take care of you – please.” He pulls his hand out of Cas’ shorts as Cas makes quick work of Dean’s zipper.
“Okay Sweetheart but when we find a bed, I’m gonna need you to fuck me until you come inside of me.”
“Christ Dean, keep talking like that and I’ll come in my pants.”
Dean gave a smirk as Cas readjusted himself on the bench. Two grown men getting off in a car was never easy but Castiel wasn’t going to let that stop him from making Dean feel good. He makes quick work of shimmying Dean’s trousers down his legs enough for Cas to have access to him, he could tell Dean was getting impatient with the way his hips were bucking at every little touch and the quiet whines coming from the man.
When Dean’s cock sprang free from his boxers, Cas didn’t miss the slight pink blush rise on his cheeks. Cas didn’t really believe this was happening now so he couldn’t even begin to imagine how Dean was feeling, the man was getting married a few short hours ago, and now here he was, hard and leaking, waiting for Cas to take him in his mouth.
Cas’ touch was light on Dean, stroking lightly once, twice before taking him in hand. Dean’s cock was thick and Cas’ mouth watered at just the sight of it in his hand. Feeling like it was more for himself than it was for Dean, his tongue darted out to lick the wet opening there before swallowing him down as far he could in one go.
“Holy fuck Cas.” Dean moaned as his hands carded through Cas’ hair, tightening at the root ever so slightly.
Hearing Dean moan his name like that spurs him on, doubling his efforts he matched his fist to the rhythm of his mouth up and down Dean’s cock. Ever the tease, Cas pulls off just enough to look up at Dean, lips still dangerously close to his cock he whispers, “I’ve wanted to taste you for so long.”
Hands still buried in his hair, Dean pulls him up for one more bone-crushing, absolutely life-altering kiss while Castiel continues the rhythm with one hand on his cock, the other taking the opportunity to snake under Dean’s shirt across the expanse of smooth skin there until he reaches a nipple, tugging hard, resulting in a loud groan from Dean and the involuntary buck of his hips, pushing further into Cas’ fist as he feels his balls tighten.
“Please Cas.” God, the man’s voice is wrecked and wanting. Castiel would be rude not to indulge. With that he swallows Dean down, hollowing out his cheeks as he feels Dean’s length hit the back of his throat. One of Dean’s hands is back in his hair, urging him as he fucks up into Cas’ mouth with low mutterings of yes oh god please more more more until he’s spilling down Cas’ throat, desperate and hot and Cas is swallowing it all like it’s nothing. God Dean could get used to this, he says as much to Cas, spent and warm inside and out.
“You’re incredible Cas, my god. How have I gone without us touching like this, my whole goddamn life.”
Suddenly coy, Cas wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand and settles back into his seat. “You’ve got me, Dean,” he says low, “for as long as you want me.”
They sit there in the Impala, just as they had when Dean was first allowed to drive them around on his own, on some dirt road, watching as the rain subsides.
“Y’know, I’ve wanted you for a long time Cas and not just like this…” he gestures to his unbuttoned trousers then with a wink, “not that I don’t want this cause I do Cas, god I really do. A lot. But I’ve wanted you to be by my side for as long as I can remember. Sammy always said I looked at you like you hung the moon… said that I put you on a pedestal so you were safely out of my reach. He was right, there you were; perfect little altarboy, straight-A student, goddamn valedictorian and now a fucking brain surgeon, and I knew I was never gonna be good enough for you. So I kept you there as you put the whole goddamn solar system in the sky for me, just out of reach, never close enough to touch.”
“Oh Dean,” he reaches a hand out to cup the man’s cheek, he leans into the touch, “you are the most selfless man I know. You are kind and strong and beautiful and I could live a thousand lives and you would still find ways to astound me. I wish you saw yourself as your friends and family do, as I do. It is you, Dean Winchester, who keeps the stars in my sky shining.”
In an entirely uncharacteristic way, Dean is speechless, never one to take compliments well, he just closes his eyes and places a kiss to Cas’ palm. They settle into a comfortable silence, looking at each other as if the world around them had stopped turning.
They’re brought back to reality with a ping from the backseat. Dean reaches behind them to retrieve the phone he’d abandoned, Cas watches him expectantly.
