Chapter Text
Rather than opening on a lavish mansion like in the original version, we instead see a lavish resort in place of it. One with clean ass palm trees, a wide ass pool and a bright ass sun.
Suddenly, the host comes into view of the camera. He was just wondering about the set before he notices the camera crew.
"No I am not making an OnlyFans account Darren!" He randomly blurts out before he's informed by another crew member what he's here for. "Host a reality show? That's as easy as getting back in the EU, actually that's not easy."
If you can't tell, he is british.
"Anyway, hello viewers my name is Caddicarus, and I've been hired to present you the new version of a show called Tyranny of Thepolicemun!" Caddy is then slapped by a crew member.
"Okay so it was apparently actually called Tyranny of The Masses, or as I like to call it: SHIIIIIIITTTTTTT! The original version of the show got cancelled after the host hit the most devious gritty-" He gets interrupted again. "What's that? He sold the whole show because of budget cuts? BUDGET CUTS FROM WHO, FUCKING AQUAMAN?! Uh as I was saying, he gave me the show because I was really funny, which is kind of not true but hey you do you."
Caddy is then thrown an actual script to read. "Oh, should've given me that beforehand but okay."
Then he reads it. "HELLO MY MATES TODAY THE SHOW IS BACK WITH 12 OF OUR PREVIOUS COMPETITORS AGAINST 12 NEWCOMERS! WHAT'S MORE, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO VOTE OFF WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU FEEL LIKE VOTING FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON! AUDITION NOW TO BE ONE OF THE LUCKY 12 NEW CONTESTANTS YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
"Ok I am never going to go read these scripts ever again."
1 Owen-The Big Veteran (Total Drama)
"THIS PLACE IS SO AWESOME GUYS!"
The OG winner is back for his second round of this show, and he's even chipper to be here with no Eggman to give him AIDS.
2 Greg Hirsch-The Parasite (Succession)
"My strategy's simple: align with all the big dogs and laugh in their faces when they're eliminated."
Greg's used to the whole social manipulation thing with how his extremely wealthy and corrupt family operates. He spent the original run being a suckup towards everyone he came across with minimal results. Will this strategy actually work here? We'll see about that.
3 King Knight-The Supposed Royalty (Shovel Knight)
"Bow down to thee!"
He's as egotistical and classist as he was before. Him and Daisy are entering the game with a pre-established bad relationship to say the least, one he'll make sure he'll be on top of.
4 Ljudmila Vetrova-The Con Woman (Hitman)
"You know, these men are as vulnerable as toddlers."
A wolf in sheep's clothing at it's finest, Ms. Vetrova is very good at using her charms and natural beauty to her advantage, swindling any young men oblivious enough to fall for it.
5 Princess Daisy-The Tomboy Princess (Super Mario)
"Step back! I know karate and I TAKE NO PRISONERS!"
Daisy had quite the spotlight last time, what with her buddying friendship with a guy that looked a lot like Mario but not actually Mario, and her rivalry with King Knight mentioned above. She'll no doubt get equal screentime here with both of them back in.
6 Marvin-The Grumpy Not-Mario (SML)
"I would've said "itsa me" but I think a certain N-worded company wouldn't like that.
Marvin totally doesn't resemble a certain fat Italian whatsoever. He hates his life and honestly wishes he could die sometimes. That somewhat changed when he met Daisy back in the original show, someone who could finally understand him. Now he never got to act on those certain feelings of his but who knows what'll happen here!
7 Rolf-The Country Boy (Ed Edd 'n Eddy)
"Back in the old country, swimsuits were considered blasphemy, so Rolf will simply do it without any clothes at all!"
The kid hailing from the old country is back for more. Although he's a little sad he'll have to abandon his farm animals back home, Rolf is nothing but excited to see some old faces and new faces on this new show. In particular he hopes that he'll be able to show off his old country pride in front of an incalculable amount of viewers at home!
8 Trucy Wright-The Protege Magician (Ace Attorney)
"If Polly was here I'm sure he'd absolutely be thrilled to catch this con-man in the act!"
A young girl whose specialty is magic, Trucy Wright, nee Gramarye, already made some friends back in the original show so you can be sure she is thrilled to be back. While most people would think her bubbly personality makes her an easy target for manipulation, Trucy is a lot more knowledgeable than she lets on, so you know she's not going to stand and let any villains walk around without any issue.
And this time, the host is neither a greedy tub of lard OR a sadistic speakerbox.
9 Nemona-The Battle Loving Trainer (Pokemon)
"I don't care if you don't have Pokemon, we can still battle in other ways too amigo! Like monopoly for instance!"
A champion level Pokemon Trainer from the Paldea region, Nemona excels and is the most in love with battling. She'll do it day or night, at home or at school, this girl truly knows no bounds from her desire to be the strongest and just have a good time in general. We even allowed her a Pokemon this time! A Pokemon to be exact, 'cause otherwise it would just be unfair.
10 Dum-The Ditzy Gal (Among Us Logic)
"This place is like the coolest thing I've ever soon! It even has a potty just for me~"
Dum is dumb. That's literally in her name. Her brother and boyfriend are already competing in shows that haven't rebooted thus far and probably won't, so obviously she would've never rejected our invitation, even if it's to not get left out. Again, Dum is dumb, but considering other instances of braindead idiots making it far in these kinds of shows, who's to say she'll just be early fodder? Scratch that she probably will but let's try to keep up the suspense a little.
11 Simon Belmont-The Chauvinist Adventurer (Captain N)
"Beautiful ladies abound here! Quick, someone do something bad so I can show how amazing I am!"
To put it simply, this ain't your usual Simon Belmont. This one's a womanizing narcissist who truly thinks he's the shit, but most women aren't a fan of his personality in the slightest. I'd be shocked if he isn't manipulated by any woman here.
12 Jesse Pinkman-The Drug Dealer (Breaking Bad)
"Yo, this plcae looks even radder than the last one, bitch!"
Jesse is known for being a wannabe gangster who constantly utters the b-word like it's nobody's business. He's hot and ready to start over and this time, he'll be dammed sure he'll win.
13 Stanley "Grunkle Stan" Pines-The Old Con Man (Gravity Falls) (G-man 2.0)
"Do you think I just came here to shill my Mystery Shack? Buddy, half these people are weirder than ANYTHING I've seen on Gravity Falls! S-Still though, please check out the Mystery Shack if you go there!"
Grunkle Stan is many things. A family man, a successful businessman, and a criminal. He's already used to manipulating poor saps, so this show's practically a vacation for him. Also, with how big our mansion is, he hopes that he can sell it off to some rich guy and be a millionaire, because his home in Gravity Falls is all that he needs.
That and he's just that greedy.
14 Flower-The Fashion "Icon" (BFDI) (CactusDrink0)
"That girl thinks I don't look beautiful, can you believe it?!"
Flower's another reality TV veteran like Owen is, and coincidentally also a winner. In her first season she was known for being pure evil and was booted first because of that then returned and made it only slightly further. Things changed in her second however as she started to become nicer and even selfless. This change in attitude earned her the win over 63 other competitors (not that hard of a feat when over 2 thirds quit in the middle of the competition but whatever) and allowed her to start her own fashion store!
Unluckily for her however that one's been going pretty badly so she REALLY needs to win this.
15 Funky Kong-The Surfer Gorilla (Donkey Kong) (G-man 2.0)
"Whatup dudes? Funky's here to get the party started!"
A truly chill dude with a love for surfing, Funky Kong is the quintessential bro. He's always cheerful and ready to have fun, even in the most stressful of situations. He's also a brilliant mechanic on the side who can make some awe inspiring vehicles with ease.
Essentially, if someone can encapsulate this show's vibe the best, it's this dude.
16 Santa Claus-The Childhood Ruiner (SML) (1612Jaw)
"If anyone votes me off you're all on the naughty list!"
It's Santa Claus everyone! Well, a drunken, mean spirited version of Santa Claus, but Santa Claus nonetheless. The contestants are gonna be in for a rude surprise to see this guy for sure.
And that's the first 4 newcomers! Now I suggest submitting more and maybe you'll have the chance to get a spot in out of the empty 8!
Ciao!
Chapter 2: Full Cast Reveal
Chapter Text
Wassup? Well it's time we do the final reveal thing, but first lemme copy the previously known characters:
1 Owen-The Big Veteran (Total Drama)
"THIS PLACE IS SO AWESOME GUYS!"
The OG winner is back for his second round of this show, and he's even chipper to be here with no Eggman to give him AIDS.
2 Greg Hirsch-The Parasite (Succession)
"My strategy's simple: align with all the big dogs and laugh in their faces when they're eliminated."
Greg's used to the whole social manipulation thing with how his extremely wealthy and corrupt family operates. He spent the original run being a suckup towards everyone he came across with minimal results. Will this strategy actually work here? We'll see about that.
3 King Knight-The Supposed Royalty (Shovel Knight)
"Bow down to thee!"
He's as egotistical and classist as he was before. Him and Daisy are entering the game with a pre-established bad relationship to say the least, one he'll make sure he'll be on top of.
4 Ljudmila Vetrova-The Con Woman (Hitman)
"You know, these men are as vulnerable as toddlers."
A wolf in sheep's clothing at it's finest, Ms. Vetrova is very good at using her charms and natural beauty to her advantage, swindling any young men oblivious enough to fall for it.
5 Princess Daisy-The Tomboy Princess (Super Mario)
"Step back! I know karate and I TAKE NO PRISONERS!"
Daisy had quite the spotlight last time, what with her buddying friendship with a guy that looked a lot like Mario but not actually Mario, and her rivalry with King Knight mentioned above. She'll no doubt get equal screentime here with both of them back in.
6 Marvin-The Grumpy Not-Mario (SML)
"I would've said "itsa me" but I think a certain N-worded company wouldn't like that.
Marvin totally doesn't resemble a certain fat Italian whatsoever. He hates his life and honestly wishes he could die sometimes. That somewhat changed when he met Daisy back in the original show, someone who could finally understand him. Now he never got to act on those certain feelings of his but who knows what'll happen here!
7 Rolf-The Country Boy (Ed Edd 'n Eddy)
"Back in the old country, swimsuits were considered blasphemy, so Rolf will simply do it without any clothes at all!"
The kid hailing from the old country is back for more. Although he's a little sad he'll have to abandon his farm animals back home, Rolf is nothing but excited to see some old faces and new faces on this new show. In particular he hopes that he'll be able to show off his old country pride in front of an incalculable amount of viewers at home!
8 Trucy Wright-The Protege Magician (Ace Attorney)
"If Polly was here I'm sure he'd absolutely be thrilled to catch this con-man in the act!"
A young girl whose specialty is magic, Trucy Wright, nee Gramarye, already made some friends back in the original show so you can be sure she is thrilled to be back. While most people would think her bubbly personality makes her an easy target for manipulation, Trucy is a lot more knowledgeable than she lets on, so you know she's not going to stand and let any villains walk around without any issue.
