The Animal Within

by DucklynStark

Summary:

What would you do if your soulmate didn't reject you, but didn't want you either?

For Sakura, it was an easy choice to make (after everything went to shiitake mushrooms after the Konoha Crush): leave the village and track down the infamous Tsunade and beg the woman to train Sakura.

For Kakashi, he wanted his soulmate but wanted them at a distance. He believed himself to be a curse, a monster. It was better for his soulmate to remain at a distance, despite how his very soul craved their presence.

Notes:

This is the story that I abandoned 'Almost Broken' for. This is also in response to my growing depression. I am okay. So please enjoy my nonsense.

Chapter 1: Hello and Goodbye

Hello, my name is {Redacted}

Oops, I forgot about that part. Hello soulmate! I’m ten years old. I go to Konoha Academy for Shinobi, and I want to be a kunoichi!

Hello,

Why are you writing to me?

Because we are soulmates, silly.

I like dango. What kind of foods do you like?

Miso soup with eggplant.

Interesting. Are you a shinobi or a kunoichi?

I’m a shinobi. Jōnin.

Wow! That is so cool!

Stop writing to me.

But we’re soulmates. We are meant for each other.

I am a curse. I will bring nothing but misfortune to you with a strong possibility of death.

Good thing I don’t believe in curses. As for the ‘death’ part, are you sure?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey soulmate,

You’ve been quiet but the journal hasn’t been set aflame. Have you been hurt? Are you okay?

I don’t understand why I have a child for a soulmate .

I don’t know. You are going to bring your concerns to the Gods. I didn’t make the world; I only live in it.

If you made the world, what would you change?

The tenketsu points. It makes no sense! Why do we have two in the nose, but only one for each finger. Granted there are five in the hand itself, but still. It’s weird. What about you?

Our violent nature.

Then shinobi wouldn’t exist. Our world would look completely different, and that is a concept I cannot wrap my mind around. It’s too big of an issue.

You are not wrong there. What’s your favorite color?

I used to like purple, but now I hate it. I don’t know, I was thinking of blue. What’s yours?

I’m impartial to green.

I don’t know you all that well to tell if you're joking or not.

I’m serious. Me being ‘impartial’ to anything is indicative to something that I ‘enjoy.’ I am not a good person.

You are talking to me, and you haven’t rejected me, so you must be a good person.

Do people not talk to you? Don’t you have any friends?

You’re funny. Me? Having friends? What a concept!

No one talks to me. Ever. It looks like fun, having friends. Laughing. Telling jokes. Hanging out. Maybe even studying together. That seems like fun. Just sitting around and reading our own thing but still in each other’s company. Yeah, that seems like fun.

~🖊️~

The journal appeared at night, waking him from a deep sleep, and he was thinking of straight out rejecting it. But the design had its appeal. The texture felt okay against his calloused fingers. Besides, Konoha might have another Orochimaru on her hands if Kakashi rejected his soulmate. Before he opened the journal, he stared at the tree on the front. Beine the bookworm that he was, he turned on the lamp above his bed, and the cover was a deep green. The edges of the pages were pink. Kakashi had no idea what made him want to open it, but he did. Opening the journal and seeing the first thing she ever written. It soothed the beast within. Innocent and curious.

Yet, it pissed him off. Seeing her writing on the pages, Kakashi felt compelled to respond. Her curse comment had pissed him off even more. He was a fucking curse. How dare she say something so stupidly naïve!? Kakashi had always wanted to meet his soulmate, but not like this. Not when she was so young and a fucking child. Although, he did sigh with relief. He wasn’t sure how he’d react if his soulmate ended up being male. He had always considered himself straight.

So, he chucked the stupid journal underneath his bed. Rolling over, turned off the light, and went back to sleep. The next morning, he took a mission. All in an effort to ignore how his soulmate was a child. No one cared for him. His father certainly didn’t care for him. Why would some child that was supposedly his soulmate care for him?

Yet, when he returned home, he found the journal in his hands again. Enjoying the weight of it. They said that the size of the journal was how strong the connection was going to be. His soulmate . . . she journal was thick. In the daylight, he enjoyed the texture of the tree. It was large and in charge. Opening it up, she had written something. Kakashi’s breath hitched. She was concerned. The beast within compelled him to respond. He tried pushing her away. For her own safety. That one paragraph of her talking about her lack of friends. Kakashi didn’t want friends, or anyone close to him, but he decided to at least keep talking to this girl. He refused to be the one who created the next Orochimaru.

Their conversation continued. She was curious. She asked questions. Pointed ones. Not about himself. About the world. Even being so young and naïve, she wanted to understand. Kakashi caught himself a few times smiling at the stupid journal with the edges of the pages pink and the paper a soft warm, reddish brown. He wrote in black, and it was easy to read. Even her words were easy to read, writing in purple. She had questions. Kakashi had answers.

What do you want me to call you?

Not forehead. Or Billboard Brow. Or anything to do with my forehead. The other kids make fun of me for it, especially {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, and {redacted}. They all call me ‘ugly’ because of it.

What about Moonlight?

That’s cute. What should I call you? Moony?

Kakashi couldn’t help but chuckle at her nickname for him.

I am a beast. A monster. ‘Moony’ is too cute for me.

Then, what about Fluffball?

Kakashi couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Fuck. His soulmate was funny, even as innocent as she was. A fucked-up part of Kakashi wished Moonlight would never wear the hitai-ate. That she never graduates. He hoped that she never sees bloodshed. Or witness a war.

That’s still too cute.

Dire Wolf.

Kakashi blinked at the two words. Dire Wolf? Mythical. Beastly. Just like him. He did not like it, but Moonlight might get annoyed with him if he changed his mind about the cute names.

Dire Wolf it is.

Okay, Wolfie-chan!

You set a trap, didn’t you?

Are you mad at me?

No. I’m impressed.

The silver-haired jōnin had no reason to be upset. He should have seen it coming but did not. Kakashi was genuine impressed with her ability to do so. He written down some books that would help with her trap abilities. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the tear stains appearing on his page. He wasn’t the one crying. Moonlight was.

Moonlight, what’s wrong?

You think I’ll be a good kunoichi?

Yes.

He had no idea why he even answered her. She could be a shit kunoichi. One that could get herself or her teammates killed. Hopefully, Moonlight wouldn’t be like him. She’d remain innocent.

~🖊️~

Chakra theory. If we can measure it, ‘weigh it,’ test it, and do a bunch of other scientific things with it, why isn’t there more on chakra theory?

Because we don’t know where it came from, or how it really functions. Like the soul journals, we don’t know how they work, or where they even got started. We understand what it does, and how it functions within ourselves. But not with the world. Even though rocks have chakra, it’s unusable for the rocks.

Neat. I asked my sensei, and he just told me that I was off topic. Which is weird because we were discussing chakra. So how was it off topic?

Probably because he didn’t know how to answer your question without it going off topic.

Why do some people have more chakra than others?

There is a genetic component. Like how some people are born with brown or blonde hair. There is also training of your chakra. The more you work on it, the stronger it will be. If I remember correctly the Academy only does the leaf exercise one.

You are correct in that. So, there is more that I can do? I understand that I won’t be a powerhouse of a kunoichi, but I do want to get stronger. I don’t want to be annoying to my teammates.

Do others call you annoying?

All the time. They call me stupid too. Because I ask a lot of questions. Like today, when I asked {redacted} about chakra theory, someone threw a tomato at my head and said I was annoying everyone with my dumb questions.

Did your sensei do anything about the tomato thrower?

Why would he? It happens all the time. No one ever stops it.

His insides burned with a rage he couldn’t explain. Moonlight was being bullied to the extreme and no one was doing anything about it. There wasn’t a ‘good way’ to go about handling them. Especially since the senseis at the Academy weren’t doing anything. Fuck, Kakashi couldn’t even report it because no one would be able to see what his soulmate was writing. He took a few calming breaths before he continued.

It might not help with the bullying but write down your questions. Use your soul journal, and when I get the chance, I will answer whatever questions you’ll have.

Okay, Wolfie-chan.

~🖊️~

Is it hard to unlock an elemental release?

If I make an after-image clone, but use an elemental release, would it make it a solid clone?

How does one make a solid clone?

