What a Bootifa Wedding!

by Ladon_Chompers

Summary:

Everyone's invited to a destination wedding on another planet. Things get dicey, but that's what Ohana is for.

Chapter 1: Out of the Frying Pan

Summary:

Prologue Part 1: The Ohana is back together. Dr. Jacques von Hämsterviel & his Leroy clones were thwarted. What could possibly happen to ruin date night?

The Pelekai House, Earth

07:00 (UTC−10:00)

 

The alarm went off with a resounding chime at exactly oh-seven-hundred. Jumba reached down and smacked the alarm’s snooze-button with a pillow. He knew it was a fool’s errand. The alarm was never what woke him up, anyway.

 

He tried to snuggle into his bedding and get some more sleep.

 

“Wake up, sleepy-head!” Pleakley suddenly poked his face. 

“Ughhhh, am much too tired for this...” Jumba tried to roll over. “Try getting my shut-eyes…”

“Ohhhh, no ya don’t!” The bossy one-eyed noodle he called his roommate clambered up and was now on top of his chest. “It’s time to wakey wakey, Jumba! I made breakfast!”

“Why I smelling burning thing?”

“Oh…hehe, that’s-”

“Oh no! You burning dOWN HOUSE AGAIN!” That got the evil genius to pop out of bed and run for the kitchen, causing Pleakley to fall off of him in the process. “EVERYONE! GETTING OUT OF HOUSE! IS BURNING Tooooo-” He made it to the kitchen, and everything seemed fine. “-the ground?”

“Nuh-uh!” Lilo smiled Jumba’s way. “Pleakley made poi!” She ate another spoonful.  

“Ih!” Stitch nodded excitedly as he licked his bowl clean. 

 

Jumba took a frantic look over at the stove.

To his surprise, nothing was burning there. Nothing was splattered, even. Things were neatly in place and a pot of instant poi was still warm. It was actually a welcome sight once his stomach let out a rumbly growl. 

 

“We figured you all wanted something familiar. And I added fruit!” Nani grinned as she gestured to the various cut fruits in a yellow bowl on the kitchen table. “Good morning, Jumba.”

“Good…morning.” He calmed down. 

“HMPH!” Pleakley entered the room with an indignant huff. “As I was SAYING! I accidentally burnt a shirt while early-morning ironing. I’m better at cooking, I’ll have you know!” 

“Yeah. He didn’t even add any dog food this time!” Lilo added. 

“Oh. I’m feeling womanly today, dear.”

“She didn’t even add any dog food this time!” Lilo amended her statement. 

“Thank you so much, Lilo- AND YEAH! I was reeeeally tempted to, but I DIDN’T add dog food!”

“...sorry.” Jumba, in a rare display, apologized to Pleakley with no witty remark added.

“Mmmmmmm, you’re forgiven. This time.” Pleakley eased up. 

 

Jumba was at a loss for words when he poured his own cup of Earth coffee. He and Pleakley joined the others at the table for breakfast. Things were back to how they wanted it to be. They were back on Earth. No more breaking up the Ohana; not this time. 

Nani had to go to work soon, and so did David. Lilo and Stitch wanted to get a group picture of all the Cousins. Then, she and Stitch wanted to hang out with Jumba and Pleakley. 

 

“So? What do you both wanna do, now that you’re back?” Lilo wondered. 

“Oh, long day of evil-experimenting and havoc-wreaking with my little lab assistants?” Dr. Jookiba replied with a chuckle. “Maybe repair hover-craft. As a treat.” 

“What did I say about crop circles, Jumba?” Nani crossed her arms as she glared over at Jumba. 

“Whaaat! I say nothing about...crop circles! BAH! Is crazy talk.” He feigned innocence as he looked away nervously. He was found out. 

“You were thinking about it.” She replied. “No. Crop circles.”

“Aw, you are spoil-sport…” 

“Well, you can keep them out of soooome trouble, right Auntie?” David replied.

“Of course, David.” Pleakley nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

 

“Should we start setting up for the picture?” Lilo giggled as she jumped down from her chair. 

"Ebaka?" Stitch shifted his ears around. Now he could hear quite a few Cousins outside. "OoooOOOH! Cousins here!" Stitch scurried off. Lilo followed close behind.  

"Can't keep those two still for two seconds..." Nani shook her head before standing up from the kitchen table. "Come on, everyone."

“I’ll be right there, Nani!” Pleakley waved the others on. “It’ll just take me few minutes to clean up!”

 

The others headed outside to round up the remaining Cousins. 

 

“See you out there,” Pleakley waved behind her.

“...no no, am helping clean up.” Jumba walked closer.

“What’s this?” Pleakley turned around in shock and awe. Jumba started ladling leftover poi into a reusable container. “Dr. Jumba Jookiba, evil genius extraordinaire, is helping clean? Call the presses!” 

“Haha, funny… ”

“You missed your Aunt Pleakley, admit it!”

“Uncle Jumba was missing you very much…” He brushed his large fingers along her cheek. “Shhh. Telling no one, though. May start rumors, ehehehe!” 

“!!!” Pleakley dropped what she was doing and hugged as much of Jumba as she could. “I MISSED YOU SO MU-huh-huuuuuuch!!!” 

 

Jumba realized she wasn’t just being her normal levels of dramatic; Pleakley was actually crying!

Oh no… NOT GOOD!

 

“Eh…Pleakley?”

“Wahhh-mmmmm!!!” She nuzzled her face into his chest and continued to sob.

“Oh. Uh…?” On instinct, Jumba wrapped his arms around Pleakley. “I saying something wrong?”

“N--wwww!” She replied 'no' into his shirt he’d slept in.

“Shhhh shh shh…is ok.” He lifted Pleakley up into his arms. “Here. I am being here.”

“Don’d Leeb!”

“Am not leaving. Shhh, am not leaving.” 

 

They stayed like that for a while. Pleakley was held close, wrapped up in Jumba’s arms. He could feel his dear one-eyed one shaking from hard crying. It brought some water to his own evil genius tear ducts. Jumba had only tried to make Pleakley laugh, not cry! He would make it up to her. He had to. As much as Pleakley had missed him, Jumba truly had missed her just as much. Arguably more. 