And this time, the host is neither a greedy tub of lard OR a sadistic speakerbox.
9 Nemona-The Battle Loving Trainer (Pokemon)
"I don't care if you don't have Pokemon, we can still battle in other ways too amigo! Like monopoly for instance!"
A champion level Pokemon Trainer from the Paldea region, Nemona excels and is the most in love with battling. She'll do it day or night, at home or at school, this girl truly knows no bounds from her desire to be the strongest and just have a good time in general. We even allowed her a Pokemon this time! A Pokemon to be exact, 'cause otherwise it would just be unfair.
10 Dum-The Ditzy Gal (Among Us Logic)
"This place is like the coolest thing I've ever soon! It even has a potty just for me~"
Dum is dumb. That's literally in her name. Her brother and boyfriend are already competing in shows that haven't rebooted thus far and probably won't, so obviously she would've never rejected our invitation, even if it's to not get left out. Again, Dum is dumb, but considering other instances of braindead idiots making it far in these kinds of shows, who's to say she'll just be early fodder? Scratch that she probably will but let's try to keep up the suspense a little.
11 Simon Belmont-The Chauvinist Adventurer (Captain N)
"Beautiful ladies abound here! Quick, someone do something bad so I can show how amazing I am!"
To put it simply, this ain't your usual Simon Belmont. This one's a womanizing narcissist who truly thinks he's the shit, but most women aren't a fan of his personality in the slightest. I'd be shocked if he isn't manipulated by any woman here.
12 Jesse Pinkman-The Drug Dealer (Breaking Bad)
"Yo, this plcae looks even radder than the last one, bitch!"
Jesse is known for being a wannabe gangster who constantly utters the b-word like it's nobody's business. He's hot and ready to start over and this time, he'll be dammed sure he'll win.
13 Stanley "Grunkle Stan" Pines-The Old Con Man (Gravity Falls) (G-man 2.0)
"Do you think I just came here to shill my Mystery Shack? Buddy, half these people are weirder than ANYTHING I've seen on Gravity Falls! S-Still though, please check out the Mystery Shack if you go there!"
Grunkle Stan is many things. A family man, a successful businessman, and a criminal. He's already used to manipulating poor saps, so this show's practically a vacation for him. Also, with how big our mansion is, he hopes that he can sell it off to some rich guy and be a millionaire, because his home in Gravity Falls is all that he needs.
That and he's just that greedy.
14 Flower-The Fashion "Icon" (BFDI) (CactusDrink0)
"That girl thinks I don't look beautiful, can you believe it?!"
Flower's another reality TV veteran like Owen is, and coincidentally also a winner. In her first season she was known for being pure evil and was booted first because of that then returned and made it only slightly further. Things changed in her second however as she started to become nicer and even selfless. This change in attitude earned her the win over 63 other competitors (not that hard of a feat when over 2 thirds quit in the middle of the competition but whatever) and allowed her to start her own fashion store!
Unluckily for her however that one's been going pretty badly so she REALLY needs to win this.
15 Funky Kong-The Surfer Gorilla (Donkey Kong) (G-man 2.0)
"Whatup dudes? Funky's here to get the party started!"
A truly chill dude with a love for surfing, Funky Kong is the quintessential bro. He's always cheerful and ready to have fun, even in the most stressful of situations. He's also a brilliant mechanic on the side who can make some awe inspiring vehicles with ease.
Essentially, if someone can encapsulate this show's vibe the best, it's this dude.
16 Santa Claus-The Childhood Ruiner (SML) (1612Jaw)
"If anyone votes me off you're all on the naughty list!"
It's Santa Claus everyone! Well, a drunken, mean spirited version of Santa Claus, but Santa Claus nonetheless. The contestants are gonna be in for a rude surprise to see this guy for sure.
And now, the final 8 newcomers are ready to go!
17 Surge The Tenrec-The Electric Menace (Sonic IDW Comics) (Neon-Trainer03)
"I'll beat these weaklings so bad you'll need to cancel this show a second time!
Surge was experimented on and modified to serve as the perfect rival to Sonic The Hedgehog, taking his traits like his cockyness, but taken to such an extreme that she became a raging, fearless egotist who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. As far as we know she didn't even join the show for the mansion, but just to show off her powers.
18 Melvin "Big Smoke" Harris-The Grove Street Homie (GTA San Andreas) (PrincessGumballWatterson777)
"Nigga this shit's ass compared to livin' in Grove Street! No one ever wants to share their lunch with me!"
18 is technically 2 number 9s. Anyway Big Smoke is a member of the Grove Street gang from San Andreas (basically San Francisco in a certain universe known as Real Life). He's got friends in CJ, Sweet and Ryder and also loves eating food. He can also beat the shit out of you with his baseball bat, cuz he's a real OG.
19 Greg Heffley-The Sociopath (Diary of a Wimpy Kid) (ThatDamnAmphibian)
"Ok, with all those weirdos to describe in my journal, I've DEFINITELY gonna become famous!"
Greg is your average middle schooler who lives with a spoiled baby brother, a lazy older brother, a karen mom and a very harsh dad. He always writes down the wacky events of his life into his diary that he keeps calling a journal
Greg would probably judge everyone here for how weird they are, and for once I couldn't blame him. Usually we only see the grounded middle school life he leads from his perspective, but now that he has to share the spotlight with over 20 other freaks he might come across as worse than normal.
20 Lightbulb-The Bright Light (Inanimate Insanity) (ThatDamnAmphibian)
"Y'know, maybe doing nothing but competing on competition shows for my whole life wasn't such a bad idea after all! It even looks like I can make some new friends too!"
Lightbulb's a cheery gal who rarely takes anything seriously and cares a lot about her friends. She's got a bunch of weird quirks like eating anything she sees, but that just makes her more endearing to others. She's already done her fair share of competitions and by the looks of things, her strategy of simply having fun won't change.
21 Flowey The Flower-The LOVE Expert (Undertale) (Papyboi)
"Howdy kids! Remember to NEVER listen to your parents, authorities or anyone other than Flowey! Only I know the best way to express your LOVE to everyone!"
Another flower guy, and this guy is actually pure evil. Yeah he looks cute but it doesn't take much to shed that facade and proclaim his LOVE (as in Level Of Violence) and desires to kill everyone. How the fuck he even got out of the monster barrier to compete is a mystery to all. But nonetheless he'll probably try getting everyone to kill themselves very quickly.
22 Chris Grifin-The Chronic Masturbator (Family Guy) (TheNewSubwayGuy)
"I've been here for 5 minutes and yet all the girls have already given me an erection. Please forgive me for my sins Santa!"
No one gives a shit about Chris on the actual show, so he decided to apply because that means having to get the spotlight for once. That and with this giant resort there's gotta be some hot ladies he can admire too.
Now he's essentially just a clone of his father but a tad nicer, so I guess he won't end up like Fandub Eggman.
23 Strawberry Cookie-The Shy Gamer Girl (Cookie Run) (PrincessGumballWatterson777)
"Chris...I don't sell any gamer girl bathwater."
Girl is submissive, likes video games and looks cute, literally the perfect girl for a lot of complete weirdos.
Okay but more seriously Strawberry Cookie's a rather introverted person. Sure she's got friends she goes out on adventures with but she generally prefers staying in her room gaming all day and all night.
Probably like the people reading this.
Anyway she's only here after losing a bet with her bestie Gingerbrave so we'll see how this introvert performs.
24 Stealth Elf-The Elf Ninja (Skylanders) (CactusDrink0)
"My stealth skills shall prove very useful in a game like this."
Never thought I'd see myself using a Skylanders character that wasn't a handpick but there she is. Stealth Elf is a nature loving ninja elf who is probably the only person here to be taking the game seriously who's also not evil or a nutjob, so congrats to her. She's just cool in general, no wonder she's a fan favorite in her home series.
Yep, this is the cast everyone. Certainly the roster of all time. The first episode will come out...eventually!
And to pad out the wordcount here's some honorable mentions that were CONSIDERED to be added in, but weren't:
Gex (guess what?)-Cut because he didn't really fit in with the whole theme, if this was a regular TD story then he would've easily gotten in.
Lanky Kong (Donkey Kong)-Same reason as Gex, but also Funky Kong fit in way more.
Hank Hill (King of The Hill)-Grunkle Stan kind of hit a similar niche in being a fatherly figure, but also had more personality.
Gangle (The Amazing Digital Circus)-It was down between her and Strawberry Cookie since they again fullfill the same niche and since I wasn't confident in writing Gangle, Strawberry it was.
Sophist (Party Crashers)- I only watched King of Skill outta the whole bunch of these guys, and if I knew more about this dude I would've picked him just because of how sheer funny this inclusion would be.
Juri Han (Street Fighter)-Surge is way cooler and is similar personality wise so no to Juri, the only thing I could think of doing with her that I couldn't do with Surge was foot fetish jokes, and I already way overdid that with Bea in Multiversal Madness.
Uncle Ruckus (The Boondocks)-Would've been hilarious but some people are too damn sensitive to not accuse me of racism.
Osaka (Azumanga Daioh)-Would've been picked 100% if I actually watched her show and not just read Total Drama Crossroads.
Jet The Hawk (Sonic)-Surge took priority.
Void Kong (Donkey Kong)-We already have technically 4 Mario characters in this roster counting SML jesus christ.
Kaos (Skylanders)-Would've gotten in if Stealth Elf wasn't suggested as well, since she's a more unique Skylanders pick. Plus Kaos is in the new Randomness so check that one out while you're at it.
Karin Kanzuki (Street Fighter)-My only idea was making her an early out because she's a rich snob so yeah this one's for the best.
Tangle The Lemur (Sonic IDW)-Sorry Tangle fans, Surge is just way cooler.
And that's it. See ya next time.
Chapter 3: Day 1: In with the old, in with the new.
Chapter Text
Welp, it's now or never. Time for Tyranny of The Masses to finally, PROPERLY start. We've got 24 characters, 12 old and 12 new, preparing to live in a glorious resort for the chance to own it. Their host is a strange English man who loves Crash Bandicoot a lot and is ready to do the most balls to the walls, crazy challenges known to man.
Without further ado, LET'S BEGIN!
Episode 1: In with the old, in with the new
The first thing we see is Caddicarus getting on his couch.
"Hey guys, today the show is about to start. Are you excited?!"
He gets nothing but a bunch of crickets in response.
"Sounds like it, LETS GOOOOOOOO!"
Then we immediately cut back to a bus station. This is when the veterans start coming in by the droves.
The first veteran to come by is none other than Greg Hirsch. He looks at his watch to check the time and realizes he is right on cue.
"Great, first one here. Now I just gotta wait for the next couple guys."
He was soon greeted by the presence of more people.