Scratch it, I figured it out.

Are the Academy katas the only katas that Konoha will ever teach?

How do I get physically stronger?

Which is better to be fast or strong?

How can I be both?

Kakashi read her list of questions, because her questions went on for pages. Moonlight really liked to think. There were some questions that Moonlight responded with ‘I figured it out.’  Best part about the soul journals, no one could read what he wrote. He could tell his soulmate that he was thinking of burning Konoha to the ground. She could show the Hokage, and no one would be able to see what he wrote. Plus, there were laws about soulmates. With a reckless abandon that he had for nowhere else, Kakashi answered every single question she had, that wasn’t already ‘figured out.’ After he finished answering her questions, he put something at the end of it.

Use your soul journal to keep track of your ideas. I’m the only one who can read them, that one no one can use it against you.

The silver-haired jōnin had no idea why he put that there. Maybe it was so he could read how she thought. To understand her way of thinking. Her mind was clearly active, and she was trying to get her body and chakra on par with that brain of hers.

~🖊️~

My birthday is {redacted}.

Well, I hoped that would work.

Did your birthday just pass?

Yes.

Happy Belated Birthday. Did you get cake?

No. No one wished me a happy birthday. Well, you did.

It would have felt better if someone said it on your actual birthday.

I’m eleven now.

You are awfully young to hit puberty.

I have a classmate who hit puberty before me. Her breasts are huge. How can she fight effectively with such a large chest?

Senju Tsunade has a notoriously large chest and is able to fight effectively.

Is it okay that I don’t know what kind of kunoichi I want to be?

Yes. Absolutely.

~🖊️~

I’ve been taking your advice about my training. Physically and with chakra. I think I’m getting better. I have no one to test my ability.

~🖊️~

Moonlight, I am proud of you.

~🖊️~

Kakashi started carrying around his soul journal. It was an indestructible item, and no one could investigate its contents. Someone could open it, but they’ll only see blank pages. A part of him hated that he did so. Detested how he was so damn eager to see what else Moonlight had written in the stupid journal. But it wasn’t stupid. Neither was she.

His dark green journal was on him, when the Hokage gave him the shitty news. “You’ll be a sensei.” The Third made it sound so ‘fun.’ “Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke will be graduating next year. You will be their sensei.”

“Then why pull me early?”

“You need practice being around normal people.” His mind did the math without his consent. Moonlight would be graduating with them.

~🖊️~

When will you be graduating from the Academy?

In a year. Hopefully. Why do you ask?

Have you been practicing those chakra exercises? Using the chakra weights I mentioned? Trap making? The endurance?

Yes, to all of the above. Why do you ask?

Because I’ve been demoted. I’m not {redacted}.

Damnit!

I’m still a jōnin, but I’m going to be a {redacted}.

Damnit.

You must be a boy.

What the fuck does that mean?

You don’t sound happy with the direction of your career. Is that normal?

Unfortunately. It’s a rare thing to put somewhere else (outside of being incompetent).

I’m sorry that your career is going in a direction that you hate. Is there anything I can do to help? I’m know I have no power, but I am your soulmate.

~🖊️~

Kakashi stared at the journal and her annoying question. What a blatant change of subject. He didn’t know how to answer her. He wanted to know what the fuck ‘you must be a boy’ fucking meant. Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose and continued to write. If his soulmate was serious about being a kunoichi, and wanted to be a good teammate, then training her via the journal might be the best bet. There was no point in tracking her down, even though a part of him desperately wanted to seek her out. He ultimately did not care (he did care). Kakashi was a curse. A burden. This way, he could get close, with having that distance. No matter what, he refused to be the cause of another Orochimaru.

~🖊️~

I am an official Konoha kunoichi! Hitai-ate and all.

Congratulations.

I even made it onto a team! My new teammates don’t like me. That’s okay. I’ll make sure I’m not a useless bag of rotten potatoes.

I didn’t get along with my genin team, but we were functional. We kept each other alive. That’s all that really matters.

My jōnin sensei doesn’t like me. Is that okay?

Yes. Just try to ‘impress’ them with your skills with chakra control.

~🖊️~

We passed the super-secret secondary test. He used genjutsu on me, he showed me my worst fear. I passed out. I thought you said that because of my chakra control, I’d be immune to most genjutsu. Unless my sensei lied to me about the rank of the genjutsu.

Most likely.

He said it was a D Rank.

Then it must be a B or higher. You need to be more in touch with your chakra to become immune to stronger genjutsu.

Like mapping the tenketsu points?

That’s dangerous. If you wish to do that, make sure your sensei is around.

Okay. But would that work?

Yes. Once you mapped out your tenketsu points, you’ll be immune to genjutsu outside of a sharingan induced one.

Interesting. How do I begin to do that?

You’ll need to feel your chakra. Get in touch with it by meditation. That might take some time. Everyone’s chakra is unique. Once you feel it, you will not be ready to begin mapping. You will need to keep feeling your chakra until you can do it without ever having to meditate. Having it always ‘active’ or ‘in use.’

Okay! That’s like two things. I’ve got this!

~🖊️~

One of my teammates said that I don’t take training seriously. I tried explaining that I’m doing chakra exercises, but he interrupted me and called me annoying. I think I might’ve stuck my foot in my mouth because of it. I am twelve. I’m still learning.

What was the thing you said that you thought you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth.

That I said that the other teammate was lucky to be an orphan. No one telling him what to do all the time. I do feel bad for him because he doesn’t know any better. I wanted to show him, but then the other teammate said I was worst person on the planet for calling someone ‘lucky’ to be an orphan.

Do you have parents?

Yes. They are both alive. They are {redacted}.

Treasure them. You are the lucky one who has parents.

No, I’m not. Why would you say something so mean?

Stop being a spoiled brat.

I’m not a spoiled brat. My parents are mean. I’ve seen the way other parents are. I want that.

You really are annoying. Just because you don’t have the picture-perfect parents, doesn’t make it unfair. You are fucking lucky to have parents. Treasure them.

~🖊️~

My sensei isn’t teaching me anything. How do I get him to teach me anything?

Did you ask him?

I’ll give that a try. He’s my sensei too. He should train me as much as my teammates.

You want to be a kunoichi, you need to seek what you want. It will never come to you.

You did.

All because you hit puberty.

~🖊️~

He brushed me aside!

I did what you said, and he brushed me aside.

What did you ask him?

I asked him to help me break a genjutsu. I was going to explain why, but he brushed me aside.

Keep trying. You need to seek what you want.

~🖊️~

My sensei called me annoying. I asked, just like you said Wolfie-chan. And he called me annoying and brushed me aside.

~🖊️~

Kakashi didn’t want them to be in the chūnin exam at all. Yet, somehow, they made it passed the first two rounds. The preliminaries. The silver-haired jōnin watched as Sasuke was able to work around the chakra absorber. He watched Naruto win with a fucking fart against the Inuzuka. What the fuck was wrong with his damn team? He watched the Hyūga cousins go after each other, with Gai’s student winning, and the heiress being caried off for the hospital. Naruto making a promise to kick Hyūga’s ass. Gai’s son versus the Yamanaka heiress. One hit knock out. That was a Yamanaka for you. Good thing she was easily woken up and was able to stay. Great jutsus but shit taijutsu. Kakashi was nervous. There were four people that needed to fight, and Haruno’s odds were not in her favor. She had excellent chakra control, but she was shit everywhere else.

She wore bright clothes. Who the fuck has pink hair? The civilian born should have remained with her parents. She could have lived a cushy life as a merchant’s daughter. And fuck. There were no gods because she was paired up with Gaara of Suna. A fucking Jinchūriki. This was where she will fucking die. One glance around, and all her peers had already given up on her. Kakashi heard from Asuma that the Yamanaka heir and Haruno were best friends at some point. Which pissed him off because that meant that they were also the bullies to his Moonlight.

Hayate called for the match to begin. Gaara began attacking Haruno, who was dodging in a way that . . . reminded him of a field medic. Those were rare and hard to train. Haruno should have taken some pointers from Moonlight instead of being an obnoxious little brat. Then again, so was Moonlight.