She eventually stopped crying. That just meant Pleakley was back to her normal drama-levels.

 

“Oh no! SEE?!? My eye’s all red now, I can’t go out like this!”

“Nonsense. Is barely noticeable!” 

“I look ugly!”

“Nooo, you don’t.”

“Yes I do. Don’t look at me, Jumba! I’M HIDEOUS!”

“Oh sweet Nebulas…” Jumba rolled all four of his eyes at that. Then he leaned down to whisper. “Not letting you think yourself hideous, boojiboo.”

“Oh the horror! The HORROR- wait what-???” 

 

Pleakley froze as she felt her head and quark flange getting kissed. It tickled a bit. Jumba ended the kiss to her head with a loud lip-smack. 

 

"mmmmM-MWAH." 

“Heheheheh…wow,” was all the smitten Plorgonarian could muster up at the moment. 

“I am wondering…are you wanting to...resume romantic relationship, Pleakley?”

“…mm-hmm!”

“Good. So does Jumba.”

 

Pleakley started kissing him. Jumba was kissing her back. He twirled her around in the kitchen. It was the best news either of them could hope for! They were together again, and nothing could erase the goofy little smiles on their faces. Except, of course, being watched.

They finally got interrupted by a chorus of ooohs and awwws.

 

“Whaat?!” Jumba looked out the kitchen window. No less than fifty of his experiments were gawking at the happy couple. 

“OooOOOOH!” Nosy shoved his way through towards the window sill. “I’m gonna tell EVERYONE! Hey guys! Guess whaaaat! Jumba and Pleakley got back togetherrr!” He started running off to tell more cousins. “In FACT?! They both cried themselves to sleep cause they missed each other so much!”

“NosYYY!” Jumba started getting flustered beyond all belief. 

“Aw, that’s real sweet.” Bonnie giggled.

“Hehe, yeah.” Clyde agreed. “Real sweet.”

*tw-eeeet* Yaarp hopped up onto the sill as Slugger landed more gracefully.

“Oh gee, looks like the rest of the Ohana is happy.” Pleakley would have blushed if she could. Instead, her quark flange bent back a little sheepishly. “H-hi everyone!” A chorus of hellos seemed to swarm the house.

 

---

 

“I heard the news.” Lilo smiled when she and Stitch entered the house again after the Big Ohana photo. “I knew you two were meant to be!”

“Stitch know, too!” Their blue friend added. 

“Thanks, you two.” Pleakley smiled as she hugged them both. “What do we wanna do with Aunt Pleakley and Uncle Jumba, huh?”

 

Stitch and Lilo looked at each other and thought. They came to the same conclusion. 

 

“Beach Day?!” The two asked in unison. 

“Yes! Perfect! Ehhh… In little bit. I have suuuper secret plan.” Jumba grinned. “NOT dangerous. And…sadly, is not making crop circles.”

“Oh yeah? What’s your super secret plan?” Pleakley asked.

“Is super secret! Cannot be telling you!”

“Hmph. Well if you’ve got a super secret to keep from me, then I need a super secret to keep from you!”

 

Pleakley and Stitch left the house once their Auntie got herself more put together. She wore her favorite brown wig, a nice sundress, and one of her big hats. Stitch drew in his extra arms and antennae. It was Disguise Time!

 

Lilo joined Jumba back to the makeshift lab. They looked around the more busted interior after the crash a while back. 

 

“What’s the super secret plan, Jumba?” Lilo asked as she admired the scientific equipment in the beat-up ship. 

“I am wanting to say sorry to Pleakley, Little One. Sorry for metaphorically breaking her heart chambers..." he turned on his computer and sifted though files until he found what he was looking for.

"Ohhh, so you wanna get a gift? Or we could make one." She looked at the big screen in the ship. "But that doesn't look like a gift.

"Eh...no." His face looked more and more bashful. "This is not gift. No gifts. Jumba needs something more special."

"Hm. Maybe a nice card? Ooh, a loooove letter?"

"NO! I-i mean... no, not that either." 

"A...song?"

"I don't know..." Jumba gulped. "None of these seem right."

"...how about a date night?"

"Ehhh, perhaps..." Hope returned to his features. "Maybe, after day at beach, we can going to primitive Earthling dining facility, the two of us? Pleakley does like to spending time together..."

"That sounds perfect, Jumba!" Lilo walked back to him and patted his large hand. "And I know just the place! Pleakley will love it!"

"How do YOU knowing perfect date night location, Lilo? You are little girl."

"Well...Nani said she likes it. And she's not so little."

"Well-played." 