First, Trucy and Nemona came together, which surprised Greg.
"Hey girls, long time no see." He greeted.
"Gracias Gregory, I'm very excited to reunite with everyone!" Nemona replied. "Hopefully there's going to be lots of battles we can do in the challenges!"
"Yeah, yeah, cool." Greg said bluntly. "How've you been doing since then? For me, well, I'm still the highest paid secretary, my boss still hates me and I'm still infected with HIV."
"Well it's been mostly safe for us too." Trucy stated. "Me and Nemo over here have been doing some girl talk these past few months via brand new multiverse supporting smartphones! It's a blast hearing her strange, magical creatures she keeps in her balls!"
"Is she transgender?" Greg asked unironically.
"Ugh, not again gringo!" Nemona moaned. "For the last time, I'm not like Emilia Paras from that trash movie, I'm just a normal, cisgender girl!"
"Okay man, sorry for that, but how do you keep those magical creatures in balls anyway?"
"Well." Nemona began explaining. "There's these things where I come from called Pokemon. People use them to fight each other."
"Sounds like slavery." Greg quipped. "Wait, look there's more!"
The next ones to arrive are Owen and Daisy. Owen immediately begins hugging all 3 of them.
"Awwww, I missed you guys so much!" Owen excitedly said as Nemona, Trucy and Greg were being crushed by him.
"Whoa there big guy, can ya let them go for a sec? Just in case you don't crush their backs." Daisy told Owen, who quickly let the 3 go from his grip.
"Just so you know Owen, I'm ready for another hug any day of the week!" Trucy reassured.
"Thanks Trucy! Anyways, you guys good? I've been living handsomely, heck I even lost 1 kilogram!"
Nemona looked at Owen's belly and didn't notice any difference. "Sure you did big guy."
"Well I'm not exactly in the best of mood right now." Daisy admitted.
"What happened then? Did you lose at Mario Kart?" Greg wondered.
"No it's not that, my very expensive Daisy Cruiser got stolen!"
"Sorry for your loss. Do you have any idea who did it?" Owen asks.
Daisy crossed her arms. "Well Wario has started a reality show that has a big cruiser right when my original one was stolen, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he ISN'T stupid enough to cross me."
"Yeah it was probably King Knight who did it. He seems petty enough to do that." Greg thinks.
"Halt! Do you DARE take your highness for granted?! PATHETIC!"
It was King Knight who said that of course, an he was as arrogant as ever.
"Oh, look who it is!" Daisy angrily said. "It's the narcissistic, selfish, idiotic king who gives all royals a bad name!"
"Bad name? Princess, you're hardly qualified with your brash and un-royal behavior! Seriously, who makes time for things such as KART RACING instead of doing actual royal work like sitting on your throne to make peasants jealous?!"
"Why you little-"
"GUYS GUYS RELAX I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Owen yelled. "S-Sorry, I just don't like conflict that's all."
The two royals silently glared at each other.
"Fine. I'll try not to pay attention to him at least until we're in the new location." Daisy promises.
"What she says." King Knight adds.
The next 2 contestants to arrive were Ljudmila Vetrova and Dum. The former came through a fancy limo, while the latter just sorta showed up on her own.
"Hey Ljudmila! Happy to see my good friend after all these months!" Dum greeted Ljudmila, who predictably was NOT happy to see her despite trying to hide it.
"Yeah...sure girl." She replied embarrassingly. "Anyways, how have you all been doing darlings?"
Greg gazed a little at her...figure before acting like he didn't. "Pretty fine, it's pretty cool being the highest payed secretary."
She stretched her legs a little. "For me it's the usual, being my dutiful womanly self."
Dum then greeted Owen. "What's up Big O?! Man I missed you all SOOOOO much!"
Owen then hugged Dum. "Great to see you here Dum!"
But unfortunately he did not realize he was crushing her even as she was screaming.
"H-H-H-HELP PL-PLEASE I'M D-D-D-DYING!"
"Awww, she likes it!" Nemona said somehow not realizing her tremendous pain either.
Luckily for Dum the arrival of Simon Belmont and Rolf saved her from getting her whole body popped day one.
"H-Hey guys, how are you doing?" Marvin asked in a nervous manner.
"Marvin!" Daisy shouted as she went to him. "Nice to see you again! How's life been treating you?"
"Ugh..not too good honestly. My wife keeps complaining about everything as usual, but at least my idiot son wasn't there since he was competing on this "total diarrhea" thing or whatever Rose called it."
"Ooooooooooo!" Dum went hearing that. "My brother AND my boyfriend competed on something like that too! I didn't pay attention to anything else since everyone else was too mean for my tastes!"
"By "too mean" do you mean them swearing?" Daisy asked.
"That, and also some slurs, can't forget the slurs!"
"Must have been peak comedy." Greg snarked.
Then after the conversation stopped, Simon Belmont jumped in between Dum and Daisy. "Hellooooo beautiful ladies! I'm personally very happy to see my comrads again, especially the very VERY gorgeous girls we had in the house!"
"Oh great, the chauvinist is back." Daisy said, annoyed.
"I'm also taken so no thanks." Dum rejected his advances.
Simon scoffed, clearly not realizing WHY women don't like him very much. "Whatever, I'm sure the new competitors will be fine new specimen anyway."
He then took his attention to Ljudmila. "But at least I have you dear! The only woman who woke up and realized how handsome my face is!"
"Yeah, you're so beautiful, I'm surprised no one else has taken note of it." Ljudmila said while touching his face.
"Why thank you Miss Vetrova! Together, we'll win this competition for sure!"
"Obvious alliance is obvious." Greg whispers into Trucy's ear.
"You think I'm stupid?" She whispered back to him.
The next person to get there was none other than Jesse Pinkman himself.
"Yo yo yo, what up bitch?! I'm ready to get that mansion this time!" Jesse bragged to everyone.
"Aren't you quite the arrogant one?" King Knight mocked him.
"You are the second worst person here who could say that." Daisy told him. "And we all know who the one after you is."
"Is it Pinkman?" Simon questioned.
"Rude!" Jesse said. "Kinda sucks Nami wasn't invited through."
"You mean the weird hippie girl?" Marvin remembered. "Guess that's her fault for being a late comer."
"I-Imagine if she joined anyway like when there's less than half of us still in, then made it to the final 7 before quitting after getting bullied by her best friend, wouldn't that be bogus?" Dum randomly detailed what was on her mind.
Finally, Rolf was the last player to arrive. He carried an entire cage full of his farm animals.
"Hey tyranny boys! Rolf wants to say hi!"
"Hi Rolf!" Trucy greeted him.
Then Dum was going gaga on his animals. "Oh my gosh, THESE ARE SOOOO CUTE! I'M NAMING THIS ONE TIMMY, THIS ONE FRANKLIN AND THIS ONE UH LET'S JUST CALL HER MOTHER!"
However, Rolf slapped her away from them. "DON'T TOUCH THEM! Rolf's animals are here because Rolf's parents are on vacation, and Rolf wanted them to be safe from any WRETCHED ANIMAL THIEVES!"
Dum was super scared of Rolf now. "...Ok, ok I will!"
"I think that's everyone, right?" Marvin pointed out. "They said 12 of us were coming back on the email, and there's 12 alright."
"Then that means that Eggman weirdo isn't coming back!" Nemona fist bumped with Trucy. "Awesome!"
"Say that again girl!" Trucy added.
Then the train finally arrived at the station.
"Took them a while." Greg noted. "Let's get in guys."
They all started getting in the train, but Owen couldn't fit it due to his big belly and was stuck in the door.
"Can anyone help me?" He begged everyone.
"Don't worry Owen, I'll save you!" Simon proclaimed as he tried to pull him into the train with his whip, which worked but it managed to get Owen to fall on top of him.
"AHHHHH! Keep your sweat away from my beautiful face ogre!" He said, trying to get Owen off him.
"SORRY MAN I THOUGHT I LOST AT LEAST A KILOGRAM!"
Ljudmila looked like she was gonna snap at Simon before turning around and reassuring herself. "Okay Ljudmila, keep your cool, you need him in the game because he's so easy to manipulate."
They arrived at their destination, a street that lead to the mansion/resort that they would spend a few months or so in.
Owen was the first to try exiting the train but he once again got stuck through the door.
"Aw, c'mon!" He gulped before Daisy kicked him out of there.
"Thanks for the-AH! OW OW OW OW OW!" He was getting trampled by everyone who exited.
And finally, Rolf not only trampled him but somehow managed to fit in his entire cage of farm animals through the door which crushed Owen like a pancake.
Owen did a thumbs up to show he wasn't dead.
The mansion looked pretty much the same as the one they were in before, but with a giant swimming pool outside of it.
"Very shiny and very cozy looking, just what I expected." King Knight muttered seeing their new location. "I'd even take it over Pridemoor Keep. it's THAT fantastic!"
"Rolf hopes they've got enough room for Rolf's friends!" Rolf said as he was petting some of his cows.
"Yeah, I'm sure they've got rooms specifically designed for farm animals in mind." Ljudmila responded sarcastically.
"They better do or Rolf will be beating them with his shoe!"
"Ease up on the aggression there kid, we're here to relax and all." Marvin advised Rolf.
"Well I came here because my application for Total Drama was rejected so I went to another high stakes gameshow to get my share of adrenaline!" Nemona said.
"That's honestly the worst way you can possibly get energized." Daisy muttered.
After that little conversation, the host finally arrived.
He came out of the mansion shirtless, with long black pants and also he walked funny.
Everyone just stared at him with confusion.
"Can I pet it?" Dum innocently asked.
"No." Replied Ljudmila.
The thing screeched. "CASH BANOOKA!" then quickly re-entered the mansion.
"What in the hell was that?!" Marvin asked nervously.
"Back in The Old Country, people running in nothing but their pants and then going back to the house to dress up is a common way to greet others!" Rolf explained.
"Not to be racist but that is the most nonsensical-" Greg began saying before Caddy actually did come out of the mansion like nothing happened.
"Hey guys, Caddy here." He said to them. "I got lost on the way home and some guy kidnapped me and forced me to host this game show and until then I can't see my family but regardless WELCOME TO TYRANNY OF THE MASSES EVERYONE!"
"Greetings to you Mr. Caddicarus!" Trucy waved at him. "You can say I'm a fan of your work, I've even gotten some inspiration for a few magic tricks, like the one where I force my daddy to shoot me, or the one where I hang myself, or the one where I-"
"Please never talk about your magic tricks again Trucy!" Marvin begged.
She made a frowning face. "Rude!"
"So apparently you've all been in this show before right?" Asked Caddicarus.
"I'VE PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFORE!" Dum shouted.
"You and Jeffy would get along well." Marvin said to himself.
"Okay, since the producers told me the old cast was kind of SHIT we're introducing 12 newcomers to get viewers to watch this show!"