Haruno took a nasty hit. Gaara grabbed flung her into the ceiling and then she fell, landing on the ground. She broke her arm, but Haruno just had to be annoying here as well, and she got up. Her expression went from being in pain to something else. “Why doesn’t she just give up, she’s clearly outmatched?” Kurenai asked under her breath.

The rosette kept on fighting instead of yielding the match, which would have been the smart choice. Naruto and Sasuke’s cheers were half-hearted at best. The rosette was running around Gaara. Her eyes did not stray from the red head. She threw some kunai at him, which his sand shield protected him. Gaara launched a sand spike at her, and she dodged most of it, catching her ankle, which broke.

She was fucking smiling. Even with a fucking broken ankle, the girl stood up. Hands in the air. Was she finally giving? “Do you believe in the love of a soulmate?” Haruno asked.

His insides burned. Just. Give. Up. “No. Love is childish notion.” Said the boy with ‘love’ tattooed on his forehead.

“I think you do. Why else would you keep your soul journal underneath that white cloth of yours?” Gaara launched another attack, and Haruno barely dodged that. How she managed to do that with a broken ankle was an entirely bonkers to Kakashi. “How about this? If I’m wrong, you can kill. If I’m right, you’ll yield the match.”

Everyone was talking now, all wondering what kind of trick Haruno had. Kakashi gripped the railing. “And what do you think you are right about?” Gaara sounded pissed. Kakashi's heart was in his stomach. He would grab her and get her away from the danger. He lost too many teammates. He wasn’t going to lose another one.

Haruno’s hands were still in the air. This was sheer insanity. “Who your soulmate is. If I’m right, they’re in this very room, right now.”

Several sand spears came rushing towards her, she did not move. Kakashi was about ready to shunshing, but then the spears stopped right before hitting her. Haruno- . . . she did not flinch. She stood there, unblinking. Unmoving. _{Like a tree.} “Who do you think is my soulmate?”

“Yamanaka Ino.” The girl gasped. Kakashi did not want to believe it. “Your journal cover matches her personality.” Yamanaka murmured something. With his hearing, he could understand, but blood was rushing through his ears and everything sounded under water. “I call for a pause in the match on the grounds of a possible soulmate match.”

“Granted.” Hayate called out. “Yamanaka Ino, please come down.” Kakashi saw in his peripheral vision that Gaara was staring at the heiress. The silver-haired jōnin was staring at his obnoxious student.

The pieces were all coming together, just as Yamanaka jumped down into the arena and slowly approached the redhead, Haruno and Yamanaka were best friends at some point, and Haruno saw the journal. Her shitty attack was to get a better look at it. The beast within Kakashi wanted to get to Haruno’s side. She had a broken ankle and an arm. Probably several ribs as well. She already had a black eye and a split lip.

His eye diverted away from the rosette to Gaara and Ino. Their journals were out. His was purple while her journal was a soft brown, not beige. What they had for the covers, Kakashi could not see. They were testing it out. Why? All they needed to do was look inside. No one else could see them but each other. Gaara or Yamanaka must’ve needed more proof. Everyone held their breath as the heiress began writing in hers. Gaara’s head snapped at Sakura. “We are a match.”

“Since Yamanaka Ino has already performed her match, and lost, she is unable to help you in your fight.” Hayate called out.

“It’s fine.” His eyes were glued to Yamanaka as the red head spoke. “I yield the match. A deal is a deal.”

“The winner is Haruno Sakura.”

~🖊️~

Are you proud of me? Now that you know the truth and finally see me how the world sees me. Are you still proud of me? That I’m annoying.

No.

~🖊️~

Sakura stared at the wall. Naruto got a sensei in the form of Jiraiya. Sensei was splitting his time between Sasuke and herself. Alternating between the real one and a clone. She stared at the wall that Sensei made. Her opponent was Lee. A taijutsu master. Or at least one that was on his way to becoming. One that had a massive crush on her. Sakura smiled at the wall that Sensei made. She had a plan.

~🖊️~

I want to be a good kunoichi. I want to be a good teammate.

You are obnoxious. First step, fix your attitude.

~🖊️~

The rosette was able to map one hundred and one tenketsu points. She pretended to not have a plan against Lee, mostly so she’d get Sensei’s attention. Sakura had no idea why she wanted Sensei’s attention; rather it was a clone or his real self. So, she pretended to not have a plan to get more generalized knowledge. She asked a question, and he’d brush her off. Like with her parents, she just held back. Bit her tongue. There was always her soul journal and Wolfie-chan. But he called her annoying. Why did her soulmate half to be a boy? Sakura was hoping for a girl. Someone who would understand what it was like to be a born a girl. Someone would understand that they were not wanted by their very parents. Sakura tried not to think about how her parents were right. That her soulmate did not want her.

Instead, she thought about Sensei and his pattern of training, after she got out of the hospital. The weeks he sent a clone, he trained her in dodging, chakra control exercises, and genjutsu casting. Everything that could be taught ‘at a distance.’ The weeks his real self was there, he was far more hands on with her training.

~🖊️~

I want to be loved. Like everyone else. I want to be in a room without having to wear a mask. I want to be able to exist without having to justify my existence.

Be grateful for what you have.

~🖊️~

Why did Sakura have to be the first one to go? She hated it. She hated the rumors. That she’ll go down within the minute of the match beginning. There was even a betting pool about her ‘inevitable defeat.’ Did Wolfie-chan believe in her? Sakura highly doubted he did.

Sakura and Lee were facing off against each other. “Begin.” Genma shouted. Lee was fast. One blink and he was already in front of her. A punch to the face. Was Wolfie-chan watching? Probably. He was a jōnin.

One heartbeat. She spit out some blood. Hands clenched. She wanted to be a kunoichi. She must be a kunoichi. Sakura glared at Lee. He has a crush on her. Sakura lurched forward. Second heartbeat. Lee nearly mirrored her movements. He was better trained. Far, far above Sakura.

Except when he went to punch her again, Sakura dodged out of the way, and unzipping her qipao dress, just enough to show off her chest. She decided not to wear wrappings today, specifically for Lee.

When in doubt, be creative.

So, when the Green Beasts son adjusted himself to face Sakura. His face was as red as her dress. Then the blood started coming out of his nose. He must’ve burst a vein because his nose began gushing and he passed out. The proctor walked over and poked Lee with his foot.

“The winner is Haruno Sakura.” There were no cheers. No one celebrated her victory. It sat heavily in her stomach. Medics had to be called and rushed Lee out of the arena. Sakura made her way over to the observation deck, zipping up her qipao dress as her parents’ words haunted the rosette's mind. Her victory was shallow and unfulfilled. Cheap tactics from someone who had no real skill. Talentless. Useless. Annoying.

She was in the observation booth, and no one cheered for her. Or celebrated her victory. Sakura rubbed the back of her neck. Cheap tactics. _{I want to be a kunoichi.} ^{You’ll never make it as a kunoichi.} _{But Mama, it’s where I belong.} ^{You only belong to the man we give you too.} Sakura will never be good enough. She just wanted to belong to someone. To something. That she mattered. She stood in a corner, away from everyone else, like a good little girl, and staring at her possible opponents. Depending on who it was, she was going to yield.

The girl from Suna approached Sakura. “That was a neat tactic. How’d you know it was going to work?”

“Lee has a crush on me. I just used it to my advantage.” Sakura replied as her insides were twisting inside.

“Is that how you knew Gaara and Ino were soulmates?” _{Your soulmate will never love you.}

“I saw his journal; it reminded me of Ino. Her favorite color is that exact shade of purple, and the flowers on the front reminded me of her personality.”

“Did you ever see Ino’s journal?” ^{You are too pathetic for one.}

“I did.” Sakura nervously started playing with her hair. The darker blonde was intimidating, especially the way that she had her arms crossed and narrowed eyes. “I really didn’t know that they’d were soulmates. I just know Ino and Gaara’s journal reminded me of Ino.”

The Suna girl hummed. “You have balls of steel, making a deal like tha-” They called the next match. Naruto and Hyūga. Shino was the winner. The puppeteer seemed to have given up after only a minute.

“Excuse me, I have a teammate to cheer on.”

The girl stopped her. “My name is Temari.” She outstretched her hand.

Sakura smiled. A friend! “My name is Sakura.” The rosette took Temari’s hand, and they shook.