 

~~~~~~

 

Meanwhile, Pleakley waddled into town with Stitch next to her. They crossed the street, and Pleakley waved to the driver that had waited to let them cross. The man waved back with a smile. Then he looked further down at Stitch and made a scared face. 

They kept walking until they reached Mrs. Hasagawa's fruit stand. 

 

"HELLO MRS. HASAGAWA!!!" Pleakley practically screamed.

"...huh?" The nearly blind, nearly deaf old lady looked around. "Oh! Hello, Mrs. Jookiba! How are you, my dear!"

"OH, CAN'T COMPLAIN.... YOU?!"

"I am doing very well!" She walked closer and reached down to pet Stitch on the head. "Awww, good doggy."

"AND HOW ARE YOUR CATS? DOING WELL?"

"Oh, they are so good!" She pointed over to Cloudy. "See? And so helpful!"

"Oh choota..." Stitch whispered as he scuttled back to Pleakley. Cloudy followed him and tried to start down-pouring on his Cousin again, like he had earlier that morning. 

"Ah ah! FEAR NOT!" Pleakley whipped out her umbrella and opened it just as Stitch scrambled up into her arms. 

"Skittish little doggy. Poor thing... Mr. Fluffles doesn't bite!"

"Grrrr..." Stitch growled up at Cloudy. They got the hint and wafted away to water more fruit at the fruit stand. 

 

Pleakley made it quick for Stitch's sake. She bought some of the mixed fruit preserves that Mrs. Hasagawa canned herself. Then, they were off once more. 

 

"...Pleakley. Thanks." Stitch spoke softly while they walked between tourists. 

"Of course, I've always got you, Stitch." Pleakley whispered back. Stitch rubbed up against her legs before they continued. 

 

They continued into the supermarket. Cart: acquired. Stich: placed in the child seat. 

 

"Alright, fella! What are we gettin'?"

"Uh, ma'am?" A fellow shopper walked up to them. "Are you...? Putting your dog in the seat?"

"Well, uh...don't you?" Pleakley smiled nervously. Then she leaned closer. "He's got separation anxiety." 

"Oh, poor...thing." She grinned awkwardly as she walked away quickly. 

"...woo. Close one." Pleakley started wheeling Stitch and the cart in the opposite direction as the other shopper. 

 

They got peanut butter to appease Pudge the fish. Then some premade sandwiches for the beach.

Stitch suckered Pleakley into getting him a lollipop. So of course they needed one for Lilo, too. 

 

At one point, Pleakley got a call from his mother. Stitch wasn't paying attention. He'd smelled the deli section. The blue-furred cutie was thinking up ways to sneak a whole ham into his mouth, but Pleakley pushed the shopping cart farther away. Plus...stealing ham wasn't very nice. Blitznack! Lilo had gotten to him, yet again. Maybe someday, Stitch would get to eat a whole ham again. Someday...

 

They brought the purchases back to the house. It was a miracle. Pleakley hadn't stopped into any clothing stores! 

 

"Welcome back!" Lilo was already dressed for swimming. 

"Hello again!" Pleakley grew excited. "I just need a moment to change. Then we can go." 

"Good. Don't take too long." Jumba put his straw hat on and fake moustache. Now his own disguise was complete. 

"...ok." Pleakley winked. Or maybe she just blinked. It was hard to tell. She only had one eye. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Lilo stayed still in the sand while Stitch shoveled more sand onto her legs. In no time flat, he was carefully patting and etching and carving. 

 

"What'cha doin'?" Pleakley looked up from her fashion magazine. "Ooooh! What a pretty little mermaid you make, Lilo!"

"A Zombie Mermaid." Lilo nodded. Part of the sand-made tail looked skeletal. "I was converted by a school of zombie piranhas. They're my pets, now."

"Yeah." Stitch nodded too. He pointed to the more scrappy looking piranhas he'd added to the side of Lilo's fake tail. One was still biting her. 

"Fascinating...!" Pleakley got up and quickly snapped a picture. 

"Little One, you say there are fish-human hybrid beings on stinky water planet?" Jumba asked after taking a sip of his water. "But we never seeing them."

"Who knows? We don't know even half of what's in our oceans." Lilo replied. "I bet there's whole cities of mermaids. Maybe they look after Pudge on the other days of the week... Hm..."

"Now, if Jumba could getting genetic samples-"

"NO." Pleakley waddled back. "NO SAMPLES!"

"Not even teensy tiny bit?"

"NO."

"Ughhhhh, fiiiiine...."

 

They soon got Lilo back out of the sandy mermaid tail and dusted her off. Lunch was sandwiches and shaved ice from the nearby stand. They swam or waded in a bit here and there. Instead of hunting for seashells, Lilo and Stitch went Tourist-Spotting. They shared a pair of binoculars and pointed out sun-burnt visitors. If they found a really good specimen, they would sneak up and snap a picture. Pleakley needed to hand over a new roll of polaroid blanks for the two rascals to continue. 

After work, Nani and David joined the group. The two surfers and two youngsters headed out to surf for a while. Pleakley and Jumba watched them catch some choice waves, as most of the tourists headed home for their Happy Hours and what not. 

 

"Pleakley?" Jumba offered his hand.

"Yeah, Jumba?" She took hold of his index finger. 

"...I can telling surprise, now."

"Ooh ooh, tell me tell me!"

"Alright! Alright." He chuckled. "I have reservation for primitive Earthling dining facility. For two. Tonight." He leaned closer. "Will you going with Jumba on...date?"

"Yes! Oh, Jumba!" She began to hug him. Then her facial expression dropped. "Waaaait...where?"

 

---

 

Blue Hawaii Bar & Grill, Earth

19:00 (UTC−10:00)

 

"Jockey-buh for two? Party of Jockey-buh? For two?" The nearest hostess asked aloud.

"Ugh..." Jumba raised his hand despite the butchering of his proud, evil genius surname. "Us." 

"Oh, good. Your table is ready. Please follow me."

"Oooh, I like all the lights! It's so...festive!" Pleakley admired the outdoor dining space. She held Jumba's arm as they were lead further onto the patio. Once they were seated, they were given their menus. 

"I can go get waters for the table while you look at the menu?"

"OH! Before you go-" Pleakley began.

"hmmm." Jumba put a hand on his forehead. "....here we are going."

"What are the specials tonight? I'm curious."

"Oh, sure." Their server smiled at the question. "The fish of the day is flounder, and the soup of the day is crab chowder." 

"Ooooh, fascinating." 

"...thank you." Jumba smiled as best as he could until their server walked off to get the water. Then, he whispered over the top of his menu. "Why do you always asking for special?" 

"Well, it's not like you ever ask."

"But, Pleakley. You never ordering special."

"You do, though. Sometimes."

"...I saw special on big menu board. Behind you?"

"Huh?" She turned, and her wig swished with the movement. She saw the huge 'Today's Specials' board behind her. "Heheheh..."

"I can reading it like you, now." Jumba tapped his sunglasses he kept perched at the end of his round nose. "Has translation software installed."

"Oh, but...sometimes there isn't a big menu board. So I'll keep asking." Pleakley went right back to perusing the menu and playing with the soft ends of her wig. Every once in a while, something was deemed fascinating. 

 

After they ordered drinks, Jumba got the soup of the day. Soup went down easier, with minimal chewing. 

In similar fashion, Pleakley ordered the pulled pork sandwich with a side of mashed sweet potatoes. They were nutritious and easier to ingest than most crunchy, fried foods. 

 

"Thank you, sweetie." Pleakley reached out and placed a slender three-fingered hand on top of her partner's own. "This is a very nice date."

"Yes. Is good date." He smiled back at her with no lack of admiration. 

 

Now, they were getting back to their normal, after being parted for far too long. (Ok, it was two weeks at best. They were just dramatic.) Unfortunately, this meant that the other factors of their lives were returning to some semblance of normal, too.

Pleakley's communicator began to ring. 

 

"Pleakley..." Jumba warned. "Do not taking that call. Is date." 

"...ok. Yeah! I can, uh... I can hold off." She turned it on silent. There was a moment of relief, that was then ruined by the communicator vibrating on the table. 

"Noooo."

"You're right. Here!" She handed the circular phone-like device to Jumba nervously. "Who is it?"

"Who else? Is Mother Pleakley..."

"...maybeeee, if you answer, she'll be more understanding? And call back later?"