“It’s Bobby.” He says.
Bobby Singer 15:37 - The cabin’s there if you need somewhere to go. Proud of you son.
“...says we can go to the cabin.” He finishes then throws his phone back into the backseat and starts up the car.
With a small smile Cas just says, “how serendipitous.”
----------------------------
The sun is low when they arrive at the cabin, all traces of the rain disappeared the further away they got from the city.
By the grace of god there are still some beers and snacks left over from their recent stay and suddenly Dean is ravenous, grabbing them chips and a couple of beers, they make themselves comfortable on the small couch, where days before, Cas had been scared to even touch the man now nestled into his side. They trade lazy kisses there, hands roaming freely, familiarising themselves with each other again.
“Heya Cas.” Dean looks up at him as he puts down the empty beer bottle. Cas raises an eyebrow in response. “Let’s go for a swim.”
Cas lets himself be dragged to the lake by Dean. Without the weed and the lack of alcohol, it feels colder than it did a few nights ago. In true Dean Winchester fashion however, he’s already unbuttoning the remainder of his shirt and shucking off his pants, “C’mon Novak, don’t tell me you’re nervous now.” Hiding a hiss at the temperature of the water, he beckons Cas to come closer. “As much as I like you in those obscenely short shorts, I want you here with me, naked, now.”
Much like their previous caper, Cas obliges, taking no time to undress and follow Dean into the water. This time, it was the late evening sun giving Dean that glow, freckles dancing across his broad shoulders, Cas traced patterns across his back, allowing himself to just touch like he couldn’t previously. Yes, Dean was a winter baby but god did he come alive under the sun. Cas presses kisses to the stretches of tanned muscle, tasting salt on his skin as he does so.
“You’re a work of art, Dean.” He states, matter of fact.
“Cas.” Dean looks at him, green eyes bright under the evening sun and snakes a hand around the man’s waist. “I love you.” He says with a kiss to the tip of Cas’ nose then sets off swimming beneath the water.
They continue like that for a while, gliding through the water, stopping every so often to kiss or touch or look at each other. The sun has set by the time they reach the riverbank again, wet and drunk off kisses. They lay in the clearing, Cas’ head in Dean’s lap, hair still wet, curling at his ears. Dean thinks he’s never looked better, dark curls and a tan peaking through across his nose. He can’t help but run his fingers through Cas’ mess of hair. Cas looks up at him then, ocean blue eyes filled with years of love he hid for so long.
“I don’t want this to end.” Dean breaks the silence, voice quiet.
“I know.” Cas says, “I have to be back in Seattle in two days.” He looks away, fiddling with his hands on his bare stomach.
“They have fires in Seattle right?” Dean asks his voice light in contrast to Cas’ low hmm. “So I can fight fires and save kittens there right?”
“What?” Cas looks at him again, still not really understanding what Dean is getting at.
“I could come with you. I mean… maybe not in two days but in a few weeks. I could get a transfer, it wouldn’t be hard.” Dean sits up straighter, putting a plan together in his head. “We could do it.” He says with a smile, placing his hand over Cas’. “I don’t want to be away from you angel, I can’t be… not after all this time.”
Cas simply says “okay,” then smiles at the man.
“Okay.” Dean finishes with a kiss which quickly deepens, roaming hands and feverish kisses. Cas is breathless when Dean pulls away, attempting to get them both to stand.
“C’mon Cas, the things I want you to do to me will be much more comfortable in bed.”
Cas’ eyes light up as he pulls Dean to his feet and toward the cabin. “You’re a menace Dean Winchester.”
They half run toward the cabin clad only in their boxers, bodies humming with anticipation. Before Dean can even open the cabin door, Cas pushes him roughly against it, biting kisses down his neck. Dean preens under his touch, moaning at the trail of marks left along his collarbone.
“Baby,” he breathes as Cas licks at his earlobe, “...gonna need to get supplies from the glovebox.”
With a kiss to his lips, Cas mutters “go on boy scout, I’ll wait for you inside.”
----------------------------
Whatever Dean was expecting when he finally made it back to the cabin, it wasn’t Cas on the master bed hard and palming at himself surrounded by lit candles. The atmosphere is thick and he can’t help but lick his lips at the scene unfolding in front of him.