With a small sense of pride, that she did something right, she went to the railing and began cheering Naruto on. He might not have cheered on her, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t do the same for him. Something was off though. Hyūga was trying to attack, but nothing was landing, even when it was supposed to have landed. Their soulmates. No way. Just like before. _{Your soulmate will never love you.} ^{You are too stupid for anyone to ever love.} Genma called for a pause in the match on the grounds of a possible soulmate match. _{I wish we could destroy that damn journal.} Sakura’s heart skipped a beat. Both boys had their journals on them, that was a common thing to do, to have one’s soulmate always with them. Sakura’s journal was between her mattress and her bed spring at home. She didn’t want to run into her soulmate. He already found her obnoxious and annoying.

“The match is over and declared a draw. Both opponents are soulmates.” Genma announced. The crowd was a mix of booing and cheering. They wanted a match, but soulmate pair was found.

Naruto and Neji were keeping their distance away from each other yet remaining together. Their hands were inches apart, and their faces were flushed. The next match was called. Temari and Nara Shikamaru. “What a drag.”

The rosette wasn’t sure who to cheer for. Temari might be her first real friend (Ino did not count), but Nara was from Konoha. She went back into her corner, watching the match play out. Their soulmates. Sakura didn’t know where the thought came from. Like with-

Genma called the match on the grounds of a potential soulmate pair. They pulled out their journals and opened them up. Hope bloomed in Sakura’s heart. Happiness for everyone. Then it all came crashing down. Everyone but her. _{No Mama! No! I’ll be good! I prom-} The next match was going to begin. Sasuke versus Dosu. Sakura swallowed. At least they weren’t soulmates, and those who traveled far were able to get something. Except, that’s not what happened. Grateful to have a knowledgeable soulmate, who (mostly) guided her.

~🖊️~

Are you alive?

Unfortunately. I won’t be writing all that much. Busy.

~🖊️~

“Are you sure you want to do this?” The Third Hokage asked, staring at the rosette, whose body was screaming. He was lucky to be alive after the Crush. Lucky that her sensei was able to smash through the shield and was able to ‘stop’ Orochimaru, who got away. Konoha was lucky that Gaara found his soulmate here.

“Kakashi-sensei is the best tracker in Konoha, I’ve picked up some of his tracking skills.” He didn’t teach her shit, except right before the chūnin exam. “I want to track down Tsunade.” Sakura knew that her soulmate was a Konoha shinobi. She wanted to get away from him. Whoever he was.

“And then what?” Sakura was not rejecting him. She just needed time . . .

“Ask her to train me.” Beg if she had to. So, she’d stop being annoying. Everyone called her annoying. Even her soulmate. She wanted to be useful. Not a burden. Sakura needed time to find herself. Get away from her parents. The rosette did not care for what her Wolfie-chan said, her parents were awful.

“Why do you want Tsunade to train you?” Besides she’s revolutionized the medical field? If she was going to be stuck on the sidelines, might as well make herself useful. “You have a perfectly good sensei right here in Konoha.” Really? The man who taught her nothing. Her soulmate taught her more. How to tree walk, water walk, how to get in touch with her chakra, and so much more.

“Sensei is extremely skilled.” That was the truth. “Unfortunately, his and I skills sets are wildly different.” Which was also true. That and he taught her shit. Finally giving her some attention when she was going to the third round of the chūnin exams. It was only through her observation that she was able to pick up his tracking skills. That wasn't really teaching nor learning. The rosette learned just enough to track someone without making it obvious and to hide. “The medical arts are what I need to learn. I have shit reserves, but excellent chakra control.”

“There is a program for you to go into without having to track down my wayward student.” Orochimaru was far more wayward than Tsunade.

“I could go into that program but why settle for less. I can achieve my goals by going to the source.” Sakura thought long and hard about it. Getting into that program was a last resort for the rosette. If her parents got wind of her being there, they’d pull her away from being a kunoichi and marry her off to any bidder. Probably to a man three times her age. “I want to be the best, so I will learn from the best.” Not really. Sakura wanted to not be useless. To not be annoying.

“Very well.” The Third Hokage chuckled as he written something down. “If you do not find her, or cannot convince her, I will not be surprised.” He handed her the paperwork.

~🖊️~

I’m going to prove you, and the rest of the world, wrong.

~🖊️~

Sakura approached her team with Jiraiya in the mix. She blinked. What was going on? “Hello.” The rosette waved with her usual (fake) smile on her face. She wanted to tell them, in person, that she was leaving Konoha. At least for now.

Naruto as well as Sakura were both sporting their mission packs. Except Sakura’s was filled with scrolls for possibly anything she could need to help track down Tsunade. Naruto was most likely filled with ramen. “I’m going off with pervy sage! Can you believe it! Me, with a sage!” Sakura wanted to punt him into next week. She was the one who told him about the man’s legacy and was able to be starstruck.

Whatever. “I’m going to track down Tsunade, for the same thing.” Sakura stated with a smile on her face.

Jiraiya barked out a laugh as Sasuke glared at her. Sensei continued to read that annoying orange book. “You? Track down my beloved. I can’t even find her. What makes you think you can?”

If she spoke of her accidental skills, then she’d be annoying. If she downplayed herself, then she’d be annoying. There was no win. So, she just shrugged. “I’ve been declared Kakashi-sensei’s apprentice.” Sasuke sounded like he scoffed at the idea. Almost like he was too good to be called that, however, the way Sensei rubbed his head, Sasuke’s eyes softened to a pleading expression.

Team Seven was parting. “I hope to see you everyone soon.” Sakura said with a smile plastered on her face. Grin and bear it.

Sasuke tsked, Naruto glared, Jiraiya was shaking his head, and Sensei still ignoring her. At least she had her soulmate. Who has barely written anything. She kept trying to get him to write something in his journal, but a part of her believed that he genuinely found her annoying. With a half-hearted goodbye from her team, they parted ways. Stepping outside of Konoha without a team or her parents was the weirdest sensation to have. Vulnerable yet empowering.

Chapter 2: Life and Death

Notes:

Just as a reminder, this story is for my own fun and mental health. I'm putting a lot of Sakura's training 'in the background.' I have other stories where I go into detail of it. I didn't want to do that here, at least not until later where I actually want to write what I want to do with her.

Also, not beta read. Any mistakes are my own.

I’m going to prove you, and the rest of the world, wrong.

Kakashi looked at her last entry. It had been a month ago since she last written anything. To be fair, he hadn’t replied. So, there might not be a point in her making a comment. The journal was still colorful, so she wasn’t dead. His journal wasn’t ashes, so she hadn’t rejected him. Kakashi tapped the journal, wondering if he should reply or not. His soulmate was an obnoxious little shit. After staring at the beautiful green journal for a solid five minutes, Kakashi made the decision to (finally) respond. Now what was he going to say?

Good.

You’re mean and cruel.

That was fast. Why would she respond to him? Why was her journal open? Was she scared? Was she seeking comfort? Kakashi’s thoughts spiraled as the beast withing desired to go after her. Comfort her. A nagging thought creeped up from the back of his mind, how he wanted Moonlight to disappear, to stop talking to him, and then she did. The first time he done that, she had asked if he was alright. She reached out. She displayed concern for his well-being.

I know. Why did you respond?

What he got in response was tear stains on the page. He did that. He caused her discomfort. Kakashi caused Moonlight to cry. A part of him was happy, she was gone. Moonlight won’t die because of him. But his beast was howling inside. Desperate to get to her.

Moonlight?

No! I’m tired of everyone, including you, treating me like I’m worse than garbage. If I allow you to talk to me like you have been, then the cycle will repeat. You’ll be cruel, and I’ll just take it. I’m done. I’m tired. Goodnight, wherever you are.

I’m sorry. I’ll be better. Please, Moonlight. I’m sorry.

No.

Then please, use the journal as a way to keep track of your thoughts. I won’t respond unless you ask me. Moonlight, I am sorry.

That’s what he was good for. Pushing everyone away. Even his soulmate. It was better this way. It was better to keep Moonlight at a distance. Better feared than dead. Was it really? The pages were stained with her tears. Moonlight was sheltered and should appreciate what she had, but did he really have to be cruel? The beast growled a ‘no.’