"HMPH." He raised the device to his ear. "Hello?" He immediately had to keep the device away again after the shouting that piped through. Oops! Mama Pleakley was initiating a video call. "Good. Pleakley call you back." He hung up. The phone started ringing again moments later.

"...if I don't answer, she'll just keep calling." Pleakley sighed. 

"I know. She must learning to give space." 

"...yeah, ya know what? You're right."

 

Jumba let the infernal device buzz away in his shorts pocket, until Mother Pleakley gave up. 

 

"What were you saying?"

"OH! So, I had this idea." Pleakley began to talk again. "You know how more major life events are coming up? Well, I can make you a suit or two for those occasions!"

"What is wrong with Earthling male disguise?" Jumba gestured to his current outfit of cargo shorts, Hawaiian button up t-shirt, and sandals.

"Well, it's nice, but you still need something for fancier events."

"I add tie. Is good enough."

"No. It's not..." His partner frowned and crossed her arms. "You can't wear that to say...a graduation! Or, or a wedding! I won't stand for it!"

"I wear to Galaxy-Saving Award Ceremony..."

"That's different! I'm gonna make you more clothes, and you're gonna like it, Mister!"

"Ugh, pleeease, do not get so-"

"Excuse me?" Their server walked over. 

"Yes?" Jumba turned to face her.

"There uh...someone on the phone is calling for Mrs. Jockey-buh? They said it's urgent."

 

Both Jumba and Pleakley looked at one another. Without a word, Jumba motioned for Pleakley to finally go answer her mother. She rushed over with their server. 

He took the time to consider what she had said. It wasn't that he didn't like what Pleakley made. Far from it. She was getting very skilled with that sewing machine. He just felt that wasn't necessary. They had plenty of costume components already. Either they could salvage those, or he could just add a tie. Whatever ended up being more comfortable. 

He looked around. Pleakley was taking a while. Maybe this was an emergency? Now, Dr. Jookiba felt a small pang of regret. That regret compounded when he finally saw Pleakley returning. She'd been crying...

 

"Pleakley? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing!" She tried to smile through it as she wiped away the remainder of her ruined mascara and readjusted her wig. "Now! About those new suits-"

"Boojiboo..." Jumba leaned closer and gingerly wiped away some leftover mascara. "Please telling me?"

"...not here." She whispered. "Not now, please?"

"...alright."

"Thank you, sweetie." She sighed, scratched at her neck, then continued. "If I did make you a suit, you'd wear it, right?"

"...yes."

"I promise to use fabric that's not scratchy! Honest!" She rubbed at her arm. "And fun colors. Not just the plain black tux." 

"Oh no..." Jumba grimaced as he realized what was going on.

"What?" Pleakley scratched at her other arm. 

"You do not smell horrendous."

"Well, I sure HOPE not!"

"It means you did not applying Earth insect repellant..." 

"Of course I..." She looked down. Another four mosquitos landed on her. She could finally hear the rest of the swarm closing in. "...J-J-JUMBA?"

"We go home now!"

 

Pleakley slapped down twice the amount of cash their meal had cost, then they ran off for home. 

 

---

 

The Pelekai House, Earth

20:40 (UTC−10:00)

 

"You alright, Pleakley?" Nani walked into the ship in their backyard. Pleakley had most of her disguise removed so she could be wrapped in the affected areas with ointment and bandages. 

"...no."

"You will feeling better soon." Jumba answered, now donning his lab coat. "This is special formula. Has cooling effect, to reduce itching."

"Hmmm...." 

"Hey, it happens to the best of us." Nani tried to reassure Pleakley, but wasn't sure if she could pat her on the shoulder, or back, or anywhere really. 

"That's easy for YOU to say, Nani! Mosquitos don't find you as delicious as they do me!" She raised her arm. "Ow. Owowow..." She lowered her arm again. "You don't blow up like a balloon animal, either..." 

"I think humans are just used to mosquitos, by now." She winced. "But hey, we've got you now." 

 

They worked as a team. Jumba applied the ointment, and Nani wrapped the areas up. Two out of three legs. Both arms. Neck, head, and hands. 

 

"I look like a mummyyyyy!" The one-eyed one whined.

"No complaining." The four-eyed one replied. 

"I ruined date niiiight!"

"Not possible. Jumba had very nice time."

"Where'd you go? That grill I recommended?" Nani wondered. 

"Yes. Was very nice food-service facility."

"Ooh, it was lovely, Nani." Pleakley replied too. "And then I ruined it all!"

"SHH." Jumba leaned closer. "Nothing is ruined. If anything, Mother Pleakley ruin date night for you." 

"Noooo, I wouldn't say that!" Pleakley tried to cross her arms, and found it was too painful to attempt it. 

"She making Pleakley cry." 

"Aww, what happened?" Nani joined in the questioning. "You ok?"

"What is this? A galactic tribunal?!" The more Wendy Pleakley fought against it, the harder it became to hide it.

 

Her mother had in fact made her cry, but not on purpose! Mrs. Saash'lana Pleakley had great news to share with Wendy!

But she kept calling her Wendy. And Son. And the news had very limiting factors attached, as well. Something in Wendy had just...snapped.

 

"I DON'T WANNA BE A BEST MAN!" Pleakley finally blurted out. "I don't even think I wanna be a man! AT ALL!"

"Oh boy..." Nani cringed. "Can't we just...I don't know, lie to them?"

"LIE? To my FAMILY?!"

"Hasn't stopped you before..."

"And I feel AWFUL about it!"

"Why do you worry?" Jumba put away the ointment. "We have whole Plorgonar Year to decide. Is...10 Earth months from today, yes?"

"You say that like that's enough time..." Pleakley frowned harder. 

Notes:

After the disaster of the 2025 movie, I wanted to throw my hat into the ring. One of my first ships was Jumba & Pleakley. They hold a special place in my heart. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 2: Into the Fire

Summary:

Prologue Part 2: Reuben starts to settle into his new role as Galley Officer. Captain Gantu is faced with more than one challenge during a rescue mission.

Planet Turo's Orbit

06:00 (Federation Standard)

 

"Officer Lanloo, prepare us to disembark."

"Yes, Captain. Hailing Command, now." Their eye stalks shifted forward slightly in order to see the controls at their station better. 

"Where to, sir?" Another officer swiveled their ear back to clearly listen for orders.

"Chart a course for Tristalli Four."

"Right away, sir."

 

The bridge came alive once more with communication channels, sensor beeps, and little blinking lights. Their captain had missed this during his little stint on Earth. The bridge of the galactic armada's flagship was like a living, breathing thing. It took him being forcibly retired to appreciate this all more. That, and finally succeeding in opposing Dr. Jacques von Hämsterviel.

It was good to be back. He finally had that chance at redemption he'd been praying for. 

 

"We have approval to detach, Captain."

"Good," Captain Gantu shifted in the oversized captain's seat. "Take us out at half impulse, until we're clear of Turo's orbit."

 

The orders were followed flawlessly.

They detached from Turo's main starship port and smoothly pulled away from the heart of the galactic federation. Once they exited orbital bounds, the ship began to speed up. Half of the galactic armada followed suit. In addition to their usual grand flagship and smaller cruisers, they had several major cargo-style ships. 

 

"Ensign Chaak? Open a fleet-wide channel."

"Right away, Captain Gantu!" The excitable communications ensign was more than happy to open up a comms link. He began to type at break-neck speed with all six of his arms. "Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm. There! All yours, sir." 

"Attention, crew. This is Captain Gantu." The gigantic Kreplokian began his mission briefing. "The Tristallans have sent out a distress signal. Readings indicate sudden, severe seismic activity. We have been unable to make contact with Planetary Command since last night. Our orders are to take the Forward Fleet to investigate."

"...ahem." Commander Grixx coughed, implying there was more to be said. The feline-like woman's whiskers twitched with her smile. 

"Uhhh, and it's...an honor to serve as your captain...again." 

"Mm hm." Commander Grixx and Lt. Commander Sledge both nodded in approval. 