"Damn, that's harsh." Greg said.
"It is true though." Marvin replied. "That old show was cringe! I watched it and they portrayed me as completely pathetic!"
"That was totally accurate actually, bitch." Jesse stated.
"EVERYONE I'M DYING OF SEIZURES!" Caddy shouted as he was twitching on the floor.
Then he immediately got back on his feet. "Anyways, here's the newcomers everyone!"
Caddy clapped his hands and almost on que, a car had crashed into the mansion.
"Dangit Petah how many times do I have to tell ya not to drink before drivin'?" A woman in the front complained about her husband. "You're gonna make Chris a laughing stock!"
"Lois, the kid already jacks it every day in class, I don't think he could possibly be more of a laughing stock already. Just go meet them Chris."
The kid exited out of his parents car and waved them goodbye as they left. "Thanks dad!"
He then turned towards the contestants. He was a fat blonde teenager who looked like a retard.
"Hey guys, I'm Chris Griffin, big fan of the show by the way, so when I heard there were auditions for a new version I signed up instantly!"
Rolf walked up to him and began forcibly shaking his hand. "Pleasure meeting you for the first time Christopher boy! Rolf's happy more people his age have been joining in!"
"Y-Yeah, me too." Chris said awkwardly.
Simon scoffed. "Looks like the men here aren't going to be tough competition if I have to say so myself!"
Chris walked up to everyone and looked flustered at Ljudmila, almost touching his pants. "Y-You've got uh...just forget it. I'm here to win and have fun, not indulge in whatever crap I'm doing back home."
"Don't worry kid, maybe we can come off as overwhelming, but you get used to it!" Trucy assured him.
"Nah it's cool man, just a bit of pressure from getting filmed is all." Chris fist bumped Trucy. "Also you're hot as shit-"
"Wait what?"
"Sorry..."
Ignoring the very awkward moment between the two, the next newcomer happened to arrive.
Out of a portal came a big yellow cisgender Lightbulb (and I am mentioning that for absolutely no reason whatsoever lol).
"Omga I'm actually here can't believe it!" She exclaimed. "Name's Lightbulb, just a big, big ball of yellow happiness!"
"A living, breathing lightbulb? Can't say I've seen weirder." Ljudmila mocked her.
"Easy there tan in the sun!" Lightbulb proclaimed as she walked up. "It doesn't matter I'm weird, we all are! What matters is simply having a good time with all of you guys!"
"That's kind of sweet." Nemona says. "You sure sound fun to be around."
"Yup, can tell ya that much about me."
Next newbie debuted in a far more regular manner by simply coming out of a taxi.
"Here's your tip." He tossed a coin to the driver before he left, then whispered to the camera. "It's made of cardboard, that poor sap just got scammed!"
He was a sharply dressed old man wearing a dark red hat, a simple black suit and brown shoes.
"Stan Pines at your service folks!" He greeted everyone. "Owner of the famous Mystery Shack from the small, strange town of Gravity Falls."
"Mystery shack?! Oh, I loooooooooove mysteries, why do y'all think I play Among Us?!" Dum exclaimed as Stan walked up to her.
"Well lassie, I could get ya a fairly expensive and probably not that eventful trip to my town, and you'll have to pay for it!" Stan told her.
"Well played Stanley, well played." Lightbulb uttered with a smile.
"Regardless, I'm not here to make friends or clean my image, quite the opposite in fact, I plan to stay in this place in my tightly whitties all day for as long as possible! And if that means voting you guys off, well that's guaranteed to happen!"
"A strategist already? This game already sounds more competitive than the last." King Knight said.
"I'd call that less "strategy" and more "this is literally what you signed up for", but who am I to judge?!" Stan replied.
Next one was again pretty normal, just a kid being driven by his parents but unlike Chris they didn't crash into the mansion.
The boy stepped out with a book and a pen in hand.
"Have fun sweetie, and don't forget the lunch I made with so much love!" His mother said as she left him on his own.
"Yeah, good thing she didn't see me toss the chocolate salad into the trash when I was on a bathroom break." The boy muttered under his breath.
He had the most generic drip you can think of, just a generic white shirt, generic shorts and generic shoes. He was also mostly bald with just 2 strands of hair lol.
The kid took one look at the cast and immediately started writing into his diary.
"You think the kid is talking smack about us in that diary of his?" Stan questioned out loud.
"Ugh, first off it's a "journal", not a diary. Mom calls it that because she's stupid." The kid stated. "Second, I can't believe what the hell I'm seeing. What a bunch of freakshows."
"Hey, some of us are normal." Greg Hirsch told him. "Ok maybe only I'm normal but at least there's one other guy who isn't a weirdo."
The kid walked up to everyone as he put his diary in his pockets. "Whatever. I'm Greg Heffley. Better remember that name everyone, cuz one day I'll be famous."
"Ah great, is this another arrogant douchebag?" Daisy sighed. "Cuz I think we already have enough of those."
Greg Heffley ignored her. "Don't care what a hater thinks."
Then Greg Hirsch tried to greet him. "Hey kid, I'm Greg Hirsch. Kinda funny how we have the same first name and last name initial?"
"And I think we can tell who the cooler Greg H. is." Greg Heffley bragged.
"One's the highest payed secretary and the other is a middle schooler." Greg Hirsch laughed off his claim.
The next contestant was taking a while to come, which led to some frustration.
"God, they're taking so late! Can we just enter the mansion now?" Ljudmila complained.
"Behind you."
Ljudmila screamed after hearing that, turning back to see the new contestant that had somehow sneaked in undetected by everyone.
She was a short, green elf with braided blue hair and pupil-less white eyes. She wore a brown tank top, boots and a mask covering her mouth.
"Greetings contestants. I'm Stealth Elf, a member of the Skylanders, a group of heroes protecting the world of Skyland. I'm here to test my skills in this game show. Good luck."
She then stood with everyone else immediately afterwards.
"Damn, that's got to be a record in how quick your intro was." Jesse stated.
"I prefer cutting the chit chat, that's why." Stealth Elf replied.
"Damn that's hot." Greg Heffley whispered into Chris' ear who nodded.
Next contestant was probably the least threatening out of all possible contestants.
It was a sunflower with a big smile on his face that was stuck in a flower pot. A short skeleton man had brought him and dropped him off.
"look, i don't like this guy, he doesn't like me. just take him ok?" He told everyone before driving off.
"Wait so is this just a fuckin' flower?" Jesse questioned. "Lame!"
"Silly human, I'm no ordinary flower!" The flower said. "I'm Flowey, Flowey the flower! Just a harmless little sap from the Underground! I'm here to show everyone my LOVE and gain some EXP from all this!"
"I like this guy already." Lightbulb remarks. "He's a pretty cute fella y'know."
"I agree!" Dum happily said. "He's just soooooo adorable, it's crazy!"
"Aw, I quite like the attention!" Flowey stated. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll blend in the background while we wait for everyone else to arrive!"
As Flowey put himself in the back of the group, he had a wide, sadistic smirk on his face. "Idiots."
The second half of the newcomers had begun to show up at that point.
The next one came through a portal and looked a little timid. She was a gingerbread cookie that wore a pink hoodie covering her whole body but her legs and a big lollipop strapped to her back.
Owen's hunger was activated, with him looking at her like he was about to eat her any second.
"Uh...hiiii?" The cookie said shyly. "I'm Strawberry Cookie...pleasure to meet you I suppose-GUH-"
Owen couldn't hold it in and actually tried eating her.
"Food...can't...TAKE ANY MORE!"
He ran up to her and grabbed her, Strawberry Cookie was trying to get him off her by hitting his head with her lollipop. "STOP IT, DON'T EAT ME!"
Simon tried to help her out. "Don't worry poor maiden, I'll save you!"
But his whip did absolutely nothing as Owen cared more about eating than any pain.
However, Stealth Elf managed to knock him to his sense by kicking him in the head and knocking him down which freed Strawberry Cookie. "Silent but deadly!"
Owen was able to get his mind on track and realized what he just did. "Uh, sorry for that. I just have some bad habits you know?"
She looked mortified. "It's fine, just don't talk to me again please!"
Owen was a bit sad. "Oh. OK then."
Next contestant was the most unexpected contestant you can think of.
It was Santa Claus, riding his sleigh into the sky.
"S-SANTA?!" Dum yelled.
Then when he was about to land he fell off the sleigh and hurt himself.
"Oh shit!"
He hurt his back real hard but he was able to stand alright.
The contestants worriedly went to him.
"Holy crap it's Santa!" Chris shouted in happiness. "Please tell me I'm getting a Switch 2 this year!"
"Santa I'm your biggest fan!" Owen says.
"THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Dum yells again this time even harder.
Frustrated, Santa brings out a bottle of beer and drinks it. "Jesus kids, I have a damn life too, I deserve to get a vacation from makin' all those gay fucking Christmas presents!"
Nemona was shocked to see him talk like that. "I never thought Santa could be so vulgar!"
"Yeah well I do, the guy killed the Easter Bunny once!" Marvin stated.
"You killed the Easter Bunny? Damn, that's fucked up." Greg Hirsch said in disbelief.
"That guy banged my wife, you'd kill that motherfucker too if you were in my shoes!" Santa defended himself.
"Actually he does make a good point." Greg Heffley remarked.
"I'd certainly do the same in his position, heck I'd probably kill the wife too while we're at it." Simon casually said.
"Good to see how this conversation helps expose all the misogyny in this group." Trucy jokes.
"Aw c'mon, just because my wife's a cheating bitch doesn't mean I ain't a feminist!" Santa responds. "By the way you're getting coal this year, I don't want Judge Pooby to send me to prison just because I keep giving you increasingly tighter magic panties!"
"Good point." Trucy admits.
Next one had the sickest intro, with him using a plane to get a high ground before jumping off.
"Check this out!"
He took out a surfboard and did some sick flips in mid air, then safely landed on his two feet.
He was a gorilla wearing a red headband, sunglasses and blue shorts.
"What's up dudes? I'm Funky Kong, straight outta Kongo Bongo Island, here to chill with the rest of you guys!"
"You know what they say, every good party needs a surfer dude!" Lightbulb says. "And you good sir are fit for that role like I'm fit for a light!"
Funky fist bumped with her. "Loving that attitude lightbulb gal! Santa Claus? Pretty rad to see him here!"
Santa was too drunk to pay attention to him. "W-What? Whatever, I'm busy as fuck right now!"
He then pointed to Princess Daisy. "Heyo Daisy, remember me from those Mario Kart races? Didn't expect such a cool gal like you to be here!"
"Oh yeah, Funky Kong, I remember you now!" Daisy stated. "You're real good on bikes, that I can remember."
"Yeah I'm like the king of bike racing, I could probably beat Lance Armstrong while he's using steroids!"