 

You destroyed the one person who would have loved you.

She’s alive.

Beyond reasonable doubt.

Moonlight?

Beyond anything else.

Moonlight!

Unlike Father, Moonlight would have loved you.

Moonlight!

Like what you craved.

Is it too late?

 

All Kakashi got was silence. His beast was eerily quiet. He closed his soul journal and ran his hands through his hair. If he didn’t push Moonlight away, he could have figured out who she was by now. The part of him that was ecstatic that he did this to himself, was dead and gone. Moonlight was obnoxious and annoying, but she was also young. If he heard her out . . . Was it too little too late? Kakashi opened the journal again and began writing.

~🖊️~

 

Note to Self:

Chakra Theory:

I was able to come up with a solid clone by inserting yang chakra into the Bunshin taught at the academy. I was able also able to come up a way to read/study more, by doing the same thing with yin chakra. I ‘discovered’ that there are other elemental releases for clones, except for yin, yang, and wind.

I wondered why there wasn’t a wind release clone. What I know is that wind Release is one of the five basic nature transformations and is commonly affiliated with the Bird hand seal and is the rarest in the world. Temari might possible be the best in the world. She uses a fan. I know from observation that those who can use wind release use either a weapon, like Temari, or use their mouths and blow. So, why isn’t there a clone with wind release?

I have no answers for that. However, I will try to unlock wind release to experiment with it. Unfortunately, I have no idea if I am natively a user or not. I could be an earth user for all I know. I had a shit sensei, who couldn’t even do the basics. As the Academy all my senseis had guaranteed that we would be taught with our jōnin senseis upon graduating. Yeah, I never got that.

Enough gripping over a carton of rotten milk. Yin and yang come naturally to everyone because they are literally the energies of the body and spirit, just in chakra form. Some people have a hard time using either chakra because their bodies are ‘perfectly’ in balance. That’s what the theory is. I don’t believe it. My reasoning is because if that were the case, then those who heavily use either yin or yang chakra wouldn’t, or couldn’t, be functional. I have no proof, but I think it’s because people have a hard time letting go or have a hard time with either one.

As for the elemental releases, what I do not know is how to unlock a release without the special paper telling me what it is, and working towards it, or even how to unlock other releases without proper guidance.

Wind release is my weakest element, how I unlocked it was trying to keep a pebble up in the air with my breath. I would gather chakra in my mouth and kept blowing while slowly releasing chakra until I kept it in the air. I lost count of how many black eyes I sustained because of it. It took me five years to come up with that idea on how to unlock it, and another two before I could properly use wind release.

As for the other elements, lightning is my native element, so I have zero advice on how to help with that. For fire, use a candle and try to manipulate the flame with your chakra. Water, something similar with the fire, so literally any water would do. Earth using any dirt would work. Keep practicing each one until you can manipulate your chakra into making the element without an outside source. Since you claim that your reserves were dinky, this might be harder. There are tricks to help with this. I’m not sure how, because I never really had to worry about my chakra reserves, mine are painfully average.

As for the clones, you are a genius for coming up with yin and yang clones. For wind release clones, from what I understand no one's come up with it because wind is the rarest release. Fire clones are great for causing destruction, earth clones are great for trapping, water clones are good for an attack/proper distraction.

~🖊️~

Sakura groaned as she pulled herself up the final sturdy branch of the tree. Her aching muscles screamed as she stood on the branch, her eyes soaking in the horizon. “Whoa.” Unbeknownst to the rosette, she was smiling. Wolfie-chan was right about one thing, working one’s muscles made everything worth it. As she stood on the tallest tree on the tallest hill of the valley, she adored her country and the beauty it held.

Time was an illusion when she did not need to keep a schedule with an actual calendar. She’d do what Wolfie-chan suggested so long ago. Technically, Sakura hadn’t stopped doing what he advised. Even away from Konoha, and as angry as she was, she kept on doing it. Her skin burned and her blood boiled as determination raged inside her, even as she looked at the scenery before her. Sakura was going to prove the world wrong. She did not care that Wolfie-chan was being helpful . . . now. Responded to her ‘notes to self’ yesterday and gave actually really good advice.

It's been a month or so since she left Konoha. She was trying to track down the legend herself, but the rosette wasn’t really worried about finding her quickly. If Konoha was that desperate for her, they’d never let her go to begin with. Lollygagging wasn’t what the rosette was doing, she was still working hard on her training, like she always done, but as she watched some birds take off, maybe she should take her search far more seriously. Tsunade was a known drunk and gambler. Grambling, Sakura began hopping down from the tree and started making her way towards the nearest town. In her infinite wisdom, she did not bring a map.

Sakura ran through the woods like she grew up around here, and she sort of did. In Konoha and all the woods that were open to the public (because she was a civilian). Still, it felt like a freedom. Running under, around, and even hopping from trunk to trunk, was something she took great delight in. It felt like the weight of the world was off her shoulders. Then again, no one had ever expected much of her, so why would there be any pressure? Except for her parents, and what they wanted from her. ^{You need to be worth more.} _{It isn’t enough money.}  ^{Not after all that we spent on you.} It took her a few hours, but she made it to Tanzaku Quarters. It had a booming gambling ‘district’ (if one counted the entire place being the district) and Sakura wasn’t ignorant that there was also prostitution going on. Despite her appearance, she was young and therefore desirable. Her guard was not down. At all. Keeping her eyes and ears open to any possible danger.

Of course, being the nerd that Sakura was, she decided to go to the Tanzaku Castle. Even though her brain wanted to be stimulated with knowledge, she still kept her eyes and ears open. Even as she arrived and began being an obnoxious tourist. Not really. She was a kunoichi and knew (sort of) how to blend in, but she did ask the tour guide a million questions. He didn’t seem irked by her inquisitive mind he seemed enthusiastic about it. However, the others did find her annoying and made their grievances known.

One even went so far as to hit Sakura on the head, “will you knock it off. Some of us is dealing with a hangover.” A woman growled out. Sakura turned to glare and said something, but instead, she was met with two giant breasts.

Sakura wondered if her lungs went into those boobs of hers. Another woman, with black hair, was fretting over the rosette, as Sakura mentally kicked herself. “Your Tsunade.” She blurted out.

“Great. Just fucking great.” The woman rubbed her temples as the whispers broke out amongst their tour group.

“I’ve been looking for you.” A thought did cross her mind of why she did not recognize the legend at first, but it was quickly dashed away when Sakura remembered that she was entirely focused on being a nerd.

“I don’t owe you money.” Of course not, they just met. Right, she was a gambler. The Slug Princess must have a lot of debt. “I would recognize your ridiculous hair.”

“I want you to teach me!”

Sakura got a response of being punted through a wall as she made her way through the large hole, she saw Tsunade and the black-haired woman running away. Sakura rolled her eyes and began chasing after the woman.

~🖊️~

Note to Self:

For civilian born wishing to go into the Academy, a medic and one of the senseis ‘unlock’ one's chakra a month before the start. Clan born already have their chakra unlocked, and they are already honed (for their age) and have large reserves. Is it because of being from a clan and having that genetic component, or is it because of having it done early in life? I’ve been thinking that it’s a combination of the two.

The note to myself is to look into the reason why not all children have their chakra unlocked from birth. Even if the children never enroll in the Academy, at least it’ll make future offspring hardier.

Why doesn’t Konoha have a schooling system where it’s a combination of shinobi and civilian education? That way, options are not limited to anyone. Even if a shinobi retires, or gets injured or sick, they are not scrambling to find ends meet. Again, this would make the population stronger overall. Maybe I’m just bitter that I’m always being left behind, and I’m just projecting my issues.

Right, I never finished my note to self:

Research ways to increase my chakra reserves.

I never thought about anything you mentioned. It would make sense. Especially if there are programs and apprenticeships outside of the Academy, that way students can learn other parts of what it's like to be a shinobi/kunoichi outside of battle and fighting.

The system relies too much on genin teams and their senseis. The teams are selected based on what each person needs. I was placed on my team because I wasn’t battle focused enough and placed with a sensei that is for the front lines. If Konoha had a system in place that allowed more ‘freedom’ in one's career and was able to be more fluid, I would have been placed with someone who would have been far more suited that what I was given.