"Code Yellow, prepare to jump. Gantu, out." 

 

The communications channel was closed.

The rest of the bridge stood at attention, then saluted their captain. 

 

"Glad to have you back with the Galactic Federation, Captain." Officer Lanloo started. 

"Welcome back." Lt. Commander Sledge added with a polite nod.

"We missed ya, sir." Commander Grixx stated fondly. "Don't go rogue on us again, ok?" A small amount of giggling followed. 

"I'll try my best, but no promises." Gantu smiled briefly. Then it was back to business. "Now. Prepare to jump." 

 

They each took their seats or scurried off to their other stations.

Officers Lanloo and Zala engaged the hyper drive. They all felt momentarily tugged back rather than thrown. Soon the stars looked like they were streaking past, more similar to comets. 

 

---

 

Flagship Galley

06:05 (Federation Standard)

 

"Awww, how sweet!" Reuben looked up at the speakers in the flagship's galley. "Fish-Face did a pretty good job. Almost got me choked up. Heheh!" 

 

The smallest Galley Officer of the fleet got to work with prepping ingredients ahead of the next meal rush. He was cutting up cucumber coins to turn into his own home-made pickles, when one of the staff members approached. She was a taller, giraffe-like being named Ensign Dyll.

 

"Uhh...Officer Reuben?"

"Yeah, Kid?"

"Um...are you certain you want these ingredients for our...consumption?" She held out a data pad for him to look over.

"Lemme see that." He read off the list in Tantalog. "...yeah? Why."

"But sir, most of these are...p-poisonous!"

"What?! No they're not!" He pointed to one item in particular. "What's wrong with cheese, huh?" 

"B-but...it is the spoiled milk of Earth mammals, is it not?" 

"Aw jeez..." He sighed. "Okay, okay. Look... Sure, it's ripened with mold, but it's like fruit curds on Golorus Three! Ya eat thoooose, right?"

"...yes. I do." 

"See then? It's safe! Here." He walked over and took out a slice of cheddar cheese. "Wanna try it?"

"I don't know, sir..." The poor giraffe-like ensign shied away from the offending slice. 

"Come oooon. Trust me?"

"hhmmmmMMMM! Ok!" She reached out and took the slice of cheese in hand once she had worked up the courage to do so. After observing it, and finding that it did not move on its own, she took a little bite. 

"Uh huh...and how do we feel about it?" Reuben looked over eagerly. 

"It's...good?" She began to grin. "It's good!"

"Welcome to the rest'a your life, my friend." He walked off towards the cucumbers again with pride. 

"W-wait, Officer Reuben! What about the rest of the list?!?" 

 

He eventually got through the list with the rest of the staff so he wouldn't have to repeat himself. 

Capsaicin was actually poisonous to most. Others couldn't handle their sodium chloride. Damn, he was a fool for thinking this gig would be a walk in the park, huh... 

 

"Blitznak..." Reuben swore. 

"Is OK, Officer Reuben. We help find different stuffs?" Officer Quo'Less reassured him. "We team?" The other cooks all nodded. 

"Thanks, everyone. It's gonna get tricky to find replacements, but I bet we can do it. Jeez..." The cogs within Reuben's genetically engineered mind were churning fast. Then, he snapped his claws. "Wait. I've GOT it!"

"What?"

"I know a site that can help us figure this all out!" He took hold of a data pad from the nearby counter and started typing. 

"...this page for...Intergalactic Sandwich Channel?" Officer Quo'Less was puzzled. 

"YEAH, BABEY!" Reuben was ecstatic. 

 

Together, they each began to research alternatives for each poisonous ingredient. Sure, it wouldn't be the exact same as the show-stopping food on Earth, but Reuben wasn't new to improvisation. He once had to use yogurt instead of mayo.  

With the alternatives identified, Ensign Dyll helped Reuben grab the rest of the needed supplies for the sandwich station. Quo'Less went back to soups. The Aaxaa twins presided over the salads and desserts. 

 

"Do you really only make sandwiches, sir?" Ensign Dyll inquired.

"Nah, I also make paninis!"

"...what that?" Officer Quo'less asked from the soup station. 

"It's one of many Earthling words... For sandwiches. Hahah!"

"So. You makes biQ'a, too?" The tusked alien smiled wide as he mentioned his home planet's word for sandwiches. Then he snorted through his warthog-like snout as he laughed. "Hahaha- snrrt- haHA!"

"Aand shaarmaa? Haahaahaa!" Asked the twins at the same time. Their crystalline bodies clinked like tiny porcelain bells were rattling around inside each of them. 

"Yeaaaah! Now you're gettin' it!"

 

Laughter and cheer filled the galley as they set to work once more. 

 

---

 

The Flagship Briefing Room

08:00 (Federation Standard)

 

"These numbers can't be right." Lt. Commander Sledge began to wring his fins anxiously as they all looked at the readings from Tristalli Four.

"I know..." Gantu frowned. These figures were all wrong. 

"Captain, these readings are most upsetting," The Grand Councilwoman spoke through the holographic projection in the center of the table. "Please, make haste! Whatever is taking place on the surface of Tristalli Four cannot be good." 

"Of course." Captain Gantu nodded. "We are maintaining top speed."

"Good luck to you all."

 

With that, the Grand Councilwoman ended her call. 

 

"This...everything's wrong..." Lt. JX-008's metal body casings began to rattle in fear. "If this were true...n-no one could survive that!"

"That's why I suspect foul play." Commander Grixx yowled in anger. 

"As do I..." Their captain's expression was dark and brooding. 

"Gantu. Did you ever see anything like this on....Ee-arth?" 

"Yes...but that particular genetic experiment remained on Earth." 

"Ah. I see." She nodded. It wasn't all that reassuring, really. 

 

The senior officers and their captain were stumped. If this wasn't Richter, and this wasn't devices placed on the planet's surface...then what?

Tristalli Four was registering as a Factor H event: planet-wide destruction and 100% fatality rate. However, the readings were still coming in. Why was that strange? This meant the facility itself was somehow still standing. That wouldn't be possible during a Factor H event.

 

"What do we do then, Captain Gantu?" Lt. JX-008 inquired. "We cannot establish communication." 

"Maintain Code Yellow," the Kreplokian replied. "Even once we arrive."

"A-alright." 

"We have two hours before we arrive. Let's prepare for the worst...and hope for the best. Dismissed." Gantu allowed the others to leave before he made the motion to get up.

*Incoming call, for: Captain Gantu. Call, from: Kreplok Five.*  The computer announced to him. 

"...strange. Who could that be?" Gantu made sure to close the door so he could take the call alone. 

 

Gantu was from the eighth planet of the Kreplok System, boringly referred to as Kreplok VIII. Gantu couldn't think of anyone there that wished to speak with him back home, let alone anyone living on their colony world of Kreplok V. And yet, there was at least one family member that had tried to stay in touch all these years.

 

"This is Captain Gantu of the Galactic Federation. To whom am I speaking?"

"Gantu! It's me!" A familiar, cheery voice replied before the projection function could catch up to the call. The connection was grainy. Still, Gantu saw a very welcome face. 

"...DORSA?!?"

"You still remember me!"

"I think I would remember my COUSIN!" He smiled. Then, his smile faded. "Although... It has been some time since we last spoke. It would have been...at the last family reunion we both attended?"

"Um. Oh, that. Hehe..." She grew nervous. "Seven orbits, ago. It really HAS been a while..."

 

This was a rather bittersweet call.

Dorsa had such happy news for him, but what she wanted was forbidden among their people. No wonder she was so nervous. No wonder she moved to the colonies. The rest of the family would have to cease all contact and treat poor Dorsa as if she were dead to them! He didn't want to do the same!

 

"You will have to cease contact after this call. I won't jeopardize your status." Dorsa sighed. "But it was so nice to talk with you one last time, cousin. I'll miss you."

"There must be another way-"

"No. There is not." 

"Then...I will miss you dearly, Dorsa." He frowned. "Please. Take good care of yourself."

"Of course. You do the same, Gantu." 

 

She ended the call on her end. 

Gantu was left to ponder the nature of this call for a good long while. 

 