“I started without you.” Cas mumbles as one hand snakes across his pecs, toying with one of his nipples, a sly smile on his lips.
Dean’s almost speechless and getting hard at the sight of the man lounging in front of him, lazily stroking himself with his eyes locked on Dean’s.
He shucks off his boxers, making his way toward the bed, “C’mere,” he says, “lemme help.” Squeezing out lube onto his palm, Dean inches closer toward Cas with hungry eyes he finally takes him in his hand. The slickness of the lube is a welcome feeling and Cas involuntarily bucks up into Dean’s hand. He’s already leaking and Dean can’t help but dip his head down to taste the pre cum beading at the tip.
“ – fuck Dean, please.”
“Tell me what you want, Cas.”
“You.” Cas growls as if Dean can read his mind, he grabs the lube, squirting some more out and reaches behind himself. Cas could watch the pure pleasure on Dean’s face as he fingers himself for as long as he lives but he’s feeling selfish and he needs to feel Dean so desperately it almost hurts.
“Dean.” He says with a raised eyebrow, causing the man to still, “I think I should be doing that.”
He lets out a small laugh, flustered, “yeah yeah… let me feel you baby.”
He slicks up his fingers then pushes through a ring of muscle, slowly, relishing in the tightness of Dean’s hole as he slips one finger in and out. Dean’s initial worry over the size of Cas’ hands dissipates almost immediately when he feels the man inside of him, the feeling of fullness, of absolute pleasure.
“More, pleaseee.” Dean gasps, meeting the rhythm of Cas’ finger.
“If you insist.” At that, Cas pushes in a second finger, scissoring slowly as he begins to feel Dean relax. With the third, Dean is breathless and panting, cock leaking against his stomach. And when Cas finds his prostate, flicking a finger against the sensitivity there, he sees white behind his eyelids and hears himself scream Cas’ name.
“You’re so good for me, Dean.” Cas is in awe of the man below him, desperate and needy, Dean whines at the loss of Cas’ fingers. “Are you ready, my love?” Cas asks, voice softer this time.
“Yes, yes god please. Fuck me Cas.”
Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s thighs, pulling the man closer and lines up his cock with Dean’s tight hole. He glances up to Dean one last time, asking for permission before he breaches his rim. Cas’ cock is long and thick and Dean can feel every inch as he slides in achingly slow.
Dean hisses his name, pleading for more. It takes a moment and a couple of slow thrusts until they’re both comfortable and then Dean is bottoming out and losing all coherence as he chants Cas’ name over and over. The way Dean’s eyes lock with his own as he thrusts deeper into the man, is nothing like Cas has ever felt before. Not the rush of a successful surgery or a quick fuck with someone from the bar - no, this is pure intensity laced with both lust and love. Cas can feel his eyes fill up from the raw intensity of the emotions coursing through his body and with a particularly rough thrust into Dean’s hole, he’s filling him up until he pushes against his prostate, pulling an absolutely delicious whine out of Dean.
“Christ Castiel, yes, fill me up.” Dean damn near whimpers. “Come inside of me, please.”
Cas is gripping Dean’s thighs tight, enough to leave red marks long after they’re done as he fucks into him again and again. The only noise ringing through the cabin being the slap of skin against skin and the quiet mewls coming from the man below him. Dean looks beautiful like this, cock plump and leaking against his stomach and completely debauched - Cas might never get used to this.
“Dean, I’m close. God, I’m close.” Cas’ voice is wrecked, nothing more than a low growl. Then Dean is putting one hand over Cas’, the other reaching for his own cock and Cas is seeing white thrusting once twice then coming deep inside Dean. Cas’ cock still twitching inside him, Dean follows a few seconds after, stroking his cock until he’s squirting hot liquid up his chest. Without thinking twice Cas extends a long finger across Dean’s stomach, sweeping across the come there and slowly lifting it to his mouth. Dean feels Cas’ cock give one last twitch inside of him.
“You are sinful, Castiel.”
Cas throws him a wicked grin as he reluctantly pulls out of him, drawing a loud groan out of Dean. He wastes no time cleaning them both up, yearning to be wrapped up in the man, he returns to the room with a damp washcloth, wiping the quickly drying come off of Dean with a kind of care he doesn’t think he’s given anyone else before. It has fireworks exploding in his stomach. Before he can turn to get rid of the cloth Dean catches his wrist, green eyes piercing his own.