Moonlight, you are a good kunoichi. You sound bitter about being called ‘not battled focused enough,’ tell me why you think the Academy senseis would think that.

~🖊️~

Tsunade knew that Dan was not her soulmate. Dan had his journal whereas Tsunade didn’t get hers until after his death. But that did not stop either of them from falling in love and thinking about a future together. Until Tsunade gave him that damn necklace and he fucking died. The blonde was sipping on some sake, with her journal pulled out, the cover was a greyish brown, and the edges of the pages were mousey red. There was a detailed scorpion on the front. Whoever her soulmate was . . . he was intelligent and knew how to use his brains.

I met someone today. Came right up to me and demanded I train her.

Lucky. No one ever does that to me. Then again, I’m {redacted}.

Tsunade suspected who her soulmate was. But there was no guarantee of who he was. Until he wanted to ‘come forward.’ A common thing amongst soulmates, the lack of writing down a place to meet. Everyone was too afraid of who their opposites were. Conversation in the journal was easier, even to Tsunade. The blonde sighed as she continued the conversation.

If we ever meet up, I could steer her your way. There, you finally get your student that you crave so much.

You are hilarious.

Only because I’m drunk right now.

Tsk. You are always drunk. Do you want to talk about it? This girl? Did she bring up some bad memories?

A part of her wanted to toss her journal because her soulmate was absolutely fucking correct, and she was pissed. Instead, the blonde did the mature thing and replied to her soulmate. Earnestly.

Except for her ridiculous hair, she reminded me of me. When I was younger. I met her, officially, for all of two seconds before I put her through a wall. She’s a demon, and began chasing after us, we finally lost her before I began writing to you.

Before we officially met, we were in the same tour group, and she was asking all sorts of questions at the tour guide. I was hungover, and it was getting on my nerves. But looking back, they weren’t surface level questions, they were actually ones that were meant to give an in-depth explanation. Yes, I know I am drunk, but it’s okay. I have an excellent memory.

I know you do. What else?

It was like looking in the mirror, even with her bonkers hair color, and a part of me hated that. Here is this tiny little demon child, with her life ahead of her, and here I am shitty, fucked up, cursed drunk.

I do not believe in curses. Maybe this demon child does not either. You were talking about wishing you had someone to truly pass down your knowledge too. Maybe you could do that with this demon girl.

I am sorry, Babygirl. I did not mean to make you cry.

It’s okay. I think you’re right. What was that saying, ‘speak of the devil, and he shall appear.’ She’s fucking back.

Tsunade stared at the pink-haired demon child before her. “Train me!”

“Why do you want me to train you?”

“Because I want to stop being useless.” What kind of answer was that? Who the fuck told her that? “I’m smart and have excellent chakra control.”

“Not good enough for why I should train you. Now go away.”

“No!”

The barkeep came over, looking miffed. But that was an understatement of the century. “How old are you kid?” The man crossed his arms.

“I’m twelve, but I’m a kunoichi.” She didn’t sound proud of that fact. This pink-haired demon girl didn’t look sturdy enough to take one of her punches, and yet, she did. The little girl was sporting a black eye.

“Your rank?” The barkeep raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms.

“Genin.” The girl answered. Again, she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Tsunade must’ve been too drunk because she could have sworn that the girl was pouting.

“Get out. No kids allowed, unless they are chūnin or higher.”

“I won’t drink any alcohol.”

“No. Kids.”

“What if I sat in a corner and minded my own business?”

“Get. Out.”

The demon girl opened her mouth to protest, except it was Tsunade who had spoken. “I’ll buy her some orange juice or something else age appropriate for a fucking kid.” There were sparkles in her those stupidly bright green eyes of hers. Tsunade was definitely too drunk; she compared the demon child to a neon sign. “No, I refuse to train you. This is so you’d stop fucking pestering me and everyone around me.”

“Fine.” The barkeep growled and got the demon child a glass of orange juice. “Don’t bother anyone.” Business was business.

The pink-haired demon nodded happily. She took her orange juice and sat at the very end of the bar. She took out her own soul journal and began writing in it. Probably saying all sorts of nasty things about Tsunade to her soulmate. Whatever. It wouldn’t have been the first time it had happened. Shizune eventually showed up and ordered her own drinks. Nonalcoholic, as per usual. Shizune was inquisitive of the demon child, who was maybe twenty feet from them.

“Just ignore her.” Tsunade commented as she continued to drink her sake. It wasn’t even the good shit. Bottom shelf was cheaper but gross.

Hours melted by as Shizune talked about the Castle as they drank. This . . . this was familiar. Just Shizune and her, talking about the local tourist trap. Even though Tsunade was purposely ignoring the brat. As their familiar conversation continued, and she slowly getting more and more drunk with each sip, her soulmate’s words were coming back to her. One look around the half empty bar, Tsunade wasn’t the only one with their soul journal on them and writing in them. Shizune was interested in the medical arts because Tsunade was. Shizune could only do so much because she genuinely did not care about iryō-jutsu.

Maybe she should sober up, at least enough to truly consider making the demon child an apprentice of sorts. It might not be an official one, because they were out of Konoha, and Tsunade didn’t have a rank. But it’d be nice to pass on her knowledge onto the next generation. “What the fuck is she doing now?” The barkeep’s rage filled voice made the blonde look over at the pink-haired brat.

She was in a meditative state. Her eyes widened. Was she doing chakra exercises here? Now? Just why? Even drunk, Tsunade remembered her Uncle’s sensor lessons. She attempted to perform them. And nothing. The blonde got up and approached the girl. It was subtle. One blink. Recognition consumed her drunken mind. Another blink. Holy fucking shit. Tsunade always thought only a Hyūga would be able to do something like that. A third blink. Not many shinobis with that level of chakra control would be patient enough to map their tenketsu points. A fourth blink. It was highly recommended for medics to do it. But since it wasn’t a requirement, not many actually did it. Fuck. Not even Tsunade did that.

The blonde sat down next to the rosette. It was five minutes before the girl opened her eyes. “So, how many have you mapped out?”

“One hundred twenty-one.”

“Why so few?” Even able to map one was impressive. “The body has three hundred sixty-one.”

“Because I’m trying to find the hard to locate ones first, which I know are located deep inside the body.” Tsunade’s head felt light, and it wasn’t even because of the alcohol. Although, that didn’t help. It was brilliant. Working on the hardest parts first would make finding the others easier. “I did map my hands and feet first.” Smart.

“Why map the points at all?” Tsunade was too drunk for this conversation, but her body felt warm. And it wasn’t because of the alcohol.

“Oh, my soulmate said that mapping them would basically make me immune to genjutsu, unless it was a sharingan induced one.” Well, that shortened the list to who the fuck the girl’s soulmate was, and given how huge her journal was, they’d have a very powerful bond. Unfortunately, it was still a long ass list. “But even then, it might be harder to ensnare me.”

“Yes, but why?”

Something crossed her eyes, and then slowly the light from earlier diminished. “So, I’m not useless and annoying.”

That did not sit right with Tsunade. At all. “Who told you that?”

“Everyone.”

Shizune sat in the seat next to Tsunade. “Surely not everyone can find you useless and annoying.” Her oldest friend was probably listening to their conversation. Not surprising. Very rarely did Tsunade find anyone interesting to approach.

“Even my soulmate thinks I’m annoying.” Tsunade broke the glass she was holding. The barkeep helped clean up the glass. No cuts. No _blood.

Fuck. That. “I’m sorry.” The words were out of her mouth before she could think of a proper response to what the demon child said. The girl blinked at her. “You must have a very inquisitive mind.” The change in conversation was noticeable, even by the drunkard five seats away, who laughed, even as he practically slept on the bar counter.

She shrugged it off. “I do. But everyone calls me annoying for asking questions.”

“Why do you want me to train you? I’m a washed up drunk.”

“Do you want to know the truth or the bullshit answer I gave the Hokage?”

Tsunade and Shizune both snorted. “I want to know the truth, after I sober up, but what is the bullshit answer you gave me dear old sensei.”

“The answer: Sensei is extremely skilled. Unfortunately, his and I skills sets are wildly different. The medical arts are what I need to learn. I have shit reserves, but excellent chakra control. I could go into that program but why settle for less. I can achieve my goals by going to the source. I want to be the best, so I will learn from the best.”