Simon looked at him with displeasure. "Well then, get all the ladies attention off me, I beg of you!"
Funky was confused. "Uh...okay? You're welcome?"
The third to last newcomer was going to make a big impression, rapping as his introduction.
He was a black guy with a black fedora, a dark green shirt for the overweight and some nondescript pants and shoes.
"Comin' from San Andreas it's Big Smoke of Grove Street, Land of the heinous, gangbangers and cold heat, in Los Santos niggas get no sleep, beefin' with anybody even police!"
In response to that verse, Funky Kong clapped his hands. "That was actually pretty good man!"
"Thanks monkey nigga." Big Smoke thanks. "I'm the Big fuckin' Smoke himself, that rap was made by my homie CJ, though I modified it a little. I'm here to represent Grove Street 'n shit! We the best gang in San Andreas niggas!"
"Wait, they seriously brought a hoodlum to this show?!" King Knight scoffed. "Absolutely shameful!"
"Nigga, you just like one o' those pigs who hate on Grove Street cuz we got swag!" Big Smoke yells. "Fuckin' crackers!"
"He's probably a criminal, but the fact that you focused mainly on him being poor says a lot about your character King Knight." Daisy reprimended him.
"Blah blah blah I hate people who are cooler than me blah blah blah!" King Knight mocked her speech.
"Is it just me or is every newcomer causing completely unnecessary to form every 5 seconds?" Greg Hirsch noted.
"Maybe? You're probably onto something." Chris said.
The penultimate newcomer was just some guy with a mask walking around. He was a Minecraft guy.
"Hello. call me Darko. That's all you need to know about me." He said before joining in.
"Mysterious much? That or you're not much of a talker." Trucy notes.
"I just don't feel my divulging in my entire life story the moment I meet new people." Darko reasonably said.
"Good point." Trucy replied.
And finally, the last newcomer had quite the electrifying entrance.
She was on top of the rooftop of the mansion. To show everyone she meant business, she jumped all the way from top to bottom and surrounded herself with electricity to increase the impact.
When she landed, she left a crater on the ground. "See that? If that doesn't make it clear what game I'm playing, then you're actually stupid!"
She was a Sonic character with green skin and a yee yee ass haircut and some swag yellow pants.
"Y'all don't look very impressed huh? Losers!" She exclaims. "I'm Surge the Tenrec, probably the strongest being you'll ever meet in your life! I'm here to show the whole wide multiverse just how powerful I am, so be sure to give me a challenge!"
"Powerful? Such a foolish idea!" King Knight proclaimed. "A mere girl such as yourself can stand no chance against royal blood such as myself-"
Without warning, Surge easily grabbed King Knight by armor and tossed him into a wall, making everyone fear her.
"D-D-Don't hurt us please!" Chris pleaded. "At least let me lose my virginity first!"
Surge laughed. "Ho ho ho ho, don't worry retarded kid, you're too much of a weakling for me to even care about you!"
Simon takes out his whip and tries to threaten her. "Lady, I'm giving you an ultimatum: either you stop intimidating everyone or I'll-"
But then he got tossed away like King Knight too, also hitting a wall.
"Anybody thinks they can challenge me?! Highly doubt it!"
Daisy tried raising her fists, but Marvin grabbed her arm to stop her. "Don't even try it!"
Frustrated at the noise, Caddy comes out of the mansion. "What the Crash Bandicoot is going on? I was busy taking a giant DUMP in the POTTY, and you guys interrupted me!"
Unfortunately, Caddy did not put his pants on, leaving everyone mortified at looking in the thing between his legs.
"This is so gay!" Greg Heffley complains.
Stan's glasses even shattered. "Woah man, is that how it feels for others when they see me in my underwear?! Scratch that at least I'm handsome and not British!"
And Strawberry Cookie was covering her eyes with her hoodie. "Please...p-put your pants on!"
Surge was the one exception, laughing at Caddy. "Man, your junk looks like a piece of...junk! I bet your girlfriend/wife must be miserable in the bed!"
Caddy put his pants back on and then looked at everyone mad. "Hey, if you make fun of me again, you're out, like instantly, so instant that you won't even notice!"
"Ooh I'm scaaaaaaaared-nah, gimme a break!" Surge joked.
"I'm fucking serious."
"Oh, he swore, that's how you just KNOW he's being serious!" Lightbulb told everyone.
"Totally amazing observation Lightbulb, only someone like you could ever tell that!" Flower sarcastically said, albeit in a regular tone so it was hard to tell if he was or wasn't serious.
"Yup, very serious indeed." Caddy replied. "Anyway lemme count everyone. 12, 21, 4331414134136483184 times 15315315315135, 24 yup, that's enough people."
"That's like twice as much as last time!" Dum stated the obvious.
"And this time the author actually knows how to write most of you guys." Caddy revealed. "Ok, let's do a tour of the-"
Suddenly, Mr. Goodman, Caddy's boss, came down with a helicopter. "Stop, fucking stop it Mr. Cadick! It appears there was some sort of mistake regarding the casting!"
Caddy's heart exploded, and out of the hole in him came another Caddy. "What?!"
Out the helicopter, a living breathing pink flower similar to Lightbulb in being sentient showed up. "I'm Flower, winner of BFB. I was SUPPOSED to be in the cast, yet for some reason I was never called to compete even though I was ON THAT LIST, so I made a very justifiable complaint to Mr. Goodman, and that's how I'm here!"
"Holy exposition woman!" Greg Heffley said. "Or at least I'm assuming you're a woman even though you sound like a guy smoking, mainly because flowers are for vapid, self absorbed girls."
"Anyways." Goodman began explaining. "Ms. Flower was chosen to compete in the new Tyranny of The Masses, but due to us mistakenly thinking it was just someone adding Flowey twice and misspelling his name, it turned out we just chose 2 different flowers with very similar names, fucking weird."
"Oh...not my fault, she should've changed her name or-" Caddy tried defending himself before Goodman grabbed him.
"You motherfucker. I swear to fucking Christ, if you make another mistake on THIS level, I'll cut off your balls. I'll cook them, eat them, and brag about it to you on phone, so take this warning seriously Jim Caddick."
He then let Caddy go. "And before you're wondering, no, we're not adding an extra player THIS early like what that shithead announcer did! Wait until the first couple guys go, then do whatever the fuck you want! But for now, kick someone out the cast, NOW!"
"Okay." Caddy replied. "Now, who to pick, who to pick?"
"Get rid of Surge, please! She's a psychopath!" Simon pleaded.
"Nah she will probably fry my PS5 mate." Caddy explains.
"I'll do that without you even eliminating me!" Surge said.
"Then get rid of the other Greg." Greg Heffley suggests. "Shit's too confusing."
"Woah woah woah everyone, let's all be logical with this." Flower tried to calm down people. "I don't want someone to go because of me, but if it has to be the case, can't it be the person who replaced me directly?"
"You make a good point." Darko says. "Host, get those papers."
Goodman took them out immediately. "Already have them, check this shit out."
The paper had the names of the whole cast...except for Darko.
"Wait, I was a last minute pick?" He questioned.
"Yup, one of our lesser producers suggested you after we thought we put Flowey's name in there twice." Goodman told him. "Meaning you can go fuck yourself Minecraft man! LEAVE!"
"Woah...let's try to calm down and-" Before Darko could finish, Surge kicked him into the stratosphere.
"One less annoying idiot to deal with!" Surge exclaims.
"Remember: you can bring him back when I tell you that you can." Goodman said. "Don't fucking forget that!"
"Yeah whatever, didn't even care about him anyways." Caddy told Goodman. "Now can we start the tour or can I keep taking a shit?"
"Sure, in fact, I'll stick around actually, just to see how hard you can fuck it up."
"Seriously Goodman? Can't you just leave me alone for once!" Marvin complained.
"You still owe me your house payments Marvin!" Goodman reminded him. "Also Santa! Just because you give kids presents doesn't mean you don't have to pay like a basic fucking citizen!"
Santa was too drunk to even care. "So? I'm Santa Claus man, fuckin' untouchable."
The interior of the mansion looked pretty well done. There were lots of candles, the red carpet stretching through the whole mansion was rather comfy and there were a bunch of portraits too, mostly of Goodman.
"Yo yo yo this is real fucking rad bitch!" Jesse exclaimed. "Like I can see myself livin' here for the rest of my life!"
"I'd probably set this whole thing ablaze after 5 minutes of attaining it, too fancy for my liking!" Surge said.
"Do it and I'll put you through torture you never thought could be possible." Goodman threatened.
"I suggest you listen to his warnings Surge." Stealth Elf proclaims. "I've heard he's quite ruthless in-"
Surge casually twists her hand for no good reason. "Look, no one, and I really mean NO ONE, tells ME what to DO! Remember THAT warning pixie!"
Stealth Elf back away from her in favor of taking care of her hand.
Meanwhile we see as Flower is having a conversation with Flowey whilst holding his pot.
"You know, it feels weird seeing an object the same species as me with also such a similar name, makes me feel less special." Flower mentioned.
"I say don't worry about it too much girlie! I'm Flowey, you're just regular ol' Flower!" Flowey responded with his fake smile.
"Thanks Flowey. You're such a good friend to me already!"
Flowey looked disgusted at hearing the word "friend" but pretended to not act offended anyways. "Cool."
"You like it?" Caddy asks. "The possible answers are yes and YESSSSSSSSSS!"
"YESSSSSSSSSSS!" Big Smoke replied, to which Caddy responded by slapping him.
"You added an extra "S" you little m-misfit." He said blankly.
"Caddick, next time he does something stupid I suggest bitting off his BBC or something." Goodman told him. "Anyways, on with our little tour everyone!"
"This is where your fat asses are going to sleep for the rest of the show." Goodman explained.
There were a total of 8 3-bunk beds spread around the room with 4 sitting next to each other.
Strawberry Cookie was being rather nervous. "Do I...d-do I really have to sleep with the guy who tried to eat me not even an hour ago?"
"I was hitched with some bricks for most of the pandemic so nothing has fazed me since then." Caddy replies.
"Yeah, ignore the dumb wimp!" Surge mocked her.
"Arrogant jerk." Daisy gritted her teeth.
"So yeah, we didn't really give a shit about your bedrooms much, all you can do is sleep in it and shit." Goodman said.
"I'll get bottom bunk!" Owen yelled as he crushed the whole bed with his weight. "Oh man!"
Caddy lead them to the kitchen. There was a large dinner table outside of it, large enough for all of them, and the kitchen itself had a bunch of stoves, 3 fridges, a huge pantry and all you needed for a good breakfast or two.
"This is the kitchen. I know this because I'm very smart." Caddy said. "CHEFS! I'M GONNA EXPLODE IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN HERE NOW!"
The first chef to come was the original chef of the original version of the show, Chef Pee Pee.
"Oh, hi guys. I see some familiar faces here like Marvin, and even Santa Claus!" He responded to seeing them.