“I love you.”
“I know.”
The smile Dean gives back is one he could see for the rest of his life.
----------------------------
It’s nearing winter by the time Dean officially moves to Seattle. The Kansas Fire Department didn’t want to let him go easily but with a quick word to an old friend, Bobby has the situation under control.
John Winchester isn’t at the Roadhouse with everyone else as they pack Dean’s things into the Impala and wave him goodbye - Dean finds he doesn’t care anymore. He realizes in the moments he’s pulling away from his family, that he has everything he needs - he can see them all there in the rearview, smiling wide and waving, happy for him, happy that he’s driving towards Cas. It doesn’t hurt that Sammy’s a shorter plane journey away now either.
It takes him a day or two, excruciating really, not hearing from Cas as often as he’d like throughout the journey due to surgeries or some other doctor business so he leaves him voice notes every time he stops to pee, eat or fill the car up.
He stops first somewhere in Lincoln County, Colorado, “only one more night alone. I love you Cas.”
Five hours later he stops just outside of Wamsutter, Wyoming for a supper of Twizzlers and soda, “Heya Cas, I’ve sent you a video of some wild horses I saw in the desert - don’t worry, I stopped Baby to take the video. I can’t wait to see you, angel.”
He drives through the night, arriving near Twin Falls, Idaho just in time to see the sun start to rise over Shoshone Falls, “the sunrise on the water is incredible, Cas - got nothing on your baby blues though. Not long now, sweetheart.”
When he makes it to Oregon and there are signs in the shape of pie, Dean thinks he might be hallucinating until he’s parking up in Salem, Oregon, under a sign that reads Cherry City. “Heya Cas, I know I’ve lost an hour or two crossing state lines but through some insane Divine Intervention I’ve ended up in the home of cherry pie! I know I said I’d be home before you finished your shift but can you really blame me for stopping off for pie! Anyway, I love you Cas, I’ll be home soon.”
The sky’s dark in Seattle when he arrives, threatening a downpour - that’s something he’s gonna have to get used to quickly, rain.
He’s tired, slightly cranky, a lot hungry and he knows he needs a shower but he made good time so he parks up outside the hospital and waits for Cas to finish his shift. He’s just about to drift off when he sees Cas in his scrubs struggling to put an umbrella up. His heart swells a few sizes at the sight – he’s so unbelievably in love with the man.
Dean’s so lost in thought that Cas has already made his way to the bus stop, completely missing Dean in his car. The Impala roars to life beneath him and he pulls up next to the bus stop.
“Need a ride, sweetheart?” He drawls all Southern charm and chivalry. There are other people at the bus stop and Cas has yet to look up from under his umbrella – Dean feels slightly stupid; then Cas’ eyes meet his and sees how they light up.
“Dean,” his voice is light, surprised, “you’re here.”
“I am, and you’re getting wet. Get in.” He says, nodding his head toward the passenger seat.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here.” Cas says still somewhat shocked that Dean made it here before he finished work. “You were supposed to be late, I had this big plan with a banner and a meal – candles and everything.”
“Ha, you cooking?” Dean laughs.
“Okay, maybe I was going to get takeout but I’d light the candles, put the banner up.”
“Hey Cas,” he stills the man next to him, putting a hand over the one on his lap, “I’m home. I love you – everything’s perfect already.” With a kiss, teetering on too inappropriate for being outside of Cas’ workplace, Dean starts up Baby and they’re on their way home.
----------------------------
It takes a while for the two of them to make the apartment a home - their work schedules rarely lining up to allow them time off together. It’s hard and it takes work but sometimes Dean comes home from a night shift to see that Cas has added more photographs to their ever-growing gallery wall and his heart fills with more love than he thought was possible.
It started with family photos – Bobby, Ellen and Jo outside The Roadhouse, Sam on his high school graduation trapped in a headlock by Dean, laughing and giving him a noogie, Gabe and Cas wearing party hats - begrudgingly on Cas’ part - on his 21st birthday.
Then Cas started to add pictures Dean had never seen – his own profile, lit from behind, both hands on the wheel, driving some strip of road he doesn’t remember now. He must’ve been about nineteen when the photo was taken.