Tsunade snorted. “Brat, I look forward to learning the real answer.”

“Here, here!” Shizune cheered.

~🖊️~

Note to self:

Tenketsu point mapping is hard. Apparently, it was recommended that medics do it. Not required. I do wonder why that is. Maybe it’s because it is a difficult task to achieve. Even mapping the easy ones would make things easier as a medic. Every ‘body’ is different sizes and shapes, but everyone has a heart, and we all know where that’s located, no matter the size or shape. Apparently, there are those who have hearts on the right side, which is really cool.

Anyway, my note to self. Search ways to move the tenketsu points so if I’m ever up against a Hyūga, they can’t actually hit them. So, I don’t’ waste time nor chakra working around the blocked point. If I cannot move them, figure out a way to reinforce the points for the exact same thing, to not have to worry about fighting a Hyūga. Then again, with their byakugan, they’d be able to see the moved tenketsu points. Maybe reinforcing them would work. Or maybe making them ‘light’ so the point itself would just go around the attack.

Is it possible to ‘massage’ the points, and increase my pools? The Slug Princess has that super awesome and formidable S Rank seal, and it stores chakra in there. According to the Academy textbooks, that seal is for emergencies only. From what little I understand, it actually drains one’s lifeforce because cells can only divide so many times. However, Senju Hashirama was known for his incredible healing abilities without the risk of draining his life force. He died of old age. Was it because he had the mokuton? Or was it something else? Like a kekkei genkai.

Mokuton, at its core, is water and earth release, in perfect harmony.

That seal supposedly took Tsunade six hundred and sixty-six days to create.

*six hundred sixty-six days. There is no ‘and’ since it’s not a decimal.

Correction: That seal supposedly took Tsunade six hundred sixty-six days to create.

I heard it took her five years to create. Or another rumor was three years.

Unless you ask her yourself, there is no telling how long it actually took.

~🖊️~

 

“How long did it take you to create the Byakugō?” Sakura asked, looking up from her soul journal to ask the woman in question.

“Three and a half years with eighty percent of my chakra constantly going into it until it was formed. After it was formed, I now put ten percent of chakra into it.” So, it was constantly being fueled, even after its formation.

Sakura hummed as she thought about the seal. “Did you rearrange your entire network to form it?”

“No. It’s like any other jutsu, but instead of it going outside of my body, it went to the center of my forehead. Why do you ask? Do you want to make one of your own?”

“I don’t know actually. It seems like a good back up.” Maybe. “When you use it, does it get refueled? Is there a stopping point?”

“From what I can tell, no. I’ve had this seal since I was twenty-seven years old. And yes, it does get refueled after use.”

“Because you had it for so long, you technically have infinity chakra?” Shizune snorted. “What?”

“It was a funny question.” Shizune at least had the gall to look slightly embarrassed by her question. “Like something a child would ask.” Sakura wanted to roll her eyes but decided against it.

“From our very human capacity, it would seem like infinity chakra, but even that is finite. I’m not sure what the upper limits are.” Tsunade answered, she sounded sincere.

“Is it to make more than one? Instead of eighty percent of my chakra, I use ten percent at different points of my body, to make two or more seals.”

“That is a neat hypothesis, but I don’t know actually. It could be possible, but that means drawing your chakra continuously to different locations. It most likely can be done but it’ll take longer because one seal takes eighty percent of your chakra, so if you make more, then it’ll divide from that eighty percent. For example, if you made four, then it’ll be twenty percent at each point. So, it’ll take a lot longer.” Sakura nodded. It was nice to finally have a sensei that explained stuff to her and not talking down to her. “Do you have any idea where we are going?”

“Not a clue.”

~🖊️~

Note to Self:

I learned something astonishing today and I just couldn’t fathom it. Under the guidance of the expert, I did try out my ideas for the tenketsu points. I was correct for all the above. I can poke the points and make them light, stronger, and move them around. It took forever, but I did it. Doing this to the tenketsu points takes an absurd amount of control. The person I’m studying under thinks I might be the best at it.

I asked them what was better to have a large reserve of chakra or to have an extraordinary chakra control. They said it was better for chakra control. Because without any control, it was pointless to have large reserves. I like what they said. Their partner (I think they are secretly best friends but they both said that they were partners) said that being restricted to a small amount of resources forces people to be creative; it does not matter what it is. Honestly, I think they are right. I thought about it for the past few weeks, and it felt correct.

I have come up with some jutsus just to work around my limited chakra reserves.

Update:

The expert and the partner have no idea if it’s possible to make new tenketsu points. They plan on taking me somewhere so that I can learn more privately. The expert says that I have a lot of remarkable goals and what they have to offer may not be enough for what I want. Both the expert and the partner fully support me, and my goal is to prove everyone wrong.

I have been on missions where stealth was paramount. I’ve known good shinobi die because they could not keep their bodies quiet. Please, I am begging you, work on your stealth.

Did someone die?

Yes. How did you know?

Because you’ve always responded to my ‘Notes to Self’ with some nugget of wisdom (despite you saying you would respond, I do appreciate it. Your knowledge is insightful), but this one was a little random. I say a ‘little’ because I did talk about proving everyone wrong, and getting good at stealth is somewhat in the same line.

Insightful.

~🖊️~

Kakashi pushed her away because he was pissed that she had parents and how she couldn’t appreciate them. He did feel bad for the bullying she received. Why would Moonlight have the biggest attitude towards her parents? The wind felt cold as he sat on top of the Hokage Mountain, staring at nighttime Konoha. Moonlight was down there somewhere. She referenced Konoha a few times, even vaguely. At least she found a sensei who would treat her right.

Moonlight was a part of Naruto’s graduating class but wasn’t at the chūnin exams. She did survive the Crush. Was she a civilian born or clan born? Kakashi could see which parts were ‘strictly’ for shinobi, they ran on a twenty-hour schedule. Konoha was a lit during this time of night. The civilian ‘side’ was darkened. Some lights were spotted, but it was few and far between.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?” Sasuke asked as he pulled himself up from over the edge.

“Maa, what makes you think I’m thinking? I could be reading Icha Icha.”

“The book isn’t in your hand.” Sasuke snarky replied as he flopped over beside Kakashi.

“So, it seems.” It was a good thing that he put on the chakra suppressors on the young Uchiha. ‘Making him’ climb a mountain without chakra was brutal. Moonlight was doing something similar. “Are you ready to climb down?”

“I don’t see you doing this!” Sasuke snapped.

“But you see, I’ve already done this today.”

Sasuke sneered. “I haven’t seen it, so it does not exist.”

Kakashi ruffled his hair. “I was thinking about my soulmate.”

The young Uchiha bolted upright, curiosity was not hidden on his face. “Do you have the journal?”

“Yes. Do you have yours?” Sasuke nodded as he pulled it out. “What do you two talk about?”

“I think my soulmate is a male.” His face flushed as he mumbled the words. Kakashi was about ready to tease the Uchiha. “He speaks of always being angry because of his clan's ability to tap into senjutsu regularly and with ease. What do you speak about with your soulmate?”

“She wants to be an epic kunoichi, proving the world wrong about herself. I pushed chakra training on her. Gave advice. Not much else.”

“Sounds like Haruno.”

That piqued his interest, he never spoken of their female teammate before. “What makes you say that?”

“She always hated being underestimated but would suck at the physical side of being a shinobi. Her taijutsu is abysmal. I still cannot believe she won her match against Lee.”

“Seduction is a valid form-”

“I think it’s time for me to climb down a mountain!”

Kakashi chuckled lightly as he watched the Last Uchiha literally jump off the mountain. Just to make sure he did not die, Kakashi jumped too. It was a little amusing to see Sasuke behave exactly how Itachi described himself jumping off a cliff. Sasuke was using two kunai to slow his descent to help. Just to show off, Kakashi didn’t use chakra to, but used a different method. Both Kakashi and Sasuke landed at the bottom of the mountain.

~🖊️~

I’m learning a lot. More than the Academy or my own sensei ever taught me. Right now, it’s all theoretical and books, but they say we’ll be working on my physical prowess later. I should bring up some of the jutsus I’ve invented to help with the academic aspects of learning.