"Still taking a break from Braxton Chef Pee Pee?" Marvin asked.
"Yup, and hopefully I won't have to work with that asshole again!" Chef Pee Pee excitedly said. "Caddicarus is so hands off I can slack off for hours at a time and not get yelled at, can you believe it?!"
"Please cut his salary." Goodman whispered to Caddy.
Owen and Chris immediately looked into the fridge and were disappointed to see nothing.
"Man, I could've gone for a good snack!" Chris complained.
"We'll put food there after the first day, so today you'll only get dinner after the elimination." Chef Pee Pee explained.
Then after that, the OTHER chef finally came to them.
He looked exactly like Caddy except he wore a chef's outfit. "Aha, bonjour everyone, I'm ze famous TV chef who cleans ze kitchen vith his sweatshirt, Sam Widge!"
"Man, I'm getting hungry for a sandwich!" Nemona said as she rubbed her stomach.
"You're not getting one probably, so let's fucking continue, we've still only gotten to like half the mansion!" Goodman told her.
The living was next and it sure was a living room. There was a decently sized red couch, a flatscreen TV with a Playstation and some controllers, plus a table you can put your legs on, an air conditioner and a wardrobe for the nerds to read.
"Why the hell is there only one TV bitch?" Jesse questioned. "What if I wanna play some COD but someone else wants to watch Survivor at the same time?"
"We had some more but unfortunately we lost them." Caddy states.
We cut to a flashback where Caddy is changing the channels.
"Why am I even watching bloody cable? I don't even like wires-"
He then saw the channel he was on was playing Peppa Pig.
Without a word, Caddy went to the glass case with a rocket launcher reading "break in case of Peppa Pig" and shot the TV with it.
Ljudmila sat on the couch to relax. "After such a long day, I want to just stay here, not think of anything else."
"Tan 'tard, you do realize you've worn nothing but your bathing suit this entire day?" Surge commented. "So clearly you've probably not done much work!"
"Standing in this summer heat should be enough work by itself." Stan discussed. "I hope I can get naked as fast as possible!"
"And now I really want that image out of my head." Greg Hirsch admitted.
They were now at the outside pool. It was pretty large and there was even a bar for drinks.
"Woah, this place looks really rad!" Funky states. "Could definitely go for a swim right now bros."
"Too bad, you can't go to the pool until the first challenge!" Mr. Goodman declares. "Because it will be the site of the first challenge, and you guys will be rewarded access when you complete it, can't have free shit with me here!"
"Really lame." Greg Heffley complains.
"Do I LOOK like I fucking care?!" Goodman replies.
"Not like I would have gone here anyway, because us cookies soak and die in water." Strawberry Cookie remarks.
"Does the bar serve beer?" Santa asks as he's chugging more beer.
"Let me see." Caddy says as he runs to check the bar.
He then drinks every single bottle he sees there in rapid succession then comes back.
"That tasted like piss, so probably."
"Wooo, awesome!" Santa celebrates before he burps from all the beer he's been drinking.
Jesse covers his nose from how much he smells. "Goddamn, go to an AA meeting Santa!"
"AA, like an Ace Attorney meeting? I don't wanna go to court again, sorry kid."
Finally Caddy points towards the bathroom.
"And that is where you to take your wee!" He explains very clearly.
"And also your confessional, just like in Total Drama. You'll say all the shit you're too much of a pussy to say out loud in it, then we can show it to the entire viewing world anyway." Goodman further explains.
"I would make a remark about how invasive that is but I'm pretty sure a million other people have said that already." Daisy said.
"Now get into the confessionals people!" Goodman ordered. "We need some to fill up time!"
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Confessional: Princess Daisy
Daisy: Second time's the charm right? Right now the only ally I currently have is Marvin, but I'm sure this feisty little princess can charm the more reasonable newcomers too.
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Confessional: Surge The Tenrec
Surge: Man, this place is so booooooring! Everyone's just way weaker than me so it feels way less satisfying when I kick their asses! I didn't even know this wasn't Total Drama, like how was I supposed to when the ad just said it came from the same network?!
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Confessional: Greg Heffley
Greg: First impressions: this ain't too shabby. It definitely beats whatever plans mom would have for summer vacation. Plus with these freaks my journal's gonna go viral when I let the public read it.
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Confessional: Ljudmila Vetrova
Ljudmila: My strategy has not changed one bit: charm all the dumb himbos here, then use them to get rid of anyone I want. Chris and the new Greg in particular seem like prime candidates, I know those two were fantasizing about me when they first saw me!
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Confessional: Flowey
In a jarring turn from his previously cheery self, Flowey sadistically smiles to the camera.
Flowey: Those idiots think I'm nothing but a harmless flower in a pot, but the moment they find out what my version of LOVE really means, they'll wish they were just eliminated.
Then his smile turns into an annoyed frown.
Flowey: But it's so hard playing into this illusion! I have never pretended to be nice so much before, usually it takes less than a minute for me to break that facade and go in for the kill! UGH, at least I can let out my frustrations on those too oblivious, maybe even manipulate them into entertaining me!
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Confessional: Marvin
Marvin: Santa Claus, Chef Pee Pee and even Goodman. How do I keep seeing so many people I know here? Next thing you know Brooklyn Guy will show up to rant about Jimmy Butler again.
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Confessional: Stealth Elf
Stealth Elf: Quite the mansion they've got here. As for the game itself, my ninja skills should help me stay under the radar until the finale.
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Confessional: Dum
Dum: I hope I can do as well as Captain and Player did in their reality tv appearances! I'm pretty sure everyone loves me already, cuz I'm too cute to resist!
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Confessional: Santa Claus
Santa: People here probably think I'm one of those first boot fodder because I ain't that serious, and those people clearly don't believe in the Christmas spirit! I'll beat everyone here alright, fuck 'em up!
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Confessional: Simon Belmont
Simon: There's so many beautiful women here, it's like I'm in paradise!
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Confessional: Trucy Wright
Trucy: Y'know, it's kind of disappointing there's seemingly not much I can use here for magic tricks, I might need to improvise.
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Confessional: Funky Kong
Funky: I'm honestly not that interested in trying to strategize and all that man. I'm just here for the fun of it, so I'm probably just gonna vote for dudes that kill the vibe here.
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"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave for today to count all the shitton of money I have! Jim Caddick, I hope you won't fuck this one up like the previous host did." Goodman said as he left for the door.
"Welp, guess that makes me your god then." Caddy said. "Come on, worship me, gimme free money!"
"I'm an atheist so no thanks." Greg Heffley replies.
Caddy then cries. "Why does no one love me?! I'm only white and British!"
Out of sympathy, Owen hugs him. "C'mon Caddy, we can be friends!"
"Can you also not crush me to death?" Caddy asks plainly before Owen lets him go. "Anyway, I'm going to be busy doing...stuff in my room, so you all can relax in the house now until the next challenge, bye!"
Caddy then runs off.
"So I guess we just do whatever the hell we want now?" Greg Hirsch said.
"Are you stupid?! Of course, did you not pay any attention whatsoever?!" Surge ranted at him.
Greg Hirsch did a thumbs up in fear. "S-Sure."
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Confessional: Greg Hirsch
Greg: That lady's really scary. It's gonna be hard getting on her good side if she's raging most of the time.
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(Location: Kitchen)
Owen was sneaking through the kitchen, making sure to not get detected by the chefs.
Or at least that's what he wanted, because there was no way someone like him could actually sneak by without notice, and Chef Pee Pee heard him immediately.
"Owen? Seriously dude, let me cook! You'll get dinner soon if you don't suck ass at the game, so shoo!"
"I just couldn't take it chef, I've been starving for hours, HOURS!"
Frustrated, Chef Pee Pee took out a muffin from the pantry and gave it to him. "Here, go eat it, THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Jeez, I'm going, I'm going!" Owen replied as he left quickly.
Chef Pee Pee could now relax, before he saw that the other muffin in the pantry was gone. "OWENNNNNN!"
"I think you got the wrong thief."
Right behind him was Stealth Elf, who was eating her stolen muffin.
"You know what? I don't care anymore, I'm gonna let you go just because I'm fuckin' tired!"
Chef Pee Pee turned around again to hit himself, then when he turned back the thief was gone.
"What the fuck?!"
(Location: Bedroom)
The two flowers were standing together in their bedrooms, with Flower yapping about fashion whilst Flowey tried his best to look like he was interested, even if he wasn't at all.
"Now Flowey, would you say I should wear the "Ding Ding" sweater or the "Beep Bop Boop" one?" She asked.
"I...uh...make your choice Flower, you don't need validation in regards to clothing choice!"
"Thanks! I can just wear both at the same time!"
"Hey, Flower, I wanna tell you something." Flowey said with a smirk.
"What is it? Do you have any ideas for new friends of ours?"
"The opposite actually." Flowey began. "I don't think we should trust ANYONE! Do you really think these idiots care about us at all? NO! They just think we're two goofy flowers, but with an alliance to take them ALL out, we can win this whole show by ourselves!"
"Are you sure about that? The people here mostly seem nice." Flower questions.
"Don't be STUPID Flower! I know a thing or two about how fake people are, and we're the only ones here not the least bit fake!"
"Okay..." Flower stated.
"So what do you say? Trust only me, or let others manipulate you instead?"
"Uh...you know what, maybe you're right. Maybe I should listen to you and only you." Flower replied.
"That's good! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to the bathroom!" Flowey said before realizing that he can't walk due to being in a pot. "Crap. Can you take me there?"
"Sure." Flower replies.
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Confessional: Flowey
Flowey: Step 1 has been completed! Soon enough, this lil flower will be under my thumb!
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Confessional: Flower
Flower: He seems nice, but that does sound a little sus. I'll still be friends with Flowey, but I'll be careful I swear!
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(location: living room)
Greg Heffley was gaming, playing Fortnite. The other Greg and Chris were on the couch.
"They don't have Twisted Wizards here, so this is the best game I could find." He said.
Chris was impressed by his Battle Royale skills, killing people left and right with a shotgun, before getting a victory royale.
"WOOOOO!" Heffley celebrated.
"Cool, gg other Greg." Greg Hirsch celebrated in a rather shallow way.
"You didn't pay attention at all now did you?" Greg Heffley confronted him.
"What? No, I just wanna give you some confidence and all." Greg Hersch defended himself.
"Oh so you're one of those stupid people pleasers? Screw off." Greg Heffley insulted him.
"Well I payed attention to that!" Chris states. "You killed 12 people in one game, that's really impressive!"
"Were you paying attention because I was playing as Poison Ivy?" Greg Heffley asked.
"No...yes...half yes half no!" Chris responded. "Okay yeah she is hot but also you were genuinely a good player!"
"Good to be complimented." Heffley said. "Wanna be friends? I know a guy back home like you."