~~~~~~

 

With that, the others began to file out of the briefing room and back onto the bridge to start giving orders and coordinating with the rest of the fleet with edited coordinates. Lt. Commander Sledge requested an hour off the bridge. It was granted. He waddled to the nearest lift and made his way to Deck F.

 

"Ugh..." He groaned as he allowed himself to relax a little.

 

He made peace with Captain Gantu's return. The Kreplokian seemed much less uptight after returning from forced retirement. He actually respected the man quite a bit these days. Sure, he was an ass for having Sledge watch over Experiment 626 alone, years ago. However, he had immediately apologized upon his return. Gantu was forgiven. 

There was still that other matter to deal with. That thing that was extremely dangerous and deadly? Yeah. Lt. Commander Sledge was going to see what more could be done about that. 

 

"...hello?" Lt. Commander Sledge angled his personal communicator up to the side of his face. "This is Lieutenant Commander Sledge. Call code: 2264733. Uh-huh, yes. Yes, I would like to file a formal personnel complaint."

 

The dispatcher on the other end started to laugh. 

 

"Don't laugh! I- look, I knoooow this is the fifth time I've called in, but- no, no I'm serious!" The dispatcher was trying to reassure him that everything was fine. "NO. I will NOT calm down." He carefully waddled closer. There was a pause. "...I mean. There's nothing wrong with sandwiches. But, that Thing is the one making them! That's gotta be some kind of health code violation!"

 

He slowly peeked around the entrance to the galley.