Wait? What?

You invented jutsus?

You do realize that’s an S Rank skill.

It seemed pretty obvious to me. How is inventing a jutsu skill so high ranked?

Do you know what happens when a jutsu gets fucked up?

Actually, I don’t. I assumed a hospital stay.

If the person is lucky. I am one of the few lucky ones. It’s more common for death to occur. Death is all but guaranteed with jutsu creation and experimentation.

What happened?

My native element is lightning, and I was experimenting with making a different jutsu using that release instead of wind, and the first few tries left me with lightning scars on my right arm. I hide them with a modified transformation jutsu.

I don’t know what my native element is.

When you do know what it is, I can give you some jutsus for you to work one. It won’t be anything chakra consuming, but it might give you an edge in battle. How’s your stealth going?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry for the delay, we’ve been busy. I haven’t had the chance to really practice. The expert I’m with is a shockingly good sensor and will tie me to a chair whenever I even so much as breath out of their sight.

Sounds possessive.

But it’s actually a good thing how good sensor they are. Try to actually sneak around them to cover yourself.

Huh? I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll let the expert know of what I am trying to do.

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I let them know, and they found it hilarious. They said that I’ll be meeting an even better sensor than themselves. The partner suggested that I should wear bells to not make any noise. It’s one thing to full a sensor, but if I’m making a bunch of noise, it’s moot.

Also, it’s more like protective. They’ve experienced a lot. I can see it in their eyes, and how they hold themselves. Especially around other people. They don’t speak of what they saw, but I understand. At least they care about me in a way I’ve never experienced before. The partner is the same way. It’s nice to finally be amongst like-minded people.

Sounds like you finally have your friends that you’ve been seeking.

They aren’t really friends. They are more like my senseis, or I guess parental figures.

What makes you say that?

The expert is willful and wants nothing less than my all at any given moment, but they make sure I’m taken care of. They even make sure I eat all my vegetables. I’m already eating them, but they do it, it’s like a gentle reminder. The partner is the one that is nagging the expert to make sure I get enough sleep. The expert will say “she wants to be the very best kunoichi, she needs to learn how to go without sleep.” Then the partner would say “that is very true but is a growing girl. Unless you want her entire existence stunted then she needs sleep.” The expert will concede on that. While they are arguing, I’m already in bed because my body hurts and my brain is burned out on everything I do for studying. The expert would tuck me in. It is weird but cute. I like it even though it’s weird.

We’ve been traveling around, and whenever we stop at any village big enough that has bookstores, the expert and partner buy the books they think I need. They put all the books into sealing scrolls, that way, when we are between places, I have something to study.

What have you been studying?

Personal finance. Accounting. Poetry (not gonna lie, I don’t understand this one). Humanities. Technical writing. Literary analysis. Creative writing. Chemistry of food. CPR training. Early childhood development. Nutrition. Mathematics and all of it’s subsects of topics. I just ‘passed’ Algebra One and Two. I’m on geometry right now. The expert and the partner said I’ll be working through the other mathematics as well. I’ve seen the books and workbooks. I like this one. It makes my brain think in ways that make it go purrrrrrr.

Anyway, agriculture. Astronomy (more than understanding about the north stars and finding your way around if lost). Biology. Botany and chemistry (the partners want me to know more than just the bare minimum; they get this hilariously ‘evil’ look in their eyes). Earth science. Environmental science and studies. Forensic science. Geology. Marine biology. Oceanography. Physical science. Physics. Zoology.

Geography. International relations and law (this one are the bare bones, they aren’t worried, but they do want me to look at this to lay the foundation). Cultural and physical anthropology. Sociology. History and its many ‘topics.’ Why are women’s, world, and Land of Fire’s history all ‘different?’ History is history. It should be all mushed together. Oh, and world religions and their history.

Philosophy, and its various topics, but this one is more about talking about it than actually studying it in a text. Although, I do read about the different philosophers. Ethics and the various topics of this one too.

I guess literacy education can be thrown in as well.

What the fuck? That is a lot. How could they just shove so much information at you?

Like I said, it’s mostly theoretical. The expert and the partner both show my real-world applications of the subjects I’m studying. The reason for so much is because I can get through a textbook in, like, around twelve hours. Couple with one of the jutsus I created, and I accelerate my learning. The expert wants me to not do any more than three books while we’re sleeping.

They always a test me after finishing a text, to make sure that I understand the material and can apply it. I have an eidetic memory, but so does the expert. A good chunk of the topics goes right over their head because they don’t engage with the topic as they should be, so it’s a struggle. It’s the same way with our chakra. If we don’t properly engage with our chakra, it can be a struggle to perform jutsus.

Also, it’s not all at once. We rotate the topics, also they aren’t looking for me to become an expert of any of these. They just want my education to be very well rounded.

That explains the ‘I guess literacy education…’

I understand that wanting your education to be well rounded, but why?

So that I’m never taken for a fool. My goals have become their goals and are supporting me in what I want to do.

What is this jutsu that you invented that helps you study?

I don’t want to talk about it. You’ll just call me annoying or stupid.

I won’t, Moonlight. I’m sorry for ever saying that to you. If you’re getting to this massive boost to your education, I want to be able to keep up with you, Moonlight. I’m busy between my various duties.

You are just bitter that my ‘parents’ are still alive and yours aren’t. I know that’s a mean thing to say, but you never really allowed me to explain why I don’t like my parents, you just started lecturing me. I am too scared to even explain why because you had to go and ruin our relationship.

You are not wrong about anything you said.

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, you are completely right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am angry with you. I spoke to the expert and the partner and your request. They encouraged me to let you in “You don’t have to forgive them, and don’t you dare forget what they said, but they are your soulmate. Not speaking, or not answering, may be construed as rejection.”

They are not wrong, and I don’t like that. But here it goes anyway.

What I did was take the bunshin taught at the Academy, and inserted yin chakra into the clone’s formation. It retains all the memories of what they had. The opposite of that is the yang clone, where it’ll have the endurance of the ‘host’ but retains no memories. However, I’ve noticed that some of the muscle memory is retained. I think if someone who has better muscle memory than I (the expert and the partner believe that I will get to that point) they will have an easier time with the muscle retention of the clone.

For example, when I was trying to teach myself ‘trick shots’ with kunai, I had a clone do the same thing while I watched so I could understand what I was doing wrong. Eventually the clone was able to pull off a trick, and when I did I had slightly more success in those shots.

Best part, both yin and yang clone doesn’t take all that much chakra to perform. And they are more ‘autonomous’ which means I don’t need to keep pouring chakra into them.

The downside, yin clones have little endurance. One stubbed its toe and it poofed out of existence. Since the yang clones retain no memories, I cannot rely on them for information.

So, for the yin clones. Why limit it to three? It sounds like you can make more and be okay.

Good question, which I forgot to mention in the downsides. Yin clones can cause a headache/migraine. The more I use it, the bigger the pain. For the yang clones, it’s physically exhausting. It’s like put chakra suppressors and then run around Konoha.

Fascinating. What are the hand signs?

The normal ones, the only thing you have to do is add in yin or yang chakra into the creation.

~🖊️~

Kakashi stared at the journal for a while. Unable to comprehend. Moonlight did say that she figured it out.

If I make an after-image clone, but use an elemental release, would it make it a solid clone?

How does one make a solid clone?

Scratch it, I figured it out.

So, that’s how she managed to answer her own questions. She fucking invented new jutsus! After catching his breath, he began writing down some of the low ranked jutsus. Two of every element with their hand signs. She might not know what her affinity elemental release was, but she could always give it a try. Wait . . . she mentioned it one of her 'note to self' nearly five months ago. Kakashi flipped to that page and reread the passage. He even responded to it. He pinched the bridge of his nose; he had just come back from a shitty mission. It was successful and everyone came back alive. But they had to track down one of their former comrades, and Kakashi ended up killing him. Even as Kakashi read his own words, he sounded unenthusiastic about her invention. Maybe that's why she was so mad at him for asking. That and how he treated her. Guilt ate at his conscious. She was probably too afraid to call him out on it. One thing was certain, Kakashi needed to start using his intelligence more than just for missions.