There’s another of him and Sam, taken from behind – both much younger sat by the lake near Bobby’s cabin, Sam had just hit his growth spurt, long legs dangling into the water, Dean’s turning toward the camera, Cas must’ve taken it just as he’d noticed him because there’s a low smile on his face.
Next, Dean notices a picture of Cas and himself he doesn’t remember it being taken but he’s certain it’s from his 25th birthday - a group of them had gone out on the lake on Bobby’s boat, it was cold, he remembers that, late January and John had been adamant that they were going on a boys weekend, just the two of them. Until Dean spilled to Sam that he was worried about John’s ulterior motives – he’d been dating Lisa for nearly 3 years and hadn’t thought about marriage once, he knew his dad was gonna push him on that. Sammy pulled through though - making an intimate boys weekend into an all out party - inviting as many of Dean’s friends who could make it last minute, naturally Cas was there. That night, his 25th, he was just buzzed enough to not care about what his dad thought, on the boat he sang to Taylor Swift too loud, his touch lingered on Cas too long but the sun was setting, orange and pink and he was happy. Sam must’ve taken the picture of he and Cas, with their arms slung around each other’s shoulders, he loves it.
Soon he’s putting up pictures he’s taken - one of Cas, glasses low on his nose, early morning light streaming through the curtains in their bedroom, reading some medical textbook, a hot cup of coffee in one hand – one of the rare occasions they were both able to have a lie in, he remembers what transpired after that, seeing Cas looking all academic in his glasses. A quick handjob turned into Dean giving Cas what he likes to call the orgasm to end all orgasms with only his tongue. It gets him excited just looking at the picture up on the wall, he hopes it affects Cas in the same way.
Eventually there’s a picture up of Dean and Miracle – the dog he’d rescued from a fire one night and much to Cas’ initial dismay, brought home and adopted. Soon there’s a group picture – Dean, Cas, Sam and his fiancee, Eileen. He’d met her working pro bono for a local school involved in some land dispute; her smile and wicked sense of humor had captured his attention right away. She’d played hard to get for a while until Sam got down on one knee and told her in no certain terms that they would get married or Dean would have his head on a platter. They all loved Eileen.
It took some time for Dean to be excited about the idea of walking down the aisle again but he woke up one day to Cas making pancakes and bacon and knew right then and there that he would marry him. The pancakes were terrible but the sex that followed was pretty incredible – they got married a month or so later in a small ceremony with just a handful of guests, right near that same river they’d first kissed all that time ago. John Winchester didn’t make it; Dean didn’t care. He kissed the man he loved in front of everyone that truly mattered, knowing in his heart that his mom would be proud of the man he had become – that was enough.
Some time down the line Cas was Chief of Neuro and Dean was on his way to becoming Captain he turned to Cas and said “let’s start a family,” and somehow it was that easy.
It wasn’t a quick process, naturally, but eventually they were bringing home one grumpy pre-teen and a golden-haired toddler from a particularly bad home situation after the girl, Claire, had come into the ER with little Jack in her arms and a bruise on her face, looking for help and safety.
Dean understood Claire’s special brand of fucked-up and Cas was increasingly enamoured with the way Jack took interest in every little thing he saw. They made a good family, something Dean wasn’t quite sure of until Bobby turned to him at Christmas and said “you’re a good father, Dean. I’m proud of you - both of you.”
He was still smiling when Cas managed to get him under the mistletoe later that night.
“What’s got you so happy?” Cas asked lips still brushing Dean’s.
“You. This. Our family.” They continued to kiss until Claire walked by making exaggerated vomiting sounds.
Later, when they were all full and some tipsy from Ellen’s special eggnog, with a hand on her stomach, Eileen announced that she and Sam were expecting and as Dean looked around the room, one hand laced in Cas’ on the back of the sofa, Jack nuzzled between them, Claire in the dining room with Jo, showing the teen her ever-growing collection of butterfly knives and Bobby, snoring loudly in his armchair, he knew what it meant to be truly happy.
Cas met his eyes above Jack’s blonde curls and mouthed I love you.
Things were alright.
Castiel is forever glad Dean never finished his vows all those years ago.