Across a sea of tables and chairs of various sizes, Lt. Commander Sledge could see the galley crew at work in the kitchens. Some folks were roasting or stewing things, while others were washing and chopping ingredients. It seemed Reuben was checking on the others at their stations, then organizing an assembly station.  

 

"I see it right now. I don't even know what it's made out of, but if it's part Soroxian Hound, then that's certainly not-"

 

Reuben suddenly turned to look directly in Sledge's direction.

 

"EEP!" He ducked back behind the wall. "What?! HEY! I did NOT just scream like a-"

"Hey there, Chief!" Reuben was now mere inches away from him! How did he run across the whole galley so fast!

"EEEYAAAH!" Lt. Commander Sledge involuntarily tossed his communicator across the corridor as he flinched away. 

"Woo! You got some serious pipes on ya!" He smiled up at his cowering superior officer. "Seems I underestimated ya. I didn't know men could reach that octave! HA!"

"..." The shocked Sphyrnii man scowled at that rude jab.

"Seems that's something we've both got in common."

"...what is?"

"Underestimatin' each other." Reuben narrowed his gaze.

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Ya think I'm part Soroxian hound?! That is so CUTE! Hahaha!" Reuben laughed some more. "Look at it this way, Chief..." The head galley officer walked closer. "The only thing ya need ta know about me? Is that I quit bein' an It back on Earth. Name's Reuben."  

"WHAT?! Hehehe, that never-" Sledge looked around before whispering more aggressively. "How the Glorp did you hear that!?"

"With these, duh? They're called EARS." Reuben motioned to his ears with a smirk. "Oh. Right... Ya wouldn't know the first thing about these, would'ja Fish-Face? HAHA! Oh, I slay me...! Hehe, BYE!" 

 

With that, the insipid little trog walked away to join the other galley staff members.

Lt. Commander Sledge raced back over to his now-cracked communicator. He wanted to call the complaint line again. No. Sledge knew better. This wasn't the lazy, witless creature he thought he was dealing with. Earth rabies was the least of his worries. Experiment #625, or "Reuben", seemed even more dangerous than #626 had been!

This abomination had far better communication skills...

 

---

 

Planet Tristalli IV

10:00 (Federation Standard)

 

"Is the away team ready?" Captain Gantu asked. 

"Yes, sir." Officer Zala replied.  

"Good." 

"Ya sure 'bout this, Gantu?" Reuben looked up as he adjusted the shoulder straps of a small backpack cooler. "The captain, two seasoned security officers...and ME?!"

"Extremely." Gantu looked super-extra serious. 

"...but I just ate!" 

"Follow us, Reuben. No time to delay." Gantu and the two Raptorsellus officers made their way off the bridge. "Commander, you have the bridge."

"Okayyy, but don't say I didn't warn ya." Reuben waddled behind them. 

"Yessir..." Commander Grixx shook her furry head lightly as the away team exited the bridge. "Maintain Code Yellow until further notice. Be ready for anything..." 

 

Commander Grixx stared out the main viewport on the bridge. Her whiskers twitched again nervously. Tristalli IV looked completely unscathed. Something else was afoot. Captain Gantu was trained in twelve or so martial arts. But was their newest Galley Officer going to be ok? With NO blaster of his own?!