"YES! That's be super badass!"
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Confessional: Chris Griffin
Chris: Not even a day in and I've already made a friend! And it only took me 16 years!
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Confessional: Greg Heffley
Greg: That retard is like a hornier Rowley. It's gonna be easy as shit having him wrapped around my finger.
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(location: hallway)
When no one was looking, Jesse took out a pack of cigs and began to smoke.
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Confessional: Jesse Pinkman
Jesse: If Santa can drink beer all he wants, a little puff wouldn't hurt. I just hope nobody catches me or they'd take 'em away cuz they're pussies.
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Unluckily for him, Surge had managed to catch him on the act.
"Well well well, look what we have here? Some scrawny wannabe gangster trying to smoke!"
Jesse however wasn't intimidated. "And what? You think I fucking care, bitch? Just let me be."
"Ooooh, I'm so scared!" Surge mocked. "Whatever, just give me one, I wanna feel the smoke in my veins!"
"Doesn't work like that, but sure." Jesse hands her a cigarette.
"How do you do it? They never show ya how to smoke on TV." Surge commented.
Jesse then gave her a lighter to try it out. "You light up the end, slowly inhale then release the smoke, ain't that hard."
Hearing his instructions, Surge quickly lights up her cig then inhales before releasing her cloud of smoke. "Man, this shit feels like candy!"
"I got some more with me too, maybe we can-" Then Surge grabs his entire pack. "HEY!"
"Thanks for the pack druggie!" She taunts him before using her super speed to leave him.
"YOU BITCH!" Jesse yells in her direction.
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Confessional: Surge The Tenrec
Surge: That Pinkman kid is probably the second coolest person here, which isn't saying a lot, but at least he's got the attitude and shit, so automatically he's just slightly less lame than all the other losers here!
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(location: living room)
On the couch, Rolf, Marvin and Big Smoke were all sitting on the couch, talking about their lives.
"Before Rolf was living in this country, he was with his family and animals in the Old Country. One day, Rolf stepped on a lego brick. Because stepping on a Lego is considered blasphemy, Rolf and his parents left the country in shame, walking all the way to the United States after 365 days!"
"Nigga, that sounds like the fakest shit ever, not gonna lie." Big Smoke told him.
Rolf started exploding in anger. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?! YOU DISRESPECTED ROLF'S CULTURE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
Big Smoke laughed. "Your scrawny cracker ass thinks you can beat the smoke? I'd like to see ya try nigga."
Rolf grabed his collar. "THAT'S IT, IF YOU CAN'T HELP BUT DISRESPECT ROLF, YOU WILL DUEL WITH ROLF TONIGHT! SEE YA!"
Rolf then walked away in anger.
"I just crapped my pants." Marvin said after watching this confrontation take place.
"Yeah, if that busta thinks he's gonna beat me, I'll let him duel me, cuz I got a shotgun, what else does he have?" Big Smoke stated.
"I think you should just apologize, Rolf really doesn't like it when you act like his culture's inferior." Marvin tried to explain.
"Nah, he's just being pissy for no good reason I tell ya! I'm gonna kick his ass for sure!"
Marvin facepalms.
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Confessional: Marvin Marvin
Marvin: He's screwed.
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Confessional: Melvin "Big Smoke" Harris
Big Smoke: I hope CJ is watchin' this show, so he can see me beat the shit outta that busta!
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Right after that, Caddy's head bursts out of the ceiling. "Ok everyone, it's time for the first challenge BITCHES!"
"AH! Could you reveal that in a more formal manner?" Marvin asks.
"No." Caddy simply says before poking his head back in. "Challenge starts in 10 minutes SO DON'T BE LAZY!"
The 24 contestants were now at the pool.
"Shouldn't we have gotten our swimsuits on? Cuz I don't wanna get my dress wet." Daisy complained.
"Well I thought people LIKED getting wet." Caddicarus said. "Anyway your first challenge is pretty simple: you go on the diving board and jump into the pool. The SICKER your jump is the better your score will be. That's it really, now JUMP!"
Strawberry Cookie raised her hand reluctantly. "What is it Needs To Touch Grass Cookie?"
"I'm a cookie, so I can't exactly dive into water without getting all soaked on and killed."
"Then I guess you'll be exempt from the challenge." Caddy states. "NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I EAT YOU ALIVE!"
"AHH!" She yells before leaving.
"Anyone wanna dive first?" Caddy asks of them.
"Me obviously!" Surge volunteers. "Usually you'd leave best for last, but I wanna crush these losers hopes before they even try the challenge!"
"Ok." Caddy plainly says. "Do it then, come on."
Surge gets on top of the diving board and jumps a little to gain momentum. "ALRIGHT LOSERS, CHECK THIS OUT!"
She jumps extremely far into the sky before landing into the water, splashing everyone at the scene and emptying the pool.
"Woah, not my cape!" Trucy complains. "Good thing Strawberry Cookie wasn't here to get soaked!"
"Welp, looks like the pool is just like my bank account after every video, empty." Caddy jokes. "Surge gets let's say 20 points, probably the most I can give because I don't want her to murder me."
"WOOOOO! I bet Sonic couldn't even DREAM of such a big splash!" She bragged.
"Great, now we're gonna have to dive ahead with no water!" Marvin whines.
"Don't be such a coward Marvin, there's no reason to be scared!" Simon made fun of him.
"Then if you're not scared, go next!" Daisy suggested.
"Alright then!" Simon said as he got to the diving board.
But instead of just jumping, he looked scared. "A-Are you sure this is s-safe?!"
"YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID YOU AREN'T SCARED YOU HYPOCRITE BITCH!" Jesse yells at him. "JUMP BITCH, JUMP!"
"Fine fine fine! I'll jump, don't you worry about that!" Simon exclaimed as he was ready to jump, albeit reluctantly.
He finally made the dive, but landed on his nuts, causing him serious pain. "AYAHHHHHHH!"
"Hahah, that man's not gonna have any children, how funny!" Caddy laughed at him. "NEXT!"
"I'm in!" Daisy yells. "Look at me guys!"
She gets on the board, jumps whilst dabbing at the same time, and finally lands in a handstand. "Ta-da! Can't beat that now can you?!"
Dum was next. "My brother could dive off a big fat cliff, so I can easily dive off a small skinny ramp! Check this out!"
She jumped, but she was screaming the entire time.
"AHHHHHHH I WANT MY BROTHER I WANT MY BROTHER!"
Then she landed and got hurt. "OW!"
Next up was Flowey, who couldn't jump at all because he was in a pot. "Aw come on, this ain't fair at all, why is the gingerbread excused when there's not even any water here?!"
"Should've told me that before, fanny." Caddy told him.
For the next couple divers we simply get a montage.
Owen's weight helps him not get hurt when he dives into the empty pool.
Stealth Elf lands without any trouble.
Santa is too drink to jump properly so he just falls.
Then finally, an even quicker montage of Chris, both Gregs, Marvin, Jesse and Stan all getting their family jewels hurt when they jumped.
Next jumper was Nemona, who looked a little scared.
"Alright Pawmot, please don't fail me."
She threw her Pokeball in the pool and out of it came her Electric/Fighting type Pawmot.
"Come on Pawmot, catch me!"
She jumped and rather than hit the ground her Pokemon caught her before she could get hurt.
"Awesome!" She cheered.
"That's royally unfair! None of us have some kind of animal we can summon whenever we want!" King Knight complained.
"None of us have golden armor either." Greg Heffley snarked.
"Whatever! You all shall see my royal dive soon!"
King Knight then dived next, not being damaged by the concrete because of his armor.
Lightbulb was next, showing no fear in spite of her glaring weakness.
"Hey, don't you think it's dangerous to jump when you're made of glass?" Greg Hirsch wondered.
"No worries people, I ain't scared of diving, I've literally done that but the bottom was filled with elephant poop!" She replied before calmly jumping off.
Luckily, rather than be shattered, she landed safely on Owen. "Thanks for the cushion big guy."
"No worries." Owen did a thumbs up.
Ljudmila looked at the pool before she jumped. "Hopefully I'm not gonna break more than a bone or two."
Then she jumped and landed on Owen too.
"Hmmm, why don't we just use the tub of lard's body as a cushion?" She suggested to everyone else.
And so, Trucy, Stan, Funky Kong and Flower all jumped on him safely.
So the penultimate jumper was Big Smoke. He looked ready to make it.
"CANNONBALL!" He began yelling before his jump was interrupted by someone grabbing him.
It was Rolf, who had some fish in his hand and looked angry.
"You said you wanted to duel Rolf right?" Rolf then gave him two fish. "IT'S YOU AND ROLF, WHOEVER HAS THE BEST SKILLS IN FIGHTING WITH FISH WINS!"
Scared, Big Smoke tried to use his fish to attack Rolf, but Rolf swiftly dodges it and begins attacking him with his own fish.
He smacks him in the face twice. "TAKE THIS!" Then Rolf hits his kiwis with the fish too. "AND TAKE THAT!"
Finally, Rolf jumps on Big Smoke, sending the both of them at the bottom as Rolf continues beating him.
Whilst Rolf beats the crap out of Big Smoke in the background, Caddy celebrates the challenge ending.
"And that's it everyone! That was boring as shit wasn't it?" Caddy states. "Then it doesn't matter! Get in the house everybody, cuz soon we'll reveal who's gonna be up for elimination!"
(location: living room)
Strawberry Cookie was playing a video game as she usually does in her free time.
She was playing Minecraft and was creating a cool gingerbread house (aesthetically wise anyway).
Suddenly, Lightbulb peeks up from behind. "Peeka-boo!"
"AH!" Strawberry yells in surprise. "You s-startled me!"
"Oh it's nothing don't worry." Lightbulb replied. "By the way the challenge is over, no clear winner has been announced yet so let's just hope it ain't one of us."
"Why do you even want to talk to me right now?" Strawberry Cookie asks. "I'm busy at the moment."
"Well I noticed you weren't really talkin' to people here and thought to get you out of your comfort zone girl. It's that simple."
"J-Just leave me be please."
"Leave you be? How 'bout I leave you a BEE then, you like that?" Lightbulb joked. "At least you can see if you're up for elimination and what not."
"Sure...but just leave me alone right now."
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Confessional: Lightbulb
Lightbulb: Girl's not very social if you've been paying attention. I kind of wanna get her to talk more and all, cuz she seems nice and it could help her self esteem.
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Confessional: Strawberry Cookie
Strawberry Cookie: I have a feeling my friends forced me to go to this show to improve my social skills, but I honestly doubt it will work with how many scary strangers there are.
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(location: pool)
Stan was on a beach chair relaxing in his tighty whities as he wanted to before.
"Ah, this is the life. No stupid tourists that make me wanna blow their heads off with their ignorance, or cops ready to bust me down for life, just plain and simple vacation!"