 

~~~~~~

 

The away team made a swift approach.

 

"Huh. Looks like a doughnut." Reuben commented. The dappled pink torus of a planet grew larger and larger as they got flew closer. 

"I can see that," Security Officer Velocii nodded. "Like a rakkle-berry doughnut." 

"Yeah. With buul-berry sprinkles."

"Focus." Gantu reminded them all. "This is a serious rescue mission."

"Right, sir. Sorry, sir." Officer Velocii stiffened in his seat. 

"Heyyy, lighten up, Gantu." Their galley officer replied. "We're still focused, right?"

"..." The two Raptorsellans with them nodded in agreement. 

"...very well." Gantu turned to the viewing screen once more. "We must make a quiet approach. Suggestions?"

 

Then they flew further down through the pink-mauve clouds until they arrived above the idyllic capitol city of Tristall Central. Instead of the main capital building, the group skirted around to the closest suburban dwellings. From there, they made their way on foot into the city proper. It looked like the place was completely abandoned. No proof of cataclysm. Instead, there were patrons in stores and markets motioning for the group to seek shelter. The newt-like being looked so afraid.

They continued onwards with more caution. Eventually, they finally saw the proof they needed. There were unauthorized ships parked around the Parliament Building. 

 

"Hmm. Just as you suspected, sir..." Officer Plux lifted her security visor to reveal her Raptorsellan snout. "Hostile takeover." 

"But that still doesn't explain their geological readouts..." Gantu whispered. 

"Then...let's go where the readin's come from." Reuben added.

"Not this way." Gantu looked up and blocked the others from moving forward. "Sniper..."

 

They made their way around by another few blocks. Reuben got a free ride on Gantu's shoulders once he'd started to get tired. The Tristall Central Geological Society building looked looted and abandoned with busted windows and doors ripped off the hinges. But they were sure there was more to the story. And so they entered. Plux and Velocii checked each room and corridor before Gantu and Reuben joined them. 

One fateful office held all the answers. 

 

"Sir...look." Velocii aimed his blaster at a particular machine. The readout, when viewed from the side, looked like it spelled out 'help us' in Tantalog. "There's your geological outputs."

"Wait, so they altered the readouts...themselves? The Tristallans did?" Gantu pondered this very briefly. 

"Psst." A faint sound was heard from somewhere unseen. 

"What was that?" He looked around. 

"Survivors, sir." Plux lowered her blaster. "Citizens. We are here to help. We're with the Galactic Armada." 

 

A shivering, huddled mass of Tristallan office workers shied away from them until they saw they really were with the Galactic Armada. One of the newt-like beings was armed with a stapler. 

 

 "...who altered the geological readings?" Gantu asked quietly.

"...m-me." One of the Tristallans raised a shaky, webbed hand. 

"Thank you. You were very brave. Now let us take care of this." He looked back to his team. "Do any of you need medical attention?"

"....no." They all shook their heads no.

"Are any of ya hungry?" Reuben walked up slowly. "Easy. I'm with them."

"...yes." They nodded yes.

"Here." The shortest of them took off his little cooler backpack and started to hand out sandwiches. "These're peanut butter an' sardine."

"B-bless you, strange little creature." One of them reached out and hugged Reuben.

"Oh. Heh... No problem." 

 

The four authorities made sure the survivors remained hidden. Then, they devised a plan to take down the pirates that had taken control of the Parliament Building. 

 

---

 

Planet Tristalli IV - Parliament Building

10:45 (Federation Standard)

 

"Everyone STAY DOWN! And no one's gotta get HURT." One of the pirates hollered as she fired a few more rounds into the ceiling. "I saaaaid GOT IT!?!?!" 

"yes-YES-yeah-you got it." A cacophony of replies echoed through the chambers from the nearly defenseless newt-like denizens. 

"GOOD!"

"ALRIGHT." Another pirate snarled as he lumbered his way forward. "Now here's what's gonna happen, Folks. You're gonna give us the codes to all your accounts. Defense budget? Planet-wide healthcare program? You name it, we want it." Then he took hold of the head speaker's shoulder and pointed a blaster at their head. "And with each FAILED code? I START SHOOTIN' PEOPLE IN THE FACE!"

"Yeesh! Let 'em keep the clothes on their backs, at least!"

"WHAT?! WHO SAID THAT!?!?!"

 

The interstellar bandits looked around and saw no one. Then, one of their many-eyes colleagues pointed up at the ceiling.

 

"Yeah, up here." Reuben waved with one of his four arms. "Yoohoo!"

"SHOOT THAT THING DOWN!" Their toothy leader screamed. 

"Hey! HEY! Watch the fur!" he moved out of the way of more blasts. "Ya call THAT shootin'? Jeez, where'd ya learn t' aim? You all awll STINK! AHAHAHA!" 

 

He was lucky these guys were actually bad shots. 

Reuben scuttled out of harm's way time and time again, continuing to taunt them, until there was an opportunity to jump down. Then, he was well-hidden under the parliament benches and desks. 

 

"Where'd that thing GO?!!"

"DROP YOUR WEAPONS!" Captain Gantu aimed for their leader. 

"FREEZE!" Both of their security detail hollered. 

"Oh YEAH?! You and whaaaaat army!!!"

"You are all under arrest. As sanctioned by Charter 4.3 of the Galactic Federation." Gantu approached, blaster still at the ready. "I SAID DROP THEM!"

"Yeah." Reuben suddenly popped up and smacked their leader's arm hard enough to get him to let go. The poor Speaker of the Chambers scrambled away to safety. The pirate with all those muscles and teeth got lifted up into the air and flipped back down like a small sack of rakkle-berries. "What he just said." Reuben looked over his face. "I wouldn't try nothin' stupid if I were you..." 

 

In one swift motion, all of the pirates dropped their weapons. Their weapons looked powerful, but it wasn't nearly enough to take on half of the Galactic Armada! Just about then, those trying to escape were ushered back in at blaster-point by more officers. Dozens of cruisers lit up the outside area with flashing lights as their sirens wailed in the streets.

Their proverbial Space-Goose was cooked. 

 

"...you got the survivors to reach out for us?" Gantu asked. "Clever." 

"Sure did. Left a note with the sandwiches!" His tiny friend nodded. "Oh, uh. Hands where we can see 'em?" 

"Uggggghhhh, Blitznak..." The lead pirate groaned. 

 

---

 

All twelve pirates were taken into custody and placed in holding cells. Their ships were inspected for more evidence. With any hope, they would each be charged according to their direct involvement. But that wasn't for the Armada to determine. The Galactic Council would take that into account. Captain Gantu just read off the charges of the accused. And maybe this time he would keep his cool for a little longer. At least compared to the last proceedings he'd helped. Stitch and Jumba's trial all those years ago...

They had a few more hours until formal processing back on Turo. It was time for a small chat. 

 

"Reuben. How have you been since finishing this mission?"

"Great!" He beamed. "Not a scratch! But uh, you're gonna be the distraction next time."

"Hmm." The Kreplokian grinned. "Maybe." 

"Feelin' homesick, are we?"

"Me? Homesick? That's preposterous! I do not miss Kreplok Eight." Gantu protested. 

"I meant for Earth, loser..." The insipid little trog gave that knowing glance. "Cause that's why ya still got that funky little cup over there?" Gantu swiveled in his chair to block the incriminating evidence. "Yeaaah, I got ya all figured out by now! It's ok to miss Earth." 

"...I know that." Gantu pouted. "But I don't miss Earth, either."

"Whatever ya say, Chief." The genetic experiment sighed. "Well I for one miss Earth. I hope the rest of the Ohana is doin' alright out there... And all those sandwiches..." 

 

The 'funky little cup' in question was a crude pottery trophy made by a little Earthling girl. A girl named Lilo Pelakai. Scrawled across the uneven, pink glaze was the words: "World's Greatest Cop". It was something that Gantu, even now, cherished and held onto for inspiration. She showed him what Ohana truly meant. What families were supposed to be like. Ohana...

The more Gantu thought about it, the more he was reminded of something very important from earlier that day.

 

"Hmmm... Reuben. What was that saying about Ohana, again?"

"Ya forgot already? Really?"

"Just. Indulge me." 

"Ohana means: Family. No one gets left behind."

"Or forgotten...yes." The taller alien nodded. "So it would stand to reason that shunning a member of one's family for the sake of preserving one's own social status would be...acting against the Spirit of Ohana?"

"What're we even talkin' about, Gantu?"

"You'll see." Gantu activated his computer. "Come here. I have someone I would like you to meet." 

 

It was then that Captain Gantu made his choice. He started to call back that number from Kreplok V.

If his family was too cowardly and hateful to act like an Ohana, then Gantu would have to do it himself. But not alone. 

Notes:

Thank you for all the Kudos and Views, everyone! Next chapter is back to the Earth Ohana.

And one note going forward: For Pleakley's antenna, I know that official writing calls it a "quart flanch". When it's mentioned in the show however, it sounds like they're saying "quark flange" to me, so I'm sticking with that. But its all the same sensor organ.