Flower and Flowey then came by, with Flower putting her friend on the other beach chair as she went for a swim.
"Looks like your friend is enjoying this pool huh? Can't blame her, it's big and she's probably a good swimmer if she's so skinny."
"Yeah..." Flowey muttered. "Hey Stan, wanna talk about the vote tonight?"
"What of it? We don't even know who's up for elimination." Stan replied.
"Well my main target's Santa Claus. He's rude, always drunk and just generally not that fun to be around. What do you say?" Flowey suggested.
"I'll consider it. Why are you talking to me in the first place? I'm not a flowers guy myself."
"Because I know quite a bit about you Stanley." Flowey states to Stan's surprise. "Specifically that you're quite the charming criminal, and that you've managed to defeat incredible foes like Bill Cipher!"
The mention of his mortal enemy briefly shook Stan. "You know of B-Bill?! Can't believe that!"
"Yes, we had a fun lyrical battle of epic proportions before, it was quite a sight to see him after we lost!" Flowey bragged. "So what do ya say? Alliance thingy or what?"
Reluctantly, Stan did a thumbs up. "Sure. Any enemy of Bill is a friend to me."
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Confessional: Stanley Pines
Stan: Interesting. Never thought someone here would know of Bill. Flowey's now on my radar for sure, but I'm not certain if I should act now. Probably later, when I can infer more from how he acts.
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Everyone was now in the living room with Caddy and a whiteboard and the two chefs next to him.
"What exactly are the results for this challenge?" Stealth Elf asks.
"Well you filthy Skylander, everyone in the challenge got points. The amount of points you got depended on how well you dived and shit, and the bottom 6 with the lowest points will be the only ones up for elimination, with the rest voting for which one of these 6 will get the boot." Chef Pee Pee explained.
"Now I was too busy playing Clash of Clans to notice, so I got my trusty old friend Calculator Face to do the math for me!" Caddy said.
Then we cut to Calculator Face, who has a calculator for a face. "JIM I CAN ONLY FEEL PAIN WHY CAN'T YOU JUST END ME ALREADY?!"
"What's that Calculator Face? You looked at Forsaken rule 34 today? I knew you were edging all this time!"
"WHY CAN'T I DIE?!"
"Zat sounded like he vants a cheese souffle!" Sam Widge guessed.
"PLEASE END IT PLEASE-also 2 times 3 is 6!"
"Well then, here are the results according to Calculator Face everyone!"
The chefs quickly wrote what the results were on the whiteboard.
Surge: 20
Daisy: 19
Funky: 18
Nemona: 18
Ljudmila: 16
Trucy: 16
Rolf: 16
Stealth Elf: 16
Big Smoke: 15
Jesse: 12
Marvin: 12
Stan: 12
Greg Heffley: 12
Greg Hirsch: 12
Lightbulb: 11
King Knight: 11
Flower: 11
Chris: 10
Owen: 9
Dum: 8
Simon: 5
Santa: 3
Flowey: 0
Strawberry Cookie: 0
"So as you can see, Owen, Dum, Simon Belmont, Santa Claus, Flowey and Strawberry Cookie are up for elimination due to having the lowest scores!" Chef Pee Pee says.
"First place, take that losers!" Surge brags.
"Up for elimination first? Again?!" Owen was bewildered.
"How the fuck am I third to last over the 2 chickens?! At least I didn't trip on my balls like a bunch of other people!" Santa complained.
"Well to be honest if I gave everyone a low rating it would make the scores boring as shit." Caddy says.
"It's not fair me and the cookie get no points when we physically couldn't even do it!" Flowey rants.
"So? Do I care? No, not really." Caddy replies. "Now all the people who are up for elimination, you're coming with me!"
Caddy goes to the book case and triggers a secret passage by saying a magic word.
"Breats."
And now there's an entrance to a hidden room.
"You bottom 6-erers will be here until everyone has finished discussing who to vote off, cheers!" Caddy says as the losers go with him and the passage closes.
"So dudes, are we just gonna talk about who we're voting off?" Funky asks.
"Think so." Marvin replies.
"Well then, I've got some ideas on who to vote off." Stealth Elf began.
The 6 losers were all standing on podiums in an otherwise plain white room (except Flowey was directly on top and Dum needed a bunch of boxes stacked up to get to the same height as everyone else).
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA GO EVERYONE!" Dum cries.
"Relax sweetie, you'll be fine, most people probably forgot you exist!" Santa tells her.
"Shouldn't you be a little worried about your own safety Santa?" Flowey asks.
"Why should I? I'm motherfucking Santa Claus!"
"Well you were pretty drunk, a-and also kind of mean." Owen remarks.
"Nah, I'm safe as hell, just watch." Santa didn't believe for a second he could be eliminated.
After a little while, the passage opened again, with the 16 safe contestants entering.
"Wassup guys? It's time to vote for one of these six to leave the show immediately!" Caddy stated. "Go to the potty and cast your vote there. Whoever has the most is out!"
Voting: Surge
Surge was seen writing Dum's name.
Surge: This girl's voice is SUPER annoying! I wanna punch her in the face so bad, but a vote will do at least.
Voting: Ljudmila Vetrova
Ljudmila was writing Santa's name.
Ljudmila: I'm going for the safest choice, as I don't want one of my allies gone, no matter how annoying Dum and Simon are.
Voting then ended, it was time to reveal the results.
"Alright everyone, it's time for the first elimination. Which one of these 6 will be out? Probably not Owen, who has no votes at all!"
Owen cheered. "YAY! Good to know I'm still in this game!"
"Next up are Strawberry Cookie and Simon with no votes either."
The two safe ones then leave the podiums and join the rest.
"Now it's down Dum, Flowey and Santa who all received at least one vote!"
"Wait people voted for me?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I THOUGHT EVERYONE LIKED ME!"
"Maybe you should've had a less obnoxious voice." Flowey taunted her. "But yeah, I'm also surprised to be in the bottom 3."
"Me too! How dare people here betray the Christmas Spirit!" Santa complained. "Oh well, it was probably only one vote anyway."
"Actually no." Caddy said. "Because Dum got only 1 vote to her name, so she's easily safe."
"Wait, I'm safe?" Dum questions before cheering. "I'M SAFE!"
"Ok, NOW one of either Flowey or Santa Claus is gonna go!" Caddy reveals.
"Whatever, just tell us who's out, cuz I'm sure it ain't me!" Santa brags.
"Don't be so sure about if Saint Nick." Flowey taunted him. "Like he said, show 'em!"
"Fine, fine. The last one safe is...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Flowey."
"I knew it!" Flowey smiled.
"You're out."
"Funny joke Mr. Host." Flowey said.
"No, I mean you're actually out. Santa got 3 votes, you got 12, so it wasn't even close."
"Wait...WHAT?!" Flowey screamed. "BU-BU-BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! I THOUGHT EVERYONE WOULD'VE VOTED SANTA CLAUS OFF!"
"About that..." Flower looked nervous. "So at the vote.."
"We should vote for either Santa or Simon. The former just brings down the mood, whilst the latter is a big physical threat." Stealth Elf reasoned.
"WE'RE NOT VOTING OFF SANTA CLAUS, HE WILL GIVE US COAL FOR CHRISTMAS!" Chris argued.
"I'm already probably getting that, so I'll vote him off regardless." Ljudmila stated.
"Uh...guys? I have an idea on who we should vote for." Flower began. "It's...Flowey. Earlier today we had a conversation where it seemed like he was trying to manipulate me into only trusting him, I didn't like that."
"That sounds pretty bad dudette. But are we sure that we should get him out just because of that? He's a little flower guy, how can he hurt anyone?" Funky questioned.
"Well I know he's dangerous." Stan entered the conversation. "At the pool he mentioned one of my enemies, a pretty powerful one, and apparently he defeated him in a rap battle or something the kids are into these days."
"And how do we know you're not a lying busta?" Big Smoke asks.
"I don't think he lied. I was swimming in the pool when they were talking, and while I couldn't make out all that they were saying, Stan did seem pretty on edge." Flower reveals.
"Thanks for supporting my statement Flower." Stan told her. "Now who's with me? We're bringing down this dangerous mastermind or not?!"
"YOU BETRAYED ME?!" Flowey yelled after hearing that. "YOU...YOU LYING BASTARD! I'LL GET YOU, I'LL GET ALL YOU HOLD DEAR AND KILL THEM OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! YOU RETARDS WILL WISH THAT YOU NEVER MESSED WITH FLOWEY!"
Santa, growing tired of his psychotic ramblings, grabbed the flower and went all the way to the nearest window to toss him out. "God, he was annoying the shit out of me."
"Then I guess Flowey is the first one out." Caddy states. "Who would've thought? Well except for everyone who voted him off. So that's a wrap up for today's very lengthy episode! See you all next time on Tyranny of The Masses!"
"That's it? Felt kinda abrupt." Flower said.
"Do you want the episode to run for even longer?" Caddy asks.
"No."
"Then ok then BYEEEEEEEEE!"
Owen-0 Votes
Simon-0 Votes
Strawberry Cookie-0 Votes
Dum-1 Vote (Surge)
Santa Claus-3 Votes (Ljudmila, Funky Kong, Marvin)
Flowey-12 Votes (Daisy, King Knight, Nemona, Trucy, Greg Hirsch, Jesse, Rolf, Greg Heffley, Chris Grifin, Big Smoke, Lightbulb, Stan, Stealth Elf. Flower)
And that's a wrap on this very long chapter (for my standards anyway).
The first boot was Flowey rather than someone like Santa Claus like how it usually goes. To be honest I wanted a shock first boot and he fit the bill. It's not like he could've done much what with him not being able to participate in most challenges anyway. His downfall came because he couldn't keep up the facade of being innocent without getting annoyed by it and trying to strike too early.
The scene with Jesse and Surge was a request from some guy on discord named DrunkenDonuts.
For some info on the rest of the season:
-after this chapter every other chapter will be split into 2 parts: the part where everyone hangs out and shit and the part where the challenge and elimination happens, so next chapter probably will be less than half of this one.
-no more stupid viewer voting, now it's simply just contestants.
-and finally, there's a score board determining who's up for elimination! Most of the points they get come from challenges but sometimes from other stuff whenever I feel like it.
Here's the current scoreboard:
mila: 16
Trucy: 16
Rolf: 16
Stealth Elf: 16
Big Smoke: 15
Jesse: 12
Marvin: 12
Stan: 12
Greg Heffley: 12
Greg Hirsch: 12
Lightbulb: 11
King Knight: 11
Flower: 11
Chris: 10
Owen: 9
Dum: 8
Simon: 5
Santa: 3
Strawberry Cookie: 0
24th: Flowey
And now I'm finally done with this long ass chapter.
Ciao!
PapyBoi on Chapter 3 Fri 22 Aug 2025 01:22AM UTC
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